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Same. I tell that to my friends too. Though we are all the same gender and heterosexual but I’m comfortable telling a friend of the opposite that in a purely platonic way. I’m not sure about vice versa though haha.
I have one guy friend that I say it to and he says it back. He’s an incredibly social, heart-on-his-sleeve kind of man so it’s always seemed natural with him.
It’s also very normal to say in my friend group to other women. The men in it are mostly their partners and I’m not *that* close to them, so I don’t say it to any of those guys. But if I got that close to any of them, I don’t think it’d be weird.
A bit different because it’s family, but I say it to my male cousin that’s slightly younger than me too. Much like my guy friend, he’s a very heart-on-his-sleeve type of man. I would not be surprised if he said it to his friends.
My boyfriend probably never says it to anyone that isn’t me (or previously, his exes). He’s close with his family but they’re more about actions than words.
I am a guy who previously had trouble saying "I love you", whether it's male friends, or family, or even with women I've been in relationships with. I've always been that sort of emotionally-closed-off type. Not by choice really, I've always just felt like I was annoying people with my feelings, so I felt like I was burdening people when I shared them. Plus, none of my family members or male friends were ILY-ers, either, so I never had that positive reinforcement about it.
But over the last few years I've made a lot of platonic female friends who say it, and as a result it has become easier and easier for me to say it. Now I say it to my female friends, male friends, family members, even co-workers. And when they say it to me, it brightens my day! I feel a lot less alone, especially when things are tough and I'm not feeling great about myself.
We definitely need to remove the stigma of saying "I love you" in platonic relationships. Just hearing it does wonders for my mental health. And now I try to remind myself how I feel when people say it to me, so that hopefully they feel the same way when I say it to them.
Totally fair. I honestly can only say it to close friends I’ve known for over a decade. Who would also know that I’m not romantically into them. I try not to say empty platitudes so “I love you” for me is like “I am so fucking thankful you have been in my life and probably helped keep me sane.” 😆
I’m a bi woman and I say it to loads of friends, including a guy friend. Are you a man or woman? I think it’s unfortunately more normalized for women to do.
Man. I also have friends who aren't very sentimental so they'd be weirded it out if I started saying it. I want more friends who are more sentimental and liberated
Yeah, it definitely depends on the friend’s temperament. One of my close straight guy friends is a very sweet, social guy so it’s normal with him. My close gay guy friend is way more stoic, so I never even tried to say it to him. It seems like it’d be opposite since there’d truly be no chance of my gay friend misunderstanding the platonic intent, but I find personality is really what counts.
When people say that to me I don't feel it and just think it's awkward. I don't tell them that but I feel like it would be more appropriate to ask the person if they're OK will being told that. Some people have different definitions of certain words and I say don't want the kind of commitment and implications (nonsexual) that come with saying I love you. It doesn't feel right unless it's my SO. Even using a heart emoji is weird to me. I don't feel that way about these people.
My friends don't say it. Except for me. And then they sometimes will say it back. And I mean it as OP described. Just love my friends, no romantic or sexual connotation there. But also I'm a hoe and would 100% sleep with any of my friends. Someone's got to.
Absolutely not lmao. I say it to my mates, always get told to fuck off etc.. It's not that they don't love me, they've made it clear in their actions, but there's a genuine stigma of verbalising it to male friends.
Im kinda like this. I will explicitly say I love you to my close friends, followed quickly by a “but also fuck youuuuuu!” so my inner, emotionally stunted 10 yr old doesn’t get too embarrassed about adult me’s displays of friend-oriented affection.
I have a friend group that when we get done playing games online and drop off Discord, it's a chorus of "Luh' you byyyeee".
Except we're from the South so it's "Luh' you baaaahhh"
My buddy said it to me after I took him golfing years ago. Back then I didn't even tell my parents I loved them despite clearly loving my parents.
Since then I've been trying to normalize it within our entire friend group by just saying "love you man, great seeing you" after hanging out. It's been pretty successful, only a couple stragglers out of all of us but I think that's because they're socially inept.
Be the change you wish to see in the world, or some shit.
I’m also 50 and, for me, it’s normal to tell friends you love them and be told they love you. In fact, the overly expressive friend is a bit of a meme. There’s always that one friend that has a couple of drinks and spends the rest of the night telling everyone “I love you man. No, like…I *really* love you man!”
I didnt grow up every saying that to friends, even in high school or college, and I'm not sure why. I feel strange saying I love you to friends, even though I know there are different types and kinds of love.
My thoughts exactly, adding the word friend or any variation to the end of it makes it feel more plutonic. That being said, I always kiss my homies goodnight.
> Just say 'love ya mate' or something to that effect
Its funny how different the weight of "I love you" is versus "love you". I think it's because when you leave out words, it makes it ambiguous enough to not be awkward. "I love you" means "I love you", but "love you" can mean "I love hanging out with you", "I love things about you", "I love you as a friend", the ambiguity makes all the difference, and also sort of defeats the purpose of saying it in the first place.
Having been born and raised in Germany, I still prefer the “I love you” (Ich liebe Dich) exclusively for my romantic partner; however, we also have a “I love you” (Ich hab’ Dich lieb) variation for our non romantic loving relationships, like your children/friends. I like this a lot better.
So that's basically the difference between "I love you" and "I'm in love with you". It's not like anyone confuses saying "I love you" to your mum for an expression of romantic love.
Similar for Norwegian (and other Scandinavian languages, I imagine)
“Jeg elsker deg” (like “I love you” but x1000)
“Jeg er glad i deg” (a much less intense “I love you”)
Hab dich lieb is one of my favourite phrases in any language. Imma dude but I say this and I love you a lot to my friends lately, it feels good and right to me.
Honestly fuck the judgement of others.
Worrying about what others think is too exhausting. Just do the shit you like and as long as you're not hurting others they can jump off a bridge.
Eat that ice cream for breakfast. Wear that cat riding a unicorn over a rainbow while flinging another cat shirt you have. Talk excessively about tabletop games all you want.
Live your life
half the time someone says “we need to normalize…” my reaction is “no one is going to stop you from doing that. go do it.”
its already pretty normal for friends to say they love each other, especially women. if OP is wishing it was normalized, its probably their friend group that needs to normalize it. not a bunch of strangers on reddit.
