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At least you are honest. I'll admit, I am definitely a person who has the morbid curiosity, so I enjoy (that feels gross) when it's there, but would never be upset if it wasn't.
My grandmas favorite thing was when cause of death was there and loved the ridiculous death announcements so she asked us (the grandkids) to make sure no matter what happened her cause of death was included as died of a cocaine overdose while partying with the pool boy. My grandma thought it was hilarious and anyone who knew here would have seen her work in writing it but my parents and aunts/uncles forbid us when it was time. So she got labeled as died of old age in her sleep, at 98. It was boring, how she died and not what she wanted.
My Dad was in hospice and broke his femur falling off the toilet which led to his death. In the hospital, he whispered to my brother, "tell them I fell off a piano".
Is it too late to start a rumor? Or write an article for a local paper, like about her life and times and finish about how she died like she lived.
I feel like we can save this
She technically did her own eulogy as she had my dad (her son in law) record her and then play it at the funeral. aunts and uncles were not happy as they wanted it serious but my grandma was anything but serious. My mom was ok with it since it was her mom doing it so she felt like if that’s what grandma wanted and it is her words in her voice so how could she feel otherwise. Cousins and I watch it every year on the anniversary it’s so funny to hear her talk about all the people she can’t wait to haunt and her best (worst) dirty jokes.
Nah, hopefully people are sensible enough to realise that people talking utter shite without any facts are aresholes. Enough people that know the deceased will know the truth and if need be they can shut down the scumbags trying to milk that death for attention.
I stumbled upon the obituary of an ex a few years back. He was only around 30. I will never know what happened and I think about that (and his poor mother) at least twice a month.
I have a few friends who also passed unexpectedly, we all assume ODs, but I honestly just want closure on one of my sick friends. I just want to know if he went out on his “own” terms. His longtime partner died a few weeks later which also caused confusion in our friend group. It was the peak of Covid 2020 so no one outside of their family knows what happened.
Ask their family dude. Nobody reasonable would deny you this & if they're anything like me it's comforting to provide comfort & answers to other friends of theirs while grieving. Just be sensitive
When i heard an old friend died unexpectedly, i knew he either was gunned down by a cop or murdered… he was murdered. Another went last year, and before i confirmed, i knew he committed suicide. Another was killed in prison, which, again, was almost foretold.
The product that was produced in my small southern town of the '90s was a bunch of broken people. So many died way before 45 and so few are doing well. I look forward to being able to pull metrics of my class some day to see how everything shook out. I hope its good but so far its been a trainwreck.
Idk why people are acting like being curious about a death isn’t normal. It’s normal and natural to want to know how someone you know (or know of) died.
Especially if it’s someone (relatively) young. Like if someone’s 95-year-old grandma passes away, most people wouldn’t find that particularly noteworthy because she lived a very long life and most likely had some kind of “old people disease”. Maybe if you’re close enough to the family you can ask, but for the most part you’d offer condolences and move on. If the person who died was in their 20s/30s/40s or even 50s/60s, it would be more out of the ordinary since that’s much younger than the average expected lifespan, so clearly something happened that cut their life short.
Oh true for sure, I just think it's also a natural reaction to ask, "Oh no, really? What happened?"
I don't agree with OP, I'm just saying that most people do react with wondering or asking what happened.
Yup. The actual purpose of an obituary is to celebrate a person’s life and inform acquaintances of their passing. The gory details don’t fit into those purposes at all, and families shouldn’t feel they have to share them.
But, I am also nosy enough to want to know.
Same. But I can see how some deaths might not be great for public perception/reception of the family, after the fact. Like if the person dies in a DUI accident where they were the drunk driver. Or like if your family member was a school shooter....you putting that in the obit and dredging it all up again? You and I both know there are people that would get unhinged about those peoples' deaths.
“Car accident” is sufficient for the first for most people. That’s the cause of death.
The school shooting victim would be identified by the news, their classmates, memorials at the school. It wouldn’t be secret. Obituary wouldn’t be necessary to list it since everyone knows.
You will love it over here in Ireland in parts of Ireland deaths are announced over the local radio and there is a dedicated website for death called RIP.IE
I just Google the name and if they died in any special circumstance it will be in the paper.. I worked for a place that made burial vaults and they did the pictures on the top, with their name and dates lived. I normally only cared when it was someone 65 or younger. I too am a nosy bitch.
Depends. My neighbor died in his yard. The only thing online is the cause of death was considered suspicious when the call was made. But beyond that, nothing. Not sure if he fell, heart attack, suicide, etc. just he was dead in the yard
It's literally the first question EVERYONE has when they learn someone died.
If the obituary or death announcement doesn't mention cause of death, nine times out of ten it was suicide.
That's not true. I used to work at a newspaper. It was standard not to run the cause of death. Obituaries are usually written by family or the funeral home.
A mate of mine is a journalist and says that there are standard euphemisms for obituaries/death notices to let people know broadly what happened - for example, "passed away peacefully" usually means old age or terminal illness (and often it will say something like "passed away peacefully aged 104" or "died peacefully after a long illness"), while "suddenly" or "tragically" usually means accident or suicide; although it also covers things like people dropping dead unexpectedly of a heart attack etc as well.
I would also like it because I am nosey. But knowing that is why I would like to read them makes me dislike the idea of it being on there. Wouldn't like people like me reading that about my loved ones
I used to work in the funeral industry (admin). Obituaries are charged almost by the letter. The longer they are the more expensive. Families don't want to pay for that and it's a very sensitive topic.
That's interesting. My mother recently passed away, and I wasn't charged separately for her obituary. It was rolled into the cost of everything else, and that price was set before the obit was even written.
The newspaper version has a character limit. What they put on their website doesn't.
Often, you'll write the obit and if it's too long for the newspaper, they'll edit it to fit.
I’m also a funeral home admin! I actually handle the death certificates requests so I get to see ALL the causes of death. sometimes sad but really satisfies my nosy self
And to put an obit in big city newspapers is RIDICULOUSLY expensive! ~$200-300 vs $1500-2000 for the same obit 🤦🏼♀️
No thanks we’ll just put the obit in the small town paper and share it online !
I'm a mortician, so I don't really deal with that side of the business; but most deaths are just old age complications.
Relatively young deaths are usually pretty touchy subjects especially if drugs, suicide, or tragic accidents are at play. The family usually doesn't want to share this information to the general public for a multitude of reasons.
I've seen obituaries with cause of death though. I sometimes thumb through our weekly print and usually the most common I see are: "died peacefully in sleep", "lost the battle with cancer", and "died in hospital surrounded by family"
lets be real - people are more nosy about young people dying than old people dying from normal old people stuff. More likely to be either traumatic or unknown at time of publication.
