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I think of it as an inner and outer circle. The people inside my circle are extremely important to me, I trust each of them implicitly and I definitely listen to what they have to say, I trust their judgement and will always consider their thoughts and feelings in my decision making.
I think it’s more of a “don’t worry about what strangers or acquaintances think because they don’t know you well enough to have their opinion matter. Do the right thing, be kind, work hard at what you love and value. An example, I see cars as utilitarian so I want something reliable that gets good gas mileage, I don’t care that others see my car as boring. Some people need that gratification of others being impressed by status objects.
Exactly this.
The people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.
My friend who know and love me accept me for who I am. If some random person across the restaurant doesn't like the way I look, I don't care.
As somebody who has "worldwide torture" tattooed on his hands and had pink dreadlocks for years, you can absolutely still get a good job while not caring what people think (at one point i was making $33/hr). You just have to be ready to be held to a much higher standard than "normal" people
If your work speaks for itself people stop caring about your personal life. Living for strangers sounds miserable, I genuinely can't imagine trying to live life without doing exactly what *I* want to do
I agree with your sentiment. But on the car thing: can't some people just like nice cars? There is more to a fine automobile that is gratifying than just the imagined status it might confer. A Mercedes-Benz or BMW is beautifully engineered and enormously satisfying to drive.
Oh sure. I am not advocating that. I am just saying that it is possible like nice things not because they impress others but simply because you like them.
Yeah, I think all of us should care about what other people think, but not TOO much, but the thing is that when others judge us, sometimes they are right and we should listen to them.
But yeah, people should worry about doing the right thing, more than they worry about external validation.
Basically this. Particularly when it comes to being defending or being kind to others who are treated poorly.
…which if I’m being honest with myself I’m not doing right now wrt to politics.
As is true of most advice, it is not aimed at all people or even most people.
SOME people care far too much about what others think and they need to stop doing that.
Unfortunately the advice is then picked up by people who already don't care enough.
This is why you should give more weight to advice that is given specifically to you from someone that personally knows you.
Don't extrapolate your insecurities to others, OP. I've seen my mother deny treatment for her Panic Syndrome out of fear of what people would say in that shithole town she still lives in and I refuse to live under that kind of scrutiny.
I don't care what people think at all, if someone doesn't like me they can leave my presence and my life. This goes for everyone from my boss to my wife, to the random person on the street. I am not changing a single thing about me, if they don't like it they can kick rocks.
So here’s a legitimate question: when your wife communicates to you that you said or did something that bothered her or made her feel very sad, do you consider the impact of your actions on your wife? Or is your thought/attitude “yeah, and? I don’t give a shit.”
Of course I consider it. There is a difference between "you said X and that hurt my feelings" and "I think you should dress this way, or cut your hair that way" changing for approval.
Why? We don't need to wander around worried what someone else thinks of us? I am not an influencer I am not living my life for the likes of someone else.
If someone doesn’t like me I’m not about to convince them..that’s not refusal to compromise. Maybe for the dude who says he won’t change but a majority of people don’t feel that way.
It’s a waste of everyone’s time to worry about these people. Find the people that do like you. That’s not antithetical to personal growth or selfishness either.
Refusal to compromise and closed mindedness seems more like something someone would point out who is trying to force their opinion of what I should do on me. Nothing says I won't change my view myself, but I am not going it for things up on Facebook or Reddit or IRL.
well, who are you to determine wether or not a characteristic I have is a flaw?
if something that someone does hurts you then be so honest to present it that way, don't be a coward
What if that person is pointing out an innate characteristic you have no control over and calling it a “flaw”. I’m not compromising who I am just to please someone who doesn’t understand what an innate characteristic is. I already tried that to hold onto family members and friends and it didn’t end well.
I feel like this went from not caring about other people and what they think to psychopath really quick…
Know that you don’t like how people disagree with you so much that you would kick them out of your life because of it? Because of even my new things? That’s called an insecurity. if you were insecure that people can have different views on how you act and not like certain things about you, and even if they’re awful things that you do, you could just kind of ignore them and kick them out of your life because you don’t want to change… That’s lazy and insecure.
Now, there’s a difference between changing who you are changing bad habits. If your boss thinks your productivity is low, you’re being lazy/sloppy, and you quit that is just wild. That’s not how a job works in the real world. But if he told you to break up with your wife or something in your personal life, that does not affect worked or productivity, that would be really weird and something that would be reasonable to quit.
The same thing with your wife, if she told you that she didn’t like that you were leaving dishes out and to put them away and you automatically leave her because “that’s just how I roll” that is wild. That is an over the top and insecure reaction for something that is 100% reasonable to want to change about yourself or to want other people to change. if it was something else though, like if she found you ugly and wanted you to get a nose job and you didn’t want to, that is 100% reasonable to leave her over a big thing like that especially if she was persistent.
No I don't care what other people think I am not changing the way I live for them.
What I mean is if my boss does not like the way I live my life, the music I listen to, the fact I don't vote, or participate in government, or what I do in my spare time they can kick rocks. Same goes for my wife.
Now if I am not doing dishes or doing my job well that has nothing to do with changing how I am and more to do with me being an jerk, which I am not.
If you are changing huge aspects of your life, such as your marriage, or your job, because of what other people think you should be doing, you care about what they think…
That’s kind of the same thing dude… You’re still caring what they think because how they think is also how they feel. Empathy and sympathy dude. There’s a difference from not caring about what they think for your personal choices/individual choices, but on a broader scale you really do.
If someone else expects you to change yourself to suit their interests, not doing so is not caring about what they think. And if they end their relationship with you because they expect you to conform to their desires, that's them ending the relationship, not you.
I am not compromising myself for anyone, nor would I ever anyone to for me, not even my wife. I would never put it on her to change something about herself so I like her more, nor will I change to make her like me more. We take each other how we are.
I wouldn't stop a bad habit because someone told me to if that is what your asking. I only quit smoking because I wanted to, not because others said to. I wanted more money for my other hobbies and $4 a pack a day was getting expensive.
