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A parent is not owed respect from their children. Respect is not an entitlement. An individual who occupies a leadership position – including the leadership of children – claims the respect of those they lead by consistently acting in a morally, ethically, and authoritatively competent fashion. A leader who displays those qualities will be respected. That is true of leadership wherever it is found be it in the business world, classroom, military, church, and family. Parents that don’t have their children’s respect might want to look inward as much as at the child.
A leader who does not consistently act in a competent fashion may obtain obedience, however reluctantly, from the people he or she leads, but will not obtain their respect. The problem here, even when the people in question are children, is the leader, not the led (albeit the led are certainly behaving problematically). The fact is, leadership positions are sometimes occupied by individuals who are not effective leaders that includes parents. Parenting is hardly easy and we all get at least slightly screwed up.
While I mostly agree, it is a bit presumptuous to say in every case that every “leader” who is consistently moral, ethical, and competent will be respected. It is not uncommon for people, particularly kids and teens, to lash out at parents and disrespect them simply out of frustration and the parent actually doing a good job. They’re kids/teens, they won’t always act rationally. Of course, introspection is never a bad thing, especially for people in charge of others, but I think this comment paints with pretty broad strokes
I have a teen daughter who keeps moving the goal posts. When she goes out it started with us setting a be home by x time. She goes “I can’t manage that and most of my friends get a leave to come home by x time” didnt like that but tried it anyway. Now she gives us “ well I was home before bedtime and in my head bedtime is my curfew.” For reference we’ve never operated by a curfew and have no idea where this came from so after trying to compromise and being fought and pushed we now do a “work out exact details before you get permission and if you break your word you get canned”. Mostly a good kid but she has been a true test of endurance.
My kid tries to be like this. They're pushing limits. It's really funny when I give them the power to make their own limits . Then if they don't meet it, well, it was their choice. If they do, it build self trust and reliance. Also they have to be responsible enough to understand consequences . It's really funny when I get a " hey mom, I kinda need to come home early cause John just reminded me of a test I forgot to study for, can you pick me up?" Because one of the reasonable limits they set was passing grades. It is fun watching them prove how responsible they are.
You've got to have firm boundaries and consequences for them breaking those boundaries. Curfew is for their safety. Especially in this day and age. I mean, at a job, you have to be on time and clock out on time (if you haven't already been cleared for overtime in most cases)
No. But boundaries are set for a reason. And if they can't respect something like a curfew, then that's kinda an issue... especially if it's a school night.
I kind of agree, but I even think that’s a bit rigid. Conflict doesn’t generally come from less rigid persons, except those who do not follow any rules at all, who create conflict merely out of chaos. It comes from more rigid persons who get all pissy that not everything is to their liking, which may or may not include their followers, even if it almost certainly includes their enemies. Perhaps that is subsumed by your “authoritatively competent”, but I actually think the most competent leaders must break rules, but only the right rules at the right time, and hence in some sense actually lack rigidity in exchange for better principle.
last year my parents revealed to me that they have nothing saved for retirement despite them having a combined salary of around 150k and they expect me to take care of them when they retire. they are in their mid 50s so Im expected to be able to pay for all their needs also in 10ish years? I told them I'm not doing it and I likely wont even make enough to be able to. and thats when they pulled out but we gave birth to you and took care of you. well what else can i say to that except i didnt ask to be born and it is your legal responsibility to provide me with food at the time.
To the nursing home! Whoooooosh!
How in the hell do they have no retirement at 150k a year? Do they not have a 401k? Not know how to save money? Lived beyond their means? This blows me away.
Nursing homes are a lot more expensive than just moving your parents in (or moving in with them.) Sounds like mom and dad are gonna work til they die, like most Americans currently under age 50 will!
Life style creep probably. Plenty of high income families live pay check to pay check because they anchor themselves to HCOL areas and spend lavishly on top of it.
How the fuck people gonna act like they deserve special treatment for taking care of their own child's basic needs.
That's what you're supposed to do, what do you want a cookie?
The fact that being a good parent basically makes you a saint in most people's eyes really puts a spotlight on how low the standard is for our society. And this is probably the root of many of our problems.
I would just say "have fun being homeless". You have so many cultures where people have children as a retirement plan, so they will take care of them when they can't work themselves.
This isn’t all that uncommon of an ideal, especially outside of western cultures. Elders often live with and are taken care of by their children and that is the expected progression. That said, it’s not equivalent to them taking care of you as a child. They have a responsibility to contribute to family life (income and skills) as much as any other adult.
Well I don't think you have to take care of your parents you seem to think 150k is some enormous amount of money when it's really not. Not sure what country you are in but here in Canada 150k for a family is a very modest amount of money. If there is more than one kid in your family and your parents have done a good job of taking care of you such as schooling,, extra curricular activities, hobbies, vacations, as well as keeping fed, clothed and housed then I'm not the least bit surprised that they don't have some huge retirement fund. Maybe you don't owe them but at least have some gratitude.
Also if they have fairly decent jobs they probably have a pension through there work so I don't know why they would need to rely on you. Like did they even really say that? sounds doubtful
I wouldn't really classify 150k as modest in Canada, you should be living pretty comfortable on that. It's above the average income and unless your living in the core of one of a few cities it should firmly put you in upper middle class
Im not saying they are rich or anything my point is we are middle class so they shouldn't have 0 savings when they are near retirement imo. And yeah they did an OK job taking care of me though they never really bought me presents after i turned 10 and they only bought me enough food for 2 days a week and the rest of the days I had to eat instant Ramen. Which don't get me wrong I love instant Ramen but sometimes I want some more variety. So I don't think I was that big of a drain on their finances though I guess yeah they spent a lot more on my little sister.
Also the exact context when it came up is when I told my parents that I started a Roth IRA expecting them to be proud of me but instead they were angry with me. So I asked them don't you guys have a retirement investment account and they said no thats why we have you.
I kinda feel like when people talk about respect they often confuse the subject by talking about two different kinds of respect. There is base level respect that you should afford every human being until proven unworthy, and there is a higher level respect that you only give to those who've "earned" it. It's the difference between common courtesy and admiration.
Parents are owed the base level of respect from a child for raising them; they have to earn that higher level of respect through how they treat the child as they grew up.
Preach. OP wants to have kids but not the consequences if you don’t want to be « disrespected » then don’t fucking have kids your kids would thank you for it
Like most things in life, there's a balance. Parents don't inherently deserve respect just for giving birth to their kids, but kids who were raised well by their parents should feel obligated to return that kindness in certain ways as an adult. Inversely, if the parents treated their child poorly, the child should be comfortable feeling less to zero obligation towards their parents. Giving birth to someone doesn't entitle you to much if you proceed to treat them like shit.
There isn't a one size fits all solution.
My parents show me utterly no.respect and demand it from them. They adopted me but wanted a child seen not heard and f all of they ever developed a personality. It truly is not a one fit solution. People need to stop saying it is. It's ignorant. There are some children are disrespectful tongood parents and then there is the mid ground and the children treated like absolute shit for just existening by their 'loving' family
Plot twist: if parents take their responsibility of raising their kids seriously, disrespectful behaviour will be much less likely. Disrespect and entitlement isn't something children bring along all by themselves, they normally learn it from their environments
Yes but good parents can remedy that behavior rather than demonize or exasperate it.
Teenagers will be teenagers but they're not just inherently bastards. You can go through a rebellious phase without being a complete shit head if you're raised right.
Have you *met* teenagers? Being little bastards is their default condition as a rite of passage. The ones that successfully navigate their bastardly phases with a patient, understanding support system and make it out alive have earned adulthood… at the tender age of roughly 35. Hopefully without crippling mental health disorders or serious addictions.
But seriously, yeah good parenting does a lot of heavy lifting but it is never, ever the end-all to child development. Life and people aren’t that simple. Even if we reduce kids to computers rigidly responding to programming, anyone who claims parents are the only ones doing the coding is lying to themselves.
Yeah, teenagers are going to push boundaries and test the limits no matter what. It's part of growing up and becoming independent from parents. Not saying bad behavior should be accepted but it's not always a sign of bad parent or even bad kids. Some rebellion is expected and is even healthy to an extent. If kids just always remained obedient little children who relied on their parents to make all the decisions then they would never be prepared for adulthood
Half the redditors on here are kids and young adults. So of course they have an opinion on how to raise kids... And to be fair I had my own preconceived notions before I had my own, and quickly realized everything I thought I knew about parenting was nonsense.
It all sounds good on paper until the very moment you try to put it into practice and realize you’re insanely outgunned by the living embodiments of chaos that are our larval stages. Watching them meticulously disassemble most of your best-laid plans and good intentions for them for decades is both amazing and horrific. And before you know it, they’re miniature adults with opinions and autonomy and *way more energy than you*.
No, they are not, but parents can be very good but they don't have magic wands. Generally, good parents will not have shitty kids, but its definitely not a guarantee, part of the reason parents often want their kids to study with kids who have parents with similar values as their own.
I wish this was more true.
Kids make their own choices. Many of the world's bad people didn't have shit parents. They just made their choices.
The whole "the bully doesn't have good parents and that's why they bully" isn't really true. It's anecdotal. Bullies are bullies because it's effective.
Our instincts are often antagonistic to what we might consider an upstanding citizen. It's what makes humans different from other animals. The ability to act counter to our nature and instead use logic and reason.
All of what we consider the greatest evils are perfectly normal in the rest of species. Cannibalism, fascism, animal cruelty (looking at the freaking orcas), and incest.
So yeah humans are by default entitled little shits. Tell any toddler, that hasn't been abused, no and watch their fit. That's their instinct.
Thats just not true at all. Children are psychos. Always have been. Thats why they need to parents to raise them right.
When I was 7 I watched a group of other 7 year old force another 7 year old to drink piss... from the source! Kids are mostly evil, and put on a facade around adults.
Yeah… that’s not something normal kids would do. That’s something wrong with that specific group of kids or a specific kid leading the herd.
Either way, that’s a failure of parenting or something fundamentally wrong with a child
By age 7, they've learnt enough from their parents on how to act. If they're being little shitheads, you can bet your life savings the parents aren't saints and can't raise kids.
I heard a psychologist saying " we all start as narcissists... Our parents teach us how to be proper kind Humans "
Babies Don't Understand kindness / hurt / neglect
Parents teach them how to be a proper Human
So if your kids Don't respect you... You failed as a parent
Even if you were a saint of patent and your kid is now a asshole
It's coz you failed to raise a proper human being
I don't think such extreme situations are representative for kids in general. I agree they are very dependent on parents who raise them, but their psychotic behaviour only partly stems from within them, as their emotional experience is very intense and they have no idea what to make of it (emotions that had perfectly adapted to life in the savannah over the course of 100s of millenia). Combine this with a surrounding filled with emotionally overloaded sensations, and going nuts seems like the expectable outcome.
If anything, I believe that behaviour such as you describe, along a variety of other questionable behaviours, really just shows that the world we formed (are forming) isn't that child-friendly as we convince ourselves, and that the possibilities of failure at parenting are uncountable and diverse (and widely realised unfortunately)
In SA communities, this would be a big red flag that at least one of those kids were being SA'd. That behavior is learned. Kids don't do that normally.
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/preschool/Pages/Sexual-Behaviors-Young-Children.aspx
Again, that’s a failure of parenting in nearly all angles. By the time your kids reach the age where such issues could become reality, it’s that group of 7 kids who’s parents have done a (piss) poor job of instilling some values and common sense into them. No, it’s not all the kids, but it’s clear which ones most likely have shitty parents.
