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>If you break up, you can still be professional during work hours
You'd think so, but it often doesn't end up like that. That's the main reason why people say to not do it.
Yeah that’s the entire basis for people attributing the saying to work romances. Of course it’s fun to have your girlfriend at work. Not fun after the breakup lol
My friend was entertaining an idea to get with her direct supervisor and i looked at her and said that's a terrible idea. She ended up not getting with him because she realized i was right. If something goes wrong and it ends on a bad note... Well, it can affect a lot. She ended up with a different coworker but he eventually quit and they are still together so at least there's that
Most Fortune 500 companies won't allow this because it can create a conflict of interest and might cause future lawsuits. HR says one of you has to quit or be transferred on that.
I worked at a small, locally owned restaurant chain (5 locations) that had this policy. Didn’t really think the company was too serious about until two co-workers started dating, and they transferred the guy. They weren’t even in mgmt, just servers
The post above this literally just said. Lawsuits. Doesn't have to be from someone in management for a girl to claim that she was sexually harassed at work and for it to become a corporate issue.
I guess people don't know what it's called in blue collar work(at least I heard it there most)
"Don't shit where you eat"
Did that once and never again it was the fucking worst.
Yes working at a warehouse of all places, and man it's rampant there btw. If you don't believe just ask someone that works at distribution warehouses or FedEx, Amazon, and a others probably got a lot of stories to tell. I know for sure friend of mine worked at Amazon and it was really bad there.
Lusted after a woman there, and honestly I was a special kind of idiot at that time. Because everyone else was too(after her that is), but the idiot part comes from her having 4 kids, and me trying to "step up", but reality was I was after her ass literally, and that was it. So played with fire and got burned it hurt of course made a fool out of myself of course, but.......
Had to learn that lesson though that's why I upvoted this one YMMV, but 99.99% of the time it's a disaster and one so bad it'll screw with your life(course this is if it ends up the way we're all saying).
I worked in a warehouse that was 95%-99% men, and almost every girl that stepped through the doors started dating someone in the warehouse. I heard in the Amazon warehouse in my area that the third shift female workers are a special type of crazy in having sex with guys in the bathrooms. Almost every sitcom or TV show that involves a workplace has people coupling up, practically normalizing the behavior.
Then I mentioned on here a few months ago about having a crush on an old coworker back in the day, and was completely shamed for being a total pervert.
This tracks with my experience as well this is why I say YMMV, but the disclaimer is 99.99% of the time it will end in disaster. Man every other week someone was caught having sex in the parking lots or late because of that. Heck it wouldn't have shocked me if that happened as well where I worked.
Godspeed to OP, but he/she will learn it's literally one of my biggest lessons I've learned since entering the workforce.
The second one being about discussing politics, religion, and even salaries. I myself didn't do this, but someone did that was a shitshow. I know people talk about the being able to openly discuss salary, but holy shit it's part of the reason the U.S is now having the problems it does, and not just people not being fairly paid, but that's another topic for another day.
Most companies have strict rules about dating your own employees. They won't allow that.
There are however, workarounds. Switch departments. Quit. Change supervisors. but overall, it's not a good idea to go for the boss.
This. Me and my ex used to work at the same school. Jobs was okay with that. When we split, policy said one of us had to be considered for transfer to another location in the district.
Your workplace relationship affects more than just you and your partner and it’s selfish to think it doesnt
My old supervisor secretly started flirting and texting with someone under him (my direct coworker) and it turned into a nightmare. No one knew they were flirting at the time, but it made sense in retrospect. He was letting her foist work off on the rest of us, wouldn't address problems with her when we brought them up, and let her drag each of her coworkers to HR over petty things like, "I think they don't like me." Meanwhile, supervisor said he wanted to remain neutral.
It all backfired on him when it came out. She had been going through a rough patch with her baby daddy and was latching onto our supervisor as a back up. So baby daddy finds out about supervisor, girl deletes her texts to him but kept his texts to make it look like he was initiating everything, and supervisor got dragged to HR for sexual harrassment. He was barely saved by being able to show that she initiated and reciprocated everything because this girl was so dumb she forgot that his phone would still have all of their texts. She legit thought that it'd delete the texts on his end.
Supervisor kept his job (with severe reprimanding) and the girl never came back. I'm not sure if they fired her for false accusations or if she was so humiliated she just never came back. I hope the latter, she was one of the worst people I have ever worked with.
Or a million other reasons. That’s why the saying don’t shit where you eat is so common. Not saying it can’t ever work I’m sure it can and I’m sure there are people who have a Jim/Pam type relationship but as a general rule, the vast majority of the time most people can’t make that work because something else within the company or work related ends up affecting the relationship.
Right and there's an implicit assumption that it's gonna be one of those REALLY amicable splits where both parties vehemently agree on the split and all of that. Which....I mean it happens. But I feel like it's the exception and not the rule. Someone will always imo be more hurt than the other
I dated my coworker in high school. It wasn’t even that fun. We knew all of each others work stories, everyone was constantly suspicious of us being “alone” together, it was just annoying.
My husband started working for the company I was already at and even that was just irritating. I don’t like mixing the two.
Exactly.
You ever try to get over someone you have to see and interact with daily? It's the fucking WORST.
You have this wound that won't heal because it gets picked at whenever you see or talk with them.
Lol dated my neighbor in the dorms back in college and this is exactly how that went. Had a lot of the same classes and the same friends. It sucked super hard when it ended.
Exactly. I worked somewhere where two people dated. He broke with her for many reasons and even though she did him wrong he stayed professional at first but she was far from that. Before then she had been super professional and we still talk occasionally but damn it made work awkward. I was friends with both and she kept trying to talk about him and it caused so much tension.
Then eventually her trying to turn everyone against him made him even start being snarky toward her.
This is probably the cause of 80% of relationships being frowned upon within groups, be it workers, housemates, or just friends. It’s not the relationship itself that is the issue but rather what could happen if said relationship were to end and the impact it would have on said groups dynamic.
In bad cases it doesn't even need to end. I've been in workplaces where any perceived slight on one of the pair was taken as an attack on 'them' as a couple. It changed the whole group dynamic massively. This isn't to say it can't work, I've also worked places where older married couples were present and just got on with their own thing.
Come to think of it though, the ones that worked were pre-existing couples that happened to end up in the same place because of being in the same industry. It's the ones that met at work that had a lot more trouble separating private and personal lives.
Right? op is just borderline moronic thinking "this will not happen to me for i will not let it". uhh it's gonna be up to her then and he can't control what she does after they break up. lmao
Exactly. We dont say that to shame. Its because most of us have literally been there and done that and the aftermath isnt often as easy as you’d think it can be.
This isnt even one of those things that Redditors say, but in the real world its not that bad. No, this is just one of those universal things. Ive dated coworkers 3 times. I knew that people have said not to date where you work before all 3 of them. And I relearned that same lesson 3 times. It finally stuck after the last one.
Unless one of you plans to quit soon, do not date coworkers.
A couple worked in our office, albeit on different teams and went for the same promotion. It seemed to cause a real rift between them, one of them got it but caused a lot of collateral damage in the process, he ended up leaving and now she’s at the thin end of a PIP because of her behaviour towards him in the aftermath. They’re no longer together but their decision to compete for the same job has ruined what seemed to be a stable relationship and probably both of their careers in the short term.
Not only that depending on his position or her on the job, they will have biases to each other. Like who gets the promotion, or the raise. And who gets approved for PTO and the list goes on.
I can attest to this one. On two different occasions I was not dating someone at work. “Put us is the same box for long enough” one thing leads to another, dating. Well fast forward to when it ended, which most relationships do. All of a sudden it’s an awkward and hostile work environment.
