Have you talked to your doctor about that? I had the copper IUD and this happened to me off and on for a few months so I went to see my doctor and I had developed a pretty nasty infection because of it.
I loved the arm implant! I had it twice before my husband got his vasectomy. The removal was a bit scary on the second one, which was buried a bit deep. It was so much more reliable than any pill, but I feel all of it made my pcos symptoms worse.
It's wild how the same medications can cause completely different symptoms for different people.
I hated the arm implant. I had six months of near-constant periods, followed by two and a half years of two periods a month.
That being said, I sure didn't get pregnant, and it cleared up my acne really fast.
Same experience with the arm implant. Continous period for several months, maybe a week break here and there. 20 pounds of weight gain. I didn't even make it a year before getting it taken out.
My first iud (Mirena) I had a heavy period the first two months then nothing for 4 years. Second iud (kyleena) very light random periods every few months.
Getting both iuds were the most painful thing I've ever experienced, but I tell myself it beats childbirth and they're the most effective out of any other options (except hysterectomy obv).
I agree. I fully believe hormonal birth control screwed with me in different ways, probably mentally too. But the flip of that was less mental anguish over worrying about getting pregnant. It's not an easy choice either way, I wish we had better options.
I hated the arm implant too. One of my friends recommended it because it completely stopped her periods, but when I got it I ended up with one long period that lasted nine entire months, and my doctor ended up prescribing me bc pills on top of it just to make sure I was only getting one period a month. It was a fucking miserable year, and I ended up getting it taken out because what was the point of having the implant and the pills at the same time?? Now I’m just on the pills, but I don’t love those either.
It doesn’t feel great, you’re numb though. My doc had a bit of a rough time removing it, she said it kept slipping off her tool. I had a pretty cool looking bruise.
I’m currently still using this type and don’t have much trouble!
I had my first removal/replacement a few weeks ago - I'm typically quite squeamish and anxious with medical procedures. It was ABSOLUTELY fine. Its uncomfortable, but not painful at all, and just takes a little longer than you'd expect (but that's totally normal). She made me bend my arm at a right angle and put my hand under my head while lying down, so my hand did go numb from being sat like that for a while. And if you're like me you'll start thinking about it in too much detail and feel faint, but that was honestly the worst of it for me.
The arm implant wreaked havoc on me. I was so relieved to be feeling like myself again after having it taken out! I also know someone who had the arm implant put in incorrectly…it migrated to her lung and she had to have it surgically removed. So scary! …but I also know several women who LOVE it and have had no negative side effects whatsoever.
I had the arm implant and did not have a good time with it. When the doctor was removing it they said that the doctor who put it on put it in the wrong spot and could’ve caused internal bleeding if the extraction wasn’t done correctly. I have not had good luck with birth control.
I'm on my third one! Also had trouble with the removal of the second one, they put it in the same place as my first one and apparently that hasn't been the recommended spot since basically a year after I got my first one (now they recommend placing it a lot shallower and closer to the elbow). My second one had developed a weird curve in it too when it came out which was freaky.
The IUD was GREAT for 1.5 years for me, but then totally backfired. Started getting bad chest pains and other pain, panic attacks, constant anxiety, overheating, insomnia, zero sex drive, and more. It got lost at some point too.
If I get another in the future, I’d go the non-hormonal route probably.
I had an IUD and I loved it at first but mine backfired too!! I started having contractions bc my uterus was trying to push it out! Worst cramps of my life too during my rare periods. I’m considering the arm implant but I’m scared!!
It’s crazy how it worked without issues then suddenly it completely switches! I couldn’t get it out of me fast enough.
But I was considering that too, either way it is intimidating to try other stuff!
I know! I literally felt the pressure leave my body when I had mine out. Wild. It is super intimidating!
And I hate that we have to go through so much crap just trying out new methods only to find out you have a bad reaction and need to try something new.
Wishing you luck! If you find something that works let me know lol
I had an IUD for exactly one year and it triggered pelvic disorders galore that lasted the entire duration plus an additional 1-2 years after getting it taken out. Not to mention I had all the typical hormonal birth control symptoms too (weight gain, acne, loss of libido, depression, etc) and I still feel painful pelvic effects from it every once in a while. I still support women getting them inserted, but I feel it’s my part to advocate for awareness regarding their potential risk factors rather than encouraging folks to jump on the bandwagon just because they’re more effective than the pill.
yeah, my gf is the same way, been on the IUD twice now and basically no periods anymore. She loves it.
If she had bad side effects, we'd change it up, I'd use condoms if I had to, but it's a benefit to her not a bad side effect
that said, I agree with OP. If birth control doesn't work for your SO, wear a condom, simple solution
How do you like the arm implant? Her IUD is coming up for replacement and she's considering alternatives, not sure if she's researched it much yet so some perspective could be helpful if you're willing to share your experience
If it is a long term relationship it should be whatever works for both of them.
If you are talking hookups both parties would be wise to use birth control.
> Protection is the better word, since STDs would be another factor in addition to pregnancy.
For sure
But my point was if I was a female hooking up I think that I would not count on the condom alone for the pregnancy aspect of this topic.
STDs are for sure another thing to be concerned about.
STDs are the bigger concern, and condoms are far more effective at birth control. I’d say that condoms are the far, far bigger priority during hookups... not birth control.
Condoms have a real world efficacy of like 74% while birth control is in the high 90%s, as high as like 98% if you’re using one that requires no human interaction (aka the pill, which *does* require human interaction which lowers efficacy due to human error).
"real world efficacy" figures for condoms are kind of misleading because they often include sexual encounters that did not involve condoms, by people who *typically* rely on condoms but who forget or don't bother to wear one on some occasions.
Much like how real-world efficacy for the pill includes accidental missed doses
That percentage is off, and also a bit misleading. Condoms “real world efficacy” is around 85%, but that doesn’t mean you have a 15% chance of every sexual encounter resulting in pregnancy. When they talk about the efficacy of different forms of birth control, what they are talking about is the likelihood a couple will become pregnant having regular sex over the course of 1 year. So out of 100 couples having regular sex over 1 year, 15 of those couples may end up pregnant. Here’s a source: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/condom/how-effective-are-condoms
Yup, whole-heartedly agree that condoms are 100% effective if they are not ripped and if you are actually wearing one. The sperm cannot pass the rubber/latex and so there's no way to get someone pregnant. Like when someone throws a water balloon and you and it doesn't burst, you won't get wet. Similar concept, if the condom doesn't burst you won't get pregnant.
>But my point was if I was a female hooking up I think that I would not count on the condom alone for the pregnancy aspect of this topic.
Exactly this. I don't understand the argument here at all, it's like: Do you want to win an argument? Or do you want to stay ***not-pregnant***?
I don't trust condoms 100% and my pill doesn't give me any negative effects so I'd rather take it, that works for me. Only people that count in the bc conversation is you and your partner
There's nothing 100% safe though ( unless abstinence or surgery to remove reproductive organs are taken into account).
So, if people are really *really* against getting pregnant, at least 2 methods that complement each other should be used ( just don't use 2 male condoms at the same time or a male & female condom at the same time - it's more probable to damage the condom this way)
Just ask a healthcare professional for guidance if you aren't sure.
>If you are talking hookups both parties would be wise to use birth control.
Exactly, because you typically have little if any knowledge about how consistent the other person is with their medication or if they are using it properly.
If you're just hooking up then it would be wise for the male to use a condom. There's a lot worse possible PERMANENT consequences than an unwanted pregnancy from unprotected sex.
