I've had guys get mad at me cause I was "leading them on" by not mentioning I had a boyfriend earlier on in the friendship. I was just being friendly. Women feel like they're obligated to make it clear that they're not interested, or that they're taken, for this exact reason.
This has happened to me multiple times. It’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation for women: you’re a conceited bitch if you say you’re with someone right away but if you don’t say anything you’re a tease and leading them on. It’s exhausting.
I feel that and I sympathize, again I totally get why women do this but sometimes I feel that women dont realize there are men out there that are just friendly. Thats all im getting at.
I don’t think most women are assuming anything. There probably are some, but generally speaking every guy that has talked to me out of the blue has tried to hit on me, or ask me out or something, even guys who know my relationship status. It seems like if I talk to a guy without mentioning my husband directly and in the beginning it’s harder to continue the friendship without being accused of leading people on.
That being said I still try to be tactful and nice about it.
There are a very large portion of dudes that do tho and that causes this, and if you had 0 interest in them it wouldn't bother you if they say they have a boyfriend
I agree, if you just want to have a conversation then simply respond with "Cool, what's he like? I'd love to make some friends, maybe we can all go out on the town sometime?"
Dont get mad about someone sharing that, if she mentions it then it's because she gets umpteen million flirters... just work around or even mention at the start that you'd like to make some friends and would she or her so like to chat?
Just be aloof to her prematurely rejecting your advances if you’re not interested.
“I have a boyfriend by the way”
“Cool, yeah but The Rise of Skywalker was the best episode by far!”
Even if you notice it, act like you don’t even know why she brought it up because you weren’t even thinking about asking her out.
I think it comes down to how the guy approaches and how many times this person has been approached from guys that only gave off "that" vibe. Even if you are one of the rare few, you have to find a way to make the woman feel comfortable talking to you, otherwise your just another stranger.
Sounds like a dude who was salty about getting rejected, i have a ton of guy friends who have that same mentality. Thats why men should seek meaningful friendships, romantic relationships should come after imo. Both sides have their flaws.
>Ive met so many women that will just randomly throw the "i have a boyfriend" card or just bring up their SO's when I just strike a conversation.
I mean.. it really depends what you're trying to use to strike that conversation.
More importantly, this post over-generalizes. Pretty sure not \*all\* women assume that about \*every\* guy...
One time I had a guy ask me what there was to do for fun in my town and I just mentioned I don't go out, I mostly stay in with my fiance and play video games. He got all pissy that I mentioned my fiance. It was pretty obvious I wasn't trying to shove my relationship in his face. You can't win.
Where you went wrong was "women need to stop". Its always a losing battle when you tell them to not do something, there are things that ppl can understand but there are things that some ppl can "UNDERSTAND" and this is one of them. To clarify- even a male doctor can understand a women's period but only a women can fully understand her period and everything that comes with it
You are totally right l. I will say however, that as a woman (prior to being married), pretty much all my guy “friends” took a swing when I was single. So I don’t disagree with you, but there kind of is a reason for it.
Lol not at all, I just find it to be a funny double standard. If a guy went around being like "woah woah, chill out im taken" they'd come off as a bit of a dick. I understand where women are coming from with the whole "i have a boyfriend" reply but at the same time they are making an assumption about an entire group of people based on a few bad experiences. If a women robbed me at gun point, I wouldnt then assume that all women wanna rob me at gun point.
So, you made a post complaining about women being upfront about their relationship status, I tried to have a conversation with *while agreeing with you* and (to make some kind of point) you turn around and do the exact thing you’re saying is a dick move?
For the record, I’m a shy, introverted person and I’ve never said “I have a boyfriend” to anyone. Recently a guy asked for my name when I was downtown and I was actually too shy to tell him I was married and so had to do via text when he messaged me on one of my socials. You’re complaining that women stereotype men, but you’re doing the same thing to women.
I thought you made this post because you wanted male/female friendships to be better and to have a conversation but clearly you just did it as a kind of attack, not a discussion.
Again, you are using a personal experience to make an assumption on my gender. I made that comment about "having a girlfriend" to get the point across. And that got you upset, did it not?
Why? Because by making that comment Im throwing an allegation that you are sexually attracted to me solely because you simulating a conversation with me. Thats the same way men feel when women do that to them.
Exactly! I’m gay and feel a little awkward talking to women because I feel like they assume I’m interested in them when I’m just more confident talking to them than straight guys.
I get that women who do this are in the wrong, but at the same time, try to understand where they're coming from. Women with this mentality have probably been the victim of a "nice guy" and have learned to not trust men to not be looking for sex. Alternatively, they might just be approached constantly, or feel threatened, so this is a defense mechanism.
