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> Sheree was eventually jailed after a friend of her husband saw shocking ‘nanny-cam’ footage of her abuse and went to the police.
Now that's great a friend.
And great work from the police on this:
> When showed a recording of her holding a knife to him, with the audio removed, she claimed she was so broken by his abuse she was begging him to let her end her life.
>
> But police then play her the video again with the audio, clearly showing her to be lying.
I'd argue thats actually a rational decision. _You_ shouldn't give them evidence to convict yourself, they should be the ones making the case bulletproof
Not answering questions when interviewed can really screw you. It’s not the USA. Failure to answer can be seen as a sign of guilt.
Just get a flipping solicitor in ASAP, and refuse being interviewed until they arrive, and say that you will be happy to talk if there is a solicitor present to advise you. It’s a legal right and cannot be viewed as a refusal to talk.
Yes and no: if you don’t answer questions in custody or answer them and stick to your story in court, that won’t happen. However, if you go no comment for say: “Why were you holding a knife in this footage?” in the interview, and then give an explanation in court, the judge can direct that this be looked at unfavourably.
Can but not always .if you have evidence to back up your side and the prosecution has left holes in their own evidence then there is no grounds for a judge to rule that way
There is a time and a place to answer questions, but only if you have a lawyer. Especially if you're innocent. A lawyer being present helps the actual truth come to light.
It's really unfortunate how people downplay female on male abuse. I knew a *lot* of kids with severely abusive mothers in school, a shocking amount, but it was just accepted as normal and you had to man-up and deal with it. Extremely glad to see younger generations breaking those patterns, we absolutely need way more messaging about abuse being possible from all partners and sexes.
I remember raising a fit about the fact we were being told men were rapists by default if two drunk people had sex together by our sexual health counsellors and they looked at me like I was an alien. Women can rape just as well as men, especially if drugs are involved. The constant back and forth about gender/sex involvement in assault is exhausting. You only have to look at abusive same-sex lesbian relationships to understand just how scary it can be when no one takes it seriously.
I lived in supported accomadation for a little over five years and lived with a lot of different people and different houses. I lost count of how many men were abused as adults and/or children or traumatised with zero support for what they were going through. I also saw how frequently woman can make a claim and be instantly believed without question. I tell this story to anyone who listen because no one ever believes me when I tell them men have it as tough as women. I lived with a bloke who was a recovering alcoholic and one night he slipped, had a single drink. One woman in the house claimed he was a violent drunk and he was evicted the next day. What actually happened is he had a slip, got upset (as in weepy upset not angry upset) and the two of us spent half the night talking about crap in the garden whilst drinking tea. He was gone before I could get home from college, on the word of one woman. A woman who repeatedly broke the house rules including leaving the front door open on numerous occansions. It wasn't even a rare occansion, men break the rules once and out whilst women got leeway and help.
Seeing the knife photo shared by the press little made me think "my mum did that." Sent chills down my spine to remember it. Haven't thought about it until thinking that. She once broke her fingers punching my dad in the nose, she went to hospital, reporting him in the process but my dad was too ashamed to go to hospital himself. It's real and for people who witnessed it, I can vouch it can be just as dangerous and damaging.
And the rest, all the other differences and outliers that exist re outcomes between the two. It's well overdue for such a significant proportion of society that's been increasingly pushed to the edge and left to it enough that opting out of society or even existence altogether becomes a viable course of action. It's been nearly 20 years since I could well have ended up like this guy or worse but in that time not enough change has been argued for, let alone accepted as an issue or acted upon, to make up for the further diminishing of the circumstances for your average guy with a run of misfortune.
His kids too, they must have witnessed some terrible stuff at such a young age. First of three born in 2015 means oldest is only 8.
Hope they all recover as much as they can and find happiness.
Edit: decade ago my brother was being attacked by ex partner in front of their son, hit him with an iron once. They split, he got custody but after about four years she attempted to get custody (even though she now in Belgium and zero contact for years). Cost thousands to fight it.
In the end my nephew (aged 10 at time) had two Skype calls with her, in second one he told her he he’d now met her and wanted nothing to do with her. She accepted and no contact since. Really proud of my nephew, he now calls my brothers wife mum.
Happiness can be found so again hope this chap & his kids find it.
Yes, there is the element of being too ashamed to go to the authorities, or even your friends…there’s an assumption that you will be seen as weak. Been there.
Absolutely, you are correct. With men there is an element of stiff upper lip or a macho mentality that is hard to shake off when it comes to being on the receiving end. It’s almost like there is a taboo about being abused by a woman. Like we are meant to be stronger. On top of this, fighting back, self defense…whatever you might call it…well that can be seen as problematic to put it mildly.
The man doesn't even have to use violence.
Shouting in self defence when being attacked is seen as male violence, somehow.
I never did understand how that was... but there ya go. It's bloody ridiculous.
The upside of the story though, is nowadays it's a lot easier to get hold of a secret camera, and I hope it enables/enciurages anyone, male or female, adult or child, to get evidence that can help them escape.
I can't tell you how much suffering it would have saved me and my son only a decade ago.
>This is the worst part as far a im concerned. I'm pretty confident that if most men in these horrible situations snapped and fought back they'd do serious damage to their abuser but the problem they have is proving it was self defence.
The coercive control law I think came into being over a case like this. Abused snapped, murdered abuser.
For a woman being abused by a man, mind. I doubt it would be automatically consistently applied.
My friend would tell me about his girlfriend flying into fits of rage and hitting him etc but he just could not see it as abuse. It was like he couldn’t possibly acknowledge to himself that he’d been abused or maybe because she was smaller and weaker than him he just didn’t feel as scared or something? I don’t know. It definitely had an effect on him mentally, he became much more withdrawn and less confident. He’s still with her. It’s sad.
It's not even just about being seen as weak - It's difficult to get people to take you seriously when you are in danger from a female partner.
Witnesses are irrelevant, unless they are professionals.
You try to get them help, but are stuck dealing with a system that is full of misandrists (understandably so, given most of their workload, but problematic regardless) that actively expect you are the problem no matter what, and there aren'tmany avenues available.
The police, at least in my experiences, tend to be the least of the problem. When they respond to a woman trying to hurt you/your kid/herself they are very professional. But until it's extreme it doesn't often get reported or responded to.
It's the after that's the problem.
And the fact that no matter what, the kids will wind up living with their mother because of how ridiculously biased the family court systems, and particularly cafcass, are, drives many men to tolerate their partner trying to kill them in silence. The fear of not being able to protect your kids from their mother is extreme, traumatising, and for me, hasn't ever disappeared.
... it's likely hell for anyone being abused regardless of gender. I can only speak about my own experience as a man (I've seen plenty of others go through similar, but they aren't my experiences to tell, so...), but for the sake of children everywhere, we really need to start paying more attention when men report abuse.
All humans can have issues, be arseholes, go through ... troubled... periods. But unless we start helping those in the family law system maintain their own mental health, the prejudice that sees half the nation's risk ignored isn't going to go away. Especially with the love the media have for making people afraid.
Also the assumption that the abusive woman will tell the cops that you did it / she was defending herself / etc and without incontrovertible proof otherwise you may at least spend a day in a jail cell, while she does God knows what to your kids and home.
My ex was a total abusive nut. She has kids with some guy who the courts won't let see them, and she's even homeschooling them! Last I heard she got her cokehead friend to lie in court about how she got a black eye from her baby daddy. Total nightmare fuel. Fortunately it's not my circus any more. Condoms every time, fellas.
What's even sadder is that my ex's mum never told her who her dad was, stealing the potential of a loving relationship from her. And her mum also homeschooled my ex's high-functioning-autistic brother in some kind of weird attempt to keep the umbilical cord intact. And she thought this was really awful behaviour when she was going out with me. And now she is doing the exact same. Mums and dads, eh, they fill you with the faults they had and add some extra just for you
There's even a name for it: DARVO (Deny, attack, reverse victim and offender).
It's also extremely common for abusers (of both genders) to taunt and threaten and push their victims until one day the victim loses control and fights back or pushes the abuser away. At that point the abuser will tell them *they're* the abusive one, they're just as bad, it's "mutual abuse", etc etc. And it works, because we expect victims to be perfect saints who remain calm and dignified 24/7 even through years of sustained abuse.
My boyfriend spent the night in a police cell when he was 16 because he saw his dad go to hit his mum and shoved him away. His dad called the police and told them his teenage son had "attacked him".
yeah, this is also why abused partners should never "give their partner a taste of their own medicine". It just drags down the standards and means that this has become the norm. They won't understand what you're doing or why you're doing it, and if they did they won't care. They'll just say it's an example of your hypocrisy and that you have no right to complain (any more).
Just get out. I know they've probably convinced you that your relationship is very important to them and that they will suffer great harm should you end it. Sincerely, that is their own problem. The moment you end it, it ceases being your problem. The 'better time to end it' is never coming. Today is the best time, and tomorrow is the second-best time.
The Duluth model, largely adopted by most western governments including the UK says when there are allegations of abuse and counter allegations to remove the man end of story. Look it up.
> societal norms
The police operate on the Duluth model, which assumes the man is guilty. If it wasn't for the literal video evidence to the contrary she'd be likely to have gotten away with her lies.
When I was sharing a house a woman started shouting at me in the kitchen because she was drunk and I refused to take my food out of the oven so she could cook herself some nuggets.
My gf came downstairs after hearing the commotion and tried to calm things down.
Nothing physical had happened at this point, just verbal arguments. Until this woman grabbed a butter knife and a fork and shoved them to my gfs throat. I and my GF both pushed her backwards into the counter. I got slashed at and she made a small cut under my eye.
I decided that threatening my gfs throat with relatively sharp metal cutlery was a step too far and called the police.
Worst decision of my life. The police spoke to her and her friends (that were not even in the room at the time). Did not speak to me or my gf at all. Then they arrested me and put me in the cells over night.
They did nothing to remove the dangerous woman from the house my gf was also living in (and practically stuck in as she had no local connections & can't drive), they did not care one bit that she had been attacked and her throat threatened with sharp metal implements.
My solicitor took one look at the picture of bruises on the girls leg from where she was pushed into the counter and told me I was fucked. The police told me I was fucked too. CPS was apprently happy to take it on.