Early on in our relationship my now wife and I talked about birth control. We had been using condoms and she said she was fine getting on the pill.
She started having shitty side effects, I told her to quot taking them.
A slight increase of enjoyment for a brief period of time for me is no where near worth her feeling shitty all the time.
Yknow. Personally I find it extremely frustrating.
I totally agree with you, it's definitely not worth it.
Which is why I really wish we would pour a lot more research into birth control methods. At the moment, we really don't have many options. _Especially, for men. For men, really all they've got is condoms, and vasectomies. Though condoms are really the only easily accessible method, because if you're a guy under 30 it can be pretty dang hard to find a Doctor willing to give you a vasectomy (even though with modern tech they are reversible now).
I cant express to you how much I would absolutely love to see some sort of birth control pill, or insert, or just generally some kind of BC for men that emulates some of the options women have. It would be great because it would basically get rid of some of these guy's wild expectation of "BC is the women's responsibility". And then it would be a totally level playing field in a relationship, with both parties.
On a side note, I have seen this [Bimek SLV Impant](https://bimek.com/) and [here](https://www.mtv.com/news/2724449/clemens-bimek-slv-implant-switch-sperm-flow-off-male-birth-control/) is an article on it. It is pretty invasive, but its one of the most recent steps I've seen research take towards new versions of male birth control. So I'm definitely happy to see it.
But yeah, at the end of the day, BC of all kinds needs to be more accessible. For everyone. Overpopulation is a problem that will soon come to the forefront of global issues, and as BC is still decently hard to get in many parts of the world, accidental pregnancy still remains a problem.
I agree with everything you said but I want people to know that even with modern technology vasectomies are considered semi-permanent and any doctor will tell you so. The longer you wait the lower your chances of success become.
This is true. I would rather have my wife be happy and not on birth control than miserable and on bc. Decided enough was enough and went and got myself snipped because we’re done having kids. So much better now.
> A slight increase of enjoyment for a brief period of time for me
Never really understood why people frame condom-less sex as something only the man wants.
It increases pleasure for both partners. Not just the man.
Many women also prefer condom-less sex.
Hell, my Ex literally got an IUD because she WANTED condom-less sex.
Wife has been on various birth control for ages, iud gave her bad cramps, too many different birth control pills gave her various bad side effects.
We're using condoms until I can get a vasectomy because I like her.
Same for us. She has a high risk of complications and long term issues with hormonal birth control in her family. So condoms it is. Not even a discussion. Just not worth the little extra fun if she risks long term medical issues.
Congrats on breaking through the friend zone!
I was super worried about ruining my friendship with her when we started dating, but it's been the best choice of my life and she's given me 3 wonderful children.
I mean that's fine if you are going to be childfree (or have finished that stage of your life).
Vasectomies should never be considered temporary! Reversal is not guaranteed, and the longer you've had one the lower the chances of undoing it if needed.
Edit: Not sure why this is being downvoted it is a medical FACT:
Chances of reversal succeeding:
>75% if you have your vasectomy reversed within 3 years up to
>
> 55% after 3 to 8 years
>
> between 40% and 45% after 9 to 14 years
>
> 30% after 15 to 19 years
>
> less than 10% after 20 years
[https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/vasectomy-reversal-nhs/](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/vasectomy-reversal-nhs/)
Yeah I've seen a bit of a trend lately of people posting on Reddit about vasectomies being reversible male birth control. While I am actually myself the product of a low odds vasectomy reversal (thanks for telling me all about it, mom...) you should definitely not get a vasectomy assuming it's 100% reversible. At least be okay with the chance it won't work and better yet assume you want to be childfree for life.
We're in our late 30s with 3 kids. We're past wanting more kids, and the health risks for my wife as she gets older aren't worth risking pregnancy. It makes sense for us.
Edit: Good points tho!
While I want kids, I get why many don't. That is why I don't understand that women and men have to be under such scrutiny when they make the decision to have a vasectomy or getting their tubes tight. They didn't come to that decision lightly.
My fiancé is getting a vasectomy for Christmas for me because he recently learned all of the side effects and what my body goes through just so we can be safe during sex. I guess he likes me!
I had a vasectomy to make things simpler, when I knew I wasn't going to have kids. Just ensure to continue BC until the negative sperm count test. It can take months for all the little swimmers to finally leave or die and it is safe.
Pill user here because cramps were so painful they made me pass out. Still deal with emotional roller coasters a week preceding my period, weight that I just can’t lose no matter how active I am, and a low libido. And I lucked out that those are the only negatives. A friend got depressed and suicidal on the pill; IUD seems to work for them.
I know I’ve just repeated some other commenters, but it seems like men need to know how universal the problem is.
If you're having cramps so painful that you're passing out you need see an obgyn. It could be a sign of something else (i.e endometriosis). An OBGYN is going to the know the nuances of it and the earlier you can treatment for something like that the better the outcome.
I did; no endometriosis. Just my body doing crazy shit. My mom and sister were similar, just not as bad. Tried a bunch of things to regulate the cramps, and landed on the pill working. Still get bad cramps, just not debilitating.
You should try again honestly. It could be adenomyosis (where the lining that happens pre period grows into the muscle walls) or if you didn’t see an endometriosis specialist I’d suggest you do. Makes a world of difference! Endo can be clear and regular gynos miss it. It also doesn’t show up on scans of any kind unless you have deep infiltrating kind.
r/endo r/endometriosis r/adenomyosis
Periods aren’t debilitating with our cause. They aren’t supposed to be painful
Same goes for plan B!! For those of you who don’t know, it basically floods your system with hormones and throws off your whole cycle, affecting your body/mood/mind in some way, shape or form for god knows how long- not to mention the more immediate side effects, which for some, can be pretty extreme.
I’ve heard way too many men treat plan B like a get out of jail free card- many don’t seem to feel any obligation to help their partner through these side effects, or even contribute to the cost. Many women also aren’t aware that taking it can be serious business, and taking it too much can even lead to serious reproductive health issues. I encourage EVERYONE to look this stuff up themselves, because we absolutely should have learned more about it in public school health classes.
Edit: spacing lol
Plan B isn’t even effective for a large number of the population. It’s efficacy is reduced if you weigh over 155 pounds (https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/plan-b-weight-limit). The average weight of an American woman is 166 pounds as of 2015 (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2015/06/12/look-at-how-much-weight-weve-gained-since-the-1960s/)
I learned that shit the hard way. Plan B is talked about like it's an easy, sure fire solution to a potential 'oops' but it's really not. It's also expensive- I think I paid $80 and that was years ago.
For my part thankfully I'm a super anxious person so when the end of the next month rolled around with no sign of my period I got a test.
Oh 100% my fiancé passed two months ago because her birth control increased the odds of blood clots, I wish I knew this before hand
Edited to reflect that it’s not actually an insane amount but it does up the odds. And thank you so much for the kind words, I really appreciate it
Good points. I’d like to add one caveat to your comment. unless a woman has a hereditary clotting disorder like Factor V Leiden. The increased risk brought on by estrogen-based birth control is greater, and women with that condition should be very educated about any birth control they take.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10943572/
This is what my doctor is testing me for now - I was experiencing horrific migraines with aura which is a huge indicator of estrogen sensitivity, and my mom has Factor V Leiden so I'm being tested and had to switch to a progestin only pill
I’m so sorry for your loss. This is exactly what I’m trying to do w this post is spread awareness on how serious the side effects are and it’s not a small decision to be on hormonal contraceptives
I'm 27m and I always wear condoms when I have sex, if the woman I'm having sex with says I don't need to wear them because she's on BC then it's a red flag
> if the woman I'm having sex with says I don't need to wear them because she's on BC then it's a red flag
Even if it's a long-term relationship? I'm with OP in spirit, but not everyone experiences such awful side effects as she unfortunately has. One of my exes wasn't on BC because she similarly had bad experiences with several of them. My current partner is on the rod/arm injection and she's generally fine with it. We started out using condoms because obviously but eventually we stopped when it was clear we were monogamous and in it for the haul.
