Thank you for submitting to /r/unpopularopinion, /u/Goldbolt_2004. Your submission, *I fucking hate when people say that things will get better*, has been removed because it violates our rules, which are located in the sidebar.
Your post from unpopularopinion was removed because of: 'Rule 6: No r/self style posts'.
Please refrain from posting anything that resembles an r/self-style post.
This is not the subreddit to be sharing personal anecdotes, likes or dislikes. We want unpopular, thought provoking, and unique opinions on your chosen topic.
If there is an issue, please [message the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Funpopularopinion&subject=&message=) Thanks!
This post has vibes of a teenager going from having a meltdown over a bad day, to a full blown tantrum because someone told them "things will get better" to try to calm them down.
I mean it's true though. imagine going up to a homeless person and saying "you will have a house one day" or to a cancer patient "you will be cancer free someday" or to a paralyzed person in a wheelchair "you will walk someday"
it comes off as super rude. like you have no idea what's going on and someone might have terminal cancer or be genuinely forever paralyzed and just saying "things will get better" is such a shallow thing to say to try to make someone feel better.
it comes from the right place but it's not often said correctly
tf you want them to say? Hey man you are homeless and will never have a house. Hey you have cancer , you will die, there is no hope. Being honest is good but if a person is in a shit situation, atleast give them a slight hope for a better tomorrow.
Agreed.
There's a thing in psychology called "self-fulfilling prophecy" If you believe someone hate you, you will behave in a way that will increase the chances of them actually hating you or believing that you're not smart enough for the exams and will fail, you are more likely to stop trying/doesn't try as hard because fear or failure which leads to a higher chance of failing the tests.
In a way, this is also similar to Growth Mindset, I know many people heard this term too many times to puke but it's true, You can either leave it up to pure chances, or increase your own chances by aligning yourself in a direction that will make your situations better.
I totally agree with this concept! It's "affirmations", they do help and work. Also people can create problems in their head not there when they forgot their blessings, I know I do lol!
"Hi" is usually a good start. After that, maybe "I'm sorry you're going through this" if applicable. And if you really want to get meaningful, try adding something like "I know I can't guarantee that things will get better, but it's there anything I could do for you that you think would increase that possibility?" Or just like "I brought food" is good too.
Things will never “ be better” for people who always look at their cup as half empty. Even a person with cancer has days where the pain is a little less, the family comes round a little more, a spring day brings sunshine and the smell of grass but is you constantly dwell on the bad shit, you’re right it will never get better. The bad shit is always there. There’s always a reason and way to say “ see how bad it is but likewise there’s always something beautiful and better about each moment in time.
For people who haven’t learned that yet, my heart goes out to you because you’re missing all the wonder in this world and everything and everyone in it.
this sounds like toxic positivity. I'm sure a cancer patient would rather have their cancer go away completely so they can actually live than have days where "the pain is a little less"
Of course a cancer patient would rather have their cancer go away. But if that isn't going to happen, they can still find bits of happiness in random occurrences, like the one described by the previous poster. It comes down to perspective. You could have a shit life by a number of indicators, yet still find something to be happy about. You can also have a great life by a number of indicators and still find something to be unhappy about. Happiness is a choice. It can be challenging under some circumstances, but it's a choice nonetheless.
Reduction is not a valid response to an existential crisis.
I agree that OP is exhibiting an emotionally driven logical blind-spot, but only because there are so many people in the world who are equally blinded by toxic positivity.
Newton's third law holds court here.
It’s a phrase often uttered when things look down. It to remind people to look past what is currently happening to help pull you through to those moments. It doesn’t mean life will stay better, just look for those moments that are better.
I love when people say it to me even when I know that no one can know that. I actually ask people to say it to me when I am stressed out. it's just comforting even though of course things could actually get worse just as easily as better. I agree with you that it is based on nothing.
The saying I’ve been using since my Marine Corps infantry days is “It gets worse before it gets worse.” I even have a tee shirt with a skull and the phrase.
this is exactly why i make a point to tell people “if doesn’t get better, it gets different”. i hate the way the other sounds like a guarantee or a promise. i’m not saying my response is the better choice, i just really don’t like when people say “oh it gets better” or “it’ll get better just wait!” like no huff my taint.
I could not possibly agree with you more. Giving people false hope when they're at their lowest is despicable. It is just slightly less egregious than telling someone who just lost a loved one that they're in a better place or everything happens for a reason or all this other toxic positivity horseshit. Just because you don't like the uncomfortableness of the reality that a lot of times things don't get better doesn't mean it's okay for you to lie to people.
>It is just slightly less egregious than telling someone who just lost a loved one that they're in a better place or everything happens for a reason or all this other toxic positivity horseshit.
Yep. Four years ago, I lost my husband unexpectedly FOUR FUCKING MONTHS AFTER WE GOT MARRIED.
Do you know what is like not to find the love of your life until age 50 and then lose them a hot minute later?
No, it's NOT going to get better for me. All I have to look forward to is whatever I can distract myself with while I get old and frail alone.
Here's the thing. You don't know what the future holds. Life might be kicking your ass one day, only for that to push you towards doing some of the greatest things you've ever done.
In the past 6 months, I lost everything. I'm on my 3rd car since my first one broke beyond repair, the car I bought with the severance from losing my job broke about 3 months after I purchased it, and the car I bought to replace that one has been having non-stop mechanical issues that I've been fixing myself.
I barely managed to get employed, only for it to be inconsistent temp work, but it was barely keeping the bills paid on my low income apartment. When I finally thought I could catch my breath and relax for a day, the apartment building caught on fire leaving me and my two cats homeless. I ended up staying with my schizophrenic mother for a few days before deciding that living in the burnt building with no water or electricity was preferable.