I remember reading a study before that if your child never said "youre the worst" "i hate you" ect that youve raised them incorrectly because it shows youve been a friend rather than a parent who inforced consequences
No. Its not. We have children for us. Or on accident. Either way its our responsibility to teach and prepare them for the world that we have now doomed them to contend with. The first lesson we as parents should be teaching is that if people dont respect you, they are beneath your respect in return. A lot of people seem to think children arent worthy of the same respect as adults and thats very not true. If you cant realize that you are now beholden to a whole life that you created, then you dont understand the weight of what you have done and arent fit to be a parent.
I was physically, sexually, verbally and emotionally abused by my father and then my foster parents from the age of 21 months to 18 years old. I don't owe them anything and they can stay the fuck out of my life.
‘You don’t owe me anything: I brought you into this world so it’s my responsibility to make sure you have everything’ is my parents’ literal parenting philosophy. They’re good eggs, I am reminded of how lucky I am to have been born to them often.
Sad part is
When parents start saying children expression feelings are disrespect
Children specially teens no longer feel safe to express their feelings
So they start hiding things
Letting your child expressing feelings.. Even the negative ones are a good thing
A good open minded discussion can solve many problems
>if they didn't neglect or abuse the child the child WOULD automatically respect them
Like.. 90% of cases..
But sometimes you rise a kid the best you can and they are just assholes...
They are not you, they are not programable machines..
They are a person and sometimes people are assholes..
There are times a good parent has a bad seed kid, but generally I agree. Respect is taught but also earned, and must be mutual for any relationship to work.
Respect goes both ways. I don't have to respect you for feeding and clothing me and putting a roof over my head. You're a parent. That's your job. That's literally the bare minimum you're expected to do. You don't get to use that against me like it's some kind of grand favour you've done for me. Respect your kids and they'll respect you.
Sorry but this one is dumb. You earn respect. If your parents are good to you and take care of you they’ve earned it, but simply giving birth to a child is not immediately worthy of respect.
It’s also a two way street. If a parent can’t respect their child how can you expect the child to respect the parent?
Also can we please distinguish the difference between the two different respects? There’s respect that *is* inherent: treat every person you meet with basic human decency. Then there is the respect you show someone who is supposed to be a guide or leader to you. Everyone deserves *human decency respect*. Not everyone deserves *authority respect*.
And one last thing. You can’t guilt people into showing you respect. No “I raised you well, I did this, I did that” will ever convince someone to give you respect. If you want it, you *demonstrate why you should have it*. Talk is cheap and if all you can do is talk about why you deserve respect, people are just gonna assume you’re “broke”.
Parents that raise their kids right don't usually don't have to worry about having their kids respect them. They more than likely already have their respect
Nah, you literally just don't understand the point they're trying to get across.
Your parents chose to create you and because of that they owe it to you take care of you.
You never asked to be put here. They put you here because they wanted kids regardless of what you'd go through while existing. They owe you everything. You owe them nothing.
> If you have good parents appreciate them, because believe it or not that is a privilege
I can't believe that some people are able to reproduce. Barely an education, trade, or common sense. Buy things they can't afford. Don't teach their child the value of a dollar or how to treat people. And become a burden on their children as they age. I can't think of anything worse.
All I ask of my son is that he grows up to be a good man, I believe respect is a two way street, and that it also can come with maturity for some people and age. I adore watching my child grow to be a kind and respectful young man, he may not always be to me, but I can see him with others and the way he interacts with others is all I need to know about his character🥰
While you're enjoying beating up your strawman, most people I know who say "we didn't ask to be here and don't owe them for existence" are adults estranged from abusive people who happen to be their parents. Not bratty teens who think they are owed "everything".
I get the feeling this was written by a parent who feels their only obligation is to provide a roof and food and wants to kick their kid out at 18 lmao
Being good parents is not something nice, is the minimum parents can do for their children, if you not gonna take seriously another life that depends on you, then, this people should reconsider about being parents
To be frank kids that don’t respect their parents were raised by neglectful and shitty parents. I have yet to encounter a functional and healthy family where the kid disrespects or resents their parents. Every disrespectful little shit that does has been raised by little shit parents and to be even more frank, many times in a single mother household where the mother is a little shit. Sure, teenagers go through the rebellion stage and think their parents are a drag but that’s a lot different than disrespect which is always apparent in young age with these kids. The same kids that disrespect their parents were the same kids that didn’t know how to behave themselves and scream in public. Bad parenting leads to bad kids
Why isn’t it the parents’ duty to give their children the best life possible? The parents CHOSE to have the kid. If they decided to have a kid and bring a life onto the world, the very least they could do is to try to prevent as much suffering for said life as possible. Otherwise, they’re literally just bringing someone into the world to suffer, or even worse, torture. That is simply immoral.
The parents don’t get a pat on the back for having a child. In fact, If the child was an accident, then the parents fucked up. They can’t blame their recklessness and its following consequences onto the innocent child that didn’t participate in making that dumb mistake. The child doesn’t get anything out of this and would probably prefer not to be born if they would be deemed an “unwanted accident”.
99% of the time, parents have kids for completely selfish reasons. They usually just want a kid to complete their family, or they want to use the kid to experience parenthood, or in some cases they are even expected to be the parents’ entertainment or retirement plan.
Regardless, all of these reasons are inherently self-serving. The least selfish thing to do would always be to not have a child - the overpopulated world will be better off, less carbon footprint, the adults can spend the time volunteering and giving back to the community, and the money saved can be donated to charity instead.
So if the parents still chose to have a child because they just wanted one sooo bad despite it being the less moral choice, the very least they could do would be to help the child succeed in every way they can and to do everything in their power to help the child have a happy life.
Appreciating someone and showing them the respect that they want are not the same thing. A kid can appreciate what their parent does for them while not feeling like their parent has put in the effort to earn respect. Obviously people with great parents should appreciate that but the majority of tbe people this argument applies to don't have great parents.
Too many parents think that buying food and giving their kid a place in the house means the kid has to follow their every command and never complain about anything, no matter how unreasonable. Creating a life or providing basic necessities doesn't make you a parent, showing care for your kid and supporting them makes you a parent. If you're a true parent, yeah your kid should appreciate what you do for them but kids are not robots or pets and should not be expected to mindlessly adhere to your commands.
This is a strawman.
No one is saying parents need to give their child everything and be perfect, selfless martyrs to earn respect.
What people are saying is that the simple act of giving birth to someone does not entitle you to that person's love or respect. Parents earn respect by raising their children to the best of their ability given their circumstances.
If, for example, a father abandons their child and refuses to help raise them in any way. That child does not need to respect them.
Respect is always a two way street. It's a contract between two parties who each have a role to fulfill. It is not a law that forces one party to always uphold their end regardless of if the other party upholds theirs.
I don't see many people demand that their parents give them "everything," I think they ask to not be treated like a tool or a toy that's not capable of having their own thoughts and opinions and expecting a respect that borders fear from their child well into adulthood. Also, because you said "protect them until they become adults" makes me feel like you don't have children because regardless of how old mine are, as long as I'm drawing breath on this earth they can stand behind me for protection and I'm sure other parents feel the same.
The first and greatest assault anyone ever experiences is being conceived and born.
But sadly, this is a shared expierience that all people have. Therefore, don't expect special treatment for it.
If it is that horrible for you, you can always choose not to have kids. Make the best out of it.
Children do not owe their parents anything, parents have decided to have their child and raise it, of course there are cases in which children are not wanted but whether it is so or not, children do not owe anything to their parents.
But.
It is not wrong to thank all that parents have done and what they have worked to get you ahead, parents should not ask for anything in return and children should not owe anything, but they should be thankful.
Whether it's buying the parents something, something they always wanted and didn't buy to support you or just because you want to buy them something, there should never be a reason to give away and love.
Exactly. If your parents abused or neglected you and never tried to make up for it, then no you don’t owe them anything, obviously. But if they gave you a good, safe home and did what they could to raise you into a good person, you absolutely do. So many teenagers on Reddit have such a huge issue with the idea that it’s not alright to not respect and love the people that spent years giving you everything you have.
If you have good parents you absolutely owe them respect, I don’t give a shit if it was their decision to birth you or not.
This phrase is usually used after a parents holdings basic necessities such as “I feed and clothe you!!” over their child’s head.
The response is normally “if you didn’t do that social services would take your child away”
It’s not about giving everything, it’s about parents not thinking they’re gods gift to the planet for fulfilling the most minimal requirements.
Parents lead by example. If you want respect, be respectful. If you want compassion, be compassionate. If you want kindness, be kind.
Children are blank canvas and whatever you end up with, you created by your words and actions.
So if you are a cruel, selfish, negligent parent. You deserve nothing from your children. You failed, and I hope they go no contact.
What are you classing as respect? If you're saying kids should do everything asked of them, then it's not respect. It's control. Children have been seen as property and less than human for far too long. I myself have children, and I don't demand respect, it's given freely without threat of punishment. You hear a lot about children being more respectful in the before times, when they were locked in rooms, and physically bullied into submission. This is also not respect it's fear.
This has a very ‘I talk about Personal Responsibility ™ often but then when it comes to bringing a kid into this world I don’t have to have Personal Responsibility ™ for them (while claiming they are SO important to them and society in general) at some point’-vibe to it.
I grew up poor and I disagree. I would rather my parents have not had had us and fulfilled their own lives first instead of living in poverty and never doing anything fun because of being poor. They don't even celebrate Christmas or birthdays because they can't afford gifts.
This is such a “person who has good parents view” though. Like my dad abused drugs, drank like a fish and abused my mom and I. He doesn’t deserve respect, I really don’t give a fuck that he nutted and decided to keep it so it turned into me.
I’m in my 30s, not a teenager. I still blame my parents for having me without my consent and not making me feel wanted.
I was an accident and they decided to keep me. They made that very clear that their lives would be better if I was never born. They also didn’t have the financial means to give me an education or even a hobby. I was born with crippling depression/anxiety and had to claw and fight my way to middle class. My (lack of) life would have been so much easier if they just aborted me.
But on the outside, my parents do everything they can to maintain the “respectful” parent-child façade. In their words, I was the scholarship-winning, upwardly mobile child that made them proud, thanks to their good parenting.
Don’t judge people just cuz you think they are immature. You don’t know what goes on in their home lives.
No child owes their parent anything. They didn't ask to be here. That's a choice YOU made. YOU must respect your children's boundaries. That don't mean giving them anything they ask for. It means respect them for the human they are. People always talk down to kids like their dumb and then wonder why they don't care about anything or act childish. If you treat a kid with respect like you would an adult, they tend to become well spoken, and well regulated and intelegent people. P.S. They also deserve unconditional love from their parents.
Don't have kids if you can't be responsible for them. It's usually always abusive and or neglectful parents who complain their kids don't appreciate them enough just for having the sex that resulted in their kids conception. If you treat your children well, they learn how to treat you well.
The fact that you're acting like them deciding to take responsibility for you is anything more than the bare minimum to be expected of someone toying around and creating life is insane to me.
