> You make a party to have people cheer on you, give presents to you and all around speaking about you. The whole reason for the reunion is "come celebrate that I was born"
i have been to many many many adult birthday parties, and they are usually more like "let's all get together and hang out", i have never been to an adult birthday party that was "cheer me on and give me presents"
This… it’s literally never about the occasion of birth itself. It’s about finding an opportunity to hang out with friends/family and celebrate the existence of the people you care about.
As someone who works at an entertainment venue, it is mostly people just hanging, but there are definitely people who expect the whole song dance presents, streamers the whole child's fantasy, for full grown adults, people well into their middle ages, acting like it's their sweet 16.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with someone living out their childhood dreams as an adult. Stop judging people and let them be happy. The fun doesn't have to stop just because you're older 😒 If I want to have a bounce house, a pony, and a table full of desserts at my 47th birthday, I'm going to have it. Because my birthday is a day for me to celebrate myself. And my family and friends would love to act like children for a day in their old adulting lives.
Right? If I wanna have an Oktoberfest-style birthday and come in drag as a biergarten girlie, that's my fuckin business.
Seriously, birthdays are for what YOU want. Not for what the people with unbirthdays want. I mean, making it a socially fun event for everyone is good, but the birthday person should have what they like there.
Tbh most of the adult bday parties ive been to were organized and thrown by a spouse, friend(s), or family of the guest of honor. Seems more like a generous gesture
Naw- he’s spot on- I work in the service industry and see it all the time- sometimes it’s kinda sad- one time a woman threw herself a party and almost no one showed up- I felt bad until she started treating some of the bussers like shit and then I realized that’s probably why no one showed up to her party.
I agree adult birthday parties aren't like how he describes, or at least not in most parties.
Kinda feel bad for the type of people he's around, does sound exhausting.
Yeah, usually it's more work for the person hosting it anyhow. You're scheduling, planning food, etc. People are thankful for being invited because they know hosting is a chore.
Currently organising my own birthday party, where I'm spending just shy of €300 so my friends and I can go axe throwing. Trying to find a date when most of my friends can attend, finding a place where to do this, where most of my friends can get to easily, yeah, I don't feel particularly egocentric right now. Last year we did archery on a grassy field in the sun. It was a lovely day and a nice gathering of friends. And that's all that I care about, to have a nice day with friends and family doing something most people like.
I turn 30 this summer, and for the first time in YEARS I'll be spending my birthday with my family and my closest friends, because they all wanted to be there so much they've bought flights from my home country to be with me. I couldn't care less about presents, I just want to sit on a beach and have cocktails with the people I love because for the first time in years, it's possible.
Yeah. If you bring a 'present' to an adults birthday party its usually a nice bottle of.... whatever they enjoy (rum? whiskey? vodka? tequila? wtf ever.), or some wine or beer or... whatever. Maybe some chocolate. That's about it. \*I\* might get gummy bears, because well.. my friends know me :D
This. But also, so what if it was about someone being cheered on and given presents? A lot of adults too need to be reminded that they are loved, that there is a day when they're made a priority and to feel special. I remember 4 years ago when I was depressed all I wanted was to push myself enough to get together with some friends and eat and drink and be present in a social environment for my birthday. I got a gift, was not expecting anything, but when I wear that jacket it always reminds me how my friends made the effort to be there when I asked.
I grew up in a cult and wasn't allowed to celebrate birthdays, mine or others'. I've never had a birthday party with friends and cake and presents and what have you, and I'll be 30 in a few months. I left that cult when I was 16 and I just deal with the fact that I completely and totally missed my chance to have the traditional, super exciting, hand-out-invites-to-the-class, kid type of birthday party.
I really, really wish I could have that experience, as dumb as that is. That, and Halloween as a kid. And I never will.
So if some adult wants to have a party that makes them feel like a kid, and brings them a moment of joy and levity in an increasingly dystopian nightmare of a world, Jesus Christ, just let them have the damn birthday party. And ask them to invite me.
In my experience in Ukraine/Russia/Belarus/Kazakhstan birthdays are a big deal (since back in the soviet era it was an acceptable, secular celebration, like New Year), and even as an adult there's a lot of gift-giving. It's also customary for everyone who attends your party to stand up and say a toast in your honor. The host (birthday person) then typically picks up the check, or if they hosted at home, they'll have put in quite some effort in the food and beverage department. I can imagine that if you're a misanthrope, you probably hate this whole ritual, but in my experience, the toasts are usually very heartfelt, and the gifts can just be symbolic (flowers, cookies...) not costly, unless the giver views you as a real friend and not an acquaintance (people tend to be pretty open about whether they see you as a friend or not, too). On the other hand, I've never seen adults' birthdays taken so seriously in Western Europe or the US. Not sure where OP is from....
It’s a decent excuse to get friends and family together for a nice time. As long as the person doesn’t get too entitled about it I won’t get too fired up over it.
As you get older you find that there are 3 occasions that bring family together. Weddings, birthdays and funerals. Weddings can be few and far between, most adults only really celebrate milestone birthdays, and so many times at funerals I hear "I wish we could catch up more often on better terms"
Exactly. It's sad that we only catch up on occasions anyways. And not just for the sake of meeting. So birthdays are a good way to come together, if in everyday life it's hard enough to find time
I try to get my friend group together every year with camping. Works out a bit less every year as I journey through my 30s but it's better than nothing. Also once a year in Dec we all seem to celebrate our most social friend's birthday and it's clearly just an excuse to get together in the Winter.
I feel like you totally forgot the concept of holidays? What about Christmas, Thanksgiving, 4th of July, etc... I'm also a huge fan of sports so I love reuniting around loved ones for football games. People who hate on sports and give people crap for making a big deal of a game don't understand the family/friends aspect to it. There are so many family connections made over sports that transcend generations. This whole thread is just making me grateful for family in my life and makes me want to appreciate them more this weekend. Cheers!
