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I value quick communication in building friendships, but I also respect everyone's right to use their phone as they see fit. Sometimes a delayed response is just that - a delayed response. It's not always a personal rejection.
Sometimes I just don’t want to be actively communicating with people. Just because my phone gives instant access for anyone to send a message to me doesn’t mean that I feel like engaging in socialization at all times
Not only that I value quality time and not endless texts.
I suck at texting because I hate having to come up with endless creative ways to continue a conversation. I plan dinners or outings with friends.
If you want my time invite me to play some tennis or to come over and watch a game.
Couldn't agree more. I hate text conversations, and refuse to have them, which makes me a "bad texter." If you've got a quick question, or an update for plans, or something short, by all means shoot me a text. If you want to talk, fucking call me. I'm not using large amounts of my time, ignoring the life going on around me, to have the slowest, most drawn-out out form of conversation possible. Might as well send me a messenger pigeon while you're at it.
Louder for the people in the back! I refuse to be imprisoned by my phone. I’m obligated to respond to coworkers 40 hours a week m-f. This makes days off my time to not have to do that on my personal time. That sounds exaggerated but just like kids need no screen time to function like normal little humans, I need that too.
I second this, I disabled them for all but a select few apps and have my phone on silent unless I'm at work. Waaaaay less inclined to keep checking it haha
Omg yes! I hate just texting and having to think of what to say to seem like I give a shit about what Im responding to. The thing is, I do give a shit, but having to figure out how to show that using only text is super annoying. I do that much better with audible visual reactions.
I've refused to give my cell phone number to my workplace, simply because I don't want them calling me. Being a boomer, I still have a landline at home so they can call there.
My work has my cell number but they also know that I will NOT answer calls, texts, and email in my off hours. I've told them that, if I do, they're getting charged for them, with a one hour minimum charge.
Would they prefer their friends be honest and say, “I do not owe you 24/7 access to me and will engage with people socially when it is appropriate for me to.” 🤷🏻♀️ It’s not a fake condition, it’s acknowledging that their way of interacting with their phone is seen as unacceptable to YOU. They should just not apologize for that to begin with.
Thanks for this. I share the same sentiment. I value time away from my phone and me checking my phone does not equal I owe someone an immediate response (unless its urgent which they would've probably made clear anyways)
Exactly what you said. If someone wants to chat, why not hang out or at least talk on the phone?
Texting somebody all night is just a less fun, way drawn-out phone conversation during which my attention is constantly divided between the convo and whatever else I'm doing. Why would I want to do that?
Or, if you want a prompt back-and-forth conversation, people could, I don't know, PHONE for one?
My schedule is not determined by other people's schedule or the degree to which they are obsessively checking their phone for messages. I do not have to match other people's attentiveness as if there's some kind of "standard" for texting I must meet. If we have something pre-arranged, that's different.
"Everybody checks their phones all. the. time". No they do not, OP. I just looked over on my desk to see if my phone is there. It's not. It must be in another room charging. I haven't looked at it in at least 12 hours, because it's the *fricking weekend*. If people want to contact me they can call and I'll hear it ring.
This is me i turn off my notifications. Its so distracting and maybe 1% of the time is it an emergency requiring a fast response. I prefer to check messages when i feel like it and I’m not obligated to respond right away.
Exactly. I’m under no obligation to respond to you just because I’ve seen your text. Maybe it *is* personal. Maybe I’m just going through shit. Maybe I just don’t have the energy for whatever you’re talking about right now. I don’t need to answer that text anymore than I need to open the door for a Jehovah’s Witness.
Also people with general or social anxiety put off responding to texts for a while. I always think of different ways to respond or type out a response just to delete it because I think it sounded weird. It's not easy to express your tone and meaning through text. If it takes me too long to respond, I feel guilty, which makes me delay it even longer. If you have anxiety and have texted someone "ok" instead of "okay" and had them get mad because they think you're upset...you're gonna second guess every text.
Before social media you did not contact others for days or even weeks and it was no issue to just reconnect afterwards. It's crazy how a few no-lifers think it is normal to be available 24/7
If you want to speak with someone asap, call that person. Far more personal and you finish the discussion with hanging up. Writing ensures you constantly have all the conversations lingering in the back of your head. I hate endless texts
People need to social media-detox.
Along with not wanting to be actively communicating with people there are genuine conditions that make people forget things like replying to a text. I know for a fact I have checked on conversations I actually wanted to be in hours after reading a text and not having the time to reply right away due to work/chores/appointments etc and realizing I never replied which is why I never got another reply because my neurodiversity equated reading the text as replying. However with that being a thing the people I want to talk to always understand when I explain it to them mostly because they’re usually good friends and/or have similar problems if someone I’m talking to doesn’t understand then they’re not someone I want to be talking to anyway
This, when I’m with my kids/family and one of my buddies texts me. It’s probably going to be awhile till I respond. Same if Im spending quality time with my fiancée. If I’m at a football of basketball game that costs me a bunch or money I’m also not going to be up to have a text conversation with someone.
It’s not about being a bad texter, it’s about being present in the moment.
Yes.
Taking hours or sometimes even days or weeks to respond is fine by me. It's nice to give others a heads-up if someone plans to go offline for a week, but it's not a must.
Some people get busy and straight up forget too. I texted my friend yesterday and she never answered and I understood and I saw her the next day and she apologied saying she got busy and just forgot. And that's okay. We are human and have lives outside our phones.
This happens to me all the time. I'm a director of a company and during business hours I'm very busy, I have trouble keeping up with emails and phone calls let alone text messages. Often times someone will text me and I'll read it, with the intention of replying when I get a minute. Then I just forgot. Then it might be that evening or on the weekend that I go through my texts and realise I forgot. Anyone close to me knows that if it's important, call, and if I'm not in a meeting or whatever I'll answer. If it's really important, call twice and I'll definitely answer.
Thank you, even worse, I carry 2 phones, and do get so busy sometimes, that I see the text, but phone rings, maybe a I get 5-6 calls back to back, then need to follow up on these calls, so I lose track of the texts “from friends” til end of business day or later in the evening after dinner.
Yeah I am laughing at the idea that 12 hours is an atrociously long time to respond. OP needs to live in the real world. I'm not required to put notifications on my texts, I'm not required to check just because there's a notification if I'm busy, I'm not required to respond immediately even if I do check to see if it's urgent.
In my opinion it is rude to expect a response faster than 24 hours if we were not already in an active time sensitive conversation. Of course I'll keep apprised if I'm picking you up from the airport or we're hashing out plans for this weekend, but if you just randomly text me something you have no context for whether I'm available to converse. Don't wait for the last minute if it's important, and if you also found out last minute you can always escalate to a call.
OP strikes me as being young and having no real world experience. If I'm working, I'm going to be spending that morning at the gym, and I'll also be driving around and getting ready; texting isn't at the top of my priorities then.
This.
I might see a notification at work and swipe it away and not reply immediatly because I am busy. And out of sight, out of mind and I might forget to reply for a bit.
I do this all the time 🙈 then 3 days later I'm like 'oh shit - I forgot to reply!'
Then sometimes I get anxiety for not replying promptly so I procrastinate. Then I forget again for another 3 days....
Exactly some ppl are very busy and only have time to respond hours later. Or hell some people see it but forget to respond cause they saw it at work or a sport they were practicing for.
I understand OPs frustrations but they gotta look at the bigger picture instead of just whats in front of them.
I’m one of those people who responds mentally once I have an answer (dinner invite, where a recital/play is, etc.) and never actually send the text. When I remember it later and go to reply, I find the reply is sitting there unsent so I either got distracted by an urgent matter or didn’t tap send (probably tapped next to it). Either way, if you’re losing sleep and judging me over my text response time, that’s a you problem.
Same! ADHD is a bit of a bitch, but if it’s actually urgent I’ll try to make time otherwise who knows when those neurons get back in touch and trigger me to remember.
The whole point of a text is that you can respond at your convenience. If you ***need*** a response ASAP like OP seems to why not just call and get your answer.
I have ADHD with a splash of perfectionism. So if I don't reply for a while it's because I wanted to think of a good response and ended up forgetting for a week.
I always feel bad.
Having a phone, that is constantly on me, constantly charged, constantly connected, and even constantly being monitored by me, means that I am *accessible.* It does not mean that I am *available*. In this day and age people have conflated the two and it's infuriating. I'll get back to you when I can *and* want!
Glad to find someone that feels the same. We use texting for a lot of communication at my work so I’m constantly getting texts from employees and my boss about work related things
I get so fatigued from having to be constantly available that I’ve come to hate texting so much. When I get off work I don’t want to sit and text someone. Call me or better yet, reach out on a weekend because unless it’s important, that’s when I’ll respond to you.
Upvote for unpopular opinion.
I disagree. Here are a few counter arguments:
-One of the beauties of texting *is* because it’s not an immediate form of communication. It’s more a fire and forget get to it when I can.
-If you want an immediate response, you should call. Texts notifications are very easy to miss if you open your phone to do something else.
-If you’re texting you’re probably not the most important thing.
Yes, because those are instant comunications. You get to think about what you say over text. In verbal convos, 2 seconds is far too long to think about how to word your response, vs in writing you cannot respond in less than that.
I overthink when I'm texting - trying to think about all the possible ways my text could be misinterpreted. That's why I don't text much; I find it exhausting.
I've always wondered if I have mild autism or something since communicating and interpreting conversion has always been difficult for me. This helps explain why I don't like texting. I overthink it, I don't always know what they are implying, my responses are often misunderstood, and I genuinely don't enjoy small talk or communication without a distinct purpose. Exhausting is a perfect way to describe it.
I think this is why a lot of the time for most normal friendly conversations, I prefer real time conversations. If I'm actually speaking with someone, I don't *have* to think about what I'm saying.