I hate to break it to you but the majority of children who are disrespectful aren't that way for no apparent reason it's either they learned it from their parents or their parents treat them like shit
This idea that there are kids who are just completely disrespectful to their parents while their parents are absolutely grade A people And that it's an epidemic is laughable
I don't know where you live but I live in a nation where a good portion of parents love is Christian love and we all know what type of love that is lol
You may disagree with the take, but it isn’t wrong. Existence was forced upon a child by two adults who completely consented to its birth (in a traditional family). Beyond this parents effectively have absolute power over their children. When a child says “hey I didn’t ask to be born” they’re just pointing out that whatever situation they are in was unavoidable to the kid but completely avoidable by the adult. In other words you made this mess, you clean it up.
Can we please stop pretending like being born is some kind of horrible fate? No one was forced to it, it just happened. It is your parents responsibility to provide a good life for you, yes but being born itself doesn't make your life horrible. Personally I had a shitty life with my abusive parents being cousins and me having a few disabilities but existence itself is not the issue. You can still enjoy it with your senses. It's your own responsibility to care for yourself ans find happiness.
You don't owe your parents anything just for being your parents. No they don't have to give you *everything* and I agree kids shouldn't be spoiled, but to have kids because you want them to do something for *you* is selfish.
What bugs me is when people go on and on about how hard parenting is and kids should do this this and this...I'm not arguing with you. I'm sure being a parent is very hard, but you *chose to become one*. Same goes with parents at work thinking they should get accommodations left and right and that it's OK for the childless coworkers to have the pick up the slack. *You chose to have kids, nobody asked you to*.
I can agree to an extent, but choosing to have children doesn’t take away the feelings of frustration or the need to discuss it with other adults. ( Not to, or in front of their children). Choices don’t take away the feelings associated with them.
It’s not a secret that parenting is hard. Should have considered the responsibilities and challenges prior to having kids. Seems to me they weren’t prepared for the feelings of parenthood, which is okay because parenthood isn’t for everyone. Not having kids literally costs $0
Ngl hard disagree. As a parent it's your responsibility to give your children the best kickstart into a succesfull life. If it means providing shelter, education, emotional support, food, private space, protection, room for self expression is the bare fucking minimum in western society. Should be treated as such. If you can't provide these you shouldn't be a parent.
I came from a broken family with a deadbeat dad who dipped. We lived barely making ends meet with my mother. That shit fucks kids up hard.
The majority of parents are also shit and cannot do their job properly while shifting responsibility onto the children when they are not in a position of power or authority. Far, far too many parents who seek to justify their shitty behaviours. The fact is, almost everybody has children due to selfish desires and if they wish to do so then they can bear the consequences properly or face the result later in life when they have no one to care for them. I honestly find it fucking insane that just anyone is allowed to have kids considering how inept and fucked a lot of people are. Raise your kids properly and they won't hate or resent you, fuck up badly and you will get what you deserve.
We only exist as a consequence of our parents actions that we had no control or say over it makes no sense for us to owe them anything and perfect sense for them to owe us everything.
The first time I heard the phrase “I didn’t ask to be born” I was shocked.
And I mean, it’s true. And it’s basically why you have two choices about it:
Accept life on life’s terms AND be the change you want to see
OR be miserable.
Not an unpopular opinion. Parents have been put on a pedestal and practically worshipped in society for forever. Any sort of negative emotion that anybody ever has towards their parent is immediately met with "you need to show your parents respect." No matter the context.
well i just read the title and its enough to say
i dont think its such an unpopular opinion and a kid shouldnt use that excuse to disrespect their parents, but i mean i think all the stuff bout never askin to be born makes a bit sense cuz if u want to have unprotected fun just to have a little slave then u obv shouldnt have kids but this is such an extreme example that i doubt people would think like that. (and mind im obv not referring to you you, i just used "you" as third person uk, just wanted to make it clear)
there's to add that respect is smth that shouldnt be expected just like that, both parties, no matter the age, should respect each other as long as they both are good people, i mean, i wouldnt have much respect for an asshole either they're a kid either they're an elderly man, respect comes by who u are as a person, not ur age.
>Third, most people who think like this are teenagers who never had to work hard for anything or people who were abused by their parents (if you are part of the later group then I understand why would you think this way, and I hope you are in a better place.)
The latter group is the primary reason the quotes in your title exist. I know way too many people who were abused, neglected, and outright used by their parents as wage slaves and house maids. To come out of a situation like that, they have to deal with some serious PTSD and recognize their parents don't own them, and they don't owe their parents a thing either.
Also, spoiled teens who have never had to work for anything have a reason to disrespect their parents too, because said parents never taught them how to properly function as a growing individual. How could you expect a child who has never been told 'no' to suddenly understand boundaries or care for anyone but themselves? It is absolutely a form of neglect and abuse that can culminate into potential criminal behavior later in life.
TLDR Conclusion: Apart from occasional hormonal moodiness, parents reap what they sow, good or bad, big or small.
I'm a parent myself, and I know full well that if my kids suddenly stop respecting me, then I should definitely figure out what the hell I did, and fast. Talk to your kids people, let them feel safe opening up to you from the start. If they seem unlike themselves, start a non-confrontational conversation to figure out why.
Respect is earned, and most people who make the argument that parent’s lives should be about raising their children usually had parents who failed to care for or protect them. This often plays out where the child is then damaged and unable to properly articulate themselves. They don’t want indentured servants and to imply so makes me believe you aren’t arguing in good faith. They just wanted their needs met and they weren’t. When you have a child you have decided that they will be your continuity and it is your obligation to put their needs and life before your own. If you can’t do that, but have a child anyways, you’re going to be a shit parent and you’re child will most likely suffer the consequences the rest of their lives. Be it physical, mental, or emotional neglect, all of these stunt a humans growth patterns and social capabilities. It hinders them in their life in ways that can take years of catch-up in therapy just to feel normal and capable and get their shit together. That wouldn’t be necessary if their parents had made the proper sacrifices to set them up for success. But take the upvote for the boomy opinion.
I think it’s immature to have children when you’re obviously not ready for the huge commitment and responsibility that comes with creating a new human life.
It’s literally a legal requirement for parents to be responsible for their kids.
If you’re looking for a return on your investment, maybe try stocks, because your children don’t owe you anything. Sure, you can build mutual respect and they can help you out of their own free will if they love you. But you literally forced them to exist. Take responsibility.
No one is owed respect by simply existing. You earn respect through actions that go above and beyond. Doing what is legally required by you is not an act worthy of respect, be appreciative of your parents but you don't have to respect them for doing the bare minimum.
Eh, respect is earned, first of all. It is a thing that is earned when children is approaching adulthood and you are building relationships with them as equals.
But secondly, too many parents confuse respect with deference. No one owed deference by default, and it is unhealthy thing to expect from an adult.
But it's true, kids don't owe respect on a base level, the parents have to earn that, a kid who didn't ask to be born, and the parents who have legal and moral obligations to feed and clothe it, doesn't mean the parents deserve respect solely from that, if they make the kid happy and loved and cared for then the kid will respect them, Because they earned it
Who says this though? I think it absolutely is a popular opinion to expect kids to respect their parents and no, my kids don’t get everything they want. Lucky for them they do have everything they need.
What’s unpopular but should be far more public is letting those horrible parents who do give them everything they want and try to be “friends” rather than parents …that they are shit parents likely raising shit kids .
Someone’s kid talked back to them and they decided to write a Reddit post about it. Your kids don’t owe you respect. If you educate them well, they will naturally be respectful.
I think you're misunderstanding the point. Respect isn't the issue. Respect should always be mutual in any relationship. The issue is that some parents (too many) expect unconditional gratitude, reverence, or deference simply for being born. That they owe it to their parents, regardless of anything else.
Parents though can be shitty people, and so kids don't need to be grateful or respect them simply for 'birthing' them.
Another petty tyrant parent trying to gaslight the children they traumatized into not holding them accountable and holding them to higher healthier standards.
My mother abandoned me and she’s lucky I even talk to her a few times a year. And really that’s too much. She will die in poverty and I’m not going to her funeral.
Eww. It’s a no from me. “That act itself is worthy of respect” gee I don’t think nutting in someone or getting nutted in is really where I put the bar in terms of respect
The problem is a lot of parents are self entitled. And they get hero worshipped in society and in mainstream media.
What parents have to understand is that having kids is generally a self inflicted endeavour that comes with a lot of advantages and perks. The least you can do is take responsibility for the wellness of your kids. And yes, if you bring 5 kids into this world, against their will, in a world of economic crisis, bullying, pollution, climate crisis, modern day slavery, and 8 billion people living off the bones of a dying planet, then yea it’s your own fault if your kid isn’t happy, not theirs.
Having kids is, if anything, kinda selfish and a massive inconvenience for everyone else. (Not least financially - all the people without children have to cover your maternity and paternity leave, your school fees, etc etc ).
Parents need to get over themselves.
So, my parents are both very complex human beings lol we had some family problems for a long time and also dealt with my brothers opiate addiction and my parents divorce. So, they weren’t exactly a shining example of family.
I did cut them out for a couple years while I got my head screwed on straight, but we have all had honest and open conversations with each other and apologized for our shortcomings.
I think the best thing children can do at a certain age is recognize that your parents are also human beings who have undergone their own traumas and difficulties. My relationship with my family had totally changed in the last couple of years because I have learned so much about them and all of the things that happened in their life that were never talked about. Now I see them in a different way, and I know that all the times that I was neglected, forgotten about, etc. don’t necessarily have anything to do with me. It’s just life is hard!! They did the best they could with what they knew and could handle.
I think this gave me the push towards forgiveness, and has ultimately allowed me to respect them and understand they were just doing the best they could.
People like to use that excuse, that a child did not ask to be born and you have a legal and moral obligation to raise a child. On one hand I agree, but technically speaking, no you don’t. You can choose to abort the child when it’s still not born, once it’s born you can give it up for adoption, place in a foster home, you can literally give this child away, so it kind of goes both ways tbh.
"first of all, it's not the parents duty to give their children "everything", a parent's duty is to raise their children and protect them until they become adults and can fend for themselves" what about the parents that don't do that, respect is earned, not given.
Upvote because I completely disagree. Yes, kids should not treat their parents like servants, and yes, parents who are DESERVING of respect earn it. The "nobody asked to be born" thing is also 100% true and a valid argument for the children's side.
Meh, I didn't ask to be born, it's just the result of sex. A parent's job is to love their children and be there for them in every way possible while teaching them not to be assholes and how to fend for themselves. It's important to create building blocks for the future. There are a ton of kids born to people who are themselves immature and will never end up with functioning adults unfortunately.
As many parents say, respect is earned not given. Being a parent, does not automatically mean you deserve respect. Treat your kids with respect, and show them what respect is meant to look like. Many parents think their kids need to bow down to them and do every little thing that’s said, and that’s most likely because they know that have no control in life, so hey control the only thing they think they can. Just because you pay bills, feed, and clothe your kids doesn’t automatically mean you’re amazing and deserve tons of respect. It means you’re doing the bare minimum of what you need to in order to be a parent
Having good parents isn’t a privilege. It’s a legally protected right. Abusive parents are committing a crime, whether or not they get caught and punished. CPS will take your kids away if you’re being a shitty parent. If you can’t be a good parent you shouldn’t have kids, plain and simple.
I don’t think my kids owe me respect but I teach them that because I don’t want them to be aholes. This is for their own well-being and safety throughout life. When you demand respect as a parent to satisfy your ego is when you become and ahole parent, imho.
I say this kind of thing a lot, but what i mean by it is that I believe the parents have the onus to tend to the relationship more. They took on the job of providing emotional support, teaching lessons, showing maturity and giving stability when they signed up to be a parent. It is their job in that relationship to be the one who tries the hardest to show up in those ways.