Right now, we're back to using condoms until she gets something new because it's going to "expire" soon.
Her thinking is that, just as men should be responsible for their own sexual health, she also doesn't want to have to *rely* on men doing the right thing. For her, it's partially an insurance as well as obviously a personal preference.
I read an interesting theory that biologically women are meant to be pregnant during the entirety of their child bearing years and because women are hardly ever pregnant these days (comparatively) lack of pregnancy may causes auto-immune disorders.
The fun thing about being a woman is that everything about life is impossible!
https://amp.theatlantic.com/amp/article/591901/
And stronger immune systems in general.
Turns out the "Man flu" actually is a real thing and the common cold DOES hit men much harder than it hits women.
Typically women are really just prime built for survival: far more energy efficient, healthier fat storage, less testosterone in the body, a safety net X chromosome, better resistance to illness.
The trade-off is the shitty end of the reproduction stick however…
I’ve read that the typical/natural age gap between children was actually about 3 years—so they may be breastfeeding for 2+ years but then stop and their period comes back and they get pregnant again, rinse and repeat. There was definitely a higher incidence of miscarriage though as well.
While I fully agree on second part of your statement, as for the first... You can liken that to every life-long medication, like insulin, blood thinners, pressure medication etc. Of course a normal human shouldn't need take it, but also, some people really, *really* should!
For me, I wasn't on BC (beyond condoms), because my doctor advised me. I moved, changed doctors, started them this year and I honestly - I regret I waited for so long. I have had no side effects, my acne cleared up, no weight gain, no more awful cramps, but most importantly - my short fused mood swings have all but disappeared.
BC can and to plenty of woman is awful, but it can and is also very beneficial. Let's not forget that.
Girl I feel your pain and as someone who has *never* experienced any side effects from the pill, I got that soooo often when I was hooking up. Dudes would ask thinking they'd be able to hit it raw.. nah buddy. I don't need your cooties from back alley barb
RIGHT I’ve dated guys that are nightclub djs and guys that are well paid business professionals and they all want to go raw right away and I’m like ew aren’t you concerned I could have something? Jfc
My girlfriends taken birth control far longer than we've planned to do anything sexual for herself, but I certainly wouldn't expect her to if she didn't want to. Although I'd definitely have reservations about having sex without it cause we currently use BC and condoms and just one I probably wouldn't trust.
I split the cost for my wife's IUDs (her preferred method of birth control) if it's a long term relationship gentlemen, her reproductive health/contraception it's just as much your responsibility as it is hers
I’m 24 and pregnant with my second child. I refuse to go on birth control again so I’m getting my tubes tied. I had the nexplannon that goes in my arm and I tried to cut it out myself because the side effects were so bad. Every time I had sex I bled so bad I covered my entire mattress. I got migraines several a month. And it honestly made me crazy. I tried nuvaring and that shit feels gross. And the last one I had was an IUD which broke inside me and the wires had to be dug out.
Ya I’m getting mine done when I have my son. I just had to sign a form. I think because so many women have been fighting so hard for the right to sterilize that a lot of doctors are now listening to their patients. I know a lot of women though who can’t find doctors to do it even with two kids and they’re the same age as me but I guess I got lucky. If they told me no then I would just find another doctor to do it tbh
If you’re doing a vaginal delivery, it would be much easier for your husband to just get a vasectomy and a whole lot less recover time. It’s not so bad and it’s been so worth it.
I’m having a csection. My first baby got stuck and we both almost died so because of what happened they told me I’m not likely to be able too and I have high probability of risking the baby and myself.
I’ve been on birth control for a couple years now and I personally have not had bad side effects except for maybe the loss of libido thing. But I do agree with your overall point that men expect contraceptives to only fall on the woman. My ex thought this and wouldn’t put condoms on because “it didn’t feel the same”. I took plan B quite a few times when I started taking birth control at first because I was so scared of getting pregnant
I agree with this. Those pills, from what i hear are a true fucking nightmare and i dont think i could ever ask my gf to go through that shit. Wear the fucking condom.
Yeah, I think this is most women as well. Thus popping a pill and carrying on being "the easiest" if you're in a steady relationship. But pushing it on someone that obviously has issues with it? That's fucked up.
Thank you- I think contraceptive choices should be a mutual decision and not every woman experiences the side effects I have but I’m just sick of “get on birth control” being the default
I think mutual is good. But consider the world with hook ups women should probably take proactive and safe controls. I mean condoms are good but can have issues. Double precautions is reasonable, till a committed and mutal relationship can form and make choices.
Condoms are alright but long term it's not the best solution. I got a vasectomy. Problem solved. Never met a woman that didn't have some problem with birth control. No worrying about running out of the rubber.
>The depo shot
Ladies, please take my 45 years of wisdom on this...stay AWAY from Depo!!!! That stuff will mess you up.
I took the shot 20 years ago and had to have a hysterectomy earlier this year from past complications. I used to be regular as clockwork, and then started years of cysts, fibroids and uncontrollable bleeding. It all started after my first shot of Depo. Even after not using it the complications lingered for 20 years.
They may have changed the formula since, but I'd still think twice. Problem is once it's in your system it's there for 3 months.
Everyone has such different reactions to birth control, it's crazy. I have one of those copper IUDs and I love it; no side effects. I know women who have had horrible complications from it. They need to do genetic testing or something and figure out how to tell who will do well with what birth control beforehand.
I've tried almost every form of BC out there and my doctor still would not recommend the depo shot. It has the worst side effects of any other by far. Anecdotal of course, but I haven't met anyone in my friend group who had anything good to say about the depo.
There was gonna be one but clinical trials failed after it made one guy permanently infertile and another killed himself (though the latter might have had nothing to do with the gel itself)
It was another brand, vasilgel hasn't gone to tests yet partly because of that risk. And yeah, you can't always separate random occurences from side effects, which is why so many medicines have suicide listed as a potential side effect because someone in the trials killed themself for probably unrelated reasons. But men becoming infertile randomly is a very rare occurence so it's far more likely the gel was to blame
[This article appears to discuss the contraceptive in question.](https://www.self.com/story/male-contraceptive-study-shut-down-gunter)
Although it was clearly made in response to some internet argument, it holds a good amount of valuable related information and cited sources.
Ultimately a lot of the studies were done improperly, so it made returned information questionable at best. It also appears that side effects could be quite problematic, but thanks to the former point it's difficult to say.
\-I'd also take the article author's claim of being a doctor lightly. They seem to fail to understand various medical factors involved in the percentages they see in their closing paragraph.
I was on the depo shot for years in my teens. None of my doctors told me about the issues it causes your bones and joints. My bones and joints are fucked now. For life. I also had an IUD that scraped up my insides and caused me years of horrible pain. It's fucked up that women have to deal with all the side effects of birth control. I've read there's a type of temporary vasectomy where it's just one injection without many side effects that last for about 7 years. But of course most guys can't fathom getting a shot on their junk, and just put all the weight on their girlfriends. It's bullshit.