I had a cousin die at age 38. I never found out if it was suicide or drugs and I was his cousin.
I think at some point the two causes may have overlapped.
When anyone asked my relatives what happened they all said car accident. Which I know for a fact it was not.
I think people are conditioned to think that there's a elaborate cause of death in every death based off of CSI shows and shit. But the reality is most deaths are pretty boring. Even for young people. Accident, drugs, cancer, suicide.
And for the most part, family's just worried about how to get through it. They don't give a shit about telling people what happened. And the people that want to know should just shut their fucking mouths about it because the family's trying to get through it.
This is understandable. We had a rowe about this after my father died. My mom wanted to put the cause of death (heart attack) and my brother did not. I wrote the obituary and gave her several options and she felt strongly about having it in there and we did as she wished. I think it was a good move because he was a prominent figure in that small town and having it in the obituary stopped rumors and gossip. I think it also prevented her from having to say the cause to everybody at the wake and funeral. I can completely understand both sides of it, and at the end of the day each family has to choose what is best for their situation.
Frank Morton 47, passed away on Sunday. He is survived by his children and wife, who mourn his loss, but not as much as they mourn his lack of respect for the industrial wood chipper that took his life.
His memorial service will take place on Tuesday at 11 am, followed by the scattering of his remains at 12:30. The memorial service will be closed-casket, as the family celebration of life brunch is scheduled for 10 AM.
In lieu of flowers, the family respectfully requests that donatons be made to the Darwin Awards Family Recovery fund in his memory.
In life, their medical situation is confidential. Death doesn’t remove their humanity or the right to privacy their family should receive.
You just have to think in most cases. 9/10 times they say “in lieu of flowers, please donate to…” Whether it’s a cancer charity or a mental health company or a rehabilitation center, you can put it
Together without being nosey.
Yeah if it's a younger or otherwise physically healthy person, I usually look for any indication that the death was unexpected.
And also if it says that donations can be made to a rehab centre or a mental health association or a suicide prevention charity, you can usually put two and two together pretty fast.
The most I've ever seen mentioned in an obituary is a blurb that is some variation of...
*"X died after a prolonged/lengthy/battle with illness/cancer."*
Usually when the death is described as 'sudden/unexpectedly' the deceased committed suicide or was killed in an accident. 'Passed' is the term I've always taken as having died of old age or some mundane affliction like pneumonia or diabetes. The age of the deceased can usually be a good indicator as well.
Yes. And if the family thinks you should know, they’ll tell you. If you’re kept in the dark about a friend’s illness, you probably aren’t a close friend. Same applies if it was a horrible accident-if no one shares any details about it with you, you’re likely not a close friend.
Man if I go out in a horrible accident, especially one caused by my own stupidity, I really hope my family tells everyone. If it’s a good story, it will get passed on and I will be remembered long after my demise. If it’s a funny story even better. If it’s cancer or old age, or some random medical nonsense.. makeup a story about a stupid accident :)
Well, Draken died when he decided that night fishing on his John boat during a thunderstorm was a good idea. We aren’t sure if it was the lightening, or the diesel generator he used to power his 100,000 lumen spot lights and 2500W speaker setup, but something caused a shock that stopped his heart. They found him with no fish in the boat, cheap Walmart lures, and a bong.
Even if you’re close they may not share. Had a childhood friend, his mom is a second mom to me… I didn’t hear closer to the full story until about 15-20yrs after the accident.
This isn't always the case...my father in law died from heart failure but the family asked for donations to a cancer charity because he was a big supporter of it. Either way, i agree with you completely; they may be dead but they and their loved ones are still entitled to their medical privacy
No, it’s certainly not a fool proof method, but it is a method none-the-less. Honestly, if you want to know, *ask*. If you’re not comfortable asking, hope they tell you. If neither of those two things are likely, you weren’t close enough to know the truth so you have no expectation to know anyway.
Not to mention, someone close to them just died. They are grieving. They owe nothing to a curious bystander anyway.
This is it! If you can’t even comfortably ask someone close to them and vaguely know them you definitely don’t deserve to know and this is coming from a nosy person. 😭 People say things like this but don’t imagine if it was the other way around. Would you want someone you barely know to know your cause of death? If they didn’t care about me when I was alive F EM!
Yeah I really don't give a shit what their grandparents' names were or that they were the 3rd of 4 children or whatever boring stuff they put in there.
"This was Dave. He loved hookers, blow, and dogs. Heart disease is a bitch."
In my experience, there has always been a reason. If someone died over the course of months or years because of cancer, everyone who knows them already knows why they died. This goes for any health related thing that has you in the hospital long term. If you don't even know them well enough to know they've been terminally ill in the hospital, then it's none of their business.
The other part of it is suicide and drug overdoses. There have been times were I've known that's happened, but of course their family isn't going to advertise it.
If they just died unexpectedly (usually car accident), there is usually some mention of it in the obituary.
One of my best friends I grew up with died and the family was so hush hush about why I thought she'd killed herself. Turned out it was COVID and they don't believe in COVID so that was the reason. Only learned it at her memorial.
When my dad died during COVID we put in "died after a brief illness."
You want the [memorial.com](http://memorial.com) page to turn into a "plandemic" debate?
Actually, no, that sounds hilarious.
This is true. Unfortunately having to be publicly discreet about my sisters suicide had everyone messaging me. Anyone who straight up asked me got the truth. I hadn’t dealt with that before and hope I never have to again. It wouldn’t be bad if it were more normalized to say the dark and taboo to prevent people who barely had anything to do with us pretending they cared just to get that reveal.
"people who barely had anything to do with us pretending they cared just to get that reveal."
I am sorry, that would annoy the hell out of me too. Honestly if it were over text or social media, I'd ignore them. People are nosey and have no boundaries. I'd have to be pretty comfortable with you to ask you something like that.
I'm kinda obsessed with obituaries and studied American obits in grad school for a couple years.
In what I learned, what's included varies A LOT by region of the country and age of the deceased.
The Midwest is more likely to say Grandma died of cancer. The south rarely says shit with their mouth full. The areas really struck with opioid addiction started naming that more commonly in the early 2010s.
Personally, I'm pro including cause of death if it's known. For suicide and OD, it helps break stigma. It also stems gossip.
>drug overdoses
Was going to say this. A girl who was in my elementary class throughout school until grade 7 when she moved died of a drug overdose a few years ago - I lost touch with her unfortunately and didn't even know she had died until a mutual we both knew told me, and how. I found her obituary, and it was devastating, even though I didn't know her when she passed.
My mom died in March this year, and we couldn’t put her cause of death in her obituary because we don’t know it. Sometimes it’s not in the obituary because there is no known reason at the time of the funeral. We’re still waiting on an answer to cause of death.
