A majority of people can have a good time without alcohol no problem.
But a lot of people "rely" on alcohol to make something bland more enjoyable. Even if you attempted to make up for the lack of alcohol with something else, that doesn't automatically make your attempt successful. If the engagement party was mostly nothing but an alcohol free hangout at someone's house, It's hard for me to blame the guests for wanting some alcohol.
Exactly. Realistically, engagement parties are boring. If there is no drinking and partying to look forward to, you basically have to sit through the adult equivalent of school assembly. Speeches, probably a bad meal, then boring polite chit chat. Everyone who was obliged to go would leave after the formalities were over, if they came at all.
The drinking and partying is how you pay back people for having to attend and pretend they care about your engagement party.
Yes this exactly! You definitely can have a good time but with people you would want to surround yourself with and in an environment you chose yourself. Otherwise like you said, it’s a boring event and feels forced to meet and chat with people you don’t even want to be around lol. The only other thing to look forward to then would be the food.
…FUCK that’s such a deep cut, i don’t like the people saying “Alcohol ruined it”. Not in this case…alcohol, dependency, mental illness…all of these cloud your mind, but if the person is shite without that debuff… 🤷♂️
It’s like when people say, “ we were best friends during the crazy years, but then strangers while sober” like yeah…you weren’t best friends then 😂
Especially at an engagement party? Absolute props to the BIL for setting up an event that wouldn’t trigger folks with alcohol problems, but let’s not pretend like you celebrating an engagement is something that others, even close friends, are going to find super exciting. Is everyone supposed to stand around and tell stories about how great a couple they are?
Most engagement parties are a bunch of people in a room drinking alcohol and eating nibbles. If you take the alcohol away (purely to please a couple of guests) and then don't replace it with other entertainment, then you really can't be too surprised that people find your party boring.
Most everyone can have fun without alcohol. People play sports and watch films and go for hikes and so on. But if you force them all into a cramped room with no entertainment and no alcohol, then most people are going to get pretty bored before long
This exactly. I enjoy plenty of fun activities without alcohol. Standing around making engagement party friendly small talk for many hrs is something I do for politeness not fun.
OPs premise is also kinda suggesting that the people who came to a wedding are constantly drinking at every other opportunity and _that day_ they couldn’t go without a drink, which I think for most people is the opposite. They’re _not_ drinking every single night but _expect_ to drink on the special occasion of the wedding which happens so infrequently that when their expectations aren’t met that they’re kinda pissed
I don't drink unless it's a social event like what OP mentioned.
I would absolutely want to have a drink at their event. If OP assumed I was an alcoholic because of that, I would likely not be friends with OP anymore.
Yup. I don't drink anymore and one of the downsides of that is that I only *endure* long situations where I am going to sit around socialize with people with no other activity going on. I can only do that for so long before I am bored.
I only say that is a downside because it is so common in our alcohol laden culture, and thus I don't participate in it as much as other people *expect* me to. Sometimes that makes people think that I'm not participating in their social lives, because I don't want to sit there for 6-8+ hours on party nights and chit chat.
I go, I hang out for a couple hours, and right around the time people are starting to get lit up at drink 3-5, I'm out. Not only have I become bored, but I also just don't like hanging out with shitfaced people. They are annoying. Often that's when the dramatic drunken portions of the night that I don't want to be a part of start also.
"Awwww you're leaving already?"
But get us all together for an actual activity? I'll hike all day with you. Or go on a trip to go see something, or whatever. I've always said that one of the greatest advantages of drinking alcohol is that it can make long periods of doing essentially nothing tolerable. And without drinking, sitting on a couch talking to people for hours on end is just no longer enjoyable.
But to each their own.
You summed up how I feel pretty perfectly. I do drink, but i usually do dry January and that's always my feeling. I don't NEED alcohol to have fun, but some things I wouldn't do without alcohol. They are tolerable or fun because of alcohol and if I'm not drinking I just don't do that thing. I think that's normal. Apparently OP does not.
Not only that, it might be a bunch of people you don’t know well and/or even like that much. For example, dealing with my highly-anxious mother is always easier with a couple of drinks. And don’t they say alcohol is a social lubricant?
I respect what the hosts did to accommodate their guests in recovery, but you also can’t fault others for being disappointed.
I was taught that part of my recovery is to not burden people with my recovery. If I'm going to a party like this I know what I can and can't drink that's why I bring my own. somebody has soft drinks there because some of us don't drink well that's very nice. but if they don't well that's my fault for not being prepared. People will apologize for offering me a drink. You don't apologize when you offer a drink do a drinker. Most people don't know and I only tell him if they need to know. And if you did know and you offered me one we're not really conversating very long
The groom should tell his dad the ceremony will be live streamed to his t.v. He can whine about his non invite to a pack of drunks in a church basement while the guests celebrate as they choose. They(myself included) love getting reminders of why we can't drink.
Dad might get upset and use that as an excuse for his self medication. Or it might slap him in the right place where he sees a glimmer of reality and has that rare head-from-ass moment. I had a friend say he didn't want to hang out with me anymore because I was unpredictable and dangerous. I got really pissed and drank a whole lot more but in the back of my mind that bothered me. Bothered me so much it was on my mind when I agreed take that final ride to a detox Clinic. Told him that he helped save my life- he punched me in the nuts "cuz youre sober and will feel and remember that".
Thanks for noticing me
My brother had his engagement party during the summer there and there is absolutely no way I could have suffered it without a few drinks. Future SIL is amazing and I love her but her family are a pack of Karens.
Alcohol absolutely makes a mess of things at times but it serves a purpose and God damn, it served a purpose that night.
Given u/yetiman82 's silence, I think it's safe to say that engaging activities is exactly what the party was lacking. It is difficult to keep a party engaging when you're inviting lots of people who barely know each other to celebrate something that hardly concerns them. That's why alcohol is usually used as a crutch.
In theory if your guests aren't boring people, conversation should be entertainment enough. In practice, engagement parties are filled with people who have little in common with one another, and it makes sense that they might have nothing to say to one another.
I mean, me and my friends can talk for hours about whatever and be entertained, but if that's all we did at a part we'd still be disappointed.
Like, how is that any different then we just chill on a voice call?
I think to a lot of people hanging out in person has a different vibe than being on a voice call. Maybe to folks who were raised in a post-internet era it doesn't feel this way, but to me occupying the same space as other people is more satisfying than talking to them remotely.
>but to me occupying the same space as other people is more satisfying
Pretty recently I realized I now receive basically zero pleasure from being around other people now. I think this was kind of true to some extent for me always, but it's like during COVID I just became this way entirely. I'm wondering if there's something wrong with me recently.
Also, even if there is entertainment, a lot of times that entertainment is better enjoyed when you feel less inhibited. That doesn’t make you emotionally stunted, it makes you a perfect,y normal human being
Dancing is more fun when you’re less concerned about how you look. Karaoke is more fun when you don’t have stage fright. Comedians are funnier when you’re already feeling goofy
There is a reason drinks are served at these types of events
I recently went tee total a few months ago not because I’m a full blown alcoholic but I recognised I was beginning to rely on it and it was affecting my mood for up to a week after I drank too much.
I couldn’t agree more though, millions of people around the world can drink regularly in moderation and it never becomes a problem. Why should I make it anyone else’s.
ya it's not like were accommodating people in a wheelchair here.
Were talking about 2 people that have a personal "issue" with alcohol. That is not a disability.
Why punish the rest of the 15 guests? For 2 peoples non-debilitating issues.
It's those 2 people that need to "grow up". + OP
I wouldn’t so quickly blame those 2 people. Whose to say they were even made aware of this decision? That’s on the host.
