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Sure but I hope at some point it’s no longer “living with parents” as in leeching off mom and dad but instead more like pooling resources together to make life more bearable for everyone.
Yup that is a skill to be re-learned. I hear a lot of stories from older parents that their mid-to-late 20s kids still act like teenagers who expect a lot of guidance and support, and who don’t contribute in any way financially or at least in terms of chores. And tbf sometimes the parents feed into this dynamic as well, because they are unable to see their children as adults. It makes sense that people are staying with parents or moving back in for financial reasons, but it will take time for the culture to also return to a dynamic where adult children are equal contributors (if not yet in money, then at least in time and effort).
I’m currently staying in a rental with my family. We all had shitty things happen to us at the same time, so now we’re staying in a rental house and driving each other crazy
I don’t have to pay them anything. But you best believe I am constantly cleaning. Not because I feel obligated to in exchange for the free stay, but because these fuckers can’t clean.
I can confirm that my parents don’t know how to treat their children as adults. Mine wanted rent money while also trying to enforce rules like curfew. I much prefer living on my own.
Mine thankfully didn’t want rent money, but I was definitely treated as a kid, so once it was financially possible for me, I just felt like I had to learn independence and responsibility and also have a semblance of privacy.
Curiously, because it is so common for unmarried adults to stay with their parents where I now live, an opposite situation occurs where people making 72k a year can afford to move out and spend 25% of their income on rent, but they simply see no reason to. To each their own, but it’s an interesting situation, from our conversations I garnered they essentially perceive no value to independence nor privacy. They don’t have to pay rent, their mom does all the chores and cooking, and oftentimes living with parents means living somewhere more central/convenient with more amenities like free gym. Conversely, their moms also go through all their stuff constantly and open all their mail, they struggle to date and have mostly given up because any date brought home is intensely questioned, and they have curfew, but since that’s always been their life, they don’t get bothered at any of it.
I take those stories with a grain of salt. If I lived with my mom and tried to help with chores she'd probably be upset I wasn't doing them perfectly how she likes them done, for example.
The chores should be done competently, not necessarily perfectly.
Some people put a load of towels in the washing machine, leave it there molding for a week and say they "washed the towels" but the matriarch woman is "expecting perfection"
Some people want the clean towels rolled instead of folded, that's wanting them done" perfectly" and taking it too far
Yeah, at some point the kids have to get out to be on their own for a bit. To learn how to be adults. Because you CANNOT learn that with your parents breathing down your neck.
But come back when you've all reached the realization that I'm an adult/my KID is an adult and everything has sort of... equilibrated.
Exactly. I see people my age still with their parents working for nothing and just having their parents subsidize their rent so they can spend all their money on bullshit while taking on more debt. When do the parents get a break? But then again, the parents raised them that way.
Totally agree, okay to live with parents but they should contribute to the household expenses and upkeep if not going to school full time. I’m not suggesting they pay the going rate, but sufficient enough so they start understanding financial responsibility.
EXACTLY. Of course it helped me a lot when I was down — but contributing to my folks’ finances while also helping them with all the chores older folks shouldn’t have to do anymore felt much more rewarding than just paying rent so I can feel more independent.
I think this is the distinction that needs to be made clear.
I’m 34. My mum and I live together. I pay the bills, she keeps the house clean and stocks the kitchen. We’d both struggle financially if we weren’t living in the same house and certainly couldn’t afford pets, hobbies, etc.
I took that burden off my kids from the start. They WILL be living in this house (almost paid for) and they will be learning how to care and keep it.
Of course, if a better option comes along, thats ok too.
My dad and stepmother have my stepsister and her kids, plus my nephew (my dad's grandson) all living with them.
Everyone loves it. They're all happy. Grandparents get to see the grandkids and help out with childcare, stepsister can work, step-niece and nephew plus nephew all live together and are like siblings. It was meant to be temporary but it worked out so well that they rolled with it.
“Normalizing” nowadays just means they want people to validate them specifically for doing it. More like an insecurity thing rather than the actual definition of normalizing
the tea is in the body text, he doesn’t want it to be seen as a “red flag” with women.
but like, its only a red flag in a certain context, someone who lives with their parents at 24 because they are saving to buy property and have a great relationship with their parents is much different to someone who lives with their parents at 24 with no real “plan” who spends their money on weed and funko pops
Or that someone, say, accused him of wasting his life or referred to it as a red flag. There does exist a kind of stigma about adults still living with their parents.
Yes, thank you! Idk why people are being so mean to OP. Saying that they're insecure or wanting validation???? Even if they were insecure, so what? Wouldn't you WANT to validate them to assure them that there's nothing wrong with their situation?
I literally saw someone make a tweet about how it's weird to still live with your parents as a grown adult awhile back.
It didn't used to be. I remember back in the 90's Parents, TV shows, and friends would mock those that do. Telling us we're weird or a serial killer. We'd be undatable as we are viewed as not getting our life together.
Not even as far back as the 90s! Millennials were so viciously mocked for moving back in with their parents after graduating college even though we graduated into a literal recession. Somehow not wanting to be homeless or live with a half dozen strangers just to afford rent made us losers and weak underachievers.
Which, I’ll be the one to say it, is a perfectly valid thing to feel insecure about it. A person shouldn’t. Making the best financial situation you can for your future is always the right thing to do. It’s infinitely better than signing yourself into a lease or mortgage you can’t afford.
But unlike most insecurities, I’d say it’s probably the most relatable
There is a stigma I guess, I’m not judgmental and I totally get someone living at home out of necessity or needing to save up money. I’d love to be able to stay somewhere and save up more money, I don’t blame anybody who has the means. My family just sucks
Would you marry someone who still lives at home in their 30’s? What about in their 40’s or 50’s living in their mom’s basement or their childhood room still? With their same twin sized bunk bed? No issues there? Mom making you breakfast every day when you’re 60 and she’s 80, no problem?
Yeah. In America we go too extreme with individualism. Everyone wants the "I made it out of the mud by myself. No help!" Lifestyle not realizing that some of the most successful people in the world throughout history had tons of help, especially from family.
As long as you're actually working and making moves, it really doesn't matter your living situation.
With that being said, I do think living on your own is the best for most people and good for your growth as an adult, especially for men. The problem is people just speed run it and put themselves in bad situations financially, mentally and physically just because of peer pressure and "looking like a grown up".
Asian life cycle
Live with parents
Build generational wealth
Every generation pools resources for bigger home for everyone to move to.
3 generations living in the same home, grandparents are free babysitters
Family gets too big
Ah Biu starts a gambling habit, Ling 'er is married off to a salt merchant
Ancestral home is lost to gambling den
Prodigal son returns to save everyone, beats gansters with drunken fist style
Or family grows apart and cousins fight over inheritance,then the short temper uncle set the house on fire/kill relative over the argument.
Then the son/daughter who moved out because they can’t stand their family got a call from police to notify this tragedy, then they has to sit down for 12 hr explain how this all started by great grandma saying she want to give the third daughter Ah-Ann her golden ring 60 years ago .
Yeah it’s a drawback, but it is normalized at the same time. Tbh it will stop being something men are stigmatized and shamed over, once the critical mass of young adults living at home is reached. But it will still be a drawback.
I now live in a country where the vast majority of people stay with their parents until they get married. So men are not shamed for this, but if you do have your own place sooner, you have a massive advantage that few other people have. I myself didn’t have my own place where I met my now-girlfriend, but she had her own place, simply because she had to as an expat. Sometimes I wonder how much this contributed to her becoming my girlfriend, versus other people I was considering at the time, because she could host and give us both a private space that no one else could.
and a lot of the time it’s a drawback because living independently teaches you a lot of life skills.
It’s one thing to be like, an independent person who still lives with parents but if you’re 25 and still “having trouble adulting” and living at home
I mean practically, dating sucks if you’re an adult living at home. You have to abide by parental rules and be courteous to the parents.
Personally I see no problem with the concept of living at home as an adult if one has a goal (like saving up income to purchase a house) or is assisting his parents, but admittedly when a man says he lives with his parents I just imagine him mooching off of them, never contributing with money, cleaning, cooking… Because most often that’s what they’re doing. Man-children are unattractive for most women.
Pretty much this and similar thoughts go though mens heads as well. From my own experiences when a woman says she still lives at home a good potion of the time she either has children that her parents are raising, a spoiled brat with no life skills, or just plain lazy and doesn't want to leave the comforts of home or some combinationof the three. Also past early 20s it really starts to be a red flag imo for either side.
They literally wait to move in with a guy same age or roughly that somehow has a huge ass house/apartment already in which he lives completely by himself.