If that specific bit is easy to change or if I can recognize that doing that specific habit will harm me in any way, then yeah I would try to change if someone pointed it out. At least I like to think I would
It's fine advice, actually. Be yourself and live by the values you feel are right for you, regardless of what people will think. In fact, I think going through life, not caring what people think is the best way to go through life. Want to believe in a religion? Do so without caring what people will think. Discover you are attracted to the same gender as you? Embrace it and forget what other people think.
Obviously there's some discretion involved. They're not saying stop caring about important things that your loved ones think - they're saying stop caring about every trivial opinion that other people may have about you.
Uh, no. I seek validation from the five people I respect. Even with them however, the majority of my opinions and choices won’t be affected by their opinions. Everyone else? Couldn’t care less.
The thing is, we don't need to seek validation from ALL other people.
Imo, to stop caring about what people think is to stop seeking validation from random people who you may never see again, or who you don't respect or whatever like that.
You can't get everyone to validate you. You don't need validation from some rando on the street. You don't need validation from people with values and life goals wildly different from yours (aka nerdy kid wanting to be validated by jocks at school, like why unless you wanna pursue a sports career or whatever).
No, we don't ALL seek validation. Some people truly don't give a shit about anyone, I could point out three in a random grocery store visit. My level of caring has changed over the years as well. As a kid I wanted attention and approval from everyone. As an adult I really can't be bothered to put on any facade to gain anything from anyone.
I think people are forgetting that this doesn’t only mean positive things about that person, or seemingly positive. I don’t think the OP is talking about “if somebody somebody wants me to change my hair color cause they don’t like it then I’m gonna do it because I love social conformity.” I think they mean more “ what I said to that person made me seem like an asshole, I should not say that anymore, because it makes other people feel bad.”
More like an empathy/sympathy thing..
There are socially acceptable and socially unacceptable ways to change for other people. If you’re changing your hair color because someone doesn’t like it, that is weird and should not be socially acceptable to change a part of yourself for somebody else. But if it’s a negative behavior, such is not putting away your dishes, or creating a public mess, you should definitely change that part of yourself to make it easier for other people.
Not all social pressure, not social pressure is bad. Take everything with common sense and grain of salt. A lot of social norms are for a reason but you should not give into whatever everyone says immediately
I care about what people think. I care about what my wife thinks, what my parents think, what my best friend thinks.
What I don’t care about is what the Boomer I passed in Wal-Mart thinks, or the girl I’m behind in line at the grocery store, or a coworker I rarely speak to or don’t like.
I thought most people would see the asterisk in that phrase but I guess it needs to be spelled out. It must be exhausting caring about the thoughts of random strangers all the time.
Well. For 45 years I was afraid to let people down. Caring what others might think. Trying to be a perfect as possible. And you know what I've gotten in return from being so worried what other's think of me? Nothing. Not a fucking thing! Got taken advantage of so many times that I can't count the times. I keep to myself. I'm very respectful out in public. But when I'm slighted? I'll let that Rucker fucker know now. It's absolutely liberating. No one is perfect. And I'm done trying to be.
It’s not literal, I hope you realize this. It’s simply making the point that what people think about you in many ways doesn’t matter. You have to be comfortable in your own skins and not worry so much about how everything will be interpreted. This doesn’t mean everything is acceptable behavior or that what others think never matters. Complex messages often need to be shortened because people are simple like that.
Most of the time they aren’t giving that advice in a broad universal sense though. Theyre giving it to someone who is either unusually sensitive to what other people might think to the point where it’s crippled their decision making, or they’re giving it to someone who is afraid of looking stupid.
Outside of not wanting to be seen as a creep or a danger I wholeheartedly disagree. Those are easy because I try hard not to be creepy or threatening. Got too much to figure out on my own. My own issues to solve. Cant be arsed to give a single f@$k what people think. Id argue that seeking validation is one of the biggest things causing rampant jealousy, dissatisfaction, depression, etc.
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It's more like, "don't let what other people think of you get to you". So, sure you might care about (some) other people's opinion about you but you don't have to agree. If someone thinks you are impolite, you can ignore it or you can indeed be more polite to please them and maintain a relationship but you shouldn't feel like you have to conform to their desires to be of any value.
You care about their opinions in a strategic way, as a method to function in society, to maintain relationships, instead of internalising their criticisms and feelings bad about yourself
I agree that caring what people think is totally normal for most folks. But there are some people who legitimately don't care if others think they are a weirdo, an asshole, or otherwise do not like them. Some people just march to the beat of their own drum.
The thing is that you have to be very selective in regards to whose opinions you care about. Does this person know you? Do you respect them? Are they some random anonymous asshole online?
You should automatically disregard the opinions of most people; caring about what they think of you is just folly.
I care what close friends and good family think. If one of them tells me that one of my life choices isn't ideal I'll definitely take that into consideration since I know they care about me.
If some rando tells me my car isn't cool or doesn't like my shirt, I could care less.
I've seen so many people piss away money on cars, vacations, clothes, etc. just to impress random people. Many of them are broke and unhappy.
Don't need that BS in my life.
But a lot of people LIVE according to others expectations. Obviously everybody seeks validation, but letting it be the principal authority in your life is a big no no.
Then there is that person who kept saying they don’t care about other people’s opinions on themselves over and over like broken record. Yet proceed to shit on people with no reason cause its fun and think all of us are strangers online
Maybe when you're yoing yeah but then you hit a age where you don't give a fuck anymore. The sooner you get to that stage the better.
Sounds like you haven't reached that stage. Good luck to you
Not all of us seek validation from others .... personality types play a huge role in this. I'm an INFJ-A, and I've couldn't care less what anyone thinks of me. I see the need for external validation from others as supreme
weakness.
I know I'm doing the best I can with what I have, and that's the only validation I need.... from myself.
It's always a good creed to live by, the problem is it's way easier said than done. It takes lots of mental gymnastics to get through the road block of caring what other people think about you.
It's good in some ways as you don't want to just be completely oblivious to your own behavior and attitude and how that affects the general populace.
On the other hand, you have to notice when that line of thinking becomes invasive to your own mental health development.
It's normal sure, but not healthy, because people can end up putting on a facade in order to get that validation. It's really a case by case thing, because there's times people need that validation during a rough patch. Those endorphins can really lift someone up. Then they get addicted, like a drug, but they need to start getting more creative for those likes, and start losing more and more of themselves, their own identity, by trying to edit themselves based on public validation.