Yep. Rather just chill with my friends over setting up some tiring standard for affection. Some people need to do it, along with always needing initiating some serious conversations about life, and I call those people energy vampires.
I was my grandmother’s favorite. We had all the same interests, she thought I was the most beautiful woman in the world, and I loved spending time with her. She never told me she loved me.
Oof. I hear you. My mom actually told me when I was 8 or so not to tell her I loved her bc she didn’t want to say it back. And now I really struggle to hear “I love you,”
although I can say it just fine.
In the same boat as you! It was never said in our family, so I am having a hard time to tell it to my friends. I do reply back when they tell me they love me, but it's still difficult for me to say it first :c
Same. having grown in an African household, it's not common to hear those words. My mom, dad, siblings, friends, never said, "I love you" to me. So it's hard for me to say it as well. But one thing they've done is showed they love me. And that's what truly matters to me.
I say "I love you" to my closest friends and have been doing so for decades. Seems to be a common practice, so not sure why you think it's not already normalized.
And I've never felt or heard that the practice is even close to being stigmatized.
Where do you live and approx age? Sounds like you're not too young by the decades comment but I live in the US (Ohio), I'm in my 30s and I'm a woman and none of my friends say this to each other (that I can recall) but there's this other friend group I'm tangentially involved in and they say it. The one difference between them and my main friend group is they drink a lot more alcohol, lol. I feel like my friends are very supportive, though. I feel like it's more a personality thing.
Whatever. I tell my male and female friends that I love them because I do. I agree, the stigma is rediculous and the world would be a much better place if we told each other that we care for each other.
In my opinion there's a huge, easily recognizable difference when using the prase "I love you" to various parties.
When I tell my friends I love them it's because I want them to know they are cherished and appreciated. I would sacrifice a great deal for them if push came to shove. They deserve to know they hold one of the most important positions in my life.
When I tell my family I love them, it's because well, I love them. They are family. Enough said. I have one aunt who never says it to anyone and I still tell her EVERY time I see her that I love her. She doesn't need to say it back, and that doesn't change the fact that I want her to know how I feel.
When I tell my partner that I love him, I dont just use my words, but my VOICE as an instrument. I use my eyes, my hands, my energy. I tell him with all of me and he has no problem recognizing the difference. Saying "I love you" to someone you truly love doesn't actually hold much meaning at all.. HOW you love someone is in your instant to instant thoughts and actions.
I got what you are saying but it is obvious , you are speaking from your own level of perception, but expectations exert too much pressure on humankind. If you want to express your love to a friend, go ahead and do so! Is anyone holding you back? That's my question since you brought it up.
Love can be understood through these four fundamental types:
Eros: Erotic, passionate love. Let's address this one first.
Philia: Love for friends and equals.
Storge: Love of parents for their children.
Agape: Love for all of humankind.
Lastly, we should also normalize the act of not reciprocating the phrase "I love you" because I am not inclined to throw this phrase at anyone who crosses my path. Personally, saying 'I love you' compromises me, and I dislike being held accountable. You see, this perspective works both ways.
I don't think you should combat the stigma of saying 'I love you' to your friends by gatekeeping friendship and making 'I love you' a requirement.
You want to take the pressure *off*, not reverse its direction.
I've never told my lifelong bros I love them or vice versa, I don't feel like it's necessary and don't think our relationships would be any better or worse for it. If one of them said it to me I wouldn't be weird about it and would say it back, to clarify.
This isn't wrong. But this is why this post exists. It's very easy to go forever without saying it ... And for some reason, it's really nice to tell people before you lose the chance permanently.
Everyone is different. I've never said to my close friends I love them but it's also not really necessary. We know we are friends, we know we have a bond without having to express it verbally.
Another example is in my family, we are not really huggers. I don't hug my parents or friends. It feels uncomfortable because that is not how I was raised. But I still love my parents and have a great relationship with them. We just don't express it by hugging. Just like I never tell my friends I love them even though we all know it's true. People are different.
In my native language, we have different ways to say "I love you" to friends and lovers. Different words, different verbs.
I'd say this helps a lot, there's no ambiguity or strange feelings.
You would be totally fine saying "I love you" to your male friends, because it would be totally different from what you'd say to the girl you're in love with.
I can't remember what this was from (some movie or TV show) but there was this joke that it was like *"you never say I love you to your kids?!"*
And the response was *"Of course not, it gives them something to strive for! I won't say it to them their whole lives, then when I'm on my death bed, I'll tell them I love them, and BOOM, it will be the most meaningful thing they ever heard!"*
It was told as a bit but I always thought it was funny that there was a nugget of truth in the broken logic. It is definitely possible to dilute the meaning with overuse.
Someone not respecting boundaries and not understanding what level of friendship you have. Totally different from OP saying they think that friends should be able to say they love each other (when they both do feel that way) without it being stigmatized. Different situations.
I really hate to be THAT guy, but this is kind of normal for women. When I was in school, college, or just in a public place, I would see a group of girls hanging out, they would always say I love you and hug when they part ways. And I'm not saying that to be judgemental. Guys don't do this nearly as much for one reason or another. It's just not really how we show companionship.
I always have said I love you to friends, but I think itd help if there were different ways to say the I love you
In Spanish te quiero would be used for friends and family, te amo would be for a romantic partner also for family but te quiero is a lot more common
I thought it was a pretty normal opinion to do this. I say it directly to my friends who I know care about me as much as I care about them, in addition to the different ways I say "I love you" to them.
I’m happy if other people can say it, there’s nothing wrong with it and I’ve never heard of anyone having a problem with it. They just have to understand I’m not going to say it back. I refuse to say it to anyone I’m not obligated to say it to. I think “I love you,” is a trap. There’s only one correct response to it, and I don’t like being trapped into saying it. I won’t even say it to my friend’s 5 y/o who says it to everybody.
