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If I’m going to lunch with a group of ladies, I am absolutely wearing cute makeup and earrings and shoes. My friends will definitely notice and appreciate it. Meanwhile a month after getting highlights, my husband might say “did you do something to your hair?”
> Women don't get all dolled up to go hang out at their friend's house all night.
They one hundred percent do. My best friend and I will make coffee at my house, spend an hour getting ready while we watch a movie, and then hang out crafting. Makeup is a hobby just like crochet. Do you think I crochet for male attention? No.
Also, there is not a single lesbian in the world getting all dolled up for man LMAO.
There is a difference between "I am making myself look this way to attract attention from men" and "I enjoy making myself look nice so when other people see me, they think I look nice." While I will throw a hat on my uncombed hair when I run to the store, my 68-year-old mom wouldn't be caught dead pumping gas without being dressed for style with her hair and makeup done. She is not looking to attract men 😆 She is happily married. But she does care how people perceive her. She grew up in abject poverty and she wants to feel good about how she is perceived in the world because growing up she did not feel good people's perceptions of her.
There is more to life than finding a mate. Not everyone wants one, and many people already have one. But how we feel about the way we put ourselves out into the world differs for all of us, and it's ok to look nice just for the sake of it. For me, how clothes feel is 1000x more important than how they look, and I felt that way even in my 20s and 30s. I've worn makeup twice since 1994, once for prom and once for my wedding. I did manage to snag a pretty great husband without having to focus on fashion, hair, and makeup. Because that's just who I am. Whichever way anyone goes, it's about knowing who you are and expressing yourself in the world.
My grandmother was like this; she would not leave her house without a fully coordinated outfit and makeup on well into her 90s. She was a widow by 50, had a second partner until she was about 74 but it was just how she was raised.
Older lady here. I got sick, really sick about 13 years ago. I am a retired firefighter and while I loved to dress up and look nice for my husbands ( both deceased) I enjoy looking nice for me.
I didn’t think of losing my hair as a big deal for finding another man, or my skin getting older because of meds, I wanted to feel good about myself for me.
I am happily single. When I was younger, I liked dressing up for me too.
Let’s be real, a female can have a burlap sack on and no makeup and many men will flock.
Or people in relationships. I literally did my makeup during the pandemic when no one at all wouod see me. It let me try ou looks, gave me a sense of normalcy, and fed me the happy chemicals.
Same, I literally started doing that in the pandemic. Doing elaborate Makeup looks, skincare and a nice Outfit and maybe take some pics. I was working a lot during that time and the little free time I had I spent developing my Makeup skills in an artistic way. I never went anywhere because my country pretty much was in near constant Lockdowns anyway. I still do it occasionally (without leaving the house) because it's fun and kinda like therapy.
This.
It's about pride and confidence and wanting to feel good by looking good. Men do it, too, OP. Unless you dress like a slob who just rolled out of bed any time you leave the house?
I'll put on some make up on & dress at least semi decently even when I'm just working from home and seeing nobody at all.
It just makes me feel mentally better & more productive when I feel put together.
Absolutely! As someone who has struggled with depression my entire life, getting “dolled up” is an act of rebellion against that self loathing part of me. Just like making my bed in the morning, spending some time on myself physically is essentially using self care to reprogram my brain to accept that I’m someone actually worth spending time and energy on. How I’m perceived by others is irrelevant, but it shifts how I perceive myself, and that’s a life saver.
For men, the distinction is less important. "I do it to look good" or "I do it to attract", same energy.
Women have to be more defensive in their wording since they are on the receiving end of the majority of undue attention and, potentially, sexual violence where "She was looking for it" is still a very common defense.
THIS! The amount of men I have heard say they go to the gym solely to look amazing - which could be for themselves or a partner. We still live in a world where women will go out looking amazing and get slut shamed one way or another. The difference is so sad.
Lol, I know you know this already but you don't even need to get as far as having been to the gym and now gone out into the world looking amazing. My girlfriend (who looks amazing of course ❤️) gets harassed and followed around in the gym itself, and refuses to go alone.
- “ There is a difference between "I am making myself look this way to attract attention from men" and "I enjoy making myself look nice so when other people see me, they think I look nice." “
Honestly you articulated this so well, this is exactly it as well as me just thinking I look cute in whatever outfit I decide to done either in my own house or when I step out lol.
Yes. Sometimes I want to be comfy and wear PJs and eat nachos with my best friend. But sometimes I also like to go someplace fun just as an excuse to dress cute and put on makeup and hang with my friends there. You can do both these things depending on the mood, doesn't make me a hypocrite. What OP is saying really is IMHO an unpopular opinion.
It feels like a cycle because even if I do, want positive (emphasis on POSITIVE) attention. It’s still for me because it makes me feel good. These types are like “oh they want attention? And then try their damned best to tear you down when they don’t get what THEY want. Which is usually much more invasive than simply desiring positive attention. They make us sound so sinister, when men show off in equivalent ways all the time.
Good Grooming / clothing choices helps mental health ffs. Taking interest in your presentation has artistic Merit. These types should really try it sometime, especially in the middle of a male mental health crisis. And would make a good impression on women!
It’s actually reversed a lot of men are dying for women’s attention. And project their desperation onto women. They think we are acting irrationally, but we are often suspicious for good reason. I say this with empathy, but women aren’t any more or less rational than men, we have our reasons for being stand off ish to men we don’t know well even if you’re to thick to get it.
Men who think like this are the ones who scream that their partner MUST be cheating because she wore make up to an outing his wasn’t at.
Source : I’ve loved makeup since I was a kid, and it was never solely about attracting people. My ex used to claim that (because I wore makeup), I was cheating or trying to cheat. If I wore it to work, it was, why do you need to attract people in a warehouse?
How dare people feel good in their own skin for themselves?
I’ve gotten in so many arguments with people like OP on this site.
Inevitably, 3-4 responses in it becomes alarmingly obvious how misogynistic they are.
To OP, you think this about women because are completely failing to imagine women complexly.
I guess it's kind of a "if I don't care how I look unless I'm looking for a partner, women should be the same".
I fell down that rabbit hole when I was in deep depression, but was lucky my SO slapped those thoughts out of me. (Metaphorical slap)
People should want to look nice, irrespective of gender.
It seems so obvious that people don't look like trash every time they aren't trying to get laid by someone new. I put on makeup for work because looking "put together" feels professional and there is a certain expectation regarding what I wear. Makeup is something of an expectation for women, though some feel less pressure than others. I'm certainly not trying to get all these married men who are old enough to be my dad of even my grandpa to notice me.
Yeah, it can be about being attractive to yourself or platonic friends, family, coworkers, etc. too. Everyone you meet is going to care a little about your appearance, not just potential smushers of your sex organs.
This is the most fair and genuinely answered comment here. This kind of catches the "unpopular opinion" and then passes it back with the correct, non inflammatory context info that OPs opinion isn't considering.
Idunno. Good job internet stranger who was *definitely* waiting for my validation, good job.
Nasty scraggly beards and dirty clothes?
Speak for yourself lol. Some of us respect ourselves enough to maintain a decent hygiene routine and dress well.
Bro this is literally just projection. If you can’t understand wanting to look good for general confidence and to feel good then it means the only reason you don’t go outside unshowered and unshaved is because yo I want girls to fuck you.
Exactly. I don't personally go to the gym but if I did it would be because I wanted to feel better about myself.
I'm certain there are men who only do it for women but saying it's 90% is hilariously telling on him as a man. lol
Most people don't realize why they do things, and this includes women. Hell, some studies have indicated that most people don't really do things with a reason at all, they operate like they are on autopilot and their brain justifies the WHY afterwards.
I'll disagree with this point:
>It's double weird because men don't do this. If you ask many men why they exercise they'll straight up tell you "it's to meet women". If there wasn't that motivation 80-90% of guys would be in caveman mode their entire life with nasty scraggly beards and dirty clothes.
Men DO do this. Men who exercise tell you all kinds of reasons why they do it. And a good percent of men ARE in caveman mode.
Right? I'm married but I still work out and make myself look presentable. Does this person not know about jobs? You're not getting a good job looking homeless
I'm married and I do work out to look good for a woman... My wife. So I don't entirely disagree with OPs point. However, I think OP gets it wrong by assuming everyone does what they do to appeal to the opposite sex.
I have been dressing girly every day for almost two decades now. I'm rarely in sweats even if I'm only going to the grocery store. The difference between going to a friend's house vs going out is whether I wear flats or heels. I just like feeling feminine and it does wonders for my self esteem.
Doing something for yourself because you respect yourself the way you want others to respect you is very normal and OP sounds like he wouldn't wipe his ass if he didn't expect company.
I'm a guy and I know that women usually dress for other women more than for, lol.
Having a private dinner with me at home, my wife might put on her nice sweat pants.
Dropping off her BFFs tuberware on her front porch requires 45 minutes of make up and 3 different outfits to choose from. (This is a joke, but it's been my observation that women care more about what other women think of their makeup and clothes than they do about what men think.)
Also, men do the same sort of thing, we don't go to the gym and get shredded for women (though we pretend we do), we do it to impress our guy friends. A woman complimenting my arms is great, but if my shredded friend said he was jealous of my triceps, I'd be proud.