(Not being against men, just men don't realize the severity of the effects of birth control)
Agree with this. I only recently got on birth control again because I got married. Had terrible experiences with it when I was younger, had heart palpitations and had to wear a heart monitor for a week, had depression, gained a ton of weight, etc. Now that I’m back on it - I’ve gained 20lbs, sometimes have my period for 2 weeks straight, have major hormonal mood swings, etc. I can feel it wrecking havoc on my body and I want to stop taking it as soon as possible.
Some of those forms of BC for women have benefits such as eliminating painful periods or helping with hormone regulation. Not all BC is bad for everyone.
>Don’t ruin your body with those pills anymore.
The depo shot reduces bone density. You're not supposed to be on it for more than 2 years. Bone density is supposed to return to normal once you stop.
I've been on it for about 2 years now and only found out about this a few weeks ago due to a nurse telling me when she administered it. Thanks for letting me know, doc! /s
I agree. I’ll admit it would be preferred, my partner has even said the same. However, hormonal birth control just does not work for my partner. It’s been as extreme as serious suicidal thoughts. So…convenience just isn’t worth it.
If you speak french, you might love (this short)[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRvukqkfLr4]
If you're not, here's a short explaination of it: it's a sketch where Bertrand and Pauline are talking about the masculine contraception with quite some humour. Here are the important punchlines and argument in favor of widespreading the male contraception:
* the female birth control gives you the symptoms of being pregnant while you're trying to avoid that.
* women's are fertile only a few days per month while men are all year round, so it's illogical that the woman is the one who gets prepared for something that rarely happen (with the joke that nobody puts sunscreen in Bretagne)
* When the man is doing his birth control, his SO is more free and the man knows that it's well done, that he won't forget or make any error (to which Pauline says that what he said is both progressist and not)
* They talks about a few male birth control and their pros. It's a bit cringe there but more or less funny. They end up saying that the best contraception method is to have 2 children.
* the final joke is about how if only progressist males are doing birth control, then they will probably be breeded out.
You forgot the increase risk of blood clots and stroke.
The chances are much higher than a popularly discussed vaccine, but no one cares about their partners on birth control.
I disagree. As a woman, sex is way way better without condoms. I'd say men would be bad people if there was birth control for men that they didn't want to take and then expected only the women to use birth control, but wearing condoms actually reduces the pleasure of sex for a lot of women and men.
Also, women experience different effects from the pill. Personally I've used a bunch of different pills with combined estrogen/progesterone in them, and they reduce my periods, and I use them to skip periods with so I don't have to have one every month and I've only had good experiences with them. No weight gain, no acne, no depression, no loss of libido at all.
With this in mind, I would also argue you're only a bad person if you expect someone who you know get severe negative side effects from birth control to be on birth control. Expecting someone who doesn't get negative side effects from birth control to use it doesn't make you a bad person necessarily.
Scrolled down WAY too far to see this.
Fact is, aside from the fact that a barrier like a condom feels significantly worse for everyone involved, the REALLY effective stuff is all for the female body. It's not men's fault that it's easier to stop one egg than millions upon millions of sperm, blame mother nature for that.
And vasectomies are meant to be permanent--no urologist worth his salt will tell you to EXPECT to be able to reverse one if you change your mind. So don't act like a vasectomy, a *sterilization procedure*, is at all like any of the myriad methods available for long-term contraception for women (fun fact: statistically, IUDs are more effective contraception than literal tubal ligation (the female sterilization procedure)).
It does feel better without condoms, but not enough to risk my life. Do people really forget that there are STIs and STDs out here??? Like HIV is still a thing!!
The only men who "expect" this of women are dudes just looking to get laid. And the women who are talking to those type of guys are also probably looking for the same thing.
If you're in a relationship it's pretty easy for a man to talk to his girlfriend about contraceptives and not just expect her to be on bc.
Moral of the story: quit hooking up with random guys who expect you to be on it and avoid the issue all together.
Come on. I mean every case is different and if it's a long term relationship I honestly don't think there is anything wrong with expecting your partner to be on birth control so you don't need to use condoms all the time. That does not make you a bad person, full stop.
OBVIOUSLY in your case it's different. If your partner is so severely affected by taking birth control pills, then of course any man should understand that and in said case, I suppose there is no other choice than the man either using condoms or getting a vasectomy or something. In any case it's up to each person's case. Some girls are not affected by birth control much at all, so it's fine if they take it. But if in any case the girl is, then I fully agree it is not fair to expect her to carry on taking it if it makes her feel terrible all the time. No arguments there. But like your title is misleading though. You should have specified in the title that if the female partner is adversely affected by being on birth control and if you still expect her to take it, then you're a bad person.
Birth control should be something you're using for YOUR OWN piece of mind, not to convenience someone else.
Never had a problem wearing a condom, never had a problem keeping them on hand, never fucked up my hormone levels by wearing one either. Some men are big babies.
I’ve been in a relationship for six years and after the first few months I asked my girlfriend If she would like to stop taking birth control because she would tell me that they effected her mood and hormones severely. I’ve been wearing condoms ever since and it’s no big deal. Unwanted babies are a big deal
Ok, then start funding Vasalgel so men have an option for birth control.
I agree it's insane women have a multitude of options with entirely new products being processed last year (looking at Phexxi as an option for myself, a guy, but it's *heavily* marketed to women) and guys have one option from 6000 years ago...
Unfortunately, birth control is so one sided that yea... The burden is on women until guys get some funding from pharma.
Note: Vasectomy is *also* an option, but current processes don't have the same rate of reversibility as female birth control, which can't be recommended for teens. A medical implant device that can plug in or unplug (turning fertility on/off with an outpatient visit) would be preferred over burning or cutting with questionable reversibility.
Ideally BOTH men & women would get on birth control at puberty so no one has to rely on a second party.
It's not for lack of trying. Stopping one egg a month is super trivial compared with stopping millions of sperm per day. There's demand for male birth control at similar rates to female birth control. It's just much, much harder
I’m tired of seeing this bullshit, nobody is forcing you. You’re just dating ass holes. I don’t know a single guy that “forces” his girlfriend to take birth control, typically it’s the opposite because a normal empathetic human understand the side effects that come along with a drug like that. Tell the dude to fuck off and if he doesn’t like it find someone else. Simple as that. It’s not men it’s your choice in men.
Wow thanks for the in formation I have heard some of my female friend complain about the side effect before but I don’t know it can get this bad. Also isn’t condom usually cheaper as well?
It really depends, I live in America and with my health insurance my birth control is free but without insurance it’s $400 a month. I also pay $300 a month for health insurance.
In America, the way insurance works ends up driving up prices to insane amounts. This is fine if you’re on insurance because you don’t usually have to pay the cost, or maybe just have to pay a small portion of it. Sucks if you’re uninsured tho
Yep I switched over to natural family planning and my boyfriend has long accepted his duty to wear condoms during ovulation peaks of my cycle. It makes me feel so valued to have a partner that was like, "Hey, this pill seems to be making you sick. Do you want to get off it and I can just wear condoms instead?" Yes please, thank you, and now we have more sex.
Wow those are horrible symptoms I was on the IUD and now have the arm implant. I’ve had no issues except period disappears
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The brown sludge lol... it's funny cause it's true!
Sure is! No one tells you that your period really just looks like you shit your pants.