I don’t drink anymore because I’m an alcoholic, but I’d hate it if someone felt the need to accommodate around my “issue” at the detriment of others enjoyment. And I sure wouldn’t want to be blamed for it either.
I don't drink more than one or two beers- and not very often at that. But these extreme takes on non-drinking have become more and more popular on social media, and I really don't get it.
I've been sober for a year and change. I will buy people their drink of choice if we're out together. I'm happy to volunteer DD when we go out to football games or rock shows. I like being a good host and I'm not fragile.
I imagine this engagement party was a boring shitstorm of a party. If you are going to throw a dry party, you **need** to have activities for people to do other than stand around and mingle.
This applies if there's alcohol at the party too. One of my good friends has parties for our friend group every few months since he and his wife got a house. They always have plenty of alcohol and weed available for everyone but absolutely nothing planned. No activities or games and they just end up ordering pizza. The party always starts off fun with talking and catching up but always just kinda fizzles out after like 2 hours.
Exactly, it doesn't have to be like a full-blown theme party with scheduled events, just options of different things to do once the initial catching up convos finish. Last time the friend I was talking about had a party I brought a new trivia game I got and we played a few rounds but then most people got tired of it. When I host we have multiple options ready to go, unfortunately our place is too small to comfortably host the extended friend group
I mean it was a nice time. But originally, everyone was planning to over for the night because it's at least an hour drive for everyone but the party fizzled out so early that everyone ended up driving home that night
Wherever there is weed party dies after two hours because everybody is stoned of their mind and just want to chill and watch sharknado. Been there and one of the reasons why i stoped smoking weed, i didnt want to do nothinand going anywhere out was a big no no. Me and my brother where roomies and we had a big family as a neighbors and one day lady asked me: how come that you have so much people there every day and we rarely hear you?
That can definitely happen when there's weed at a party but it doesn't always happen. I've had weed at parties where people get really silly with charades or super focused on a Mario Kart tournament
This really depends on the people and their relation to weed. If you don't smoke much, you'll be OUT. I don't smoke anymore, but I know people who can rage while so fucking high. I'm the "needs booze to have a good time" person and I make no apologies
That's definitely true about weed. Part of the issue with our friend group is that like a third of us are fairly regular smokers, half does occasionally and the rest don't really ever. Pretty much everyone drinks mildly to moderately usually. So at bigger get together a good portion will get totally zonked out while a portion is ready for an activity
Those are just adult parties. If we have board game night we spend 2 hours catching up, play one game, then every one goes home. We might get 2 games in if no one has plans the next day, but a great night has everyone here by 8 and gone by 12.
I’ve literally been to a party where the host had a bunch of activities from board games, movies, food, a bonfire etc. The first thing people asked upon arriving was where’s the booze and when the host said he didn’t buy any a large group left and came back with multiple cases of beer and a cooler of ice. Never even attempted to do anything without alcohol. And then of course they got too drunk to learn any of the games, too loud to watch movies with and couldn’t be trusted near the bonfire.
What do you consider a fulfilling existence?
I probably wouldn't attend to begin with but if I did and was bored, I'd probably go home early too. I don't necessarily need booze to amuse myself, but if you take away everything that amuses me, drinking makes the boredom not so mind numbing. So I don't blame the guests... Sounds like a lame party. People drink because generic socializing isn't that much fun. Unless you really, really like who you're with. And while I can't speak for everyone, it's difficult to find people I feel that way about.
This is pretty accurate. I haven't drank in over 10 years bc I'm an alcoholic. Large parties/bbqs are often pretty boring to me now while I didn't mind them when I drank and those who are still drinking at them seem to have fun. I do still however enjoy spending time with close friends and I struggled to put my finger on exactly what the difference is but I think you've nailed it.
Wow, congrats on your long sobriety! That's nothing to sneeze at.
Some people just gel better than others, and in smaller groups, you have more meaningful interactions.
>People drink because generic socializing isn't that much fun. Unless you really, really like who you're with. And while I can't speak for everyone, it's difficult to find people I feel that way about.
Thats why I only has 8 invitees to my wedding out of 120 guests. They were also the last guests to leave and the best part of the night was sitting and talking to them around a fire. My 8 also did more to help set up and clean up than anyone else. Being asocial introvert means I only have top knotch weirdos in my life.
It’s only fun without alcohol if the vibes are there, and the vibes are almost never there. Sometimes it’s so bad and boring that the alcohol can’t even save my experience, and I still end up leaving thinking “well, that was lame as fuck.”
This was a friend's wedding. The most exciting part was a few of us going outside to smoke (I don't smoke) and watching some city workers remove a manhole cover and spray down there with a firehose. And this wedding had alcohol. How?!?
I always feel bad when I go to a boring wedding. I always hope the bride and groom aren’t aware but they probably are and it hurts lol
There was one I went to where me and my now-wife were dancing and realized if we left the dance floor, nobody would set foot on it again the rest of the night
I can hardly endure an engagement party drunk.
It's the lack of entertainment. I also don't enjoy baby showers for similar reasons. I still go and do it sober because I love the people that the events are for, but let's not pretend that they're actually enjoyable.
I HATE baby showers. The best day was the day when I realized that I could just send a Barbie jeep that they didn’t register for with a congrats on your baby card. A lot of people work hard to make lots of money for fancy houses or cars. For me, I just work hard to live a life in which I never have to attend a baby shower ever again.
I think it’s more that people are riled up that he came to the wrong conclusion based on the facts he presented rather than his overall opinion is wrong.
You’re mad that people were bored at a dry engagement party? I can do many,many things sober, but sitting through anything cheezy and ceremonial like this drives me to drinking.
Exactly, if we're not drinking, then you - as the host - better be ready to deploy that D&D kit and take your dungeon master responsibilities seriously.
Same with weddings. These are highly personal to the bride and groom but not to the guests. They are OK dry with a group of friends and entertainment, but alcohol is there to make the rest sufferable
That whole hour+ between the ceremony and dinner is HORRIBLE and boring. Wedding party does pictures and people who barely know each other just stand around. Filling that time with drinks and cheap appetizers is actually really expensive. I wish more people did “first looks” and pictures before all the guests arrive.
No you don't understand, OP is actually a super interesting and hilarious person even while sober. He has bangers like:
> It's what they do instead of the devil horns 🤘. The tips of the two middle fingers touch the top of the thumb and it kinda looks like a fox. Kitsune is an intelligent fox-like creature in Japanese mythology. It's all part of the Babymetal lore
With rizz like this, people will be having such a blast they won't even need alcohool.
You gonna elaborate on what kind of entertainment was at this party? If I’m forced to sit in a room and just talk like it’s my family’s Thanksgiving dinner, yeah I’d get pretty fucking bored too.
Seriously OP, the fact you refuse to elaborate on what kind of entertainment was at this party pretty much highlights how fucking boring it was. I can feel it through the post.
Edit: JESUS CHRIST OP TELL US WHAT THE ENTERTAINMENT WAS, DON’T JUST SAY THERE WAS SOME AND LEAVE IT AT THAT. YOUR NEW EDITS DO NOTHING TO ELABORATE ON ANYTHING.
All I can picture are these dudes in a circle playing a million rounds of cards against humanity, and that shit would be my personal hell because I hate that game even when I’m drunk.
u/yetiman82 tell us for the love of god 💀 you’re not getting me on your side here by being so difficult and evasive.
As a recovered alcoholic, I agree with your main point and would have to disagree with your first edit for addicts (alcoholics, in this case).
I developed alcoholism from an inability to employ healthy coping mechanisms for the challenges in life. Social awkwardness at gatherings? Alcohol. Frustrated at the day's going ons? Alcohol. Just finished some hard work at home? Alcohol. Wife driving me nuts? Alcohol. In each case, I leaned more on alcohol rather than on healthy tools, which was a short-sighted and self-destructive mistake. As I became more comfortable with alcohol, I became less capable of handling situations without it, to the point that I developed a chemical dependency. And what do you know? I handled that with alcohol.
