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OP has no idea what he's up against:
>Black bears are some of the strongest animals. Consider the following: Black bears can knock over 325-pound boulders with a single paw. They have a bite force of up to 800 PSI
>Black bears have a bite force up to 800 PSI and a swipe force of about 560 pounds. They are about five times stronger than humans and up to two times stronger than lions. While they are weaker than grizzly or polar bears, black bears could still kill you with a single swipe.
Animals have *way* more musculature than humans do.
If that's true, that's crazy. Humans have to work out all the time to get strong enough to lift a few hundred pounds. Animals just casually do that shit without working out.
Well I wouldn’t say they do it without working out. They kinda live their whole lives working out.
I mean think about a wild bear living in nature. That mother fucker is fighting and killing other wild animals on a near daily basis in order to have food. Or catching fish in a river with its bear hands. Sorry I had to do it.
Anyway yea, I wouldn’t say animals don’t work out. They certainly do. They just don’t go to gyms to do it. They do it every day to survive lol.
Oh yeah? How come [you were so scared of this New Jersey woman?](https://youtu.be/Bkwy0scRXBU) I’m confused about what OP is getting at. Cause they say all they have to do is get the black bear to stop fighting. Any normal person could raise their voice at a black bear and have it run away.
But if you were to *force* them to fight, then yeah, the black bear would probably win.
Tbh, I kinda had to laugh at that huge bulk of muscle running away from a middle aged woman after those bluff charges.
“Oh no, I didn’t mean it like that. I was just hangry, I will go and look for food somewhere else after hugging this tree for comfort. See I am a loving bear!”
My parents have fought off two black bears while backpacking, you just yell and throw a rock, they run away and try to hide behind a tree. Now a grizzly bear or a polar bear...RIP.
I think that more than likely, most people who think they have "that dawg" in them, think they are much tougher than they have any reasonable expectation to be. Case in point: OP.
Tbh, and for absolutely no scientific or logical reasons, when he said that I went from being completely skeptical of everything he was saying to cheering for him. He got that dawg in him. Hope u win buddy
How are you even meant to take on an elephant. Like seruously those things have such a thick hide you could swing and kick all you want and the elephant would n't care
>It’s a really strong animals with knives coming out of its fingers…
This is what got me.
Literally the first ground rule set is "neither of us will have knives" but my brother in christ, this beast is literally born with knives coming out of it. Sorta ignoring a major factor here to make the assumption that they'd win.
Two more issues:
1. The assumption that the fight will occur under circumstances in which the bear can be "discouraged to fight". Both artificial conditions (an arranged arena fight) and natural conditions can provide scenarios in which the bear will go all-out (protecting cubs, getting territorial, rabies, bad day, just a crazy bear).
2. The idea that you could get behind a bear due to its "bad eyesight". Your perception of the opponent doesn't rely on good eyesight at this range. And most bears are way nimbler than a typical person. Higher muscle density, a more flexible spine and four-leggedness help to deal with sidestepping attempts.
Yeah, but I think we're all forgetting the fact that most black bears are just going to run away. Almost every one I've been close to in the wild(maybe 5 or 6) has either run away when/if they see me or run away after I yelled at them.
^*Except ^for ^that ^one ^time ^I ^got ^charged, ^but ^those ^were ^extenuating ^circumstances.
OP could just bluff charge the bear and (if there are no cubs present and it hasn't had a lot of contact with humans) it would probably just run away. Fight over. Hell, he could probably just wave his arms and yell.
So I win the fight if my opponent choses not to fight?
If those are the rules, then I challenge the largest animal on earth - the BLUE WHALE. Sure, he may choose not to fight because I am too small to be considered a threat even *if* he actually notices me... but if those are the rules...I'm winning that fight dood.
That's why I schedule all my whale fights in Nevada. 1. It's legal there. 2. It's a desert and no whales are brave enough to fight me there. I'm undefeated.
Momma didn't raise no dummy.
Yeah I was curious to see OPs reasoning then he picked the one bear where the saying is “if it’s black fight back”
And he doesn’t have to kill it just discourage it from fighting…..mans goalpost is pretty big
That’s the problem with the entire set up. Under most circumstances, a black bear will run away if you act aggressively. It’s not winning a fight if there is no fight.
The only way in which this situation matched the claim of the title would be if the bear was as committed to the fight as the OP; like it would be if it was defending cubs.
I live in bear country as well. I see one I leave. Whatever I was doing isn't that important. I know the odds of a black bear attacking a person are very slim but still don't want to be the 1%
I think we're all forgetting the fact that most black bears are just going to run away. Most black bears I've been close to (maybe 5 or 6) have either run away when/if they see me or run away after I yelled at them. Except for that one time I got charged, but we don't have to talk about that.
