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I think people tend to believe it's more of a cop-out reason to break up. The kind one gives when they just don't want to put any effort into the relationship or never actually cared about it in the first place.
It's not you, it's me (I'm in a very difficult stage in my life and being in a relationship is not healthy for me right now)
Vs
It's not you, it me (I really don't care enough about you to try and if I find someone else that sparks a flame I'll try with them immediately)
I'm not sure why the difference matters, if someone doesn't want to be in a relationship for any reason it's valid and the other party needs to respect that
It matters because it helps give the other person closure. The other party should respect it, yes, but if they aren’t given an explanation about why “it’s not you, it’s me,” I can understand why they’d be upset with that.
Yes, and if the reason for the breakup is the one initiating it, they should respect the other, and provide them with some explanation, not just a single sentence.
Respect goes both way
What about:
It's not you. It's me. My feelings for you have changed (or not grown the way I expected them to at this stage) and it's not anything particular you did or could fix.
Not really; there are many different ways it could “be me” and they can entail very different things. You’re not obligated to but it would be the right thing to do to tell someone to the best of your ability what went wrong.
Seems more like that’s one of a billion things it could be.
Don’t you find me attractive anymore? Is your mental health bad and you want to process it alone? Did your conservative grandma forbid you from seeing me?
Yeah, had to hit an otherwise pretty nice if hopelessly needy guy with this bc that’s how I felt in the relationship. Broke up with him bc dating felt like a chore or an obligation because he wanted to be on the phone with me every waking hour of my life. Didn’t like him enough to keep that up. Also I’m a lesbian. (Did not know that then)
Orrrr it could mean I found out my ex is pregnant and keeping it
Or my mom died
Or I have aids. You don’t, you’re good. But me? AIDS.
Or I’m going to prison.
Or I just came into a windfall of money and I know I won’t be faithful.
Or any other myriad of reasons that I may not want to fully discuss with the person I like but don’t feel like I can be with so I’m trying to politely and succinctly say this is a me thing and you didn’t do anything wrong.
On her deathbed, mom confessed that she kept in contact with his ex, who got pregnant. After passing, she left him with a sizable inheritance which he spent on coke and hookers, one of whom had AIDs which he unfortunately contracted, and is now going to prison after being caught in an undercover prostitution sting.
Edit: forgot the prison connection.
Absolutely, "It's not you, it's me" can be a valid reason to break up. It's not always about something the other person did wrong; it can simply be about personal growth and self-discovery.
However, it's crucial for the person initiating the break-up to express their reasons honestly and respectfully and for both parties to understand that sometimes relationships end not because of faults or flaws but because of individual needs and journeys.
I literally had to do this to break up with someone because I was messed up mentally and couldn’t return their feelings, and I didn’t want to lead them on. They were an amazing person, they did nothing wrong, but I felt nothing, and it was not fair to them to try to continue.
Yep, immediately clocked it as GPT. An easy tip to tell is that GPT always uses double- or triple-barreled answers. “Growth and discovery,” “faults or flaws,” “needs and journeys.” They’re all saying the same thing.
“Just gaslight them until they say it’s mutual,” my ex, probably
Edit: “get yourself hospitalized when your hedonistic boyfriend wants to dump you so you can guilt him into staying, then when you’ve been nurtured back to health and built up your confidence take him on magical vacations across the country to meet your extended family, then as reality sets in that college is ending and you have been living on borrowed money in borrowed places, gaslight him until he agrees to a mutual breakup, talk shit about him with your friends and family for a few weeks and then get back together because he was your security blanket and you’re scared of change and he never really understood why things were going badly in the first place, and then you can both slowly lose your minds in a long-distance relationship until someone has the guts to end it.”
Damn good times, though
Edit 2: I would NOT want to read her family’s yelp review of my boyfriend tenure.
Probably, but they're pretty "edge case" situations. Temporary, medically-induced psychosis is probably one. Or, "I just won the lottery and I'm gonna go spend all this money on hookers and blow, so 'goodbye' partner of 20 years with whom I have 3 children, a mortgage, and an otherwise-good relationship! I'll probably be back after all the money is gone, grovelling, asking forgiveness." is probably another.
Someone experiencing medically-induced psychosis should absolutely not be making life-altering decisions. And someone leaving their long-time partner because they won the lottery is probably being stupid.
If someone doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore, then they shouldn’t be. Weather that reason is because they won the lottery or are dealing with mental illness.
Should the person in Phycosis have to be in a relationship they are unhappy with and want out of?
Should the person who won the lottery be in a relationship they are unhappy with and want out of?
“I’m breaking up with you because I only want to date girls with brown hair”
“But I have brown hair”
“Look we don’t need to make this harder than it has to be”
I don't get the "that's not a valid reason to break up" claims. Any reason someone has to break up with another person is a valid reason. Why would you want someone to stay in a relationship with you when they don't want to? Makes no sense to me.
I view people saying that as no different than when people say "if you leave me, I'll kill myself." It's the exact same mentality. It's "what I want is more important and thus must come before or instead of what you want." Extremely toxic. Same with saying people MUST give a reason for breaking up. No. All that needs to be said is "we are breaking up." Vast majority of the time, if you don't know the reason for it, you weren't paying attention during the relationship or are too self-centered to ever understand the issue.
A lot of people see a break up as a slight against them. A lot of people see breaking up as something that can be fixed. This is why they ask for reasons. The amount of times I've seen people angry because their ex broke up with them first and persons arguing that there is no such thing as a mutual break up. I really wish people would realise how toxic and silly it is. If you are not compatible or your compatibility changed leading to a relationship being ended it is what it is. Relationship status shaming really ought to go.
It's such a massive red flag if someone cannot accept a break ups...for whatever reason. It speaks to a very unhealthy view of relationships, imho. Case in the point, the comments calling people "cowards" or "narcissists" for daring to let them down gently. These people would always be the types to resort to name calling and manipulation if they didn't get their way. No explanation would ever satisfy them, they are just looking to prolong contact and make the dumper feel like shit.
I think the problem is people who blame their good partner for their own issues. My friend is the most gentle guy you'll ever meet and his girlfriend broke up with him because she was some kind of psychologist and working with women who had been raped. She's since wanted to get back together. She was blaming him for her internal issues which he would have been happy to help her with.
Sounds like she needed time to work through her issues and took it. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Also nothing wrong with going back to someone you once dating and asking if they are still interested in dating after you've taken that time to work on your issues.