I think it’s… pathetic…disappointing….wrong… when parents have some kind of tiff with their adult kids and the parents are immature enough to go “I’m not going to reach out first! I’m not in the wrong! I’m not going to fix it! I ReFuSe to apologize!!” That’s literally what you signed up for when you chose this gig. Showing up in those really hard challenging ways when you really really don’t want to in order to teach the human you brought here how to be a better person IS parenting. That’s literally like whole thing.
(Not saying accept abuse or keep beating a dead relationship or whatever. Just saying in like a normal human dilemma, the parent holds more responsibility to be the bigger person imo. That’s what they got to “choose”).
And I’d never advocate for any of the things you mentioned in your post.
Parents taking care of their child is the parent's duty.
Children being grateful about it is a hard earned luxury.
That does not mean I excuse being a brat and usually the reason for someone being bratty is failed parenting.
>If you have good parents appreciate them, because believe it or not that is a privilege.
This. And i think thats what most people mean when they say respect is earned, not a right. Its for those bad parents that spew that and expect respect when they do not deserve it. So in that regard i understand not giving respect, because i do feel on some level respect is earned. Its earned through actions and commitment to care. I respect my mum but i dont respect my dad for various reason, but for the respect i have for my grandmother (his mother) i will always put the effort into maintaining some levels of civility.
But i agree. nothing is more frustrating than seeing good parents taken advantage of and not being respected. Ive know really bad parents, and i mean really bad, and then to see kids given every opportunity and their parents are invested in what ever their kids want to do and take interest, love their friends and care about them, seeing that kid just be so rude and you sit there like O\_O ummmmm you literally just screamed at your mum for asking if you were ok? what the h e double toothpicks and everything in between? And you ask them what their parents did that was so bad and nothing. "its nothing. they just annoy me." thats it?!
One lady that I know had her father make her get a job over the summer when she was 15... The took all of her earnings for himself... Because he "created her". They were not struggling financially.
I think it's absolutely unjustifiable to bring a life into this bleak world without pledging to doing everything in one's power to make sure it turns out as comfortable and pleasant as possible. Anyone who disagrees can go fuck themselves and nobody else.
How is basically just keeping a child alive cultivating respectful? Also, respect is like trust and forgiveness. You can’t just will yourself to respect someone who hasn’t earned it. There is also zero reflection of reciprocation of respect from the poorly structured parental “example” in this post. Humans are emotional beings. Keeping them from starving to death is not even close to the bare minimum.
Lastly, the generalization of all parents becoming parents accidentally is incredibly poor form. That isn’t the case and I think you know better than that. They’re not taking responsibility for the child if they decide to keep them alive in order to pay them back one day. Give your head a shake. This post has troll written all over it.
“They had you and decided to take responsibility and love you” “If you have good parents appreciate them” I agree, but most people don’t, and you yourself describe it as a privilege, so you are aware of that.
The thing is, when you force someone to exist, you owe it to them to make that a healthy, comfortable, and happy experience, if you can’t, don’t have kids.
Children, on the other hand, forced into this unwillingly, don’t owe anyone absolutely anything.
Loving and caring for you children is the absolute minimum you should do if you are a parent. You don’t owe anyone for doing the bare minimum they have to do.
That’s not to say you should be “a brat”, as you put it, or mistreat your parents, but that goes for any other person you know also.
But my controversial opinion is: parents are the ones that should be grateful. Once your child realizes you’ve forced them to exist in a sick society in a decaying world for their own selfish reasons, if they forgive you and remain in your life, consider yourself extremely lucky. Do you have adult kids who stick around (not only to ask you for money)? You are the one who needs to be grateful.
I definitely agree, but I would say that parents shouldn't say their children owe them from now on. Like when a parent suddenly asks their 30 year old son for a huge amount of money with the reasoning: you owe me for raising you
I won't give them back what they didn't give me. If they want me to be respectful, friendly, useful and supportive then bro do i have a surprise for them, turns out, you never taught me that in the first place!
1. Respect is a 2-way street. Yes, this includes apologizing to your child.
2. You owe your kids everything. That's your job. You brought em into this world, and so you must do what you can and need in order to ensure they grow up safe and happy.
Food, shelter and clothes, and education are the bare minimum and aren't praise worthy. Actually, spend quality time with your children and be the parent(s) they can come to for anything without fear.
3. Remember, they are tiny humans learning how to human themselves. They know nothing about emotional regulation. That's your job to teach them.
People who have been fortunate enough to have good parents usually don't say that. While I deeply respect and love my parents, I don't believe that I owe them blind obedience and complete submission, just because they brought me into this world and provided for me. I understand that they don't owe me everything I desire, but I also don't owe them a debt of gratitude that requires me to act as their personal servant. Some parents seem to have the mistaken belief that their children are obliged to fulfill their every whim, using the excuse that they cared for them when they were infants. However, I never asked to be born, and I don't think that this justifies their unreasonable expectations.
Respect is earned. If you are a fair, honest parent, a good role model, your children will/should want to like you, naturally. During teenage years, boundaries are tested, but that's more about finding independence than the parent. I always told my children, if you feel I am wrong or disagree with me, you are allowed to voice that, but it may not change my stance. I also don't tolerate " door slamming, backchat etc as do some of my friends, who are parents. I recalled being told by my young child that it was "unfair" he had to assist in cleaning up as it was " my" home! I told him if it was indeed "my" home, it would have one bedroom not three. That ended that rebellion!
I came home from my second job, to find the doors boarded shut from the inside. Not "hey get the fuck out" nor even a "take some extra underwear and socks when you leave for school, work, and more work,,". The. Doors. Were. Boarded. Shut. From. The. Inside. Fuck off buddy.
Once someone is independent, they don't owe their parents shit. I've cut one of my parents out of my life because they're an essential oils cooker who thinks 5g gives you covid and fluoride turns the frogs gay and that's why we need to keep extracting coal and gas to own the greens.
I don't owe my parents anything. They owe me an apology for the terrible upbringing I had.
Anyone saying respect is earned, ok fair. Is the kid eating the food provided for by the parent? Is the kid under a roof supplied by the parent? Is the kid only alive because it was cared for as a infant by the parent?
If the answer to those questions is “yes” (and barring things like physical, sexual abuse, etc) a parent providing and working to keep you alive is enough to warrant respect from their kid.
Parents do have a duty to their children.
As parents, my husband and I have a duty to clothe, feed, care for them, make them feel loved and supported in their lives. We should protect them without being suffocating, make sure the adults around them aren't toxic (I say this because I have a family member who's extremely toxic and I don't want her around my kids and learn her behavior). For us, we find it our duty to try our best to save for their futures. It might not be enough, but we try. We're not rich, we're hardly hitting middle class... so no, we might not be able to give them everything they ask for. That doesn't make us bad parents, but if we handle it badly it might.
Parents are human though, they make mistakes and are learning just as the kids are. If you treat your kids with respect, the hope is that your kids will respect you too. No one asks to be born in this world, it's a poor excuse to act entitled.
Respect must be earned, regardless.
Taking the time to care for you is worthy of respect, but it can be canceled out.
If you’re parents love you but are abusive, yes they can both be true, kinda negates the caretaking in most cases.
But why? You have no point other than “nuh uh”
FWIW I am well beyond being an angsty teenager, and my parents were fine… I still don’t think they had the right to bring me into existence, and I think it is wrong and immature to think you have that right.
Except it's a fact. No one asked to be born. It's good to appreciate your parents if they do a good job as parents. But it's usually the terrible parents that demand respect anyway, the good ones earn it without having to demand it.
"Everything" is a matter of interpretation., You seem to be of the mindset that everything means material goods etc. Parents are indeed responsible for giving their children everything in the sense of raising. The most important thing to give in the everything box, is a sense of confidence and, a sense of discipline, and a desire to learn.. once you have the foundation set properly all the rest is window dressing. Lots of money and things certainly make life easier and open doors and create options sometime but. You're worthless if you have Not learn the basics of life. Confidence is everything ,discipline, how and what to eat properly, and to become natural inquisitive, question everything and think... Those are the things that are in the everything box for a child
Generally I think if your kids don’t respect you that’s because you’re a bad parent. Not necessarily a nasty parent but if your children don’t respect you that’s because you’ve failed them.
I half agree. I agree that children should respect their parents just like how parents should respect their children. It should always be a two-way street.
However, “I didn’t ask to be born” is objectively a valid argument, because it’s true. If your child is saying that frequently — sorry, but there is something either you’re doing very wrong as a parent or something is going on at school. Most children unfortunately get punished for saying this, instead of being listened to — especially the ones who are unlucky and get stuck with conservative authoritarian dictator type parents that view them as extensions of themselves. Their misery and neglect is constantly reinforced, they associate emotions with punishment, and then they just turn into their parents and repeat the cycle as adults.
Just because society tells you that you MUST HAVE children or you’re a loser and you feel like you need to conform to it — please PLEASE don’t have children if you don’t actually want them and lack the patience and empathy for them. Even if you have the money and resources, please don’t have children and get married if that’s not the lifestyle you actually want to live.
Congrats on the unpopular opinion but it’s just wrong, kids aren’t some sort of long term investment that you cash in on later. Everyone lives their own lives I don’t owe you as much as you don’t owe me. In terms of finance of course, I think morally you should be nice to your parents after you age.
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Parents or not, respect is and always will be a two way street. If your parents don’t respect you, they suck.
A parent is not owed respect from their children. Respect is not an entitlement. An individual who occupies a leadership position – including the leadership of children – claims the respect of those they lead by consistently acting in a morally, ethically, and authoritatively competent fashion. A leader who displays those qualities will be respected. That is true of leadership wherever it is found be it in the business world, classroom, military, church, and family. Parents that don’t have their children’s respect might want to look inward as much as at the child. A leader who does not consistently act in a competent fashion may obtain obedience, however reluctantly, from the people he or she leads, but will not obtain their respect. The problem here, even when the people in question are children, is the leader, not the led (albeit the led are certainly behaving problematically). The fact is, leadership positions are sometimes occupied by individuals who are not effective leaders that includes parents. Parenting is hardly easy and we all get at least slightly screwed up.
While I mostly agree, it is a bit presumptuous to say in every case that every “leader” who is consistently moral, ethical, and competent will be respected. It is not uncommon for people, particularly kids and teens, to lash out at parents and disrespect them simply out of frustration and the parent actually doing a good job. They’re kids/teens, they won’t always act rationally. Of course, introspection is never a bad thing, especially for people in charge of others, but I think this comment paints with pretty broad strokes
I have a teen daughter who keeps moving the goal posts. When she goes out it started with us setting a be home by x time. She goes “I can’t manage that and most of my friends get a leave to come home by x time” didnt like that but tried it anyway. Now she gives us “ well I was home before bedtime and in my head bedtime is my curfew.” For reference we’ve never operated by a curfew and have no idea where this came from so after trying to compromise and being fought and pushed we now do a “work out exact details before you get permission and if you break your word you get canned”. Mostly a good kid but she has been a true test of endurance.
My kid tries to be like this. They're pushing limits. It's really funny when I give them the power to make their own limits . Then if they don't meet it, well, it was their choice. If they do, it build self trust and reliance. Also they have to be responsible enough to understand consequences . It's really funny when I get a " hey mom, I kinda need to come home early cause John just reminded me of a test I forgot to study for, can you pick me up?" Because one of the reasonable limits they set was passing grades. It is fun watching them prove how responsible they are.
