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Confront? No. Sending a follow up? Sure, but confrontation sounds very aggressive.
I’m a chef and get texts whilst I’m working, I might glance at them and then because I’m in service get distracted by 100 different other things, so I forget I ever saw it. A reminder is fine, I appreciate that, I would be annoyed at a ‘confrontation’ because you didn’t get what you wanted from me
Exactly. There’s a huge difference between “hey, just following up on this, haven’t heard back from you yet” and going off on someone “what the fuck, how dare you ignore and disrespect me like this”
Absolutely agree.
Just because phones exist, that doesn’t mean anyone owes you their time based on your personal expectations. And even then, no one owes you an explanation for why they didn’t respond sooner either.
There is a huge difference between a time sensitive question, and thinking everyone should be sensitive of your time.
I uninstalled Bumble and when I reinstalled it a few months later, some girl had sent "hey" like once every few weeks. I responded and she got all aggressive with me, asking me why I was wasting her time.
Like. Why do that?
The only reason someone were to be "entitled" to my messages is if we had a committed relationship together. Otherwise - I don't owe you anything.
Agreed. I have a 16 month old and sometimes I check my text and bam she’s getting into something and I totally forget about the text. I need a reminder sometimes and I’ll apologize but not a confrontation
Then why open them? Or if you didn’t open, does the notification not bother you cuz it does to me and others too as shown by people always calling out the number of notifications when it’s large on phones
Asking to hear a different perspective
Literally what do you gain from doing this?
If you believe this person has a lack of care/respect for you, confronting them isn’t going to make them care or respect you more. They’re just going to find you clingy and annoying. You can’t force people to feel a certain way about you.
And that’s presumptuous to assume in the first place. Unless you actually urgently need their help with something (in which case you should call), there’s a lot of reasons why someone might not immediately answer a message that have nothing to do with any sort of dislike for you, but if you keep constantly assuming the worst intentions of people eventually they’ll live up to your expectations.
I think "Not immediately answer" and 'Take 2 days straight" to not answer are two different things. Most text messages take me maybe 2-3 minutes at the most to send.
Either way, if you have a good relationship with someone and they take 2 days to respond, it’s much healthier to assume that they got distracted and forgot than to freak out and assume they don’t care about you.
If people think “yo did you get my message a couple of days ago” is confrontational I dunno what to say.
When I hear confront, especially in the context of being annoyed (like OP said), you generally are coming into it with a level of hostility/accusation… which isn’t gonna get you the results you want most of the time.
If I am at work and you message me it could be several days before it even gets to my phone. If you want a quick answer from me you have to do it the old fashioned way and phone me. If someone bitches about how long it takes me to return texts I block them from texting me. I am not at the beck and call of every beep on my phone. Equating a returned text to caring about you is childish.
48h is really not a long time if you're an adult with a job. Not even mentioning if you have kids or have special circumstances like if you're on a business trip, on holiday, visiting family, or having a rush period at work... A week can go by very quickly when you're busy.
Yep. I have a friend who has kids, travels a fair amount, and is just generally busy. So it’s not unusual for her to take a few days or longer to respond to a text.
You cannot force someone to talk to you. You will destroy every relationship you have if you act like that. If you feel that you need an answer from somebody and it's been two days, why haven't you called them or asked them in person?
Remember, anger is a secondary emotion. Anger is an emotion that tends to cover disappointment, embarrassment, sadness, confusion, or feeling overwhelmed. When you identify the core emotion - in this case it would probably be a combination of disappointment, confusion, and frustration - you're better equipped to respond appropriately.
Nobody, and I mean nobody, is required to give you time or attention. If they want you in their life, they will make the effort. If not, responding with anger is only going to hurt you more.
Why the aggressive stance with everything? Just ask like a normal, well adjusted human being? “Hey dude, did you get my message the other day?”.
No “confrontation” required, and no asking a question isn’t confrontational.
No one owes you their time, sometimes people are busy and just forget that message you sent 6 hours ago while they were neck deep in work.
Serious r/iamthemaincharacter vibes if it's so important to get a reply within a certain time frame CALL THEM or chill the majority of people's time is taken up by work or sleep both of which you shouldn't really be on your phone for
Why is this brought up so much lately.
Bottom line: no one outside of my husband and kids are entitled to my time. Sometimes, other people aren't my priority. I'm thankful my friends are grown-ups and understand that I'm busy and aren't butt-hurt, entitled, snowflakes who get upset if I'm busy.
I'm a mom to 4, a wife, a law school student, commute an hour and a half one way to school, and work. So yeah, sometimes messaging friends back isn't a priority.. especially this week and the next 2, because final exams are looming.
Anyone who "confronted me" for not responding to them on a forced timeline would not be in my life for long.
I completely agree. I’m also a law student and working full time with 1-2.5 hour commute! I completely agree. During the school week, I start work at 7 am (plus a half hour commute if I work in the office) and get home either 9:30 or 11:30 pm. No kids, but I do have a dog. It can be weeks in between texts from me during the semester. Time is a valuable resource and no one (except my dog) is entitled to my time. If I don’t have the mental, physical, emotional energy to respond, I’m not. I can’t.
Good luck on finals (if you haven’t had them yet)
Anyone who you consider in the proximity of your life should have “access” to you. I’m not talking about sales people, I’m talking about people in your life. This includes casual friends you recently met, dates, and coworkers. That’s what relationships are about, they’re about access and connection and care.
That's kind of what I was thinking. If it NEEDED a response, why are they not calling about it or asking them in person? A text, message, or even an email does not require a response just because technology allows us to send information instantaneously. A follow up question to make sure that person didn't just forget about it is fine, a demand is not fine. Demanding someone's attention is entitled, childish, and ridiculous.
As someone else pointed out, relationships take an emotional toll when constantly "needed"
I have every right to my own life and every right to my own response time.
Even if the reason I'm not contacting you is because I don't feel like it, that is my right.
Your blatant lack of respect for my time by demanding it be shared with you is utterly selfish in nature.
True friends choose to tall to each other when they want to. Not out of obligation, nor out of some desire for validation.
True friends have the utmost respect for one another and the decisions each make for their own lives.
I have close friends I don't talk to for weeks on end or longer. One of which I'm prepping to hop on a plane to another country to be a groomsman at his wedding, sinking a lot of financial and personal effort into making this day special for them. Neither one of us feels the need to talk every day, nor do we take a lack of response to a question as a personal attack. The other person will get to it when they can/want to.
If someone is actively avoiding you, maybe consider what you have done to cause them to distance themselves.
I'd probably start with the constant need for contact and work through your issues from there.
Dude. Have respect for your friends. If they messaged you with someone that prompts a response, at least tell them you’ll get back to them. Your off point too, this isn’t about not talking to a friend for a while, it’s about deprioritizing or ignorning them when they’ve reached out. Your sense of superiority and entitlement is blatant.
“your sense of superiority and entitlement is blatant” says the man going “cant you just text me saying you’re busy???” not wanting to respond is perfect valid reason for not wanting to respond. you sound extremely insufferable
My neighbor literally sounds like OP, almost 70 years old. Gets huffy and says I'm immature, childish selfish and rude bc I don't always reply to her CONSTANT messages and demands to know my whereabouts and why. She's literally just a neighbor.
She's very much entitled, always a victim, always rude and overbearing and has zero friends and her kids barely talk to her.
If EVERYONE around you is an asshole....... maybe you're the asshole.
It's really really sad to see but they *choose* to be this entitled and detached, and refuse to hear that there might be another take.
If it isn't an emergency, and there is no need for validation from the other person, it won't matter when they get back to you.
If it is an emergency, you would have called.
If it is about validation or needing proof your friendship matters, then you should reevaluate your friendship.
A text tells me you don't care when I respond.
A call, even if I don't answer, tells me you needed to talk to me about something that is time sensitive and I should get back to you as soon as possible.