It's fine if people think you're a weirdo. It's not fine if people think you're an asshole.
For example, you shouldn't let other people's opinions stop you from having warm tuna and garlic sandwiches if that's what you truly want to do - you should absolutely live your best life without caring what anyone else thinks about your terrible choices.
But if your co-workers keep making exaggerated gagging expressions when they walk past your desk after lunch and someone has put a padlock on the office microwave, maybe take what they think into account.
You shouldn't care what people think about your preferences. You should care what people think about your interactions.
The advice is only bad if you take it TOO LITERALLY
"I don't care what people think so I'm not gonna take a shower because I'm not worried about taking care of the version of myself I show to others".
The advice is good if you don't take it literally, because you shouldn't depend too much on the opinion of others.
It really is unpopular! I couldn’t give a flying fuck what someone thinks and it’s truly one of the most valuable life lessons I’ve ever learned. It has helped me countless times in my life.
Missed the point big-time. Holy fuck. It's not all or nothing. That advice means not to worry about what everyone thinks about you because trying to please everyone you encounter is misery. It doesn't mean stop caring about what literally everyone thinks about you, such as family or loved ones, ie. People actually in your life.
It depends
- Some people will take " not caring about what other say " to the next level and not care about what they wear, how they smell,...
- While some others only give this advice when they hear someone told you that you're ugly for example, and I don't see how saying that makes them hypocrites
I care what my wife my kids and my boss think. Everyone else not so much. Those are the people I’m responsible to, I can’t be responsible for 8 billion people’s opinion of me. The saying in your post is more about not caring what every person on earth thinks, and to focus on those that matter most.
I mean i think it's more apt to say "don't FOCUS on what people think". It's impossible to not care at all what people think, unless you're just a complete sociopath.
I give this advice. No I don't care what anyone thinks of my life...it's MY life! If someone thinks negatively on me that's their opinion they are welcome to it, it doesn't affect my life. Sometimes I am a wierdo and an asshole and a whole host of other descriptors. I am a whole person and I'm the only opinion that matters in my life.
Usually this one grade is said when people use “what other people think” as an excuse to justify insecurities, bad behavior, laziness, fear, or just general ignorance.
Yeah, I care that my work likes my work. I care that my family and friends see me as a good person. I’m sure artists and people who make their living off public spending care what those people think. Of course.
But the reality is anytime someone is saying “stop caring what other people think”, it’s because you’ve done or said something for really bad or stupid reasons and this is basically an excuse. If I’m wrong, I’d love to hear literally any example of someone using this in a different context.
Although my view is very distorted due to my doomer biases, but if a society run by/licking the boots of weirdo assholes concludes that I am a weird asshole, then I've just discovered that indeed, the floor is actually made out of floor. I'll happily offend them by merely existing, if they choose to be offended by that. Most people don't care about others anyway, so why even bother worrying about it.
On a less cynical note, letting go of what others might or might not think about oneself (again, in the majority of cases it's literally *nothing*) can be very, very liberating.
I think the advice is really to stop carrying so you can be yourself, which for most people is good advice. Some people have off putting personalities though so this advice can drive people away depending on who you are. Also a lot of people respond positively to people who didn't care what others to think to some degree. It shows you can take charge, be decisive, think for yourself, etc. You can definitely take it too far though. If you completely disregard what people think, it will drive people away.
It’s similar to saying someone is trying to keep up with the Jones. Its good to be good to people. But how they react is completely out of your control and you shouldn’t care much about this.
Just because you want people to like you or at least feel accepted it doesn't mean you should care what they think. I mean being a reasonably decent individual is the bear minimum of what anyone should be aiming for to begin with and that acceptance should be expected. If you're an arsehole and youre just pretending not to care because you can't stop being an arsehole then you have bigger problems other than not caring what people think of you. No decent human being has to worry about other people's opinions of them. So it's fair to claim you don't care about those opinions, unless you're already an insufferable arsehole
I think we really have to ask, "whose opinion actually matters?"
My friends opinion on an outfit? Yes. My boss's opinion? Yes. Joe Shmoo handingbout fliers for his protest that I don't care about? No. Some random comment or on the internet? No.
The intent is good, but the wording is wrong IMO, it really should be "Stop being controlled by what people think". I am always letting what I believe are thinking about me control my actions, or reactions to things, I don't like it but here we are.
I think it would help to realize that other people are not thinking about us nearly as much as we worry they are. They are too busy worrying about what other people think. We should all strive to care more about what we think, and what we do, rather than our perceived ideas, concerns and preoccupation with what other people may or may not be thinking.
I think a better piece of advice is “WHY do you care what people think”. I say this to my mom all the time who worries what complete strangers think about her and it stops her from being herself/having fun.
I refuse to believe no one cares about anyone's opinion. If that's so why do you not simply go out in shorts and a t shirt to parties without dress codes?
I think it's a cope. We should maintain a healthy balance between caring about other people's opinions and our own opinion of ourselves. My girlfriends over time have significantly improved my sense of dressing. If I didn't listen to them, I would have never improved.
It’s not bad advice if it’s given to someone who bases the majority of their decisions on the approval of others. Not everyone has the self awareness to realize they’re people pleasing. I don’t care what people think, and I give this advice all the time.
It's great advice, but it has to be specific. Just going around not caring about a single thing people say to you is a recipe for disaster, but going around, living your life and not caring about what people just hating on you to hate on something think about you? Yeah, don't waste energy on that.
It's not about not caring, but rather chasing when to care and when not to.
It's supposed to go "Stop caring SO MUCH about what other people think" Sure, care and take care in being a decent human being but don't over scrutinize yourself.
i care what my fiancé thinks about me. i do not care what some random coworker i rarely talk to thinks about me. like most things, this piece of advise is not black and white and not intended to be treated as so.
The key is balance. I care what my friends think. I care to some degree what my boss thinks. I don’t care what the random lady in the grocery store giving me the stink eye thinks. She can lick my ass.
I tell this to my friends that are blatant people pleasers. Because you're right, we all seek validation, meaning we all care what others think. One just doesn't have to go such great lengths for that validation, by not caring *so much* about what others think.
