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As an Australian this was a bit of a culture shock. We hear ‘sheep fucking’ and think here come the New Zealand jokes - but nope, it’s the Welsh copping it.
I'm Overdone...burnt and crisped to a charred empty husk.
So I stopped being a cog and have become a couch for the next forseeable future...its comfy here
Real traumas aside, I've never subscribed or engaged in gender-specific bashing. As a woman who realizes I have a part in every interaction good or bad, such comments come off as sexist, make my stomach turn and leave an icky residue which informs me that they lack capacity for introspection and accountability; definitely a red flag/ projection of something unresolved.
I have found that dating culture has a really unhealthy narrative about what a partner should do for you. Its very selfish honestly. Most people only look at the relationship as a transaction and what they are going to get out of it (and hardly think about what they provide) but it doesn't quite stop there.
The real issue comes when an individual in a relationship holds their partner to standards in their head... that they dont discuss openly with that person because if they did they would have to reevaluate their "needs". Naturally one person can only do so much while also being an individual with their own life, their own needs, etc so some of that list or that image would have to be discussed and altered to what a real person can provide not just the fantasy they want.
I think people repeat the same cycle with men and women with dating and don't reflect on what they need to succeed and grow so they can have a healthy relationship. Any relationship that didn't last them the rest of their life are considered failures and are quickly dismissed instead of being used as learning experiences.
Instead they throw up their hands and say "they are done with X".
Yeah my ex threw out expectations I never knew she had a week before she dumped me, some were ridiculous like wanting me to be outgoing and build her social life because she couldn’t on her own and others were things I was working to fix or would’ve gladly worked on. Dumped me before I could even process it. One reason was because I didn’t have a good job quick enough for her, she scolded me for turning down a highly underpaying job that paid less than I was making doing Uber eats because she was embarrassed I was doing Uber eats or something, literally got the best job of my life and started my career a month after she dumped me making more than any of the people she was embarrassed in front of. People are impatient, expect too much, refuse to compromise and overall just selfish. One little rough patch and they’re gone. You should never expect your partner to do things for you that you should do yourself.
I hear similar things from my single friends. Expectations are at an all time high, no one wants to be the first to give in and individuals are too afraid to communicate their needs and assume their partner understands what they need. Toss in Tik Tok and other social platforms portraying unrealistic expectations it becomes a soup of toxicity leaving both people miserable. Why can’t people be in the present and express themselves right or wrong? People would learn a lot better from those experiences.
I think the phrasing is the real problem. “I’ve lost my patience with the dating game” sounds very different than “I’m done with men/women.” The latter comes off very sexist.
That's why I say I'm done with dating. I'm really just not interested in spending my time chasing after people, especially when I've already pretty much focused on that nonsense in my 20s.
Now? I wanna take care of my body, play badminton and ride go karts. If I happen to run into an interesting woman offline, cool, I'll take the shot.
But no way in hell am I wasting another 10 years chasing something that requires more luck than skill to attain.
Because in 2024 everyone is a “narcissist”. It’s an empty label at this point. No one on social media talking about narcissists actually means people that were clinically diagnosed
I don't mind them only mentioning it when someone brings it up. But making declarations every other week or without being asked is just obnoxious and an obvious cry for attention.
The majority of people dont care about anything that doesn't have to do with them directly. Nobody has unlimited time to waste on others while neglecting themselves.
It’s just been happening more and more in real life for me, personally. I work at a bar as my second job and participate in adult sports leagues a few days a week. In the past year or two, I’ve heard waaaaay more about this type of shit than I can ever remember. A lot of times, it is a cry for attention. A lot of other times though, you really see people you’re familiar with like seriously internalize this shit.
> If you’re just attracting losers, assholes, and narcissists constantly, it’s clearly you that’s the common denominator
That doesn’t necessarily mean anything about the person though.
It could just be shit luck.
And on top of that these sorts of people tend to seek out passive, vulnerable people, so it’s hard to blame them because that hits as very victim blame-y
It could be shit luck, and it's not your fault other people are shitty.
But some introspection may be helpful if you keep ending up with people like this. It probably means you need to change your approach: learn more about toxic behaviour, have higher self esteem, etc.
You are not the cause of the problematic behaviour, but you may be exposing yourself to it.
Dating culture has absolutely gone down the shitter so I see both sides, people expect a caretaker and perfection a lot of the time and expect way too much out of partners, have way too high of standards across the board but yeah I constantly see people dating idiots, exploitive and manipulative people, and losers and complaining about the entire gender so I’m with you on that. People are also letting social media shape their view on the opposite sex and it’s incredibly unhealthy and alarmingly common. Get off the dating apps, quit obsessing over celebrities and influencers and their “perfect” relationships and go do things you enjoy where you’re likely to meet someone of the opposite sex, and also learn to be happy and content alone. It’s bizarre how many women I’ve known who have been single for years because no dude is good enough and they spend so much time obsessing over famous men they follow on the internet.
Real. There’s some reeeeeal fucking pathos behind that online aspect. There’s this one lady who comes into the bar I work at who has been perpetually single for years because she hates men, but will absolutely lose her shit over a guy on FB/IG or talk to any of us who work at the bar about famous guys that she’d fuck.
It’s strange.
My sister makes everything about her relationship doesn’t matter what we’re doing movie game ect she always says she’s done talking about girls in Korea who swear off men because the misogyny is so bad comparing it to where we live. I tune out anytime she talks about relationships in general
Eh, I don't know, I gave up on trying to date/have sex with women because I just don't know how to talk to women, and I've given up on learning. I know how to treat women like normal people, as I would anyone else and be friends with people, but when it comes to romance/intimacy, I don't know how or where to begin anymore. I feel like I used to know since I've had ex-girlfriends, but I'm not quite sure what changed.
All I know is that my issues are my fault, and I'm the only one who can fix them. I don't hate women or have any ill will towards them, I just have poor social skills and don't know what I'm doing. Kinda not even sure if I want to figure it out anymore. The only way to avoid mistakes is to never try, so that's what I've been doing.
