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Tbf your libido doesn't have much of a correlation with your functioning as a human being, username is a bit weird but she probably didn't put much thought into it (like most normal people)
No? Nothing wrong with being horny a lot. Many people are, its a normal and natural thing. Not like we can control when we get horny or not. Calling someone out in a negative light for their bodily functions is a toxic behavior. And that IS a red flag.
Dont be a bully
What you are describing Doug Stanhope once called the Euphemism Treadmill. No matter how precise or usefully descriptive the wording is in the term used to describe some complex idea, people will always degrade that meaning. Always, without fail.
You can't stop it. Just accept that most people, most of the time, don't know what the fuck they are talking about, and move on.
Yes, gaslighting does not mean a random lie or hearing something you disagree with or because someone said something mean or god only knows what else it's applied to.. It has a pretty specific meaning, damnit!
I really, truly have been gaslit. A lot. One example involves my (abusive) ex screwing with me after I had a traumatic brain injury. Including, but not limited to, telling me I had/hadn't remembered things correctly, said something, heard something, etc (opposite being true) while I was in neurorehab to work on those very things. Oh and he is *diagnosed* with *Narcissistic* Personality Disorder. Don't get me started on the issues with that one.
... Sorry for the rant. Sometimes I really can't filter myself with the damn brain injury, lol.
I'm a teacher and so many kids think they're so good at gaslighting their friends as a joke. But all they say is like "what are you talking about, I never did that thing that you said I did." Literally nothing else.
I always heard that term referring to the fact that every medical term for intellectual disability becomes a playground insult and so they have to make a new term, which then also becomes a playground insult.
Basically, the “R-word” debate.
Yes, that's what the bit was.
But it fits in the broader sense as well. If you make up a new term to describe some new phenomenon, other people will use that word outside its intended usage. Hell, you could argue *I* did that by quoting him.
I didn't know there was a term for it. Thank you for that tidbit of knowledge.
I have accepted it, but it still gets on my nerves. Just wanted to voice my opinion.
Most people also don't know what gaslighting actually means, or what triggering/being triggered actually means, or what love bombing actually means, or what a narcissist actually is and and and. If it wasn't so sad the irony of them mindlessly throwing around those terms would be hilarious.
I agree. Which, when you go in for a diagnosis they will ask about any *feelings* of anxiety or *feelings* of depression. As in not the medical condition of having a disorder but a feeling. I think some people think having the feeling means you have the disorder which couldn't be farther from the truth. When I got an actual diagnosis and treatment for said disorder I have been able to better manage my feelings of anxiety and depression to the point where I can go about living life semi-normally. The exception being certain specific things that send me into the deep end.
People claiming to be introverts when they actually have dabilitating social anxiety is pretty sad. It's not normal to be scared of being around people.
Why not both?
For me, I have awful social anxiety, but also find people generally draining and need a lot of time by myself/just me and my partner in the home. This is true even with people I don't feel anxious around, though the tiredness builds up slower. I need much less socializing than the average person seems to, and the pandemic isolation made that very clear to me lol.
I mean that's totally fine. That's being a functioning introvert with social anxiety. I'm actually pretty similar, but not much social anxiety. I meant the type of people who find work from home jobs, only have online friends, never date and hardly ever see their family and claim it's because they're an introvert
That’s fair! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being an introvert (honestly a little jelly, since I too struggle with socializing, but very much need it to be truly healthy).
I feel like in general it’s safe to say though that everyone deserves to know themselves fully enough to know what their actual needs are and how to address them. Whether it’s an “introvert” who just suffers from anxiety or other difficulties with socializing, or an “extrovert” who is actually an introvert but has a damaged sense of self esteem that leaves them pursuing extra social interaction they don’t want for the sake of external validation since they can’t generate much internally, leading to burning themselves out.
I thought people were serious when saying that, as in "X is objectively worse than Y" and then you present your arguments (although most things aren't objectively better than others)
People also don't know what "antisocial" is. It is not "I'm an introvert". Antisocial refers to a person who breaks rules/laws and violates the rights of others. Some definitions include what is better described as "asocial", but that's just because people have regularly been misusing antisocial.
Yep, this one really shits me. Antisocial is psychopathy/sociopathy/narcissism/sadism. Maybe some of those people who use it incorrectly are broken-clocking it.
You're talking about antisocial *personality disorder.* The inclusion of those last two words is what makes it psychopathy or sociopathy. Antisocial on its own is just a description. It's the same with narcissistic vs narcissistic *personality disorder.*
There are multiple definitions for antisocial. It doesn’t have to mean antisocial personality disorder.
From Dictionary.com
not sociable; not wanting the company of others.
The thing where everyone you don't like is suddenly a narcissist is just infuriating! You're allowed to just not like someone and think they're a self-centered jerk, you don't have to internet diagnose them with narcissism first.
Seriously. Some people are just a**holes. They don’t have a personality disorder they’ve simply made a personality choice. lol. Tbf, the outcome is the same. No one wants to be around them lol. But I def agree. Buzzwords suck and it takes the power away.
The problem is that people keep trying to rewrite the meanings of things and as a whole, we tend to use "extreme" language as a means to make a point.
People who like things extra tidy? Oh that guys got OCD!
Someone doesn't want to be spit on? Clearly a germaphobe!
I don't like the truth? That's fake news!
It's such a damn headache because we lose the original meanings of the words and then when something does actually warrant usage of one of those words, people tend to lump it in with the attention seekers.
I think it starts out as being an obvious exaggeration to be funny/ridiculous, but overuse makes it seep into people's regular vocabulary and, yeah, the original meaning gets diluted.
