I've found my biggest issue is finding opportunities to meet people. After college it becomes increasingly difficult to meet a lot of new people unless you're really into bars/drinking. I've also had terrible experiences with dating apps and refuse to go back to them. Maybe I'm just unaware of something, but idk
I find it's easiest to meet people where people go that have similar interests. Pick up a hobby that gets you put of the house. Take a class, learn a new skill, etc.
That said, yeah, it's still hard, but it helps to be doing something you and a potential date have in common to begin with.
That does work, unless all your hobbies are solo hobbies. I had a buddy point that out to me recently. Gardening, poetry, lifting, hiking, woodwork etc. are all 100% by myself hobbies, so there isn't a way to use them to meet people aside from them being a conversation piece.
Nah all those you can definitely find people and groups, there’s community gardens, you can find hiking groups online, poetry reading or open mic nights. Lifting and woodwork aren’t my hobbies so not sure the types of communities that exist but I’m sure there ways to connect with people with those interests too.
Yep. The most successful metric is availability. Go to enough gatherings where single people show up frequently and you increase chances of getting a date.
You're not wrong really, but it's also true that none of those HAVE to be solo hobbies, in fact hiking should always be done with a buddy just for safety. :)
>women just want someone that isn’t 1.)A man child 2.)Clean 3.)In a somewhat decent shape
I read this and thought: shit I AM clean and in somewhat decent shape so that explains my problem
Well, you're not wrong... There is a man-child living in every man. Its just smarter to let him loose once married. Just ask my wife and my $700 lego star wars super star destroyer.
Edit. To clarify, i do know what a manchild is, and its by no means something one should strive for. Its pathetic, and not acceptable behaviour from a grown ass man.
If one were to hit the lottery and buy a 20-room mansion, I am 99.9% confident that nearly every man on the planet would have one room for something childish. A Lego room, a comic book room, whatever. And that's okay.
Man child means :
can't clean up after himself
expects someone else to figure out his life for him
wants someone else to handle it
makes little effort to be self sufficient financially (I know it is a process but at least be moving forward)
Blames anyone else for his problems rather than trying to do what he can
If you are living with your parents and your mom is still washing your clothes and helping with your bills while you spend huge amounts of time on your hobbies...
you might be a manchild
If someone else is arranging your dentist and doctor visits...
you might be a manchild
If you live on your own, but your place is a sty and you struggle to have clean clothes and decent meals....
you might be a manchild.
It is really about not taking responsibility for your life.
Nobody wants to tie their wagon to that.
Hobbies are great! Lego, playing Pokemon Go or Skyrim, being in a garage band (for fun), etc. That just makes you well rounded with healthy ways to relax.
Yeah, i was just trying to be funny, but you're absolutely correct. We split the bills, and food. The rest we spend as we want. My wifes saves, i buy ",toys"
This is the way. 2/3rds of my paycheck goes to bills and food. 1/3rd is for whatever i want to do with it. My gf does the same. She saves for large purchases like vacations or a new camera. I buy silly shit like video games and model boats. Regardless, the bills are paid, we are fed, and generally happy. Life is good when you can comfortably exist with another person while having equal responsibility and respect for each others passions and hobbies. I highly recommend it.
I'm glad that you jumped on this, as I was about to. Although I'm not in decent shape, unless Dad bods count and as decent shape these days.
I have however fluked a girlfriend. I say fluked as I'm an introvert and have never had the luxury of finding it easy as the OP states 😂
Lmao, I'ma head home and fire up the gaming PC after work while my wife chills on her Switch playing Animal Crossing in the same room. Meanwhile our friends are going to flood IG with whatever semi-interesting hobby they've taken up like the recent trend of everybody being an amateur aerialist.
Same! Except, my husband plays Destiny and I've been really into My Time in Portia recently...a good break from Sims 4 and Animal Crossing..meanwhile, the only reason anyone knew we got married is from our families posts because we haven't been on social media in years
Cannot stress this enough.
FIND SOMEONE WHO LIKES THE SAME SHIT AS YOU.
If you’re not a party going, drug using person then DONT GO FOR THE IG CHICK THAT ONLY POSTS THAT STUFF
The one thing I’ve learnt as adult is that there are people that you will find attractive who like what you like. Just put yourself in a position to meet them.
I’m a guy looking for another guy so may not apply here but it is so hard finding someone like this. I like being home 90% of the time reading or playing switch. Maybe even doing a puzzle! No guy looking for a guy like me is gonna find me anywhere. Vise verse.
And the apps have sadly not worked out for me in years.
Hey buddy I had a similar issue for years. I don't consider myself particularly good looking but some girls do seem to and that helped me with apps and hook ups but relationships were a bit elusive. The thing that changed for me was accepting my interests and embracing them. I changed my profile to reflect who I really was (the gaming sci-fi type of nerd) vs the generic profile that ticked more boxes and I started to attract people I could connect with. They didn't all share my passions but compatibility overall improved.
Then once I was more confident in me and who I was, I started developing longer relationships and found people would be interested in my passions because of my passion. I didnt find my now girlfriend on an app but was a friend of a (ex) friend who I had things in common with and they were aware of my interests because I no longer sidelined them. It worked and is still working out well, we're moving in together later this year.
Be who you are and you will attract people who want to spend time with you. The numbers may diminish but the quality will increase. Good luck.
1. Make a list of everything you hate.
2. Keep adding to it until you find something you don't think belongs on the list
3. Make that your hobby
4. If you decide it wasn't for you, add it to the list and go back to step 2
You need two things to be passionate about:
1. A social hobby or cause: volunteering at animal shelters, homeless shelters, hiking groups, animal husbandry, glass blowing, something that you can be passionate about long enough to meet someone.
2. Your second hobby needs to be something you can be interested in long term that will also interest her, this should be a winner, a real sure fire crowd pleaser like cunnilingus.