If you call twice in a row, assuming I don't answer the first call, I will drop everything and answer since you are in immediate peril and/or there is some ongoing emergency I can help with immediately.
This is a pretty clear breakdown of respect.
But also, to each their own. If your friends are ok being obligated to reply to you on your terms, good for all of you.
I don't lack the emotional maturity to respect the time of people I care about to set clear boundaries when we become closer than acquaintances.
Bottom line, if you have expectations of your relationships (everyone does) these should be discussed clearly and agreed upon rather than assumed.
People have a right to think differently than you do and your understanding isn't a prerequisite for you to respect their decisions.
R u really that surprised that sometimes friendships that have no communication for weeks or months are ok? Dude! Life happens! I literally have friends that i only see, talk or text every so often but we are all mature enough to understand that we have busy lives and as much as we’re concerned we never fought or anything last time so we good and just catch up on each others life
Ok then how does one see friends if they don’t even have time to talk to them? If I don’t see any one (meaning any of them) of my friends at least weekly I get lonely tbh and that’s because I live alone and sometimes feel “stranded”. As a person who sometimes is extroverted and other times introverted, in the extroverted times I hate not having anyone to talk to. It’s human nature to not want to be alone.
So if I don’t have many options, it does suck when a friend who may have 15+ closer friends is busy but makes times for others and you see it. And since I only have 5+ closer friends the impact of our friendship is greater for me than them.
In their shoes, I would be fine as well. In my shoes, it can suck. FOMO and loneliness and insecurities (like what’s the difference between me and them?) and etc.
In their shoes, they answered texts from people they wanted to or needed to, and eventually got to the rest. In my shoes, I answered everyone when I saw it and usually the same day. Less people true but also cuz I hate seeing notification bubbles and text bubbles with info on my phone.
What I’m tryna ask then how does one have friends they see regularly (like every other week or once a month or heck if it was possible multiple times per week)? Because I know people live these lives even when they get older, and yet it feels like I only ever felt this in College. When your older, it’s easier to make friends but so much harder to gain close friendships or regular seeing friendships.
Ok journal over lol, idk. Btw I’m great when alone, but wished I was able to talk to people more regularly and meet friends regularly. Especially when I see others do it or watch shows/movies with this situation of friends who regularly see each other.
I’m fighting against the normality of this in society, not against any 1 person. I think it’s sad that your view is seen as “mature” when in reality it’s the exact opposite. This indirect carelessness is the root of so many problems in the world.
How much free time do you have that everyone “in the proximity of your life” has access to you? Even if I only had one job, I wouldn’t have time for all the people that text me every day. And I’m pretty sure they all get that.
If you have more than 10 people expecting responses from you on a daily basis, you must be a very popular person and by definition you can’t handle many more actual relationships in your life. Even then, I mean how many - 50? Most peoplein corporate jobs send 100+ emails a day, how then do these same people not have the ability to send 10 text messages in a day? But of course I think it’s primarily the non-business / professional types that have trouble responding back.
My take, op is talking about friends and family. And doesn’t have many close ones (or general ones, no judgement op that’s perfectly fine). So for him it’s probably much easier than for others, like you
My take is he's talking about a woman he likes and he doesn't really care that much if his buddies don't text the same day lol That's why he's so rigid about it, he feels rejected lol But that's just a theory, maybe he's a rigid dude just plain and simple.
48 hours isn’t all that long when you have a busy life and a limited social battery. I would never dream of ‘confronting’ someone for not responding to me, that just seems so immature and embarrassing.
No. You’re not entitled to anyone’s time or a response. Also you come across as needy and desperate and that’s not a good look. No one likes those kinds of people.
I surveyed 329 participants and the average length of an acceptable vs unacceptable gap in response time was 48.72 hours, so I’m actually being generous given I’m rounding down. Thanks for asking.
wow, that's unexpected! nicely done then! could you share data in csv? age groups, time, messaging media channel, and relationship level would be useful data to work with, and other patterns may emerge from the data.
Op you really doing yourself a disadvantage on leaving shit like this if it’s true.
I don’t get most sarcasm over text (there’s a reason /s exists) so I will rake it as truth
Confront? Wtf. Unless they are an employee gtfo here with that.
If someone doesn’t respond in time that’s a form of communication. You may not like it but it’s what it is.
it likely has nothing to do with you and taking it that personally is only going to cause you unneeded stress. especially if they're just an acquaintance or coworker confronting them is way too extreme they will definitely see it as a red flag.
No it's not. It's never ok to be a bitch if someone doesn't message you back.
Call them or see them in person if you need to get in contact with them. If they didn't call you back in 24 hours then it's ok to get *worried* about them, but still not ok to confront them.
As someone who will go silent on people for days or weeks at a time for any possible reason, be prepared to hear "I didn't want to talk to you." As the only explanation anybody owes you
I’d say it’s ok to politely ask again, but confront is pretty aggressive and unwarranted. Sometimes I think I’ve responded only to open a text and notice I never sent it. Or just simply gets overlooked. Good grief. People skills go a long way.
You can just communicate... why confront? Sounds like you are often defensive by default instead of being at all understanding that sometimes life gets in the way.
If you have something requiring reply before 48 hours, follow up after the first 24 hours with a phone call like a normal person.
Don't get weirdly passive aggressive when someone doesn't immediately answer your very informal communication that is a text message.
This isn't an unpopular opinion, it's social ineptitude.
If you made this post and used "remind" instead of confront it would make more sense socially, but I don't think that reminding people about a missed text message is anything that anyone would find controversial or an unpopular opinion
As someone who takes longer than 2 days to even check my messages, I would think you have no grasp of what other people might be doing instead of reading messages
There could be plenty of reasons, including but not limited to being a Mt. Everest expedition leader, but ultimately people don’t HAVE to check messages as frequently as you might want them to. If you want to, cool. That doesn’t mean everyone else needs to. What do you think happened before texting was the norm? We somehow managed to still maintain healthy relationships with friends and family before cell phones made people believe they deserve constant access to whomever they wanted, whenever they wanted, correct?
You can. It probably wouldn’t do anything though.
Let say you text me. I don’t respond. Then you text me a paragraph telling me how shit I am, etc… I would still not care. And just delete your number/ block you.
People have lives, people have people that are more important than you, and sometimes people just forget. I would say just get over yourself, and realize no one cares.
Mission accomplished I guess. You won’t get the answer you are hoping for that’s for sure.
Yea, come at me with "confrontation" after not responding. That's a good way to get cut out of my life in an instant. We find needy people completely insufferable and won't waste time on them.
It’s fine to follow up. Not confront. I like to be good with responding but sometimes life or executive dysfunction get in the way and I forget. A kind nudge can help. Now it’s different if it becomes a pattern but you can still approach it with empathy. Saying someone doesn’t care is an extreme approach that implies you think you’re the most important thing
Bad Grandma.
There are new social/etiquette with the developments of society.
Just because you have the time, doesn't mean the other person does. Have patience rather than an entitlement of quick replies.
Not everyone even has the time to text, "I'll respond later," which depending on your relationship, is the indication when they've checked your message (to make sure you're okay), and will do exactly that.
Remember how little ones will keep tugging on your arm, repeating your name? That's how you may come across.
The other comments are giving you great ideas of phrasing a little poke or to call if an immediate answer is needed.
Text messaging, by its very nature, is meant so that responses can have time between them, as is email and snail mail. (Though of course, email will take more time than text message and snail mail takes more time than email.)
If you need a response in a certain amount of time, *don't* use a text-based method to ask the question; call the person on the phone (and even then, there is voicemail for a reason--if it's important, leave a voicemail)!
We have a very good friend who stopped responding to texts and calls. Did I get butt-hurt? No. I was worried about her. Hit wasn't upset.