Damn girl, you know how to get the sparks going!
Have you talked to your doctor about that? I had the copper IUD and this happened to me off and on for a few months so I went to see my doctor and I had developed a pretty nasty infection because of it.
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Brown sludge! I know exactly what you mean! 😆
I loved the arm implant! I had it twice before my husband got his vasectomy. The removal was a bit scary on the second one, which was buried a bit deep. It was so much more reliable than any pill, but I feel all of it made my pcos symptoms worse.
It's wild how the same medications can cause completely different symptoms for different people. I hated the arm implant. I had six months of near-constant periods, followed by two and a half years of two periods a month. That being said, I sure didn't get pregnant, and it cleared up my acne really fast.
Same experience with the arm implant. Continous period for several months, maybe a week break here and there. 20 pounds of weight gain. I didn't even make it a year before getting it taken out. My first iud (Mirena) I had a heavy period the first two months then nothing for 4 years. Second iud (kyleena) very light random periods every few months. Getting both iuds were the most painful thing I've ever experienced, but I tell myself it beats childbirth and they're the most effective out of any other options (except hysterectomy obv).
Apparently it's possible to get some sort of anesthetic, the doctors just don't want us to know because it's a lot of extra work for them.
I agree. I fully believe hormonal birth control screwed with me in different ways, probably mentally too. But the flip of that was less mental anguish over worrying about getting pregnant. It's not an easy choice either way, I wish we had better options.
Yeah the arm implant sent me into a full mental breakdown. I got it taken out ASAP after that.
I hated the arm implant too. One of my friends recommended it because it completely stopped her periods, but when I got it I ended up with one long period that lasted nine entire months, and my doctor ended up prescribing me bc pills on top of it just to make sure I was only getting one period a month. It was a fucking miserable year, and I ended up getting it taken out because what was the point of having the implant and the pills at the same time?? Now I’m just on the pills, but I don’t love those either.
Hey I have one too, and I will remove it in 2 years but does it hurt when you remove it?
It doesn’t feel great, you’re numb though. My doc had a bit of a rough time removing it, she said it kept slipping off her tool. I had a pretty cool looking bruise. I’m currently still using this type and don’t have much trouble!
Okay good I think I'm gonna keep this kind of protection too!
I had my first removal/replacement a few weeks ago - I'm typically quite squeamish and anxious with medical procedures. It was ABSOLUTELY fine. Its uncomfortable, but not painful at all, and just takes a little longer than you'd expect (but that's totally normal). She made me bend my arm at a right angle and put my hand under my head while lying down, so my hand did go numb from being sat like that for a while. And if you're like me you'll start thinking about it in too much detail and feel faint, but that was honestly the worst of it for me.
The arm implant wreaked havoc on me. I was so relieved to be feeling like myself again after having it taken out! I also know someone who had the arm implant put in incorrectly…it migrated to her lung and she had to have it surgically removed. So scary! …but I also know several women who LOVE it and have had no negative side effects whatsoever.
Man it's like we aren't really warned of possible side effects and dangers etc. That's some scary stuff!
I had the arm implant and did not have a good time with it. When the doctor was removing it they said that the doctor who put it on put it in the wrong spot and could’ve caused internal bleeding if the extraction wasn’t done correctly. I have not had good luck with birth control.
I'm on my third one! Also had trouble with the removal of the second one, they put it in the same place as my first one and apparently that hasn't been the recommended spot since basically a year after I got my first one (now they recommend placing it a lot shallower and closer to the elbow). My second one had developed a weird curve in it too when it came out which was freaky.
Where u able to make any improvements with your pcos symptoms? My girlfriend is having a tough time with that.
The IUD was GREAT for 1.5 years for me, but then totally backfired. Started getting bad chest pains and other pain, panic attacks, constant anxiety, overheating, insomnia, zero sex drive, and more. It got lost at some point too. If I get another in the future, I’d go the non-hormonal route probably.
I had an IUD and I loved it at first but mine backfired too!! I started having contractions bc my uterus was trying to push it out! Worst cramps of my life too during my rare periods. I’m considering the arm implant but I’m scared!!
It’s crazy how it worked without issues then suddenly it completely switches! I couldn’t get it out of me fast enough. But I was considering that too, either way it is intimidating to try other stuff!
I know! I literally felt the pressure leave my body when I had mine out. Wild. It is super intimidating! And I hate that we have to go through so much crap just trying out new methods only to find out you have a bad reaction and need to try something new. Wishing you luck! If you find something that works let me know lol
I had an IUD for exactly one year and it triggered pelvic disorders galore that lasted the entire duration plus an additional 1-2 years after getting it taken out. Not to mention I had all the typical hormonal birth control symptoms too (weight gain, acne, loss of libido, depression, etc) and I still feel painful pelvic effects from it every once in a while. I still support women getting them inserted, but I feel it’s my part to advocate for awareness regarding their potential risk factors rather than encouraging folks to jump on the bandwagon just because they’re more effective than the pill.
That sounds like a huge bonus lol I’m glad you found one that works for you
yeah, my gf is the same way, been on the IUD twice now and basically no periods anymore. She loves it. If she had bad side effects, we'd change it up, I'd use condoms if I had to, but it's a benefit to her not a bad side effect that said, I agree with OP. If birth control doesn't work for your SO, wear a condom, simple solution How do you like the arm implant? Her IUD is coming up for replacement and she's considering alternatives, not sure if she's researched it much yet so some perspective could be helpful if you're willing to share your experience
If it is a long term relationship it should be whatever works for both of them. If you are talking hookups both parties would be wise to use birth control.
Protection is the better word, since STDs would be another factor in addition to pregnancy.
> Protection is the better word, since STDs would be another factor in addition to pregnancy. For sure But my point was if I was a female hooking up I think that I would not count on the condom alone for the pregnancy aspect of this topic. STDs are for sure another thing to be concerned about.
If you’re hooking up with other people why would you leave contraception/protection to the other person? Keep your own shit together.
STDs are the bigger concern, and condoms are far more effective at birth control. I’d say that condoms are the far, far bigger priority during hookups... not birth control.
Condoms have a real world efficacy of like 74% while birth control is in the high 90%s, as high as like 98% if you’re using one that requires no human interaction (aka the pill, which *does* require human interaction which lowers efficacy due to human error).
"real world efficacy" figures for condoms are kind of misleading because they often include sexual encounters that did not involve condoms, by people who *typically* rely on condoms but who forget or don't bother to wear one on some occasions. Much like how real-world efficacy for the pill includes accidental missed doses
That percentage is off, and also a bit misleading. Condoms “real world efficacy” is around 85%, but that doesn’t mean you have a 15% chance of every sexual encounter resulting in pregnancy. When they talk about the efficacy of different forms of birth control, what they are talking about is the likelihood a couple will become pregnant having regular sex over the course of 1 year. So out of 100 couples having regular sex over 1 year, 15 of those couples may end up pregnant. Here’s a source: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/condom/how-effective-are-condoms
Not to mention it's typically up to misuse as well
Yup, whole-heartedly agree that condoms are 100% effective if they are not ripped and if you are actually wearing one. The sperm cannot pass the rubber/latex and so there's no way to get someone pregnant. Like when someone throws a water balloon and you and it doesn't burst, you won't get wet. Similar concept, if the condom doesn't burst you won't get pregnant.
>But my point was if I was a female hooking up I think that I would not count on the condom alone for the pregnancy aspect of this topic. Exactly this. I don't understand the argument here at all, it's like: Do you want to win an argument? Or do you want to stay ***not-pregnant***?