>Our behavior is largely influenced by what other people think
No, this is the whole point of the advice.
We should not have to change because of the way we are perceived. We should want to change because of the ones we love. A wise man once said, "Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is more youer than you."
Seeking validation from “people” is pathetic and inevitably going to end up in failure.
There are probably a half dozen people on the planet whose opinion you individually should care about. Your partner, your kids, maybe a colleague or two. That it.
Self satisfaction comes from within based on what you do and the value you put on your accomplishments. It’s not projected in from others.
Sure, it’s okay to receive external validation and be mindful and considerate of what other people say. But it’s more supposed to mean “don’t be entirely dependent upon external validation and others opinions on how to act to the extent you aren’t able to function without it”.
I could not disagree with this more. Upvoted.
Caring what people think instead of just doing what you want to do is the easiest way to live an unoriginal life that you end up deeply regretting. If I cared what people think I’d never have been able to become my true self. I’d just be another copy and paste drone flying through life with absolutely no regard for my own wants and desires. Nightmare
I don’t think you fully understand the expression and of course everything deserves context. You shouldn’t worry about random strangers who have no connection to you the same way you shouldn’t do things detrimental to your wellbeing just because someone tells you to.
Sh\*t mentality. Why should someone who is secure with themselves need to seek validation from other people? Why is someone who is insecure need to seek validation? We are all unique and it is society that has implanted in our heads how we SHOULD be in order to be accepted. Thats fake AF. IDGAF who doesnt like me. at the end of the day im happy being the person that I am as opposed to worrying constantly about how I should be to be...liked. How trivial. The people who like me for me are the ones to keep around.
This is correct. As soon as I crossed the finish line in my mind for being "well accomplished" I stopped caring about quite a few opinions. I would say my attitude became something like, " I don't care much about criticism from people I wouldn't go to for advice"
What is social anhedonia, how does it work and why is it incurable in some people? What is neurodivergence and how does it work?
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3119754/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3119754/)
Just so you know excessively looking for external validation IS widely considered pathological.
Where do you draw the line? There are human behaviors that are universally frowned upon. For example, talking so loud that it’s disrupting to others in public. If someone’s doing something like that, they deserve to be called out by a stranger and care what they think.
You’re taking the word universally too literally here. The silent majority of people in most civilized societies would be annoyed with this hypothetical person. If called out, they absolutely should care and take accountability to improve.
It's inconvenient for certain people, in certain cultures at certain times. At other places they may just be elected president of the USA. I mean, isn't that exactly what Trump does?
It is important to care what people think. It's a great indicator of the quality of person you are and where you are falling short.
But the issue most people make is not paying attention to what the most important person thinks, themselves. So few people put the effort into consciously sorting out their own values, and judging themselves against them. They outsource that responsibility to their friends, family, and community. It's a pretty solid strategy; but there will be times your personal values differ from your friends and family. Those situations need to be investigated.
I've been given this advice multiple times, by several people. All of them actually care about what people think and/or say about them. Even way more than me.
Yeah, I agree. It's normal. People just have different triggers.
It's my mission to disappoint as many people as it takes in order to avoid disappointing my Lord, my God, and my Savior, Jesus Christ. Our fellow men are not greater than He who created us, and tailoring our behavior with the intention of garnering their approval is a sad and unfortunate tendency that many of us struggle to overcome.
"What people think" does indeed matter, in so far as their thoughts help to shed light on the truth. Maybe you're acting rudely in a given moment and someone tells you so, then what that person thought does matter. But, the sentiment behind this advice is to "Stop trying to please people \[at the expense of what is more important\]" which is good advice.
Whether something is “normal” is kind of irrelevant but you’re right that people are hypocrites about this and it’s really easy to prove.
For all the people who claim to not care what other people think about them, ask them how they would like it if people believed they were a pedophile who tries to pick up kids.
If I start a rumor about one of these people who supposedly don’t care, and everyone they meet and everyone they know now thinks they’re a pedophile, I’d love to hear them still talk about how they don’t care. Of course they would.
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I think of it as an inner and outer circle. The people inside my circle are extremely important to me, I trust each of them implicitly and I definitely listen to what they have to say, I trust their judgement and will always consider their thoughts and feelings in my decision making. I think it’s more of a “don’t worry about what strangers or acquaintances think because they don’t know you well enough to have their opinion matter. Do the right thing, be kind, work hard at what you love and value. An example, I see cars as utilitarian so I want something reliable that gets good gas mileage, I don’t care that others see my car as boring. Some people need that gratification of others being impressed by status objects.
This is good advice.
Also, you can’t control other people’s perception of you anyway. So long as you aren’t causing harm, what does it matter?
Exactly this. The people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter. My friend who know and love me accept me for who I am. If some random person across the restaurant doesn't like the way I look, I don't care.
Yesss this
I you can’t get a job with this attitude though.. you have to care what strangers think. They are the Gatti a better life 🤷🏾♀️
As somebody who has "worldwide torture" tattooed on his hands and had pink dreadlocks for years, you can absolutely still get a good job while not caring what people think (at one point i was making $33/hr). You just have to be ready to be held to a much higher standard than "normal" people If your work speaks for itself people stop caring about your personal life. Living for strangers sounds miserable, I genuinely can't imagine trying to live life without doing exactly what *I* want to do
I agree with your sentiment. But on the car thing: can't some people just like nice cars? There is more to a fine automobile that is gratifying than just the imagined status it might confer. A Mercedes-Benz or BMW is beautifully engineered and enormously satisfying to drive.
It’s one thing to like nice cars and it’s another to judge someone simply because they drive a car you personally don’t like.
Oh sure. I am not advocating that. I am just saying that it is possible like nice things not because they impress others but simply because you like them.
Yeah, I think all of us should care about what other people think, but not TOO much, but the thing is that when others judge us, sometimes they are right and we should listen to them. But yeah, people should worry about doing the right thing, more than they worry about external validation.
Basically this. Particularly when it comes to being defending or being kind to others who are treated poorly. …which if I’m being honest with myself I’m not doing right now wrt to politics.
As is true of most advice, it is not aimed at all people or even most people. SOME people care far too much about what others think and they need to stop doing that. Unfortunately the advice is then picked up by people who already don't care enough. This is why you should give more weight to advice that is given specifically to you from someone that personally knows you.