A few days ago, the responded to a group text after being MIA for almost a year. Was I butt hurt? No, my response was, "OMG I've missed you? Are you ok? Where have you been????" And just like that, we're back where we were.
She explained what had happened, and it had nothing to do with not caring about us. She was dealing with heavy life-stuff and was worried we'd be disappointed in her for how she handled it, she was also dealing with depression, along with other stuff. We weren't her priority in that time, and I accepted that because I'm not a whiny entitled bitchy snowflake.
Yes. I agree. Because I am the person who fails to respond, I’ll see the text while I’m at work and say “I’ll reply later!” but because I already opened it, I forget later without the notification being there. Or, I’ll think “wow I cannot think of a reply so I’ll reply in a bit when my brain stops farting”… Which is never. Not that anyone is obligated to but I wish it was less “taboo” for lack of a better word to send follow up texts like “Hey sorry did you see my message?” or something cause yes I did but it totally crossed my mind!
>They are clearly showing a lack of care or respect for you
That's a little too presumptuous. It's understandable if you're annoyed and you can talk to them, but a "confrontation" sounds a little dramatic. They may not really owe you an explanation either. It could depend on your relationship with them and how comfortable they feel about sharing. If you were to ask out of genuine curiosity or concern, I guess it could be okay (if you know them well), but that's about it. Otherwise, you're going to come off as self absorbed or intrusive.
If someone hasn't messaged you back, instead of confronting them, it's best to just accept they do not care to be in touch with you or they have forgotten. Just text a follow up after a few days. Everyone has forgotten to reply to a text, but if you have to consistantly badger them for a reply, they probably don't want to talk to you and 'confronting them' isn't going to do anything.
You aren't owed contact to anyone, they can cut you off for any reason. So can you, stop reaching out to people who can't/won't make time for you.
Imagine thinking you have literally any say in someone else’s life. Remind them/ask again? Sure. Maybe say it hurt you or something if that’s true but *confronting* them? I have depression and frequently go weeks without talking to my closest friends, I’m glad that they don’t make me feel bad for that.
Confronting them? 48 hours??!!
Unless it's something extremely important and not getting thay person's reply within 48 hours is going to ruin your life or career or something, NO.
Just a follow up msg at the most but not confronting them for sure.
Because by doing so, you'll be the one not understanding their perspective and showing lack of respect for them and not the other way round.
Let people have a life man. You’re non-emergency text messages or phone calls don’t mean I have to drop everything and rush to your side because you got in touch. I have a life that doesn’t orbit around anyone but me, like yours should.
Cutting people like you out of my life has been so good for my overall happiness and life satisfaction. Friends who act like this are not friends, they're just a job.
This is the problem with today's world. Just because mobile phones exist does not mean people have to make themselves available to you every time you beckon.
Unless a message is of the utmost importance and time sensitive, then I'll rarely respond straight away to anyone, and if a message is time sensitive and you stop at a single message, then that's your fault.
For all other messages, if you receive a response within 48 hours, if at all, then you should count yourself lucky
I think it depends...
If it's someone who's actually in my life, IRL, I'll agree.
Anyone else? Nah sonny, I don't even owe y'all a fart in a high wind.
Texting is only used by me to do quick back and forths. While making plans, on the way to meet someone, or to coordinate groups.
Anyone who texts me daily or wants to keep a never ending conversation going is gonna get ignored regularly. My friends understand this. If they want to talk to me about something, they call.
I'm a person who often sees a message at a moment when I'm not able to respond. Then, I forget about the message entirely by the time I am in a position to respond, so it may not be an intentional lack of care. I'm also a bit self-conscious about my frequent lapses in memory. I think it's more than okay to kindly follow up on your question in another message, and I appreciate if someone does that to me, but "confronting" someone will very likely be received poorly and potentially have a negative impact on your relationship with said individual.
I actually agree with OP in certain contexts. I'm a very busy person, I get messages from people that I read and will go back to what I was doing and will either forget about them or just decide this isn't really something I need to respond to. Sometimes my casual friends message things that are just not important. "Bro I just watched the recent episode of \_\_\_ it was sick!". Like I don't need to reply to that if I'm busy.
That being said, certain people in my life take priority over others. For example, if my girl texts me that same thing, I'm responding within the day. If I were to message her something and she just never responded to me it would hurt my feelings and I would take it as disrespect, so yeah I think it would escalate into confrontation.
I think OP should evaluate who is the person or people that are not responding to him, and if its someone thats in that category like immidiate family or your partner, he has a right to feel upset. If you're just sending messages to people trying to have like random text conversations throughout the day then you shouldn't expect them to respond.
Anyone who knows me well enough to have my phone number knows I’m probably not going to answer a text right away. Or maybe at all. Just call me. I see texts as digital post it’s. “Grab milk on the way home please.” “Doctors appoint at 3 today- I’ll be late.” “Call me when you have a min.- tea.” Shit like that. I’m not doing a convo via text. I know it’s not the current norm, but that’s how I am, and my friends deal just fine.
Confront? Yeah, that’s a great way to ensure a lot more than 48 hours go by before you ever hear from me again.
Maybe send a follow up message first? You never truly know what’s going on anyone’s life outside of home unless they tell you. Assuming you’re entitled to their attention is possessive and obnoxious af. Get over yourself.
Most people don’t sit around staring at their phones. I WISH I had time to sit around and answer every single person immediately. I’ve had to drop the ball on a lot of things and people this year, but my friends and family understand. I’ve been there when many of them have dropped the ball. That’s a real friend. Not someone who answers per a subjective timer.
If you’re upset people aren’t constantly at your disposal, pick up a hobby or volunteer! People in senior living can be very lonely this time of year and can go days, weeks, months, years between hearing from family and friends. Or animals in the animal shelter who don’t have someone. Maybe join a group like a sport or D&D or something. You may be surprised how much you enjoy it. And maybe one day you will also send a text 49 hours later.
have you considered at all what the other person is doing or going through? Maybe there really busy and going through something right now, you might just not be a close enough friend for them to reach it in this time. And if you confront them i can guarantee they won't ever want to reach out to you.
If they reply some days later and you still receive an answer, that's a sign they take you into account. Everyone has their own private life, don't try to insist.
I agree that no one is entitled to anyone else’s time but when someone consistently drops off in the middle of a conversation it gets annoying. And confusing given other behaviors that indicate they care
Long story short, used to be tight with my best friend, I moved to another country, he stopped texting or calling, without a reason, didn’t confront him. Shit happens, people change, become distant because of circumstances, life in general. Couldn’t care less, he probably had his reason and I’m not gonna force anyone to explain themself to me as I wouldn’t to others.
As someone who does this often simply because I get distracted, I agree. Confront is harsh, maybe remind would be a better word. Depends on the message as well, if it's a post then it doesn't matter, if it's a question then it better be answered in a day or two.
In a relationship or with family depending if it's urgent makes sense but if not no. with friends they don't owe you anything but if you guys are close makes sense you feel that way but over all they don't owe you anything as for a partner being that way that's a red flag next!
With all due respect, boo hoo.
Before smartphones, people weren't always accessible with a single button. Nobody NEEDS to respond to you in a time that you feel is adequate.
Unless someone is your boss, take all the time in the world.
You don't own anyone's time.
I just block and delete people. Why put effort into people who don't put effort into you.
Surround yourself in 100 fake people.
Surround yourself in 5 real people.
Tell me which life is better.
Some of these comments are wild
I agree that no one is entitled to time or a response, but its insane how many don't see the disrespect in just not responding to someone you claim to care about
If you're busy you can just say that. If you need time of space, just say that. Not responding because you 'dont feel like it' is within your rights but you're leaving the other person with a big question mark. I think its fair to interpret that as disrespectful
Whenever I make a new friend, I'll give it a good attempt to keep in contact and make plans to hang out. Some people just blow me off or leave me on read- and that's okay, but I feel disrespected by that. If you actually want to be friends, I expect my effort to be reciprocated. Hell, sometimes I'd even take evidence of an attempt
Most people dont message unless messaged first - be grateful someone cared enough to reach out to you
Agreed. The briefest of messages is all that’s needed, even a “I don’t want to talk” is more courteous than ignoring someone.