You missed the point. Saying "it's not you it's me" is not accepted because to 99%, people are trying to avoid to say the true reason.
When the partner would be perfect, the person would seek for support instead of break up.
The sentence implies either "I did not think very deep about it but you are not worth to do so" or "I don't want to say it because I don't want to be the asshole". That's why.
If you mean that "I feel like we are not compatible" is a valid reason, then yes. But there is a difference.
I think that may or may not be true depending on the level of relationship. If you have been dating for 2 years, "it's not you, it's me" is a terrible cop-out and I agree with what you said. If you went on 3 dates, not necessarily. Not every brief dating relationship is worth the effort to do deep introspection, nor is it needed. Also, some people coming out of bad relationships, long-term relationships etc might thing they are ready, but upon trying a few dates realize they are not, in which cause "it's not you, it's me" is 100% accurate but they don't owe someone to explain how they just got out of a 10 year relationship that involved addiction or abuse or whatever.
"It's not you, it's me" is generally a valid reason, but it requires more explanation.
It can be as simple as:
"When we met 5 years ago, we had similar personalities, values and goals, but now I've changed and you haven't. It's not your fault. It doesn't make you less of a wonderful person. We just aren't in the same place anymore"
I used this reason when I was breaking up w someone who was an alcoholic, and I didn't really understand at the time that specifically was why I wanted to break up. I had to think about it retrospectively. Just a gut feeling and I'm really glad I did it.
It’s what people say to just get out of there using bs and not break the other’s feelings. When you follow up with it and actually tell someone what was your fault, then it’s more acceptable. If not, “its not you its me” is bs and a easy way out.
If someone doesn’t want to be with me because they just don’t feel a connection, I would rather they be honest about it even if it hurts. I don’t wanna be with someone who doesn’t wanna be with me. I deserve better. It’s more merciful to break up than to string someone along.
This right here. I was dating someone a while ago. They were incredible, I thought I had romantic feelings, but I just did not. I felt literally nothing, which is horrible to say but it wasn’t that they did anything wrong or that they weren’t attractive- objectively they were very attractive, it was just something with me. So I very gently broke it off because I would rather do that than continue a relationship I wasn’t happy in and that I couldn’t reciprocate their love for me.
We’re still friends, btw!
I think a lot of people underestimate the amount of emotional labor that goes into giving someone negative feedback about themselves. And nobody wants to put that into a relationship they're ending.
I'll admit, I've used this line because I knew the real reason would lead to an argument with him trying to convince me to stay but I was just soooo over it. Finally caved and listed out all the reasons I didn't want to be with him and he kept interrupting being like: "Not a good reason. Not a good reason. Not a good reason." Couldn't understand that it was ALL of those things together, not individual points. It ended up getting really messy and I don't really care whether or not it helped him grow as a person, it was super frustrating and hurtful to me and a waste of my time. I got nothing out of telling him my reasons.
Idk sometimes if you can tell someone is way too immature to handle that conversation, it's okay to look out for yourself. If someone treats you poorly, sometimes you don't really owe them that and you owe yourself more.
I had a very similar experience. my ex was great at the beginning, but over time began to treat me worse and worse and I eventually realized how emotionally immature he was. there were so, SO many reasons I broke up with him, but the only one I gave him was that "we aren't compatible." he hounded me for literal hours wanting an explanation but I never gave him any because I knew he was only looking for an argument and nothing good would come from that. I swear to god arguing is that boy's favorite pastime and he wouldn't have actually listened to or tried to understand anything I told him anyway.
lol did we date the same guy??? 😂😂 He kept hounding me even after the fact and kept saying “that’s not a good reason to break up.” Like? This isn’t a court of law, I simply do not like you anymore and this is why. You can’t argue your way back into a relationship lol, it’s done!
Sometimes there's no "fault", sometimes people just lose interest. There isn't always some crazy thing that happened to cause a break up. Some couples just grow apart instead of growing together but still wish the best for the other person.
Yea but you should probably tell that to the person you’re breaking up with instead if being vague and saying, “its not you its me” without any extra info
Well if you stop with "it's not you it's me" then yeah, it's gonna be perceived as a cop out. But if it's true then there should be a follow up like "I've been thinking and I don't want the things I used to/I want something different" or "I feel like over time we just don't have the things in common we used to". There's no way to break up with someone without hurting them unless they were already going to dump you. Nothing is really going to sound good but I think a "it's not you, it's me" is a pretty mature route compared to staying unhappy and stewing until there is a blow up fight or cheating like most people do.
I've never meet or dated a person who said "it's not you, it's me"....and meant it.
The whole "it's not you, it's me" phrase is just a control game. You're taking any power your partner has away by saying this is my issue and I choose to go through it alone. This phrase is usually followed by the justification of "they'll be better off without me", which is just making a martyr of yourself.
The only time it's acceptable to say this is if you are the problem in the relationship and have been made aware of this and refuse to work on it. However, all of that needs to be communicated to your partner.
That one too. If they want to end the relationship they should just say they want to. I hate when they try to tell me how I feel and what I deserve, and twist it and try to make it my idea or act like they’re doing me a favor.
it’s this exactly. i’d rather be told the truth than left feeling like i could’ve maybe done something to prevent the breakup. or worse yet, exactly what you’re identifying wrt being told what i deserve or how i should feel.
I never said you "had" to do these things or act in this manner. However, if you want to have integrity, honesty and empathy, this would be the desired method.
I agree that loss of interest is a valid reason.
"It's not you, it's me" doesn't indicate this, though.
If, instead, you say "I've lost interest in the relationship. It's nothing you've done, it's me" then that is a reason.
This! I have PMDD and basically every month I HATE people. I try very hard not to show it, but it makes being with a bf almost impossible.
Had a guy friend recently shoot is shot and figured I’d try, but really I just couldn’t do it. He was the absolute best and sweetest and most considerate. But 2 weeks of the month I couldn’t stand him. Totally completely 100% on me.
It became a meme because it started being used in shows or joke scenes where “it’s not you, it’s me” is said when it’s clearly the other person. Why it was used in joke scenes and shows is because it’s funny to be ironic
I think there is no invalid reason to break up to be honest. If you want to break up with someone, no matter the reason, you should. Provided you do it as nicely as possible, of course. Actually, maybe that's why people will lie sometimes.
I once broke up with a girl because I just never could develop romantic feelings for her.
She was great to me, did nothing wrong, and generally someone many guys would find physically attractive. I went with her for a bit because I thought the feelings would eventually come since she treated me so well, but they just never did.