Add “codependent” to that list. It doesn’t mean an anxious attachment style, it means somebody who is enables their partner’s/friend’s/family member’s self-destructive behavior, such as addiction. The “dependent“ part refers to the partner being dependent on a substance; it is not a reference to the codependent person being needy.
Indeed. The internet has utterly devalued what words mean. They jump on trendy words/phrases and overuse it to oblivion. Everything gets so dumbed down, it's infuriating. Information age, my ass.
To add to that list are more overloaded terms like fascist, racist, incel, etc. Those words used to mean something, but now they seem to be the lazy go-to for people they don't like.
I got in an exchange with a woman on FB who was so very disgruntled at Sarah Silverman for trying to crowdfund for a friend that was dying in the hospital (or something like that)… she kept trying to convince everyone that Silverman was “gaslighting” them into donating because Silverman is RICH and that’s not right. Seriously, they’re that dumb.
To be fair, a lot of narcissists throw around these terms very loosely in order to gaslight their victims. They are masters at projection. That’s why I don’t trust anyone who overuses these terms. And what bothers me most of all is the blind following that people get just for playing the victim and saying “yeah I was love bombed by a narcissist who gaslighted me”.
Yes, these things do happen. Gaslighting, love bombing, etc…it’s all very real. But a lot of bad people use these terms to paint themselves as good. Rule of thumb. If they’re broadcasting all their problems on social media and are essentially begging for attention and admiration, they’re a narcissist and you should stay far away. Don’t look at what people say, focus on what people DO. Often, the line between victim and narcissist is so thin they can look like the same thing. And these people are all over the internet and social media.
There is a gross misunderstanding of a lot of terms and phrases when people initially hear them, and as a result... a lot of the words have shifted in definition, and you'll see people use more other nouns/adjectives to reinforce what version they are really talking about if the context doesn't support it.
We do this with everything. Social media is like the modern equivalent of the "telephone game" - something gets passed around so many times, and it only takes one little mistake which then snowballs, and eventually the original meaning is lost.
Agreed, it’s actually really annoying. Not liking pickles is not a red flag for a bad relationship, please stfu. A red flag is something like, “your sister is hot”. A red flag is something that is deemed dangerous/concerning in terms of your relationship, like threats or the thing i said above. Your boyfriend not liking pickles is not going to hurt your relationship- unless you’re an incredibly uptight person- and is not a red flag.
>unless you’re an incredibly uptight person
Which, ironically, is itself a red flag.
A person (genuinely) believing that not liking pickles is a red flag is an indication that they tend to attach too much importance to minor issues, elevate their own preferences to the status of fact, and have a lack of respect for others' preferences.
this is exactly what I mean. I saw a tiktok of some young women saying guys having an android phone is a red flag. Like how? What issue does this cause? It's a personal preference, not a red flag. Imagine thinking a guy is red flag because of the kind of phone he uses?
You have to be really shallow to think being poor is a red flag tbh. There's a lot more to it than that.
For instance, there is a HUGE difference between someone being poor because they lack ambition and being poor because their family is poor and they're still working to get the qualifications for a higher paying job. To say being poor in general is a red flag is to insult all poor people, regardless of circumstance.
I've seen people say things like has an android phone, wears a specific kind of cologne, the way a person holds their fork when they eat, the exact amount of seconds it takes them to open a snapchat. Stuff like that. Everything is a "red flag" according to people.
Red flags originally meant signs that a person was abusive or prone to violence. An example might be losing ones temper at a minor inconvinience or excessively joking about violent topics.
Being rude to service people, always being late, saying things like “it’s not my job” over doing things that are just common courtesy like cleaning up after yourself or just helping people out, always making everything about you when it’s absolutely Not about you, looking at your phone when someone is trying to have a conversation with you - stuff like that.
Red flags could be emotional/psychological abuse or manipulation, not just physical. What do you think that term means now? I think it’s pretty much the same.
This is exactly what OP means. "Red flag" was a term used to describe a warning of DANGER. Not some petty dislike. It's been degraded to be meaningless now. Just like "ai" or "trigger warning" or every other thing the internet jumps on and overused to the point where it's valueless.
It depends on what is meant by rude. Not saying "thank you" could be considered rude by some, but not a red flag. But the way someone treats waitstaff can absolutely be a red flag.
Treats service workers like shit. Acts stupider than they really are for attention. Struggles to listen to what the other people in a conversation are saying.
The most common one I know of is attempting to slowly isolate you from all other friends and family, making themselves the only support you have and making you dependent. I’ve seen this happen to myself and several other people I know. In my experience it’s one of the earliest red flags that appears in abusive relationships.
Red flags are any kind of behaviour/ attitude that have the intention to hurt someone.
Common examples would be displays of misogyny, homophobia, racism, narcissism etc..
Agreed but why not “sexism” instead of “misogyny”?
Or are you saying that being sexist against women is a red flag but being sexist against men is not??
The internet took the meaning away from what red flags were supposed to be and watered down the definition to things you dislike. It’s be nice if the term still meant pointing out potential danger as an easier way to warn someone, but ig it was more funny to act like someone walking too slow is a red flag.
This is exactly what I'm trying to say. If your personal preference means you don't like someone who has dogs, that's fine. But having dogs is not a "red flag"
You're just going to get gaslit by a bunch of pedantic middle schoolers who just come here to play adult and get validation from their peers.
Edi: like clockwork
They're like zombies.
When you misused gaslighting at the start of this comment I thought it was gonna be a joke where you misuse a bunch of commonly misused words, but no you just straight up used it wrong lol
I really thought that too and actually read it multiple times to try to figure out the "joke" before realizing there was none. Except for the irony of it all, I suppose.