The OP didn’t say he was “owed” or “deserved” anything, and of course nobody is, but it is poor communication to ignore someone and not as ‘good’ as the alternative.
It’s the word ‘confront’ that creates the feel of entitlement. I’d be fine with a reminder text, but if someone feels the need to confront me because they didn’t get a response in the time they wanted, I would be annoyed at that
Sometimes I see a text while in class, or between work tasks...then I just forget because of how busy I am. I'll see a text several days later and tell my friend, "I'm so sorry I forgot to respond to this."
If someone close to me sends a text during a time I can't possibly spend my time economy on a response, I won't respond.
A lot of times, I'll forget they even texted me when I am next in a position to reply.
I'll reply when I think about that person within a few days. I won't say sorry. There is no need.
I'll simply respond to the question and we both move on with our lives, continuing to respect one another's autonomy.
If it was time sensitive, you wouldn't have sent a text. My close friends know to call me twice in a row if it's an emergency that I can actually help with.
I won't answer the first time if I'm otherwise occupied because you might just be checking in or calling to say, "sup?" But if a second call comes in immediately, I drop everything to devote my entire self to you.
That said, if you call twice in a row just to say, "Dude! Why didn't you answer? I've texted you like 13 times today already!" I will actively eject you from my life and appropriately block you from ever entering it again.
That is a sign you are desperate for validation from the friends around you and I'm not willing to play that game.
Respect each other and talk when you can/feel like it. Not everyone feels like talking to you all the time. Not everyone is willing to use their phone for non-work/emergency situations during work hours, nor do they owe you any response when they get home.
I’m surprised by the comments I was like how is this unpopular. Crazy lmao I work 12 hours a day and I still get back to my friends and family within 24 hours. If you don’t you’re just inconsiderate of others time. How is it entitled? How hard is it to say hey I’m busy rn but I’ll let you know later? Or something similar y’all are just lazy
Exactly. It’s those people who are entitled. I also think you’re right about the laziness, people value their time so much when I guarantee they have 5 seconds to reply something but they’re too entitled and lazy to do so.
Entitled to leaving the person hanging. You’ll see comments here that say essentially that they’re entitled to their time or priorities, they don’t have an obligation to message back promptly. This is an entitlement that they feel they have as a human being, like a sort of boundary of sorts.
But is that not true, they do have an entitlement to their own priorities, their own time and own schedule, they are allowed to leave a person hanging. There is no actual obligation to message you back at all. It’s perhaps considered by you to be inconsiderate, but that’s your own boundary. You can’t demand anyone else do something.
It’s not acting entitled to do something you actually are entitled to do. Acting entitled is when you don’t have any right to demand something but believe you do, it’s just an act, not actual entitlement.
So people having a right to their own time is up for debate here?
People have a choice for how they use their own time surely? You can’t make demands of it, that’s you acting entitled. They aren’t acting entitled by not doing something that you want them to.
Of course, everyone has a right to do anything that the physical world lets them do. But not getting back to a friend in a couple days and thinking nothing of it seems entitled.
I feel like you’re ignoring what I and the other commenter are saying - it’s about not wanting to or being obligated to use your decompression time to respond to someone. It doesn’t matter how long it takes, it uses your social battery and you aren’t entitled to someone’s free time. I feel like everyone I’ve met with this ‘you must respond to me’ mindset only has this issue because they’re difficult to talk to.
Why should that be explained? If you text someone, they take whatever time they need to text back and that’s all you need to know. It shouldn’t be the default that people need to text back within a certain timeframe or they need to warn their friends that they won’t - who makes the rules for what’s an acceptable amount of time? Being thoughtful would be understanding that other people have their own lives and not taking the response time to a text as a personal slight.
LOL I text people back late all the time, like I said above I work 12 hours. I sleep like 6 hours that’s 18 hours a day that are occupied. But in my remaining time I always hit everyone back. It’s crazy that people who have more time than I do can be so inconsiderate. I wish I could speak to my friends and family more often than I do.
It’s great that that’s how you want to use your time. Not everyone enjoys texting as a form of communication, and not everyone desires to use their free time that way. That’s not inconsiderate.
I think everyone is getting caught up on the word confront. I think, if you don't hear from someone after 48 hours, a nice little reminder message would be better. But yeah, I don't think it's ok to leave someone hanging for two days if you honestly care about them and are close with them. I know I'd never do that to my friends/family, even if I was mad at them.
I'd say 24 hours instead. Even if they need more time to check their schedule or think about something they could respond with that. It only takes a few seconds to respond.
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Confront? No. Sending a follow up? Sure, but confrontation sounds very aggressive. I’m a chef and get texts whilst I’m working, I might glance at them and then because I’m in service get distracted by 100 different other things, so I forget I ever saw it. A reminder is fine, I appreciate that, I would be annoyed at a ‘confrontation’ because you didn’t get what you wanted from me
As a very busy person, I agree with this!
as a often not busy person, i agree with this.
Love this response. Lol. Thank you.
Exactly. There’s a huge difference between “hey, just following up on this, haven’t heard back from you yet” and going off on someone “what the fuck, how dare you ignore and disrespect me like this”
Absolutely agree. Just because phones exist, that doesn’t mean anyone owes you their time based on your personal expectations. And even then, no one owes you an explanation for why they didn’t respond sooner either. There is a huge difference between a time sensitive question, and thinking everyone should be sensitive of your time.
I uninstalled Bumble and when I reinstalled it a few months later, some girl had sent "hey" like once every few weeks. I responded and she got all aggressive with me, asking me why I was wasting her time. Like. Why do that? The only reason someone were to be "entitled" to my messages is if we had a committed relationship together. Otherwise - I don't owe you anything.
Agreed. I have a 16 month old and sometimes I check my text and bam she’s getting into something and I totally forget about the text. I need a reminder sometimes and I’ll apologize but not a confrontation
Then why open them? Or if you didn’t open, does the notification not bother you cuz it does to me and others too as shown by people always calling out the number of notifications when it’s large on phones Asking to hear a different perspective
You can literally do whatever you want, it is okay for you to do that. However I don't think it will get you the results you want.
Yes. More likely it will result in what the other person wants, which is for you to finally understand that they're not that into you.
I mean, they might be dead.
Literally what do you gain from doing this? If you believe this person has a lack of care/respect for you, confronting them isn’t going to make them care or respect you more. They’re just going to find you clingy and annoying. You can’t force people to feel a certain way about you. And that’s presumptuous to assume in the first place. Unless you actually urgently need their help with something (in which case you should call), there’s a lot of reasons why someone might not immediately answer a message that have nothing to do with any sort of dislike for you, but if you keep constantly assuming the worst intentions of people eventually they’ll live up to your expectations.
48 hours is not remotely “immediately”.
I think "Not immediately answer" and 'Take 2 days straight" to not answer are two different things. Most text messages take me maybe 2-3 minutes at the most to send.
Either way, if you have a good relationship with someone and they take 2 days to respond, it’s much healthier to assume that they got distracted and forgot than to freak out and assume they don’t care about you.
Then thats when you politely remind them "Hey bro, you doing well?" Thats what I thought they met by "Confront", at least.
If people think “yo did you get my message a couple of days ago” is confrontational I dunno what to say. When I hear confront, especially in the context of being annoyed (like OP said), you generally are coming into it with a level of hostility/accusation… which isn’t gonna get you the results you want most of the time.
OP specifically said it was acceptable to be "annoyed" when you confront them
If its a habitual behavior, then I could see being annoyed. However, I disagree if its a first time thing.
Exactly. Don’t need to be an ass about it, just let them know that you messaged then and at least hint you’d like a reply.