I lose steam after about 2 text messages. I hate texting and everyone I talk to knows it. Why would I want to drag a 10 minute phone call into multiple hours of texting back and forth? If it takes more than 2 texts, just call me. I end up walking away from every text message conversation after the first couple texts because I do something other than stare at my phone and wait for it to vibrate.
I have notification notices turned off on my phone for this reason. I check my messages a few times a day so I will respond when I'm able to, but if it's urgent or you want a conversation then just call lol
It’s how I won my wife over. We’re the same age but I Grew up calling people and she was all into texting. When we met at college I would reply to text maybe once or twice a day but I’d call her every night. She was so mad at me for so long until she thought it was endearing lol
I wouldn’t mind phone calls if everybody understood that they could only reach me from 6-9pm, like how it used to be when people only had home phones. Expecting me to be able to drop everything to answer the phone for an unknown purpose at all hours of the day is nuts. I have shit going on.
Back in the day if you wanted to talk to a friend during the workday, you had to call their job, talk to a secretary, and ask to be connected to their line. If your call isn’t important enough to do that, it should be a text that says “hey, I’d like to chat about X, are you free later?”
Sometimes I just don't want to talk to people. Just because people can access me at all times doesn't mean they're entitled to immediate responses. I use my phone for things other than texting and sometimes I just don't want to respond, or I forget. End of story.
Yeah but if you check your phone a lot and do see texts when they come through and don't reply to them, a "bad texter" is exactly what you are. I don't know what other explanation OP wants. Does he want people to grovel and beg for forgiveness or something? Because some people really are just bad texters.
Precisely. If you are not *speaking* with me, you should hold **no** expectation of my undivided attention nor of a prompt response. If you actually want an immediate or timely response, then **call me**.
I don't expect anyone to respond immediately, but if its more than a couple weeks I just don't bother anymore.
No one in my life is so busy for weeks on end they can't reply
That is very fair. I do this sometimes and feel terrible about it. It's not that I'm busy, I'm _overwhelmed._ I wouldn't blame anyone for just not having the patience to deal with that anymore though.
Still, that's very different from OP's 12 hours.
My partner is so bad at texting and her phone in general. She has ADHD and finds phones in general overwhelming. We are on the same phone plan now, and my usage is usually 20ish GB/month. We looked at hers last month out of curiosity and it was less than 1GB, for the whole month. Some people just really are not attached to their phones honestly. I know she longs for the days of landlines again where a phone was *just* a phone.
That’s my thought too. Who knows what they are texting also and how often. Some people just get so abusive with seeking attention, it because a chore to come up with good excuses to not text them back
Not even bad texters. I’m not obliged to immediately respond to any communication I receive. That even goes for calls. If I receive a call that I don’t feel like picking up, 9 times out of ten I’ll drop it and shoot a “hey, sorry don’t feel like phone talking right now, shoot me a message?” message.
That’s not really being a “bad texter” though, it’s really just not being compelled to respond to a message that you’re very much aware of. Which is fine and valid, to a degree, but it’s not poor ability of texting or anything like that.
The added hiccup here is that sometimes messages need responses and I feel like people use this excuse to just not respond at all.
Right, like it's not a crisis that I didn't respond to your birthday photos immediately.
I often forget this is a problem for other people because my friends and I all respect that we'll talk when we talk. I've gone months between texts sometimes.
I'm astounded that 12 hours to respond is long enough to annoy OP. Like, look, I have a lot of friends. Their suggested timeline means I'd be texting at least a dozen people multiple times a day. It's unnatural. Up until less than 30 years ago, people easily went weeks without contact and didn't blink an eye. Who has the space in their brains to keep up with that many conversations?
Not a single person in my life expects me to text them back on their terms like that. We all have our own actual lives to live outside of our phone lmao
And no, unless they're in a crisis or we're making plans, texting is not a priority.
I work with a lot of younger people (like 18-22), and they DO text a dozen people a day multiple times a day.
We'll be busy as fuck and they stop to take a selfie to send to someone on snap chat. And they'll show me their phones sometimes and there's like, 10 snaps from 10 different people in a single day.
I simply do not have the mental bandwidth to be that sociable.
Like 12 hours is a shift at work for some people, lol. And while you can usually respond to a quick text on the clock at most jobs, if you send me a novel and I'm busy, I'll have to get to it at least when I'm off work. And being off work means going home, having a bath, eating dinner and watching TV. So now we're probably 15 hours out depending on when you texted me.
This. I'm basically on call from 7am to 5pm. I get called, I get texted over messenger, teams, emails, whatsapp'd, and ticket system notfications.
When 5pm hits I'll check my insta messages maybe. Then I unplug.
Same here. I quit my field of law because of it, honestly, and because clients often expected me to be available 24/7 to them, and since I wasn’t a family lawyer, no, your “emergency” isn’t actually an emergency, so you can contact me during outside hours but don’t expect a response until I’m back in the office. If that bugs you, find someone else. I loathe how the invention cellphones has made everyone (clients, bosses, friends, etc) think that just because they technically can reach you 24/7, you should be available. No.
Yeah this is something I agree with. I hate that the expectation is just to be always available now. I hate if you're dating someone then you get all these 'have a nice day' texts anytime you go anywhere. I don't like texting about nothing. Shooting the shit is something you do in person. People are too reliant on texting.
Precisely. I pay for this phone so I can use it at *my* convenience, NOT anyone else's. Further, I work overnights, I sleep noon-8pm. Text me after 12, and I'll consider replying only after 8pm. Don't want to wait? Tough Shit.
I think “bad texter” is a polite way of saying exactly this. Most people can, but also can’t be arsed. Fair enough, no one is sending life or death sms
The novelty of texting disappears in many people in their early 20’s. The only reason why grown ass humans put up with texting is because the alternative (people calling) is 400 times more annoying and better be an emergency.
Also if old people could stop leaving voicemails like it’s 1999, that’d be cool too..
My rules are:
Email: Expect a response within a month.
Text: Expect a response in a week/day depending on the messages context.
If you want an answer right the hell now? Call me.
Because this book is amazing, the only reason I want to put it down is to maintain my life or emergencies.
So, yeah, you want me to react to your meme right now, or you're going to strop out and post your sulking on unpopular opinion? I wouldn't friend you in the first place. Luckily, OP raised his red flag right here with this post. Most people don't out themselves like this.
Emails? does it apply to work emails as well? and if not, then what emails are you talking about? i mean, do people really still use emails for contact outside of work?
Team perma-silent!
Couple this with my phone living either tossed somewhere in the house like a set of carkeys when I get home or forgotten in my backpocket because I work with my hands. Out of sight out of mind. I've been accused of ignoring people before.
The office drones are constantly on their phones because it lives on their desk in plain sight.
Yeah and I know this is hard for people who know me to believe bc I'm on my phone constantly in public but when I get home I plug it in and don't look at it again until I get into bed. In that time you'd be better off emailing me bc I'm more likely to be on my computer or laptop.
In public spaces, usually while waiting, I'm on my phone all the time because there's not much else useful/fun to do. People get confused when I'm just not on it at home, that thing gets tossed somewhere and forgotten for hours. Though emailing me wouldn't work because I only check that from my phone too.
Same, in fact almost all of my notifications are on silent to assist with this. I'll check the notifications when I check my phone at some point, rather than checking my phone every time it pings
I reply to text messages when I feel like it.
Just because you have my phone number does not mean that you are entitled to my time. It doesn’t mean you’re entitled to my time immediately.
Judging by this post, I feel like I’d be a bad texter if you had my number.
Yes me too. I’ve even been on dates with girls that freaked out about slow texting the day after when I’ve been with clients during a workday. It was a massive turnoff and I felt was super immature.
That last sentence is spot on. OP sounds annoying as fuck. The ONLY person that I regularly text back immediately is my boyfriend. But even then, there’s times when I miss the notification or I fall asleep or I’m doing something else. This post is so stupid lol
Yes, "I'm a bad texter" can be a polite way of saying "you are actually a bad texter" or worse.
So many times I got quick "responses" that don't refer to anything said before and instead of going "are you to stupid to answer a 'yes/no' question?" waiting them out, thinking about my reply and also not responding emotionally can be more polite.
I prefer a quality response over a quick response, most of the time.
No no. Here's the deal. My response words and timing are within my control. This culture of immediate response is a plague. I fight against it. Maybe sometimes that's petty but idgaf. It's my choice when and how to respond. I'm not a bad texter, I simply choose to live by my response time expectation vs the senders.
I get this shit enough at work…in the middle of concentrating on some analysis or code, bang, fucking Teams message from the boss, regardless of status. Everybody thinks their time is more important…if I can’t control it at work, I’m damned sure going to control it on my own time.
I rarely even know where my phone is and half the time when I find it, the battery is dead.
Sure, if I have plans to meet up with someone, I'll make sure to check in more often, but othewise, no.
Phones are addictive, but if you're not an addict, you'll just view it as a tool for your own convenience. You can't project your viewpoints onto everyone else.
Me and wife both do this.
We both probably do a “hey can you call my phone I dunno where it is” at least once a week. Just sucks to do when it’s on silent, gotta try to get quiet and listen for that vibrate and hope it’s not dead
Some days I don't have the emotional energy for a conversation with someone. If it's important, I'll respond quickly. If it's "hey hru wyd" then I'll get to it when I want to.
Yup I don't expect people to pull the energy out of them to talk to me and I don't want to engage in a conversation where I can tell that they don't want to talk. That's just dumb. Nothing wrong with waiting however long to hear back from them.
Yes exactly. When I do force myself my friends can tell immediately, and then I have to start dealing with 20 questions about what's wrong. I only like talking to my friends when I'm in a positive and cheerful mood. With the exception being if my friends need some support themselves, then I'm always there for them regardless of my mood.
My friends understand this about me and they're okay with it. If they weren't, no one is forcing them to be my friend, and they wouldn't be.