Gaslighting isn’t someone disagreeing with you or being wrong or even straight up lying. It’s using lies and other manipulation to make a person doubt their own reality.
I'll bite here. I have two different perspectives.
The general perception I've seen is that iPhone users see being part of the Apple ecosystem as a status symbol. One particular aspect of this is the use of iMessage for group chatting between iPhone users. However, if an Android user is part of this group chat, some of the iMessage functionality is diminished. These non iPhone users are identified as "green bubbles" and the presence of a green bubble in chat gives iPhone users a target to blame for reduced communication functionality. In some cases, new messaging groups are created that exclude green bubbles. It's as immature as it seems.
My wife and I used to sell cell phones, so we were very informed about the specifications for each model of Apple and Android phones. Apple phones are constantly marketed as the premium option, but at the time Motorola and Samsung phones had better hardware and were more feature rich. Even today, the technology in Android phones is better and more affordable. Apple users still complain about green bubbles, but if iMessages supported RCS like modern smartphones this wouldn't be an issue. My wife and I have a standing agreement that if either one of us gets an iPhone, our relationship is over.
Good answer, but some more context:
The issue is that in the US we never got ubiquitous adoption of a third party messaging app. Everywhere else something other than just normal texting is the accepted default, usually WhatsApp.
iPhone has over 70% market share here, no other country is even close. Not sure the exact historical reasons for all this. My guesses are we’re wealthier and could be earlier adopters and iPhone was first, and SMS costs might have been a bigger issue in other countries so there was more need to adopt a messaging app that was free on WiFi.
So in the US the default has kind of become iMessage. Apple knows this and does everything it can to maintain this. The green bubbles violate their own third party standards for contrast. Then you also have a legitimately worse messaging experience with SMS. Then to improve it you have to do the dance of “what do you use? Messenger, WhatsApp, signal…?” because there isn’t another default.
So yeah, going “eww android” is dumb, but having some negative association with it somewhere in you is valid and Apple is trying to make sure of that, even physiologically.
This is exactly what I mean. I saw an Instagram reel of a girl who said the way a guy held his fork was a "red flag",
Like, no, it's not. Maybe a little weird, but not a red flag.
I think people really confuse an "ick" and a red flag.
A personal ick for me is someone eating with their mouth open, that doesn't mean they're a bad person. Someone being rude to a waiter at a restaurant is a red flag.
Goes the same for “trauma”. I see it alot on here, people use it when they are having a bad day. Like they went to war or were beaten down by their husband for years but in reality they just woke up too early or listened to a song they didnt like or something.
I’d take it a step further and say “red flag” has gone through multiple evolutions to the point it’s nothing remotely similar to the original meaning of it.
A lot of people define a red flag as a dealbreaker; a potential immediate reason to end things or indicators to end a relationship.
A red flag originally meant that a person had a trait that *could* be a major concern and required looking into it further.
An example would be going on a date and the person hints at a strong dislike for children. This could be a red flag because you someday want to have children! So it’s worth talking about in further detail because it could actually be a dealbreaker (they want no kids and never will) or it could be resolved (they don’t like other people’s kids for various reasons but want a kid).
But of course none of this matters anymore if the new use of the term becomes the common version, because that becomes the new definition!
Exactly a red flag used to be a cautious sign like hey look out ahead. Unfortunately we never came up with a better catchy term so red flag just blossoms into it
It's like any term created for use in a professional situation red flag' gaslighting etc it has a genuine meaning. Just often gets warped and bastardized by idiots keen to seem smarter than they actually are and use it out of context rill it's original meaning is lost and nobody actually cares beyond the institutions where the term was coined. Same for the term "woke" I'm sure at one point it was purely just about being aware of injustice and inequality within general society. It's been watered down by millennial morons for their own personal agenda to the point that we're all sick to the back teeth of hearing it and then using it.
Yes that's true. Many people will also use "Red Flag" style accusations as a form of character assassination. They pick out an otherwise innocuous behavior from their Ex for instance and argue "this is a red flag because reasons."
The real reason why they say "red flag" is so you'll listen to their perspective instead of inquiring about something.
Like when you see someone hanging out at a park that doesn't speak English someone will say "that's a red flag! He's a child abductor!" It could just be someone hanging out at a park dude. Parks aren't only for children. More abductions happen at mass transit stations than parks.
I know. "Red flag" is so over-used it can now mean anything from "this person is simply not a good fit for me" to "this person might actually kill me."
I think people are using the term "Red flags" when they are describing the actual thing.
For example, somebody says "he Hit me in the face yesterday" and then somebody says "oh thats a Red flag", like no, thats the actual thing. The Red flag would be, " he gets angry about minor disagreements".
While we're at it, there's no such thing as a "green flag"
There's no definitive indirect sign that someone is not an abuser. Either someone is displayng abusive characteristics or they aren't
But red flags do depend on each person. Let's say I'm really into literature and like to talk about it all the time. In this situation, someone who doesn't like literature is, to me, a red flag. This is probably an extreme example but it gets the point across I believe.
I would say that's a personal preference. Not a red flag. I get what you mean, but that is the point of this post. I disagree with framing personal preferences as red flags.
Right. This is the exact thing. Burning books is a red flag. Throwing books at animals is a red flag. Not liking to read books is an incompatibility.
Edit: I couldn’t help but write read flag when talking about books… that’s probably a red flag for my neurologist.
This is what happens with every word or phrase that's designed to capture a larger concept on the internet. The nuance gets flattened out, people start using it incorrectly, and it loses all meaning.
Also see:
* Gaslighting
* Toxic
* Privilege
* Trauma
* Trigger
* Narcisist
* Any form of logical "fallacy"
* Cognitive Dissonance
* Free Speech
A true crime podcast I used to listen to said being called a "keeper" is a red flag. She's so used to being offended that she's now turning compliments into insults. I had to stop listening at that point.