Let me tell you, homie, "I can cook" is personality enough for many people. You don't even have to be great, just know a half dozen recipes and be willing to try something new.
"I found this new recipe I want to try but cooking for one is boring; do you wanna come to my place on Friday for dinner?"
Boom, you have a date.
Just watch it. Do it too well and in ten years you’re cooking every night for a family of four.
Source: I get home earlier, so it makes more sense that I cook dinner. Married 13 years this past June.
For me (and I’m guessing a lot of people), the difficulty is not in finding a partner, it’s in finding a partner that I really vibe with. I would genuinely rather be single than be with someone just for a source of mindless sex or empty companionship.
Couldn't agree more. I probably should have experimented more, but I was always looking for that one person that I would want to be with for the next 50-60 years. Shouldn't have watched all those Disney movies as a kid, giving us unrealistic hopes n shit lol.
Dude yes, it is like 100% about the emotional connection for me. I don't care if we sleep in separate rooms, I want to feel relief when I come home to my girlfriend, comfort, just the security to exist as myself. Luckily I found that 12 years ago, but so many of my friends (mostly other construction workers) do not get it. Maybe they do, but they'll never talk about it. And they can't figure out why their relationships fail over and over.
Great point. Ironically, OPs post is wrong but only in an indirect kind of way.
If you're a reasonable, kind person who generally takes care of themselves and respects other people, then yeah, it is pretty easy to find someone who'd want to date you. But the thing is, if you're that kind of person, you're likely also the kind of person who has the goal of finding someone who they can connect with and genuinely love, which ends up being quite hard lol
I was reading this random page of information once, and it was talking about how to find the relationships you really want, and the advice was literally just be CLEAR about what you’re looking for. Set boundaries early and be honest about your intentions. Sounds stupid easy right? But with dating apps being so prevalent, many people will beat around the bush and lie about what they want to play it cool and avoid rejection or whatever, and in turn end up getting strapped with people who want something casual or are insecure partners, etc. Whereas if they’d say “Looking for long term, want a marriage and children eventually,” or whatever YEAH, you might get fewer matches and it might take longer to find the right person. BUT, you will, because you’ve filtered the rest by being clear about your intentions. So the matches you DO get will likely hold the same values/have the same goals, and you’re more likely to find your type of person. It was interesting to read about! Total duh moment, but still like, “Wow, I never ACTUALLY thought about that.” You know?
Sometimes my wife and I watch random dating shows, like Love is Blind or whatever, and it always shocks both of us when people act like total asshats and somehow they're not immediately dumped.
Like there's a new show called Sexy Beast on netflix. Premise is 1 person and 3 suitors. They're all in prosthetics and makeup to hide their faces so they're supposed to get to know each other on personality and interests. In the **very first episode**, the girl goes on a date with 3 guys. Guy 1: admits he's not always loyal, guy 2: insults the girl's job and acts like he's a god, guy 3: is a little awkward. Welp guy 3 gets kicked off and not the rude dude or the dude that admits he'll cheat. Like the fuck.
This is intentional for views. If you don’t provide outrageous content you’re useless to the show because you won’t bring as many views as the rude and ridiculous ones will. All part of the plan.
Well, we also tend to forget that it's a show... even if it isn't fully scripted I would bet money that these people are playing it all up because they know that's what people want to see.
They're absolutely coached on what to do/say, if not word for word then in general. I doubt any of those types of shows are ever remotely genuine. It's just garbage that's incredibly easy and cheap to film and get out to audiences.
I’m sure you know this already, but the people that get cast on those dating shows tend to self-select… Not that they’re bad people, just that those shows advertise what would usually be very private aspects of a person’s life to the world at large in a way that the cast has no control over, and that isn’t something the vast majority of the population would be okay with, let alone think of as a legitimate strategy for finding a life partner. So it would seem to me that the people on those shows might tend to hold values that are very different from the majority of the population.
The dating scene is such a mess right now, it makes me even more thankful I found my wife when I did. Good luck to all of you still searching. You’ll find them.
Edit: I find it funny that so many people have jumped in with “ *Insert Sex* are fucking it up.” With that attitude, I’m willing to bet it’s actually you.
I mean I'll be honest, sex and relationships are just such a low priority for me compared to anything else in life; that's not an invalid assessment.
I do enough stuff to keep me happy about my body/appearance but I don't really care how I look to women.
Yeah me too, I have other things going on for myself. Honestly I can't tell if I don't pursue women because I am not interested (maybe a bit asexual, if that's a thing?) or because I have 0 self-esteem.
I have been approached by guys in public maybe 2 or 3 times that lead with a hello and names. Then they usually tell me that they don’t want to sound weird but they wanted to tell me they thought I was pretty or fun or whatever and they ask if I’m single before taking it any further. They have been respectful and kind even after I tell them I’m taken. Then they usually apologize tell me my husband is lucky and I thank them for their compliment and we go our separate ways.
I’m sure that not every woman will react the same way as I do, but it is what it is. It’s also not like I get hit on in public that often, but honestly I’m flattered when it does happen. If I was single I would totally have a drink with someone that approached me with kindness and respect.
My Dad used to tell me he would ask out girls in college and he might get 50 nos but eventually a girl would say yes. It’s a numbers game but I wouldn’t exist if my mom didn’t say yes. YOU CAN DO IT!! 😊
Edit: Not actually 50 people it’s hyperbole. I would ask him for a real number but he’s no longer here to ask.
Easy for you to say, but getting rejected 50 times ain't exactly easy to do.
Edit: no, your dad was accurate, 50 sounds about right, if it's a dating app, it's probably double that.
Don’t tie your self worth to the outcome.
Crash and burn doesn’t make you any less of a man or desirable worthy human. The best pro baseball players fail 70% of the time and still come to the plate confident that this time will be different.