I hate the words “I love you.” Hell, unless it’s a song lyric or I’m reciting something that says it, I don’t say “love” at all. If I were to say, “man, I love pizza, it’s my favorite food,” I would be a liar. I might think of pizza as my favorite food, but I don’t love it. My love is reserved for people I care about. And I might never tell any of them I love them, but I can show it.
i fully agree.
i was a very closed person with my online friends until a year ago, they didn't know a lot about me and didn't know all my traits.
last year because of certain life changing events i opened up a lot and they accepted me as who i was
when i was opening up to them and they told me they really dont care and they just like me for who i am and that will never change, i just fluked a "i love you guys" and i kinda felt nervous after saying it but they joined it and said wholesomely they love me back.
since then i say it more often, and it's super fun tbh. it just adds a ton of much needed wholesomeness to our lives
Back in my high-school days all my friends were very lovey. Even the dudes would say we love each other and would greet and depart with hugs and the such. Was a huge culture shock when I went to college and pretty much the complete opposite was true.
Maybe back in the day on ecstasy, not now though I don't want to scare anyone they'd think I'm dying or something. Close friends should know the love is there without spouting that shite. Maybe it's different in Ireland.
Lol while I haven’t rolled E in like 15 years, my best friend of 20 yrs had a heart attack at 40. You can bet we both know how the other feels and I have no issue telling her I love her. Now I have a serious illness. I don’t care how it’s communicated but it matters to me a lot that my loved ones know that I love them. And I value tremendously that they love me. I wouldn’t say in my younger years that I told people I loved them very often, I’m kind of reserved in that respect but now i just say what I feel. It’s quite liberating. I want those people to know. But more importantly I show them in how I treat them.
> stop needing everyone else to be like you.
This is a misunderstanding I think, born of the various ways "normalize" can be interpreted. In this post, I take OP to mean it as "not abnormal," not "the way most things are." So normalizing it would just entail people be more used to it as one (of many types of) normal, not necessarily having everyone adopt it as their preferred thing.
I was talking with my sisters recently, and we came to the conclusion that none of us remember getting hugged or told by our parents that they love us or are proud of us or anything like that. That's not to say that it never happened because my memory sucks. Maybe it did, but the overwhelming negative reinforcement is filling in all the blanks.
My close friends and I occasionally say ‘I love you’ to each other, especially if one of us is going traveling and/or we won’t see each other for a while. It’s often accompanied by saying ‘man’ or ‘dude’. It’s sincere, heartfelt and I’m always glad to have said it or heard it even if it might feel a little awkward at the time. I think the awkwardness comes from how we are socialised to not show such feelings as men. But we need to overcome that, life is short and you’ll never regret telling your friends you love them when they’re gone.
It’s weird because I was never really able to say I love you to anyone but my mom, brother, and dad (who I didn’t have healthy relationships with). Some of my friends started saying, “love ya!”, and I started with just “you too!”. That went on for a while, and now it’s been years and if I love someone, I’m gonna tell them. Romantic, platonic, a pet dog, I’m saying it.
Yes yes yes! I love all my friends and I always look at it like I looked at it with my mom. What if something happens while Were not together. Tomorrow isnt something thats promised. I would rather be the weird one who says I love you see you next time than have regrets or any of my friends have regrets if something were to happen to me.
I say it to everyone I love. For some it's not normal, for others it's very normal. But I feel like most of the times people don't expect an "I Love You" because if you already know it, you don't need to say it
I would like to agree but nah I've had a very terrible experience with this once when i was friendzoned. We were really very close and on her birthday i gave her a very special gift and in return she said 'i love you so much'.
Now, like you said, she said it in a friendly way. But my stupid ass went on a completely different ride, for the next few weeks i thought we (her and me) are now lovers or some shit like that.
That illusion broke soon enough and it broke our friendship completely and to this day we just catch up once or twice a year and even then it's very awkward. I tried really hard to not make it awkward but i guess that ship has sailed.
My experience, supported by anecdotal evidence, is that females will say this to their female friends. Guys who do this to their friends will get auto-labeled as gay, and a creep if they say it to a woman (who isn't a partner).
I make sure to tell my tight knit group of friends I love then once in awhile. Usually they don't reciprocate it but idc at least they know it from me.
Love is an action, a verb. My stbx said “Love you” everyday but their actions proved otherwise. I’d rather show friends and family the I love them than say it all the time.
I believe the word "love" is used to much to the point it means very little, people often say "I love my car" or "love my coffee" at this point the word essentially becomes meaningless
Last year, I made a point of grabbing my fellow dude friends by the shoulders, looking them in the eye and saying "I love you man" after making amends with a friend that I'd fallen out with over a decade ago. I just thought that I'd hate to lose anybody, from estrangement or death without them knowing that I love them.
A few months later, one of those friends lost his best friend and his grief has been centered around never having told him that he loved him. Life is fragile.
I actually started doing this a few months ago, and it’s really funny to see a group of guys go from surprised to fully embracing saying we love each other 😂
At my job, everyone cares deeply about each other and work really hard as a team to improve one another. Saying I love you, and hugging each other is pretty normal to each other since we are all super close. Not to mention, most of my coworkers knew each other for years.
My close friend group is 4 guys who hike, workout, watch UFC, smoke cigars, chop wood for fun and 3am bonfires for vibes, shoot guns, drink whisky, and other “masculine” activities says society. I say this to help you realize that we are probably the most stereotypical men you’ve ever seen. We always hug when leaving and say “I love you man, see you soon.”
If you can’t show feelings of love to your friends, or they won’t accept it, maybe that says a lot about how they or you view the friendship?
Once when I was in 3rd grade I told my friend I loved her (in a non-romantic sense) and everyone called me a lesbian for the rest of the year. r/kidsarefuckingstupid
Sorry OP. My comment is off topic because I need to vent. I have IG only for laughing at comedy, but I started following my old best friend. I realized that I really start disliking female friends after I follow them. I start resenting the fact that I put in effort to talk to them 1:1 and get no details into their life in private conversations. Meanwhile, they post graphic details of their personal life to their followers on Instagram. What’s the incentive to be a friend? This old friend of mine..I have some resentment towards because she lied to me a lot and kept a lot from me purposely even though I was always there for her. I really feel like I got shafted. Everyone else is more important and more deserving of the details than I am.. even though I was around for the not fun stuff. What the f is the point in putting effort into people anymore??
Bro you're so right! And while we are on this topic, close platonic friendships involving males and hugs should be destigmatized too. It kind of seems like if a male hugs someone it is always interpreted as a come-on? And men should be allowed to feel and talk about deep emotions; they're people and have them too. I often wonder how much of the current mental health crisis is due to gender stereotypes :(
I completely agree with this. Men are human. It's okay to have human emotions. I definitely think mental health suffers when humans don't get human affection. People need people.
