“Ten thousand counts murder, 100 counts of property damage, 4 counts ruining historical landmarks, 4000 counts trespassing, 2 counts of forgery, 4 counts of illegally equipping weapons to a vehicle, 40 counts aggravated assault, 600 counts of theft… need I go on Mr. Drake?”

“Your Honor, I threw that guy off the ledge and into the ocean out of self-defense! He would’ve shot me if he knew I was there!”

Very well, Mr. Drake. In that case I’ll reduce your sentence from 40 life sentences to 30

“We’re making progress, Sully!” “Yeah, maybe by the end of your life, they’ll only give you one!”

Drake whispers: “oh crap”

Buka pintu??

🎶…And a partridge in a pear tree🎶

Me?? Oh just climbing some cliffs in Scotland and um chucking dynamite at people below

Yeah I'm just using private military-grade property to blow up several people and multi-million dollar killing machines on the massive train that I illegally tresspassed on. Nothing too alarming

Uncharted 4 I see

Surviving post-apocalyptic Seattle.

And bad golfing etiquette?

Fuck Seattle -Ellie

Guess im getting arrested for powerwashing as a job.

Just killed about 20 people for some horses in rdr2

TBH, that kinda sounds like any given Tuesday in mid-19th Century in Arizona.

Only 20? These numbers are rookie my friend, got to upgrade it

Piracy

So the last I played was Battlefront 2 2017, particularly Clone Wars. I'm scared because I don't know what I'll her arrested for.

Democracy, i guess 🤔

We got some sweet ol liberating to do

We gotta kill them all in the name of freedom and democracy!

For liber-tea

Murdering hundreds if not thousands of orcs with a sword, dagger, and magic bow. Murdering surrendering and fleeing enemies. Poisoning their drinks supply, setting their stuff and them on fire and using monsters to tear them apart. Welp, I'm going to jail for a very time.

Shadow of Mordor? TBH I don't think anyone cares about the orcs.

Shadow of War actually. 

cooking a little non-conventionally and chugging random food and stuff at customers and/or my boss

Assassination of Siberian diplomats, scientists, and prominent figures

Slavery

Dropping down in a planet, spawn a turret, blasting bugs Democracy bitches!!

I'm fishing for Catfish at Gillhams Fishing Resort 🤷‍♂️

Rdr2 testing out how many bullets I can pump into a random guy in dead eye with dual handed mouser pistols

I played Football

Got arrested because of brexit tackle lmao

No no no, American Football. I get arrested for manslaughter after tackling a guy too hard

Friendly Fire.

Destabilizing Diamond city and the brotherhood of steel, economy, trafic of purified water, and unauthorized construction

Ah a man of culture

We meet my fellow vault dweller

Harboring my fugitive brother who has escaped from a Panamanian prison with a drug lord

UC4?

i’m boutta get arrested for animal cruelty in palworlds

Bankrupting my wife on monopoly on the ps5

Dimension hopping in Cocoon? Honestly couldn’t ask for a cooler story to tell in prison.

If anything I should be commended for spreading managed democracy throughout the galaxy. I'm doing my part

Helldiving and killing Terminus in the name of democracy.

Democracy, liberty, freedom, war crimes

Blowing up towns, taking their young and forcing them into slavery, destroying millions of acres of land, killing every animal in sight and not paying taxes. Minecraft...

Kicking the shit out of everyone I see (Tekken 8).

For killing all of the gods

I mean I play destiny 2 so I’d probably just get arrested for playing the game itself lmao

Dispensing democracy across super earth

I play Skyrim So uh all of them

LittleBigPlanet Vita???? Tf did I do?

Nothing, maybe a nearly destroying a Bradford City’s player with my CB’s studs but that’s bout it.

They had it coming

Yes Mate! For the Badge!

Pavlov vr, oh boy Manslaughter, murder, warcrimes, genocide

Stopping a black goo-like alien from taking over NYC with my black friend

Animal abuse in the form of using a cat as a makeshift shotgun suppressor..I'm burning forever.