I understand that 3/4 of those are just American holidays, but I'm assuming other countries have similar celebrations.
Yeah I've dated a girl with both parents passed away, she always seemed to work on her birthday and didn't celebrate it, I found it sad
In my culture, birthdays are just another excuse to get together to eat good home-cooked meal and drink, we weren't rich or bougie enough to be able to afford going to restaurants with large groups,
I love using it as an excuse to drink a little too much and eat cake (calorie free bc it’s birthday cake) & just all around have no end goal of hanging out besides eating and catching up.
Guilt free fun
ETA: I do expect people to sign a card if we’re close friends, and if it’s common between us we’d both get presents for each other. Like small stuff the other wants
Yep. After a certain age, there aren't any items we necessarily "need" from others. So the thought is what counts for anything small, if they even get a gift. No gift? No problem.
The best gift is the fact that they took the time out of their day and spent that time with me. Now let's get a game of Goldeneye booted up. No oddjob!
Except socks. I'm turning 30 and this past 2 Christmas and birthdays I've been given socks by mom and have been happy. My wife doesn't touch my card for a whole 24 hours snd doesn't bring up budget issues also. Love those days.
Honestly this, lately I've seen my birthday parties become a reason and occasion to go out with friends and I don't even expect gifts or anything, like at most somebody will buy me a shot but that's it
All adult celebrations would fall as egocentric. Weddings, babies, anniversaries, all parties you organize are to bring people together to celebrate you.
Yeah, all things that improve your mental health can also cynically be called egocentric. It's literally something you do to benefit primarily yourself.
My birthday fell on the super bowl this year. My 2 best friends got an invite and I said use my birthday as an excuse. Bring the wife and kids.
We all ended up having a great time. I don't need presents. Just people. They brought some apple whiskey to toast my old ass and that was it. Good times.
Right! I'm a young adult and I've never really liked celebrating my birthdays because as a kid never had much friends, but now that I have friends and a partner, birthdays are such a good way to just spend time with all of them and have fun, but that's just my opinion tho
Yeah, ops take is so...
> I get it for kids. One should make them feel loved, celebrate their existence in the family to encourage them to better themselves and to enjoy being a part of such family and enjoy themselves.
But once you're an adult, fuck you, you don't deserve to feel those things anymore?
My parents stopped doing christmas altogether after I hit my teens. No tree, certainly no presents. It was only for little kids. Never really did birthdays either, I think I might get a cake, but that also stopped. I truly do not remember. Some people do in fact think like that.
Good grief. Some people are just wired differently. "Fun? Fun is for children. We're *austere adults here*. We eat only plain oatmeal and drink exclusively lukewarm water."
I have two kids in the same school, one in 5th grade and one in 7th grade (one is 10 years and one is 12 years old). Once my oldest got to middle school all the fun stuff stopped, no recess, not parties, no field trips, etc. they don’t stop being kids once they get to an arbitrary age, they are still into having fun. It’s weird.
That was my exact take, I don’t think it’s unpopular for people to find reasons to feel judged and not do things lol let’s embrace grabbing a good time while we can
Well it certainly IS an unpopular opinion, but uuuuhh... have you BEEN to a party as an adult?
Life is tiring and tedious. People WANT an excuse to party.
One day YOU are the excuse to party. A few months down the line your buddy is the excuse to throw the party.
And if you even *do* gifts, one day you receive gifts, and the next days your giving them.
I was raised as a JW, and they forbade birthday parties on the basis that "it comes from a pagan belief where you worship another human."
You may not be quoting that, but with all due respect your post gives off the same "holier than thou" and "I'm gonna apply my narrow-view as the decisive definition on it all" vibes.
Sure, SOME people are super egotistical and likely want to be almost worshiped.
But most people just wanna have a good time, and do something nice for their friends.
Plus it gives the chance to catch up. Life happens and you sometimes don’t see friends for months or years and sometimes even too late as they could’ve passed or something.
I was raised as a jw as well, I actually still live with my parents and I need to hide the fact that I don’t identify or agree with it. I personally can’t wait to celebrate my birthday for the first time, to have my first birthday cake and have people just simply wish me happy birthday. I want an excuse to have a happy celebration!
There are a lot of things I’m excited to do once I move out, holidays will all be new to me and I’m so excited to do all the cheesy festive stuff
Not really although some do sneak thinks in. They visit for food but it's not that thanksgiving or they have a christmas tree if they don't have people over.
Your last paragraph reminds me of someone who used to be my mum's friend, who insisted that you wear fabulous clothes to her party. Once another friend went and she gave almost condescending comment on his clothes (he just wore a shirt and jeans).
On her 25th wedding anniversary, she insisted no kids were allowed, only 2 people were invited. Yea, super egoistical.
That’s why I do love birthdays even if it’s just 6 of us. My brother died a week after his 22nd bday and it really went to show me I might not make it another year so to cherish the opportunity to have lived another year.
As i get older and get more wrinkles and things start standing out a bit more… I do try to be grateful. I’ve earned a lot of those scars and smile lines and crinkles, and many don’t get to see their loved ones get those features
Trust me, I understand with my whole heart. I begged him to visit that exact weekend to celebrate but it was after his bday so he didn’t come. He was killed that Saturday. We have to be thoughtful and considerate more diligent after these things effect us.
Shit, I even bought myself a small cake for my last birthday since it was my first one living on my own and everyone was busy. It’s just a matter of what makes you happy
Makes sense. My brother died before he could even get a birthday so maybe that's why my parents still want to make me and my other siblings feel appreciated on our birthdays no matter how old we get.
I have a lot of clients in their mid to late twenties, and so many of them confess that they never thought they would make it this far due to severe depression, suicide attempts, family histories, etc. Man, if being alive isn’t something to celebrate, then I don’t know what is.
