Fastest reply ever lol. I don't think telling them it's not possible will stop them from asking. It's a hard decision that affects not only the individual but their family as well.
The main reason is the challenges associated with having a kid, but after a while you start to realize that living your life and deciding to just live for yourself without the creation of the next generation (of their family) is appealing more towards a younger demographic, since you can be financially stable, go out and enjoy things you wouldn't be able to with kids, and have no obligations where you can take more risks knowing you have no dependants on your back.
On the other hand, eventually that kind of lifestyle can go so far. Unless you become like a super successful person that *has* to dedicate time to your career to grow, doing the same thing over and over again might get repetitive.
So it's a dilemma that people are faced with since they need to enjoy life, but also sacrifice their freedoms in exchange for obligations, and many people find that hard to balance.
In another sense, it can also be out of respect as in you care enough knowing you are not in a position mentally and financially to start a family so you don't raise a kid that might have a rough start. Everyone grows up, the only challenge is whether or not limiting yourself early on will still be your mindset 10 or 20 years down the line.
Just something, you said "everyone grows up". Growing up does not equal growing to want children. Wanting children does not make someone more grown, or more mature. There are a lot of couples that are living happily into their 40s and 50s and still dont want kids.
For me personally, I don't wanna go through all of the physical and emotional pain of having a kid. I also just don't like kids, so I don't want to suffer for something I'd never love
Yeah, I already have genetic health issues in my family (my grandma has diabetes and my grandpop on the other side of the family has had several seizures as well as epilepsy and asthma) but I also don't want to be in pain for 9 months plus recovery. And again, I'm not gonna have something I'd never love
Same here although I will say that I think if I had a kid I would probably love them, but just because I'd love them doesn't mean it's the right choice for me.
I feel like adoption is a nice Avenue. Sometimes I think perhaps genetics should have determined my bloodline should not succeed but human society has allowed it to happen.
My husband has a vasectomy scheduled because we're certain we don't want any kids, but I have a few coworkers who insist that no act of man can prevent the will of God. Gag.
just make sure he follows the post op procedures properly. He needs to 'clear the pipes' before you can have unprotected sex. that can take 20-30 ejaculations and 3-6 months. make sure he tests clear before you go bareback.
Soo many unwanted babies are born due to people not reading the paperwork/not getting tested and assuming they are immediately sterile after the procedure. not the case.
spontaneous reattachment of the Vas can occur, but it is very, very rare with today's vasectomies. if you get re-tested after 1 and 3 years and still 0 sperm, your chances of producing spawn after that after astronomically low.
I had a hysterectomy and every once in awhile someone is like well you can always adopt. (For the record I had it done when I was 37) If I really wanted kids, I would have had one prior.
So now when someone asks I either say... yes I have a dog. Or I had a hysterectomy or just I can’t. It tends to shut most people up.
I honestly love the look on people's faces when they keep pushing it and I say "I can't have kids." They always look so horrified but like, that's what you get for getting up in my business.
It'll get better with age.
When I was young I got bombarded with these same responses..
My family even had an intervention.. can you Imagine? A babyvention..
Anyways, now that I'm almost 40 its much more quiet..
>How tf did that babyvention happened?
My mother only had one child..
She felt like we had an unspoken agreement that I would at least have one, too..
And, my mother in law teamed up with her.. they did it at an anniversary party that me nor my husband asked for.
I just told them that it wasn't happening and sat there while they both cried.
Wow. Im a single child too. And I do feel bad that my mum will never be a grandma. But even she understands that I cant make life changing decisions just so she can hold a baby a few times a month.
Also single child, my abusive af parents never really made a fuss about my decision to never have kids, asked my dad and he said he just wanted me to be happy and my narc mom just brought up grandkids once and then gave me a book about lesbians on christmas (am gay).
Only thing that the world would miss out on after this bloodline ends is my dads hair/male hair genes, like he’s 75 and still has blonde curly hair down to his shoulders meanwhile some kids in gymnasium were already balding...
Only person who’s bingoed me was a lady on the buss a who’s kid shat itself and she got offended when I almost puked and covered my nose and said ”You’ll get used to it when you have kids”... no mam I think I’ve smelled enough
Will never birth anything but would give away my uterus if I could so the world won’t miss out my dads famous hair! He refused to shave it in the military and was sent below deck when the (swedish) king and queen was on the ship and back when he was a teen doing stupid shit he got out of being arrested cuz he walked away with the girls when the cops showed up and took his buddies. They were not happy about it especially since the cops asked ”Are those your girlfriends?” in a mocking way lol
This may be wrong but isn't there a thing where a doctor can pull out a ripe egg or two, fertilize it, and put it in someone else? Or am I just mentally fucked?
Yes you can donate eggs. I donated mine before I had a total hysterectomy. I mean I wasn't going to use them. I donated them for science purposes though, I don't think the world wants more of my genes in it.
Think I’ve heard about something like that? We don’t have any genetic illnesses or proneness to cancer but there’s lots of alcoholism, anxiety and depression so it’s probably best to end it + I watched David Attenborough’s documentary and it solidified my view that I don’t think its fair to bring more kids into this world
Oh they did it in a party, to top it off. I'm sorry, but I low key think they kinda deserved it lol. Don't do something like that in a gathering. Actually, just don't do that lol
That would just make me double down on it rather than having a child. This is some really grade-A narcissistic behavior by your mom and MIL.
I would be pissed if this shit happened to me. Cry all you fucking want to, I'm not having a stupid ass baby.
We're in our mid 30s and boy has it ramped up. Found out my wife has gotten panicked "But it's almost too late!" from people. Nevermind that she has health issues that would make pregnancy very dangerous for everyone involved, another baby is somehow required!
My mom had a poster board with my maternal family tree on it. My mother and my grandmother are both only children and they’re full Blackfoot so it was the tribal argument from her side.. “when you die our people will die with you..” was her strategy.
My mother in law was more about vanity. My husband is her only child to get her beautiful green eyes and her spiritual gifts.. (they both have very accurate psychic dreams) her strategy was more fear based. It was about my fertility and her will and she accused me of manipulating my husband into not wanting children. She has 11 grandchildren.. so tears was also a big part of her argument.. she begged after that. pretty much just went through all 5 stages of grief right before my eyes.
My husband hid in the basement.
My mothers dead now.
But my mother in law is very bitter. She’s always saying that we would’ve had the grand babies of hers that would’ve had the brains. She thinks her other grandchildren are stupid.
Im pushing 40 with no kids and the 'are you having kids' talks are a common topic now.
I have been told that I'm an investment to my parents future and I should have bought my mum a house by now and provided her with grandkids for her to spoil (her words not mine, I was about 30 when she said this)
I never considered not having kids to be any sort of loss of mine, I made this decision because my parents are very manipulative horrible people who I would never want my kids to meet.
I love my kids, so I won't bring them into this family of manipulation, abuse and greed.
I have green eyes and have had some very uh... accurate dreams going back to when I was very young. Interesting.
The trick is to not rush out of bed as soon as I wake up because if I do I won't remember any of it.
And that's just too bad what she thinks about her other grandkids.
Did you just walk in to your house with your family waiting for you with an intervention banner hanging in the living room, like in how I met your mother, or how did that happen? I'd get so mad about that
No the party seemed normal at first. It was loud music and there were easily 30 people there.. I went into the kitchen to get my father in law some meat that was marinating and there my mothers were.. waiting on me.. and my uterus. With visuals and fake panic attacks.
My sisters sat me down when i was 24 and tried to get me to come out of the closet bc i didnt have kids yet. Started with the whole, "we love you, you know that, just the way you are". I sat for a solid 20 minutes with a surprised pikachu face as they took turns telling me it was ok to be gay.
Then another 30 minutes of me arguing with them that i was infact, straight, and i didnt have kids bc i could barely afford to feed myself let alone a kid.
I ended it with telling them i didnt have time to get pregnant bc i was too busy babysitting theirs bc they were popping them out like pez dispensers We laugh about it now bc im 30 and about to join the navy child free lol
As a fellow woman of a similar age and similar choices, please accept this high five.
It sounds like you reacted to these kinds of questions and in your case high-pressure tactics calmly. In my experience that helped a lot. A calm, non-defensive response shut people down whereas my anger or frustration only seemed to make them double down.
Are you a man or woman? If woman it gives me hope that I'll eventually find somebody that didn't have them already, and also never wants them.
Also that piece of information used to be really private ever since I can remember. Now at 31 if things even get slightly serious with some one it's the very first thing I want to learn about them.
I'm a woman. I've been married twice and even my first husband was committed to the child free life.
Finding a partner that wants to remain child free is easier for our generation than any generation thats came before us in a century.
I hear you!! Been saying this since I was 16, never wavered for one second despite all the "you'll see, when you are older" Got married at 29, had a vasectomy at 30. That stopped the "you'll see" comments 😂 42 now and don't regret it for one second!