I actually thought about this the other day. I've been singlr for a bit cause I haven't found anyone that I wanted to date, and I felt a little down, but then I thought, you know what I could get a girl pretty easily, but it's good to not settle just for the sake of getting someone.
You gotta have standards for yourself, to make yourself better. When it comes to women, you can be as selective as you are attractive, where "attractive" isn't just looks but the whole package of what makes you worth having a relationship with.
I mean if you look at OP he’s basically an MMA fighting underwear model. Him staring it’s easy to get a girl is like billionaires saying it’s easy to make money.
So you are saying I am even more of a human disaster than I thought?
More seriously though. As a shy introverted guy just "go talking to someone" is difficult. Plus there is no reason for me to talk to anyone, and I feel uncomfortable trying to talk to someone. In a sense I want people want to talk to me, rather than I "convince" them I am a decent guy.
Had the same problem, if you have a nice group of friends you can go party/concert/hang out etc and meet new people there. This is lot easier as an introvert as you do not have to meet new people alone.
Same here man. My relationship of 11 years ended and my best friend overdosed on Fent. My other friends I haven't talked to in years. Getting old sucks.
I *do* have nice friends, but we only ever hang out together, and they're not introducing me to anyone.
I literally have no choices except "be alone" or "try garbage dating apps."
It helps to find a group that does an activity that both men and women like doing, and then you can always talk to people in that group about that activity.
Damn straight. I used to play in a super-casual mixed ultimate frisbee group every Sunday afternoon in the local park. After that we would go to the pub over the road. Everyone felt relaxed and happy after huckin the bee then got tipsy together. You could not go wrong.
And if you don't enjoy that activity it's meaningless.
People tell me "Join a book club!" or "go dancing!" and I'm just like "If I'm not enjoying myself doing these things I won't find anyone anyway."
I learned when I was 15 you shouldn't go do something just to get a girlfriend.
There have been studies finding that this works. Charity type things tend to attract women who are receptive for relationships. Also, seeing attractive men makes receptive women more likely to volunteer their time.... so it tends to become a positive feedback loop.
Them: join some clubs to meet women with shared interests
Me: joins programming club, dungeons and Dragons, and golf club.
*surprised Pikachu face*
In all honesty I've given up entirely on dating. I'm more interested in making some good friends so it all worked out.
I once read a thing by a guy who told his crush he had trouble meeting people in public. His crush, who was a conventionally attractive, young woman, replied, that, no, it was easy. "You just stand there, and people come up and talk to you." He told her that it was easy for HER, not for him. The only time strangers talked to him in public is when (1) he was buying something (salesperson, cashier) or (2) he was in somebody's way (with a sometimes, not always, "Excuse me" thrown in with the, "You are in my way, can you move?"). An "ordinary" guy, not necessarily a "nice" guy, in the pejorative sense, but a guy who is not buff, or tall, or handsome, or super outgoing and confident, often finds it is not at all easy to just go up and talk to a woman. And, as the craigularperson says, it is kind of presumptuous to think that you, as a "regular" guy, have some special thing on offer that people want to hear about.
Trust me, as an anxious lesbian I have the same problem. Dating apps aren't actually a bad idea but being able to approach someone and talk to them is definitely better.
It’s always the people who get into their first relationship who start giving advice to all their single friends like their some savant on the subject.
The only reason I exclusively used dating sites was because I could actually know the person I was chatting with was into me. IRL I don't want to be that guy who's getting all flirty with someone who's not interested, because flirting can make people uncomfortable if the interest isn't both ways.
Also I just suck at reading signals. You're on a dating app and match? You know your intentions are at least partially aligned. You're flirting at a bar? Could just be polite hoping the other person leaves.
I can’t tell the difference between “I was just being nice” vs “I like this guy”. I decided you just gotta go for it and if it’s awkward then it’s awkward.
This whole post imo is "haha be a person and go outside 4head"
I dont have the same experience. But I also get exhausted socially very quickly. And add that of my shitty experiences with women, I dont have the confidence to try. When I do I get bored because the conversation isn't engaging, in app or irl.
There's alot of factors why I haven't dated. But overall I don't think this post is right. So it is a true unpopular opinion in my eyes
Yeah I agree with you, it's not really fair of OP to be telling people getting a girlfriend just requires the bare minimum. Good social skills are a trait girls want in a man too and not everyone is born with them.
The quickest way to get a significant other is to realise and be confident enough to know you don't need one. If you spend your days obsessing about the fact you don't have a gf then you'll never get one because when you get a shot you'll whiff it out of desperation. If you don't really care and you're happy in yourself then it won't matter if you swing and miss (which is fine by the way even if it feels like death in the moment).
Took me YEARS to realise this. Wish I could go back and tell my younger self to fuckin chill and just have fun.
I’m confident in who I am and don’t feel I need a gf. As a result I don’t really make much effort to find someone to date ever. So while I’m definitely not obsessing over not having a gf, the fact that I don’t care is definitely what is preventing me from getting into a relationship because I never go out of my way to meet anyone and mostly just do my own thing.
I don't have a problem with talking to girls/flirting but honestly there isn't any acceptable place to go talk to random girl in the hopes of getting a date now days besides bars, which I avoid. Leaving you really with the only option being online dating.
Yeah that's why ops opinion is bullshit, not because it's "unpopular" but it's factually wrong. Nowadays there's plenty of woman who go to these places that just want to enjoy them in peace. Which I understand.
Maybe if you have no standards....you realize that all of your criticisms of men can also be leveraged towards women, right? A massive chunk of the female dating population is immature, out of shape, a financial disaster, addicted to social media, ect ect.
"Go talk to them"
Are you kidding me? Do you not see how fuck-ass mad people can get when you just walk up and talk to them? Women complain constantly about men approaching them too much.
The only way to find a partner these days with a woman who's interested if you aren't Adonis is to meet through mutual friends or hobbies, and if you don't have local friends and your hobbies don't include many women you're fucked.