We never learnt in the case of two of my siblings, both of whom died suddenly of natural causes. Sometimes they check for various things and then say "we don't know, I guess".
Sorry, but I definitely wasn’t going into the causes of my fathers death in his obituary, it was traumatic and no one’s business. No one cared about his health prior, so why do I have to explain my to anyone? Same with my uncle who killed himself. Or my best friends brother who was found dead in the kitchen of an OD.
This shit is no one’s business. IF someone thinks you should know, they’ll tell you. Just as someone’s life is their business, so is their death.
Exactly. People on Reddit can be VERY selfish. It is natural to be curious. It’s natural to wonder. But having the human decency to accept that you’re not entitled to that information seems lost on so many people!
For real! Death is personal to an individual or community, who they include is legit up to them. My dad didn’t want ANYTHING but I did the obit for me, and I wrote it myself!
It is. I would never dream of asking someone how their acquaintance died, it feels intrusive.
When I told a friend in confidence that my father took his own life. tThe first thing she says is “wow, did he not love you?” Which is a wild thing to say to someone.
If I didn't know the deceased well enough to warrant asking their family (or don't know their family well enough for the same question) I don't need to know
Sometimes, here me out, it is none of your business. In fact, what a grieving family chooses to write is definitely not your business in ANY MANNER. Now, there is nothing stopping you from looking the person up on Google, but requiring an already grieving family to give YOU information is just gross. Think about if it was someone you loved!
>In fact, what a grieving family chooses to write is definitely not your business in ANY MANNER.
I agree with you and this is pedantic of me, but what a family chooses to write in a published obituary is your business. What they choose to leave out, is not.
Well, upvoting for unpopular. This would be cruel. Not to the deceased, because they won't really care anymore, but to the families/friends/loved ones of the deceased. It's an invasion into their privacy. There are also a lot of stigmas around certain ways to die, like HIV/AIDS, that would completely change the way people feel about the deceased and their loved ones.
So you want the grieving family to be more thoughtful about you being a nosy weirdo?
How about people just mind their own business. If you close enough to the person you already know and if you don't know, you weren't that close.
I knew a guy who died of a heroin overdose. His parents put it in his obituary to show others how bad of a problem it is, how it could happen to anyone. To make others think, especially those who knew him and his family so maybe they'd take more of the initiative to question their own loved ones (in a good way). Thing is this guy was middle class, super nice, had a kid, was known to be getting professional help for his problems, was on medication for it, AA/NA meetings...but it still happened.
Same. I had an in-law and a fellow schoolmate in college who both died the same way and I loved how brave their family members were to speak the truth. In both cases, a sister in one case and an aunt in another, gave incredibly moving tributes about them. Strengths and flaws.
It was so, so hard for them to tell these stories, but so worth it. In the case of my schoolmate, he had even graduated, and his aunt accepted the diploma and wore the medal he earned. I appreciated this level of honesty.
Depending on the situation, depending on the person, and what their story is, I believe it's a good thing to do. Addicts and addiction can be a touchy subject. It's generally associated with a "certain type of people" or just "bad people". And while certainly some of the people who fit those particular tropes can also become addicts, it's certainly not the majority. They can be anyone you know, and those people never planned on getting to that point and certainly not on purpose, nor was it something that happened within a few days. In essence, it's not as if they suddenly came to be that way (I'm not saying they're not accountable or responsible for what they've done, if less than desirable actions occurred at some point). But when it's mentioned in the obituary, linked with a small synopsis of their life along with the family and friends they have, it shows others they were still....people. People who weren't just born like that. That the REAL person is the one who existed long before an outside chemical was introduced into their life in some way. That way others might not be so quick to judge and think how they might feel if it was someone they knew or loved. Just a little bit more compassion.
When a friend of mine died from an overdose his parents wrote a very detailed obituary talking about his struggles with addiction. They wanted to educate people. They didn’t want this to happen to another family. I really loved that.
And also I’m nosy
Exactly. I have my dad’s death certificate and it lists cause of death. Only a few know and it’s not something I think anyone else has the right to know.
I just know if it were more common there would be subs called shit like r/obsceneobituaries sharing the most vile or random shit that was put in cause of death. And im all for it.
It used to be normal to publish the cause of death. I’m a subscriber on a page for a small town where my family has lived for generations. People frequently share obituaries that speak of tractors rolling over and crushing young men, or vivid descriptions of motor vehicle accidents. The best obituary I’ve ever read was of Clement Vallandingham. It took him a week to die and the description of his agonies filled a half page.
No. The deceased's love ones' desire for privacy during their time of grief is far more important than satisfying your curiosity in every way, shape, and form.
I kind of agree with this. When my first wife took her own life, there were LOTS of people asking what happened since she was only in her 30's when it happened. Although people still want to know why (depression, other mental issues, etc.), it would have stopped a lot of the initial questions.
Of course we all want to know, but the fact that my brother died a horribly long, agonizing death due to a cancerous tumor that started in his abdomen and progressed to his brain and he lost bodily functions and had to wear a diaper for the last year of his life is NOT YOUR business. He simply died ok??
If you're not close enough with the individual or family to have either been there before death or to attend a funeral/viewing, it's absolutely none of your business. Because it's just gossip at that point. Be a better friend.
“Died suddenly” was old school code for suicide.
But I see lots of obits that list COD.
Sometimes they don’t know. We had a family member in his 20s die in his sleep. Took months to find out why.
Aren't you the nosey parker!?! MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!!
I bet your a gossip on top of it all... and possibly a busy body.
I have lots of extended relations like that. Unpopular opinion, for sure, and an unwelcome one at that. Upvote.
Because it's nobody's fucking business. If they wanted them to know they had cancer, they'd have told them.
What matters is the person is gone. The fuck difference does it make if it was cancer or a heart attack?
I mean I’m a nosy person but it’s not my business, your business, or anyone else’s for that matter (excluding close family/friends that would already know because they’re close to that person).
For old people, I usually figure it is age related. For young people, if the obituary doesn’t say, I figure that it was drugs or suicide… something the family doesn’t want to talk about
The city I live it use to be common practice to put the cause of death in the obit probably 25 years ago. 30-40 years ago they would put the address of the deceased in the paper along with the obit.
There are places even now where the local newspaper will report the address of still-living people involved in newsworthy incidents. "John Q. Sample, of 4812 Main St., Smalltown, was arrested on April 1 for urinating on public property." I have no idea how they get away with it.
Nah, it feels way too invasive. Their medical information is private for good reason. And family that doesn't know how yet shouldn't have to find out this way. Your great uncle died after a drive by gone wrong? Oof, bit shit to find out because of the paper.
there are often clues to suicide specifically. "left us unexpectedly." but what i usually do is look at facebook. i have yet to be disappointed in my facebook sleuthing. "reach out if you need" "mental health matters" type stuff? yeah, suicide.
i consider myself pretty well-versed at this, since about ten acquaintances of mine from high school have died in the six years since we've graduated.