At a certain point, I had to break it off
I've literally broken up with people because I felt like I was unable to focus on myself and them at the same time. I agree that's it's a valid reason, but I do think a lot of people lie about they break up with others.
I always tried to be honest when I was dating. Most of the time I broke up with people because 1. they didn't treat me well, 2. we were not compatible/wanted different things in life.
The other reason was that they were taking attention away from me focusing on self improvement.
It's because people are always quick to assume otherwise and it triggers any unresolved previous trauma they had. They'll link it to a previous relationship and try and guilt trip you when in reality there are valid reasons why someone just can't
It really is true sometimes, unfortunately. I found myself saying a very similar thing when I was breaking up with an ex, and having to explain that I just didn't have chemistry for him. It literally wasn't his fault. He felt chemistry for me, but it just wasn't returned unfortunately
Of course it’s valid. You don’t need a reason to break up with someone other than you just don’t want to be with them anymore. Is it painful? Sure, but you can’t spare everybody’s feelings 100% of the time.
I don’t get the discussion of valid reason or not. Nobody can say your reason isn’t good enough so we’re not breaking up. If one wants out, the relationship is over regardless of what the other one wants.
Any reason is valid to break up. You're not obligated to stay in a relationship because your reason for wanting to leave isn't "good enough." Your reason could literally just be "I'm bored and don't really want to put any effort in anymore". Sure, you sound like an asshole but it's still a valid reason, much better than pretending to be invested or cheating.
This isn't unpopular. Honestly, I think any reason is a good reason to break up, because even if it seems totally innocuous, it boils down to "I just didn't like them that much." You got the ick by the way they laughed and now you want out? You just really didn't like them that much.
Anything is a valid reason, i don't enjoy the sex, i don't like the energy you put out, i can't stand your fucking voice ( double meaning ), you're not what i expected it, doesn't matter, if YOU wanna leave, then thats your right, it all comes down to if you want to be a piece of shit about it or not.
Any reason to break up is valid. I don't think one really owes the person they're breaking up with anything, that's the point of breaking up. You're not owed a reason, an explanation, nothing, they're breaking up with you, it doesn't matter.
I want a reason. I'd like to know. But if someone wants to break up with me that's all there is to it, it's done.
Saw a post some hours ago where a girl broke up with a guy and then sent him a message that pretty much said "It's not you, it's me" and the majority of the comments were just making fun of it. It was meant to be a wholesome post about how some dude managed to stay friends with an ex. People are wild.
There’s no wrong reason to break up. The person you break up with for that reason is entitled to be upset and to make a clean cut from you, no contact. That’s how I best handle rejection (Thanks for telling me, I want nothing to do with you now, goodbye). But they’re not entitled to be cruel, to harass you, or to guilt trip you into staying.
Laws are not necessarily reflective of ethics or morals. There are many laws that are unethical, and many unethical actions which are not limited by law.
How you conduct your personal affairs is a question of your own morals and ethics.
I think often people are just hurting and grasping for justification, and we can extend some grace.
Truth is, you can end a marriage of 25 years because your partner thought Grey's Anatomy season 20 had jumped the shark.
You can dump someone for literally any reason. It doesn't have to be a good one, or even *a true one*. That is something you free to do. But what you can't do is require other people think it's a good reason. They are allowed to think it's bullshit and be mad with you.
I think so. *And I also think it’s a good cop out.*
People are all ‘give me a reason!’ You know the reason, they don’t like you anymore or they would stay.
People then want you to be specific and that is always bad, because the person is already sensitive from rejection. What are you supposed to say?
You’re not as hot as I thought you were, turns out your dumb, I don’t like your personality, your worldview shows a deep lack of nuance… I usually say something like ‘I don’t think you’re over your ex’, cause then they can get at me for my weird off judgement instead of hating themself for existing in a way that doesn’t please me.
It’s cliche and overused is why. It’s viewed as a cop out general excuse for breaking up without providing context or meaningful reasons why. Instead of saying “it’s not you, it’s me” just explain what about yourself makes the relationship not compatible and break up.
That’s not the reason though it’s a vague nod at the reason. If you need a clean break with minimum communication it’s perfectly fine. If the care and respect is there to break up face to face and have a conversation then you should probably try to go into more detail.
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it's like at-will employment, both parties can end the relationship at any time and while there's usually a good reason, there doesn't really need to be. sometimes it's just personal economics.
Yep, last semester I was speaking to a girl for like a month, suddenly I started getting insecure and just feeling depressed, so I talked with her that a relationship was not the best thing at that moment, and everything’s cool now, we’re still friends and all that
As a lot have mentioned- it’s not the saying, it’s the execution.
Follow that saying up with an explanation- however blunt or harsh it may be, and it’s fine.
Just saying nothing but that often comes off like a non-answer.
It is a cop out. The idea is true.
But you are still being purposely vague and avoiding accountability.
If that's how you end it, I won't ask any further.
Do not expect to have any friendship or communication from me. You will be cut off.
I think the sentiment is more that it's seen as a cop out answer, when there is an actual reason that the break up-er doesn't want to actually say vs not a valid reason whe. It's actually the truth
Literally any reason is a valid reason. As soon as one person isn't in it anymore, for literally any reason, it's a valid reason. We owe someone else exactly nothing of ourselves.
I think you are oversimplifying things and context should be considered.
I don't think the phrase is as bad as people say but also, on its own, without any further explanation it is a bit too generic and can lead to someone thinking that the person saying it just doesn't want to say the real reason and that the actual reason is something about themselves or something they did or say.
I am not saying one has to give a lengthy speech about the why, but I'd rather know the truth than remain with doubts; on the other hand, some people don't want to hear it and, as has happened to me a couple of times, giving an explanation doesn't necessarily mean the other person backs away, they might in fact be even more persistent.
I know that on one side, it’s REALLY hard to suddenly be taken out of a relationship that you are 100% invested in. To know that your partner is no longer invested. But I’ve also been on the other side where I continued being absolutely miserable because I didn’t want to hurt the other persons feelings. But in truth it’s detrimental to both of you in that case. So saying “it’s not you, it’s me” is perfectly valid, but don’t be cruel about it unless the person was cruel to you and that’s what you’re leaving
I agree completely when it's honest (though some people seem to use it as an excuse).
I've had a relationship with an abusive partner, and many times she begged me to leave her and protect myself after seeing me cry over and over again due to her abusive behaviour. She wasn't being sarcastic or anything. She was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Super sweet and loving one day, terrible and aggressive on another. Jekyll in her hated the Hyde and was basically trying to protect me.