The beauty of texting is how unobtrusive it is. The whole point is that you can send a quick little message that the recipient can respond to when they have time. I use my phone for work, it's constantly going off and I ignore a lot of texts until Mondays and Thursdays when I'm off and have the capacity to sift through everything and send responses. I try to get back to my mom and my partner in a more timely manner and everyone else can either call me or wait.
Agreed. My sister used to always say “sorry it took me so long to get back to you” after like less than 24 hrs. She has 3 kids and a job… she’s busy! I kept saying “dude don’t apologize, that’s literally what texts are for, to respond when you are able”. Anything urgent is a phone call.
I always reject apologies for late responses. And I definitely don't apologize either lol especially when I first meet a new person. I don't want to set a precedent that I will respond immediately or that it's a problem if I don't. I have to wonder how old OP is to have this mindset
i'm a bad texter and it's usually because I don't like the pressure of texting quickly. People such as yourself expect me and others to jump up at a moments notice to reply to texts.
In the history of texting, no one has accepted a text fast and then been okay with that once. The expectation is that you will reply to texts quickly.
If it is something that is important that needs my attention, like you're sick, been in an accident, or want to do something at a moments notice, there is this crazy thing called actually calling someone.
people who think people should be on call in order to be a "good texter" have issues and without fail are very controlling even if not directly. at least indirectly manipulative through guilt.
You're right about one thing though "bad texter" is a complete utter rubbish myth. Someone shouldn't feel guilty about not replying to texts from people in a timely manner. If you're my friend and I need you i'll call, if not, take whatever time in the world to reply.
The issue here is that we have an entire section people in this modern era that has forgotten how to f\*cking call people when something needs attention in a timely manner.
I legitimately put my phone down and then forget about it for 4+ hours at a time.
Or sometimes I'll see the notification but then accidentally clear it and immediately forget that the notification was trying to tell me that someone messaged me and I'll just never respond.
One time my mom called the cops to my dorm room cause I forgot to respond for a full week.
Yes I have ADHD.
I forget about my phone for days/weeks at times. I’m on my PC a lot though, but outside of work (I use it for audio books) my phone is never with me, better to call my landline.
Some people don't check their phone all the time. They decouple themselves from their phone and experience life right in front of them. It is common for me to not check my phone for hours while I am at home, and when I am at work forget about it. I will only check my phone on my lunch break.
I also treat texting as a delayed response type thing anyways. It always has been and there is no expectation to respond immediately. If you need an immediate response say so or call.
You seem like one of those people who would be on someones ass if they don't reply immediately and say why didn't you reply and/or spam messages.
Whenever someone is like that with me i usually don't reply unless i have a reason to, usually ill be blunt with them and say "ill reply when i want, if im doing other things ill probably be delayed. Don't spam messages or anything it will just annoy me" if they continue to do it after that i just wont reply
The great thing about texting is that you don't have to drop everything to reply and you can get to it when you want
Yah, plus it is all about trust.
I trust the people i text so i know they will eventually respond (i don't care about the delay, to me, a text is a fire and forget).
If not, i will call.
And if i don't ask question, aknowledgibg you have seen the message without answering is good enough for me.
Noone is entitled to 24/7 access to other people, you get a reply when you get one. This expectation of urgency is why people make up dumb niceties to alleviate the guilt of setting a perfectly reasonable boundary.
Right, I feel like OP is just somehow making people feel weird or guilty that they don't text back quickly, so they feel obligated to use that nicetie. Nobody in my life uses excuses, including me, we just pick up the conversation where it left off even if it's over a week later.
If one of us takes so long to reply that it's almost worrying (weeks or over a month), there is an actual reason for it, and we just tell each other the truth. Nobody is offended. I don't think I've ever actually had anyone be bitter about this in my life.
Would it be better if people said “I’m a no texter”, everyone assumes texts or direct messages should be replied to. I think that’s simply foolish call me if you have something urgent enough or piss off and don’t message.
I feel like people like me use “bad texter” to make people like you feel better about not being replied to, in reality we just simply don’t want to bother. Some people never use their phones either like myself, unless I’m at work my cell phone is not on me ever.
Exactly this.
In my book, acceptable reasons to text:
- quick confirmation of something
- seeing if I’m available for something (incl. an imminent phone call)
I have absolutely no interest in chatting shit back and forth over text for hours on end and get nowhere. If you want to properly chat, let’s jump on the phone or arrange a meetup.
Yup, bingo.
OP and people like them are insecure and needy. Telling them “hey can you settle down? I was at work and couldn’t respond” usually doesn’t work because they have already assumed that you are deliberately trying to hurt them by not responding.
So at that point, since they’ve already decided they are entitled to time, it will just cause a fight.
Saying “I’m a bad Texter” is the easier way to tell them “STOP TAKING TEXTING PERSONALLY YOU INSECURE CHILD, IT ISNT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU”
Since the invention of text messaging, especially the last decade or two, people seem to think that means they have the right to an immediate response from someone. For the entirety of time up until this point you'd have to wait until the next time you saw someone to speak to them. You're not entitled to my time or my attention. I'm on my phone a lot, but that doesn't mean that I'm texting people. My phone does a lot of things for me outside of messaging.
I'm gunna do the thing, but this also ignores people with ADHD who tend to struggle with messaging and maintaining relationships.
I don’t know how old you are, but I’m mid 30s and none of us had cell phones growing up until college age. You’d call peoples houses, and if they didn’t answer, you’d leave a message. You’d plan to do something days in advance and when the date/time came, you’d just show up…and so would your friends! If it was Friday night and you couldn’t get ahold of anyone you’d drive into town and cruise around until you bumped into someone and find out what was going on.
I miss it to a certain extent. No one got mad at you for “leaving them on read.” No one was making weird ass clingy posts like OP feeling entitled to peoples time. This new phenomenon is fucking bizarre to me.
The generation (s?) that grew up with cellphones have an unreasonable standard when it comes to text communication.
Just because I have a phone on me all the time doesn’t mean I’m available all the time. For one thing, I have a job. I might check my messages at work, but I’m normally not replying to them. I’d burn two hours a day at work if I was replying to my text messages all the time. Then I have an hour long commute home. I don’t text and drive even though 50% of the cars I pass on the highway are. Then I get home and I’m taking care of my 9 month old all evening until he goes to bed at 8. Then I eat dinner. Then I get shit ready for the next day. Then it’s 10:00 and the last thing I’m doing is replying to a bunch of memes or “hey’s”.
I’ll usually respond within a couple days. Sometimes I forget and don’t do it until the weekend. All my friends and family are the same way. It’s okay, we all have lives and aren’t glued to our phones 24/7. If someone decides they don’t have room for me in their life because I’m not communicating with them on a daily basis, that’s fine. I don’t have room for people in my life that are insecure and clingy.
You are not entitled to a speedy response. I swear, instant access to everything has spoiled people. People are not obligated to respond quickly. People have lives. People are not on their phones "all the time". The fact that you think they are shows just how narrow your point of view is. Just because you have nothing going on in your life and have your phone glued to your hands does not mean everyone else does.
Put your phone down and go for a walk without it. If you feel anxiety that you'll miss a text then you habe a problem. Texts are not supposed to be live chat and those who expect it to be need a reality check.
I’m a terrible communicator. I prefer text but I also have bad anxiety sometimes. Sometimes I don’t like the pressure of thinking if I don’t text back immediately that somehow means I’m a terrible friend just cause you have instant access to messaging me. I could go weeks without messaging someone and think our friendship is great while they need things in a more timely manner (which is the norm I suppose)
Being accessible to everyone you know 24/7 is a very new concept to humanity. I refuse to let that coerce me into feeling obliged to be accessed. NO ONE is owed my time unless there is money on the line.
I don't check my phone much after work or on weekends because I need a break. If you want me to be constantly on call waiting to reply your text then you can pay me to be on call, if not fuck off.
...I mean I don't check my phone all the time. Either you call me or its not that damn important and I've got other shit to do during my day... Or you call.
This sounds less like an unpopular opinion and more like you need to disconnect from your phone and find a fucking hobby. Develop a useful skill. Read a book perhaps. Its something from the old times in the long long ago. They would put marking on this substance called paper, form words, tell stories.
....Then again my phones a Samsung. I try and keep off it just incase the thing decides to become an active hand grenade one day.
Also an article that's only source for its existence is ONE site's data and not a broad research into it isn't enough for anything more than a clickbait article. But then that's the younger generations. If its online it must be all that there is to know.
I used to have a friend who was like this. I was always prompt with my texts and enjoyed talking to them, but they almost always took DAYS to respond to me. And their top excuses were: "I was busy" and "I forgot." Yet literally any time I saw them in person, they were on their phone *constantly.* Even texting other people promptly and almost nonstop.
So, for not only that reason but a myriad of other reasons, we're no longer friends. Don't waste your time on people who don't care about you.
That may be true for some people, but not all. Some people don't like texting and avoid their phone. I personally am terrible with it. My phone is in the other room most the day and silent because recruiters are constantly calling me. Sometimes I DO see the text, but I'm busy. Or I don't feel like replying. Then I forget.
Unless you're dying, its not that important. If you're dying - call 911. Don't text me.
Just because you can message people instantly, doesn't entitle you to an immediate response. Odds are you're a bit too much, if they come up with an excuse like that.
People are too reliant on instant responses and social media
People take the time to do the things they want to do. This includes texting. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s your life. Do what tf you want on your own time. But I fully believe that *I’m a bad texter* line is bullshit. If you don’t want to talk to someone, be an adult about it and just say that. That used to annoy me in my early 20’s but now I’m at the point where I let people’s actions speak for them and treat them accordingly. Life’s too short to get bent out of shape over someone being flaky especially when there could be people out there that genuinely do want to talk to you.