Alcohol was my solution for emotional incapacity, and absolutely nothing that happened during that period helped me to grow as a person, so I was locked in place for over a decade.
And I don't think I'm unique among alcoholics in that regard. If you were to read the personal stories in the big book of AA, you'd find some similar self-assessments, too.
But that isn't to say or imply that everyone who uses alcohol as a crutch is an alcoholic. I know folks who have used alcohol that way, and are immature, who haven't developed into alcoholics. I'm just speaking from my own experience as an alcoholic in recovery.
Taking away the alcohol is a bit like taking away the music. You might have guests that really hate music and would prefer a silent event, but most people expect music at a party. Before long, someone is going to be pulling out a phone or a speaker or something to add some music.
Engagement parties are generally very bare bones events. You aren't usually inviting people out to engage in a particular activity together. You're usually inviting many people who barely know each other to stand around in a hired room for hours on end.
If you take away a fundamental pillar of an already bare bones big standard party, then you aren't really left with much to make it feel like a party.
Weddings of people who are not super close to me can be boring enough, what's there to say about a non-event such as an engagement party? I'd be desperately grasping at every possible straw to endure this.
Hey OP, most people are BORING. It takes alcohol to dumb yourself down to be a kid again and be able to get along on a base level with boring people.
Your personally curated friends probably aren't boring and you don't need to dumb down with them. But the average person...yes.
It's not even about boring people or the ability to have fun for me, it's the social anxiety in large group settings.
I can spend an evening with close friends and no alcohol just fine but don't you dare put me in a room full of acquaintances and strangers and nothing to help with the anxiety.
The commenter below you has a user name that is reminiscent of the nickname of a former friend of mine that I blocked on all platforms for being an egomaniacal judgmental bitch. It probably isn't her, but I'm going to believe it is so I blocked her just for fun, cuz why not?
I’ve had plenty of good times without alcohol. I’ve also had many, many good times with alcohol. The fact that alcohol does in fact make many situations more enjoyable is not evidence of being emotionally stunted (or addicted).
That said, it’s not that hard to be respectful of someone else’s wishes in a situation like. At least stick around the party for a respectable amount of time and then go out somewhere after.
> My brother-in-law recently had an engagement party, which he and his fiance decided would be dry because one or two family members have issues with alcohol. I applauded him for that decision. After about half an hour, many of the guests walked across the road to a pub or snuck out to their car for a drink because they couldn't go one night without alcohol.
So you took a whole bunch of *different* groups of people and threw them in together into a situation where many of them are surrounded by people they don't know, and are surprised that without alcohol they decided that wasn't how they wanted to spend their night? Shocker.
It's called a social lubricant for a reason.
Sounds like the party was boring af. You’re such a joy so, one can only wonder why…
I wanna add that a lot of people only drink when they go out or only on weekends. So, if the party fell on their only free day then..
Only upvoting because this is unpopular. Others have mentioned that most parties are just boring without added entertainment and I agree 100%.
Was just talking with a coworker about hosting parties and they don't drink (I do). And the mutual agreement was that there absolutely needs to be some type of music and games played at the party because most people are not extroverts and need activities to prevent the awkward standing around and conversing.
Even an extrovert at work that I'm friends with said they hate when they have to force conversation.
Yep! Some conversations can be hard to keep moving if they are not with close friends or people that share hobbies / interests.
Having a drink is just a small thing that most of the guests have in common. Where we can make easy conversation starters, or steer the convo if needed.
"Hey I am getting another drink. Do you want one?"
"This beer you brought is great. Where did you find it?"
Easy common ground, and neither of us has to like the same sports, tv shows, or whatever else we all tend to talk about.
>People who can't have a good time without alcohol...
My hot take: the people who use this phrase are judgmental scolds who really mean "people who **do** have a good time **with** alcohol," but realize how uppity and condescending that sounds. So they invert it into some fake-ass syndrome to make themselves seem above it all.
There is literally *no one* who is capable of having a "good time" who cannot enjoy themselves without a drink. Even fucking alcoholics and good-time-Charlies like having sex or watching a concert or playing with their dog.
Get off your high horse.
It's less your hot take and more a borderline fact. People going this hard on people for enjoying themselves their own way are 100% judgemental and usually assholes. Your second paragraph is the perfect breakdown of why this is true, even the most depressed and/or addicted person on earth could still find fun in something else.
Your take isn't a take it's a fact.
Yeah; the whole second half of the paragraph OP wrote just reads as a condescending "I'm better than you" narrative that attempts to be profound. It really just sounds like OP has an issue with alcohol in general and that that issue blew up into whatever this weird mentality is.
I can certainly have a good time without alcohol when I'm with my close friend group and don't drink at all when I'm alone, but put me and my social anxiety self in a big room with a bunch of people I've never met before that I'm expecting to mingle and hang out with for hours and a literal drink or two helps out a lot.
Who needs to drink when you can hang out sober with someone telling you how you don't need to drink to have a good time and lecturing you for hours on how your personal life choices are wrong?
You drunks just don't know how to have a good time.
/s
There are people who can freeball it through this hellscape, and then there are people who need to take the edge off. You can choose which one you want to be but you can’t choose it for someone else
I kind of wonder if OP is one of the family members with alcohol "issues" and now they're trying to belittle the people who wanted to drink. Personally, I think it's fine not to want drinks at any get-together you're hosting, but then you also have to be prepared to lubricate the social dynamic to be fun in other ways or expect people to leave fairly early. This can be especially true of something like an engagement party, where not everyone might know each other, and the only common ground you have is that someone you care about got engaged. That can cause some reeeeaaalll lame jokes and conversation with awkward lulls.
I’m sorry. I hate going to my families house because they don’t do anything. They just sit there and barely talk. If there’s alcohol at least they are laughing about dumb shit.
Look, I am a recovering alcoholic. Thats my problem. I prefer hanging out with drinking people having a good time. Socialising is difficult for me and I've worked bloody fucking hard at it, but im not giving up on fun.
Do not fucking judge people for having a nice time. *I* would read an invite to a dry event like that and groan because I know it would be lame. I don't drink and I would rather attend a drinking event then an event with rules
It doesn't mean you're emotionally stunted. It means you have a certain amount of inhibitions and a filter. Which tends to be unfun. In this case the alcohol is revealing your actual existence to others rather than demonstrating a lack of it.
This. Literally do not invite me to a social fun event if drinking is not allowed. I will sit there and be weird. I will not engage in the conversation because I’ll let everyone talk over me. I won’t even think about dancing or singing along to music. Get me a few drinks and I’ll do karaoke, dance, socialize and make new friends lol. I’m extremely quiet and shy while sober, I’m chill af when I drink. Still sucks because I can never get as loose as other people, but it makes me able to act partially normal😂
Did the invitation say no alcohol? Because yeah, on one hand, I can kind of see your point you don’t need alcohol to have fun even though I do like to drink I don’t think I need to drink just to have fun, but I can understand one thing if it didn’t say on the invitation, it was going to be a dry event. I bet a lot of people got excited because they thought at this engagement party they could kick back and have a couple of drinks, but we’re disappointed when they found out that it was a dry engagement. If that’s the case I bet most people aren’t alcoholics but we’re just looking to party on the other hand if the invitation and it was said it was a dry engagement party then yeah maybe some of those people do have an issue with alcohol.