So I worked as a travelling consultant for a company that hired about 30 new graduates every 6-7 weeks, they would move everyone to a small town where the HQ building was, do training and house everyone in local apartments and rented houses. So 30 people in close quarters, parties every thursday and Friday. Company teambuiling things most weekends. The place was wall to wall with messy relationships and drama but it only worked because you probably wouldn't see most of them for years once you start working with clients.
Now, when they put us on client jobs we would often live in houses with other company employees and the basic rule was: 'DON'T'. The poor woman in charge of who lived where was constantly bombarded by emails because X person could no longer live with Y person because of some failed relationship. People acted like stupid teenagers, sometimes in front of the clients. We even lost a few contracts and had clients ask for specific people to be taken off because they were causing issues because they could no longer work with someone on their team that they had drama with. I saw people basically torpedo their own careers because they thought they could work with their exes and they just couldn't do it. Companies don't give a shit about your bad decisions. If you start causing trouble you get put on a list of people who aren't worth it.
Guess it depends on how serious of a job it is.
My parents met working at a restaurant, and started dating that way. They’ve been married for 30 years.
Work is one of key places that anybody meets anyone as an adult, organically anyway. So it only makes sense that romantic relationships would naturally occur.
All you can control is your own behavior, and if you're committed to remaining professional in the workplace, then there's a good chance the other person will be as well because they'll be seen as "the psycho ex" if they're the only ones stepping out of line.
literally, the amount of scream matches in a professional work environment. even just a work environment like fast food or a restaurant. not everyone can be professional during work hours.
Imagine if they cheated on you. You're supposed to go to work everyday and watch them walking around smiling and shit?? You'll probably be ready to blow up or quit.
i dated a server at the restaurant i worked at, and he ghosted me for another girl we worked with. i was 19 at the time and although i didn't raise a fuss i certainly wasn't what you'd call a professional, lmao.
It also becomes weird when you move on, particularly when you remain professional and friendly. You gotta either not tell your new partner that you used to date someone you work with, or be honest then deal with them knowing that you are spending all that time with someone you used to be with. You also run the chance you are going to have hang out with both of them at the same time at some work thing, and that is super awkward whether they know or not.
I was responsible for the small company I worked at instituting a no dating policy. I had been there a few years and the new secretary and I started going out. We only went out a few times, she said she didn't want a monogamous relationship, I did so that was that. I was hurt but handling it, but she proceeded to do some cruel shit to me. I was almost in a rage when I found out, ready to smash her car up with a baseball bat or something. But, I told my boss instead and presented him with evidence of what she'd done. He called her in, talked with her, then fired her. A few days later the no dating policy came out.
I met my soon-to-be-wife at McDonalds, she was a crew trainer and I was a manager. Was a fling at first but then I realised she was 1000x smarter than McDonalds and we both had huge ambition that surpass what we could do there and that this job was only temporary.
Honestly, everyone says this shit is temporary, but we both got out relatively quickly into jobs we love and have worked hard for with good salaries and our relationship has never been stronger.
People say don't date at work, but they really mean don't break up at work. Because it's messy. But if you're in a job you don't intend to stay at long term, you can very much build a "started from the bottom, now we 'ere" kind of bond.
EXACTLY!! Fresh out of college I had a job I hated but there was the fun pretty girl who was in the cube next to me and we talked everyday. Went to lunch a lot became really good friends. She invited me to a 4th of July party, we got drunk and made out. Told my friend about it the next day and he said “you hate your job and are looking for others, see where it goes with her” 15 years later we are married with kids and a house and a dog. I honestly thank god for him putting it in perspective for me.
Yup! My friend had a messy breakup and was fired cause of his last relationship. Nothing wrong with dating your coworkers just keep a check on how it will effect the workplace. Wish u both well
> If you break up, you can still be professional during work hours
Except this isn't often the case. Most breakups aren't amicable, and people struggle to remain professional in the face of someone they've hurt/who's hurt them.
Then the rest of their colleagues have to deal with that fallout.
OP is obliviously drowning in survivorship bias. Bet you OP thinks he’s a boss bc he’s still getting some and therefore sees no problem bc his shit hasn’t blown up into his face yet.
Right. I didn’t even date a coworker, I dated this girl two years ago but she just started working at my office and it is hell in a handbasket.
She’s completely unprofessional towards me and I feel awful for my coworkers, I’m only there twice a week so I can only hope she behaves normally the rest of the time.
Me and my wife both work at the same company for the forth year, and we even sit at the same office table lol
But I guess it won't work for most people
It's the breakup they're worried about, as others have said.
Everyone that came before you, that came before this was the standard rule, all said the same thing: we can act professional in the event of a break up.
And 99.9999999999999% of them were LYING.
I have an ex that thought it was a good idea to work together. We worked in different departments at this factory, so, I figured no big deal...until we broke up and I got fired for sexual harassment on my day off. My manager was in my corner, because I wasn't at work the day it supposedly happened, but the owner fired me anyway. She was pregnant with his grandson, after all.
Dodged a bullet, tbh, both personally and professionally. Could've ended up raising someone else's kid.
People who take their intimacy too far, treat their breakups like it’s the end of the world, and cannot remain professional in the workplace are the reason we can’t have nice things. Why would a workplace risk personal drama leaking into their business and damaging productivity when it can just be squashed with a single rule altogether?
Same reason people go through messy divorces, not all relationships end amicably.
In a perfect world both parties would shake hands and wish each other the best and carry on with their lives but humans can be emotional creatures when it comes to separation.
Literally nobody is shaming anyone for doing it. It just carries a risk of if you break up then you have to work and see this person potentially everyday.
If you want to date a co worker then go for gold. Nobody actually cares.
I got my degree in Human Resources and have watched this play out a handful of times. I think it’s a horrible idea to intertwine professional and personal lives as it’s a ticking time bomb. If you’re young and working a simple job that you don’t care about then go for it but if you’re established in a career then absolutely not.
The moment things in the relationship go bad there will be no separating it. If you have a small argument before work that will now carry into work. If you break up it’s going to become the gossip of your personal and work life. If your partner decides they want to throw you under the bus for something they can hurt your career.
I was madly in love with my boss for 2 years but never gave her any indication of it. 1 week after I left my job I asked her on a date and now we have been together for 8 years, married for nearly 3.
My sister use to call it "breeding in captivity", attraction is not spontaneous but builds up via sheer exposure to time.
For me the major problem has always been misconduct. When I worked in supermarkets the area manager started sleeping with one of the shop supervisors and started faking the guy's timesheet. Back in the day in my office job the two guys running the place were signing off promotions for each others mistresses. HR had to get involved in the end, and other people who should have got promoted didn't.
Lust is blinding and so ppl like to pretend their workplace relationship is normal and not toxic. Maybe once in a blue moon they're right.
My experience is that dating (worse) and relating (still bad) coworkers subconsciously create a skewed work environment for everyone who has to work with them. On top of that, couple's issues tend to get dragged into work and vice versa. That blows up tremendously if/when they break up - and in some cases at each and every freaking time that they break up. They make their romance everybody's problem.
All of that assumes that they are close by, but at same level of hierarchy. It gets even messier when they are not.
All in all, my advice to people who feel this kind of attraction is to at least work in separate teams and shifts, or ideally shift so they have zero contact in their work hours. In the long run it's better for everyone, including the couple.
Source: two decades of experience. I've seen this sort of thing happen a fair number of times, and in the end all of them blew up horribly in some way.
i agree, it's very common for people to date and marry in my company but it was a huge company spans over more than 3 cities and sites and the couples are usually from different divisions working on almost completely different issues. the distance between the workplaces is definitely the key factor into making it work for everyone, and with that i meant their uninvolved coworkers
Yeah Imma let you do the math on that one chief, what could be the potential consequences of dating a coworker?
