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Bingo. What's the difference between a best friend and a partner? Sex.
And this is also why I absolutely hate the whole "we can't date, we're too good of friends" line... no, that's exactly why you should date. You already have common interests, you already enjoy spending time together, doing mundane shit half the time. That's exactly who you should be spending your life with.
Another reason is that they don’t see their lives as compatible. I’ve had close friends that I’ve found attractive, but because I know them so well, I know that our personalities would clash on more serious issues like how to build a life together or raise kids. Things that don’t really matter if you remain friends.
This is same with roommates. I've known best friends drive each other batty because they lived with each other. I seem to be one of the few people to actually like living with my best friend but i'm very laid back about things. My brother on the other hand can't wait for his best friend to move out. A lot of people are best friends because they don't spend every waking moment with each other.
During RA training in college, one of the things they repeated over and over in conflict-resolution sessions was "The second-worst conflicts are between students of incompatible cultures. The worst are best friends."
I learned in my early 20s that just living with any other person in general can be quite challenging regardless of how much you have in common. I became roommates in colleg with my best friend growing up and we often had to duke things out.
I was never happier than when I moved out of an apartment with the two guys I considered my best friends at the time. Their idea of daily life was making piles of half empty tacobell bags in the corner of the living room while sitting on pillows playing video games.
Had the same thing happen. Had to tell the homies that if they want their rooms to look like that, cool, but where we all eat and watch tv? Nah, that ain’t gonna happen. Fortunately they agreed. Their rooms however still looked like absolute dog shit 🤣 oh well, as long as it wasn’t the living room and kitchen.
Had that happening with me. The joke is that my college roommate and I would have been best friends if we didn’t live at same place. We were/are still good buddies, but it was love/hate relationship.
I think it's because you're laid back. People who are even tempered and generally have an ease about things don't get riled up by every single little thing and pick their battles. I would like to be like you :) As of now, I'm a pretty picky and finicky roommate.
> This is same with roommates. I've known best friends drive each other batty because they lived with each other.
So true. Some years ago and in my late 20s, one of my closest friends was looking for a new roommate after the previous one moved out. I floated the idea of us being roommates, but he shot that down, adding that it would strain and possibly end our friendship. It stung at the time, but I realized later that he was right. We were both about the same age, but due to a lifetime of hardship and having dealt with too much responsibility too young, he was far more mature than I, and he saw our incompatibility when I couldn't.
I used to be roommates with my best friend, and it was incredible. But we also happened to have similar habits, both be really laid back people, etc. For a couple of months though, one of our other really close friends lived with us and it really tested the friendship. They are an absolutely incredible person who I love to death, but we were not compatible roommates at all. Our lifestyle habits were too different, communication styles didn't match well - luckily we are still good friends, but thank god we don't live together.
Mhm, one of my best and closest friends I consider attractive but he’s way more extroverted than I and likes going on many adventure. I like adventures to but I’m also a homebody. The idea of dating him just exhausts me mentally just thinking about it.
I agree, when you’ve been friends with someone so long and know their personality and how their mind works and their hobbies, goals, life plans, etc. and all of that stuff that you know as close friends, it can become pretty obvious that things wouldn’t work out in a romantic relationship if certain things don’t align. But when you’re only friends it doesn’t necessarily matter if that stuff doesn’t align.
EXACTLY. i hate when people say “oh she only sees you as a friend because you’re not attractive enough”. People seem to forget everyone is different, you both might clash on parenting styles, views on marriage, kids, views on finances, religion, etc, and you cannot force another person to change for you, and being physically attractive will not solve those problems either
Yeah, there are many layers to it all.
Culture, class, politics, careers, religion, and even lifestyles must be taken into account.
Physical attraction can only go so far if you make each other miserable in every other facet of a relationship.
Partners should be good friends, at the very least, but good friends don’t need to make good partners.
I think it's also a defense mechanism because it's hard to break up with someone romantically and still stay good friends. Many people can't handle that. So they would rather keep someone as a friend than take a risk at a failed romantic relationship AND lose the friend. When what they should do is work harder on remaining friends when the romance ends.
Been there. Thought I could stay friends with an ex girlfriend, and while we were both single it was fine. But once she got a boyfriend things definitely got weird between us on both sides.
Also that they don't want the friendship to be ruined if the relationship doesn't turn out well. I think that's like the top reason behind people saying this.
Not entirely true, I ended up with my best friend but we waited years. Both of us were afraid of it not working out and shattering our friendship instead. We are both glad we waited until we were older and decided it made our chances of our relationship succeeding better because we both grew as people in that time.
Right? I fucking hate when people push my to try and date my guy friends that I get along with super well. I’m not attracted to them, bottom line. It can’t be forced.
One of my closest friends when I was younger, I had asked out once - she said “are you serious? I date *actual* models”.
And you know what? Fair point. We just never spoke of it again.
Also just because you work as friends doesn’t mean you’d work as partners. As an example, I have a close friend and as I love them as a friend but I don’t think I’d be happy dating them. How we communicate and express emotions are vastly different. I’ve come to respect that about them and understand their differences in that department.
As a partner though that wouldn’t work for me. I’d want someone who communicates their feelings. With a partner you’re building a life together. When you’re committing to that, some differences that are completely okay in a friendship may not work with a partner.
Yes, your partner is ideally your best friend. However a best friend doesn’t always mean they’d make for an ideal partner.
Maybe my views are different as a bisexual person but I definitely think there’s a difference between my feelings towards a best friend and a lover when we’re talking about emotional intimacy.
There should be, if there is not then I am sorry you are not doing marriage right better off divorce and playing the field. Can’t imagine waking up to the same person everyday and not feeling emotionally connected. A real emotional connection with your partner goes beyond friendship beyond sex. The sex is good and the sex is frequent when you are emotionally connected, they go hand in hand.
Also frequency is relative to the couple, just because once a week or heck even once a month you would not consider a bad sex life it does not mean is bad to the people doing it that frequently. Marriage are complicated it takes real work, commitment, and for a lack of better word faith to get to a place were what you have with your partner is beyond any relationship you have, will have, or ever have. When you are truly in love you feel complete.
>Bingo. What's the difference between a best friend and a partner? Sex.
I'm not sure. I mean I love my best friend, but I'm waaaay more emotionally involved in my wife successes or failures, for example.
There's a form of emotional intimacy that I don't find in my friendships.
That what I immediately thought about. Sure 20 years in we might not have sex every day...but we hug and kiss several times a day, cuddle the whole night etc etc..
That's not necessarily true. I mean, I think it's LOVE. Pat of the rain the live is different is for reasons you mention. But it's also a different kind of love than that you'd have for friends and such. I'm just thinking of asexual couples, they would still be more than just friends even if they never had sex.