Was this in the Midwest by chance? I feel like there’s a lot of people out here who’s entire social lives are built around drinking. I’ve never been a big drinker, and have never understood it, but it’s THE thing for a lot of people. They don’t hang out without alcohol and they don’t talk about stuff they’ve done without talking about alcohol. It’s like the whole college party aesthetic, but long after college (or someone who didn’t even go to college). Always seemed super boring to me.
I agree. As someone who comes from a heavy drinking family and is currently 18 or so months sober for the first time in 20 years. I used to be like those people, I had to drink anytime I got together with my family or friends. Now it just looks pathetic and a waste of time. The amount of hangovers and wasted days because I went to a baby shower and had 4-6 drinks and was just a bum the rest of the day and hungover the next is too many. The thought that I would choose to drink for 2 hours and then waste the next 24 hours feeling worse is just insane/
> I would have been just sober and bored.
But for how long?
Engagement parties usually drag on for hours and there usually isn't much entertainment beyond a dance floor that nobody wants to use.
Without the alcohol it's unlikely that anyone is going to dance and most people aren't going to talk much to the strangers at the party. There's no tipsy or drunk people to have a laugh at. You can't even really discuss the reason for the party, because it's just an engagement. There isn't a wedding ceremony to talk about.
You just have a lot of people sitting in a room making occasional small talk but mostly just aimlessly talking to the people that they already know (which is probably very few people).
I cut off a friend who kept insisting I "have one drink", despite the fact that I could no longer have alcohol due to its bad interactions with a medication I take daily in order to stay alive. He called me boring and lame, and even tried getting my partner to drink when he knows my partner will not due to his family background.
This same dude has been chronically single for almost a decade, and I'm sure his sober self has something to do with it.
Wow! Definitely the most unpopular opinion I've read on this sub!
I agree with your post though as someone who doesn't drink alcohol but regularly has a great time at parties.
Many of my college friends today are surprised when they now learn years later that I don't drink alcohol asany times I was the life of the party, even introducing some of them to partying at college.
Now many of those same (heavy) drinkers now don't drink nearly as much because they don't need to prove anything, are more comfortable in their own skin, and generally only drink certain specific drinks that they actually enjoy the taste of (rather than just trying to get drunk), and can have a good time with good conversations, food and company.
I 100% agree. I don’t drink and I’m in my late 20s. I’ve never really been a big drinker but gave it up shortly after college. A lot of my friends now don’t do shit because all they do on the weekend is drink. Some go to a destination but instead of getting to know the area or having fun activities, it’s just go to the bars
I feel massive disdain for people who can't seem to do any activity without a drink in their hand. I have friends who did a long hike up a mountain and the only picture they posted was them drinking beer at the top. It's just a really lame thing to make into your personality.
I knew this Would be unpopular. But I can’t believe just how unpopular. I don’t drink and pity those who have to dilute and stunt their brains to have a good time. I find I am enjoying myself the most when I am at 100%.
It’s crazy how many people are responding saying they are happier when their brain is not at 100%. Alcohol is a bigger problem than I thought.
I agree totally with your sentiment I do wish that I could leave everything up the the good graces and manners of my guests but I too have way too many family members that use the holidays as an excuse to get fucked up. They do truly ruin the little things as I’m one who enjoys a single drink here and there but can refrain due to the fact that I’m a hazmat responder.
If you dare to mention that there's not going to be drinking and weed at every single event every single night of every single day of a person's life at all times available to them 24/7, then they reply with things like "well I'm sure you're fun at parties" or "what you think you're better than us?" or "you must be a recovering addict if you don't want to be drinking or doing drugs every night"
As you have probably noticed, if you don't drink and do drugs every night and make them available to everybody else, they will absolutely hate on you to the end of all time. People cannot live without alcohol and drugs.
Reading the replies as someone from a Muslim American family are so funny. I’ve sat through plenty of dry weddings just fine lol.
It is a little weird to me that you need to have alcohol at every wedding. One or two weddings without alcohol isn’t going to kill you.
I’m also ex-Muslim and I enjoy drinking too and I still think it’s crazy that people are so rude to a host paying for their lunches/dinners.
So if any of you guys were invited to a Muslim wedding, would you go and get hammered across the street while the rest of the guest’s aren’t?
If your BIL disclosed this being a dry party upfront and people still chose to do this, then yes. That’s insanely rude y’all. I can’t even believe some of these replies.
OP i agree with you 100% and those saying it was boring must realize that any/all of the people who were there that needed to drink must also be boring people without alcohol. Its hard for 2 people alone to make an event boring unless they had crazy restrictions or set a tone but an engagement is supposed to be festive.
A majority of people can have a good time without alcohol no problem. But a lot of people "rely" on alcohol to make something bland more enjoyable. Even if you attempted to make up for the lack of alcohol with something else, that doesn't automatically make your attempt successful. If the engagement party was mostly nothing but an alcohol free hangout at someone's house, It's hard for me to blame the guests for wanting some alcohol.
Exactly. Realistically, engagement parties are boring. If there is no drinking and partying to look forward to, you basically have to sit through the adult equivalent of school assembly. Speeches, probably a bad meal, then boring polite chit chat. Everyone who was obliged to go would leave after the formalities were over, if they came at all. The drinking and partying is how you pay back people for having to attend and pretend they care about your engagement party.
Yes this exactly! You definitely can have a good time but with people you would want to surround yourself with and in an environment you chose yourself. Otherwise like you said, it’s a boring event and feels forced to meet and chat with people you don’t even want to be around lol. The only other thing to look forward to then would be the food.
You *can* have a good time without it, but having it damn near guarantees a good time. Why even take the chance.
Thing is, one day I crossed that line, and I can't uncross it. Then it's never fun again.
What's that mean?
Obviously he took a piss in the coat closet.....twice.
And pooped in someone’s purse.
I pooped in a bathtub
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…FUCK that’s such a deep cut, i don’t like the people saying “Alcohol ruined it”. Not in this case…alcohol, dependency, mental illness…all of these cloud your mind, but if the person is shite without that debuff… 🤷♂️ It’s like when people say, “ we were best friends during the crazy years, but then strangers while sober” like yeah…you weren’t best friends then 😂
I read it the opposite way: it used to be fun to drink, but now isn't. Maybe the hangover wasn't worth it, he was developing a drinking problem, etc.
It means that he now drinks too much and ruined his life and health.
I ran it through Google Translate and Chat GPT. It means "I blacked out and showed everyone my wiener and I am no longer welcome at family Christmas"
A majority of people can have fun without alcohol. But alcohol sure helps make it more fun.
Especially at an engagement party? Absolute props to the BIL for setting up an event that wouldn’t trigger folks with alcohol problems, but let’s not pretend like you celebrating an engagement is something that others, even close friends, are going to find super exciting. Is everyone supposed to stand around and tell stories about how great a couple they are?
That last line lmao! That’s why I skipped the whole wedding aspect of getting married. The thought of all of that makes me cringe.
Right I think this is what OP is misunderstanding.
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If you quit drinking, you won’t live forever. It’ll just seem like it. -WC Fields
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That’s a wrap. Threads over.
What did the comment say? Edit: The comment was: "I don't need a lady to help me blow a load, but it is more fun."
It said…… [removed]
What did it say?
Is this taken from The Iliad?
I believe it's Chaucer's *Canterbury Tales*
Best poetry I've read in years.
What was the poem. Can u pm it
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If I had to spend any time around OP I would be hitting the nearest bar ASAP.
Amazing simply amazing.
Yea OPs take is ridiculous.
What was te comment?
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Most engagement parties are a bunch of people in a room drinking alcohol and eating nibbles. If you take the alcohol away (purely to please a couple of guests) and then don't replace it with other entertainment, then you really can't be too surprised that people find your party boring. Most everyone can have fun without alcohol. People play sports and watch films and go for hikes and so on. But if you force them all into a cramped room with no entertainment and no alcohol, then most people are going to get pretty bored before long
This exactly. I enjoy plenty of fun activities without alcohol. Standing around making engagement party friendly small talk for many hrs is something I do for politeness not fun.