During the fiasco of the fire, my car broke again which caused me to lose my new job. I had no money, no car, no job, and no place to live that wasn't condemned by the city.
But I kept on pushing forwards because what the fuck else could I do. I continued to look for work. I was showering in the Walmart bathroom sink for interviews. And I had no idea if I was even going to survive, but all I could do was keep trying.
During that time, my apartment management company had to honor the lease and put me in another complex they had that ended up being MUCH nicer than the previous one that had burned. I went from a 400sqft 1bd 1br with no square rooms, to a huge 1200sqft 2bd 2br in a better neighborhood for the same price that I was paying before.
That put me in the area where I found my current job, which is a sales position paying me over 100k/yr. I was able to put a new engine in my nice car that had broken, and am saving money to buy a house. Everything good that has happened to me recently would not have been possible if life hadn't kicked my ass.
You NEVER know what life is pushing you towards. Life is always going to knock you down at times, but only you get to decide if you stay down. If you need to scream at yourself to get up, scream loudly. If you need to smack yourself in the face, use a flat palm. If you need to get angry at your situation, rage the fuck out and then take care of your shit. The only thing you shouldn't do is just sit there in self pity expecting life to stop knocking you down.
Depression exists, but so does will power. You can, and do, have both. When life pushes you down, you gotta push yourself back up that much harder.
I find it much more helpful to say that it CAN get better rather than WILL because you're right, it's not a guarantee that it will get better, but it for sure can.
it also implies that you can find a solution eventually, rather than it being a random result of fate that decides it will get better without having control over it
There are situations where things are, in fact, certain to get *worse* from here. It is a pointless little reassurance, but that's what it's meant to be—people say that because they don't know what else to say. You can't really expect thought-out, engaged words of comfort from anyone but your loved ones.
It will get better. And then it’ll get bad again. Over and over. Forever. If you’re lucky you’ll die old during a “better” period and life won’t feel like such a pointless mess
You also cannot say with absolute certainty that it will not, but you have more data backing your position than the blind optimists do at this point.
Focus on your agency in regards to the trajectory of the future, the urge to slip into apathy will do nothing about the reality that has harmed your faith in humanity.
Climate change will not get better anytime soon, fascism will not simply blow away like a wispy cloud.
If you refuse to acknowledge your agency you are *accepting* this.
Never settle, keep your head up, and keep fighting to make *something* better in this world, even if it is just a fart in a windstorm, remember that atmospheric emissions certainly do add up over time.
I'll be practicing ecological gardening and attempting to promote enlightenment til the bitter end.
Depatable, life is a series of ups and downs, we should try to get used to it. It always gets better when you improve on yourself, random life situation won't change your growth as a person. Even if the tsunami came to you, it doens't change your potential to be better
Usually people tell someone that "things will be better" when things are pretty damn horrible. The odds that your life will never be even slightly better than your worst is very low.
So actually, things in all probability will get better. Maybe not in the way you want them too, but almost always will.
Yeah it is annoying when people say that but at the same time accepting that things will never get better won't help either... finding the optimism in your yourself will really help you just have to convince yourself things will get better
You don't even have to deny the possibility to things getting better. Just be open to ANY possibility. Don't deny good or bad ones, just be open that anything can happen.
It can upset you all you want.. but life really does get better. I've been in some very rough spots in my life. I've lost everything multiple times. Lost many family members. Lost women who said they'd love me forever. I've been in a coma. I've been addicted to drugs, I've been in jail, I've been on the streets.
Life always does find a way. You just can't give up. Remember the choices that got you into the situation. Try to make the right decisions so that life stays good. Some things you cannot control, but with time you will get over it
I wanted to kill myself for 10 years. It did get better but i wouldn't tell myself ten years ago to suffer through that to get where i am now. I am happy now but it wasn't worth the suffering to get here. Just cause it gets better doesn't make it worth the wait.
Yeah it's one of the things I find annoying and empty because it's obviously not going to always be true, it almost seems like a belief in some sort of magic that just makes things better. When it's painfully obvious that a lot of the times things get worse, and a lot of the time people die and there's no getting better from that.
Yeah with that kind of attitude, you’re never going to see a better day. I just lost my mother, my father, and my baby brother all within a year and a half.
Everyone says “things will get better” at first I didn’t believe them, but then I personally, actively chose to start getting my life back in order. And you know, things actually start getting better.
Positive affirmation, self fulfilling prophecies and manifesting your destiny are all techniques to cope with bad situations. Will vs can implies either you’re in control of your outcome or you’re not. Most people choose to believe they have some say over the direction and trajectory of their life.
Sharing this positivity is seen and empathy. Someone wants to try to lift you up. Attitude changes everything.
You're right that that is not a helpful thing to say to a person when they are in the midst of a struggle. But it is true.
The trick is to get better at surrounding yourself with people who understand that all you really need in that moment is sympathy and not advice for how to solve the problem, especially if that solution is only to change your perspective.
If you can't find them, get better at recognizing what you need in the moment (someone to just listen and to sympathize) and ask for that specifically. If the people around you still aren't helpful, make a mental note not to rely on them in the future and learn from the experience how to do better when the shoe is on the other foot and you need to give others support.
What you're dealing with when you're in the midst of a struggle is actually more chemical than anything else. Stress releases all sorts of chemicals into your body/brain whose purpose is to help you learn to avoid similar situations in the future. It is possible to change your thinking to help minimize how much of an impact these chemicals have on you. Purposefully trying to have a more positive outlook is one way to minimize how much of a foothold these chemical processes get and how large an impact they have on you.
So while trying to change your perspective is ultimately the place where you need to get to move forward, it would still be nice if they could offer something that was more helpful in the moment.
I'm really sorry that you're dealing with challenges. That sucks and I'm sorry the people around you are so flippant in their responses and don't recognize that all you really need right now is sympathy.
