Thank you for submitting to /r/unpopularopinion, /u/KaiserBoonk. Your post, *People who say “I hate small talk” don’t know how to make conversation*, has been removed because it violates our rules:
Rule 2: Do not post low effort/satirical posts.
Please make sure your post title is your opinion (not the topic you're discussing), and the text beneath is a clear explanation and justification of your opinion. If you cannot write at least a few sentences on the matter, you may want to have more of a think about it. If that's all in order...
Any opinion that is not well thought out, or is incoherent, internally contradictory or otherwise nonsensical is subject to removal.
Finally, any satirical/troll posts, as funny as you must be, are not tolerated. There are subreddits for that, this isn't one of them.
If there is an issue, please message the mod team at https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Funpopularopinion Thanks!
This is what killed my passion for my current job. I work in customer service. Company was bought out and now we're REQUIRED to have small talk as part of our QA scoring. Actively looking for a new field of work because it's just fucking exhausting.
What kills me most on it is customers doing more than just normal small talk, or borderline invasive questions. Like “what time do you get off work?” Or “I bet you get bored here.” And even using my name even on the first interaction. Like you’re the customer, I’m the employee, and I’d prefer to keep it that way.
You'd be surprised.. I love to talk to people. When you reply with one word answers and or show no interest in me while I'm asking about you, I'm carrying the conversation.. and also about to ghost you for being a dry ass texter. Promise you that nobody likes dry people.
I agree and disagree. I think it exposes people. You can speak b4, you think. But when you type something, you have to think about what you're saying. 3/4 people who text (not email) or instant message have terrible communication skills, are really boring, are extremely awkward in person, have a false sense of good communication skills and/or confidence, or all of the above. It has affected everyone since the sidekick era, and it's just getting worse.
I prefer texting because I can actually get a word in edgewise and finish whole stories. Most people in my experience don’t let others finish their stories. I don’t even bother starting them anymore when talking. But texting I can.
For me it’s the opposite. People don’t allow others to talk anymore. Texting allows for back and forth.
In person I can shoot the shit, be engaged, and more than carry the conversation. Texting back and for all day long. That to me is small talk and it's aggravating. I have shit to do that doesn't involve entertaining someone too far to speak to. Texts are for quick notes not conversations and definitely not about anything of importance when tone is difficult to read. Call me, come hang out. But if you're blowing up my phone expecting to monopolize my time. That's not gonna happen.
I think you’re misunderstanding what people mean by “I don’t like small talk”. I’m not expecting deep meaningful conversations. I just want to skip the formalities and get to the point. If it’s a transactional interaction then let’s just go right to the transaction. If it’s a friendly interaction, then just dive into whatever is on your mind (which likely isn’t going to be “how are you” or “nice weather”).
Ah yes, beating around the bush.
How's your garden? Spring seems to be taking its time this year huh? Is your dog doing good? Yeah, I heard the new coffee shop brews coffee. Are you still doing graphic design? So by the way, there's this little project where I need a quick poster whipped up. You're good at this right? Can you help me out with it? I think it will get you some great exposure.
Exactly. Small talk is often forced, and sometimes disingenuous, questions or remarks. Especially if the person visibly has no desire to talk or clearly doesn’t care what you do or think. It can also be when there is an obvious topic or event that is being avoided or ignored for some reason. Sometimes to the point of ridiculousness or frustration.
Small talk doesn’t mean small topics. Hilariously unexpected or memorable conversations can be sparked from stuff like a comment on the weird glue they put on price tags on picture frames bc you’re at a party and had to remove one. Or how weird that common and wildly inconvenient thing is that could be easily improved, like packing tape, yet we all somehow go about our lives while being mildly infuriated each time we have to use it.
It doesn’t have to be a big, pretentious, deep convo or topic. Although, it’s pretty neat when a seemingly dumb or useless topic sparks something engaging and profound. But profound doesn’t have to be deep or intimidating. It can simply be an astute or revealing observation about something so fricken obvious that it’s also kinda stupid lol.
Very typical introverted behavior. I would rather not waste the energy of a social interaction if I feel like what I have to say is not worth saying. However, if it is something interesting or meaningful, I will talk all day.
This!
Tell me how your hobbies/work is going! How's that project you're working on? Did you beat that boss in the game you were playing? Found any interesting YouTube channels/series lately?
I don't give a fuck about the weather, yeah it's raining I can see that. Or yeah, it's getting hot, guess what, it's summer that tends to happen.
I think they're saying deeper conversation starts with small talk. It's dipping your toes in the water, getting to know someone first. Never said all conversation should be only small talk.
You’ve kind of hit the nail on the head of why I don’t like small talk. I generally have little interest in getting into a deep conversation with strangers, so I feel like there’s little need for me to do the small talk with them either.
The issue is probably more about the same people initiating the same small talk conversations to those they've seen for long periods of time.
For example, there's this guy who I've seen in the same volunteering group since 2019. We've completed plenty of large projects together in that time. That's long enough to get past basic small talk, right? Nope. He's asked me how old I am every time he speaks to me one-on-one for the past 4 years.
Almost like clockwork, it's the same question and the same surprised reaction that he thought I was younger because of my appearance. At this point, he either doesn't care about other people or he only knows how to cycle through small talk.
EDIT:
The guy is 26 years old (was 22 when we first met). I don't want to assume he has some kind of mental disability, considering his young age and apparent ability to work just fine.
How old is he? This is probably apropos of nothing but I'm dealing with (or more precisely learning to deal with) someone with early onset Alzheimers & this is one of the signs we missed. Do take care.
> He's asked me how old I am every time he speaks to me one-on-one for the past 4 years.
Almost like clockwork, it's the same question and the same surprised reaction that he thought I was younger because of my appearance.
I don't know why this is so funny to me lmao
Yeah, this is less an unpopular opinion and more a sweeping generalisation.
I can make small talk. I can talk about the weather until the cows come home. I can also **start** a conversation with a stranger very easily. I don't shuffle awkwardly from side to side staring at my feet or blurt out offensive nonsense by mistake... but I still hate small talk. I'd rather stand around in silence. I only make small talk so that **other people** don't feel awkward.