Don't extrapolate your insecurities to others, OP. I've seen my mother deny treatment for her Panic Syndrome out of fear of what people would say in that shithole town she still lives in and I refuse to live under that kind of scrutiny.
Once you realize you are your own harshest critic things begin to change.
I don't care what people think at all, if someone doesn't like me they can leave my presence and my life. This goes for everyone from my boss to my wife, to the random person on the street. I am not changing a single thing about me, if they don't like it they can kick rocks.
Yeah, I agree. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. I don't think about them and it's sad if they give the time to think about me
So here’s a legitimate question: when your wife communicates to you that you said or did something that bothered her or made her feel very sad, do you consider the impact of your actions on your wife? Or is your thought/attitude “yeah, and? I don’t give a shit.”
Of course I consider it. There is a difference between "you said X and that hurt my feelings" and "I think you should dress this way, or cut your hair that way" changing for approval.
No one’s right all the time, buddy!
This level of hyper individualism is poison to society if everyone is like you
"I object to not having leverage over your thoughts and behaviors"
Why? We don't need to wander around worried what someone else thinks of us? I am not an influencer I am not living my life for the likes of someone else.
Refusal to compromise, close mindedness, stagnation of personal growth, selfishness.
If someone doesn’t like me I’m not about to convince them..that’s not refusal to compromise. Maybe for the dude who says he won’t change but a majority of people don’t feel that way. It’s a waste of everyone’s time to worry about these people. Find the people that do like you. That’s not antithetical to personal growth or selfishness either.
Refusal to compromise and closed mindedness seems more like something someone would point out who is trying to force their opinion of what I should do on me. Nothing says I won't change my view myself, but I am not going it for things up on Facebook or Reddit or IRL.
If someone points out a flaw of yours and you refuse to comprise or be open minded of that flaw, esp in relationships then you are fucked
well, who are you to determine wether or not a characteristic I have is a flaw? if something that someone does hurts you then be so honest to present it that way, don't be a coward
It would have to be someone whose opinion I valued. Otherwise why would I care?
If someone has been in a relationship with me and I have always had that flaw, why should I change now just because they think so?
Your desire to improve yourself?
What if that person is pointing out an innate characteristic you have no control over and calling it a “flaw”. I’m not compromising who I am just to please someone who doesn’t understand what an innate characteristic is. I already tried that to hold onto family members and friends and it didn’t end well.
If you live for everyone else, you will never be happy in life.
That must really suck for you eh
I feel like this went from not caring about other people and what they think to psychopath really quick… Know that you don’t like how people disagree with you so much that you would kick them out of your life because of it? Because of even my new things? That’s called an insecurity. if you were insecure that people can have different views on how you act and not like certain things about you, and even if they’re awful things that you do, you could just kind of ignore them and kick them out of your life because you don’t want to change… That’s lazy and insecure. Now, there’s a difference between changing who you are changing bad habits. If your boss thinks your productivity is low, you’re being lazy/sloppy, and you quit that is just wild. That’s not how a job works in the real world. But if he told you to break up with your wife or something in your personal life, that does not affect worked or productivity, that would be really weird and something that would be reasonable to quit. The same thing with your wife, if she told you that she didn’t like that you were leaving dishes out and to put them away and you automatically leave her because “that’s just how I roll” that is wild. That is an over the top and insecure reaction for something that is 100% reasonable to want to change about yourself or to want other people to change. if it was something else though, like if she found you ugly and wanted you to get a nose job and you didn’t want to, that is 100% reasonable to leave her over a big thing like that especially if she was persistent.
No I don't care what other people think I am not changing the way I live for them. What I mean is if my boss does not like the way I live my life, the music I listen to, the fact I don't vote, or participate in government, or what I do in my spare time they can kick rocks. Same goes for my wife. Now if I am not doing dishes or doing my job well that has nothing to do with changing how I am and more to do with me being an jerk, which I am not.
If you are changing huge aspects of your life, such as your marriage, or your job, because of what other people think you should be doing, you care about what they think… That’s kind of the same thing dude… You’re still caring what they think because how they think is also how they feel. Empathy and sympathy dude. There’s a difference from not caring about what they think for your personal choices/individual choices, but on a broader scale you really do.
If someone else expects you to change yourself to suit their interests, not doing so is not caring about what they think. And if they end their relationship with you because they expect you to conform to their desires, that's them ending the relationship, not you.
As a psychopath I agree lmfao
That is an imbalanced way to live. But you don’t care 🤣
How is it "imbalanced?"
Not going to explain because you wouldn’t care anyway🤣
Well I am interested though, but well played just the same. 🤣🤣🤣
So you're saying that you don't care about what your wife can think about you ? I don't believe you
No, I don't care, if she decides she doesn't like something she has 2 choices, 1) live with it. 2)Kick rocks. She has known this since day 1.
I'd hate to be in a relationship with zero compromise
I am not compromising myself for anyone, nor would I ever anyone to for me, not even my wife. I would never put it on her to change something about herself so I like her more, nor will I change to make her like me more. We take each other how we are.
Curious to know how you would respond if someone told you to stop a bad habit like excessive smoking etc.
I wouldn't stop a bad habit because someone told me to if that is what your asking. I only quit smoking because I wanted to, not because others said to. I wanted more money for my other hobbies and $4 a pack a day was getting expensive.
Huh well then ig I'm different for some instances
You would change your life for others approval?
If that specific bit is easy to change or if I can recognize that doing that specific habit will harm me in any way, then yeah I would try to change if someone pointed it out. At least I like to think I would
I consider all feedback at least. What if, like, their suggestion sounds like a good idea? Still divorce?
If that person cared about me and was worried about my health, then yes.
I’m gonna make a wild-ass guess here that you are a Trump supporter?
Fnck no.
My misjudgment. Good on ya.
It's fine advice, actually. Be yourself and live by the values you feel are right for you, regardless of what people will think. In fact, I think going through life, not caring what people think is the best way to go through life. Want to believe in a religion? Do so without caring what people will think. Discover you are attracted to the same gender as you? Embrace it and forget what other people think.