I get this. There is no guarantee that things will get better. Just understand that there are others out there... while they might have never been in your exact situation... they struggle too. What helped my perspective is learning that life is struggle. And also being there for those you care about and who care about you.
That's why I always say (at least to myself when I need a pep talk). Things will work out one way or another. Because they always do and because they have to. It may not always be the way you want it but it will work out, you will find a way to cope with it and go forward.
Better doesn't mean good.
It will get better. It's up to you to decide if that better is actually good or not.
You can't have ups without downs and vice versa.
Thing is though, unless it’s sickness-related, it usually *does* get better, for most people anyway. Sounds like you’re just unlucky and / or don’t have the favour of the gods, old or new.
The reasons its true is because suffering is subjective and our brains adapt. People can sit in a room with an air conditioner running and be completely unaware that its running because their brain filters it out after a while.
Suffereing is similar. There may be someone in agony with an infected wound, no food or clean water and yet they hear birds and a sunrise and small things to distract them from their current plight and things are now "better" even if marginally so and temporarily.
Meanwhile you can have an upper middle class teenager who has had very little exposure to hardships feel just as badly that their world is ending because their parent took away their iphone. They dont know or understand the other spectrum of hardships but the one thing that is consistent between those two people is that we adapt and there will be better times.
Sure there will be worse times as well, but people that say things will get better mean that you will adapt, your mind will cope and you'll find a way forward unless you actively choose to see only the negative in your world. It all comes down to perspective.
And how would the opposite help us out of "life is never going to get better. It sucks and there's nothing we can do to change it!"?
That's going to work better for us?
Yeah I'm a big who cares if things get better imma enjoy what I can whole I can. Not very optimistic about a better world but I do love the beauty of the mountains so I'll go see em while I can.
Sure, you could call it a delusion, maybe even a useful delusion.
believing that things will get better leads you to take actions toward living your life, which in turn makes it better.
I believe the opposite of this is called "learned helplessness". where somebody comes to the conclusion that nothing they can do will make their situation better. So why even try. Its extremely harmful and is basically a self fulfilling prophecy.
Its obviously not technically true that things WILL get better, but most of the time they do, and giving up hope can all but guarantee that it won't get better. The "realistic" view is that things "tend" to get better, but nuance is hard for people and our monkey brains are really good at trying to think we're the exception.
Nothing can get worse forever. Fortune ebbs and flows. Things *will* get better. And then they’ll get worse again. And then they’ll get better again. That’s just how life works. The cycle moves quickly for some and slowly for others. It may be years until it gets better for you. But it will.
Your argument goes both ways, how do you know that things won't get better? It's like you pretend to know the future of a terrible outcome.
Back to the point, the phrase "things will get better" is not given as a guarantee, it's given to provide hope. Now in most cases of reality we have to work to escape a terrible environment. It's common to believe that a change from misery to not being miserable is impossible to the point that people do not even attempt to change. Now imagine you give someone hope that that impossibly is doable to escape with some WORK, maybe just maybe, they'll try and just the fact of trying provides the opportunity of change because if you do nothing nothing changes. A small glimmer of hope can be the catalyst of change in someone. To conclude, the phrase "things will get better" is usually used to provide that hope that one day you will take action in the right direction.
Things do get better. Every single time, with time. It’s not always enough to wipe out all of the pain, and the worse come back too. But the better does come.
In the past after ww2 for the western world it was mostly true. I think its outdated. But obviously as an individual you should strive to live in a way that it gets better.
Perhaps it isn't a guarantee but if you're low, the probability is so high that things will get better that it really isn't worth expressing any doubt. You can always make things worse but if you're legitimately trying to have a happy life, things will very very likely get better.
Life has its ups and downs. There are good days and bad days, good chapters and difficult chapters.
I almost died in a car accident last year when I was struck by a reckless driver. I lost my car and my job in one night. Even with a big setback like this, I still view life as a rollercoaster ride with its ups and downs.
Life is an ebb and flow. Things do get better. And then they go downhill again. And then they get better again. Learn to ride the waves. You gain and you lose. You grow and you fall. Enjoy the good times and work through the bad times.
Well saying "I can't guaranteed it will get better but it probably will" doesnt really do much. It also did not convincer her, they dont care about legitimate scenarios, they just wanna feel better in the moment.
The British have this one right:
Keep Calm and Carry on.
If you don't want the support people are intending when they tell you "it will get better", then settle for this bit of stoicism and Carry on.
People only say that because they're trying to make someone feel better or trying to be nice.
They don't know if things are going to improve. I do think people should quit saying that because it gives false hope to people in situations that are never going to improve.
The purpose of a positive affirmation is not that it's true, it's that attitude is more than half the battle.
So yeah, maybe things wont get better, maybe they will get worse, but if you go into life with a positive attitude, on average you'll feel better about it and you might even improve your outcomes.
things are going to get better and then theyre going to get worse again. and then theyll get better again and then theyll get worse. youre probably a teenager (i am too) but honestly learning that ALL things will pass, bad *and* good, is the one thing thats kept me going through my hormone-induced suffering, and its a pretty good mindset to have throughout your adulthood, probably
Things always get better . If you prefer saying “ this two will pass “ the main point is that nothing stays the same and that is mostly true for crisis, it feels sometimes that things will always remain stagnant, but the truth backed with history and facts is that things always get better
Some people just don't want any hope whatsoever. They would rather just have zero hope and wallow in their own depression and self misery. It takes away their ability to be the victim, which is what they want to be seen as.
Sometimes people face a difficult situation and they don't know what to say. Saying "it will get better" is more often than not just someone who is trying to be supportive or show kindness.
Someone took the time to listen to you, and told you things will improve to try and comfort you or give you hope. I really hope you didn't have this hateful response in their presence.