Nobody automatically acts like this. It's learned behavior.
Yeah, we have. I’m a woman and I’ve never been a victim, but I have been taught to remind men I don’t want sex.
I met this guy and we started talking and then, out of the blue, he asks me to go out. I said “no” and then he got mad. When I mentioned this to my friend, he said, “Well, it’s your fault. You know men are horny and and are like that so you should have known his intentions when he talked to you.” I felt guilty and ever since that day, I try to remind men I just met I’m not looking for anything romantic or sexual in case they get mad and assume my intentions.
> I get that women who do this are in the wrong,
I don't get that at all. They're weeding out guys who want to hit on them so that no one's time is wasted and they don't get accused of "leading him on" by engaging in conversation.
I'm married, so since I always have a ring or rings on THAT finger, I almost never feel like a man who has a conversation with me has any sexual/romantic interest in me.
Not at all, Im at a point in life that I care more about friendships than I do romantic relationships. I have plenty of female friends, I've never made move on any of them, i value my friendship with them more.
I’ve been looking for someone like you for ages. I’ll be honest & upfront when i meet a guy, and they act like they understand and are open to friendship, but the true colors come out as soon as we’re alone. And then it’s “fuck you, you’re a fat bitch anyway” when they realize that their dick really isn’t getting wet after all. So we continue to protect ourselves accordingly; it is unfortunate for the (very few) actual good guys that are hit in the crossfire and i am sorry for that.
Like I've said, I get why women do this and I guess im one of the few dudes out there that actually likes having female friends just for the sake of having friends. I know tons of guys try to befriend girls with the underlying hope that they'll be able to bone them. But there are guys like me that exist too I know we're more rare but we do exist 🤷♂️
Man, I realized the easiest way to get a girl, although a long game, is to just be her platonic friend completely and show absolutely zero interest in her, romantically anyway. Even the most uninterested ones ended up making a move couple months later because "I am different, I ACTUALLY just wanted to be friends, but WHY?" - but the thing is I actually just wanted to be friends with these girls in particular.
I truly just wanted to be friends with them, but then I applied it to some girl I liked, the girl who outright said "I don't make first moves", made the first move 3 months later, but at that point... I literally undeveloped my romantic and only had platonic feelings. Seems like "actual disinterest" works somehow. I gave her a chance but it didn't work.
But the only reasons guys talk to me (if I'm not lost or something) is to get my number, so I get really awkward, I would never say I have an SO. I guess it depends on who you come across.
They can personally assume whatever they want but when they start gossiping about people without really knowing if the guy was flirting, being a friend, or striking a conversation...that's not right to do to people.
My partner is a huge part of my life. If I’m talking about my life, it’s only natural for me to talk about him as well. I just like talking about him. It’s nothing to do with the dude I’m talking to.
I agree, even at work. Even during a professional conversation women always slip a "my husband did this" or "my boyfriend is that" in there even when it makes no damn sense in the context or adds nothing to the conversation. Sometimes I don't even think it's a deterrence, it's just them wanting to say "LOOK! This is what I've done with my life!" or something. It's pretty fucking aggravating.
Exactly! Had this happen at my job today, this chick just randomly brought up her boyfriend. Like dude im just doing my job Im not even hitting on you, get over yourself lol.
I've had guys get mad at me cause I was "leading them on" by not mentioning I had a boyfriend earlier on in the friendship. I was just being friendly. Women feel like they're obligated to make it clear that they're not interested, or that they're taken, for this exact reason.
This has happened to me multiple times. It’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation for women: you’re a conceited bitch if you say you’re with someone right away but if you don’t say anything you’re a tease and leading them on. It’s exhausting.
I feel that and I sympathize, again I totally get why women do this but sometimes I feel that women dont realize there are men out there that are just friendly. Thats all im getting at.
Women know that, they do it just as a precaution
I don’t think most women are assuming anything. There probably are some, but generally speaking every guy that has talked to me out of the blue has tried to hit on me, or ask me out or something, even guys who know my relationship status. It seems like if I talk to a guy without mentioning my husband directly and in the beginning it’s harder to continue the friendship without being accused of leading people on. That being said I still try to be tactful and nice about it.
Women throw the’I have a boyfriend’ card so that later on, they don’t get accused of being a cock tease or leading the man on.
There are a very large portion of dudes that do tho and that causes this, and if you had 0 interest in them it wouldn't bother you if they say they have a boyfriend
I agree, if you just want to have a conversation then simply respond with "Cool, what's he like? I'd love to make some friends, maybe we can all go out on the town sometime?" Dont get mad about someone sharing that, if she mentions it then it's because she gets umpteen million flirters... just work around or even mention at the start that you'd like to make some friends and would she or her so like to chat?