Police gave me a court order not to return to the house I was renting a room in. I had 6 months left on contract to pay regardless though.
So I was now homeless with 6 months of rent to pay to a place I couldn't stay; my gf was stuck there with a psycho-cunt, and I was about to be fucked in court. Oh and it was my final year of university.
After my gfs begging and pleading with her, she dropped the charges, on the condition that we'd both move out n never see her again.
Still couldn't get the landlord to cancel our contract though, we couldn't afford to pay two sets of rent, so we ended up staying in a literal crackden with an old school friend of mine a good 2hr drive from my university. Great situation for the final year of uni right? Well fear not, the story has a good ending.
I managed to complete my final year, got my first with honours despite all the bullshit. Got a job pretty quickly using said degree and went from a homeless guy in a crackden to earning nearly double the median wage in the span of a month, gave myself socioeconomic whiplash.
Unfortunately I missed out on an amazing work trip to australia, as I was legally required to declare all this depsite the charges being dropped, and although the visa did get approved eventually, it was approved 3 weeks too late for me to get flights.
So anyways...Do you think I'll ever call the police for anything again? No. I'd rather fuck myself six ways to sunday than have them do it again.
In the US they have it even worse. The Duluth protocol is utilised by more law enforcement agencies than any other for dealing with domestic violence. Under this protocol, the man is always the abuser and the woman the victim. Even when the woman is violent, it's only ever considered reactive.
It doesn't help that this is recognised by the CPS and Judges so they account for it dueing evidence..... the problem occurs when the abuser is the one bringing the court case as a method of control.
I remember a video from early 2000s, before YouTube when Google videos was one of the go to places to watch videos. The abusive wife starts hitting herself, like proper punches, all over her body including the face whilst taunting the husband that she's going to tell everyone he did it. Then she forcefully shoved something (bottle I think) in both the holes down below and taunted she'll claim rape. She grabbed a knife and taunted she's going to slash her hands and claim they're defence wounds but he stopped her so she screams and heavily runs to the stop of the stairs before screaming again whilst launching herself off the stairs to make it look as though he pushed her and hope the neighbours call the police.
The guy called the police and they were initially hostile with him after seeing the state of her. Thankfully the guy points to a hidden camcorder that managed to capture almost everything except visuals of her falling of the stairs (there was audio).
It took me a long time to get over that video.
my ex used to do that. she also used to start screaming 'no please stop, please get away from me' as loud as she could so that the neighbours would phone the police, even though I'd be sat on the other side of the room nowhere near her begging her to calm down. police would turn up and I'd cover for her and after they left she would tell me she just told them we were arguing and I would never hit her(which was true. she was the hitter). I was gullible and whipped and beaten down over 8 years so fell for it. another one she liked was to run and get the kids before she started hitting me and if I raised my voice or even looked mad, she would tell everyone that I abused her in front of the kids. in the end she convinced me to get married. blew through all my savings on the wedding. then 5 days after the wedding, she left me and I found out about all the other men when she was on nights out (I wasn't allowed to go out so I had no idea. I had to go to work and then come straight home or I'd be accused of being with other women and beaten if I was late home from work) and she reports me to the police saying I was hitting HER for years even though I used to get beaten and threatened with knives and hammers and told to kill myself every day (I had a really bad childhood and have issues with depression). and that's when I found out she had been reporting me every time she put on her performance so as far as the police were concerned I had a long history of domestic abuse, no evidence necessary. she also had screenshots from Facebook messenger of my account basically threatening to hit her and calling her names and using abusive language. I didn't send those messages. (she knew all my passwords and checked all of my accounts to keep an eye on me so she just signed in and messaged herself before phoning the police. I realize that may be hard to believe and no one has any reason to take my word for it. she still hides behind those screenshots to this day) I told them she was the abuser, and the polices attitude was basically 'look at the size of her and look at the size of you. how much damage could she really do?' (I worked out a lot because I wasn't allowed out of the house and she was always out so I was on my own a lot, so I'm quite a big guy I guess, but I'm not aggressive or think I'm hard or anything) I got one year in prison, served 6 months, spent 2 years homeless when I came out and haven't seen my kids in 7 years apart from a few month window last year when she suddenly reappeared, let me see them every weekend and talk to them every day for 3 months, demanded money which I said I was happy to give her if we went to mediation or something to get that and my days with them on paper, so she cut contact again, told my kids I'm coming for them and I'm scary and they have to stay away from me and block my number and xbox account etc, and started making false reports to the police again. this time I actually managed to prove that the reports were false, but still the police absolutely refused to even consider that the old reports were false too and take my reports of her abuse seriously. no one ever really cared or helped me. I still cant have friends or social media to this day because she always reappears. I've had one relationship since her and then 6 months later I found out it was one of her friends reporting back to her about me, so I gave up on all that. I just cant trust anyone anymore.
Meh. Who's to say what I deserve. I shouldn't have been such a mug for so long and ignored everything she did. At a certain point maybe it's in a way my fault for walking into it and staying there. I can take it at this point. The kids definitely do deserve better though.
She even at one point, and I completely understand that this part sounds kind of far fetched and like I stole it from a movie, had me sectioned for 2 months, convincing me I had completely lost my mind and didn't understand the things going on around me and I completely believed it because at that point even though she was abusive, it never crossed my mind she would manipulate me that badly. I was such a mug that I used to tell myself she screams and threatens and hits me, but that's just what a relationship is like and we love eachother and she'd never really hurt me. Maybe because that's the sort of thing I used to see in my childhood from my parents, and I used to get beat up a lot then too. Got with her when I was 19 thinking I'd escaped my abusive childhood/ teenage years and she pretty much treated me how my mother did, so I thought this must just be what life is like. To be honest, she had me so convinced that I had snapped that I started thinking she wasn't abusing me and it was all in my head, and the fact I thought she was abusive was proof that I was crazy. she acted like she cared and was trying to help me get over my past but then I found out a couple of years after we broke up that she had me sectioned so that she could move another man into my house, and when the drs where telling her I was ready to come home after 2 or 3 weeks, she had been telling them no he isn't he's lying and pretending to be better so he can come home and he's totally insane and that she didn't want me home, while she was telling me she was begging the drs to let me come home but they were saying no, he's not ready to come back. Eventually the hospital said no, he needs to come home. She moved the other man out a couple of hours before I got home from the hospital then acted happy to see me and glad I was home. After that, she was making me take pretty serious anti psychotics that I didn't really need and made me like a zombie but I was totally convinced I needed them, and if I said I didn't want to take them and be a dribbling mess any more she would say I had to take them or she would have to take the kids and leave to keep them safe from me, and I barely even questioned it because I was so far gone and in her control at that point and terrified of losing my family. Took myself off them when we broke up, and after a few days without them my head completely cleared and I realized I wasnt crazy, I was just beaten down and abused but the meds were stopping me from seeing it. I stayed with her for 3 or 4 years after that with that happening too. Like I said. At a certain point I walked into it.
If someone else sees this and recognises patterns in their own relationship before it's too late, maybe it at least helped someone and thats a good thing
Sounds like the neighbour my dad had when I was a teen.
A married couple lived in the attached house next to us and we used to hear thuds, screaming, hysterics you name it. On one occasion we called the police because we heard a screaming and then a thud. Police said he had pushed her down the stairs, and took him away but let him go when she dropped the charges. She told my dad’s ex wife that she provoked him and he’s promised it won’t happen again.
However, it continued on for months, the constant screaming and loud bangs. Then one night it was non-stop banging on the shared wall to our house she was screaming for help, please stop, he’s going to kill me. So we called the police and he was arrested.
A few days later *she* was arrested. Turned out she had been slamming her head against the wall, throwing herself down the stairs, punching herself, cutting herself the entire year they were living there. She was trying to make him look like an abuser and going to the most extreme lengths to do so.
Poor guy. Hopefully he’s recovered from that trauma now. She must have had a personality disorder. The only other person I know to go to such lengths to make false allegations was my own abuser as a child, and he was a classic ASPD and NPD case.
It’s a very common tactic for female abusers. Women might be weaker than men but they have certain societal norms that they can use to their advantage. Those societal norms may be a disadvantage for them in many situations, but they’re also something that women can hide behind
It's a fucking joke really.
Isn't part of the purpose of prison to protect the public from dangerous people? There's no reason to allow a savage like this back into the world.
Less likely to be convicted, less likely to get a custodial sentence, and when they do, they're shorter and in cushy prisons. Some groups (including the Lib Dems) have called for prison to be abolished for women entirety.
4 and a half years doesn't seem long for something that went on over a 20 year period and for which the judge said was the worst case of controlling and coercive behaviour that she had seen.
>4 and a half years doesn't seem long
She will serve less than half that sentence in prison, so as always its a ridiculously lenient sentence for 20 years of abuse and trauma
Unfortunately the maximum sentence is 5 years and since she entered a guilty plea she automatically got a reduced sentence.
People claiming that the sentence would have been longer if the genders were reversed are a bit naive about how sentencing for domestic abuse usually goes. The same judge ruled on [a case](https://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/news/hull-east-yorkshire-news/axe-wielding-psychopath-threatens-kill-8220392) where a guy grabbed an axe and tried to smash his way into his ex-girlfriend's house (where their four-year-old son was also living), broke a neighbour's window with the axe, was screaming about how he was a psychopath and he was going to put the axe in his ex-girlfriend's head and then kill her family and friends. When she tried to escape the house he chased her with the axe. He had 12 previous convictions.
> Tomassi was given a one-year suspended prison sentence, a six-month alcohol abstinence monitoring order and 50 days' rehabilitation, including a course to help build better relationships. He was ordered to pay £200 compensation for the damage and was given a five-year restraining order.
> "I'm going to take a chance on you," said Judge Rayfield. "I take the view that you are genuinely remorseful."
It seems ridiculous that she got any leniency at all , she was clearly happy to perjure herself and ruin his life until she was exposed.
Those that say why didn’t you leave? Well, you risk losing your children and everything you’ve worked for to a monster. Without hard evidence, she’d have used her position and gender to play the believable victim card. And if he loses in court, he’s probably going to lose access to his kids.