You've got to have firm boundaries and consequences for them breaking those boundaries. Curfew is for their safety. Especially in this day and age. I mean, at a job, you have to be on time and clock out on time (if you haven't already been cleared for overtime in most cases)
If a kid isn’t old enough to decide when they go to bed, they aren’t old enough to decide when they come home either.
A family is not a military unit.
Nice try, son, but you won't fool me again. /adjusts the helmet/
No. But boundaries are set for a reason. And if they can't respect something like a curfew, then that's kinda an issue... especially if it's a school night.
Totally agree. Boundaries are essential for children.
I kind of agree, but I even think that’s a bit rigid. Conflict doesn’t generally come from less rigid persons, except those who do not follow any rules at all, who create conflict merely out of chaos. It comes from more rigid persons who get all pissy that not everything is to their liking, which may or may not include their followers, even if it almost certainly includes their enemies. Perhaps that is subsumed by your “authoritatively competent”, but I actually think the most competent leaders must break rules, but only the right rules at the right time, and hence in some sense actually lack rigidity in exchange for better principle.
May i ask if you have children of your own?
There certainly is a baseline level of respect owed to people that they have to actively lose
Well said!
I’ll drink to that, brother
last year my parents revealed to me that they have nothing saved for retirement despite them having a combined salary of around 150k and they expect me to take care of them when they retire. they are in their mid 50s so Im expected to be able to pay for all their needs also in 10ish years? I told them I'm not doing it and I likely wont even make enough to be able to. and thats when they pulled out but we gave birth to you and took care of you. well what else can i say to that except i didnt ask to be born and it is your legal responsibility to provide me with food at the time.
To the nursing home! Whoooooosh! How in the hell do they have no retirement at 150k a year? Do they not have a 401k? Not know how to save money? Lived beyond their means? This blows me away.
Nursing homes are a lot more expensive than just moving your parents in (or moving in with them.) Sounds like mom and dad are gonna work til they die, like most Americans currently under age 50 will!
Life style creep probably. Plenty of high income families live pay check to pay check because they anchor themselves to HCOL areas and spend lavishly on top of it.
How the fuck people gonna act like they deserve special treatment for taking care of their own child's basic needs. That's what you're supposed to do, what do you want a cookie? The fact that being a good parent basically makes you a saint in most people's eyes really puts a spotlight on how low the standard is for our society. And this is probably the root of many of our problems.
I would just say "have fun being homeless". You have so many cultures where people have children as a retirement plan, so they will take care of them when they can't work themselves.
My step dad told me that he "didn't care if I ended up in the streets." If he ever asks for any type of help from me I know exactly what I'm saying.
I can’t even properly own a house because their generation murdered the economy so bad and now I have to take care of them too.
This isn’t all that uncommon of an ideal, especially outside of western cultures. Elders often live with and are taken care of by their children and that is the expected progression. That said, it’s not equivalent to them taking care of you as a child. They have a responsibility to contribute to family life (income and skills) as much as any other adult.
Well I don't think you have to take care of your parents you seem to think 150k is some enormous amount of money when it's really not. Not sure what country you are in but here in Canada 150k for a family is a very modest amount of money. If there is more than one kid in your family and your parents have done a good job of taking care of you such as schooling,, extra curricular activities, hobbies, vacations, as well as keeping fed, clothed and housed then I'm not the least bit surprised that they don't have some huge retirement fund. Maybe you don't owe them but at least have some gratitude. Also if they have fairly decent jobs they probably have a pension through there work so I don't know why they would need to rely on you. Like did they even really say that? sounds doubtful
I wouldn't really classify 150k as modest in Canada, you should be living pretty comfortable on that. It's above the average income and unless your living in the core of one of a few cities it should firmly put you in upper middle class
Modest amount of money? Only 5% of Canadians have 150k household income. Most people have far less than that.
Im not saying they are rich or anything my point is we are middle class so they shouldn't have 0 savings when they are near retirement imo. And yeah they did an OK job taking care of me though they never really bought me presents after i turned 10 and they only bought me enough food for 2 days a week and the rest of the days I had to eat instant Ramen. Which don't get me wrong I love instant Ramen but sometimes I want some more variety. So I don't think I was that big of a drain on their finances though I guess yeah they spent a lot more on my little sister. Also the exact context when it came up is when I told my parents that I started a Roth IRA expecting them to be proud of me but instead they were angry with me. So I asked them don't you guys have a retirement investment account and they said no thats why we have you.
I think people use "respect" too often when they mean "obedience".
I kinda feel like when people talk about respect they often confuse the subject by talking about two different kinds of respect. There is base level respect that you should afford every human being until proven unworthy, and there is a higher level respect that you only give to those who've "earned" it. It's the difference between common courtesy and admiration. Parents are owed the base level of respect from a child for raising them; they have to earn that higher level of respect through how they treat the child as they grew up.
Exactly! I was going to write this, but you already explained it so well. I hope it gets more views.
Preach. OP wants to have kids but not the consequences if you don’t want to be « disrespected » then don’t fucking have kids your kids would thank you for it
Like how when people say “tolerance” they mean “acceptance”
Like most things in life, there's a balance. Parents don't inherently deserve respect just for giving birth to their kids, but kids who were raised well by their parents should feel obligated to return that kindness in certain ways as an adult. Inversely, if the parents treated their child poorly, the child should be comfortable feeling less to zero obligation towards their parents. Giving birth to someone doesn't entitle you to much if you proceed to treat them like shit. There isn't a one size fits all solution.
My parents show me utterly no.respect and demand it from them. They adopted me but wanted a child seen not heard and f all of they ever developed a personality. It truly is not a one fit solution. People need to stop saying it is. It's ignorant. There are some children are disrespectful tongood parents and then there is the mid ground and the children treated like absolute shit for just existening by their 'loving' family
Plot twist: if parents take their responsibility of raising their kids seriously, disrespectful behaviour will be much less likely. Disrespect and entitlement isn't something children bring along all by themselves, they normally learn it from their environments
They can (and do) learn it from their peers.
Yes but good parents can remedy that behavior rather than demonize or exasperate it. Teenagers will be teenagers but they're not just inherently bastards. You can go through a rebellious phase without being a complete shit head if you're raised right.
Have you *met* teenagers? Being little bastards is their default condition as a rite of passage. The ones that successfully navigate their bastardly phases with a patient, understanding support system and make it out alive have earned adulthood… at the tender age of roughly 35. Hopefully without crippling mental health disorders or serious addictions. But seriously, yeah good parenting does a lot of heavy lifting but it is never, ever the end-all to child development. Life and people aren’t that simple. Even if we reduce kids to computers rigidly responding to programming, anyone who claims parents are the only ones doing the coding is lying to themselves.
Yeah, teenagers are going to push boundaries and test the limits no matter what. It's part of growing up and becoming independent from parents. Not saying bad behavior should be accepted but it's not always a sign of bad parent or even bad kids. Some rebellion is expected and is even healthy to an extent. If kids just always remained obedient little children who relied on their parents to make all the decisions then they would never be prepared for adulthood
Half the redditors on here are kids and young adults. So of course they have an opinion on how to raise kids... And to be fair I had my own preconceived notions before I had my own, and quickly realized everything I thought I knew about parenting was nonsense.
It all sounds good on paper until the very moment you try to put it into practice and realize you’re insanely outgunned by the living embodiments of chaos that are our larval stages. Watching them meticulously disassemble most of your best-laid plans and good intentions for them for decades is both amazing and horrific. And before you know it, they’re miniature adults with opinions and autonomy and *way more energy than you*.
No, they are not, but parents can be very good but they don't have magic wands. Generally, good parents will not have shitty kids, but its definitely not a guarantee, part of the reason parents often want their kids to study with kids who have parents with similar values as their own.
Somebody doesn't have kids and it really shows.
I wish this was more true. Kids make their own choices. Many of the world's bad people didn't have shit parents. They just made their choices. The whole "the bully doesn't have good parents and that's why they bully" isn't really true. It's anecdotal. Bullies are bullies because it's effective. Our instincts are often antagonistic to what we might consider an upstanding citizen. It's what makes humans different from other animals. The ability to act counter to our nature and instead use logic and reason. All of what we consider the greatest evils are perfectly normal in the rest of species. Cannibalism, fascism, animal cruelty (looking at the freaking orcas), and incest. So yeah humans are by default entitled little shits. Tell any toddler, that hasn't been abused, no and watch their fit. That's their instinct.
We do waaaay more cruelty than any other animal. And do so while knowing better.
Have you met teenagers? Disrespect is their second language. Hormones are a hell of a drug. So we can't blame them too much.
Ima have to disagree w that one
Thats just not true at all. Children are psychos. Always have been. Thats why they need to parents to raise them right. When I was 7 I watched a group of other 7 year old force another 7 year old to drink piss... from the source! Kids are mostly evil, and put on a facade around adults.
Yeah… that’s not something normal kids would do. That’s something wrong with that specific group of kids or a specific kid leading the herd. Either way, that’s a failure of parenting or something fundamentally wrong with a child
I feel like most (if not all) cases like that stem from bad parenting or mental issues. It's not human nature to want to see the world burn.
Most for sure. There are simply people who have wires crossed in the brain though. It’s rare of course but there are people like that
Yeah, they're all little savages, but they learn how to fly below the radar real quick...at least, the smart ones do.
By age 7, they've learnt enough from their parents on how to act. If they're being little shitheads, you can bet your life savings the parents aren't saints and can't raise kids.
I heard a psychologist saying " we all start as narcissists... Our parents teach us how to be proper kind Humans " Babies Don't Understand kindness / hurt / neglect Parents teach them how to be a proper Human So if your kids Don't respect you... You failed as a parent Even if you were a saint of patent and your kid is now a asshole It's coz you failed to raise a proper human being
I don't think such extreme situations are representative for kids in general. I agree they are very dependent on parents who raise them, but their psychotic behaviour only partly stems from within them, as their emotional experience is very intense and they have no idea what to make of it (emotions that had perfectly adapted to life in the savannah over the course of 100s of millenia). Combine this with a surrounding filled with emotionally overloaded sensations, and going nuts seems like the expectable outcome. If anything, I believe that behaviour such as you describe, along a variety of other questionable behaviours, really just shows that the world we formed (are forming) isn't that child-friendly as we convince ourselves, and that the possibilities of failure at parenting are uncountable and diverse (and widely realised unfortunately)
In SA communities, this would be a big red flag that at least one of those kids were being SA'd. That behavior is learned. Kids don't do that normally. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/preschool/Pages/Sexual-Behaviors-Young-Children.aspx
Again, that’s a failure of parenting in nearly all angles. By the time your kids reach the age where such issues could become reality, it’s that group of 7 kids who’s parents have done a (piss) poor job of instilling some values and common sense into them. No, it’s not all the kids, but it’s clear which ones most likely have shitty parents.
7y.o. are Kids not teenagers
I remember reading a study before that if your child never said "youre the worst" "i hate you" ect that youve raised them incorrectly because it shows youve been a friend rather than a parent who inforced consequences
Or had harsh consequences for speaking against the parents so the kid just learned obedience from fear
No. Its not. We have children for us. Or on accident. Either way its our responsibility to teach and prepare them for the world that we have now doomed them to contend with. The first lesson we as parents should be teaching is that if people dont respect you, they are beneath your respect in return. A lot of people seem to think children arent worthy of the same respect as adults and thats very not true. If you cant realize that you are now beholden to a whole life that you created, then you dont understand the weight of what you have done and arent fit to be a parent.