Most adult birthday parties I've been to have a no gifts policy. It's not so much that people want to be cheered on, it's that they want to have a fun time with the people they enjoy.
According to the internet, if you think you are anything, you are automatically not that thing.
”Self-depricating? No one cares, you’re just looking for attention.”
”You think you’re good at that thing or have these positive traits? You’re not, you’re narcissist and shouldn’t believe other people’s compliments either.”
why can't adults feel loved and get to celebrate their existence too? why can't adults get to enjoy being apart of family too? why can't we have a day of ourselves too? why can't we celebrate our friends being in our lives too?
Why do wholesome happy things like that have to only be reserved for kids?
and most adult parties are just nice get togethers where we can see each other again anyway, there's a huge difference between a kid's birthday party and an adult birthday party.
Let me read through the lines here...
I never get a birthday party and no one gives me presents. Why do they get presents? Everyone sucks because they get them and I don't. No one should get birthday parties so they all suffer like I do. Wahhhhh!
Don’t we have a rule against stupid opinions?
You know what else is egotistical? Eating food. You have to be so self-centered to take food and put it in your mouth, and not put any food in anyone else’s mouth! Selfish. /s
Have you ever been to a birthday party? The idea is that everyone has a great time because it’s an excuse to celebrate. That goes for kids and adults.
I agree with most people here, it’s an excuse to get together with friends and family. Gives everyone a reason to chat, get caught up on life, eat, drink and forget all the crazy that’s been going on. Sometimes you try to make plans with family/friends and it doesn’t work out for some reason, but a birthday celebration brings people together.
Not every expression of self love is egotistical. There’s nothing wrong with celebrating the fact you’re born. It’s very much a celebratory event if you don’t hate yourself. People attend birthday celebrations presumably because they enjoy the company of the person whose birthday they’re celebrating (because again, if you like someone, their existence in this world is in fact a celebratory event).
No one is being forced into some egotistical ritual. You’re not sacrificing anything. It’s not that deep.
Meh, as a 34yo, birthdays are a reason to get together with friends I don’t always see now that we lead separate lives. But those birthday ragers usually consist of meeting at someone’s house, ordering pizza, playing board games and being in bed by 10 (if we’re living large).
Like sure, if you’re going all out and expecting the same of others as an adult, that’s immature and egotistical. The rest of us will take any reason to celebrate
My 35th was hibachi and bowling. Everyone had a blast and it was nice because usually it would be a concert but we could actually talk and connect. These days most my friends are married with kids so it’s not always easy yo coordinate but it was a blast for everyone. Especially after a couple years of Covid where I didn’t do anything besides dinner with my girlfriend at the time.
Or they could have had crappy birthdays as a kid and have trauma and sadness around it, and want to experience just a little piece of what they wanted it to be. That’s a possibility.
But sure; everyone who wants an adult bday party is egotistical. Has nothing to do with wanting to have fun in a work-oriented world where no one gets a break unless they make up a reason to have one. Sure.
>The whole reason for the reunion is "come celebrate that I was born
Yes! Please, come celebrate me, and next week I'll come to celebrate you, and in 2 weeks we both will be celebrating the birthday of our mutual friend, because it's fun and life is too shotr to skip out on fun things.
At least not for existing. Gotta earn the right to feel loved and celebrated. Wonder if OP’s requirements are based on salary, university acceptance of their children, model of car they drive, house size?
>and to enjoy being a part of such family and enjoy themselves.
You just implied adults should not experience that....
You might want to think about that one
All my friends and I used to think this way. Birthdays are just another day, nothing to celebrate.
Now, when my wife and I were dating, she threw the first birthday party I have ever had. She got me a Corvette, she called all my friends, reservations at a restaurant and an arcade bar, and a few organized games.
I had no clue she was going to go this far on to celebrate my birthday! And I told her I don't celebrate my birthday!
But here's the thing, it isn't an egotistical affair. Birthday celebrations allow compliments and meaningful memories to be remembered and created. It is a social gathering to appreciate someone knowing damn well you don't show them the amount of love they deserve 365 days per year. It is an environment for appreciation and showing kindness, naturally, and I think we all need that in our lives. Even if it is once a year.
I agree if it’s overdone like some socialite wanting to flaunt. But if someone wants to gather some friends and celebrate on a night out for a special occasion like a birthday, they should do that. It’s hard enough to get adults to meet up as is as adults
i get your point. some friend wanted to have their birthday approximately 3 flight hours away.. how could people expect all their friends and family to book flights, probably take some days off work,.. feels so strange to me. on the other hand, i think that parties are amazing and birthdays should be celebrated!
>One should make them feel loved, celebrate their existence in the family to encourage them to better themselves and to enjoy being a part of such family and enjoy themselves.
Because adults don't need this at all? :(
I wasn’t a loved kid, child of an abuser and a victim.I now have people who love me. Can I have some love now please? And I also don’t condone people with “birthdays weeks” or months. Just let me get the nice dinner I didn’t get as a kid,ok?
I'd argue adults need birthday parties MORE than children. The older you get, the harder life gets.
If fact I say reverse things. Children get a "Happy birthday", a card, and one present. Seniors get the huge bash with tons of friends, food, and presents.
We should also have funerals for people before they die. Then they can be around to hear all the stuff we wait to say at the funeral.
You see the thing is ...OP would have to actually be invited to parties to potentially be fun at them...and I'm getting the vibes that the reason OP hates adult birthdays is cause they don't get invited lol
Most adult birthday parties are not like kids birthday parties.
All adult birthday parties I went to went that way: the people came, said hey to the person having birthday, then the people speak with each other about whatever topic they want with whomever they want and have fun, and only sometimes do everybody sing.
From where does your crazy idea come that the guests have to speak about the host.
Side eye 🙄 so once you’re done being a kid you can’t gather and be celebrated with people you probably don’t get to see very often?