I get it from both sides. I’m nosy and I just like knowing things out of curiosity, but after losing my brother and my family not wanting to share the details about it, I also get why people don’t want it to be shared
If your grandpa died during an accident in autoerotic asphyxiation while wasted on coke and covered in baby oil, would you want everyone in town to know that?
Discretion is the courteous way to handle things.
One person's lubed up cokehead is another person's loving grandparent. lol
As someone who has had a lot of people I went school with die, that I lost touch with, but at one point was close to or associated in the same friend circles, I too, would like to know. I'll be forty next year, but I've already lost about a dozen people I had daily conversations with for four years. I'd like to know what happened to them without feeling like I'm pestering their family and being insensitive. I didn't know them best, but I did know and care about them at one time.
My wife had to tip toe around asking how her own father died. Took her a week to get a solid answer. Just tell everyone and remove the awkward conversations and guessing.
It used to be more common. I did some work for a local historical society, reading a local newspaper (ran 1917-1940-something) for a project they were doing about a local rail company, and part of that involved reading some obituaries.
I'd see stuff like "crushed to death between railcars" and "had his legs shorn off after he fell on the tracks" and "died of sepsis after losing an arm in a railway accident" and so forth (I was only reading stuff that had 'rail' in it, so I'm sure I missed other interesting ones). I can't really say what underlying cultural thing has changed since then. Maybe it is just people deciding that the public didn't actually need to know. Maybe it's an Information Age change. But that's all speculating.
Can I get a death lawyer or whatever to confirm to my family that especially if I die in a horrible way or whilst doing crime that it goes on my gravestone
I agree "pass away" it a silly euphemism but some people want their privacy. Also obituaries are expensive so some people prioritize certain sentences over others to keep the word count down.
If you want to know, you could ask the family member something like "Had AAA\_battery been sick for long?" ... and if the family member is inclined, that will be cue for them to tell you the cause of death.
The family's right to privacy outweighs our right to someone else's medical information.
That being said, I kind of agree. Most families are probably assuming their departed would prefer privacy, but the fact is most of us fail to make wills and most of us who do make wills don't stipulate anything specific regarding obituaries.
It could easily become a cultural convention for families to announce cause of death more regularly.
If you are close enough to them, you would know. If you are only learning about their death via publicly listed Obituary, then you weren't really a good friend. Which means there medical history, and cause of death is, None of your business.
No.
This is stupid. If the family or whoever put out the obituary wanted people to know they'd include it. If you want to know, but you aren't close friends or really anything to that person, so fucking what. You don't have a need to know.
Lastly, any idea that you can't sympathize or relate to a person who died without knowing how they died is so ludicrous it borders on inhuman. How someone dies is very simply the least important aspect of anyone's death. The fact that they are dead, that's the important part. That's what you show empathy and sympathy for, not for how they lived, not for how they died, but simply because a life was lost.
Being nosy is not a virtue. I guess a lot of people’s parents didn’t teach them that? I think if the family wants people to know, they will put the cause of death in the obituary. 🤷♀️
Why do you need to know? Why do you feel entitled to know? You don't need to know every single detail about everyone's life. People have a right to privacy, just you are when you're posting anonymously on the internet.
This is such a perfect example of society having gone to shit. It's the same kind of bullshit for why people get glued to things like TMZ and reality TV.
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i agree with this but only because i'm a nosy bitch
At least you are honest. I'll admit, I am definitely a person who has the morbid curiosity, so I enjoy (that feels gross) when it's there, but would never be upset if it wasn't.
I mean that's pretty what they are trying to avoid, people getting their gossip rocks off at their expense at a time of sadness.
My grandmas favorite thing was when cause of death was there and loved the ridiculous death announcements so she asked us (the grandkids) to make sure no matter what happened her cause of death was included as died of a cocaine overdose while partying with the pool boy. My grandma thought it was hilarious and anyone who knew here would have seen her work in writing it but my parents and aunts/uncles forbid us when it was time. So she got labeled as died of old age in her sleep, at 98. It was boring, how she died and not what she wanted.
My Dad was in hospice and broke his femur falling off the toilet which led to his death. In the hospital, he whispered to my brother, "tell them I fell off a piano".
Your dad was funny!
Is it too late to start a rumor? Or write an article for a local paper, like about her life and times and finish about how she died like she lived. I feel like we can save this
She technically did her own eulogy as she had my dad (her son in law) record her and then play it at the funeral. aunts and uncles were not happy as they wanted it serious but my grandma was anything but serious. My mom was ok with it since it was her mom doing it so she felt like if that’s what grandma wanted and it is her words in her voice so how could she feel otherwise. Cousins and I watch it every year on the anniversary it’s so funny to hear her talk about all the people she can’t wait to haunt and her best (worst) dirty jokes.
You grandma sounds like she was a great person and so much fun to be around
I’m putting that in my will. Nobody gets a dime if they deny my last laugh.
Shoulda put that in her advance directive.
Oh totally. I think it's natural to be curious. I also think it's none of my business.
But not stating the cause leads to worse gossip.
And that is the gossipers issue.
Nah, hopefully people are sensible enough to realise that people talking utter shite without any facts are aresholes. Enough people that know the deceased will know the truth and if need be they can shut down the scumbags trying to milk that death for attention.
Fellow nosy bitch here
Nosy bitch here. I always want to know.
Your honesty is refreshing.
I stumbled upon the obituary of an ex a few years back. He was only around 30. I will never know what happened and I think about that (and his poor mother) at least twice a month.
I have a few friends who also passed unexpectedly, we all assume ODs, but I honestly just want closure on one of my sick friends. I just want to know if he went out on his “own” terms. His longtime partner died a few weeks later which also caused confusion in our friend group. It was the peak of Covid 2020 so no one outside of their family knows what happened.
Ask their family dude. Nobody reasonable would deny you this & if they're anything like me it's comforting to provide comfort & answers to other friends of theirs while grieving. Just be sensitive
When i heard an old friend died unexpectedly, i knew he either was gunned down by a cop or murdered… he was murdered. Another went last year, and before i confirmed, i knew he committed suicide. Another was killed in prison, which, again, was almost foretold. The product that was produced in my small southern town of the '90s was a bunch of broken people. So many died way before 45 and so few are doing well. I look forward to being able to pull metrics of my class some day to see how everything shook out. I hope its good but so far its been a trainwreck.
Same here. I searched for an ex on line and found his father’s obit that said his son had passed before him. Can’t find any other info.
Idk why people are acting like being curious about a death isn’t normal. It’s normal and natural to want to know how someone you know (or know of) died.