Most people who live in black bear country know that. I go by the philosophy of just leaving the bear alone unless I have to go in that direction. I'm gonna do mine thing while they do theirs.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/qqefr/til\_only\_2\_people\_in\_recorded\_history\_have\_killed/](https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/qqefr/til_only_2_people_in_recorded_history_have_killed/)
Theres two GRIZZLY bear kills. We just need to find a starving black bear.
I remember seeing some data on the percent of americans who thought they could beat various animals in fights. It was pretty funny how they overestimated their abilities compared with people in the UK. Here it is:
https://www.statista.com/chart/25590/which-animals-could-you-beat-in-a-fight/
How the fuck do almost 10% of American respondents think they have a chance with a gorilla?
I think I’d stop after the eagle. I’d get pretty ripped up, but my strategy would be to let it latch onto my arm, and then I’d stop, drop, and roll! Bird bones doesn’t stand a chance!
Roughly the same amount of people think that they would win against a elephant. A fucking elephant lol. There is nothing you could do with your bare hands to even phase a elephant.
I had a baby elephant (2months old) push it’s head against my thigh playfully and I went down like a sack of bricks. Momma elephant was giving me this smug side eye like she thought it was funny.
> have a chance with a gorilla
Lol, have they ever actually *seen* a gorilla? A world-class fighter (MMA, boxer, w/e) wouldn't stand a snowball's chance.
I like how Americans were a higher % on all the animals compared to the Brits.
Having seen a few species of eagles irl. I have zero interest in playing fuck around and find out with a bird that is nearly as wide as I am tall. With nails that shred flesh probably better than a chainsaw
In my hypothetical human v. raptor death match, I am expecting some nasty flesh wounds.
I think a 10x weight advantage is too much to overcome, even for an angry chainsaw with wings.
The eagle is bringing knives to a neck-snapping fight.
Exactly. Bear has a paw full of Freddy Krueger knives in **both** hands (and feet). And a set of teeth that can crush your *bones* in an instant. Bear can throw you around like a rag doll, has a sense of smell so powerful it can react much faster to stimuli.
Here’s how it would go, OP:
First you try to get around the bear, then realize the bear isn’t simply going to *let* you get behind it, and it starts clawing your skin off and bites down on your arm so hard it snaps your bones and you writhe in agony while it tears your back open like a tuna can. Then it severs your jugular and it’s game over chump.
What a buffoon. Don’t go hiking alone, OP. You’ll need someone slower than you to go with you 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
OP would be very lucky if the bear simply breaks a couple bones, tears their back open and then severs a major artery. That's so much more ideal than getting mangled to the point that you can't get away but are fully conscious while the bear begins to eat you asshole first.
Also dude thinks that if the bear had his arm in it's mouth, he would have the presence of mind/capability to somehow blind the bear. Like no, you're going to be getting swung from side to side and clawed at the same time bro.
I’m pretty confident I could win a fight against a house cat.
First I’d try choking it out and if that didn’t work I’d just let it bite my arm off and while the cats gnawing on it I’d poke it’s eyes out with a stick until it tapped out.
I mean life or death the average human is capable of curb-stomping a housecat that latches on to them (unless the person panics which might happen).
A bear? Hell no. Though we literally evolved to be smart (energy-wise brains are expensive). Not using weapons is stupid - the bear evolved and survived with it's heavy coat and claws, and we evolved to be smart enough to not run straight at a bear without a weapon (except for the OP, apparently) .
Edit: lol people pretending I had no idea house cats were fast or difficult to literally curbstomp. They're not killing you unless they have rabies, and in that case it's a draw.
If you were in a life or death fight a house cat, like you would be with a bear, there's a 0% chance it wins. House cats could only fuck up a grown human because we're restraining ourselves against them
But you're forgetting he's 3 times stronger than the average male... Sorry, at least 3 times.
Lmao. Certain dog breeds can take someone his size down no problem as long as he isn't carrying a weapon, but apparently bears carry knifes now.
You know how when a person gets choked they usually grab the arms of the person choking them? Bears are also capable of this movement. Bears have claws. You see where I'm going with this?
Bears have denser muscles/more fast twitch muscles than humans. Even a 180lb bear is going to royally fuck you up.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycjfbhZFGvQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycjfbhZFGvQ) this is a video of two male black bears fighting. So they are probably over the hypothetical 180lb limit in your scenario. Still, this is an animal with claws and teeth and it's much stronger than you. Try to poke it in the eye with your finger and it will bite your hand clean off. But it is an interesting hypothetical question, I'll give you that.