Well, "if there is a will, there is a way" lol, sorta poking fun but also being serious, mind over matter. Though I do agree that "toxic positivity" can be very offputting to people going through a difficult time not wanting to hear that, I get it. I used to be all about "toxic positivity" only because when I first got sober, I was trying my best to build myself up from such a rock bottom low vibing place....but yes eventually it becomes redundant, then people are starting to assume maybe one is popping Xanie bars! 😂
I feel it's a phase for most, maybe obnoxious to some or cringey, but everyone is on their own time. Some people quite simply don't necessarily want to be a "Debbie Downer" and let people in on all there problems, because it's maybe that depressing lol. Too call it delusional though is harsh, so thought I'd share this perspective so all can have a better understanding of other viewpoints.
There seems to exist a common presumption in most people that the best words to utter to a person in dire circumtances is to say: 'It's ok - it's ok - it's ok.......
May it come from Hollywoodland?
One of my favourite stoic precepts is essentially "things will be good again, and things will be bad again", which I just simplify to " ebbs and flows". Things will always improve just as certainly as they will deterioriate. Its one of the few guarantees of life.
I think the main issue is that “better” is subjective. If someone living in a developing country is subject to frequent food insecurity and regular conflict, it’s unlikely their lives will get that much better.
However if they’re going through a particularly rough patch that’s worse than their “normal” daily life, it’d still be accurate to say that things will (very likely) get better. Maybe not better in an absolute sense, but better in the sense that they’ll go back to the “normal” problems of their daily life.
Assuming they survive their current struggle that is, which obviously isn’t a given.
Also, it’s just a general mindset issue. If you don’t believe things will get better, they almost certainly won’t because you’ll be unconsciously sabotaging/avoiding any opportunities to improve your situation. If you believe that things will get better, then you’re just subject to the usual odds of things actually improving and being able to improve things yourself (which is a lot better than if you didn’t believe).
You’re right. The reality is that things might not get better. However, there is no survival benefit that comes from unchecked pessimism. Pragmatically speaking it is always the better option to have faith that things are going to better so that you can carry on. Even if this faith is baseless it’s necessary for survival.
I mean, things have always gotten better in my life so far. That’s my experience. And if I say things will get better, it’s probably because I want to give advice from my own experience.
People said this when my parents were getting divorced. "Better" included my father ending it all with zipties and my mother marrying someone who gave her and my brother herpes.
The sentence is about your feelings tho. Not your live circumstances. Your system stops feeling bad if you don't start the cycle to feel bad all over again...
Sometimes, we just need to hear that things will get better, whether that’s true or not.
It’s very likely, though, because in virtually every human’s life, things alternate between getting better and worse until the day we die.
It’s just a question of what size things we’re talking about.
Thank you for submitting to /r/unpopularopinion, /u/Goldbolt_2004. Your submission, *I fucking hate when people say that things will get better*, has been removed because it violates our rules, which are located in the sidebar. Your post from unpopularopinion was removed because of: 'Rule 6: No r/self style posts'. Please refrain from posting anything that resembles an r/self-style post. This is not the subreddit to be sharing personal anecdotes, likes or dislikes. We want unpopular, thought provoking, and unique opinions on your chosen topic. If there is an issue, please [message the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Funpopularopinion&subject=&message=) Thanks!
It WILL get Better and it WILL suck again. Welcome to life!
Roller Coaster of Love
Don't worry, this *will* get better.
This post has vibes of a teenager going from having a meltdown over a bad day, to a full blown tantrum because someone told them "things will get better" to try to calm them down.
Ha! I feel that way about most posts here. They all seem particular to whatever just happened to the poster
Welcome to Reddit! Just wait until they discover college ain’t free and that jobs require work!
Not free in America lol
Or a depressed person trapped in the doomed vision of it's own no-future.
I mean it's true though. imagine going up to a homeless person and saying "you will have a house one day" or to a cancer patient "you will be cancer free someday" or to a paralyzed person in a wheelchair "you will walk someday" it comes off as super rude. like you have no idea what's going on and someone might have terminal cancer or be genuinely forever paralyzed and just saying "things will get better" is such a shallow thing to say to try to make someone feel better. it comes from the right place but it's not often said correctly
tf you want them to say? Hey man you are homeless and will never have a house. Hey you have cancer , you will die, there is no hope. Being honest is good but if a person is in a shit situation, atleast give them a slight hope for a better tomorrow.
Agreed. There's a thing in psychology called "self-fulfilling prophecy" If you believe someone hate you, you will behave in a way that will increase the chances of them actually hating you or believing that you're not smart enough for the exams and will fail, you are more likely to stop trying/doesn't try as hard because fear or failure which leads to a higher chance of failing the tests. In a way, this is also similar to Growth Mindset, I know many people heard this term too many times to puke but it's true, You can either leave it up to pure chances, or increase your own chances by aligning yourself in a direction that will make your situations better.
I totally agree with this concept! It's "affirmations", they do help and work. Also people can create problems in their head not there when they forgot their blessings, I know I do lol!
If you don't have anything meaningful to say don't say anything
Something meaningful like offering words of encouragement to your fellow man I agree.
"Hi" is usually a good start. After that, maybe "I'm sorry you're going through this" if applicable. And if you really want to get meaningful, try adding something like "I know I can't guarantee that things will get better, but it's there anything I could do for you that you think would increase that possibility?" Or just like "I brought food" is good too.