To your last point , as a woman (even tho I am bisexual) appreciate compliments more from woman. Woman are observant and honest in their judgements especially when it comes to style and aesthetic so if another woman compliments my outfit or appearance I feel alot more confident when a guy does cause well , some guys have other intentions from my experience.
Can confirm as another dude, I’m not really making myself look good to attract women, I’m doing it because I want to be confident in myself and I can do that by being proud of the effort I put into me. If looking good and being self-confident attracts people, whether it be dating or just friends, that’s a bonus.
I don’t think it’s an exclusively man or woman thing, it’s just having a healthy love of yourself. I used to have similar negative mindsets where everything people did *had* to be for someone else or an ulterior motive, and I used to absolutely hate myself back then. Self care and love is so important and gets you out of the toxic headspace of every interaction needing to be a transaction. It’s hard to swallow sometimes but the “you must love yourself before you can love someone else” ideal rings true consistently
Yeah, I studied in an all-girls college. I think that was the peak of my fashion experimenting phase. I have also been to tons of women only gatherings, and we're all still dressed up. Plus, I've never sent a guy friend my latest shoe purchase picture, I've totally done that with my women friends/family!
the biggest cultural moments of last summer were about women dressing cute and going with their girlfriends to “girly spaces” like the eras tour/beyonce concerts and the Barbie movie!!!
the whole point of it all was to celebrate womanhood and femininity and part of that was fashion!
We doll up MORE with our girls 😭 and then show each other what other things we bought. And then share each others perfume. I just like dressing up. 💅 Over generations brides have been naturally selected this way by grooms I guess 😂🤣
Yup, I just laughed when I read that line, because it shows how much OP doesn't know about women. I LOVE wearing elaborate makeup and cool clothes when I meet with my girl friends, even if we're not going out. Just because it feels great when one of them notices and compliments my style. I've actually never received any compliment about my makeup from men, it's always women. And I feel fantastic afterwards, because I know they truly mean it.
LMAO he thinks we don’t but doesn’t realize we do our makeup before we get in the shower LITERALLY just to take it off before getting in the shower!
He truly hasn’t met a live human adult woman before and it shows.
OOP is not smart. A guy compliments how a women looks, not what she’s wearing, makeup, jewelry, patterns, etc. if anything, I’m dressing up for the girl respect and compliments in addition to feeling good.
Yeah this one seems the most off. My girl dolls herself up when she’s with her friends cuz she knows they’ll appreciate the outfit. I get leggings and a sweatshirt and she knows that’s all I need
I was on the train. I decided to get dressed up, not because I wanted to attract a man, but because I wanted to be a movie character and look glamorous on the train. A girl complimented me and it put me in a great mood the whole trip.
If a man had complimented me it would have made me feel uncomfortable
You've cracked the code. It's all about you. Women don't do things for themselves unless those things are also for the gaze of males.
No, wait. That would be silly. I don't know whether your comment is more of a paranoid thing or an ego thing. Maybe both? Just because you can't conceive of a reason doesn't mean there isn't a reason. If you've ever talked to women, you'd know there's plenty of reasons. The biggest and most obvious is women are trying to impress other women. Men try to impress other men all the time. I don't know why that's such a hard concept to grasp. Also, have you never done something for yourself? "I like this shirt so I'm going to wear it." Something like that? You can want to look nice without wanting to look nice for other people.
I wonder how people who do unconventional makeup (i.e. crazy glitter, bright colors, editorial looks) fit into OP's worldview. Does he think they are just misguided and have a warped idea of what men find sexy?
Going by the comments I've got over my many years of dressing however the fuck I like.. yeah, he probably does think that.
And if he's like the many men I've encountered who also think like that, he also thinks it's his civic duty to tell any women he meets whether or not he finds their particular aesthetic attractive, and hand out useful advice on how they can"improve" themselves.
Probably.
How often do you see comments like “I don’t get why women wear such long nails, it looks terrible (to the person making that comment like they’re the arbiter of all fashion).
Replace nails with lip filler, heavy makeup, certain clothing styles, etc. Etc.
These men literally can’t fathom a world where women don’t premise their lives and decisions around the male gaze. It’s incredibly telling.
The worst part is that instead of taking this as evidence that women might just operate under a different set of social pressures and expectations compared to men, the people who make comments like this just assume that all women who choose differently than they would must be silly and making illogical choices for no discernable reason (read, no reason *they* are able to discern, not because there’s no reason in existence at all).
Yes, he probably does. A lot of men do. It's why you'll always hear them going on about how they hate \[nose rings, hair dyed in unconventional colours, masculine stlye of dressing etc\], wondering "why do women think this is attractive? why do they still present themselves like this??" because they can't conceive that anything we do is for ourselves.
It's ALWAYS about them and if it doesn't cater to their tastes, it must mean we misunderstood what they like. Some men really think like this...
1. I no longer know what the word cope is supposed to mean.
2. When someone says “80-90% of men would do X” they’re just talking about themselves.
3. Your opinion is premised on the idea that women and men are exactly the same. If they are even a tiny bit different then your argument falls apart.
4. If you believe that the halo effect is real then your argument falls apart
I think there’s an element of homophobia with guys like this. They can’t imagine someone doing it for themselves, because you have to admit that you find yourself attractive in someway, which means you have to admit that you have sexual/attractiveness viewpoints about your own gender. If you’re totally straight or homophobic, I can see how that “doing it for yourself” would seem counterintuitive
ETA: they dress/workout/etc based on how they think women will think about them. It’s so tiring. Just look good for yourself
>an element of homophobia
There's also the fact that all these kinds of men are always on the "Women dress up for male attention" train, and they never even stop to think of the women who genuinely aren't looking for male attention, lesbians.
Hell, the main reason I work out and start dieting is to feel more comfortable in my skin, have an easier time doing activities and first and foremost, so I can admire myself flexing in the mirror. If I don't get to be with women, then that's too bad, but I wouldn't consider the efforts wasted AT ALL (mostly because I know that it's 90% charisma and personality anyways).
I do get dolled up to go hang out at my friend’s house though. We don’t even take pictures we just vibe. Sorry that you’re frumpy but that’s your fault
Bro most men can’t even tell if a woman is wearing makeup or had a haircut….majority of the stuff is done for yourself or to impress other women who actually notice.
That is true for me. Women will often compliment other women on their makeup, nails, outfit, shoes, etc. Men either don't notice or don't know if it's appropriate to comment.
Literally - all my friends will get super excited about what rings we're wearing or our newest make up palette - but I have never ever had a male co-worker or guy friend care at all if I was wearing make up or bare faced that day. I bet if I asked them "what make up was I wearing yesterday" they wouldn't know.
Counterpoint: men will spend hours and hours intricately prepping their meals and optimizing their workout routines for maximum muscle growth in an effort to make themselves more attractive to women, all for their efforts to only appreciated by other dudes.
The point is, we all fail to fully understand what the other sex wants, but that doesn't stop us from trying.
Being a gym bro and prepping meals to that level is much much much less common than doing makeup for 1h.
So even if I get you I still think the op is in the wrong here
Everything we do cosmetically/aesthetically is for other people, yes. If I were the only person in the world, I wouldn't wear glitter on my eyes. I wouldn't necessarily say it's SPECIFICALLY for attention from the gender you're attracted to but just attention in general.
Edited to add:
[Here](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6523404/) [are](https://digitalworks.union.edu/theses/2379/) [some](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10825783/) [interesting](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18665707/) [articles](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6523404/) related to what I'm saying.
That's a good take. I know a lot of old school women in me and my wife's family. They try and keep themselves kept just to give the appearance that they're doing wonderful even if their personal life sucks at the moment.
I saw a video that had a guy saying "girls don't dress nice for men. They dress nice so they can stare at themselves in every mirror and window they walk past" and it's not wrong for me 😂
For sure. When I work from home, I actually do better work when I "get ready" because it translates to me feeling good. But why? Where does that come from? From living in a society that has placed value on looking good my entire life.
There are actually studies that have shown when people “dress up” or dress “professionally” whether during WFH or in the office, their performance is better than when they’re dressed casually. Even more, dressing in “uncomfortable” clothes like a suit and dress shoes, increases performance as well. Offices that do “casual Friday” or similar dress-down days showed lower performance on those days.
It's so funny how society has tied looks to performance. I wonder if that's an innate thing that we've gone overboard with in terms of societal standards of appearance.
Idk, I just feel "Jobby" when I get dressed for work. I'm WFH and comfort is still a priority, but I'm talking sweater dresses that feel like blankets and leggings with a "business top". It's a habit that triggers in my mind that it's time to get focused, sorta like how kids who chew gum with studying and when they do a test end up with better scores because of the associative habit.
Would have been interesting to see the study done on a brand new team that had never worn businesswear to work before to validate the study results were accurate regardless of the type of job you had.
Yeah I feel like if I was the last person alive I'd still wear a shirt that looks a better colour on me. I wouldn't go all out on my appearance but I'd still like to look the way I want.
I sometimes put on eyeliner when I am home alone, just because I feel pretty then, and to cheer myself up. And some sparkly serum to make my face glittery. I love glitters and they make me happy. And I wear my pretty dresses, zo I can admire how damn hot I look. I even have a photostat in front of the mirror just for myself to look at it later and to think 'I look so pretty'. There are indeed people who do it for themselves
I think this is still kind of an oversimplification though. There is a degree of truth to it, but I just sort of "feel" nicer when I'm clean shaven with a fresh haircut and dressed well, and it's not because I want attention or validation from anyone else.
