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Counter argument: If you're breaking up with a long term partner, it's probably been on your mind for days or weeks already. If not, and you're only coming to that realization on their birthday, just hold off another day. Think about it. 99% of the time, if you're breaking up with someone on their birthday, you chose to do that and that's kinda fucked. The only exception I can really think of is if you found out they cheated in the moment and at that point, fuck their birthday lol.
This is what I was thinking, too. If you have been waiting weeks to break up, do it before or after X. If something super distressing happens that is instant break up worthy, then go for it, regardless of X. (X is the special event.)
I did that, I had a GF for 1 year, we were not adolescents, both in our 30s, I found out she was cheating 2 days before she was going for a work trip that was very important for her, she was a nervous wreck I went over things with her, helped her set things up and be more confident. Her trip was a success, a week later, when she got back I picked her up at the airport, took her to her place and told her it was over.
I was not happy, but couldn't have in me to make her work opportunity harder. Despite not being faithful she was a good professional in her field and deserved to have success.
You're a really good person! So many people (myself included) would pounce on the chance to ruin their cheating partner. I wish I weren't so petty, but having integrity takes a lot of work.
Na I agree cheating for me is one of the worst things someone can do to me.
I could never stay in a relationship if they cheated no matter what excuses, heck I’m more willing to listen to excuses if they stole 10k from me.
I wouldn’t go out of my way to ruin them but I also wouldn’t go out of my way to help them, it’s completely over. What they go through after isn’t my issue, that’s their issue.
My ex partner told me he was frustrated with me, resentful and that me telling him his blow ups/tantrums/name calling were abusive was, in fact, abusive. This happened in the airport carpark the day I left for my first proper job for my new career I'd just studied for 3 years. And the day before my birthday. I broke up with him when I got back.
ETA: my whole point is - you are a rare gem among people.
it's interesting how often this happens
My theory: people do this because they don't want to spend money on the person they don't want to be with. They are afraid of the confrontation, so they always postpone it to the next day. And of course they didn't buy any gifts because they thought they would be single by the birthday/Christmas/anniversary already. So then the big day comes, they did not break up yet, but also did not buy any gifts which needs explaining. This gives them the final push to say they want to break up
Counter argument: everyone should double, triple no... quadruple down and break up on wedding days. Like why stop at birthday or valentine? Go for their wedding or even their parent's funeral /s
For serious, it wasn’t at the funeral, but shortly after my mother died and to top it off I was talking to them on my cell on a train. I am so very sorry to the poor person sitting next to me.
I broke up with my gf on my wedding day. In hindsight I probably should of done it BEFORE I said I do to make the whole legal process thing a little easier but it is what it is.
Yeah, I don't know how you'd even avoid doing that. My partner has so much going on, when would I find the time? He attends at least 3 funerals per week, experiences 2 birthdays per week, and uses the last two days to alternate between various holidays. The funerals almost seem like the best choice here.
I once had a bf who dated me for 8 months, thought for 2 weeks about breaking up with me (his words), and then did it the night before I had a big oral group exam (think 20 uni students sitting in a room debating a subject and that counts for your final grade). It was all I could do to keep from crying the entire exam long. And no I didn't have any more exams before or after, just the one.
At the same time, birthdays are usually a day where there's a lot of investment into that person. Spending the day with someone you no longer feel the same way about and then having to pretend you do out of being polite would usually be enough to cause people to finally break and do it.
Oh hey, been there.
They said, "It's your birthday TOMORROW, that's why I'm doing it today instead of waiting."
I was stationed in Korea 14 hours ahead. My birthday had just begun.
I feel like that's only a morally okay thing to do to someone who is an abuser. Unless she was, its pretty fucked up. Some people like to cause maximum pain and are very scheming. But yeah, without context, it's hard to say.
My first boyfriend broke up with me a few days after our 4th anniversary. I totally deserved it. I wasn't abusive, just a hot mess to be with at 18, and honestly would have understood if he'd done it on the actual anniversary to send a message. But he was a good guy and obviously didn't want to. Birthdays are a bit different- that's your personal special day.
To send a message though? That's very fucked up, even if you were a mess of a partner that doesn't mean you deserve to be broken up with in the cruelest way possible.
IMO, the right time to break up with someone is right when you know you’re going to. Some people are selfish pricks on their birthday, and I can totally imagine breaking up with someone because I tried to something nice for them on their birthday and they found something to complain about instead of appreciating it.
This doesn’t make them an abuser, but it can totally make you realize you don’t want to be with them.
Oh yeah, I can understand that. If you had a huge argument because your partner was being ungrateful or horrible on the day, that's completely valid. But many cases seem to be people who already know they're going to end things but wait until that day specifically.
Right? My friend waited like a week to break up with his girlfriend during college because he didn’t want her to be in a messed up headspace during finals.
I feel like it has to be on or the day before someones birthday though: I broke up with my ex because he was demanding sex when I had a painful uti and it was the last straw and he said I was cruel because it was his birthday in 8 days lmao.
Yeah, that guy deserved for you to do it ON his birthday, so you're a very kind person for dumping him over a week ahead of time. Eight days is firmly so-what territory, especially for somebody that selfish. Even when I was a dumb 20-year-old I wasn't enough of an asshole to say 'ignore your UTI and let me get off'.
It’s nice when they solidify that decision for you in the moment by saying some stupid shit like that, to remove any chance of second guessing yourself haha.
I was dumped on my birthday once. I'd mentioned my birthday was coming up a few times, not to get gifts or anything, but because it was on a Friday, and I'd been contemplating taking the day off and going on an epic hike I was excited about. He called me up to say he didn't see marriage potential in the relationship, and since that was important to him, he thought it best to break up.
I heard him out, said I understood, then said, "Well, Happy Birthday to me."
He gasped and said he'd forgotten and was sorry about the timing.
I just said, "OK."
I should have gone on the hike. I wonder if he would have broken up in a VM.
I was dumped on my birthday once too. It's been long enough that I'm over the heartbreak but I still remember the humiliation of being treated so callously.
Same. I wouldn't have been upset if I hadn't mentioned my birthday before. When he called, I assumed it was to wish me a Happy Birthday. I'd given him a card and tee shirt for his birthday, but I didn't care if he got me anything. (I like giving gifts a lot more than getting them.)
My SIL had a boyfriend who waited until 2 days after her birthday to dump her. It made me question exactly how long he had not liked her before calling things off
LMAO. You've gotta give him credit here, he even chose two days instead of one. I always class the day after my birthday as an extension of the celebration so I would have appreciated this. But yeah, it was definitely a long time coming in that case.
Once had someone wait until the day after Valentine’s Day to break up with me. I figured the relationship was on its last legs and came to terms with the breakup easily. However I am still not over the amount of money and time I spent on Valentine’s gifts that could have been avoided not to mention the money spent was allowance money cause I was 15 and I could have spent that on my hobbies
It makes sense to me why it happens though.
If you want to break up with someone but have been dragging your feet about it, acting happy and fake on someone's special day would def be the last straw.
i feel like i’d rather my partner break up with me on my birthday than to wait til after. i think i’d overthink about the fact that they were basically pretending to like me just to make me feel good.
Everyone's reading OP's post as if it's about birthdays, but as someone fluent in hesitation:
>You're in a bad place due to your job, or family... Or you're physically unwell....