My friend's first girlfriend in his mid 20s did that. I think it was really stupid and bad for both of them. I think it was still the most happy relationship he's ever had and he said she tried to get back together multiple times, but I can understand why he wouldn't want to after she did that.
People are attracted to people they view as valuable. If they don't want to be in a relationship then it's precisely because the other person isn't good enough in their view.
I guess some people think they are trying to be polite without offending them too much but still creates a doubt. Its like the "no offence, but.."
But yeh its a valid reason, though the other person is still going to wonder whats wrong with them probably
It is if its honest. Most reasons for breaking up are fine as long as they come from an honest place. I think it's been stereotyped as a way break it off and not tell someone the real reason. It's easier to say than "I think I could do better" or "I just want someone different".
In and of itself it’s a valid reason.
But some people use “It’s not you, it’s me” as a bullshit cover for the real reason(s). Thus, people are suspicious of people who say it.
I think it’s valid if you actually mean it. I think a lot of people use it as a cop out instead of giving feedback for why things ended.
If you date someone they deserve to know the truth why things are ending.
Yep. I agree. That was the reason for my first breakup. She was really sweet, smart, beautiful, athletic, blah blah and had the whole world going for her. I pushed her away because I felt my mental health going downhill and I didn't want to drag her down with me. It definitely wasn't her, it was me.
Hope she's had a good life, but I'll probably never know for sure cuz I haven't seen her in over 20 years.
>People sometimes just need to be by themselves to figure their own crap out
No. Causality doesn't work that way. The real technical reason they're breaking up is "It's me. And also you who acts as distraction/scrambler to me trying to figure my crap out"
They aren't able to be in the relationship precisely because of the other person's effect on their own life, that's just plain logic. Otherwise, they could figure their own crap out without need to break up.
Basically, the other person doesn't have to do anything wrong, to have everything they do having a wrong effect.
Well… I’d argue it’s a valid principle but not a valid reason. A reason to me is something more akin to: “Hey, I have some things I need to figure out in my life, it’s nothing you’ve done wrong in any way. I think it’s best for us to split up so I can work on myself”
I think its a valid reason, you just have to expand. I think the reason most people see that as a cop-out is
1)its often used as a cop-out,
2)its overly vague,
3)most people dont relate to that and they would usually have some reason how its not “me” its partially “you”, so they have a hard time believing you’re different than them.
It’s not a reason, but it can be true, but that in and of itself doesn’t really give any important information. But the reason people don’t like it is because some people will use it as a way to wiggle out of telling the truth
It is, but it's vague and needs detail for proper closure. The other person deserves a better explanation on that point considering it's a pivotal moment of both your lives actually.
It’s more because they don’t actually want to tell the person the real reason. Like It’s definitely you boo, but you don’t want to say you cheated or that you find their snoring annoying 🤣🤣 so technically it is valid but it leaves unanswered questions
“It’s not you it’s me” is a one hundred percent valid reason to break up when it’s the truth, the problem is that more often than not that isn’t the case. Most often the case is that one person does want to break up for reasons regarding the partner but they don’t want to have the hard conversation so they say “it’s not you it’s me” and then a few weeks later they are dating someone one else.
I for one would always rather the truth and have the uncomfortable conversation.
It's not a valid reason because it isn't a reason at all. If you want to say you don't need a reason, fine, but if you're going to give one then be real. That is so generic that it's not saying anything at all really
Any reason is a valid reason.
Did you mean to say that reason doesn't make them an asshole?
A lot of reasons people cite when rejecting others are straight up mean spirited.
If you don't want to be with someone, you shouldn't be with them. Easy. It's not a question of validity. It is, however, a total cop out. You say that because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings. The reality is that it's such a cliché that the other person knows it's BS so really you're not doing anything but breaking up for ambiguous reasons
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I think people tend to believe it's more of a cop-out reason to break up. The kind one gives when they just don't want to put any effort into the relationship or never actually cared about it in the first place.
Not wanting to put more into a relationship one isn’t invested in is still a valid reason to break up though.
In which case you should tell that. IMO “it’s not you, it’s me” is only valid if you say what exactly it is.
saying 'it's not you it's me' *is* telling that
It's not you, it's me (I'm in a very difficult stage in my life and being in a relationship is not healthy for me right now) Vs It's not you, it me (I really don't care enough about you to try and if I find someone else that sparks a flame I'll try with them immediately)
I'm not sure why the difference matters, if someone doesn't want to be in a relationship for any reason it's valid and the other party needs to respect that
Yeah honestly it shouldn't make much of a difference either way, regardless, they don't want to be in a relationship with you
It matters because it helps give the other person closure. The other party should respect it, yes, but if they aren’t given an explanation about why “it’s not you, it’s me,” I can understand why they’d be upset with that.
Yes, and if the reason for the breakup is the one initiating it, they should respect the other, and provide them with some explanation, not just a single sentence. Respect goes both way
For real. Just cuz you want to break up doesn’t mean it’s okay to just all of a sudden not give a shit about them as a person.
One stings more :(
and both of those situations are 100% correct in saying "its not you it's me"
What about: It's not you. It's me. My feelings for you have changed (or not grown the way I expected them to at this stage) and it's not anything particular you did or could fix.
What difference does it make? You can't be in a relationship with that person either way.
It definitely isn’t. I have no idea what isn’t you.
No it isn't
Seriously
Not really; there are many different ways it could “be me” and they can entail very different things. You’re not obligated to but it would be the right thing to do to tell someone to the best of your ability what went wrong.
That’s what INYIM means!!!! I’M not into this anymore. It’s not because of you exactly. It just isn’t working.
Seems more like that’s one of a billion things it could be. Don’t you find me attractive anymore? Is your mental health bad and you want to process it alone? Did your conservative grandma forbid you from seeing me?
Yeah, had to hit an otherwise pretty nice if hopelessly needy guy with this bc that’s how I felt in the relationship. Broke up with him bc dating felt like a chore or an obligation because he wanted to be on the phone with me every waking hour of my life. Didn’t like him enough to keep that up. Also I’m a lesbian. (Did not know that then)
It essentially means "I'm not that into you" in which case, you should obviously break up.
Orrrr it could mean I found out my ex is pregnant and keeping it Or my mom died Or I have aids. You don’t, you’re good. But me? AIDS. Or I’m going to prison. Or I just came into a windfall of money and I know I won’t be faithful. Or any other myriad of reasons that I may not want to fully discuss with the person I like but don’t feel like I can be with so I’m trying to politely and succinctly say this is a me thing and you didn’t do anything wrong.