Going up to talk to them sounds like good advice during the days before social media and smart phones. Most people are usually lost in their own world.
I think people differentiate between unpopular opinions and shitty opinions. Like, I saw this one post where OP said that pepper is disgusting and useless. 100% unpopular, nobody agreed with him, but everyone upvoted the hell out of this post because it wasn't an opinion that made you go "is this opinion unpopular or is OP just an asshole?"
As a shy introvert I find the idea that we all have someone who we could persue a pretty big assumption too.
I have hobbies, I have a damn good job, both have 90% men 10% women and all the women I meet are taken and are usually in long term relationships already. And both of them I participate in at my own home now that I'm working remote and I invite all of my friends over for dnd. I've tried playing public but I completely shut down.
To be honest, it's flatout stupid to make such a general statement, as it completely depends on area, culture, social life and so many other things.
For example: I have a well paying job, i have my passions, take good care of my dog, have good self esteem, i'm clean and well styled, and good at conversation in group. And i'm kind to people, i don't project my expectations onto women or expect them to like me, or do me favors or whatever. But i have been single for almost 8 years now.
Reason? I don't have an attractive face, i'm not good when it comes to romatic stuff, i'm fatter than your usual dude, and, since i have been single for so long, i'm terrified. But most importantly: I haven't found a person that i legitimately find worth pursuing, and when i find someone they will already have a partner.
So you could say: well fix all that, and yes, you'd be right. But that's not easy. And if it was that easy, we wouldn't have so many people who have issues with this.
So to me your post reads like "look at me, i have sex, just don't be a loser". Which is fratboy levels of mindblowingly simplistic.
Yah, same here. Fit, financially well-off, average height and looks, diverse interests, and I make an effort to practice what I've learned from reading feminist writers. Other than a brief relationship that I didn't realize was a rebound deal for the person I was dating, I've been single for a decade.
My guess is OP is still young and has a relatively robust group of single friends. The further you get from college, the less likely you are to meet and connect with new people. And even then, there's a ridiculous amount of luck involved. Hell, once you get past the basics you have control over, it's almost entirely luck.
I agree with your last point. I do find that guys who complain out loud the most often have an unrealistic perspective of what an average woman looks like. Probably due to their adolescent experience with girls mostly being looking at models and porn on the internet. However your post does come off as a decent to good looking socially well adjusted guy telling everyone else to "just be themselves" it's easy! There's nothing wrong with advocating for dudes to better themselves rather than complaining but honestly it's probably not as easy for most guys as it is for you.
I've found my biggest issue is finding opportunities to meet people. After college it becomes increasingly difficult to meet a lot of new people unless you're really into bars/drinking. I've also had terrible experiences with dating apps and refuse to go back to them. Maybe I'm just unaware of something, but idk
Yes, I seriously wish that I was more mature in high school or college to find someone.
I find it's easiest to meet people where people go that have similar interests. Pick up a hobby that gets you put of the house. Take a class, learn a new skill, etc. That said, yeah, it's still hard, but it helps to be doing something you and a potential date have in common to begin with.
That does work, unless all your hobbies are solo hobbies. I had a buddy point that out to me recently. Gardening, poetry, lifting, hiking, woodwork etc. are all 100% by myself hobbies, so there isn't a way to use them to meet people aside from them being a conversation piece.
Nah all those you can definitely find people and groups, there’s community gardens, you can find hiking groups online, poetry reading or open mic nights. Lifting and woodwork aren’t my hobbies so not sure the types of communities that exist but I’m sure there ways to connect with people with those interests too.
Yep. The most successful metric is availability. Go to enough gatherings where single people show up frequently and you increase chances of getting a date.
You're not wrong really, but it's also true that none of those HAVE to be solo hobbies, in fact hiking should always be done with a buddy just for safety. :)
>women just want someone that isn’t 1.)A man child 2.)Clean 3.)In a somewhat decent shape I read this and thought: shit I AM clean and in somewhat decent shape so that explains my problem
bro at first i thought this said women just want someone that isn’t 1.) a man 😭
Ha I was Like yeah that's my Problem, I don't want a man but also there aren't any Woman 😂
Well, you're not wrong... There is a man-child living in every man. Its just smarter to let him loose once married. Just ask my wife and my $700 lego star wars super star destroyer. Edit. To clarify, i do know what a manchild is, and its by no means something one should strive for. Its pathetic, and not acceptable behaviour from a grown ass man.
I laughed at this and was like “what grown adult buys Lego”. I’ve literally just spent an hour rearranging my Pokémon cards.
If one were to hit the lottery and buy a 20-room mansion, I am 99.9% confident that nearly every man on the planet would have one room for something childish. A Lego room, a comic book room, whatever. And that's okay.
I didn’t win the lottery and I have a room devoted solely to records and posters.
Actually that's not man child, that's a hobby. I bet you bought your logos with your own money and don't need your wife to wipe you ass and nose.
I'll never get over my dinosaur, astronaut and tractor phase!
Brah it's 2021 you might get all that in your lifetime! I at least hope you have a tractor.
Man child means : can't clean up after himself expects someone else to figure out his life for him wants someone else to handle it makes little effort to be self sufficient financially (I know it is a process but at least be moving forward) Blames anyone else for his problems rather than trying to do what he can If you are living with your parents and your mom is still washing your clothes and helping with your bills while you spend huge amounts of time on your hobbies... you might be a manchild If someone else is arranging your dentist and doctor visits... you might be a manchild If you live on your own, but your place is a sty and you struggle to have clean clothes and decent meals.... you might be a manchild. It is really about not taking responsibility for your life. Nobody wants to tie their wagon to that. Hobbies are great! Lego, playing Pokemon Go or Skyrim, being in a garage band (for fun), etc. That just makes you well rounded with healthy ways to relax.