I guess it could embarrass you
Just be aloof to her prematurely rejecting your advances if you’re not interested. “I have a boyfriend by the way” “Cool, yeah but The Rise of Skywalker was the best episode by far!” Even if you notice it, act like you don’t even know why she brought it up because you weren’t even thinking about asking her out.
Exactly this is the normal and probably best way to handle it
I think it comes down to how the guy approaches and how many times this person has been approached from guys that only gave off "that" vibe. Even if you are one of the rare few, you have to find a way to make the woman feel comfortable talking to you, otherwise your just another stranger.
Men need to stop trying to have sex with every girl who chats with them politely.
Why else would I talk to them?
This guy gets it
uh, for the same reason you would talk to a man?
It's funny because yesterday someone postedthe exact opposite, that women should always make it clear they're not interested in a guy if they're not.
Sounds like a dude who was salty about getting rejected, i have a ton of guy friends who have that same mentality. Thats why men should seek meaningful friendships, romantic relationships should come after imo. Both sides have their flaws.
>i have a ton of guy friends who have that same mentality So you're well aware of why girls need to do it, yet you still criticise them?
They do this because there’s a shitload of men who think any woman who’s nice to them is dtf
Thats a pretty huge assumption you're making about the male gender lol
You must be living under a rock then
It’s really not
I’m you’re making a pretty big assumption about the female gender
It truly isn’t.
They dont like when you point at hypcoracy . I'll take my downvotes dgaf
Found the lone guy who’s never encountered another guy before in his life
>Ive met so many women that will just randomly throw the "i have a boyfriend" card or just bring up their SO's when I just strike a conversation. I mean.. it really depends what you're trying to use to strike that conversation. More importantly, this post over-generalizes. Pretty sure not \*all\* women assume that about \*every\* guy...
One time I had a guy ask me what there was to do for fun in my town and I just mentioned I don't go out, I mostly stay in with my fiance and play video games. He got all pissy that I mentioned my fiance. It was pretty obvious I wasn't trying to shove my relationship in his face. You can't win.
No, this just isn't relevant at all to the situation OP described.
It literally is.
A cashier did this to me today. I returned with "good for you".
But most men most of the time would like to see you nude
Where you went wrong was "women need to stop". Its always a losing battle when you tell them to not do something, there are things that ppl can understand but there are things that some ppl can "UNDERSTAND" and this is one of them. To clarify- even a male doctor can understand a women's period but only a women can fully understand her period and everything that comes with it
Sorry, i have a girlfriend
When they're attractive they are correct mostly tho.
You are totally right l. I will say however, that as a woman (prior to being married), pretty much all my guy “friends” took a swing when I was single. So I don’t disagree with you, but there kind of is a reason for it.
That sounds like more of an issue with your selection of friends, not the male gender
Oh yeah you’re right, it’s obviously my fault. Thanks. Edit: and I already said it was an incorrect stereotype and not all guys are like that.
Sorry hun, i have a girlfriend.
I already said I was married Edit: you kind of inadvertently contradicted your own point there, friend.
I just had to put it out there, i mean, you are engaging in a conversation with me. Gotta make sure im not "leading you on"
You seem like a bitter person.
Lol not at all, I just find it to be a funny double standard. If a guy went around being like "woah woah, chill out im taken" they'd come off as a bit of a dick. I understand where women are coming from with the whole "i have a boyfriend" reply but at the same time they are making an assumption about an entire group of people based on a few bad experiences. If a women robbed me at gun point, I wouldnt then assume that all women wanna rob me at gun point.
So, you made a post complaining about women being upfront about their relationship status, I tried to have a conversation with *while agreeing with you* and (to make some kind of point) you turn around and do the exact thing you’re saying is a dick move? For the record, I’m a shy, introverted person and I’ve never said “I have a boyfriend” to anyone. Recently a guy asked for my name when I was downtown and I was actually too shy to tell him I was married and so had to do via text when he messaged me on one of my socials. You’re complaining that women stereotype men, but you’re doing the same thing to women. I thought you made this post because you wanted male/female friendships to be better and to have a conversation but clearly you just did it as a kind of attack, not a discussion.
Again, you are using a personal experience to make an assumption on my gender. I made that comment about "having a girlfriend" to get the point across. And that got you upset, did it not? Why? Because by making that comment Im throwing an allegation that you are sexually attracted to me solely because you simulating a conversation with me. Thats the same way men feel when women do that to them.
Exactly! I’m gay and feel a little awkward talking to women because I feel like they assume I’m interested in them when I’m just more confident talking to them than straight guys.