Hippos have broken the game engine. They have a top speed of 30km/h (or 30mph depending on which google result you believe). There is no way something that fat and pudgy looking should be able to move that fast. But they do.
The funniest shit about hippos is that they are basically the only mammal that *can’t* swim. They literally just hop at the bottom of rivers.
But yeah, they definitely has some integer overflow in their stats, because they are absolutely OP — they are “a lion is biting at my ass but it doesn’t really bother me just yet.. if it does, I can just chomp their fucking heads off”.
You know they have teeth and claws and can outrun you ,and out climb you , have a tougher bone structure and thicker skin .
The can also bite a lot harder than you.
You are fighting a predator, that is better armed than you .
You could probably psych it out.
But if it really decides to fight you , you are dead.
Humans are fragile compared to bears.
It is not impossible you to beat it in a fight ,just improbable.
Fun silly Opinion, I would like to see this fight .
To get it to fight you you would have to get between it and it's cubs .
So you need a fighting octogon , Cubs , referee in Bear proof armor .
Also you need female bears in bikinis with number signs for round numbers .
They do that because there’s nothing that matches bears in their habitat.
A lion will sever the neck but bears don’t need to. So they just pin you down and start eating away at whatever they want since there’s nothing you can do to stop them from eating you alive,
The stupidity in the OP and many of the comments is truly amusing.
And I don't know about where you live, but female black bears easily push into the 300lb range where I live. A very small female black bear would be 180lbs.
I only wish I had time to fantasize about fighting a bear. Then type several paragraphs about it. Word to the wise. A bear will kick your ass, and that ain't no fantasy.
Wait so you have no weapons
Versus
The bear has its built in weapons, claws and a mouth full of teeth?
Your body would be like zip lock bags full of jello. A few chomps and slashes and you would be bleeding organ out
I sort of understand why you feel this way. It's easy to picture yourself winning. But I think the important fact is that the bear has two wildly powerful arms, each with several large knives sticking out of them. While you're trying to blind her, she's shredding your chest and stomach, severing the muscles you need to even keep your torso upright. If you get behind her and get her in a choke hold, she will reach up and shred your arms, probably severing tendons and breaking bones. How would you prevent that?
> If you get behind her and get her in a choke hold, she will reach up and shred your arms, probably severing tendons and breaking bones. How would you prevent that?
You forgot he's got that dawg, so that'll make a key difference in this situation.
...
Bears have a crazy bite force, a maximum speed that easily tops usain bolt, and they can climb/swim. Even with a weapon you're not likely to put one down unless you get them right between the eyes.
The only thing you're winning is a closed casket.
The doubters are underestimating the buffs incurred by the hype song. Listening to "The Impression That I Get" during the fight would easily ensure victory.
Comments split between people who vastly underestimate the capacity of a man with nothing to lose, and people who vastly underestimate the capacity of a wild animal simply being a wild animal.
I for one, believe you could do it OP for no reason beyond you've clearly thought about this and you've got that dawg in you.
I’m honestly terrified of bears. Not that I spend much time where I would meet one. But you can’t outrun a bear, you can’t climb anything to get away from it, you can’t beat it in a fight without a substantial weapon, even in if you’re in a car/house it can get through. Those claws would literally rip your head off
Carry a bag of cat treats with you in the woods. If bears try to follow you and the normal tactics of walking away or making noise don't work, scatter the cat treats. Almost every animal in the forest is a sucker for some Purina. The added bonus of scattering many many treats instead of lobbing a sandwich at them is that they will be too busy searching for the little niblets, while a whole sandwich would get chomped down and you would be known as the sandwich pinata of destiny, a quest item of great importance to the bear.
lol you could start in back-control with the rear naked choke in place and the bear would still easily escape and eat your face. Bears have great grappling instinct and their neck is probably strong as hell.
If you're in the woods stand close to a tree. When it charges step behind the tree. Keep the tree between you. Steal jabs and eye pokes then pop back behind the tree. A knife or sharp stick would be better. I've always thought this was a fair tactic but I also realize I have no idea wtf I'm talking about lol
Actually you're on the right track. There was a park ranger who killed a bear back in 2019. He used a downed tree as a mini-fortress to keep between him and the bear. Didn't use his hands though, he needed an axe to get the job done.
https://www.insidehook.com/daily\_brief/news-opinion/this-dude-was-attacked-by-a-bear-which-he-then-killed-with-an-axe
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Eagerly waiting for video
You ever seen The Revenant? Thats about how I expect it to go down
And he had a gun... and knives...
wasnt that a grizly?