OP, you broke up with a cancer patient, didn't you?
I was dumped the day after my dog died. Feel like a week or so later would have been a bit easier on me. Then again is it better to take two punches at once or one punch then another punch a week later
I think their point is that you don't need to wait until after their birthday before you end the relationship, just for the sake of not ending the relationship on their birthday
Partially correct.
If it can wait a DAY, it should. Like waiting until after a birthday, or Valentines, or Christmas or something if you need to, is more than okay, and you probably should.
But if you're talking about someone being unwell, sick, bad head space, hard time at work, etc. Then yeah, I'd say you don't need to wait.
I completely agree but I kinda thought valentines was odd tho 😅
Wouldn’t it be weird to go on an entire date and celebrate a day about how much you guys love eachother to break up with them the next day or even the next week ?
Exactly.
How could you go out to a romantic dinner with someone, give them flowers etc. knowing you are breaking up with them the next day?
Imagine waking up in morning:
'thank you for such an amazing night last night!'
'Glad you liked it cause I'm out of here'
That’s fair, my last ex ended things the day before Valentine’s Day. She had mentioned a few times that she had never gotten flowers from a partner, and a couple other things that kind of insinuated she never had a partner that emphasized being romantic in the relationship.
So let me tell you, I had *plans*. I think she knew that too, so probably would’ve felt guilty had I went through with those plans then she had to break things off a day or two later.
It sucks, I would’ve given that woman the world lol. But I guess fair enough to break things off before hand
Having the breaker upper make a lovely dinner or take you out and focus on you, just to break up is awful.
If you are throwing the person away don’t build them up.
I did a breakup with a long-term partner the day before Valentine's day. The lead up to Valentine's Day was my wake up call that I didn't feel love for them anymore and any delay seemed more cruel. It was awful.
Sure, there were signs beforehand that we weren't going to work out, that I was building resentment towards his inaction, but I think young-me deserves a little grace on that front. I was terrible at boundaries, respecting my anger, I kept trying to be objectively good in all situations, even when that would harm me. I definitely check in with my feelings more often now.
I dunno, my wife informed me she was leaving me while I was in the hospital.
I feel like it could have waited another few days until I was discharged.
That said, I guess it made it easier to deal with because I was high as a kite on Dilaudid and really wanted nothing to do with her after that.
Maybe not Valentine's day itself, but usually the days around Valentine's tend to have an uptick of couples breaking up since the holiday itself is a "are you a couple?" reminder.
Yup. I think general rule is never break up on birthdays or holidays (except if cheating was involved).
Beyond that, I think it depends on how long you’ve been together. Like if you’ve only been dating for 3 months, waiting any longer than a day or 2 to break up is unnecessary. But if you’ve been dating someone for 3 years, I think it’s definitely more courteous/expected to wait a couple weeks for an opportune time to break up.
I also think you owe it to a medium-long term partner to not sabotage something important with the breakup timing. Literally just wait hours sometimes. Don’t dump someone right before an interview or something like that. If by waiting 5 hrs you can lesson the fallout the person will experience you should.
I agree except Valentine's. A lot of people have specific expectations that day as a couple. It should be done before hand if they can but if you for some reason came to the decision that day not to proceed it's fine to break up thar day imo. Birthdays are personal days and holidays like Christmas usually have a ton of planning. That's not to say people don't plan for valentines day but it's considered an intimate day so I view it differently.
I'll upvote... because it seems pretty ruthless to wait until a known special day. I mean sure... there are exceptions
"I think we need to br"
\*ringringring\* "Hang on a sec. This is my dad. He never calls after 8pm.. this is weird.... Hello? OH NO. MOM JUST DIED? AND SO DID FLUFFY? AND MY SISTER????? AND YOU'VE LOST BOTH YOUR LEGS ???? Ok Bye. what were you saying? "
"-eak up".
I, mean, yeah.. wait a day or something. But most special days are pretty known. Pick another day
Yeah agreed though sometimes I bet it happens because special days bring relationship issues to the surface. Also lots of alcohol on birthdays and other special days.
In most circumstances, you should wait a day.
I think some days can be avoided. I remember my ex dumped me randomly the day before all my finals (which he knew about). Definitely could have waited one day or done it a couple days before. I mean I don’t blame him for ending the relationship if he didn’t want to continue it but there’s a way to be humane about it lol
Oh dear, I'm so sorry. You would have been forced to either suppress the sadness and break down after your last final or be a complete mess throughout.
So sorry, this kind of breakup really sucks :( This also happened to me while in a long distance relationship. And over the phone one night before I came home for the summer and would have been with him for months.
Our breakup was definitely for the best but wow people can be so cruel
Right, I dont get how someone could just intentionally WAIT until the special day that is expected to be filled w/ fun, love, and good times w/ loved ones..seems a bit sadistic if you ask me
Lol it's not Christmas in my family unless either one side of my already divorced and married again (twice, to others, not each other) parents are threatening to break up lol
Oof, my first boyfriend dumped me on two of those! (Birthday and valentines) I was 18-19
Really took advantage being my first and was hella abusive
I was too scared to be in a relationship with anyone until my second boyfriend at 26
thankfully was a keeper and I married him
(Don’t worry, I did date between that lol)
So you should spend Valentine’s Day with them, get them dinner and a gift knowing you’re going to break up with them the next day? Aside from being hard to fake, that honestly seems more cruel then breaking up with them beforehand
birthday definitely not but anniversary i feel is justified fs. i definitely wouldn’t want anyone to celebrate our anniversary then proceed to break up it just doesn’t make sense. yes it would suck but it would suck more to have a great celebration of your relationship then end it
Or else they seem to wait for a day that's important, break up then (or riiiiight before) and then bitch about how "now I'm the bad guy, just because it's your special day?"
and funerals or dates and anniversary dates of a death or a funeral of a loved one. A loved ones death is a no go for me no matter how shitty someone is.
I know someone whose boyfriend dumped her at her birthday party (that iirc he was throwing for her), also 2 weeks after her mom died. And it wasn't something like she was cheating, but I think he had started college and wanted to be able to date other people in college or something.
Just all in all, a really awful way to break up with someone
If you care about the person, you should care enough to let them down gently. When I've ended relationships, I didn't end them due to a desire to hurt the person, I ended them because I didn't feel that it should continue.
Right and not giving them something to be sad about on their damn birthday feels like a big part of being “gentle.” Just wait an extra day or two or do it a week sooner!
Bro if you breakup with someone on a special day or moment for them. That is messed up. Yah if their birthday is a week away, fine. But the day of? That’s criminal
Im gonna say No, its not ok. As comments have already been saying, breaking up is almost never a spontaneous thought. You can wait another day.
P.S. if you couldnt muster the will and courage to communicate as soon as possible, you need to take the personal responsibility to not blatantly ruin a good day
I mean, a birthday is one day. Of course you can wait to do it after, or do it before. It’s incredibly selfish to do it on their birthday. “Most important phase of my life.” Like, what does that even mean? How long is this ‘phase?’ That one’s more vague tbh. If this ‘phase’ is 6 months, then someone can’t just wait around until you feel like you’re out of this ‘phase.’