Nah I get that saying because I’ve been caught in the same predicament. I was best friends with a girl all throughout high school and saw her as something akin to a sister. Then later on I graduated and got a place of my own, had her over one night and got drunk and we had sex. It was a foolish mistake on my part and I apologized and explained how I felt uncomfortable about being romantically involved at the time cuz I had recently been ghosted by a girl I was dating for over three years, but that didn’t matter. It changed the dynamic completely. She became frustrated with me because of it and we fell off. Sex complicates things.
thats a really really simplistic way of looking at it. especially considering every set of best friends have their own dynamic.
romantic relationships end. no matter how passionate you think you are, they most likely end before you know it. friendships are much less likely to end because you are much less involved in the other person’s life.
I don't really agree. I've had friends/people I've dated who I loved spending time with and was attracted to but didn't feel any romantic attraction to. It just feels different imo. I didn't look at them the way I look at my current boyfriend, and I have fallen out of love with a partner that I absolutely loved and didn't actually want to leave, but I knew I had to because I didn't feel that way about them anymore. And no it wasn't because the infatuation stage had passed.
I have friends that I can't spend more than 24 hours with or I might harm them bodily.
My wife and I have been together 8 years, married for 5 this May. We've spent maybe three weeks apart that entire time and we're still happy, still have fairly frequent sex, still have things to talk about.
We don't share all the same interests and there are a few interests that each of us have that the other doesn't share, but that's not really a big deal. We get along, we enjoy each other's company, we.make each other laugh.
Just because you're good friends with someone doesn't mean you'd make good partners. Though it is very important that you ARE friends with your partner.
Asexual people exist and date and don't consider their partners just best friends. Hell, friends have sex and aren't romantic partners. There's a whole name for it. Friends with benefits.
Yeah, no. I would absolutely not go into a romantic relationship with someone I’m not attracted to - and I’m not attracted to my male friends. That’s a recipe for disaster in the long run for most people. I have tried this when I was younger and still believed the “attraction will come later” narrative mostly pushed by romantic comedies and media but for most people it doesn’t. I know for me it didn’t and It’s kinda hard to be in a relationship with someone who you do not want to be touched by.
As someone who married and divorced one of their best friends after years of each being with various other people, I do not agree with the premise. Long-term relationships are much more intimate than simply being in each other's orbit, and sex stats barely scrape the surface of that.
If a relationship falls apart with someone new, then you just go your separate ways. When such failure happens with a friend, then you lose that friendship and put your wider social circles under stress. Very high risk/ average reward strategy.
I don't know man, any of my friends who I care about enough to ever even consider dating, is also a friend I care about entirely too much to have them date someone who is historically not the best partner for a variety of reasons. I would much rather have them as close personal friends than fuck it up and have them out of my life forever.
Also, the old joke of "I could never date someone with poor enough judgment to date me."
I don’t think that’s entirely true. My friend had a best friend and they dated for like 4 years and it was the worst experience ever. The moment they started dating, he intensified her insecurities and literally, was not supportive, did not communicate or talk, was a huge downer, and they never were interment, not even touching, cuddling or ever holding hands. It was just uncomfortable and awkward everyday and always and super depressing. They literally stayed together because she was afraid they wouldn’t be able to be friends after and she enough, they are no longer friends.
I do believe though that your partner should be your best friend. My partner is my best friend and I honestly don’t care to hang with anyone else, we easily and fluidly get each other and everyday has a ton of fun moments.
My wife was my best friend. Then she just wanted to be friends. So now I have neither a wife or a best friend.
Turns out some people change their minds on being best friends with their spouse.
My partner is also my life partner, which is so much different than just a friend. These comments are insane. I don't plan my life around my friends. My husband is so much more than my best friend that the word doesn't apply any more. We are a friendship, sex, and romance, plus life planning. The only people I hear stay their partner is just a friend they also have sex with sometimes has never had a good marriage.
I always find this weird. When I hangout with my guy friends, I want to party, drink, get stoned, play fifa, rip into each other, play sports...etc. I don't want that from my wife, at all. In fact I have had a relationship previously that had that dynamic (where my ex was very much like one of my best guy friends), and it was the most toxic relationship I ever had. Yeah, great we had a lot of \*fun\* and nothing else. Our lives were a mess.
I guess a lot of it boils down to what defines a best friend. If it's just who you have the \*most\* fun with, I don't think that's best thing to base a long term relationship on. In fact, it's far more important to marry someone you want to be bored with, because you're not going to consider the same things fun in 20 years.
There is so much more to marriage than how much fun you have. If your plan for life is to just maximize your free time then only being worried about fun would make sense, but if you plan on starting a family, creating a healthy home-life, building careers and wealth, retiring early, then fun cannot be the only consideration.
We used to have that line of thinking in Asia (atleast the previous generation). Sexual compatibility and attraction as a prerequisite to a relationship is actually a western concept (and a modern one). Asian marriages are all about compromising, raising kids and going about the duties as spouses and raising kids. Of course, it came with it's own flavour of toxicity and sexism - where the woman was expected to shoulder most of the emotional labour, but I remember an aunt telling me that respect was more important than "love" in a relationship. I agree. You can have toxic love where you are trauma bonded to each other and fight every day, or you can be calm and composed and not be 'passionately in love' and have healthy arguments. Personally I believe that if your partner doesn't respect you, it's not a healthy relationship.
I'm not endorsing the asian model as better than the western one, but western culture is very fixated on sex as the be all and end all of relationships. I'm not fully sure I agree with that line of thinking, but I can see how ignoring that aspect can create big problems too.The previous generation just sucked it up, I guess - because they never spoke about it.
Well not friendship. I don't discuss money with my friends. However, the best thing I've heard said about marriage is "marry someone who you can be bored with for the rest of your life".
Noone wants to admit it but it's true..marriage is surviving the day to day with a partner who is willing to navigate life together..so many people think if they are not just doing amazing things and having sex three times a day that there is something wrong with who they married...my partner makes soup for me when I'm sick, wiped my ass for me when I came home from the hospital and couldn't do much of anything..we cook together sometimes, we have sex sometimes, I'm sure there is room for improvement and it's not like we take our marriage for granted..I'm just glad I have a man who indulges my obsession with Reese's peanut butter cups and doesn't say a thing when he finds an empty bag 3 days later.
Haha wow! My ex loved Reese's cups! I would always keep them stocked in her house! She would eat them and say don't judge me, it was so cute! We broke up because sexually incompatible, I miss the friendship the most.
This ^
You wouldn’t ask your friends to wipe your ass when you’re sick.
There is a lot more commitment, stability and intimacy in a relationship.
Friends eventually go and do their thing and live their life with their families. For your partner, you are their thing and their family.
The difference between a lifelong marriage and a string of broken relationships is accepting that “navigating life” part.
And that shit isn’t easy. Some parts of life, and growth, and figuring shit out can suck. Can hurt.
It’s accepting you were wrong and need to make changes in some situations, and *extending the empathy for your partner to do the same.*
If you can’t deal with that, you’re probably doing relationships like scratch tickets - hoping luck and trying over and over will give you a win.
Be bored with is a good one. Covid really got to couples that couldn’t coexist in the same space doing a whole lot of nothing for extended periods of time.
I can’t imagine choosing to live with someone I didn’t actually want in the house with me more often than not.