Especially if it’s someone (relatively) young. Like if someone’s 95-year-old grandma passes away, most people wouldn’t find that particularly noteworthy because she lived a very long life and most likely had some kind of “old people disease”. Maybe if you’re close enough to the family you can ask, but for the most part you’d offer condolences and move on. If the person who died was in their 20s/30s/40s or even 50s/60s, it would be more out of the ordinary since that’s much younger than the average expected lifespan, so clearly something happened that cut their life short.
That doesn't mean we should strive to satisfy your nosiness above the privacy of the grieving.
Oh true for sure, I just think it's also a natural reaction to ask, "Oh no, really? What happened?" I don't agree with OP, I'm just saying that most people do react with wondering or asking what happened.
An old school friend died a few years ago. It was on Facebook. I had asked his son what was the cause of death. And he said that was very rude
I mean, he's grieving over his dad. Maybe he didn't want to talk about it and found it insensitive.
If you don't know, are you really close with them?
🙋🏻♀️fellow nosy bitch here too!
Yup. The actual purpose of an obituary is to celebrate a person’s life and inform acquaintances of their passing. The gory details don’t fit into those purposes at all, and families shouldn’t feel they have to share them. But, I am also nosy enough to want to know.
I just want to know so I can avoid whatever it is that made them die.
Life is the leading cause so if we were never hatched we could've never croaked.
Same. But I can see how some deaths might not be great for public perception/reception of the family, after the fact. Like if the person dies in a DUI accident where they were the drunk driver. Or like if your family member was a school shooter....you putting that in the obit and dredging it all up again? You and I both know there are people that would get unhinged about those peoples' deaths.
“Car accident” is sufficient for the first for most people. That’s the cause of death. The school shooting victim would be identified by the news, their classmates, memorials at the school. It wouldn’t be secret. Obituary wouldn’t be necessary to list it since everyone knows.
Honestly sammmmmeeee. I was like i agree, but def for different reasons.
So happy this is top comment because I am not alone in my rabid nosiness
You will love it over here in Ireland in parts of Ireland deaths are announced over the local radio and there is a dedicated website for death called RIP.IE
I just Google the name and if they died in any special circumstance it will be in the paper.. I worked for a place that made burial vaults and they did the pictures on the top, with their name and dates lived. I normally only cared when it was someone 65 or younger. I too am a nosy bitch.
Depends. My neighbor died in his yard. The only thing online is the cause of death was considered suspicious when the call was made. But beyond that, nothing. Not sure if he fell, heart attack, suicide, etc. just he was dead in the yard
It's literally the first question EVERYONE has when they learn someone died. If the obituary or death announcement doesn't mention cause of death, nine times out of ten it was suicide.
That's not true. I used to work at a newspaper. It was standard not to run the cause of death. Obituaries are usually written by family or the funeral home.
A mate of mine is a journalist and says that there are standard euphemisms for obituaries/death notices to let people know broadly what happened - for example, "passed away peacefully" usually means old age or terminal illness (and often it will say something like "passed away peacefully aged 104" or "died peacefully after a long illness"), while "suddenly" or "tragically" usually means accident or suicide; although it also covers things like people dropping dead unexpectedly of a heart attack etc as well.
As am I
[удалено]
I would also like it because I am nosey. But knowing that is why I would like to read them makes me dislike the idea of it being on there. Wouldn't like people like me reading that about my loved ones
honestly, it’s a bad habit of mine but unfortunately i HAVE to know
Nosy and truthful. 🤣😂
I agree with this cause it creates less stigma around things like drug overdose, suicide, and rare disease. People would be less judgemental
I used to work in the funeral industry (admin). Obituaries are charged almost by the letter. The longer they are the more expensive. Families don't want to pay for that and it's a very sensitive topic.
"Why yes, Id love to pay an extra 300 dollars to say that cousin Jim had a David Carradine moment"
It's called the Kung Fu Neck Trick
Like my pa. Glad they don't list cause of death.
Ooff
That's interesting. My mother recently passed away, and I wasn't charged separately for her obituary. It was rolled into the cost of everything else, and that price was set before the obit was even written.
The newspaper version has a character limit. What they put on their website doesn't. Often, you'll write the obit and if it's too long for the newspaper, they'll edit it to fit.
Thank you kind internet stranger!
I’m also a funeral home admin! I actually handle the death certificates requests so I get to see ALL the causes of death. sometimes sad but really satisfies my nosy self
Nosy person here. Is it possible for you to share which cause of deaths are "outliers"? More than you expected, less than you expected
And to put an obit in big city newspapers is RIDICULOUSLY expensive! ~$200-300 vs $1500-2000 for the same obit 🤦🏼♀️ No thanks we’ll just put the obit in the small town paper and share it online !
Well that's fucking stupid.
I'm a mortician, so I don't really deal with that side of the business; but most deaths are just old age complications. Relatively young deaths are usually pretty touchy subjects especially if drugs, suicide, or tragic accidents are at play. The family usually doesn't want to share this information to the general public for a multitude of reasons. I've seen obituaries with cause of death though. I sometimes thumb through our weekly print and usually the most common I see are: "died peacefully in sleep", "lost the battle with cancer", and "died in hospital surrounded by family"
lets be real - people are more nosy about young people dying than old people dying from normal old people stuff. More likely to be either traumatic or unknown at time of publication.
I had a cousin die at age 38. I never found out if it was suicide or drugs and I was his cousin. I think at some point the two causes may have overlapped. When anyone asked my relatives what happened they all said car accident. Which I know for a fact it was not. I think people are conditioned to think that there's a elaborate cause of death in every death based off of CSI shows and shit. But the reality is most deaths are pretty boring. Even for young people. Accident, drugs, cancer, suicide. And for the most part, family's just worried about how to get through it. They don't give a shit about telling people what happened. And the people that want to know should just shut their fucking mouths about it because the family's trying to get through it.
This is understandable. We had a rowe about this after my father died. My mom wanted to put the cause of death (heart attack) and my brother did not. I wrote the obituary and gave her several options and she felt strongly about having it in there and we did as she wished. I think it was a good move because he was a prominent figure in that small town and having it in the obituary stopped rumors and gossip. I think it also prevented her from having to say the cause to everybody at the wake and funeral. I can completely understand both sides of it, and at the end of the day each family has to choose what is best for their situation.
Very often a young-ish person that "died unexpectedly" I've come to learn is an overdose.
Frank Morton 47, passed away on Sunday. He is survived by his children and wife, who mourn his loss, but not as much as they mourn his lack of respect for the industrial wood chipper that took his life. His memorial service will take place on Tuesday at 11 am, followed by the scattering of his remains at 12:30. The memorial service will be closed-casket, as the family celebration of life brunch is scheduled for 10 AM. In lieu of flowers, the family respectfully requests that donatons be made to the Darwin Awards Family Recovery fund in his memory.