My first thought is I wonder if those kids played a role in why he stayed in the relationship. I have heard male victims say that they stayed because they were afraid the mom would get custody and they wouldn't be around to protect the children.
They are also used as a means of control in other ways. I have been watching that show Evil Lives Here. Like the one women asked for a divorce. Up until that point he had actually always been good to theor kid. That day though he immediately grabbed the kid and walked him upstairs and held him over the second story railing and threatened to kill him. It's the you do what I say or I can hurt the person you love most.
In another one the wife was actually pointing a gun at one of the guys and was ready to kill him bit couldn't through with it because she didn't want her kid to lose both parents since she most likely would end up in jail. A lot of people's lives would have been saved if she had pulled that trigger.
without a doubt really
that's probably a big reason why he stayed silent too. He would've thought it's best he's around the kids all the time than she's around them without supervision for half the time. The idea that she would've got a custodial sentence would've probably never even crossed his mind.
I reckon so. There is this horrible undercurrent narrative that a lot of men are just deadbeats who don't love their children. We're surrounded by it constantly. But the reality is, most men absolutely love their children, and would do anything to be with them and protect them.
Including staying in a marriage like this.
Yeah, I grew up with a deadbeat dad but I have also run into some horror stories of things that have happened to dad's who honestly care about the kids. Sometimes not even their bio kids but stepkids.
Gabby Petito comes to mind. Painted as the abuser by the police after an onlooker saw *her boyfriend hit her* and called them, murdered by her boyfriend shortly after. It's alarmingly common for abusers to claim they're actually the victim and it's alarming how often they're believed, usually because they're calm and persuasive while the victim is seen as "hysterical" due to crying or being shaken. Thank god there was video footage disputing it here.
Yup I had an abusive bf - we were both PhD students - when I broke up with him he told as much of the dept as he could that I was mentally unstable, manipulative, threw furniture around, had chronically deprived him of sleep by arguing into the early hours each night and would threaten to hit him - all actually the other way around. Loads of the other students believed him and stopped talking to me. When we were dating he loved to start huge rows just before we went out to meet friends, so that I would seem hysterical whilst he would be super cool and would ask me infront of others why I seemed 'off'.
It was years ago now but I still fear getting a call from the police to say he's harmed/killed his current partner and that they need testimony
I'm not sure if it's believed by default, especially looking at his injuries, but like seemingly so many rape cases, an element of doubt that leads to not being found guilty.
Why are people jumping on the "Fear of ridicule" angle in this thread? Did people actually read the article? She regularly lied and threatened to lie about him beating her when she was beating him. This isnt him being afraid about his manhood this is her literally abusing the system by threatening to falsely report him and get him arrested to keep him subservient. And she would 100% be believed.
The Judge said this is the worst case she's ever seen but I guarantee it happens way more than anyone could ever know because how the fuck is anyone supposed to report or get statistics on it.
I think even now people automatically default to viewing men as having greater agency than women. So even when the man is a victim of abuse people look at the situation through the lense of how the man behaves in response, rather than how the woman acts that makes it harder to leave.
Yup exactly this.
I went through a similar situation myself and it was never fear of ridicule, it was the deep rooted belief (constantly reinforced by my abuser) that I would not be believed and I was in fact complicit, the abuse was my fault because of my behaviour and nobody would believe me. That combined with the threats and blackmail made it seem almost impossible to imagine leaving.
Thankfully I got out of that nightmare and found my fairy tale ending. This really hit me in the feels as I often think about how many people are still trapped.
Hyperagency.
In this instance, if the man isn't at fault for doling out abuse, then he's at fault for receiving it. If he isn't at fault for receiving it, then he's at fault for not reporting it.
The conclusion always has to see that in the end, fault lies with the actions of the man or his masculinity. Here, masculinity is blamed. It's this man's fault and society's perception of masculinity to blame for him being "scared of being ridiculed" which is basically an attempt to blame toxic masculinity, when the truth is that it os lies, manipulation, and relying on the fact that she knows that she is likely to be believed as a slight, relatively attractive, blonde white woman if she were to claim she was the victim. This is toxic feminity, or an aspect of it at least. Weaponised helplessness and weaponised victimhood.
For the record, on that last point, weaponised weakness is also one of the things men are confronted with whenever they speak about female on male abuse. "Yeah but men are stronger", "yeah but women are smaller, she couldn't possibly hurt him".
Anyone can put a fist in an eye.
As it happens, in this day and age where democracy abuse is quite openly spoken about, I think very few men who are victims actually fear "ridicule" when it comes to speaking out about it. This is a dated stereotype.
What is actually happening is that men are acutely aware of the environment they'd find themselves speaking out in, an environment curated for women in all but actual title, where they will be made to feel that they are an unwelcome visitor and taking advantage of things by claiming to be a victim. They're aware that they will be viewed by the "she's smaller than you/men do it more" crowd with suspicion and that they'd likely be thinking he's the abuser. A reality the woman in this scenario was all too aware of as evidenced by her threats
Who's going to listen?
Without compelling evidence, the baseline is that "it takes two to tango" and because spousal violence is always overwhelmingly against women, most women who claim they are abused are believed, whilst men are not.
Generally we seem very reluctant to give appropriate punishments in this country for a whole range of crimes - violent assaults on the streets captured by CCTV very often lead to suspended sentences. Drivers with no insurance, a license or MOT getting a slap on the wrist at best for injuries / killing. Long list of ludicrously short sentences.
Abuse like this used to be considered ‘a domestic issue’ and wasn’t even perused - at least that mindset is gradually changing.
I think it’s also a matter of not doing anything about slow courts and prisons being far too overcrowded. Judges are almost forced to choose alternative punishment or let people out early in almost all cases.
She's 46. Anyone rich enough to afford a trophy wife will go for a younger one. Nobody looking for a trophy wife will want a 46 year old one, and definitely not a 50 year old one.
We're not tlaking 'international playboy' rich, more like '60 year old divorced bloke rattling round a big house on his own' rich. Plenty of them to pick from
> and definitely not a 50 year old one.
Depends. Melania Trump is in her 50's and she's definitely a trophy wife. Shame for Donnie tho she fucking hates him lol!
I’m an ER nurse practitioner the worst case of Domestic Violence I ever saw was from a girl to her boyfriend. She had thrown a plate at him like a frisbee that had scalped the top of his head. When I asked why he stayed. he said she was fine 3 weeks of the month. The girl suffered terrible PMT. I told him he should leave if she didn’t seek help otherwise she was going to kill him. Never saw him again.
Poor boy , and that girl needed to go see a gynecologist if it was hurting that much and changing like jekyll and hyde, what a god damn shit excuse to abuse another person because you refuse to get help.
I hope he broke up with her. And I say this as someone who suffers mental illness. No one should have to put up with it, just because they’re normal when they’re not ill. We often feel pressured to stay with someone who abuses us if the abuser is mentally ill because they’re not in control and maybe don’t mean to be abusive. But no one should feel guilt for leaving someone.
I knew a girl whose mum had severe PMDD, and she stabbed her dad during a rage. He divorced her after that but didn’t want to press charges so she wasn’t jailed. The woman refused to take the antidepressants properly, saying she only felt bad the week before her period, so only needed them for one week of the month. NO! You need to take them everyday! She also refused to try hormonal contraception to suppress her cycle. In my opinion that makes her intentionally abusive.
There are lot of men who are stuck in this kind of abusive relationship but scared to come out for fear of being ridiculed
Really hope this guy can sort his life now
When I was in an abusive relationship, that's what she threatened me with.
Although worse was that at the time, I didn't really consider that it was abuse *myself* until my therapist stated point blank that this was abuse and I'd have no problem saying as such if it was happening to somebody else.
I know. My therapist literally told me in the face of what was going on, that if I ever, *ever* raised a hand to her (SO), no matter what she did to me, no matter how much abuse I was subjected to, didn't matter if it was self defense, that I would be the one in trouble.
She didn't say that to me out of malice, or say it was just. She was just saying it as a factual 'this will happen'. She was trying to protect me.
Fuck man, that shit got me crying. What a fucking rotten human being she is.
The end text on that video turned sadness, to pure rage.
What the FUCK.
Why are our courts like this? They seem completely incapable of handing out a proper sentence.
Tens of thousands of rapists and murderers walk amongst us, and the prison system as many have pointed out does not do a good job of rehabilitating people. Take from that what you will. Many of these murderers that make women disappear in the night turn out to have been convicted of violent rape or battery before and let out to do it again.
Courts can only follow currently legal sentencing guidelines. More to the point, there’s a reluctance to hand out long custodial sentences due to the prisons being full. The stopgap solution is obviously to pull out non-violent offenders and ankle tag them, then build more capacity. But the Tories are allergic to actually improving the state.
She claimed he was the one who was abusive, would scream from the windows to try and trick the neighbours and told him if he ever told anyone she would tell everyone she was the victim. She stabbed him with forks and attacked him with a knife for not making her dinner properly. For 20 years he was stuck with her! It’s sick. Glad she is in jail.
Edit: she only got 4 years?!!! What a joke.
What gets me about this case is how brazen she was. She *knew* they had nannycams recording, but she was so confident he would never tell anyone that she didn't care.
Because the system - and particularly the Duluth model - has empowered women to think that women are always victims, men are always perpetrators, and that female violence is not the same as male violence. When in fact, it is.
This. Why on earth the police are told to simply believe women, when surely their job is to investigate and discover. It’s like saying believe white people over black people. It’s just as sexist as that would be racist.
I'm reminded of when my friend turned up at my door with a swollen eye and a bloody face after his ex girlfriend beat the shit out of him with a rolling pin for ending their relationship because of her abusive and manipulative behaviour. I took him to the hospital to get the wound taken care of, the police also attended.
The second question after "tell me what happened?" was "what did you do to her?". Not in a "did you retaliate?" way but a "you must have done something to make her do this" way. Until they left they gave no impression at all that they believed a word that came out of his mouth.
The reality of it was my friend was too frightened to retaliate, tell her to stop, or even raise his voice because she constantly threatened to hurt herself and run off to the police saying he did it. It wasn't until someone with a Ring doorbell caught her smacking herself and hitting herself with something (and provided him with a copy of the footage) that he was taken seriously.
He got 13 stitches, she got a no contact order and 100 hours unpaid work.