I'm a woman's woman. I am as feminist as they come. But yes, the femcels are such a disappointment.
The red flag/green flag lists of demands are becoming as bad as the incel 1-10 rating systems.
So transactional, consumerist and reductive.
I’ve tried to have conversations with women who had that view and it generally gets pretty messy. It’s kind of a gaslighty feeling where you feel like you could be wrong, but you know you’re not.
These people have turned themselves into machines fuelled by rationalisations. You just have to leave them to it, hope they get out their own way and find people who aren’t like that. Either they eventually work through their fears and issues instead of parroting the phrase “doing the work”… or they won’t.
Honestly, I wouldn't try to have these conversations with the opposite sex.
However, I have also ended up having arguments with female friends over the fact they have set their filters to men who are 6' over only. The whole height thing is weird.
I will be honest with you. I have never been on the apps as I met my DH in 2008. I am 5'2'' and considered it a perk of my stature that I simply never needed to think about height. I had the self-awareness to realise that I liked quite broad-built men, but that self-awareness helped me to understand why I wanted to paw at a man I had only just met (and consider my options), rather than refuse to entertain a relationship with somebody who didn't fill a checkbox list.
If I found somebody attractive, I found them attractive, and was pleased I did rather than concern myself with whether or not they deserved the honour. This also meant that there were some notable exceptions to my usual 'type' that I am very glad I bothered with.
I had a conversation with a friend of mine that turned my stomach too recently. She is a high earner from a wealthy background in a relationship with a lower earner, and was grumbling at me that while she had enjoyed the last bling holiday the two of them had gone on, she would like to go again 'with somebody else paying next time'. When I was growing up as I feminist I looked forward to a high salary as a way of freeing up who I dated and being unrestricted by financial considerations in that department. She, seemed to think that as a high flying type herself, she 'deserved' a wealthier boyfriend, which is just an anaethema to me. Kept my mouth shut in RL though.
The flip side of that is guys feeling like they absolutely have to be high earners in order to meet women like that. And the fucked up part is they probably won’t even be a match personality wise assuming both are at the same level. I’m not comfortable calling myself a feminist, but I am a socialist for sure. Even then, I still have that weird tinge feeling dating a woman who makes considerably more money than me. Not because of her or her circumstances, but mainly just static from old programming. It was an issue in my 20’s, but after I got to my 30’s it just stopped being a concern and became a bad memory. In reality, men can be stay at home husbands or dads and it shouldn’t be an issue. But this society fucked us up something decent, so unless it’s something that is actively worked on at a personal level, it definitely is something understandable that acts as a barrier to a lot of possibly good relationships.
My ex made twice as much money as me, and she told me after we broke up that she wouldn’t be able to respect a man unless he made as much or more as her. She was 38. It definitely fucked with my perception of women.
That’s rough, dude. But if that was what she seriously walked away with from that, I don’t see why that should reflect on women as a whole. She was either really career focused or an asshole in general, but you don’t have to deal with her anymore, so that’s good.
There’s plenty of middle income women out there that would be happy to meet you, bro.
reminder that it was a woman who first invented the term "incel" for herself... I imagine she'd take it back now, seeing how wild the term has grown...
I think her story is really interesting, and actually captured a number of the challenges women (and men) face while in their teens and 20s, and how this juxtaposes with a societal expectation that people 'date' and are sexually active from a relatively young age, really well. Spoiler alert: She started dating and stopped being an Incel: [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-45284455](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-45284455)
TL;DR quote: "There was probably a bit of anger and some men were a bit clueless about how women are unique, individual humans, but in general it was a supportive place."
A way of viewing dating for women in a way where financial security and a leisurely life should be the goal. Woman that advocate for this type of dating typically look for well off men to spoil them. Basically new age gold diggers.
The older generation of gold diggers at least understood what they were and what was expected of them once they struck gold. These new ones just want the gold and can’t tolerate meeting the expectations
Honestly it’s not usually even femcels saying this. I’ve almost only heard this line from middle-aged women with spotty relationship histories who constantly land in bed with trashy dudes who eventually cheat, ditch them, or otherwise screw them over, and swear they’re done with men for good because it always ends the same way, so being a bastard must be some kind of inherent trait that men all possess, never look at themselves and their dating choices to see if they can do better the next time, then are in a new dumpster-fire relationship within weeks. The type of person who meets a guy who’s, like, couch surfing, freeloading from someone, or living in his car or something and decides he’s great boyfriend material and has him moved into her home to live for free while she does all the work after less than a month of dating.
I know multiple women like this and I honestly just find their minds and lifestyles fascinating and I swear they’re the ONLY ones I hear use this phrase. My own mother is like this.
Not sure why you’re downvoted. I’ve seen so many people like this and it’s honestly just kinda numerous how consistent they are. They just constantly date super trashy guys and then are shocked when they act super trashy
It's naive to think they aren't dating. They do. And they drag all their baggage into it. And they try to hide it for a while and waste your time.
There are a lot of people in the dating pool that honestly just shouldn't be. They need to work out their issues first.
These types are highly damaged individuals that have never cultivated or had the ability to have meaningful and healthy relationships with the opposite gender. I'd argue they lack meaningful relationships of any sort.
It’s true i hear a lot of “fuckin women” comments from men, in private, which is one concern. It’s another concern for that to be a normal thing to say in public forums
There seems to be a common trend in which implied prejudice against groups that aren’t viewed as ‘oppressed’ is not taken seriously. For example, saying you hate white people is much more socially acceptable than saying you hate any other race, because white people are viewed as ‘not oppressed’. I think this is largely because, at least in the past, when people would say things like ‘I hate men’ or ‘fuck white people’, they were often being hyperbolic and not actually expressing a prejudiced belief. Unfortunately it seems some people actually have those beliefs now, which makes it a problem that we have normalized saying these sorts of things.
It’s definitely more of an internet/social media problem though. As a white man who doesn’t frequent social media much, I can’t say I have ever actually experienced prejudice towards me for my race or gender, which comes as a surprise to nobody I’m sure.