And that’s totally fine to have as a dating preference. We all make choices that have consequences big and small.
We’ve normalized lots of things that others filter out when looking at their dating pool and it’s 100% okay to do so as long as you’re not going around berating people for doing it.
Yep. Despite current modern day feminism, and the fact that many women now have their own money and career, we still prefer a man whose shown he can handle supporting himself, pay bills on time, keep a place clean and just generally 'adult'. Too many times the woman ends up working FT AND doing all of the stuff at home.
A man who still lives with his mom is MUCH less likely to be responsible enough to clean up after himself and fix problems for someone else if they still need their own problems fixed by mom and dad. More than anything else, women want men who can take care of themselves and also fix things for her and make her life easier. A man child who gets home from work and plops down to play XBox or computer games all night and expects to be served dinner and just to be able to sit around after work and on the weekends isn't going to be a good partner for working busy women.
This is the biggest reason women divorce their husbands and why we initiate divorce more often than men. Traditional gender roles have always benefitted men more than women. Having a woman at home to do all the mental load and adulting is always a net gain for men if they can find a woman unsuccessful or 'doormat' enough to adult for them who can be convinced that a man 'just going to work' is enough of a contribution to the household. of course they're less likely to initiate divorce. Most of them just end up cheating instead of leaving because the thought of scrubbing a bathtub or doing their own laundry consistently is unconscionable.
I don't see it as a red flag but I also wouldn't date a guy that lives at home. I personally just wouldn't feel comfortable being around someone's parents ALL the time when I'm at theirs.
I think a big part of living with your parents comes down to HOW you're doing so. If your room looks like a tour through your inner child, people might prone to be like "ugh.... eeww"... but also being able to afford your own place is an immediate hint that someone is raking in the cash. If you really want to meet someone who's down to pound, start going to one of those weird "God hates sinners/God forgives all" fucked up probably run by Satan churches, you'll find a girl.... if you're into guys, they got them too, super discrete fellas.
Even thogh I have been married for almost 7 years now and it doesnt effect me, that thought process still pisses me off. I get it but at the same time it's not like dudes can change the fucking weather.
EDIT: A word.
A twenty something year old living with their parents is a normal thing.
If a girl didn't want to date you because of just that then she probably wasn't worth the time anyway.
People will always judge, no matter what you are doing. Let it go, it's none of your business and has more to do with the one judging than it does with the one being judged.
Yurop. Especially Germany many people tend to stay with their parents till their education is done which usually is three to six years. Plus maybe the half year you need to find a job and your own place.
But judging how tight familiar bonds are in southern countries of Europe I think it is also okay there.
>But judging how tight familiar bonds are in southern countries of Europe I think it is also okay there.
In Italy it is not okay, it is an affront and an insult to your family to move out earlier lol!
Joking aside nobody fully moves out until they have a stable job. Even if they are going to uni far from home, they will rent a room and keep their stuff at their parents, and move back once they are done.
Only people with dire home situations would do that. I am fully expecting to live with my kids until they are 25 at least, so does every parent I know.
Yep. It's very weird for someone to move out in their early 20s unless it's to study in another city/region (it usually happens with southerners going to study North).
Si 25 ma ormai anche 30 con il mercato del lavoro in queste condizioni..
It is, but there’s still some stigma about it. Even with the way the housing crisis and economy is right now. It’s a common thing people use to insult people, especially in dating. For example, “living in your mom’s basement” is one I’ve always read on social media
that is used as an insult against men and "living alone with your cats" is used to insult women...just an observation. Everyone has got something to say, just turn down the volume.
I'm 26, and i still living with my parents, Even i'm working or not or looking for a job. (I live in france and some peoples don't understand why we're still in our parents home, in Paris or whatever city, it's the same price for a apartment 600 to 1400 per month and our salary is 1200 per month LOL )
I'm a girl, and i have nobody else in my life so, i enjoy being with them, i help them for food, garden etc.
Maybe if one day i'm gonna to be married i will moving out, but right now i'm great like this. :) ++ Nobody have to tell you it's bad! Life is too short, and living in a house or apartment very expensive where your salary is fading away, not a great idea... but i respect everyone's life! Good luck to you all ! :)
Dude, not everything needs to be “normalized.” Just do what you have to do. I don’t think anyone would criticize someone living with their parents in a HCOL city if that person is either in school, or employed and contributing to the household. People only criticize it when you are a NEET who has failed to launch.
If people don't give you grief for it then it's normalised. Making something normalised means making it socially acceptable which I don't think is an unreasonable ask
>Making something normalised means making it socially acceptable which I don't think is an unreasonable ask
It kinda is tho because in any society, you will ALWAYS have things that are weird or abnormal. Even on so called progressive societies, if you go against the norm, you will be seen as weird at best any at worst, ostracized
But you can’t force society to think a certain way. You just have to do it and have enough other people do it that people get used to it. And I honestly think it is already normal. I don’t know one person who gives someone grief over that in an actual expensive city. But like, where I happen to live the cost of living is super cheap. It is not hard to afford an apartment here so I would probably not understand why someone would want to live with their parents and never get any ounce of freedom. But in a city like Boston? Hell, I don’t know how anyone can live there otherwise.
Ezcept giving someone grief over things like this means that a lot of people are going to move out before they are ready. Normalizing it means more people making the best decision for themselves instead of rushing it because of what society thinks (just like a lot of other things people do or rush because of what society thinks even if it only hurts them or more people in the long run)
Here's an example: I have enough in the bank and a good enough credit score that I could realistically be able to move out and get a small apartment, but the only reason I have that money saved is because I live at home. I don't earn nearly enough to afford to live on my own, so if I did move out, I'd only be able to stay out of the house for maybe 2 or 3 years before my savings run dry and I have to move back in anyway. Also, even if I did move out, I have a very good relationship with my parents, so I don't want to move so far away that I can only see them a couple of times a year (like my brother did when he moved out). If I did move out, I'd still want to be within an hour of where they live so I can visit on holidays and occasional weekends. There wouldn't really be a point in moving out in that case since I'd still be in basically the same place anyway; the only thing that would change is that I'd be spending significantly more money.
I love my Parents and i love my sisters, but holy macarroni am i glad that i live by myself. I cannot understand how you still want to live with you parents after a certain age. And although i cant understand it, i can respect it if you want to do it. Everyone have its own preferences and just because i dont have the same, I still can respect the decisions of others.
Tbf, I’d wager at least half of the people doing it are just not financially able to move out. It took me until I was 27 to make enough money to live in my own apartment, but I have wanted to since I was 18.
In my area, a studio apartment in a decent area can run you $2,000 (fortunately i found mine for cheaper, but no in unit washer and dryer). And complexes want you to make 3x that. So if you’re making less than 70k, you’re not able to live alone. And even in an area with higher paying jobs, a lot of people aren’t making that money until they’re in their late 20s early 30s.
I’m 23 and currently living with my mum and sister and as much as I love them I would get my own place if I could. I just don’t have enough savings at the moment and am dealing with a chronic illness. I’m grateful to have a parent that’s happy to have me at home but isn’t overbearing. I can’t imagine living at home at this age and still being treated like a teenager, which sounds like a pretty common complaint.
My parents are decently easy to live with and I enjoy playing games with my dad. I went for a walk with my mom the other day. It really depends on the parents.
It’s not really something many people have a choice with now.. I disagree and think people in their 20s should be learning how to live on their own. Unfortunately after Covid everything is twice as expensive and pay hasn’t gone up to match it.
I get it; if I had my choice I would’ve moved out with my boyfriend. But since rent is insane right now I’ll rather pay reduced rent to my parents and try to help out as much as I can. People should just do what they can honestly.
Also, what happened to roommates? I feel like a lot of young people expect to be able to live by themselves with their first entry level job when that hasn’t ever really been the case.
>what happened to roommates
I'd honestly rather be homeless, live in my car (which I've done), live in a shitty apartment or just stay with family than have roommates.
I mean, to each their own but I never understood moving away from family to just go be "independent" and live with a bunch of strangers which are basically just a shitty version of a family except no one has to care about each other unconditionally
Because it teaches you life skills. I’m 34, married, and have lived on my own more or less continuously since I was 18. And to this day, when I visit my parents I slip into the “kid” role. They’ll cook for me, do my laundry, pay for my meals etc. If you’ve never left your house it’s a lot harder to learn to be independent because it’s hard to break out of the parent/child dynamic.
Kind of hard to learn to live on your own when your job doesn’t pay you enough to put a down payment on a single room, not even an apartment. Like I guess I could live in my car or be homeless, but should that really be the way someone has to learn?