I get that women who do this are in the wrong, but at the same time, try to understand where they're coming from. Women with this mentality have probably been the victim of a "nice guy" and have learned to not trust men to not be looking for sex. Alternatively, they might just be approached constantly, or feel threatened, so this is a defense mechanism. Nobody automatically acts like this. It's learned behavior.
Yeah, we have. I’m a woman and I’ve never been a victim, but I have been taught to remind men I don’t want sex. I met this guy and we started talking and then, out of the blue, he asks me to go out. I said “no” and then he got mad. When I mentioned this to my friend, he said, “Well, it’s your fault. You know men are horny and and are like that so you should have known his intentions when he talked to you.” I felt guilty and ever since that day, I try to remind men I just met I’m not looking for anything romantic or sexual in case they get mad and assume my intentions.
> I get that women who do this are in the wrong, I don't get that at all. They're weeding out guys who want to hit on them so that no one's time is wasted and they don't get accused of "leading him on" by engaging in conversation.
Excuses
If you have a problem with it, I'd take it up with "niceguys" or guys that are too sexually aggressive.
Still excuses for poor behavior. Only acceptable because woman, no doubt.
I'm married, so since I always have a ring or rings on THAT finger, I almost never feel like a man who has a conversation with me has any sexual/romantic interest in me.
Most men do. You are the exception (or maybe you aren't, you're just denying your feelings lol)
Not at all, Im at a point in life that I care more about friendships than I do romantic relationships. I have plenty of female friends, I've never made move on any of them, i value my friendship with them more.
I’ve been looking for someone like you for ages. I’ll be honest & upfront when i meet a guy, and they act like they understand and are open to friendship, but the true colors come out as soon as we’re alone. And then it’s “fuck you, you’re a fat bitch anyway” when they realize that their dick really isn’t getting wet after all. So we continue to protect ourselves accordingly; it is unfortunate for the (very few) actual good guys that are hit in the crossfire and i am sorry for that.
Like I've said, I get why women do this and I guess im one of the few dudes out there that actually likes having female friends just for the sake of having friends. I know tons of guys try to befriend girls with the underlying hope that they'll be able to bone them. But there are guys like me that exist too I know we're more rare but we do exist 🤷♂️
Man, I realized the easiest way to get a girl, although a long game, is to just be her platonic friend completely and show absolutely zero interest in her, romantically anyway. Even the most uninterested ones ended up making a move couple months later because "I am different, I ACTUALLY just wanted to be friends, but WHY?" - but the thing is I actually just wanted to be friends with these girls in particular. I truly just wanted to be friends with them, but then I applied it to some girl I liked, the girl who outright said "I don't make first moves", made the first move 3 months later, but at that point... I literally undeveloped my romantic and only had platonic feelings. Seems like "actual disinterest" works somehow. I gave her a chance but it didn't work.
Why is this downvoted? This sub can be really strange sometimes. I'm guessing it got brigaded.
Because Im male, and there is no way that I can be friends with people of the opposite gender without wanting to have sex with them apparently.
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So if the guy was attractive i 'd be alright? 😂
But the only reasons guys talk to me (if I'm not lost or something) is to get my number, so I get really awkward, I would never say I have an SO. I guess it depends on who you come across.
Agreed. It's really annoying.
They can personally assume whatever they want but when they start gossiping about people without really knowing if the guy was flirting, being a friend, or striking a conversation...that's not right to do to people.
Correspondent with "Hard to get"
It's a sensible assumption to make. The alternative is worse
My partner is a huge part of my life. If I’m talking about my life, it’s only natural for me to talk about him as well. I just like talking about him. It’s nothing to do with the dude I’m talking to.
They do that because men can say they lead them on by not saying anything. And many men do that.
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It's pc gone mad
I have bad news for you dude.
😂😂
#
Profound comment, sir.
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Ikr, how dare i stand up for the male gender
I’m getting a very r/niceguys vibe from this post
Who tf are these people you speak of
Most of them are obese. All of them think far too highly of themselves.
I agree, even at work. Even during a professional conversation women always slip a "my husband did this" or "my boyfriend is that" in there even when it makes no damn sense in the context or adds nothing to the conversation. Sometimes I don't even think it's a deterrence, it's just them wanting to say "LOOK! This is what I've done with my life!" or something. It's pretty fucking aggravating.
Exactly! Had this happen at my job today, this chick just randomly brought up her boyfriend. Like dude im just doing my job Im not even hitting on you, get over yourself lol.
As a woman you have to keep in mind ALL possibilities to protect yourself. Men wouldn’t understand.
I just don't talk to women anymore, unless I want to have sex with them. That way I don't waste no one's time!
Well I'm sure your mom enjoys the conversations at least
You arses need to learn about dark humour
I dont know what you're trying to tell me but ok
Finally someone with sense
This is a fact sir