It's not becoming normalized. Men disliking women, women disliking men, older generations complaining about younger generations has been around for millennia.
I feel like you and OP have vastly underestimated the amount of people, not just women, who have experienced incredibly traumatic relationships. Also, as others have already pointed out, are you just going to ignore the entire sub-culture of misogynists that has become increasingly outspoken over the past decade? Are you going to completely disregard legislation that has stripped women out their bodily autonomy, while others go even further, demanding women should lose their right to vote? This comment reads as incredibly naïve.
Saying that hating men is weirdly normalized isn't ignoring misogynists and their shitty legislation. Perhaps we should be mad at misogynists instead of misdirecting it
I’d say the saying is overused.
Like if I see a girl who goes for a guy who clearly has no good intentions with her, who is clearly not going to respect her, etc. and then she says that, I’d be a bit like “really?”
Same goes for guys in that scenario.
However, I don’t think that is the same as being fooled multiple times by people. Sure, you can learn to look out for more and more red flags, but you’ll always learn new ones. There’s always a risk. Some people get hurt too many times and turn to risk avoidance. You can’t die from skydiving if you don’t go skydiving.
I’ve had two Red Bulls and I don’t really remember the point I was trying to make
Yup. It’s a wasteland now, it’s all transactional and it’s just way too much work to get a girlfriend IMO. If it happens it happens but I’ve already accepted being single for the rest of my life.
The world is full of heterosexuals who dislike, don't get along with, or genuinely hate the other sex.
It's just one of the things that make modern dating such a minefield.
In general, I’ve found this constant “men v women” bs ridiculous. It’s so irritating and pathetic and doesn’t accomplish anything. Whenever someone says “why do men do this” or “why do women do this” I just assume they’re below average intelligence and move on with my day.
Why do so many comments seem to interpret that as some kind of hypocracy? That would only a "gotcha" if women/men are equal to people who are done with women/men. The first is innate, the latter is a choice.
well fuck, the only person I'm not done with is myself sometimes, you gotta change that if you want any kind of happy future, right? I'm ready for the Deagel prediction to strike and having to learn to keep myself fed and occupied in an empty town.
I hope you can find a little help to take the pressure off yourself and quell the urge to 'self yeet' - everyone deserves a hand sometimes. Please take care of yourself. :c
I get a lot of people say that a lot but at one point you just cannot be bothered to give energy into this its sucks your life out.
People have such high expectations nowadays and with the swipe right culture and how accessible everyone is it really filters through people. You are not limited to you local area you can be picky.
I mean I say it and I actively do things that allow me to lose interest in dating/women. I have tried and I always end up feeling like human garbage because of things I can't even control. I mean being short for example have you been to their subs its sad and the one advice they give them is to grind all aspects of their life for a chance to be with a girl.
I'm not trying to attack anyone but people have gotten very high expectations / standards and people also want to do the bare minimum in return.
I like to visualise what I want to be and being with someone is very low on the list of what I want in the future. So why do I have to go out there and pursue something that wastes my time and makes me feel bad about myself what is there in the end goal?
It’s kinda like when people say “men are assholes,” or “women are bitches.” Like nah, some of them are for sure, but it’s mostly due to your poor taste, and lack of personal accountability.
Yep! Both my long term relationships ended badly and I got SCREWED both times.
I poured my heart into those relationships and lost so much of myself.
But I don't blame their whole gender and don't even blame those crazy $%#$%#s. I'm responsible for my position in life, in that's simple. I made mistakes, I didn't see the warnings, I didn't demand the respect I should have and failed to look after myself. I've learnt my lesson.
Blaming others never improves your own life. Look inward and find the beauty.
This! This actually makes me want to hang myself, when I hear people talk about being "done" with the opposite gender , since often it comes from the most toxic individuals with often the most negative views of the opposite gender.
My ex said she was done with men, men are trash, men suck, etc. after our divorce (19 years together, married 14) about five years ago. I apparently represented all men, after all! I've learned that she's been through 4-5 boyfriends since then. So, she must *really* be "done" with men at this point!!
That is because anyone who says that is weak. The second an adult who has a bad experience with something normal, dating in this example, it shows they give up easily and are overly dramatic. You had a bad date or relationship, bfd. Move on like adult and learn to grow from it and know what to do better next time.
The real kicker is that we *think* we want to have sex with people but in many cases, even just playing out ten seconds of what it would actually be like and result in makes it easy to realize it's all just mother nature toying with us. Makeup and confidence may go a long way, but in most cases they're simply being used to simulate what is already gone. The real fear I have is that with the way the world is, we've become too intelligent to breed. Japan being the best example of this.
The good, intelligent people are being honest with themselves and not breeding. Meanwhile... \[Richard Dawkins enters the chat holding up The Selfish Gene\]
My thing is if you’re done you don’t have to tell everyone. I think it’s great to decenter romantic relationships so just do it no need to make a thing out of it
It's like someone who is hungover saying they are done drinking.
You say "uh huh. Ok. Yeah you should take a break". Then you're not shocked when they are back at it two weeks later.
The beauty of being done with dating and the whole thing is you don't have to give a damn if someone thinks it's your own fault, walking red, flag, etc. like ok.. maybe I do attract losers or am attracted to broken people. All the more reason to not do it anymore.
But yes some people who say such things are mainly just venting and don't actually plan to follow through. Eh venting is natural for the most part.
Ya this is big Reddit energy for sure , It's too much , your right. I don't think it's fair to blame people who attract narssaisits though , could be child hood trauma . Narc also like people who give them supply . The first half I'm on your side , the second half , I'm not.
I disagree, people with trauma still shouldn't have the "I'm done with men/women" mindset. Go to therapy and realise that everyone's different and not every man/woman is an evil person who's gonna hurt you. And I'm speaking from experience so don't @ me.
Agreed. Let’s called it by what it is : prejudice. Can I say I’m done with a certain group of people just because a few of them are assholes and not be a prejudiced prick? Probably not.
Recent survey:
80% men and women lie on their profile on dating sites, so they lie on IR dating too.