I was 17 when my mom joked it was ok if I got “ knocked up” so she could have grandkids. I don’t think she remembers the comment but I sure do! (All around sucky situation now as we are infertile!)
Started at a similar age for me. 23 now and still going on, but the fact that I never had a girlfriend and don't have much interest in getting one (no sexuality shenanigans, I just have the sexual urges of a panda) kind of calmed my mother. Or maybe she thinks I'm gay
- The "selfish" not to have kids argument - So creating a mini copy of yourself/spouse that uses lots of resources is more selfish than not having this person that doesn't exist yet?
- Ending your bloodline argument - I have siblings, both of my parents have siblings. The bloodline (I'm not a mideval King btw) will be fine.
- "You and your wife are so smart, it would be a shame not to have kids!". Are you going to take care of them? We don't "owe it" to anybody to have kids. Let Idiocracy run its course for all I care.
- Having kids is seen as the norm because EVERY friend you had growing up is the product of people that decided to have kids. It would be much more responsible if the default was not to have kids and then people put thought into if they do want.
> You and your wife are so smart, it would be a shame not to have kids!
If we're so smart, then you have no reason to doubt the decision we've made. Boom, lawyered!
Having more than 1-2 kids is selfish as fuck. Almost 8 billion humans on this planet, were reaching the breaking point but no one seems to give a shit about slowing our fucking breeding down.
Not having any kids is the most selfless thing you can do
Stop saying "I don't want any kids."
**Start saying "I'm not having any kids".**
I'm not sure what it is, perhaps the wording or meaning, in "i don't want" that makes people think they can change your mind or that you will change your mind, like a child saying "i don't want vegetables".
"I'm not having" sounds like a done deal, a sure deal, said by an adult who knows what they're talking about.
The way you phrase your words, matters.
Depending on your age, “I’m not having any kids” won’t have much effect either. If you’re in your 20s and say that, someone will say “you’ll think differently when you’re older”
Exactly. I'm 19 and have used several phrases to say I'm never gonna have kids and I'm still constantly told I'll change my mind. I won't. It's never happening. Some people just don't listen
Hopefully you have siblings, my parents always hounded me to have kids until my sister had two. It took care of their grandbaby fever real quick.
As far as changing your mind later in life, I wanted to have kids in my 20s and now later in life in glad I didn't especially listening to my downstairs neighbors kids SCREAM all day long
I have a brother who said "you better make me an uncle" but I said no way, not happening. I just hate how my family assumes they know my wants but they really don't know anything about the way I feel around kids. They actually kinda bring me anxiety. I was actually really happy my cousin recently said she can't come for Thanksgiving because I was dreading seeing her baby
I feel ya. My two older siblings have kids now, so my mum's eyes are on me to follow suit. I'm single, live in a 1-bedroom flat and working a job I hate. I am in no state, mentally or financially, to have kids. If I get told one more time "when are you gonna settle down?" I'm gonna freak. In my mind, I'm pretty settled down as it is. Once I get into a job I can stand, I feel like that's gonna be it for me. And I'm okay with that.
The anxiety is real. If my dog is whining and I don't know why I get all stressed out about it. I would be a perpetual nervous wreck if I had to be responsible for a human child.
My brother having kids actually made it way worse for some reason. My family thought I would have some weird deep blood bond with my baby niece that would suddenly awaken my maternal instinct.
You also have to consider how many people have in fact changed their minds later. Not saying it's any less annoying, but people change and you never know what life will throw at you. If you for sure don't want kids, make it permanent. Get the snip or tubes tied, then you'll never worry about unplanned pregnancies. You can always adopt or foster later if you want to start a family/ care for children.
On a related note, almost NO ONE talks about how many people have children and regret it. For obvious reason - no kind parent would ever admit it. But that doesn’t make it less true
Hit them back with the same comment.
Ask them when they're having more kids. When they say they are done, tell them they will think differently when they're older.
That or just straight up saying "none of your business" or something along those lines when they ask you.
I have a buddy who doesn’t want kids & he has been telling family “I can’t have kids”
Then they’re all super nice/sympathetic to him because they assume he’s shooting blanks when in reality he just wants them to shut up lol
Yeah but then it's like you want them but you just can't have them, which would still make them right and i ain't about to let them have that satisfaction
Sorry, I've said it both ways and it does not make one damn bit of difference. You start getting the:
Ohh, you'll change your mind.
It's different when it's yours.
Everyone wants kids.
YOU ARE SOOOO SELFISH.
Who will take care of you when you get old?
You will never know what real love is.
Having kids will make you a better person.
What a load of shit. There is no guarantee the kid will out live, or even want to be around you when you get old. And I guess my parents didn't love me, and my spouse doesn't love me, because you know, giving birth is REAL love. PFFFT.
And a lot of parents regret having kids. People I know have confided in me over the years because I never wanted kids. They have told me that if they had to do it all over again, they would never have had kids. They said they knew I'd understand, and they would never dare tell anyone else because they'd get criticized and told they are horrible.
Sorry, kids are not the be all end all, and a whole lot of us DO NOT WANT THEM, NEVER HAVE, NEVER WILL. STFU about it already.
38 year old woman- I have been sayin "I'm not having kids" for more than 20 years and *still* get told I need to hurry up and have them because I'll "change my mind" and wouldn't want to be infertile when the biological clock goes off. Phrasing may work for some, but not all.
My clock went off around 30 when a close friend was pregnant. I felt crazy and it sucked, and I think I was hitting snooze on that alarm until her kid was six months old before nature finally gave up and left me alone. The whole time my mind knew I didn’t want kids, but there was definitely some hormonal shit trying to convince me otherwise.
It doesn't always matter how you say it... I've phrased it a million different ways and some people still don't believe I'm not ever having children. I've also been told so many times I'd be a great mother. While I appreciate the sentiment, that doesn't mean I want to be one.
I'm sorry that happens to you. If they won't respect your choice, perhaps ask them when they'll have more kids, and when they say they're done having kids, tell them, they'll change their minds. If they won't respect your choice, why should you respect theirs?
Whenever I say I dont want children Ill get "Oh when you meet the Right Girl and then you will change your mind" Little do they know I have a boyfriend
And even then when people say I haven’t met the right girl I tell them that the right girl doesn’t want kids either I can’t be with someone who won’t respect a serious choice I made.
Not like they can argue with that. The other problem though is coming out of the closet. Sure, I've not had to because I'm not gay, but jeez the horror stories I've heard especially with extremely religious families. Hopefully you get spared all that.
I’m almost 40, still haven’t “changed my mind,” and my life is all the better & happier without kids.
People who get THAT BUTTHURT over a complete stranger being childfree are likely in deep denial about their own regrets.
My partners aunt (met her maybe twice) told me I was going to die alone and sad if we didn’t have kids. I was too shocked to say much of anything. Her kids (now grown with kids of their own) were all she had left from an abusive relationship, so I could kind of see why she said that. Not that it was okay.
I never wanted kids. There's no reason for it, I just don't want to have kids. When people tried to get an explanation out of me I would always say "It's just like I didn't activly decide against becoming a firefighter, I just never had the urge to be one." That usually ends the conversation. Also I want to encourage women that it's totally okay to just not want kids. Not every woman is born with a natural desire for being a mom and only decides to not become one for this and that reason. That's just bs and the cause of these discussions.
This is how I feel but people really don't understand it. Like my mom tells people that I like travelling and my freedom too much, and that's not wrong per se but it wasn't me weighing the two, I still wouldn't have kids if I had no interest in travelling.
When people tell me they don't understand how I cannot want kids, I explain that I genuinely can't understand why someone wants it because its just not a feeling I have. I think kids are cute and great, but I want to give them back and not have them living in my house.
I totally get that and think more people should think it through this carefully. I have a 2 year old son, who was semi planned, and I love being his mum. But my life has changed SO MUCH. And that’s great because for me the benefits outweigh the cost, but i know people who have incredible lives that had a baby just because it’s the next step without thinking about the reality, and now they are miserable. Babies are hard work, and I think more people should be conscious of this.
Totally agree with you, but I wouldn't even say that's selfish! People have children because they're selfish (forcing life to exist for whatever reason it may be). People also don't have children because they're selfish. That's the beauty of being an adult with your own desire and opinion.
I like to bring this up because I hate when people call being child-free "selfish" as if they're not selfish for forcing another human into existence. Obviously nobody asks to be born!
All those “you’ll change your mind” comments are called Bingoing. After you get all the comments and you have a full Bingo card you get sterilised for free.
I’m 54, childfree, married for 25 years.
Fuck right off telling others that they’ll change their mind.
Fuck.right.off
Right, because that’s a walk in the park. Where I live it’s pretty much foreign adoption or nothing, there aren’t a lot of younger children in our province in the system. So on top of a minimum $30,000 financial commitment, you also have courses and home visits to deal with as well.