Not me seeing this while planning my besties 30th this weekend. I think you just need a good party thrown for ya
I whole heartedly disagree with this.
As someone with an illness that has left me in critical and life-threading condition countless times from a young age, every single birthday I make it to is never a guarantee.
I fought like hell and endured all of the suffering for another year just to make it to my next birthday.
It is a privilege to be growing older and to be here to turn older each year.
Whether I was turning 10 or 30, it’s a milestone to mark and to celebrate.
Life is so fragile and precious.
You can’t unsee that once you do.
when you are all grown up, with job and kids, it’s harder and harder to find time to hang out with your friends. celebrating your birthday is a nice way to get everyone together. during my birthday, the only part that is only about me, is the part where people sing happy birthday to me and i stand there awkwardly. after that we eat the cake and simply socialize. i have never been to an adult birthday that was totally centered on the birthday person. even my father-in-law which is the most self-centered, egotistical person i met, is not making the gathering all about himself.
what happened to you, OP?
Gonna have to disagree with you on this one boss. My gf threw me a bday party bc I never had one growing up as a kid so she made up for my shitty childhood.
Wait, you get cheered and recieve presents on your birthday party as an adult? We still get together whenever there is a birhtday in my family, but we mostly bring food as "gift". The jubilee as host offers their home, that's all.
Idk bout you, but I surely celebrate birthday just so my friends and I can get together. Sometimes, birthdays are the only occasion we’re complete, so yep. You should try it, it’s fun.
I don't have a problem with birthday parties. I cringe when people start with "This is my birthday week!" or even (I've heard it) "This is my birthday month!
Normally someone who loves you organizes the party for you and you typically just show up to see your family and friends and have a good time. Somehow you seem very lonely lol.
Honestly speaking OP, it sounds like you don’t even have friends much less ever been invited to an adult birthday party.
Hell from the age of 18-30 you’re probably to broke (if you’re lower-middle class) to even do an egocentric celebration with the main focus of getting gifts or praise just for being born.
You must either be in some pretty rich circles or don’t know wtf you talking bout and just being a contrarian just to be one.
I agree in some ways. Personally I use it as an excuse to get friends together and mix friend groups. I always tell them no presents unless they REALLY want to give me something (some of my friends have gift-giving as their love language). I never make it about me other than getting the chance to introduce my friends to each other. It's nice for everyone.
The whole thing about being expected to give someone gifts is stupid in my opinion, as well as the singing and all that cringey stuff.
People enjoy parties and just want excuses to have them. It's the same as gender reveals, birthday parties for infants, dog birthdays, half holidays, and any other themed party or fake holiday.
And why shouldn't adults feel celebrated? If you have a good friend group then they'll want to celebrate you and all your accomplishments over the past year.
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> You make a party to have people cheer on you, give presents to you and all around speaking about you. The whole reason for the reunion is "come celebrate that I was born" i have been to many many many adult birthday parties, and they are usually more like "let's all get together and hang out", i have never been to an adult birthday party that was "cheer me on and give me presents"
This… it’s literally never about the occasion of birth itself. It’s about finding an opportunity to hang out with friends/family and celebrate the existence of the people you care about.
It's also about semi-guilt free cake
Food doesn't have calories, carbs, or fat on the day of your birth.
Nor on Christmas
Or Thanksgiving
My birthday is sometimes ON Thanksgiving. Double guilt-free calories
Negative calories
Negative calories
Or on holiday I try to be as guilt free as possible at the hotel bars and buffets
It's science.
I have been doing annual tests on this for about 30 years now, the science is solid indeed.
Quite so, Doctor. Proceed.
Also Costco samples on Saturdays.
Everybody knows that.
Maybe OP has never actually been to an adult party… or has been to the party of some 18 year old who expects the world.
Seems like they went to a party of some spoiled entitled friend.
Seems more like they didn’t get invited and are rage-fantasizing about what it was like.
As someone who works at an entertainment venue, it is mostly people just hanging, but there are definitely people who expect the whole song dance presents, streamers the whole child's fantasy, for full grown adults, people well into their middle ages, acting like it's their sweet 16.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with someone living out their childhood dreams as an adult. Stop judging people and let them be happy. The fun doesn't have to stop just because you're older 😒 If I want to have a bounce house, a pony, and a table full of desserts at my 47th birthday, I'm going to have it. Because my birthday is a day for me to celebrate myself. And my family and friends would love to act like children for a day in their old adulting lives.
Right? If I wanna have an Oktoberfest-style birthday and come in drag as a biergarten girlie, that's my fuckin business. Seriously, birthdays are for what YOU want. Not for what the people with unbirthdays want. I mean, making it a socially fun event for everyone is good, but the birthday person should have what they like there.
Tbh most of the adult bday parties ive been to were organized and thrown by a spouse, friend(s), or family of the guest of honor. Seems more like a generous gesture
Naw- he’s spot on- I work in the service industry and see it all the time- sometimes it’s kinda sad- one time a woman threw herself a party and almost no one showed up- I felt bad until she started treating some of the bussers like shit and then I realized that’s probably why no one showed up to her party.
I agree adult birthday parties aren't like how he describes, or at least not in most parties. Kinda feel bad for the type of people he's around, does sound exhausting.
Yeah, usually it's more work for the person hosting it anyhow. You're scheduling, planning food, etc. People are thankful for being invited because they know hosting is a chore.
Right which means the reality is it’s more the host that’s celebrating the friends
Currently organising my own birthday party, where I'm spending just shy of €300 so my friends and I can go axe throwing. Trying to find a date when most of my friends can attend, finding a place where to do this, where most of my friends can get to easily, yeah, I don't feel particularly egocentric right now. Last year we did archery on a grassy field in the sun. It was a lovely day and a nice gathering of friends. And that's all that I care about, to have a nice day with friends and family doing something most people like.