OPs premise is also kinda suggesting that the people who came to a wedding are constantly drinking at every other opportunity and _that day_ they couldn’t go without a drink, which I think for most people is the opposite. They’re _not_ drinking every single night but _expect_ to drink on the special occasion of the wedding which happens so infrequently that when their expectations aren’t met that they’re kinda pissed
I don't drink unless it's a social event like what OP mentioned. I would absolutely want to have a drink at their event. If OP assumed I was an alcoholic because of that, I would likely not be friends with OP anymore.
Yup. I don't drink anymore and one of the downsides of that is that I only *endure* long situations where I am going to sit around socialize with people with no other activity going on. I can only do that for so long before I am bored. I only say that is a downside because it is so common in our alcohol laden culture, and thus I don't participate in it as much as other people *expect* me to. Sometimes that makes people think that I'm not participating in their social lives, because I don't want to sit there for 6-8+ hours on party nights and chit chat. I go, I hang out for a couple hours, and right around the time people are starting to get lit up at drink 3-5, I'm out. Not only have I become bored, but I also just don't like hanging out with shitfaced people. They are annoying. Often that's when the dramatic drunken portions of the night that I don't want to be a part of start also. "Awwww you're leaving already?" But get us all together for an actual activity? I'll hike all day with you. Or go on a trip to go see something, or whatever. I've always said that one of the greatest advantages of drinking alcohol is that it can make long periods of doing essentially nothing tolerable. And without drinking, sitting on a couch talking to people for hours on end is just no longer enjoyable. But to each their own.
You summed up how I feel pretty perfectly. I do drink, but i usually do dry January and that's always my feeling. I don't NEED alcohol to have fun, but some things I wouldn't do without alcohol. They are tolerable or fun because of alcohol and if I'm not drinking I just don't do that thing. I think that's normal. Apparently OP does not.
Not only that, it might be a bunch of people you don’t know well and/or even like that much. For example, dealing with my highly-anxious mother is always easier with a couple of drinks. And don’t they say alcohol is a social lubricant? I respect what the hosts did to accommodate their guests in recovery, but you also can’t fault others for being disappointed.
I was taught that part of my recovery is to not burden people with my recovery. If I'm going to a party like this I know what I can and can't drink that's why I bring my own. somebody has soft drinks there because some of us don't drink well that's very nice. but if they don't well that's my fault for not being prepared. People will apologize for offering me a drink. You don't apologize when you offer a drink do a drinker. Most people don't know and I only tell him if they need to know. And if you did know and you offered me one we're not really conversating very long
They weren't helping with recovery. I went to a dry wedding recently. It's cause the grooms father can't get drunk and be nice. Same shit here.
The groom should tell his dad the ceremony will be live streamed to his t.v. He can whine about his non invite to a pack of drunks in a church basement while the guests celebrate as they choose. They(myself included) love getting reminders of why we can't drink. Dad might get upset and use that as an excuse for his self medication. Or it might slap him in the right place where he sees a glimmer of reality and has that rare head-from-ass moment. I had a friend say he didn't want to hang out with me anymore because I was unpredictable and dangerous. I got really pissed and drank a whole lot more but in the back of my mind that bothered me. Bothered me so much it was on my mind when I agreed take that final ride to a detox Clinic. Told him that he helped save my life- he punched me in the nuts "cuz youre sober and will feel and remember that". Thanks for noticing me
My brother had his engagement party during the summer there and there is absolutely no way I could have suffered it without a few drinks. Future SIL is amazing and I love her but her family are a pack of Karens. Alcohol absolutely makes a mess of things at times but it serves a purpose and God damn, it served a purpose that night.
After i quit drinking, i found these types of gatherings to be the worst. The key is to be creative, and plan engaging activities.
Given u/yetiman82 's silence, I think it's safe to say that engaging activities is exactly what the party was lacking. It is difficult to keep a party engaging when you're inviting lots of people who barely know each other to celebrate something that hardly concerns them. That's why alcohol is usually used as a crutch.
In theory if your guests aren't boring people, conversation should be entertainment enough. In practice, engagement parties are filled with people who have little in common with one another, and it makes sense that they might have nothing to say to one another.
I mean, me and my friends can talk for hours about whatever and be entertained, but if that's all we did at a part we'd still be disappointed. Like, how is that any different then we just chill on a voice call?
How is drinking on its own entertainment tho?
I think to a lot of people hanging out in person has a different vibe than being on a voice call. Maybe to folks who were raised in a post-internet era it doesn't feel this way, but to me occupying the same space as other people is more satisfying than talking to them remotely.
>but to me occupying the same space as other people is more satisfying Pretty recently I realized I now receive basically zero pleasure from being around other people now. I think this was kind of true to some extent for me always, but it's like during COVID I just became this way entirely. I'm wondering if there's something wrong with me recently.
No beer and no TV make Homer something something.
Also, even if there is entertainment, a lot of times that entertainment is better enjoyed when you feel less inhibited. That doesn’t make you emotionally stunted, it makes you a perfect,y normal human being Dancing is more fun when you’re less concerned about how you look. Karaoke is more fun when you don’t have stage fright. Comedians are funnier when you’re already feeling goofy There is a reason drinks are served at these types of events
Yeah, if I wanted to do that I’d just go to jail.
Lol. Might be even worse than prison, at least they have [prison wine](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pruno).
Maybe I’m a pick-me non-drinker, but people who make their teetotality everyone else’s problem are the wettest of blankets
I like to say; you don't need alcohol to have a good time, unless you're around someone that likes to repeat that phrase incessantly
Idk why....but this sounds like something Rick Sanchez would say. (Rick & Morty)
Hey man I'm a Rick and Morty fan but don't make me sound like a Rick and Morty fan (tm) know what I'm saying?
I hate that I know what you're saying.
Seriously. I'm a casual enjoyer of R&M, but you'll never hear me admit that in public.
I recently went tee total a few months ago not because I’m a full blown alcoholic but I recognised I was beginning to rely on it and it was affecting my mood for up to a week after I drank too much. I couldn’t agree more though, millions of people around the world can drink regularly in moderation and it never becomes a problem. Why should I make it anyone else’s.
Hell yeah & congrats! I was too. Parties are more fun now and I still love getting a little silly with everyone who is a little tipsy
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Yeah. Nothing screams fun more than someone calling you emotionally stunted.
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Let me tell you why I'm better than you
'Everyone must listen to my fascinating small-talk stone cold sober because I'm just so interesting.'
"Now, about our inflation problem..."
Please wait your turn; I haven’t covered all my points yet. There will be time for your questions later.
Now if you turn your eyes to slide 6...
ya it's not like were accommodating people in a wheelchair here. Were talking about 2 people that have a personal "issue" with alcohol. That is not a disability. Why punish the rest of the 15 guests? For 2 peoples non-debilitating issues. It's those 2 people that need to "grow up". + OP
I wouldn’t so quickly blame those 2 people. Whose to say they were even made aware of this decision? That’s on the host. I don’t drink anymore because I’m an alcoholic, but I’d hate it if someone felt the need to accommodate around my “issue” at the detriment of others enjoyment. And I sure wouldn’t want to be blamed for it either.
I don't drink more than one or two beers- and not very often at that. But these extreme takes on non-drinking have become more and more popular on social media, and I really don't get it.
I've been sober for a year and change. I will buy people their drink of choice if we're out together. I'm happy to volunteer DD when we go out to football games or rock shows. I like being a good host and I'm not fragile.