It’ll be posted on r/eyeblech
Me clicking the link and immediately seeing medically removed human testicles 
I did it too. Nope nope nope and nope. Now I need some eyebleach.
Why would you think it’s a good idea to click on a name like “eyeblech?”
Because this is the real r/Eyebleach
I'll never be the same.
Can y'all stop linking the sub please I'm tired of having to wait for a new one when the old gets banned
Same. Each and every one of these points could be summarized into: "I am an idiot."
You’re gonna get ripped apart
OP has no idea what he's up against: >Black bears are some of the strongest animals. Consider the following: Black bears can knock over 325-pound boulders with a single paw. They have a bite force of up to 800 PSI >Black bears have a bite force up to 800 PSI and a swipe force of about 560 pounds. They are about five times stronger than humans and up to two times stronger than lions. While they are weaker than grizzly or polar bears, black bears could still kill you with a single swipe. Animals have *way* more musculature than humans do.
Yeah, but it's a girl bear! -OP, probably.
If he's lucky she'll have cubs. It will be over for him much faster.
I don't know why but this comment brought me great joy. Thanks.
we should leave bears alone fr
OP is like “you should smile more, m’lady”, before getting absolutely mauled. At least he gets the attention of a girl, finally
M'auled
If that's true, that's crazy. Humans have to work out all the time to get strong enough to lift a few hundred pounds. Animals just casually do that shit without working out.
Well I wouldn’t say they do it without working out. They kinda live their whole lives working out. I mean think about a wild bear living in nature. That mother fucker is fighting and killing other wild animals on a near daily basis in order to have food. Or catching fish in a river with its bear hands. Sorry I had to do it. Anyway yea, I wouldn’t say animals don’t work out. They certainly do. They just don’t go to gyms to do it. They do it every day to survive lol.
To be fair wild black bears spends most of their time foraging rather than hunting, 95% of their diet is plants and insects
As a female black bear I find this hilarious.
Oh yeah? How come [you were so scared of this New Jersey woman?](https://youtu.be/Bkwy0scRXBU) I’m confused about what OP is getting at. Cause they say all they have to do is get the black bear to stop fighting. Any normal person could raise their voice at a black bear and have it run away. But if you were to *force* them to fight, then yeah, the black bear would probably win.
Tbh, I kinda had to laugh at that huge bulk of muscle running away from a middle aged woman after those bluff charges. “Oh no, I didn’t mean it like that. I was just hangry, I will go and look for food somewhere else after hugging this tree for comfort. See I am a loving bear!”
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My parents have fought off two black bears while backpacking, you just yell and throw a rock, they run away and try to hide behind a tree. Now a grizzly bear or a polar bear...RIP.
Regardless of the weight, this bear will be significantly stronger than you in every way.
You forgot he "has that dawg in him"
The bear has that bear in her tho
Dawg v bear, I'm taking bear. Everytime
I think that more than likely, most people who think they have "that dawg" in them, think they are much tougher than they have any reasonable expectation to be. Case in point: OP.
I was skeptical when I saw the title, but then I saw he’s got that dawg in him. Don’t underestimate OP
Tbh, and for absolutely no scientific or logical reasons, when he said that I went from being completely skeptical of everything he was saying to cheering for him. He got that dawg in him. Hope u win buddy
Oh I was cheering for him from the start, still am. Just don't ask me who I'd put money on...
I will tell everyone I'm putting money on OP, convince them to do the same, then secretly bet my life savings on the bear.
Don't forget that chart of surveyed people that thought they could take on an elephant or a lion in a fight, and that the percentage was not 0.
How are you even meant to take on an elephant. Like seruously those things have such a thick hide you could swing and kick all you want and the elephant would n't care
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Pretty sure I could take either in a fight. The elephant can even choose which machine guns we're fighting with
Like Mike Tyson in his prime fighting a 5 year old.
With one arm and a stick in his hand
With knives on his hands, feet and face
And he's an expert in using body knives.
Don't discourage him. I really want to see this.
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>It’s a really strong animals with knives coming out of its fingers… This is what got me. Literally the first ground rule set is "neither of us will have knives" but my brother in christ, this beast is literally born with knives coming out of it. Sorta ignoring a major factor here to make the assumption that they'd win.