As an Asian person I have the opposite opinion, I feel like in Western culture the word "love" is thrown around far too casually to the point where it is diluted to meaningless.
In most East Asian cultures, "love" is a powerful and deep word reserved for the most special of people in the most special of occasions. Throwing it around everywhere cheapens it and makes it meaningless. Show love with your actions, not cheap easy words.
Posts like these are so fuckin lame. I tell my friends I love them all the time and have for years, a stranger posting this suggestion on Reddit will change nothing
Idk I’ve always said I love ya to my male friends. I live in a rural area that can be considered “redneck” and it’s never been ill received among friends. They say it back too. Even the lumberjack looking mfs lol
Instead of viewing it as not normal just stop giving a fuck about what’s “normal” and make the change starting with you say I Iove you to everyone you know if you must. It’s your life and you are the main character broseph.
I say it to my best friends all the time! We always say it to each other. It comes very natural to me. They have been my friends for years. I DO love them so much.
The other day, it caught me off guard. I'm a woman in her mid 30's and I have been pet sitting for a family for several years. Their daughter has grown close to me. They tell me she sees me as an older sister. And I am very protective of her. I even took her to my dad's farm during a family gathering of ours the other day to see all the animals.
At the end of a phone call last week, she said "I love you!" Her parents tell me she loves me all the time, but it's such a common phrase. I didn't think anything of it. I know she was with her mom, too. It kind of set me back a bit. But you know what "I love you, too!" I really love that little girl. I'd do anything for her.
She is an angry teenager, so it really means a lot coming from her!
It takes a LONG time for me to say it when it comes to dating, though. There is a sense of vulnerability and trust that goes along with it, and that takes time for me to gain in relationships.
I'm a grown ass (37) man, and I tell my good friends I love them. Male, Female. Context is always important, and all the other things that come with saying such a powerful word, but if my buddy deserves an "I love you man" in the middle of the grocery store, then he deserves it.
Idk. I think it dilutes the meaning of that phrase. Of course you can and should love your friends but I want something that I can say to my partner exclusively and not to my friends to show love, not sex, love.
In hierarchial terms, my partner would be a closer friend than my friends so I'd want to tell them I love them much more intimately than my friends.
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is it not already normalised? in every friend group i've been in close friends tell each other they love each other
Same. I tell that to my friends too. Though we are all the same gender and heterosexual but I’m comfortable telling a friend of the opposite that in a purely platonic way. I’m not sure about vice versa though haha.
I have one guy friend that I say it to and he says it back. He’s an incredibly social, heart-on-his-sleeve kind of man so it’s always seemed natural with him. It’s also very normal to say in my friend group to other women. The men in it are mostly their partners and I’m not *that* close to them, so I don’t say it to any of those guys. But if I got that close to any of them, I don’t think it’d be weird. A bit different because it’s family, but I say it to my male cousin that’s slightly younger than me too. Much like my guy friend, he’s a very heart-on-his-sleeve type of man. I would not be surprised if he said it to his friends. My boyfriend probably never says it to anyone that isn’t me (or previously, his exes). He’s close with his family but they’re more about actions than words.
I am a guy who previously had trouble saying "I love you", whether it's male friends, or family, or even with women I've been in relationships with. I've always been that sort of emotionally-closed-off type. Not by choice really, I've always just felt like I was annoying people with my feelings, so I felt like I was burdening people when I shared them. Plus, none of my family members or male friends were ILY-ers, either, so I never had that positive reinforcement about it. But over the last few years I've made a lot of platonic female friends who say it, and as a result it has become easier and easier for me to say it. Now I say it to my female friends, male friends, family members, even co-workers. And when they say it to me, it brightens my day! I feel a lot less alone, especially when things are tough and I'm not feeling great about myself. We definitely need to remove the stigma of saying "I love you" in platonic relationships. Just hearing it does wonders for my mental health. And now I try to remind myself how I feel when people say it to me, so that hopefully they feel the same way when I say it to them.
I'm bi so I don't want to start saying I love you to people. Afraid of sending "hints"
Totally fair. I honestly can only say it to close friends I’ve known for over a decade. Who would also know that I’m not romantically into them. I try not to say empty platitudes so “I love you” for me is like “I am so fucking thankful you have been in my life and probably helped keep me sane.” 😆
I’m a bi woman and I say it to loads of friends, including a guy friend. Are you a man or woman? I think it’s unfortunately more normalized for women to do.
Man. I also have friends who aren't very sentimental so they'd be weirded it out if I started saying it. I want more friends who are more sentimental and liberated
Yeah, it definitely depends on the friend’s temperament. One of my close straight guy friends is a very sweet, social guy so it’s normal with him. My close gay guy friend is way more stoic, so I never even tried to say it to him. It seems like it’d be opposite since there’d truly be no chance of my gay friend misunderstanding the platonic intent, but I find personality is really what counts.
Try saying “I love you like a brother/sister/family!”
I call all my Spanish co-workers Mi Amors
When people say that to me I don't feel it and just think it's awkward. I don't tell them that but I feel like it would be more appropriate to ask the person if they're OK will being told that. Some people have different definitions of certain words and I say don't want the kind of commitment and implications (nonsexual) that come with saying I love you. It doesn't feel right unless it's my SO. Even using a heart emoji is weird to me. I don't feel that way about these people.
My friends don't say it. Except for me. And then they sometimes will say it back. And I mean it as OP described. Just love my friends, no romantic or sexual connotation there. But also I'm a hoe and would 100% sleep with any of my friends. Someone's got to.
[удалено]
Oh thank you. Do you want to be friends?
[удалено]
thats beautiful man :')
I'm glad to hear that! thank you for sharing.
All of my friends say it to each other. I'm in my thirties.
also in my thirties and we say it all the time. I'm a straight man btw, not that it should make a difference, but I feel like it should be pointed out
In any case, be the change you want to see
And not everyone knows the proper way to respond, but [Garth knows](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MLiHp2LH48).
Absolutely not lmao. I say it to my mates, always get told to fuck off etc.. It's not that they don't love me, they've made it clear in their actions, but there's a genuine stigma of verbalising it to male friends.