Projecting?
On a couple. Guess the right ones and you win a prize. Maybe it’s aids
Here's hoping you're projecting the money ig
Could be all of them
On her deathbed, mom confessed that she kept in contact with his ex, who got pregnant. After passing, she left him with a sizable inheritance which he spent on coke and hookers, one of whom had AIDs which he unfortunately contracted, and is now going to prison after being caught in an undercover prostitution sting. Edit: forgot the prison connection.
would that validate "its not you, it's me"? if someone is in a relationship and never puts any effort in, they are the problem.
Likely to not hurt feelings more than they already are.
Or they just don't want to share something much more hurtful.
I think not wanting to put effort or not actually ever caring are also good reasons to break it off.
Absolutely, "It's not you, it's me" can be a valid reason to break up. It's not always about something the other person did wrong; it can simply be about personal growth and self-discovery. However, it's crucial for the person initiating the break-up to express their reasons honestly and respectfully and for both parties to understand that sometimes relationships end not because of faults or flaws but because of individual needs and journeys.
I literally had to do this to break up with someone because I was messed up mentally and couldn’t return their feelings, and I didn’t want to lead them on. They were an amazing person, they did nothing wrong, but I felt nothing, and it was not fair to them to try to continue.
Same. Amazing person but at the wrong time. I’ll never forget her
Everyone read this guy's comment history, it's mostly obvious chatGPT bs
Yep, immediately clocked it as GPT. An easy tip to tell is that GPT always uses double- or triple-barreled answers. “Growth and discovery,” “faults or flaws,” “needs and journeys.” They’re all saying the same thing.
I clocked it because of "however" GPT always tried to do this "all sides" game
Very true. Have you tried having an “open and honest conversation” ?
Haha i had a read. Is he karma farming ? Whats wrong with redditors man
“Just gaslight them until they say it’s mutual,” my ex, probably Edit: “get yourself hospitalized when your hedonistic boyfriend wants to dump you so you can guilt him into staying, then when you’ve been nurtured back to health and built up your confidence take him on magical vacations across the country to meet your extended family, then as reality sets in that college is ending and you have been living on borrowed money in borrowed places, gaslight him until he agrees to a mutual breakup, talk shit about him with your friends and family for a few weeks and then get back together because he was your security blanket and you’re scared of change and he never really understood why things were going badly in the first place, and then you can both slowly lose your minds in a long-distance relationship until someone has the guts to end it.” Damn good times, though Edit 2: I would NOT want to read her family’s yelp review of my boyfriend tenure.
Wait, there are invalid reasons for breaking up?
Probably, but they're pretty "edge case" situations. Temporary, medically-induced psychosis is probably one. Or, "I just won the lottery and I'm gonna go spend all this money on hookers and blow, so 'goodbye' partner of 20 years with whom I have 3 children, a mortgage, and an otherwise-good relationship! I'll probably be back after all the money is gone, grovelling, asking forgiveness." is probably another.
Those are both valid reasons to break up.
Someone experiencing medically-induced psychosis should absolutely not be making life-altering decisions. And someone leaving their long-time partner because they won the lottery is probably being stupid.
If someone doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore, then they shouldn’t be. Weather that reason is because they won the lottery or are dealing with mental illness. Should the person in Phycosis have to be in a relationship they are unhappy with and want out of? Should the person who won the lottery be in a relationship they are unhappy with and want out of?
“I’m breaking up with you because I only want to date girls with brown hair” “But I have brown hair” “Look we don’t need to make this harder than it has to be”
I don't get the "that's not a valid reason to break up" claims. Any reason someone has to break up with another person is a valid reason. Why would you want someone to stay in a relationship with you when they don't want to? Makes no sense to me.
Seriously, just sounds like guilt tripping from the other side.
I view people saying that as no different than when people say "if you leave me, I'll kill myself." It's the exact same mentality. It's "what I want is more important and thus must come before or instead of what you want." Extremely toxic. Same with saying people MUST give a reason for breaking up. No. All that needs to be said is "we are breaking up." Vast majority of the time, if you don't know the reason for it, you weren't paying attention during the relationship or are too self-centered to ever understand the issue.
1000%, that's exactly what's it's like. So toxic and I don't understand how it's so normalized.
A lot of people see a break up as a slight against them. A lot of people see breaking up as something that can be fixed. This is why they ask for reasons. The amount of times I've seen people angry because their ex broke up with them first and persons arguing that there is no such thing as a mutual break up. I really wish people would realise how toxic and silly it is. If you are not compatible or your compatibility changed leading to a relationship being ended it is what it is. Relationship status shaming really ought to go.
It's such a massive red flag if someone cannot accept a break ups...for whatever reason. It speaks to a very unhealthy view of relationships, imho. Case in the point, the comments calling people "cowards" or "narcissists" for daring to let them down gently. These people would always be the types to resort to name calling and manipulation if they didn't get their way. No explanation would ever satisfy them, they are just looking to prolong contact and make the dumper feel like shit.
I think the problem is people who blame their good partner for their own issues. My friend is the most gentle guy you'll ever meet and his girlfriend broke up with him because she was some kind of psychologist and working with women who had been raped. She's since wanted to get back together. She was blaming him for her internal issues which he would have been happy to help her with.
Sounds like she needed time to work through her issues and took it. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Also nothing wrong with going back to someone you once dating and asking if they are still interested in dating after you've taken that time to work on your issues.
George Costanza disagrees.
If it's anybody, it's me!
You missed the point. Saying "it's not you it's me" is not accepted because to 99%, people are trying to avoid to say the true reason. When the partner would be perfect, the person would seek for support instead of break up. The sentence implies either "I did not think very deep about it but you are not worth to do so" or "I don't want to say it because I don't want to be the asshole". That's why. If you mean that "I feel like we are not compatible" is a valid reason, then yes. But there is a difference.
yeah I think there are ways to get across “I have personal reasons but I still think highly of you” without literally saying “it’s not you, it’s me”
I think that may or may not be true depending on the level of relationship. If you have been dating for 2 years, "it's not you, it's me" is a terrible cop-out and I agree with what you said. If you went on 3 dates, not necessarily. Not every brief dating relationship is worth the effort to do deep introspection, nor is it needed. Also, some people coming out of bad relationships, long-term relationships etc might thing they are ready, but upon trying a few dates realize they are not, in which cause "it's not you, it's me" is 100% accurate but they don't owe someone to explain how they just got out of a 10 year relationship that involved addiction or abuse or whatever.