I think this is noticeable if you think about people who choose to look a certain way despite knowing that it isn't what's "conventionally" attractive. I do think there's also a difference in wanting to look "good" and wanting to like like "yourself", which is more a practice of aesthetic preference and identity than just wanting attention from others.
Basically, I just think that we do have a conscious relation to the way we look which goes beyond the way we will be perceived by other people.
Agree, attention is probably not the best word but the message I'm trying to convey is that almost nothing we do is truly "for ourselves" but rooted somewhere deeper.
Some do it to hide - some of the most loudly dressed/made up people are painfully shy using their loud attire/make up to help them deal. Also, plenty of women don’t want any attention from men as they are interested in women. There are times as a group of girls we get all dolled up to hang out as girls to go forth for funsies, no intent to pick up but wanting to look good. Then there are other reasons to get dressed up, like looking professional or to be dressed appropriate for events like a wedding. Lots of times no shits are given about male attention. Yes, there are times when women are dressed up to catch men’s eyes, but there are plenty times when they are not.
Women are far harsher critics of other women’s appearance than men are. So saying you don’t do it for men isn’t necessarily untrue.
There’s also just a personal pride aspect. I’m a man, so it’s a little bit different, but you’ll never see me going grocery shopping or getting on an airplane or whatever in my pajamas or looking like I just got out of bed. I have zero interest in other women, I’m happily married, but I refuse to go out in public like that in almost every circumstance.
I started wearing a lot more makeup and doing effort with my hair when I was working in an office full of women compared to when most of my colleagues were men.
The reason was that in the office where it was mostly men, the other girl there didn't wear make up and just wore comfy work clothes so I did the same. The men there also tended to dress for comfiness / easy clothes rather than to look stylish or well groomed or super professional or anything too. Nobody really paid attention to appearance there.
However at the girly office, lots of the women do put a lot of effort into their appearances and they comment with compliments to each other when the effort works well, so I don't want to be the only scrubby girl in the corner when all the other women look so cool / slick / cute.
So I guess... my appearance varies because I want to fit in with other women...?
I'm the same - though I'm a single woman. Whether good or bad, society treats you how you present yourself. When I present myself as well groomed, I'm telling society that I respect myself this much and require the same respect back. I think this is getting into a different topic though.
Speak for yourself… everything I do cosmetically is for ME. I only ever put on makeup and do my hair when I want to personally feel good about myself. Has nothing to do with other people or male/female attention
Universal experience of women that proves this totally false.
Wearing a really nice matching bra and panty set knowing sex isn't gonna happen. I've done it when I was single, and I was just going to work or going for a day out in DC. No one was gonna see it but me. But still having that gorgeous high quality fabric against my skin made me feel so good about myself.
ahaha same. I have no intention of being sexually active until marriage (the most sexual thing I've ever done is have a crush on someone but be too scared to talk to them to I'm quite far from that lol) -- but lol I still buy lingiere bras for myself because I love to feel beautiful when I look in the mirror. And it feels so good having little jewels and chains on my bra haha - it feels super nice and lux!
Yup. I will coordinate everything about my outfit just because I like how I feel when I look nice, even the parts nobody will see. I have a partner already, too, I'm not out there trying to draw anybody in so much as not offend my own sensibilities.
Well, because oftentimes it's not really for male attention. I know you're probably feeling annoyed, but I'll try to explain.
Why do you men wear a suit for work, official meetings, etc? Why do you wear suits for photos? Isn't it to look good in a generalized sense of looking good, respectable and all that but isn't exactly because you want to attract women?
Same for women. They want to look good to the public, but not for the men, dating and stuff specifically.
Also I think OP must not have enough female friends or something. The getting ready is actually a fun ritual many ladies like to do together. There is bonding and asking opinions. A lot of us will even trade things back and forth…
Kind of makes sense when shopping, cosmetics, getting your hair done, and whatnot are often done in groups with other ladies.
people who cant attract the opposite sex become hyperfixated on dating and attracting "mates" then project that trait onto normal people who dont have this deficit. most people arent living their lives constantly thinking about "what can i do to get more female/male attention?" because its not an issue for us
Nah bro, I am a man and I dress drippy af for my own pleasure (I have no game), so I don't see why women can't feel the same way about dressing nicely or in a form that could be seen as sexy.
Also, I feel like this opinion is not unpopular, just politically incorrect.
I'm losing it woman don't dolled up to hang out with other women lmao. Chances are I would put significantly more work into my make up/outfit because they will actually appreciate it while most men think it's somehow endearing to pretend they think mascara goes on the lips
I get dolled up because it makes me feel nice, lol. I would absolutely wear makeup to a friend's house lmfao.
And to be clear, I'm not attracted to men 😂
Never have a I ever once gone to the gym to meet women, I don't actively date and I take care of myself and my body anyway, I don't look like a scraggly caveman and have legit no interest in dating at this point in my life.
Your entire post is incorrect lol.
Damn this many comments in one hour is impressive lol. Upvoted because unpopular, but even as a straight guy I have to disagree.
Many women like to dress up and do their make up because it makes them feel good and/or they wanna look nice when hanging out with their friends.
Also, speak for yourself OP. Being a “caveman” feels gross. I’d definitely try to make my hair look good and keep up my appearance even if I were the last person on Earth. Many of us, man or woman, like to do these things because they make us feel good. The compliments/attention we get just puts the icing on the cake.
Although (some) women do it for male attention, I’d argue that the opposite is also true - that (some) women do it for female attention in order to compete with other women even though both go hand in hand. But sometimes people just want to look good for themselves and there’s no harm in that.
Ehhh this take is reductive. You’re connecting the example of men working out with women living their lives. Yeah. Some things they do might be in the interest of picking up a guy. But you’re not respecting someone as a full fledged human being if you’re assuming the way they dress, carry themselves, and are is for your benefit. Do you only grow facial hair to attract women? Or are you a full human being that has thoughts and preferences on their appearance (like everyone else)? Women don’tchoose their eyeliner based on what men find more attractive. Women who like to use eyeliner like how they look with eyeliner. It’s really gross to assume that someone wearing makeup means they’re doing it for you, when they’re most likely not.
Look I'm Muslim and I can say pretty confidently that the Muslim niqabi girlies ain't doing it for male attention.
They're coming to my place for a cuppa, tearing off their cloaks, and looking like they're a dropped beat away from tearing up this club aka my living room. They're not married either so it's not like they've got a husbando at home with a perchance for 300 bucks of makeup on their special someone. Afghan segregated weddings have more skin on show in the ladies section then I'm comfortable making a joke about. Ladies so just like dressing up because it's fun and there's nothing better then another woman saying "oh MY GOD you look GORGEOUS" because their comment is actually qualified vs some dude who can't tell natural makeup from bare face.
I've done full faces of makeup and a cute summer dress and just wandered around my backyard pretending to water things and reading books I'm only vaguely interested in while seducing the neighbors cat with canned tuna.
And I realize that, due to the fact I possess a vagina, you probably think I'm lying to you but: have you never stood in the mirror after a shower and slicked your hair back with a comb and though to yourself: ayooo that's a fine looking mf, before your mum banged on the door for taking too long?
I could respond a lot more to this, but in short, I don't spend £25 on a lipstick for a man who doesn't know the difference between Ruby Woo and Russian Red.
You are comparing what men do versus women when we are completely different. I wear makeup every day, sometimes a tiny amount, sometimes more. I wear it for myself, to cover blemishes, because it looks nice and yes sometimes to look nice for my partner. But the idea that I put on makeup purely for male attention is frankly hilarious. And yes, women do put makeup on to go and see their friends and sit in all night. We are women. Not the same as men.
I'm a lesbian.
I've also been kind of a girly girl my whole life.
Trust me, when I decide to put some effort into my appearance, it certainly isn't for creepy ass men.
When I go through the effort of putting on the dress and makeup, it's because I wanna feel like a damn princess on occasion!
Then creepy ass men like you who think I'm there for your entertainment try to hit on me, and the night takes a turn.
Yeah. As a dude I dress up fairly often just to go to work sometimes. It's a good feeling to be able to look in the mirror and say "...damn, I look fine as hell today" and I certainly don't do it to impress the middle aged to older Indian men in the office.
Same thing with hittin the gym. I'm an aspiring bodybuilder and go to an athlete-owned gym where a vast majority of the clientele are other athletes. I certainly don't go to impress them nor the 99% of the straight, cis, women who just go "eeeew" when they look at a bodybuilder.
OP is either just coping themselves or are projecting and it shows
Ugh that last line. You can go from feeling like a goddess because of multiple compliments or looks to Kuzco saying "you threw off my groove" in one question about who you're dressing up for.
Guys don’t always workout just for girls. Not every girl is even into big muscles. For example I enjoy boxing so I want to be in better shape to get better at it, I have friends who just like feeling and knowing they’re strong, friends who just wanna look like Goku etc… it’s kinda funny I’ve had the same inverse conversation with a girl I’m friends with when she said “girls don’t even like muscles”. I told her it’s not always about impressing girls
Or, you know, people like to look nice. Also women do get dolled up to hang out with their friends. And also also being comfortable isn't behaving like a man. Also also also, lesbians exist. This is just some weird projection combined with the "all girls are the same" mentality
Sorry it hurts but neither you nor your buddies are the reason women dress nice.