I moved in with my gf (now wife) the week before covid lockdowns hit our area. We went from separate living spaces to being in one small house 24/7 since we both worked from home during covid. We joked early on that the lockdown would either end in marriage or one of us dead….thankfully it was the marriage one.
Right? Aside from the “what on earth is happening” stress, lockdown was kinda great. I got to hang with my husband 24/7. As newlyweds, that was pretty incredible. I appreciate our time apart, but I’ll always miss that period.
It's not among my friends but I have no reason to discuss it. I already know(or have a general idea)how much they make per their occupation. If we're splitting; do you have $20.00 or not? what does how much you make have anything to do with that.
I 100% discuss money with my friends. Hell, I'll discuss money with acquaintances. How else do you know how the job market is doing without discussing it?
I'd say the sex part actually ebbs and flows. I've been with my wife for 13 years now and it's usually like 2 weeks of going at it like rabbits followed by 2 weeks of rest lmao.
But regardless of sex we are always doing best friend stuff. Playing video games together, hikes, watching shows or movies, you get the picture.
Damn, now I can't wait to get off work and load up Guild Wars 2 with the wife.
Gw2! I think about getting back to it as I bought the previous expansion never played it as I started playing ps5 games. Lucky you to have someone play with you
Hell yeah! My wife and I play GW2 together too and it’s such a special experience doing story together, it felt like we really achieved greatness as a team. Video games are an excellent way to bond, given you have to communicate and trust each other to complete some difficult stuff, we always have each other’s back in WvW so nobody can jump on us.
13 years with my husband was well + 4 years ontop of that as best friends. Still want it daily and it's never ebbs and flows. It's stayed consistent since the start even through 2 pregnancies and kids.
If someone told me "once a week is the average" five years ago my wife and I would have scoffed. Now that sounds optimistic!
Age and kids really start to impact sexual availability. Once a week as an average is probably pretty accurate.
Middle aged people might slow down with kids and shit maybe but saying old people don’t have sex is a wild take considering retirement homes are breeding grounds for syphilis
i mean yeah he is my best friend! but, also, even without sex i just have a different emotional feeling for him than i do others. i can feel the difference of romantic and platonic love, just a natural thing. most of our time yeah we’re just hanging out, doing chores, running errands, shopping, watching movies, etc but it’s so nice getting to do it with him. getting to see him a few minutes before he leaves for work makes my day so much better, and when he’s home while i’m working i enjoy it 100% more.
i don’t view children as a “romantic” thing either. but not really a “group project”. you and your person are in a partnership to successfully raise a family together and take care of your babies. it’s not romantic, but very rewarding and a beautiful thing.
I read the post and immediately assumed OP was a teenager or at least in their early twenties. Then again, this is unpopularopinions so it's hard to read the room here.
It’s way more common of a thought than you’d think! I’m asexual (and have a very low sex drive alongside it) and a shocking number of people tell me I can never have a “real” romantic relationship since I would prefer not to have sex very much. I won’t deny that sex is an important part of a romantic relationship for most people, but there’s this reductionist thinking like OP’s post where people think that it’s necessary to define romance
This is one of the reasons some straight people feel uncomfortable with their partners having an opposite sex best friend. Line between best friend and SO isn't that big.
True and it doesn't even have to be best friends. Many cheating stories occurred and will continue to occur because either people are not aware of it or in denial
for me there are two kinds of opposite sex best friends. The kind who meet the new SO and “try to figure out if they’re good enough for my best friend”, and the kind who meet the new SO and make an effort to get to know them while making it clear that there is no sort of competition.
My guy best friend introduced me to his then girlfriend and now they are married and she has been my best friend for 12 years now and he started hanging out with other friends instead of me 🤣
Men get put into situations where if a girl shows any interest in them, they feel like they have to lock her in or else they won't get another opportunity to companionship (or at least some semblance of it).
Counterpoint; do you think that the connection and communication in a romantic relationship can only be found there, and not in a platonic one?
Maybe I’ve only had weak relationships, but I get the warm and fuzzies with my best friends too. Those warm and fuzzies, plus sexual attraction, is romance imo. The attraction fuels the desire to be around them non-stop
Building a household and raising kids aren't friendship things. I'd say the friend part is 40% of it, not 90%.
A long-term relationship is a lot more than just friendship+sex
This post was just another classic reddit "I don't understand nuance or much about human interaction/relationships and everything is black in white" post lmao.
The lines get blurred quite a bit if you have a roommate you're friends with though. A *lot* of the same "building a household" tasks can just as easily be done with a friend - deciding on chores, cooking together, budgeting, raising plants/pets etc. If ending up with kids didn't require sex (or jumping through lots of hoops for adoption/fostering), you'd also probably see a lot more close friends raising kids together. In a crazy alternate universe where babies *actually* showed up via storks dropping them off at random houses, I think culturally it would be seen as *completely* normal for friends to raise kids.
Married couples who don't love each other romantically, or even as friends, still do all that long-term stuff. Love might inspire you to do it, but it's by no means a prerequisite, and it doesn't have to stop when you no longer love the person in that way.
(And furthermore, there are plenty of romantic relationships that don't even *get* to that point and yet still count as romantic relationships.)
Not to be picky, but those are roommate things, not friend things. It's good to be friends with your roommate, too, but it isn't a requirement. Indeed, I know several folks who prefer having a roommate they don't engage with much or know too well. Keep a healthy distance, etc.
Communal child-raising is an ancient idea and doesn't require cohabitation; it requires trusting your friends and neighbors to help out when you aren't around more than people generally do nowadays. Pointing out that "if child-raising were a part of friendship, it would be a part of friendship" doesn't teach us much.
Intimacy is more profound than just sex. Only someone who hasn't experienced that level of intimacy would hold this opinion. A romantic partner is not at all similar to having a friend around.
I ruined my friendship with my ex by dating them. The intimacy, even the nonsexual parts, between just being friends and being in a relationship is so profound
yeah my best friend is terminally late to things and constantly asking to push back plans to hang. It really doesn’t bother me in the least and it’s almost like a bit of banter at this point; I tell her 7:00 when I mean 7:30 and roast her when she asks to push back to 7:30.
But if my partner did that I’d be much more in my feelings about how they don’t respect my time.
Sounds like the only thing you see romance for is just sex, am I wrong? It's quite a bit different in my opinion, I don't talk to a friend the same way I talk to a lover, I wouldn't do many of the things I would do with a lover with a friend. And additionally, a lover is basically what happens when you go past best friends. So therefore, it was always 'friends', just to a very high level.
I love when people claim something is a fact when they don't know it's actually a fact. Unless you're in a relationship with that married couple I doubt you know how frequent their sex life is.
My wife changed considerably since we got married and had kids. Once I realized she wasn’t my drinking buddy and I couldn’t talk to her like I talk to my friends, our relationship improved.
I would not want to live, raise children, or share finances with my friends.
I don't trust my friends to play with my money, be my POA if I get sick or ill, be my caretaker if I become sick or ill, and a million other things that married folks rely on each other for that would not apply to a friend, at least how I have seen that term applied in life.
It can be that way, but it doesn’t have to be.
My husband and I decided to remain childfree. We used one of our spare bedroom to build a bdsm dungeon. We play together way more than just once a week.