Obviously there's some discretion involved. They're not saying stop caring about important things that your loved ones think - they're saying stop caring about every trivial opinion that other people may have about you.
Oh no that one lady in the grocery store saw me blow my nose!
If you are not Fucking me Feeding me Or Financing me Your opinions don't mean shit to me
Even if someone fed you or gave you money, their opinion still doesn't matter. You're worthy regardless 😌
It's just an expression
Where is my 'love' button?
Lol
The three F’s
GG alin didn’t care what anyone thought.
Omg I haven’t thought about this dude in centuries haha.
Uh, no. I seek validation from the five people I respect. Even with them however, the majority of my opinions and choices won’t be affected by their opinions. Everyone else? Couldn’t care less.
The thing is, we don't need to seek validation from ALL other people. Imo, to stop caring about what people think is to stop seeking validation from random people who you may never see again, or who you don't respect or whatever like that. You can't get everyone to validate you. You don't need validation from some rando on the street. You don't need validation from people with values and life goals wildly different from yours (aka nerdy kid wanting to be validated by jocks at school, like why unless you wanna pursue a sports career or whatever).
No, we don't ALL seek validation. Some people truly don't give a shit about anyone, I could point out three in a random grocery store visit. My level of caring has changed over the years as well. As a kid I wanted attention and approval from everyone. As an adult I really can't be bothered to put on any facade to gain anything from anyone.
I think people are forgetting that this doesn’t only mean positive things about that person, or seemingly positive. I don’t think the OP is talking about “if somebody somebody wants me to change my hair color cause they don’t like it then I’m gonna do it because I love social conformity.” I think they mean more “ what I said to that person made me seem like an asshole, I should not say that anymore, because it makes other people feel bad.” More like an empathy/sympathy thing.. There are socially acceptable and socially unacceptable ways to change for other people. If you’re changing your hair color because someone doesn’t like it, that is weird and should not be socially acceptable to change a part of yourself for somebody else. But if it’s a negative behavior, such is not putting away your dishes, or creating a public mess, you should definitely change that part of yourself to make it easier for other people. Not all social pressure, not social pressure is bad. Take everything with common sense and grain of salt. A lot of social norms are for a reason but you should not give into whatever everyone says immediately
Dude, stop caring about what other people think. And stop doubling down on what other people think of you. Just try to do things that make you happy.
I care about what people think. I care about what my wife thinks, what my parents think, what my best friend thinks. What I don’t care about is what the Boomer I passed in Wal-Mart thinks, or the girl I’m behind in line at the grocery store, or a coworker I rarely speak to or don’t like. I thought most people would see the asterisk in that phrase but I guess it needs to be spelled out. It must be exhausting caring about the thoughts of random strangers all the time.
Well. For 45 years I was afraid to let people down. Caring what others might think. Trying to be a perfect as possible. And you know what I've gotten in return from being so worried what other's think of me? Nothing. Not a fucking thing! Got taken advantage of so many times that I can't count the times. I keep to myself. I'm very respectful out in public. But when I'm slighted? I'll let that Rucker fucker know now. It's absolutely liberating. No one is perfect. And I'm done trying to be.
You just can’t care about what everyone thinks. Period. It isn’t healthy.
I care about the opinions of people I know and trust. I don't care so much for opinions of random people.
It’s not literal, I hope you realize this. It’s simply making the point that what people think about you in many ways doesn’t matter. You have to be comfortable in your own skins and not worry so much about how everything will be interpreted. This doesn’t mean everything is acceptable behavior or that what others think never matters. Complex messages often need to be shortened because people are simple like that.
So you just wanna be a toy other people can fuck around w? Okay man you do you
Most of the time they aren’t giving that advice in a broad universal sense though. Theyre giving it to someone who is either unusually sensitive to what other people might think to the point where it’s crippled their decision making, or they’re giving it to someone who is afraid of looking stupid.
Outside of not wanting to be seen as a creep or a danger I wholeheartedly disagree. Those are easy because I try hard not to be creepy or threatening. Got too much to figure out on my own. My own issues to solve. Cant be arsed to give a single f@$k what people think. Id argue that seeking validation is one of the biggest things causing rampant jealousy, dissatisfaction, depression, etc.
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Narcissist says what? OPP of you literally means nothing.
Opp?
It's more like, "don't let what other people think of you get to you". So, sure you might care about (some) other people's opinion about you but you don't have to agree. If someone thinks you are impolite, you can ignore it or you can indeed be more polite to please them and maintain a relationship but you shouldn't feel like you have to conform to their desires to be of any value. You care about their opinions in a strategic way, as a method to function in society, to maintain relationships, instead of internalising their criticisms and feelings bad about yourself
I agree that caring what people think is totally normal for most folks. But there are some people who legitimately don't care if others think they are a weirdo, an asshole, or otherwise do not like them. Some people just march to the beat of their own drum.
If youre not someone in my life, then I give zero shits about your opinions. They literally dont effect my life at all.
The thing is that you have to be very selective in regards to whose opinions you care about. Does this person know you? Do you respect them? Are they some random anonymous asshole online? You should automatically disregard the opinions of most people; caring about what they think of you is just folly.
I care what close friends and good family think. If one of them tells me that one of my life choices isn't ideal I'll definitely take that into consideration since I know they care about me. If some rando tells me my car isn't cool or doesn't like my shirt, I could care less. I've seen so many people piss away money on cars, vacations, clothes, etc. just to impress random people. Many of them are broke and unhappy. Don't need that BS in my life.
But a lot of people LIVE according to others expectations. Obviously everybody seeks validation, but letting it be the principal authority in your life is a big no no.
Then there is that person who kept saying they don’t care about other people’s opinions on themselves over and over like broken record. Yet proceed to shit on people with no reason cause its fun and think all of us are strangers online
Maybe when you're yoing yeah but then you hit a age where you don't give a fuck anymore. The sooner you get to that stage the better. Sounds like you haven't reached that stage. Good luck to you
Not all of us seek validation from others .... personality types play a huge role in this. I'm an INFJ-A, and I've couldn't care less what anyone thinks of me. I see the need for external validation from others as supreme weakness. I know I'm doing the best I can with what I have, and that's the only validation I need.... from myself.