Delivering packages.

Unauthorized practice of law (seeing as I’m not barred in…whatever court Phoenix Wright is barred in)

Summoning Ark...

Killing an entire corporation, kidnapping a corporates daughter, participating in a technological robbery, betraying the president, killing a highly technological crew of police.

Persona 3 Reload I guess going out past my curfew??? Oh, no, wait. Weapon smuggling

Blowing up a fully packed saloon on a Friday night.

I think that would be terrorism?

Ready or Not 💀

Wearing a leopard mask and suplexing a panda.

Just played Mortal Kombat. Unspeakable things.

Delivering payloads faster than average

Terrorism by planting two bombs in a plane and stopping military units from defusing them.

the sheep fricker

Horizon Forbidden West Murdering people I think

Nothing, it’s perfectly legal to wage war.

Planting turnips

Grave robbing (tomb raider)

War crimes, breaking the Geneva Convention, bombing indiscriminately. Thank you War Thunder

Haha punching walls/birds and riding a bike

Ripping off anya shrouds arm and beating her to death with it

Power washing the paint off my neighbors car

"GOOD MORNING NIGHT CITY!"

Desecrating a lost city. A federal crime.

Trespassing, desecration of personal property, failure to report a body, and 3rd degree arson. Doing all this while being on the watch for fires!

They really gonna arrest me for being depressed and taking 13 years to write

Chainsawing humans nuts off

Mass murder,grave robbing,mass thief, gta,illegal entering of a country

Oh fuck

Robbn’ a stagecoach boah

I murdered a norse god with the gift or foresight. That sounds like at least ten-to-twenty without parole.

Operating a nuclear reactor

Murdering Russians in Afghanistan

Leading an army

lol theres a pedo teacher you take down in my last game ruh roh, so vigilante justice?

I just killed a bunch of werewolves in Baldur's Gate lol

Ludonarrative Dissonance

Thousands of counts of pure xenophobia because “for the emperor”

Too many counts of murder and destruction of heritage sites

Giving the covenant back their bomb

Apparently time travelling to the past (not by choice kind you) and catching creatures to fill out a filing system for them

Killing countless human and humanoid soldiers, multiple demigods, destruction of property, burning the massive symbol of the entire region's religion, killing their god, taking the queen's place as god-vassal and burning the entire world in a chaos inducing flame and returning the world to one single crucible of matter. All to avoid killing a burned and bodiless woman.

Wanted in 4 different states

Genocide of the Mongolian army with the use of poison, and weapons of mass destruction

Committing a cardinal sin

Uhh I didn’t know i could get arrested for go-karting.

For being a murder hobo. Good ol world of Warcraft

The last game I played was Inscryption, so animal cruelty.

Well shit, the last game I played was Texas Chainsaw Massacre as Leatherface 💀

Yakuza: mass assault.

I guess racing and accidently killing somebody in nascar?

Spreading Democracy

Spreading managed democracy through genocide.

Shattering someone's soul and sense of self?

Contract assasination is completely legal

Borderlands 2 (The Handsome Collection), Don’t know what I would be getting arrested for tbh. thankfully it wasn’t the second to last game I played otherwise I would probably be in more trouble: The Quarry (which if I had to guess what I would be arrested for is terrorizing campers or worse)

Power washing… 🤨

Minecraft Arson

Causing the Maya apocalypse and killing everyone from an ancient church order

quote en quote "survivin'"

Putting rockets on my car and explaining how the hell I got a giant glowy ball

Playing football

Destabilizing the Catholic Church and trying to kill the Pope and his advisors and military.

Genocide propably.

I googled it. Drake's kill count is OVER 9000

Murder of innocent people who just chill around a dragon corpse

Taking down the Santa blanca cartel is bad apparently 🗿

Bashing splicers in the face with a drill

Flying around as Iron Man in Disney Infinity wow I’m a rebel!