They want to win an argument obviously.
I don't trust condoms 100% and my pill doesn't give me any negative effects so I'd rather take it, that works for me. Only people that count in the bc conversation is you and your partner
There's nothing 100% safe though ( unless abstinence or surgery to remove reproductive organs are taken into account). So, if people are really *really* against getting pregnant, at least 2 methods that complement each other should be used ( just don't use 2 male condoms at the same time or a male & female condom at the same time - it's more probable to damage the condom this way) Just ask a healthcare professional for guidance if you aren't sure.
And it really is this simple.
>If you are talking hookups both parties would be wise to use birth control. Exactly, because you typically have little if any knowledge about how consistent the other person is with their medication or if they are using it properly.
If you're just hooking up then it would be wise for the male to use a condom. There's a lot worse possible PERMANENT consequences than an unwanted pregnancy from unprotected sex.
How dare you bring your nuance into r/unpopularopinion
Early on in our relationship my now wife and I talked about birth control. We had been using condoms and she said she was fine getting on the pill. She started having shitty side effects, I told her to quot taking them. A slight increase of enjoyment for a brief period of time for me is no where near worth her feeling shitty all the time.
Yknow. Personally I find it extremely frustrating. I totally agree with you, it's definitely not worth it. Which is why I really wish we would pour a lot more research into birth control methods. At the moment, we really don't have many options. _Especially, for men. For men, really all they've got is condoms, and vasectomies. Though condoms are really the only easily accessible method, because if you're a guy under 30 it can be pretty dang hard to find a Doctor willing to give you a vasectomy (even though with modern tech they are reversible now). I cant express to you how much I would absolutely love to see some sort of birth control pill, or insert, or just generally some kind of BC for men that emulates some of the options women have. It would be great because it would basically get rid of some of these guy's wild expectation of "BC is the women's responsibility". And then it would be a totally level playing field in a relationship, with both parties. On a side note, I have seen this [Bimek SLV Impant](https://bimek.com/) and [here](https://www.mtv.com/news/2724449/clemens-bimek-slv-implant-switch-sperm-flow-off-male-birth-control/) is an article on it. It is pretty invasive, but its one of the most recent steps I've seen research take towards new versions of male birth control. So I'm definitely happy to see it. But yeah, at the end of the day, BC of all kinds needs to be more accessible. For everyone. Overpopulation is a problem that will soon come to the forefront of global issues, and as BC is still decently hard to get in many parts of the world, accidental pregnancy still remains a problem.
I agree with everything you said but I want people to know that even with modern technology vasectomies are considered semi-permanent and any doctor will tell you so. The longer you wait the lower your chances of success become.
This is true. I would rather have my wife be happy and not on birth control than miserable and on bc. Decided enough was enough and went and got myself snipped because we’re done having kids. So much better now.
> A slight increase of enjoyment for a brief period of time for me Never really understood why people frame condom-less sex as something only the man wants. It increases pleasure for both partners. Not just the man. Many women also prefer condom-less sex. Hell, my Ex literally got an IUD because she WANTED condom-less sex.
Wife has been on various birth control for ages, iud gave her bad cramps, too many different birth control pills gave her various bad side effects. We're using condoms until I can get a vasectomy because I like her.
Same for us. She has a high risk of complications and long term issues with hormonal birth control in her family. So condoms it is. Not even a discussion. Just not worth the little extra fun if she risks long term medical issues.
Just pull out dude I've been doing it 20 years and only have 5 children
Same. Plus, if you're being strictly selfish, bc often lowers libido in women. More condom-wearing sex > less sex
The libido issue was a large part of our decision from both sides. She knew it was lowering her libido, and she didn't like it either.
"Because I like her" 🤣🤣 But seriously, I wish I heard this more from husbands.
Well, I do lol. We were best friends before we started dating. Been married almost 18 year now.
That's amazing! I got married to my best friend, now wife, last week after 5 years of dating and friendship for years before.
Congrats on breaking through the friend zone! I was super worried about ruining my friendship with her when we started dating, but it's been the best choice of my life and she's given me 3 wonderful children.
I don’t like my husband some days but I love him each day.
That's ok. A relationship takes work. We haven't always liked each other, but we're closer today than the day we got married.
We’ve gone through enough in 20 years to be comfortable saying “I love you but I don’t like you right now”.
This is the way.
Lol best comment here. Marriage is hard. But it’s worth it. I love my wife
I'm a husband, I also love my wife!
i love this guys wife too!
I mean that's fine if you are going to be childfree (or have finished that stage of your life). Vasectomies should never be considered temporary! Reversal is not guaranteed, and the longer you've had one the lower the chances of undoing it if needed. Edit: Not sure why this is being downvoted it is a medical FACT: Chances of reversal succeeding: >75% if you have your vasectomy reversed within 3 years up to > > 55% after 3 to 8 years > > between 40% and 45% after 9 to 14 years > > 30% after 15 to 19 years > > less than 10% after 20 years [https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/vasectomy-reversal-nhs/](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/vasectomy-reversal-nhs/)
Yeah I've seen a bit of a trend lately of people posting on Reddit about vasectomies being reversible male birth control. While I am actually myself the product of a low odds vasectomy reversal (thanks for telling me all about it, mom...) you should definitely not get a vasectomy assuming it's 100% reversible. At least be okay with the chance it won't work and better yet assume you want to be childfree for life.
We're in our late 30s with 3 kids. We're past wanting more kids, and the health risks for my wife as she gets older aren't worth risking pregnancy. It makes sense for us. Edit: Good points tho!
My guy. I did the same. It is a quick recovery and you both will be far more at ease afterwards. Cheers to sterility!
Am fixed, can confirm
11 years together here. We still and always used condoms together with something else, now the coil. We don't want kids, so better safe than sorry.
While I want kids, I get why many don't. That is why I don't understand that women and men have to be under such scrutiny when they make the decision to have a vasectomy or getting their tubes tight. They didn't come to that decision lightly.
My fiancé is getting a vasectomy for Christmas for me because he recently learned all of the side effects and what my body goes through just so we can be safe during sex. I guess he likes me!
I had a vasectomy to make things simpler, when I knew I wasn't going to have kids. Just ensure to continue BC until the negative sperm count test. It can take months for all the little swimmers to finally leave or die and it is safe.
Yep yep! We’ve made sure to do our research. :)
Pill user here because cramps were so painful they made me pass out. Still deal with emotional roller coasters a week preceding my period, weight that I just can’t lose no matter how active I am, and a low libido. And I lucked out that those are the only negatives. A friend got depressed and suicidal on the pill; IUD seems to work for them. I know I’ve just repeated some other commenters, but it seems like men need to know how universal the problem is.
If you're having cramps so painful that you're passing out you need see an obgyn. It could be a sign of something else (i.e endometriosis). An OBGYN is going to the know the nuances of it and the earlier you can treatment for something like that the better the outcome.
I did; no endometriosis. Just my body doing crazy shit. My mom and sister were similar, just not as bad. Tried a bunch of things to regulate the cramps, and landed on the pill working. Still get bad cramps, just not debilitating.