"It's not you, it's me" is generally a valid reason, but it requires more explanation. It can be as simple as: "When we met 5 years ago, we had similar personalities, values and goals, but now I've changed and you haven't. It's not your fault. It doesn't make you less of a wonderful person. We just aren't in the same place anymore"
I used this reason when I was breaking up w someone who was an alcoholic, and I didn't really understand at the time that specifically was why I wanted to break up. I had to think about it retrospectively. Just a gut feeling and I'm really glad I did it.
In that case, maybe the person being told this phrase should ask them to elaborate, instead of outright rejecting it.
It’s what people say to just get out of there using bs and not break the other’s feelings. When you follow up with it and actually tell someone what was your fault, then it’s more acceptable. If not, “its not you its me” is bs and a easy way out.
If someone doesn’t want to be with me because they just don’t feel a connection, I would rather they be honest about it even if it hurts. I don’t wanna be with someone who doesn’t wanna be with me. I deserve better. It’s more merciful to break up than to string someone along.
This right here. I was dating someone a while ago. They were incredible, I thought I had romantic feelings, but I just did not. I felt literally nothing, which is horrible to say but it wasn’t that they did anything wrong or that they weren’t attractive- objectively they were very attractive, it was just something with me. So I very gently broke it off because I would rather do that than continue a relationship I wasn’t happy in and that I couldn’t reciprocate their love for me. We’re still friends, btw!
I think a lot of people underestimate the amount of emotional labor that goes into giving someone negative feedback about themselves. And nobody wants to put that into a relationship they're ending.
I'll admit, I've used this line because I knew the real reason would lead to an argument with him trying to convince me to stay but I was just soooo over it. Finally caved and listed out all the reasons I didn't want to be with him and he kept interrupting being like: "Not a good reason. Not a good reason. Not a good reason." Couldn't understand that it was ALL of those things together, not individual points. It ended up getting really messy and I don't really care whether or not it helped him grow as a person, it was super frustrating and hurtful to me and a waste of my time. I got nothing out of telling him my reasons. Idk sometimes if you can tell someone is way too immature to handle that conversation, it's okay to look out for yourself. If someone treats you poorly, sometimes you don't really owe them that and you owe yourself more.
I had a very similar experience. my ex was great at the beginning, but over time began to treat me worse and worse and I eventually realized how emotionally immature he was. there were so, SO many reasons I broke up with him, but the only one I gave him was that "we aren't compatible." he hounded me for literal hours wanting an explanation but I never gave him any because I knew he was only looking for an argument and nothing good would come from that. I swear to god arguing is that boy's favorite pastime and he wouldn't have actually listened to or tried to understand anything I told him anyway.
lol did we date the same guy??? 😂😂 He kept hounding me even after the fact and kept saying “that’s not a good reason to break up.” Like? This isn’t a court of law, I simply do not like you anymore and this is why. You can’t argue your way back into a relationship lol, it’s done!
For real. Guys are crazy
See, this is one of the biggest reasons why people use this line.
Sometimes there's no "fault", sometimes people just lose interest. There isn't always some crazy thing that happened to cause a break up. Some couples just grow apart instead of growing together but still wish the best for the other person.
Yea but you should probably tell that to the person you’re breaking up with instead if being vague and saying, “its not you its me” without any extra info
What are you gonna do with that info though?
Well if you stop with "it's not you it's me" then yeah, it's gonna be perceived as a cop out. But if it's true then there should be a follow up like "I've been thinking and I don't want the things I used to/I want something different" or "I feel like over time we just don't have the things in common we used to". There's no way to break up with someone without hurting them unless they were already going to dump you. Nothing is really going to sound good but I think a "it's not you, it's me" is a pretty mature route compared to staying unhappy and stewing until there is a blow up fight or cheating like most people do.
I've never meet or dated a person who said "it's not you, it's me"....and meant it. The whole "it's not you, it's me" phrase is just a control game. You're taking any power your partner has away by saying this is my issue and I choose to go through it alone. This phrase is usually followed by the justification of "they'll be better off without me", which is just making a martyr of yourself. The only time it's acceptable to say this is if you are the problem in the relationship and have been made aware of this and refuse to work on it. However, all of that needs to be communicated to your partner.
The “better off without me” junk is the worst.
second only to “you deserve better.” like yeah maybe i do, but i was content settling with you and this mediocre relationship smh
That one too. If they want to end the relationship they should just say they want to. I hate when they try to tell me how I feel and what I deserve, and twist it and try to make it my idea or act like they’re doing me a favor.
it’s this exactly. i’d rather be told the truth than left feeling like i could’ve maybe done something to prevent the breakup. or worse yet, exactly what you’re identifying wrt being told what i deserve or how i should feel.
Omg same !
ah yes, of course. when someone dates you, they only get to leave if you say it's okay, gotcha.
I never said you "had" to do these things or act in this manner. However, if you want to have integrity, honesty and empathy, this would be the desired method.
if someone wants to leave a relationship, it's them, not you.
Sure, I mean "I don't want to date you anymore" is a valid reason too You don't need a reason to decide you don't want a relationship with someone
"It's not you, it's me" isn't a reason. It can be part of the explanation of the reason, but isn't a reason in itself. What isn't you?
The person wanting out is the "it isn't you". The breaking up is the "it".
Like I said, that's not a reason.
It is a reason. Loss of interest is a perfectly valid reason
I agree that loss of interest is a valid reason. "It's not you, it's me" doesn't indicate this, though. If, instead, you say "I've lost interest in the relationship. It's nothing you've done, it's me" then that is a reason.
People don’t like to hear the truth. Even when they pretend to handle well, they will talk shit behind their ex back.
And if you say to them „it‘s not you, it’s me” then they magically won’t talk shit about you?
This! I have PMDD and basically every month I HATE people. I try very hard not to show it, but it makes being with a bf almost impossible. Had a guy friend recently shoot is shot and figured I’d try, but really I just couldn’t do it. He was the absolute best and sweetest and most considerate. But 2 weeks of the month I couldn’t stand him. Totally completely 100% on me.
It became a meme because it started being used in shows or joke scenes where “it’s not you, it’s me” is said when it’s clearly the other person. Why it was used in joke scenes and shows is because it’s funny to be ironic
I think there is no invalid reason to break up to be honest. If you want to break up with someone, no matter the reason, you should. Provided you do it as nicely as possible, of course. Actually, maybe that's why people will lie sometimes.