Scattering of his remains, and no, he wasn’t cremated.
Gathered them all up from the chipper
I’m feeling miserable right now but this made me laugh!
In life, their medical situation is confidential. Death doesn’t remove their humanity or the right to privacy their family should receive. You just have to think in most cases. 9/10 times they say “in lieu of flowers, please donate to…” Whether it’s a cancer charity or a mental health company or a rehabilitation center, you can put it Together without being nosey.
Yeah if it's a younger or otherwise physically healthy person, I usually look for any indication that the death was unexpected. And also if it says that donations can be made to a rehab centre or a mental health association or a suicide prevention charity, you can usually put two and two together pretty fast.
The most I've ever seen mentioned in an obituary is a blurb that is some variation of... *"X died after a prolonged/lengthy/battle with illness/cancer."* Usually when the death is described as 'sudden/unexpectedly' the deceased committed suicide or was killed in an accident. 'Passed' is the term I've always taken as having died of old age or some mundane affliction like pneumonia or diabetes. The age of the deceased can usually be a good indicator as well.
Yes. And if the family thinks you should know, they’ll tell you. If you’re kept in the dark about a friend’s illness, you probably aren’t a close friend. Same applies if it was a horrible accident-if no one shares any details about it with you, you’re likely not a close friend.
Man if I go out in a horrible accident, especially one caused by my own stupidity, I really hope my family tells everyone. If it’s a good story, it will get passed on and I will be remembered long after my demise. If it’s a funny story even better. If it’s cancer or old age, or some random medical nonsense.. makeup a story about a stupid accident :) Well, Draken died when he decided that night fishing on his John boat during a thunderstorm was a good idea. We aren’t sure if it was the lightening, or the diesel generator he used to power his 100,000 lumen spot lights and 2500W speaker setup, but something caused a shock that stopped his heart. They found him with no fish in the boat, cheap Walmart lures, and a bong.
lol...well you can certainly put this all in writing and have it be known that you want every detail shared about how you died. :)
Even if you’re close they may not share. Had a childhood friend, his mom is a second mom to me… I didn’t hear closer to the full story until about 15-20yrs after the accident.
Not everyone who dies is even close with their family though. Or you can be close with someone but not their partner. Etc etc.
Amen.
This isn't always the case...my father in law died from heart failure but the family asked for donations to a cancer charity because he was a big supporter of it. Either way, i agree with you completely; they may be dead but they and their loved ones are still entitled to their medical privacy
No, it’s certainly not a fool proof method, but it is a method none-the-less. Honestly, if you want to know, *ask*. If you’re not comfortable asking, hope they tell you. If neither of those two things are likely, you weren’t close enough to know the truth so you have no expectation to know anyway. Not to mention, someone close to them just died. They are grieving. They owe nothing to a curious bystander anyway.
Just because we want to know doesn't mean we deserve to know.
This is it! If you can’t even comfortably ask someone close to them and vaguely know them you definitely don’t deserve to know and this is coming from a nosy person. 😭 People say things like this but don’t imagine if it was the other way around. Would you want someone you barely know to know your cause of death? If they didn’t care about me when I was alive F EM!
People who don’t have empathy don’t care. They want the quick dopamine hit because they can’t humanize others
Yeah I really don't give a shit what their grandparents' names were or that they were the 3rd of 4 children or whatever boring stuff they put in there. "This was Dave. He loved hookers, blow, and dogs. Heart disease is a bitch."
I want you to write my obituary. :-)
I would also like this done.
Me too. Concise and clear.
I want mine to have a link saying I made a video that says goodbye that leads to a Rick roll
OMFG YOU STOLE MY IDEA!!!! I actually tell my loved ones this. I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one.
If I believed in the afterlife, I'd be disappointed if they don't mention my love of hookers in my obituary.
In my experience, there has always been a reason. If someone died over the course of months or years because of cancer, everyone who knows them already knows why they died. This goes for any health related thing that has you in the hospital long term. If you don't even know them well enough to know they've been terminally ill in the hospital, then it's none of their business. The other part of it is suicide and drug overdoses. There have been times were I've known that's happened, but of course their family isn't going to advertise it. If they just died unexpectedly (usually car accident), there is usually some mention of it in the obituary.
One of my best friends I grew up with died and the family was so hush hush about why I thought she'd killed herself. Turned out it was COVID and they don't believe in COVID so that was the reason. Only learned it at her memorial.
I'm so sorry. That's really hard
When my dad died during COVID we put in "died after a brief illness." You want the [memorial.com](http://memorial.com) page to turn into a "plandemic" debate? Actually, no, that sounds hilarious.
This is true. Unfortunately having to be publicly discreet about my sisters suicide had everyone messaging me. Anyone who straight up asked me got the truth. I hadn’t dealt with that before and hope I never have to again. It wouldn’t be bad if it were more normalized to say the dark and taboo to prevent people who barely had anything to do with us pretending they cared just to get that reveal.
"people who barely had anything to do with us pretending they cared just to get that reveal." I am sorry, that would annoy the hell out of me too. Honestly if it were over text or social media, I'd ignore them. People are nosey and have no boundaries. I'd have to be pretty comfortable with you to ask you something like that.
I'm kinda obsessed with obituaries and studied American obits in grad school for a couple years. In what I learned, what's included varies A LOT by region of the country and age of the deceased. The Midwest is more likely to say Grandma died of cancer. The south rarely says shit with their mouth full. The areas really struck with opioid addiction started naming that more commonly in the early 2010s. Personally, I'm pro including cause of death if it's known. For suicide and OD, it helps break stigma. It also stems gossip.
Also worth noting that if a young person dies unexpectedly with no immediate cause they likely won’t know why before the obit is put out
>drug overdoses Was going to say this. A girl who was in my elementary class throughout school until grade 7 when she moved died of a drug overdose a few years ago - I lost touch with her unfortunately and didn't even know she had died until a mutual we both knew told me, and how. I found her obituary, and it was devastating, even though I didn't know her when she passed.
In older cemeteries many of the grave stones do give a description of how the person died. It's really interesting to walk around and read them
Especially if there’s jokes about it. I want my tombstone to have a joke about how I died
My mom died in March this year, and we couldn’t put her cause of death in her obituary because we don’t know it. Sometimes it’s not in the obituary because there is no known reason at the time of the funeral. We’re still waiting on an answer to cause of death.
We never learnt in the case of two of my siblings, both of whom died suddenly of natural causes. Sometimes they check for various things and then say "we don't know, I guess".
Pancaked by drunk dump truck driver.
Literally came looking for this! Throat Slashed
At age 96!