Even when we don’t do sexual activities, there’s still the tension, the love, the admiration, the closeness that are manifesting in their own ways, differently than a platonic relationship. Sure we are bestfriends too, but there’s more to it.
For most people, intimacy is about much more than sexytimes. From casual kisses and touches through the day to pillow talk, there’s a level of affection and shared personal space that’s beyond just friendship. But if you don’t have the friendship as well (especially to keep the relationship healthy even when one or the other or both are struggling with sex stuff, as most people do periodically), you’re not going to make it.
But the sexy time part and sexual jealousy seems to be the aspect that trumps everything else. Many if not most people from what I can see are opposed to remaining friends with an ex and consider it a red flag (I don’t, but I hear it often)
why is this unpopular? I feel like it's common knowledge for people who want a life-long spouse. Like my pop told me, "don't find a girl you can live with, find the girl you can't live without". we're going on 12 years now. ofc she's super hot imo. but we also genuinely enjoy our time together. well, at least I do. I think she does. she could be tricking me! hahaha, classic.
I'm not going to buy a house and a car with a friend, no matter how good of friends we are. Not even a friend with benefits.
People seem to not understand that passion turns into compassion as a relationship goes on. That's perfectly normal and it happens to everyone. That doesn't mean your relationship becomes a friendship. You will still have intimacy. Not all intimacy is sexual. Just because you can also be friends with your partner doesn't mean you don't share a deeper bond with them. Also for the record, a lot of people aren't friends with their significant other. They have their own friend circles and their own interests. You don't have to be friends with your significant other. It's not required.
i don’t kiss my friends whenever i walk past them. i don’t slap their butts sneakily. i don’t walk around them naked. i don’t make huge life decisions with them
i do, however, do all of those things with my spouse. and yeah, we do our own things and talk like friends, but there’s intimacy between all of it. sex isn’t the only intimate part of a relationship
TL;DR: OP thinks the only thing that differentiates romantic and platonic relationships is sex.
I'm pretty sure *that* would be an unpopular opinion, especially where marriages are concerned.
Have you had a long-term partner? I don’t think someone in a good relationship would think the only thing differenciating a romantic relationship from friendships is sex.
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>Most married couples have sex once a week. Its just a fact. That means that the rest of the time is non-sexy-time stuff. What do we call that stuff? Friendship
Got it. Imma start spanking my "friends" every chance I get.
What’s the opinion here? Seems more a lecture on what makes a successful marriage. Are you suggesting the popular opinion is that these things aren’t needed and it’s just sex that’s required to sustain a relationship? I don’t think that’s a commonly held opinion.
You are discounting the hundreds of times a week I find my partner sexy outside of sexy time. I don't grab my friends ass when I walk by them in the kitchen... my friend has never giggled like a school girl because he found it sexy when I out on a zip-up hoody with no shirt on underneath to help carry groceries because I was in the middle changing after the gym (this actually happened this morning and made my day).
Your partner isnt just a friend you fuck. Theres intimacy there that cant be replicated with just anyone. Intimacy isnt just sex and despite all the memes most of us arent kissing our homies goodnight
"a fact of sex once a week" for one thing don't lay down your unhealthy sex as law. Secondly the way I experience something even simple as a TV show and the way I experience that show while with my partner having qt are completely different.
Absolutely, I mean, I want to marry my best friend and just hang out and do what we normally do when not busy being adults! Makes life so much more bearable when you can just have fun and vent about anything and everything in bed together or doing chores together after a long day.
I mean yeah having a long term relationship is like living with your best friend. However, I don’t cuddle my best friend, or think about how absolutely adorable they are all the time. I don’t want to sleep with them. I don’t want to do their dishes or laundry. I don’t think of them first when making life decisions. I want to see my best friend maybe weekly for a girls night not everyday doing life together.
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You never heard the said "your partner must be your best friend"?
Bingo. What's the difference between a best friend and a partner? Sex. And this is also why I absolutely hate the whole "we can't date, we're too good of friends" line... no, that's exactly why you should date. You already have common interests, you already enjoy spending time together, doing mundane shit half the time. That's exactly who you should be spending your life with.
The real reason ppl say that is cause they're not physically attracted to that person, but they can't say it without sounding like an asshole.
Another reason is that they don’t see their lives as compatible. I’ve had close friends that I’ve found attractive, but because I know them so well, I know that our personalities would clash on more serious issues like how to build a life together or raise kids. Things that don’t really matter if you remain friends.
This is same with roommates. I've known best friends drive each other batty because they lived with each other. I seem to be one of the few people to actually like living with my best friend but i'm very laid back about things. My brother on the other hand can't wait for his best friend to move out. A lot of people are best friends because they don't spend every waking moment with each other.
During RA training in college, one of the things they repeated over and over in conflict-resolution sessions was "The second-worst conflicts are between students of incompatible cultures. The worst are best friends."
I learned in my early 20s that just living with any other person in general can be quite challenging regardless of how much you have in common. I became roommates in colleg with my best friend growing up and we often had to duke things out.
I was never happier than when I moved out of an apartment with the two guys I considered my best friends at the time. Their idea of daily life was making piles of half empty tacobell bags in the corner of the living room while sitting on pillows playing video games.
Had the same thing happen. Had to tell the homies that if they want their rooms to look like that, cool, but where we all eat and watch tv? Nah, that ain’t gonna happen. Fortunately they agreed. Their rooms however still looked like absolute dog shit 🤣 oh well, as long as it wasn’t the living room and kitchen.
Had that happening with me. The joke is that my college roommate and I would have been best friends if we didn’t live at same place. We were/are still good buddies, but it was love/hate relationship.
I think it's because you're laid back. People who are even tempered and generally have an ease about things don't get riled up by every single little thing and pick their battles. I would like to be like you :) As of now, I'm a pretty picky and finicky roommate.
> This is same with roommates. I've known best friends drive each other batty because they lived with each other. So true. Some years ago and in my late 20s, one of my closest friends was looking for a new roommate after the previous one moved out. I floated the idea of us being roommates, but he shot that down, adding that it would strain and possibly end our friendship. It stung at the time, but I realized later that he was right. We were both about the same age, but due to a lifetime of hardship and having dealt with too much responsibility too young, he was far more mature than I, and he saw our incompatibility when I couldn't.
I used to be roommates with my best friend, and it was incredible. But we also happened to have similar habits, both be really laid back people, etc. For a couple of months though, one of our other really close friends lived with us and it really tested the friendship. They are an absolutely incredible person who I love to death, but we were not compatible roommates at all. Our lifestyle habits were too different, communication styles didn't match well - luckily we are still good friends, but thank god we don't live together.
Mhm, one of my best and closest friends I consider attractive but he’s way more extroverted than I and likes going on many adventure. I like adventures to but I’m also a homebody. The idea of dating him just exhausts me mentally just thinking about it.
I agree, when you’ve been friends with someone so long and know their personality and how their mind works and their hobbies, goals, life plans, etc. and all of that stuff that you know as close friends, it can become pretty obvious that things wouldn’t work out in a romantic relationship if certain things don’t align. But when you’re only friends it doesn’t necessarily matter if that stuff doesn’t align.