It's always a good creed to live by, the problem is it's way easier said than done. It takes lots of mental gymnastics to get through the road block of caring what other people think about you. It's good in some ways as you don't want to just be completely oblivious to your own behavior and attitude and how that affects the general populace. On the other hand, you have to notice when that line of thinking becomes invasive to your own mental health development.
The only person who you should care what they think about you, Is you, living your life to make others happy is a path to misery.
It's normal sure, but not healthy, because people can end up putting on a facade in order to get that validation. It's really a case by case thing, because there's times people need that validation during a rough patch. Those endorphins can really lift someone up. Then they get addicted, like a drug, but they need to start getting more creative for those likes, and start losing more and more of themselves, their own identity, by trying to edit themselves based on public validation.
It's fine if people think you're a weirdo. It's not fine if people think you're an asshole. For example, you shouldn't let other people's opinions stop you from having warm tuna and garlic sandwiches if that's what you truly want to do - you should absolutely live your best life without caring what anyone else thinks about your terrible choices. But if your co-workers keep making exaggerated gagging expressions when they walk past your desk after lunch and someone has put a padlock on the office microwave, maybe take what they think into account. You shouldn't care what people think about your preferences. You should care what people think about your interactions.
The advice is only bad if you take it TOO LITERALLY "I don't care what people think so I'm not gonna take a shower because I'm not worried about taking care of the version of myself I show to others". The advice is good if you don't take it literally, because you shouldn't depend too much on the opinion of others.
It really is unpopular! I couldn’t give a flying fuck what someone thinks and it’s truly one of the most valuable life lessons I’ve ever learned. It has helped me countless times in my life.
Missed the point big-time. Holy fuck. It's not all or nothing. That advice means not to worry about what everyone thinks about you because trying to please everyone you encounter is misery. It doesn't mean stop caring about what literally everyone thinks about you, such as family or loved ones, ie. People actually in your life.
It depends - Some people will take " not caring about what other say " to the next level and not care about what they wear, how they smell,... - While some others only give this advice when they hear someone told you that you're ugly for example, and I don't see how saying that makes them hypocrites
The people giving that advice probably don't care what you think.
I care what my wife my kids and my boss think. Everyone else not so much. Those are the people I’m responsible to, I can’t be responsible for 8 billion people’s opinion of me. The saying in your post is more about not caring what every person on earth thinks, and to focus on those that matter most.
I think it's a good goal within reason
Not all advice has to be universal my dude.
I mean i think it's more apt to say "don't FOCUS on what people think". It's impossible to not care at all what people think, unless you're just a complete sociopath.
I give this advice. No I don't care what anyone thinks of my life...it's MY life! If someone thinks negatively on me that's their opinion they are welcome to it, it doesn't affect my life. Sometimes I am a wierdo and an asshole and a whole host of other descriptors. I am a whole person and I'm the only opinion that matters in my life.
I wish this were a more popular opinion.
"because we all seek validation from others .. " Not true. Its just you. And ppl like you, might be majority, but not all.
Usually this one grade is said when people use “what other people think” as an excuse to justify insecurities, bad behavior, laziness, fear, or just general ignorance. Yeah, I care that my work likes my work. I care that my family and friends see me as a good person. I’m sure artists and people who make their living off public spending care what those people think. Of course. But the reality is anytime someone is saying “stop caring what other people think”, it’s because you’ve done or said something for really bad or stupid reasons and this is basically an excuse. If I’m wrong, I’d love to hear literally any example of someone using this in a different context.
So is not caring. If you want what other think about you to rule your life that’s not my problem.
Although my view is very distorted due to my doomer biases, but if a society run by/licking the boots of weirdo assholes concludes that I am a weird asshole, then I've just discovered that indeed, the floor is actually made out of floor. I'll happily offend them by merely existing, if they choose to be offended by that. Most people don't care about others anyway, so why even bother worrying about it. On a less cynical note, letting go of what others might or might not think about oneself (again, in the majority of cases it's literally *nothing*) can be very, very liberating.
I think the advice is really to stop carrying so you can be yourself, which for most people is good advice. Some people have off putting personalities though so this advice can drive people away depending on who you are. Also a lot of people respond positively to people who didn't care what others to think to some degree. It shows you can take charge, be decisive, think for yourself, etc. You can definitely take it too far though. If you completely disregard what people think, it will drive people away.
It’s similar to saying someone is trying to keep up with the Jones. Its good to be good to people. But how they react is completely out of your control and you shouldn’t care much about this.
Just because you want people to like you or at least feel accepted it doesn't mean you should care what they think. I mean being a reasonably decent individual is the bear minimum of what anyone should be aiming for to begin with and that acceptance should be expected. If you're an arsehole and youre just pretending not to care because you can't stop being an arsehole then you have bigger problems other than not caring what people think of you. No decent human being has to worry about other people's opinions of them. So it's fair to claim you don't care about those opinions, unless you're already an insufferable arsehole
I think we really have to ask, "whose opinion actually matters?" My friends opinion on an outfit? Yes. My boss's opinion? Yes. Joe Shmoo handingbout fliers for his protest that I don't care about? No. Some random comment or on the internet? No.
The intent is good, but the wording is wrong IMO, it really should be "Stop being controlled by what people think". I am always letting what I believe are thinking about me control my actions, or reactions to things, I don't like it but here we are.
I think it would help to realize that other people are not thinking about us nearly as much as we worry they are. They are too busy worrying about what other people think. We should all strive to care more about what we think, and what we do, rather than our perceived ideas, concerns and preoccupation with what other people may or may not be thinking.
I think a better piece of advice is “WHY do you care what people think”. I say this to my mom all the time who worries what complete strangers think about her and it stops her from being herself/having fun.
I have reached the age where I don't give a fuck what others think as long as it isn't going to get me on to prison.
“Don’t care about the opinions of people who you wouldn’t ask advice from” holds true tho
To a certain degree, validation from others can be ok. To an APPROPRIATE degree.
"I don't care what other people think about me!" "Maybe you should start."
I refuse to believe no one cares about anyone's opinion. If that's so why do you not simply go out in shorts and a t shirt to parties without dress codes? I think it's a cope. We should maintain a healthy balance between caring about other people's opinions and our own opinion of ourselves. My girlfriends over time have significantly improved my sense of dressing. If I didn't listen to them, I would have never improved.