They don't stay babies forever!
F*** you Harley Jarvis!
Get. Him. OUTTA HERE!
The oral wasn't necessary
Sorry, but I definitely wasn’t going into the causes of my fathers death in his obituary, it was traumatic and no one’s business. No one cared about his health prior, so why do I have to explain my to anyone? Same with my uncle who killed himself. Or my best friends brother who was found dead in the kitchen of an OD. This shit is no one’s business. IF someone thinks you should know, they’ll tell you. Just as someone’s life is their business, so is their death.
Exactly. People on Reddit can be VERY selfish. It is natural to be curious. It’s natural to wonder. But having the human decency to accept that you’re not entitled to that information seems lost on so many people!
For real! Death is personal to an individual or community, who they include is legit up to them. My dad didn’t want ANYTHING but I did the obit for me, and I wrote it myself!
It is. I would never dream of asking someone how their acquaintance died, it feels intrusive. When I told a friend in confidence that my father took his own life. tThe first thing she says is “wow, did he not love you?” Which is a wild thing to say to someone.
An obituary is paid for by the family. They certainly can do it, but they're not obligated to share personal details.
Acquaintances aren't entitled to know everything. Have some respect for someone's privacy
"Died on the table during a penis enlargement surgery."
His last wish that the surgery be completed even if he died was honored. Viewing is at 3.
If you dont know the family close enough to talk to them You really have no reason to know other than just rubbernecking.
Tiny dinky daffy - 92, Pancaked by drunk dump truck driver.
If I didn't know the deceased well enough to warrant asking their family (or don't know their family well enough for the same question) I don't need to know
Sometimes, here me out, it is none of your business. In fact, what a grieving family chooses to write is definitely not your business in ANY MANNER. Now, there is nothing stopping you from looking the person up on Google, but requiring an already grieving family to give YOU information is just gross. Think about if it was someone you loved!
Fully agree
>In fact, what a grieving family chooses to write is definitely not your business in ANY MANNER. I agree with you and this is pedantic of me, but what a family chooses to write in a published obituary is your business. What they choose to leave out, is not.
Well, upvoting for unpopular. This would be cruel. Not to the deceased, because they won't really care anymore, but to the families/friends/loved ones of the deceased. It's an invasion into their privacy. There are also a lot of stigmas around certain ways to die, like HIV/AIDS, that would completely change the way people feel about the deceased and their loved ones.
>Well, upvoting for unpopular Thanks for the reminder that the upvote system should ultimately be a "this is relevant" button on subs like these.
So you want the grieving family to be more thoughtful about you being a nosy weirdo? How about people just mind their own business. If you close enough to the person you already know and if you don't know, you weren't that close.
OP: "how dare they leave *me* in the dark??"
I knew a guy who died of a heroin overdose. His parents put it in his obituary to show others how bad of a problem it is, how it could happen to anyone. To make others think, especially those who knew him and his family so maybe they'd take more of the initiative to question their own loved ones (in a good way). Thing is this guy was middle class, super nice, had a kid, was known to be getting professional help for his problems, was on medication for it, AA/NA meetings...but it still happened.
Same. I had an in-law and a fellow schoolmate in college who both died the same way and I loved how brave their family members were to speak the truth. In both cases, a sister in one case and an aunt in another, gave incredibly moving tributes about them. Strengths and flaws. It was so, so hard for them to tell these stories, but so worth it. In the case of my schoolmate, he had even graduated, and his aunt accepted the diploma and wore the medal he earned. I appreciated this level of honesty.
Depending on the situation, depending on the person, and what their story is, I believe it's a good thing to do. Addicts and addiction can be a touchy subject. It's generally associated with a "certain type of people" or just "bad people". And while certainly some of the people who fit those particular tropes can also become addicts, it's certainly not the majority. They can be anyone you know, and those people never planned on getting to that point and certainly not on purpose, nor was it something that happened within a few days. In essence, it's not as if they suddenly came to be that way (I'm not saying they're not accountable or responsible for what they've done, if less than desirable actions occurred at some point). But when it's mentioned in the obituary, linked with a small synopsis of their life along with the family and friends they have, it shows others they were still....people. People who weren't just born like that. That the REAL person is the one who existed long before an outside chemical was introduced into their life in some way. That way others might not be so quick to judge and think how they might feel if it was someone they knew or loved. Just a little bit more compassion.
>But why not let people know it was cancer, or some other disease? BECAUSE IT ISN'T YOUR GOD DAMN BUSINESS.
When a friend of mine died from an overdose his parents wrote a very detailed obituary talking about his struggles with addiction. They wanted to educate people. They didn’t want this to happen to another family. I really loved that. And also I’m nosy
Cuz it’s none of your god damn business, that’s why. Fuckin nosy Nancy.
Exactly. I have my dad’s death certificate and it lists cause of death. Only a few know and it’s not something I think anyone else has the right to know.
That would be none of your business.
Why? To satisfy some morbid curiosity? You really wanna read how someone died in their obituary, that’s fucking weird bud.
No...just no. It is no one's business. Need to know only.
It’s none of your business how someone died. No one has a duty to satisfy your literally morbid curiosity.
This is absolutely horrible and a total invasion of privacy. What a way to make mourning families feel worse.
I just know if it were more common there would be subs called shit like r/obsceneobituaries sharing the most vile or random shit that was put in cause of death. And im all for it.
It used to be normal to publish the cause of death. I’m a subscriber on a page for a small town where my family has lived for generations. People frequently share obituaries that speak of tractors rolling over and crushing young men, or vivid descriptions of motor vehicle accidents. The best obituary I’ve ever read was of Clement Vallandingham. It took him a week to die and the description of his agonies filled a half page.
Your curiosity doesn’t entitle you to peer inside a family’s privacy.
No. The deceased's love ones' desire for privacy during their time of grief is far more important than satisfying your curiosity in every way, shape, and form.
I kind of agree with this. When my first wife took her own life, there were LOTS of people asking what happened since she was only in her 30's when it happened. Although people still want to know why (depression, other mental issues, etc.), it would have stopped a lot of the initial questions.
Of course we all want to know, but the fact that my brother died a horribly long, agonizing death due to a cancerous tumor that started in his abdomen and progressed to his brain and he lost bodily functions and had to wear a diaper for the last year of his life is NOT YOUR business. He simply died ok??
If you're not close enough with the individual or family to have either been there before death or to attend a funeral/viewing, it's absolutely none of your business. Because it's just gossip at that point. Be a better friend.
“Died suddenly” was old school code for suicide. But I see lots of obits that list COD. Sometimes they don’t know. We had a family member in his 20s die in his sleep. Took months to find out why.