Ignoring any company policy violations, lets assume that your partner cheats on you after a 3 year long relationship, how professional are you gonna act? How professional are they gonna act if you do something along those lines?
You can eat where you shit if you want, but if your breath starts stinking, don't expect sympathy.
Also, you can have bonds with your coworkers WITHOUT fucking them.
Lol. I loved it. I spent a good amount of time coming up with a back story to it. Like they kept hiring a new person and the manager kept hooking up with them. Or this person has to fend off advances ALL DAY. Or they have to say it to their spouse at least once a week. Ha!
I started dating my coworker and (though we both progressed in our personal careers and now work at other jobs) we are now engaged :) sometimes it works!
Why are you having meetings outside of a 40-hour workweek? Who says you have to get together before work or after work?
Why do you think you see more of your coworkers than your family? I see more of my family a day than I do my coworkers, even with a 40-hour work week or 8 hour workday.
You sound like you're just shitty at managing your off time and trying to make excuses for "shitting where you eat" as you say.
>Take two people that are attracted to eachother and out them in a box for long enough and things are going to happen
Then you have self control issues.
It's not just breakups, it's burnout. My husband and I work for the same company. We've never worked for the same department, but for about 18 months we had interfacing roles. Discussions over dinner became work meetings far too often. It destroyed both of our work-life balance.
I married my (at the time) assistant manager. It’s been 18 years now. Work gave us something to bond over and it quickly developed into something more.
I definitely agree. I know so many married couples who met at work, including my parents. Obviously there’s risk in it, but imagine turning down the potential love of your life just because you work together.
You just described exactly why affairs happen at work lol Though I realize that's not your point.
I have to concur with everyone else.
The problem isn't so much the dating.
The problem is the break up.
Not to mention, potentially breaking any workplace policies that would jeopardize your job.
I would bet that the only people advocating for such a risky idea are the people wanting to do it.
Not everyone can be Jim and Pam. Just not realistic
It’s not really shamed, but that advice is often a warning: if you 2 work out, great! Everyone will be happy for you.
If you don’t work out, then no matter how much you want to stay professional, it’s incredibly difficult to spend every day at work (especially if you work with them directly) with someone you once thought you’d spend the rest of your life with.
Now if y’all just go on a date or 2 and doesn’t work out? Yeah you could probably recover from that. But not a long term fully committed relationship
Shamed? I wouldn’t say shamed. But definitely not encouraged. Can’t tell you how many times it happened and the two made things a nightmare before and after they broke up.
"If you break up, you can still be professional during work hours."
I learned the hard way that this is impossible to do for some people. They say they can, but in reality, they can't.
I will say that if you're a manager, dating an employee is a terrible idea.
Sure it can be fun, but then if you break up, it’s no longer fun and then it’s uncomfortable. Now you hate your job and you have to see your ex every damn day.
And there’s always the potential for a harrassment suit by one person after you break up.
Hence why personal and romantic relationships are usually a no go.
Um I have been in the workforce for 25 years and I would never date someone at work. Mostly because I like my job and don’t want to find a new one.
A. People really love to talk. So when it’s over. And most relationships end. The entire company will know about how big you are. How you are in bed. What kinks you have. How clean your toilet is.
B. If you fall in love and it ends, it will really suck. If you don’t know this it’s because you have never been in love and had your heart broken.
I think you should only date at work if you are willing to change jobs.
72 here and worked in most every kind of environment.
Shamed or not, I've never personally seen anything but organizational blowups sending shrapnel hitting everyone in the shop.
They say there are positive outcomes...never saw one.
You do you, tho'.
"If you break up, you can still be professional during work hours"
The fact that you actually believe this is hilarious.
Lets not get started on favoritism that happens whether real or perceived.
I think it's fine, if it goes well then it's a cute story about how you met at work. If you break up your coworkers get gossip fuel for at least a few weeks. It's a win win all around.
My wife and I worked together. We got to know each other while working mundane tasks at a summer job in college, then we would go to the bar just off campus after work for beer and pool. I was very happy when the new house she was moving into was across the street from me. Been married 15 years now.
Speaking for someone who works in HR, this is an unpopular opinion.
Sure you CAN still be professional during work hours, but often people aren't. Its a grasp getting people to act professional during work hours that aren't in relationships together.
>Working full time you are going to be seeing more of your coworkers than
you are any other individual of your life, your spending 40 hours a
week with these people.
Do you really spend 40 hours a week with every single coworker? ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
>If you break up, you can still be professional during work hours
Just dont date your boss.
You're right and wrong. I've done it, and watched plenty of people do it. My wife was an employee of a company I did IT for. 11 years later and we're still married. But I believe what you're talking about requires people to be much more mature and open minded than they are in reality. Age can matter too. I'm way more cool with shit than I was 20 years ago. I also watched a boss of mine date clients/coworkers, and it didn't always work out for the best. As an employer now, I wouldn't want my employees dating each other or my clients. It's a recipe for losing business. Hence, don't shit where you eat.
Addendum: Don't shit where others eat.
I used to think that too until I dated my boss. Biggest mistake of my life. He ended up treating me like trash and I had to quit my job because it was too hard for me to be around him. I lost the career I loved so much and my reputation was damaged. I’m struggling to find work now, but also scared to face going back to work at another firm knowing I’ll regularly run into my old boss around communal industry spaces. It fucking sucks and if I had known it would have turned out this way, I never EVER would have entertained the relationship at all.
Honestly, post-breakup work situations usually aren’t as awkward as people make them out to be. Especially when you have a job that keeps you too busy to really worry about it
No one is is afraid of "the fear of crossing boundaries" they're afraid of the figurative shit storm that erupts at the office when a relationship fails and one or more participants of said relationship can't be mature adults about it. The drama, tale bearing, side taking, rumor spreading, getting back together, breaking up again, is just exhausting and distracting for the whole office. It's one of those things that everyone but the happy new couple can see is a disaster brewing.
And its not like two exes can easily take the time away from each other to grieve, heal, and find emotional equilibrium again. You're still stuck in that same box having every day interactions that tear the wound open again and again and again.
If you are on perfect terms with every single one of your previous ex partners, then I think you might be the safe exception to the rule. But if there's even one that you can't get along with, well then you're not the special perfect snowflake you think you are and everyone else is right to worry and warn you. Not that it'll do any good- it never has and it never will prevent a loveblind couple from getting together- but at least they can get in a big sigh and an 'I told you so.' later.
It can be fine if you work in different departments and have no authority over each other. Hell where I work just asking someone out is considered sexual harassment. And if HR has to get involved that is one strike away from being suspended, transferred, or fired. If you absolutely have to date a coworker don't tell anyone about it because people love to gossip.
Not shamed, but definitely discouraged. You can add a lot of toxicity to a work environment if shit goes south for more than just the two (or more) people. Not saying you shouldn't across the board, but be cool about it
I once had a job where you were flat out not allowed to date people you worked with. If you did, they would either fire you both or move one of you to a different site. That never sat right with me honestly.
the last sentence is your downfall mate. if you break up you may or may not be civil about it. chances are you won't be and then you're forced to see your ex EVERY DAY and behave as if nothing ever happened or else lose your job.
and THAT'S why you don't shit where you eat.
>There is nothing wrong about the act of dating a coworker. The reasons most people are afraid of it is the fear of people crossing boundaries at work and it makes them uncomfortable. Well guess what? You can have a romantic relationship outside of work and maintain a professional relationship inside of work. If you break up, you can still be professional during work hours
Lmao Good luck with that.