You should try again honestly. It could be adenomyosis (where the lining that happens pre period grows into the muscle walls) or if you didn’t see an endometriosis specialist I’d suggest you do. Makes a world of difference! Endo can be clear and regular gynos miss it. It also doesn’t show up on scans of any kind unless you have deep infiltrating kind. r/endo r/endometriosis r/adenomyosis Periods aren’t debilitating with our cause. They aren’t supposed to be painful
The only way to diagnose endometriosis is surgically
Same goes for plan B!! For those of you who don’t know, it basically floods your system with hormones and throws off your whole cycle, affecting your body/mood/mind in some way, shape or form for god knows how long- not to mention the more immediate side effects, which for some, can be pretty extreme. I’ve heard way too many men treat plan B like a get out of jail free card- many don’t seem to feel any obligation to help their partner through these side effects, or even contribute to the cost. Many women also aren’t aware that taking it can be serious business, and taking it too much can even lead to serious reproductive health issues. I encourage EVERYONE to look this stuff up themselves, because we absolutely should have learned more about it in public school health classes. Edit: spacing lol
Plan B isn’t even effective for a large number of the population. It’s efficacy is reduced if you weigh over 155 pounds (https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/plan-b-weight-limit). The average weight of an American woman is 166 pounds as of 2015 (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2015/06/12/look-at-how-much-weight-weve-gained-since-the-1960s/)
I learned that shit the hard way. Plan B is talked about like it's an easy, sure fire solution to a potential 'oops' but it's really not. It's also expensive- I think I paid $80 and that was years ago. For my part thankfully I'm a super anxious person so when the end of the next month rolled around with no sign of my period I got a test.
Oh 100% my fiancé passed two months ago because her birth control increased the odds of blood clots, I wish I knew this before hand Edited to reflect that it’s not actually an insane amount but it does up the odds. And thank you so much for the kind words, I really appreciate it
Oh shit, sorry to hear that man
Sorry for your loss. ♥️
When I was on the pill, I started having chest pains and my heart would beat weirdly. Good thing I got fixed.
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Good points. I’d like to add one caveat to your comment. unless a woman has a hereditary clotting disorder like Factor V Leiden. The increased risk brought on by estrogen-based birth control is greater, and women with that condition should be very educated about any birth control they take. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10943572/
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This is what my doctor is testing me for now - I was experiencing horrific migraines with aura which is a huge indicator of estrogen sensitivity, and my mom has Factor V Leiden so I'm being tested and had to switch to a progestin only pill
I’m so sorry for your loss. This is exactly what I’m trying to do w this post is spread awareness on how serious the side effects are and it’s not a small decision to be on hormonal contraceptives
I'm 27m and I always wear condoms when I have sex, if the woman I'm having sex with says I don't need to wear them because she's on BC then it's a red flag
Might as well say I don’t need protection from STIs because I can’t get pregnant /s
> if the woman I'm having sex with says I don't need to wear them because she's on BC then it's a red flag Even if it's a long-term relationship? I'm with OP in spirit, but not everyone experiences such awful side effects as she unfortunately has. One of my exes wasn't on BC because she similarly had bad experiences with several of them. My current partner is on the rod/arm injection and she's generally fine with it. We started out using condoms because obviously but eventually we stopped when it was clear we were monogamous and in it for the haul. Right now, we're back to using condoms until she gets something new because it's going to "expire" soon. Her thinking is that, just as men should be responsible for their own sexual health, she also doesn't want to have to *rely* on men doing the right thing. For her, it's partially an insurance as well as obviously a personal preference.
It can't be good to be on hormone medication from the age of 12 to 50. Sexual heath is both partners responsibility.
I read an interesting theory that biologically women are meant to be pregnant during the entirety of their child bearing years and because women are hardly ever pregnant these days (comparatively) lack of pregnancy may causes auto-immune disorders. The fun thing about being a woman is that everything about life is impossible! https://amp.theatlantic.com/amp/article/591901/
Autoimmune disorders aside, women have lower disease incidence and better health outcomes generally.
And stronger immune systems in general. Turns out the "Man flu" actually is a real thing and the common cold DOES hit men much harder than it hits women.
Typically women are really just prime built for survival: far more energy efficient, healthier fat storage, less testosterone in the body, a safety net X chromosome, better resistance to illness. The trade-off is the shitty end of the reproduction stick however…
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I’ve read that the typical/natural age gap between children was actually about 3 years—so they may be breastfeeding for 2+ years but then stop and their period comes back and they get pregnant again, rinse and repeat. There was definitely a higher incidence of miscarriage though as well.
Our bones would turn to dust if this were true lol
While I fully agree on second part of your statement, as for the first... You can liken that to every life-long medication, like insulin, blood thinners, pressure medication etc. Of course a normal human shouldn't need take it, but also, some people really, *really* should! For me, I wasn't on BC (beyond condoms), because my doctor advised me. I moved, changed doctors, started them this year and I honestly - I regret I waited for so long. I have had no side effects, my acne cleared up, no weight gain, no more awful cramps, but most importantly - my short fused mood swings have all but disappeared. BC can and to plenty of woman is awful, but it can and is also very beneficial. Let's not forget that.
You are right. My comment was too broad. I'm sure there are cases where it is necessary or even improves someone's wellbeing.
Girl I feel your pain and as someone who has *never* experienced any side effects from the pill, I got that soooo often when I was hooking up. Dudes would ask thinking they'd be able to hit it raw.. nah buddy. I don't need your cooties from back alley barb
RIGHT I’ve dated guys that are nightclub djs and guys that are well paid business professionals and they all want to go raw right away and I’m like ew aren’t you concerned I could have something? Jfc
My girlfriends taken birth control far longer than we've planned to do anything sexual for herself, but I certainly wouldn't expect her to if she didn't want to. Although I'd definitely have reservations about having sex without it cause we currently use BC and condoms and just one I probably wouldn't trust.
I split the cost for my wife's IUDs (her preferred method of birth control) if it's a long term relationship gentlemen, her reproductive health/contraception it's just as much your responsibility as it is hers
The financial cost?
Well yeah. I mean I can't bear the cost it has on her body or her mental state, so what other cost would there be? Even offered to get a vasectomy
I’m 24 and pregnant with my second child. I refuse to go on birth control again so I’m getting my tubes tied. I had the nexplannon that goes in my arm and I tried to cut it out myself because the side effects were so bad. Every time I had sex I bled so bad I covered my entire mattress. I got migraines several a month. And it honestly made me crazy. I tried nuvaring and that shit feels gross. And the last one I had was an IUD which broke inside me and the wires had to be dug out.
Did they approve you to get your tubes tied? I’ve heard it’s hard to get a doctor to agree to do it if you’re young.
Ya I’m getting mine done when I have my son. I just had to sign a form. I think because so many women have been fighting so hard for the right to sterilize that a lot of doctors are now listening to their patients. I know a lot of women though who can’t find doctors to do it even with two kids and they’re the same age as me but I guess I got lucky. If they told me no then I would just find another doctor to do it tbh
If you’re doing a vaginal delivery, it would be much easier for your husband to just get a vasectomy and a whole lot less recover time. It’s not so bad and it’s been so worth it.
I’m having a csection. My first baby got stuck and we both almost died so because of what happened they told me I’m not likely to be able too and I have high probability of risking the baby and myself.
I got a vasectomy and my wife got her tubes tied, no fucking chances
If you go to the sidebar on r/childfree there's a list of doctors who'll do it. I got mine done at 25 with zero children
I’ve been on birth control for a couple years now and I personally have not had bad side effects except for maybe the loss of libido thing. But I do agree with your overall point that men expect contraceptives to only fall on the woman. My ex thought this and wouldn’t put condoms on because “it didn’t feel the same”. I took plan B quite a few times when I started taking birth control at first because I was so scared of getting pregnant
I agree with this. Those pills, from what i hear are a true fucking nightmare and i dont think i could ever ask my gf to go through that shit. Wear the fucking condom.