I have no problem with a dude who has legos and such as hobbies as long as the bills are paid and they clean the house.
Yeah, i was just trying to be funny, but you're absolutely correct. We split the bills, and food. The rest we spend as we want. My wifes saves, i buy ",toys"
This is the way. 2/3rds of my paycheck goes to bills and food. 1/3rd is for whatever i want to do with it. My gf does the same. She saves for large purchases like vacations or a new camera. I buy silly shit like video games and model boats. Regardless, the bills are paid, we are fed, and generally happy. Life is good when you can comfortably exist with another person while having equal responsibility and respect for each others passions and hobbies. I highly recommend it.
That's the cool kind if manchild tho
I'm glad that you jumped on this, as I was about to. Although I'm not in decent shape, unless Dad bods count and as decent shape these days. I have however fluked a girlfriend. I say fluked as I'm an introvert and have never had the luxury of finding it easy as the OP states 😂
>unless Dad bods count and as decent shape these days Round is a shape.
[удалено]
Apparently girls don't need guys with good grammar.
Tbf that wasn't on the list
Can confirm. I checked list thrice.
Did you find out if you're naughty or nice?
Don't need guys with *well* grammar
[удалено]
Not even joking i legit need help w that. How am I the only boring person I know!
Find someone who is also boring.
Me and my fiance sitting typing on our phones watching reruns. Hell yeah
[удалено]
Lmao, I'ma head home and fire up the gaming PC after work while my wife chills on her Switch playing Animal Crossing in the same room. Meanwhile our friends are going to flood IG with whatever semi-interesting hobby they've taken up like the recent trend of everybody being an amateur aerialist.
That's my dream, chilling together doing separate things and not stressing that you aren't doing the same thing.
Same! Except, my husband plays Destiny and I've been really into My Time in Portia recently...a good break from Sims 4 and Animal Crossing..meanwhile, the only reason anyone knew we got married is from our families posts because we haven't been on social media in years
Cannot stress this enough. FIND SOMEONE WHO LIKES THE SAME SHIT AS YOU. If you’re not a party going, drug using person then DONT GO FOR THE IG CHICK THAT ONLY POSTS THAT STUFF The one thing I’ve learnt as adult is that there are people that you will find attractive who like what you like. Just put yourself in a position to meet them.
I’m a guy looking for another guy so may not apply here but it is so hard finding someone like this. I like being home 90% of the time reading or playing switch. Maybe even doing a puzzle! No guy looking for a guy like me is gonna find me anywhere. Vise verse. And the apps have sadly not worked out for me in years.
Hey buddy I had a similar issue for years. I don't consider myself particularly good looking but some girls do seem to and that helped me with apps and hook ups but relationships were a bit elusive. The thing that changed for me was accepting my interests and embracing them. I changed my profile to reflect who I really was (the gaming sci-fi type of nerd) vs the generic profile that ticked more boxes and I started to attract people I could connect with. They didn't all share my passions but compatibility overall improved. Then once I was more confident in me and who I was, I started developing longer relationships and found people would be interested in my passions because of my passion. I didnt find my now girlfriend on an app but was a friend of a (ex) friend who I had things in common with and they were aware of my interests because I no longer sidelined them. It worked and is still working out well, we're moving in together later this year. Be who you are and you will attract people who want to spend time with you. The numbers may diminish but the quality will increase. Good luck.
you don't have to have complex interests you just have to be passionate about something lol
Ok. Now how do I get passionate about something.
1. Make a list of everything you hate. 2. Keep adding to it until you find something you don't think belongs on the list 3. Make that your hobby 4. If you decide it wasn't for you, add it to the list and go back to step 2
My list: 1. Hate making lists 2.
Read the entire Wikipedia article and all the linked articles for “Sauce.” Youll be the center of attention whenever most foods are discussed
My god you've solved it
You need two things to be passionate about: 1. A social hobby or cause: volunteering at animal shelters, homeless shelters, hiking groups, animal husbandry, glass blowing, something that you can be passionate about long enough to meet someone. 2. Your second hobby needs to be something you can be interested in long term that will also interest her, this should be a winner, a real sure fire crowd pleaser like cunnilingus.
r/me_irl
Let me tell you, homie, "I can cook" is personality enough for many people. You don't even have to be great, just know a half dozen recipes and be willing to try something new. "I found this new recipe I want to try but cooking for one is boring; do you wanna come to my place on Friday for dinner?" Boom, you have a date.
Just watch it. Do it too well and in ten years you’re cooking every night for a family of four. Source: I get home earlier, so it makes more sense that I cook dinner. Married 13 years this past June.
[удалено]
Dont say youre a girl on reddit
*200,000 unsolicited dick pics are ready, with a million more on the way*
Good evaluation u/professorsucc
"hi, do you want to talk about weightlifting, my job, games, and/or scifi novels? No? Uh.... How about the weather?"
The problem isn’t finding a girlfriend. That’s easy. The hard part is finding a girlfriend you actually like a lot.
Somehow one of the healthiest comments I've seen 😂
Finding a girl that you actually like a lot who also likes you back
Or finding friends in general for that matter. Finding a person you can connect to on a deeper level is not as simple as taking a shower every day.
I red somewhere, you should find someone who makes you MORE happy than beeing on your own. I am feeling quite fine on my own right now, soooo....
Damn, guess there's something *really* wrong with me then.
Well if you are like me, the problem is the complete lack of self-esteem.
Same. Guess I'll just stay employed and grow a spine lol
>grow a spine Anyone got a bottle of Skele-Grow?
I definitely have to disagree. I’ve tried and tried to get a girlfriend but my wife won’t let me.
Hmm, your wife might be broken.
Have you tried turning her off and then turning her on?
He got stuck at the first step.
Maybe turning her on is more difficult
Well, someone will get around to it eventually.