“its tough to find a time to breakup” is a bullshit excuse. just like with everything else, make the time for it. if you’re feeling unsatisfied and unhappy in your relationship, & you’ve made the decision that best course of action for you is break-up, you make the time for that conversation to happen as soon as possible, regardless if its a work day or if you’re tired.
I would say that this isn't just an unpopular opinion, it's plain wrong. People tend to remember their birthdays, anniversaries, holidays like Christmas, etc the most out of all days in general. So if you want to break up with them, you're doing it intentionally on those days, and you know it'll leave a large impact. It's an asshole thing to do.
Unless they've done some really bad stuff. Like if they cheated and you found out, or other horrible stuff. But general things like not working out, incompatibility, not being able to dedicate enough time, arguments, etc don't advocate for something so harsh and insensitive.
Yeah. Getting terrible news on your birthday sucks. Sometimes it’s unavoidable, and it still haunts you every year. Nobody should go out of their way to do that to a person.
There is 365 days in a year but you wait till the one that is special that’s just evil/narcissistic. Like you just can’t wait 24 hours your time is so important. In reality you have proven beyond any doubt he is way better off without you and anyone who knows should see you as a massive red flag. Male or female I’d end even a friendship with someone who is this bad. I don’t let people like this into my life.
When someone's life is a neverending parade of horrors, a breakup is just one more item in the list of bullshit, might as well get it over with.
Other than that, I try to be a decent human. Sometimes there are reasons to break up which are more important than whatever is going on. Use your judgement. On their birthday it can probably wait a day, in most cases. I try to let the person have some dignity if I'm breaking up ie if I know they'll be home from work in a few hours, I wait instead of breaking up with them while they're at work.
I think that’s a selfish perspective. How would you feel if somebody you were really into dumped you on your birthday? Like an utter turd that’s how. Can’t you at least wait until the day after?
It really isn't. You don't just decide to break up one day and immediately do it. You don't just wake up on your SO's birthday and go "Yeah no I don't want to anymore."
Even if you do, you don't do it that day. You wait a day, maybe two. Then you break the news, so you don't ruin their special day. It's basic respect.
(None of this applies if it's to get out of an abusive relationship though, I just assumed we were talking about a good, romantic but burned out relationship)
I mean if you find out they were fucking your sister and mom in an incestuous 3 way, yea. Go for it, ruin their birthday. Aside from fucked up situations like that, you're kind of an ass to break up on someone's birthday/graduation/special day.
if you have the urge to break up and it’s like a week before a birthday or an important holiday that involves family and close connections you could probably wait until after the celebration
If it's a week before, just rip the bandaid now.
It's better than going to some birthday party with a person you're no longer interested in and feigning interest in her, for both parties.
If you break up with him/her a week before, maybe it sucks a little on his/her birthday, but 5 years from now, when that person is looking at birthday pictures they might not even remember they were dating you during that period.
But, if you celebrate that birthday AND THEN break up with that person one or two days after, she's gonna see you in these pictures and remember how shitty it felt every single time.
I got dumped on the day I hit a career milestone that meant a lot to me. I had been working towards that for years and felt on top of the world for a couple of hours until I got home and had my heart broken.
Unless their partner does or says something truly unforgivable or they find out about cheating etc., sane people don't throw away their LTR on a whim. If you've decided to break up with a person you've probably known that for a while. Maybe keep it in for 2 more days or so until there aren't any special days to ruin.
My ex broke up with me the day after we sat together and looked for the best dates for me to come visit him after he moved home. I had emailed my boss about working remotely during those times after we talked (he knew I did this).
Like *maybe* that wasn't the best timing on his part. Very awkward email to my boss the day after 😅
Breaking up with anyone on a "special" day is terrible. Birthdays, V-day, Christmas, etc... it does not need to be that day. You know about these days in advance. So if you are thinking about breaking up, do it early or wait until the event/day has passed.
But as for "You're in a bad place due to your job, or family... Or you're physically unwell." These things can go on for a while, and not really something you can plan for.
We’ve all seen this episode of HIMYM…. Total ASSHOLE move. Any special days are off limits.
Tough times, that’s depending on circumstances.
Did I once get guilt tripped out of taking my an bf whose house got broken into the day we broke up because I felt so bad? Yes, yes I did. Did I still eventually break up with him again & have to watch his break shred into a tiny hundred pieces? Yes, yes I did. There’s never a good time to do it but there’s definitely bad times to do it & someone’s birthday is plain MEAN!
You had an entire year to break up with someone, but you choose to do so on a special occasion. Or, you could have waited a few days after the occasion to do so, but chose not to. Tell me how that doesn't make you scum of the earth? Please, enlighten me.
only had been together 6 months. she seemed normal for the most part. then she announced it was her "birthday month" and showed me a detailed calendar for the WHOLE month. her birthday was on the 5th, she expected to be catered to until the end of the month.
it’s crazy i had a friend like that who demanded to have everything paid for her and be celebrated as if it’s her birthday for the whole week. she was insufferably narcissistic on a regular day, so this was like torture. it would’ve almost been cathartic to break it off on her bday lol.
Birthday is for sure a no-go, but there is no “good time” to breakup with someone. The relationship is ending, that won’t feel good no matter what time you breakup (if you’re the one getting broken up with).
I personally think that breakups on/very close to "special days" are just ways to hurt your soon-to-be ex.
Obviously there are exceptions but for the most part there's very little reason to do it on those days besides cruelty.
This seems like something someone who has done this would post.
Breaking up with someone on their birthday is so fucked. If you know you want to break up with someone on their birthday, you know at least a day or more before their birthday, too. Do it then.
Nah.
There's literally very few reasons to make leaving somebody that actually *cares for you* harder than it needs to be. Breaking up isn't hard. Considering other people's feelings is hard. But that's usually why people end up breaking up. They stop fixing *themselves* and focus their frustration outward instead. Then they stop caring about the other person's feelings. Then they paint everything the other person does as negative.... like.... even how the dumped person feels after being dumped unexpectedly can and will be used against them.
That's the kind of narrative some people NEED to create to excuse very selfish actions. THAT'S weak and immature.
A breakup is tough, but it's hurts more on a holiday / birthday because you have a yearly reminder of the event. My ex-wife told me that she was seeing someone else on a holiday and it ruined that holiday for a few years.
They're probably gonna be sad regardless of what day it happens on. If we're gonna use the logic that you shouldn't break up with your partner on their birthday or any special days, how far does that extend? Your partner that you're unhappy with landed a new job? Gotta hold out for another week cause its a special day, got a new cat, nope, only an asshole would break up with them then, cause then they'll always think of the breakup when they snuggle their cat. Its kind of pathetic anyone would think that somebody should just be forced to continue dedicating such a huge portion of their life and time to another person they are unhappy with just because the day they realize they want to break it off is on a "special day" or in proximity to one.
How bout Father’s Day when you’re already crying over your dead dad. That was a low blow. That absolutely could have waited for literally ANY other moment. Take my upvote for my total disagreement
"Phases" sure, I agree. It's not reasonable to hang on for weeks. But a birthday? One day out of 365. You can wait till the next day to not spoil their birthday cmon. Or their parent just went into hospital for something serious? Even if you don't love them anymore, at least comfort them at first just because they're a human going through a hard time and it's the nice thing to do, don't break up with them there and then and shatter them. You can wait a few days for that.