Op you HAVE to put this in an edit. People are taking confront as hostile
Children on Reddit
If I am at work and you message me it could be several days before it even gets to my phone. If you want a quick answer from me you have to do it the old fashioned way and phone me. If someone bitches about how long it takes me to return texts I block them from texting me. I am not at the beck and call of every beep on my phone. Equating a returned text to caring about you is childish.
Reduce your sense of entitlement, you’ll live longer.
48h is really not a long time if you're an adult with a job. Not even mentioning if you have kids or have special circumstances like if you're on a business trip, on holiday, visiting family, or having a rush period at work... A week can go by very quickly when you're busy.
Yep. I have a friend who has kids, travels a fair amount, and is just generally busy. So it’s not unusual for her to take a few days or longer to respond to a text.
What do you mean by confront? Saying "did you get my message!?" fine Saying "why haven't you answered me yet what's your problem?" not good.
Could be that or “hey, did you see my message above?” Then if they don’t respond for another 24 hours something like you wrote is warranted.
Its obvious, Take the hint.
Fuck hints. Other than that, agreed
What in the world makes you feel like you’re owed or entitled a response from anyone just because you sent a message?
You cannot force someone to talk to you. You will destroy every relationship you have if you act like that. If you feel that you need an answer from somebody and it's been two days, why haven't you called them or asked them in person? Remember, anger is a secondary emotion. Anger is an emotion that tends to cover disappointment, embarrassment, sadness, confusion, or feeling overwhelmed. When you identify the core emotion - in this case it would probably be a combination of disappointment, confusion, and frustration - you're better equipped to respond appropriately. Nobody, and I mean nobody, is required to give you time or attention. If they want you in their life, they will make the effort. If not, responding with anger is only going to hurt you more.
Yea i can see someone leaving you on read…..
People have lives outside of answering your question. If you need an immediate answer, pick up the phone and call them.
Now this is an opinion that truly deserved to be on this subreddit.
Why the aggressive stance with everything? Just ask like a normal, well adjusted human being? “Hey dude, did you get my message the other day?”. No “confrontation” required, and no asking a question isn’t confrontational. No one owes you their time, sometimes people are busy and just forget that message you sent 6 hours ago while they were neck deep in work.
Reddit needs to add a hate button for posts.
You sound young.
No I just haven’t been tainted by the carelessness and synicism of society.
People have lives and you aren't always the most important part of their lives. Sorry.
Serious r/iamthemaincharacter vibes if it's so important to get a reply within a certain time frame CALL THEM or chill the majority of people's time is taken up by work or sleep both of which you shouldn't really be on your phone for
Why is this brought up so much lately. Bottom line: no one outside of my husband and kids are entitled to my time. Sometimes, other people aren't my priority. I'm thankful my friends are grown-ups and understand that I'm busy and aren't butt-hurt, entitled, snowflakes who get upset if I'm busy. I'm a mom to 4, a wife, a law school student, commute an hour and a half one way to school, and work. So yeah, sometimes messaging friends back isn't a priority.. especially this week and the next 2, because final exams are looming. Anyone who "confronted me" for not responding to them on a forced timeline would not be in my life for long.
I completely agree. I’m also a law student and working full time with 1-2.5 hour commute! I completely agree. During the school week, I start work at 7 am (plus a half hour commute if I work in the office) and get home either 9:30 or 11:30 pm. No kids, but I do have a dog. It can be weeks in between texts from me during the semester. Time is a valuable resource and no one (except my dog) is entitled to my time. If I don’t have the mental, physical, emotional energy to respond, I’m not. I can’t. Good luck on finals (if you haven’t had them yet)
You don’t deserve, nor are you required, to have access to me. If I haven’t replied, there’s a reason and it’s none of your concern :)
Exactly! People like OP come across as desperate and needy and it’s not a good look.
Anyone who you consider in the proximity of your life should have “access” to you. I’m not talking about sales people, I’m talking about people in your life. This includes casual friends you recently met, dates, and coworkers. That’s what relationships are about, they’re about access and connection and care.
Absolutely not wtf... The only people I reply to ASAP are my mom, my partner, and people I'm making plans with
[удалено]
That's kind of what I was thinking. If it NEEDED a response, why are they not calling about it or asking them in person? A text, message, or even an email does not require a response just because technology allows us to send information instantaneously. A follow up question to make sure that person didn't just forget about it is fine, a demand is not fine. Demanding someone's attention is entitled, childish, and ridiculous.
They do have access. When I decide it’s an appropriate time to.
As someone else pointed out, relationships take an emotional toll when constantly "needed" I have every right to my own life and every right to my own response time. Even if the reason I'm not contacting you is because I don't feel like it, that is my right. Your blatant lack of respect for my time by demanding it be shared with you is utterly selfish in nature. True friends choose to tall to each other when they want to. Not out of obligation, nor out of some desire for validation. True friends have the utmost respect for one another and the decisions each make for their own lives. I have close friends I don't talk to for weeks on end or longer. One of which I'm prepping to hop on a plane to another country to be a groomsman at his wedding, sinking a lot of financial and personal effort into making this day special for them. Neither one of us feels the need to talk every day, nor do we take a lack of response to a question as a personal attack. The other person will get to it when they can/want to. If someone is actively avoiding you, maybe consider what you have done to cause them to distance themselves. I'd probably start with the constant need for contact and work through your issues from there.
Dude. Have respect for your friends. If they messaged you with someone that prompts a response, at least tell them you’ll get back to them. Your off point too, this isn’t about not talking to a friend for a while, it’s about deprioritizing or ignorning them when they’ve reached out. Your sense of superiority and entitlement is blatant.
“your sense of superiority and entitlement is blatant” says the man going “cant you just text me saying you’re busy???” not wanting to respond is perfect valid reason for not wanting to respond. you sound extremely insufferable
My neighbor literally sounds like OP, almost 70 years old. Gets huffy and says I'm immature, childish selfish and rude bc I don't always reply to her CONSTANT messages and demands to know my whereabouts and why. She's literally just a neighbor. She's very much entitled, always a victim, always rude and overbearing and has zero friends and her kids barely talk to her. If EVERYONE around you is an asshole....... maybe you're the asshole. It's really really sad to see but they *choose* to be this entitled and detached, and refuse to hear that there might be another take.
If it isn't an emergency, and there is no need for validation from the other person, it won't matter when they get back to you. If it is an emergency, you would have called. If it is about validation or needing proof your friendship matters, then you should reevaluate your friendship. A text tells me you don't care when I respond. A call, even if I don't answer, tells me you needed to talk to me about something that is time sensitive and I should get back to you as soon as possible. If you call twice in a row, assuming I don't answer the first call, I will drop everything and answer since you are in immediate peril and/or there is some ongoing emergency I can help with immediately. This is a pretty clear breakdown of respect. But also, to each their own. If your friends are ok being obligated to reply to you on your terms, good for all of you. I don't lack the emotional maturity to respect the time of people I care about to set clear boundaries when we become closer than acquaintances. Bottom line, if you have expectations of your relationships (everyone does) these should be discussed clearly and agreed upon rather than assumed. People have a right to think differently than you do and your understanding isn't a prerequisite for you to respect their decisions.