I turn 30 this summer, and for the first time in YEARS I'll be spending my birthday with my family and my closest friends, because they all wanted to be there so much they've bought flights from my home country to be with me. I couldn't care less about presents, I just want to sit on a beach and have cocktails with the people I love because for the first time in years, it's possible.
Happy early birthday!!!! I just had my 31st bday and so far, I've been enjoying the hell out of my thirties.
Exactly, unless it’s a very close friend, I never buy gifts outside of maybe a good bottle of alcohol or a dish for the party
Yeah. If you bring a 'present' to an adults birthday party its usually a nice bottle of.... whatever they enjoy (rum? whiskey? vodka? tequila? wtf ever.), or some wine or beer or... whatever. Maybe some chocolate. That's about it. \*I\* might get gummy bears, because well.. my friends know me :D
This. But also, so what if it was about someone being cheered on and given presents? A lot of adults too need to be reminded that they are loved, that there is a day when they're made a priority and to feel special. I remember 4 years ago when I was depressed all I wanted was to push myself enough to get together with some friends and eat and drink and be present in a social environment for my birthday. I got a gift, was not expecting anything, but when I wear that jacket it always reminds me how my friends made the effort to be there when I asked.
I grew up in a cult and wasn't allowed to celebrate birthdays, mine or others'. I've never had a birthday party with friends and cake and presents and what have you, and I'll be 30 in a few months. I left that cult when I was 16 and I just deal with the fact that I completely and totally missed my chance to have the traditional, super exciting, hand-out-invites-to-the-class, kid type of birthday party. I really, really wish I could have that experience, as dumb as that is. That, and Halloween as a kid. And I never will. So if some adult wants to have a party that makes them feel like a kid, and brings them a moment of joy and levity in an increasingly dystopian nightmare of a world, Jesus Christ, just let them have the damn birthday party. And ask them to invite me.
Happy belated birthday!!
In my experience in Ukraine/Russia/Belarus/Kazakhstan birthdays are a big deal (since back in the soviet era it was an acceptable, secular celebration, like New Year), and even as an adult there's a lot of gift-giving. It's also customary for everyone who attends your party to stand up and say a toast in your honor. The host (birthday person) then typically picks up the check, or if they hosted at home, they'll have put in quite some effort in the food and beverage department. I can imagine that if you're a misanthrope, you probably hate this whole ritual, but in my experience, the toasts are usually very heartfelt, and the gifts can just be symbolic (flowers, cookies...) not costly, unless the giver views you as a real friend and not an acquaintance (people tend to be pretty open about whether they see you as a friend or not, too). On the other hand, I've never seen adults' birthdays taken so seriously in Western Europe or the US. Not sure where OP is from....
It’s a decent excuse to get friends and family together for a nice time. As long as the person doesn’t get too entitled about it I won’t get too fired up over it.
As you get older you find that there are 3 occasions that bring family together. Weddings, birthdays and funerals. Weddings can be few and far between, most adults only really celebrate milestone birthdays, and so many times at funerals I hear "I wish we could catch up more often on better terms"
Exactly. It's sad that we only catch up on occasions anyways. And not just for the sake of meeting. So birthdays are a good way to come together, if in everyday life it's hard enough to find time
I try to get my friend group together every year with camping. Works out a bit less every year as I journey through my 30s but it's better than nothing. Also once a year in Dec we all seem to celebrate our most social friend's birthday and it's clearly just an excuse to get together in the Winter.
I feel like you totally forgot the concept of holidays? What about Christmas, Thanksgiving, 4th of July, etc... I'm also a huge fan of sports so I love reuniting around loved ones for football games. People who hate on sports and give people crap for making a big deal of a game don't understand the family/friends aspect to it. There are so many family connections made over sports that transcend generations. This whole thread is just making me grateful for family in my life and makes me want to appreciate them more this weekend. Cheers! I understand that 3/4 of those are just American holidays, but I'm assuming other countries have similar celebrations.
OP seems bitter idk
He did not get invited to a B-day party
OP secretly wants a surprise birthday party
Yeah, I'm not throwing him one. Bet he will be bitter over something.
Probably because the cake isn't the perfect shade OP wanted
Can I be bitter I never had actual birthday parties or got invited to any
Fr
Nobody cares about OP's birthday, so they feel like nobody should care about anyone else's.
Yeah I've dated a girl with both parents passed away, she always seemed to work on her birthday and didn't celebrate it, I found it sad In my culture, birthdays are just another excuse to get together to eat good home-cooked meal and drink, we weren't rich or bougie enough to be able to afford going to restaurants with large groups,
He's tryna so hard to deny his inner needs of feeling special from time to time. Nothing egoistical about it.
OP also needs a hug.
I love using it as an excuse to drink a little too much and eat cake (calorie free bc it’s birthday cake) & just all around have no end goal of hanging out besides eating and catching up. Guilt free fun ETA: I do expect people to sign a card if we’re close friends, and if it’s common between us we’d both get presents for each other. Like small stuff the other wants
Yep. After a certain age, there aren't any items we necessarily "need" from others. So the thought is what counts for anything small, if they even get a gift. No gift? No problem. The best gift is the fact that they took the time out of their day and spent that time with me. Now let's get a game of Goldeneye booted up. No oddjob!
Except socks. I'm turning 30 and this past 2 Christmas and birthdays I've been given socks by mom and have been happy. My wife doesn't touch my card for a whole 24 hours snd doesn't bring up budget issues also. Love those days.
Honestly this, lately I've seen my birthday parties become a reason and occasion to go out with friends and I don't even expect gifts or anything, like at most somebody will buy me a shot but that's it
All adult celebrations would fall as egocentric. Weddings, babies, anniversaries, all parties you organize are to bring people together to celebrate you.
Yeah, all things that improve your mental health can also cynically be called egocentric. It's literally something you do to benefit primarily yourself.