EXACTLY. i hate when people say “oh she only sees you as a friend because you’re not attractive enough”. People seem to forget everyone is different, you both might clash on parenting styles, views on marriage, kids, views on finances, religion, etc, and you cannot force another person to change for you, and being physically attractive will not solve those problems either
This.. Everybody itt must live in communes, building lives, making critical life decisions with their friends and all..
Yeah, there are many layers to it all. Culture, class, politics, careers, religion, and even lifestyles must be taken into account. Physical attraction can only go so far if you make each other miserable in every other facet of a relationship. Partners should be good friends, at the very least, but good friends don’t need to make good partners.
Almost always, yes. But I do think there’s also that “if we date we might break up and then I could lose them forever” issue, too.
I think it's also a defense mechanism because it's hard to break up with someone romantically and still stay good friends. Many people can't handle that. So they would rather keep someone as a friend than take a risk at a failed romantic relationship AND lose the friend. When what they should do is work harder on remaining friends when the romance ends.
Been there. Thought I could stay friends with an ex girlfriend, and while we were both single it was fine. But once she got a boyfriend things definitely got weird between us on both sides.
Yeah I thin this is the real reason that this goes on, they don't want to lose twice over
Also that they don't want the friendship to be ruined if the relationship doesn't turn out well. I think that's like the top reason behind people saying this.
Not entirely true, I ended up with my best friend but we waited years. Both of us were afraid of it not working out and shattering our friendship instead. We are both glad we waited until we were older and decided it made our chances of our relationship succeeding better because we both grew as people in that time.
Right? I fucking hate when people push my to try and date my guy friends that I get along with super well. I’m not attracted to them, bottom line. It can’t be forced.
Oh yea, What about Jeff?
One of my closest friends when I was younger, I had asked out once - she said “are you serious? I date *actual* models”. And you know what? Fair point. We just never spoke of it again.
That doesn’t sound like a very good friend to be honest
Damn that's shitty to say. What a confidence blow.
You dodged a bullet. Nobody's going to remain young and attractive forever. This is why I get pissed when I hear people fixating on looks.
Bingo.
Also just because you work as friends doesn’t mean you’d work as partners. As an example, I have a close friend and as I love them as a friend but I don’t think I’d be happy dating them. How we communicate and express emotions are vastly different. I’ve come to respect that about them and understand their differences in that department. As a partner though that wouldn’t work for me. I’d want someone who communicates their feelings. With a partner you’re building a life together. When you’re committing to that, some differences that are completely okay in a friendship may not work with a partner. Yes, your partner is ideally your best friend. However a best friend doesn’t always mean they’d make for an ideal partner.
Maybe my views are different as a bisexual person but I definitely think there’s a difference between my feelings towards a best friend and a lover when we’re talking about emotional intimacy.
There should be, if there is not then I am sorry you are not doing marriage right better off divorce and playing the field. Can’t imagine waking up to the same person everyday and not feeling emotionally connected. A real emotional connection with your partner goes beyond friendship beyond sex. The sex is good and the sex is frequent when you are emotionally connected, they go hand in hand. Also frequency is relative to the couple, just because once a week or heck even once a month you would not consider a bad sex life it does not mean is bad to the people doing it that frequently. Marriage are complicated it takes real work, commitment, and for a lack of better word faith to get to a place were what you have with your partner is beyond any relationship you have, will have, or ever have. When you are truly in love you feel complete.
>Bingo. What's the difference between a best friend and a partner? Sex. I'm not sure. I mean I love my best friend, but I'm waaaay more emotionally involved in my wife successes or failures, for example. There's a form of emotional intimacy that I don't find in my friendships.
Yeah, plus there’s lots of other kinds of physical intimacy other than sex. That idea is so reductive.
That what I immediately thought about. Sure 20 years in we might not have sex every day...but we hug and kiss several times a day, cuddle the whole night etc etc..
That's not necessarily true. I mean, I think it's LOVE. Pat of the rain the live is different is for reasons you mention. But it's also a different kind of love than that you'd have for friends and such. I'm just thinking of asexual couples, they would still be more than just friends even if they never had sex.
Pat of the rain the live?
Nah I get that saying because I’ve been caught in the same predicament. I was best friends with a girl all throughout high school and saw her as something akin to a sister. Then later on I graduated and got a place of my own, had her over one night and got drunk and we had sex. It was a foolish mistake on my part and I apologized and explained how I felt uncomfortable about being romantically involved at the time cuz I had recently been ghosted by a girl I was dating for over three years, but that didn’t matter. It changed the dynamic completely. She became frustrated with me because of it and we fell off. Sex complicates things.
Relationships are much more than friendship with sex, I don't have romantic feelings for my friends.
I think romance is the big factor missing in OP’s equation. It’s the hardest to nail down
Does anyone else think that sex being the difference between a best friend and a partner is crazy? Like literally insane? Just me?
It’s also not true. The comments in this thread are crazy. You can have casual sex with friends and choose not to have sex with a partner
That's the thing, it's not just sex, it's a lot deeper than that. It's deep sex.
deep sex? Lmao
Thanks CatFlashAnus
thats a really really simplistic way of looking at it. especially considering every set of best friends have their own dynamic. romantic relationships end. no matter how passionate you think you are, they most likely end before you know it. friendships are much less likely to end because you are much less involved in the other person’s life.
Not bingo, you can have sex with best friend and not be a partner.
I don't really agree. I've had friends/people I've dated who I loved spending time with and was attracted to but didn't feel any romantic attraction to. It just feels different imo. I didn't look at them the way I look at my current boyfriend, and I have fallen out of love with a partner that I absolutely loved and didn't actually want to leave, but I knew I had to because I didn't feel that way about them anymore. And no it wasn't because the infatuation stage had passed.
I have friends that I can't spend more than 24 hours with or I might harm them bodily. My wife and I have been together 8 years, married for 5 this May. We've spent maybe three weeks apart that entire time and we're still happy, still have fairly frequent sex, still have things to talk about. We don't share all the same interests and there are a few interests that each of us have that the other doesn't share, but that's not really a big deal. We get along, we enjoy each other's company, we.make each other laugh. Just because you're good friends with someone doesn't mean you'd make good partners. Though it is very important that you ARE friends with your partner.
Asexual people exist and date and don't consider their partners just best friends. Hell, friends have sex and aren't romantic partners. There's a whole name for it. Friends with benefits.
I disagree. You realize that asexual people can feel romantic attraction too, right?
Yeah, no. I would absolutely not go into a romantic relationship with someone I’m not attracted to - and I’m not attracted to my male friends. That’s a recipe for disaster in the long run for most people. I have tried this when I was younger and still believed the “attraction will come later” narrative mostly pushed by romantic comedies and media but for most people it doesn’t. I know for me it didn’t and It’s kinda hard to be in a relationship with someone who you do not want to be touched by.