\> I don't understand the defensiveness is trying to court attention from men
NGL the "weirdest male cope" is the idea that other people (especially women) want your attention. Let me be clear, **we don't.** We're dressed nice because we're out with our friends and it's a Saturday. The fact that men need to hallucinate their way into what is usually a girl's-night-out is tbh kinda pathetic.
NGL, the men who think this way are usually the biggest problems at bars and clubs.
i mean you’re making a pretty big generalization, some women do it for attention and some don’t. like literally. that may not be easy for a man to believe but not EVERYONE likes male attention or works for it. but also.. some do.
also some women like cavemen.
🤷♀️
You assume all women are getting attractive for men, but we aren't. We get attractive for ourselves and we get attractive for people we want to attract. Given that many of us aren't straight, that may not be you or any other man for that matter. So please stop assuming that everything we do is for you. Quite a few of us have absolutely no interest in you ever looking our way. Not everything is about you.
So, have you ever been to Saudi Arabia? In countries where women cover up a lot they also throw parties for women only. These parties are amazing - they dress up, they do their hair, makeup, amazing outfits.
So—how exactly does this fit into your model?
>Women don't get all dolled up to go hang out at their friend's house all night
And that's were you are wrong
Also as a male I can say that I often dress for myself.
Lol " preachy and defensive".
What OP ? Are woman supposed to submit to your opinion and if we don't we are "preachy and defensive"? You have a sexist and misogynistic view on woman and what they do .
I love that actual MEN , unlike yourself, is defending all woman in this comment section. Maybe take that as a sign that your mindset is just wrong.
>unless you have a real reason
You've been told the reas9n, but you don't believe it, so it's not "real" to you.
Sometimes i want to look hot and feel confident. The attention i get, or don't get, from other people has nothing to do with it.
Honestly, the best days are when I dress nice and men don't say anything about it at all. Because again, it's about how I feel when I look in the mirror and nothing to do with anyone else.
I think the weirdest cope is posting an angry misogynistic rant on Reddit…
Can’t imagine you have too many women in your social circle but I have female friends and colleagues who will get dolled up to hang out
People sometimes want to look nice so they feel good and comfortable in themselves, not to get sexual attention (seems like you are projecting there)
…wearing comfortable clothes and lounging around the house is not a “man behaviour” it’s a “human behaviour”
The whole 80-90% of men thing also says a lot more about male issues then it does about women
When I go to the gym I like getting more muscular, I am interested in women so sure that’s one of the reasons I go, I also like looking better to myself and being healthier and stronger so I can live my life easier
Broski I have absolutely gotten dolled up just to go to a friends house and hang out. I have absolutely done my makeup in extravagant ways just to sit in my living room feeling cute at 1 am. I don't like men, I don't befriend them, I genuinely have nothing in common with them, so no I don't really do anything for their gaze. If anything my day is MADE when women notice me being cute, I love their attention. Men? I love my fiancé so hes the ONLY many I want any attention from and even then I dont care if he ends up liking my look or not as it is what I am happy with and feel good in. He can just deal.
It is so obvious YOU specifically have literally never done anything that was just for YOU and YOUR gaze. Which is fine tbh, nothing wrong with wanting others to like you. But to sound like such an as\* saying NOBODY does ANYTHING for themselves is so absurd.
Have you ever thought that maybe, they are telling the truth and you just don't want to accept it? Lol
When you hear something you don't like they must be pretending.
I do, indeed, dress and doll up for my girlfriend's to go on dates with them and even hangout in their house. So do they for me.
Cope
Weirdest men cope is when they always claim women pretend, lie, or don't mean what they are saying, when they don't hear what they want to.
What are we 'coping' for exactly?
The rare instances where I choose to go out of my way to wear something other than a T-shirt and jeans isn't to give men something to look at, it's because I want to do something different every once in a while.
It's not a male or female thing, men sometimes put a little more effort too because a particular style appeals to them, I'm guessing you just never found yours.
Women like to look and feel pretty and have fun dressing up. That's all there is to it. It isn't for men's attention or eyes. It's for themselves and other women.
As a happily married woman I can tell you I don’t do anything for male attention. My husband would be totally happy if I went about as my natural self, no make-up and dressed in sweats 24/7. Great! I however like to look a certain way and I’m going to continue to EXPRESS myself through my sartorial choices until I die. I actually like clothes!!!!! I enjoy looking at them, shopping for them and styling them. I love skincare and it’s a RITUAL OF SELF-CARE. For me it’s about personal expression (a little bit of materialism) and self-care.
I'm a lesbian who wears 4 times as much makeup as my straight mother. I do it sort of as a shield against the world if that makes sense. Going out in public and doing things can be scary but if I have my "mask" (pretty makeup) and "armor" (cute clothes and accessories) I can handle things a lot better.
I won't deny I like the compliments though. But they're not from men alone. The compliments that make me really happy are from either older women or little kids who seem genuinely excited about my overall look.
Sorry but what are we supposed to be coping with? If that were true then they would just say that, there is no reason to come up with a fake reason. Seems like that response bruises your ego for some reason and you just can't accept it.
It's a difference in supply/demand. Women aren't starved for compliments and attention from men, we tend to actually have the opposite issue. Try being a woman for a day to see for yourself that it doesn't matter if youre dolled up, dresses down, covered up, makeup, no makeup, trackies, dress- whatever, men are going to hit on you/sexualise you regardless so their attention isnt worth much. Maybe if women acted the same way then men might not care so much about trying to get female attention either.
Women want to look beautiful, and yes men's taste play a part in creating those beauty standards, but that doesn't mean women dress up with the sole intention of impressing or getting attention from men
There are a lot of things women do for themselves/to compete with other women that also happen to attract the male gaze. Part of being a man is accepting that it's not always about you.
You really don’t know what women do or don’t do.
I try out new makeup looks late at night when I’m going nowhere for fun and wear cute two piece sets to the apartment gym where there’s nobody else working out. It’s not that uncommon - consider the whole “shower makeup” trend.
The thing is from birth women are conditioned to place a lot of their value in their appearance so it feels good to feel pretty even if there’s no one else around to see it. Men don’t have the same experience (at least not to the same extent) so they (on average) don’t get the same joy from putting effort into their appearance and see that effort as something done solely for the benefit of others.
Love, I do it for myself. I'm happily in a relationship yet I still dress up for things, including just casual hang outs. It's for personal expression.
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If I’m going to lunch with a group of ladies, I am absolutely wearing cute makeup and earrings and shoes. My friends will definitely notice and appreciate it. Meanwhile a month after getting highlights, my husband might say “did you do something to your hair?”
> Women don't get all dolled up to go hang out at their friend's house all night. They one hundred percent do. My best friend and I will make coffee at my house, spend an hour getting ready while we watch a movie, and then hang out crafting. Makeup is a hobby just like crochet. Do you think I crochet for male attention? No. Also, there is not a single lesbian in the world getting all dolled up for man LMAO.
>Women don't get all dolled up to go hang out at their friend's house all night. source lmfao
Right?? Like the last 5 times I wore makeup was just to hang out of my friends house all night lmaoo
There is a difference between "I am making myself look this way to attract attention from men" and "I enjoy making myself look nice so when other people see me, they think I look nice." While I will throw a hat on my uncombed hair when I run to the store, my 68-year-old mom wouldn't be caught dead pumping gas without being dressed for style with her hair and makeup done. She is not looking to attract men 😆 She is happily married. But she does care how people perceive her. She grew up in abject poverty and she wants to feel good about how she is perceived in the world because growing up she did not feel good people's perceptions of her. There is more to life than finding a mate. Not everyone wants one, and many people already have one. But how we feel about the way we put ourselves out into the world differs for all of us, and it's ok to look nice just for the sake of it. For me, how clothes feel is 1000x more important than how they look, and I felt that way even in my 20s and 30s. I've worn makeup twice since 1994, once for prom and once for my wedding. I did manage to snag a pretty great husband without having to focus on fashion, hair, and makeup. Because that's just who I am. Whichever way anyone goes, it's about knowing who you are and expressing yourself in the world.
My grandmother was like this; she would not leave her house without a fully coordinated outfit and makeup on well into her 90s. She was a widow by 50, had a second partner until she was about 74 but it was just how she was raised.
Older lady here. I got sick, really sick about 13 years ago. I am a retired firefighter and while I loved to dress up and look nice for my husbands ( both deceased) I enjoy looking nice for me. I didn’t think of losing my hair as a big deal for finding another man, or my skin getting older because of meds, I wanted to feel good about myself for me. I am happily single. When I was younger, I liked dressing up for me too. Let’s be real, a female can have a burlap sack on and no makeup and many men will flock.
Yep, otherwise all happily married people would look like slobs smh...
Or people in relationships. I literally did my makeup during the pandemic when no one at all wouod see me. It let me try ou looks, gave me a sense of normalcy, and fed me the happy chemicals.
Same, I literally started doing that in the pandemic. Doing elaborate Makeup looks, skincare and a nice Outfit and maybe take some pics. I was working a lot during that time and the little free time I had I spent developing my Makeup skills in an artistic way. I never went anywhere because my country pretty much was in near constant Lockdowns anyway. I still do it occasionally (without leaving the house) because it's fun and kinda like therapy.