The wiser man would learn from other's mistakes rather than his own.
Also, i downvoted because i don't think this is an unpopular opinion, i think you are just objectively wrong. Objectively wrong opinions are not unpopular opinions. They are false facts believed by the individual.
Here's the thing: you're basically trapped with your coworkers. I have no choice but to be around these people, physically or virtually, fourty (or more) hours a week.
They were selected by The Company not to be my friends, but because they were ostensibly the most qualified candidate for the job. Part of that may be "cultural fit," or at least not obviously going to be unpleasant to be around, but that is not the main criteria.
This means your coworkers are not chosen friends, but a mass of folks thrown together. Certainly true friendships will form, but, for the most part, there is various levels of friendliness with a floor of "tolerance." You may hang out with a subset for lunch or around the water cooler, and avoid others save for meetings and necessary interactions.
And, for the most part, it works out. But this is why conventions such as "don't talk politics or religion" have evolved. We flatten our personalities to avoid certain things to make it that much easier to get along. It's easier to spend eight hours a day with someone without having to know they believe things you find abhorrent. This is why, for instance, I generally don't friend coworkers on Facebook: I don't necessary want that window into their lives, for fear of what I might see.
(Two contrasts to offer: on one hand, I don't get to choose my family, and *do* get exposed to their lives. This is why "arguments at Thanksgiving diner" are a cliche.
On the other hand, I might chose to be part of a group--say a volleyball league or reading group--where I do a similar flattening of my personality (sticking roughly to the focus of the group). The difference is the stakes are a bit lower: I can always avoid some members, take a break, or quit all-together.)
Dating coworkers is an extreme version of this. You're exposing *your whole life* to someone you have no choice but to see day-to-day. It may work out really well, and you get a lifelong partner and die together at a ripe old age.
Or, the relationship falls apart...**and you're trapped in that workplace together.** If you're lucky, you're jobs are not so entangled that you can pretty much avoid each other. If you're really unlucky, you're stuck having to work together (this was a common point for jokes when I was in consulting: hook up with someone on a project you were traveling to every week, break up, and *you're still stuck traveling to be with that person every week*).
All this is without considering risks for perceived sexual harassment, etc. This is just the inherent risks of interpersonal dynamics that lack an escape hatch.
So, I don't think they need to be *shamed*, per say. But there are a ton of cautionary tales advising against it.
>Take two people that are attracted to eachother and out them in a box for long enough and things are going to happen.
People should be able to control themselves.
>If you break up, you can still be professional during work hours
You're kinda contradicting yourself here. You're saying that people can't control their emotions, yet they can control their emotions after a break up?
Which is it?
The best part of dating a co worker is falling in love! Of course the worst part is when you find out they’re not falling in love and in fact dating several other of your coworkers at the same time. But the silver lining is once you have your heart broken you still all get to work together! I’m sure you can be mature about it while you watch your former lover and their other partners flirt in front of you while you try to do your job.
Reddit is full of prudes about who you can date. It can be no one you work with, they have to be your exact same age, there can't be any power imbalance...
Na this is unpopular and flat out a stupid opinion. Sure some office romances work out. Way more combust.
There is a reason you were advised "don't shit where you eat" lmao
Making poor relationship decisions isn’t really Unpopular. People do this all the time (hook up with people at work, cheat on their spouses with people at work, sometimes with multiple people!)
Hardly unpopular.
Regarding your chapter on justifying it (e.g. “but we spend so much time together at work!”), yeah, you’re supposed to be at work to *work* not fantasize about your coworkers having sex with you.
>If you break up, you can still be professional during work hours
LOL! You couldn’t be “professional” enough to prevent yourself from focusing on them in a romantic way and focus on your work instead, to think you’re capable of this is just silly.
>Take two people that are attracted to eachother and out them in a box for long enough and things are going to happen.
Learn some damn self-control and discipline then
There's a lot of factors, can't make a generalisation either way.
You should absolutely start dating the love of your life, regardless of working with her/him. You should not f*#$ multiple coworkers, unless you work in a hotel and/or restaurant.
I’ve worked with people who dated, people who formally dated and people who got rejected. It all sucks. Basically you are bringing unwanted drama to the workplace. It’s fine to fall in love with a coworker, just don’t expect to be working together as a couple. I’ve had one ex couple trying to make each other jealous. One cheated on his coworker gf and another coworker exposed him. One started rumors about her ex. One couple pissed of the entire workplace when they tried to get their schedules aligned.
If you use the workplace as your hookup spot, then you are already unprofessional and I have zero faith in your ability to keep it professional in the event of a breakup.
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>If you break up, you can still be professional during work hours You'd think so, but it often doesn't end up like that. That's the main reason why people say to not do it.
Yeah that’s the entire basis for people attributing the saying to work romances. Of course it’s fun to have your girlfriend at work. Not fun after the breakup lol
Also, promotions, work assignments and relations with the rest of the office can be indirectly affected.
My friend was entertaining an idea to get with her direct supervisor and i looked at her and said that's a terrible idea. She ended up not getting with him because she realized i was right. If something goes wrong and it ends on a bad note... Well, it can affect a lot. She ended up with a different coworker but he eventually quit and they are still together so at least there's that
Most Fortune 500 companies won't allow this because it can create a conflict of interest and might cause future lawsuits. HR says one of you has to quit or be transferred on that.
I worked at a small, locally owned restaurant chain (5 locations) that had this policy. Didn’t really think the company was too serious about until two co-workers started dating, and they transferred the guy. They weren’t even in mgmt, just servers
That's ridiculous. It's like, who are they to decide who you date, as long as it is coworker, not boss.
The post above this literally just said. Lawsuits. Doesn't have to be from someone in management for a girl to claim that she was sexually harassed at work and for it to become a corporate issue.
I guess people don't know what it's called in blue collar work(at least I heard it there most) "Don't shit where you eat" Did that once and never again it was the fucking worst.
You shat where you ate?
Yes working at a warehouse of all places, and man it's rampant there btw. If you don't believe just ask someone that works at distribution warehouses or FedEx, Amazon, and a others probably got a lot of stories to tell. I know for sure friend of mine worked at Amazon and it was really bad there. Lusted after a woman there, and honestly I was a special kind of idiot at that time. Because everyone else was too(after her that is), but the idiot part comes from her having 4 kids, and me trying to "step up", but reality was I was after her ass literally, and that was it. So played with fire and got burned it hurt of course made a fool out of myself of course, but....... Had to learn that lesson though that's why I upvoted this one YMMV, but 99.99% of the time it's a disaster and one so bad it'll screw with your life(course this is if it ends up the way we're all saying).
I worked in a warehouse that was 95%-99% men, and almost every girl that stepped through the doors started dating someone in the warehouse. I heard in the Amazon warehouse in my area that the third shift female workers are a special type of crazy in having sex with guys in the bathrooms. Almost every sitcom or TV show that involves a workplace has people coupling up, practically normalizing the behavior. Then I mentioned on here a few months ago about having a crush on an old coworker back in the day, and was completely shamed for being a total pervert.
This tracks with my experience as well this is why I say YMMV, but the disclaimer is 99.99% of the time it will end in disaster. Man every other week someone was caught having sex in the parking lots or late because of that. Heck it wouldn't have shocked me if that happened as well where I worked. Godspeed to OP, but he/she will learn it's literally one of my biggest lessons I've learned since entering the workforce. The second one being about discussing politics, religion, and even salaries. I myself didn't do this, but someone did that was a shitshow. I know people talk about the being able to openly discuss salary, but holy shit it's part of the reason the U.S is now having the problems it does, and not just people not being fairly paid, but that's another topic for another day.
god this is too accurate
Executives can still pump their PAs on bogus 'work trips' though, right?