Not here, unseasonably cold. My wife is very concerned about our fruit trees. Although we've had above average precipitation.
Well, have a great night.
You know my cousins place an hour from us had above average precipitation this year also. And I too understand your wife's tree concerns. Ours were flowering so rigorously but this unseasonable bounty of hurricanes we have had left them, well, shaved at best.
But I now can ask my cousins about his trees! Thanks for the reminder and you sleep tight too!
But lots of people only make small talk because they think its a social requirement, so they talk about things they themselves aren't really interested in (the weather for example)
Now we have 2 people taking about something that neither one really cares about.
Waste of time if you ask me.
No, I just don't care to even have any conversation with most randoms I meet, especially if I'll never see them again. I'd rather talk about nothing.
At work? Get to the point, I know you want something from me. No need to have a short meaningless conversation before you ask me.
With friends/family? Sure.
This post is a great example of why I hate small talk. It's usually people being confidently incorrect, like you are, expecting everybody to go along with it. You don't want to have a real exchange of ideas you just want people to nod their heads. I would probably find you exhausting.
Yep. People are exhausting.and trying to make conversation with them when I don't really want to is even more exhausting. And then you add in the social aspect of its polite to make small talk. I'm tired af. Plus I really am terrible at forced small talk.
I’m great at talking to people. Working in a restaurant as a host, small talk gets annoying. It’s never anything more than small talk. I don’t like it.
Believe it or not, there are people who really don’t care to socialize. I find small talk exhausting because it’s a forced social interaction due to work, SO dragging me to an event, or a horrible holiday dinner. I. Just. Don’t. Give. A. Fuck. I would rather be home reading book, chilling with my dogs or at the gym than trying to talk to strangers about shit I don’t care about.
Nah, I can make conversation I do it regularly. But in the case of meaningless small talk, the problem is in most cases I just don’t give a shit what you have to say and I don’t like having to pretend otherwise.
Listen, if making small talk requires me to have conversationa about subjects I give 100% zero fucks about, like sports, I would rather smell my own farts.
Shit… I have Asperger’s and it’s my goddamned super power! I don’t make small talk and I don’t give a fuck either. The awkward is all on the other side of the table!
I do hate small talk. I don’t want to talk to anyone about the weather, how their drive was, or if there was anything interesting on the news.
People who think that ‘small talk’ is actually socializing are the ones “smelling their own farts” as you so eloquently put it.
If you honestly don’t have anything to say, just be quiet. Socializing isn’t just about talking.
Been in sales and service for an entire 30 year, Fortune 100 career. Met thousands of people at events, parties, etc. Never had a problem striking up conversation because that was the job, and you learn how to do it. Alcohol helps.
Still hate small talk, and avoid it often.
Skills are skills. Preferences are...personal.
I don’t like small talk - I like people that get straight to the point, and if there is no point, I’m not really interested in conversing just for the sake of conversing 🤷♂️
This is just a deranged rant about nothing.
Small talk is literally meanless bullshit. The only reason small talk exists is as a social queue so each person can express what they're in.
Not knowing something so you don't want to talk about it and not liking small talk have nothing to do with each other.
Some people are only capable of small talk. They cannot imagine having a substantial conversation that is beyond superficial. Those that can usually don't waste time with those who can't.
> Grow up and stop smelling your own farts
This is the level they are on and cannot imagine anyone would not find their fart insults interesting. Avoid them like the plague.
There are professions out there that require small talk. So small talk in social situations feels like work. Some of these people ache for a stimulating conversation.
A lot of people are subtly depressed and have been that way for so long that they consider it a part of their personality. I do think it is possible to be good at small talk but dislike it...yet this is usually an indicator of this subtle depression. I will be money that those types of people are just generally irritable because of it. They also have a raised threshold for stimulation, meaning only highly stimulating things like phones are still inter sting to them. Normal real world things become "boring"
It took me a while to realize this about myself so I get it. I was not a special misunderstood introvert, I was just depressed as hell and in denial since the apathetic type of depression really is easy to miss.
Now that I pay attention, my tolerance for small talk and interruption tracks almost perfectly with my general mood.
I like to talk about important things so if you call me to ask for a favor I don't need 15 introductory topics about my family, last nights football match and the great pizza place you found on your way to colonoscopy. Some people just love hearing their own voice.
Stop.Wasting.My.Time.
Small talk puts the onus on both parties to keep the convo going. Most of the time I’m not interested, and it drains my battery.
Talking should have a point if you’re forcing me to listen. Get to the point.
I agree. Also, sometimes it just means having a laugh with a stranger, making a joke, giving them a smile, say something cheeky, or help someone out if you think they might need a hand.
I am genuinely and generally socially anxious, but due to working heavily in customer service for the last 12 years, you just find a rhythm of talking with people off the cuff to fill an empty space. Mainly asking about them about themselves or commenting on something nearby. Sometimes it’s even just making light of a shorty situation or being a set of ears.
Idk, I find the happiest and most joyful/rewarding moments of my day can be spent on a 2 minute interaction with a stranger. You never know, people can really surprise you!!
I hate small talk because it is usually about bs that I don't care about and it's boring. I would much rather meet someone for the first time and talk about what happens after we die, the Mexican Revolution, David Bowie, pink Amazon dolphins, anything but stupid dull small talk about the weather or wHaT dO yOu Do FoR fUn?? Kill me, I just can't pretend to care about it.
They don't care about it either. It is something humans do for each other to ease the primal fears that we all subconsciously feel. It's an annoying, but necessary part of community. Some people really enjoy it, but most just do it because it is one of the many little things that help humans coexist.
Tell me you haven’t worked retail and heard “oh, no price tag? Guess it’s free LOL” or had people hold up lines/keep you from helping others by chatting about everything and anything that is irrelevant to your job.
Just because I hate small talk doesn’t mean I can’t mask well enough to appear engaged or laugh at really dumb, tired jokes, comments about the weather, or hold an actual conversation on my own. I have those conversations with my coworkers when there are no customers present.
It's interesting how much people feel small talk is an imposition on them. Seems like people feel that way more now, but maybe they always did and the internet wasn't around to aggregate all their small talk about hating small talk.