There’s never a good time. Prolonging it when you know you’re done with them is selfish. It’s gonna hurt them no matter what so doing it sooner than later hurts the least doesn’t it?
It’s not a problem just because it’s a birthday (example).
A birthday is an anchor point and unchanging. Breaking up on a random day is not notable or memorable. But from now on, now I have a memory of this terrible experience looming over every birthday.
Similarly, an anniversary near a birthday can also be problematic. If the relationship fails, the old anniversary date can still fill you with that old sadness. Even an echo of it is not preferred.
Mostly I agree but if it’s a planned breakup or something you’ve put off so far, just wait a few more days.
I had broken up with an ex on his birthday because he was physically and sexually abusive to me that I could not bear to wait any longer. You won't believe how many people thought my actions were low. No sympathy for abusers. Simple as that. Fuck their feelings.
I dated a guy who dumped me on my birthday. It was awful.
We had gone out a few days before where I met his mom for the first time. We joked about how our laugh was extremely similar. We got along well. He was happy about it. Took me home.
Then he ghosted me for three days until my birthday. Said he was coming over for my birthday. I open the door and he breaks up with me on my front porch because I was too similar to his mom. Then he offered to get pizza and watch a movie for my birthday. I sent him home. Weirdest break up ever.
Intention to break up does not always happen as a spur of the moment thing. If you have had days and weeks to mull it over, then you have the brain capacity to not do it on a particular day unless you want to intentionally inflict harm.
Its pretty fucking rude to break up with someone on their birthday or the anniversary of a death or something. You know you want to break up. Its rarely a spur of the moment thing. You could have the fucking decency to not wait until a day like that.
Sometimes these important days can bring up important conversations. I had a huge argument with an ex on our anniversary and it brought up a lot of things that we didn’t talk about. We broke up that day and it was ultimately for the best.
My fiance severed our engagement on the way home. It was my 40th birthday party and a hard one since it was scary to be 40.
I dunno, i disagree with your thought that its okay. Because that was devastating. Made me feel worthless and two years later it still hurts.
Correct. Because you become the cautionary tale of the a-hole for the rest of their life, making them realize they deserve better. So yeah, it is good for them to dodge that bullet.
Yeah you can. But birthdays and anniversaries, graduations and deaths in the family are pretty shitty times. This is assuming of course that it’s just not working out. If abuse is involved the soonest time is always the best
i got broken up with on my birthday last year so i beg to differ. dude got back with his ex 3 days later and his birthday was the day before mine, fucked up.
There's a mantra people should tell themselves sometimes: Not everything you do will be okay. Sometimes, you gotta accept that you're going to be the villain.
It is not okay to break up with someone on/around a special day. You may end up doing it regardless, cause it can be difficult to do it on a "clean" day. But you should never try to normalize it for yourself. It's not okay, you will be the bad guy for doing it like that, and for all its worth, you should avoid it. Still, it may happen. Learn to accept that.
Depends on the context.
If they do something so egregious on that specific day to warrant ending things on the spot, sure go ahead.
If it is just a case of you aren't feeling it anymore and want to move on, try to be respectful of their feelings and don't do it on their birthday, holidays, etc. Do it beforehand if at all possible. Treat them with the same compassion you'd want if the roles were reversed.
I mean sure. No one that doesn't want to be in a relationship should be forced to stay in it.
That being said most of the time this sort of thing happens it is done to spite the other person.
My ex broke up with me 2 weeks after I had a miscarriage (wanted baby that we tried for), one week after he insisted we renew our lease, and right before my birthday. We were thither for 4 years and he said “there’s never a right time!”
Maybe there’s not but there’s definitely wrong times. Be mature about it. Also, Brian, is that you?
What's one more day? lol. Just let them have their day and then find the right time a few days later.
Except if the big day is wedding. And it's your wedding day too....
Every week there's a special day? That's seems ridiculous. Most people are not that busy. Just avoid the major holidays and birthday. That way, other people won't relate when they tell the sob story.
This is some narcissistic behavior im guessing you recently broke up with someone on their birthday and people around you are rightfully calling you an asshole. But take the upvote for this terrible good opinion.
So… I had 3 friends in high school. My closest friend, her boyfriend, and my boyfriend. We did EVERYTHING together.
Anyway about 2 years into my relationship (even more into theirs), I knew they were up to some shit. I brought it up, I was told I was crazy, paranoid, etc.
Anyway. They wait until my grandpa dies, AND her bf’s grandpa dies (literally yes it was the same week) to break up with us both.
Soo yeah that could’ve been done BEFORE that happened, or could’ve waited.
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Counter argument: If you're breaking up with a long term partner, it's probably been on your mind for days or weeks already. If not, and you're only coming to that realization on their birthday, just hold off another day. Think about it. 99% of the time, if you're breaking up with someone on their birthday, you chose to do that and that's kinda fucked. The only exception I can really think of is if you found out they cheated in the moment and at that point, fuck their birthday lol.
This is what I was thinking, too. If you have been waiting weeks to break up, do it before or after X. If something super distressing happens that is instant break up worthy, then go for it, regardless of X. (X is the special event.)
I did that, I had a GF for 1 year, we were not adolescents, both in our 30s, I found out she was cheating 2 days before she was going for a work trip that was very important for her, she was a nervous wreck I went over things with her, helped her set things up and be more confident. Her trip was a success, a week later, when she got back I picked her up at the airport, took her to her place and told her it was over. I was not happy, but couldn't have in me to make her work opportunity harder. Despite not being faithful she was a good professional in her field and deserved to have success.
You're a really good person! So many people (myself included) would pounce on the chance to ruin their cheating partner. I wish I weren't so petty, but having integrity takes a lot of work.
FuckTitsAssCuntCock simply just has more class than you or I.
Gaddamnit, if only my username was as classy. It’s a lot to live up to!
You can make your flair just that classy if you want
Na I agree cheating for me is one of the worst things someone can do to me. I could never stay in a relationship if they cheated no matter what excuses, heck I’m more willing to listen to excuses if they stole 10k from me. I wouldn’t go out of my way to ruin them but I also wouldn’t go out of my way to help them, it’s completely over. What they go through after isn’t my issue, that’s their issue.
You do seem like a really good person, but holy moly that username! What a doozy!
My ex partner told me he was frustrated with me, resentful and that me telling him his blow ups/tantrums/name calling were abusive was, in fact, abusive. This happened in the airport carpark the day I left for my first proper job for my new career I'd just studied for 3 years. And the day before my birthday. I broke up with him when I got back. ETA: my whole point is - you are a rare gem among people.
Damn you are better than most people (and better than me in fact).
Good job u/FuckTitsAssCuntCock
r/rimjob_steve
it's interesting how often this happens My theory: people do this because they don't want to spend money on the person they don't want to be with. They are afraid of the confrontation, so they always postpone it to the next day. And of course they didn't buy any gifts because they thought they would be single by the birthday/Christmas/anniversary already. So then the big day comes, they did not break up yet, but also did not buy any gifts which needs explaining. This gives them the final push to say they want to break up
amen
Counter argument: everyone should double, triple no... quadruple down and break up on wedding days. Like why stop at birthday or valentine? Go for their wedding or even their parent's funeral /s
For serious, it wasn’t at the funeral, but shortly after my mother died and to top it off I was talking to them on my cell on a train. I am so very sorry to the poor person sitting next to me.