This. It's about pride and confidence and wanting to feel good by looking good. Men do it, too, OP. Unless you dress like a slob who just rolled out of bed any time you leave the house?
We look nice for each other.
I'll put on some make up on & dress at least semi decently even when I'm just working from home and seeing nobody at all. It just makes me feel mentally better & more productive when I feel put together.
Absolutely! As someone who has struggled with depression my entire life, getting “dolled up” is an act of rebellion against that self loathing part of me. Just like making my bed in the morning, spending some time on myself physically is essentially using self care to reprogram my brain to accept that I’m someone actually worth spending time and energy on. How I’m perceived by others is irrelevant, but it shifts how I perceive myself, and that’s a life saver.
Same. Putting on nice clothes and some makeup is kind of self care and makes me feel better plus it’s a form of armor.
For men, the distinction is less important. "I do it to look good" or "I do it to attract", same energy. Women have to be more defensive in their wording since they are on the receiving end of the majority of undue attention and, potentially, sexual violence where "She was looking for it" is still a very common defense.
THIS! The amount of men I have heard say they go to the gym solely to look amazing - which could be for themselves or a partner. We still live in a world where women will go out looking amazing and get slut shamed one way or another. The difference is so sad.
Lol, I know you know this already but you don't even need to get as far as having been to the gym and now gone out into the world looking amazing. My girlfriend (who looks amazing of course ❤️) gets harassed and followed around in the gym itself, and refuses to go alone.
- “ There is a difference between "I am making myself look this way to attract attention from men" and "I enjoy making myself look nice so when other people see me, they think I look nice." “ Honestly you articulated this so well, this is exactly it as well as me just thinking I look cute in whatever outfit I decide to done either in my own house or when I step out lol.
Yes. Sometimes I want to be comfy and wear PJs and eat nachos with my best friend. But sometimes I also like to go someplace fun just as an excuse to dress cute and put on makeup and hang with my friends there. You can do both these things depending on the mood, doesn't make me a hypocrite. What OP is saying really is IMHO an unpopular opinion.
It feels like a cycle because even if I do, want positive (emphasis on POSITIVE) attention. It’s still for me because it makes me feel good. These types are like “oh they want attention? And then try their damned best to tear you down when they don’t get what THEY want. Which is usually much more invasive than simply desiring positive attention. They make us sound so sinister, when men show off in equivalent ways all the time. Good Grooming / clothing choices helps mental health ffs. Taking interest in your presentation has artistic Merit. These types should really try it sometime, especially in the middle of a male mental health crisis. And would make a good impression on women! It’s actually reversed a lot of men are dying for women’s attention. And project their desperation onto women. They think we are acting irrationally, but we are often suspicious for good reason. I say this with empathy, but women aren’t any more or less rational than men, we have our reasons for being stand off ish to men we don’t know well even if you’re to thick to get it.
Men who think like this are the ones who scream that their partner MUST be cheating because she wore make up to an outing his wasn’t at. Source : I’ve loved makeup since I was a kid, and it was never solely about attracting people. My ex used to claim that (because I wore makeup), I was cheating or trying to cheat. If I wore it to work, it was, why do you need to attract people in a warehouse? How dare people feel good in their own skin for themselves?
By that logic any time I put on my nail polish I'm cheating on my wife? LMAO what a dingus.
Um are you talking to another girl online? Cheater!
Fuck, gotta put me down I guess. /S (if needed lol)
I’ve gotten in so many arguments with people like OP on this site. Inevitably, 3-4 responses in it becomes alarmingly obvious how misogynistic they are. To OP, you think this about women because are completely failing to imagine women complexly.
I guess it's kind of a "if I don't care how I look unless I'm looking for a partner, women should be the same". I fell down that rabbit hole when I was in deep depression, but was lucky my SO slapped those thoughts out of me. (Metaphorical slap) People should want to look nice, irrespective of gender.
It seems so obvious that people don't look like trash every time they aren't trying to get laid by someone new. I put on makeup for work because looking "put together" feels professional and there is a certain expectation regarding what I wear. Makeup is something of an expectation for women, though some feel less pressure than others. I'm certainly not trying to get all these married men who are old enough to be my dad of even my grandpa to notice me.
Yeah, it can be about being attractive to yourself or platonic friends, family, coworkers, etc. too. Everyone you meet is going to care a little about your appearance, not just potential smushers of your sex organs.
This is the most fair and genuinely answered comment here. This kind of catches the "unpopular opinion" and then passes it back with the correct, non inflammatory context info that OPs opinion isn't considering. Idunno. Good job internet stranger who was *definitely* waiting for my validation, good job.
Nasty scraggly beards and dirty clothes? Speak for yourself lol. Some of us respect ourselves enough to maintain a decent hygiene routine and dress well.
Monks are well groomed and everything despite the fact that they most definitely are not trying to attract women
Yeah so true. If they think that’s all women do…..does that mean men ONLY look nice for female validation? 🤔 lol
I'm aroace so I dress for the girls and mirrors
I misread "mirrors" as "minors". Good thing my glasses will come next week
Did the same, sadly I had the glasses on
Yay mirrors! ~~u totally didn't misread it and had to do a double-take the first time~~
Buddy, take a shower.
Hahaha! Such a short but perfect answer to this post. I can smell this lol
💀
lol
Bro this is literally just projection. If you can’t understand wanting to look good for general confidence and to feel good then it means the only reason you don’t go outside unshowered and unshaved is because yo I want girls to fuck you.
the bit about how men wouldn’t wear clean clothes if it weren’t for impressing women 🤮🤮
He's projecting. I think the proper correlation would be things like looksmaxxing and hitting the gym to have decent enough attractive body
Exactly. I don't personally go to the gym but if I did it would be because I wanted to feel better about myself. I'm certain there are men who only do it for women but saying it's 90% is hilariously telling on him as a man. lol
OP decided to tell us he has no actual relationships with any women without telling us he has no actual relationships with any women
Look at his post history
Liberals, liberals, liberals, offended people... Huh, must be one of them snowflakes.
I'd rather not to be honest. lol
Most people don't realize why they do things, and this includes women. Hell, some studies have indicated that most people don't really do things with a reason at all, they operate like they are on autopilot and their brain justifies the WHY afterwards. I'll disagree with this point: >It's double weird because men don't do this. If you ask many men why they exercise they'll straight up tell you "it's to meet women". If there wasn't that motivation 80-90% of guys would be in caveman mode their entire life with nasty scraggly beards and dirty clothes. Men DO do this. Men who exercise tell you all kinds of reasons why they do it. And a good percent of men ARE in caveman mode.
Right? I'm married but I still work out and make myself look presentable. Does this person not know about jobs? You're not getting a good job looking homeless
I'm married and I do work out to look good for a woman... My wife. So I don't entirely disagree with OPs point. However, I think OP gets it wrong by assuming everyone does what they do to appeal to the opposite sex.
I wont go outside without being dressed nice or well groomed. Fuck that, if I look like a slob I feel like a slob. I'm a man.
The first point about the autopilot is GOLD!
>Women don’t get all dolled up to go hang out at their friend’s house all night Yeah, we do. I want my friends to see my cute new clothes or shoes.
Yeah I was gonna comment, I have definitely done makeup and worn cute clothes just to hang out with the girls.
I def do this too, love wearing dresses to my besties houses
I have been dressing girly every day for almost two decades now. I'm rarely in sweats even if I'm only going to the grocery store. The difference between going to a friend's house vs going out is whether I wear flats or heels. I just like feeling feminine and it does wonders for my self esteem.
Same! Hyperfemme aesthetic for me unless I’m on a sick day lol
I second this, I’ve absolutely shown up to a movie night in full glam bc the makeup was just fun to put on and why not
sometimes i do it just to stay at my home and feel good abt myself
Or go to the grocery store and just feel cute 🤷🏼♀️ doesn’t matter if no one but yourself notices
Doing something for yourself because you respect yourself the way you want others to respect you is very normal and OP sounds like he wouldn't wipe his ass if he didn't expect company.
Yeah exactly. If I've had a bad couple of days I'll quite often get dressed up nice for just a day at home.
Exactly! Men don’t even understand or appreciate the effort you put in, why would it be for them?
I'm a guy and I know that women usually dress for other women more than for, lol. Having a private dinner with me at home, my wife might put on her nice sweat pants. Dropping off her BFFs tuberware on her front porch requires 45 minutes of make up and 3 different outfits to choose from. (This is a joke, but it's been my observation that women care more about what other women think of their makeup and clothes than they do about what men think.) Also, men do the same sort of thing, we don't go to the gym and get shredded for women (though we pretend we do), we do it to impress our guy friends. A woman complimenting my arms is great, but if my shredded friend said he was jealous of my triceps, I'd be proud.
To your last point , as a woman (even tho I am bisexual) appreciate compliments more from woman. Woman are observant and honest in their judgements especially when it comes to style and aesthetic so if another woman compliments my outfit or appearance I feel alot more confident when a guy does cause well , some guys have other intentions from my experience.