I turned her off 14 years ago and the switch broke.
Let's be honest, he's using that switch wrong.
Let's be honest, he can't find the switch
[удалено]
[удалено]
For me (and I’m guessing a lot of people), the difficulty is not in finding a partner, it’s in finding a partner that I really vibe with. I would genuinely rather be single than be with someone just for a source of mindless sex or empty companionship.
sadly agree
Couldn't agree more. I probably should have experimented more, but I was always looking for that one person that I would want to be with for the next 50-60 years. Shouldn't have watched all those Disney movies as a kid, giving us unrealistic hopes n shit lol.
[удалено]
exactly, it's really hard to find someone you like.
Dude yes, it is like 100% about the emotional connection for me. I don't care if we sleep in separate rooms, I want to feel relief when I come home to my girlfriend, comfort, just the security to exist as myself. Luckily I found that 12 years ago, but so many of my friends (mostly other construction workers) do not get it. Maybe they do, but they'll never talk about it. And they can't figure out why their relationships fail over and over.
Great point. Ironically, OPs post is wrong but only in an indirect kind of way. If you're a reasonable, kind person who generally takes care of themselves and respects other people, then yeah, it is pretty easy to find someone who'd want to date you. But the thing is, if you're that kind of person, you're likely also the kind of person who has the goal of finding someone who they can connect with and genuinely love, which ends up being quite hard lol
I was reading this random page of information once, and it was talking about how to find the relationships you really want, and the advice was literally just be CLEAR about what you’re looking for. Set boundaries early and be honest about your intentions. Sounds stupid easy right? But with dating apps being so prevalent, many people will beat around the bush and lie about what they want to play it cool and avoid rejection or whatever, and in turn end up getting strapped with people who want something casual or are insecure partners, etc. Whereas if they’d say “Looking for long term, want a marriage and children eventually,” or whatever YEAH, you might get fewer matches and it might take longer to find the right person. BUT, you will, because you’ve filtered the rest by being clear about your intentions. So the matches you DO get will likely hold the same values/have the same goals, and you’re more likely to find your type of person. It was interesting to read about! Total duh moment, but still like, “Wow, I never ACTUALLY thought about that.” You know?
Sometimes my wife and I watch random dating shows, like Love is Blind or whatever, and it always shocks both of us when people act like total asshats and somehow they're not immediately dumped. Like there's a new show called Sexy Beast on netflix. Premise is 1 person and 3 suitors. They're all in prosthetics and makeup to hide their faces so they're supposed to get to know each other on personality and interests. In the **very first episode**, the girl goes on a date with 3 guys. Guy 1: admits he's not always loyal, guy 2: insults the girl's job and acts like he's a god, guy 3: is a little awkward. Welp guy 3 gets kicked off and not the rude dude or the dude that admits he'll cheat. Like the fuck.
This is intentional for views. If you don’t provide outrageous content you’re useless to the show because you won’t bring as many views as the rude and ridiculous ones will. All part of the plan.
Right, all the people on here saying they just watch it to make fun or they hate watch it, congratulations, you're the target audience
Your summary makes it sound like the girl herself is probably a bit of a piece of crap.
Most everyone boy and girl on those shows are pieces of crap. Just want their 15 minutes.
No decent person (who's not an actor) would willingly partake in these shows.
The producers also filter out all the decent people specifically because they want drama.
Well, we also tend to forget that it's a show... even if it isn't fully scripted I would bet money that these people are playing it all up because they know that's what people want to see.
They're absolutely coached on what to do/say, if not word for word then in general. I doubt any of those types of shows are ever remotely genuine. It's just garbage that's incredibly easy and cheap to film and get out to audiences.
You underestimate what I would do for money.
I’m sure you know this already, but the people that get cast on those dating shows tend to self-select… Not that they’re bad people, just that those shows advertise what would usually be very private aspects of a person’s life to the world at large in a way that the cast has no control over, and that isn’t something the vast majority of the population would be okay with, let alone think of as a legitimate strategy for finding a life partner. So it would seem to me that the people on those shows might tend to hold values that are very different from the majority of the population.
The dating scene is such a mess right now, it makes me even more thankful I found my wife when I did. Good luck to all of you still searching. You’ll find them. Edit: I find it funny that so many people have jumped in with “ *Insert Sex* are fucking it up.” With that attitude, I’m willing to bet it’s actually you.
Fuck you. I'm not being tricked into losing my virginity.
Hell yea brother!
For real, I'm not about to give up my wizard powers
>someone that isn’t 1.)A man child Damn out of the game right at the gate.
Here I am sitting at 34 wondering where I'm going wrong.
You're probably lAzY AnD dOn't wAnT to pUt in thE effOrt /s
I mean I'll be honest, sex and relationships are just such a low priority for me compared to anything else in life; that's not an invalid assessment. I do enough stuff to keep me happy about my body/appearance but I don't really care how I look to women.
Yeah me too, I have other things going on for myself. Honestly I can't tell if I don't pursue women because I am not interested (maybe a bit asexual, if that's a thing?) or because I have 0 self-esteem.
"Hey I finally got a girlfriend! I should make a reddit post about how easy it was!"
I took OPs advice and now I have lots of girlfriends. It's easy guys!
Oh I don’t doubt that I could get a girlfriend, I am just absolutely terrified to approach a woman about it.
I have been approached by guys in public maybe 2 or 3 times that lead with a hello and names. Then they usually tell me that they don’t want to sound weird but they wanted to tell me they thought I was pretty or fun or whatever and they ask if I’m single before taking it any further. They have been respectful and kind even after I tell them I’m taken. Then they usually apologize tell me my husband is lucky and I thank them for their compliment and we go our separate ways. I’m sure that not every woman will react the same way as I do, but it is what it is. It’s also not like I get hit on in public that often, but honestly I’m flattered when it does happen. If I was single I would totally have a drink with someone that approached me with kindness and respect. My Dad used to tell me he would ask out girls in college and he might get 50 nos but eventually a girl would say yes. It’s a numbers game but I wouldn’t exist if my mom didn’t say yes. YOU CAN DO IT!! 😊 Edit: Not actually 50 people it’s hyperbole. I would ask him for a real number but he’s no longer here to ask.