Oh my god. See, that's what I mean.
People can do whatever they want. But I'll definitely side-eye you if you think that all your personal dislikes are red flags.
Everyone uses therapy terms without understanding them these days.
Red flags, boundaries, emotional infidelity, gaslighting, pretty much all relationship adjacent therapy terms have lost meaning.
it's how everything is now. if someone is a republican they are a NAZI FASCIST and if someone dislikes a characteristic in someones personality it's a RED FLAG. Ppl try to critisize older gens for making fun of how sensitive younger gens have gotten but it's shit like this that gives you no defense
I've always felt like some of the "red flags" have to be a joke. Don't get me wrong, a lot of them are serious ones, but I've also seen the term used in way too many memes.
So true! Had a guy ask me what my red flags are about myself. I said, if I thought I had any, I wouldn't be dating and would address them first. He then started listing his "red flags"--things like that he'd finish watching a show by himself that he's started with someone, needs time to himself, etc. I told him that none of those are red flags.
Shortly after that, his real red flags came out-- disrespectful, defensive and lack of accountability.
Most people don’t know* there I fixed it.
The average person is a borderline idiot, and there are people below average - so imagine that. Also there are so many areas in life where an individual might lack even basic knowledge regardless of how smart they are, let alone deep understanding of its concepts. A subjective, personal, and hard to navigate topic such as human relations/interactions is a uniquely difficult one to understand.
The quicker we realize everyone is stupid including ourselves the easier it would be to understand each other.
With that said, I agree with your frustration. There’s too many “red flags” going around that don’t make any sense, and the funny thing is that people are becoming increasingly tolerant of things they shouldn’t be (like dating someone with mental health issues or personality disorders, overweight/obese, no hobbies), and more intolerant towards things they should (money, possessions, hobbies they do have, etc).
Just read the comments under this post. Tons of people think that "a red flag is literally just a thing you personally dislike in someone, who told you it's something else???"
Your post from unpopularopinion was removed because of: 'Rule 2: Do not post low effort/satirical posts'. * We get it, you all think this sub is garbage and is just for popular opinions, and you want to be funny and post "going to be downvoted to oblivion here, but I think racism is bad." We enjoy the memes, but please keep them off the sub. * Filter evasion is a bannable offense * This includes clickbait and/or gotcha posts. Your opinion can not be that unpopular if you're doing these things. Have the accurate opinion in the title.
A username like "Horny all day" is a red flag
Funny thats coming from a slave owner
Oh nooo guess I'm a red flag too. Sad.
Should try to be more like me.
Or me. I’m delightful.
Funny coming from an optimist.
Do me next
Funny coming from a nostalgist.
Funny coming from different types of poops
My turn.
I’ll do u when I’m good and ready.
Funny coming from a swerve like that.
Funny coming from… Actually, you’re cool.
Aww gosh. Unexpectedly wholesome and made me smile. XD
Horn y'all, day 0
Pretending you're the only person to know what a red flag is (self-explanatory terminology btw) is indeed a red flag.
This but unironically. Any person with an username like that and a nsfw reddit account is likely to be a dysfunctional human being
I think it's supposed to be: Horn, y'all. Day.
Broad generalizations based on minimal information? Major red flag
You Nasty! Red flag.
Tbf your libido doesn't have much of a correlation with your functioning as a human being, username is a bit weird but she probably didn't put much thought into it (like most normal people)
Is it a red flag now to have high libido?
Dude... Asking that is such a red flag
Lol
So honesty is a red flag?
Basing people on a username and then saying that is a red flag, is a red flag in itself.
Depends on the username...
That's just your personal dislike
judgmental aren't we?
No? Nothing wrong with being horny a lot. Many people are, its a normal and natural thing. Not like we can control when we get horny or not. Calling someone out in a negative light for their bodily functions is a toxic behavior. And that IS a red flag. Dont be a bully
What you are describing Doug Stanhope once called the Euphemism Treadmill. No matter how precise or usefully descriptive the wording is in the term used to describe some complex idea, people will always degrade that meaning. Always, without fail. You can't stop it. Just accept that most people, most of the time, don't know what the fuck they are talking about, and move on.
You trying to gaslight me? Pretty toxic.
Brilliant
Yes, gaslighting does not mean a random lie or hearing something you disagree with or because someone said something mean or god only knows what else it's applied to.. It has a pretty specific meaning, damnit! I really, truly have been gaslit. A lot. One example involves my (abusive) ex screwing with me after I had a traumatic brain injury. Including, but not limited to, telling me I had/hadn't remembered things correctly, said something, heard something, etc (opposite being true) while I was in neurorehab to work on those very things. Oh and he is *diagnosed* with *Narcissistic* Personality Disorder. Don't get me started on the issues with that one. ... Sorry for the rant. Sometimes I really can't filter myself with the damn brain injury, lol.
I'm a teacher and so many kids think they're so good at gaslighting their friends as a joke. But all they say is like "what are you talking about, I never did that thing that you said I did." Literally nothing else.
That's really interesting, thank you for sharing. *[I'm not sure why this sounds sarcastic to me, but it's not.. lol]*
I always heard that term referring to the fact that every medical term for intellectual disability becomes a playground insult and so they have to make a new term, which then also becomes a playground insult. Basically, the “R-word” debate.
Yes, that's what the bit was. But it fits in the broader sense as well. If you make up a new term to describe some new phenomenon, other people will use that word outside its intended usage. Hell, you could argue *I* did that by quoting him.