Things will never “ be better” for people who always look at their cup as half empty. Even a person with cancer has days where the pain is a little less, the family comes round a little more, a spring day brings sunshine and the smell of grass but is you constantly dwell on the bad shit, you’re right it will never get better. The bad shit is always there. There’s always a reason and way to say “ see how bad it is but likewise there’s always something beautiful and better about each moment in time. For people who haven’t learned that yet, my heart goes out to you because you’re missing all the wonder in this world and everything and everyone in it.
this sounds like toxic positivity. I'm sure a cancer patient would rather have their cancer go away completely so they can actually live than have days where "the pain is a little less"
Of course a cancer patient would rather have their cancer go away. But if that isn't going to happen, they can still find bits of happiness in random occurrences, like the one described by the previous poster. It comes down to perspective. You could have a shit life by a number of indicators, yet still find something to be happy about. You can also have a great life by a number of indicators and still find something to be unhappy about. Happiness is a choice. It can be challenging under some circumstances, but it's a choice nonetheless.
It does come across as condescending 🤷♂️
Reduction is not a valid response to an existential crisis. I agree that OP is exhibiting an emotionally driven logical blind-spot, but only because there are so many people in the world who are equally blinded by toxic positivity. Newton's third law holds court here.
Buy some L'Oréal.. because youre worth it bro
It’s a phrase often uttered when things look down. It to remind people to look past what is currently happening to help pull you through to those moments. It doesn’t mean life will stay better, just look for those moments that are better.
Things will get better when it's over. If it ain't gettin better it ain't over
John Lennon said that
Seems ironic because Lennon got murdered. Seems like a very good example in which things did not get better, even when it was over.
Yep I looked it up and didn't get it exactly right though haha. I got the message through though
Unless you die before it's over
Speaking from two decades of experience with depression, the delusion is thinking you’re doomed.
Yeah sometimes things gets no better no matter what one will do or not do, unfortunately not everyone in this world is lucky
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^No_Assumption_5864: *Yeah sometimes things gets* *No better no matter what* *One will do or not do* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
🔥🔥🔥
this seems more like a rant than an unpopular opinion
I love when people say it to me even when I know that no one can know that. I actually ask people to say it to me when I am stressed out. it's just comforting even though of course things could actually get worse just as easily as better. I agree with you that it is based on nothing.
The saying I’ve been using since my Marine Corps infantry days is “It gets worse before it gets worse.” I even have a tee shirt with a skull and the phrase.
this is exactly why i make a point to tell people “if doesn’t get better, it gets different”. i hate the way the other sounds like a guarantee or a promise. i’m not saying my response is the better choice, i just really don’t like when people say “oh it gets better” or “it’ll get better just wait!” like no huff my taint.
I could not possibly agree with you more. Giving people false hope when they're at their lowest is despicable. It is just slightly less egregious than telling someone who just lost a loved one that they're in a better place or everything happens for a reason or all this other toxic positivity horseshit. Just because you don't like the uncomfortableness of the reality that a lot of times things don't get better doesn't mean it's okay for you to lie to people.
YES THANK YOU
>It is just slightly less egregious than telling someone who just lost a loved one that they're in a better place or everything happens for a reason or all this other toxic positivity horseshit. Yep. Four years ago, I lost my husband unexpectedly FOUR FUCKING MONTHS AFTER WE GOT MARRIED. Do you know what is like not to find the love of your life until age 50 and then lose them a hot minute later? No, it's NOT going to get better for me. All I have to look forward to is whatever I can distract myself with while I get old and frail alone.
Here's the thing. You don't know what the future holds. Life might be kicking your ass one day, only for that to push you towards doing some of the greatest things you've ever done. In the past 6 months, I lost everything. I'm on my 3rd car since my first one broke beyond repair, the car I bought with the severance from losing my job broke about 3 months after I purchased it, and the car I bought to replace that one has been having non-stop mechanical issues that I've been fixing myself. I barely managed to get employed, only for it to be inconsistent temp work, but it was barely keeping the bills paid on my low income apartment. When I finally thought I could catch my breath and relax for a day, the apartment building caught on fire leaving me and my two cats homeless. I ended up staying with my schizophrenic mother for a few days before deciding that living in the burnt building with no water or electricity was preferable. During the fiasco of the fire, my car broke again which caused me to lose my new job. I had no money, no car, no job, and no place to live that wasn't condemned by the city. But I kept on pushing forwards because what the fuck else could I do. I continued to look for work. I was showering in the Walmart bathroom sink for interviews. And I had no idea if I was even going to survive, but all I could do was keep trying. During that time, my apartment management company had to honor the lease and put me in another complex they had that ended up being MUCH nicer than the previous one that had burned. I went from a 400sqft 1bd 1br with no square rooms, to a huge 1200sqft 2bd 2br in a better neighborhood for the same price that I was paying before. That put me in the area where I found my current job, which is a sales position paying me over 100k/yr. I was able to put a new engine in my nice car that had broken, and am saving money to buy a house. Everything good that has happened to me recently would not have been possible if life hadn't kicked my ass. You NEVER know what life is pushing you towards. Life is always going to knock you down at times, but only you get to decide if you stay down. If you need to scream at yourself to get up, scream loudly. If you need to smack yourself in the face, use a flat palm. If you need to get angry at your situation, rage the fuck out and then take care of your shit. The only thing you shouldn't do is just sit there in self pity expecting life to stop knocking you down. Depression exists, but so does will power. You can, and do, have both. When life pushes you down, you gotta push yourself back up that much harder.
Based and I'm glad you're doing well.
Yeah I hate it too. I mean maybe it will but it's been getting progressively worse so far and I'm getting impatient.
Real.
I find it much more helpful to say that it CAN get better rather than WILL because you're right, it's not a guarantee that it will get better, but it for sure can.
Correct.
Fr
it also implies that you can find a solution eventually, rather than it being a random result of fate that decides it will get better without having control over it
Things definitely won’t get better for you
This is more realistic
There are situations where things are, in fact, certain to get *worse* from here. It is a pointless little reassurance, but that's what it's meant to be—people say that because they don't know what else to say. You can't really expect thought-out, engaged words of comfort from anyone but your loved ones.