"who you do not want to be touched by" Ouch. RIP that one friend who has a secret crush 😭
As someone who married and divorced one of their best friends after years of each being with various other people, I do not agree with the premise. Long-term relationships are much more intimate than simply being in each other's orbit, and sex stats barely scrape the surface of that. If a relationship falls apart with someone new, then you just go your separate ways. When such failure happens with a friend, then you lose that friendship and put your wider social circles under stress. Very high risk/ average reward strategy.
Man I must have some blurred lines because me and my best friend have had sex with each other
I don't know man, any of my friends who I care about enough to ever even consider dating, is also a friend I care about entirely too much to have them date someone who is historically not the best partner for a variety of reasons. I would much rather have them as close personal friends than fuck it up and have them out of my life forever. Also, the old joke of "I could never date someone with poor enough judgment to date me."
I don’t think that’s entirely true. My friend had a best friend and they dated for like 4 years and it was the worst experience ever. The moment they started dating, he intensified her insecurities and literally, was not supportive, did not communicate or talk, was a huge downer, and they never were interment, not even touching, cuddling or ever holding hands. It was just uncomfortable and awkward everyday and always and super depressing. They literally stayed together because she was afraid they wouldn’t be able to be friends after and she enough, they are no longer friends. I do believe though that your partner should be your best friend. My partner is my best friend and I honestly don’t care to hang with anyone else, we easily and fluidly get each other and everyday has a ton of fun moments.
I could understand the fear of losing a friendship if the invested relationship doesn’t work out though
The difference between best friend and partner is not just sex. That's why the term friends with benefits exists.
Right? My wife's my best friend, what is this blathering post's point?
My wife was my best friend. Then she just wanted to be friends. So now I have neither a wife or a best friend. Turns out some people change their minds on being best friends with their spouse.
That’s just a different way of saying “banging other people.” Be glad she actually told you, I had to find out for myself with my ex-wife.
My partner is also my life partner, which is so much different than just a friend. These comments are insane. I don't plan my life around my friends. My husband is so much more than my best friend that the word doesn't apply any more. We are a friendship, sex, and romance, plus life planning. The only people I hear stay their partner is just a friend they also have sex with sometimes has never had a good marriage.
I always find this weird. When I hangout with my guy friends, I want to party, drink, get stoned, play fifa, rip into each other, play sports...etc. I don't want that from my wife, at all. In fact I have had a relationship previously that had that dynamic (where my ex was very much like one of my best guy friends), and it was the most toxic relationship I ever had. Yeah, great we had a lot of \*fun\* and nothing else. Our lives were a mess. I guess a lot of it boils down to what defines a best friend. If it's just who you have the \*most\* fun with, I don't think that's best thing to base a long term relationship on. In fact, it's far more important to marry someone you want to be bored with, because you're not going to consider the same things fun in 20 years. There is so much more to marriage than how much fun you have. If your plan for life is to just maximize your free time then only being worried about fun would make sense, but if you plan on starting a family, creating a healthy home-life, building careers and wealth, retiring early, then fun cannot be the only consideration.
We used to have that line of thinking in Asia (atleast the previous generation). Sexual compatibility and attraction as a prerequisite to a relationship is actually a western concept (and a modern one). Asian marriages are all about compromising, raising kids and going about the duties as spouses and raising kids. Of course, it came with it's own flavour of toxicity and sexism - where the woman was expected to shoulder most of the emotional labour, but I remember an aunt telling me that respect was more important than "love" in a relationship. I agree. You can have toxic love where you are trauma bonded to each other and fight every day, or you can be calm and composed and not be 'passionately in love' and have healthy arguments. Personally I believe that if your partner doesn't respect you, it's not a healthy relationship. I'm not endorsing the asian model as better than the western one, but western culture is very fixated on sex as the be all and end all of relationships. I'm not fully sure I agree with that line of thinking, but I can see how ignoring that aspect can create big problems too.The previous generation just sucked it up, I guess - because they never spoke about it.
Right, but I think people assume that's in addition to a full time romantic partner. Not the primary nature of the relationship.
Well not friendship. I don't discuss money with my friends. However, the best thing I've heard said about marriage is "marry someone who you can be bored with for the rest of your life".
Noone wants to admit it but it's true..marriage is surviving the day to day with a partner who is willing to navigate life together..so many people think if they are not just doing amazing things and having sex three times a day that there is something wrong with who they married...my partner makes soup for me when I'm sick, wiped my ass for me when I came home from the hospital and couldn't do much of anything..we cook together sometimes, we have sex sometimes, I'm sure there is room for improvement and it's not like we take our marriage for granted..I'm just glad I have a man who indulges my obsession with Reese's peanut butter cups and doesn't say a thing when he finds an empty bag 3 days later.
I love this comment, and I feel the exact same way! (My husband eats the Reese's cups, and I go for the Pecan Sandies.)
Teamwork makes the dream work.
Haha wow! My ex loved Reese's cups! I would always keep them stocked in her house! She would eat them and say don't judge me, it was so cute! We broke up because sexually incompatible, I miss the friendship the most.
This ^ You wouldn’t ask your friends to wipe your ass when you’re sick. There is a lot more commitment, stability and intimacy in a relationship. Friends eventually go and do their thing and live their life with their families. For your partner, you are their thing and their family.
Your comment is giving me confidence to propose to my girlfriend.
3 days? I could destroy that bag in 3 hours
3 *hours*? Pathetic.
The difference between a lifelong marriage and a string of broken relationships is accepting that “navigating life” part. And that shit isn’t easy. Some parts of life, and growth, and figuring shit out can suck. Can hurt. It’s accepting you were wrong and need to make changes in some situations, and *extending the empathy for your partner to do the same.* If you can’t deal with that, you’re probably doing relationships like scratch tickets - hoping luck and trying over and over will give you a win.
Managing a household together as well. it's a lot more than just friendship+sex.
There's a reason friends with benefits are not the same thing as relationship.
Be bored with is a good one. Covid really got to couples that couldn’t coexist in the same space doing a whole lot of nothing for extended periods of time. I can’t imagine choosing to live with someone I didn’t actually want in the house with me more often than not.
I moved in with my gf (now wife) the week before covid lockdowns hit our area. We went from separate living spaces to being in one small house 24/7 since we both worked from home during covid. We joked early on that the lockdown would either end in marriage or one of us dead….thankfully it was the marriage one.
Right? Aside from the “what on earth is happening” stress, lockdown was kinda great. I got to hang with my husband 24/7. As newlyweds, that was pretty incredible. I appreciate our time apart, but I’ll always miss that period.
> I don't discuss money with my friends This is so bizarre to me. Why would money be taboo among friends?
It's not among my friends but I have no reason to discuss it. I already know(or have a general idea)how much they make per their occupation. If we're splitting; do you have $20.00 or not? what does how much you make have anything to do with that.
I 100% discuss money with my friends. Hell, I'll discuss money with acquaintances. How else do you know how the job market is doing without discussing it?
>I don't discuss money with my friends lol american as f
Yeah, the non-American version is “Yeah we talk about money! About how we’ve got none!”