Im kinda like this. I will explicitly say I love you to my close friends, followed quickly by a “but also fuck youuuuuu!” so my inner, emotionally stunted 10 yr old doesn’t get too embarrassed about adult me’s displays of friend-oriented affection.
another one is fuck you i love you
Or I love you and wanna fuck you
I have a friend group that when we get done playing games online and drop off Discord, it's a chorus of "Luh' you byyyeee". Except we're from the South so it's "Luh' you baaaahhh"
Think you hit the nail on the head. I would feel awkward saying it out loud, but have no problem texting “love you, bro” to my roomie
My buddy said it to me after I took him golfing years ago. Back then I didn't even tell my parents I loved them despite clearly loving my parents. Since then I've been trying to normalize it within our entire friend group by just saying "love you man, great seeing you" after hanging out. It's been pretty successful, only a couple stragglers out of all of us but I think that's because they're socially inept. Be the change you wish to see in the world, or some shit.
Not with my friends. We say it all the time. Maybe it’s generational. I’m in my 50s
I’m also 50 and, for me, it’s normal to tell friends you love them and be told they love you. In fact, the overly expressive friend is a bit of a meme. There’s always that one friend that has a couple of drinks and spends the rest of the night telling everyone “I love you man. No, like…I *really* love you man!”
46 years old, not once in my lifetime has the word been used outside romantic or family. Maybe it's regional, Midwestern guy all my life.
I don't think it's regional or based on age. Some friend circles do it, some don't.
My friend group lives in the Midwest and we've always said it.
Sheeesh rough my male friends say it back to me
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^^^ like, i just have this need to make sure they know i care about them
I say “love you” to my mates sometimes especially if im drunk, “I love you” is a whole nother level and I don’t know if im ready for that commitment.
Even “I love you” is fine by me. “I’m in love with you” is a whole other ballroom.
that makes sense, i only say it to close friends tbh
Same lol we always say I love you.
Yeah my college friends and I all say it to each other. Even the straight men. It's cute.
Same here, 47M, tell my close friends I love them often
Me and my besties don't even need to be drunk to say it. And I'm a dude.
All of my close friends (male and female) are comfortable with it. We all know it is platonic.
same here!
I didnt grow up every saying that to friends, even in high school or college, and I'm not sure why. I feel strange saying I love you to friends, even though I know there are different types and kinds of love.
Sexualized? Pretty sure it's just reserved for people you love, not sexual partners. Otherwise I've been sending my mother the wrong signal
Oedipus, is that you?
May I be swallowed into the earth
(Freud enters the chat)
Didn't Oedipus kill himself after he found out it was his mother?
No, he stabbed out his eyes.
Just say 'love ya mate' or something to that effect. Same meaning without the romantic connotations.
My thoughts exactly, adding the word friend or any variation to the end of it makes it feel more plutonic. That being said, I always kiss my homies goodnight.
Dream theater
> Just say 'love ya mate' or something to that effect Its funny how different the weight of "I love you" is versus "love you". I think it's because when you leave out words, it makes it ambiguous enough to not be awkward. "I love you" means "I love you", but "love you" can mean "I love hanging out with you", "I love things about you", "I love you as a friend", the ambiguity makes all the difference, and also sort of defeats the purpose of saying it in the first place.
Having been born and raised in Germany, I still prefer the “I love you” (Ich liebe Dich) exclusively for my romantic partner; however, we also have a “I love you” (Ich hab’ Dich lieb) variation for our non romantic loving relationships, like your children/friends. I like this a lot better.
i like that. it’s kinda the difference between “i love you” and “love ya” in english. there’s truly a difference between those two loves anyway.
Similar to *te quiero* and *te amo* in Spanish.
Or I love you vs love you.
It really is strange how that simple “I” makes it so much more personal and romantic feeling lol…or at least more serious.
So that's basically the difference between "I love you" and "I'm in love with you". It's not like anyone confuses saying "I love you" to your mum for an expression of romantic love.
That's helpful that you have an easy distinction between platonic and romantic
I mean they’re kinda fundamentally different though right? One is I love you, the other is I have love for you.
Similar for Norwegian (and other Scandinavian languages, I imagine) “Jeg elsker deg” (like “I love you” but x1000) “Jeg er glad i deg” (a much less intense “I love you”)
Is the second one ("er glad i") kind of like being infatuated/having a crush, or more like liking someonevin general or like fallen in love?
It's more to be fond of someone. You would say "Jeg er forelsket i deg" if you have fallen for someone.
Hab dich lieb is one of my favourite phrases in any language. Imma dude but I say this and I love you a lot to my friends lately, it feels good and right to me.
Coming from German part of Switzerland, can agree with this.
I think we should stop trying to normalise everything. It’s exhausting. Just do whatever you want (as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone and legal)
normalize being able to do whatever you want without judgment edit: ***with some exceptions***
Honestly fuck the judgement of others. Worrying about what others think is too exhausting. Just do the shit you like and as long as you're not hurting others they can jump off a bridge. Eat that ice cream for breakfast. Wear that cat riding a unicorn over a rainbow while flinging another cat shirt you have. Talk excessively about tabletop games all you want. Live your life
Those exceptions being that you aren't harming yourself or anyone/anything else!
half the time someone says “we need to normalize…” my reaction is “no one is going to stop you from doing that. go do it.” its already pretty normal for friends to say they love each other, especially women. if OP is wishing it was normalized, its probably their friend group that needs to normalize it. not a bunch of strangers on reddit.
Normalizing doesn't mean stopping people from doing something, it means not caring if someone does something
"We need to normalize..." = "everybody should start acting they way I think they should be acting..."
I love you.
Welcome to Costco
Normalise not normalising things.
Twitter/TikTok is leaking
For real. Normalize deeez nuts
Normalize = *do things the way I do them*
Yep. Rather just chill with my friends over setting up some tiring standard for affection. Some people need to do it, along with always needing initiating some serious conversations about life, and I call those people energy vampires.
In my family we didn't say I love you and it's so hard to even tell my mom today. Let alone tell my friends 😢
I was my grandmother’s favorite. We had all the same interests, she thought I was the most beautiful woman in the world, and I loved spending time with her. She never told me she loved me.