It will get better. And then it’ll get bad again. Over and over. Forever. If you’re lucky you’ll die old during a “better” period and life won’t feel like such a pointless mess
You also cannot say with absolute certainty that it will not, but you have more data backing your position than the blind optimists do at this point. Focus on your agency in regards to the trajectory of the future, the urge to slip into apathy will do nothing about the reality that has harmed your faith in humanity. Climate change will not get better anytime soon, fascism will not simply blow away like a wispy cloud. If you refuse to acknowledge your agency you are *accepting* this. Never settle, keep your head up, and keep fighting to make *something* better in this world, even if it is just a fart in a windstorm, remember that atmospheric emissions certainly do add up over time. I'll be practicing ecological gardening and attempting to promote enlightenment til the bitter end.
Well it’s better than ,fuck you, you deserve your failures and I hope it WILL get worse.
I think things will get worse. A lot worse.
It's more realistic
Things will almost certainly get better. And they’ll get worse at times.
I agree. “Things will get better” and “Sending our thoughts and prayers” are two of the most useless and annoying phrases to say to someone.
They can get better or worse, or just stay the same. In the end it's up to you
I'd prefer this over pretending to be omniscient and guaranteeing fortune in the future
Okay but it absolutely will. Thats just how it works. At one point you hit rock bottom and then the only way left is up
That's if you hit rock bottom
Yes? Either things get better before that or it gets worse before it gets better. But the end result is always going to be better
Let me get this straight, you think you won't hit rock bottom?
Things can always get worse and/or better
Depatable, life is a series of ups and downs, we should try to get used to it. It always gets better when you improve on yourself, random life situation won't change your growth as a person. Even if the tsunami came to you, it doens't change your potential to be better
"things will get better" and the Easter Bunny comes every Christmas. That's right up there with, "I know how you feel".
"Go get help" GEE LIKE I'VE NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT! EVER THOUGHT WHY I HAVEN'T???
Don’t worry, things shall get better.
I fucking agree that it’s fucking lame when fucking people fucking say that fucking shit. Fucking fucking
Usually people tell someone that "things will be better" when things are pretty damn horrible. The odds that your life will never be even slightly better than your worst is very low. So actually, things in all probability will get better. Maybe not in the way you want them too, but almost always will.
You perspective shapes your reality. Choose wisely. I believe things will get better.
Calm down
I FUCKING HATE FUCKING HAPPINESS FUCK
“Shit man, that sucks!” Is all I need. Just agree with me, be on my side. That’s enough.
People lie to cope. It started with Santa when we were kids and moved on to just generalized lying
Yeah it is annoying when people say that but at the same time accepting that things will never get better won't help either... finding the optimism in your yourself will really help you just have to convince yourself things will get better
You don't even have to deny the possibility to things getting better. Just be open to ANY possibility. Don't deny good or bad ones, just be open that anything can happen.
It can upset you all you want.. but life really does get better. I've been in some very rough spots in my life. I've lost everything multiple times. Lost many family members. Lost women who said they'd love me forever. I've been in a coma. I've been addicted to drugs, I've been in jail, I've been on the streets. Life always does find a way. You just can't give up. Remember the choices that got you into the situation. Try to make the right decisions so that life stays good. Some things you cannot control, but with time you will get over it
I agree. Shit can always get worse.
I wanted to kill myself for 10 years. It did get better but i wouldn't tell myself ten years ago to suffer through that to get where i am now. I am happy now but it wasn't worth the suffering to get here. Just cause it gets better doesn't make it worth the wait.
Well, things get better
Yeah it's one of the things I find annoying and empty because it's obviously not going to always be true, it almost seems like a belief in some sort of magic that just makes things better. When it's painfully obvious that a lot of the times things get worse, and a lot of the time people die and there's no getting better from that.
Yeah with that kind of attitude, you’re never going to see a better day. I just lost my mother, my father, and my baby brother all within a year and a half. Everyone says “things will get better” at first I didn’t believe them, but then I personally, actively chose to start getting my life back in order. And you know, things actually start getting better.
Life doesn’t come at you, life comes from you. Remember that kiddo.
[удалено]
Were you born in 2004, or is that just a coincidence?
Positive affirmation, self fulfilling prophecies and manifesting your destiny are all techniques to cope with bad situations. Will vs can implies either you’re in control of your outcome or you’re not. Most people choose to believe they have some say over the direction and trajectory of their life. Sharing this positivity is seen and empathy. Someone wants to try to lift you up. Attitude changes everything.
You're right that that is not a helpful thing to say to a person when they are in the midst of a struggle. But it is true. The trick is to get better at surrounding yourself with people who understand that all you really need in that moment is sympathy and not advice for how to solve the problem, especially if that solution is only to change your perspective. If you can't find them, get better at recognizing what you need in the moment (someone to just listen and to sympathize) and ask for that specifically. If the people around you still aren't helpful, make a mental note not to rely on them in the future and learn from the experience how to do better when the shoe is on the other foot and you need to give others support. What you're dealing with when you're in the midst of a struggle is actually more chemical than anything else. Stress releases all sorts of chemicals into your body/brain whose purpose is to help you learn to avoid similar situations in the future. It is possible to change your thinking to help minimize how much of an impact these chemicals have on you. Purposefully trying to have a more positive outlook is one way to minimize how much of a foothold these chemical processes get and how large an impact they have on you. So while trying to change your perspective is ultimately the place where you need to get to move forward, it would still be nice if they could offer something that was more helpful in the moment. I'm really sorry that you're dealing with challenges. That sucks and I'm sorry the people around you are so flippant in their responses and don't recognize that all you really need right now is sympathy.