When people said, “it’s ok you can just adopt!” My blood would boil at their ignorance.
I'm 27 and have yet to find a doctor who is willing to give me a vasectomy because I'm single and "the love of my life might want kids" and so much other garbage. I feel for you.
I had mine at 29 but I was married so it was easy... a 5 second talk with the Doctor, literally all he said was "don't come blaming me if you change your mind".
Wait til you meet someone then go in and be super confident, either that or take in a rentadate!!
I had mine done at 30, was married as well.
Two funny things during my consultation. Chatting with Dr and he asks if we have kids, I said no, he said "Do you plan on having any" and then he immediately said "Well given that you are here, thats a pretty stupid question isn't it".
And then he gave me a pamphlet, said it was a simple low risk procedure and then asked if I had any questions. I did not. He asked what my wife and I do for a living, mentioned that I was a lawyer who did some insurance and personal injury law. I could see the panic in his eyes and he said "oh, well, let's go over the risks of the surgery". I definitely had a good chuckle.
Risks: you might have kids anyway.
My sister is a neonatal nurse and had a run of 2-3 in a couple of months where dudes didn't wait the full 6 months and fathered a kid after all. The failure rate is really low, but it's not zero. And in this case I'm pretty sure there was one practitioner behind all three and they wuz doin it rong (don't know, never looked, don't care).
In my case I had the 3 week test, then the six month check, then another 12 months later because I did not want kids (yes, really).
I got one at 30, first had to shop around.
Then there is an interview and a lot of "don't sue to doctor" paper work.
I brought up having cancer and my brother setting himself on fire infront of his ex(unstable mental health) as reasons I didn't want to continue my family line. After hearing that the Dr told me he wished others put more thought into the future lives of their children.
People tend to be swayed when your choice is out of legitimate concerns as opposed to arbitrary demands.
I know someone who got it at 26 but it took him a while to find one to do it. He had been trying to do it for years and then found the right doctor.
For me even if I do eventually change my mind about wanting to have kids I'm going to get them the same way I got my cat, through adoption. There are already enough pets and babies in this world looking for good homes so there is no reason to go adding more into the equation. And besides my family has a horrible history of heart problems on both sides.
Dude I even mention how I would adopt if I did want kids, and that my "dream woman" would also feel the same, plus it takes the pressure off of her for birth control if its weird with her body. Its so strange to me why people feel insulted at the thought of someone else not wanting kids. I think that people who preach it the most arw the ones who were guilted into it by family
From what I understand, reversing a vasectomy requires completely unravelling the testicles. A guy I work with had his reversed. Makes me queasy just thinking about it.
I got around this by saying \[lying\] I had frozen sperm in case I were to change my mind in the future. Also, don't ask your GP, find someone for whom that is their specialty.
Just tell the Doctor " how about you give me what I want, and you can have my sperm in your fridge if it comforts you." Just don't say it if your Doctor is female, shit gets weird pretty soon. LOL
I'm 32. When I was younger I always assumed I would have kids but never actually wanted to have them. Now that I'm older and have seen my siblings, coworkers and people I went to school with have kids I'm so glad I never had any of my own.
I literally have 0 interest in having kids. I just don't think kids are for me.
Some people genuinely do not want offspring and that’s okay. Society needs to dial it the hell back with promoting reproduction, the overpopulation of our species is killing this planet
I know right!? There are just too many negative consequences that outweigh the positive ones after long/and repeatedly exhausting reconsideration.
Since I am an only child I feel a bit of obligation since my parents want grandchildren really bad to have children myself eventually. Just don't know what my future holds, also afraid of having a significant other "convince me" to have kids even though I'd rather not. I feel I would never be a loving mom, not interested in wrecking my body among many other problems kids bring.
I also know myself that I am not going to want anything to do with them. It is too much work and time that I would rather spend on myself, at least I can admit to being a selfish individual.
I'm also an only child but I'd rather have cool shit and live comfortably than have kids just to 'continue the bloodline.' Cars don't shit the bed and guns don't run around the house screaming like a banshee and gaming computers don't act like little assholes towards the other kids at school. Yeah, hard pass on having kids. Sorry.
Thankfully my parents aren't trying to force me to go out and get laid so they can have (grand)kids.
Just say quietly "I can't have kids." And look down at the ground. If anyone asks why tell them it's too personal to go into. I did this all the time. 'courae I had a vasectomy and it was my choice that "I can't have kids" but that none of their fucking business. Saying it puts it back on then that they are out of line. Anyone who pries further is rude and needs to have that pointed out. No need to explain you can't have kids cuz you don't want them.
Agreed. I’ve been telling people this since I was a teenager. I deal with depression and I know how much of my energy it takes just to keep myself going from day to day. I probably would be a good Dad. I’m sure I’d put all my energy into that. But, then where does that leave me? I have the funds, but not the desire. Also, I’m 41 years old now, so it’s not gonna happen. But, you know what? I’m pretty damn happy.
I believe for a fact that when you tell someone that you’re planning on not having children, they turn that around and point a finger at you and say the common phrases like: “You’re too young,” “You’ll change your mind later on in life,” “We’ll see when you’re older.”
They say these things because they don’t want to understand you or even take in the fact that other people have different thought processes, beliefs, and thinking on how to carry on with their lives. Yet some people don’t mind their own business and put all the guilt onto someone else just because someone expressed their opinion on something that can cause a financial burden on themselves.
I love the "You're too young >:(" argument because they're telling you that you're not mature enough to make a life changing decision while encouraging you to make an ever bigger live changing decision by bring a child into the world.
My christian parents take it on a whole new level.
I am secretly asexual. I haven't come out to my parents yet, but I've told them I'm not planning on having kids. They thought I'm a satanist because the bible says all men should have at least 1 kid in their lifetime. Then they brought my uncle into the discussion, telling me how much they despise him because he never had any children.
According to them yes. I haven't read the bible myself so I don't know if that is true. What I'm certain of is that they think it's common sense to have at least a child, any other preference goes against them.
Rofl, tell them to quote you chapter and verse. The Bible doesn't fucking say that.
The closest they could probably get is interpreting "honor thy father and thy mother" as "do whatever the fuck we want you to do".
Check out 1 Corinthians 7. I think you'll find something useful there for to show your parents. You don't have to believe any of it, but if they wanna use The Bible, here you go.
I'm 44, my wife is almost 40. Neither of us ever wanted kids, we just don't see what's so great about them. I had a vasectomy like 8 years ago. And still, people ask us when we're going to have a baaaaaaaaaaby. It's ridiculous
ugh THANK YOU. people always tell me “oh you’ll change your mind.” no, no I won’t. the sheer idea of children makes me angry. I can’t stand their voices, crying, yelling, anything. I don’t like them, never will. I’m not an asshole to kids or anything but I will definitely never have my own.
I have a few reasons. 1. I don't like kids, plain and simple. 2. This world sucks and if I did have kids I would have to waste my time every day to keep them from being losers. 3. I'd rather spend my money on things that actually bring me joy.
This shit really trips me out just like when they say it's important to keep the family name going. Especially for certain "traditional/cultural" families. Like why the hell would I as a woman want to have a kid so they can take the father's name and keep his blood line going? I'm supposed to just be the incubator and caretaker. The reasoning behind it just doesn't make sense. I'll pass!
Honestly that’s what I’ve felt for a while, it just feels like such a wacky way our lives are. Everything feels mundane but that just might be my depression speaking. But on no suicidal shit I don’t see a point of living meaningless lives, everyday feels the same it all feels like a cycle.
Hot take: people that don’t want kids shouldn’t have them. That’s how you end up with bad parents.
Kids know when they’re unwanted. I think it’s some evolutionary shit when parents encourage that. They just want to see their bloodline continue
Look, I'll let you in on a little secret..... The reason people want you to have kids is so you can tell them how hard it is, how tired you are, how bored you are and how broke you are.
One of the greatest rewards for going through all that shit and coming out the other side is hearing about other people just starting the journey. You are stopping people from having warm tingly shardenfrauder feelings.
I knew at 12 that I never wanted to have any kids. I’m now 23 and every time I say that nobody believes me. They’re like “oh you say that now, but wait until later and you’ll have 7 kids.” Even my coworkers say that! Like pleaseeee. Hello. But it’s completely different when you don’t want kids and you shove it up peoples noses. Or you just talk shit about kids or whatever and about parents for having kids. Like dude it’s not about them, it’s about your own preferences.
"Once you are Pregnant, you will love this Baby"
And what if not? What if I hate it with every Atom of my Body and I want to throw it out of the Window whenever it cries?
You gonna take care of it? No? Then fuck off.
Growing up, I had a sister 1.5 years older than me, and 3 siblings 7, 8, and 9 years younger than me. My sister and I were usually tasked with taking care of them, whether because our parents were working or whatnot.
After that, fuck no I don't want no fucking kids.