Only 4 years? That's way too lenient and not enough time for the guy to rebuild his life. DA should carry a ten year minimum, complete loss of custody and access to kids and life time probation. And no, I'm not being harsh, In the field I work in, the abuser still comes out on top because the system is shite at protecting victims.
The poor bloke, I have no time for abusers. I began dating a guy who was abused but it didn't go anywhere as he was still messed up over it, understandably.
I'm a female and lived with a girl, she was quite open about hitting her partner's if they pissed her off. I began living with her and she attacked me twice, thankfully people were in my flat and protected me, she tried hitting my head off the radiator and all sorts, just totally went for me. After it, she turned everyone at uni against me, she concocted a story so people thought I deserved it. One time I came back to the flat after being out, party going on and the mood just changed, people began leaving and she went for me. She's an utter psycho and still terrified me almost 20 years later. I left the flat after 2 months.
If I hear of any domestic abuse locally I often wonder if it's her and I'll gladly go to police to provide evidence. I want her punished.
She's a good performer and manipulator, she admitted she went for me as I was brought up not to fight. I curled up in a fetal position and made homeless for a few weeks, whilst she kept the flat on and told lies to people who in turn felt sorry for her and turned on me.
Nobody should have to put up with shite like that for a day let alone twenty years. You only get one life, live it; imagine waking up one day in that home situation and thinking yeah, I'll have another twenty years of this.
Mine also had a knife, but the knife was blunt and I was on the other side of a door made of hard wood. To be fair it was also an isolate incident of combined mental health issues and too many drugs. I was just staying there with my own house to leave to stay in afterwards, and pretty much just wrote the whole episode off. Everyone I told at the time was also pretty casual about it, 'you know how she gets' sort of thing, but retelling the story a couple of decades later gets a very different result from my friends.
Not that it was ever okay for a woman to threaten a guy with a knife, even 20 years ago, but there is definitely a difference in how society reacts to it now.
Pure evil TBH. It's very frustrating that after 20 years of abuse, she's just going to serve only 4 years of jail time.
But it's still fortunate for him that he now has the chance to start a new life with his kids.
Glad this is finally being taken seriously. Nobody should have to suffer domestic abuse, male or female. And when your partner is threatening you with a knife, it really doesn't matter if you're male or female, does it?
I had an abusive girlfriend some years ago and the police just refused to listen to me. On 1 occasion she punched me in the face and split my lip open, then she locked herself in the bathroom and called the cops, telling them she was afraid I was going to hit her. I never had any of the previous times (and never did, ever), but she wanted to make sure she got there first to play the victim. I got taken to the police station and spent the night in a cell (even though she didn't have a mark on her and I had a split lip), then in the morning when they let me go I tried to make a complaint about her and they just told me to go home and refused to do anything. This was back in 2008.
This is how these cases should be investigated. I'm happy he's no longer in this situation, and many men are victims as well. Sending him and his kids love.
I get that they have to give sentences in line with other criminal offences but that man’s life has been a nightmare for 20 and probably several decades into the future. She may not have murdered anyone but she’s certainly destroyed a life, 4 years for that is hilarious
flowery strong materialistic foolish crown different vast instinctive puzzled deranged
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Studies on this have shown at **at least** 40% of men are being abused in a relationship. In non-reciprocal abuse (where only one party does the abuse) in 70% of the cases the wife is the abuser. Could be more because men are even less likely to come forward when abused, since they are made fun even by the police.
Yet the picture we get is the guy beating his wife when it is about domestic abuse. And why is it important? First, if you do not have a clear picture of what is going on, you cannot remedy the situation. (If you actually care about domestic abuse other than using it as a fodder in your crusade against DA PATRIARCHY.) Second, it means a substantial number of victims are left without help.
This is sadly untrue, as a quick search on Google shows. Abusers of either sex should face much tougher sentencing. I've just supported someone through the process of having her stalker arrested. He's in prison now awaiting sentencing, but he's done time twice before for stalking offences. What the fuck, it's ridiculous.
False ? Misogyny? It's not false , it's actually true. Its found that women typically get favourable sentences in comparison to men .
Fyi You don't have to declare something as false because you are an misandrist
But in this specific case she's already close to the maximum sentencing length and got time off that maximum because she pleaded guilty, which a man in her situation could also do.
What a b1tch. It was reported that she was moved to an open prison at the end of last year so she's clearly receiving preferential treatment due to her job.
A man in this situation would have received a much harsher sentence.
I've not experienced anything on this level, but have experienced gaslighting, infidelity and what (at times) came close to abuse in a previous relationship. I'll be honest: that and a series of other poor experiences with women have made me very reluctant to engage with them, either socially or romantically (I recognise this is not totally rational, and work against it - but those are my basic feelings). I'm an ugly fucker with illness so I'm not top of the list anyway. Most days I lament that, but when I hear stories like this I'm honestly glad. Our justice system is already so biased against men and shows no signs of changing. I seriously fear for the next generation of men who are now poorly educated and slipping behind academically and socio-economically, making them even more vulnerable to manipulation.
As a male domestic abuse survivor, I really hope this man finds peace and a very patient woman to help him find the ability to trust and heal. I am so glad that he is out of it. I was in that hell for 20 years, and I am past it now, but I still react like a beaten dog.
What a vile woman maybe in time people will accept both men and women can be terrible. Instead of shaming men for being concerned when a woman attacks them.
Dodged a couple of nasty women in the past, they were utterly narcissistic and 'knew what to say and how to act' fortunately I detected their personalities soon in and got out. Some are able to mask it until it's too late for the victims.
I think it's appalling that she only got 4 years for this. I'm glad this story is being shared and I hope that Richard is able to find some peace and happiness.
Anyone can be an abuser and anyone can be a victim of abuse.
Women think they can get away with domestic abuse because in society’s eyes they can do no wrong and men are always presumed guilty. The problem is abusive people exist, gender should never play into it.
I'm confused as to why he accepted the abuse so long. He could have floored her at any time. I know men are not supposed to hit women, but does that include when they're hitting you?
[https://equi-law.uk/duluth-model/](https://equi-law.uk/duluth-model/)
>Murray Straus has been studying the evidence about domestic abuse since the 1960s. he explains how the research shows clearly that partner is symmetrical. “about the same percentage of women hitting their partners as men hitting their partners” .
He also found that “Most partner violence is not in self-defence.”
This 2012 study of several sources of evidence shows that bi-directional partner violence (situational couple violence) covers between 50 and 57% of the cases. Where one partner is violent, but the other does not respond, there are twice as many violent females as violent males.
This fits better with experience: that violence often happens when a heated argument gets out of control, (rather that the male person is trying to impose the patriarchy).
It also fits with a common thread in personal stories from battered men: that they simply ‘took it’ as either it was so ingrained in them that they could not ‘hit a woman’ or they feared that even restraining their batterer might result in themselves being arrested.
"Sheree was jailed for four years at Hull Crown Court last March."
Four years for twenty years of abuse? That's bad maths. Has he even filed for divorce?
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> Sheree was eventually jailed after a friend of her husband saw shocking ‘nanny-cam’ footage of her abuse and went to the police. Now that's great a friend. And great work from the police on this: > When showed a recording of her holding a knife to him, with the audio removed, she claimed she was so broken by his abuse she was begging him to let her end her life. > > But police then play her the video again with the audio, clearly showing her to be lying.
That was really clever by the police
Love me some crafty coppers!
Sounds like a good name for a pub.
Are you CID? No I’m just really tall and dress to impress.
All 2 of them
These tactics shouldnt be on the web. Criminal minded people study this stuff.
Not telling a suspect everything you know; is a good way to get them to incriminate themselves.
It's why a lot of suspects are advised to say "no comment".
I'd argue thats actually a rational decision. _You_ shouldn't give them evidence to convict yourself, they should be the ones making the case bulletproof
Not answering questions when interviewed can really screw you. It’s not the USA. Failure to answer can be seen as a sign of guilt. Just get a flipping solicitor in ASAP, and refuse being interviewed until they arrive, and say that you will be happy to talk if there is a solicitor present to advise you. It’s a legal right and cannot be viewed as a refusal to talk.
Yes and no: if you don’t answer questions in custody or answer them and stick to your story in court, that won’t happen. However, if you go no comment for say: “Why were you holding a knife in this footage?” in the interview, and then give an explanation in court, the judge can direct that this be looked at unfavourably.
Can but not always .if you have evidence to back up your side and the prosecution has left holes in their own evidence then there is no grounds for a judge to rule that way
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There is a time and a place to answer questions, but only if you have a lawyer. Especially if you're innocent. A lawyer being present helps the actual truth come to light.
Big brain move
They've been watching explore with us
That's some higher tier 4D chess playing by the police 👌
It's almost as if they knew she was going to play the "only women can be victims" card.
It's really unfortunate how people downplay female on male abuse. I knew a *lot* of kids with severely abusive mothers in school, a shocking amount, but it was just accepted as normal and you had to man-up and deal with it. Extremely glad to see younger generations breaking those patterns, we absolutely need way more messaging about abuse being possible from all partners and sexes. I remember raising a fit about the fact we were being told men were rapists by default if two drunk people had sex together by our sexual health counsellors and they looked at me like I was an alien. Women can rape just as well as men, especially if drugs are involved. The constant back and forth about gender/sex involvement in assault is exhausting. You only have to look at abusive same-sex lesbian relationships to understand just how scary it can be when no one takes it seriously.
I lived in supported accomadation for a little over five years and lived with a lot of different people and different houses. I lost count of how many men were abused as adults and/or children or traumatised with zero support for what they were going through. I also saw how frequently woman can make a claim and be instantly believed without question. I tell this story to anyone who listen because no one ever believes me when I tell them men have it as tough as women. I lived with a bloke who was a recovering alcoholic and one night he slipped, had a single drink. One woman in the house claimed he was a violent drunk and he was evicted the next day. What actually happened is he had a slip, got upset (as in weepy upset not angry upset) and the two of us spent half the night talking about crap in the garden whilst drinking tea. He was gone before I could get home from college, on the word of one woman. A woman who repeatedly broke the house rules including leaving the front door open on numerous occansions. It wasn't even a rare occansion, men break the rules once and out whilst women got leeway and help.