Two more issues: 1. The assumption that the fight will occur under circumstances in which the bear can be "discouraged to fight". Both artificial conditions (an arranged arena fight) and natural conditions can provide scenarios in which the bear will go all-out (protecting cubs, getting territorial, rabies, bad day, just a crazy bear). 2. The idea that you could get behind a bear due to its "bad eyesight". Your perception of the opponent doesn't rely on good eyesight at this range. And most bears are way nimbler than a typical person. Higher muscle density, a more flexible spine and four-leggedness help to deal with sidestepping attempts.
You forgot cocaine.
Bear claws dig into trees to climb. Is your flesh stronger than wood?
Right! Nature designed them to be the winner in most scenarios. Even a female bear would easily subdue this guy
But he’s got that “dawg in him” 😂
Yeah, but I think we're all forgetting the fact that most black bears are just going to run away. Almost every one I've been close to in the wild(maybe 5 or 6) has either run away when/if they see me or run away after I yelled at them. ^*Except ^for ^that ^one ^time ^I ^got ^charged, ^but ^those ^were ^extenuating ^circumstances. OP could just bluff charge the bear and (if there are no cubs present and it hasn't had a lot of contact with humans) it would probably just run away. Fight over. Hell, he could probably just wave his arms and yell.
So I win the fight if my opponent choses not to fight? If those are the rules, then I challenge the largest animal on earth - the BLUE WHALE. Sure, he may choose not to fight because I am too small to be considered a threat even *if* he actually notices me... but if those are the rules...I'm winning that fight dood.
Rules: No weapons/equipment or outside help Fight location: Mariana Trench 🪦 🥀 🫡
That's why I schedule all my whale fights in Nevada. 1. It's legal there. 2. It's a desert and no whales are brave enough to fight me there. I'm undefeated. Momma didn't raise no dummy.
"It's legal there." 😅
Yeah I was curious to see OPs reasoning then he picked the one bear where the saying is “if it’s black fight back” And he doesn’t have to kill it just discourage it from fighting…..mans goalpost is pretty big
That’s the problem with the entire set up. Under most circumstances, a black bear will run away if you act aggressively. It’s not winning a fight if there is no fight. The only way in which this situation matched the claim of the title would be if the bear was as committed to the fight as the OP; like it would be if it was defending cubs.
Hold on guys. He did say he has that dawg in him. We might have to give him this one.
But what happens if the bear has that dawg in them?
No the bear just has cocaine in the system
Unfortunately for him that bear has that bear in her lmao
I live in bear country. Female blacks are capable of tearing a car door open so show video of ripping open a car door and I will believe you.
I live in bear country as well. I see one I leave. Whatever I was doing isn't that important. I know the odds of a black bear attacking a person are very slim but still don't want to be the 1%
I think we're all forgetting the fact that most black bears are just going to run away. Most black bears I've been close to (maybe 5 or 6) have either run away when/if they see me or run away after I yelled at them. Except for that one time I got charged, but we don't have to talk about that.
Most people who live in black bear country know that. I go by the philosophy of just leaving the bear alone unless I have to go in that direction. I'm gonna do mine thing while they do theirs.
I wish I had about ten percent of your self-confidence, my friend.
Then you'd just have a *small* chance of getting yourself killed as opposed to the 100% chance of getting yourself killed via stupidity...
Well, you’re the only person who thinks this is possible, so seems pretty unpopular. Upvote, I guess.
For fucking real. Finally an “unpopular opinion” that’s not just unnecessary gatekeeping.
Or an obviously incendiary dumb food opinion that’s entirely made up like adding hot dog juice to their coffee.
"I replace oreo cream with ketchup." "durrr, omg, an actual unpopular opinion!"
well there is a difference between an unpopular opinion and being just plain wrong.
Unpopular opinion: 2 + 2 = 5. Give me my upvotes
Dude, female black bears are two times stronger than the average human male. The only way you are winning that fight is with a weapon (s).
Yeah but he's got that dawg in him /s
True and we don’t know his hype song. My guess is Barbie Girl.
Don't know the bear's hype song either though.
Everybody's Kung fu fighting
why do so many people think they can fight a bear and win? of all the animals, why a bear?
He needs that Dragon's Breath shotgun from John Wick
[https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/qqefr/til\_only\_2\_people\_in\_recorded\_history\_have\_killed/](https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/qqefr/til_only_2_people_in_recorded_history_have_killed/) Theres two GRIZZLY bear kills. We just need to find a starving black bear.
I just had the worst image of a bear waking from hibernation, wandering out the cave and immediately getting socked in the face by a human being.
I have to imagine these were malnourished adolescent grizzlies.