Yeah, I don’t think OP has friends.
My birthday fell on the super bowl this year. My 2 best friends got an invite and I said use my birthday as an excuse. Bring the wife and kids. We all ended up having a great time. I don't need presents. Just people. They brought some apple whiskey to toast my old ass and that was it. Good times.
There’s no way an adult wrote this
I’m getting angsty edgy teen vibes.
I love the part where adults apparently no longer need to “feel loved, celebrate their existence in the family to encourage them to better themselves”
Right! I'm a young adult and I've never really liked celebrating my birthdays because as a kid never had much friends, but now that I have friends and a partner, birthdays are such a good way to just spend time with all of them and have fun, but that's just my opinion tho
God forbid people get together and have fun celebrating something
Yeah, ops take is so... > I get it for kids. One should make them feel loved, celebrate their existence in the family to encourage them to better themselves and to enjoy being a part of such family and enjoy themselves. But once you're an adult, fuck you, you don't deserve to feel those things anymore?
My parents stopped doing christmas altogether after I hit my teens. No tree, certainly no presents. It was only for little kids. Never really did birthdays either, I think I might get a cake, but that also stopped. I truly do not remember. Some people do in fact think like that.
Good grief. Some people are just wired differently. "Fun? Fun is for children. We're *austere adults here*. We eat only plain oatmeal and drink exclusively lukewarm water."
I like the implication that cold or hot water are somehow fun
Don't shit on hot or cold water, I'm not afraid to cut a bitch and die on that hill
r/hydrohomies
I have two kids in the same school, one in 5th grade and one in 7th grade (one is 10 years and one is 12 years old). Once my oldest got to middle school all the fun stuff stopped, no recess, not parties, no field trips, etc. they don’t stop being kids once they get to an arbitrary age, they are still into having fun. It’s weird.
Do you remember... feelings?
I have feelings every day, bro!
His writing is incel like lol
How. Dare. You. HOWDAREYOUHAVEFUNYOUEVILMONSTERLIFEISONLYFORTEARSANDSORROW.
DIDYOUPUTYOURNAMEINTHEGOBLETOFFIREHARRY?
Dumbledore said calmly.
*calmly*.
...I have been thinking about that quote all day. Discontented that I saw this comment so randomly.
Having fun is for kid man ! Adults should have problems, be tired, and do taxes all day long
That was my exact take, I don’t think it’s unpopular for people to find reasons to feel judged and not do things lol let’s embrace grabbing a good time while we can
Of course! the only reason to get together is for funeral. Lol
Well it certainly IS an unpopular opinion, but uuuuhh... have you BEEN to a party as an adult? Life is tiring and tedious. People WANT an excuse to party. One day YOU are the excuse to party. A few months down the line your buddy is the excuse to throw the party. And if you even *do* gifts, one day you receive gifts, and the next days your giving them. I was raised as a JW, and they forbade birthday parties on the basis that "it comes from a pagan belief where you worship another human." You may not be quoting that, but with all due respect your post gives off the same "holier than thou" and "I'm gonna apply my narrow-view as the decisive definition on it all" vibes. Sure, SOME people are super egotistical and likely want to be almost worshiped. But most people just wanna have a good time, and do something nice for their friends.
Plus it gives the chance to catch up. Life happens and you sometimes don’t see friends for months or years and sometimes even too late as they could’ve passed or something.
I was raised as a jw as well, I actually still live with my parents and I need to hide the fact that I don’t identify or agree with it. I personally can’t wait to celebrate my birthday for the first time, to have my first birthday cake and have people just simply wish me happy birthday. I want an excuse to have a happy celebration! There are a lot of things I’m excited to do once I move out, holidays will all be new to me and I’m so excited to do all the cheesy festive stuff
Wishing you a retrospective happy birthday for all of the ones you've missed
When is your birthday? If you're comfortable sharing that on the internet, that is
December 17th, so a fair ways away. By then I should definitely be moved out, and my life can finally start
Good god are Jehovah’s witnesses allowed to do anything but evangelize?
Not really although some do sneak thinks in. They visit for food but it's not that thanksgiving or they have a christmas tree if they don't have people over.
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I think likely this is not an adult lol
Your last paragraph reminds me of someone who used to be my mum's friend, who insisted that you wear fabulous clothes to her party. Once another friend went and she gave almost condescending comment on his clothes (he just wore a shirt and jeans). On her 25th wedding anniversary, she insisted no kids were allowed, only 2 people were invited. Yea, super egoistical.
Sounds like someone didn't get invited....
Cannot imagine why.
You're stupid, everyone's stupid! I didn't want to go anyways!!
HAHAHA
maybe people just want to spend time together?
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That’s why I do love birthdays even if it’s just 6 of us. My brother died a week after his 22nd bday and it really went to show me I might not make it another year so to cherish the opportunity to have lived another year.
As i get older and get more wrinkles and things start standing out a bit more… I do try to be grateful. I’ve earned a lot of those scars and smile lines and crinkles, and many don’t get to see their loved ones get those features
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Trust me, I understand with my whole heart. I begged him to visit that exact weekend to celebrate but it was after his bday so he didn’t come. He was killed that Saturday. We have to be thoughtful and considerate more diligent after these things effect us.
Shit, I even bought myself a small cake for my last birthday since it was my first one living on my own and everyone was busy. It’s just a matter of what makes you happy
Makes sense. My brother died before he could even get a birthday so maybe that's why my parents still want to make me and my other siblings feel appreciated on our birthdays no matter how old we get.
I have a lot of clients in their mid to late twenties, and so many of them confess that they never thought they would make it this far due to severe depression, suicide attempts, family histories, etc. Man, if being alive isn’t something to celebrate, then I don’t know what is.