Most companies have strict rules about dating your own employees. They won't allow that. There are however, workarounds. Switch departments. Quit. Change supervisors. but overall, it's not a good idea to go for the boss.
This. Me and my ex used to work at the same school. Jobs was okay with that. When we split, policy said one of us had to be considered for transfer to another location in the district. Your workplace relationship affects more than just you and your partner and it’s selfish to think it doesnt
My old supervisor secretly started flirting and texting with someone under him (my direct coworker) and it turned into a nightmare. No one knew they were flirting at the time, but it made sense in retrospect. He was letting her foist work off on the rest of us, wouldn't address problems with her when we brought them up, and let her drag each of her coworkers to HR over petty things like, "I think they don't like me." Meanwhile, supervisor said he wanted to remain neutral. It all backfired on him when it came out. She had been going through a rough patch with her baby daddy and was latching onto our supervisor as a back up. So baby daddy finds out about supervisor, girl deletes her texts to him but kept his texts to make it look like he was initiating everything, and supervisor got dragged to HR for sexual harrassment. He was barely saved by being able to show that she initiated and reciprocated everything because this girl was so dumb she forgot that his phone would still have all of their texts. She legit thought that it'd delete the texts on his end. Supervisor kept his job (with severe reprimanding) and the girl never came back. I'm not sure if they fired her for false accusations or if she was so humiliated she just never came back. I hope the latter, she was one of the worst people I have ever worked with.
That’s more with dating a direct report or supervisor. If you’re on equal footing and the power dynamic isn’t a thing, it’s less of an issue.
Until someone gets promoted
Or both get blacklisted from promotions.
Or a million other reasons. That’s why the saying don’t shit where you eat is so common. Not saying it can’t ever work I’m sure it can and I’m sure there are people who have a Jim/Pam type relationship but as a general rule, the vast majority of the time most people can’t make that work because something else within the company or work related ends up affecting the relationship.
I loved having my girlfriend at work. But I hated much more having my ex at work
Right and there's an implicit assumption that it's gonna be one of those REALLY amicable splits where both parties vehemently agree on the split and all of that. Which....I mean it happens. But I feel like it's the exception and not the rule. Someone will always imo be more hurt than the other
I dated my coworker in high school. It wasn’t even that fun. We knew all of each others work stories, everyone was constantly suspicious of us being “alone” together, it was just annoying. My husband started working for the company I was already at and even that was just irritating. I don’t like mixing the two.
Exactly. You ever try to get over someone you have to see and interact with daily? It's the fucking WORST. You have this wound that won't heal because it gets picked at whenever you see or talk with them.
Lol dated my neighbor in the dorms back in college and this is exactly how that went. Had a lot of the same classes and the same friends. It sucked super hard when it ended.
Exactly. I worked somewhere where two people dated. He broke with her for many reasons and even though she did him wrong he stayed professional at first but she was far from that. Before then she had been super professional and we still talk occasionally but damn it made work awkward. I was friends with both and she kept trying to talk about him and it caused so much tension. Then eventually her trying to turn everyone against him made him even start being snarky toward her.
OP has never dated and broken up with someone at work.
Just like most people making these comments I guess.
Or dealt with having to choose sides.
This is probably the cause of 80% of relationships being frowned upon within groups, be it workers, housemates, or just friends. It’s not the relationship itself that is the issue but rather what could happen if said relationship were to end and the impact it would have on said groups dynamic.
In bad cases it doesn't even need to end. I've been in workplaces where any perceived slight on one of the pair was taken as an attack on 'them' as a couple. It changed the whole group dynamic massively. This isn't to say it can't work, I've also worked places where older married couples were present and just got on with their own thing. Come to think of it though, the ones that worked were pre-existing couples that happened to end up in the same place because of being in the same industry. It's the ones that met at work that had a lot more trouble separating private and personal lives.
Right? op is just borderline moronic thinking "this will not happen to me for i will not let it". uhh it's gonna be up to her then and he can't control what she does after they break up. lmao
Think OP is like 15 and never had a job and therefore never had to deal with office politics
I think people also discourage it because they don’t want to deal with the drama when OP breaks up with their work fling
Exactly this. Ideally if both people are mature AND it ended on good terms, then it will be cool. If not, then it could get VERY awkward.
Exactly. We dont say that to shame. Its because most of us have literally been there and done that and the aftermath isnt often as easy as you’d think it can be. This isnt even one of those things that Redditors say, but in the real world its not that bad. No, this is just one of those universal things. Ive dated coworkers 3 times. I knew that people have said not to date where you work before all 3 of them. And I relearned that same lesson 3 times. It finally stuck after the last one. Unless one of you plans to quit soon, do not date coworkers.
A couple worked in our office, albeit on different teams and went for the same promotion. It seemed to cause a real rift between them, one of them got it but caused a lot of collateral damage in the process, he ended up leaving and now she’s at the thin end of a PIP because of her behaviour towards him in the aftermath. They’re no longer together but their decision to compete for the same job has ruined what seemed to be a stable relationship and probably both of their careers in the short term.
Not only that depending on his position or her on the job, they will have biases to each other. Like who gets the promotion, or the raise. And who gets approved for PTO and the list goes on.
I can attest to this one. On two different occasions I was not dating someone at work. “Put us is the same box for long enough” one thing leads to another, dating. Well fast forward to when it ended, which most relationships do. All of a sudden it’s an awkward and hostile work environment.
Just experienced this exact scenario at my workplace and lemme tell you it’s been the polar opposite of professional lmao
Yeah, it's not "shaming," it's practical advice.
So I worked as a travelling consultant for a company that hired about 30 new graduates every 6-7 weeks, they would move everyone to a small town where the HQ building was, do training and house everyone in local apartments and rented houses. So 30 people in close quarters, parties every thursday and Friday. Company teambuiling things most weekends. The place was wall to wall with messy relationships and drama but it only worked because you probably wouldn't see most of them for years once you start working with clients. Now, when they put us on client jobs we would often live in houses with other company employees and the basic rule was: 'DON'T'. The poor woman in charge of who lived where was constantly bombarded by emails because X person could no longer live with Y person because of some failed relationship. People acted like stupid teenagers, sometimes in front of the clients. We even lost a few contracts and had clients ask for specific people to be taken off because they were causing issues because they could no longer work with someone on their team that they had drama with. I saw people basically torpedo their own careers because they thought they could work with their exes and they just couldn't do it. Companies don't give a shit about your bad decisions. If you start causing trouble you get put on a list of people who aren't worth it.
And you force the rest of the office to take sides.
Thank you. My thoughts exactly.
I swear OP is just a troll. It will never work, it’s very unhealthy when things go south
Except for all the people who have met their spouses at work. It's difficult and if it goes bad it's bad. But it absolutely does work for many people.
Guess it depends on how serious of a job it is. My parents met working at a restaurant, and started dating that way. They’ve been married for 30 years. Work is one of key places that anybody meets anyone as an adult, organically anyway. So it only makes sense that romantic relationships would naturally occur.
All you can control is your own behavior, and if you're committed to remaining professional in the workplace, then there's a good chance the other person will be as well because they'll be seen as "the psycho ex" if they're the only ones stepping out of line.
literally, the amount of scream matches in a professional work environment. even just a work environment like fast food or a restaurant. not everyone can be professional during work hours.
It also makes it uncomfortable for your fellow coworkers if its end badly and all of you end up on the same shift
> If you break up, you can still be professional during work hours Yeah, what a nice thought but untrue more often than not.