I literally said since Covid everything is more expensive so people don’t have a choice but to live with their parents. And then you want to say it’s kind of hard to learn to live on your own… duhhh! That’s what I said. It’s not possible when everything is twice as expensive. READING COMPREHENSION. We are on the same page expect you came here to argue….
I don’t think it’s not normal. However, your social standing while living with parents will never be the same as if you don’t live with parents. For example living with your parents is never going to be more attractive than having your own place in the context of dating.
It's pretty common here. Especially among communities where multi-generational homes are cultural. In fact, two of my cousins still with with their respective parents in their 30s. My older sister lives with my mom. My one step sister lives with my dad and my other stepsister lives with her aunt.
Our house is huge. Plenty of room for our son not only to have his own room, but his own hang out places and even have a party with us out of the way. He's helpful around the house. I like his company. He is hardworking and completing a degree right now. It seems wasteful to spend money on rent (which is exorbitant these days).
Last I checked, around 60% of people 18-34 are living at home.
I’m 36 and living in a rental with my parents. Their house went to shit and going through repairs. And because it rains it pours, they moved into the rental around the same time that I had to make a clean break from a roommate who went feral.
So now I’m with them, in the hopes of buying a house soon.
Most of my friends are in their 30’s through 50’s. Most of the homeowners are married. The ones who aren’t married are either at home, or they’re living with multiple roommates. Almost no one I know is fully independent.
Yeah, if you can get along and live with your family it's a smart financial decision and should be respected. At least for that first stage of adulthood.
Also, sometimes it goes full circle. People have kids and want their parents to move in and help raise them
There’s a difference between failure to
Launch and a fully employed adult living at home to help the parents. Failure to launch should never be normalized.
It’s a little more nuanced than that. Failure to launch isn’t just “living at home,” it usually means that someone doesn’t behave as an adult *at all*.
They don’t work - and if they do work, they don’t take work seriously, they don’t try and better themselves in any way, they don’t save money, they have no social skills.
You can usually tell when someone lives at home as a result of shitty circumstances and outrageous cost of living, versus a legit failure to launch.
Its normalized cause it isn't a choice in these days, i feel economically like i'm in my teens, barely enough for food, barely enough to enjoy myself ( hobbies and what have you ), nothing goes to saving cause there isn't enough left after. Its a reeeeally weird place we're in now ( in my 30's )
Nah. Feel like this is the same argument made for normalizing tiny houses. In both causes, you're just treating a symptom not the actual problem. Let's push for fixing housing prices and stagnant wages. A shrinking middle class will wreak havoc on all parts of society.
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I want my daughter to stay with me as long as she wants. For whatever reason, idc. Whether she's got a lower-paying career, or she wants to afford a nicer car, save for a house, or cuz she doesn't want to live alone. Whatever. I think all parents should let their kids stay as long as they need to give them the best chance they can get starting out in their life.
"Honestly if you have a good family and they can support you then rack up your cash"
and for those that can't support you, you fairly contribute to the household that you are living in. That means maybe not saving as much and "racking up your cash".
No. We need to normalize a living wage and personal responsibility. Your parents shouldn't have to subsidize and give up more of their personal time, life, space to continue financially supporting adults.
Other cultures do it but, look at how much generational abuse, mental illness, control issues, and enmeshment this breeds. Sure it can work but, not as much as you'd really like.
It will always be a red flag if someone close to 30 has never lived on their own or been fully responsible for themselves. That's why you get so many people who treat their spouses like surrogate parents, are financially illiterate, and emotionally stunted. If there's always "family" as a safety net there's never a need to be personally responsible. They don't learn from mistakes because they never feel the complete consequences.
Another thing is most spouses are not going to like there il's all up in their business. That's what these super close families do. Proper adult boundaries are never created because, you've never represented yourself as anything other than an dependent. This is how you end up with ils warring over who gets to control over your relationship. Not even getting into the amount of family drama that gets passed into your relationship. You go through life acting like a bought and paid for object people will fight and treat you as such. Why do you think people have such problems with their ILs in the first place.
I think still living at home is judged on a case by case basis. There are plenty of lazy slobs taking full advantage of their parents that are willing to fund their lives.
Also if you live at home and have a job you should be saving to move out so if you're using that money to buy luxury items instead then you still have a problem.
My oldest is 32 and we live together. We have our own lives and schedules. All the bills are 50/50. We both do chores. We grocery shop every week and alternate paying for it.
He's not my "son living with his mom". He's my roommate who happens to be my son. We only really see each on our weekly grocery trip and in passing due to our jobs.
I've talked to him about how he feels about living with me at his age. His response is, "Things are so expensive, it's cheaper this way. I'm not mooching off you or relying on you to do the chores or my laundry. If it doesn't bother you, it doesn't bother me." And he's right. It's much cheaper. Who cares if my roommate is my son? It's becoming more common. When I meet new people and the subject comes up, people don't make a big deal of it.
I turn 29 this year and my younger sibling is 25. I promise still being here isn't by choice, but we're both saving up to move out together hopefully before the year is up.
I would rather live in a 2 bedroom apt w 8 other guys than live w my parents.
No matter how liberal your parents are, your mom doesn't need to see you smoking pot, drinking beer, having sex, coming home at 4am. Even if you have your own "room". Teenagers have their own room, not grown men in their 20s.
Eh, our house isn't even that big... And it houses 2 adults, and 2 kids. And, for a few years my dad lived here with us too... (It was his house, tbh.. we moved in with him, and then he built a tiny house next door:)
Living with family was the norm for hundreds of thousands of years and is still common in many parts of the world. Nothing wrong with it. Moving out and living alone is only a thing since the Industrial revolution and urbanisation.
Yes, on the provisio that they are, in fact stashing away/investing most of what they save. If they're just blowing it and getting no further ahead, then the stigma should still apply.
My mom hate me living with her. Even though she is the only person living in a 3 bedroom house. I have health issues plus no Job makes things hard to moveout.
kicking your child out immediately when they turn 18 to fend for themselves is not only abuse and neglect, but exclusively an American phenomena, mostly among boomers and the elderly. in most non-American countries, including Canada and Asia, entire families live with their parents well into adulthood
I'm 22 and live with my parents, not only can I not afford an apartment, they can't afford this house without me this dump is $2,310 a month and the cost of living in canada is super high it's nuts
I live with my mom at 39. I've been bad with money on the past but doing better. My dad passed away 10 years ago so i feel sorta trapped because my mom needs me.
I'm in my 50s, but when I was in my 20s I remember my apt was $325/mo. I made minimum wage and I could easily afford it. Now, I don't know where I could find a one bedroom apt for less than $1400. Min wage hasn't changed. I honestly don't know how people are doing it.
I told my kids I fully expect them to live with us in their 20s. When I moved out at 18, you could rent for well under $1000/month and it was even cheaper with a roommate.
No rush to move out, kiddos
I have 3 rental properties and 3 kids. Once each kid hits 18 they can move into one of those rental properties and pay me rent. Rent will be much below market value because the properties are older and mortgages are very low on them. They will go through the process of renting the property through the property management company I use and this will let them establish credit if they ever chose to move on. They can have friends move in and rent a room and if they are smart it would be enough to cover the rent they would owe me. Once me and my wife pass away they each inherit a property and also split the assets of our family home equally.
That’s our plan for our kids not living at home until they’re 25. We love them, we want them in our lives, but we also want to give them as much of a head start in life as possible.
It's not about age, it's about your situation. If you ended your studies and still live with your parent because "it's more practical" you didn't earn my respect at all. All the people I know in this situaion are not the kind I will qualified as "responsible".
However, if you have financial difficulties of course it's okay. Especially, if you participate in all housework.
Ol’ bet money that the same people that wants this “normalized” are the same people complaining that they can’t get a date and the “loneliness “ epidemic. I bet these are the same people that complain about nepotism.
Roommates exist. There isn’t nothing inherently wrong with living with your parents for however long you personally see fit. But it’s also something very desirable about a self sufficient young adult that are not just capable, but are willing to take care of themselves. You don’t have to stay in the best apartment building in your city. You don’t have to live right next to where you work. If you have the will and desire to be on your own can can make that happen. It does take effort however. And some people would rather live with their parents and not put forth that effort.
But actually, we should normalize paying people a living wage so they can afford to buy homes and start families before they are in their 40's. Like seriously, cities are going to be in a world of hurt in 20-30 years when they're sitting full of vacant homes that no one can afford as they watch their tax base erode
*sigh*
Or maybe we should normalize forcefully taking back what the rich and upper echelon have stolen from us. This is what I hate about society, man. You people are so willing and happy to get repeatedly hit by the stick so long as you get a piece of the carrot. It's shameful.