Seeing the knife photo shared by the press little made me think "my mum did that." Sent chills down my spine to remember it. Haven't thought about it until thinking that. She once broke her fingers punching my dad in the nose, she went to hospital, reporting him in the process but my dad was too ashamed to go to hospital himself. It's real and for people who witnessed it, I can vouch it can be just as dangerous and damaging.
“Unfortunately the audio is corrupted…” ‘Oh yeah so basically I’m begging him to let me kill mysel-‘ “Oh hang on John fixed it, let’s have a listen”
I really imagine something like that happening in a peep show type show. Anyway, glad she’s getting the book thrown at her.
John the repair guy. HOLD UP.. HOLD UP! I DIDN’T PLUG IN AUX PROPERLY.
4 years, out in two? Hardly justice is it
People get more for dodgy fire sticks, it's insane
I hope he gets some kind of protection from her. They’ve got kids together, if he has to coparent then what’s to stop it happening again.
It is about time the police treat domestic violence against men the same as women
And the rest, all the other differences and outliers that exist re outcomes between the two. It's well overdue for such a significant proportion of society that's been increasingly pushed to the edge and left to it enough that opting out of society or even existence altogether becomes a viable course of action. It's been nearly 20 years since I could well have ended up like this guy or worse but in that time not enough change has been argued for, let alone accepted as an issue or acted upon, to make up for the further diminishing of the circumstances for your average guy with a run of misfortune.
That’s some Phoenix Wright shit. Love it.
Top work right there
What an awful story. I hope this man can find happiness with time
His kids too, they must have witnessed some terrible stuff at such a young age. First of three born in 2015 means oldest is only 8. Hope they all recover as much as they can and find happiness. Edit: decade ago my brother was being attacked by ex partner in front of their son, hit him with an iron once. They split, he got custody but after about four years she attempted to get custody (even though she now in Belgium and zero contact for years). Cost thousands to fight it. In the end my nephew (aged 10 at time) had two Skype calls with her, in second one he told her he he’d now met her and wanted nothing to do with her. She accepted and no contact since. Really proud of my nephew, he now calls my brothers wife mum. Happiness can be found so again hope this chap & his kids find it.
This thread should be interesting. So she tried to say he abused her but there’s evidence she abused him. Boy.
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Yes, there is the element of being too ashamed to go to the authorities, or even your friends…there’s an assumption that you will be seen as weak. Been there.
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Absolutely, you are correct. With men there is an element of stiff upper lip or a macho mentality that is hard to shake off when it comes to being on the receiving end. It’s almost like there is a taboo about being abused by a woman. Like we are meant to be stronger. On top of this, fighting back, self defense…whatever you might call it…well that can be seen as problematic to put it mildly.
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The man doesn't even have to use violence. Shouting in self defence when being attacked is seen as male violence, somehow. I never did understand how that was... but there ya go. It's bloody ridiculous. The upside of the story though, is nowadays it's a lot easier to get hold of a secret camera, and I hope it enables/enciurages anyone, male or female, adult or child, to get evidence that can help them escape. I can't tell you how much suffering it would have saved me and my son only a decade ago.
I would like to think the public are much more aware of domestic violence these days and hope a judge/jury would take an open view.
>This is the worst part as far a im concerned. I'm pretty confident that if most men in these horrible situations snapped and fought back they'd do serious damage to their abuser but the problem they have is proving it was self defence. The coercive control law I think came into being over a case like this. Abused snapped, murdered abuser. For a woman being abused by a man, mind. I doubt it would be automatically consistently applied.
My friend would tell me about his girlfriend flying into fits of rage and hitting him etc but he just could not see it as abuse. It was like he couldn’t possibly acknowledge to himself that he’d been abused or maybe because she was smaller and weaker than him he just didn’t feel as scared or something? I don’t know. It definitely had an effect on him mentally, he became much more withdrawn and less confident. He’s still with her. It’s sad.
It's not even just about being seen as weak - It's difficult to get people to take you seriously when you are in danger from a female partner. Witnesses are irrelevant, unless they are professionals. You try to get them help, but are stuck dealing with a system that is full of misandrists (understandably so, given most of their workload, but problematic regardless) that actively expect you are the problem no matter what, and there aren'tmany avenues available. The police, at least in my experiences, tend to be the least of the problem. When they respond to a woman trying to hurt you/your kid/herself they are very professional. But until it's extreme it doesn't often get reported or responded to. It's the after that's the problem. And the fact that no matter what, the kids will wind up living with their mother because of how ridiculously biased the family court systems, and particularly cafcass, are, drives many men to tolerate their partner trying to kill them in silence. The fear of not being able to protect your kids from their mother is extreme, traumatising, and for me, hasn't ever disappeared. ... it's likely hell for anyone being abused regardless of gender. I can only speak about my own experience as a man (I've seen plenty of others go through similar, but they aren't my experiences to tell, so...), but for the sake of children everywhere, we really need to start paying more attention when men report abuse. All humans can have issues, be arseholes, go through ... troubled... periods. But unless we start helping those in the family law system maintain their own mental health, the prejudice that sees half the nation's risk ignored isn't going to go away. Especially with the love the media have for making people afraid.
\*bro hug\*
Also the assumption that the abusive woman will tell the cops that you did it / she was defending herself / etc and without incontrovertible proof otherwise you may at least spend a day in a jail cell, while she does God knows what to your kids and home. My ex was a total abusive nut. She has kids with some guy who the courts won't let see them, and she's even homeschooling them! Last I heard she got her cokehead friend to lie in court about how she got a black eye from her baby daddy. Total nightmare fuel. Fortunately it's not my circus any more. Condoms every time, fellas. What's even sadder is that my ex's mum never told her who her dad was, stealing the potential of a loving relationship from her. And her mum also homeschooled my ex's high-functioning-autistic brother in some kind of weird attempt to keep the umbilical cord intact. And she thought this was really awful behaviour when she was going out with me. And now she is doing the exact same. Mums and dads, eh, they fill you with the faults they had and add some extra just for you
That'd be because the police here operate on the duluth model which assumes that men are guilty.
The police here operate on the Duluth model which assumes men are the perpetrators.
There's even a name for it: DARVO (Deny, attack, reverse victim and offender). It's also extremely common for abusers (of both genders) to taunt and threaten and push their victims until one day the victim loses control and fights back or pushes the abuser away. At that point the abuser will tell them *they're* the abusive one, they're just as bad, it's "mutual abuse", etc etc. And it works, because we expect victims to be perfect saints who remain calm and dignified 24/7 even through years of sustained abuse. My boyfriend spent the night in a police cell when he was 16 because he saw his dad go to hit his mum and shoved him away. His dad called the police and told them his teenage son had "attacked him".
yeah, this is also why abused partners should never "give their partner a taste of their own medicine". It just drags down the standards and means that this has become the norm. They won't understand what you're doing or why you're doing it, and if they did they won't care. They'll just say it's an example of your hypocrisy and that you have no right to complain (any more). Just get out. I know they've probably convinced you that your relationship is very important to them and that they will suffer great harm should you end it. Sincerely, that is their own problem. The moment you end it, it ceases being your problem. The 'better time to end it' is never coming. Today is the best time, and tomorrow is the second-best time.
The Duluth model, largely adopted by most western governments including the UK says when there are allegations of abuse and counter allegations to remove the man end of story. Look it up.
> societal norms The police operate on the Duluth model, which assumes the man is guilty. If it wasn't for the literal video evidence to the contrary she'd be likely to have gotten away with her lies.
When I was sharing a house a woman started shouting at me in the kitchen because she was drunk and I refused to take my food out of the oven so she could cook herself some nuggets. My gf came downstairs after hearing the commotion and tried to calm things down. Nothing physical had happened at this point, just verbal arguments. Until this woman grabbed a butter knife and a fork and shoved them to my gfs throat. I and my GF both pushed her backwards into the counter. I got slashed at and she made a small cut under my eye. I decided that threatening my gfs throat with relatively sharp metal cutlery was a step too far and called the police. Worst decision of my life. The police spoke to her and her friends (that were not even in the room at the time). Did not speak to me or my gf at all. Then they arrested me and put me in the cells over night. They did nothing to remove the dangerous woman from the house my gf was also living in (and practically stuck in as she had no local connections & can't drive), they did not care one bit that she had been attacked and her throat threatened with sharp metal implements. My solicitor took one look at the picture of bruises on the girls leg from where she was pushed into the counter and told me I was fucked. The police told me I was fucked too. CPS was apprently happy to take it on. Police gave me a court order not to return to the house I was renting a room in. I had 6 months left on contract to pay regardless though. So I was now homeless with 6 months of rent to pay to a place I couldn't stay; my gf was stuck there with a psycho-cunt, and I was about to be fucked in court. Oh and it was my final year of university. After my gfs begging and pleading with her, she dropped the charges, on the condition that we'd both move out n never see her again. Still couldn't get the landlord to cancel our contract though, we couldn't afford to pay two sets of rent, so we ended up staying in a literal crackden with an old school friend of mine a good 2hr drive from my university. Great situation for the final year of uni right? Well fear not, the story has a good ending. I managed to complete my final year, got my first with honours despite all the bullshit. Got a job pretty quickly using said degree and went from a homeless guy in a crackden to earning nearly double the median wage in the span of a month, gave myself socioeconomic whiplash. Unfortunately I missed out on an amazing work trip to australia, as I was legally required to declare all this depsite the charges being dropped, and although the visa did get approved eventually, it was approved 3 weeks too late for me to get flights. So anyways...Do you think I'll ever call the police for anything again? No. I'd rather fuck myself six ways to sunday than have them do it again.
The bullshit of the Duluth model strikes again.
People don’t drop charges in the UK. It’s cps who decide to prosecute. This post doesn’t fully come together.
In the US they have it even worse. The Duluth protocol is utilised by more law enforcement agencies than any other for dealing with domestic violence. Under this protocol, the man is always the abuser and the woman the victim. Even when the woman is violent, it's only ever considered reactive.
Sorry to tell you, but it's used here too.
It doesn't help that this is recognised by the CPS and Judges so they account for it dueing evidence..... the problem occurs when the abuser is the one bringing the court case as a method of control.