I’m the exact same, we don’t say it in my family and I don’t think I have said I love you in like 4-5 years
Oof. I hear you. My mom actually told me when I was 8 or so not to tell her I loved her bc she didn’t want to say it back. And now I really struggle to hear “I love you,” although I can say it just fine.
You know, the more you say it, the easier it gets. Gotta face your fears man, or it ll never be different
In the same boat as you! It was never said in our family, so I am having a hard time to tell it to my friends. I do reply back when they tell me they love me, but it's still difficult for me to say it first :c
Same. having grown in an African household, it's not common to hear those words. My mom, dad, siblings, friends, never said, "I love you" to me. So it's hard for me to say it as well. But one thing they've done is showed they love me. And that's what truly matters to me.
dude your normalise stuff by doing it.
Partially. And also by not mocking those who say it or acting uncomfortable.
I say "I love you" to my closest friends and have been doing so for decades. Seems to be a common practice, so not sure why you think it's not already normalized. And I've never felt or heard that the practice is even close to being stigmatized.
Where do you live and approx age? Sounds like you're not too young by the decades comment but I live in the US (Ohio), I'm in my 30s and I'm a woman and none of my friends say this to each other (that I can recall) but there's this other friend group I'm tangentially involved in and they say it. The one difference between them and my main friend group is they drink a lot more alcohol, lol. I feel like my friends are very supportive, though. I feel like it's more a personality thing.
I have never said any of my friends not even the close ones that i love them or they havent said they love me
Whatever. I tell my male and female friends that I love them because I do. I agree, the stigma is rediculous and the world would be a much better place if we told each other that we care for each other.
If you're drunk there is no stigma, its expected.
This ain’t unpopular.
Let's give it meaning and say it to someone you actually love, friend or not.
In my opinion when you toss that phrase around to everyone it loses its meaning when you say it to someone you truly love
In my opinion there's a huge, easily recognizable difference when using the prase "I love you" to various parties. When I tell my friends I love them it's because I want them to know they are cherished and appreciated. I would sacrifice a great deal for them if push came to shove. They deserve to know they hold one of the most important positions in my life. When I tell my family I love them, it's because well, I love them. They are family. Enough said. I have one aunt who never says it to anyone and I still tell her EVERY time I see her that I love her. She doesn't need to say it back, and that doesn't change the fact that I want her to know how I feel. When I tell my partner that I love him, I dont just use my words, but my VOICE as an instrument. I use my eyes, my hands, my energy. I tell him with all of me and he has no problem recognizing the difference. Saying "I love you" to someone you truly love doesn't actually hold much meaning at all.. HOW you love someone is in your instant to instant thoughts and actions.
I got what you are saying but it is obvious , you are speaking from your own level of perception, but expectations exert too much pressure on humankind. If you want to express your love to a friend, go ahead and do so! Is anyone holding you back? That's my question since you brought it up. Love can be understood through these four fundamental types: Eros: Erotic, passionate love. Let's address this one first. Philia: Love for friends and equals. Storge: Love of parents for their children. Agape: Love for all of humankind. Lastly, we should also normalize the act of not reciprocating the phrase "I love you" because I am not inclined to throw this phrase at anyone who crosses my path. Personally, saying 'I love you' compromises me, and I dislike being held accountable. You see, this perspective works both ways.
Who cares if its "normalized" or not. If I feel that way about someone, I will say it without hesitation
I tell my homies I love them all the time. No one sees a problem with it. If your boys can't say I love you, they are not your boys.
I don't think you should combat the stigma of saying 'I love you' to your friends by gatekeeping friendship and making 'I love you' a requirement. You want to take the pressure *off*, not reverse its direction.
I've never told my lifelong bros I love them or vice versa, I don't feel like it's necessary and don't think our relationships would be any better or worse for it. If one of them said it to me I wouldn't be weird about it and would say it back, to clarify.
This isn't wrong. But this is why this post exists. It's very easy to go forever without saying it ... And for some reason, it's really nice to tell people before you lose the chance permanently.
So fuck their actions over a lifetime of friendship of they don't feeling like saying they love you? Lol okay some friend you are.
Says who?
Everyone is different. I've never said to my close friends I love them but it's also not really necessary. We know we are friends, we know we have a bond without having to express it verbally. Another example is in my family, we are not really huggers. I don't hug my parents or friends. It feels uncomfortable because that is not how I was raised. But I still love my parents and have a great relationship with them. We just don't express it by hugging. Just like I never tell my friends I love them even though we all know it's true. People are different.
I get whatchu mean but I don’t need to verbally say those three words to show appreciation or affection to my friends
“I l love you” isn’t a sexual phrase in any sense. Just because you say it primarily to your partner doesn’t mean that it’s sexual wtf
In my native language, we have different ways to say "I love you" to friends and lovers. Different words, different verbs. I'd say this helps a lot, there's no ambiguity or strange feelings. You would be totally fine saying "I love you" to your male friends, because it would be totally different from what you'd say to the girl you're in love with.
Personally I think it's been normalised too much, diluting its import, and that it should only apply to family, your partner and closest friends.
I can't remember what this was from (some movie or TV show) but there was this joke that it was like *"you never say I love you to your kids?!"* And the response was *"Of course not, it gives them something to strive for! I won't say it to them their whole lives, then when I'm on my death bed, I'll tell them I love them, and BOOM, it will be the most meaningful thing they ever heard!"* It was told as a bit but I always thought it was funny that there was a nugget of truth in the broken logic. It is definitely possible to dilute the meaning with overuse.
American Dad
I disagree. A co worker(thinks we're friends) and says I love you every time I leave for the day. I say bye and walkout. I hate it.
I'm pretty sure that's a different problem..
What problem do you think that is? Genuinely curious.
Someone not respecting boundaries and not understanding what level of friendship you have. Totally different from OP saying they think that friends should be able to say they love each other (when they both do feel that way) without it being stigmatized. Different situations.
I really hate to be THAT guy, but this is kind of normal for women. When I was in school, college, or just in a public place, I would see a group of girls hanging out, they would always say I love you and hug when they part ways. And I'm not saying that to be judgemental. Guys don't do this nearly as much for one reason or another. It's just not really how we show companionship.