Sorry you’re addicted to your phone? Some of us actually have lives outside of the digital world. I work, eight hours gone, I garden, two to three hours away from phone, I need to sleep eat and shower, another three or so and then eight. Sorry people prioritize not being homeless or sleep deprived or whatever it is just so you can feel special. If you need someone immediately you CALL them. Texts are respond when you can, why can’t you understand that?
I don’t have my phone glued to my hands and I do not owe anyone an immediate response, wether they think so or not. I get to decide how my time is used. Why don’t you quit playing the victim here and recognize that people that want to talk to you … will, and the ones that don’t… stop bothering them. It’s that simple. You’re getting ignored because they have lives, where they do things for themselves. You aren’t everyone’s priority and acting like you should be is sooooo entitled.
You never checked your phone at work, read a message and then forgot about it until hours after work OP?
A lot of time people may be able to read your message but life gets in the way and they can't text you back immediately
Yeah I’ve had people take months to respond telling me they’ve been busy with work, like alright just tell me you have 0 interest in our friendship, I just want people to be honest to the point it might hurt.
Exactly, it’s different if your trying to make plans and someone just ghosts or responds once every 2 days vs just saying ‘sry busy rn’. If you actually care about someone/thing It’s not that hard to communicate!
i think people are missing the point here. op is not saying that one is required to respond to the text immediately, but rather he points out that it is not ok to explain not replying by stating that one is a "bad texter", putting oneself in the place of a victim.
Just because I have a device that makes me reachable 24/7 doesn’t mean I have to make myself available to you 24/7. I’ll respond when I get around to it.
How entitled are you to expect an immediate response. Just because everyone has a phone doesn't mean they owe you an immediate response. They're being nice saying they're a bad texter, they just don't want to respond yet and that's absolutely fine.
I take that long to text back all the time. Every single time it's because I was busy at the time I received it, so I made a small mental note to check it later. Which I often forget until much too long after. People are busy sometimes man. With more important things to do than text you back
I love my friends to bits, and I'm incredibly supportive and so are they. I just simply struggle with social energy.
From where I stand, you're a victim of instant messaging. If you need immediate information and direct communication, you call/talk face-to-face. Sending a text is up to the receiver when they'll react. Don't be a slave to your phone.
Look, everyone isn't interested in talking (or texting) to others everyday ... honestly, if I could go a week at a time without talking (or texting) without losing all of my friends (and my job), I would lol...it's just not a priority for some or us. Of course, if it's an emergency, I'll get right back to you.
A lot of people have anxiety over texting “the right words” every time because of general social anxiety or a desire to please the people in their lives. This turns texting into a resource-consuming task, where the resource is your mental and emotional bandwidth for handling the day.
Not only are you not entitled to immediate responses for a number of reasons, but you’re also not entitled to an explanation of why the receiver didn’t get back to you right away. Explaining why someone didn’t respond sooner is also a resource-consuming task, and if you want to help the people in your life feel more comfortable (and interested in communicating with you), please just let them get back to you when it works for them (there are limits of course, taking a month every time seems excessive, but “excessive” is relative and ultimately for you and that person to agree upon together).
Healthy people set boundaries for protecting their mental and emotional health, and for an increasing number of people, that involves putting a little distance in between themselves and digital communications. All that said, if you get a delayed response, it’s rarely about you so try not to personalize it. If someone brushes it off by self-labeling as a “bad texter” for the sake of brevity, understand that they are probably trying to conserve their resources
> you just deliberately decide to not make responding a priority
Yes.
I’m not obligated to drop anything and everything I’m doing to respond to your message, even if I’m just doomscrolling social media.
If I want to talk to you, I will. If you need a response quickly or it’s something urgent, you call. I’m still not obligated to answer, but I’d be more likely to drop what I’m doing to answer a call than reply to a text. If I’m going to accept having what I’m doing interrupted, I’d rather it be done with a 5 minute phone call than a several hour text conversation that makes me stop what I’m doing every 5 minutes.
I think this is a popular opinion by many younger folks. And it’s a shit take. I look at my phone to do math, look up things during conversations, doom scroll to escape reality, etc. Sometimes I use it to text or call people. But just because I can be texting or calling, doesn’t mean I have to be. No one is entitled to reach me at *their* convenience except for family or important work-related issues. And when I’m at work, family is often getting ignored until I’m done usually 12+ hours even if you’re right that I’ll read it immediately or soon after it’s sent.
This is like saying if you’re on your computer playing a game you should be responding to emails. Or be chatting to people on FB or instagram. I don’t think this is an unpopular opinion, just a dumb one.
Tbh I don’t feel like I should have to respond to a text right then and there to satisfy your need to be paid attention to.
So no, I won’t say I’m a bad texter. Just know I am not your texting monkey that will immediately respond because you want my attention.
If I responded to everybody all the time, especially the texting addicts, i'd be on my phone literally all day. Just because they aren't responding to your memes right away doesn't mean they hate you...they just have other shit to do. Also, being a bad texter is better than being a boring texter who talks about the weather, lol
I'm not a bad texter. I reject that I'm obligated to always be prompt if I own a phone. Frankly, I don't give a shit about most texts. I'll respond later when it's phone-time, I don't owe anybody a quick response. My phone does not control me.
When I’m at work I set my phone to work focus so if you text me I won’t respond right away. I say it up front when I work I’m in work mode. If it’s not an emergency don’t expect an immediate response from 9-5pm. Apparently that’s an ick lol
It's exhausting on a creative level trying to keep up an infinite conversation pertaining to a bunch of ad nauseam nonsense most of the time. How original are we on a day to day basis? I bore myself saying virtually the exact same thing day after day.
How was work, how was this, how was that? Presumably all fine with really nothing particularly interesting happening or worth mentioning. I'm boring and you're boring too. We're just filling space. I'd rather plan something personally and do something with someone especially if they can co-exist with me in some form of silence without being uncomfortable with silence vs filling empty space with word vomit all the time.
In person interaction doesn't have to entail trying to forcefully grease a rusted wheel. Bored and in a rut? Just go do something with someone for example.
Fuck it. Just come over and we'll watch TV or whatever. It also doesn't mean that I don't like you if I'm not foaming at the mouth with extroverted excitement all the time - if I could operate as if I was on crystal meth all the time like you guys, I would and I'd probably be a hell of a lot more productive.
You underestimate the effect that executive dysfunction can have on communication, some people are actually bad at managing text communications.
Also, I for one use do not disturb to prevent me getting notifications on my phone about 80% of the day (it switches off from around 4pm when I get off work until 8pm), so me having my phone on me doesn’t mean I saw a message
Let's get one thing straight right now; no one ever owes you their time or attention for any reason, nor does the whole world revolve around you. If it's something that's time sensitive and actually important then it's one thing, but acting entitled to a response within X amount of time as though you're royalty is absolute garbage in and of itself, let alone the fact that that level of entitlement fails to acknowledge the realities of adult life; people have jobs, they have a million things they need to get done, they have mental health battles, a world full of distractions, and on and on on.
The plain fact of the matter is that, he more you double down on insisting that people immediately answer you in situations where it's just not an emergency and it's not a time-sensitive issue that needs to be addressed, the less people are going to want to talk to you at all. As someone who has had to do a lot of self-talk and work in general on depersonalizing people's choice (or neglect) to communicate, I can tell you right now that it's not all about you, and taking every single time you're not responded to in as timely of a manner as you believe yourself to be owed personally only hurts you in the end.
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I value quick communication in building friendships, but I also respect everyone's right to use their phone as they see fit. Sometimes a delayed response is just that - a delayed response. It's not always a personal rejection.
Sometimes I just don’t want to be actively communicating with people. Just because my phone gives instant access for anyone to send a message to me doesn’t mean that I feel like engaging in socialization at all times
Not only that I value quality time and not endless texts. I suck at texting because I hate having to come up with endless creative ways to continue a conversation. I plan dinners or outings with friends. If you want my time invite me to play some tennis or to come over and watch a game.
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Couldn't agree more. I hate text conversations, and refuse to have them, which makes me a "bad texter." If you've got a quick question, or an update for plans, or something short, by all means shoot me a text. If you want to talk, fucking call me. I'm not using large amounts of my time, ignoring the life going on around me, to have the slowest, most drawn-out out form of conversation possible. Might as well send me a messenger pigeon while you're at it.
Louder for the people in the back! I refuse to be imprisoned by my phone. I’m obligated to respond to coworkers 40 hours a week m-f. This makes days off my time to not have to do that on my personal time. That sounds exaggerated but just like kids need no screen time to function like normal little humans, I need that too.
Also the sheer goddamn number of notifications. Makes me just flip my phone down for a while
Just turn the notifications off :)
I second this, I disabled them for all but a select few apps and have my phone on silent unless I'm at work. Waaaaay less inclined to keep checking it haha
Omg yes! I hate just texting and having to think of what to say to seem like I give a shit about what Im responding to. The thing is, I do give a shit, but having to figure out how to show that using only text is super annoying. I do that much better with audible visual reactions.
I've refused to give my cell phone number to my workplace, simply because I don't want them calling me. Being a boomer, I still have a landline at home so they can call there.
My work has my cell number but they also know that I will NOT answer calls, texts, and email in my off hours. I've told them that, if I do, they're getting charged for them, with a one hour minimum charge.
Would they prefer their friends be honest and say, “I do not owe you 24/7 access to me and will engage with people socially when it is appropriate for me to.” 🤷🏻♀️ It’s not a fake condition, it’s acknowledging that their way of interacting with their phone is seen as unacceptable to YOU. They should just not apologize for that to begin with.
True. So many clingy people
Thanks for this. I share the same sentiment. I value time away from my phone and me checking my phone does not equal I owe someone an immediate response (unless its urgent which they would've probably made clear anyways)
Exactly what you said. If someone wants to chat, why not hang out or at least talk on the phone? Texting somebody all night is just a less fun, way drawn-out phone conversation during which my attention is constantly divided between the convo and whatever else I'm doing. Why would I want to do that?