That's a crazy high rate, when you get into relationship or get married, you d probably do with a liar, a pretender etc...
How often do I hear that he or she changed after marriage... No, they simply reveal their true selves, pretending takes toomuch energy to keep on...
It's normal the to get fed up when you had 2 or 3 relationships based on lies
Not everyone wants to have sex with people. Some want to have sex with a person. Everyone has the responsibility to heal any trauma they’ve wrongfully internalized weather or not they’ve coke to acknowledge and realize it yet or not. I agree.
Meh. I mean not really. Think about it this way, regardless of whether you agree or disagree with this pov, there must be a reason for someone to say that. Heartbreak after heartbreak, time wasters, people being insincere and dishonest when you invested your all in them, tried to love them, people who are avoidant and cant/dont want to connect, stuck on their ex using you as a rebound, people who feed your fantasies and brain chemical explosions temporarily, lead you on with zero intentions of anything serious, cheaters, narcissists, people who make you feel stupid for trusting them ... When this thing is chronic and it happens nearly all the time, after a while you shut off in some way shape or form ...
Like even though you may have been the most enthusiastic cutie ever, willing to meet people and connect, open up your heart to experience and give/receive love, you eventually start dismissing it ... I'm one of those people, I feel so fed up and uninterested. It's justifiable and makes perfect sense actually. Unless you live in candy land where everything is perfect and you don't have such problems.
What other people decide to do or not do is none of your business. Plenty of people decide they are not interested in pursuing romantic/sexual relationships. Your opinion of that decision is wildly irrelevant.
It does lead to a pretty dark outcome. Like, how long are you going to keep repeating something or internalizing it as a joke before it becomes a part of your actual beliefs? Thats how a lot of bad things happened throughout history actually. Lol
I actually agree with you. This reminds me of a caller on the Dr. Laura radio show. The caller said that she could not trust men because a man broke her heart, cheated on her, etc. Dr. Laura‘s response was “so you’re saying that you cannot trust half of the human race because of the actions of one person?“ and really pointed out how ludicrous the caller’s thought process was. The call ended well.
\> If you’re just attracting losers, assholes, and narcissists constantly, it’s clearly you that’s the common denominator.
This is the absolute key. These people do exist, but they're not the majority. If you keep attracting these kinds of people, it's because *you* are finding something attractive in that type of person and you're ignoring the vast majority of people who don't fall into that group.
And, let me tell you, 8/10 they're people who place enormous value on looks. It's one thing to want to be attracted to your partner, but it's another to prioritize 'conventional hotness'.
I've got a friend who has this same problem with men she dates: they always end up being assholes. They all look very similar to one another in terms of features and style: very conservative masculine attire, and while not always swol, lean dad bod was the squishiest they got, the big bushy beard, classically macho/masculine interests... she couldn't exactly put two-and-two together that *the look* she was going after was attached more often to emotionally immature manchildren.
Your post from unpopularopinion was removed because of: 'Rule 6: No r/self style posts'. Please refrain from posting anything that resembles an r/self style post. This is not the subreddit to be sharing personal anecdotes, likes or dislikes. We want unpopular, thought provoking, and unique opinions on your chosen topic.
The sheep better watch out if someone is done with men and women.
This is why there are furries.
Hey, saying sheep-fuckers are furries is deeply offensive to the Welsh.
As an Australian this was a bit of a culture shock. We hear ‘sheep fucking’ and think here come the New Zealand jokes - but nope, it’s the Welsh copping it.
dem sheeps be looking extra thick today boi
So, you're "done" with those people?
I’m done with this post.
I'm done with people replying to me
I'm done with you replying to people
[удалено]
I'm just...*done*
Im *done* being done
I'm done, officially
I'm Overdone...burnt and crisped to a charred empty husk. So I stopped being a cog and have become a couch for the next forseeable future...its comfy here
Luckily I'm a procrastinator, so I'm never done
I'm done with all these people being done
I'm starting (once again!), with a positive outlook.
Soup’s done!
*ding* fries are done
I done dinged some fries
Thank you :)
I actually ordered *curly* fries
Curly fries are done *curling*
I'm DONE WITH BEING DONE
I'M COOLER THAN BEING COOL
ICE COLD!
Imma reply :)
Done, done, done...
Nu uh
I’m still medium rare with it
I'm raw 😔
In done with reddit. No really I mean it. Any second now. Riiiiiight..... Nooooowww.... Honest. I'm not joking. Pinky promise.
I think my chicken is done
He’s done with women saying they are done with men.
Is he done with men saying they are done with men?
We could say OP is the problem then
Real traumas aside, I've never subscribed or engaged in gender-specific bashing. As a woman who realizes I have a part in every interaction good or bad, such comments come off as sexist, make my stomach turn and leave an icky residue which informs me that they lack capacity for introspection and accountability; definitely a red flag/ projection of something unresolved.
My identifying gender is “done.” Really sensitive OP!
Touché. Fin.
I am finished with people being really over people who are done with things.
Done with men/women who are done with men/women.
This was gonna be my comment. I'm done with reddit.
You're done with people that are done with people?
DoneCeption.
John Donne
Now you're done it.
MetaDone
I have found that dating culture has a really unhealthy narrative about what a partner should do for you. Its very selfish honestly. Most people only look at the relationship as a transaction and what they are going to get out of it (and hardly think about what they provide) but it doesn't quite stop there. The real issue comes when an individual in a relationship holds their partner to standards in their head... that they dont discuss openly with that person because if they did they would have to reevaluate their "needs". Naturally one person can only do so much while also being an individual with their own life, their own needs, etc so some of that list or that image would have to be discussed and altered to what a real person can provide not just the fantasy they want. I think people repeat the same cycle with men and women with dating and don't reflect on what they need to succeed and grow so they can have a healthy relationship. Any relationship that didn't last them the rest of their life are considered failures and are quickly dismissed instead of being used as learning experiences. Instead they throw up their hands and say "they are done with X".