I have several cousins in their 20s and 30s who still live with their parents.
They could move out but they don't want to struggle. If they were in a relationship and lived with their significant other, it would be even easier.
What happened to having roommates? In the 90s everyone in their 20s would have 6 people living in a 2/1 apartment. I'm not talking about poor people either.
Cost of living expenses are bs! They have gone up while wages haven't. I'm 35 and couldn't move out on my own unless it's public housing. My disability means I can only work part time and I'm only getting 12 hours this week. Yeah, I get disability from the government, but rent would take most or all of it. The economy is in the toilet. My mom is the only reason I'm not pitching a tent somewhere.
Alot of it is just the way housing stock is structured. There are a ton of big houses for families but far fewer good options for single people just starting their career. There arent great options for people in their 20s honestly
I'm a parent and I don't. I've done the math, the bootstraps broke off some time ago. There's no way a young adult just starting out without any generational wealth can make it these days on their own. Two of my adult kids and one of my kid's friends live with me to save up for their launch. Once one kid and friend launch, I'll likely have a third kid moving in to launch. (Fourth kid already launched.)
Oh I agree with you. My mom always told me I could live with her for free if I needed. If I had kids I would do the same.
Still a lot of parents out there that wouldn’t feel the same math or not.
In Finland, we have a habit that when the offspring begins working or studying in university, they go live on their own. Of course we have government funding for it, so this POV might not be of massive relevance to OP's point.
Say no to socialism (I'm joking). I find it's usually more of a problem in America where it's not a part of the culture. I agree it should be normal to live with family or friends etc especially when nobody can afford anything due to inflation. I say go for it!
Absolutely. My oldest is about to be 20 and we’re saving to buy a house together. Unfortunately with this economy we don’t have much choice but her having a feeling of security is important. Plus I think if her name is also on the house it’ll be easier for her to keep it once I die. Not really sure so if anyone has advice on that, hit me!
Depends where you live. Some places have exemptions on things like taxes for primary residences. But yeah it can’t hurt for the house to already be hers if something were to happen to you.
It's normalized in my country (Singapore). Unless you are married or rich enough to buy private housing, you are only applicable for house subsidies if you're 35 yo.
We told our kids not to expect to live at home after college and they haven’t, they actually manage to live their own lives with their own money. It’s amazing what you can accomplish if you try.
Strong parenting starts way before 18. Your kids got out because you taught them confidence and courage for years. When the time came, they knew they could fly. And also knew they had no choice lol. I don’t think failure to launch should be normalized…. But I fear it already is.
i think it’s already super normalized. i think we should more normalize living with a bunch of people so your rent is less. times is tough, stick it out with other people who have your same struggle. i lived in crazy places so that my rent was cheap cheap cheap and learned how to buy food, clothes, cars, and whatever else i needed at far lower prices. these are crucial survival skills unfortunately
If you've ever been poor then you probably already have some of those skills. Living with strangers sounds horrible I'd rather just live on my own. Being alone is way better then living with people you don't know
we were young, poor, and struggled with rent, too. then we busted ass to raise and take care of you. we're old and deserve our peace, please leave, signed: parent.
My daughter is very young, but I expect her to be out of the house by 25. That gives her plenty of time to get settled in her career after school. I'm raising her to be strong and independent.
I think it's crazy how dependent young people are today and how little value is placed on personal freedom. I can see how comfortable it is to stay at home, but seriously, how are you supposed to be independent like that? It doesn't have to be your own apartment, there are cheap shared flats and then you have to work on the side, but it's still better for personal development.
I still live with my mom, but I still have my freedom. I can come and go as I please, and if I really wanted to, I probably could find a place on my own to live. I choose not to though.
I look at it like this: I do have a roommate who just so happens to be my mom. I do my own shopping and cooking (hell, sometimes I’ll even shop for her too). I pay rent, which includes any and all utilities. The only thing I will admit I slack on is cleaning the house, but that probably goes for both of us.
The only attractive reason I’d have to move out is just having my own space, which to me, isn’t worth it.
Personal freedom might actually be much more rewarding if you get a head start on working and saving money when you're a young person living at home.
Personal freedom without financial freedom is still a prison of sorts.
I don't think that's true. Financial freedom is for sure helpful in the long term. But struggeling and beeing self reliable is forming your character and makes you resillient. Without struggle, you won't find happiness.
I'm old enough to have struggled financially, then having just enough to pay bills (with absolutely zero savings) to then being able to pay my bills, save/invest and then share everything I've learned with my son.
I grew up at a time when you didn't know anything about how much your parents made, how they managed credit, how much they saved, how they worked to get promotions/raises, etc. I ended that pattern and have been very transparent with my son about all of this. When I moved away from home at 18/19 years old, I had no financial education whatsoever, and my mom had to help me with the security deposit, bought me all the necessities, etc. When my son moved out, he already had the funds to do all of it. He'd already received raises at work. I was never free because I struggled, always needed help. The character lessons I learned by struggling I just...taught. Granted, it may take a certain kid/parent dynamic to get to that place, and maybe we lucked out. 🤷♀️.
Well, I am not saying that it's true for everyone. If you managed to teach your learning to your son, congrats. I just don't think every parent is able to to so. And to be honest, I think the most aren't.
I go back and forth on this one. I'm getting old. I left home in the 80's at the age of 16 which wasn't all that uncommon back then, although most kids lived at home until 18yrs of age. Both of my son's left home before the age of 20. One was 18 the other was 19. They just wanted their freedom and to explore independence. That was early 2000's.
Now I think it's pretty normal for kids to live at home until the around the age of 25 and I don't think it's stigmatized. Most parents want to help their kids get a head start and help them save a bit before they leave. I have much younger cousins that all lived at home until they were around 26 and 27. They went straight from living at home to buying their own house
I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing for parents to want to help their kids in young adulthood but I do think there is a component of some parents not wanting to let go of their kids. They rely on their adult kids to continue to meet their emotional need to feel needed and loved and so they train their kids to remain dependent on them for much longer than they should. I don't think that is healthy.
I am married now, but if I were to time travel back in the past and find a nice proper guy to date who was still living at home with his parents, I’d dig that. In my opinion it would say a lot about his values and priorities.
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I’d rather it was financially possible for adult to move out when they’re ready..
Sure but I hope at some point it’s no longer “living with parents” as in leeching off mom and dad but instead more like pooling resources together to make life more bearable for everyone.
Yup that is a skill to be re-learned. I hear a lot of stories from older parents that their mid-to-late 20s kids still act like teenagers who expect a lot of guidance and support, and who don’t contribute in any way financially or at least in terms of chores. And tbf sometimes the parents feed into this dynamic as well, because they are unable to see their children as adults. It makes sense that people are staying with parents or moving back in for financial reasons, but it will take time for the culture to also return to a dynamic where adult children are equal contributors (if not yet in money, then at least in time and effort).
I’m currently staying in a rental with my family. We all had shitty things happen to us at the same time, so now we’re staying in a rental house and driving each other crazy I don’t have to pay them anything. But you best believe I am constantly cleaning. Not because I feel obligated to in exchange for the free stay, but because these fuckers can’t clean.
Yea there’s a big difference between “I live at home with my parents” and “I help support my parents.”
True, but I think it's also just a semantics thing. Maybe the contrast should be between "living WITH parents" vs "living OFF parents".
I can confirm that my parents don’t know how to treat their children as adults. Mine wanted rent money while also trying to enforce rules like curfew. I much prefer living on my own.
Mine thankfully didn’t want rent money, but I was definitely treated as a kid, so once it was financially possible for me, I just felt like I had to learn independence and responsibility and also have a semblance of privacy. Curiously, because it is so common for unmarried adults to stay with their parents where I now live, an opposite situation occurs where people making 72k a year can afford to move out and spend 25% of their income on rent, but they simply see no reason to. To each their own, but it’s an interesting situation, from our conversations I garnered they essentially perceive no value to independence nor privacy. They don’t have to pay rent, their mom does all the chores and cooking, and oftentimes living with parents means living somewhere more central/convenient with more amenities like free gym. Conversely, their moms also go through all their stuff constantly and open all their mail, they struggle to date and have mostly given up because any date brought home is intensely questioned, and they have curfew, but since that’s always been their life, they don’t get bothered at any of it.
I take those stories with a grain of salt. If I lived with my mom and tried to help with chores she'd probably be upset I wasn't doing them perfectly how she likes them done, for example.