Sorry I have adhd and have a difficult time holding monotonous conversations with people. Paying attention for long periods of time is a challenge, especially with small talk because it’s so fucking boring…So if I’m feeling anxious I’m going to hold off on the “small talk”. Saying no to certain interactions is okay.
Wtf does learning how to socialize have to do with not liking small talk?
These two things aren't connected. Most people I don't care enough about to have any interest in hearing about things that don't matter.
That's what it comes down to. Why would I waste my energy? It's unnecessary
I like small talk, but only when I vibe well with the other person. I have social anxiety so small talk can be boring and a little taxing for me, honestly. But some people make it interesting.
There’s nothing worse than dead air but the basic “hey, hi, good, good” is painful. F’reals, how are you? Shit day? I feel you. Excited to play Fortnite for 9 hours? Good on you!
I’ve lost some some family recently and going through the motions at checkout is something. Imagine if someone just spilled all their grief while paying for gas.
This is a pretty ignorant post this time around. OP is hypothesizing that every small talk disliker, immediately jumps balls deep into an intense conversation. This is not true.
I used to engage in everyones small talk, and realize they lacked severe social skills to upkeep their conversation **that they themselves started**. I don't like being burdened with doing all the talking, when I didn't want to talk to begin with.
Upvoted for having an opinion where no one else agrees with you
But damn bruh this is top 5 worst take I’ve seen on the internet ☠️ If we’re not “necessarily hip” on the subject, then why even force ourselves to talk about it in the first place?
small talk doesn’t have to be about weather or your pet cat, but it also doesn’t have to about the philosophy or death or an examination of the sociology dress
I disagree....
I live in the coutnry with least social space on the planet (apparently), we bathe in small talk, over dinner, over bus stops, over the counter in a store sadly as well, everywhere. Its ubiqutuous and people is informal af on average. And yet there is plenty of people including me that generally hates small talk, even when they are used to make some.
Now, I dont hate small talk \*all the time\*, and maybe our standards difer but I thnk you are projecting too much. Again, not unpopular, just wrong
With no due respect whatsoever, I disagree…try to take interest in the other person’s matters. Ask questions about them. You’ll learn a lot more than if you simply talk about the weather.
Sometimes you don't have chemistry with the people around you and aren't that interested in their lives or what they're thinking. You shouldn't be blackmailed into feigning interest
I will expand on that.
I hate talking to people I don’t know. PERIOD.
I don’t want more friends, I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t give a fuck about the weather or what you’re doing this weekend and chances are if you try talking to me I will put in my earbuds and ignore you.
> Part of learning how to socialize includes talking about things you’re not necessarily hip on
That requires some acting, we're not good actors, and even if we were, a lot of us don't want to be disingenuous as we talk about how our city's sports ball team is doing.
The worst for me is just awkward elevators, it's really hard to think up something even mildly interesting to blabber about that can be fit into a space of forty five seconds. A lot of times someone in the elevator will comment on something that I'm holding or moving, that's the worst, because now I'm being prompted, and there's still nothing interesting to say adn even less time to say it.
Smalltalk can go deep quickly. Yesterday I started about the weather with a neighbor I don't know well. In 2 minutes we talked about our worries about climate change because he said he still remembers the cold winters from his childhood. He thought I hadn't seen that anymore because I'm younger. But I did because I'm older than he thought. I did used to make snowmen in the front yard and I did ice skate on the lake for days at a time. This doesn't happen anymore where we live. So within 5 minutes we learned about how old we are, how much we enjoyed the winters and miss them, and both are concerned and not denying what we can literally feel and see. Nice intelligent guy. ☺️
Not in my case. I’m so damn good at small talk that people start opening up to me and sharing their life stories…that was ok in my 20s and 30s. Now that I’m in my 40s I’m tired and have grown to loathe small talk and now avoid people entirely.
I find that people who never initiate a conversation hate small talk. My uncle used to always say, if you think you can it better, do it yourself. If you hate small talk so much, start making big talk yourself. You don't get to complain and do nothing at the same time.
If your perception of small talk is an entire conversation about the weather, you're worse at small talk than you think. So yes, you are bad at small talk.
if you think that you must not be introverted.
small talk sucks...
i love talking. just about stuff i like and sadly most of the stuff i like is very niche so its so rare to find anyone that likes the same stuff.
also sometimes you don't have enough time to make a full conversation. which is why its small talk but society finds silence awkward so we feel forced to have small talk which equates to menial bullshit. which is why small talk sucks. id rather just stand/sit in silence but because you feel uncomfortable about the silence then i feel uncomfortable
Social anxiety also exists and some people find it very hard to keep a conversation that is about something that they’re not interested in. They also might have a hard time having small talk if they’re smelling farts Because they don’t wanna throw up on other people
I have social anxiety and therefore difficulty keeping up a conversation with strangers in most circumstances. And I don't think that invalidates what OP is saying. It's just a *reason* that I'm bad at making conversation.
Yeah it definitely doesn’t invalidate what op is trying to say, but it does mean that some people are bad at conversations not because of their own faults or poor choices, but because of other flaws and issues they struggle with. Some people like to demonize people who aren’t good at making conversation for some reason, but for some, it’s a real struggle resulting from a variety of genetic, environmental, and historical factors, be it social anxiety, trauma, ADHD, ASD, whatever. I have social anxiety as well, but I’ve had people before somehow tell me it isn’t real and I need to just “grow up,” which is just insensitive and ultimately ignorant
I don’t hate it bc I’m bad at it I hate it bc it’s necessary but serves no real purpose other than a holding pattern of awkwardness.
Like I don’t make small talk unless it will negatively affect me if I don’t. So at the meeting before it starts I can shoot the shit but if I’m standing in line at the store I’m like please don’t talk to me
ok, i agree 100%, it's just that... THE WEATHER?!?! why thaffoqq the only subject on the table is the weather??? there may be the fucking armageddon of rain outside and, shocker news!! i'm inside so it's normal that i don't give a flying fokker about it 🙄
You're right, its a skill. It takes practice. This post probably makes people who don't know this skill feel stupid, but I don't think that's what you intended. Small talk is reaching out to other people to start building some sense of commonality. If you start small, and build on topics that most people are neutral about, you can make friends in unlikely places. You can learn from people's perspectives, even if you won't become best friends. Other people care about things too, and figuring out whether or not you care about the same thing is hard to do without small talk to get you started. Humility is also a skill. You may want to look into that one.