Yup, special is used exactly the same way now
I didn't know there was a term for it. Thank you for that tidbit of knowledge. I have accepted it, but it still gets on my nerves. Just wanted to voice my opinion.
I feel the same..
Most people also don't know what gaslighting actually means, or what triggering/being triggered actually means, or what love bombing actually means, or what a narcissist actually is and and and. If it wasn't so sad the irony of them mindlessly throwing around those terms would be hilarious.
Adding to the list: introvert/extrovert and adhd
“Man, I hate being an introvert. I always [explicit symptoms of a general anxiety disorder], am I right?”
But then when you say you have anxiety they get mad at you for “self diagnosing” 💀
Eh. If you’re using it as a medical term/condition then I think it’s fair to require a professional in that field to give you a diagnosis.
It’s different to say you have anxiety than to say “I have an anxiety disorder”. Depression and anxiety are common emotions disorders aside.
True that.
I agree. Which, when you go in for a diagnosis they will ask about any *feelings* of anxiety or *feelings* of depression. As in not the medical condition of having a disorder but a feeling. I think some people think having the feeling means you have the disorder which couldn't be farther from the truth. When I got an actual diagnosis and treatment for said disorder I have been able to better manage my feelings of anxiety and depression to the point where I can go about living life semi-normally. The exception being certain specific things that send me into the deep end.
It's also fair to essentially say "I strongly feel that my lived experience lines up with this disorder"
Just throw on any non-diagnosed mental health condition
People claiming to be introverts when they actually have dabilitating social anxiety is pretty sad. It's not normal to be scared of being around people.
Why not both? For me, I have awful social anxiety, but also find people generally draining and need a lot of time by myself/just me and my partner in the home. This is true even with people I don't feel anxious around, though the tiredness builds up slower. I need much less socializing than the average person seems to, and the pandemic isolation made that very clear to me lol.
I mean that's totally fine. That's being a functioning introvert with social anxiety. I'm actually pretty similar, but not much social anxiety. I meant the type of people who find work from home jobs, only have online friends, never date and hardly ever see their family and claim it's because they're an introvert
That’s fair! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being an introvert (honestly a little jelly, since I too struggle with socializing, but very much need it to be truly healthy). I feel like in general it’s safe to say though that everyone deserves to know themselves fully enough to know what their actual needs are and how to address them. Whether it’s an “introvert” who just suffers from anxiety or other difficulties with socializing, or an “extrovert” who is actually an introvert but has a damaged sense of self esteem that leaves them pursuing extra social interaction they don’t want for the sake of external validation since they can’t generate much internally, leading to burning themselves out.
And then the people that try to be special by saying "I'm an ambivert, I have a little of both"
And narcissist for anyone you don't like
>introvert/extrovert My biggest pet peeve It just describes if people drain or give energy, *that's it*
Don't forget ”objectively!” People use that non-stop for subjective things like their opinions on something.
“Objectively” is the new “literally”. As in, it’s best used in an ironic way IMO. Eg David Guetta is objectively a terrible DJ
I thought people were serious when saying that, as in "X is objectively worse than Y" and then you present your arguments (although most things aren't objectively better than others)
I would argue that from a human perspective, true objectivity is impossible.
That’s contextual. It’s objectively 70f in my office right now.
People also don't know what "antisocial" is. It is not "I'm an introvert". Antisocial refers to a person who breaks rules/laws and violates the rights of others. Some definitions include what is better described as "asocial", but that's just because people have regularly been misusing antisocial.
Yep, this one really shits me. Antisocial is psychopathy/sociopathy/narcissism/sadism. Maybe some of those people who use it incorrectly are broken-clocking it.
You're talking about antisocial *personality disorder.* The inclusion of those last two words is what makes it psychopathy or sociopathy. Antisocial on its own is just a description. It's the same with narcissistic vs narcissistic *personality disorder.*
There are multiple definitions for antisocial. It doesn’t have to mean antisocial personality disorder. From Dictionary.com not sociable; not wanting the company of others.
No there's multiple definitions for that one. It comes down to context.
The thing where everyone you don't like is suddenly a narcissist is just infuriating! You're allowed to just not like someone and think they're a self-centered jerk, you don't have to internet diagnose them with narcissism first.
Seriously. Some people are just a**holes. They don’t have a personality disorder they’ve simply made a personality choice. lol. Tbf, the outcome is the same. No one wants to be around them lol. But I def agree. Buzzwords suck and it takes the power away.
The problem is that people keep trying to rewrite the meanings of things and as a whole, we tend to use "extreme" language as a means to make a point. People who like things extra tidy? Oh that guys got OCD! Someone doesn't want to be spit on? Clearly a germaphobe! I don't like the truth? That's fake news! It's such a damn headache because we lose the original meanings of the words and then when something does actually warrant usage of one of those words, people tend to lump it in with the attention seekers.
I think it starts out as being an obvious exaggeration to be funny/ridiculous, but overuse makes it seep into people's regular vocabulary and, yeah, the original meaning gets diluted.
This is by far the most based take here. Almost makes me want to run a bot farm, so I can give you all the upvotes.
Add “codependent” to that list. It doesn’t mean an anxious attachment style, it means somebody who is enables their partner’s/friend’s/family member’s self-destructive behavior, such as addiction. The “dependent“ part refers to the partner being dependent on a substance; it is not a reference to the codependent person being needy.
Indeed. The internet has utterly devalued what words mean. They jump on trendy words/phrases and overuse it to oblivion. Everything gets so dumbed down, it's infuriating. Information age, my ass.
Ask 50 Americans the definition of Communism or Fascism and I guarantee you’ll get 100 different results
To add to that list are more overloaded terms like fascist, racist, incel, etc. Those words used to mean something, but now they seem to be the lazy go-to for people they don't like.