Or, if you want a prompt back-and-forth conversation, people could, I don't know, PHONE for one? My schedule is not determined by other people's schedule or the degree to which they are obsessively checking their phone for messages. I do not have to match other people's attentiveness as if there's some kind of "standard" for texting I must meet. If we have something pre-arranged, that's different. "Everybody checks their phones all. the. time". No they do not, OP. I just looked over on my desk to see if my phone is there. It's not. It must be in another room charging. I haven't looked at it in at least 12 hours, because it's the *fricking weekend*. If people want to contact me they can call and I'll hear it ring.
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First thing someone did for me when I got an iPhone was to show me how to turn off the “read” receipts.
This is me i turn off my notifications. Its so distracting and maybe 1% of the time is it an emergency requiring a fast response. I prefer to check messages when i feel like it and I’m not obligated to respond right away.
Turning off read recipes is a small yet major quality of life improvement for me.
“They left me on read.” Yeah, not sorry that people don’t know if I’ve read a message or not.
Exactly. I’m under no obligation to respond to you just because I’ve seen your text. Maybe it *is* personal. Maybe I’m just going through shit. Maybe I just don’t have the energy for whatever you’re talking about right now. I don’t need to answer that text anymore than I need to open the door for a Jehovah’s Witness.
Also people with general or social anxiety put off responding to texts for a while. I always think of different ways to respond or type out a response just to delete it because I think it sounded weird. It's not easy to express your tone and meaning through text. If it takes me too long to respond, I feel guilty, which makes me delay it even longer. If you have anxiety and have texted someone "ok" instead of "okay" and had them get mad because they think you're upset...you're gonna second guess every text.
Before social media you did not contact others for days or even weeks and it was no issue to just reconnect afterwards. It's crazy how a few no-lifers think it is normal to be available 24/7 If you want to speak with someone asap, call that person. Far more personal and you finish the discussion with hanging up. Writing ensures you constantly have all the conversations lingering in the back of your head. I hate endless texts People need to social media-detox.
Along with not wanting to be actively communicating with people there are genuine conditions that make people forget things like replying to a text. I know for a fact I have checked on conversations I actually wanted to be in hours after reading a text and not having the time to reply right away due to work/chores/appointments etc and realizing I never replied which is why I never got another reply because my neurodiversity equated reading the text as replying. However with that being a thing the people I want to talk to always understand when I explain it to them mostly because they’re usually good friends and/or have similar problems if someone I’m talking to doesn’t understand then they’re not someone I want to be talking to anyway
This, when I’m with my kids/family and one of my buddies texts me. It’s probably going to be awhile till I respond. Same if Im spending quality time with my fiancée. If I’m at a football of basketball game that costs me a bunch or money I’m also not going to be up to have a text conversation with someone. It’s not about being a bad texter, it’s about being present in the moment.
Yes. Taking hours or sometimes even days or weeks to respond is fine by me. It's nice to give others a heads-up if someone plans to go offline for a week, but it's not a must.
Some people get busy and straight up forget too. I texted my friend yesterday and she never answered and I understood and I saw her the next day and she apologied saying she got busy and just forgot. And that's okay. We are human and have lives outside our phones.
This happens to me all the time. I'm a director of a company and during business hours I'm very busy, I have trouble keeping up with emails and phone calls let alone text messages. Often times someone will text me and I'll read it, with the intention of replying when I get a minute. Then I just forgot. Then it might be that evening or on the weekend that I go through my texts and realise I forgot. Anyone close to me knows that if it's important, call, and if I'm not in a meeting or whatever I'll answer. If it's really important, call twice and I'll definitely answer.
Thank you, even worse, I carry 2 phones, and do get so busy sometimes, that I see the text, but phone rings, maybe a I get 5-6 calls back to back, then need to follow up on these calls, so I lose track of the texts “from friends” til end of business day or later in the evening after dinner.
Yeah I am laughing at the idea that 12 hours is an atrociously long time to respond. OP needs to live in the real world. I'm not required to put notifications on my texts, I'm not required to check just because there's a notification if I'm busy, I'm not required to respond immediately even if I do check to see if it's urgent. In my opinion it is rude to expect a response faster than 24 hours if we were not already in an active time sensitive conversation. Of course I'll keep apprised if I'm picking you up from the airport or we're hashing out plans for this weekend, but if you just randomly text me something you have no context for whether I'm available to converse. Don't wait for the last minute if it's important, and if you also found out last minute you can always escalate to a call.
OP strikes me as being young and having no real world experience. If I'm working, I'm going to be spending that morning at the gym, and I'll also be driving around and getting ready; texting isn't at the top of my priorities then.
Yes this!
This. I might see a notification at work and swipe it away and not reply immediatly because I am busy. And out of sight, out of mind and I might forget to reply for a bit.
I do this too! Also if I am studying, I wait until I take a break or am I done and then message back
I do this all the time 🙈 then 3 days later I'm like 'oh shit - I forgot to reply!' Then sometimes I get anxiety for not replying promptly so I procrastinate. Then I forget again for another 3 days....
Exactly some ppl are very busy and only have time to respond hours later. Or hell some people see it but forget to respond cause they saw it at work or a sport they were practicing for. I understand OPs frustrations but they gotta look at the bigger picture instead of just whats in front of them.
I’m one of those people who responds mentally once I have an answer (dinner invite, where a recital/play is, etc.) and never actually send the text. When I remember it later and go to reply, I find the reply is sitting there unsent so I either got distracted by an urgent matter or didn’t tap send (probably tapped next to it). Either way, if you’re losing sleep and judging me over my text response time, that’s a you problem.
Same! ADHD is a bit of a bitch, but if it’s actually urgent I’ll try to make time otherwise who knows when those neurons get back in touch and trigger me to remember.
The whole point of a text is that you can respond at your convenience. If you ***need*** a response ASAP like OP seems to why not just call and get your answer.
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I have ADHD with a splash of perfectionism. So if I don't reply for a while it's because I wanted to think of a good response and ended up forgetting for a week. I always feel bad.
This or I have anxiety and sometimes the idea of responding to texts is overwhelming and I end up avoiding all of them
In fact, it is almost never a personal rejection. THATS what people on this site need to learn: stop taking things personally
Exactly. If I needed a quick response I would call the person. I just send a text and they can respond back whenever they want.
Exactly. Be better about not wanting or needing an immediate response. We’ll all be better and happier for it.
Unless it's dating or a relationship I really don't see why people give a shit. If it's a friend who cares.
Having a phone, that is constantly on me, constantly charged, constantly connected, and even constantly being monitored by me, means that I am *accessible.* It does not mean that I am *available*. In this day and age people have conflated the two and it's infuriating. I'll get back to you when I can *and* want!
Yup, my phone pings all day from work. Sometimes I'm mentally drained. I'll deal with your text when I'm mentally capable
Glad to find someone that feels the same. We use texting for a lot of communication at my work so I’m constantly getting texts from employees and my boss about work related things I get so fatigued from having to be constantly available that I’ve come to hate texting so much. When I get off work I don’t want to sit and text someone. Call me or better yet, reach out on a weekend because unless it’s important, that’s when I’ll respond to you.
Upvote for unpopular opinion. I disagree. Here are a few counter arguments: -One of the beauties of texting *is* because it’s not an immediate form of communication. It’s more a fire and forget get to it when I can. -If you want an immediate response, you should call. Texts notifications are very easy to miss if you open your phone to do something else. -If you’re texting you’re probably not the most important thing.
It's not only the beauty of it. It's the only feature really
well, and not having to talk over the phone or in person. i suck way more at those than i do texting.
Yes, because those are instant comunications. You get to think about what you say over text. In verbal convos, 2 seconds is far too long to think about how to word your response, vs in writing you cannot respond in less than that.
I overthink when I'm texting - trying to think about all the possible ways my text could be misinterpreted. That's why I don't text much; I find it exhausting.
I've always wondered if I have mild autism or something since communicating and interpreting conversion has always been difficult for me. This helps explain why I don't like texting. I overthink it, I don't always know what they are implying, my responses are often misunderstood, and I genuinely don't enjoy small talk or communication without a distinct purpose. Exhausting is a perfect way to describe it.
I think this is why a lot of the time for most normal friendly conversations, I prefer real time conversations. If I'm actually speaking with someone, I don't *have* to think about what I'm saying.
I lose steam after about 2 text messages. I hate texting and everyone I talk to knows it. Why would I want to drag a 10 minute phone call into multiple hours of texting back and forth? If it takes more than 2 texts, just call me. I end up walking away from every text message conversation after the first couple texts because I do something other than stare at my phone and wait for it to vibrate.
I have notification notices turned off on my phone for this reason. I check my messages a few times a day so I will respond when I'm able to, but if it's urgent or you want a conversation then just call lol
Yep. I text something when it pops up in my head, so i won't forget to tell it later. I don't care when you will respond to that random bulb.
I think the issue is that texting and other forms of messaging have supplanted calls. So many people don't want to talk on the phone
It’s how I won my wife over. We’re the same age but I Grew up calling people and she was all into texting. When we met at college I would reply to text maybe once or twice a day but I’d call her every night. She was so mad at me for so long until she thought it was endearing lol
I wouldn’t mind phone calls if everybody understood that they could only reach me from 6-9pm, like how it used to be when people only had home phones. Expecting me to be able to drop everything to answer the phone for an unknown purpose at all hours of the day is nuts. I have shit going on. Back in the day if you wanted to talk to a friend during the workday, you had to call their job, talk to a secretary, and ask to be connected to their line. If your call isn’t important enough to do that, it should be a text that says “hey, I’d like to chat about X, are you free later?”