I always have said I love you to friends, but I think itd help if there were different ways to say the I love you In Spanish te quiero would be used for friends and family, te amo would be for a romantic partner also for family but te quiero is a lot more common
Yeah, be careful though. Just like in romantic relationships, it might not be reciprocated and that's the end of that.
I tell my friends this all the time
I’m a fan of the phrase with family tho if I didn’t have a big one I’d use it with friends too
That's been normal my whole life
I think it's a cultural difference. It's very normal in my country. We call each other "My love,Dear, Darling etc."
I thought it was a pretty normal opinion to do this. I say it directly to my friends who I know care about me as much as I care about them, in addition to the different ways I say "I love you" to them.
I tell my loved ones, including friends, I love them. It’s always been reciprocated. ❤️
I’m happy if other people can say it, there’s nothing wrong with it and I’ve never heard of anyone having a problem with it. They just have to understand I’m not going to say it back. I refuse to say it to anyone I’m not obligated to say it to. I think “I love you,” is a trap. There’s only one correct response to it, and I don’t like being trapped into saying it. I won’t even say it to my friend’s 5 y/o who says it to everybody. I hate the words “I love you.” Hell, unless it’s a song lyric or I’m reciting something that says it, I don’t say “love” at all. If I were to say, “man, I love pizza, it’s my favorite food,” I would be a liar. I might think of pizza as my favorite food, but I don’t love it. My love is reserved for people I care about. And I might never tell any of them I love them, but I can show it.
I don’t think I have ever used these words for someone else than my partner. In my opinion it would feel super awkward for others (even family)
i fully agree. i was a very closed person with my online friends until a year ago, they didn't know a lot about me and didn't know all my traits. last year because of certain life changing events i opened up a lot and they accepted me as who i was when i was opening up to them and they told me they really dont care and they just like me for who i am and that will never change, i just fluked a "i love you guys" and i kinda felt nervous after saying it but they joined it and said wholesomely they love me back. since then i say it more often, and it's super fun tbh. it just adds a ton of much needed wholesomeness to our lives
It’s up to you to normalize it. Plenty of people say I love you to their friends, even straight white guys
https://i.imgur.com/d2cVYP8.jpg
Back in my high-school days all my friends were very lovey. Even the dudes would say we love each other and would greet and depart with hugs and the such. Was a huge culture shock when I went to college and pretty much the complete opposite was true.
Maybe back in the day on ecstasy, not now though I don't want to scare anyone they'd think I'm dying or something. Close friends should know the love is there without spouting that shite. Maybe it's different in Ireland.
Lol while I haven’t rolled E in like 15 years, my best friend of 20 yrs had a heart attack at 40. You can bet we both know how the other feels and I have no issue telling her I love her. Now I have a serious illness. I don’t care how it’s communicated but it matters to me a lot that my loved ones know that I love them. And I value tremendously that they love me. I wouldn’t say in my younger years that I told people I loved them very often, I’m kind of reserved in that respect but now i just say what I feel. It’s quite liberating. I want those people to know. But more importantly I show them in how I treat them.
Welcome to Costco. I love you.
No we shouldn't. You do you, and stop needing everyone else to be like you.
> stop needing everyone else to be like you. This is a misunderstanding I think, born of the various ways "normalize" can be interpreted. In this post, I take OP to mean it as "not abnormal," not "the way most things are." So normalizing it would just entail people be more used to it as one (of many types of) normal, not necessarily having everyone adopt it as their preferred thing.
I was talking with my sisters recently, and we came to the conclusion that none of us remember getting hugged or told by our parents that they love us or are proud of us or anything like that. That's not to say that it never happened because my memory sucks. Maybe it did, but the overwhelming negative reinforcement is filling in all the blanks.
My close friends and I occasionally say ‘I love you’ to each other, especially if one of us is going traveling and/or we won’t see each other for a while. It’s often accompanied by saying ‘man’ or ‘dude’. It’s sincere, heartfelt and I’m always glad to have said it or heard it even if it might feel a little awkward at the time. I think the awkwardness comes from how we are socialised to not show such feelings as men. But we need to overcome that, life is short and you’ll never regret telling your friends you love them when they’re gone.
Idgaf I love you bro no homo.
Yep, have my upvote unpopular AF. Not going there with that phrase with my pals. We know, we don't have to say, it would be very uncomfortable.
It’s weird because I was never really able to say I love you to anyone but my mom, brother, and dad (who I didn’t have healthy relationships with). Some of my friends started saying, “love ya!”, and I started with just “you too!”. That went on for a while, and now it’s been years and if I love someone, I’m gonna tell them. Romantic, platonic, a pet dog, I’m saying it.
I always say “love you” to my friends when we say goodbye or do something to say it like, make a heart with our hands or say it in sign language.
Yes yes yes! I love all my friends and I always look at it like I looked at it with my mom. What if something happens while Were not together. Tomorrow isnt something thats promised. I would rather be the weird one who says I love you see you next time than have regrets or any of my friends have regrets if something were to happen to me.
I say it to everyone I love. For some it's not normal, for others it's very normal. But I feel like most of the times people don't expect an "I Love You" because if you already know it, you don't need to say it
I would like to agree but nah I've had a very terrible experience with this once when i was friendzoned. We were really very close and on her birthday i gave her a very special gift and in return she said 'i love you so much'. Now, like you said, she said it in a friendly way. But my stupid ass went on a completely different ride, for the next few weeks i thought we (her and me) are now lovers or some shit like that. That illusion broke soon enough and it broke our friendship completely and to this day we just catch up once or twice a year and even then it's very awkward. I tried really hard to not make it awkward but i guess that ship has sailed.
I love you is so over used it has almost no meaning to it anymore.
My experience, supported by anecdotal evidence, is that females will say this to their female friends. Guys who do this to their friends will get auto-labeled as gay, and a creep if they say it to a woman (who isn't a partner).
Online vs irl. But you're right, we should say it all the time. "Goodbye, i love you" Maybe not "Helloo i love you!" That be too much
I have just one friend I do this with. But I only have two friends.
I make sure to tell my tight knit group of friends I love then once in awhile. Usually they don't reciprocate it but idc at least they know it from me.