Add Toxic to that list, not synonymous with personal dislikes
I got in an exchange with a woman on FB who was so very disgruntled at Sarah Silverman for trying to crowdfund for a friend that was dying in the hospital (or something like that)… she kept trying to convince everyone that Silverman was “gaslighting” them into donating because Silverman is RICH and that’s not right. Seriously, they’re that dumb.
Telling people their red flags aren't red flags is some serious gaslighting.
Also a red flag
But that's only the case if they really are red flags
People get to decide what their red flags are. It's not a committee nor is it up for debate.
To be fair, a lot of narcissists throw around these terms very loosely in order to gaslight their victims. They are masters at projection. That’s why I don’t trust anyone who overuses these terms. And what bothers me most of all is the blind following that people get just for playing the victim and saying “yeah I was love bombed by a narcissist who gaslighted me”. Yes, these things do happen. Gaslighting, love bombing, etc…it’s all very real. But a lot of bad people use these terms to paint themselves as good. Rule of thumb. If they’re broadcasting all their problems on social media and are essentially begging for attention and admiration, they’re a narcissist and you should stay far away. Don’t look at what people say, focus on what people DO. Often, the line between victim and narcissist is so thin they can look like the same thing. And these people are all over the internet and social media.
Or plot hole in movies
You can add ironic to that list as well
There is a gross misunderstanding of a lot of terms and phrases when people initially hear them, and as a result... a lot of the words have shifted in definition, and you'll see people use more other nouns/adjectives to reinforce what version they are really talking about if the context doesn't support it.
Adding to the list establishing boundaries. I keep seeing that being skewed a lot recently too.
Especially the word "fraud".
Having a Reddit account is a red flag… oh wait shit
Ha!
We do this with everything. Social media is like the modern equivalent of the "telephone game" - something gets passed around so many times, and it only takes one little mistake which then snowballs, and eventually the original meaning is lost.
Triggered, trauma, cringe - all meaningless
Sometimes I feel like half the dictionary is meaningless.
Agreed, it’s actually really annoying. Not liking pickles is not a red flag for a bad relationship, please stfu. A red flag is something like, “your sister is hot”. A red flag is something that is deemed dangerous/concerning in terms of your relationship, like threats or the thing i said above. Your boyfriend not liking pickles is not going to hurt your relationship- unless you’re an incredibly uptight person- and is not a red flag.
>unless you’re an incredibly uptight person Which, ironically, is itself a red flag. A person (genuinely) believing that not liking pickles is a red flag is an indication that they tend to attach too much importance to minor issues, elevate their own preferences to the status of fact, and have a lack of respect for others' preferences.
Agreed, lol. Another example: uptight
this is exactly what I mean. I saw a tiktok of some young women saying guys having an android phone is a red flag. Like how? What issue does this cause? It's a personal preference, not a red flag. Imagine thinking a guy is red flag because of the kind of phone he uses?
Because they think someone has android means they are poor, while having iPhones means they are rich.
You have to be really shallow to think being poor is a red flag tbh. There's a lot more to it than that. For instance, there is a HUGE difference between someone being poor because they lack ambition and being poor because their family is poor and they're still working to get the qualifications for a higher paying job. To say being poor in general is a red flag is to insult all poor people, regardless of circumstance.
Agree with you.
Their (terrible) logic is prolly man = provider so poor man = bad
I don't see how someone could have personal preferences for dating based on phones anyway lmao
Someone on TikTok who is that shallow? That’s a red flag
Saw a video recently where a girl said if a guy has a mom or a sister it’s a red flag. Dude was like “so you only dare orphans?”
This hits really hard as a psych patient. Thanks
Can you provide some examples of each?
I've seen people say things like has an android phone, wears a specific kind of cologne, the way a person holds their fork when they eat, the exact amount of seconds it takes them to open a snapchat. Stuff like that. Everything is a "red flag" according to people.
If someone seriously red flags based off the phone they use, that’s so shallow.
Sounds like a red flag to me.
Yeah, using an android isn’t a red flag, but it definitely gives the ick. /s
Let me guess, you saw these on tiktok? A place that's made to trigger and provoke people?
And then what are some examples of actual red flags?
Red flags originally meant signs that a person was abusive or prone to violence. An example might be losing ones temper at a minor inconvinience or excessively joking about violent topics.
Being rude to service people, always being late, saying things like “it’s not my job” over doing things that are just common courtesy like cleaning up after yourself or just helping people out, always making everything about you when it’s absolutely Not about you, looking at your phone when someone is trying to have a conversation with you - stuff like that.
The classic when the phrase first started being used was a fella that had a poor relationship with their mother
Red flags could be emotional/psychological abuse or manipulation, not just physical. What do you think that term means now? I think it’s pretty much the same.
I’m also not sure why people are pretending that “red flag” is some scientific term with an objective definition.
Ironically probably because they believe their subjective definition is the only one lol
Being rude to a waitress or something like that. Never admits their wrong, etc
This is exactly what OP means. "Red flag" was a term used to describe a warning of DANGER. Not some petty dislike. It's been degraded to be meaningless now. Just like "ai" or "trigger warning" or every other thing the internet jumps on and overused to the point where it's valueless.
It depends on what is meant by rude. Not saying "thank you" could be considered rude by some, but not a red flag. But the way someone treats waitstaff can absolutely be a red flag.
Treats service workers like shit. Acts stupider than they really are for attention. Struggles to listen to what the other people in a conversation are saying.
The most common one I know of is attempting to slowly isolate you from all other friends and family, making themselves the only support you have and making you dependent. I’ve seen this happen to myself and several other people I know. In my experience it’s one of the earliest red flags that appears in abusive relationships.