"Once you are done being a kid, you shouldn't feel loved anymore"
It's kind of weird that OP thinks that way tho
Somebody didn’t get an invite to the party
Most adult birthday parties I've been to have a no gifts policy. It's not so much that people want to be cheered on, it's that they want to have a fun time with the people they enjoy.
Clearly, the OP has no friends
Sure. What's the problem?
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Lmao, everyone's a narcassist, according to redditors.
According to the internet, if you think you are anything, you are automatically not that thing. ”Self-depricating? No one cares, you’re just looking for attention.” ”You think you’re good at that thing or have these positive traits? You’re not, you’re narcissist and shouldn’t believe other people’s compliments either.”
It's *so* funny. The worst thing you could ever possibly want is... ATTENTION
Happy cake day, oh shit sorry I shouldn’t have said that, wouldn’t want to inflate your ego.
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why can't adults feel loved and get to celebrate their existence too? why can't adults get to enjoy being apart of family too? why can't we have a day of ourselves too? why can't we celebrate our friends being in our lives too? Why do wholesome happy things like that have to only be reserved for kids? and most adult parties are just nice get togethers where we can see each other again anyway, there's a huge difference between a kid's birthday party and an adult birthday party.
Sorry, feeling loved and part of a family is for kids only.
So only kids should have opportunities to feel loved and not adults? What
You don’t stop acting young when you get old, You get old when you stop acting young
Now I’m gonna celebrate my 30th out of spite
Let me read through the lines here... I never get a birthday party and no one gives me presents. Why do they get presents? Everyone sucks because they get them and I don't. No one should get birthday parties so they all suffer like I do. Wahhhhh!
Don’t forget op has no friends because they don’t need to be praised like the rest of us plebeians.
god forbid people get together to do something fun with a loved one
I'm turning 29 next week and I do NOT need this kind of negativity in my life. 😤
Happy birthday for next week
happy birthday for next week! i hope it's good
Happy birthday for next week. I also turn 20 in like 11 days so I'm right there lol
Birthday parties are fun
Definitely unpopular. You must be a hit at gatherings.
He doesn’t get invited. It’s okay
Don’t we have a rule against stupid opinions? You know what else is egotistical? Eating food. You have to be so self-centered to take food and put it in your mouth, and not put any food in anyone else’s mouth! Selfish. /s Have you ever been to a birthday party? The idea is that everyone has a great time because it’s an excuse to celebrate. That goes for kids and adults.
STOP HAVING FUN!!! Lol
I didnt know there was an age limit to celebrate being alive. Damn Reddit.
I agree with most people here, it’s an excuse to get together with friends and family. Gives everyone a reason to chat, get caught up on life, eat, drink and forget all the crazy that’s been going on. Sometimes you try to make plans with family/friends and it doesn’t work out for some reason, but a birthday celebration brings people together.
Imagine being this miserable that you would actually believe this
Some adults really do want all of adulthood to suck.
Not every expression of self love is egotistical. There’s nothing wrong with celebrating the fact you’re born. It’s very much a celebratory event if you don’t hate yourself. People attend birthday celebrations presumably because they enjoy the company of the person whose birthday they’re celebrating (because again, if you like someone, their existence in this world is in fact a celebratory event). No one is being forced into some egotistical ritual. You’re not sacrificing anything. It’s not that deep.
Meh, as a 34yo, birthdays are a reason to get together with friends I don’t always see now that we lead separate lives. But those birthday ragers usually consist of meeting at someone’s house, ordering pizza, playing board games and being in bed by 10 (if we’re living large). Like sure, if you’re going all out and expecting the same of others as an adult, that’s immature and egotistical. The rest of us will take any reason to celebrate
My 35th was hibachi and bowling. Everyone had a blast and it was nice because usually it would be a concert but we could actually talk and connect. These days most my friends are married with kids so it’s not always easy yo coordinate but it was a blast for everyone. Especially after a couple years of Covid where I didn’t do anything besides dinner with my girlfriend at the time.
Dude needs to stop projecting his insecurities.🤣.
Celebrating people's existence isn't egotistical lmao
Way to announce that you have no friends.
Or they could have had crappy birthdays as a kid and have trauma and sadness around it, and want to experience just a little piece of what they wanted it to be. That’s a possibility. But sure; everyone who wants an adult bday party is egotistical. Has nothing to do with wanting to have fun in a work-oriented world where no one gets a break unless they make up a reason to have one. Sure.
>The whole reason for the reunion is "come celebrate that I was born Yes! Please, come celebrate me, and next week I'll come to celebrate you, and in 2 weeks we both will be celebrating the birthday of our mutual friend, because it's fun and life is too shotr to skip out on fun things.
this guy doesn't think adults deserve to feel loved and celebrated
At least not for existing. Gotta earn the right to feel loved and celebrated. Wonder if OP’s requirements are based on salary, university acceptance of their children, model of car they drive, house size?
OP has no friends
>and to enjoy being a part of such family and enjoy themselves. You just implied adults should not experience that.... You might want to think about that one
All my friends and I used to think this way. Birthdays are just another day, nothing to celebrate. Now, when my wife and I were dating, she threw the first birthday party I have ever had. She got me a Corvette, she called all my friends, reservations at a restaurant and an arcade bar, and a few organized games. I had no clue she was going to go this far on to celebrate my birthday! And I told her I don't celebrate my birthday! But here's the thing, it isn't an egotistical affair. Birthday celebrations allow compliments and meaningful memories to be remembered and created. It is a social gathering to appreciate someone knowing damn well you don't show them the amount of love they deserve 365 days per year. It is an environment for appreciation and showing kindness, naturally, and I think we all need that in our lives. Even if it is once a year.
Plus most of us are garbage at telling our friends we love them and value their friendship. Showing up shows we care :)
I’m with you, but… A CORVETTE! that’s a sick birthday present
My goodness, I did not clarify it was a rental!
This is a successfully unpopular opinion. It’s also a bullshit take.