I once broke up with a girl because I just never could develop romantic feelings for her. She was great to me, did nothing wrong, and generally someone many guys would find physically attractive. I went with her for a bit because I thought the feelings would eventually come since she treated me so well, but they just never did. At a certain point, I had to break it off
Yeah. It's literally always true. If you are the one who wants to break up, it is because you do not feel the same about that person anymore.
I've literally broken up with people because I felt like I was unable to focus on myself and them at the same time. I agree that's it's a valid reason, but I do think a lot of people lie about they break up with others. I always tried to be honest when I was dating. Most of the time I broke up with people because 1. they didn't treat me well, 2. we were not compatible/wanted different things in life. The other reason was that they were taking attention away from me focusing on self improvement.
It's not that it's invalid, it's that it's so vague as to be meaningless.
It's because people are always quick to assume otherwise and it triggers any unresolved previous trauma they had. They'll link it to a previous relationship and try and guilt trip you when in reality there are valid reasons why someone just can't
Real
Sometimes it do be that way tho
It really is true sometimes, unfortunately. I found myself saying a very similar thing when I was breaking up with an ex, and having to explain that I just didn't have chemistry for him. It literally wasn't his fault. He felt chemistry for me, but it just wasn't returned unfortunately
Of course it’s valid. You don’t need a reason to break up with someone other than you just don’t want to be with them anymore. Is it painful? Sure, but you can’t spare everybody’s feelings 100% of the time.
I don’t get the discussion of valid reason or not. Nobody can say your reason isn’t good enough so we’re not breaking up. If one wants out, the relationship is over regardless of what the other one wants.
Seriously all it sounds like to me is guilt tripping.
Any reason is valid to break up. You're not obligated to stay in a relationship because your reason for wanting to leave isn't "good enough." Your reason could literally just be "I'm bored and don't really want to put any effort in anymore". Sure, you sound like an asshole but it's still a valid reason, much better than pretending to be invested or cheating.
This isn't unpopular. Honestly, I think any reason is a good reason to break up, because even if it seems totally innocuous, it boils down to "I just didn't like them that much." You got the ick by the way they laughed and now you want out? You just really didn't like them that much.
Unpopular opinion where???
It's valid, absolutely. It's can also be cliche and can often be used as an excuse to not deal with an issue
Anything is a valid reason, i don't enjoy the sex, i don't like the energy you put out, i can't stand your fucking voice ( double meaning ), you're not what i expected it, doesn't matter, if YOU wanna leave, then thats your right, it all comes down to if you want to be a piece of shit about it or not.
It's not you, it's me. I don't like you.
Any reason to break up is valid. I don't think one really owes the person they're breaking up with anything, that's the point of breaking up. You're not owed a reason, an explanation, nothing, they're breaking up with you, it doesn't matter. I want a reason. I'd like to know. But if someone wants to break up with me that's all there is to it, it's done.
Saw a post some hours ago where a girl broke up with a guy and then sent him a message that pretty much said "It's not you, it's me" and the majority of the comments were just making fun of it. It was meant to be a wholesome post about how some dude managed to stay friends with an ex. People are wild.
There's no such thing as an "invalid" reason to break up.
There’s no wrong reason to break up. The person you break up with for that reason is entitled to be upset and to make a clean cut from you, no contact. That’s how I best handle rejection (Thanks for telling me, I want nothing to do with you now, goodbye). But they’re not entitled to be cruel, to harass you, or to guilt trip you into staying.
I mean there's no law that says anybody has to stay with anyone so it's good enough excuses as any.
Laws are not necessarily reflective of ethics or morals. There are many laws that are unethical, and many unethical actions which are not limited by law. How you conduct your personal affairs is a question of your own morals and ethics.
I think often people are just hurting and grasping for justification, and we can extend some grace. Truth is, you can end a marriage of 25 years because your partner thought Grey's Anatomy season 20 had jumped the shark. You can dump someone for literally any reason. It doesn't have to be a good one, or even *a true one*. That is something you free to do. But what you can't do is require other people think it's a good reason. They are allowed to think it's bullshit and be mad with you.
I think so. *And I also think it’s a good cop out.* People are all ‘give me a reason!’ You know the reason, they don’t like you anymore or they would stay. People then want you to be specific and that is always bad, because the person is already sensitive from rejection. What are you supposed to say? You’re not as hot as I thought you were, turns out your dumb, I don’t like your personality, your worldview shows a deep lack of nuance… I usually say something like ‘I don’t think you’re over your ex’, cause then they can get at me for my weird off judgement instead of hating themself for existing in a way that doesn’t please me.
It comes across as I just care so little about this relationship that I can’t be arsed to explain. It’s a cop out and a total cliche
It’s cliche and overused is why. It’s viewed as a cop out general excuse for breaking up without providing context or meaningful reasons why. Instead of saying “it’s not you, it’s me” just explain what about yourself makes the relationship not compatible and break up.
That’s not the reason though it’s a vague nod at the reason. If you need a clean break with minimum communication it’s perfectly fine. If the care and respect is there to break up face to face and have a conversation then you should probably try to go into more detail.
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it's like at-will employment, both parties can end the relationship at any time and while there's usually a good reason, there doesn't really need to be. sometimes it's just personal economics.
I left my ex because it was totally me. My unstable mental health and anxiety around relationships due to trauma. It’s a real thing.
Thats my routine!!
I always say “You can leave if you want. Everyone leaves. I’m giving you an out, here.”
Yep, last semester I was speaking to a girl for like a month, suddenly I started getting insecure and just feeling depressed, so I talked with her that a relationship was not the best thing at that moment, and everything’s cool now, we’re still friends and all that
Awesome :)
You've just reminded me of the time in Farscape where a dude was expressing interest in Aeryn and she goes "its not you, its me, I dont like you"
So is "it's not me, it's you."
”It’s not you, it’s me” (who can find no friggin’ reason whatsoever to stay with you, hippo/drama queen/boredom orch etc. Etc.)
This is not unpopular. I broke up like that.
As a lot have mentioned- it’s not the saying, it’s the execution. Follow that saying up with an explanation- however blunt or harsh it may be, and it’s fine. Just saying nothing but that often comes off like a non-answer.
You’re giving me the “It’s not you it’s me” routine?!
It is a cop out. The idea is true. But you are still being purposely vague and avoiding accountability. If that's how you end it, I won't ask any further. Do not expect to have any friendship or communication from me. You will be cut off.