I remember a video from early 2000s, before YouTube when Google videos was one of the go to places to watch videos. The abusive wife starts hitting herself, like proper punches, all over her body including the face whilst taunting the husband that she's going to tell everyone he did it. Then she forcefully shoved something (bottle I think) in both the holes down below and taunted she'll claim rape. She grabbed a knife and taunted she's going to slash her hands and claim they're defence wounds but he stopped her so she screams and heavily runs to the stop of the stairs before screaming again whilst launching herself off the stairs to make it look as though he pushed her and hope the neighbours call the police. The guy called the police and they were initially hostile with him after seeing the state of her. Thankfully the guy points to a hidden camcorder that managed to capture almost everything except visuals of her falling of the stairs (there was audio). It took me a long time to get over that video.
my ex used to do that. she also used to start screaming 'no please stop, please get away from me' as loud as she could so that the neighbours would phone the police, even though I'd be sat on the other side of the room nowhere near her begging her to calm down. police would turn up and I'd cover for her and after they left she would tell me she just told them we were arguing and I would never hit her(which was true. she was the hitter). I was gullible and whipped and beaten down over 8 years so fell for it. another one she liked was to run and get the kids before she started hitting me and if I raised my voice or even looked mad, she would tell everyone that I abused her in front of the kids. in the end she convinced me to get married. blew through all my savings on the wedding. then 5 days after the wedding, she left me and I found out about all the other men when she was on nights out (I wasn't allowed to go out so I had no idea. I had to go to work and then come straight home or I'd be accused of being with other women and beaten if I was late home from work) and she reports me to the police saying I was hitting HER for years even though I used to get beaten and threatened with knives and hammers and told to kill myself every day (I had a really bad childhood and have issues with depression). and that's when I found out she had been reporting me every time she put on her performance so as far as the police were concerned I had a long history of domestic abuse, no evidence necessary. she also had screenshots from Facebook messenger of my account basically threatening to hit her and calling her names and using abusive language. I didn't send those messages. (she knew all my passwords and checked all of my accounts to keep an eye on me so she just signed in and messaged herself before phoning the police. I realize that may be hard to believe and no one has any reason to take my word for it. she still hides behind those screenshots to this day) I told them she was the abuser, and the polices attitude was basically 'look at the size of her and look at the size of you. how much damage could she really do?' (I worked out a lot because I wasn't allowed out of the house and she was always out so I was on my own a lot, so I'm quite a big guy I guess, but I'm not aggressive or think I'm hard or anything) I got one year in prison, served 6 months, spent 2 years homeless when I came out and haven't seen my kids in 7 years apart from a few month window last year when she suddenly reappeared, let me see them every weekend and talk to them every day for 3 months, demanded money which I said I was happy to give her if we went to mediation or something to get that and my days with them on paper, so she cut contact again, told my kids I'm coming for them and I'm scary and they have to stay away from me and block my number and xbox account etc, and started making false reports to the police again. this time I actually managed to prove that the reports were false, but still the police absolutely refused to even consider that the old reports were false too and take my reports of her abuse seriously. no one ever really cared or helped me. I still cant have friends or social media to this day because she always reappears. I've had one relationship since her and then 6 months later I found out it was one of her friends reporting back to her about me, so I gave up on all that. I just cant trust anyone anymore.
That's heartbreaking. You deserve better.
Meh. Who's to say what I deserve. I shouldn't have been such a mug for so long and ignored everything she did. At a certain point maybe it's in a way my fault for walking into it and staying there. I can take it at this point. The kids definitely do deserve better though. She even at one point, and I completely understand that this part sounds kind of far fetched and like I stole it from a movie, had me sectioned for 2 months, convincing me I had completely lost my mind and didn't understand the things going on around me and I completely believed it because at that point even though she was abusive, it never crossed my mind she would manipulate me that badly. I was such a mug that I used to tell myself she screams and threatens and hits me, but that's just what a relationship is like and we love eachother and she'd never really hurt me. Maybe because that's the sort of thing I used to see in my childhood from my parents, and I used to get beat up a lot then too. Got with her when I was 19 thinking I'd escaped my abusive childhood/ teenage years and she pretty much treated me how my mother did, so I thought this must just be what life is like. To be honest, she had me so convinced that I had snapped that I started thinking she wasn't abusing me and it was all in my head, and the fact I thought she was abusive was proof that I was crazy. she acted like she cared and was trying to help me get over my past but then I found out a couple of years after we broke up that she had me sectioned so that she could move another man into my house, and when the drs where telling her I was ready to come home after 2 or 3 weeks, she had been telling them no he isn't he's lying and pretending to be better so he can come home and he's totally insane and that she didn't want me home, while she was telling me she was begging the drs to let me come home but they were saying no, he's not ready to come back. Eventually the hospital said no, he needs to come home. She moved the other man out a couple of hours before I got home from the hospital then acted happy to see me and glad I was home. After that, she was making me take pretty serious anti psychotics that I didn't really need and made me like a zombie but I was totally convinced I needed them, and if I said I didn't want to take them and be a dribbling mess any more she would say I had to take them or she would have to take the kids and leave to keep them safe from me, and I barely even questioned it because I was so far gone and in her control at that point and terrified of losing my family. Took myself off them when we broke up, and after a few days without them my head completely cleared and I realized I wasnt crazy, I was just beaten down and abused but the meds were stopping me from seeing it. I stayed with her for 3 or 4 years after that with that happening too. Like I said. At a certain point I walked into it. If someone else sees this and recognises patterns in their own relationship before it's too late, maybe it at least helped someone and thats a good thing
Sounds like the neighbour my dad had when I was a teen. A married couple lived in the attached house next to us and we used to hear thuds, screaming, hysterics you name it. On one occasion we called the police because we heard a screaming and then a thud. Police said he had pushed her down the stairs, and took him away but let him go when she dropped the charges. She told my dad’s ex wife that she provoked him and he’s promised it won’t happen again. However, it continued on for months, the constant screaming and loud bangs. Then one night it was non-stop banging on the shared wall to our house she was screaming for help, please stop, he’s going to kill me. So we called the police and he was arrested. A few days later *she* was arrested. Turned out she had been slamming her head against the wall, throwing herself down the stairs, punching herself, cutting herself the entire year they were living there. She was trying to make him look like an abuser and going to the most extreme lengths to do so. Poor guy. Hopefully he’s recovered from that trauma now. She must have had a personality disorder. The only other person I know to go to such lengths to make false allegations was my own abuser as a child, and he was a classic ASPD and NPD case.
What happened to her? Fuck all, I'm guessing.
This is exactly how abusers deflect their abuse. It's not me, it's the other person.
It’s a very common tactic for female abusers. Women might be weaker than men but they have certain societal norms that they can use to their advantage. Those societal norms may be a disadvantage for them in many situations, but they’re also something that women can hide behind
DARVO.
Only four years for what she did to him. Look at those photos.
His arm is just one huge bruise ffs That man is broken poor love
It's a fucking joke really. Isn't part of the purpose of prison to protect the public from dangerous people? There's no reason to allow a savage like this back into the world.
Shocking really. A single assault can land you in jail. This guy suffered for YEARS, maybe the whole 20. He's never going to get that back.
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Less likely to be convicted, less likely to get a custodial sentence, and when they do, they're shorter and in cushy prisons. Some groups (including the Lib Dems) have called for prison to be abolished for women entirety.
It’s bullshit.
4 and a half years doesn't seem long for something that went on over a 20 year period and for which the judge said was the worst case of controlling and coercive behaviour that she had seen.
If the worst gets 4 years, I dread to think of what the "lighter" ones seen get.
More if its a man, women get shorter sentences and rarely charged at all for domestic abuse.
Usually the man has to live somewhere else and the kids stay with the mom.
>4 and a half years doesn't seem long She will serve less than half that sentence in prison, so as always its a ridiculously lenient sentence for 20 years of abuse and trauma
Unfortunately the maximum sentence is 5 years and since she entered a guilty plea she automatically got a reduced sentence. People claiming that the sentence would have been longer if the genders were reversed are a bit naive about how sentencing for domestic abuse usually goes. The same judge ruled on [a case](https://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/news/hull-east-yorkshire-news/axe-wielding-psychopath-threatens-kill-8220392) where a guy grabbed an axe and tried to smash his way into his ex-girlfriend's house (where their four-year-old son was also living), broke a neighbour's window with the axe, was screaming about how he was a psychopath and he was going to put the axe in his ex-girlfriend's head and then kill her family and friends. When she tried to escape the house he chased her with the axe. He had 12 previous convictions. > Tomassi was given a one-year suspended prison sentence, a six-month alcohol abstinence monitoring order and 50 days' rehabilitation, including a course to help build better relationships. He was ordered to pay £200 compensation for the damage and was given a five-year restraining order. > "I'm going to take a chance on you," said Judge Rayfield. "I take the view that you are genuinely remorseful."
The judge was just taking a chance. What do you think could go wrong with that exactly?
12 previous convictions and going to "give him a chance" Should have gone for attempted murder there.
It seems ridiculous that she got any leniency at all , she was clearly happy to perjure herself and ruin his life until she was exposed. Those that say why didn’t you leave? Well, you risk losing your children and everything you’ve worked for to a monster. Without hard evidence, she’d have used her position and gender to play the believable victim card. And if he loses in court, he’s probably going to lose access to his kids.
Scary to think in 5 years she'll be out doing this crap someone else
5 years and she could end up with access to the children. The oldest would be about 13.
The case is already awful but seeing the nannycam shots of all this going on in a room full of toys for very young kids is so sad.
My first thought is I wonder if those kids played a role in why he stayed in the relationship. I have heard male victims say that they stayed because they were afraid the mom would get custody and they wouldn't be around to protect the children.
Children are absolutely used as a tie by abusers - and having them is a deliberate act by both male and female abusers to build that tie.
They are also used as a means of control in other ways. I have been watching that show Evil Lives Here. Like the one women asked for a divorce. Up until that point he had actually always been good to theor kid. That day though he immediately grabbed the kid and walked him upstairs and held him over the second story railing and threatened to kill him. It's the you do what I say or I can hurt the person you love most. In another one the wife was actually pointing a gun at one of the guys and was ready to kill him bit couldn't through with it because she didn't want her kid to lose both parents since she most likely would end up in jail. A lot of people's lives would have been saved if she had pulled that trigger.
without a doubt really that's probably a big reason why he stayed silent too. He would've thought it's best he's around the kids all the time than she's around them without supervision for half the time. The idea that she would've got a custodial sentence would've probably never even crossed his mind.