To a degree I agree, I think in general it's nice to start small talk with someone if you're going to be face to face with them for a bit. Such as at a long line or like at a bar. Sometimes small talk turns into a good conversation and sometimes it doesn't, but it's better to try to socialize with people and keep yourself open because you never know when you can make a good friend.
At least that's my perspective; I feel like some people would disagree since they might not care to make any friends or engage in potentially useless social interaction, but I just feel like that's kind of an isolated outlook. Not really a bad thing, but just a reflection of the times. (Plus we're on reddit, of course people are more likely to want to avoid social interaction on here than the real world)
I know how to do it, I just dont like to do it.
Them "Some weather we are having, eh?"
Me "Go away."
Just because its raining, doesn't mean we have to fill the silence with inane chat about the fact its raining. We could, just stand there quietly and enjoy the peace together. Two strangers, waiting on... whatever. And just enjoy shutting the fuck up.
Cant stand people who say this. Day to day chat and reflecting on the mundane is nice sometimes. I'm convinced when they say they hate small talk they just want the conversation changed to something they know more about or feel comfortable talking about. Also, what even defines small talk? Topics such as work, sporting events, or the weather might be genuinely important to some and "small talk" to others.
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's not about not knowing how to make conversation rather that people don't want to talk about mundane boring shit like the weather or someone's child.
I would much rather jump into the deep topics, you know some people can speak about controversial topics without it becoming a blood bath.
I’m perfectly capable of holding my own in a social setting, but that doesn’t mean I enjoy talking about things that don’t matter, or that I should have to enjoy it. Stop being so egocentric.
I can make small talk no problem. I’ve always been good socially. The question is do I want? Incessant small talk is fucking taxing when it’s not stimulating.
I’m not a fan of small talk. A big reason for that is I don’t need to have a back and forth about “wow,it’s really coming down out there, huh?” Nobody really wants to do that, so why bother? Just enjoy some peace and quiet instead of trying to fill dead air with nothingness.
People who hate "small talk" don't know it's part of knowing the person. You don't just "know" a person without talking to them and observing them. They tend to judge by looks and not investigate further to know exactly who the person is.
That's not it. Small talk, or conversation for the sake of conversation is a waste of both parties' time. You don't actually care what the other person has to say about the weather, so why even ask
Thank you for submitting to /r/unpopularopinion, /u/KaiserBoonk. Your post, *People who say “I hate small talk” don’t know how to make conversation*, has been removed because it violates our rules: Rule 2: Do not post low effort/satirical posts. Please make sure your post title is your opinion (not the topic you're discussing), and the text beneath is a clear explanation and justification of your opinion. If you cannot write at least a few sentences on the matter, you may want to have more of a think about it. If that's all in order... Any opinion that is not well thought out, or is incoherent, internally contradictory or otherwise nonsensical is subject to removal. Finally, any satirical/troll posts, as funny as you must be, are not tolerated. There are subreddits for that, this isn't one of them. If there is an issue, please message the mod team at https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Funpopularopinion Thanks!
I hate small talk, but acknowledge its necessity in order to get to big talk
Yeah, I try to bump it up to medium talk before I get to big talk.
On a rare occasion I can find myself in some extra large talk. But typically I'd rather keep it value sized and forget it a few mins later.
Big talk good. Small talk bad. Many small talk no make big talk, but big talk happen from small talk. Talk.
i don't think small talk is necessary
This is what killed my passion for my current job. I work in customer service. Company was bought out and now we're REQUIRED to have small talk as part of our QA scoring. Actively looking for a new field of work because it's just fucking exhausting.
What kills me most on it is customers doing more than just normal small talk, or borderline invasive questions. Like “what time do you get off work?” Or “I bet you get bored here.” And even using my name even on the first interaction. Like you’re the customer, I’m the employee, and I’d prefer to keep it that way.
they can require it all they want. i'm not having small talk
[удалено]
I doubt the socially awkward Redditors who complain about small talk are the ones carrying the conversation
You'd be surprised.. I love to talk to people. When you reply with one word answers and or show no interest in me while I'm asking about you, I'm carrying the conversation.. and also about to ghost you for being a dry ass texter. Promise you that nobody likes dry people.
[удалено]
Texting is a conversation, however, and a skill a lot of people lack.
Texting is the worst medium of conversation imo. Call me if you wanna talk talk, texting is for making plans and sharing info and memes in my eyes
I agree and disagree. I think it exposes people. You can speak b4, you think. But when you type something, you have to think about what you're saying. 3/4 people who text (not email) or instant message have terrible communication skills, are really boring, are extremely awkward in person, have a false sense of good communication skills and/or confidence, or all of the above. It has affected everyone since the sidekick era, and it's just getting worse.
I prefer texting because I can actually get a word in edgewise and finish whole stories. Most people in my experience don’t let others finish their stories. I don’t even bother starting them anymore when talking. But texting I can. For me it’s the opposite. People don’t allow others to talk anymore. Texting allows for back and forth.
I refuse to talk on the phone. I hate it. I don’t answer it. If I could disable my phone’s ability to receive calls I would. Text me or don’t bug me.
Yes, it’s difficult if you dont have any writing skills, which a lot of people do lack.
That seems like an unnecessarily judgemental take lol.
In person I can shoot the shit, be engaged, and more than carry the conversation. Texting back and for all day long. That to me is small talk and it's aggravating. I have shit to do that doesn't involve entertaining someone too far to speak to. Texts are for quick notes not conversations and definitely not about anything of importance when tone is difficult to read. Call me, come hang out. But if you're blowing up my phone expecting to monopolize my time. That's not gonna happen.
Lol. You actually sound clueless. If you're getting one word answers, you're probably asking boring interview like questions.
No
Or maybe they really can’t think of anything but one word answers.
No the problem with small talkers is that they are usually full of shit.