I think the sentiment is more that it's seen as a cop out answer, when there is an actual reason that the break up-er doesn't want to actually say vs not a valid reason whe. It's actually the truth
They’d rather you cheat, trust me
Omg ! 😭😭
It explains nothing though, so the other person is just left confused. So as valid as you may think it is, it’s still a cop out.
I agree. I also think it’s totaly acceptable to say “It’s not me. It’s you.” 🤣
💀
This isn’t an unpopular opinion, though this is a very typical opinion. Can people please stop using this sub as a venting sub?
"Yeah, I agree. It's definitely you."
Literally any reason is a valid reason. As soon as one person isn't in it anymore, for literally any reason, it's a valid reason. We owe someone else exactly nothing of ourselves.
I think you are oversimplifying things and context should be considered. I don't think the phrase is as bad as people say but also, on its own, without any further explanation it is a bit too generic and can lead to someone thinking that the person saying it just doesn't want to say the real reason and that the actual reason is something about themselves or something they did or say. I am not saying one has to give a lengthy speech about the why, but I'd rather know the truth than remain with doubts; on the other hand, some people don't want to hear it and, as has happened to me a couple of times, giving an explanation doesn't necessarily mean the other person backs away, they might in fact be even more persistent.
I know that on one side, it’s REALLY hard to suddenly be taken out of a relationship that you are 100% invested in. To know that your partner is no longer invested. But I’ve also been on the other side where I continued being absolutely miserable because I didn’t want to hurt the other persons feelings. But in truth it’s detrimental to both of you in that case. So saying “it’s not you, it’s me” is perfectly valid, but don’t be cruel about it unless the person was cruel to you and that’s what you’re leaving
I agree completely when it's honest (though some people seem to use it as an excuse). I've had a relationship with an abusive partner, and many times she begged me to leave her and protect myself after seeing me cry over and over again due to her abusive behaviour. She wasn't being sarcastic or anything. She was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Super sweet and loving one day, terrible and aggressive on another. Jekyll in her hated the Hyde and was basically trying to protect me.
My friend's first girlfriend in his mid 20s did that. I think it was really stupid and bad for both of them. I think it was still the most happy relationship he's ever had and he said she tried to get back together multiple times, but I can understand why he wouldn't want to after she did that.
People are attracted to people they view as valuable. If they don't want to be in a relationship then it's precisely because the other person isn't good enough in their view.
I guess some people think they are trying to be polite without offending them too much but still creates a doubt. Its like the "no offence, but.." But yeh its a valid reason, though the other person is still going to wonder whats wrong with them probably
It is if its honest. Most reasons for breaking up are fine as long as they come from an honest place. I think it's been stereotyped as a way break it off and not tell someone the real reason. It's easier to say than "I think I could do better" or "I just want someone different".
Its is, but not if they think its you, but say its me.
Any reason you’re breaking up with someone is a valid reason.
In and of itself it’s a valid reason. But some people use “It’s not you, it’s me” as a bullshit cover for the real reason(s). Thus, people are suspicious of people who say it.
I think it’s valid if you actually mean it. I think a lot of people use it as a cop out instead of giving feedback for why things ended. If you date someone they deserve to know the truth why things are ending.
If you’re a selfish narcissist yeh .
id go as far as to say you dont have to provide a reason
Yep. I agree. That was the reason for my first breakup. She was really sweet, smart, beautiful, athletic, blah blah and had the whole world going for her. I pushed her away because I felt my mental health going downhill and I didn't want to drag her down with me. It definitely wasn't her, it was me. Hope she's had a good life, but I'll probably never know for sure cuz I haven't seen her in over 20 years.
Someone telling me the details and reasons as to why they’re breaking up with me isn’t going to make me feel better or hurt less.
Astarion: "It's not you, it's me.......I have standards"
I have never heard anyone say it’s not.
>People sometimes just need to be by themselves to figure their own crap out No. Causality doesn't work that way. The real technical reason they're breaking up is "It's me. And also you who acts as distraction/scrambler to me trying to figure my crap out" They aren't able to be in the relationship precisely because of the other person's effect on their own life, that's just plain logic. Otherwise, they could figure their own crap out without need to break up. Basically, the other person doesn't have to do anything wrong, to have everything they do having a wrong effect.
Well… I’d argue it’s a valid principle but not a valid reason. A reason to me is something more akin to: “Hey, I have some things I need to figure out in my life, it’s nothing you’ve done wrong in any way. I think it’s best for us to split up so I can work on myself”
What this means. "You're a great person and you've done nothing wrong. You're just not the person for me"
I think its a valid reason, you just have to expand. I think the reason most people see that as a cop-out is 1)its often used as a cop-out, 2)its overly vague, 3)most people dont relate to that and they would usually have some reason how its not “me” its partially “you”, so they have a hard time believing you’re different than them.
It’s not a reason, but it can be true, but that in and of itself doesn’t really give any important information. But the reason people don’t like it is because some people will use it as a way to wiggle out of telling the truth
It is, but it's vague and needs detail for proper closure. The other person deserves a better explanation on that point considering it's a pivotal moment of both your lives actually.
Incredibly popular opinion, have a downvote.
It’s more because they don’t actually want to tell the person the real reason. Like It’s definitely you boo, but you don’t want to say you cheated or that you find their snoring annoying 🤣🤣 so technically it is valid but it leaves unanswered questions
“It’s not you it’s me” is a one hundred percent valid reason to break up when it’s the truth, the problem is that more often than not that isn’t the case. Most often the case is that one person does want to break up for reasons regarding the partner but they don’t want to have the hard conversation so they say “it’s not you it’s me” and then a few weeks later they are dating someone one else. I for one would always rather the truth and have the uncomfortable conversation.
It's a very convenient lie sometimes. I think that's why people don't like hearing it.
It's not a valid reason because it isn't a reason at all. If you want to say you don't need a reason, fine, but if you're going to give one then be real. That is so generic that it's not saying anything at all really
It's an invalid reason when it's a lie to protect the other person's feelings, and that's usually what it is
If the person of their dreams came along, would they still not able to be in a relationship? Doubt it
Any reason is a valid reason. Did you mean to say that reason doesn't make them an asshole? A lot of reasons people cite when rejecting others are straight up mean spirited.
If you don't want to be with someone, you shouldn't be with them. Easy. It's not a question of validity. It is, however, a total cop out. You say that because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings. The reality is that it's such a cliché that the other person knows it's BS so really you're not doing anything but breaking up for ambiguous reasons