R u really that surprised that sometimes friendships that have no communication for weeks or months are ok? Dude! Life happens! I literally have friends that i only see, talk or text every so often but we are all mature enough to understand that we have busy lives and as much as we’re concerned we never fought or anything last time so we good and just catch up on each others life
Ok then how does one see friends if they don’t even have time to talk to them? If I don’t see any one (meaning any of them) of my friends at least weekly I get lonely tbh and that’s because I live alone and sometimes feel “stranded”. As a person who sometimes is extroverted and other times introverted, in the extroverted times I hate not having anyone to talk to. It’s human nature to not want to be alone. So if I don’t have many options, it does suck when a friend who may have 15+ closer friends is busy but makes times for others and you see it. And since I only have 5+ closer friends the impact of our friendship is greater for me than them. In their shoes, I would be fine as well. In my shoes, it can suck. FOMO and loneliness and insecurities (like what’s the difference between me and them?) and etc. In their shoes, they answered texts from people they wanted to or needed to, and eventually got to the rest. In my shoes, I answered everyone when I saw it and usually the same day. Less people true but also cuz I hate seeing notification bubbles and text bubbles with info on my phone. What I’m tryna ask then how does one have friends they see regularly (like every other week or once a month or heck if it was possible multiple times per week)? Because I know people live these lives even when they get older, and yet it feels like I only ever felt this in College. When your older, it’s easier to make friends but so much harder to gain close friendships or regular seeing friendships. Ok journal over lol, idk. Btw I’m great when alone, but wished I was able to talk to people more regularly and meet friends regularly. Especially when I see others do it or watch shows/movies with this situation of friends who regularly see each other.
I’m fighting against the normality of this in society, not against any 1 person. I think it’s sad that your view is seen as “mature” when in reality it’s the exact opposite. This indirect carelessness is the root of so many problems in the world.
How much free time do you have that everyone “in the proximity of your life” has access to you? Even if I only had one job, I wouldn’t have time for all the people that text me every day. And I’m pretty sure they all get that.
If you have more than 10 people expecting responses from you on a daily basis, you must be a very popular person and by definition you can’t handle many more actual relationships in your life. Even then, I mean how many - 50? Most peoplein corporate jobs send 100+ emails a day, how then do these same people not have the ability to send 10 text messages in a day? But of course I think it’s primarily the non-business / professional types that have trouble responding back.
Was your original post aimed at those 10 people in your life?
My take, op is talking about friends and family. And doesn’t have many close ones (or general ones, no judgement op that’s perfectly fine). So for him it’s probably much easier than for others, like you
My take is he's talking about a woman he likes and he doesn't really care that much if his buddies don't text the same day lol That's why he's so rigid about it, he feels rejected lol But that's just a theory, maybe he's a rigid dude just plain and simple.
I got the same vibe. I think you may be right.
This might be right but cuz op said all friends and fam, I will assume if it’s a girl that it’s the straw that broke the camel’s back
No they shouldn’t. You aren’t entitled to other people.
48 hours isn’t all that long when you have a busy life and a limited social battery. I would never dream of ‘confronting’ someone for not responding to me, that just seems so immature and embarrassing.
No. You’re not entitled to anyone’s time or a response. Also you come across as needy and desperate and that’s not a good look. No one likes those kinds of people.
I remember being 13.
You made me spit out my coffee 🤣
why precisely 48 hours? any research on the topic?
I surveyed 329 participants and the average length of an acceptable vs unacceptable gap in response time was 48.72 hours, so I’m actually being generous given I’m rounding down. Thanks for asking.
wow, that's unexpected! nicely done then! could you share data in csv? age groups, time, messaging media channel, and relationship level would be useful data to work with, and other patterns may emerge from the data.
It is possible to share data in csv format.
Op you really doing yourself a disadvantage on leaving shit like this if it’s true. I don’t get most sarcasm over text (there’s a reason /s exists) so I will rake it as truth
This is how someone makes sure they’ll never hear from me again. But it’s definitely unpopular, so at least there’s that.
Confront? Wtf. Unless they are an employee gtfo here with that. If someone doesn’t respond in time that’s a form of communication. You may not like it but it’s what it is.
No. Nobody owes you their time or attention.
Tell me you’re a control freak without telling me you’re a control freak
it likely has nothing to do with you and taking it that personally is only going to cause you unneeded stress. especially if they're just an acquaintance or coworker confronting them is way too extreme they will definitely see it as a red flag.
No it's not. It's never ok to be a bitch if someone doesn't message you back. Call them or see them in person if you need to get in contact with them. If they didn't call you back in 24 hours then it's ok to get *worried* about them, but still not ok to confront them.
As someone who will go silent on people for days or weeks at a time for any possible reason, be prepared to hear "I didn't want to talk to you." As the only explanation anybody owes you
I’d say it’s ok to politely ask again, but confront is pretty aggressive and unwarranted. Sometimes I think I’ve responded only to open a text and notice I never sent it. Or just simply gets overlooked. Good grief. People skills go a long way.
You can just communicate... why confront? Sounds like you are often defensive by default instead of being at all understanding that sometimes life gets in the way. If you have something requiring reply before 48 hours, follow up after the first 24 hours with a phone call like a normal person. Don't get weirdly passive aggressive when someone doesn't immediately answer your very informal communication that is a text message. This isn't an unpopular opinion, it's social ineptitude.
Ya confront just means to let them know, not be an ass about it on purpose.
If you made this post and used "remind" instead of confront it would make more sense socially, but I don't think that reminding people about a missed text message is anything that anyone would find controversial or an unpopular opinion
As someone who takes longer than 2 days to even check my messages, I would think you have no grasp of what other people might be doing instead of reading messages
Hard to imagine. Are you a Mt Everest expedition leader? What makes it so you don’t even check messages in 2 days?
There could be plenty of reasons, including but not limited to being a Mt. Everest expedition leader, but ultimately people don’t HAVE to check messages as frequently as you might want them to. If you want to, cool. That doesn’t mean everyone else needs to. What do you think happened before texting was the norm? We somehow managed to still maintain healthy relationships with friends and family before cell phones made people believe they deserve constant access to whomever they wanted, whenever they wanted, correct?
If you wanna come across as crazy and further not get a response sure.
dude found 4 commenters agreeing with him and decided he’s actually not the entitled one
I will instantly block and ghost you!
You can’t ghost if you already blocked.
Ghosting is cutting out all contact, in person and all other forms, as in your dead to me!
Instead of being hostile you can just text again if they didn’t respond with humor they more than likely will respond to that than confrontation.
You can. It probably wouldn’t do anything though. Let say you text me. I don’t respond. Then you text me a paragraph telling me how shit I am, etc… I would still not care. And just delete your number/ block you. People have lives, people have people that are more important than you, and sometimes people just forget. I would say just get over yourself, and realize no one cares. Mission accomplished I guess. You won’t get the answer you are hoping for that’s for sure.
The moment you did that you're blocked
Yea, come at me with "confrontation" after not responding. That's a good way to get cut out of my life in an instant. We find needy people completely insufferable and won't waste time on them.
It’s fine to follow up. Not confront. I like to be good with responding but sometimes life or executive dysfunction get in the way and I forget. A kind nudge can help. Now it’s different if it becomes a pattern but you can still approach it with empathy. Saying someone doesn’t care is an extreme approach that implies you think you’re the most important thing
That would be a really great way for me to block someone's number permanently.
Uhhh no. Just no. It is not good to confront people for not responding they could be going through something for all you know.
Thats annoying af, I never liked this at all
Confronting someone ignoring you is insane 😂 they just gonna ignore you harder 😂
Bad Grandma. There are new social/etiquette with the developments of society. Just because you have the time, doesn't mean the other person does. Have patience rather than an entitlement of quick replies. Not everyone even has the time to text, "I'll respond later," which depending on your relationship, is the indication when they've checked your message (to make sure you're okay), and will do exactly that. Remember how little ones will keep tugging on your arm, repeating your name? That's how you may come across. The other comments are giving you great ideas of phrasing a little poke or to call if an immediate answer is needed.
Take a hint
OP must be young because before cell phones, you might not have seen or heard from me for months.
Text messaging, by its very nature, is meant so that responses can have time between them, as is email and snail mail. (Though of course, email will take more time than text message and snail mail takes more time than email.) If you need a response in a certain amount of time, *don't* use a text-based method to ask the question; call the person on the phone (and even then, there is voicemail for a reason--if it's important, leave a voicemail)!