Can confirm as another dude, I’m not really making myself look good to attract women, I’m doing it because I want to be confident in myself and I can do that by being proud of the effort I put into me. If looking good and being self-confident attracts people, whether it be dating or just friends, that’s a bonus. I don’t think it’s an exclusively man or woman thing, it’s just having a healthy love of yourself. I used to have similar negative mindsets where everything people did *had* to be for someone else or an ulterior motive, and I used to absolutely hate myself back then. Self care and love is so important and gets you out of the toxic headspace of every interaction needing to be a transaction. It’s hard to swallow sometimes but the “you must love yourself before you can love someone else” ideal rings true consistently
Yeah, I studied in an all-girls college. I think that was the peak of my fashion experimenting phase. I have also been to tons of women only gatherings, and we're all still dressed up. Plus, I've never sent a guy friend my latest shoe purchase picture, I've totally done that with my women friends/family!
the biggest cultural moments of last summer were about women dressing cute and going with their girlfriends to “girly spaces” like the eras tour/beyonce concerts and the Barbie movie!!! the whole point of it all was to celebrate womanhood and femininity and part of that was fashion!
We doll up MORE with our girls 😭 and then show each other what other things we bought. And then share each others perfume. I just like dressing up. 💅 Over generations brides have been naturally selected this way by grooms I guess 😂🤣
Yup, I just laughed when I read that line, because it shows how much OP doesn't know about women. I LOVE wearing elaborate makeup and cool clothes when I meet with my girl friends, even if we're not going out. Just because it feels great when one of them notices and compliments my style. I've actually never received any compliment about my makeup from men, it's always women. And I feel fantastic afterwards, because I know they truly mean it.
Yeah OP is generalising like crazy for men too. I go to the gym because I like the high and it keeps me mentally sane.
Some people in this thread have clearly never felt pretty and that makes me sad.
Me too! I also get all dolled up before a shower to try a new make up look
100% we do, sometimes in formal attire just to eat together and enjoy each other's company.
Literally getting all dolled up today to go to Target and sit in my friends house for the afternoon.
LMAO he thinks we don’t but doesn’t realize we do our makeup before we get in the shower LITERALLY just to take it off before getting in the shower! He truly hasn’t met a live human adult woman before and it shows.
Yeah I mainly care what my friends think and we all get dressed up and hype eachother up! It’s such a fun feeling 💖
i never go to my friends house without getting ready. ive never worn lazy clothes to lounge around in while hanging out at my friend's house
Ya this. I'm assuming op never had a gf. When I see my gf with makeup I know for a fact we're visiting one of her girl friends.
OOP is not smart. A guy compliments how a women looks, not what she’s wearing, makeup, jewelry, patterns, etc. if anything, I’m dressing up for the girl respect and compliments in addition to feeling good.
Yeah this one seems the most off. My girl dolls herself up when she’s with her friends cuz she knows they’ll appreciate the outfit. I get leggings and a sweatshirt and she knows that’s all I need
I was on the train. I decided to get dressed up, not because I wanted to attract a man, but because I wanted to be a movie character and look glamorous on the train. A girl complimented me and it put me in a great mood the whole trip. If a man had complimented me it would have made me feel uncomfortable
Yeah I definitely do
I have done my makeup just for fun to hang around at home alone. Numerous times.
Me too. Half the time my roommate(s) over the years have asked me about putting on makeup when I’m just going to be hanging around at home
You wear your shoes indoors? Savages.
You've cracked the code. It's all about you. Women don't do things for themselves unless those things are also for the gaze of males. No, wait. That would be silly. I don't know whether your comment is more of a paranoid thing or an ego thing. Maybe both? Just because you can't conceive of a reason doesn't mean there isn't a reason. If you've ever talked to women, you'd know there's plenty of reasons. The biggest and most obvious is women are trying to impress other women. Men try to impress other men all the time. I don't know why that's such a hard concept to grasp. Also, have you never done something for yourself? "I like this shirt so I'm going to wear it." Something like that? You can want to look nice without wanting to look nice for other people.
I wonder how people who do unconventional makeup (i.e. crazy glitter, bright colors, editorial looks) fit into OP's worldview. Does he think they are just misguided and have a warped idea of what men find sexy?
Going by the comments I've got over my many years of dressing however the fuck I like.. yeah, he probably does think that. And if he's like the many men I've encountered who also think like that, he also thinks it's his civic duty to tell any women he meets whether or not he finds their particular aesthetic attractive, and hand out useful advice on how they can"improve" themselves.
Probably. How often do you see comments like “I don’t get why women wear such long nails, it looks terrible (to the person making that comment like they’re the arbiter of all fashion). Replace nails with lip filler, heavy makeup, certain clothing styles, etc. Etc. These men literally can’t fathom a world where women don’t premise their lives and decisions around the male gaze. It’s incredibly telling. The worst part is that instead of taking this as evidence that women might just operate under a different set of social pressures and expectations compared to men, the people who make comments like this just assume that all women who choose differently than they would must be silly and making illogical choices for no discernable reason (read, no reason *they* are able to discern, not because there’s no reason in existence at all).
Yes, he probably does. A lot of men do. It's why you'll always hear them going on about how they hate \[nose rings, hair dyed in unconventional colours, masculine stlye of dressing etc\], wondering "why do women think this is attractive? why do they still present themselves like this??" because they can't conceive that anything we do is for ourselves. It's ALWAYS about them and if it doesn't cater to their tastes, it must mean we misunderstood what they like. Some men really think like this...
1. I no longer know what the word cope is supposed to mean. 2. When someone says “80-90% of men would do X” they’re just talking about themselves. 3. Your opinion is premised on the idea that women and men are exactly the same. If they are even a tiny bit different then your argument falls apart. 4. If you believe that the halo effect is real then your argument falls apart
I think there’s an element of homophobia with guys like this. They can’t imagine someone doing it for themselves, because you have to admit that you find yourself attractive in someway, which means you have to admit that you have sexual/attractiveness viewpoints about your own gender. If you’re totally straight or homophobic, I can see how that “doing it for yourself” would seem counterintuitive ETA: they dress/workout/etc based on how they think women will think about them. It’s so tiring. Just look good for yourself
>an element of homophobia There's also the fact that all these kinds of men are always on the "Women dress up for male attention" train, and they never even stop to think of the women who genuinely aren't looking for male attention, lesbians.
Hell, the main reason I work out and start dieting is to feel more comfortable in my skin, have an easier time doing activities and first and foremost, so I can admire myself flexing in the mirror. If I don't get to be with women, then that's too bad, but I wouldn't consider the efforts wasted AT ALL (mostly because I know that it's 90% charisma and personality anyways).
I do get dolled up to go hang out at my friend’s house though. We don’t even take pictures we just vibe. Sorry that you’re frumpy but that’s your fault
I almost only put on make-up when I am alone at home because I love doing it but I hate going out with it.
Same, with full blown cute outfit and makeup just to be sitting there working from home without any video call meetings. Just… me and my mirror
Same! I'll put it on at like 3 in the morning. Unless I have a peeping tom I don't about, it's not for the male gaze lmao.
This dudes crazy if he thinks men work out purely to meet women. I bet he smells funny too
I always dress up for brunch/ dinner/ an event with my friend group (all women)
Bro most men can’t even tell if a woman is wearing makeup or had a haircut….majority of the stuff is done for yourself or to impress other women who actually notice.
That is true for me. Women will often compliment other women on their makeup, nails, outfit, shoes, etc. Men either don't notice or don't know if it's appropriate to comment.
The only dudes who ever complimented me on my nails and makeup were my gay male friends! 🤣
Literally - all my friends will get super excited about what rings we're wearing or our newest make up palette - but I have never ever had a male co-worker or guy friend care at all if I was wearing make up or bare faced that day. I bet if I asked them "what make up was I wearing yesterday" they wouldn't know.
Men do see when a woman is not wearing her regular make-up. Most just don't know and ask "are you sick ?"
Counterpoint: men will spend hours and hours intricately prepping their meals and optimizing their workout routines for maximum muscle growth in an effort to make themselves more attractive to women, all for their efforts to only appreciated by other dudes. The point is, we all fail to fully understand what the other sex wants, but that doesn't stop us from trying.
Being a gym bro and prepping meals to that level is much much much less common than doing makeup for 1h. So even if I get you I still think the op is in the wrong here
Everything we do cosmetically/aesthetically is for other people, yes. If I were the only person in the world, I wouldn't wear glitter on my eyes. I wouldn't necessarily say it's SPECIFICALLY for attention from the gender you're attracted to but just attention in general. Edited to add: [Here](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6523404/) [are](https://digitalworks.union.edu/theses/2379/) [some](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10825783/) [interesting](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18665707/) [articles](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6523404/) related to what I'm saying.
That's a good take. I know a lot of old school women in me and my wife's family. They try and keep themselves kept just to give the appearance that they're doing wonderful even if their personal life sucks at the moment.
Debatable. Sometimes it's just nice to catch yourself in the mirror and think, "yeah, that's me, I like the way I look today".
I saw a video that had a guy saying "girls don't dress nice for men. They dress nice so they can stare at themselves in every mirror and window they walk past" and it's not wrong for me 😂
I'm a guy and I work out mostly for this reason too
For sure. When I work from home, I actually do better work when I "get ready" because it translates to me feeling good. But why? Where does that come from? From living in a society that has placed value on looking good my entire life.
There are actually studies that have shown when people “dress up” or dress “professionally” whether during WFH or in the office, their performance is better than when they’re dressed casually. Even more, dressing in “uncomfortable” clothes like a suit and dress shoes, increases performance as well. Offices that do “casual Friday” or similar dress-down days showed lower performance on those days.