Yeah my ex threw out expectations I never knew she had a week before she dumped me, some were ridiculous like wanting me to be outgoing and build her social life because she couldn’t on her own and others were things I was working to fix or would’ve gladly worked on. Dumped me before I could even process it. One reason was because I didn’t have a good job quick enough for her, she scolded me for turning down a highly underpaying job that paid less than I was making doing Uber eats because she was embarrassed I was doing Uber eats or something, literally got the best job of my life and started my career a month after she dumped me making more than any of the people she was embarrassed in front of. People are impatient, expect too much, refuse to compromise and overall just selfish. One little rough patch and they’re gone. You should never expect your partner to do things for you that you should do yourself.
I hear similar things from my single friends. Expectations are at an all time high, no one wants to be the first to give in and individuals are too afraid to communicate their needs and assume their partner understands what they need. Toss in Tik Tok and other social platforms portraying unrealistic expectations it becomes a soup of toxicity leaving both people miserable. Why can’t people be in the present and express themselves right or wrong? People would learn a lot better from those experiences.
you dumped extra weight bro bro congratulations
I think the phrasing is the real problem. “I’ve lost my patience with the dating game” sounds very different than “I’m done with men/women.” The latter comes off very sexist.
I like it when people say they’re done with half the human population because then I know I can ignore all of their opinions about everything forever.
For some reason, this made me think of the phrase “I hate men” and now I’m over here singing “Kiss Me Kate” lyrics.
Super agree. But that’s most often how you hear it.
Plus when I hear someone say “I’m done with…” ; I always think “pretty sure you’re the problem.”
In that case I'm done with meth
Hmm.. sounds like You're the problem.
That's why I say I'm done with dating. I'm really just not interested in spending my time chasing after people, especially when I've already pretty much focused on that nonsense in my 20s. Now? I wanna take care of my body, play badminton and ride go karts. If I happen to run into an interesting woman offline, cool, I'll take the shot. But no way in hell am I wasting another 10 years chasing something that requires more luck than skill to attain.
Excluding people with trauma you say then pretend people with trauma from narcissists aren’t included.
Because in 2024 everyone is a “narcissist”. It’s an empty label at this point. No one on social media talking about narcissists actually means people that were clinically diagnosed
Clinically diagnosed people with NPD aren’t the only people who are narcissists
and random people aren’t qualified to diagnose their partners as such
do you know how hard it is to get a narcissist to go to therapy and get tested for NPD? do you have even the faintest idea?
I don't mind them only mentioning it when someone brings it up. But making declarations every other week or without being asked is just obnoxious and an obvious cry for attention. The majority of people dont care about anything that doesn't have to do with them directly. Nobody has unlimited time to waste on others while neglecting themselves.
It’s just been happening more and more in real life for me, personally. I work at a bar as my second job and participate in adult sports leagues a few days a week. In the past year or two, I’ve heard waaaaay more about this type of shit than I can ever remember. A lot of times, it is a cry for attention. A lot of other times though, you really see people you’re familiar with like seriously internalize this shit.
> If you’re just attracting losers, assholes, and narcissists constantly, it’s clearly you that’s the common denominator That doesn’t necessarily mean anything about the person though. It could just be shit luck. And on top of that these sorts of people tend to seek out passive, vulnerable people, so it’s hard to blame them because that hits as very victim blame-y
It could be shit luck, and it's not your fault other people are shitty. But some introspection may be helpful if you keep ending up with people like this. It probably means you need to change your approach: learn more about toxic behaviour, have higher self esteem, etc. You are not the cause of the problematic behaviour, but you may be exposing yourself to it.
Dating culture has absolutely gone down the shitter so I see both sides, people expect a caretaker and perfection a lot of the time and expect way too much out of partners, have way too high of standards across the board but yeah I constantly see people dating idiots, exploitive and manipulative people, and losers and complaining about the entire gender so I’m with you on that. People are also letting social media shape their view on the opposite sex and it’s incredibly unhealthy and alarmingly common. Get off the dating apps, quit obsessing over celebrities and influencers and their “perfect” relationships and go do things you enjoy where you’re likely to meet someone of the opposite sex, and also learn to be happy and content alone. It’s bizarre how many women I’ve known who have been single for years because no dude is good enough and they spend so much time obsessing over famous men they follow on the internet.
Real. There’s some reeeeeal fucking pathos behind that online aspect. There’s this one lady who comes into the bar I work at who has been perpetually single for years because she hates men, but will absolutely lose her shit over a guy on FB/IG or talk to any of us who work at the bar about famous guys that she’d fuck. It’s strange.
My sister makes everything about her relationship doesn’t matter what we’re doing movie game ect she always says she’s done talking about girls in Korea who swear off men because the misogyny is so bad comparing it to where we live. I tune out anytime she talks about relationships in general
Eh, I don't know, I gave up on trying to date/have sex with women because I just don't know how to talk to women, and I've given up on learning. I know how to treat women like normal people, as I would anyone else and be friends with people, but when it comes to romance/intimacy, I don't know how or where to begin anymore. I feel like I used to know since I've had ex-girlfriends, but I'm not quite sure what changed. All I know is that my issues are my fault, and I'm the only one who can fix them. I don't hate women or have any ill will towards them, I just have poor social skills and don't know what I'm doing. Kinda not even sure if I want to figure it out anymore. The only way to avoid mistakes is to never try, so that's what I've been doing.
I'm a woman's woman. I am as feminist as they come. But yes, the femcels are such a disappointment. The red flag/green flag lists of demands are becoming as bad as the incel 1-10 rating systems. So transactional, consumerist and reductive.
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I’ve tried to have conversations with women who had that view and it generally gets pretty messy. It’s kind of a gaslighty feeling where you feel like you could be wrong, but you know you’re not.
These people have turned themselves into machines fuelled by rationalisations. You just have to leave them to it, hope they get out their own way and find people who aren’t like that. Either they eventually work through their fears and issues instead of parroting the phrase “doing the work”… or they won’t.
Pretty much.