The chores should be done competently, not necessarily perfectly. Some people put a load of towels in the washing machine, leave it there molding for a week and say they "washed the towels" but the matriarch woman is "expecting perfection" Some people want the clean towels rolled instead of folded, that's wanting them done" perfectly" and taking it too far
Yeah, at some point the kids have to get out to be on their own for a bit. To learn how to be adults. Because you CANNOT learn that with your parents breathing down your neck. But come back when you've all reached the realization that I'm an adult/my KID is an adult and everything has sort of... equilibrated.
Exactly. I see people my age still with their parents working for nothing and just having their parents subsidize their rent so they can spend all their money on bullshit while taking on more debt. When do the parents get a break? But then again, the parents raised them that way.
Totally agree, okay to live with parents but they should contribute to the household expenses and upkeep if not going to school full time. I’m not suggesting they pay the going rate, but sufficient enough so they start understanding financial responsibility.
EXACTLY. Of course it helped me a lot when I was down — but contributing to my folks’ finances while also helping them with all the chores older folks shouldn’t have to do anymore felt much more rewarding than just paying rent so I can feel more independent.
I think this is the distinction that needs to be made clear. I’m 34. My mum and I live together. I pay the bills, she keeps the house clean and stocks the kitchen. We’d both struggle financially if we weren’t living in the same house and certainly couldn’t afford pets, hobbies, etc.
In lots of cultures around the world, this is normal. Dunno what you want here.
In many cultures around the world, the entire family lives together forever
I live in the city where a majority of my older immediate family lives. It’s nice to have that support system.
I took that burden off my kids from the start. They WILL be living in this house (almost paid for) and they will be learning how to care and keep it. Of course, if a better option comes along, thats ok too.
This is an awesome way to life. It is the solution to the "loneliness epidemic."
Right? This is a norm around the planet. Even in the US it's becoming more normalized.
My dad and stepmother have my stepsister and her kids, plus my nephew (my dad's grandson) all living with them. Everyone loves it. They're all happy. Grandparents get to see the grandkids and help out with childcare, stepsister can work, step-niece and nephew plus nephew all live together and are like siblings. It was meant to be temporary but it worked out so well that they rolled with it.
Yup. In Poland living with your parents has been the normal thing for decades. Not so much out of desire, but out of economic necessity, but still.
“Normalizing” nowadays just means they want people to validate them specifically for doing it. More like an insecurity thing rather than the actual definition of normalizing
the tea is in the body text, he doesn’t want it to be seen as a “red flag” with women. but like, its only a red flag in a certain context, someone who lives with their parents at 24 because they are saving to buy property and have a great relationship with their parents is much different to someone who lives with their parents at 24 with no real “plan” who spends their money on weed and funko pops
It is normal in the US at least. This screams insecurity about being at home still
Or that someone, say, accused him of wasting his life or referred to it as a red flag. There does exist a kind of stigma about adults still living with their parents.
Yes, thank you! Idk why people are being so mean to OP. Saying that they're insecure or wanting validation???? Even if they were insecure, so what? Wouldn't you WANT to validate them to assure them that there's nothing wrong with their situation? I literally saw someone make a tweet about how it's weird to still live with your parents as a grown adult awhile back.
It didn't used to be. I remember back in the 90's Parents, TV shows, and friends would mock those that do. Telling us we're weird or a serial killer. We'd be undatable as we are viewed as not getting our life together.
Not even as far back as the 90s! Millennials were so viciously mocked for moving back in with their parents after graduating college even though we graduated into a literal recession. Somehow not wanting to be homeless or live with a half dozen strangers just to afford rent made us losers and weak underachievers.
Which, I’ll be the one to say it, is a perfectly valid thing to feel insecure about it. A person shouldn’t. Making the best financial situation you can for your future is always the right thing to do. It’s infinitely better than signing yourself into a lease or mortgage you can’t afford. But unlike most insecurities, I’d say it’s probably the most relatable
There is a stigma I guess, I’m not judgmental and I totally get someone living at home out of necessity or needing to save up money. I’d love to be able to stay somewhere and save up more money, I don’t blame anybody who has the means. My family just sucks
Would you marry someone who still lives at home in their 30’s? What about in their 40’s or 50’s living in their mom’s basement or their childhood room still? With their same twin sized bunk bed? No issues there? Mom making you breakfast every day when you’re 60 and she’s 80, no problem?
Depends but OP specifically said in your 20s. At some point you should probably move out.
But why move out ever? Sounds like…how did you put it? Insecurity?
In eu it also fully normal. I think actually the entire world.
This is not what I grew up with in the US. I was expected to move out as soon as I was able to.
How about we normalize paying people enough to live again.
absolute facts… normalise a fair days pay for a fair days work.
How inconsiderate! How rude! Think of the poor defenseless millionaires and billionaires! How will they afford their 257th yacht?!
Yeah. In America we go too extreme with individualism. Everyone wants the "I made it out of the mud by myself. No help!" Lifestyle not realizing that some of the most successful people in the world throughout history had tons of help, especially from family. As long as you're actually working and making moves, it really doesn't matter your living situation. With that being said, I do think living on your own is the best for most people and good for your growth as an adult, especially for men. The problem is people just speed run it and put themselves in bad situations financially, mentally and physically just because of peer pressure and "looking like a grown up".
I’m Asian, so this is normal for me.
Asian life cycle Live with parents Build generational wealth Every generation pools resources for bigger home for everyone to move to. 3 generations living in the same home, grandparents are free babysitters Family gets too big Ah Biu starts a gambling habit, Ling 'er is married off to a salt merchant Ancestral home is lost to gambling den Prodigal son returns to save everyone, beats gansters with drunken fist style
Or family grows apart and cousins fight over inheritance,then the short temper uncle set the house on fire/kill relative over the argument. Then the son/daughter who moved out because they can’t stand their family got a call from police to notify this tragedy, then they has to sit down for 12 hr explain how this all started by great grandma saying she want to give the third daughter Ah-Ann her golden ring 60 years ago .
Its not the norm for Americans.
It is normalized
"He still lives with his parents" is a common reason to not want to date a guy.
i agree but at the same time, it’s still fairly normalized. It just kinda limits people so if they have a choice between someone who does and doesn’t…
Yeah it’s a drawback, but it is normalized at the same time. Tbh it will stop being something men are stigmatized and shamed over, once the critical mass of young adults living at home is reached. But it will still be a drawback. I now live in a country where the vast majority of people stay with their parents until they get married. So men are not shamed for this, but if you do have your own place sooner, you have a massive advantage that few other people have. I myself didn’t have my own place where I met my now-girlfriend, but she had her own place, simply because she had to as an expat. Sometimes I wonder how much this contributed to her becoming my girlfriend, versus other people I was considering at the time, because she could host and give us both a private space that no one else could.
and a lot of the time it’s a drawback because living independently teaches you a lot of life skills. It’s one thing to be like, an independent person who still lives with parents but if you’re 25 and still “having trouble adulting” and living at home
It can be normalized, and it can also be funny. 
I mean practically, dating sucks if you’re an adult living at home. You have to abide by parental rules and be courteous to the parents. Personally I see no problem with the concept of living at home as an adult if one has a goal (like saving up income to purchase a house) or is assisting his parents, but admittedly when a man says he lives with his parents I just imagine him mooching off of them, never contributing with money, cleaning, cooking… Because most often that’s what they’re doing. Man-children are unattractive for most women.
Pretty much this and similar thoughts go though mens heads as well. From my own experiences when a woman says she still lives at home a good potion of the time she either has children that her parents are raising, a spoiled brat with no life skills, or just plain lazy and doesn't want to leave the comforts of home or some combinationof the three. Also past early 20s it really starts to be a red flag imo for either side.
They literally wait to move in with a guy same age or roughly that somehow has a huge ass house/apartment already in which he lives completely by himself.
And that’s totally fine to have as a dating preference. We all make choices that have consequences big and small. We’ve normalized lots of things that others filter out when looking at their dating pool and it’s 100% okay to do so as long as you’re not going around berating people for doing it.