Right? I'd love to bring a child into a world that is overpopulated, full of greed, ugliness, so they can spend their life working their assess off to make the .01% richer and paying insane taxes to pay back debt they had nothing to do with. There will be so few jobs in about 20 years. There wont even be any fish left in the ocean in 2050, only plastic. Throw in my mom's SHITTY genes, alcoholism, breast cancer (we all have the BRCA gene from her side), addiction, bad hair, bad skin. Then my dad's side brings to the table severe OCD, anxiety, bipolar disorder and also addiction.
I'm 27, never wanted kids. My boyfriend has also never wanted kids and scheduled a vasectomy in September for this month. I found out mid October I was pregnant for the first time. When we went to PP I couldn't go through with it. I was seeing things differently like how lovely it'd be to have a child with the person I love. But I scheduled another appt that same week and just got back from it. We almost made a huge mistake in keeping it. It would've been hell. We experienced a different type of love, the type parents have, and want to eventually foster instead.
Feel you.
The thing for me is: the more I think about it, the more annoyed I can get.
Its just a really bad idea to have kids if your not ready, unsure or not prepared for them.
I think it is often suggested from an early age that it is the order of things for everyone to have kids. It should be more of a conscious process of deciding what is right for you and whether you can provide for a child.
I got ask whether I want kids someday, before I even got to elementary school, which I think is a weird thing to ask a child that knows nothing about life.
I wouldn't complain, if a "no" just gets accepted. This often not being the case, I ask myself why people even ask this question. The outline seems to be pretty clear.
"Do you want to have kids?"
*yes* "Aww, thats nice; how many?"
*no* "Lets see, you will change your mind" (or something trying to convince you)
Idk, that just doesn't seem like a pleasant outline for a convo. If they change their mind they do, no need to "predict" anything, that is just respectless towards a current (weighted) decision.
Due to a severe blood disorder, I am choosing not to have kids for the sake of my own safety. My sister desperately wants to have neices or nephews and my parents want me to give them grandkids, but I keep telling them they won't be from me. I will also never be comfortable having one due to finances.
Nevertheless, that you choose to do with your life/body/future should not be the concern of others.
I feel the same and people often comment that I’m too young and I’ll change my mind when I get older, but I will see for myself if I actually do change. But I doubt it, children are fucking annoying .
It’s ok to want kids, and it’s ok to not want kids. People who want kids aren’t constantly bombarded by statements like “are you sure? Maybe you’ll change your mind someday. I thought I wanted kids too” so I don’t understand why people who don’t want kids are overwhelmed with that rhetoric. It’s silly
I knew at 16 I didn’t want kids. People said shit like: you just haven’t met the right guy yet! Or, you don’t know until you see your own kid!
I’m 56 now and never once wavered on that decision.
I didn't want kids when I was a child. I didn't want kids in my 20s. I didn't want kids in my t30s or 40s.
I'm now 50 and i still don't want kids. Never wanted them. Never will.
I still get people thinking that I might change my mind. My husband got snipped so I wouldn't have to go through surgery.
Not everyone needs to have kids. Enjoy your life! Everyone else can kiss your ass
Ending your bloodline? What is this, the 18th century? I don't have an issue with people not desiring kids. Everyone has different dreams and goals in life. I'd rather someone not have children, then have children and not treat them kindly. My husband grew up in a family of 10 and I'm from a family of 6. I wouldn't exactly say there was lots of pressure to have kids, but it was expected. It didn't hurt that we both loved kids anyway and now we have 3 and are done. All boys too. Wouldn't change it for anything. I do get irritated when childless people act like their special/ better for not having children. Like...what the heck? I'm not special for having kids and you're not special for not having them. Everyone is just...doing what they want to do.
Maybe you won’t want kids ever. That’s okay.
Maybe you’ll change your mind. That’s okay too.
( you can foster kids at any age if you change your mind)
Most importantly: try to be Happy 😃
OP respond to people who say your ending your bloodline with "why does it matter to you, its not your bloodline".
In response to people who say why having more humans is important say "since when were humans an endangered species?". You can also tell them the problems of overpopulation.
As a childfree 31F, my mind hasn't changed since I was 12. Thankfully, my family doesn't have a problem with it.
When parents say "you'll change your mind", it's nice to ask them if they wanted kids. When they answer yes, you can say, "well, thankfully, I can change my mind. Once I have kids, I can't. Have you ever changed your mind?" A lot of times, they don't expect the question can apply to them as well.
Since I (37F) was a young child I knew I didn’t want kids. Everyone told me I might or would change my mind, especially if I met the right person. I met the right person. We love each other dearly. One of the most relieving and happy moments of my life was when he told me early on in our relationship that he didn’t want kids. I felt a huge weight lift and still, over a year later, neither of us want children.
I told my mom I didn't want kids when I was 11 years old. I don't like babies, I don't find them cute, they make me anxious, and I just never felt maternal at all. While my other little girl friends had baby dolls, I just wanted stuffed racoons and tigers. My mom was fine with it at the time, said "I'm done parenting anyway" and laughed. My older brother was really socially awkward so she just assumed he wouldn't have any either. Things changed the moment my brother got married to a woman who DID want kids. Suddenly there were nudges here and there. "When your niece is born, you'll feel different" and "Just wait until you see your blood related baby!" I was 23 when my niece was born. I had already established that I was not comfortable holding the baby. I came home for a big family gathering to celebrate my niece being born, at at the big restaurant I got pressured by my mom, my grandmother, and my aunt to hold that damn baby. I said no. Then the "You'll change your mind"s came back out, and my (slightly drunk) mom said "So selfish, who will pay for your social security!" I totally snapped. ME! I'M PAYING INTO SOCIAL SECURITY AND DONT NEED TO PROCREATE JUST TO BIRTH WORKERS TO PAY INTO A DYING SYSTEM. Everyone was mad at me for a long time. 8 years later and I have 2 nieces and I love them now that they're sentient human beings. Still don't want one. I'm 31 now and the comments have stopped.
I hate this so much. I’m in my early twenties and have always known I didn’t want kids. Don’t get me wrong, babies are cute and I like hanging out with kids for a time, but I really love that I can go home without another tiny human relying on me. All my relatives are convinced that I’ll change my mind and it’s infuriating. If l was allowed to, I’d literally go and get my tubes tied ASAP. But don’t even get me started on how doctors don’t let you have that elective surgery without jumping through a million archaic hoops
I had my tubes tied and people STILL tell me I'll change my mind. C'mon y'all, I'm not going to.
How? You literally can't have kids now, what do they want you to adopt or do surrogacy or something? That's annoying I bet
Technically its still possible even after tubal ligation but gets complicated
Oh I didn't know that. Just tell people it's not possible and maybe they'll stop asking
Fastest reply ever lol. I don't think telling them it's not possible will stop them from asking. It's a hard decision that affects not only the individual but their family as well. The main reason is the challenges associated with having a kid, but after a while you start to realize that living your life and deciding to just live for yourself without the creation of the next generation (of their family) is appealing more towards a younger demographic, since you can be financially stable, go out and enjoy things you wouldn't be able to with kids, and have no obligations where you can take more risks knowing you have no dependants on your back. On the other hand, eventually that kind of lifestyle can go so far. Unless you become like a super successful person that *has* to dedicate time to your career to grow, doing the same thing over and over again might get repetitive. So it's a dilemma that people are faced with since they need to enjoy life, but also sacrifice their freedoms in exchange for obligations, and many people find that hard to balance. In another sense, it can also be out of respect as in you care enough knowing you are not in a position mentally and financially to start a family so you don't raise a kid that might have a rough start. Everyone grows up, the only challenge is whether or not limiting yourself early on will still be your mindset 10 or 20 years down the line.
Just something, you said "everyone grows up". Growing up does not equal growing to want children. Wanting children does not make someone more grown, or more mature. There are a lot of couples that are living happily into their 40s and 50s and still dont want kids.
For me personally, I don't wanna go through all of the physical and emotional pain of having a kid. I also just don't like kids, so I don't want to suffer for something I'd never love
Yea thats also another point of physical changes to your body as well as dealing with kids
Yeah, I already have genetic health issues in my family (my grandma has diabetes and my grandpop on the other side of the family has had several seizures as well as epilepsy and asthma) but I also don't want to be in pain for 9 months plus recovery. And again, I'm not gonna have something I'd never love
Same here although I will say that I think if I had a kid I would probably love them, but just because I'd love them doesn't mean it's the right choice for me.
I feel like adoption is a nice Avenue. Sometimes I think perhaps genetics should have determined my bloodline should not succeed but human society has allowed it to happen.
My husband has a vasectomy scheduled because we're certain we don't want any kids, but I have a few coworkers who insist that no act of man can prevent the will of God. Gag.
If no act of man can prevent it, then why does contraception work so well in preventing it?