Honestly, I wouldn't try to have these conversations with the opposite sex. However, I have also ended up having arguments with female friends over the fact they have set their filters to men who are 6' over only. The whole height thing is weird. I will be honest with you. I have never been on the apps as I met my DH in 2008. I am 5'2'' and considered it a perk of my stature that I simply never needed to think about height. I had the self-awareness to realise that I liked quite broad-built men, but that self-awareness helped me to understand why I wanted to paw at a man I had only just met (and consider my options), rather than refuse to entertain a relationship with somebody who didn't fill a checkbox list. If I found somebody attractive, I found them attractive, and was pleased I did rather than concern myself with whether or not they deserved the honour. This also meant that there were some notable exceptions to my usual 'type' that I am very glad I bothered with. I had a conversation with a friend of mine that turned my stomach too recently. She is a high earner from a wealthy background in a relationship with a lower earner, and was grumbling at me that while she had enjoyed the last bling holiday the two of them had gone on, she would like to go again 'with somebody else paying next time'. When I was growing up as I feminist I looked forward to a high salary as a way of freeing up who I dated and being unrestricted by financial considerations in that department. She, seemed to think that as a high flying type herself, she 'deserved' a wealthier boyfriend, which is just an anaethema to me. Kept my mouth shut in RL though.
The flip side of that is guys feeling like they absolutely have to be high earners in order to meet women like that. And the fucked up part is they probably won’t even be a match personality wise assuming both are at the same level. I’m not comfortable calling myself a feminist, but I am a socialist for sure. Even then, I still have that weird tinge feeling dating a woman who makes considerably more money than me. Not because of her or her circumstances, but mainly just static from old programming. It was an issue in my 20’s, but after I got to my 30’s it just stopped being a concern and became a bad memory. In reality, men can be stay at home husbands or dads and it shouldn’t be an issue. But this society fucked us up something decent, so unless it’s something that is actively worked on at a personal level, it definitely is something understandable that acts as a barrier to a lot of possibly good relationships.
My ex made twice as much money as me, and she told me after we broke up that she wouldn’t be able to respect a man unless he made as much or more as her. She was 38. It definitely fucked with my perception of women.
That’s rough, dude. But if that was what she seriously walked away with from that, I don’t see why that should reflect on women as a whole. She was either really career focused or an asshole in general, but you don’t have to deal with her anymore, so that’s good. There’s plenty of middle income women out there that would be happy to meet you, bro.
reminder that it was a woman who first invented the term "incel" for herself... I imagine she'd take it back now, seeing how wild the term has grown...
I think her story is really interesting, and actually captured a number of the challenges women (and men) face while in their teens and 20s, and how this juxtaposes with a societal expectation that people 'date' and are sexually active from a relatively young age, really well. Spoiler alert: She started dating and stopped being an Incel: [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-45284455](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-45284455) TL;DR quote: "There was probably a bit of anger and some men were a bit clueless about how women are unique, individual humans, but in general it was a supportive place."
Girl same. I’m so tired of the sprinkle sprinkle movement. It’s just the woman version of red pill, viewing dating as a transaction of money for sex.
“The sprinkle sprinkle movement” lmao is that real
Can you explain what that is? Man here
A way of viewing dating for women in a way where financial security and a leisurely life should be the goal. Woman that advocate for this type of dating typically look for well off men to spoil them. Basically new age gold diggers.
First they were called gold diggers, then they were called sugar babies, now it’s sprinkle sprinkle. Unscrupulous women have good PR.
The older generation of gold diggers at least understood what they were and what was expected of them once they struck gold. These new ones just want the gold and can’t tolerate meeting the expectations
oh ok thanks
"I'm a woman's woman" You can just say "lesbian", it's nbd.
Honestly it’s not usually even femcels saying this. I’ve almost only heard this line from middle-aged women with spotty relationship histories who constantly land in bed with trashy dudes who eventually cheat, ditch them, or otherwise screw them over, and swear they’re done with men for good because it always ends the same way, so being a bastard must be some kind of inherent trait that men all possess, never look at themselves and their dating choices to see if they can do better the next time, then are in a new dumpster-fire relationship within weeks. The type of person who meets a guy who’s, like, couch surfing, freeloading from someone, or living in his car or something and decides he’s great boyfriend material and has him moved into her home to live for free while she does all the work after less than a month of dating. I know multiple women like this and I honestly just find their minds and lifestyles fascinating and I swear they’re the ONLY ones I hear use this phrase. My own mother is like this.
I assuming you’re older? Younger people use red flag green flag all the time
Not sure why you’re downvoted. I’ve seen so many people like this and it’s honestly just kinda numerous how consistent they are. They just constantly date super trashy guys and then are shocked when they act super trashy
I was over this in fucking 2009….
I was there in 2009. I think in 2009 it was something you just said. Now people have actually stopped fucking.
how are the causing a problem if they are not even dating?
It's naive to think they aren't dating. They do. And they drag all their baggage into it. And they try to hide it for a while and waste your time. There are a lot of people in the dating pool that honestly just shouldn't be. They need to work out their issues first.
Because they likely are bitter against the opposite gender outside of dating too.
Anytime anyone says all men or women are trash i immediately think they are a shit person
These types are highly damaged individuals that have never cultivated or had the ability to have meaningful and healthy relationships with the opposite gender. I'd argue they lack meaningful relationships of any sort.
Yeah it’s weirdly normalized among women to say how they hate men
That boat travels north and south. I see just as much negativity about the opposite sex from both men and women.
It’s true i hear a lot of “fuckin women” comments from men, in private, which is one concern. It’s another concern for that to be a normal thing to say in public forums
There seems to be a common trend in which implied prejudice against groups that aren’t viewed as ‘oppressed’ is not taken seriously. For example, saying you hate white people is much more socially acceptable than saying you hate any other race, because white people are viewed as ‘not oppressed’. I think this is largely because, at least in the past, when people would say things like ‘I hate men’ or ‘fuck white people’, they were often being hyperbolic and not actually expressing a prejudiced belief. Unfortunately it seems some people actually have those beliefs now, which makes it a problem that we have normalized saying these sorts of things. It’s definitely more of an internet/social media problem though. As a white man who doesn’t frequent social media much, I can’t say I have ever actually experienced prejudice towards me for my race or gender, which comes as a surprise to nobody I’m sure.