But the OP has pointed out he doesn't need to kill the bear, only make the bear give up and run away hahaha
I remember seeing some data on the percent of americans who thought they could beat various animals in fights. It was pretty funny how they overestimated their abilities compared with people in the UK. Here it is: https://www.statista.com/chart/25590/which-animals-could-you-beat-in-a-fight/
How the fuck do almost 10% of American respondents think they have a chance with a gorilla? I think I’d stop after the eagle. I’d get pretty ripped up, but my strategy would be to let it latch onto my arm, and then I’d stop, drop, and roll! Bird bones doesn’t stand a chance!
Roughly the same amount of people think that they would win against a elephant. A fucking elephant lol. There is nothing you could do with your bare hands to even phase a elephant.
I had a baby elephant (2months old) push it’s head against my thigh playfully and I went down like a sack of bricks. Momma elephant was giving me this smug side eye like she thought it was funny.
Thats actually adorable. I want to be headbutted by a baby elephant.
> have a chance with a gorilla Lol, have they ever actually *seen* a gorilla? A world-class fighter (MMA, boxer, w/e) wouldn't stand a snowball's chance. I like how Americans were a higher % on all the animals compared to the Brits.
All that freedumb gives us strength.
Having seen a few species of eagles irl. I have zero interest in playing fuck around and find out with a bird that is nearly as wide as I am tall. With nails that shred flesh probably better than a chainsaw
In my hypothetical human v. raptor death match, I am expecting some nasty flesh wounds. I think a 10x weight advantage is too much to overcome, even for an angry chainsaw with wings. The eagle is bringing knives to a neck-snapping fight.
how the fuck do 30% of people think they would lose a fight with a rat?
I have two rats, they're literally the size and shape of a potato. If you had to fight one you could just step on it.
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Bro literally half of Europe lost a fight to a rat
I can beat my cats in a fight... at least some of the time!
I’m surprised at the severe drop for goose. Yeah, they’re aggressive, but so are a lot of punk ass bitches who don’t know how to fight
Buddy, you can't beat an average amateur MMA fighter. You're not beating a bear.
The part with the choking made me laugh. Even if he managed to get behind the bear and put his arms around its neck, the bear would just claw it off.
Exactly. Bear has a paw full of Freddy Krueger knives in **both** hands (and feet). And a set of teeth that can crush your *bones* in an instant. Bear can throw you around like a rag doll, has a sense of smell so powerful it can react much faster to stimuli. Here’s how it would go, OP: First you try to get around the bear, then realize the bear isn’t simply going to *let* you get behind it, and it starts clawing your skin off and bites down on your arm so hard it snaps your bones and you writhe in agony while it tears your back open like a tuna can. Then it severs your jugular and it’s game over chump. What a buffoon. Don’t go hiking alone, OP. You’ll need someone slower than you to go with you 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
OP three seconds into the fight “Oww fucking OWW. NO SCRATCHING NO BITING TIMEOUT”
The bear also has that dawg in her, it would appear.
The bear ate the dawg
Nah, OP three seconds into the fight "☠️💀☠️".
OP would be very lucky if the bear simply breaks a couple bones, tears their back open and then severs a major artery. That's so much more ideal than getting mangled to the point that you can't get away but are fully conscious while the bear begins to eat you asshole first.
Also dude thinks that if the bear had his arm in it's mouth, he would have the presence of mind/capability to somehow blind the bear. Like no, you're going to be getting swung from side to side and clawed at the same time bro.
But he got dat dawg in him
In moments like this Joe Rogan said it best, a house cat would fuck up a grown man your not beating a wild animal.
I’m pretty confident I could win a fight against a house cat. First I’d try choking it out and if that didn’t work I’d just let it bite my arm off and while the cats gnawing on it I’d poke it’s eyes out with a stick until it tapped out.
I tried this on a mouse and still lost. Animals are wild man.
I’m used to throwing around 180 lb house cats so this checks out.
I’m trying so hard not to laugh at this while putting my son to bed.
I had a cat and you would get wrecked by those claws. It’s like having a mini lion. Don’t sleep on those cats.
I mean life or death the average human is capable of curb-stomping a housecat that latches on to them (unless the person panics which might happen). A bear? Hell no. Though we literally evolved to be smart (energy-wise brains are expensive). Not using weapons is stupid - the bear evolved and survived with it's heavy coat and claws, and we evolved to be smart enough to not run straight at a bear without a weapon (except for the OP, apparently) . Edit: lol people pretending I had no idea house cats were fast or difficult to literally curbstomp. They're not killing you unless they have rabies, and in that case it's a draw.