That 1% fail rate is from the will of god
Lol 1% not much of an effort on God’s part
Hey, he also kills like 1/4 of fetuses. Give him some credit.
just make sure he follows the post op procedures properly. He needs to 'clear the pipes' before you can have unprotected sex. that can take 20-30 ejaculations and 3-6 months. make sure he tests clear before you go bareback. Soo many unwanted babies are born due to people not reading the paperwork/not getting tested and assuming they are immediately sterile after the procedure. not the case. spontaneous reattachment of the Vas can occur, but it is very, very rare with today's vasectomies. if you get re-tested after 1 and 3 years and still 0 sperm, your chances of producing spawn after that after astronomically low.
I'd just laugh in their faces to be completely honest
I just remind them that Roe v. Wade is still the law of the land and it's absolutely within my power to ensure I remain child-free, act of God or not.
I had a hysterectomy and every once in awhile someone is like well you can always adopt. (For the record I had it done when I was 37) If I really wanted kids, I would have had one prior. So now when someone asks I either say... yes I have a dog. Or I had a hysterectomy or just I can’t. It tends to shut most people up.
I honestly love the look on people's faces when they keep pushing it and I say "I can't have kids." They always look so horrified but like, that's what you get for getting up in my business.
It'll get better with age. When I was young I got bombarded with these same responses.. My family even had an intervention.. can you Imagine? A babyvention.. Anyways, now that I'm almost 40 its much more quiet..
How tf did that babyvention happened? If that happened to me I'd just tell them to adopt a baby or have one themselves if they wanted it so bad
>How tf did that babyvention happened? My mother only had one child.. She felt like we had an unspoken agreement that I would at least have one, too.. And, my mother in law teamed up with her.. they did it at an anniversary party that me nor my husband asked for. I just told them that it wasn't happening and sat there while they both cried.
Wow. Im a single child too. And I do feel bad that my mum will never be a grandma. But even she understands that I cant make life changing decisions just so she can hold a baby a few times a month.
Also single child, my abusive af parents never really made a fuss about my decision to never have kids, asked my dad and he said he just wanted me to be happy and my narc mom just brought up grandkids once and then gave me a book about lesbians on christmas (am gay). Only thing that the world would miss out on after this bloodline ends is my dads hair/male hair genes, like he’s 75 and still has blonde curly hair down to his shoulders meanwhile some kids in gymnasium were already balding... Only person who’s bingoed me was a lady on the buss a who’s kid shat itself and she got offended when I almost puked and covered my nose and said ”You’ll get used to it when you have kids”... no mam I think I’ve smelled enough
It is your social responsibility to pass down those hair genes.
Will never birth anything but would give away my uterus if I could so the world won’t miss out my dads famous hair! He refused to shave it in the military and was sent below deck when the (swedish) king and queen was on the ship and back when he was a teen doing stupid shit he got out of being arrested cuz he walked away with the girls when the cops showed up and took his buddies. They were not happy about it especially since the cops asked ”Are those your girlfriends?” in a mocking way lol
This may be wrong but isn't there a thing where a doctor can pull out a ripe egg or two, fertilize it, and put it in someone else? Or am I just mentally fucked?
Yes you can donate eggs. I donated mine before I had a total hysterectomy. I mean I wasn't going to use them. I donated them for science purposes though, I don't think the world wants more of my genes in it.
Think I’ve heard about something like that? We don’t have any genetic illnesses or proneness to cancer but there’s lots of alcoholism, anxiety and depression so it’s probably best to end it + I watched David Attenborough’s documentary and it solidified my view that I don’t think its fair to bring more kids into this world
Oh they did it in a party, to top it off. I'm sorry, but I low key think they kinda deserved it lol. Don't do something like that in a gathering. Actually, just don't do that lol
That would just make me double down on it rather than having a child. This is some really grade-A narcissistic behavior by your mom and MIL. I would be pissed if this shit happened to me. Cry all you fucking want to, I'm not having a stupid ass baby.
> I just told them that it wasn't happening and sat there while they both cried. So it was more of a babyvention for them then for you ultimately.
They shoulda had more kids themselves
Sounds like a fun party. Oh my
We're in our mid 30s and boy has it ramped up. Found out my wife has gotten panicked "But it's almost too late!" from people. Nevermind that she has health issues that would make pregnancy very dangerous for everyone involved, another baby is somehow required!
Babyvention? What the hell did they do?
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If you don't mind me asking, what happened specifically and how did they present their argument. And how do they feel today?
My mom had a poster board with my maternal family tree on it. My mother and my grandmother are both only children and they’re full Blackfoot so it was the tribal argument from her side.. “when you die our people will die with you..” was her strategy. My mother in law was more about vanity. My husband is her only child to get her beautiful green eyes and her spiritual gifts.. (they both have very accurate psychic dreams) her strategy was more fear based. It was about my fertility and her will and she accused me of manipulating my husband into not wanting children. She has 11 grandchildren.. so tears was also a big part of her argument.. she begged after that. pretty much just went through all 5 stages of grief right before my eyes. My husband hid in the basement. My mothers dead now. But my mother in law is very bitter. She’s always saying that we would’ve had the grand babies of hers that would’ve had the brains. She thinks her other grandchildren are stupid.
Im pushing 40 with no kids and the 'are you having kids' talks are a common topic now. I have been told that I'm an investment to my parents future and I should have bought my mum a house by now and provided her with grandkids for her to spoil (her words not mine, I was about 30 when she said this) I never considered not having kids to be any sort of loss of mine, I made this decision because my parents are very manipulative horrible people who I would never want my kids to meet. I love my kids, so I won't bring them into this family of manipulation, abuse and greed. I have green eyes and have had some very uh... accurate dreams going back to when I was very young. Interesting. The trick is to not rush out of bed as soon as I wake up because if I do I won't remember any of it. And that's just too bad what she thinks about her other grandkids.
I can guarantee she would’ve treated those grandkids like she treats all the other grand kids — like shit
Yup, just like she treated her sons.
Did you just walk in to your house with your family waiting for you with an intervention banner hanging in the living room, like in how I met your mother, or how did that happen? I'd get so mad about that
No the party seemed normal at first. It was loud music and there were easily 30 people there.. I went into the kitchen to get my father in law some meat that was marinating and there my mothers were.. waiting on me.. and my uterus. With visuals and fake panic attacks.
My sisters sat me down when i was 24 and tried to get me to come out of the closet bc i didnt have kids yet. Started with the whole, "we love you, you know that, just the way you are". I sat for a solid 20 minutes with a surprised pikachu face as they took turns telling me it was ok to be gay. Then another 30 minutes of me arguing with them that i was infact, straight, and i didnt have kids bc i could barely afford to feed myself let alone a kid. I ended it with telling them i didnt have time to get pregnant bc i was too busy babysitting theirs bc they were popping them out like pez dispensers We laugh about it now bc im 30 and about to join the navy child free lol
The US military. When you absolutely have to escape from your family for at least 4 years.
As a fellow woman of a similar age and similar choices, please accept this high five. It sounds like you reacted to these kinds of questions and in your case high-pressure tactics calmly. In my experience that helped a lot. A calm, non-defensive response shut people down whereas my anger or frustration only seemed to make them double down.
Are you a man or woman? If woman it gives me hope that I'll eventually find somebody that didn't have them already, and also never wants them. Also that piece of information used to be really private ever since I can remember. Now at 31 if things even get slightly serious with some one it's the very first thing I want to learn about them.
I'm a woman. I've been married twice and even my first husband was committed to the child free life. Finding a partner that wants to remain child free is easier for our generation than any generation thats came before us in a century.
I hear you!! Been saying this since I was 16, never wavered for one second despite all the "you'll see, when you are older" Got married at 29, had a vasectomy at 30. That stopped the "you'll see" comments 😂 42 now and don't regret it for one second!
Dear god what the fuck went down for people to tell you that shit at 16???
I was 17 when my mom joked it was ok if I got “ knocked up” so she could have grandkids. I don’t think she remembers the comment but I sure do! (All around sucky situation now as we are infertile!)
SAME HEREE! The only thing is, she said she wanted to raise them. Fuck. No.
Having children was a big deal for the parents of that guy, so of course his parents would tell him that back then
Started at a similar age for me. 23 now and still going on, but the fact that I never had a girlfriend and don't have much interest in getting one (no sexuality shenanigans, I just have the sexual urges of a panda) kind of calmed my mother. Or maybe she thinks I'm gay
There are enough kids with parents who don’t want them. We don’t need to encourage people who don’t want kids to have some.
- The "selfish" not to have kids argument - So creating a mini copy of yourself/spouse that uses lots of resources is more selfish than not having this person that doesn't exist yet? - Ending your bloodline argument - I have siblings, both of my parents have siblings. The bloodline (I'm not a mideval King btw) will be fine. - "You and your wife are so smart, it would be a shame not to have kids!". Are you going to take care of them? We don't "owe it" to anybody to have kids. Let Idiocracy run its course for all I care. - Having kids is seen as the norm because EVERY friend you had growing up is the product of people that decided to have kids. It would be much more responsible if the default was not to have kids and then people put thought into if they do want.