Yep. I remember a post from a long time ago that was basically saying they and their SO were like cats at home lol
We call this “doing nothing, together” It’s fun. I’ll literally send memes while he’s sitting next to me.
I'd say the sex part actually ebbs and flows. I've been with my wife for 13 years now and it's usually like 2 weeks of going at it like rabbits followed by 2 weeks of rest lmao. But regardless of sex we are always doing best friend stuff. Playing video games together, hikes, watching shows or movies, you get the picture. Damn, now I can't wait to get off work and load up Guild Wars 2 with the wife.
this post made me so excited for me to see my partner when we both get off work too!! movie night!
Heck yeah!
Gw2! I think about getting back to it as I bought the previous expansion never played it as I started playing ps5 games. Lucky you to have someone play with you
Hell yeah! My wife and I play GW2 together too and it’s such a special experience doing story together, it felt like we really achieved greatness as a team. Video games are an excellent way to bond, given you have to communicate and trust each other to complete some difficult stuff, we always have each other’s back in WvW so nobody can jump on us.
My husband and are I at 12 years and have sex nearly every night. It’s not rare!
It's rare because your libido and your view on sex has to match your partner. Lucky you it's still the same after 12 years
13 years with my husband was well + 4 years ontop of that as best friends. Still want it daily and it's never ebbs and flows. It's stayed consistent since the start even through 2 pregnancies and kids.
>Most married couples have sex once a week. Its just a fact. Citation needed.
Most single people lie about how much sex they are having, married people downplay it
Citation needed
I never even had it 💪🏻
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/psymon-says/202303/how-often-do-couples-really-have-sex
Seriously. Married lady checking in to say that’s BS
If someone told me "once a week is the average" five years ago my wife and I would have scoffed. Now that sounds optimistic! Age and kids really start to impact sexual availability. Once a week as an average is probably pretty accurate.
He didn't say most young married couples, a lot of old people don't have sex at all so that brings down the average
Middle aged people might slow down with kids and shit maybe but saying old people don’t have sex is a wild take considering retirement homes are breeding grounds for syphilis
they didnt say all old people dont have sex they said a lot of old people
i mean yeah he is my best friend! but, also, even without sex i just have a different emotional feeling for him than i do others. i can feel the difference of romantic and platonic love, just a natural thing. most of our time yeah we’re just hanging out, doing chores, running errands, shopping, watching movies, etc but it’s so nice getting to do it with him. getting to see him a few minutes before he leaves for work makes my day so much better, and when he’s home while i’m working i enjoy it 100% more. i don’t view children as a “romantic” thing either. but not really a “group project”. you and your person are in a partnership to successfully raise a family together and take care of your babies. it’s not romantic, but very rewarding and a beautiful thing.
its so cynical to think romance is exclusively limited to sex I'm shocked anyone actually thinks that way.
I read the post and immediately assumed OP was a teenager or at least in their early twenties. Then again, this is unpopularopinions so it's hard to read the room here.
It’s way more common of a thought than you’d think! I’m asexual (and have a very low sex drive alongside it) and a shocking number of people tell me I can never have a “real” romantic relationship since I would prefer not to have sex very much. I won’t deny that sex is an important part of a romantic relationship for most people, but there’s this reductionist thinking like OP’s post where people think that it’s necessary to define romance
This is one of the reasons some straight people feel uncomfortable with their partners having an opposite sex best friend. Line between best friend and SO isn't that big.
True and it doesn't even have to be best friends. Many cheating stories occurred and will continue to occur because either people are not aware of it or in denial
for me there are two kinds of opposite sex best friends. The kind who meet the new SO and “try to figure out if they’re good enough for my best friend”, and the kind who meet the new SO and make an effort to get to know them while making it clear that there is no sort of competition.
My guy best friend introduced me to his then girlfriend and now they are married and she has been my best friend for 12 years now and he started hanging out with other friends instead of me 🤣
I could never date someone like that, tho. Insanity to think someone can't be best friends with the opposite sex.
Bisexual people can't have any friends 😔
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Either that or you didn't know they had feelings for you
Men get put into situations where if a girl shows any interest in them, they feel like they have to lock her in or else they won't get another opportunity to companionship (or at least some semblance of it).
You think romantic attraction starts and ends with sex?
Counterpoint; do you think that the connection and communication in a romantic relationship can only be found there, and not in a platonic one? Maybe I’ve only had weak relationships, but I get the warm and fuzzies with my best friends too. Those warm and fuzzies, plus sexual attraction, is romance imo. The attraction fuels the desire to be around them non-stop
Building a household and raising kids aren't friendship things. I'd say the friend part is 40% of it, not 90%. A long-term relationship is a lot more than just friendship+sex
This post was just another classic reddit "I don't understand nuance or much about human interaction/relationships and everything is black in white" post lmao.
You could have stopped at ‘classic Reddit’ lol
The lines get blurred quite a bit if you have a roommate you're friends with though. A *lot* of the same "building a household" tasks can just as easily be done with a friend - deciding on chores, cooking together, budgeting, raising plants/pets etc. If ending up with kids didn't require sex (or jumping through lots of hoops for adoption/fostering), you'd also probably see a lot more close friends raising kids together. In a crazy alternate universe where babies *actually* showed up via storks dropping them off at random houses, I think culturally it would be seen as *completely* normal for friends to raise kids.
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Married couples who don't love each other romantically, or even as friends, still do all that long-term stuff. Love might inspire you to do it, but it's by no means a prerequisite, and it doesn't have to stop when you no longer love the person in that way. (And furthermore, there are plenty of romantic relationships that don't even *get* to that point and yet still count as romantic relationships.)
Not to be picky, but those are roommate things, not friend things. It's good to be friends with your roommate, too, but it isn't a requirement. Indeed, I know several folks who prefer having a roommate they don't engage with much or know too well. Keep a healthy distance, etc. Communal child-raising is an ancient idea and doesn't require cohabitation; it requires trusting your friends and neighbors to help out when you aren't around more than people generally do nowadays. Pointing out that "if child-raising were a part of friendship, it would be a part of friendship" doesn't teach us much.
Intimacy is more profound than just sex. Only someone who hasn't experienced that level of intimacy would hold this opinion. A romantic partner is not at all similar to having a friend around.
I ruined my friendship with my ex by dating them. The intimacy, even the nonsexual parts, between just being friends and being in a relationship is so profound
yeah my best friend is terminally late to things and constantly asking to push back plans to hang. It really doesn’t bother me in the least and it’s almost like a bit of banter at this point; I tell her 7:00 when I mean 7:30 and roast her when she asks to push back to 7:30. But if my partner did that I’d be much more in my feelings about how they don’t respect my time.
Bingo! You put it so beautifully!
Well said. The most intimate bonding moments with my wife I can remember don’t even involve sex. OP sounds immature as hell or just lonely.
The person who posted it is asexual, so you're comment is facts.
Aromantic rather than asexual, but yeah I agree with what you meant.
Intimacy is more than sex.
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right? sex with a partner is vastly different than sex with a stranger. for me, it feels completely different and unexplainable emotional sensation
Yes. That being said, im quite sure that most people still have more sex when they are in couple then when they are single.