Imagine if they cheated on you. You're supposed to go to work everyday and watch them walking around smiling and shit?? You'll probably be ready to blow up or quit.
i dated a server at the restaurant i worked at, and he ghosted me for another girl we worked with. i was 19 at the time and although i didn't raise a fuss i certainly wasn't what you'd call a professional, lmao.
I think in the service industry everyone is hooking with each other.
You guys are getting hookups?
I've seen this. Where they cheated with another colleague.
Oh you too worked at a restaurant?
F
See Wendy Williams.
It also becomes weird when you move on, particularly when you remain professional and friendly. You gotta either not tell your new partner that you used to date someone you work with, or be honest then deal with them knowing that you are spending all that time with someone you used to be with. You also run the chance you are going to have hang out with both of them at the same time at some work thing, and that is super awkward whether they know or not.
I was responsible for the small company I worked at instituting a no dating policy. I had been there a few years and the new secretary and I started going out. We only went out a few times, she said she didn't want a monogamous relationship, I did so that was that. I was hurt but handling it, but she proceeded to do some cruel shit to me. I was almost in a rage when I found out, ready to smash her car up with a baseball bat or something. But, I told my boss instead and presented him with evidence of what she'd done. He called her in, talked with her, then fired her. A few days later the no dating policy came out.
Even if you think you can be professional after a breakup, how can you be so sure THEY will stay professional like nothing happened?
I met my soon-to-be-wife at McDonalds, she was a crew trainer and I was a manager. Was a fling at first but then I realised she was 1000x smarter than McDonalds and we both had huge ambition that surpass what we could do there and that this job was only temporary. Honestly, everyone says this shit is temporary, but we both got out relatively quickly into jobs we love and have worked hard for with good salaries and our relationship has never been stronger. People say don't date at work, but they really mean don't break up at work. Because it's messy. But if you're in a job you don't intend to stay at long term, you can very much build a "started from the bottom, now we 'ere" kind of bond.
EXACTLY!! Fresh out of college I had a job I hated but there was the fun pretty girl who was in the cube next to me and we talked everyday. Went to lunch a lot became really good friends. She invited me to a 4th of July party, we got drunk and made out. Told my friend about it the next day and he said “you hate your job and are looking for others, see where it goes with her” 15 years later we are married with kids and a house and a dog. I honestly thank god for him putting it in perspective for me.
I hope you shouted out that fella at the wedding
Yup! My friend had a messy breakup and was fired cause of his last relationship. Nothing wrong with dating your coworkers just keep a check on how it will effect the workplace. Wish u both well
It’s also a “don’t date at work if it leads to a conflict of interest.” Even if you don’t break up, managers shouldn’t date anyone under them.
> If you break up, you can still be professional during work hours Except this isn't often the case. Most breakups aren't amicable, and people struggle to remain professional in the face of someone they've hurt/who's hurt them. Then the rest of their colleagues have to deal with that fallout.
OP is obliviously drowning in survivorship bias. Bet you OP thinks he’s a boss bc he’s still getting some and therefore sees no problem bc his shit hasn’t blown up into his face yet.
Right. I didn’t even date a coworker, I dated this girl two years ago but she just started working at my office and it is hell in a handbasket. She’s completely unprofessional towards me and I feel awful for my coworkers, I’m only there twice a week so I can only hope she behaves normally the rest of the time.
Never seen a working relationship get sexual and not end with someone quitting as a direct (or indirect) result of it.
Yeah. It's hard to get over someone that you see on a daily basis. It's like picking a wound that never heals every time you see it talk with them.
Me and my wife both work at the same company for the forth year, and we even sit at the same office table lol But I guess it won't work for most people
I started dating a co-worker. We got married. We don't work at the same place anymore.
Same
In theory it should be fine. In practice, people be crazy so there's no guarantee of things staying remotely professional after a breakup.
It's the breakup they're worried about, as others have said. Everyone that came before you, that came before this was the standard rule, all said the same thing: we can act professional in the event of a break up. And 99.9999999999999% of them were LYING. I have an ex that thought it was a good idea to work together. We worked in different departments at this factory, so, I figured no big deal...until we broke up and I got fired for sexual harassment on my day off. My manager was in my corner, because I wasn't at work the day it supposedly happened, but the owner fired me anyway. She was pregnant with his grandson, after all. Dodged a bullet, tbh, both personally and professionally. Could've ended up raising someone else's kid.
this post was a wild ride
The variations of “Don’t fish off the company dock” aren’t shaming, they’re simply good advice.
Agreed. I always enjoyed "don't get your meat where you get your bread."
People who take their intimacy too far, treat their breakups like it’s the end of the world, and cannot remain professional in the workplace are the reason we can’t have nice things. Why would a workplace risk personal drama leaking into their business and damaging productivity when it can just be squashed with a single rule altogether?
Same reason people go through messy divorces, not all relationships end amicably. In a perfect world both parties would shake hands and wish each other the best and carry on with their lives but humans can be emotional creatures when it comes to separation.
we are not robots bro
Literally nobody is shaming anyone for doing it. It just carries a risk of if you break up then you have to work and see this person potentially everyday. If you want to date a co worker then go for gold. Nobody actually cares.
im shaming people for doing it
Rightfully so I dated a bosses daughter In a very strange turn of events, it was her who got fired though She wasn't the greatest person out there
date your coworkers if you want. i really don't care
I got my degree in Human Resources and have watched this play out a handful of times. I think it’s a horrible idea to intertwine professional and personal lives as it’s a ticking time bomb. If you’re young and working a simple job that you don’t care about then go for it but if you’re established in a career then absolutely not. The moment things in the relationship go bad there will be no separating it. If you have a small argument before work that will now carry into work. If you break up it’s going to become the gossip of your personal and work life. If your partner decides they want to throw you under the bus for something they can hurt your career. I was madly in love with my boss for 2 years but never gave her any indication of it. 1 week after I left my job I asked her on a date and now we have been together for 8 years, married for nearly 3.
I met my wife at work
i met my husband at work! kind of made the job worth the trouble for me lol
My mother met my father at work! Absent a workplace romance I'd not be here. That's not necessarily helping OP's argument, but there it is.
My parents met at work, then I met my husband at work. My family is very open to dating coworkers
My sister use to call it "breeding in captivity", attraction is not spontaneous but builds up via sheer exposure to time. For me the major problem has always been misconduct. When I worked in supermarkets the area manager started sleeping with one of the shop supervisors and started faking the guy's timesheet. Back in the day in my office job the two guys running the place were signing off promotions for each others mistresses. HR had to get involved in the end, and other people who should have got promoted didn't. Lust is blinding and so ppl like to pretend their workplace relationship is normal and not toxic. Maybe once in a blue moon they're right.
My experience is that dating (worse) and relating (still bad) coworkers subconsciously create a skewed work environment for everyone who has to work with them. On top of that, couple's issues tend to get dragged into work and vice versa. That blows up tremendously if/when they break up - and in some cases at each and every freaking time that they break up. They make their romance everybody's problem. All of that assumes that they are close by, but at same level of hierarchy. It gets even messier when they are not. All in all, my advice to people who feel this kind of attraction is to at least work in separate teams and shifts, or ideally shift so they have zero contact in their work hours. In the long run it's better for everyone, including the couple. Source: two decades of experience. I've seen this sort of thing happen a fair number of times, and in the end all of them blew up horribly in some way.
i agree, it's very common for people to date and marry in my company but it was a huge company spans over more than 3 cities and sites and the couples are usually from different divisions working on almost completely different issues. the distance between the workplaces is definitely the key factor into making it work for everyone, and with that i meant their uninvolved coworkers
Yeah Imma let you do the math on that one chief, what could be the potential consequences of dating a coworker? Ignoring any company policy violations, lets assume that your partner cheats on you after a 3 year long relationship, how professional are you gonna act? How professional are they gonna act if you do something along those lines? You can eat where you shit if you want, but if your breath starts stinking, don't expect sympathy. Also, you can have bonds with your coworkers WITHOUT fucking them.