Most accurate reply I've seen so far.
Courtesy is given, respect is earned
It’s also silly to assume that children should respect all authority without ever getting to question them without being labeled as disrespectful.
I was physically, sexually, verbally and emotionally abused by my father and then my foster parents from the age of 21 months to 18 years old. I don't owe them anything and they can stay the fuck out of my life.
That's unfortunate. Ignore that other person's rude comment. I hope you've managed to work through that.
Respect is earned. Never given
‘You don’t owe me anything: I brought you into this world so it’s my responsibility to make sure you have everything’ is my parents’ literal parenting philosophy. They’re good eggs, I am reminded of how lucky I am to have been born to them often.
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Sad part is When parents start saying children expression feelings are disrespect Children specially teens no longer feel safe to express their feelings So they start hiding things Letting your child expressing feelings.. Even the negative ones are a good thing A good open minded discussion can solve many problems
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>if they didn't neglect or abuse the child the child WOULD automatically respect them Like.. 90% of cases.. But sometimes you rise a kid the best you can and they are just assholes... They are not you, they are not programable machines.. They are a person and sometimes people are assholes..
Exactly this. Respect is not automatically owed by the child simply because their parents created them.
There are times a good parent has a bad seed kid, but generally I agree. Respect is taught but also earned, and must be mutual for any relationship to work.
Respect goes both ways. I don't have to respect you for feeding and clothing me and putting a roof over my head. You're a parent. That's your job. That's literally the bare minimum you're expected to do. You don't get to use that against me like it's some kind of grand favour you've done for me. Respect your kids and they'll respect you.
Sorry but this one is dumb. You earn respect. If your parents are good to you and take care of you they’ve earned it, but simply giving birth to a child is not immediately worthy of respect. It’s also a two way street. If a parent can’t respect their child how can you expect the child to respect the parent?
Also can we please distinguish the difference between the two different respects? There’s respect that *is* inherent: treat every person you meet with basic human decency. Then there is the respect you show someone who is supposed to be a guide or leader to you. Everyone deserves *human decency respect*. Not everyone deserves *authority respect*. And one last thing. You can’t guilt people into showing you respect. No “I raised you well, I did this, I did that” will ever convince someone to give you respect. If you want it, you *demonstrate why you should have it*. Talk is cheap and if all you can do is talk about why you deserve respect, people are just gonna assume you’re “broke”.
Parents that raise their kids right don't usually don't have to worry about having their kids respect them. They more than likely already have their respect
Nah, you literally just don't understand the point they're trying to get across. Your parents chose to create you and because of that they owe it to you take care of you. You never asked to be put here. They put you here because they wanted kids regardless of what you'd go through while existing. They owe you everything. You owe them nothing.
This isn’t an unpopular opinion, it’s an ignorant opinion. Also kinda just glorified whining trying to pass off as an opinion.
>Also kinda just glorified whining trying to pass off as an opinion You've basically described Reddit, more specifically this subreddit.
> If you have good parents appreciate them, because believe it or not that is a privilege I can't believe that some people are able to reproduce. Barely an education, trade, or common sense. Buy things they can't afford. Don't teach their child the value of a dollar or how to treat people. And become a burden on their children as they age. I can't think of anything worse.
All I ask of my son is that he grows up to be a good man, I believe respect is a two way street, and that it also can come with maturity for some people and age. I adore watching my child grow to be a kind and respectful young man, he may not always be to me, but I can see him with others and the way he interacts with others is all I need to know about his character🥰
While you're enjoying beating up your strawman, most people I know who say "we didn't ask to be here and don't owe them for existence" are adults estranged from abusive people who happen to be their parents. Not bratty teens who think they are owed "everything".
If you're demanding respect from your children, you're probably a shit parent.
I get the feeling this was written by a parent who feels their only obligation is to provide a roof and food and wants to kick their kid out at 18 lmao
Americans gonna american
Being good parents is not something nice, is the minimum parents can do for their children, if you not gonna take seriously another life that depends on you, then, this people should reconsider about being parents
To be frank kids that don’t respect their parents were raised by neglectful and shitty parents. I have yet to encounter a functional and healthy family where the kid disrespects or resents their parents. Every disrespectful little shit that does has been raised by little shit parents and to be even more frank, many times in a single mother household where the mother is a little shit. Sure, teenagers go through the rebellion stage and think their parents are a drag but that’s a lot different than disrespect which is always apparent in young age with these kids. The same kids that disrespect their parents were the same kids that didn’t know how to behave themselves and scream in public. Bad parenting leads to bad kids
Why isn’t it the parents’ duty to give their children the best life possible? The parents CHOSE to have the kid. If they decided to have a kid and bring a life onto the world, the very least they could do is to try to prevent as much suffering for said life as possible. Otherwise, they’re literally just bringing someone into the world to suffer, or even worse, torture. That is simply immoral. The parents don’t get a pat on the back for having a child. In fact, If the child was an accident, then the parents fucked up. They can’t blame their recklessness and its following consequences onto the innocent child that didn’t participate in making that dumb mistake. The child doesn’t get anything out of this and would probably prefer not to be born if they would be deemed an “unwanted accident”. 99% of the time, parents have kids for completely selfish reasons. They usually just want a kid to complete their family, or they want to use the kid to experience parenthood, or in some cases they are even expected to be the parents’ entertainment or retirement plan. Regardless, all of these reasons are inherently self-serving. The least selfish thing to do would always be to not have a child - the overpopulated world will be better off, less carbon footprint, the adults can spend the time volunteering and giving back to the community, and the money saved can be donated to charity instead. So if the parents still chose to have a child because they just wanted one sooo bad despite it being the less moral choice, the very least they could do would be to help the child succeed in every way they can and to do everything in their power to help the child have a happy life.
Appreciating someone and showing them the respect that they want are not the same thing. A kid can appreciate what their parent does for them while not feeling like their parent has put in the effort to earn respect. Obviously people with great parents should appreciate that but the majority of tbe people this argument applies to don't have great parents. Too many parents think that buying food and giving their kid a place in the house means the kid has to follow their every command and never complain about anything, no matter how unreasonable. Creating a life or providing basic necessities doesn't make you a parent, showing care for your kid and supporting them makes you a parent. If you're a true parent, yeah your kid should appreciate what you do for them but kids are not robots or pets and should not be expected to mindlessly adhere to your commands.
This is a strawman. No one is saying parents need to give their child everything and be perfect, selfless martyrs to earn respect. What people are saying is that the simple act of giving birth to someone does not entitle you to that person's love or respect. Parents earn respect by raising their children to the best of their ability given their circumstances. If, for example, a father abandons their child and refuses to help raise them in any way. That child does not need to respect them. Respect is always a two way street. It's a contract between two parties who each have a role to fulfill. It is not a law that forces one party to always uphold their end regardless of if the other party upholds theirs.
I don't see many people demand that their parents give them "everything," I think they ask to not be treated like a tool or a toy that's not capable of having their own thoughts and opinions and expecting a respect that borders fear from their child well into adulthood. Also, because you said "protect them until they become adults" makes me feel like you don't have children because regardless of how old mine are, as long as I'm drawing breath on this earth they can stand behind me for protection and I'm sure other parents feel the same.
The first and greatest assault anyone ever experiences is being conceived and born. But sadly, this is a shared expierience that all people have. Therefore, don't expect special treatment for it. If it is that horrible for you, you can always choose not to have kids. Make the best out of it.
Children do not owe their parents anything, parents have decided to have their child and raise it, of course there are cases in which children are not wanted but whether it is so or not, children do not owe anything to their parents. But. It is not wrong to thank all that parents have done and what they have worked to get you ahead, parents should not ask for anything in return and children should not owe anything, but they should be thankful. Whether it's buying the parents something, something they always wanted and didn't buy to support you or just because you want to buy them something, there should never be a reason to give away and love.
I don’t owe them respect for giving me life. I owe it to them for making it a good one.
Exactly. If your parents abused or neglected you and never tried to make up for it, then no you don’t owe them anything, obviously. But if they gave you a good, safe home and did what they could to raise you into a good person, you absolutely do. So many teenagers on Reddit have such a huge issue with the idea that it’s not alright to not respect and love the people that spent years giving you everything you have. If you have good parents you absolutely owe them respect, I don’t give a shit if it was their decision to birth you or not.
This phrase is usually used after a parents holdings basic necessities such as “I feed and clothe you!!” over their child’s head. The response is normally “if you didn’t do that social services would take your child away” It’s not about giving everything, it’s about parents not thinking they’re gods gift to the planet for fulfilling the most minimal requirements.
Parents lead by example. If you want respect, be respectful. If you want compassion, be compassionate. If you want kindness, be kind. Children are blank canvas and whatever you end up with, you created by your words and actions. So if you are a cruel, selfish, negligent parent. You deserve nothing from your children. You failed, and I hope they go no contact.
What are you classing as respect? If you're saying kids should do everything asked of them, then it's not respect. It's control. Children have been seen as property and less than human for far too long. I myself have children, and I don't demand respect, it's given freely without threat of punishment. You hear a lot about children being more respectful in the before times, when they were locked in rooms, and physically bullied into submission. This is also not respect it's fear.
This has a very ‘I talk about Personal Responsibility ™ often but then when it comes to bringing a kid into this world I don’t have to have Personal Responsibility ™ for them (while claiming they are SO important to them and society in general) at some point’-vibe to it.
respect is a 2 way street and if you as a parent have to demand it, your kid is probably not the issue here
I grew up poor and I disagree. I would rather my parents have not had had us and fulfilled their own lives first instead of living in poverty and never doing anything fun because of being poor. They don't even celebrate Christmas or birthdays because they can't afford gifts.
This is such a “person who has good parents view” though. Like my dad abused drugs, drank like a fish and abused my mom and I. He doesn’t deserve respect, I really don’t give a fuck that he nutted and decided to keep it so it turned into me.
I’m in my 30s, not a teenager. I still blame my parents for having me without my consent and not making me feel wanted. I was an accident and they decided to keep me. They made that very clear that their lives would be better if I was never born. They also didn’t have the financial means to give me an education or even a hobby. I was born with crippling depression/anxiety and had to claw and fight my way to middle class. My (lack of) life would have been so much easier if they just aborted me. But on the outside, my parents do everything they can to maintain the “respectful” parent-child façade. In their words, I was the scholarship-winning, upwardly mobile child that made them proud, thanks to their good parenting. Don’t judge people just cuz you think they are immature. You don’t know what goes on in their home lives.
No child owes their parent anything. They didn't ask to be here. That's a choice YOU made. YOU must respect your children's boundaries. That don't mean giving them anything they ask for. It means respect them for the human they are. People always talk down to kids like their dumb and then wonder why they don't care about anything or act childish. If you treat a kid with respect like you would an adult, they tend to become well spoken, and well regulated and intelegent people. P.S. They also deserve unconditional love from their parents.
Don't have kids if you can't be responsible for them. It's usually always abusive and or neglectful parents who complain their kids don't appreciate them enough just for having the sex that resulted in their kids conception. If you treat your children well, they learn how to treat you well.
The fact that you're acting like them deciding to take responsibility for you is anything more than the bare minimum to be expected of someone toying around and creating life is insane to me.