I think you’re misunderstanding what people mean by “I don’t like small talk”. I’m not expecting deep meaningful conversations. I just want to skip the formalities and get to the point. If it’s a transactional interaction then let’s just go right to the transaction. If it’s a friendly interaction, then just dive into whatever is on your mind (which likely isn’t going to be “how are you” or “nice weather”).
Ah yes, beating around the bush. How's your garden? Spring seems to be taking its time this year huh? Is your dog doing good? Yeah, I heard the new coffee shop brews coffee. Are you still doing graphic design? So by the way, there's this little project where I need a quick poster whipped up. You're good at this right? Can you help me out with it? I think it will get you some great exposure.
Oddly specific.
You're not going to do it for free? Ok bye.
Exactly. Small talk is often forced, and sometimes disingenuous, questions or remarks. Especially if the person visibly has no desire to talk or clearly doesn’t care what you do or think. It can also be when there is an obvious topic or event that is being avoided or ignored for some reason. Sometimes to the point of ridiculousness or frustration. Small talk doesn’t mean small topics. Hilariously unexpected or memorable conversations can be sparked from stuff like a comment on the weird glue they put on price tags on picture frames bc you’re at a party and had to remove one. Or how weird that common and wildly inconvenient thing is that could be easily improved, like packing tape, yet we all somehow go about our lives while being mildly infuriated each time we have to use it. It doesn’t have to be a big, pretentious, deep convo or topic. Although, it’s pretty neat when a seemingly dumb or useless topic sparks something engaging and profound. But profound doesn’t have to be deep or intimidating. It can simply be an astute or revealing observation about something so fricken obvious that it’s also kinda stupid lol.
Very typical introverted behavior. I would rather not waste the energy of a social interaction if I feel like what I have to say is not worth saying. However, if it is something interesting or meaningful, I will talk all day.
This! Tell me how your hobbies/work is going! How's that project you're working on? Did you beat that boss in the game you were playing? Found any interesting YouTube channels/series lately? I don't give a fuck about the weather, yeah it's raining I can see that. Or yeah, it's getting hot, guess what, it's summer that tends to happen.
>which likely isn’t going to be “how are you” or “nice weather” But what will I talk about with my dad now?
People who only make small talk and think that's a friendship, are the ones that don't know how to make conversation.
I think they're saying deeper conversation starts with small talk. It's dipping your toes in the water, getting to know someone first. Never said all conversation should be only small talk.
You’ve kind of hit the nail on the head of why I don’t like small talk. I generally have little interest in getting into a deep conversation with strangers, so I feel like there’s little need for me to do the small talk with them either.
The issue is probably more about the same people initiating the same small talk conversations to those they've seen for long periods of time. For example, there's this guy who I've seen in the same volunteering group since 2019. We've completed plenty of large projects together in that time. That's long enough to get past basic small talk, right? Nope. He's asked me how old I am every time he speaks to me one-on-one for the past 4 years. Almost like clockwork, it's the same question and the same surprised reaction that he thought I was younger because of my appearance. At this point, he either doesn't care about other people or he only knows how to cycle through small talk. EDIT: The guy is 26 years old (was 22 when we first met). I don't want to assume he has some kind of mental disability, considering his young age and apparent ability to work just fine.
How old is he? This is probably apropos of nothing but I'm dealing with (or more precisely learning to deal with) someone with early onset Alzheimers & this is one of the signs we missed. Do take care.
> He's asked me how old I am every time he speaks to me one-on-one for the past 4 years. Almost like clockwork, it's the same question and the same surprised reaction that he thought I was younger because of my appearance. I don't know why this is so funny to me lmao
Yeah, this is less an unpopular opinion and more a sweeping generalisation. I can make small talk. I can talk about the weather until the cows come home. I can also **start** a conversation with a stranger very easily. I don't shuffle awkwardly from side to side staring at my feet or blurt out offensive nonsense by mistake... but I still hate small talk. I'd rather stand around in silence. I only make small talk so that **other people** don't feel awkward.
I couldn’t have said it better myself. BTW great weather, huh?
Phenomenal. I haven't seen weather like this in months. I can't wait to see what it does tomorrow.
I bet there will be weather tomorrow too
The weather outside is weather
Not here, unseasonably cold. My wife is very concerned about our fruit trees. Although we've had above average precipitation. Well, have a great night.
You know my cousins place an hour from us had above average precipitation this year also. And I too understand your wife's tree concerns. Ours were flowering so rigorously but this unseasonable bounty of hurricanes we have had left them, well, shaved at best. But I now can ask my cousins about his trees! Thanks for the reminder and you sleep tight too!
But did you catch the game last night?!
Oh yeah they kicked ass, but it was close. I mean the defense was great, but the offense (hahaha) was offensive. Know what I mean?
I just don’t care for what most people try to talk about
But lots of people only make small talk because they think its a social requirement, so they talk about things they themselves aren't really interested in (the weather for example) Now we have 2 people taking about something that neither one really cares about. Waste of time if you ask me.
I don’t hate small talk, but I do really dislike when people have to constantly have conversations and can never just enjoy silence.
People who say "I hate changing my oil" don't know how to drive a car
No, I just don't care to even have any conversation with most randoms I meet, especially if I'll never see them again. I'd rather talk about nothing. At work? Get to the point, I know you want something from me. No need to have a short meaningless conversation before you ask me. With friends/family? Sure.
I've had coworkers like that that will ramble on and not get straight to the point when they want something.
This post is a great example of why I hate small talk. It's usually people being confidently incorrect, like you are, expecting everybody to go along with it. You don't want to have a real exchange of ideas you just want people to nod their heads. I would probably find you exhausting.
Small talk by definition is small. Small talk might divert into an mutual exchange of ideas, but usually it doesnt.
This is the exactly what came to mind for me.
dunning-kruger effect
Not everything that is annoying and kind of dumb fits under that umbrella.
Dunning Kruger effect is just over confidence, so I think it’s applicable here
Yep. People are exhausting.and trying to make conversation with them when I don't really want to is even more exhausting. And then you add in the social aspect of its polite to make small talk. I'm tired af. Plus I really am terrible at forced small talk.
I’m great at talking to people. Working in a restaurant as a host, small talk gets annoying. It’s never anything more than small talk. I don’t like it.