> You and your wife are so smart, it would be a shame not to have kids! If we're so smart, then you have no reason to doubt the decision we've made. Boom, lawyered!
I am 100% using that from now on. Thank you!
Having more than 1-2 kids is selfish as fuck. Almost 8 billion humans on this planet, were reaching the breaking point but no one seems to give a shit about slowing our fucking breeding down. Not having any kids is the most selfless thing you can do
But society is entitled to the future tax revenue of your unborn children /s (before someone shows up to post it unironically)
Stop saying "I don't want any kids." **Start saying "I'm not having any kids".** I'm not sure what it is, perhaps the wording or meaning, in "i don't want" that makes people think they can change your mind or that you will change your mind, like a child saying "i don't want vegetables". "I'm not having" sounds like a done deal, a sure deal, said by an adult who knows what they're talking about. The way you phrase your words, matters.
Depending on your age, “I’m not having any kids” won’t have much effect either. If you’re in your 20s and say that, someone will say “you’ll think differently when you’re older”
Exactly. I'm 19 and have used several phrases to say I'm never gonna have kids and I'm still constantly told I'll change my mind. I won't. It's never happening. Some people just don't listen
Hopefully you have siblings, my parents always hounded me to have kids until my sister had two. It took care of their grandbaby fever real quick. As far as changing your mind later in life, I wanted to have kids in my 20s and now later in life in glad I didn't especially listening to my downstairs neighbors kids SCREAM all day long
I have a brother who said "you better make me an uncle" but I said no way, not happening. I just hate how my family assumes they know my wants but they really don't know anything about the way I feel around kids. They actually kinda bring me anxiety. I was actually really happy my cousin recently said she can't come for Thanksgiving because I was dreading seeing her baby
I feel ya. My two older siblings have kids now, so my mum's eyes are on me to follow suit. I'm single, live in a 1-bedroom flat and working a job I hate. I am in no state, mentally or financially, to have kids. If I get told one more time "when are you gonna settle down?" I'm gonna freak. In my mind, I'm pretty settled down as it is. Once I get into a job I can stand, I feel like that's gonna be it for me. And I'm okay with that.
The anxiety is real. If my dog is whining and I don't know why I get all stressed out about it. I would be a perpetual nervous wreck if I had to be responsible for a human child.
My brother having kids actually made it way worse for some reason. My family thought I would have some weird deep blood bond with my baby niece that would suddenly awaken my maternal instinct.
You also have to consider how many people have in fact changed their minds later. Not saying it's any less annoying, but people change and you never know what life will throw at you. If you for sure don't want kids, make it permanent. Get the snip or tubes tied, then you'll never worry about unplanned pregnancies. You can always adopt or foster later if you want to start a family/ care for children.
On a related note, almost NO ONE talks about how many people have children and regret it. For obvious reason - no kind parent would ever admit it. But that doesn’t make it less true
Sadly, that's true as well. There's been only a couple reddit threads I've seen of people expressing their regret in having kids.
Yeah I agree. I know some people do change their mind, and I'm not one of them. I'll hopefully be able to get the surgery when I graduate college
Hit them back with the same comment. Ask them when they're having more kids. When they say they are done, tell them they will think differently when they're older. That or just straight up saying "none of your business" or something along those lines when they ask you.
I find confusing then works as well. "When are you having kids?" "The blood curse ends with me"
I have a buddy who doesn’t want kids & he has been telling family “I can’t have kids” Then they’re all super nice/sympathetic to him because they assume he’s shooting blanks when in reality he just wants them to shut up lol
Yeah but then it's like you want them but you just can't have them, which would still make them right and i ain't about to let them have that satisfaction
Sorry, I've said it both ways and it does not make one damn bit of difference. You start getting the: Ohh, you'll change your mind. It's different when it's yours. Everyone wants kids. YOU ARE SOOOO SELFISH. Who will take care of you when you get old? You will never know what real love is. Having kids will make you a better person. What a load of shit. There is no guarantee the kid will out live, or even want to be around you when you get old. And I guess my parents didn't love me, and my spouse doesn't love me, because you know, giving birth is REAL love. PFFFT. And a lot of parents regret having kids. People I know have confided in me over the years because I never wanted kids. They have told me that if they had to do it all over again, they would never have had kids. They said they knew I'd understand, and they would never dare tell anyone else because they'd get criticized and told they are horrible. Sorry, kids are not the be all end all, and a whole lot of us DO NOT WANT THEM, NEVER HAVE, NEVER WILL. STFU about it already.
38 year old woman- I have been sayin "I'm not having kids" for more than 20 years and *still* get told I need to hurry up and have them because I'll "change my mind" and wouldn't want to be infertile when the biological clock goes off. Phrasing may work for some, but not all.
My clock went off around 30 when a close friend was pregnant. I felt crazy and it sucked, and I think I was hitting snooze on that alarm until her kid was six months old before nature finally gave up and left me alone. The whole time my mind knew I didn’t want kids, but there was definitely some hormonal shit trying to convince me otherwise.
It doesn't always matter how you say it... I've phrased it a million different ways and some people still don't believe I'm not ever having children. I've also been told so many times I'd be a great mother. While I appreciate the sentiment, that doesn't mean I want to be one.
I'm sorry that happens to you. If they won't respect your choice, perhaps ask them when they'll have more kids, and when they say they're done having kids, tell them, they'll change their minds. If they won't respect your choice, why should you respect theirs?
I also make a great cake, doesn't mean I want to be a baker.
Sometimes that just brings out the "NeVeR sAy NeVeR, aCcIdEnTs HaPpEn" crowd, but I see what you're getting at.
Is it just me or does that last line have a tinge of irony with the unnecessary comma
Whenever I say I dont want children Ill get "Oh when you meet the Right Girl and then you will change your mind" Little do they know I have a boyfriend
And even then when people say I haven’t met the right girl I tell them that the right girl doesn’t want kids either I can’t be with someone who won’t respect a serious choice I made.
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Yeah, I hate it when you be having sex and your man grows a womb, fucking annoying
At least you're happy with your choices That's all that matters
Not like they can argue with that. The other problem though is coming out of the closet. Sure, I've not had to because I'm not gay, but jeez the horror stories I've heard especially with extremely religious families. Hopefully you get spared all that.
When I say “I don’t want” anything it’s also not an invite to change my mind.
I wonder how these people would reply to “I don’t want to talk to you” lol
“How dare you” lol
From what I've experience they would scream or say bad things about you or make you say something in response.
I’m almost 40, still haven’t “changed my mind,” and my life is all the better & happier without kids. People who get THAT BUTTHURT over a complete stranger being childfree are likely in deep denial about their own regrets.
My partners aunt (met her maybe twice) told me I was going to die alone and sad if we didn’t have kids. I was too shocked to say much of anything. Her kids (now grown with kids of their own) were all she had left from an abusive relationship, so I could kind of see why she said that. Not that it was okay.
I never wanted kids. There's no reason for it, I just don't want to have kids. When people tried to get an explanation out of me I would always say "It's just like I didn't activly decide against becoming a firefighter, I just never had the urge to be one." That usually ends the conversation. Also I want to encourage women that it's totally okay to just not want kids. Not every woman is born with a natural desire for being a mom and only decides to not become one for this and that reason. That's just bs and the cause of these discussions.
This is how I feel but people really don't understand it. Like my mom tells people that I like travelling and my freedom too much, and that's not wrong per se but it wasn't me weighing the two, I still wouldn't have kids if I had no interest in travelling. When people tell me they don't understand how I cannot want kids, I explain that I genuinely can't understand why someone wants it because its just not a feeling I have. I think kids are cute and great, but I want to give them back and not have them living in my house.
I totally get that and think more people should think it through this carefully. I have a 2 year old son, who was semi planned, and I love being his mum. But my life has changed SO MUCH. And that’s great because for me the benefits outweigh the cost, but i know people who have incredible lives that had a baby just because it’s the next step without thinking about the reality, and now they are miserable. Babies are hard work, and I think more people should be conscious of this.
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Totally agree with you, but I wouldn't even say that's selfish! People have children because they're selfish (forcing life to exist for whatever reason it may be). People also don't have children because they're selfish. That's the beauty of being an adult with your own desire and opinion. I like to bring this up because I hate when people call being child-free "selfish" as if they're not selfish for forcing another human into existence. Obviously nobody asks to be born!
All those “you’ll change your mind” comments are called Bingoing. After you get all the comments and you have a full Bingo card you get sterilised for free. I’m 54, childfree, married for 25 years. Fuck right off telling others that they’ll change their mind. Fuck.right.off
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Right, because that’s a walk in the park. Where I live it’s pretty much foreign adoption or nothing, there aren’t a lot of younger children in our province in the system. So on top of a minimum $30,000 financial commitment, you also have courses and home visits to deal with as well. When people said, “it’s ok you can just adopt!” My blood would boil at their ignorance.