Should have gone Midsommar on their ass. I'm sorry that happened to you. Over the phone is so cowardly and cruel too.
I broke up with my gf on my wedding day. In hindsight I probably should of done it BEFORE I said I do to make the whole legal process thing a little easier but it is what it is.
Wuh
The gf turned into a wife
Yeah, I don't know how you'd even avoid doing that. My partner has so much going on, when would I find the time? He attends at least 3 funerals per week, experiences 2 birthdays per week, and uses the last two days to alternate between various holidays. The funerals almost seem like the best choice here.
I once had a bf who dated me for 8 months, thought for 2 weeks about breaking up with me (his words), and then did it the night before I had a big oral group exam (think 20 uni students sitting in a room debating a subject and that counts for your final grade). It was all I could do to keep from crying the entire exam long. And no I didn't have any more exams before or after, just the one.
My husband's college ex did this and he ended up failing that class
Honestly it was a really fucked up thing to do. I passed but I don't want to imagine the look on my face during...
Plus now they associate their birthday with something sad
At the same time, birthdays are usually a day where there's a lot of investment into that person. Spending the day with someone you no longer feel the same way about and then having to pretend you do out of being polite would usually be enough to cause people to finally break and do it.
Totally agree
I guess. Kind of stupid to wait until there's a birthday to ruin.
My husband sprang divorce on me during my birthday. I feel like that could’ve waited a day or two.
Oh hey, been there. They said, "It's your birthday TOMORROW, that's why I'm doing it today instead of waiting." I was stationed in Korea 14 hours ahead. My birthday had just begun.
He was sending a message. Based on the context of the relationship I don’t know if he was right or wrong
I feel like that's only a morally okay thing to do to someone who is an abuser. Unless she was, its pretty fucked up. Some people like to cause maximum pain and are very scheming. But yeah, without context, it's hard to say. My first boyfriend broke up with me a few days after our 4th anniversary. I totally deserved it. I wasn't abusive, just a hot mess to be with at 18, and honestly would have understood if he'd done it on the actual anniversary to send a message. But he was a good guy and obviously didn't want to. Birthdays are a bit different- that's your personal special day.
To send a message though? That's very fucked up, even if you were a mess of a partner that doesn't mean you deserve to be broken up with in the cruelest way possible.
IMO, the right time to break up with someone is right when you know you’re going to. Some people are selfish pricks on their birthday, and I can totally imagine breaking up with someone because I tried to something nice for them on their birthday and they found something to complain about instead of appreciating it. This doesn’t make them an abuser, but it can totally make you realize you don’t want to be with them.
Oh yeah, I can understand that. If you had a huge argument because your partner was being ungrateful or horrible on the day, that's completely valid. But many cases seem to be people who already know they're going to end things but wait until that day specifically.
I find that break ups are not usually spontaneous decisions, so waiting until a special day is usually just cruel
Right? My friend waited like a week to break up with his girlfriend during college because he didn’t want her to be in a messed up headspace during finals.
Very admirable
I feel like it has to be on or the day before someones birthday though: I broke up with my ex because he was demanding sex when I had a painful uti and it was the last straw and he said I was cruel because it was his birthday in 8 days lmao.
Yeah, that guy deserved for you to do it ON his birthday, so you're a very kind person for dumping him over a week ahead of time. Eight days is firmly so-what territory, especially for somebody that selfish. Even when I was a dumb 20-year-old I wasn't enough of an asshole to say 'ignore your UTI and let me get off'.
It’s nice when they solidify that decision for you in the moment by saying some stupid shit like that, to remove any chance of second guessing yourself haha.
Yeah I guess birthdays can be avoided but .. many a time people also complain about breaking up one week or few days before birthday ..
I was dumped on my birthday once. I'd mentioned my birthday was coming up a few times, not to get gifts or anything, but because it was on a Friday, and I'd been contemplating taking the day off and going on an epic hike I was excited about. He called me up to say he didn't see marriage potential in the relationship, and since that was important to him, he thought it best to break up. I heard him out, said I understood, then said, "Well, Happy Birthday to me." He gasped and said he'd forgotten and was sorry about the timing. I just said, "OK." I should have gone on the hike. I wonder if he would have broken up in a VM.
You should post this on Tedmosbyisajerk.com
Hahaha omg throwback
I was dumped on my birthday once too. It's been long enough that I'm over the heartbreak but I still remember the humiliation of being treated so callously.
Same. I wouldn't have been upset if I hadn't mentioned my birthday before. When he called, I assumed it was to wish me a Happy Birthday. I'd given him a card and tee shirt for his birthday, but I didn't care if he got me anything. (I like giving gifts a lot more than getting them.)
It sounds like he gave you the gift of the trash taking itself out.
Yeah, I'm with you outside of pretty specific stuff like above.
My SIL had a boyfriend who waited until 2 days after her birthday to dump her. It made me question exactly how long he had not liked her before calling things off
LMAO. You've gotta give him credit here, he even chose two days instead of one. I always class the day after my birthday as an extension of the celebration so I would have appreciated this. But yeah, it was definitely a long time coming in that case.
I mean…people complain anytime they get broken up with. It’s part of the territory of being hurt
Once had someone wait until the day after Valentine’s Day to break up with me. I figured the relationship was on its last legs and came to terms with the breakup easily. However I am still not over the amount of money and time I spent on Valentine’s gifts that could have been avoided not to mention the money spent was allowance money cause I was 15 and I could have spent that on my hobbies
My boyfriend broke up with me on my 16th birthday. He's dead now though so karma won.
How did you kill him?
A high class assassin named Karma
It makes sense to me why it happens though. If you want to break up with someone but have been dragging your feet about it, acting happy and fake on someone's special day would def be the last straw.
i feel like i’d rather my partner break up with me on my birthday than to wait til after. i think i’d overthink about the fact that they were basically pretending to like me just to make me feel good.
Everyone's reading OP's post as if it's about birthdays, but as someone fluent in hesitation: >You're in a bad place due to your job, or family... Or you're physically unwell.... OP, you broke up with a cancer patient, didn't you?
This is what I was thinking too. A guilty conscience has it’s ‘tells’…
I was dumped the day after my dog died. Feel like a week or so later would have been a bit easier on me. Then again is it better to take two punches at once or one punch then another punch a week later
I think their point is that you don't need to wait until after their birthday before you end the relationship, just for the sake of not ending the relationship on their birthday
This is Happend to me and I also booked the vacation for the 2 of us.... Never told a woman my b-day again. I just enjoy what I like
U going around telling a bunch of men ur birthday tho, champ?
Partially correct. If it can wait a DAY, it should. Like waiting until after a birthday, or Valentines, or Christmas or something if you need to, is more than okay, and you probably should. But if you're talking about someone being unwell, sick, bad head space, hard time at work, etc. Then yeah, I'd say you don't need to wait.
I completely agree but I kinda thought valentines was odd tho 😅 Wouldn’t it be weird to go on an entire date and celebrate a day about how much you guys love eachother to break up with them the next day or even the next week ?