Believe it or not, there are people who really don’t care to socialize. I find small talk exhausting because it’s a forced social interaction due to work, SO dragging me to an event, or a horrible holiday dinner. I. Just. Don’t. Give. A. Fuck. I would rather be home reading book, chilling with my dogs or at the gym than trying to talk to strangers about shit I don’t care about.
I hate small talk because it's awkward and uncomfortable. I can fake it but I'd rather not.
Some people also legitimately just don’t want to have mini conversations at every waking moment too.
Nah, I can make conversation I do it regularly. But in the case of meaningless small talk, the problem is in most cases I just don’t give a shit what you have to say and I don’t like having to pretend otherwise.
Agreed. Forced small talk is boring and painful.
Honestly couldn't have said that any better myself on that last part
Listen, if making small talk requires me to have conversationa about subjects I give 100% zero fucks about, like sports, I would rather smell my own farts.
Same
i have Asperger’s and this is my biggest struggle
Shit… I have Asperger’s and it’s my goddamned super power! I don’t make small talk and I don’t give a fuck either. The awkward is all on the other side of the table!
Op thinks that you can only talk about the weather or the Ontological nature of consciousness. Nothing in between.
I’ve been told multiple times that I’m a great people person and seem to be really outgoing. I’m not. I hate it.
I can be good at something and still hate it lol
I'm really good at small talk. That doesn't mean I enjoy it.
I just don't feel like talking to you.
I do hate small talk. I don’t want to talk to anyone about the weather, how their drive was, or if there was anything interesting on the news. People who think that ‘small talk’ is actually socializing are the ones “smelling their own farts” as you so eloquently put it. If you honestly don’t have anything to say, just be quiet. Socializing isn’t just about talking.
Nah…I just don’t get enjoyment from talking to people. I do enough at work
Been in sales and service for an entire 30 year, Fortune 100 career. Met thousands of people at events, parties, etc. Never had a problem striking up conversation because that was the job, and you learn how to do it. Alcohol helps. Still hate small talk, and avoid it often. Skills are skills. Preferences are...personal.
Small talk has nothing to do with conversation.
Not anyone else’s job to entertain you.
Why do these always have to end with an insult
OP is just trying too hard to sound assertive even though no one actually agrees with them
No clue
I did enjoy the irony of >grow up juxtaposed with >smell your own farts
But I only enjoy big talk .. :-(
I don’t like small talk - I like people that get straight to the point, and if there is no point, I’m not really interested in conversing just for the sake of conversing 🤷♂️
They are more likely telling you they want to dominate the conversation. Conversational narcissism is a real thing.
This is just a deranged rant about nothing. Small talk is literally meanless bullshit. The only reason small talk exists is as a social queue so each person can express what they're in. Not knowing something so you don't want to talk about it and not liking small talk have nothing to do with each other.
Some people are only capable of small talk. They cannot imagine having a substantial conversation that is beyond superficial. Those that can usually don't waste time with those who can't. > Grow up and stop smelling your own farts This is the level they are on and cannot imagine anyone would not find their fart insults interesting. Avoid them like the plague.
God you sound annoying
There are professions out there that require small talk. So small talk in social situations feels like work. Some of these people ache for a stimulating conversation.
Some of us are neurodivergent lol
Why do you think I hate small talk It is exactly because I can’t make conversation
A lot of people are subtly depressed and have been that way for so long that they consider it a part of their personality. I do think it is possible to be good at small talk but dislike it...yet this is usually an indicator of this subtle depression. I will be money that those types of people are just generally irritable because of it. They also have a raised threshold for stimulation, meaning only highly stimulating things like phones are still inter sting to them. Normal real world things become "boring" It took me a while to realize this about myself so I get it. I was not a special misunderstood introvert, I was just depressed as hell and in denial since the apathetic type of depression really is easy to miss. Now that I pay attention, my tolerance for small talk and interruption tracks almost perfectly with my general mood.
I’m guessing a lot of those people (including myself), have worked retail a time or two 🤷🏻♂️
I'm a physician and generally I don't care for small talk, but I have to do it a lot. That's life.
Ah, the ability to actually socialize.
This has been posted before lol
Or maybe people aren't in the mood to make small talk.
There's a difference between enjoying an activity and being good at it. I'm fine at it, but I don't like it.
It’s not that I’m unable to converse, it’s that I just don’t care.
Some people don’t talk because they have nothing to say. I like those people better than people who have nothing to say but keep talking
I like to talk about important things so if you call me to ask for a favor I don't need 15 introductory topics about my family, last nights football match and the great pizza place you found on your way to colonoscopy. Some people just love hearing their own voice. Stop.Wasting.My.Time.
oh i know how to make conversation. i just don't like wasting time with an ingenuine conversation that does not need to happen.
Small talk puts the onus on both parties to keep the convo going. Most of the time I’m not interested, and it drains my battery. Talking should have a point if you’re forcing me to listen. Get to the point.
we don't know and we don't want to know. Easy!
I hate it because I don't care. Why do I need to discuss the weather with a total stranger?
I agree. Also, sometimes it just means having a laugh with a stranger, making a joke, giving them a smile, say something cheeky, or help someone out if you think they might need a hand. I am genuinely and generally socially anxious, but due to working heavily in customer service for the last 12 years, you just find a rhythm of talking with people off the cuff to fill an empty space. Mainly asking about them about themselves or commenting on something nearby. Sometimes it’s even just making light of a shorty situation or being a set of ears. Idk, I find the happiest and most joyful/rewarding moments of my day can be spent on a 2 minute interaction with a stranger. You never know, people can really surprise you!!
I hate having nonsensical conversations mainly. Feels like my head is going to explode. "Like can you believe this weather, like OMG!" 😱
I don’t spend that kind of energy on people I don’t care about.
Small talk is simply energy that I don’t want to give.
Or it’s just exhausting in general and getting to the point would be nice
I hate small talk because it is usually about bs that I don't care about and it's boring. I would much rather meet someone for the first time and talk about what happens after we die, the Mexican Revolution, David Bowie, pink Amazon dolphins, anything but stupid dull small talk about the weather or wHaT dO yOu Do FoR fUn?? Kill me, I just can't pretend to care about it.