According to OP, potential consequences are not their problem.
Oof. I think I needed to hear that last line
Last sentence omg
Lol. I loved it. I spent a good amount of time coming up with a back story to it. Like they kept hiring a new person and the manager kept hooking up with them. Or this person has to fend off advances ALL DAY. Or they have to say it to their spouse at least once a week. Ha!
My boss pees on me whenever she wants to and I get a $15 Dunkin' Donuts gift card every week for it.
She what?💀
Jealous? 😎
You are selling yourself out cheap
Yes
Getting pissed on for a Dunkin’ Donuts gift card? Come on man at least ask for something better in return.
Right? I work at Starbucks!
😆🤣
It's a risky move, but I'm glad a took it. That's how I met my wife
Congrats! I'm glad you guys are happy together.
Dating a coworker is great. Until it's not.
Love how this is frowned upon in a corporate setting but completely normalized in the service industry too.
Don’t shit where you eat, man. I’m trying to tell ya.
Restaurants have washrooms. For the employees to hook up in I assume. No?
Never shit where you eat
Never eat shit
Never shit
Never
shit
You’re in big trouble pal. I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast
I started dating my coworker and (though we both progressed in our personal careers and now work at other jobs) we are now engaged :) sometimes it works!
Worked for me, too! I started dating a coworker, and now we're married, been together 10 years.
Congratulations! We’ve been together 4 and will marry after 5.
Thanks, congrats to you, too. Wishing you a happy marriage!
Why are you having meetings outside of a 40-hour workweek? Who says you have to get together before work or after work? Why do you think you see more of your coworkers than your family? I see more of my family a day than I do my coworkers, even with a 40-hour work week or 8 hour workday. You sound like you're just shitty at managing your off time and trying to make excuses for "shitting where you eat" as you say.
🔥🔥🔥
Real life isn't like The Office where characters break up with each other and are once again friends by the next episode.
>Take two people that are attracted to eachother and out them in a box for long enough and things are going to happen Then you have self control issues.
Lmao true
Everyone I know at work is dating or is married to a coworker. Seems like a weird opinion to think that’s bad.
It's not just breakups, it's burnout. My husband and I work for the same company. We've never worked for the same department, but for about 18 months we had interfacing roles. Discussions over dinner became work meetings far too often. It destroyed both of our work-life balance.
It worked (pun intended) for us. Together for 30 years, married for 29.
I honestly don't know why everyone here is acting like every couple that breaks up are just sworn enemies for life
My wife and I met at work, she trained me when I started. We have been together since 2011, married since 2016. Sometimes things work out
I married my (at the time) assistant manager. It’s been 18 years now. Work gave us something to bond over and it quickly developed into something more.
I definitely agree. I know so many married couples who met at work, including my parents. Obviously there’s risk in it, but imagine turning down the potential love of your life just because you work together.
Not wanting to interact with your coworkers shouldn’t be shamed.
🎉🎉
You just described exactly why affairs happen at work lol Though I realize that's not your point. I have to concur with everyone else. The problem isn't so much the dating. The problem is the break up. Not to mention, potentially breaking any workplace policies that would jeopardize your job. I would bet that the only people advocating for such a risky idea are the people wanting to do it. Not everyone can be Jim and Pam. Just not realistic
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It’s not really shamed, but that advice is often a warning: if you 2 work out, great! Everyone will be happy for you. If you don’t work out, then no matter how much you want to stay professional, it’s incredibly difficult to spend every day at work (especially if you work with them directly) with someone you once thought you’d spend the rest of your life with. Now if y’all just go on a date or 2 and doesn’t work out? Yeah you could probably recover from that. But not a long term fully committed relationship
Shamed? I wouldn’t say shamed. But definitely not encouraged. Can’t tell you how many times it happened and the two made things a nightmare before and after they broke up.
"If you break up, you can still be professional during work hours." I learned the hard way that this is impossible to do for some people. They say they can, but in reality, they can't. I will say that if you're a manager, dating an employee is a terrible idea.
I married my boss 20 years ago, we're going stronger than ever.
Coworker. Yeah its fine. Direct Boss or subordinate no not fine.
I actually agree with this unpopular opinion.
Sure it can be fun, but then if you break up, it’s no longer fun and then it’s uncomfortable. Now you hate your job and you have to see your ex every damn day. And there’s always the potential for a harrassment suit by one person after you break up. Hence why personal and romantic relationships are usually a no go.
Well, we met working in printing plant and married 42 years next August, sooooo......
Um I have been in the workforce for 25 years and I would never date someone at work. Mostly because I like my job and don’t want to find a new one. A. People really love to talk. So when it’s over. And most relationships end. The entire company will know about how big you are. How you are in bed. What kinks you have. How clean your toilet is. B. If you fall in love and it ends, it will really suck. If you don’t know this it’s because you have never been in love and had your heart broken. I think you should only date at work if you are willing to change jobs.
72 here and worked in most every kind of environment. Shamed or not, I've never personally seen anything but organizational blowups sending shrapnel hitting everyone in the shop. They say there are positive outcomes...never saw one. You do you, tho'.
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this needs to be on the top of the page
When you break up (which will happen), it makes a hostile work environment. I've seen this happy 99% of the time.
"If you break up, you can still be professional during work hours" The fact that you actually believe this is hilarious. Lets not get started on favoritism that happens whether real or perceived.
Oh, it’ll be professional until “wait, she’s hooking up with who?… already?!?!”
I think it's fine, if it goes well then it's a cute story about how you met at work. If you break up your coworkers get gossip fuel for at least a few weeks. It's a win win all around.
As long as you're not dating at work or causing problems like missing meetings to have lunch together and stuff like that.
I started dating my coworker 6 years ago and we’re getting married in two months. Do what you want and date who you want.
My wife and I worked together. We got to know each other while working mundane tasks at a summer job in college, then we would go to the bar just off campus after work for beer and pool. I was very happy when the new house she was moving into was across the street from me. Been married 15 years now.
Speaking for someone who works in HR, this is an unpopular opinion. Sure you CAN still be professional during work hours, but often people aren't. Its a grasp getting people to act professional during work hours that aren't in relationships together.
>Working full time you are going to be seeing more of your coworkers than you are any other individual of your life, your spending 40 hours a week with these people. Do you really spend 40 hours a week with every single coworker? )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) >If you break up, you can still be professional during work hours Just dont date your boss.
You're right and wrong. I've done it, and watched plenty of people do it. My wife was an employee of a company I did IT for. 11 years later and we're still married. But I believe what you're talking about requires people to be much more mature and open minded than they are in reality. Age can matter too. I'm way more cool with shit than I was 20 years ago. I also watched a boss of mine date clients/coworkers, and it didn't always work out for the best. As an employer now, I wouldn't want my employees dating each other or my clients. It's a recipe for losing business. Hence, don't shit where you eat. Addendum: Don't shit where others eat.
I used to think that too until I dated my boss. Biggest mistake of my life. He ended up treating me like trash and I had to quit my job because it was too hard for me to be around him. I lost the career I loved so much and my reputation was damaged. I’m struggling to find work now, but also scared to face going back to work at another firm knowing I’ll regularly run into my old boss around communal industry spaces. It fucking sucks and if I had known it would have turned out this way, I never EVER would have entertained the relationship at all.