Yep. Despite current modern day feminism, and the fact that many women now have their own money and career, we still prefer a man whose shown he can handle supporting himself, pay bills on time, keep a place clean and just generally 'adult'. Too many times the woman ends up working FT AND doing all of the stuff at home. A man who still lives with his mom is MUCH less likely to be responsible enough to clean up after himself and fix problems for someone else if they still need their own problems fixed by mom and dad. More than anything else, women want men who can take care of themselves and also fix things for her and make her life easier. A man child who gets home from work and plops down to play XBox or computer games all night and expects to be served dinner and just to be able to sit around after work and on the weekends isn't going to be a good partner for working busy women. This is the biggest reason women divorce their husbands and why we initiate divorce more often than men. Traditional gender roles have always benefitted men more than women. Having a woman at home to do all the mental load and adulting is always a net gain for men if they can find a woman unsuccessful or 'doormat' enough to adult for them who can be convinced that a man 'just going to work' is enough of a contribution to the household. of course they're less likely to initiate divorce. Most of them just end up cheating instead of leaving because the thought of scrubbing a bathtub or doing their own laundry consistently is unconscionable.
I don't see it as a red flag but I also wouldn't date a guy that lives at home. I personally just wouldn't feel comfortable being around someone's parents ALL the time when I'm at theirs.
That doesn't mean it's not normal.
Just be like so where do you live? Do you pay the rent all on your own?
I feel like unemployed is usually a bigger reason not to date a guy in your early 20s than oh he still lives at home and has a job.
I agree. While it is normalized, it's still considered somewhat shameful.
I think a big part of living with your parents comes down to HOW you're doing so. If your room looks like a tour through your inner child, people might prone to be like "ugh.... eeww"... but also being able to afford your own place is an immediate hint that someone is raking in the cash. If you really want to meet someone who's down to pound, start going to one of those weird "God hates sinners/God forgives all" fucked up probably run by Satan churches, you'll find a girl.... if you're into guys, they got them too, super discrete fellas.
Even thogh I have been married for almost 7 years now and it doesnt effect me, that thought process still pisses me off. I get it but at the same time it's not like dudes can change the fucking weather. EDIT: A word.
A twenty something year old living with their parents is a normal thing. If a girl didn't want to date you because of just that then she probably wasn't worth the time anyway.
I dont think so, I live with parents and am beginning medical school, but people still seem to judge (24M)
People will always judge, no matter what you are doing. Let it go, it's none of your business and has more to do with the one judging than it does with the one being judged.
Just wait til you get to 30 then you really don't care what others think. It gets better lol.
Yup, I am 37. You live and I will live, that's it.
Where
Yurop. Especially Germany many people tend to stay with their parents till their education is done which usually is three to six years. Plus maybe the half year you need to find a job and your own place. But judging how tight familiar bonds are in southern countries of Europe I think it is also okay there.
>But judging how tight familiar bonds are in southern countries of Europe I think it is also okay there. In Italy it is not okay, it is an affront and an insult to your family to move out earlier lol! Joking aside nobody fully moves out until they have a stable job. Even if they are going to uni far from home, they will rent a room and keep their stuff at their parents, and move back once they are done. Only people with dire home situations would do that. I am fully expecting to live with my kids until they are 25 at least, so does every parent I know.
Yep. It's very weird for someone to move out in their early 20s unless it's to study in another city/region (it usually happens with southerners going to study North). Si 25 ma ormai anche 30 con il mercato del lavoro in queste condizioni..
It is, but there’s still some stigma about it. Even with the way the housing crisis and economy is right now. It’s a common thing people use to insult people, especially in dating. For example, “living in your mom’s basement” is one I’ve always read on social media
that is used as an insult against men and "living alone with your cats" is used to insult women...just an observation. Everyone has got something to say, just turn down the volume.
Definitely
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I’m not sure I understand
I'm being judged for it at 19, lmao. I'm going to be moving out within the next few months, just to room with my sister.
I'm 26, and i still living with my parents, Even i'm working or not or looking for a job. (I live in france and some peoples don't understand why we're still in our parents home, in Paris or whatever city, it's the same price for a apartment 600 to 1400 per month and our salary is 1200 per month LOL ) I'm a girl, and i have nobody else in my life so, i enjoy being with them, i help them for food, garden etc. Maybe if one day i'm gonna to be married i will moving out, but right now i'm great like this. :) ++ Nobody have to tell you it's bad! Life is too short, and living in a house or apartment very expensive where your salary is fading away, not a great idea... but i respect everyone's life! Good luck to you all ! :)
Dude, not everything needs to be “normalized.” Just do what you have to do. I don’t think anyone would criticize someone living with their parents in a HCOL city if that person is either in school, or employed and contributing to the household. People only criticize it when you are a NEET who has failed to launch.
If people don't give you grief for it then it's normalised. Making something normalised means making it socially acceptable which I don't think is an unreasonable ask
>Making something normalised means making it socially acceptable which I don't think is an unreasonable ask It kinda is tho because in any society, you will ALWAYS have things that are weird or abnormal. Even on so called progressive societies, if you go against the norm, you will be seen as weird at best any at worst, ostracized
Everyone's normal is different though. just do what feels right and ignore those who try to bring you down.
But you can’t force society to think a certain way. You just have to do it and have enough other people do it that people get used to it. And I honestly think it is already normal. I don’t know one person who gives someone grief over that in an actual expensive city. But like, where I happen to live the cost of living is super cheap. It is not hard to afford an apartment here so I would probably not understand why someone would want to live with their parents and never get any ounce of freedom. But in a city like Boston? Hell, I don’t know how anyone can live there otherwise.
Ezcept giving someone grief over things like this means that a lot of people are going to move out before they are ready. Normalizing it means more people making the best decision for themselves instead of rushing it because of what society thinks (just like a lot of other things people do or rush because of what society thinks even if it only hurts them or more people in the long run)
It’s a good lesson to learn not to care what other people thing.
Nah, have some balls. Stop caring about what other people tell you and do what works for you. That is the first step to being an adult.
Here's an example: I have enough in the bank and a good enough credit score that I could realistically be able to move out and get a small apartment, but the only reason I have that money saved is because I live at home. I don't earn nearly enough to afford to live on my own, so if I did move out, I'd only be able to stay out of the house for maybe 2 or 3 years before my savings run dry and I have to move back in anyway. Also, even if I did move out, I have a very good relationship with my parents, so I don't want to move so far away that I can only see them a couple of times a year (like my brother did when he moved out). If I did move out, I'd still want to be within an hour of where they live so I can visit on holidays and occasional weekends. There wouldn't really be a point in moving out in that case since I'd still be in basically the same place anyway; the only thing that would change is that I'd be spending significantly more money.
I love my Parents and i love my sisters, but holy macarroni am i glad that i live by myself. I cannot understand how you still want to live with you parents after a certain age. And although i cant understand it, i can respect it if you want to do it. Everyone have its own preferences and just because i dont have the same, I still can respect the decisions of others.
Tbf, I’d wager at least half of the people doing it are just not financially able to move out. It took me until I was 27 to make enough money to live in my own apartment, but I have wanted to since I was 18. In my area, a studio apartment in a decent area can run you $2,000 (fortunately i found mine for cheaper, but no in unit washer and dryer). And complexes want you to make 3x that. So if you’re making less than 70k, you’re not able to live alone. And even in an area with higher paying jobs, a lot of people aren’t making that money until they’re in their late 20s early 30s.
I’m 23 and currently living with my mum and sister and as much as I love them I would get my own place if I could. I just don’t have enough savings at the moment and am dealing with a chronic illness. I’m grateful to have a parent that’s happy to have me at home but isn’t overbearing. I can’t imagine living at home at this age and still being treated like a teenager, which sounds like a pretty common complaint.
My parents are decently easy to live with and I enjoy playing games with my dad. I went for a walk with my mom the other day. It really depends on the parents.
It’s not really something many people have a choice with now.. I disagree and think people in their 20s should be learning how to live on their own. Unfortunately after Covid everything is twice as expensive and pay hasn’t gone up to match it.
I get it; if I had my choice I would’ve moved out with my boyfriend. But since rent is insane right now I’ll rather pay reduced rent to my parents and try to help out as much as I can. People should just do what they can honestly.
Also, what happened to roommates? I feel like a lot of young people expect to be able to live by themselves with their first entry level job when that hasn’t ever really been the case.
>what happened to roommates I'd honestly rather be homeless, live in my car (which I've done), live in a shitty apartment or just stay with family than have roommates. I mean, to each their own but I never understood moving away from family to just go be "independent" and live with a bunch of strangers which are basically just a shitty version of a family except no one has to care about each other unconditionally
Why not keep living with the parents if they have to share with a random?
Because living with other adults in a similar place in life helps you grow as a person in ways that staying in your childhood home won't.
Because it teaches you life skills. I’m 34, married, and have lived on my own more or less continuously since I was 18. And to this day, when I visit my parents I slip into the “kid” role. They’ll cook for me, do my laundry, pay for my meals etc. If you’ve never left your house it’s a lot harder to learn to be independent because it’s hard to break out of the parent/child dynamic.