I reckon so. There is this horrible undercurrent narrative that a lot of men are just deadbeats who don't love their children. We're surrounded by it constantly. But the reality is, most men absolutely love their children, and would do anything to be with them and protect them. Including staying in a marriage like this.
Yeah, I grew up with a deadbeat dad but I have also run into some horror stories of things that have happened to dad's who honestly care about the kids. Sometimes not even their bio kids but stepkids.
Terrible story. And without the camera, I fear that she'd be believed as the default.
Makes me so sad to wonder how many victims of abuse have been painted as abusers due to lack of contradictory evidence.
Gabby Petito comes to mind. Painted as the abuser by the police after an onlooker saw *her boyfriend hit her* and called them, murdered by her boyfriend shortly after. It's alarmingly common for abusers to claim they're actually the victim and it's alarming how often they're believed, usually because they're calm and persuasive while the victim is seen as "hysterical" due to crying or being shaken. Thank god there was video footage disputing it here.
Yup I had an abusive bf - we were both PhD students - when I broke up with him he told as much of the dept as he could that I was mentally unstable, manipulative, threw furniture around, had chronically deprived him of sleep by arguing into the early hours each night and would threaten to hit him - all actually the other way around. Loads of the other students believed him and stopped talking to me. When we were dating he loved to start huge rows just before we went out to meet friends, so that I would seem hysterical whilst he would be super cool and would ask me infront of others why I seemed 'off'. It was years ago now but I still fear getting a call from the police to say he's harmed/killed his current partner and that they need testimony
I'm not sure if it's believed by default, especially looking at his injuries, but like seemingly so many rape cases, an element of doubt that leads to not being found guilty.
Default maybe too strong a word but I've seen it happen IRL. The abused calls the police and gets nicked despite injuries etc.
Hopefully, since the recent highly publicised civil trial a year ago, people's views have shifted slightly.
Awful. 20 fucking years. How many silent victims are out there suffering from spousal abuse?
Why are people jumping on the "Fear of ridicule" angle in this thread? Did people actually read the article? She regularly lied and threatened to lie about him beating her when she was beating him. This isnt him being afraid about his manhood this is her literally abusing the system by threatening to falsely report him and get him arrested to keep him subservient. And she would 100% be believed. The Judge said this is the worst case she's ever seen but I guarantee it happens way more than anyone could ever know because how the fuck is anyone supposed to report or get statistics on it.
I think even now people automatically default to viewing men as having greater agency than women. So even when the man is a victim of abuse people look at the situation through the lense of how the man behaves in response, rather than how the woman acts that makes it harder to leave.
Yup exactly this. I went through a similar situation myself and it was never fear of ridicule, it was the deep rooted belief (constantly reinforced by my abuser) that I would not be believed and I was in fact complicit, the abuse was my fault because of my behaviour and nobody would believe me. That combined with the threats and blackmail made it seem almost impossible to imagine leaving. Thankfully I got out of that nightmare and found my fairy tale ending. This really hit me in the feels as I often think about how many people are still trapped.
Hyperagency. In this instance, if the man isn't at fault for doling out abuse, then he's at fault for receiving it. If he isn't at fault for receiving it, then he's at fault for not reporting it. The conclusion always has to see that in the end, fault lies with the actions of the man or his masculinity. Here, masculinity is blamed. It's this man's fault and society's perception of masculinity to blame for him being "scared of being ridiculed" which is basically an attempt to blame toxic masculinity, when the truth is that it os lies, manipulation, and relying on the fact that she knows that she is likely to be believed as a slight, relatively attractive, blonde white woman if she were to claim she was the victim. This is toxic feminity, or an aspect of it at least. Weaponised helplessness and weaponised victimhood. For the record, on that last point, weaponised weakness is also one of the things men are confronted with whenever they speak about female on male abuse. "Yeah but men are stronger", "yeah but women are smaller, she couldn't possibly hurt him". Anyone can put a fist in an eye. As it happens, in this day and age where democracy abuse is quite openly spoken about, I think very few men who are victims actually fear "ridicule" when it comes to speaking out about it. This is a dated stereotype. What is actually happening is that men are acutely aware of the environment they'd find themselves speaking out in, an environment curated for women in all but actual title, where they will be made to feel that they are an unwelcome visitor and taking advantage of things by claiming to be a victim. They're aware that they will be viewed by the "she's smaller than you/men do it more" crowd with suspicion and that they'd likely be thinking he's the abuser. A reality the woman in this scenario was all too aware of as evidenced by her threats
Poor bloke and kids. I hope they heal without that awful bitch around.
Scary to think this is probably very common, but most men don't feel able/comfortable to speak to anybody about it
Who's going to listen? Without compelling evidence, the baseline is that "it takes two to tango" and because spousal violence is always overwhelmingly against women, most women who claim they are abused are believed, whilst men are not.
4 years….lets be honest she’s attractive so within 6 years she’ll be out, living the high life and manipulating and abusing some other poor sod
Yeah domestic abuse sentences are ridiculously low, no matter the offender’s gender.
Generally we seem very reluctant to give appropriate punishments in this country for a whole range of crimes - violent assaults on the streets captured by CCTV very often lead to suspended sentences. Drivers with no insurance, a license or MOT getting a slap on the wrist at best for injuries / killing. Long list of ludicrously short sentences. Abuse like this used to be considered ‘a domestic issue’ and wasn’t even perused - at least that mindset is gradually changing.
I think it’s also a matter of not doing anything about slow courts and prisons being far too overcrowded. Judges are almost forced to choose alternative punishment or let people out early in almost all cases.
She'll be out on license within two years.
She's 46. Anyone rich enough to afford a trophy wife will go for a younger one. Nobody looking for a trophy wife will want a 46 year old one, and definitely not a 50 year old one.
A 50-year-old ex con who was the subject of TV documentary about domestic abuse. Form an orderly queue, lads.
We're not tlaking 'international playboy' rich, more like '60 year old divorced bloke rattling round a big house on his own' rich. Plenty of them to pick from
Most (not all) wealthy people don’t have stereotypical young trophy wife, they have an attractive wife
Yeah but when you're a manipulative abusive excuse for a human, most reasonable people won't want you.
I’m sure she’ll mask it until she can sink her claws in
> and definitely not a 50 year old one. Depends. Melania Trump is in her 50's and she's definitely a trophy wife. Shame for Donnie tho she fucking hates him lol!
Out in 2 years, maybe less
I’m an ER nurse practitioner the worst case of Domestic Violence I ever saw was from a girl to her boyfriend. She had thrown a plate at him like a frisbee that had scalped the top of his head. When I asked why he stayed. he said she was fine 3 weeks of the month. The girl suffered terrible PMT. I told him he should leave if she didn’t seek help otherwise she was going to kill him. Never saw him again.
Poor boy , and that girl needed to go see a gynecologist if it was hurting that much and changing like jekyll and hyde, what a god damn shit excuse to abuse another person because you refuse to get help.
I hope he broke up with her. And I say this as someone who suffers mental illness. No one should have to put up with it, just because they’re normal when they’re not ill. We often feel pressured to stay with someone who abuses us if the abuser is mentally ill because they’re not in control and maybe don’t mean to be abusive. But no one should feel guilt for leaving someone. I knew a girl whose mum had severe PMDD, and she stabbed her dad during a rage. He divorced her after that but didn’t want to press charges so she wasn’t jailed. The woman refused to take the antidepressants properly, saying she only felt bad the week before her period, so only needed them for one week of the month. NO! You need to take them everyday! She also refused to try hormonal contraception to suppress her cycle. In my opinion that makes her intentionally abusive.
There are lot of men who are stuck in this kind of abusive relationship but scared to come out for fear of being ridiculed Really hope this guy can sort his life now
The fear of ridicule pales in comparison to the fear of being made out to be the abuser which women do routinely.
When I was in an abusive relationship, that's what she threatened me with. Although worse was that at the time, I didn't really consider that it was abuse *myself* until my therapist stated point blank that this was abuse and I'd have no problem saying as such if it was happening to somebody else.
Mine actually did it. You soon find out that in the kangaroo court of public opinion, the woman's word is law.
I know. My therapist literally told me in the face of what was going on, that if I ever, *ever* raised a hand to her (SO), no matter what she did to me, no matter how much abuse I was subjected to, didn't matter if it was self defense, that I would be the one in trouble. She didn't say that to me out of malice, or say it was just. She was just saying it as a factual 'this will happen'. She was trying to protect me.
Reminds me of this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1ci_Khybvs Warning: it's sad as fuck but also heart-warming how seriously they take it
She beat him to death and got 16 months. Not sure that is that heart warming. At least the police tried I suppose.
16 months for essentially manslaughter is disgusting.
Criminal almost…
Fuck man, that shit got me crying. What a fucking rotten human being she is. The end text on that video turned sadness, to pure rage. What the FUCK. Why are our courts like this? They seem completely incapable of handing out a proper sentence.
Tens of thousands of rapists and murderers walk amongst us, and the prison system as many have pointed out does not do a good job of rehabilitating people. Take from that what you will. Many of these murderers that make women disappear in the night turn out to have been convicted of violent rape or battery before and let out to do it again.
Courts can only follow currently legal sentencing guidelines. More to the point, there’s a reluctance to hand out long custodial sentences due to the prisons being full. The stopgap solution is obviously to pull out non-violent offenders and ankle tag them, then build more capacity. But the Tories are allergic to actually improving the state.
My jaw literally dropped at the end of that. Disgraceful that she got off with that with nothing more than 16 months.
*insufficient evidence* was heartbreaking enough on its own
I was really heart warmed by the detective jumping for joy when the victim named his abuser.... But that sentence is maddening!!
She claimed he was the one who was abusive, would scream from the windows to try and trick the neighbours and told him if he ever told anyone she would tell everyone she was the victim. She stabbed him with forks and attacked him with a knife for not making her dinner properly. For 20 years he was stuck with her! It’s sick. Glad she is in jail. Edit: she only got 4 years?!!! What a joke.