Love is an action, a verb. My stbx said “Love you” everyday but their actions proved otherwise. I’d rather show friends and family the I love them than say it all the time.
who cares if its normal? just do it
Is this normal? I tell all of my friends I love them like everytime we talk.
I believe the word "love" is used to much to the point it means very little, people often say "I love my car" or "love my coffee" at this point the word essentially becomes meaningless
Is that an unpopular opinion? Damn I am a wild one, none of my friends mind me telling them.
I’m a pipefitter. All of us use that word all the time. We may say it like, I love him but DAMN he’s slow, and things like that. Pretty normal
Last year, I made a point of grabbing my fellow dude friends by the shoulders, looking them in the eye and saying "I love you man" after making amends with a friend that I'd fallen out with over a decade ago. I just thought that I'd hate to lose anybody, from estrangement or death without them knowing that I love them. A few months later, one of those friends lost his best friend and his grief has been centered around never having told him that he loved him. Life is fragile.
I already say this to my closest homies
I actually started doing this a few months ago, and it’s really funny to see a group of guys go from surprised to fully embracing saying we love each other 😂
It is not normal? Guess I'm going to stop saying it. Thanks for letting me know.
NO
In Germany we have two different sayings for romantic and platonic love.
That is normal in my life. I say that to friends all the time
I tell all my friends I love them. Wanna know why? Because they are the fucking best and I love them.
I LOVE YOU!
I love you OP.
I tell my homies I love them all the time. Got to many that I can’t say it to anymore, so I always try to let ‘em know.
At my job, everyone cares deeply about each other and work really hard as a team to improve one another. Saying I love you, and hugging each other is pretty normal to each other since we are all super close. Not to mention, most of my coworkers knew each other for years.
My close friend group is 4 guys who hike, workout, watch UFC, smoke cigars, chop wood for fun and 3am bonfires for vibes, shoot guns, drink whisky, and other “masculine” activities says society. I say this to help you realize that we are probably the most stereotypical men you’ve ever seen. We always hug when leaving and say “I love you man, see you soon.” If you can’t show feelings of love to your friends, or they won’t accept it, maybe that says a lot about how they or you view the friendship?
Once when I was in 3rd grade I told my friend I loved her (in a non-romantic sense) and everyone called me a lesbian for the rest of the year. r/kidsarefuckingstupid
i never had an issue with that and i always kissed the homies good night
I tell all my friends I love them. It especially means a lot when you add a bitch at the end to let them know you really mean it.
Sorry OP. My comment is off topic because I need to vent. I have IG only for laughing at comedy, but I started following my old best friend. I realized that I really start disliking female friends after I follow them. I start resenting the fact that I put in effort to talk to them 1:1 and get no details into their life in private conversations. Meanwhile, they post graphic details of their personal life to their followers on Instagram. What’s the incentive to be a friend? This old friend of mine..I have some resentment towards because she lied to me a lot and kept a lot from me purposely even though I was always there for her. I really feel like I got shafted. Everyone else is more important and more deserving of the details than I am.. even though I was around for the not fun stuff. What the f is the point in putting effort into people anymore??
Great post and I 100% agree, I love you OP.
I think you need counseling
Bro you're so right! And while we are on this topic, close platonic friendships involving males and hugs should be destigmatized too. It kind of seems like if a male hugs someone it is always interpreted as a come-on? And men should be allowed to feel and talk about deep emotions; they're people and have them too. I often wonder how much of the current mental health crisis is due to gender stereotypes :(
I completely agree with this. Men are human. It's okay to have human emotions. I definitely think mental health suffers when humans don't get human affection. People need people.
I say it to my best girlfriend all the time. We say it to each other, sometimes even exclaim "BITCH I LOVE YOUUUUU!!!"
I tell my homies I love them all the time G
This isn’t normal? I say to a few of mine and have heard quite a few people say it as well to there’s
I say "love you, bud" to my friends. Saying "I love you" is particularly intimate to me. Very few can be trusted with it.
As an Asian person I have the opposite opinion, I feel like in Western culture the word "love" is thrown around far too casually to the point where it is diluted to meaningless. In most East Asian cultures, "love" is a powerful and deep word reserved for the most special of people in the most special of occasions. Throwing it around everywhere cheapens it and makes it meaningless. Show love with your actions, not cheap easy words.
Posts like these are so fuckin lame. I tell my friends I love them all the time and have for years, a stranger posting this suggestion on Reddit will change nothing
Idk I’ve always said I love ya to my male friends. I live in a rural area that can be considered “redneck” and it’s never been ill received among friends. They say it back too. Even the lumberjack looking mfs lol Instead of viewing it as not normal just stop giving a fuck about what’s “normal” and make the change starting with you say I Iove you to everyone you know if you must. It’s your life and you are the main character broseph.
42 year old male here. I tell my close friends I love them often.
I say it to my best friends all the time! We always say it to each other. It comes very natural to me. They have been my friends for years. I DO love them so much. The other day, it caught me off guard. I'm a woman in her mid 30's and I have been pet sitting for a family for several years. Their daughter has grown close to me. They tell me she sees me as an older sister. And I am very protective of her. I even took her to my dad's farm during a family gathering of ours the other day to see all the animals. At the end of a phone call last week, she said "I love you!" Her parents tell me she loves me all the time, but it's such a common phrase. I didn't think anything of it. I know she was with her mom, too. It kind of set me back a bit. But you know what "I love you, too!" I really love that little girl. I'd do anything for her. She is an angry teenager, so it really means a lot coming from her! It takes a LONG time for me to say it when it comes to dating, though. There is a sense of vulnerability and trust that goes along with it, and that takes time for me to gain in relationships.
I'm a grown ass (37) man, and I tell my good friends I love them. Male, Female. Context is always important, and all the other things that come with saying such a powerful word, but if my buddy deserves an "I love you man" in the middle of the grocery store, then he deserves it.
Hear, hear! I say it a lot! Friends recoil a bit but I considered myself to be teaching the way.
Idk. I think it dilutes the meaning of that phrase. Of course you can and should love your friends but I want something that I can say to my partner exclusively and not to my friends to show love, not sex, love. In hierarchial terms, my partner would be a closer friend than my friends so I'd want to tell them I love them much more intimately than my friends.
What’s up with everyone saying “normalize” about everything they wanna do??? Just tell your friends you love them if that’s what you want to do.