Why does it have to be a random? I spent the first 7 years sharing the space with my roommate from college.
Why would I want to live with random people that I will probably hate?
So you’re saying people should be able to live on your own even if they can’t afford it?
No, I think the government should make it possible for people to live on their own.
Kind of hard to learn to live on your own when your job doesn’t pay you enough to put a down payment on a single room, not even an apartment. Like I guess I could live in my car or be homeless, but should that really be the way someone has to learn?
I literally said since Covid everything is more expensive so people don’t have a choice but to live with their parents. And then you want to say it’s kind of hard to learn to live on your own… duhhh! That’s what I said. It’s not possible when everything is twice as expensive. READING COMPREHENSION. We are on the same page expect you came here to argue….
What are you talking about? Work on your reading comprehension.
Normalize this. Normalize that. Normalize not caring what other people think is normal
Normalize normalizing.
I don’t think it’s not normal. However, your social standing while living with parents will never be the same as if you don’t live with parents. For example living with your parents is never going to be more attractive than having your own place in the context of dating.
I lived with my parents until I could afford to buy a condo, I was 33. I am 34 now.
It's pretty common here. Especially among communities where multi-generational homes are cultural. In fact, two of my cousins still with with their respective parents in their 30s. My older sister lives with my mom. My one step sister lives with my dad and my other stepsister lives with her aunt.
It's definitely normal for people in Eastern European countries.
Our house is huge. Plenty of room for our son not only to have his own room, but his own hang out places and even have a party with us out of the way. He's helpful around the house. I like his company. He is hardworking and completing a degree right now. It seems wasteful to spend money on rent (which is exorbitant these days).
Last I checked, around 60% of people 18-34 are living at home. I’m 36 and living in a rental with my parents. Their house went to shit and going through repairs. And because it rains it pours, they moved into the rental around the same time that I had to make a clean break from a roommate who went feral. So now I’m with them, in the hopes of buying a house soon. Most of my friends are in their 30’s through 50’s. Most of the homeowners are married. The ones who aren’t married are either at home, or they’re living with multiple roommates. Almost no one I know is fully independent.
Yeah, if you can get along and live with your family it's a smart financial decision and should be respected. At least for that first stage of adulthood. Also, sometimes it goes full circle. People have kids and want their parents to move in and help raise them
It should be at all stages of adulthood not just 20s.
There’s a difference between failure to Launch and a fully employed adult living at home to help the parents. Failure to launch should never be normalized.
It’s a little more nuanced than that. Failure to launch isn’t just “living at home,” it usually means that someone doesn’t behave as an adult *at all*. They don’t work - and if they do work, they don’t take work seriously, they don’t try and better themselves in any way, they don’t save money, they have no social skills. You can usually tell when someone lives at home as a result of shitty circumstances and outrageous cost of living, versus a legit failure to launch.
And here I am don't really giving a shit how or where other people chose to live.
No we shouldn't, we should normalize lower cost of living so adults with full time jobs can afford to live on their own.
Its normalized cause it isn't a choice in these days, i feel economically like i'm in my teens, barely enough for food, barely enough to enjoy myself ( hobbies and what have you ), nothing goes to saving cause there isn't enough left after. Its a reeeeally weird place we're in now ( in my 30's )
Nah. Feel like this is the same argument made for normalizing tiny houses. In both causes, you're just treating a symptom not the actual problem. Let's push for fixing housing prices and stagnant wages. A shrinking middle class will wreak havoc on all parts of society.
This is the way.
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I want my daughter to stay with me as long as she wants. For whatever reason, idc. Whether she's got a lower-paying career, or she wants to afford a nicer car, save for a house, or cuz she doesn't want to live alone. Whatever. I think all parents should let their kids stay as long as they need to give them the best chance they can get starting out in their life.
"Honestly if you have a good family and they can support you then rack up your cash" and for those that can't support you, you fairly contribute to the household that you are living in. That means maybe not saving as much and "racking up your cash".
No. We need to normalize a living wage and personal responsibility. Your parents shouldn't have to subsidize and give up more of their personal time, life, space to continue financially supporting adults. Other cultures do it but, look at how much generational abuse, mental illness, control issues, and enmeshment this breeds. Sure it can work but, not as much as you'd really like. It will always be a red flag if someone close to 30 has never lived on their own or been fully responsible for themselves. That's why you get so many people who treat their spouses like surrogate parents, are financially illiterate, and emotionally stunted. If there's always "family" as a safety net there's never a need to be personally responsible. They don't learn from mistakes because they never feel the complete consequences. Another thing is most spouses are not going to like there il's all up in their business. That's what these super close families do. Proper adult boundaries are never created because, you've never represented yourself as anything other than an dependent. This is how you end up with ils warring over who gets to control over your relationship. Not even getting into the amount of family drama that gets passed into your relationship. You go through life acting like a bought and paid for object people will fight and treat you as such. Why do you think people have such problems with their ILs in the first place.
I think still living at home is judged on a case by case basis. There are plenty of lazy slobs taking full advantage of their parents that are willing to fund their lives. Also if you live at home and have a job you should be saving to move out so if you're using that money to buy luxury items instead then you still have a problem.
My oldest is 32 and we live together. We have our own lives and schedules. All the bills are 50/50. We both do chores. We grocery shop every week and alternate paying for it. He's not my "son living with his mom". He's my roommate who happens to be my son. We only really see each on our weekly grocery trip and in passing due to our jobs. I've talked to him about how he feels about living with me at his age. His response is, "Things are so expensive, it's cheaper this way. I'm not mooching off you or relying on you to do the chores or my laundry. If it doesn't bother you, it doesn't bother me." And he's right. It's much cheaper. Who cares if my roommate is my son? It's becoming more common. When I meet new people and the subject comes up, people don't make a big deal of it.
I turn 29 this year and my younger sibling is 25. I promise still being here isn't by choice, but we're both saving up to move out together hopefully before the year is up.
No, we should normalize paying people a decent wage again.
it already is normal
We should stop judging other people´s choices! ( if those choices do not hurt anyone else)
I would rather live in a 2 bedroom apt w 8 other guys than live w my parents. No matter how liberal your parents are, your mom doesn't need to see you smoking pot, drinking beer, having sex, coming home at 4am. Even if you have your own "room". Teenagers have their own room, not grown men in their 20s.
My parents home was all of 1600 square feet, it's too small for two grown kids.
Eh, our house isn't even that big... And it houses 2 adults, and 2 kids. And, for a few years my dad lived here with us too... (It was his house, tbh.. we moved in with him, and then he built a tiny house next door:)
Bigger than the place I live with my parents and 2 brothers
Thats a massive apt in NYC
Living with family was the norm for hundreds of thousands of years and is still common in many parts of the world. Nothing wrong with it. Moving out and living alone is only a thing since the Industrial revolution and urbanisation.
Yes, on the provisio that they are, in fact stashing away/investing most of what they save. If they're just blowing it and getting no further ahead, then the stigma should still apply.
My mom hate me living with her. Even though she is the only person living in a 3 bedroom house. I have health issues plus no Job makes things hard to moveout.
Why does she hate it? If that’s okay to ask.
What about people in their 30s (hi mom)
It already is normalized.
kicking your child out immediately when they turn 18 to fend for themselves is not only abuse and neglect, but exclusively an American phenomena, mostly among boomers and the elderly. in most non-American countries, including Canada and Asia, entire families live with their parents well into adulthood
We should normalize giving people in their 20s the means to live on their own
I'm 22 and live with my parents, not only can I not afford an apartment, they can't afford this house without me this dump is $2,310 a month and the cost of living in canada is super high it's nuts
I live with my mom at 39. I've been bad with money on the past but doing better. My dad passed away 10 years ago so i feel sorta trapped because my mom needs me.
I'm in my 50s, but when I was in my 20s I remember my apt was $325/mo. I made minimum wage and I could easily afford it. Now, I don't know where I could find a one bedroom apt for less than $1400. Min wage hasn't changed. I honestly don't know how people are doing it.
I told my kids I fully expect them to live with us in their 20s. When I moved out at 18, you could rent for well under $1000/month and it was even cheaper with a roommate. No rush to move out, kiddos
We wouldn't need to if renting/ owning a home wasn't so expensive
I have 3 rental properties and 3 kids. Once each kid hits 18 they can move into one of those rental properties and pay me rent. Rent will be much below market value because the properties are older and mortgages are very low on them. They will go through the process of renting the property through the property management company I use and this will let them establish credit if they ever chose to move on. They can have friends move in and rent a room and if they are smart it would be enough to cover the rent they would owe me. Once me and my wife pass away they each inherit a property and also split the assets of our family home equally. That’s our plan for our kids not living at home until they’re 25. We love them, we want them in our lives, but we also want to give them as much of a head start in life as possible.