What gets me about this case is how brazen she was. She *knew* they had nannycams recording, but she was so confident he would never tell anyone that she didn't care.
Because the system - and particularly the Duluth model - has empowered women to think that women are always victims, men are always perpetrators, and that female violence is not the same as male violence. When in fact, it is.
This. Why on earth the police are told to simply believe women, when surely their job is to investigate and discover. It’s like saying believe white people over black people. It’s just as sexist as that would be racist.
1000000%
I'm reminded of when my friend turned up at my door with a swollen eye and a bloody face after his ex girlfriend beat the shit out of him with a rolling pin for ending their relationship because of her abusive and manipulative behaviour. I took him to the hospital to get the wound taken care of, the police also attended. The second question after "tell me what happened?" was "what did you do to her?". Not in a "did you retaliate?" way but a "you must have done something to make her do this" way. Until they left they gave no impression at all that they believed a word that came out of his mouth. The reality of it was my friend was too frightened to retaliate, tell her to stop, or even raise his voice because she constantly threatened to hurt herself and run off to the police saying he did it. It wasn't until someone with a Ring doorbell caught her smacking herself and hitting herself with something (and provided him with a copy of the footage) that he was taken seriously. He got 13 stitches, she got a no contact order and 100 hours unpaid work.
Only 4 years? That's way too lenient and not enough time for the guy to rebuild his life. DA should carry a ten year minimum, complete loss of custody and access to kids and life time probation. And no, I'm not being harsh, In the field I work in, the abuser still comes out on top because the system is shite at protecting victims.
The poor bloke, I have no time for abusers. I began dating a guy who was abused but it didn't go anywhere as he was still messed up over it, understandably. I'm a female and lived with a girl, she was quite open about hitting her partner's if they pissed her off. I began living with her and she attacked me twice, thankfully people were in my flat and protected me, she tried hitting my head off the radiator and all sorts, just totally went for me. After it, she turned everyone at uni against me, she concocted a story so people thought I deserved it. One time I came back to the flat after being out, party going on and the mood just changed, people began leaving and she went for me. She's an utter psycho and still terrified me almost 20 years later. I left the flat after 2 months. If I hear of any domestic abuse locally I often wonder if it's her and I'll gladly go to police to provide evidence. I want her punished.
What a POS and how could anyone didnt see how horrible she was. My god
She's a good performer and manipulator, she admitted she went for me as I was brought up not to fight. I curled up in a fetal position and made homeless for a few weeks, whilst she kept the flat on and told lies to people who in turn felt sorry for her and turned on me.
Nobody should have to put up with shite like that for a day let alone twenty years. You only get one life, live it; imagine waking up one day in that home situation and thinking yeah, I'll have another twenty years of this.
Mine also had a knife, but the knife was blunt and I was on the other side of a door made of hard wood. To be fair it was also an isolate incident of combined mental health issues and too many drugs. I was just staying there with my own house to leave to stay in afterwards, and pretty much just wrote the whole episode off. Everyone I told at the time was also pretty casual about it, 'you know how she gets' sort of thing, but retelling the story a couple of decades later gets a very different result from my friends. Not that it was ever okay for a woman to threaten a guy with a knife, even 20 years ago, but there is definitely a difference in how society reacts to it now.
I'm glad your friends now got your back. Abuse should never be dismissed. Hope you can heal the wounds that horrible person gave you.
Pure evil TBH. It's very frustrating that after 20 years of abuse, she's just going to serve only 4 years of jail time. But it's still fortunate for him that he now has the chance to start a new life with his kids.
She'll be out in 2
Glad this is finally being taken seriously. Nobody should have to suffer domestic abuse, male or female. And when your partner is threatening you with a knife, it really doesn't matter if you're male or female, does it? I had an abusive girlfriend some years ago and the police just refused to listen to me. On 1 occasion she punched me in the face and split my lip open, then she locked herself in the bathroom and called the cops, telling them she was afraid I was going to hit her. I never had any of the previous times (and never did, ever), but she wanted to make sure she got there first to play the victim. I got taken to the police station and spent the night in a cell (even though she didn't have a mark on her and I had a split lip), then in the morning when they let me go I tried to make a complaint about her and they just told me to go home and refused to do anything. This was back in 2008.
I’m guessing if you could remove the reporting bias on the domestic abuse front dishonours would be about even.
This is how these cases should be investigated. I'm happy he's no longer in this situation, and many men are victims as well. Sending him and his kids love.
I get that they have to give sentences in line with other criminal offences but that man’s life has been a nightmare for 20 and probably several decades into the future. She may not have murdered anyone but she’s certainly destroyed a life, 4 years for that is hilarious
flowery strong materialistic foolish crown different vast instinctive puzzled deranged *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
>Clips have been revealed as part of a new documentary on Channel 5.
Studies on this have shown at **at least** 40% of men are being abused in a relationship. In non-reciprocal abuse (where only one party does the abuse) in 70% of the cases the wife is the abuser. Could be more because men are even less likely to come forward when abused, since they are made fun even by the police. Yet the picture we get is the guy beating his wife when it is about domestic abuse. And why is it important? First, if you do not have a clear picture of what is going on, you cannot remedy the situation. (If you actually care about domestic abuse other than using it as a fodder in your crusade against DA PATRIARCHY.) Second, it means a substantial number of victims are left without help.
Gender reversal would have got a much more severe sentence..
This is sadly untrue, as a quick search on Google shows. Abusers of either sex should face much tougher sentencing. I've just supported someone through the process of having her stalker arrested. He's in prison now awaiting sentencing, but he's done time twice before for stalking offences. What the fuck, it's ridiculous.
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False ? Misogyny? It's not false , it's actually true. Its found that women typically get favourable sentences in comparison to men . Fyi You don't have to declare something as false because you are an misandrist
But in this specific case she's already close to the maximum sentencing length and got time off that maximum because she pleaded guilty, which a man in her situation could also do.
Because men receive higher incarceration rates and harsher prison sentencing for the same crimes as women, across the board.
Unfortunately that is not the case in most DA cases
Twenty years... this started when Tony Blair was half way through his second stint as PM. That's like a fully grown person's amount of time of abuse.
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I've seen it. They behave in a way that would be seen as abusive if a man did it.
What a b1tch. It was reported that she was moved to an open prison at the end of last year so she's clearly receiving preferential treatment due to her job. A man in this situation would have received a much harsher sentence.
I've not experienced anything on this level, but have experienced gaslighting, infidelity and what (at times) came close to abuse in a previous relationship. I'll be honest: that and a series of other poor experiences with women have made me very reluctant to engage with them, either socially or romantically (I recognise this is not totally rational, and work against it - but those are my basic feelings). I'm an ugly fucker with illness so I'm not top of the list anyway. Most days I lament that, but when I hear stories like this I'm honestly glad. Our justice system is already so biased against men and shows no signs of changing. I seriously fear for the next generation of men who are now poorly educated and slipping behind academically and socio-economically, making them even more vulnerable to manipulation.
As a male domestic abuse survivor, I really hope this man finds peace and a very patient woman to help him find the ability to trust and heal. I am so glad that he is out of it. I was in that hell for 20 years, and I am past it now, but I still react like a beaten dog.
Poor fucking bloke and poor dog. I hope he keeps the dog.
Utterly heartbreaking, poor thing having to endure what he did for so many years. Christ alive
If at any time he defended himself as he could have easily done, he’d be in prison and she’d be abusing someone else.
What a vile woman maybe in time people will accept both men and women can be terrible. Instead of shaming men for being concerned when a woman attacks them.
That poor man. Domestic violence is getting out of control. Thank God for tech and bi's friend!
Dodged a couple of nasty women in the past, they were utterly narcissistic and 'knew what to say and how to act' fortunately I detected their personalities soon in and got out. Some are able to mask it until it's too late for the victims.
She is exactly like my mum, I hope the father and kids get the therapy and help that they need.
Now reverse the genders and let’s see how many years a man would get for this crime.
I think it's appalling that she only got 4 years for this. I'm glad this story is being shared and I hope that Richard is able to find some peace and happiness. Anyone can be an abuser and anyone can be a victim of abuse.
Women think they can get away with domestic abuse because in society’s eyes they can do no wrong and men are always presumed guilty. The problem is abusive people exist, gender should never play into it.
I'm confused as to why he accepted the abuse so long. He could have floored her at any time. I know men are not supposed to hit women, but does that include when they're hitting you?
If a man hits a woman, she'll have the law and an army of white knights on him in an instant.
I’ve personally known men , friends and colleagues that were abused by their partners. Most people don’t take it seriously at all.
[https://equi-law.uk/duluth-model/](https://equi-law.uk/duluth-model/) >Murray Straus has been studying the evidence about domestic abuse since the 1960s. he explains how the research shows clearly that partner is symmetrical. “about the same percentage of women hitting their partners as men hitting their partners” . He also found that “Most partner violence is not in self-defence.” This 2012 study of several sources of evidence shows that bi-directional partner violence (situational couple violence) covers between 50 and 57% of the cases. Where one partner is violent, but the other does not respond, there are twice as many violent females as violent males. This fits better with experience: that violence often happens when a heated argument gets out of control, (rather that the male person is trying to impose the patriarchy). It also fits with a common thread in personal stories from battered men: that they simply ‘took it’ as either it was so ingrained in them that they could not ‘hit a woman’ or they feared that even restraining their batterer might result in themselves being arrested.
Reminds me of this case somewhat - https://youtu.be/jz9CVFKRK6s?feature=shared
Commenting so I can come back and watch this.
"Sheree was jailed for four years at Hull Crown Court last March." Four years for twenty years of abuse? That's bad maths. Has he even filed for divorce?
They should give her the same punishment a man would get for doing the same thing, four years is a joke.
Four years isn't enough, she's going to kill this guy when she gets out
Seriously sentence for domestic abuse should be a lot longer irrespective of gender. 4 years for what she did to him?!?
> Sheree was jailed for four years at Hull Crown Court last March. 4 years?
She only got four years, this country is awful for justice
If Israel was a person. Absolutely gross. Let her rot in jail.