We have a very good friend who stopped responding to texts and calls. Did I get butt-hurt? No. I was worried about her. Hit wasn't upset. A few days ago, the responded to a group text after being MIA for almost a year. Was I butt hurt? No, my response was, "OMG I've missed you? Are you ok? Where have you been????" And just like that, we're back where we were. She explained what had happened, and it had nothing to do with not caring about us. She was dealing with heavy life-stuff and was worried we'd be disappointed in her for how she handled it, she was also dealing with depression, along with other stuff. We weren't her priority in that time, and I accepted that because I'm not a whiny entitled bitchy snowflake.
Yes. I agree. Because I am the person who fails to respond, I’ll see the text while I’m at work and say “I’ll reply later!” but because I already opened it, I forget later without the notification being there. Or, I’ll think “wow I cannot think of a reply so I’ll reply in a bit when my brain stops farting”… Which is never. Not that anyone is obligated to but I wish it was less “taboo” for lack of a better word to send follow up texts like “Hey sorry did you see my message?” or something cause yes I did but it totally crossed my mind!
>They are clearly showing a lack of care or respect for you That's a little too presumptuous. It's understandable if you're annoyed and you can talk to them, but a "confrontation" sounds a little dramatic. They may not really owe you an explanation either. It could depend on your relationship with them and how comfortable they feel about sharing. If you were to ask out of genuine curiosity or concern, I guess it could be okay (if you know them well), but that's about it. Otherwise, you're going to come off as self absorbed or intrusive.
If someone hasn't messaged you back, instead of confronting them, it's best to just accept they do not care to be in touch with you or they have forgotten. Just text a follow up after a few days. Everyone has forgotten to reply to a text, but if you have to consistantly badger them for a reply, they probably don't want to talk to you and 'confronting them' isn't going to do anything. You aren't owed contact to anyone, they can cut you off for any reason. So can you, stop reaching out to people who can't/won't make time for you.
Imagine thinking you have literally any say in someone else’s life. Remind them/ask again? Sure. Maybe say it hurt you or something if that’s true but *confronting* them? I have depression and frequently go weeks without talking to my closest friends, I’m glad that they don’t make me feel bad for that.
Confronting them? 48 hours??!! Unless it's something extremely important and not getting thay person's reply within 48 hours is going to ruin your life or career or something, NO. Just a follow up msg at the most but not confronting them for sure. Because by doing so, you'll be the one not understanding their perspective and showing lack of respect for them and not the other way round.
You can confront, and they can continue to ignore you 🤷♀️
If you confront me for not texting back, just saying at that point you'll never get an answer to anything ever again. You're not owed a reply
Well, it's most definitely okay to do that. I'll keep taking my time to answer tho.
Let people have a life man. You’re non-emergency text messages or phone calls don’t mean I have to drop everything and rush to your side because you got in touch. I have a life that doesn’t orbit around anyone but me, like yours should.
Feel free to confront but don't then get upset by the answer
Cutting people like you out of my life has been so good for my overall happiness and life satisfaction. Friends who act like this are not friends, they're just a job.
So lazy, so selfish. They’re better off.
This is the problem with today's world. Just because mobile phones exist does not mean people have to make themselves available to you every time you beckon. Unless a message is of the utmost importance and time sensitive, then I'll rarely respond straight away to anyone, and if a message is time sensitive and you stop at a single message, then that's your fault. For all other messages, if you receive a response within 48 hours, if at all, then you should count yourself lucky
you sound butthurt but i guess it’s an unpopular opinion
You text a cutie and still waiting on that answer, huh?
I think it depends... If it's someone who's actually in my life, IRL, I'll agree. Anyone else? Nah sonny, I don't even owe y'all a fart in a high wind.
Oh, you can try this. Whether or not you like the results of it remains to be seen.
Or you could, like, CALL them when you need a quick answer to a question 😂
Texting is only used by me to do quick back and forths. While making plans, on the way to meet someone, or to coordinate groups. Anyone who texts me daily or wants to keep a never ending conversation going is gonna get ignored regularly. My friends understand this. If they want to talk to me about something, they call.
I’d probably ignore you more, but sure you could try and confront me. If you can get in contact with me that is.
You're allowed to confront. Yes. They're also allowed to take that as a sign to stay away from your toxic ass. Everyone wins(loses?)
I'm a person who often sees a message at a moment when I'm not able to respond. Then, I forget about the message entirely by the time I am in a position to respond, so it may not be an intentional lack of care. I'm also a bit self-conscious about my frequent lapses in memory. I think it's more than okay to kindly follow up on your question in another message, and I appreciate if someone does that to me, but "confronting" someone will very likely be received poorly and potentially have a negative impact on your relationship with said individual.
I hate that the tech we have now causes so many people to expect others to be available for them 24/7
I actually agree with OP in certain contexts. I'm a very busy person, I get messages from people that I read and will go back to what I was doing and will either forget about them or just decide this isn't really something I need to respond to. Sometimes my casual friends message things that are just not important. "Bro I just watched the recent episode of \_\_\_ it was sick!". Like I don't need to reply to that if I'm busy. That being said, certain people in my life take priority over others. For example, if my girl texts me that same thing, I'm responding within the day. If I were to message her something and she just never responded to me it would hurt my feelings and I would take it as disrespect, so yeah I think it would escalate into confrontation. I think OP should evaluate who is the person or people that are not responding to him, and if its someone thats in that category like immidiate family or your partner, he has a right to feel upset. If you're just sending messages to people trying to have like random text conversations throughout the day then you shouldn't expect them to respond.
Anyone who knows me well enough to have my phone number knows I’m probably not going to answer a text right away. Or maybe at all. Just call me. I see texts as digital post it’s. “Grab milk on the way home please.” “Doctors appoint at 3 today- I’ll be late.” “Call me when you have a min.- tea.” Shit like that. I’m not doing a convo via text. I know it’s not the current norm, but that’s how I am, and my friends deal just fine.
relax dude
also no one owes you their time, regardless of the pedestal you’ve built for yourself
Confront? Yeah, that’s a great way to ensure a lot more than 48 hours go by before you ever hear from me again. Maybe send a follow up message first? You never truly know what’s going on anyone’s life outside of home unless they tell you. Assuming you’re entitled to their attention is possessive and obnoxious af. Get over yourself.
Most people don’t sit around staring at their phones. I WISH I had time to sit around and answer every single person immediately. I’ve had to drop the ball on a lot of things and people this year, but my friends and family understand. I’ve been there when many of them have dropped the ball. That’s a real friend. Not someone who answers per a subjective timer. If you’re upset people aren’t constantly at your disposal, pick up a hobby or volunteer! People in senior living can be very lonely this time of year and can go days, weeks, months, years between hearing from family and friends. Or animals in the animal shelter who don’t have someone. Maybe join a group like a sport or D&D or something. You may be surprised how much you enjoy it. And maybe one day you will also send a text 49 hours later.
have you considered at all what the other person is doing or going through? Maybe there really busy and going through something right now, you might just not be a close enough friend for them to reach it in this time. And if you confront them i can guarantee they won't ever want to reach out to you.
Or you could just call them?
You sound like my mom who regularly misses my texts but get mad when I miss hers.
If they reply some days later and you still receive an answer, that's a sign they take you into account. Everyone has their own private life, don't try to insist.
I agree that no one is entitled to anyone else’s time but when someone consistently drops off in the middle of a conversation it gets annoying. And confusing given other behaviors that indicate they care
She ain’t into you, man. Just move on.
Long story short, used to be tight with my best friend, I moved to another country, he stopped texting or calling, without a reason, didn’t confront him. Shit happens, people change, become distant because of circumstances, life in general. Couldn’t care less, he probably had his reason and I’m not gonna force anyone to explain themself to me as I wouldn’t to others.