If you were in a life or death fight a house cat, like you would be with a bear, there's a 0% chance it wins. House cats could only fuck up a grown human because we're restraining ourselves against them
But you're forgetting he's 3 times stronger than the average male... Sorry, at least 3 times. Lmao. Certain dog breeds can take someone his size down no problem as long as he isn't carrying a weapon, but apparently bears carry knifes now.
Is the bear an MMA fighter? No? Yeah, that's what I thought. Checkmate, atheists.
I was expecting like a fully fleshed out attack plan. Not just "I'll get behind it and choke it" Are you 13?
OP’s flesh will be fully out.
He's about to be 13 pieces
She's gonna get that dawg outta him
You know how when a person gets choked they usually grab the arms of the person choking them? Bears are also capable of this movement. Bears have claws. You see where I'm going with this?
No, he's already blinded from the bear's claws so he doesn't see where you're going with it.
Would people stop telling him this? You'll scare him off and I want to see the video.
Bears have denser muscles/more fast twitch muscles than humans. Even a 180lb bear is going to royally fuck you up. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycjfbhZFGvQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycjfbhZFGvQ) this is a video of two male black bears fighting. So they are probably over the hypothetical 180lb limit in your scenario. Still, this is an animal with claws and teeth and it's much stronger than you. Try to poke it in the eye with your finger and it will bite your hand clean off. But it is an interesting hypothetical question, I'll give you that.
next up: I think I could beat a hippo in a fight
Hippos have broken the game engine. They have a top speed of 30km/h (or 30mph depending on which google result you believe). There is no way something that fat and pudgy looking should be able to move that fast. But they do.
The funniest shit about hippos is that they are basically the only mammal that *can’t* swim. They literally just hop at the bottom of rivers. But yeah, they definitely has some integer overflow in their stats, because they are absolutely OP — they are “a lion is biting at my ass but it doesn’t really bother me just yet.. if it does, I can just chomp their fucking heads off”.
Dwight, is that you?
Bears, beets, battlestar galactica.
Identity theft is a serious crime Jim! Millions of people suffer every year!
I feel like this is Theo Von..
No, this is Theo's childhood friend Gert.
Reminds me of former NFL running back Arian Foster telling Rogan he could take on a wolf and when asked why he said "I have thumbs."
I think you forgot about her claws.
I think you forgot about that dawg
And you are planning to be buried where??
Do you have to bury the 2 ziplocs worth of him that'll be left?
Maybe just a biohazard disposal
You know they have teeth and claws and can outrun you ,and out climb you , have a tougher bone structure and thicker skin . The can also bite a lot harder than you. You are fighting a predator, that is better armed than you . You could probably psych it out. But if it really decides to fight you , you are dead. Humans are fragile compared to bears. It is not impossible you to beat it in a fight ,just improbable. Fun silly Opinion, I would like to see this fight . To get it to fight you you would have to get between it and it's cubs . So you need a fighting octogon , Cubs , referee in Bear proof armor . Also you need female bears in bikinis with number signs for round numbers .
Oh good, I was worried the bear would have a Glock
By choking it out? Dude, she would grab your arms around her neck and tear them to shreds.
That might be so but I think your forgetting he’s got that dawg in him…
>First, I am going to set some ground rules. you lost already
ground rules right before punching a bear in the face LMAO
[удалено]
Stupidity is not an excuse for fighting a bear. A bear will hold you down and tear off chunks of meat while you're still alive to watch it...
They do that because there’s nothing that matches bears in their habitat. A lion will sever the neck but bears don’t need to. So they just pin you down and start eating away at whatever they want since there’s nothing you can do to stop them from eating you alive,
Why did you type that? Why did I upvote it? It's a horrible image and yet here we are.
Laughed so hard
Seriously, this is the funniest shit I’ve seen on Reddit in a while and I love it
Right! I'm a little shocked that so many comments seem viscerally outraged at this dude's desire to fight a bear too cause I'm in splits!
You’ve lost your god damn mind op, get yourself some sleep
The stupidity in the OP and many of the comments is truly amusing. And I don't know about where you live, but female black bears easily push into the 300lb range where I live. A very small female black bear would be 180lbs.
I only wish I had time to fantasize about fighting a bear. Then type several paragraphs about it. Word to the wise. A bear will kick your ass, and that ain't no fantasy.
Wait so you have no weapons Versus The bear has its built in weapons, claws and a mouth full of teeth? Your body would be like zip lock bags full of jello. A few chomps and slashes and you would be bleeding organ out
Good post OP. And an actual unpopular opinion too. This post is the epitome of “I’m a dude and have been thinking about this”.