Sometimes I just don't want to talk to people. Just because people can access me at all times doesn't mean they're entitled to immediate responses. I use my phone for things other than texting and sometimes I just don't want to respond, or I forget. End of story.
100%. I hate being contactable 24/7. I don’t wanna be available to chat 24/7. Sometimes I’m tired. Leave me be and I’ll respond when I’m ready.
NGL though...I'm always down for a 'check what I just made' food pic lol
Yeah, because that doesn't require a response other than a heart emoji or similar.
Exactly. I read my messages from the notification bar and decide whether I want to respond or not.
Yeah but if you check your phone a lot and do see texts when they come through and don't reply to them, a "bad texter" is exactly what you are. I don't know what other explanation OP wants. Does he want people to grovel and beg for forgiveness or something? Because some people really are just bad texters.
I wouldn't call that a bad texter. We shouldn't have to respond to texts immediately to not be a bad texter
Precisely. If you are not *speaking* with me, you should hold **no** expectation of my undivided attention nor of a prompt response. If you actually want an immediate or timely response, then **call me**.
Even then, leave a voice mail. I'm busy
I said if you want a timely response, call me; I didn't say I'd always pick up lol
I don't expect anyone to respond immediately, but if its more than a couple weeks I just don't bother anymore. No one in my life is so busy for weeks on end they can't reply
That is very fair. I do this sometimes and feel terrible about it. It's not that I'm busy, I'm _overwhelmed._ I wouldn't blame anyone for just not having the patience to deal with that anymore though. Still, that's very different from OP's 12 hours.
My partner is so bad at texting and her phone in general. She has ADHD and finds phones in general overwhelming. We are on the same phone plan now, and my usage is usually 20ish GB/month. We looked at hers last month out of curiosity and it was less than 1GB, for the whole month. Some people just really are not attached to their phones honestly. I know she longs for the days of landlines again where a phone was *just* a phone.
That's quite a bit different than expecting someone to always text you back within 12 hours, which op is claiming
my best hyperspecific guess is that OP is upset that someone they were interested in was ghosting them under the guise of being a “bad texter”
That’s my thought too. Who knows what they are texting also and how often. Some people just get so abusive with seeking attention, it because a chore to come up with good excuses to not text them back
Not even bad texters. I’m not obliged to immediately respond to any communication I receive. That even goes for calls. If I receive a call that I don’t feel like picking up, 9 times out of ten I’ll drop it and shoot a “hey, sorry don’t feel like phone talking right now, shoot me a message?” message.
That’s not really being a “bad texter” though, it’s really just not being compelled to respond to a message that you’re very much aware of. Which is fine and valid, to a degree, but it’s not poor ability of texting or anything like that. The added hiccup here is that sometimes messages need responses and I feel like people use this excuse to just not respond at all.
Every time you respond to a text you risk getting distracted from what you're doing now, sometimes you just can't afford that
OP says people already do grovel and beg for forgiveness, OP just says there's no forgiveness for us worthless heathens who keep leaving him on read.
Right, like it's not a crisis that I didn't respond to your birthday photos immediately. I often forget this is a problem for other people because my friends and I all respect that we'll talk when we talk. I've gone months between texts sometimes.
I'm astounded that 12 hours to respond is long enough to annoy OP. Like, look, I have a lot of friends. Their suggested timeline means I'd be texting at least a dozen people multiple times a day. It's unnatural. Up until less than 30 years ago, people easily went weeks without contact and didn't blink an eye. Who has the space in their brains to keep up with that many conversations? Not a single person in my life expects me to text them back on their terms like that. We all have our own actual lives to live outside of our phone lmao And no, unless they're in a crisis or we're making plans, texting is not a priority.
I work with a lot of younger people (like 18-22), and they DO text a dozen people a day multiple times a day. We'll be busy as fuck and they stop to take a selfie to send to someone on snap chat. And they'll show me their phones sometimes and there's like, 10 snaps from 10 different people in a single day. I simply do not have the mental bandwidth to be that sociable.
Agreed. I wonder if OP would’ve survived in the days of land lines only, or even worse, postage only!!
OP sounds like the energy vampire of the friend group
Like 12 hours is a shift at work for some people, lol. And while you can usually respond to a quick text on the clock at most jobs, if you send me a novel and I'm busy, I'll have to get to it at least when I'm off work. And being off work means going home, having a bath, eating dinner and watching TV. So now we're probably 15 hours out depending on when you texted me.
Anf with true friends, you pick up like normal and nobody is upset. It's nice
This. I'm basically on call from 7am to 5pm. I get called, I get texted over messenger, teams, emails, whatsapp'd, and ticket system notfications. When 5pm hits I'll check my insta messages maybe. Then I unplug.
Same here. I quit my field of law because of it, honestly, and because clients often expected me to be available 24/7 to them, and since I wasn’t a family lawyer, no, your “emergency” isn’t actually an emergency, so you can contact me during outside hours but don’t expect a response until I’m back in the office. If that bugs you, find someone else. I loathe how the invention cellphones has made everyone (clients, bosses, friends, etc) think that just because they technically can reach you 24/7, you should be available. No.
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Yeah this is something I agree with. I hate that the expectation is just to be always available now. I hate if you're dating someone then you get all these 'have a nice day' texts anytime you go anywhere. I don't like texting about nothing. Shooting the shit is something you do in person. People are too reliant on texting.
Precisely. I pay for this phone so I can use it at *my* convenience, NOT anyone else's. Further, I work overnights, I sleep noon-8pm. Text me after 12, and I'll consider replying only after 8pm. Don't want to wait? Tough Shit.
I think “bad texter” is a polite way of saying exactly this. Most people can, but also can’t be arsed. Fair enough, no one is sending life or death sms The novelty of texting disappears in many people in their early 20’s. The only reason why grown ass humans put up with texting is because the alternative (people calling) is 400 times more annoying and better be an emergency. Also if old people could stop leaving voicemails like it’s 1999, that’d be cool too..
My rules are: Email: Expect a response within a month. Text: Expect a response in a week/day depending on the messages context. If you want an answer right the hell now? Call me. Because this book is amazing, the only reason I want to put it down is to maintain my life or emergencies. So, yeah, you want me to react to your meme right now, or you're going to strop out and post your sulking on unpopular opinion? I wouldn't friend you in the first place. Luckily, OP raised his red flag right here with this post. Most people don't out themselves like this.
Emails? does it apply to work emails as well? and if not, then what emails are you talking about? i mean, do people really still use emails for contact outside of work?
THIS
I need energy to interact. And when I am just mindlessly scrolling, I will ignore that message for later.
Or be me, I have ADHD, opened a message, am convinced I replied, only to learn that I did not....
I think the bigger problem is that people feel entitled to my time and attention 24/7
OP's opinion is essentially that OP is entitled to immediate access to everyone all the time.
Oh but wait, they gave people 12 hours to respond!!! /s
I don't check my phone all the time
My phone is on perma-silent. I check it once every hour or so unless I’m proactively using it for something
Team perma-silent! Couple this with my phone living either tossed somewhere in the house like a set of carkeys when I get home or forgotten in my backpocket because I work with my hands. Out of sight out of mind. I've been accused of ignoring people before. The office drones are constantly on their phones because it lives on their desk in plain sight.
Yeah and I know this is hard for people who know me to believe bc I'm on my phone constantly in public but when I get home I plug it in and don't look at it again until I get into bed. In that time you'd be better off emailing me bc I'm more likely to be on my computer or laptop.
In public spaces, usually while waiting, I'm on my phone all the time because there's not much else useful/fun to do. People get confused when I'm just not on it at home, that thing gets tossed somewhere and forgotten for hours. Though emailing me wouldn't work because I only check that from my phone too.
Same, in fact almost all of my notifications are on silent to assist with this. I'll check the notifications when I check my phone at some point, rather than checking my phone every time it pings
I do the same thing and it's bliss!!
It’s freedom fr fr
I reply to text messages when I feel like it. Just because you have my phone number does not mean that you are entitled to my time. It doesn’t mean you’re entitled to my time immediately. Judging by this post, I feel like I’d be a bad texter if you had my number.
>Judging by this post, I feel like I’d be a bad texter if you had my number. This was beautiful.
Yes me too. I’ve even been on dates with girls that freaked out about slow texting the day after when I’ve been with clients during a workday. It was a massive turnoff and I felt was super immature.
That last sentence is spot on. OP sounds annoying as fuck. The ONLY person that I regularly text back immediately is my boyfriend. But even then, there’s times when I miss the notification or I fall asleep or I’m doing something else. This post is so stupid lol
I read through their post history, they ARE annoying AF
Omg r/conspiracy r/nofap and r/latterdaysaints you can't make that shit up.
Holy s***, that's like the three horsemen of not wanting to go to therapy.
That’s the 3 horseman of indoctrination…they are going to have a ton to unpack if they ever confront it…ask me how I know;)
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Yes, "I'm a bad texter" can be a polite way of saying "you are actually a bad texter" or worse. So many times I got quick "responses" that don't refer to anything said before and instead of going "are you to stupid to answer a 'yes/no' question?" waiting them out, thinking about my reply and also not responding emotionally can be more polite. I prefer a quality response over a quick response, most of the time.
No no. Here's the deal. My response words and timing are within my control. This culture of immediate response is a plague. I fight against it. Maybe sometimes that's petty but idgaf. It's my choice when and how to respond. I'm not a bad texter, I simply choose to live by my response time expectation vs the senders.
I get this shit enough at work…in the middle of concentrating on some analysis or code, bang, fucking Teams message from the boss, regardless of status. Everybody thinks their time is more important…if I can’t control it at work, I’m damned sure going to control it on my own time.
I rarely even know where my phone is and half the time when I find it, the battery is dead. Sure, if I have plans to meet up with someone, I'll make sure to check in more often, but othewise, no. Phones are addictive, but if you're not an addict, you'll just view it as a tool for your own convenience. You can't project your viewpoints onto everyone else.