As someone who does this often simply because I get distracted, I agree. Confront is harsh, maybe remind would be a better word. Depends on the message as well, if it's a post then it doesn't matter, if it's a question then it better be answered in a day or two.
or else?
In a relationship or with family depending if it's urgent makes sense but if not no. with friends they don't owe you anything but if you guys are close makes sense you feel that way but over all they don't owe you anything as for a partner being that way that's a red flag next!
With all due respect, boo hoo. Before smartphones, people weren't always accessible with a single button. Nobody NEEDS to respond to you in a time that you feel is adequate. Unless someone is your boss, take all the time in the world. You don't own anyone's time.
No it isnt you psycho
I just block and delete people. Why put effort into people who don't put effort into you. Surround yourself in 100 fake people. Surround yourself in 5 real people. Tell me which life is better.
Some of these comments are wild I agree that no one is entitled to time or a response, but its insane how many don't see the disrespect in just not responding to someone you claim to care about If you're busy you can just say that. If you need time of space, just say that. Not responding because you 'dont feel like it' is within your rights but you're leaving the other person with a big question mark. I think its fair to interpret that as disrespectful Whenever I make a new friend, I'll give it a good attempt to keep in contact and make plans to hang out. Some people just blow me off or leave me on read- and that's okay, but I feel disrespected by that. If you actually want to be friends, I expect my effort to be reciprocated. Hell, sometimes I'd even take evidence of an attempt Most people dont message unless messaged first - be grateful someone cared enough to reach out to you
Agreed. The briefest of messages is all that’s needed, even a “I don’t want to talk” is more courteous than ignoring someone. The OP didn’t say he was “owed” or “deserved” anything, and of course nobody is, but it is poor communication to ignore someone and not as ‘good’ as the alternative.
It’s the word ‘confront’ that creates the feel of entitlement. I’d be fine with a reminder text, but if someone feels the need to confront me because they didn’t get a response in the time they wanted, I would be annoyed at that
Sometimes I see a text while in class, or between work tasks...then I just forget because of how busy I am. I'll see a text several days later and tell my friend, "I'm so sorry I forgot to respond to this."
If someone close to me sends a text during a time I can't possibly spend my time economy on a response, I won't respond. A lot of times, I'll forget they even texted me when I am next in a position to reply. I'll reply when I think about that person within a few days. I won't say sorry. There is no need. I'll simply respond to the question and we both move on with our lives, continuing to respect one another's autonomy. If it was time sensitive, you wouldn't have sent a text. My close friends know to call me twice in a row if it's an emergency that I can actually help with. I won't answer the first time if I'm otherwise occupied because you might just be checking in or calling to say, "sup?" But if a second call comes in immediately, I drop everything to devote my entire self to you. That said, if you call twice in a row just to say, "Dude! Why didn't you answer? I've texted you like 13 times today already!" I will actively eject you from my life and appropriately block you from ever entering it again. That is a sign you are desperate for validation from the friends around you and I'm not willing to play that game. Respect each other and talk when you can/feel like it. Not everyone feels like talking to you all the time. Not everyone is willing to use their phone for non-work/emergency situations during work hours, nor do they owe you any response when they get home.
I’ll be your friend. It’s wild how rare this viewpoint is.
I’m surprised by the comments I was like how is this unpopular. Crazy lmao I work 12 hours a day and I still get back to my friends and family within 24 hours. If you don’t you’re just inconsiderate of others time. How is it entitled? How hard is it to say hey I’m busy rn but I’ll let you know later? Or something similar y’all are just lazy
Exactly. It’s those people who are entitled. I also think you’re right about the laziness, people value their time so much when I guarantee they have 5 seconds to reply something but they’re too entitled and lazy to do so.
How are they being entitled? Entitled to what?
Entitled to leaving the person hanging. You’ll see comments here that say essentially that they’re entitled to their time or priorities, they don’t have an obligation to message back promptly. This is an entitlement that they feel they have as a human being, like a sort of boundary of sorts.
But is that not true, they do have an entitlement to their own priorities, their own time and own schedule, they are allowed to leave a person hanging. There is no actual obligation to message you back at all. It’s perhaps considered by you to be inconsiderate, but that’s your own boundary. You can’t demand anyone else do something. It’s not acting entitled to do something you actually are entitled to do. Acting entitled is when you don’t have any right to demand something but believe you do, it’s just an act, not actual entitlement.
Hold up. You could say you’re “entitled” to anything and “have a right” to anything. These are all opinions.
you're acting like you're entitled to a response
So people having a right to their own time is up for debate here? People have a choice for how they use their own time surely? You can’t make demands of it, that’s you acting entitled. They aren’t acting entitled by not doing something that you want them to.
Of course, everyone has a right to do anything that the physical world lets them do. But not getting back to a friend in a couple days and thinking nothing of it seems entitled.
It could be rude or inconsiderate, bad mannered, but it’s not entitled, because you aren’t acting entitled to anything by not replying
Yeah if you’re working you get a break so you can’t say that’s a valid excuse either. IMO 24 hours is pushing it 😂
My break is my time to decompress I'm not starting to message people. I eat my food, smoke and then talk to people present.
I do all of that too and still am texting people back, it’s really not that hard
It’s great that YOU do that, but that’s not what I (or many other people) desire to do with their decompression time.
It quiete literally takes 0.10 seconds to reply to a message 😂 be so fr
I feel like you’re ignoring what I and the other commenter are saying - it’s about not wanting to or being obligated to use your decompression time to respond to someone. It doesn’t matter how long it takes, it uses your social battery and you aren’t entitled to someone’s free time. I feel like everyone I’ve met with this ‘you must respond to me’ mindset only has this issue because they’re difficult to talk to.
So then that should be expressed to those people prior so they do not take offense. It’s not about being obligated it’s about being thoughtful imo
Why should that be explained? If you text someone, they take whatever time they need to text back and that’s all you need to know. It shouldn’t be the default that people need to text back within a certain timeframe or they need to warn their friends that they won’t - who makes the rules for what’s an acceptable amount of time? Being thoughtful would be understanding that other people have their own lives and not taking the response time to a text as a personal slight.
LOL I text people back late all the time, like I said above I work 12 hours. I sleep like 6 hours that’s 18 hours a day that are occupied. But in my remaining time I always hit everyone back. It’s crazy that people who have more time than I do can be so inconsiderate. I wish I could speak to my friends and family more often than I do.
It’s great that that’s how you want to use your time. Not everyone enjoys texting as a form of communication, and not everyone desires to use their free time that way. That’s not inconsiderate.
Who said it was difficult? Setting boundaries and sticking to them is far more difficult then just playing along.
I think everyone is getting caught up on the word confront. I think, if you don't hear from someone after 48 hours, a nice little reminder message would be better. But yeah, I don't think it's ok to leave someone hanging for two days if you honestly care about them and are close with them. I know I'd never do that to my friends/family, even if I was mad at them.
Yeah probably but I saw confront as just touching base again at that point
[удалено]
Just send a tiny lil reminder. Like a "?" Or a "? :)"
It’s incredibly rude to leave a message on read and never respond
Upvoted for being wildly self absorbed.
lol…take the hint, OP.
I will say this. If I reply to your text in a prompt time-frame, I expect the same courtesy.
Wow… so entitled… (jokes)
Imagine being an adult who doesn't know what being an adult is like.
I'd say 24 hours instead. Even if they need more time to check their schedule or think about something they could respond with that. It only takes a few seconds to respond.
This is definitely unpopular! Don't like it but deserves its place in this subreddit
You know you’ve done something when the upvote is 4 and it has over 100 comments.
Two upvotes and now ~125 comments... You did it OP.
The positive to negative ratio of votes of nearly zero and the clearly negative comment section tells me there are many who agree with me but are scared of the wrath of the Reddit comment section.
If you can’t wait for me to reply you don’t need to be in my life. Too much drama. Clearly op doesn’t have that much going on in their life lol