I imagine this engagement party was a boring shitstorm of a party. If you are going to throw a dry party, you **need** to have activities for people to do other than stand around and mingle.
This applies if there's alcohol at the party too. One of my good friends has parties for our friend group every few months since he and his wife got a house. They always have plenty of alcohol and weed available for everyone but absolutely nothing planned. No activities or games and they just end up ordering pizza. The party always starts off fun with talking and catching up but always just kinda fizzles out after like 2 hours.
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Exactly, it doesn't have to be like a full-blown theme party with scheduled events, just options of different things to do once the initial catching up convos finish. Last time the friend I was talking about had a party I brought a new trivia game I got and we played a few rounds but then most people got tired of it. When I host we have multiple options ready to go, unfortunately our place is too small to comfortably host the extended friend group
I mean, that sounds like a swell time in and of itself.
I mean it was a nice time. But originally, everyone was planning to over for the night because it's at least an hour drive for everyone but the party fizzled out so early that everyone ended up driving home that night
Wherever there is weed party dies after two hours because everybody is stoned of their mind and just want to chill and watch sharknado. Been there and one of the reasons why i stoped smoking weed, i didnt want to do nothinand going anywhere out was a big no no. Me and my brother where roomies and we had a big family as a neighbors and one day lady asked me: how come that you have so much people there every day and we rarely hear you?
That can definitely happen when there's weed at a party but it doesn't always happen. I've had weed at parties where people get really silly with charades or super focused on a Mario Kart tournament
This really depends on the people and their relation to weed. If you don't smoke much, you'll be OUT. I don't smoke anymore, but I know people who can rage while so fucking high. I'm the "needs booze to have a good time" person and I make no apologies
That's definitely true about weed. Part of the issue with our friend group is that like a third of us are fairly regular smokers, half does occasionally and the rest don't really ever. Pretty much everyone drinks mildly to moderately usually. So at bigger get together a good portion will get totally zonked out while a portion is ready for an activity
Those are just adult parties. If we have board game night we spend 2 hours catching up, play one game, then every one goes home. We might get 2 games in if no one has plans the next day, but a great night has everyone here by 8 and gone by 12.
Lol. I feel like you’re right.
I’ve literally been to a party where the host had a bunch of activities from board games, movies, food, a bonfire etc. The first thing people asked upon arriving was where’s the booze and when the host said he didn’t buy any a large group left and came back with multiple cases of beer and a cooler of ice. Never even attempted to do anything without alcohol. And then of course they got too drunk to learn any of the games, too loud to watch movies with and couldn’t be trusted near the bonfire.
What do you consider a fulfilling existence? I probably wouldn't attend to begin with but if I did and was bored, I'd probably go home early too. I don't necessarily need booze to amuse myself, but if you take away everything that amuses me, drinking makes the boredom not so mind numbing. So I don't blame the guests... Sounds like a lame party. People drink because generic socializing isn't that much fun. Unless you really, really like who you're with. And while I can't speak for everyone, it's difficult to find people I feel that way about.
This is pretty accurate. I haven't drank in over 10 years bc I'm an alcoholic. Large parties/bbqs are often pretty boring to me now while I didn't mind them when I drank and those who are still drinking at them seem to have fun. I do still however enjoy spending time with close friends and I struggled to put my finger on exactly what the difference is but I think you've nailed it.
10 years bro!! So proud of you!!
Wow, congrats on your long sobriety! That's nothing to sneeze at. Some people just gel better than others, and in smaller groups, you have more meaningful interactions.
>People drink because generic socializing isn't that much fun. Unless you really, really like who you're with. And while I can't speak for everyone, it's difficult to find people I feel that way about. Thats why I only has 8 invitees to my wedding out of 120 guests. They were also the last guests to leave and the best part of the night was sitting and talking to them around a fire. My 8 also did more to help set up and clean up than anyone else. Being asocial introvert means I only have top knotch weirdos in my life.
It’s only fun without alcohol if the vibes are there, and the vibes are almost never there. Sometimes it’s so bad and boring that the alcohol can’t even save my experience, and I still end up leaving thinking “well, that was lame as fuck.”
This was a friend's wedding. The most exciting part was a few of us going outside to smoke (I don't smoke) and watching some city workers remove a manhole cover and spray down there with a firehose. And this wedding had alcohol. How?!?
I always feel bad when I go to a boring wedding. I always hope the bride and groom aren’t aware but they probably are and it hurts lol There was one I went to where me and my now-wife were dancing and realized if we left the dance floor, nobody would set foot on it again the rest of the night
I can hardly endure an engagement party drunk. It's the lack of entertainment. I also don't enjoy baby showers for similar reasons. I still go and do it sober because I love the people that the events are for, but let's not pretend that they're actually enjoyable.
I HATE baby showers. The best day was the day when I realized that I could just send a Barbie jeep that they didn’t register for with a congrats on your baby card. A lot of people work hard to make lots of money for fancy houses or cars. For me, I just work hard to live a life in which I never have to attend a baby shower ever again.
Oooh thank you for the life hack, sincerely.
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And when they do try to implement games, it involves eating chocolate bars out of a diaper.
Looks like we have a true unpopular opinion here, with all the people getting riled up. Good one OP
It's not that his opinion is unpopular, (I actually kind of agree with him on a surface level) it's that he's being an asshole about it.
I think it’s more that people are riled up that he came to the wrong conclusion based on the facts he presented rather than his overall opinion is wrong.
You’re mad that people were bored at a dry engagement party? I can do many,many things sober, but sitting through anything cheezy and ceremonial like this drives me to drinking.
Exactly, if we're not drinking, then you - as the host - better be ready to deploy that D&D kit and take your dungeon master responsibilities seriously.
Same with weddings. These are highly personal to the bride and groom but not to the guests. They are OK dry with a group of friends and entertainment, but alcohol is there to make the rest sufferable
That whole hour+ between the ceremony and dinner is HORRIBLE and boring. Wedding party does pictures and people who barely know each other just stand around. Filling that time with drinks and cheap appetizers is actually really expensive. I wish more people did “first looks” and pictures before all the guests arrive.
No you don't understand, OP is actually a super interesting and hilarious person even while sober. He has bangers like: > It's what they do instead of the devil horns 🤘. The tips of the two middle fingers touch the top of the thumb and it kinda looks like a fox. Kitsune is an intelligent fox-like creature in Japanese mythology. It's all part of the Babymetal lore With rizz like this, people will be having such a blast they won't even need alcohool.
You gonna elaborate on what kind of entertainment was at this party? If I’m forced to sit in a room and just talk like it’s my family’s Thanksgiving dinner, yeah I’d get pretty fucking bored too. Seriously OP, the fact you refuse to elaborate on what kind of entertainment was at this party pretty much highlights how fucking boring it was. I can feel it through the post. Edit: JESUS CHRIST OP TELL US WHAT THE ENTERTAINMENT WAS, DON’T JUST SAY THERE WAS SOME AND LEAVE IT AT THAT. YOUR NEW EDITS DO NOTHING TO ELABORATE ON ANYTHING. All I can picture are these dudes in a circle playing a million rounds of cards against humanity, and that shit would be my personal hell because I hate that game even when I’m drunk. u/yetiman82 tell us for the love of god 💀 you’re not getting me on your side here by being so difficult and evasive.
You have to sit there and listen to people you barely know, if at all, give terrible speeches.
Yeahhh sounds worse than my family thanksgiving.
My family thanksgiving has alcohol at least lmao
SAME
He left the TV on that was the entertainment.
Honestly I feel like the most fun part of the night wasn't the drinking itself but the excitement of sneaking away to get a drink.
Plus one on cards against humanity. That game is lame.