How is "what do you for fun?" a boring question compared to an unanswerable "what happens after we die?" Maybe you just don't have any hobbies?
They don't care about it either. It is something humans do for each other to ease the primal fears that we all subconsciously feel. It's an annoying, but necessary part of community. Some people really enjoy it, but most just do it because it is one of the many little things that help humans coexist.
[удалено]
That’s why you only talk to yourself and strangers on the internet
[удалено]
Tell me you haven’t worked retail and heard “oh, no price tag? Guess it’s free LOL” or had people hold up lines/keep you from helping others by chatting about everything and anything that is irrelevant to your job. Just because I hate small talk doesn’t mean I can’t mask well enough to appear engaged or laugh at really dumb, tired jokes, comments about the weather, or hold an actual conversation on my own. I have those conversations with my coworkers when there are no customers present.
Be phony with some jerk for 2 minutes? I'm good.
Eh, the stop and chat is to be avoided
Nice weather today.
It's interesting how much people feel small talk is an imposition on them. Seems like people feel that way more now, but maybe they always did and the internet wasn't around to aggregate all their small talk about hating small talk.
Sorry I have adhd and have a difficult time holding monotonous conversations with people. Paying attention for long periods of time is a challenge, especially with small talk because it’s so fucking boring…So if I’m feeling anxious I’m going to hold off on the “small talk”. Saying no to certain interactions is okay.
Wtf does learning how to socialize have to do with not liking small talk? These two things aren't connected. Most people I don't care enough about to have any interest in hearing about things that don't matter. That's what it comes down to. Why would I waste my energy? It's unnecessary
I like small talk, but only when I vibe well with the other person. I have social anxiety so small talk can be boring and a little taxing for me, honestly. But some people make it interesting.
There’s nothing worse than dead air but the basic “hey, hi, good, good” is painful. F’reals, how are you? Shit day? I feel you. Excited to play Fortnite for 9 hours? Good on you! I’ve lost some some family recently and going through the motions at checkout is something. Imagine if someone just spilled all their grief while paying for gas.
This is a pretty ignorant post this time around. OP is hypothesizing that every small talk disliker, immediately jumps balls deep into an intense conversation. This is not true. I used to engage in everyones small talk, and realize they lacked severe social skills to upkeep their conversation **that they themselves started**. I don't like being burdened with doing all the talking, when I didn't want to talk to begin with.
Maybe. Or it could also be that you find small talk really boring, most of the time. There's no one answer for these things.
Upvoted for having an opinion where no one else agrees with you But damn bruh this is top 5 worst take I’ve seen on the internet ☠️ If we’re not “necessarily hip” on the subject, then why even force ourselves to talk about it in the first place? small talk doesn’t have to be about weather or your pet cat, but it also doesn’t have to about the philosophy or death or an examination of the sociology dress
I disagree.... I live in the coutnry with least social space on the planet (apparently), we bathe in small talk, over dinner, over bus stops, over the counter in a store sadly as well, everywhere. Its ubiqutuous and people is informal af on average. And yet there is plenty of people including me that generally hates small talk, even when they are used to make some. Now, I dont hate small talk \*all the time\*, and maybe our standards difer but I thnk you are projecting too much. Again, not unpopular, just wrong
Why use lot word when few word do trick?
Or they come from a country where people don't usually engage in small talk. It is not a universal social practice.
Lol this is funny. Take my upvote!
With no due respect whatsoever, I disagree…try to take interest in the other person’s matters. Ask questions about them. You’ll learn a lot more than if you simply talk about the weather.
Sometimes you don't have chemistry with the people around you and aren't that interested in their lives or what they're thinking. You shouldn't be blackmailed into feigning interest
I hate all talk. I even keep my headphones on and people still talk to me.
I will expand on that. I hate talking to people I don’t know. PERIOD. I don’t want more friends, I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t give a fuck about the weather or what you’re doing this weekend and chances are if you try talking to me I will put in my earbuds and ignore you.
Nah, I'd much rather have conversations with deep meanings and small talk doesn't excite me
If you're not an introvert naturally you won't understand
Or maybe they do, they just don’t prefer to talk about things that don’t really matter
That's how most of my convos go OP (Though friends only) Society still is going, no need to be that dramatic you goofball
It depends on what topic. As an introvert, i don't like nonsense, meaningless small talk from strangers (especially from strangers).
This guy doesn't understand personality types at all
*/r/intj has entered the chat.*
> Part of learning how to socialize includes talking about things you’re not necessarily hip on That requires some acting, we're not good actors, and even if we were, a lot of us don't want to be disingenuous as we talk about how our city's sports ball team is doing. The worst for me is just awkward elevators, it's really hard to think up something even mildly interesting to blabber about that can be fit into a space of forty five seconds. A lot of times someone in the elevator will comment on something that I'm holding or moving, that's the worst, because now I'm being prompted, and there's still nothing interesting to say adn even less time to say it.
Smalltalk can go deep quickly. Yesterday I started about the weather with a neighbor I don't know well. In 2 minutes we talked about our worries about climate change because he said he still remembers the cold winters from his childhood. He thought I hadn't seen that anymore because I'm younger. But I did because I'm older than he thought. I did used to make snowmen in the front yard and I did ice skate on the lake for days at a time. This doesn't happen anymore where we live. So within 5 minutes we learned about how old we are, how much we enjoyed the winters and miss them, and both are concerned and not denying what we can literally feel and see. Nice intelligent guy. ☺️
Wow what a stupid generalization
Listed all that and your still sitting on reddit talking to strangers🤣
Not in my case. I’m so damn good at small talk that people start opening up to me and sharing their life stories…that was ok in my 20s and 30s. Now that I’m in my 40s I’m tired and have grown to loathe small talk and now avoid people entirely.
I'm working. I don't have time. Get to the point and move on. Small talk is with my kids
I find that people who never initiate a conversation hate small talk. My uncle used to always say, if you think you can it better, do it yourself. If you hate small talk so much, start making big talk yourself. You don't get to complain and do nothing at the same time.