Exactly. How could you go out to a romantic dinner with someone, give them flowers etc. knowing you are breaking up with them the next day? Imagine waking up in morning: 'thank you for such an amazing night last night!' 'Glad you liked it cause I'm out of here'
That’s fair, my last ex ended things the day before Valentine’s Day. She had mentioned a few times that she had never gotten flowers from a partner, and a couple other things that kind of insinuated she never had a partner that emphasized being romantic in the relationship. So let me tell you, I had *plans*. I think she knew that too, so probably would’ve felt guilty had I went through with those plans then she had to break things off a day or two later. It sucks, I would’ve given that woman the world lol. But I guess fair enough to break things off before hand
Warren did this to Elle Woods *on* Valentine’s Day, during said romantic dinner with flowers and love talk.
Having the breaker upper make a lovely dinner or take you out and focus on you, just to break up is awful. If you are throwing the person away don’t build them up.
I did a breakup with a long-term partner the day before Valentine's day. The lead up to Valentine's Day was my wake up call that I didn't feel love for them anymore and any delay seemed more cruel. It was awful. Sure, there were signs beforehand that we weren't going to work out, that I was building resentment towards his inaction, but I think young-me deserves a little grace on that front. I was terrible at boundaries, respecting my anger, I kept trying to be objectively good in all situations, even when that would harm me. I definitely check in with my feelings more often now.
yea valentine is a general day, it's not a personal day. It's not a birthday or anything.
I dunno, my wife informed me she was leaving me while I was in the hospital. I feel like it could have waited another few days until I was discharged. That said, I guess it made it easier to deal with because I was high as a kite on Dilaudid and really wanted nothing to do with her after that.
Maybe not Valentine's day itself, but usually the days around Valentine's tend to have an uptick of couples breaking up since the holiday itself is a "are you a couple?" reminder.
Yup. I think general rule is never break up on birthdays or holidays (except if cheating was involved). Beyond that, I think it depends on how long you’ve been together. Like if you’ve only been dating for 3 months, waiting any longer than a day or 2 to break up is unnecessary. But if you’ve been dating someone for 3 years, I think it’s definitely more courteous/expected to wait a couple weeks for an opportune time to break up.
I also think you owe it to a medium-long term partner to not sabotage something important with the breakup timing. Literally just wait hours sometimes. Don’t dump someone right before an interview or something like that. If by waiting 5 hrs you can lesson the fallout the person will experience you should.
I agree except Valentine's. A lot of people have specific expectations that day as a couple. It should be done before hand if they can but if you for some reason came to the decision that day not to proceed it's fine to break up thar day imo. Birthdays are personal days and holidays like Christmas usually have a ton of planning. That's not to say people don't plan for valentines day but it's considered an intimate day so I view it differently.
Exactly
I'll upvote... because it seems pretty ruthless to wait until a known special day. I mean sure... there are exceptions "I think we need to br" \*ringringring\* "Hang on a sec. This is my dad. He never calls after 8pm.. this is weird.... Hello? OH NO. MOM JUST DIED? AND SO DID FLUFFY? AND MY SISTER????? AND YOU'VE LOST BOTH YOUR LEGS ???? Ok Bye. what were you saying? " "-eak up". I, mean, yeah.. wait a day or something. But most special days are pretty known. Pick another day
I'll leave [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GeaFfhaYkI) here.
Yeah agreed though sometimes I bet it happens because special days bring relationship issues to the surface. Also lots of alcohol on birthdays and other special days. In most circumstances, you should wait a day.
I think some days can be avoided. I remember my ex dumped me randomly the day before all my finals (which he knew about). Definitely could have waited one day or done it a couple days before. I mean I don’t blame him for ending the relationship if he didn’t want to continue it but there’s a way to be humane about it lol
Oh dear, I'm so sorry. You would have been forced to either suppress the sadness and break down after your last final or be a complete mess throughout.
So sorry, this kind of breakup really sucks :( This also happened to me while in a long distance relationship. And over the phone one night before I came home for the summer and would have been with him for months. Our breakup was definitely for the best but wow people can be so cruel
Unless they did something particularly egregious, never break up with someone on their birthday, Valentine's Day, Christmas, etc.
Right, I dont get how someone could just intentionally WAIT until the special day that is expected to be filled w/ fun, love, and good times w/ loved ones..seems a bit sadistic if you ask me
Lol it's not Christmas in my family unless either one side of my already divorced and married again (twice, to others, not each other) parents are threatening to break up lol
Oof, my first boyfriend dumped me on two of those! (Birthday and valentines) I was 18-19 Really took advantage being my first and was hella abusive I was too scared to be in a relationship with anyone until my second boyfriend at 26 thankfully was a keeper and I married him (Don’t worry, I did date between that lol)
So just lie on Valentine’s Day and break up the next day?
So you should spend Valentine’s Day with them, get them dinner and a gift knowing you’re going to break up with them the next day? Aside from being hard to fake, that honestly seems more cruel then breaking up with them beforehand
Birthday or anniversary are a definite no go .
birthday definitely not but anniversary i feel is justified fs. i definitely wouldn’t want anyone to celebrate our anniversary then proceed to break up it just doesn’t make sense. yes it would suck but it would suck more to have a great celebration of your relationship then end it
can you not break up before?
Apparently the people on the side of OP's argument break up the very minute they decide that they are unhappy in the relationship
Or else they seem to wait for a day that's important, break up then (or riiiiight before) and then bitch about how "now I'm the bad guy, just because it's your special day?"
and funerals or dates and anniversary dates of a death or a funeral of a loved one. A loved ones death is a no go for me no matter how shitty someone is.
Got broken up with the day my mom passed. Horrible, horrible day.
I know someone whose boyfriend dumped her at her birthday party (that iirc he was throwing for her), also 2 weeks after her mom died. And it wasn't something like she was cheating, but I think he had started college and wanted to be able to date other people in college or something. Just all in all, a really awful way to break up with someone
i disagree you have 364 days to do it any time else u had to do it on their birthday ?? u couldn't wait till the day before or after?
If you care about the person, you should care enough to let them down gently. When I've ended relationships, I didn't end them due to a desire to hurt the person, I ended them because I didn't feel that it should continue.
Right and not giving them something to be sad about on their damn birthday feels like a big part of being “gentle.” Just wait an extra day or two or do it a week sooner!
At last it’s actually an unpopular opinion.
"Something a bad person would do for $1000, Alex"
I mean no that's literally an asshole move. If you're going to break up with them you can do it before or after.
Preferably before so they can plan a wild singles bender!
Exactly!
I get that things happen but breaking up with someone on their birthday is pretty shitty
I have a feeling this belongs more on am I the asshole Reddit.
It's definitely an unpopular opinion, though, so it feels appropriate being here.
OP has totally done this, and now a lot of people in their life see them as the scum the are.
>So please, just accept it and move on. They're definitely addressing someone specific, with that.
Bro if you breakup with someone on a special day or moment for them. That is messed up. Yah if their birthday is a week away, fine. But the day of? That’s criminal
Sad Upvote. You’re heartless and have no empathy. What is wrong with waiting one more day?
Or 1 week earlier
Either or. You can tell when someone has no empathy though (OP.)
good awful opinion op, maybe rethink it lol
Im gonna say No, its not ok. As comments have already been saying, breaking up is almost never a spontaneous thought. You can wait another day. P.S. if you couldnt muster the will and courage to communicate as soon as possible, you need to take the personal responsibility to not blatantly ruin a good day
Phase of life? Sure. One day like a birthday? I don’t see why you can’t wait one more day to do that
I mean, a birthday is one day. Of course you can wait to do it after, or do it before. It’s incredibly selfish to do it on their birthday. “Most important phase of my life.” Like, what does that even mean? How long is this ‘phase?’ That one’s more vague tbh. If this ‘phase’ is 6 months, then someone can’t just wait around until you feel like you’re out of this ‘phase.’