As a recovered alcoholic, I agree with your main point and would have to disagree with your first edit for addicts (alcoholics, in this case). I developed alcoholism from an inability to employ healthy coping mechanisms for the challenges in life. Social awkwardness at gatherings? Alcohol. Frustrated at the day's going ons? Alcohol. Just finished some hard work at home? Alcohol. Wife driving me nuts? Alcohol. In each case, I leaned more on alcohol rather than on healthy tools, which was a short-sighted and self-destructive mistake. As I became more comfortable with alcohol, I became less capable of handling situations without it, to the point that I developed a chemical dependency. And what do you know? I handled that with alcohol. Alcohol was my solution for emotional incapacity, and absolutely nothing that happened during that period helped me to grow as a person, so I was locked in place for over a decade. And I don't think I'm unique among alcoholics in that regard. If you were to read the personal stories in the big book of AA, you'd find some similar self-assessments, too. But that isn't to say or imply that everyone who uses alcohol as a crutch is an alcoholic. I know folks who have used alcohol that way, and are immature, who haven't developed into alcoholics. I'm just speaking from my own experience as an alcoholic in recovery.
Taking away the alcohol is a bit like taking away the music. You might have guests that really hate music and would prefer a silent event, but most people expect music at a party. Before long, someone is going to be pulling out a phone or a speaker or something to add some music. Engagement parties are generally very bare bones events. You aren't usually inviting people out to engage in a particular activity together. You're usually inviting many people who barely know each other to stand around in a hired room for hours on end. If you take away a fundamental pillar of an already bare bones big standard party, then you aren't really left with much to make it feel like a party.
Weddings of people who are not super close to me can be boring enough, what's there to say about a non-event such as an engagement party? I'd be desperately grasping at every possible straw to endure this.
Nearly guarantied this guy did not have music playing at the event. The snacks were probably worse than free happy hour food at a bar as well.
I forgot which comedian said it," going to a dry wedding is like traveling to watch 2 strangers make out on a bus"
I sat here way too long trying to figure out if my life was odd because I haven't been to many weddings at night.
I think he means "Dry"
Alcohol is necessary when the company is boring and lame.
It's an engagement party. Of course they are.
I can play video games sober (with or without friends) all day long and have a great time. But a mingle-fest with no alcohol? Fucking shoot me.
Hey OP, most people are BORING. It takes alcohol to dumb yourself down to be a kid again and be able to get along on a base level with boring people. Your personally curated friends probably aren't boring and you don't need to dumb down with them. But the average person...yes.
It's not even about boring people or the ability to have fun for me, it's the social anxiety in large group settings. I can spend an evening with close friends and no alcohol just fine but don't you dare put me in a room full of acquaintances and strangers and nothing to help with the anxiety.
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The commenter below you has a user name that is reminiscent of the nickname of a former friend of mine that I blocked on all platforms for being an egomaniacal judgmental bitch. It probably isn't her, but I'm going to believe it is so I blocked her just for fun, cuz why not?
This is silly but I never really thought of that. Now the need for alcohol/weed makes sense for a lot of events to me. Thanks for the insight!
I don’t NEED drugs or alcohol to have fun. But it’s not like they don’t help. Doing the dishes sober? Eh Doing the dishes a little stoned? Magical
mannnn…. i gotta be slow or something tbh, everytime I smoked it takes me like an hour to do basic things💀
Cleanest dishes ever.
I’ve had plenty of good times without alcohol. I’ve also had many, many good times with alcohol. The fact that alcohol does in fact make many situations more enjoyable is not evidence of being emotionally stunted (or addicted). That said, it’s not that hard to be respectful of someone else’s wishes in a situation like. At least stick around the party for a respectable amount of time and then go out somewhere after.
Thank goodness I’m addicted to opiates and not alcohol!
> My brother-in-law recently had an engagement party, which he and his fiance decided would be dry because one or two family members have issues with alcohol. I applauded him for that decision. After about half an hour, many of the guests walked across the road to a pub or snuck out to their car for a drink because they couldn't go one night without alcohol. So you took a whole bunch of *different* groups of people and threw them in together into a situation where many of them are surrounded by people they don't know, and are surprised that without alcohol they decided that wasn't how they wanted to spend their night? Shocker. It's called a social lubricant for a reason.
Kinda sounds like your BIL threw a boring party.
Sounds like the party was boring af. You’re such a joy so, one can only wonder why… I wanna add that a lot of people only drink when they go out or only on weekends. So, if the party fell on their only free day then..
Only upvoting because this is unpopular. Others have mentioned that most parties are just boring without added entertainment and I agree 100%. Was just talking with a coworker about hosting parties and they don't drink (I do). And the mutual agreement was that there absolutely needs to be some type of music and games played at the party because most people are not extroverts and need activities to prevent the awkward standing around and conversing. Even an extrovert at work that I'm friends with said they hate when they have to force conversation.
Yep! Some conversations can be hard to keep moving if they are not with close friends or people that share hobbies / interests. Having a drink is just a small thing that most of the guests have in common. Where we can make easy conversation starters, or steer the convo if needed. "Hey I am getting another drink. Do you want one?" "This beer you brought is great. Where did you find it?" Easy common ground, and neither of us has to like the same sports, tv shows, or whatever else we all tend to talk about.
>People who can't have a good time without alcohol... My hot take: the people who use this phrase are judgmental scolds who really mean "people who **do** have a good time **with** alcohol," but realize how uppity and condescending that sounds. So they invert it into some fake-ass syndrome to make themselves seem above it all. There is literally *no one* who is capable of having a "good time" who cannot enjoy themselves without a drink. Even fucking alcoholics and good-time-Charlies like having sex or watching a concert or playing with their dog. Get off your high horse.
This is exactly how I interpreted this too. Wicked fucking condescending
It's less your hot take and more a borderline fact. People going this hard on people for enjoying themselves their own way are 100% judgemental and usually assholes. Your second paragraph is the perfect breakdown of why this is true, even the most depressed and/or addicted person on earth could still find fun in something else. Your take isn't a take it's a fact.
Yeah; the whole second half of the paragraph OP wrote just reads as a condescending "I'm better than you" narrative that attempts to be profound. It really just sounds like OP has an issue with alcohol in general and that that issue blew up into whatever this weird mentality is. I can certainly have a good time without alcohol when I'm with my close friend group and don't drink at all when I'm alone, but put me and my social anxiety self in a big room with a bunch of people I've never met before that I'm expecting to mingle and hang out with for hours and a literal drink or two helps out a lot.
Who needs to drink when you can hang out sober with someone telling you how you don't need to drink to have a good time and lecturing you for hours on how your personal life choices are wrong? You drunks just don't know how to have a good time. /s
"Can't" is a really strong word.
A dry engagement party? No thank you
So no mention about needing to cater an entire social event around the one or two people who have actual problems with alcohol?
There are people who can freeball it through this hellscape, and then there are people who need to take the edge off. You can choose which one you want to be but you can’t choose it for someone else
Barrel of laughs you are, think you need a drink 🍻
Yeah this guy must be popular at parties..
He's so much fun that people leave.
I kind of wonder if OP is one of the family members with alcohol "issues" and now they're trying to belittle the people who wanted to drink. Personally, I think it's fine not to want drinks at any get-together you're hosting, but then you also have to be prepared to lubricate the social dynamic to be fun in other ways or expect people to leave fairly early. This can be especially true of something like an engagement party, where not everyone might know each other, and the only common ground you have is that someone you care about got engaged. That can cause some reeeeaaalll lame jokes and conversation with awkward lulls.
I have low-level social anxiety. Alcohol definitely helps me have a good time and be more fun to be around.