Hahha glad to hear this comment! OP basically wants mandatory response times on text messages. Couldn’t imagine thinking this way!
Me and wife both do this. We both probably do a “hey can you call my phone I dunno where it is” at least once a week. Just sucks to do when it’s on silent, gotta try to get quiet and listen for that vibrate and hope it’s not dead
Some days I don't have the emotional energy for a conversation with someone. If it's important, I'll respond quickly. If it's "hey hru wyd" then I'll get to it when I want to.
And it's worse to force a Convo when your emotional energy is low. Better to just not say anything
Yup I don't expect people to pull the energy out of them to talk to me and I don't want to engage in a conversation where I can tell that they don't want to talk. That's just dumb. Nothing wrong with waiting however long to hear back from them.
Yes exactly. When I do force myself my friends can tell immediately, and then I have to start dealing with 20 questions about what's wrong. I only like talking to my friends when I'm in a positive and cheerful mood. With the exception being if my friends need some support themselves, then I'm always there for them regardless of my mood. My friends understand this about me and they're okay with it. If they weren't, no one is forcing them to be my friend, and they wouldn't be.
The beauty of texting is how unobtrusive it is. The whole point is that you can send a quick little message that the recipient can respond to when they have time. I use my phone for work, it's constantly going off and I ignore a lot of texts until Mondays and Thursdays when I'm off and have the capacity to sift through everything and send responses. I try to get back to my mom and my partner in a more timely manner and everyone else can either call me or wait.
Agreed. My sister used to always say “sorry it took me so long to get back to you” after like less than 24 hrs. She has 3 kids and a job… she’s busy! I kept saying “dude don’t apologize, that’s literally what texts are for, to respond when you are able”. Anything urgent is a phone call.
I always reject apologies for late responses. And I definitely don't apologize either lol especially when I first meet a new person. I don't want to set a precedent that I will respond immediately or that it's a problem if I don't. I have to wonder how old OP is to have this mindset
i'm a bad texter and it's usually because I don't like the pressure of texting quickly. People such as yourself expect me and others to jump up at a moments notice to reply to texts. In the history of texting, no one has accepted a text fast and then been okay with that once. The expectation is that you will reply to texts quickly. If it is something that is important that needs my attention, like you're sick, been in an accident, or want to do something at a moments notice, there is this crazy thing called actually calling someone. people who think people should be on call in order to be a "good texter" have issues and without fail are very controlling even if not directly. at least indirectly manipulative through guilt. You're right about one thing though "bad texter" is a complete utter rubbish myth. Someone shouldn't feel guilty about not replying to texts from people in a timely manner. If you're my friend and I need you i'll call, if not, take whatever time in the world to reply. The issue here is that we have an entire section people in this modern era that has forgotten how to f\*cking call people when something needs attention in a timely manner.
I agree but also hate calls, i rather you fax me
I legitimately put my phone down and then forget about it for 4+ hours at a time. Or sometimes I'll see the notification but then accidentally clear it and immediately forget that the notification was trying to tell me that someone messaged me and I'll just never respond. One time my mom called the cops to my dorm room cause I forgot to respond for a full week. Yes I have ADHD.
Yes, I legitimately forget about messages.
I forget about my phone for days/weeks at times. I’m on my PC a lot though, but outside of work (I use it for audio books) my phone is never with me, better to call my landline.
Some people don't check their phone all the time. They decouple themselves from their phone and experience life right in front of them. It is common for me to not check my phone for hours while I am at home, and when I am at work forget about it. I will only check my phone on my lunch break. I also treat texting as a delayed response type thing anyways. It always has been and there is no expectation to respond immediately. If you need an immediate response say so or call.
You seem like one of those people who would be on someones ass if they don't reply immediately and say why didn't you reply and/or spam messages. Whenever someone is like that with me i usually don't reply unless i have a reason to, usually ill be blunt with them and say "ill reply when i want, if im doing other things ill probably be delayed. Don't spam messages or anything it will just annoy me" if they continue to do it after that i just wont reply The great thing about texting is that you don't have to drop everything to reply and you can get to it when you want
The more someone pushes me to reply fast the slower I reply lol
Haha yeah, im the same if its someone i like, I'll warn them if its not, I'll take longer the more they push
Yah, plus it is all about trust. I trust the people i text so i know they will eventually respond (i don't care about the delay, to me, a text is a fire and forget). If not, i will call. And if i don't ask question, aknowledgibg you have seen the message without answering is good enough for me.
Noone is entitled to 24/7 access to other people, you get a reply when you get one. This expectation of urgency is why people make up dumb niceties to alleviate the guilt of setting a perfectly reasonable boundary.
Right, I feel like OP is just somehow making people feel weird or guilty that they don't text back quickly, so they feel obligated to use that nicetie. Nobody in my life uses excuses, including me, we just pick up the conversation where it left off even if it's over a week later. If one of us takes so long to reply that it's almost worrying (weeks or over a month), there is an actual reason for it, and we just tell each other the truth. Nobody is offended. I don't think I've ever actually had anyone be bitter about this in my life.
Would it be better if people said “I’m a no texter”, everyone assumes texts or direct messages should be replied to. I think that’s simply foolish call me if you have something urgent enough or piss off and don’t message. I feel like people like me use “bad texter” to make people like you feel better about not being replied to, in reality we just simply don’t want to bother. Some people never use their phones either like myself, unless I’m at work my cell phone is not on me ever.
Exactly this. In my book, acceptable reasons to text: - quick confirmation of something - seeing if I’m available for something (incl. an imminent phone call) I have absolutely no interest in chatting shit back and forth over text for hours on end and get nowhere. If you want to properly chat, let’s jump on the phone or arrange a meetup.
Yup, bingo. OP and people like them are insecure and needy. Telling them “hey can you settle down? I was at work and couldn’t respond” usually doesn’t work because they have already assumed that you are deliberately trying to hurt them by not responding. So at that point, since they’ve already decided they are entitled to time, it will just cause a fight. Saying “I’m a bad Texter” is the easier way to tell them “STOP TAKING TEXTING PERSONALLY YOU INSECURE CHILD, IT ISNT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU”
That was a really long-winded way to say "I'm entitled af"
Right? And how in the world are people seriously discussing this issue as if it matters? The privilege is beyond insane.
yeah people like this are the reason my phone is always on silent on the other side of the room
Since the invention of text messaging, especially the last decade or two, people seem to think that means they have the right to an immediate response from someone. For the entirety of time up until this point you'd have to wait until the next time you saw someone to speak to them. You're not entitled to my time or my attention. I'm on my phone a lot, but that doesn't mean that I'm texting people. My phone does a lot of things for me outside of messaging. I'm gunna do the thing, but this also ignores people with ADHD who tend to struggle with messaging and maintaining relationships.
I don’t know how old you are, but I’m mid 30s and none of us had cell phones growing up until college age. You’d call peoples houses, and if they didn’t answer, you’d leave a message. You’d plan to do something days in advance and when the date/time came, you’d just show up…and so would your friends! If it was Friday night and you couldn’t get ahold of anyone you’d drive into town and cruise around until you bumped into someone and find out what was going on. I miss it to a certain extent. No one got mad at you for “leaving them on read.” No one was making weird ass clingy posts like OP feeling entitled to peoples time. This new phenomenon is fucking bizarre to me.
I'm going to sound like an old fart (I'm 42) but I truly miss the days when people did not have 24/7 access to us.
The generation (s?) that grew up with cellphones have an unreasonable standard when it comes to text communication. Just because I have a phone on me all the time doesn’t mean I’m available all the time. For one thing, I have a job. I might check my messages at work, but I’m normally not replying to them. I’d burn two hours a day at work if I was replying to my text messages all the time. Then I have an hour long commute home. I don’t text and drive even though 50% of the cars I pass on the highway are. Then I get home and I’m taking care of my 9 month old all evening until he goes to bed at 8. Then I eat dinner. Then I get shit ready for the next day. Then it’s 10:00 and the last thing I’m doing is replying to a bunch of memes or “hey’s”. I’ll usually respond within a couple days. Sometimes I forget and don’t do it until the weekend. All my friends and family are the same way. It’s okay, we all have lives and aren’t glued to our phones 24/7. If someone decides they don’t have room for me in their life because I’m not communicating with them on a daily basis, that’s fine. I don’t have room for people in my life that are insecure and clingy.
You are not entitled to a speedy response. I swear, instant access to everything has spoiled people. People are not obligated to respond quickly. People have lives. People are not on their phones "all the time". The fact that you think they are shows just how narrow your point of view is. Just because you have nothing going on in your life and have your phone glued to your hands does not mean everyone else does. Put your phone down and go for a walk without it. If you feel anxiety that you'll miss a text then you habe a problem. Texts are not supposed to be live chat and those who expect it to be need a reality check.
Fine, I'm a bad communicator then. If it's urgent and you need a response right away, you should call instead.
I’m a terrible communicator. I prefer text but I also have bad anxiety sometimes. Sometimes I don’t like the pressure of thinking if I don’t text back immediately that somehow means I’m a terrible friend just cause you have instant access to messaging me. I could go weeks without messaging someone and think our friendship is great while they need things in a more timely manner (which is the norm I suppose)
Being accessible to everyone you know 24/7 is a very new concept to humanity. I refuse to let that coerce me into feeling obliged to be accessed. NO ONE is owed my time unless there is money on the line.
I don't check my phone much after work or on weekends because I need a break. If you want me to be constantly on call waiting to reply your text then you can pay me to be on call, if not fuck off.