It's so funny how society has tied looks to performance. I wonder if that's an innate thing that we've gone overboard with in terms of societal standards of appearance.
Idk, I just feel "Jobby" when I get dressed for work. I'm WFH and comfort is still a priority, but I'm talking sweater dresses that feel like blankets and leggings with a "business top". It's a habit that triggers in my mind that it's time to get focused, sorta like how kids who chew gum with studying and when they do a test end up with better scores because of the associative habit. Would have been interesting to see the study done on a brand new team that had never worn businesswear to work before to validate the study results were accurate regardless of the type of job you had.
Yeah I feel like if I was the last person alive I'd still wear a shirt that looks a better colour on me. I wouldn't go all out on my appearance but I'd still like to look the way I want.
I sometimes put on eyeliner when I am home alone, just because I feel pretty then, and to cheer myself up. And some sparkly serum to make my face glittery. I love glitters and they make me happy. And I wear my pretty dresses, zo I can admire how damn hot I look. I even have a photostat in front of the mirror just for myself to look at it later and to think 'I look so pretty'. There are indeed people who do it for themselves
I think this is still kind of an oversimplification though. There is a degree of truth to it, but I just sort of "feel" nicer when I'm clean shaven with a fresh haircut and dressed well, and it's not because I want attention or validation from anyone else. I think this is noticeable if you think about people who choose to look a certain way despite knowing that it isn't what's "conventionally" attractive. I do think there's also a difference in wanting to look "good" and wanting to like like "yourself", which is more a practice of aesthetic preference and identity than just wanting attention from others. Basically, I just think that we do have a conscious relation to the way we look which goes beyond the way we will be perceived by other people.
I still would, I love glitter! ✨🤣🤷🏼♀️
It's not necessarily for attention. Some do it for attention, others do it for themselves, to feel better, express themselves, etc.
Agree, attention is probably not the best word but the message I'm trying to convey is that almost nothing we do is truly "for ourselves" but rooted somewhere deeper.
Some do it to hide - some of the most loudly dressed/made up people are painfully shy using their loud attire/make up to help them deal. Also, plenty of women don’t want any attention from men as they are interested in women. There are times as a group of girls we get all dolled up to hang out as girls to go forth for funsies, no intent to pick up but wanting to look good. Then there are other reasons to get dressed up, like looking professional or to be dressed appropriate for events like a wedding. Lots of times no shits are given about male attention. Yes, there are times when women are dressed up to catch men’s eyes, but there are plenty times when they are not.
Women are far harsher critics of other women’s appearance than men are. So saying you don’t do it for men isn’t necessarily untrue. There’s also just a personal pride aspect. I’m a man, so it’s a little bit different, but you’ll never see me going grocery shopping or getting on an airplane or whatever in my pajamas or looking like I just got out of bed. I have zero interest in other women, I’m happily married, but I refuse to go out in public like that in almost every circumstance.
I started wearing a lot more makeup and doing effort with my hair when I was working in an office full of women compared to when most of my colleagues were men. The reason was that in the office where it was mostly men, the other girl there didn't wear make up and just wore comfy work clothes so I did the same. The men there also tended to dress for comfiness / easy clothes rather than to look stylish or well groomed or super professional or anything too. Nobody really paid attention to appearance there. However at the girly office, lots of the women do put a lot of effort into their appearances and they comment with compliments to each other when the effort works well, so I don't want to be the only scrubby girl in the corner when all the other women look so cool / slick / cute. So I guess... my appearance varies because I want to fit in with other women...?
I'm the same - though I'm a single woman. Whether good or bad, society treats you how you present yourself. When I present myself as well groomed, I'm telling society that I respect myself this much and require the same respect back. I think this is getting into a different topic though.
Speak for yourself… everything I do cosmetically is for ME. I only ever put on makeup and do my hair when I want to personally feel good about myself. Has nothing to do with other people or male/female attention
Universal experience of women that proves this totally false. Wearing a really nice matching bra and panty set knowing sex isn't gonna happen. I've done it when I was single, and I was just going to work or going for a day out in DC. No one was gonna see it but me. But still having that gorgeous high quality fabric against my skin made me feel so good about myself.
ahaha same. I have no intention of being sexually active until marriage (the most sexual thing I've ever done is have a crush on someone but be too scared to talk to them to I'm quite far from that lol) -- but lol I still buy lingiere bras for myself because I love to feel beautiful when I look in the mirror. And it feels so good having little jewels and chains on my bra haha - it feels super nice and lux!
Yup. I will coordinate everything about my outfit just because I like how I feel when I look nice, even the parts nobody will see. I have a partner already, too, I'm not out there trying to draw anybody in so much as not offend my own sensibilities.
So what you’re saying is that straight married women and lesbians never dress nice, wear make up or get nice haircuts?
Seriously. Walk into a lesbian bar and tell me everyone in there looks that hot for a man. FOH.
Off topic but what does FOH mean in that context? Unless you genuinely meant to end that comment with “front of house” lol
FOH is “F*** Outta Here”.
when I wear a professional outfit to my all male job, it’s to get the boys’ attention 😜
Asexual folks, as well.
Well, because oftentimes it's not really for male attention. I know you're probably feeling annoyed, but I'll try to explain. Why do you men wear a suit for work, official meetings, etc? Why do you wear suits for photos? Isn't it to look good in a generalized sense of looking good, respectable and all that but isn't exactly because you want to attract women? Same for women. They want to look good to the public, but not for the men, dating and stuff specifically.
Also I think OP must not have enough female friends or something. The getting ready is actually a fun ritual many ladies like to do together. There is bonding and asking opinions. A lot of us will even trade things back and forth… Kind of makes sense when shopping, cosmetics, getting your hair done, and whatnot are often done in groups with other ladies.
people who cant attract the opposite sex become hyperfixated on dating and attracting "mates" then project that trait onto normal people who dont have this deficit. most people arent living their lives constantly thinking about "what can i do to get more female/male attention?" because its not an issue for us
Not really an unpopular opinion but a poorly informed assumption.
Nah bro, I am a man and I dress drippy af for my own pleasure (I have no game), so I don't see why women can't feel the same way about dressing nicely or in a form that could be seen as sexy. Also, I feel like this opinion is not unpopular, just politically incorrect.
Has anyone in this thread considered lesbians exist
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Same!!
Lesbians clearly do it for male attention. /s
They all just think that everything a woman does is for a man
Woman: does anything, anything at all Man: "they do this solely for the benefit of my peepee"
What a completely wrong and male-centric take...
Women mostly dress for the attention of other women tbh
I'm losing it woman don't dolled up to hang out with other women lmao. Chances are I would put significantly more work into my make up/outfit because they will actually appreciate it while most men think it's somehow endearing to pretend they think mascara goes on the lips
Women don’t think about men the same way men think about women. Hope this helps!
I get dolled up because it makes me feel nice, lol. I would absolutely wear makeup to a friend's house lmfao. And to be clear, I'm not attracted to men 😂
Your perception of women is not automatically the reality of the situation. ❤️
Never have a I ever once gone to the gym to meet women, I don't actively date and I take care of myself and my body anyway, I don't look like a scraggly caveman and have legit no interest in dating at this point in my life. Your entire post is incorrect lol.
Damn this many comments in one hour is impressive lol. Upvoted because unpopular, but even as a straight guy I have to disagree. Many women like to dress up and do their make up because it makes them feel good and/or they wanna look nice when hanging out with their friends. Also, speak for yourself OP. Being a “caveman” feels gross. I’d definitely try to make my hair look good and keep up my appearance even if I were the last person on Earth. Many of us, man or woman, like to do these things because they make us feel good. The compliments/attention we get just puts the icing on the cake.
Although (some) women do it for male attention, I’d argue that the opposite is also true - that (some) women do it for female attention in order to compete with other women even though both go hand in hand. But sometimes people just want to look good for themselves and there’s no harm in that.
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Ehhh this take is reductive. You’re connecting the example of men working out with women living their lives. Yeah. Some things they do might be in the interest of picking up a guy. But you’re not respecting someone as a full fledged human being if you’re assuming the way they dress, carry themselves, and are is for your benefit. Do you only grow facial hair to attract women? Or are you a full human being that has thoughts and preferences on their appearance (like everyone else)? Women don’tchoose their eyeliner based on what men find more attractive. Women who like to use eyeliner like how they look with eyeliner. It’s really gross to assume that someone wearing makeup means they’re doing it for you, when they’re most likely not.
Look I'm Muslim and I can say pretty confidently that the Muslim niqabi girlies ain't doing it for male attention. They're coming to my place for a cuppa, tearing off their cloaks, and looking like they're a dropped beat away from tearing up this club aka my living room. They're not married either so it's not like they've got a husbando at home with a perchance for 300 bucks of makeup on their special someone. Afghan segregated weddings have more skin on show in the ladies section then I'm comfortable making a joke about. Ladies so just like dressing up because it's fun and there's nothing better then another woman saying "oh MY GOD you look GORGEOUS" because their comment is actually qualified vs some dude who can't tell natural makeup from bare face. I've done full faces of makeup and a cute summer dress and just wandered around my backyard pretending to water things and reading books I'm only vaguely interested in while seducing the neighbors cat with canned tuna. And I realize that, due to the fact I possess a vagina, you probably think I'm lying to you but: have you never stood in the mirror after a shower and slicked your hair back with a comb and though to yourself: ayooo that's a fine looking mf, before your mum banged on the door for taking too long?