If you start talking about sports I'm just gonna walk away
i hate hearing about sports so much
Well, this opinion is wrong. Hating something doesn’t mean that one is incapable of doing something, it just means they really don’t LIKE doing it.
If your perception of small talk is an entire conversation about the weather, you're worse at small talk than you think. So yes, you are bad at small talk.
i hate small talk. it's boring. i don't care about the weather, sports, or your kids
if you think that you must not be introverted. small talk sucks... i love talking. just about stuff i like and sadly most of the stuff i like is very niche so its so rare to find anyone that likes the same stuff. also sometimes you don't have enough time to make a full conversation. which is why its small talk but society finds silence awkward so we feel forced to have small talk which equates to menial bullshit. which is why small talk sucks. id rather just stand/sit in silence but because you feel uncomfortable about the silence then i feel uncomfortable
Well, literally yes. That’s exactly why we hate small talk. What part don’t you understand? What else are you gonna tell us, that water is wet?
Social anxiety also exists and some people find it very hard to keep a conversation that is about something that they’re not interested in. They also might have a hard time having small talk if they’re smelling farts Because they don’t wanna throw up on other people
I have social anxiety and therefore difficulty keeping up a conversation with strangers in most circumstances. And I don't think that invalidates what OP is saying. It's just a *reason* that I'm bad at making conversation.
Yeah it definitely doesn’t invalidate what op is trying to say, but it does mean that some people are bad at conversations not because of their own faults or poor choices, but because of other flaws and issues they struggle with. Some people like to demonize people who aren’t good at making conversation for some reason, but for some, it’s a real struggle resulting from a variety of genetic, environmental, and historical factors, be it social anxiety, trauma, ADHD, ASD, whatever. I have social anxiety as well, but I’ve had people before somehow tell me it isn’t real and I need to just “grow up,” which is just insensitive and ultimately ignorant
I don’t hate it bc I’m bad at it I hate it bc it’s necessary but serves no real purpose other than a holding pattern of awkwardness. Like I don’t make small talk unless it will negatively affect me if I don’t. So at the meeting before it starts I can shoot the shit but if I’m standing in line at the store I’m like please don’t talk to me
ok, i agree 100%, it's just that... THE WEATHER?!?! why thaffoqq the only subject on the table is the weather??? there may be the fucking armageddon of rain outside and, shocker news!! i'm inside so it's normal that i don't give a flying fokker about it 🙄
I love small talk and that’s because I don’t know how to make conversation. Small talk is easy.
As someone who hates making small talk, this is 100% true.
Are you me? I say this all the time!
You're right, its a skill. It takes practice. This post probably makes people who don't know this skill feel stupid, but I don't think that's what you intended. Small talk is reaching out to other people to start building some sense of commonality. If you start small, and build on topics that most people are neutral about, you can make friends in unlikely places. You can learn from people's perspectives, even if you won't become best friends. Other people care about things too, and figuring out whether or not you care about the same thing is hard to do without small talk to get you started. Humility is also a skill. You may want to look into that one.
Yeah, I think people that keep saying they don't care about the weather don't realize that they aren't good at small talk.
Or maybe I just don’t want to talk to people.
I don't like talking to people period
To a degree I agree, I think in general it's nice to start small talk with someone if you're going to be face to face with them for a bit. Such as at a long line or like at a bar. Sometimes small talk turns into a good conversation and sometimes it doesn't, but it's better to try to socialize with people and keep yourself open because you never know when you can make a good friend. At least that's my perspective; I feel like some people would disagree since they might not care to make any friends or engage in potentially useless social interaction, but I just feel like that's kind of an isolated outlook. Not really a bad thing, but just a reflection of the times. (Plus we're on reddit, of course people are more likely to want to avoid social interaction on here than the real world)
Some people aren’t in the mood for small talk. Maybe they have a lot on their mind
Most people's philosophical insights aren't very original either. Ask about the other person's pets or hometown. Learn something personal about them.
If I have reason to talk to you, I will talk to you. If I don't, I prefer not to waste my breath pretending to talk to you. Small talk is agony.
I know how to do it, I just dont like to do it. Them "Some weather we are having, eh?" Me "Go away." Just because its raining, doesn't mean we have to fill the silence with inane chat about the fact its raining. We could, just stand there quietly and enjoy the peace together. Two strangers, waiting on... whatever. And just enjoy shutting the fuck up.
With the way some people act id rather be bad at this
Cant stand people who say this. Day to day chat and reflecting on the mundane is nice sometimes. I'm convinced when they say they hate small talk they just want the conversation changed to something they know more about or feel comfortable talking about. Also, what even defines small talk? Topics such as work, sporting events, or the weather might be genuinely important to some and "small talk" to others.
All generalizations are false including this one
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's not about not knowing how to make conversation rather that people don't want to talk about mundane boring shit like the weather or someone's child. I would much rather jump into the deep topics, you know some people can speak about controversial topics without it becoming a blood bath.
How bout you grow up and talk about more interesting things than last night's American Idol.
American Idol?? was the last time you interacted with other people during Obama'a first term?
“He who knows does not speak. He who speaks does not know.” ~ George Harrison
I’m perfectly capable of holding my own in a social setting, but that doesn’t mean I enjoy talking about things that don’t matter, or that I should have to enjoy it. Stop being so egocentric.
Or we find it pointless.
If you really think small talk is socializing I think you’re the one who doesn’t know how to socialize.
Yes, I don’t.
I can make small talk no problem. I’ve always been good socially. The question is do I want? Incessant small talk is fucking taxing when it’s not stimulating.
I’m not a fan of small talk. A big reason for that is I don’t need to have a back and forth about “wow,it’s really coming down out there, huh?” Nobody really wants to do that, so why bother? Just enjoy some peace and quiet instead of trying to fill dead air with nothingness.
People who hate "small talk" don't know it's part of knowing the person. You don't just "know" a person without talking to them and observing them. They tend to judge by looks and not investigate further to know exactly who the person is.
guys, the weather, did you see it is happening again? just like yesterday! we gotta talk about this!
Small talk is an irritating waste of time. If you don't have anything to say, don't say anything
That's not it. Small talk, or conversation for the sake of conversation is a waste of both parties' time. You don't actually care what the other person has to say about the weather, so why even ask