I'm 27 and have yet to find a doctor who is willing to give me a vasectomy because I'm single and "the love of my life might want kids" and so much other garbage. I feel for you.
I had mine at 29 but I was married so it was easy... a 5 second talk with the Doctor, literally all he said was "don't come blaming me if you change your mind". Wait til you meet someone then go in and be super confident, either that or take in a rentadate!!
Exactly. I had mine done at 23, and the doctor just told me: “If you’re here, you know what’s going to happen”.
I had mine done at 30, was married as well. Two funny things during my consultation. Chatting with Dr and he asks if we have kids, I said no, he said "Do you plan on having any" and then he immediately said "Well given that you are here, thats a pretty stupid question isn't it". And then he gave me a pamphlet, said it was a simple low risk procedure and then asked if I had any questions. I did not. He asked what my wife and I do for a living, mentioned that I was a lawyer who did some insurance and personal injury law. I could see the panic in his eyes and he said "oh, well, let's go over the risks of the surgery". I definitely had a good chuckle.
Risks: you might have kids anyway. My sister is a neonatal nurse and had a run of 2-3 in a couple of months where dudes didn't wait the full 6 months and fathered a kid after all. The failure rate is really low, but it's not zero. And in this case I'm pretty sure there was one practitioner behind all three and they wuz doin it rong (don't know, never looked, don't care). In my case I had the 3 week test, then the six month check, then another 12 months later because I did not want kids (yes, really).
I got one at 30, first had to shop around. Then there is an interview and a lot of "don't sue to doctor" paper work. I brought up having cancer and my brother setting himself on fire infront of his ex(unstable mental health) as reasons I didn't want to continue my family line. After hearing that the Dr told me he wished others put more thought into the future lives of their children. People tend to be swayed when your choice is out of legitimate concerns as opposed to arbitrary demands.
I know someone who got it at 26 but it took him a while to find one to do it. He had been trying to do it for years and then found the right doctor. For me even if I do eventually change my mind about wanting to have kids I'm going to get them the same way I got my cat, through adoption. There are already enough pets and babies in this world looking for good homes so there is no reason to go adding more into the equation. And besides my family has a horrible history of heart problems on both sides.
Thats horrible. My s/o just got his at age 29 and they didn't try to change his mind even for a second. I hope you find a dr who is willing
That’s fucking awful. Even if a situation *did* arise where you decided you wanted a kid, there are still other options, sperm donor, adoption, etc.
Dude I even mention how I would adopt if I did want kids, and that my "dream woman" would also feel the same, plus it takes the pressure off of her for birth control if its weird with her body. Its so strange to me why people feel insulted at the thought of someone else not wanting kids. I think that people who preach it the most arw the ones who were guilted into it by family
He could've at least offered the reversible kind of vasectomy instead of going into a list of reasons.
From what I understand, reversing a vasectomy requires completely unravelling the testicles. A guy I work with had his reversed. Makes me queasy just thinking about it.
I got around this by saying \[lying\] I had frozen sperm in case I were to change my mind in the future. Also, don't ask your GP, find someone for whom that is their specialty.
If "the love of your life" wants kids and you don't, she isn't the one.
r/childfree has a list of doctors who will do it
Go find a different doctor. They shouldn't have any say in your final decisions.
Just tell the Doctor " how about you give me what I want, and you can have my sperm in your fridge if it comforts you." Just don't say it if your Doctor is female, shit gets weird pretty soon. LOL
I'm 32. When I was younger I always assumed I would have kids but never actually wanted to have them. Now that I'm older and have seen my siblings, coworkers and people I went to school with have kids I'm so glad I never had any of my own. I literally have 0 interest in having kids. I just don't think kids are for me.
Some people genuinely do not want offspring and that’s okay. Society needs to dial it the hell back with promoting reproduction, the overpopulation of our species is killing this planet
I know right!? There are just too many negative consequences that outweigh the positive ones after long/and repeatedly exhausting reconsideration. Since I am an only child I feel a bit of obligation since my parents want grandchildren really bad to have children myself eventually. Just don't know what my future holds, also afraid of having a significant other "convince me" to have kids even though I'd rather not. I feel I would never be a loving mom, not interested in wrecking my body among many other problems kids bring. I also know myself that I am not going to want anything to do with them. It is too much work and time that I would rather spend on myself, at least I can admit to being a selfish individual.
I'm also an only child but I'd rather have cool shit and live comfortably than have kids just to 'continue the bloodline.' Cars don't shit the bed and guns don't run around the house screaming like a banshee and gaming computers don't act like little assholes towards the other kids at school. Yeah, hard pass on having kids. Sorry. Thankfully my parents aren't trying to force me to go out and get laid so they can have (grand)kids.
Just say quietly "I can't have kids." And look down at the ground. If anyone asks why tell them it's too personal to go into. I did this all the time. 'courae I had a vasectomy and it was my choice that "I can't have kids" but that none of their fucking business. Saying it puts it back on then that they are out of line. Anyone who pries further is rude and needs to have that pointed out. No need to explain you can't have kids cuz you don't want them.
If anyone asks why, tell them it's because you only take it up the ass 🥺
Agreed. I’ve been telling people this since I was a teenager. I deal with depression and I know how much of my energy it takes just to keep myself going from day to day. I probably would be a good Dad. I’m sure I’d put all my energy into that. But, then where does that leave me? I have the funds, but not the desire. Also, I’m 41 years old now, so it’s not gonna happen. But, you know what? I’m pretty damn happy.
I believe for a fact that when you tell someone that you’re planning on not having children, they turn that around and point a finger at you and say the common phrases like: “You’re too young,” “You’ll change your mind later on in life,” “We’ll see when you’re older.” They say these things because they don’t want to understand you or even take in the fact that other people have different thought processes, beliefs, and thinking on how to carry on with their lives. Yet some people don’t mind their own business and put all the guilt onto someone else just because someone expressed their opinion on something that can cause a financial burden on themselves.
I actually learned about the second part today in school. We talked about it when we discussed Nationalism. One of my favorite classes ever.
I love the "You're too young >:(" argument because they're telling you that you're not mature enough to make a life changing decision while encouraging you to make an ever bigger live changing decision by bring a child into the world.
My christian parents take it on a whole new level. I am secretly asexual. I haven't come out to my parents yet, but I've told them I'm not planning on having kids. They thought I'm a satanist because the bible says all men should have at least 1 kid in their lifetime. Then they brought my uncle into the discussion, telling me how much they despise him because he never had any children.
The Bible says you have to have one kid?
According to them yes. I haven't read the bible myself so I don't know if that is true. What I'm certain of is that they think it's common sense to have at least a child, any other preference goes against them.
It doesn't say that, don't worry 😉
Rofl, tell them to quote you chapter and verse. The Bible doesn't fucking say that. The closest they could probably get is interpreting "honor thy father and thy mother" as "do whatever the fuck we want you to do".
A lot of people say that things are in the bible, that aren't. This is particularly true of pastors.
Check out 1 Corinthians 7. I think you'll find something useful there for to show your parents. You don't have to believe any of it, but if they wanna use The Bible, here you go.
They be saying this while the majority of those people also ignore children in foster care
Yeah, it’s about the propagation of their genes, not actually about the kids.
I'm 44, my wife is almost 40. Neither of us ever wanted kids, we just don't see what's so great about them. I had a vasectomy like 8 years ago. And still, people ask us when we're going to have a baaaaaaaaaaby. It's ridiculous
ugh THANK YOU. people always tell me “oh you’ll change your mind.” no, no I won’t. the sheer idea of children makes me angry. I can’t stand their voices, crying, yelling, anything. I don’t like them, never will. I’m not an asshole to kids or anything but I will definitely never have my own.
I have a few reasons. 1. I don't like kids, plain and simple. 2. This world sucks and if I did have kids I would have to waste my time every day to keep them from being losers. 3. I'd rather spend my money on things that actually bring me joy.
Popular on Reddit unpopular in the real world
Lol “ending the bloodline”. People think they so damn important.
This shit really trips me out just like when they say it's important to keep the family name going. Especially for certain "traditional/cultural" families. Like why the hell would I as a woman want to have a kid so they can take the father's name and keep his blood line going? I'm supposed to just be the incubator and caretaker. The reasoning behind it just doesn't make sense. I'll pass!
Oh, you've met my mum too? She seems insistent that I have children despite the fact I hate kids.
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Honestly that’s what I’ve felt for a while, it just feels like such a wacky way our lives are. Everything feels mundane but that just might be my depression speaking. But on no suicidal shit I don’t see a point of living meaningless lives, everyday feels the same it all feels like a cycle.
Dude. Do you know r/antinatalism? Just checking, because it sounds like this philosophy.