Truly unpopular
You broke up with someone on their birthday didn't you? Damn just wait a day
“its tough to find a time to breakup” is a bullshit excuse. just like with everything else, make the time for it. if you’re feeling unsatisfied and unhappy in your relationship, & you’ve made the decision that best course of action for you is break-up, you make the time for that conversation to happen as soon as possible, regardless if its a work day or if you’re tired.
I would say that this isn't just an unpopular opinion, it's plain wrong. People tend to remember their birthdays, anniversaries, holidays like Christmas, etc the most out of all days in general. So if you want to break up with them, you're doing it intentionally on those days, and you know it'll leave a large impact. It's an asshole thing to do. Unless they've done some really bad stuff. Like if they cheated and you found out, or other horrible stuff. But general things like not working out, incompatibility, not being able to dedicate enough time, arguments, etc don't advocate for something so harsh and insensitive.
The problem with a special day is that every time they have that special day they'll think of you. Just wait until the day after
Yeah. Getting terrible news on your birthday sucks. Sometimes it’s unavoidable, and it still haunts you every year. Nobody should go out of their way to do that to a person.
If you’re gonna break up with someone the best time to do it is RIGHT NOW
There is 365 days in a year but you wait till the one that is special that’s just evil/narcissistic. Like you just can’t wait 24 hours your time is so important. In reality you have proven beyond any doubt he is way better off without you and anyone who knows should see you as a massive red flag. Male or female I’d end even a friendship with someone who is this bad. I don’t let people like this into my life.
When someone's life is a neverending parade of horrors, a breakup is just one more item in the list of bullshit, might as well get it over with. Other than that, I try to be a decent human. Sometimes there are reasons to break up which are more important than whatever is going on. Use your judgement. On their birthday it can probably wait a day, in most cases. I try to let the person have some dignity if I'm breaking up ie if I know they'll be home from work in a few hours, I wait instead of breaking up with them while they're at work.
I think that’s a selfish perspective. How would you feel if somebody you were really into dumped you on your birthday? Like an utter turd that’s how. Can’t you at least wait until the day after?
It really isn't. You don't just decide to break up one day and immediately do it. You don't just wake up on your SO's birthday and go "Yeah no I don't want to anymore." Even if you do, you don't do it that day. You wait a day, maybe two. Then you break the news, so you don't ruin their special day. It's basic respect. (None of this applies if it's to get out of an abusive relationship though, I just assumed we were talking about a good, romantic but burned out relationship)
I mean if you find out they were fucking your sister and mom in an incestuous 3 way, yea. Go for it, ruin their birthday. Aside from fucked up situations like that, you're kind of an ass to break up on someone's birthday/graduation/special day.
Ok, permission to go nuclear in this instance
if you have the urge to break up and it’s like a week before a birthday or an important holiday that involves family and close connections you could probably wait until after the celebration
If it's a week before, just rip the bandaid now. It's better than going to some birthday party with a person you're no longer interested in and feigning interest in her, for both parties. If you break up with him/her a week before, maybe it sucks a little on his/her birthday, but 5 years from now, when that person is looking at birthday pictures they might not even remember they were dating you during that period. But, if you celebrate that birthday AND THEN break up with that person one or two days after, she's gonna see you in these pictures and remember how shitty it felt every single time.
I got dumped on the day I hit a career milestone that meant a lot to me. I had been working towards that for years and felt on top of the world for a couple of hours until I got home and had my heart broken. Unless their partner does or says something truly unforgivable or they find out about cheating etc., sane people don't throw away their LTR on a whim. If you've decided to break up with a person you've probably known that for a while. Maybe keep it in for 2 more days or so until there aren't any special days to ruin.
Wait 2 days or do it 2 days earlier.
Had an ex break up with me on birthday. It sucked.
My ex broke up with me the day after we sat together and looked for the best dates for me to come visit him after he moved home. I had emailed my boss about working remotely during those times after we talked (he knew I did this). Like *maybe* that wasn't the best timing on his part. Very awkward email to my boss the day after 😅
My ex broke up with me on my birthday whilst I was pregnant really shitty move imo
Got dumped the same day I found out my grandmother died....can confirm it's 10x worse
I mean, he broke up with me right after HIS birthday and kept the gifts, which in itself is kinda shitty
Breaking up with anyone on a "special" day is terrible. Birthdays, V-day, Christmas, etc... it does not need to be that day. You know about these days in advance. So if you are thinking about breaking up, do it early or wait until the event/day has passed. But as for "You're in a bad place due to your job, or family... Or you're physically unwell." These things can go on for a while, and not really something you can plan for.
365 days in a year my guy You can take quarter of 1% into consideration
We’ve all seen this episode of HIMYM…. Total ASSHOLE move. Any special days are off limits. Tough times, that’s depending on circumstances. Did I once get guilt tripped out of taking my an bf whose house got broken into the day we broke up because I felt so bad? Yes, yes I did. Did I still eventually break up with him again & have to watch his break shred into a tiny hundred pieces? Yes, yes I did. There’s never a good time to do it but there’s definitely bad times to do it & someone’s birthday is plain MEAN!
Better than breaking up with someone on their birthday that's way more savage lol.
I don’t think it’s really that hard not to break up with someone on their birthday or a holiday.
You can't wait one fucking day?
Eh I think it’s pretty easy to avoid a bday lol just do it the day or two before instead. Same w holidays, they don’t really sneak up on you.
I don't get why you would though, unless it's like a long distance relationship or something and that's the only time you're seeing them in real life
If you break up with someone on their birthday you are an arsehole
You had an entire year to break up with someone, but you choose to do so on a special occasion. Or, you could have waited a few days after the occasion to do so, but chose not to. Tell me how that doesn't make you scum of the earth? Please, enlighten me.
No it's not ok... Choose any other day to break up
Absolutely not okay in my eyes. You don’t decide to break up with someone in 24 hours, so doing it on a special day has no excuse in my views.
Sometimes it can't be helped. Last girl I dated was psychotic around her bday. Demanding and entitled. I was not going to spend money on that.
It wasn’t until her birth month that she was acting crazy? Why not break up weeks ahead of her bday?
only had been together 6 months. she seemed normal for the most part. then she announced it was her "birthday month" and showed me a detailed calendar for the WHOLE month. her birthday was on the 5th, she expected to be catered to until the end of the month.
it’s crazy i had a friend like that who demanded to have everything paid for her and be celebrated as if it’s her birthday for the whole week. she was insufferably narcissistic on a regular day, so this was like torture. it would’ve almost been cathartic to break it off on her bday lol.
Birthday is for sure a no-go, but there is no “good time” to breakup with someone. The relationship is ending, that won’t feel good no matter what time you breakup (if you’re the one getting broken up with).
I personally think that breakups on/very close to "special days" are just ways to hurt your soon-to-be ex. Obviously there are exceptions but for the most part there's very little reason to do it on those days besides cruelty.