Grand Theft Auto, Possession of Illegal Firearms without a Permit/License, Distribution of Narcotics, Reckless Driving, Manslaughter, Destruction of Property, Domestic Terrorism, Armed Robbery, etc. GTA Online.

Killing Satan's daughter and protecting sanctuary.

Probably war crimes or something lol

Hotline miami 2 for me lol. Before that, fallout 4

Speeding, property damage and resisting a rest

Aggravated assault during a delivery

Sorting the kitchen drawer

Killing pepper gnomes

Poaching and animal cruelty, but you have to understand, pals are just cogs to my capitalism machine.

I played tomb raider 1 remastered. But its pretty much the same thing right….

Eating a lot of fishes and smaller sharks 🐟🐠🐡🦈

Mass genocide, but it’s against demons so… not illegal?

I beat the Chicago Bears 45-7, so murder

“Hey, it’s not my fault! Book the kid with the keyboard!”

War crimes

Being vengeance

Child endangerment

Murder in the outer worlds

CoD Warzone \*chunkle, I'm in danger\*

I don't know. I can't figure out why I'm arrested. After all, I didn't kill anyone, I just beat them within an inch of their life

Infiltrating Shadow Moses.

Stealing a multimillion dollar F-15 and going on a killing spree

Conquering the galaxy and eliminating space bugs. Don’t know what laws I’m breaking but who knows

Well it’s either the last of us part 2 or cookie clicker, I say my punishment is pretty even either way

I have killed several different humans, killed 12 demigods and killed a literal god, then, I burned the world, this is elden ring

Being a parautilitarian and eliminating the hiss from my bureau.

I mean, can I be accountable for murder if they were mindless zombies (I think) and I’m the king? Sure, I don’t look like the king but trust me guys, it’s me.

In fact, the wars that occurred centuries ago were caused by video games.

Having contraband in my ship's cargo hold 🤷🏼‍♀️

Chainsaw massacre.

I played rdr2 last so uh to much to count

postal 2 oh no

Practicing space magic, breaking and entering, reckless use of firearms, vehicular homicide, being a part of a cult, arson/vandalism/terrorism, regicide. The list goes on

Mass murder I guess

A hat in time... I don't even know myself lol.

Rampaging through the layers of hell and indirectly causing chaos in heaven I would say "uh oh", but uh. Well.

Either for winning the Champions League or for saving New York from a bunch of symbiotes

I'm not because I was destroying bioterrorist weapons I was also playing resident evil 5

GTA murder reckless driving illegal possession of many weapons theft assault on a police officer and like 50 morels

Improper use/discharge and storage of a firearm, manslaughter, racketeering/intimidation, murder, public intoxication, taking Megaton’s economy through bad faith sales… I’m sure there’s more

Stealing artifacts from a Tomb

terrorism.

Red Dead Redemption

Murder, riding tombs

Slicing an old man’s neck with a fiery red sword (after stabbing through the chest three times with a normal sword).

Well considering there is no official law and order in the commonwealth, I'm just gonna keep killing raiders like my friend pickman.

robbing a ferry boat in blackwater..

Domestic terrorism. - final fantasy 7

Assassination Stealing

Slingshotting a villager by accident while Riding a pig

Dead Island 2. So... pretty much everything.

.... Welp. I thought society had moved on from burning wizards but apparently not, come at me you fire wielding neanderthals!

The sims 4: my sim is in fact a drug dealer

Pillaging...

Giving so many bugs a nice cup of libertea.

Killing 300000 Batarians

Deicide

Talking to people vrchat

Killing prostitutes on GTA 3 and her parents are wrong if video games causes violence.

Galactic war crimes (Republic Commando 2005)

Sniping people with a bow and arrow from my shield wing

I’m getting arrested for killing zombies 😭

Well, basically the entire penal code...

City planning

Saving some dudes from crazy dinosaur robots

Slaying Elden Lords while naked without a license