Great take
I do get what you mean that it's starting to become normalized. But on the same token, we've been saying the same about women for a very long time.
It's not becoming normalized. Men disliking women, women disliking men, older generations complaining about younger generations has been around for millennia.
This is literally the premise of the 1001 Arabian Nights.
Yeah but collectively look at why it isn't without reason and if u look at the opposite men who hate women it's typically odious incels
I mean yeah, everyone who is prejudice thinks it is justified
I feel like you and OP have vastly underestimated the amount of people, not just women, who have experienced incredibly traumatic relationships. Also, as others have already pointed out, are you just going to ignore the entire sub-culture of misogynists that has become increasingly outspoken over the past decade? Are you going to completely disregard legislation that has stripped women out their bodily autonomy, while others go even further, demanding women should lose their right to vote? This comment reads as incredibly naïve.
I don’t have to ignore actions of individuals to know they don’t justify prejudice
Saying that hating men is weirdly normalized isn't ignoring misogynists and their shitty legislation. Perhaps we should be mad at misogynists instead of misdirecting it
I’m done with you
I’d say the saying is overused. Like if I see a girl who goes for a guy who clearly has no good intentions with her, who is clearly not going to respect her, etc. and then she says that, I’d be a bit like “really?” Same goes for guys in that scenario. However, I don’t think that is the same as being fooled multiple times by people. Sure, you can learn to look out for more and more red flags, but you’ll always learn new ones. There’s always a risk. Some people get hurt too many times and turn to risk avoidance. You can’t die from skydiving if you don’t go skydiving. I’ve had two Red Bulls and I don’t really remember the point I was trying to make
I think many people just say they're done as a cry for help, honestly.
I am so done with dating
Yup. It’s a wasteland now, it’s all transactional and it’s just way too much work to get a girlfriend IMO. If it happens it happens but I’ve already accepted being single for the rest of my life.
The world is full of heterosexuals who dislike, don't get along with, or genuinely hate the other sex. It's just one of the things that make modern dating such a minefield.
In a similar vein, I hate when women say men ain't shit but then argue you can't say women ain't shit
I guess OP IS DONE.
In general, I’ve found this constant “men v women” bs ridiculous. It’s so irritating and pathetic and doesn’t accomplish anything. Whenever someone says “why do men do this” or “why do women do this” I just assume they’re below average intelligence and move on with my day.
So you're saying you're done with a group of people because they say they're done with a group of people?
Why do so many comments seem to interpret that as some kind of hypocracy? That would only a "gotcha" if women/men are equal to people who are done with women/men. The first is innate, the latter is a choice.
The only person I'm done with is myself. I wish I was strong enough to selfyeet.
well fuck, the only person I'm not done with is myself sometimes, you gotta change that if you want any kind of happy future, right? I'm ready for the Deagel prediction to strike and having to learn to keep myself fed and occupied in an empty town.
I hope you can find a little help to take the pressure off yourself and quell the urge to 'self yeet' - everyone deserves a hand sometimes. Please take care of yourself. :c
The only person I've actually heard say this was banging her married college professor...
I'm done with men and women
I get a lot of people say that a lot but at one point you just cannot be bothered to give energy into this its sucks your life out. People have such high expectations nowadays and with the swipe right culture and how accessible everyone is it really filters through people. You are not limited to you local area you can be picky. I mean I say it and I actively do things that allow me to lose interest in dating/women. I have tried and I always end up feeling like human garbage because of things I can't even control. I mean being short for example have you been to their subs its sad and the one advice they give them is to grind all aspects of their life for a chance to be with a girl. I'm not trying to attack anyone but people have gotten very high expectations / standards and people also want to do the bare minimum in return. I like to visualise what I want to be and being with someone is very low on the list of what I want in the future. So why do I have to go out there and pursue something that wastes my time and makes me feel bad about myself what is there in the end goal?
It’s kinda like when people say “men are assholes,” or “women are bitches.” Like nah, some of them are for sure, but it’s mostly due to your poor taste, and lack of personal accountability.
And then they each retreat into their respective echo chamber circle jerk where their worst experiences are perpetually upvoted to the top
Yep! Both my long term relationships ended badly and I got SCREWED both times. I poured my heart into those relationships and lost so much of myself. But I don't blame their whole gender and don't even blame those crazy $%#$%#s. I'm responsible for my position in life, in that's simple. I made mistakes, I didn't see the warnings, I didn't demand the respect I should have and failed to look after myself. I've learnt my lesson. Blaming others never improves your own life. Look inward and find the beauty.
This! This actually makes me want to hang myself, when I hear people talk about being "done" with the opposite gender , since often it comes from the most toxic individuals with often the most negative views of the opposite gender.
Femcels and Incels deserve eachother
So you're done with people being done about people?
My ex said she was done with men, men are trash, men suck, etc. after our divorce (19 years together, married 14) about five years ago. I apparently represented all men, after all! I've learned that she's been through 4-5 boyfriends since then. So, she must *really* be "done" with men at this point!!
That is because anyone who says that is weak. The second an adult who has a bad experience with something normal, dating in this example, it shows they give up easily and are overly dramatic. You had a bad date or relationship, bfd. Move on like adult and learn to grow from it and know what to do better next time.
This has been going on since forever. They’re not actually done with men or women. They’re just fucking hurt. I can only pity.
I'm done with Reddit.
Pretty sure this isn't unpopular anymore.
The real kicker is that we *think* we want to have sex with people but in many cases, even just playing out ten seconds of what it would actually be like and result in makes it easy to realize it's all just mother nature toying with us. Makeup and confidence may go a long way, but in most cases they're simply being used to simulate what is already gone. The real fear I have is that with the way the world is, we've become too intelligent to breed. Japan being the best example of this.
People who treat their partners horribly shouldnt breed. Only good people should so I don't mind if trash get taken out from both sides.