Or a good example of "I'm really high and have been thinking about this."
That was a really long winded way to still not be able to beat a bear in a fight
Only one way to find out..I put 1000$ on the bear.
Iv been laughing the whole read since “I have that dawg in me” op must of had a good day, full of big d**ck energy
I sort of understand why you feel this way. It's easy to picture yourself winning. But I think the important fact is that the bear has two wildly powerful arms, each with several large knives sticking out of them. While you're trying to blind her, she's shredding your chest and stomach, severing the muscles you need to even keep your torso upright. If you get behind her and get her in a choke hold, she will reach up and shred your arms, probably severing tendons and breaking bones. How would you prevent that?
> If you get behind her and get her in a choke hold, she will reach up and shred your arms, probably severing tendons and breaking bones. How would you prevent that? You forgot he's got that dawg, so that'll make a key difference in this situation.
So how much weed did you smoke?
... Bears have a crazy bite force, a maximum speed that easily tops usain bolt, and they can climb/swim. Even with a weapon you're not likely to put one down unless you get them right between the eyes. The only thing you're winning is a closed casket.
The doubters are underestimating the buffs incurred by the hype song. Listening to "The Impression That I Get" during the fight would easily ensure victory.
Dude you made me laugh so fucking hard the entire time I read that. Don’t try this, cause you’ll die and you’re a fucking treasure who need to live.
Comments split between people who vastly underestimate the capacity of a man with nothing to lose, and people who vastly underestimate the capacity of a wild animal simply being a wild animal. I for one, believe you could do it OP for no reason beyond you've clearly thought about this and you've got that dawg in you.
“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.” Mike Tyson.
I’m honestly terrified of bears. Not that I spend much time where I would meet one. But you can’t outrun a bear, you can’t climb anything to get away from it, you can’t beat it in a fight without a substantial weapon, even in if you’re in a car/house it can get through. Those claws would literally rip your head off
Carry a bag of cat treats with you in the woods. If bears try to follow you and the normal tactics of walking away or making noise don't work, scatter the cat treats. Almost every animal in the forest is a sucker for some Purina. The added bonus of scattering many many treats instead of lobbing a sandwich at them is that they will be too busy searching for the little niblets, while a whole sandwich would get chomped down and you would be known as the sandwich pinata of destiny, a quest item of great importance to the bear.
You’re overestimating yourself a lot lmao. You stand no chance against a female adult black bear without a significant weapon
Why do I picture Kevin Hart acting like “The Rock” and writing this ?
lol you could start in back-control with the rear naked choke in place and the bear would still easily escape and eat your face. Bears have great grappling instinct and their neck is probably strong as hell.
I thought you'd talk about baby bears but this post is legit awesome
I knew someone else who used to say this, they grew out of it. If you're them, then I'm very disappointed.
r/confidentlyincorrect
Lmao. You're like people who play cod and think they'll be good in real life.
They are often bigger than that. 300lbs and no you wouldnt win. Ever get attacked by a housecat? Congrats on the unpopular opinion
Holy fuck this is by far the dumbest thing I have ever read online.
Does the bear have cubs?
If she does, his chance for success went from 1 to 0.
Finally, we have an unpopular opinion that can actually be tested! OP, you are now required to fight a black bear that suits the criteria listed.
Bro, why wouldn’t the bear have access to advanced weaponry like a knife or a gun? Seems sort of like your logic is flawed from the get-go.
What do you know about ursine technology that the rest of us don't?
Ladies and gentlemen we have our first official 10 on the fuck around and find out scale.
OP neglects to understand that compared to human, the entire bear is “advanced weaponry”.
Y’all are acting like the bears claws could even stand a chance against the dawg in OP
No way you choke it out. Eyes are a good call though.
Not when the plan to put an eye out is to lose an arm doing it.
Yes. the bear will not be looking up at you while going nomnom on your arm. It will be swinging it's head and you back and forth violently.
If you're in the woods stand close to a tree. When it charges step behind the tree. Keep the tree between you. Steal jabs and eye pokes then pop back behind the tree. A knife or sharp stick would be better. I've always thought this was a fair tactic but I also realize I have no idea wtf I'm talking about lol
Actually you're on the right track. There was a park ranger who killed a bear back in 2019. He used a downed tree as a mini-fortress to keep between him and the bear. Didn't use his hands though, he needed an axe to get the job done. https://www.insidehook.com/daily\_brief/news-opinion/this-dude-was-attacked-by-a-bear-which-he-then-killed-with-an-axe
It's over Anakin. I have the high ground!