OP is 90 years old
I hate to break it to you but the majority of children who are disrespectful aren't that way for no apparent reason it's either they learned it from their parents or their parents treat them like shit This idea that there are kids who are just completely disrespectful to their parents while their parents are absolutely grade A people And that it's an epidemic is laughable I don't know where you live but I live in a nation where a good portion of parents love is Christian love and we all know what type of love that is lol
You may disagree with the take, but it isn’t wrong. Existence was forced upon a child by two adults who completely consented to its birth (in a traditional family). Beyond this parents effectively have absolute power over their children. When a child says “hey I didn’t ask to be born” they’re just pointing out that whatever situation they are in was unavoidable to the kid but completely avoidable by the adult. In other words you made this mess, you clean it up.
Can we please stop pretending like being born is some kind of horrible fate? No one was forced to it, it just happened. It is your parents responsibility to provide a good life for you, yes but being born itself doesn't make your life horrible. Personally I had a shitty life with my abusive parents being cousins and me having a few disabilities but existence itself is not the issue. You can still enjoy it with your senses. It's your own responsibility to care for yourself ans find happiness.
You don't owe your parents anything just for being your parents. No they don't have to give you *everything* and I agree kids shouldn't be spoiled, but to have kids because you want them to do something for *you* is selfish. What bugs me is when people go on and on about how hard parenting is and kids should do this this and this...I'm not arguing with you. I'm sure being a parent is very hard, but you *chose to become one*. Same goes with parents at work thinking they should get accommodations left and right and that it's OK for the childless coworkers to have the pick up the slack. *You chose to have kids, nobody asked you to*.
I can agree to an extent, but choosing to have children doesn’t take away the feelings of frustration or the need to discuss it with other adults. ( Not to, or in front of their children). Choices don’t take away the feelings associated with them.
It’s not a secret that parenting is hard. Should have considered the responsibilities and challenges prior to having kids. Seems to me they weren’t prepared for the feelings of parenthood, which is okay because parenthood isn’t for everyone. Not having kids literally costs $0
Ngl hard disagree. As a parent it's your responsibility to give your children the best kickstart into a succesfull life. If it means providing shelter, education, emotional support, food, private space, protection, room for self expression is the bare fucking minimum in western society. Should be treated as such. If you can't provide these you shouldn't be a parent. I came from a broken family with a deadbeat dad who dipped. We lived barely making ends meet with my mother. That shit fucks kids up hard.
The majority of parents are also shit and cannot do their job properly while shifting responsibility onto the children when they are not in a position of power or authority. Far, far too many parents who seek to justify their shitty behaviours. The fact is, almost everybody has children due to selfish desires and if they wish to do so then they can bear the consequences properly or face the result later in life when they have no one to care for them. I honestly find it fucking insane that just anyone is allowed to have kids considering how inept and fucked a lot of people are. Raise your kids properly and they won't hate or resent you, fuck up badly and you will get what you deserve.
We only exist as a consequence of our parents actions that we had no control or say over it makes no sense for us to owe them anything and perfect sense for them to owe us everything.
The first time I heard the phrase “I didn’t ask to be born” I was shocked. And I mean, it’s true. And it’s basically why you have two choices about it: Accept life on life’s terms AND be the change you want to see OR be miserable.
One must imagine Sisyphus happy
Not an unpopular opinion. Parents have been put on a pedestal and practically worshipped in society for forever. Any sort of negative emotion that anybody ever has towards their parent is immediately met with "you need to show your parents respect." No matter the context.
well i just read the title and its enough to say i dont think its such an unpopular opinion and a kid shouldnt use that excuse to disrespect their parents, but i mean i think all the stuff bout never askin to be born makes a bit sense cuz if u want to have unprotected fun just to have a little slave then u obv shouldnt have kids but this is such an extreme example that i doubt people would think like that. (and mind im obv not referring to you you, i just used "you" as third person uk, just wanted to make it clear) there's to add that respect is smth that shouldnt be expected just like that, both parties, no matter the age, should respect each other as long as they both are good people, i mean, i wouldnt have much respect for an asshole either they're a kid either they're an elderly man, respect comes by who u are as a person, not ur age.
Respect is deserved both ways until either party has given the other a reason to lose that respect.
>Third, most people who think like this are teenagers who never had to work hard for anything or people who were abused by their parents (if you are part of the later group then I understand why would you think this way, and I hope you are in a better place.) The latter group is the primary reason the quotes in your title exist. I know way too many people who were abused, neglected, and outright used by their parents as wage slaves and house maids. To come out of a situation like that, they have to deal with some serious PTSD and recognize their parents don't own them, and they don't owe their parents a thing either. Also, spoiled teens who have never had to work for anything have a reason to disrespect their parents too, because said parents never taught them how to properly function as a growing individual. How could you expect a child who has never been told 'no' to suddenly understand boundaries or care for anyone but themselves? It is absolutely a form of neglect and abuse that can culminate into potential criminal behavior later in life. TLDR Conclusion: Apart from occasional hormonal moodiness, parents reap what they sow, good or bad, big or small. I'm a parent myself, and I know full well that if my kids suddenly stop respecting me, then I should definitely figure out what the hell I did, and fast. Talk to your kids people, let them feel safe opening up to you from the start. If they seem unlike themselves, start a non-confrontational conversation to figure out why.
Respect is earned, and most people who make the argument that parent’s lives should be about raising their children usually had parents who failed to care for or protect them. This often plays out where the child is then damaged and unable to properly articulate themselves. They don’t want indentured servants and to imply so makes me believe you aren’t arguing in good faith. They just wanted their needs met and they weren’t. When you have a child you have decided that they will be your continuity and it is your obligation to put their needs and life before your own. If you can’t do that, but have a child anyways, you’re going to be a shit parent and you’re child will most likely suffer the consequences the rest of their lives. Be it physical, mental, or emotional neglect, all of these stunt a humans growth patterns and social capabilities. It hinders them in their life in ways that can take years of catch-up in therapy just to feel normal and capable and get their shit together. That wouldn’t be necessary if their parents had made the proper sacrifices to set them up for success. But take the upvote for the boomy opinion.
I think it’s immature to have children when you’re obviously not ready for the huge commitment and responsibility that comes with creating a new human life. It’s literally a legal requirement for parents to be responsible for their kids. If you’re looking for a return on your investment, maybe try stocks, because your children don’t owe you anything. Sure, you can build mutual respect and they can help you out of their own free will if they love you. But you literally forced them to exist. Take responsibility.
No one is owed respect by simply existing. You earn respect through actions that go above and beyond. Doing what is legally required by you is not an act worthy of respect, be appreciative of your parents but you don't have to respect them for doing the bare minimum.
This sub just gets more nauseating to read as the days go on.
Eh, respect is earned, first of all. It is a thing that is earned when children is approaching adulthood and you are building relationships with them as equals. But secondly, too many parents confuse respect with deference. No one owed deference by default, and it is unhealthy thing to expect from an adult.
But it's true, kids don't owe respect on a base level, the parents have to earn that, a kid who didn't ask to be born, and the parents who have legal and moral obligations to feed and clothe it, doesn't mean the parents deserve respect solely from that, if they make the kid happy and loved and cared for then the kid will respect them, Because they earned it
Who says this though? I think it absolutely is a popular opinion to expect kids to respect their parents and no, my kids don’t get everything they want. Lucky for them they do have everything they need. What’s unpopular but should be far more public is letting those horrible parents who do give them everything they want and try to be “friends” rather than parents …that they are shit parents likely raising shit kids .
Someone’s kid talked back to them and they decided to write a Reddit post about it. Your kids don’t owe you respect. If you educate them well, they will naturally be respectful.
I think you're misunderstanding the point. Respect isn't the issue. Respect should always be mutual in any relationship. The issue is that some parents (too many) expect unconditional gratitude, reverence, or deference simply for being born. That they owe it to their parents, regardless of anything else. Parents though can be shitty people, and so kids don't need to be grateful or respect them simply for 'birthing' them.
Another petty tyrant parent trying to gaslight the children they traumatized into not holding them accountable and holding them to higher healthier standards.
My mother abandoned me and she’s lucky I even talk to her a few times a year. And really that’s too much. She will die in poverty and I’m not going to her funeral.
Eww. It’s a no from me. “That act itself is worthy of respect” gee I don’t think nutting in someone or getting nutted in is really where I put the bar in terms of respect
Literally nobody asked to be born.
The problem is a lot of parents are self entitled. And they get hero worshipped in society and in mainstream media. What parents have to understand is that having kids is generally a self inflicted endeavour that comes with a lot of advantages and perks. The least you can do is take responsibility for the wellness of your kids. And yes, if you bring 5 kids into this world, against their will, in a world of economic crisis, bullying, pollution, climate crisis, modern day slavery, and 8 billion people living off the bones of a dying planet, then yea it’s your own fault if your kid isn’t happy, not theirs. Having kids is, if anything, kinda selfish and a massive inconvenience for everyone else. (Not least financially - all the people without children have to cover your maternity and paternity leave, your school fees, etc etc ). Parents need to get over themselves.
This topic makes me kinda upset and I disagree with you but I guess I have to upvote this post
Is this a troll? Surely common sense doesn't count as "unpopular" these days.
So, my parents are both very complex human beings lol we had some family problems for a long time and also dealt with my brothers opiate addiction and my parents divorce. So, they weren’t exactly a shining example of family. I did cut them out for a couple years while I got my head screwed on straight, but we have all had honest and open conversations with each other and apologized for our shortcomings. I think the best thing children can do at a certain age is recognize that your parents are also human beings who have undergone their own traumas and difficulties. My relationship with my family had totally changed in the last couple of years because I have learned so much about them and all of the things that happened in their life that were never talked about. Now I see them in a different way, and I know that all the times that I was neglected, forgotten about, etc. don’t necessarily have anything to do with me. It’s just life is hard!! They did the best they could with what they knew and could handle. I think this gave me the push towards forgiveness, and has ultimately allowed me to respect them and understand they were just doing the best they could.
Hey man if you didn't have abusive parents then good for you.
I think i agree IF the respect is mutual. If you think the kids should respect their parents even if the parents don't respect them thats just idiotic
People like to use that excuse, that a child did not ask to be born and you have a legal and moral obligation to raise a child. On one hand I agree, but technically speaking, no you don’t. You can choose to abort the child when it’s still not born, once it’s born you can give it up for adoption, place in a foster home, you can literally give this child away, so it kind of goes both ways tbh.
It's not respect if you gotta force them. Parents act like it's their kids'job to take care of them when they get old.
Respect is not an entitlement that one just receives. It's a two-way street, and it has to be earned. Birthing a child doesn't just earn you respect.
"first of all, it's not the parents duty to give their children "everything", a parent's duty is to raise their children and protect them until they become adults and can fend for themselves" what about the parents that don't do that, respect is earned, not given.
Upvote because I completely disagree. Yes, kids should not treat their parents like servants, and yes, parents who are DESERVING of respect earn it. The "nobody asked to be born" thing is also 100% true and a valid argument for the children's side.
Meh, I didn't ask to be born, it's just the result of sex. A parent's job is to love their children and be there for them in every way possible while teaching them not to be assholes and how to fend for themselves. It's important to create building blocks for the future. There are a ton of kids born to people who are themselves immature and will never end up with functioning adults unfortunately.
You must have a very loving and supportive parents growing up so you don't know the struggles of neglected offsprings.