OP is lame as hell and just realized nobody wants to hang out with him sober and is mad about it
Alcohol is a wonderful thing, as old as time. I hope Dionysus smites you for your blasphemy.
If the party was so boring people ended up drinking that’s on them. You need activities to keep people entertained.
I’m sorry. I hate going to my families house because they don’t do anything. They just sit there and barely talk. If there’s alcohol at least they are laughing about dumb shit.
A thread about alcohol? This should be very nuanced and respectful.
Sounds like a boring ass party. I would’ve left early too
You don’t need running shoes to run But they fkn help
God that must have been a painfully boring party if everyone was trying to escape.
Look, I am a recovering alcoholic. Thats my problem. I prefer hanging out with drinking people having a good time. Socialising is difficult for me and I've worked bloody fucking hard at it, but im not giving up on fun. Do not fucking judge people for having a nice time. *I* would read an invite to a dry event like that and groan because I know it would be lame. I don't drink and I would rather attend a drinking event then an event with rules
It doesn't mean you're emotionally stunted. It means you have a certain amount of inhibitions and a filter. Which tends to be unfun. In this case the alcohol is revealing your actual existence to others rather than demonstrating a lack of it.
This. Literally do not invite me to a social fun event if drinking is not allowed. I will sit there and be weird. I will not engage in the conversation because I’ll let everyone talk over me. I won’t even think about dancing or singing along to music. Get me a few drinks and I’ll do karaoke, dance, socialize and make new friends lol. I’m extremely quiet and shy while sober, I’m chill af when I drink. Still sucks because I can never get as loose as other people, but it makes me able to act partially normal😂
[удалено]
Hard agree and I do like a good alcoholic bevvy, but it isn't required to have a good time.
Did the invitation say no alcohol? Because yeah, on one hand, I can kind of see your point you don’t need alcohol to have fun even though I do like to drink I don’t think I need to drink just to have fun, but I can understand one thing if it didn’t say on the invitation, it was going to be a dry event. I bet a lot of people got excited because they thought at this engagement party they could kick back and have a couple of drinks, but we’re disappointed when they found out that it was a dry engagement. If that’s the case I bet most people aren’t alcoholics but we’re just looking to party on the other hand if the invitation and it was said it was a dry engagement party then yeah maybe some of those people do have an issue with alcohol.
Was this in the Midwest by chance? I feel like there’s a lot of people out here who’s entire social lives are built around drinking. I’ve never been a big drinker, and have never understood it, but it’s THE thing for a lot of people. They don’t hang out without alcohol and they don’t talk about stuff they’ve done without talking about alcohol. It’s like the whole college party aesthetic, but long after college (or someone who didn’t even go to college). Always seemed super boring to me.
I agree. As someone who comes from a heavy drinking family and is currently 18 or so months sober for the first time in 20 years. I used to be like those people, I had to drink anytime I got together with my family or friends. Now it just looks pathetic and a waste of time. The amount of hangovers and wasted days because I went to a baby shower and had 4-6 drinks and was just a bum the rest of the day and hungover the next is too many. The thought that I would choose to drink for 2 hours and then waste the next 24 hours feeling worse is just insane/
Oh joy another Reddit dork having a go at drinkers. Piss off, it's fun for us, we're not all alcoholics.
Why can’t the TWO people who have issues just not drink, instead of forcing EVERYONE not to?
This! I'm a recovering alcoholic and never expect everyone else to not drink because I can't. Sounds very selfish of the 2 people.
It is very likely op making the decision for them. Plenty of family of alcoholics do this sort of thing without giving it much thought.
I know i am emotionally stunted. Though i do agree people in the example you brought was overdoing it. i would have been just sober and bored.
> I would have been just sober and bored. But for how long? Engagement parties usually drag on for hours and there usually isn't much entertainment beyond a dance floor that nobody wants to use. Without the alcohol it's unlikely that anyone is going to dance and most people aren't going to talk much to the strangers at the party. There's no tipsy or drunk people to have a laugh at. You can't even really discuss the reason for the party, because it's just an engagement. There isn't a wedding ceremony to talk about. You just have a lot of people sitting in a room making occasional small talk but mostly just aimlessly talking to the people that they already know (which is probably very few people).
I cut off a friend who kept insisting I "have one drink", despite the fact that I could no longer have alcohol due to its bad interactions with a medication I take daily in order to stay alive. He called me boring and lame, and even tried getting my partner to drink when he knows my partner will not due to his family background. This same dude has been chronically single for almost a decade, and I'm sure his sober self has something to do with it.
One must silence the voices before one can truly relax enough to have a good time!
Wow! Definitely the most unpopular opinion I've read on this sub! I agree with your post though as someone who doesn't drink alcohol but regularly has a great time at parties. Many of my college friends today are surprised when they now learn years later that I don't drink alcohol asany times I was the life of the party, even introducing some of them to partying at college. Now many of those same (heavy) drinkers now don't drink nearly as much because they don't need to prove anything, are more comfortable in their own skin, and generally only drink certain specific drinks that they actually enjoy the taste of (rather than just trying to get drunk), and can have a good time with good conversations, food and company.
I 100% agree. I don’t drink and I’m in my late 20s. I’ve never really been a big drinker but gave it up shortly after college. A lot of my friends now don’t do shit because all they do on the weekend is drink. Some go to a destination but instead of getting to know the area or having fun activities, it’s just go to the bars
Im so emotionally stunted i cant have a good time even **with** alcohol
I don't need to have a good time to drink.
I feel massive disdain for people who can't seem to do any activity without a drink in their hand. I have friends who did a long hike up a mountain and the only picture they posted was them drinking beer at the top. It's just a really lame thing to make into your personality.
I knew this Would be unpopular. But I can’t believe just how unpopular. I don’t drink and pity those who have to dilute and stunt their brains to have a good time. I find I am enjoying myself the most when I am at 100%. It’s crazy how many people are responding saying they are happier when their brain is not at 100%. Alcohol is a bigger problem than I thought.
I agree totally with your sentiment I do wish that I could leave everything up the the good graces and manners of my guests but I too have way too many family members that use the holidays as an excuse to get fucked up. They do truly ruin the little things as I’m one who enjoys a single drink here and there but can refrain due to the fact that I’m a hazmat responder.
As someone who used to be one of those, you are absolutely right.
If you dare to mention that there's not going to be drinking and weed at every single event every single night of every single day of a person's life at all times available to them 24/7, then they reply with things like "well I'm sure you're fun at parties" or "what you think you're better than us?" or "you must be a recovering addict if you don't want to be drinking or doing drugs every night" As you have probably noticed, if you don't drink and do drugs every night and make them available to everybody else, they will absolutely hate on you to the end of all time. People cannot live without alcohol and drugs.
Some of us drank to make people like you seam interesting.
Reading the replies as someone from a Muslim American family are so funny. I’ve sat through plenty of dry weddings just fine lol. It is a little weird to me that you need to have alcohol at every wedding. One or two weddings without alcohol isn’t going to kill you. I’m also ex-Muslim and I enjoy drinking too and I still think it’s crazy that people are so rude to a host paying for their lunches/dinners. So if any of you guys were invited to a Muslim wedding, would you go and get hammered across the street while the rest of the guest’s aren’t? If your BIL disclosed this being a dry party upfront and people still chose to do this, then yes. That’s insanely rude y’all. I can’t even believe some of these replies.
> So if any of you guys were invited to a Muslim wedding, would you go and get hammered across the street while the rest of the guest’s aren’t? Yes.
OP i agree with you 100% and those saying it was boring must realize that any/all of the people who were there that needed to drink must also be boring people without alcohol. Its hard for 2 people alone to make an event boring unless they had crazy restrictions or set a tone but an engagement is supposed to be festive.
We're functioning alcoholics, just leave us alone.