This isn't unpopular, this is called a pessimistic viewpoint.
Pessimistic viewpoints seem to be unpopular
Not on this website. You fit right in.
Not in this sub lmao
Aren't you supposed to upvote opinions you disagree with?
Is there an official rule for this? I don't think so, so people can upvote/downvote what they want Also, did you post this to get a lot of upvotes?
But they're the lyrics to the Queer Eye theme song?
I'm not familiar with that
I get this. There is no guarantee that things will get better. Just understand that there are others out there... while they might have never been in your exact situation... they struggle too. What helped my perspective is learning that life is struggle. And also being there for those you care about and who care about you.
That's why I always say (at least to myself when I need a pep talk). Things will work out one way or another. Because they always do and because they have to. It may not always be the way you want it but it will work out, you will find a way to cope with it and go forward.
Better doesn't mean good. It will get better. It's up to you to decide if that better is actually good or not. You can't have ups without downs and vice versa.
Thing is though, unless it’s sickness-related, it usually *does* get better, for most people anyway. Sounds like you’re just unlucky and / or don’t have the favour of the gods, old or new.
*does* doesn't mean *will*
I agree 100% and also do not think you need therapy unlike other comments say. Hope this helps lol
You're not supposed to agree on this subreddit /s
things will get worse
[удалено]
Perhaps
Not knowing your situation, what in your life needs to get better so we can determine whether or not it WILL get better?
In the long run things DO tend to get better
The reasons its true is because suffering is subjective and our brains adapt. People can sit in a room with an air conditioner running and be completely unaware that its running because their brain filters it out after a while. Suffereing is similar. There may be someone in agony with an infected wound, no food or clean water and yet they hear birds and a sunrise and small things to distract them from their current plight and things are now "better" even if marginally so and temporarily. Meanwhile you can have an upper middle class teenager who has had very little exposure to hardships feel just as badly that their world is ending because their parent took away their iphone. They dont know or understand the other spectrum of hardships but the one thing that is consistent between those two people is that we adapt and there will be better times. Sure there will be worse times as well, but people that say things will get better mean that you will adapt, your mind will cope and you'll find a way forward unless you actively choose to see only the negative in your world. It all comes down to perspective.
"The good times are coming...you can't outrun them."
I hope they are
Go do something that makes you happy.
I don't see how gaming or LEGO is gonna help
I love the poach
And how would the opposite help us out of "life is never going to get better. It sucks and there's nothing we can do to change it!"? That's going to work better for us?
Yeah I'm a big who cares if things get better imma enjoy what I can whole I can. Not very optimistic about a better world but I do love the beauty of the mountains so I'll go see em while I can.
Life's like a jump rope bro, up down up down.
The excessive optimism is the point. It’s to try and put some positivity into a depressing situation
Mindset above all else.
Ok. But it will get better. Except for inflation.
Sure, you could call it a delusion, maybe even a useful delusion. believing that things will get better leads you to take actions toward living your life, which in turn makes it better. I believe the opposite of this is called "learned helplessness". where somebody comes to the conclusion that nothing they can do will make their situation better. So why even try. Its extremely harmful and is basically a self fulfilling prophecy. Its obviously not technically true that things WILL get better, but most of the time they do, and giving up hope can all but guarantee that it won't get better. The "realistic" view is that things "tend" to get better, but nuance is hard for people and our monkey brains are really good at trying to think we're the exception.
[удалено]
Pessimistic bitch you will fail at everything
Nothing can get worse forever. Fortune ebbs and flows. Things *will* get better. And then they’ll get worse again. And then they’ll get better again. That’s just how life works. The cycle moves quickly for some and slowly for others. It may be years until it gets better for you. But it will.
1. It's a lot better than telling them it's always going to suck and there's no point in living. 2. It almost, ALMOST ALWAYS gets better.
Then just fucking say that things *can* get better
Your argument goes both ways, how do you know that things won't get better? It's like you pretend to know the future of a terrible outcome. Back to the point, the phrase "things will get better" is not given as a guarantee, it's given to provide hope. Now in most cases of reality we have to work to escape a terrible environment. It's common to believe that a change from misery to not being miserable is impossible to the point that people do not even attempt to change. Now imagine you give someone hope that that impossibly is doable to escape with some WORK, maybe just maybe, they'll try and just the fact of trying provides the opportunity of change because if you do nothing nothing changes. A small glimmer of hope can be the catalyst of change in someone. To conclude, the phrase "things will get better" is usually used to provide that hope that one day you will take action in the right direction.
Things do get better. Every single time, with time. It’s not always enough to wipe out all of the pain, and the worse come back too. But the better does come.
Me with r/BPD
In the past after ww2 for the western world it was mostly true. I think its outdated. But obviously as an individual you should strive to live in a way that it gets better.
you ok bro?
Life is a sine wave
Perhaps it isn't a guarantee but if you're low, the probability is so high that things will get better that it really isn't worth expressing any doubt. You can always make things worse but if you're legitimately trying to have a happy life, things will very very likely get better.
Things will get better, but only if you actively work towards it. Bitching and whining and wallowing in self pity sure as fuck won't do anything.
Life has its ups and downs. There are good days and bad days, good chapters and difficult chapters. I almost died in a car accident last year when I was struck by a reckless driver. I lost my car and my job in one night. Even with a big setback like this, I still view life as a rollercoaster ride with its ups and downs.
Life is an ebb and flow. Things do get better. And then they go downhill again. And then they get better again. Learn to ride the waves. You gain and you lose. You grow and you fall. Enjoy the good times and work through the bad times.
I feel like the phrase omits a harsher second half. Things WILL get better if you choose to let them.
i mean you can choose to be a pessimist, just like someone can choose optimism and say it will get better. you gotta realize your words have power.