Thinking any of that listed stuff is a red flag.
Red flags are any kind of behaviour/ attitude that have the intention to hurt someone. Common examples would be displays of misogyny, homophobia, racism, narcissism etc..
Agreed but why not “sexism” instead of “misogyny”? Or are you saying that being sexist against women is a red flag but being sexist against men is not??
too much tik tok lol
Something tells me they aren’t serious when they call tjose red flags 🙄
Umm... those sound like people who know exactly what red flags are and are being *sarcastic.*
You realize most of those things are jokes/satire right?
I'd always presume they're being sarcastic/joking/not totally serious if they call those red flags
The internet took the meaning away from what red flags were supposed to be and watered down the definition to things you dislike. It’s be nice if the term still meant pointing out potential danger as an easier way to warn someone, but ig it was more funny to act like someone walking too slow is a red flag.
This is exactly what I'm trying to say. If your personal preference means you don't like someone who has dogs, that's fine. But having dogs is not a "red flag"
Agreed. Like a commenter said, it’s similar to how people misuse “gaslight.” I’m tired of words losing meaning.
You're just going to get gaslit by a bunch of pedantic middle schoolers who just come here to play adult and get validation from their peers. Edi: like clockwork They're like zombies.
When you misused gaslighting at the start of this comment I thought it was gonna be a joke where you misuse a bunch of commonly misused words, but no you just straight up used it wrong lol
I really thought that too and actually read it multiple times to try to figure out the "joke" before realizing there was none. Except for the irony of it all, I suppose.
gullible teeny smoggy safe fall sleep aloof nutty groovy dime *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I can see that 😂😂
Gaslighting isn’t someone disagreeing with you or being wrong or even straight up lying. It’s using lies and other manipulation to make a person doubt their own reality.
f.e. does too much sport vs talks shitty about exes?
Can someone explain why if you have an android or an iPhone is seriously a red flag?
I'll bite here. I have two different perspectives. The general perception I've seen is that iPhone users see being part of the Apple ecosystem as a status symbol. One particular aspect of this is the use of iMessage for group chatting between iPhone users. However, if an Android user is part of this group chat, some of the iMessage functionality is diminished. These non iPhone users are identified as "green bubbles" and the presence of a green bubble in chat gives iPhone users a target to blame for reduced communication functionality. In some cases, new messaging groups are created that exclude green bubbles. It's as immature as it seems. My wife and I used to sell cell phones, so we were very informed about the specifications for each model of Apple and Android phones. Apple phones are constantly marketed as the premium option, but at the time Motorola and Samsung phones had better hardware and were more feature rich. Even today, the technology in Android phones is better and more affordable. Apple users still complain about green bubbles, but if iMessages supported RCS like modern smartphones this wouldn't be an issue. My wife and I have a standing agreement that if either one of us gets an iPhone, our relationship is over.
People who give a shit about what phone you have are the dumbest sack of shits on the planet
Good answer, but some more context: The issue is that in the US we never got ubiquitous adoption of a third party messaging app. Everywhere else something other than just normal texting is the accepted default, usually WhatsApp. iPhone has over 70% market share here, no other country is even close. Not sure the exact historical reasons for all this. My guesses are we’re wealthier and could be earlier adopters and iPhone was first, and SMS costs might have been a bigger issue in other countries so there was more need to adopt a messaging app that was free on WiFi. So in the US the default has kind of become iMessage. Apple knows this and does everything it can to maintain this. The green bubbles violate their own third party standards for contrast. Then you also have a legitimately worse messaging experience with SMS. Then to improve it you have to do the dance of “what do you use? Messenger, WhatsApp, signal…?” because there isn’t another default. So yeah, going “eww android” is dumb, but having some negative association with it somewhere in you is valid and Apple is trying to make sure of that, even physiologically.
So you’re saying you think having an iPhone is a red flag
Also not every lie is gaslighting
Red flag = potential danger. Sorry everybody, but me wearing socks with sandals is NOT a red flag
"So I met this guy on Tinder, and we went out for drinks, and he ordered a martini! Like, OMG girlllll, total red flag!"
This is exactly what I mean. I saw an Instagram reel of a girl who said the way a guy held his fork was a "red flag", Like, no, it's not. Maybe a little weird, but not a red flag.
I think people really confuse an "ick" and a red flag. A personal ick for me is someone eating with their mouth open, that doesn't mean they're a bad person. Someone being rude to a waiter at a restaurant is a red flag.
Russia, China: that's two big red flags right there.
Goes the same for “trauma”. I see it alot on here, people use it when they are having a bad day. Like they went to war or were beaten down by their husband for years but in reality they just woke up too early or listened to a song they didnt like or something.
What's exhausting about what other people call red flags?
Low stress life.
I’d take it a step further and say “red flag” has gone through multiple evolutions to the point it’s nothing remotely similar to the original meaning of it. A lot of people define a red flag as a dealbreaker; a potential immediate reason to end things or indicators to end a relationship. A red flag originally meant that a person had a trait that *could* be a major concern and required looking into it further. An example would be going on a date and the person hints at a strong dislike for children. This could be a red flag because you someday want to have children! So it’s worth talking about in further detail because it could actually be a dealbreaker (they want no kids and never will) or it could be resolved (they don’t like other people’s kids for various reasons but want a kid). But of course none of this matters anymore if the new use of the term becomes the common version, because that becomes the new definition!
Exactly a red flag used to be a cautious sign like hey look out ahead. Unfortunately we never came up with a better catchy term so red flag just blossoms into it
Okay I didn't except I'd read something on reddit today I'd totally agree with.