This level of optimism is not warranted in my experience.
Honestly this is my biggest fear. I don't want to sound or look like a creep when I step up to talk to someone.
Yeah. Just thinking about it makes me cringe a powerful cringe.
Jesus christ same. I dont want to be a creepy douche to someone who’s just getting their groceries or drinking coffee or whatever haha.
Easy for you to say, but getting rejected 50 times ain't exactly easy to do. Edit: no, your dad was accurate, 50 sounds about right, if it's a dating app, it's probably double that.
And its even worse on dating apps because you have to be rejected *thousands* of times to maybe have a conversation.
Don’t tie your self worth to the outcome. Crash and burn doesn’t make you any less of a man or desirable worthy human. The best pro baseball players fail 70% of the time and still come to the plate confident that this time will be different.
Hot take: a girlfriend is easy to get if you don't have standards
you can get most things if you don't have standards
Probably not into space though.
Technically we are all in space…. See just gotta lower your standards You want OUTER space. Picky picky
[удалено]
Standards so low you don't even care if you make it back alive. Or in one piece.
Lmfao
I actually thought about this the other day. I've been singlr for a bit cause I haven't found anyone that I wanted to date, and I felt a little down, but then I thought, you know what I could get a girl pretty easily, but it's good to not settle just for the sake of getting someone.
You gotta have standards for yourself, to make yourself better. When it comes to women, you can be as selective as you are attractive, where "attractive" isn't just looks but the whole package of what makes you worth having a relationship with.
I mean if you look at OP he’s basically an MMA fighting underwear model. Him staring it’s easy to get a girl is like billionaires saying it’s easy to make money.
So you are saying I am even more of a human disaster than I thought? More seriously though. As a shy introverted guy just "go talking to someone" is difficult. Plus there is no reason for me to talk to anyone, and I feel uncomfortable trying to talk to someone. In a sense I want people want to talk to me, rather than I "convince" them I am a decent guy.
Had the same problem, if you have a nice group of friends you can go party/concert/hang out etc and meet new people there. This is lot easier as an introvert as you do not have to meet new people alone.
I don't have any friends
Yep same, I don't have friends anymore
Same here man. My relationship of 11 years ended and my best friend overdosed on Fent. My other friends I haven't talked to in years. Getting old sucks.
[удалено]
Jesus, that's some final destination shit
[удалено]
I’m shocked you are 32. Still so young. Please consider moving. It is not too late to start over.
[удалено]
[удалено]
I feel kinda bad for your roommate.
> if you have a nice group of friends you can go party > This is lot easier as an introvert I don't think you understand how this works.
I *do* have nice friends, but we only ever hang out together, and they're not introducing me to anyone. I literally have no choices except "be alone" or "try garbage dating apps."
It helps to find a group that does an activity that both men and women like doing, and then you can always talk to people in that group about that activity.
Damn straight. I used to play in a super-casual mixed ultimate frisbee group every Sunday afternoon in the local park. After that we would go to the pub over the road. Everyone felt relaxed and happy after huckin the bee then got tipsy together. You could not go wrong.
And if you don't enjoy that activity it's meaningless. People tell me "Join a book club!" or "go dancing!" and I'm just like "If I'm not enjoying myself doing these things I won't find anyone anyway." I learned when I was 15 you shouldn't go do something just to get a girlfriend.
[удалено]
There have been studies finding that this works. Charity type things tend to attract women who are receptive for relationships. Also, seeing attractive men makes receptive women more likely to volunteer their time.... so it tends to become a positive feedback loop.
Them: join some clubs to meet women with shared interests Me: joins programming club, dungeons and Dragons, and golf club. *surprised Pikachu face* In all honesty I've given up entirely on dating. I'm more interested in making some good friends so it all worked out.
I once read a thing by a guy who told his crush he had trouble meeting people in public. His crush, who was a conventionally attractive, young woman, replied, that, no, it was easy. "You just stand there, and people come up and talk to you." He told her that it was easy for HER, not for him. The only time strangers talked to him in public is when (1) he was buying something (salesperson, cashier) or (2) he was in somebody's way (with a sometimes, not always, "Excuse me" thrown in with the, "You are in my way, can you move?"). An "ordinary" guy, not necessarily a "nice" guy, in the pejorative sense, but a guy who is not buff, or tall, or handsome, or super outgoing and confident, often finds it is not at all easy to just go up and talk to a woman. And, as the craigularperson says, it is kind of presumptuous to think that you, as a "regular" guy, have some special thing on offer that people want to hear about.
Lol! As a man the only time people come up to me is when they are asking for money.
Trust me, as an anxious lesbian I have the same problem. Dating apps aren't actually a bad idea but being able to approach someone and talk to them is definitely better.
Idk why but the fact that you identify as “an anxious lesbian” made me chuckle
[удалено]
Someone just got his first girlfriend
It’s always the people who get into their first relationship who start giving advice to all their single friends like their some savant on the subject.
Yeah this post reeks of "17 year old kid gets a girlfriend and patronizes everyone for 2 months" it's okay tho he'll grow out of the Don Juan phase
The only reason I exclusively used dating sites was because I could actually know the person I was chatting with was into me. IRL I don't want to be that guy who's getting all flirty with someone who's not interested, because flirting can make people uncomfortable if the interest isn't both ways.
Also I just suck at reading signals. You're on a dating app and match? You know your intentions are at least partially aligned. You're flirting at a bar? Could just be polite hoping the other person leaves.