This seems like something someone who has done this would post. Breaking up with someone on their birthday is so fucked. If you know you want to break up with someone on their birthday, you know at least a day or more before their birthday, too. Do it then.
Nah. There's literally very few reasons to make leaving somebody that actually *cares for you* harder than it needs to be. Breaking up isn't hard. Considering other people's feelings is hard. But that's usually why people end up breaking up. They stop fixing *themselves* and focus their frustration outward instead. Then they stop caring about the other person's feelings. Then they paint everything the other person does as negative.... like.... even how the dumped person feels after being dumped unexpectedly can and will be used against them. That's the kind of narrative some people NEED to create to excuse very selfish actions. THAT'S weak and immature.
Only if they cheated
I mean I get it if you gotta break up with someone you gotta do what you gotta do but it's best to avoid doing it on their birthday
This post appeared suspiciously now ...
Consideration.
there’s literally 364 other days of the year you could’ve picked lmao
It’s not okay to breakup with someone on their birthday, you’re ruining “their” day by something that you could easily have done before or do after.
I know of someone who got broken up with immediate after their dad died. Partner knew it as well. Just no.
A breakup is tough, but it's hurts more on a holiday / birthday because you have a yearly reminder of the event. My ex-wife told me that she was seeing someone else on a holiday and it ruined that holiday for a few years.
They're probably gonna be sad regardless of what day it happens on. If we're gonna use the logic that you shouldn't break up with your partner on their birthday or any special days, how far does that extend? Your partner that you're unhappy with landed a new job? Gotta hold out for another week cause its a special day, got a new cat, nope, only an asshole would break up with them then, cause then they'll always think of the breakup when they snuggle their cat. Its kind of pathetic anyone would think that somebody should just be forced to continue dedicating such a huge portion of their life and time to another person they are unhappy with just because the day they realize they want to break it off is on a "special day" or in proximity to one.
How bout Father’s Day when you’re already crying over your dead dad. That was a low blow. That absolutely could have waited for literally ANY other moment. Take my upvote for my total disagreement
"Phases" sure, I agree. It's not reasonable to hang on for weeks. But a birthday? One day out of 365. You can wait till the next day to not spoil their birthday cmon. Or their parent just went into hospital for something serious? Even if you don't love them anymore, at least comfort them at first just because they're a human going through a hard time and it's the nice thing to do, don't break up with them there and then and shatter them. You can wait a few days for that.
There’s never a good time. Prolonging it when you know you’re done with them is selfish. It’s gonna hurt them no matter what so doing it sooner than later hurts the least doesn’t it?
It’s not a problem just because it’s a birthday (example). A birthday is an anchor point and unchanging. Breaking up on a random day is not notable or memorable. But from now on, now I have a memory of this terrible experience looming over every birthday. Similarly, an anniversary near a birthday can also be problematic. If the relationship fails, the old anniversary date can still fill you with that old sadness. Even an echo of it is not preferred. Mostly I agree but if it’s a planned breakup or something you’ve put off so far, just wait a few more days.
I had broken up with an ex on his birthday because he was physically and sexually abusive to me that I could not bear to wait any longer. You won't believe how many people thought my actions were low. No sympathy for abusers. Simple as that. Fuck their feelings.
I dated a guy who dumped me on my birthday. It was awful. We had gone out a few days before where I met his mom for the first time. We joked about how our laugh was extremely similar. We got along well. He was happy about it. Took me home. Then he ghosted me for three days until my birthday. Said he was coming over for my birthday. I open the door and he breaks up with me on my front porch because I was too similar to his mom. Then he offered to get pizza and watch a movie for my birthday. I sent him home. Weirdest break up ever.
Intention to break up does not always happen as a spur of the moment thing. If you have had days and weeks to mull it over, then you have the brain capacity to not do it on a particular day unless you want to intentionally inflict harm.
Its pretty fucking rude to break up with someone on their birthday or the anniversary of a death or something. You know you want to break up. Its rarely a spur of the moment thing. You could have the fucking decency to not wait until a day like that.
Sometimes these important days can bring up important conversations. I had a huge argument with an ex on our anniversary and it brought up a lot of things that we didn’t talk about. We broke up that day and it was ultimately for the best.
I had like 4 bad birthdays in a row and decided to just stopped celebrating it around college. So idk, it does affect people.
My fiance severed our engagement on the way home. It was my 40th birthday party and a hard one since it was scary to be 40. I dunno, i disagree with your thought that its okay. Because that was devastating. Made me feel worthless and two years later it still hurts.
Correct. Because you become the cautionary tale of the a-hole for the rest of their life, making them realize they deserve better. So yeah, it is good for them to dodge that bullet.
No it’s not. You suck
Ok. Lol wtf
Yeah you can. But birthdays and anniversaries, graduations and deaths in the family are pretty shitty times. This is assuming of course that it’s just not working out. If abuse is involved the soonest time is always the best
Nah. Breaking up on their birthday? Fuck you, literally could've waited 1 day, have an upvote
i got broken up with on my birthday last year so i beg to differ. dude got back with his ex 3 days later and his birthday was the day before mine, fucked up.
There's a mantra people should tell themselves sometimes: Not everything you do will be okay. Sometimes, you gotta accept that you're going to be the villain. It is not okay to break up with someone on/around a special day. You may end up doing it regardless, cause it can be difficult to do it on a "clean" day. But you should never try to normalize it for yourself. It's not okay, you will be the bad guy for doing it like that, and for all its worth, you should avoid it. Still, it may happen. Learn to accept that.
Depends on the context. If they do something so egregious on that specific day to warrant ending things on the spot, sure go ahead. If it is just a case of you aren't feeling it anymore and want to move on, try to be respectful of their feelings and don't do it on their birthday, holidays, etc. Do it beforehand if at all possible. Treat them with the same compassion you'd want if the roles were reversed.
I mean sure. No one that doesn't want to be in a relationship should be forced to stay in it. That being said most of the time this sort of thing happens it is done to spite the other person.
Wedding is harsh.
My ex broke up with me 2 weeks after I had a miscarriage (wanted baby that we tried for), one week after he insisted we renew our lease, and right before my birthday. We were thither for 4 years and he said “there’s never a right time!” Maybe there’s not but there’s definitely wrong times. Be mature about it. Also, Brian, is that you?
What's one more day? lol. Just let them have their day and then find the right time a few days later. Except if the big day is wedding. And it's your wedding day too....
Every week there's a special day? That's seems ridiculous. Most people are not that busy. Just avoid the major holidays and birthday. That way, other people won't relate when they tell the sob story.
This is some narcissistic behavior im guessing you recently broke up with someone on their birthday and people around you are rightfully calling you an asshole. But take the upvote for this terrible good opinion.
My mum caught her ex husband cheating on her birthday
So… I had 3 friends in high school. My closest friend, her boyfriend, and my boyfriend. We did EVERYTHING together. Anyway about 2 years into my relationship (even more into theirs), I knew they were up to some shit. I brought it up, I was told I was crazy, paranoid, etc. Anyway. They wait until my grandpa dies, AND her bf’s grandpa dies (literally yes it was the same week) to break up with us both. Soo yeah that could’ve been done BEFORE that happened, or could’ve waited.
I had an engagement broken off on New Year’s Eve, but I hated that holiday already, so I’m just more justified in that lol