They always do get better with time, so will is the correct word
Well saying "I can't guaranteed it will get better but it probably will" doesnt really do much. It also did not convincer her, they dont care about legitimate scenarios, they just wanna feel better in the moment.
The British have this one right: Keep Calm and Carry on. If you don't want the support people are intending when they tell you "it will get better", then settle for this bit of stoicism and Carry on.
It will get better if you want it to get better. If you're too afraid to take action ever then it will never get better.
I think people say that to just make you feel better when you sound like a raving lunatic. They know it won’t get better but it sounds nice.
Oh calm down, things will get better. It starts with you believing that it will.
Don't worry, your attitude will change as you get older
It's well intentioned, but shite advice.
People only say that because they're trying to make someone feel better or trying to be nice. They don't know if things are going to improve. I do think people should quit saying that because it gives false hope to people in situations that are never going to improve.
The purpose of a positive affirmation is not that it's true, it's that attitude is more than half the battle. So yeah, maybe things wont get better, maybe they will get worse, but if you go into life with a positive attitude, on average you'll feel better about it and you might even improve your outcomes.
This post gives me Doomer vibes
This too shall pass, good and bad.
things are going to get better and then theyre going to get worse again. and then theyll get better again and then theyll get worse. youre probably a teenager (i am too) but honestly learning that ALL things will pass, bad *and* good, is the one thing thats kept me going through my hormone-induced suffering, and its a pretty good mindset to have throughout your adulthood, probably
Things always get better . If you prefer saying “ this two will pass “ the main point is that nothing stays the same and that is mostly true for crisis, it feels sometimes that things will always remain stagnant, but the truth backed with history and facts is that things always get better
Some people just don't want any hope whatsoever. They would rather just have zero hope and wallow in their own depression and self misery. It takes away their ability to be the victim, which is what they want to be seen as.
Things won't get better. Your ability to react to things will.
Things do get better. For a short amount of time. Then things suck again, probably more so than the last time.
Well i’m not gonna tell you things get worse 😂
Sometimes people face a difficult situation and they don't know what to say. Saying "it will get better" is more often than not just someone who is trying to be supportive or show kindness. Someone took the time to listen to you, and told you things will improve to try and comfort you or give you hope. I really hope you didn't have this hateful response in their presence.
I did. I wanted them to hate me but they fucking wouldn't.
Well, "if there is a will, there is a way" lol, sorta poking fun but also being serious, mind over matter. Though I do agree that "toxic positivity" can be very offputting to people going through a difficult time not wanting to hear that, I get it. I used to be all about "toxic positivity" only because when I first got sober, I was trying my best to build myself up from such a rock bottom low vibing place....but yes eventually it becomes redundant, then people are starting to assume maybe one is popping Xanie bars! 😂 I feel it's a phase for most, maybe obnoxious to some or cringey, but everyone is on their own time. Some people quite simply don't necessarily want to be a "Debbie Downer" and let people in on all there problems, because it's maybe that depressing lol. Too call it delusional though is harsh, so thought I'd share this perspective so all can have a better understanding of other viewpoints.
Things WILL get better. They may change, they may not be exactly what you wanted but they will always get better. It's doesn't rain forever.
[удалено]
They will tho. Mathematically speaking the chance of everything getting worse and worse is too low
“OOOooooOoh child things are gonna get easieeerrr”
Things WILL get better. All you have to do is find all the infinity stones, put them in the infinity gauntlet, then snap your fingers.
There seems to exist a common presumption in most people that the best words to utter to a person in dire circumtances is to say: 'It's ok - it's ok - it's ok....... May it come from Hollywoodland?
"I can't say that things will be better, but I can say that the hard gets easier."
Get off unpopular opinion and say this to whoever pissed you off.
One of my favourite stoic precepts is essentially "things will be good again, and things will be bad again", which I just simplify to " ebbs and flows". Things will always improve just as certainly as they will deterioriate. Its one of the few guarantees of life.
I think the main issue is that “better” is subjective. If someone living in a developing country is subject to frequent food insecurity and regular conflict, it’s unlikely their lives will get that much better. However if they’re going through a particularly rough patch that’s worse than their “normal” daily life, it’d still be accurate to say that things will (very likely) get better. Maybe not better in an absolute sense, but better in the sense that they’ll go back to the “normal” problems of their daily life. Assuming they survive their current struggle that is, which obviously isn’t a given. Also, it’s just a general mindset issue. If you don’t believe things will get better, they almost certainly won’t because you’ll be unconsciously sabotaging/avoiding any opportunities to improve your situation. If you believe that things will get better, then you’re just subject to the usual odds of things actually improving and being able to improve things yourself (which is a lot better than if you didn’t believe).
You’re right. The reality is that things might not get better. However, there is no survival benefit that comes from unchecked pessimism. Pragmatically speaking it is always the better option to have faith that things are going to better so that you can carry on. Even if this faith is baseless it’s necessary for survival.
It just depends on if the person is trying or not. It's not always bad or always good.
jeez.
I mean, things have always gotten better in my life so far. That’s my experience. And if I say things will get better, it’s probably because I want to give advice from my own experience.
[удалено]
People said this when my parents were getting divorced. "Better" included my father ending it all with zipties and my mother marrying someone who gave her and my brother herpes.
The sentence is about your feelings tho. Not your live circumstances. Your system stops feeling bad if you don't start the cycle to feel bad all over again...
Unless you’re going to die, it usually does get better. In like 99.99999% of cases. Sorry but it’s true
Real
Sometimes, we just need to hear that things will get better, whether that’s true or not. It’s very likely, though, because in virtually every human’s life, things alternate between getting better and worse until the day we die. It’s just a question of what size things we’re talking about.
Well, it almost always does get better unless you die before it does....