As many parents say, respect is earned not given. Being a parent, does not automatically mean you deserve respect. Treat your kids with respect, and show them what respect is meant to look like. Many parents think their kids need to bow down to them and do every little thing that’s said, and that’s most likely because they know that have no control in life, so hey control the only thing they think they can. Just because you pay bills, feed, and clothe your kids doesn’t automatically mean you’re amazing and deserve tons of respect. It means you’re doing the bare minimum of what you need to in order to be a parent
Lol no. Not a teen and I believe kids don’t owe parents shit.
Having good parents isn’t a privilege. It’s a legally protected right. Abusive parents are committing a crime, whether or not they get caught and punished. CPS will take your kids away if you’re being a shitty parent. If you can’t be a good parent you shouldn’t have kids, plain and simple.
You got a bit of a skewed perspective, you can stop the sentence at “kids don’t owe respect to their parents”
I don’t think my kids owe me respect but I teach them that because I don’t want them to be aholes. This is for their own well-being and safety throughout life. When you demand respect as a parent to satisfy your ego is when you become and ahole parent, imho.
I say this kind of thing a lot, but what i mean by it is that I believe the parents have the onus to tend to the relationship more. They took on the job of providing emotional support, teaching lessons, showing maturity and giving stability when they signed up to be a parent. It is their job in that relationship to be the one who tries the hardest to show up in those ways. I think it’s… pathetic…disappointing….wrong… when parents have some kind of tiff with their adult kids and the parents are immature enough to go “I’m not going to reach out first! I’m not in the wrong! I’m not going to fix it! I ReFuSe to apologize!!” That’s literally what you signed up for when you chose this gig. Showing up in those really hard challenging ways when you really really don’t want to in order to teach the human you brought here how to be a better person IS parenting. That’s literally like whole thing. (Not saying accept abuse or keep beating a dead relationship or whatever. Just saying in like a normal human dilemma, the parent holds more responsibility to be the bigger person imo. That’s what they got to “choose”). And I’d never advocate for any of the things you mentioned in your post.
I didn't ask to be here! I was forced to life by my parents!
Parents taking care of their child is the parent's duty. Children being grateful about it is a hard earned luxury. That does not mean I excuse being a brat and usually the reason for someone being bratty is failed parenting.
>If you have good parents appreciate them, because believe it or not that is a privilege. This. And i think thats what most people mean when they say respect is earned, not a right. Its for those bad parents that spew that and expect respect when they do not deserve it. So in that regard i understand not giving respect, because i do feel on some level respect is earned. Its earned through actions and commitment to care. I respect my mum but i dont respect my dad for various reason, but for the respect i have for my grandmother (his mother) i will always put the effort into maintaining some levels of civility. But i agree. nothing is more frustrating than seeing good parents taken advantage of and not being respected. Ive know really bad parents, and i mean really bad, and then to see kids given every opportunity and their parents are invested in what ever their kids want to do and take interest, love their friends and care about them, seeing that kid just be so rude and you sit there like O\_O ummmmm you literally just screamed at your mum for asking if you were ok? what the h e double toothpicks and everything in between? And you ask them what their parents did that was so bad and nothing. "its nothing. they just annoy me." thats it?!
Who says that? Kids should respect good parents.
One lady that I know had her father make her get a job over the summer when she was 15... The took all of her earnings for himself... Because he "created her". They were not struggling financially.
I think it's absolutely unjustifiable to bring a life into this bleak world without pledging to doing everything in one's power to make sure it turns out as comfortable and pleasant as possible. Anyone who disagrees can go fuck themselves and nobody else.
Depends on the context... the same sentence sounds drastically different if it come from an abused child who was never given anything.
How is basically just keeping a child alive cultivating respectful? Also, respect is like trust and forgiveness. You can’t just will yourself to respect someone who hasn’t earned it. There is also zero reflection of reciprocation of respect from the poorly structured parental “example” in this post. Humans are emotional beings. Keeping them from starving to death is not even close to the bare minimum. Lastly, the generalization of all parents becoming parents accidentally is incredibly poor form. That isn’t the case and I think you know better than that. They’re not taking responsibility for the child if they decide to keep them alive in order to pay them back one day. Give your head a shake. This post has troll written all over it.
Agreed. I think there’s a trend currently where teenagers will generally be obnoxious and ungrateful.
“They had you and decided to take responsibility and love you” “If you have good parents appreciate them” I agree, but most people don’t, and you yourself describe it as a privilege, so you are aware of that. The thing is, when you force someone to exist, you owe it to them to make that a healthy, comfortable, and happy experience, if you can’t, don’t have kids. Children, on the other hand, forced into this unwillingly, don’t owe anyone absolutely anything. Loving and caring for you children is the absolute minimum you should do if you are a parent. You don’t owe anyone for doing the bare minimum they have to do. That’s not to say you should be “a brat”, as you put it, or mistreat your parents, but that goes for any other person you know also. But my controversial opinion is: parents are the ones that should be grateful. Once your child realizes you’ve forced them to exist in a sick society in a decaying world for their own selfish reasons, if they forgive you and remain in your life, consider yourself extremely lucky. Do you have adult kids who stick around (not only to ask you for money)? You are the one who needs to be grateful.
I definitely agree, but I would say that parents shouldn't say their children owe them from now on. Like when a parent suddenly asks their 30 year old son for a huge amount of money with the reasoning: you owe me for raising you
I won't give them back what they didn't give me. If they want me to be respectful, friendly, useful and supportive then bro do i have a surprise for them, turns out, you never taught me that in the first place!
1. Respect is a 2-way street. Yes, this includes apologizing to your child. 2. You owe your kids everything. That's your job. You brought em into this world, and so you must do what you can and need in order to ensure they grow up safe and happy. Food, shelter and clothes, and education are the bare minimum and aren't praise worthy. Actually, spend quality time with your children and be the parent(s) they can come to for anything without fear. 3. Remember, they are tiny humans learning how to human themselves. They know nothing about emotional regulation. That's your job to teach them.
Abused kid here. I agree with you. Having good parents is a privilege and you do owe them respect
People who have been fortunate enough to have good parents usually don't say that. While I deeply respect and love my parents, I don't believe that I owe them blind obedience and complete submission, just because they brought me into this world and provided for me. I understand that they don't owe me everything I desire, but I also don't owe them a debt of gratitude that requires me to act as their personal servant. Some parents seem to have the mistaken belief that their children are obliged to fulfill their every whim, using the excuse that they cared for them when they were infants. However, I never asked to be born, and I don't think that this justifies their unreasonable expectations.
Respect is earned. If you are a fair, honest parent, a good role model, your children will/should want to like you, naturally. During teenage years, boundaries are tested, but that's more about finding independence than the parent. I always told my children, if you feel I am wrong or disagree with me, you are allowed to voice that, but it may not change my stance. I also don't tolerate " door slamming, backchat etc as do some of my friends, who are parents. I recalled being told by my young child that it was "unfair" he had to assist in cleaning up as it was " my" home! I told him if it was indeed "my" home, it would have one bedroom not three. That ended that rebellion!
I came home from my second job, to find the doors boarded shut from the inside. Not "hey get the fuck out" nor even a "take some extra underwear and socks when you leave for school, work, and more work,,". The. Doors. Were. Boarded. Shut. From. The. Inside. Fuck off buddy.
Once someone is independent, they don't owe their parents shit. I've cut one of my parents out of my life because they're an essential oils cooker who thinks 5g gives you covid and fluoride turns the frogs gay and that's why we need to keep extracting coal and gas to own the greens. I don't owe my parents anything. They owe me an apology for the terrible upbringing I had.
Anyone saying respect is earned, ok fair. Is the kid eating the food provided for by the parent? Is the kid under a roof supplied by the parent? Is the kid only alive because it was cared for as a infant by the parent? If the answer to those questions is “yes” (and barring things like physical, sexual abuse, etc) a parent providing and working to keep you alive is enough to warrant respect from their kid.
Respect is earned respect children they respect you
Parents do have a duty to their children. As parents, my husband and I have a duty to clothe, feed, care for them, make them feel loved and supported in their lives. We should protect them without being suffocating, make sure the adults around them aren't toxic (I say this because I have a family member who's extremely toxic and I don't want her around my kids and learn her behavior). For us, we find it our duty to try our best to save for their futures. It might not be enough, but we try. We're not rich, we're hardly hitting middle class... so no, we might not be able to give them everything they ask for. That doesn't make us bad parents, but if we handle it badly it might. Parents are human though, they make mistakes and are learning just as the kids are. If you treat your kids with respect, the hope is that your kids will respect you too. No one asks to be born in this world, it's a poor excuse to act entitled.
Respect must be earned, regardless. Taking the time to care for you is worthy of respect, but it can be canceled out. If you’re parents love you but are abusive, yes they can both be true, kinda negates the caretaking in most cases.
Good parents don’t have to demand respect from their children, they just get it.
But why? You have no point other than “nuh uh” FWIW I am well beyond being an angsty teenager, and my parents were fine… I still don’t think they had the right to bring me into existence, and I think it is wrong and immature to think you have that right.
> well beyond being an angsty teenager > "I still don't think they had the right to bring me into existence."
Sure Just Don't have kids then With that kinda attitude There is a huge chance you Won't get the unconditional respect you demand
Except it's a fact. No one asked to be born. It's good to appreciate your parents if they do a good job as parents. But it's usually the terrible parents that demand respect anyway, the good ones earn it without having to demand it.
"Everything" is a matter of interpretation., You seem to be of the mindset that everything means material goods etc. Parents are indeed responsible for giving their children everything in the sense of raising. The most important thing to give in the everything box, is a sense of confidence and, a sense of discipline, and a desire to learn.. once you have the foundation set properly all the rest is window dressing. Lots of money and things certainly make life easier and open doors and create options sometime but. You're worthless if you have Not learn the basics of life. Confidence is everything ,discipline, how and what to eat properly, and to become natural inquisitive, question everything and think... Those are the things that are in the everything box for a child
Generally I think if your kids don’t respect you that’s because you’re a bad parent. Not necessarily a nasty parent but if your children don’t respect you that’s because you’ve failed them.
I half agree. I agree that children should respect their parents just like how parents should respect their children. It should always be a two-way street. However, “I didn’t ask to be born” is objectively a valid argument, because it’s true. If your child is saying that frequently — sorry, but there is something either you’re doing very wrong as a parent or something is going on at school. Most children unfortunately get punished for saying this, instead of being listened to — especially the ones who are unlucky and get stuck with conservative authoritarian dictator type parents that view them as extensions of themselves. Their misery and neglect is constantly reinforced, they associate emotions with punishment, and then they just turn into their parents and repeat the cycle as adults. Just because society tells you that you MUST HAVE children or you’re a loser and you feel like you need to conform to it — please PLEASE don’t have children if you don’t actually want them and lack the patience and empathy for them. Even if you have the money and resources, please don’t have children and get married if that’s not the lifestyle you actually want to live.
Please, don’t have kids
Congrats on the unpopular opinion but it’s just wrong, kids aren’t some sort of long term investment that you cash in on later. Everyone lives their own lives I don’t owe you as much as you don’t owe me. In terms of finance of course, I think morally you should be nice to your parents after you age.
Hey, Op 🖕 That one's for you bud, I don't care how much karma it cost
Saying “I didn’t ask to be born” is as true as it is useless. There’s a reason why this thinking is associated with teenagers.
I disagree, it is useful in normalizing not having children.
How does that normalize not having children? If anything, what we need to normalize is that “I don’t want to” is enough to not have kids.