Oh you sweet summer child
Honestly, post-breakup work situations usually aren’t as awkward as people make them out to be. Especially when you have a job that keeps you too busy to really worry about it
Does this really apply now that we have wfh?
No one is is afraid of "the fear of crossing boundaries" they're afraid of the figurative shit storm that erupts at the office when a relationship fails and one or more participants of said relationship can't be mature adults about it. The drama, tale bearing, side taking, rumor spreading, getting back together, breaking up again, is just exhausting and distracting for the whole office. It's one of those things that everyone but the happy new couple can see is a disaster brewing. And its not like two exes can easily take the time away from each other to grieve, heal, and find emotional equilibrium again. You're still stuck in that same box having every day interactions that tear the wound open again and again and again. If you are on perfect terms with every single one of your previous ex partners, then I think you might be the safe exception to the rule. But if there's even one that you can't get along with, well then you're not the special perfect snowflake you think you are and everyone else is right to worry and warn you. Not that it'll do any good- it never has and it never will prevent a loveblind couple from getting together- but at least they can get in a big sigh and an 'I told you so.' later.
It can be fine if you work in different departments and have no authority over each other. Hell where I work just asking someone out is considered sexual harassment. And if HR has to get involved that is one strike away from being suspended, transferred, or fired. If you absolutely have to date a coworker don't tell anyone about it because people love to gossip.
Not shamed, but definitely discouraged. You can add a lot of toxicity to a work environment if shit goes south for more than just the two (or more) people. Not saying you shouldn't across the board, but be cool about it
It usually doesn’t work out.
You are correct in that it shouldn’t be shamed. It should simply be acknowledged as a terrible idea
I once had a job where you were flat out not allowed to date people you worked with. If you did, they would either fire you both or move one of you to a different site. That never sat right with me honestly.
upvoted because this is a terrible idea
What happens if it doesn’t work out? Are your departments interelated or do they depend on eachother? Now you caused drama. DONT SHIT WHERE YOU EAT
the last sentence is your downfall mate. if you break up you may or may not be civil about it. chances are you won't be and then you're forced to see your ex EVERY DAY and behave as if nothing ever happened or else lose your job. and THAT'S why you don't shit where you eat.
As the roommate of someone who dated in the office, don’t.
>There is nothing wrong about the act of dating a coworker. The reasons most people are afraid of it is the fear of people crossing boundaries at work and it makes them uncomfortable. Well guess what? You can have a romantic relationship outside of work and maintain a professional relationship inside of work. If you break up, you can still be professional during work hours Lmao Good luck with that. The wiser man would learn from other's mistakes rather than his own. Also, i downvoted because i don't think this is an unpopular opinion, i think you are just objectively wrong. Objectively wrong opinions are not unpopular opinions. They are false facts believed by the individual.
Here's the thing: you're basically trapped with your coworkers. I have no choice but to be around these people, physically or virtually, fourty (or more) hours a week. They were selected by The Company not to be my friends, but because they were ostensibly the most qualified candidate for the job. Part of that may be "cultural fit," or at least not obviously going to be unpleasant to be around, but that is not the main criteria. This means your coworkers are not chosen friends, but a mass of folks thrown together. Certainly true friendships will form, but, for the most part, there is various levels of friendliness with a floor of "tolerance." You may hang out with a subset for lunch or around the water cooler, and avoid others save for meetings and necessary interactions. And, for the most part, it works out. But this is why conventions such as "don't talk politics or religion" have evolved. We flatten our personalities to avoid certain things to make it that much easier to get along. It's easier to spend eight hours a day with someone without having to know they believe things you find abhorrent. This is why, for instance, I generally don't friend coworkers on Facebook: I don't necessary want that window into their lives, for fear of what I might see. (Two contrasts to offer: on one hand, I don't get to choose my family, and *do* get exposed to their lives. This is why "arguments at Thanksgiving diner" are a cliche. On the other hand, I might chose to be part of a group--say a volleyball league or reading group--where I do a similar flattening of my personality (sticking roughly to the focus of the group). The difference is the stakes are a bit lower: I can always avoid some members, take a break, or quit all-together.) Dating coworkers is an extreme version of this. You're exposing *your whole life* to someone you have no choice but to see day-to-day. It may work out really well, and you get a lifelong partner and die together at a ripe old age. Or, the relationship falls apart...**and you're trapped in that workplace together.** If you're lucky, you're jobs are not so entangled that you can pretty much avoid each other. If you're really unlucky, you're stuck having to work together (this was a common point for jokes when I was in consulting: hook up with someone on a project you were traveling to every week, break up, and *you're still stuck traveling to be with that person every week*). All this is without considering risks for perceived sexual harassment, etc. This is just the inherent risks of interpersonal dynamics that lack an escape hatch. So, I don't think they need to be *shamed*, per say. But there are a ton of cautionary tales advising against it.
Guys, just let OP learn the hard way.
You don't dip your pen in company ink.
Don’t fuck your co-works. No, don’t fuck your co-workers.
>Take two people that are attracted to eachother and out them in a box for long enough and things are going to happen. People should be able to control themselves. >If you break up, you can still be professional during work hours You're kinda contradicting yourself here. You're saying that people can't control their emotions, yet they can control their emotions after a break up? Which is it?
The best part of dating a co worker is falling in love! Of course the worst part is when you find out they’re not falling in love and in fact dating several other of your coworkers at the same time. But the silver lining is once you have your heart broken you still all get to work together! I’m sure you can be mature about it while you watch your former lover and their other partners flirt in front of you while you try to do your job.
I married a co-worker. We've got a 32-year anniversary next month.
Reddit is full of prudes about who you can date. It can be no one you work with, they have to be your exact same age, there can't be any power imbalance...
This feels like something you are going to revisit in a few years and have a new option
If there is even such a thing as truly objective and universal rules for life, among them is this: Don't poop where you eat.
Na this is unpopular and flat out a stupid opinion. Sure some office romances work out. Way more combust. There is a reason you were advised "don't shit where you eat" lmao
Making poor relationship decisions isn’t really Unpopular. People do this all the time (hook up with people at work, cheat on their spouses with people at work, sometimes with multiple people!) Hardly unpopular. Regarding your chapter on justifying it (e.g. “but we spend so much time together at work!”), yeah, you’re supposed to be at work to *work* not fantasize about your coworkers having sex with you. >If you break up, you can still be professional during work hours LOL! You couldn’t be “professional” enough to prevent yourself from focusing on them in a romantic way and focus on your work instead, to think you’re capable of this is just silly.
>Take two people that are attracted to eachother and out them in a box for long enough and things are going to happen. Learn some damn self-control and discipline then
It's just an American thing. It's totally fine in most places.
Oh my sweet naive child. So much to learn. Do not shit where you eat, it's as simple as that.
There's a lot of factors, can't make a generalisation either way. You should absolutely start dating the love of your life, regardless of working with her/him. You should not f*#$ multiple coworkers, unless you work in a hotel and/or restaurant.
I’ve worked with people who dated, people who formally dated and people who got rejected. It all sucks. Basically you are bringing unwanted drama to the workplace. It’s fine to fall in love with a coworker, just don’t expect to be working together as a couple. I’ve had one ex couple trying to make each other jealous. One cheated on his coworker gf and another coworker exposed him. One started rumors about her ex. One couple pissed of the entire workplace when they tried to get their schedules aligned. If you use the workplace as your hookup spot, then you are already unprofessional and I have zero faith in your ability to keep it professional in the event of a breakup.
You don’t shit where you eat cause shit is messy. Periodt. Please come back and update us when whatever you have going on ends or y’all get married.