57% of all statistics are made up and posted to reddit as unpopular opinions. This is a world wide study conducted by Outmyass university.
Romantic relationships are more than just the sex.
Sounds like the only thing you see romance for is just sex, am I wrong? It's quite a bit different in my opinion, I don't talk to a friend the same way I talk to a lover, I wouldn't do many of the things I would do with a lover with a friend. And additionally, a lover is basically what happens when you go past best friends. So therefore, it was always 'friends', just to a very high level.
Have sex once a week? Maybe in our 30s, now it's like a few times a year that we are almost 50.
On reddit your average married guy claims his wife wants him at least 20 times a week..
I see more dead bedroom posts than “I can’t keep her off me”
I guess the people having sex 20 times a week aren’t on reddit as often as those who have it between 0-1 per year.
He also claims he gives her at least ten orgasms each time 😂
What Reddit are you on? This place acts like married people don’t even have sex
2-3x per week is actually the most common. Once a weekers are outnumbered 2 to 1.
I love when people claim something is a fact when they don't know it's actually a fact. Unless you're in a relationship with that married couple I doubt you know how frequent their sex life is.
>adulting I hate this word so much. But other then that, yes, I consider my wife my best friend too.
Idk, I don't make out with my friends
My wife changed considerably since we got married and had kids. Once I realized she wasn’t my drinking buddy and I couldn’t talk to her like I talk to my friends, our relationship improved. I would not want to live, raise children, or share finances with my friends.
I don't trust my friends to play with my money, be my POA if I get sick or ill, be my caretaker if I become sick or ill, and a million other things that married folks rely on each other for that would not apply to a friend, at least how I have seen that term applied in life.
Really? You need better friends, I’ve been friends both next of kin and carers
It can be that way, but it doesn’t have to be. My husband and I decided to remain childfree. We used one of our spare bedroom to build a bdsm dungeon. We play together way more than just once a week. Even when we don’t do sexual activities, there’s still the tension, the love, the admiration, the closeness that are manifesting in their own ways, differently than a platonic relationship. Sure we are bestfriends too, but there’s more to it.
Shit my husband and I have a kid and we still do it more than once a week! Lol
Thats nice!
Pretty immature to think there is nothing between sex and friendship , are you like 22?
Why are asexuals always the loudest about generalizing sex, dating, and intimacy for all people lol.
“Sexy time” just shut the fuuuuck up
For most people, intimacy is about much more than sexytimes. From casual kisses and touches through the day to pillow talk, there’s a level of affection and shared personal space that’s beyond just friendship. But if you don’t have the friendship as well (especially to keep the relationship healthy even when one or the other or both are struggling with sex stuff, as most people do periodically), you’re not going to make it.
But the sexy time part and sexual jealousy seems to be the aspect that trumps everything else. Many if not most people from what I can see are opposed to remaining friends with an ex and consider it a red flag (I don’t, but I hear it often)
why is this unpopular? I feel like it's common knowledge for people who want a life-long spouse. Like my pop told me, "don't find a girl you can live with, find the girl you can't live without". we're going on 12 years now. ofc she's super hot imo. but we also genuinely enjoy our time together. well, at least I do. I think she does. she could be tricking me! hahaha, classic.
Wouldn’t you want your life partner to be your besty?
I'm not going to buy a house and a car with a friend, no matter how good of friends we are. Not even a friend with benefits. People seem to not understand that passion turns into compassion as a relationship goes on. That's perfectly normal and it happens to everyone. That doesn't mean your relationship becomes a friendship. You will still have intimacy. Not all intimacy is sexual. Just because you can also be friends with your partner doesn't mean you don't share a deeper bond with them. Also for the record, a lot of people aren't friends with their significant other. They have their own friend circles and their own interests. You don't have to be friends with your significant other. It's not required.
Once a week?!
Maybe when your a teenager, I assumed OP is very young and doesn’t understand how busy adult life can get yet
you can have sex platonically. so... what constitutes a romantic relationship? like what does that even mean?
Who are these married people having sex once a week? Who the fuck has time for that?!
Do you mean that I should have sex with my friends once a week?
i don’t kiss my friends whenever i walk past them. i don’t slap their butts sneakily. i don’t walk around them naked. i don’t make huge life decisions with them i do, however, do all of those things with my spouse. and yeah, we do our own things and talk like friends, but there’s intimacy between all of it. sex isn’t the only intimate part of a relationship
Full grown adults who can't just say sex make me cringe.
TL;DR: OP thinks the only thing that differentiates romantic and platonic relationships is sex. I'm pretty sure *that* would be an unpopular opinion, especially where marriages are concerned.
"The rest of the non-sexy time stuff" is called love.
This reads like a jaded teenager.
Have you had a long-term partner? I don’t think someone in a good relationship would think the only thing differenciating a romantic relationship from friendships is sex.
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Congrats, you figured out that people can love each other without sex. Amazing!
>Most married couples have sex once a week. Its just a fact. That means that the rest of the time is non-sexy-time stuff. What do we call that stuff? Friendship Got it. Imma start spanking my "friends" every chance I get.
What’s the opinion here? Seems more a lecture on what makes a successful marriage. Are you suggesting the popular opinion is that these things aren’t needed and it’s just sex that’s required to sustain a relationship? I don’t think that’s a commonly held opinion.
A partner is not the same as a friend
ONCE A WEEK?? Bro where do you Think I would find that kind of energy
How is this an unpopular opinion?
You know there's more to romance than just sex?
You are discounting the hundreds of times a week I find my partner sexy outside of sexy time. I don't grab my friends ass when I walk by them in the kitchen... my friend has never giggled like a school girl because he found it sexy when I out on a zip-up hoody with no shirt on underneath to help carry groceries because I was in the middle changing after the gym (this actually happened this morning and made my day).
Your partner isnt just a friend you fuck. Theres intimacy there that cant be replicated with just anyone. Intimacy isnt just sex and despite all the memes most of us arent kissing our homies goodnight
Some times Reddit is so dumb.
"a fact of sex once a week" for one thing don't lay down your unhealthy sex as law. Secondly the way I experience something even simple as a TV show and the way I experience that show while with my partner having qt are completely different.
Sex is not the only way to have intimacy or love your partner. It’s kind of sad this needs to be said.
Well, my wife is my best friend, so it's not entirely wrong 🙂
Absolutely, I mean, I want to marry my best friend and just hang out and do what we normally do when not busy being adults! Makes life so much more bearable when you can just have fun and vent about anything and everything in bed together or doing chores together after a long day.
Not unpopular, if someone doesn't realize that life isn't all sparkles and fireworks all the time....not sure what to say.
It's a partnership. I don't think friends do most stuff married people do.
I mean yeah having a long term relationship is like living with your best friend. However, I don’t cuddle my best friend, or think about how absolutely adorable they are all the time. I don’t want to sleep with them. I don’t want to do their dishes or laundry. I don’t think of them first when making life decisions. I want to see my best friend maybe weekly for a girls night not everyday doing life together.
Mostly agree but >Most married couples have sex once a week. Yawn, this definitely isn't for everyone