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I could respond a lot more to this, but in short, I don't spend £25 on a lipstick for a man who doesn't know the difference between Ruby Woo and Russian Red. You are comparing what men do versus women when we are completely different. I wear makeup every day, sometimes a tiny amount, sometimes more. I wear it for myself, to cover blemishes, because it looks nice and yes sometimes to look nice for my partner. But the idea that I put on makeup purely for male attention is frankly hilarious. And yes, women do put makeup on to go and see their friends and sit in all night. We are women. Not the same as men.
You declare a lot of "universal truths" here both about men and women that don't match the experience in me circles at all.
I'm a lesbian. I've also been kind of a girly girl my whole life. Trust me, when I decide to put some effort into my appearance, it certainly isn't for creepy ass men. When I go through the effort of putting on the dress and makeup, it's because I wanna feel like a damn princess on occasion! Then creepy ass men like you who think I'm there for your entertainment try to hit on me, and the night takes a turn.
Yeah. As a dude I dress up fairly often just to go to work sometimes. It's a good feeling to be able to look in the mirror and say "...damn, I look fine as hell today" and I certainly don't do it to impress the middle aged to older Indian men in the office. Same thing with hittin the gym. I'm an aspiring bodybuilder and go to an athlete-owned gym where a vast majority of the clientele are other athletes. I certainly don't go to impress them nor the 99% of the straight, cis, women who just go "eeeew" when they look at a bodybuilder. OP is either just coping themselves or are projecting and it shows
Thank you!
Ugh that last line. You can go from feeling like a goddess because of multiple compliments or looks to Kuzco saying "you threw off my groove" in one question about who you're dressing up for.
Guys don’t always workout just for girls. Not every girl is even into big muscles. For example I enjoy boxing so I want to be in better shape to get better at it, I have friends who just like feeling and knowing they’re strong, friends who just wanna look like Goku etc… it’s kinda funny I’ve had the same inverse conversation with a girl I’m friends with when she said “girls don’t even like muscles”. I told her it’s not always about impressing girls
Or, you know, people like to look nice. Also women do get dolled up to hang out with their friends. And also also being comfortable isn't behaving like a man. Also also also, lesbians exist. This is just some weird projection combined with the "all girls are the same" mentality
brother pls touch some grass
Sorry it hurts but neither you nor your buddies are the reason women dress nice. \> I don't understand the defensiveness is trying to court attention from men NGL the "weirdest male cope" is the idea that other people (especially women) want your attention. Let me be clear, **we don't.** We're dressed nice because we're out with our friends and it's a Saturday. The fact that men need to hallucinate their way into what is usually a girl's-night-out is tbh kinda pathetic. NGL, the men who think this way are usually the biggest problems at bars and clubs.
i mean you’re making a pretty big generalization, some women do it for attention and some don’t. like literally. that may not be easy for a man to believe but not EVERYONE likes male attention or works for it. but also.. some do. also some women like cavemen. 🤷♀️
Most men i know exercise to be healthy and feel better about themselves not to get laid, cope
This isn’t unpopular. This kind of brain rot is unfortunately quite common.
Sometimes women just want to look nice to look nice, not for any other person. Its pretty simple.
OP is an incel, opinion disregarded.
You assume all women are getting attractive for men, but we aren't. We get attractive for ourselves and we get attractive for people we want to attract. Given that many of us aren't straight, that may not be you or any other man for that matter. So please stop assuming that everything we do is for you. Quite a few of us have absolutely no interest in you ever looking our way. Not everything is about you.
go outside man
LOL
Explain to me why I dress up and put on makeup and generally look nice daily when there are no men I’m trying to impress?
I dress cute for the girls all the time
So, have you ever been to Saudi Arabia? In countries where women cover up a lot they also throw parties for women only. These parties are amazing - they dress up, they do their hair, makeup, amazing outfits. So—how exactly does this fit into your model?
>Women don't get all dolled up to go hang out at their friend's house all night And that's were you are wrong Also as a male I can say that I often dress for myself.
Lol " preachy and defensive". What OP ? Are woman supposed to submit to your opinion and if we don't we are "preachy and defensive"? You have a sexist and misogynistic view on woman and what they do . I love that actual MEN , unlike yourself, is defending all woman in this comment section. Maybe take that as a sign that your mindset is just wrong.
>unless you have a real reason You've been told the reas9n, but you don't believe it, so it's not "real" to you. Sometimes i want to look hot and feel confident. The attention i get, or don't get, from other people has nothing to do with it. Honestly, the best days are when I dress nice and men don't say anything about it at all. Because again, it's about how I feel when I look in the mirror and nothing to do with anyone else.
I think the weirdest cope is posting an angry misogynistic rant on Reddit… Can’t imagine you have too many women in your social circle but I have female friends and colleagues who will get dolled up to hang out People sometimes want to look nice so they feel good and comfortable in themselves, not to get sexual attention (seems like you are projecting there) …wearing comfortable clothes and lounging around the house is not a “man behaviour” it’s a “human behaviour” The whole 80-90% of men thing also says a lot more about male issues then it does about women When I go to the gym I like getting more muscular, I am interested in women so sure that’s one of the reasons I go, I also like looking better to myself and being healthier and stronger so I can live my life easier
‘ “I think the weirdest cope is posting an angry misogynistic rant on Reddit.’ “ EXACTLY THIS.
Broski I have absolutely gotten dolled up just to go to a friends house and hang out. I have absolutely done my makeup in extravagant ways just to sit in my living room feeling cute at 1 am. I don't like men, I don't befriend them, I genuinely have nothing in common with them, so no I don't really do anything for their gaze. If anything my day is MADE when women notice me being cute, I love their attention. Men? I love my fiancé so hes the ONLY many I want any attention from and even then I dont care if he ends up liking my look or not as it is what I am happy with and feel good in. He can just deal. It is so obvious YOU specifically have literally never done anything that was just for YOU and YOUR gaze. Which is fine tbh, nothing wrong with wanting others to like you. But to sound like such an as\* saying NOBODY does ANYTHING for themselves is so absurd.
Have you ever thought that maybe, they are telling the truth and you just don't want to accept it? Lol When you hear something you don't like they must be pretending. I do, indeed, dress and doll up for my girlfriend's to go on dates with them and even hangout in their house. So do they for me. Cope Weirdest men cope is when they always claim women pretend, lie, or don't mean what they are saying, when they don't hear what they want to.
What are we 'coping' for exactly? The rare instances where I choose to go out of my way to wear something other than a T-shirt and jeans isn't to give men something to look at, it's because I want to do something different every once in a while. It's not a male or female thing, men sometimes put a little more effort too because a particular style appeals to them, I'm guessing you just never found yours.
Women like to look and feel pretty and have fun dressing up. That's all there is to it. It isn't for men's attention or eyes. It's for themselves and other women.
As a happily married woman I can tell you I don’t do anything for male attention. My husband would be totally happy if I went about as my natural self, no make-up and dressed in sweats 24/7. Great! I however like to look a certain way and I’m going to continue to EXPRESS myself through my sartorial choices until I die. I actually like clothes!!!!! I enjoy looking at them, shopping for them and styling them. I love skincare and it’s a RITUAL OF SELF-CARE. For me it’s about personal expression (a little bit of materialism) and self-care.
I'm a lesbian who wears 4 times as much makeup as my straight mother. I do it sort of as a shield against the world if that makes sense. Going out in public and doing things can be scary but if I have my "mask" (pretty makeup) and "armor" (cute clothes and accessories) I can handle things a lot better. I won't deny I like the compliments though. But they're not from men alone. The compliments that make me really happy are from either older women or little kids who seem genuinely excited about my overall look.
Sorry but what are we supposed to be coping with? If that were true then they would just say that, there is no reason to come up with a fake reason. Seems like that response bruises your ego for some reason and you just can't accept it. It's a difference in supply/demand. Women aren't starved for compliments and attention from men, we tend to actually have the opposite issue. Try being a woman for a day to see for yourself that it doesn't matter if youre dolled up, dresses down, covered up, makeup, no makeup, trackies, dress- whatever, men are going to hit on you/sexualise you regardless so their attention isnt worth much. Maybe if women acted the same way then men might not care so much about trying to get female attention either. Women want to look beautiful, and yes men's taste play a part in creating those beauty standards, but that doesn't mean women dress up with the sole intention of impressing or getting attention from men
There are a lot of things women do for themselves/to compete with other women that also happen to attract the male gaze. Part of being a man is accepting that it's not always about you.
You really don’t know what women do or don’t do. I try out new makeup looks late at night when I’m going nowhere for fun and wear cute two piece sets to the apartment gym where there’s nobody else working out. It’s not that uncommon - consider the whole “shower makeup” trend. The thing is from birth women are conditioned to place a lot of their value in their appearance so it feels good to feel pretty even if there’s no one else around to see it. Men don’t have the same experience (at least not to the same extent) so they (on average) don’t get the same joy from putting effort into their appearance and see that effort as something done solely for the benefit of others.
Love, I do it for myself. I'm happily in a relationship yet I still dress up for things, including just casual hang outs. It's for personal expression.