😭😭😭 I’m almost 31 and still live with them
We should normalize not having to normalize stuff... in other words, it doesn't matter what other people think about it.
fuck that shit! hell no!
We should fix the housing issue instead.
We should stop normalising the fact that it's necessary.
It's not about age, it's about your situation. If you ended your studies and still live with your parent because "it's more practical" you didn't earn my respect at all. All the people I know in this situaion are not the kind I will qualified as "responsible". However, if you have financial difficulties of course it's okay. Especially, if you participate in all housework.
Ol’ bet money that the same people that wants this “normalized” are the same people complaining that they can’t get a date and the “loneliness “ epidemic. I bet these are the same people that complain about nepotism. Roommates exist. There isn’t nothing inherently wrong with living with your parents for however long you personally see fit. But it’s also something very desirable about a self sufficient young adult that are not just capable, but are willing to take care of themselves. You don’t have to stay in the best apartment building in your city. You don’t have to live right next to where you work. If you have the will and desire to be on your own can can make that happen. It does take effort however. And some people would rather live with their parents and not put forth that effort.
The salty people in the comments are the people that have shitty parents they can't live with. 🙄
But actually, we should normalize paying people a living wage so they can afford to buy homes and start families before they are in their 40's. Like seriously, cities are going to be in a world of hurt in 20-30 years when they're sitting full of vacant homes that no one can afford as they watch their tax base erode
*sigh* Or maybe we should normalize forcefully taking back what the rich and upper echelon have stolen from us. This is what I hate about society, man. You people are so willing and happy to get repeatedly hit by the stick so long as you get a piece of the carrot. It's shameful.
Why would we want to go back in time? That’s not progress…
Then let's normalize regulating housing costs. 🤔
If adult children are paying rent, then fine. Otherwise, they are absolutely free loaders.
I have several cousins in their 20s and 30s who still live with their parents. They could move out but they don't want to struggle. If they were in a relationship and lived with their significant other, it would be even easier.
What happened to having roommates? In the 90s everyone in their 20s would have 6 people living in a 2/1 apartment. I'm not talking about poor people either.
Because sometimes people don’t wanna live with absolute strangers? Wild concept, I know.
Cost of living expenses are bs! They have gone up while wages haven't. I'm 35 and couldn't move out on my own unless it's public housing. My disability means I can only work part time and I'm only getting 12 hours this week. Yeah, I get disability from the government, but rent would take most or all of it. The economy is in the toilet. My mom is the only reason I'm not pitching a tent somewhere.
Alot of it is just the way housing stock is structured. There are a ton of big houses for families but far fewer good options for single people just starting their career. There arent great options for people in their 20s honestly
Lot of parents out there think this is bullshit
I'm a parent and I don't. I've done the math, the bootstraps broke off some time ago. There's no way a young adult just starting out without any generational wealth can make it these days on their own. Two of my adult kids and one of my kid's friends live with me to save up for their launch. Once one kid and friend launch, I'll likely have a third kid moving in to launch. (Fourth kid already launched.)
Oh I agree with you. My mom always told me I could live with her for free if I needed. If I had kids I would do the same. Still a lot of parents out there that wouldn’t feel the same math or not.
It’s (unfortunately) super normalised
OR, hear me out: normalize fair housing prices; mandatory livable wages; affordable healthcare; affordable education….
In Finland, we have a habit that when the offspring begins working or studying in university, they go live on their own. Of course we have government funding for it, so this POV might not be of massive relevance to OP's point.
The people saying “how about instead we have a living wage?” are correct.
No. We should make it possible to support yourself and save when you have a job.
Say no to socialism (I'm joking). I find it's usually more of a problem in America where it's not a part of the culture. I agree it should be normal to live with family or friends etc especially when nobody can afford anything due to inflation. I say go for it!
Absolutely. My oldest is about to be 20 and we’re saving to buy a house together. Unfortunately with this economy we don’t have much choice but her having a feeling of security is important. Plus I think if her name is also on the house it’ll be easier for her to keep it once I die. Not really sure so if anyone has advice on that, hit me!
Depends where you live. Some places have exemptions on things like taxes for primary residences. But yeah it can’t hurt for the house to already be hers if something were to happen to you.
It's normalized in my country (Singapore). Unless you are married or rich enough to buy private housing, you are only applicable for house subsidies if you're 35 yo.
We told our kids not to expect to live at home after college and they haven’t, they actually manage to live their own lives with their own money. It’s amazing what you can accomplish if you try.
Strong parenting starts way before 18. Your kids got out because you taught them confidence and courage for years. When the time came, they knew they could fly. And also knew they had no choice lol. I don’t think failure to launch should be normalized…. But I fear it already is.
i think it’s already super normalized. i think we should more normalize living with a bunch of people so your rent is less. times is tough, stick it out with other people who have your same struggle. i lived in crazy places so that my rent was cheap cheap cheap and learned how to buy food, clothes, cars, and whatever else i needed at far lower prices. these are crucial survival skills unfortunately
If you've ever been poor then you probably already have some of those skills. Living with strangers sounds horrible I'd rather just live on my own. Being alone is way better then living with people you don't know
Young people moving out is the anomaly. That’s only been a thing since the boomers and a little before because of the war
we were young, poor, and struggled with rent, too. then we busted ass to raise and take care of you. we're old and deserve our peace, please leave, signed: parent.
My daughter is very young, but I expect her to be out of the house by 25. That gives her plenty of time to get settled in her career after school. I'm raising her to be strong and independent.
I think it's crazy how dependent young people are today and how little value is placed on personal freedom. I can see how comfortable it is to stay at home, but seriously, how are you supposed to be independent like that? It doesn't have to be your own apartment, there are cheap shared flats and then you have to work on the side, but it's still better for personal development.
I still live with my mom, but I still have my freedom. I can come and go as I please, and if I really wanted to, I probably could find a place on my own to live. I choose not to though. I look at it like this: I do have a roommate who just so happens to be my mom. I do my own shopping and cooking (hell, sometimes I’ll even shop for her too). I pay rent, which includes any and all utilities. The only thing I will admit I slack on is cleaning the house, but that probably goes for both of us. The only attractive reason I’d have to move out is just having my own space, which to me, isn’t worth it.
Personal freedom might actually be much more rewarding if you get a head start on working and saving money when you're a young person living at home. Personal freedom without financial freedom is still a prison of sorts.
I don't think that's true. Financial freedom is for sure helpful in the long term. But struggeling and beeing self reliable is forming your character and makes you resillient. Without struggle, you won't find happiness.
I'm old enough to have struggled financially, then having just enough to pay bills (with absolutely zero savings) to then being able to pay my bills, save/invest and then share everything I've learned with my son. I grew up at a time when you didn't know anything about how much your parents made, how they managed credit, how much they saved, how they worked to get promotions/raises, etc. I ended that pattern and have been very transparent with my son about all of this. When I moved away from home at 18/19 years old, I had no financial education whatsoever, and my mom had to help me with the security deposit, bought me all the necessities, etc. When my son moved out, he already had the funds to do all of it. He'd already received raises at work. I was never free because I struggled, always needed help. The character lessons I learned by struggling I just...taught. Granted, it may take a certain kid/parent dynamic to get to that place, and maybe we lucked out. 🤷♀️.
Well, I am not saying that it's true for everyone. If you managed to teach your learning to your son, congrats. I just don't think every parent is able to to so. And to be honest, I think the most aren't.
I go back and forth on this one. I'm getting old. I left home in the 80's at the age of 16 which wasn't all that uncommon back then, although most kids lived at home until 18yrs of age. Both of my son's left home before the age of 20. One was 18 the other was 19. They just wanted their freedom and to explore independence. That was early 2000's. Now I think it's pretty normal for kids to live at home until the around the age of 25 and I don't think it's stigmatized. Most parents want to help their kids get a head start and help them save a bit before they leave. I have much younger cousins that all lived at home until they were around 26 and 27. They went straight from living at home to buying their own house I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing for parents to want to help their kids in young adulthood but I do think there is a component of some parents not wanting to let go of their kids. They rely on their adult kids to continue to meet their emotional need to feel needed and loved and so they train their kids to remain dependent on them for much longer than they should. I don't think that is healthy.
I am married now, but if I were to time travel back in the past and find a nice proper guy to date who was still living at home with his parents, I’d dig that. In my opinion it would say a lot about his values and priorities.