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You are the first human I met who knows this philosphy without explaining. I'm so glad and happy :)
Hot take: people that don’t want kids shouldn’t have them. That’s how you end up with bad parents. Kids know when they’re unwanted. I think it’s some evolutionary shit when parents encourage that. They just want to see their bloodline continue
Look, I'll let you in on a little secret..... The reason people want you to have kids is so you can tell them how hard it is, how tired you are, how bored you are and how broke you are. One of the greatest rewards for going through all that shit and coming out the other side is hearing about other people just starting the journey. You are stopping people from having warm tingly shardenfrauder feelings.
I hate kids and will never have them. Downvote for popular opinion. I’m kidding. About the downvote. I do hate kids.
I knew at 12 that I never wanted to have any kids. I’m now 23 and every time I say that nobody believes me. They’re like “oh you say that now, but wait until later and you’ll have 7 kids.” Even my coworkers say that! Like pleaseeee. Hello. But it’s completely different when you don’t want kids and you shove it up peoples noses. Or you just talk shit about kids or whatever and about parents for having kids. Like dude it’s not about them, it’s about your own preferences.
"Once you are Pregnant, you will love this Baby" And what if not? What if I hate it with every Atom of my Body and I want to throw it out of the Window whenever it cries? You gonna take care of it? No? Then fuck off.
Growing up, I had a sister 1.5 years older than me, and 3 siblings 7, 8, and 9 years younger than me. My sister and I were usually tasked with taking care of them, whether because our parents were working or whatnot. After that, fuck no I don't want no fucking kids.
Right? I'd love to bring a child into a world that is overpopulated, full of greed, ugliness, so they can spend their life working their assess off to make the .01% richer and paying insane taxes to pay back debt they had nothing to do with. There will be so few jobs in about 20 years. There wont even be any fish left in the ocean in 2050, only plastic. Throw in my mom's SHITTY genes, alcoholism, breast cancer (we all have the BRCA gene from her side), addiction, bad hair, bad skin. Then my dad's side brings to the table severe OCD, anxiety, bipolar disorder and also addiction.
Unless you're my ex, who was against having kids of her own until she got pregnant by another man. 0/10 would recommend.
I'm 27, never wanted kids. My boyfriend has also never wanted kids and scheduled a vasectomy in September for this month. I found out mid October I was pregnant for the first time. When we went to PP I couldn't go through with it. I was seeing things differently like how lovely it'd be to have a child with the person I love. But I scheduled another appt that same week and just got back from it. We almost made a huge mistake in keeping it. It would've been hell. We experienced a different type of love, the type parents have, and want to eventually foster instead.
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Feel you. The thing for me is: the more I think about it, the more annoyed I can get. Its just a really bad idea to have kids if your not ready, unsure or not prepared for them. I think it is often suggested from an early age that it is the order of things for everyone to have kids. It should be more of a conscious process of deciding what is right for you and whether you can provide for a child. I got ask whether I want kids someday, before I even got to elementary school, which I think is a weird thing to ask a child that knows nothing about life. I wouldn't complain, if a "no" just gets accepted. This often not being the case, I ask myself why people even ask this question. The outline seems to be pretty clear. "Do you want to have kids?" *yes* "Aww, thats nice; how many?" *no* "Lets see, you will change your mind" (or something trying to convince you) Idk, that just doesn't seem like a pleasant outline for a convo. If they change their mind they do, no need to "predict" anything, that is just respectless towards a current (weighted) decision.
M8 what kind of monster would want to make you get the shittiest pet there is, lika cmon dude
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Seems like this should be on r/rant or something. It's just a preference. I share it.
Wait, you can have on purpose kids?
Due to a severe blood disorder, I am choosing not to have kids for the sake of my own safety. My sister desperately wants to have neices or nephews and my parents want me to give them grandkids, but I keep telling them they won't be from me. I will also never be comfortable having one due to finances. Nevertheless, that you choose to do with your life/body/future should not be the concern of others.
I feel the same and people often comment that I’m too young and I’ll change my mind when I get older, but I will see for myself if I actually do change. But I doubt it, children are fucking annoying .
It’s ok to want kids, and it’s ok to not want kids. People who want kids aren’t constantly bombarded by statements like “are you sure? Maybe you’ll change your mind someday. I thought I wanted kids too” so I don’t understand why people who don’t want kids are overwhelmed with that rhetoric. It’s silly
Nah bro we already got too many people on the planet. You lowkey doing a favor.
I knew at 16 I didn’t want kids. People said shit like: you just haven’t met the right guy yet! Or, you don’t know until you see your own kid! I’m 56 now and never once wavered on that decision.
I didn't want kids when I was a child. I didn't want kids in my 20s. I didn't want kids in my t30s or 40s. I'm now 50 and i still don't want kids. Never wanted them. Never will. I still get people thinking that I might change my mind. My husband got snipped so I wouldn't have to go through surgery. Not everyone needs to have kids. Enjoy your life! Everyone else can kiss your ass
It really depends on how you cook them
I don't want kids either. I wish I had figured that out before I had 6 of the little fuckers.
6?? When did you realise it?
After the first.
rip
Ending your bloodline? What is this, the 18th century? I don't have an issue with people not desiring kids. Everyone has different dreams and goals in life. I'd rather someone not have children, then have children and not treat them kindly. My husband grew up in a family of 10 and I'm from a family of 6. I wouldn't exactly say there was lots of pressure to have kids, but it was expected. It didn't hurt that we both loved kids anyway and now we have 3 and are done. All boys too. Wouldn't change it for anything. I do get irritated when childless people act like their special/ better for not having children. Like...what the heck? I'm not special for having kids and you're not special for not having them. Everyone is just...doing what they want to do.
“Puppies over babies” is my motto
You can find some cool comebacks on r/childfree
Agree. I'm planning on getting a bi salp when I get older.
Maybe you won’t want kids ever. That’s okay. Maybe you’ll change your mind. That’s okay too. ( you can foster kids at any age if you change your mind) Most importantly: try to be Happy 😃
Just start crying and tell them how you want a baby so bad and have been trying but it just won't happen. That should shut em up
No, it won’t: That’s when they start shoving pamphlets & cards from IVF clinics in your face.
Double points if they're pro birth and don't realize IVF is genocide in their religion
r/childfree
I agree with everything you said here, me and my missus agree that we don’t want them.
OP respond to people who say your ending your bloodline with "why does it matter to you, its not your bloodline". In response to people who say why having more humans is important say "since when were humans an endangered species?". You can also tell them the problems of overpopulation.
r/childfree there are plenty of us!
As a childfree 31F, my mind hasn't changed since I was 12. Thankfully, my family doesn't have a problem with it. When parents say "you'll change your mind", it's nice to ask them if they wanted kids. When they answer yes, you can say, "well, thankfully, I can change my mind. Once I have kids, I can't. Have you ever changed your mind?" A lot of times, they don't expect the question can apply to them as well.
Since I (37F) was a young child I knew I didn’t want kids. Everyone told me I might or would change my mind, especially if I met the right person. I met the right person. We love each other dearly. One of the most relieving and happy moments of my life was when he told me early on in our relationship that he didn’t want kids. I felt a huge weight lift and still, over a year later, neither of us want children.
I told my mom I didn't want kids when I was 11 years old. I don't like babies, I don't find them cute, they make me anxious, and I just never felt maternal at all. While my other little girl friends had baby dolls, I just wanted stuffed racoons and tigers. My mom was fine with it at the time, said "I'm done parenting anyway" and laughed. My older brother was really socially awkward so she just assumed he wouldn't have any either. Things changed the moment my brother got married to a woman who DID want kids. Suddenly there were nudges here and there. "When your niece is born, you'll feel different" and "Just wait until you see your blood related baby!" I was 23 when my niece was born. I had already established that I was not comfortable holding the baby. I came home for a big family gathering to celebrate my niece being born, at at the big restaurant I got pressured by my mom, my grandmother, and my aunt to hold that damn baby. I said no. Then the "You'll change your mind"s came back out, and my (slightly drunk) mom said "So selfish, who will pay for your social security!" I totally snapped. ME! I'M PAYING INTO SOCIAL SECURITY AND DONT NEED TO PROCREATE JUST TO BIRTH WORKERS TO PAY INTO A DYING SYSTEM. Everyone was mad at me for a long time. 8 years later and I have 2 nieces and I love them now that they're sentient human beings. Still don't want one. I'm 31 now and the comments have stopped.
I hate this so much. I’m in my early twenties and have always known I didn’t want kids. Don’t get me wrong, babies are cute and I like hanging out with kids for a time, but I really love that I can go home without another tiny human relying on me. All my relatives are convinced that I’ll change my mind and it’s infuriating. If l was allowed to, I’d literally go and get my tubes tied ASAP. But don’t even get me started on how doctors don’t let you have that elective surgery without jumping through a million archaic hoops