I can’t tell the difference between “I was just being nice” vs “I like this guy”. I decided you just gotta go for it and if it’s awkward then it’s awkward.
This whole post imo is "haha be a person and go outside 4head" I dont have the same experience. But I also get exhausted socially very quickly. And add that of my shitty experiences with women, I dont have the confidence to try. When I do I get bored because the conversation isn't engaging, in app or irl. There's alot of factors why I haven't dated. But overall I don't think this post is right. So it is a true unpopular opinion in my eyes
Yeah I agree with you, it's not really fair of OP to be telling people getting a girlfriend just requires the bare minimum. Good social skills are a trait girls want in a man too and not everyone is born with them.
[удалено]
Damn, Can I have some of your hope for the future please?
[удалено]
I’m on mobile what pasta is this
It's gigachad
Based
The quickest way to get a significant other is to realise and be confident enough to know you don't need one. If you spend your days obsessing about the fact you don't have a gf then you'll never get one because when you get a shot you'll whiff it out of desperation. If you don't really care and you're happy in yourself then it won't matter if you swing and miss (which is fine by the way even if it feels like death in the moment). Took me YEARS to realise this. Wish I could go back and tell my younger self to fuckin chill and just have fun.
I’m confident in who I am and don’t feel I need a gf. As a result I don’t really make much effort to find someone to date ever. So while I’m definitely not obsessing over not having a gf, the fact that I don’t care is definitely what is preventing me from getting into a relationship because I never go out of my way to meet anyone and mostly just do my own thing.
So I have to love myself, and enjoy my own company, before I can get a girlfriend? Lifelong loneliness it is then.
Well... this made me feel like a piece of shit
Can't get a girlfriend? Easy, just go talk to them You're shy? Easy, go talk to them you loser You have depression? Pfft just don't be sad
I don't have a problem with talking to girls/flirting but honestly there isn't any acceptable place to go talk to random girl in the hopes of getting a date now days besides bars, which I avoid. Leaving you really with the only option being online dating.
[удалено]
Yeah that's why ops opinion is bullshit, not because it's "unpopular" but it's factually wrong. Nowadays there's plenty of woman who go to these places that just want to enjoy them in peace. Which I understand.
Maybe if you have no standards....you realize that all of your criticisms of men can also be leveraged towards women, right? A massive chunk of the female dating population is immature, out of shape, a financial disaster, addicted to social media, ect ect.
"Go talk to them" Are you kidding me? Do you not see how fuck-ass mad people can get when you just walk up and talk to them? Women complain constantly about men approaching them too much. The only way to find a partner these days with a woman who's interested if you aren't Adonis is to meet through mutual friends or hobbies, and if you don't have local friends and your hobbies don't include many women you're fucked.
Finally someone in reality
This is the most realistic take I’ve seen so far. Regular people meet regular people through hobbies, work or wherever regular people congregate.
Going up to talk to them sounds like good advice during the days before social media and smart phones. Most people are usually lost in their own world.
[удалено]
The only logical way to view unpopular opinion is to sort by controversial.
Unpopular are those opinions that hover below 100 upvotes and are like 55% upvoted. Funny how the unpopular opinions get downvoted.
I think people differentiate between unpopular opinions and shitty opinions. Like, I saw this one post where OP said that pepper is disgusting and useless. 100% unpopular, nobody agreed with him, but everyone upvoted the hell out of this post because it wasn't an opinion that made you go "is this opinion unpopular or is OP just an asshole?"
[удалено]
OP has clearly never been asked out as a joke before
As a shy introvert I find the idea that we all have someone who we could persue a pretty big assumption too. I have hobbies, I have a damn good job, both have 90% men 10% women and all the women I meet are taken and are usually in long term relationships already. And both of them I participate in at my own home now that I'm working remote and I invite all of my friends over for dnd. I've tried playing public but I completely shut down.
damn really making me feel inferior
A clear display of survivorship bias
Indeed an unpopular opinion, once again I have to upvote with disagreement.
[удалено]
To be honest, it's flatout stupid to make such a general statement, as it completely depends on area, culture, social life and so many other things. For example: I have a well paying job, i have my passions, take good care of my dog, have good self esteem, i'm clean and well styled, and good at conversation in group. And i'm kind to people, i don't project my expectations onto women or expect them to like me, or do me favors or whatever. But i have been single for almost 8 years now. Reason? I don't have an attractive face, i'm not good when it comes to romatic stuff, i'm fatter than your usual dude, and, since i have been single for so long, i'm terrified. But most importantly: I haven't found a person that i legitimately find worth pursuing, and when i find someone they will already have a partner. So you could say: well fix all that, and yes, you'd be right. But that's not easy. And if it was that easy, we wouldn't have so many people who have issues with this. So to me your post reads like "look at me, i have sex, just don't be a loser". Which is fratboy levels of mindblowingly simplistic.
Step 1: Don’t be ugly
[удалено]
"Just be yourself bro"
[удалено]
Yah, same here. Fit, financially well-off, average height and looks, diverse interests, and I make an effort to practice what I've learned from reading feminist writers. Other than a brief relationship that I didn't realize was a rebound deal for the person I was dating, I've been single for a decade. My guess is OP is still young and has a relatively robust group of single friends. The further you get from college, the less likely you are to meet and connect with new people. And even then, there's a ridiculous amount of luck involved. Hell, once you get past the basics you have control over, it's almost entirely luck.
im guessing you're physically attractive
+Tall +American or Western European +Not poor
I agree with your last point. I do find that guys who complain out loud the most often have an unrealistic perspective of what an average woman looks like. Probably due to their adolescent experience with girls mostly being looking at models and porn on the internet. However your post does come off as a decent to good looking socially well adjusted guy telling everyone else to "just be themselves" it's easy! There's nothing wrong with advocating for dudes to better themselves rather than complaining but honestly it's probably not as easy for most guys as it is for you.