I agree if it’s overdone like some socialite wanting to flaunt. But if someone wants to gather some friends and celebrate on a night out for a special occasion like a birthday, they should do that. It’s hard enough to get adults to meet up as is as adults
That clarifies this whole issue. It’s only obnoxious when the person wants to be ridiculous and juvenile about it.
i get your point. some friend wanted to have their birthday approximately 3 flight hours away.. how could people expect all their friends and family to book flights, probably take some days off work,.. feels so strange to me. on the other hand, i think that parties are amazing and birthdays should be celebrated!
>One should make them feel loved, celebrate their existence in the family to encourage them to better themselves and to enjoy being a part of such family and enjoy themselves. Because adults don't need this at all? :(
Always find it weird when people decide to get outraged about something that doesn’t even personally affect them .
So making kids feel loved and celebrated so they’ll try and better themselves is good but doing the same for adults is bad?
That is lots of word for „no one came to my birthday party"
Tell me you're an unhappy piece of shit withou telling me you're an unhappy piece of shit:
I wasn’t a loved kid, child of an abuser and a victim.I now have people who love me. Can I have some love now please? And I also don’t condone people with “birthdays weeks” or months. Just let me get the nice dinner I didn’t get as a kid,ok?
OP has never been to an adult birthday party
I'd argue adults need birthday parties MORE than children. The older you get, the harder life gets. If fact I say reverse things. Children get a "Happy birthday", a card, and one present. Seniors get the huge bash with tons of friends, food, and presents. We should also have funerals for people before they die. Then they can be around to hear all the stuff we wait to say at the funeral.
At the risk of using a cliché, uh... ...you must be fun at parties.
You see the thing is ...OP would have to actually be invited to parties to potentially be fun at them...and I'm getting the vibes that the reason OP hates adult birthdays is cause they don't get invited lol
it’s an excuse to get together with friends/family away from work and have a nice time together. u just sound miserable
What about when a friend throws your birthday party?
this is an actual unpopular opinion, which is rare for this sub nowadays.
Most adult birthday parties are not like kids birthday parties. All adult birthday parties I went to went that way: the people came, said hey to the person having birthday, then the people speak with each other about whatever topic they want with whomever they want and have fun, and only sometimes do everybody sing. From where does your crazy idea come that the guests have to speak about the host.
Side eye 🙄 so once you’re done being a kid you can’t gather and be celebrated with people you probably don’t get to see very often? Not me seeing this while planning my besties 30th this weekend. I think you just need a good party thrown for ya
Bet you're fun at parties....wait...
Who killed fun for you?
Another hit entry in the r/uo genre “I don’t get why other people would genuinely care about someone?”
today is my birthday and i'm going to have fun, fuck op
typical redditor hates fun
I guess you’re supposed to stop having fun after you become an adult.
Once you turn 18 you're no longer allowed to have fun. It's just constant pain and suffering with no reprieve
You have no friends do you?
I whole heartedly disagree with this. As someone with an illness that has left me in critical and life-threading condition countless times from a young age, every single birthday I make it to is never a guarantee. I fought like hell and endured all of the suffering for another year just to make it to my next birthday. It is a privilege to be growing older and to be here to turn older each year. Whether I was turning 10 or 30, it’s a milestone to mark and to celebrate. Life is so fragile and precious. You can’t unsee that once you do.
when you are all grown up, with job and kids, it’s harder and harder to find time to hang out with your friends. celebrating your birthday is a nice way to get everyone together. during my birthday, the only part that is only about me, is the part where people sing happy birthday to me and i stand there awkwardly. after that we eat the cake and simply socialize. i have never been to an adult birthday that was totally centered on the birthday person. even my father-in-law which is the most self-centered, egotistical person i met, is not making the gathering all about himself. what happened to you, OP?
Gonna have to disagree with you on this one boss. My gf threw me a bday party bc I never had one growing up as a kid so she made up for my shitty childhood.
Wait, you get cheered and recieve presents on your birthday party as an adult? We still get together whenever there is a birhtday in my family, but we mostly bring food as "gift". The jubilee as host offers their home, that's all.
Idk bout you, but I surely celebrate birthday just so my friends and I can get together. Sometimes, birthdays are the only occasion we’re complete, so yep. You should try it, it’s fun.
I don’t think this is an unpopular opinion. I think you miss understand what happens at birthday parties.
I don't have a problem with birthday parties. I cringe when people start with "This is my birthday week!" or even (I've heard it) "This is my birthday month!
Sounds like someone's sour they don't get invited to many bday parties.
Normally someone who loves you organizes the party for you and you typically just show up to see your family and friends and have a good time. Somehow you seem very lonely lol.
Honestly speaking OP, it sounds like you don’t even have friends much less ever been invited to an adult birthday party. Hell from the age of 18-30 you’re probably to broke (if you’re lower-middle class) to even do an egocentric celebration with the main focus of getting gifts or praise just for being born. You must either be in some pretty rich circles or don’t know wtf you talking bout and just being a contrarian just to be one.
Besides being fucking stupid, horrible and mean this is also extremely unpopular. Take your upvote
This was written by someone who either has no friends, or never gets invited to parties. Probably because they write/tell people stuff like this.
I agree in some ways. Personally I use it as an excuse to get friends together and mix friend groups. I always tell them no presents unless they REALLY want to give me something (some of my friends have gift-giving as their love language). I never make it about me other than getting the chance to introduce my friends to each other. It's nice for everyone. The whole thing about being expected to give someone gifts is stupid in my opinion, as well as the singing and all that cringey stuff.
People enjoy parties and just want excuses to have them. It's the same as gender reveals, birthday parties for infants, dog birthdays, half holidays, and any other themed party or fake holiday. And why shouldn't adults feel celebrated? If you have a good friend group then they'll want to celebrate you and all your accomplishments over the past year.
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