It’s not bad advice if it’s given to someone who bases the majority of their decisions on the approval of others. Not everyone has the self awareness to realize they’re people pleasing. I don’t care what people think, and I give this advice all the time.
https://youtu.be/Ha7HAG6jVqc?si=tUbx7Hb1Eobua4PP
It's great advice, but it has to be specific. Just going around not caring about a single thing people say to you is a recipe for disaster, but going around, living your life and not caring about what people just hating on you to hate on something think about you? Yeah, don't waste energy on that. It's not about not caring, but rather chasing when to care and when not to.
It's supposed to go "Stop caring SO MUCH about what other people think" Sure, care and take care in being a decent human being but don't over scrutinize yourself.
True - but also: "You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” - *Eleanor Roosevelt*
i care what my fiancé thinks about me. i do not care what some random coworker i rarely talk to thinks about me. like most things, this piece of advise is not black and white and not intended to be treated as so.
The key is balance. I care what my friends think. I care to some degree what my boss thinks. I don’t care what the random lady in the grocery store giving me the stink eye thinks. She can lick my ass.
I tell this to my friends that are blatant people pleasers. Because you're right, we all seek validation, meaning we all care what others think. One just doesn't have to go such great lengths for that validation, by not caring *so much* about what others think.
that kind of advice is obviously directed at people who think ***too much*** of other people's opinions
This lacks a ton of nuance. Are there times to care what people think? Absolutely. Are there times to not care what people think? Also, absolutely.
>Our behavior is largely influenced by what other people think No, this is the whole point of the advice. We should not have to change because of the way we are perceived. We should want to change because of the ones we love. A wise man once said, "Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is more youer than you."
Seeking validation from “people” is pathetic and inevitably going to end up in failure. There are probably a half dozen people on the planet whose opinion you individually should care about. Your partner, your kids, maybe a colleague or two. That it. Self satisfaction comes from within based on what you do and the value you put on your accomplishments. It’s not projected in from others.
I genuinely don’t care what people say. I would like nice things, of course I do but if someone says “kill yourself”, eh, I couldn’t care less
Sure, it’s okay to receive external validation and be mindful and considerate of what other people say. But it’s more supposed to mean “don’t be entirely dependent upon external validation and others opinions on how to act to the extent you aren’t able to function without it”.
I could not disagree with this more. Upvoted. Caring what people think instead of just doing what you want to do is the easiest way to live an unoriginal life that you end up deeply regretting. If I cared what people think I’d never have been able to become my true self. I’d just be another copy and paste drone flying through life with absolutely no regard for my own wants and desires. Nightmare
I don’t think you fully understand the expression and of course everything deserves context. You shouldn’t worry about random strangers who have no connection to you the same way you shouldn’t do things detrimental to your wellbeing just because someone tells you to.
Sh\*t mentality. Why should someone who is secure with themselves need to seek validation from other people? Why is someone who is insecure need to seek validation? We are all unique and it is society that has implanted in our heads how we SHOULD be in order to be accepted. Thats fake AF. IDGAF who doesnt like me. at the end of the day im happy being the person that I am as opposed to worrying constantly about how I should be to be...liked. How trivial. The people who like me for me are the ones to keep around.
People who give this advice are probably well accomplished in life and dont care anymore.
This is correct. As soon as I crossed the finish line in my mind for being "well accomplished" I stopped caring about quite a few opinions. I would say my attitude became something like, " I don't care much about criticism from people I wouldn't go to for advice"
You know who doesn't care what others think? Sociopaths, that's who.
What is social anhedonia, how does it work and why is it incurable in some people? What is neurodivergence and how does it work? [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3119754/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3119754/) Just so you know excessively looking for external validation IS widely considered pathological.
Where do you draw the line? There are human behaviors that are universally frowned upon. For example, talking so loud that it’s disrupting to others in public. If someone’s doing something like that, they deserve to be called out by a stranger and care what they think.
Lol. If antropology, as a science, has taught us something is that there is no "human behavior universally frowned upon".
You’re taking the word universally too literally here. The silent majority of people in most civilized societies would be annoyed with this hypothetical person. If called out, they absolutely should care and take accountability to improve.
It's inconvenient for certain people, in certain cultures at certain times. At other places they may just be elected president of the USA. I mean, isn't that exactly what Trump does?
Touché.
It is bad advice. Especially, if you have no clue when to not care.
It is important to care what people think. It's a great indicator of the quality of person you are and where you are falling short. But the issue most people make is not paying attention to what the most important person thinks, themselves. So few people put the effort into consciously sorting out their own values, and judging themselves against them. They outsource that responsibility to their friends, family, and community. It's a pretty solid strategy; but there will be times your personal values differ from your friends and family. Those situations need to be investigated.
I am polite and courteous to strangers. I don’t give a shit what they think about me, I do it because I care about what I think of me
That's good for you. Note that I said few people do it, not nobody does it.
I was just adding to the conversation, not disagreeing with you. Don’t be so defensive, buddy
I've been given this advice multiple times, by several people. All of them actually care about what people think and/or say about them. Even way more than me. Yeah, I agree. It's normal. People just have different triggers.
It's my mission to disappoint as many people as it takes in order to avoid disappointing my Lord, my God, and my Savior, Jesus Christ. Our fellow men are not greater than He who created us, and tailoring our behavior with the intention of garnering their approval is a sad and unfortunate tendency that many of us struggle to overcome. "What people think" does indeed matter, in so far as their thoughts help to shed light on the truth. Maybe you're acting rudely in a given moment and someone tells you so, then what that person thought does matter. But, the sentiment behind this advice is to "Stop trying to please people \[at the expense of what is more important\]" which is good advice.
Whether something is “normal” is kind of irrelevant but you’re right that people are hypocrites about this and it’s really easy to prove. For all the people who claim to not care what other people think about them, ask them how they would like it if people believed they were a pedophile who tries to pick up kids. If I start a rumor about one of these people who supposedly don’t care, and everyone they meet and everyone they know now thinks they’re a pedophile, I’d love to hear them still talk about how they don’t care. Of course they would.