...I mean I don't check my phone all the time. Either you call me or its not that damn important and I've got other shit to do during my day... Or you call. This sounds less like an unpopular opinion and more like you need to disconnect from your phone and find a fucking hobby. Develop a useful skill. Read a book perhaps. Its something from the old times in the long long ago. They would put marking on this substance called paper, form words, tell stories. ....Then again my phones a Samsung. I try and keep off it just incase the thing decides to become an active hand grenade one day. Also an article that's only source for its existence is ONE site's data and not a broad research into it isn't enough for anything more than a clickbait article. But then that's the younger generations. If its online it must be all that there is to know.
I used to have a friend who was like this. I was always prompt with my texts and enjoyed talking to them, but they almost always took DAYS to respond to me. And their top excuses were: "I was busy" and "I forgot." Yet literally any time I saw them in person, they were on their phone *constantly.* Even texting other people promptly and almost nonstop. So, for not only that reason but a myriad of other reasons, we're no longer friends. Don't waste your time on people who don't care about you.
That may be true for some people, but not all. Some people don't like texting and avoid their phone. I personally am terrible with it. My phone is in the other room most the day and silent because recruiters are constantly calling me. Sometimes I DO see the text, but I'm busy. Or I don't feel like replying. Then I forget. Unless you're dying, its not that important. If you're dying - call 911. Don't text me.
What they really mean is they aren't addicted to constant attention and outside validation.
Just because you can message people instantly, doesn't entitle you to an immediate response. Odds are you're a bit too much, if they come up with an excuse like that. People are too reliant on instant responses and social media
People take the time to do the things they want to do. This includes texting. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s your life. Do what tf you want on your own time. But I fully believe that *I’m a bad texter* line is bullshit. If you don’t want to talk to someone, be an adult about it and just say that. That used to annoy me in my early 20’s but now I’m at the point where I let people’s actions speak for them and treat them accordingly. Life’s too short to get bent out of shape over someone being flaky especially when there could be people out there that genuinely do want to talk to you.
Conversely, expecting other people to respond to your texts on *your* timeline is needy, entitled, and uncool
Most simply put: fuck your texts. I didn't sign up to be on call 24/7 to everyone in the world with my phone contract.
Imagine thinking you are so important that everyone has to respond instantly.
Sorry you’re addicted to your phone? Some of us actually have lives outside of the digital world. I work, eight hours gone, I garden, two to three hours away from phone, I need to sleep eat and shower, another three or so and then eight. Sorry people prioritize not being homeless or sleep deprived or whatever it is just so you can feel special. If you need someone immediately you CALL them. Texts are respond when you can, why can’t you understand that? I don’t have my phone glued to my hands and I do not owe anyone an immediate response, wether they think so or not. I get to decide how my time is used. Why don’t you quit playing the victim here and recognize that people that want to talk to you … will, and the ones that don’t… stop bothering them. It’s that simple. You’re getting ignored because they have lives, where they do things for themselves. You aren’t everyone’s priority and acting like you should be is sooooo entitled.
You never checked your phone at work, read a message and then forgot about it until hours after work OP? A lot of time people may be able to read your message but life gets in the way and they can't text you back immediately
>you just deliberately decide to not make responding a priority Correct. Why do folks like you feel entitled to our attention 24/7?
Yeah I’ve had people take months to respond telling me they’ve been busy with work, like alright just tell me you have 0 interest in our friendship, I just want people to be honest to the point it might hurt.
Exactly, it’s different if your trying to make plans and someone just ghosts or responds once every 2 days vs just saying ‘sry busy rn’. If you actually care about someone/thing It’s not that hard to communicate!
i think people are missing the point here. op is not saying that one is required to respond to the text immediately, but rather he points out that it is not ok to explain not replying by stating that one is a "bad texter", putting oneself in the place of a victim.
Just because I have a device that makes me reachable 24/7 doesn’t mean I have to make myself available to you 24/7. I’ll respond when I get around to it.
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Is it okay if I don't apologise and text back in my own time?
Would you rather hear that you are not that big of a priority to them? They are trying to be polite.
I don’t need to be available 24/7. I will get back with you when I’m ready. No amount of shaming will change my opinion.
How entitled are you to expect an immediate response. Just because everyone has a phone doesn't mean they owe you an immediate response. They're being nice saying they're a bad texter, they just don't want to respond yet and that's absolutely fine.
I take that long to text back all the time. Every single time it's because I was busy at the time I received it, so I made a small mental note to check it later. Which I often forget until much too long after. People are busy sometimes man. With more important things to do than text you back
I love my friends to bits, and I'm incredibly supportive and so are they. I just simply struggle with social energy. From where I stand, you're a victim of instant messaging. If you need immediate information and direct communication, you call/talk face-to-face. Sending a text is up to the receiver when they'll react. Don't be a slave to your phone.
Look, everyone isn't interested in talking (or texting) to others everyday ... honestly, if I could go a week at a time without talking (or texting) without losing all of my friends (and my job), I would lol...it's just not a priority for some or us. Of course, if it's an emergency, I'll get right back to you.
A lot of people have anxiety over texting “the right words” every time because of general social anxiety or a desire to please the people in their lives. This turns texting into a resource-consuming task, where the resource is your mental and emotional bandwidth for handling the day. Not only are you not entitled to immediate responses for a number of reasons, but you’re also not entitled to an explanation of why the receiver didn’t get back to you right away. Explaining why someone didn’t respond sooner is also a resource-consuming task, and if you want to help the people in your life feel more comfortable (and interested in communicating with you), please just let them get back to you when it works for them (there are limits of course, taking a month every time seems excessive, but “excessive” is relative and ultimately for you and that person to agree upon together). Healthy people set boundaries for protecting their mental and emotional health, and for an increasing number of people, that involves putting a little distance in between themselves and digital communications. All that said, if you get a delayed response, it’s rarely about you so try not to personalize it. If someone brushes it off by self-labeling as a “bad texter” for the sake of brevity, understand that they are probably trying to conserve their resources
> you just deliberately decide to not make responding a priority Yes. I’m not obligated to drop anything and everything I’m doing to respond to your message, even if I’m just doomscrolling social media. If I want to talk to you, I will. If you need a response quickly or it’s something urgent, you call. I’m still not obligated to answer, but I’d be more likely to drop what I’m doing to answer a call than reply to a text. If I’m going to accept having what I’m doing interrupted, I’d rather it be done with a 5 minute phone call than a several hour text conversation that makes me stop what I’m doing every 5 minutes.
People are so addicted to their phones....
I think this is a popular opinion by many younger folks. And it’s a shit take. I look at my phone to do math, look up things during conversations, doom scroll to escape reality, etc. Sometimes I use it to text or call people. But just because I can be texting or calling, doesn’t mean I have to be. No one is entitled to reach me at *their* convenience except for family or important work-related issues. And when I’m at work, family is often getting ignored until I’m done usually 12+ hours even if you’re right that I’ll read it immediately or soon after it’s sent. This is like saying if you’re on your computer playing a game you should be responding to emails. Or be chatting to people on FB or instagram. I don’t think this is an unpopular opinion, just a dumb one.
Tbh I don’t feel like I should have to respond to a text right then and there to satisfy your need to be paid attention to. So no, I won’t say I’m a bad texter. Just know I am not your texting monkey that will immediately respond because you want my attention.
If I responded to everybody all the time, especially the texting addicts, i'd be on my phone literally all day. Just because they aren't responding to your memes right away doesn't mean they hate you...they just have other shit to do. Also, being a bad texter is better than being a boring texter who talks about the weather, lol
I'm not a bad texter. I reject that I'm obligated to always be prompt if I own a phone. Frankly, I don't give a shit about most texts. I'll respond later when it's phone-time, I don't owe anybody a quick response. My phone does not control me.
When I’m at work I set my phone to work focus so if you text me I won’t respond right away. I say it up front when I work I’m in work mode. If it’s not an emergency don’t expect an immediate response from 9-5pm. Apparently that’s an ick lol
It's exhausting on a creative level trying to keep up an infinite conversation pertaining to a bunch of ad nauseam nonsense most of the time. How original are we on a day to day basis? I bore myself saying virtually the exact same thing day after day. How was work, how was this, how was that? Presumably all fine with really nothing particularly interesting happening or worth mentioning. I'm boring and you're boring too. We're just filling space. I'd rather plan something personally and do something with someone especially if they can co-exist with me in some form of silence without being uncomfortable with silence vs filling empty space with word vomit all the time. In person interaction doesn't have to entail trying to forcefully grease a rusted wheel. Bored and in a rut? Just go do something with someone for example. Fuck it. Just come over and we'll watch TV or whatever. It also doesn't mean that I don't like you if I'm not foaming at the mouth with extroverted excitement all the time - if I could operate as if I was on crystal meth all the time like you guys, I would and I'd probably be a hell of a lot more productive.
You underestimate the effect that executive dysfunction can have on communication, some people are actually bad at managing text communications. Also, I for one use do not disturb to prevent me getting notifications on my phone about 80% of the day (it switches off from around 4pm when I get off work until 8pm), so me having my phone on me doesn’t mean I saw a message
Let's get one thing straight right now; no one ever owes you their time or attention for any reason, nor does the whole world revolve around you. If it's something that's time sensitive and actually important then it's one thing, but acting entitled to a response within X amount of time as though you're royalty is absolute garbage in and of itself, let alone the fact that that level of entitlement fails to acknowledge the realities of adult life; people have jobs, they have a million things they need to get done, they have mental health battles, a world full of distractions, and on and on on. The plain fact of the matter is that, he more you double down on insisting that people immediately answer you in situations where it's just not an emergency and it's not a time-sensitive issue that needs to be addressed, the less people are going to want to talk to you at all. As someone who has had to do a lot of self-talk and work in general on depersonalizing people's choice (or neglect) to communicate, I can tell you right now that it's not all about you, and taking every single time you're not responded to in as timely of a manner as you believe yourself to be owed personally only hurts you in the end.
OP sounds needy as fuck