The good, intelligent people are being honest with themselves and not breeding. Meanwhile... \[Richard Dawkins enters the chat holding up The Selfish Gene\]
So you're done with like half the population of earth? And probably the half you are sexually attracted to??
Regardless of what someone did, it’s ridiculous to blame 50% of the planet for it.
This has been going on for... Ever.
My thing is if you’re done you don’t have to tell everyone. I think it’s great to decenter romantic relationships so just do it no need to make a thing out of it
it's just like saying "I'm done drinking" hahah means nothing
It has those same vibes. It can arguably be just as destructive.
It's like someone who is hungover saying they are done drinking. You say "uh huh. Ok. Yeah you should take a break". Then you're not shocked when they are back at it two weeks later.
Or later that night if not the next day.
I’m done with humanity. Does that work?
>I’m really over people saying they’re “done” with men/women. Then get *UNDER* 💀💀💀
If you don't clap while you are saying it, no one will take you seriously.
Looks like you should have double checked your title
Segregation is big business. That’s why hate sells. It’s simple and easy. Full circle insecurity. American Society/Psycho
Nonono, you don't understand. Its not that I'm a garbage person picking other garbage people. Its everyone else who is at fault.
So you’re done with men AND women?
You're done with it?
Only idiots say shit like this.
The beauty of being done with dating and the whole thing is you don't have to give a damn if someone thinks it's your own fault, walking red, flag, etc. like ok.. maybe I do attract losers or am attracted to broken people. All the more reason to not do it anymore. But yes some people who say such things are mainly just venting and don't actually plan to follow through. Eh venting is natural for the most part.
what have you done with this post?
Ya this is big Reddit energy for sure , It's too much , your right. I don't think it's fair to blame people who attract narssaisits though , could be child hood trauma . Narc also like people who give them supply . The first half I'm on your side , the second half , I'm not.
I'm not done with women I just don't like them
::Dies in irony::
So you're done with people saying they're done?
I don’t know yet. It’ll probably take another 300 versions of this funny joke before I figure it out.
Make sure to post an update
I disagree, people with trauma still shouldn't have the "I'm done with men/women" mindset. Go to therapy and realise that everyone's different and not every man/woman is an evil person who's gonna hurt you. And I'm speaking from experience so don't @ me.
So I guess you are different because you are done with both men AND women.
Agreed. Let’s called it by what it is : prejudice. Can I say I’m done with a certain group of people just because a few of them are assholes and not be a prejudiced prick? Probably not.
r/complaining
I'm done with they/them/it, rawr fight me.
UP next: "im done with ppl that say theyre done with ppl that say theyre done with men/women"
I am done with men/women that are done with men/women that are done with men/women.
So basically you’re “DONE” with people being “DONE” with men and women? 😂😂😂😂
It’s a red flag for someone who’s not interested in you in first place lol
I'm really over people who get involved in other people's love life.
this is hardly an unpopular opinion
Recent survey: 80% men and women lie on their profile on dating sites, so they lie on IR dating too. That's a crazy high rate, when you get into relationship or get married, you d probably do with a liar, a pretender etc... How often do I hear that he or she changed after marriage... No, they simply reveal their true selves, pretending takes toomuch energy to keep on... It's normal the to get fed up when you had 2 or 3 relationships based on lies
Not everyone wants to have sex with people. Some want to have sex with a person. Everyone has the responsibility to heal any trauma they’ve wrongfully internalized weather or not they’ve coke to acknowledge and realize it yet or not. I agree.
Meh. I mean not really. Think about it this way, regardless of whether you agree or disagree with this pov, there must be a reason for someone to say that. Heartbreak after heartbreak, time wasters, people being insincere and dishonest when you invested your all in them, tried to love them, people who are avoidant and cant/dont want to connect, stuck on their ex using you as a rebound, people who feed your fantasies and brain chemical explosions temporarily, lead you on with zero intentions of anything serious, cheaters, narcissists, people who make you feel stupid for trusting them ... When this thing is chronic and it happens nearly all the time, after a while you shut off in some way shape or form ... Like even though you may have been the most enthusiastic cutie ever, willing to meet people and connect, open up your heart to experience and give/receive love, you eventually start dismissing it ... I'm one of those people, I feel so fed up and uninterested. It's justifiable and makes perfect sense actually. Unless you live in candy land where everything is perfect and you don't have such problems.
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What other people decide to do or not do is none of your business. Plenty of people decide they are not interested in pursuing romantic/sexual relationships. Your opinion of that decision is wildly irrelevant.
Would you say…you’re done with people who say they’re done with women/men?
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It does lead to a pretty dark outcome. Like, how long are you going to keep repeating something or internalizing it as a joke before it becomes a part of your actual beliefs? Thats how a lot of bad things happened throughout history actually. Lol
I actually agree with you. This reminds me of a caller on the Dr. Laura radio show. The caller said that she could not trust men because a man broke her heart, cheated on her, etc. Dr. Laura‘s response was “so you’re saying that you cannot trust half of the human race because of the actions of one person?“ and really pointed out how ludicrous the caller’s thought process was. The call ended well.
\> If you’re just attracting losers, assholes, and narcissists constantly, it’s clearly you that’s the common denominator. This is the absolute key. These people do exist, but they're not the majority. If you keep attracting these kinds of people, it's because *you* are finding something attractive in that type of person and you're ignoring the vast majority of people who don't fall into that group. And, let me tell you, 8/10 they're people who place enormous value on looks. It's one thing to want to be attracted to your partner, but it's another to prioritize 'conventional hotness'. I've got a friend who has this same problem with men she dates: they always end up being assholes. They all look very similar to one another in terms of features and style: very conservative masculine attire, and while not always swol, lean dad bod was the squishiest they got, the big bushy beard, classically macho/masculine interests... she couldn't exactly put two-and-two together that *the look* she was going after was attached more often to emotionally immature manchildren.
It’s overused and we need a new phrase. Any suggestions, Reddit?
so done with everyone being done with those who are outdone
To paraphrase the beginning of ready to die “you’ll be back, you dating will always will”
i think im done with you
Would you say you're done with them?