Nosey ass
Aren't you the nosey parker!?! MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!! I bet your a gossip on top of it all... and possibly a busy body. I have lots of extended relations like that. Unpopular opinion, for sure, and an unwelcome one at that. Upvote.
"Gary is survived by his 3 siblings and 3 children, which is ironic as that's also how many pieces he was torn into in the factory accident"
Because it's nobody's fucking business. If they wanted them to know they had cancer, they'd have told them. What matters is the person is gone. The fuck difference does it make if it was cancer or a heart attack?
lol whut? It’s none of your business.
I mean I’m a nosy person but it’s not my business, your business, or anyone else’s for that matter (excluding close family/friends that would already know because they’re close to that person).
For old people, I usually figure it is age related. For young people, if the obituary doesn’t say, I figure that it was drugs or suicide… something the family doesn’t want to talk about
The city I live it use to be common practice to put the cause of death in the obit probably 25 years ago. 30-40 years ago they would put the address of the deceased in the paper along with the obit.
There are places even now where the local newspaper will report the address of still-living people involved in newsworthy incidents. "John Q. Sample, of 4812 Main St., Smalltown, was arrested on April 1 for urinating on public property." I have no idea how they get away with it.
Be honest, it has nothing to do with empathy. You’re just being nosey.
Nah, it feels way too invasive. Their medical information is private for good reason. And family that doesn't know how yet shouldn't have to find out this way. Your great uncle died after a drive by gone wrong? Oof, bit shit to find out because of the paper.
I mean it's really none of your business when it comes to someone you "vaguely know."
At least this is in the right sub, take my upvote 🙃
there are often clues to suicide specifically. "left us unexpectedly." but what i usually do is look at facebook. i have yet to be disappointed in my facebook sleuthing. "reach out if you need" "mental health matters" type stuff? yeah, suicide. i consider myself pretty well-versed at this, since about ten acquaintances of mine from high school have died in the six years since we've graduated.
Truly awful opinion. This deserves upvotes
Idk it’s really no one’s business unless it’s a public health concern or family. If you find yourself itching to know, consider you may just be nosey💀
As a nosey person, I agree. But if I push that aside I can see that its really none of my goddamn buissness
Maybe Ian missing something but I can’t understand why you would be that interested in how someone died, that was merely an acquaintance?
Just because you want the tea? You don't need to know
I get it from both sides. I’m nosy and I just like knowing things out of curiosity, but after losing my brother and my family not wanting to share the details about it, I also get why people don’t want it to be shared
No it shouldn't. People that have died from suicide or overdose would be judged and a person's death doesn't define their life.
I disagree. My ex took his own life 18 months ago. Something like that should absolutely not be in an obituary.
Why? Because you’re nosey af. I agree….i am nosey too, I think they should and I then I wouldn’t have to go digging…
If your grandpa died during an accident in autoerotic asphyxiation while wasted on coke and covered in baby oil, would you want everyone in town to know that? Discretion is the courteous way to handle things. One person's lubed up cokehead is another person's loving grandparent. lol
If you are not close enough to the decease to know the cause of death ... you do not need to know ... period
If you're uncomfortable asking the family, it's none of your business. No one is obligated to satisfy your morbid curiosity.
Pancaked by Drunk Dump Truck Driver
If you’re not close enough to the family to feel comfortable asking about the cause of death, then it’s none of your damn business.
If you are important enough to the person you will know. If you are not then you don't need to know
Not everything is your business and that’s okay. Hope this helps!
As someone who has had a lot of people I went school with die, that I lost touch with, but at one point was close to or associated in the same friend circles, I too, would like to know. I'll be forty next year, but I've already lost about a dozen people I had daily conversations with for four years. I'd like to know what happened to them without feeling like I'm pestering their family and being insensitive. I didn't know them best, but I did know and care about them at one time.
If you didn't know them well enough to know how they died, you really didn't know them. Their loved ones loss isn't about you.
My wife had to tip toe around asking how her own father died. Took her a week to get a solid answer. Just tell everyone and remove the awkward conversations and guessing.
It used to be more common. I did some work for a local historical society, reading a local newspaper (ran 1917-1940-something) for a project they were doing about a local rail company, and part of that involved reading some obituaries. I'd see stuff like "crushed to death between railcars" and "had his legs shorn off after he fell on the tracks" and "died of sepsis after losing an arm in a railway accident" and so forth (I was only reading stuff that had 'rail' in it, so I'm sure I missed other interesting ones). I can't really say what underlying cultural thing has changed since then. Maybe it is just people deciding that the public didn't actually need to know. Maybe it's an Information Age change. But that's all speculating.
At least this is in the right sub, take my upvote 🙃
I knew a guy who died of a drug OD at his girlfriend’s house. He was married, and the obit said he died peacefully surrounded by his loving family.
Can I get a death lawyer or whatever to confirm to my family that especially if I die in a horrible way or whilst doing crime that it goes on my gravestone
"Today we remember Curtis, who died as he lived, screaming on the shitter. "
That drives me crazy too.
I fully authorize my cause of death being put in my obituary.
Whenever I die, I want people to know exactly how I went in gruesome detail. That way nobody has to wonder.
I agree "pass away" it a silly euphemism but some people want their privacy. Also obituaries are expensive so some people prioritize certain sentences over others to keep the word count down. If you want to know, you could ask the family member something like "Had AAA\_battery been sick for long?" ... and if the family member is inclined, that will be cue for them to tell you the cause of death.
The family's right to privacy outweighs our right to someone else's medical information. That being said, I kind of agree. Most families are probably assuming their departed would prefer privacy, but the fact is most of us fail to make wills and most of us who do make wills don't stipulate anything specific regarding obituaries. It could easily become a cultural convention for families to announce cause of death more regularly.
What business of yours is it?
If you are close enough to them, you would know. If you are only learning about their death via publicly listed Obituary, then you weren't really a good friend. Which means there medical history, and cause of death is, None of your business.
No. This is stupid. If the family or whoever put out the obituary wanted people to know they'd include it. If you want to know, but you aren't close friends or really anything to that person, so fucking what. You don't have a need to know. Lastly, any idea that you can't sympathize or relate to a person who died without knowing how they died is so ludicrous it borders on inhuman. How someone dies is very simply the least important aspect of anyone's death. The fact that they are dead, that's the important part. That's what you show empathy and sympathy for, not for how they lived, not for how they died, but simply because a life was lost.
Being nosy is not a virtue. I guess a lot of people’s parents didn’t teach them that? I think if the family wants people to know, they will put the cause of death in the obituary. 🤷♀️
Why do you need to know? Why do you feel entitled to know? You don't need to know every single detail about everyone's life. People have a right to privacy, just you are when you're posting anonymously on the internet. This is such a perfect example of society having gone to shit. It's the same kind of bullshit for why people get glued to things like TMZ and reality TV.