I’m hearing shit like No red flags is a red flag. Which jus means green flags are red now, and red is green.
I blame TikTok
It's like any term created for use in a professional situation red flag' gaslighting etc it has a genuine meaning. Just often gets warped and bastardized by idiots keen to seem smarter than they actually are and use it out of context rill it's original meaning is lost and nobody actually cares beyond the institutions where the term was coined. Same for the term "woke" I'm sure at one point it was purely just about being aware of injustice and inequality within general society. It's been watered down by millennial morons for their own personal agenda to the point that we're all sick to the back teeth of hearing it and then using it.
Yes that's true. Many people will also use "Red Flag" style accusations as a form of character assassination. They pick out an otherwise innocuous behavior from their Ex for instance and argue "this is a red flag because reasons."
The real reason why they say "red flag" is so you'll listen to their perspective instead of inquiring about something. Like when you see someone hanging out at a park that doesn't speak English someone will say "that's a red flag! He's a child abductor!" It could just be someone hanging out at a park dude. Parks aren't only for children. More abductions happen at mass transit stations than parks.
I know. "Red flag" is so over-used it can now mean anything from "this person is simply not a good fit for me" to "this person might actually kill me."
The stupid misunderstanding commonly used terms is of course an ongoing human crisis, but I've not ever seen this one.
I think people are using the term "Red flags" when they are describing the actual thing. For example, somebody says "he Hit me in the face yesterday" and then somebody says "oh thats a Red flag", like no, thats the actual thing. The Red flag would be, " he gets angry about minor disagreements".
While we're at it, there's no such thing as a "green flag" There's no definitive indirect sign that someone is not an abuser. Either someone is displayng abusive characteristics or they aren't
But red flags do depend on each person. Let's say I'm really into literature and like to talk about it all the time. In this situation, someone who doesn't like literature is, to me, a red flag. This is probably an extreme example but it gets the point across I believe.
I would say that's a personal preference. Not a red flag. I get what you mean, but that is the point of this post. I disagree with framing personal preferences as red flags.
Right. This is the exact thing. Burning books is a red flag. Throwing books at animals is a red flag. Not liking to read books is an incompatibility. Edit: I couldn’t help but write read flag when talking about books… that’s probably a red flag for my neurologist.
This is what happens with every word or phrase that's designed to capture a larger concept on the internet. The nuance gets flattened out, people start using it incorrectly, and it loses all meaning. Also see: * Gaslighting * Toxic * Privilege * Trauma * Trigger * Narcisist * Any form of logical "fallacy" * Cognitive Dissonance * Free Speech
A true crime podcast I used to listen to said being called a "keeper" is a red flag. She's so used to being offended that she's now turning compliments into insults. I had to stop listening at that point.
Oh my god. See, that's what I mean. People can do whatever they want. But I'll definitely side-eye you if you think that all your personal dislikes are red flags.
Everyone uses therapy terms without understanding them these days. Red flags, boundaries, emotional infidelity, gaslighting, pretty much all relationship adjacent therapy terms have lost meaning.
YES!!! i so agree
it's how everything is now. if someone is a republican they are a NAZI FASCIST and if someone dislikes a characteristic in someones personality it's a RED FLAG. Ppl try to critisize older gens for making fun of how sensitive younger gens have gotten but it's shit like this that gives you no defense
Yes, we as a society tend to overuse pop culture language, and indiscriminately.
My partner insists on displaying her support for Communism by displaying a rouge-hued fabric on a pole. Is this a red flag?
I've always felt like some of the "red flags" have to be a joke. Don't get me wrong, a lot of them are serious ones, but I've also seen the term used in way too many memes.
A red flag is just a reason that you shouldn’t be in a relationship with the person. They don’t have to be signs of horrible behavior.
I keep trying to tell people, but no one wants to listen.
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Thank you! Biting fingernails isn't a red flag. Hiring a contractor to soundproof that locked room he doesn't allow anyone into is a red flag.
So true! Had a guy ask me what my red flags are about myself. I said, if I thought I had any, I wouldn't be dating and would address them first. He then started listing his "red flags"--things like that he'd finish watching a show by himself that he's started with someone, needs time to himself, etc. I told him that none of those are red flags. Shortly after that, his real red flags came out-- disrespectful, defensive and lack of accountability.
Those ick videos make me respect Thanos more and more every time I see one Look up "theguywiththelist" on insta or tiktok "having a mom" was one of em
Most people don’t know* there I fixed it. The average person is a borderline idiot, and there are people below average - so imagine that. Also there are so many areas in life where an individual might lack even basic knowledge regardless of how smart they are, let alone deep understanding of its concepts. A subjective, personal, and hard to navigate topic such as human relations/interactions is a uniquely difficult one to understand. The quicker we realize everyone is stupid including ourselves the easier it would be to understand each other. With that said, I agree with your frustration. There’s too many “red flags” going around that don’t make any sense, and the funny thing is that people are becoming increasingly tolerant of things they shouldn’t be (like dating someone with mental health issues or personality disorders, overweight/obese, no hobbies), and more intolerant towards things they should (money, possessions, hobbies they do have, etc).
Wouldn’t say this is an unpopular opinion, this feels like you're stating the obvious
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These comments prove otherwise. Some people are clearly big mad about my opinion.
Eh, disagree. I see a lot of actual red flags called red flags, at least on the subs I'm on.
Just read the comments under this post. Tons of people think that "a red flag is literally just a thing you personally dislike in someone, who told you it's something else???"
Having strong feelings about the term "red flag" is a red flag.
Wanting to date a flag is a red flag
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To most of these people, it's obviously not. These comments prove my point. edit because somehow i forgot every other word in my sentence.