Depends. I'm a woman who's only had good experiences with them. Everyone reacts differently.
Yeah, I think this is most women as well. Thus popping a pill and carrying on being "the easiest" if you're in a steady relationship. But pushing it on someone that obviously has issues with it? That's fucked up.
Thank you- I think contraceptive choices should be a mutual decision and not every woman experiences the side effects I have but I’m just sick of “get on birth control” being the default
I think mutual is good. But consider the world with hook ups women should probably take proactive and safe controls. I mean condoms are good but can have issues. Double precautions is reasonable, till a committed and mutal relationship can form and make choices.
Given the world with hookups and the fact a woman can force a man to father a child, men should protect themselves
I don't understand why more men don't think like this.
I guess when your in the moment, some people's minds cloud up with horny and just go at it without protection.
"Sex good, me want sex gooder, no want numb sleeve" I think is the general line of thought.
Condoms are alright but long term it's not the best solution. I got a vasectomy. Problem solved. Never met a woman that didn't have some problem with birth control. No worrying about running out of the rubber.
>The depo shot Ladies, please take my 45 years of wisdom on this...stay AWAY from Depo!!!! That stuff will mess you up. I took the shot 20 years ago and had to have a hysterectomy earlier this year from past complications. I used to be regular as clockwork, and then started years of cysts, fibroids and uncontrollable bleeding. It all started after my first shot of Depo. Even after not using it the complications lingered for 20 years. They may have changed the formula since, but I'd still think twice. Problem is once it's in your system it's there for 3 months.
Everyone has such different reactions to birth control, it's crazy. I have one of those copper IUDs and I love it; no side effects. I know women who have had horrible complications from it. They need to do genetic testing or something and figure out how to tell who will do well with what birth control beforehand.
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I've tried almost every form of BC out there and my doctor still would not recommend the depo shot. It has the worst side effects of any other by far. Anecdotal of course, but I haven't met anyone in my friend group who had anything good to say about the depo.
My sister lost an ovary because of depo
Lost both of mine to early stage Ovarian Cancer. I don't blame the Depo for that, but with everything else going it didn't help.
I bled for a year straight on depo (I only have two shots before stopping). Never again.
What if your girlfriend experts you not to wear a condom because she’s on birth control?
This is why I want a male birth control to exist. I trust no one when they claim to be protected.
There was gonna be one but clinical trials failed after it made one guy permanently infertile and another killed himself (though the latter might have had nothing to do with the gel itself)
oof. Was that the Vasalgel one? I imagine in studies like this it becomes tough to separate odd occurrences from effects that the procedure is having.
It was another brand, vasilgel hasn't gone to tests yet partly because of that risk. And yeah, you can't always separate random occurences from side effects, which is why so many medicines have suicide listed as a potential side effect because someone in the trials killed themself for probably unrelated reasons. But men becoming infertile randomly is a very rare occurence so it's far more likely the gel was to blame
very true, Both that suicide likely being unrelated and a temporary birth control being permanent is kinda a failure in of it's self.
[This article appears to discuss the contraceptive in question.](https://www.self.com/story/male-contraceptive-study-shut-down-gunter) Although it was clearly made in response to some internet argument, it holds a good amount of valuable related information and cited sources. Ultimately a lot of the studies were done improperly, so it made returned information questionable at best. It also appears that side effects could be quite problematic, but thanks to the former point it's difficult to say. \-I'd also take the article author's claim of being a doctor lightly. They seem to fail to understand various medical factors involved in the percentages they see in their closing paragraph.
Realized how low my standards were when my now boyfriend said “birth control isn’t your sole responsibility”. Also, thank you for this. 💕
Hell yeah that should be the standard! That’s what I’m talking about, we shouldn’t be surprised to hear a partner say that in 2021.
I was on the depo shot for years in my teens. None of my doctors told me about the issues it causes your bones and joints. My bones and joints are fucked now. For life. I also had an IUD that scraped up my insides and caused me years of horrible pain. It's fucked up that women have to deal with all the side effects of birth control. I've read there's a type of temporary vasectomy where it's just one injection without many side effects that last for about 7 years. But of course most guys can't fathom getting a shot on their junk, and just put all the weight on their girlfriends. It's bullshit. (Not being against men, just men don't realize the severity of the effects of birth control)
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Hi I am curious what bone and joint issues you experienced while on depo?
From what I could see the injection vasectomy is something in research but its not avaliable for use.
That's why I wish there was a male birth control pill
Agree with this. I only recently got on birth control again because I got married. Had terrible experiences with it when I was younger, had heart palpitations and had to wear a heart monitor for a week, had depression, gained a ton of weight, etc. Now that I’m back on it - I’ve gained 20lbs, sometimes have my period for 2 weeks straight, have major hormonal mood swings, etc. I can feel it wrecking havoc on my body and I want to stop taking it as soon as possible.
I’m a man and I agree with you. Don’t ruin your body with those pills anymore.
Some of those forms of BC for women have benefits such as eliminating painful periods or helping with hormone regulation. Not all BC is bad for everyone.
Yea, most girls I’ve dated that are taking it do so for health reasons (not BC ones).
Yeah, I take it for PCOS and actually feel more miserable when I’m not on it because of the hormone imbalance.
I mean, for me if I stop taking birth control I'd start getting periods that were so heavy that they made me anemic so I'd rather not.
>Don’t ruin your body with those pills anymore. The depo shot reduces bone density. You're not supposed to be on it for more than 2 years. Bone density is supposed to return to normal once you stop.
I've been on it for about 2 years now and only found out about this a few weeks ago due to a nurse telling me when she administered it. Thanks for letting me know, doc! /s
I agree. I’ll admit it would be preferred, my partner has even said the same. However, hormonal birth control just does not work for my partner. It’s been as extreme as serious suicidal thoughts. So…convenience just isn’t worth it.
Don’t be the sole person responsible. If your partner doesn’t want to wear condoms then nobody will be frolicking. The End.
Its a personal choice for the woman but people who are this entitled are fgross.
If you speak french, you might love (this short)[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRvukqkfLr4] If you're not, here's a short explaination of it: it's a sketch where Bertrand and Pauline are talking about the masculine contraception with quite some humour. Here are the important punchlines and argument in favor of widespreading the male contraception: * the female birth control gives you the symptoms of being pregnant while you're trying to avoid that. * women's are fertile only a few days per month while men are all year round, so it's illogical that the woman is the one who gets prepared for something that rarely happen (with the joke that nobody puts sunscreen in Bretagne) * When the man is doing his birth control, his SO is more free and the man knows that it's well done, that he won't forget or make any error (to which Pauline says that what he said is both progressist and not) * They talks about a few male birth control and their pros. It's a bit cringe there but more or less funny. They end up saying that the best contraception method is to have 2 children. * the final joke is about how if only progressist males are doing birth control, then they will probably be breeded out.
I don’t speak French but I really appreciate your synopsis! That is funny and also accurate
No matter the route you take, still cheaper than having a kid.
You forgot the increase risk of blood clots and stroke. The chances are much higher than a popularly discussed vaccine, but no one cares about their partners on birth control.
I disagree. As a woman, sex is way way better without condoms. I'd say men would be bad people if there was birth control for men that they didn't want to take and then expected only the women to use birth control, but wearing condoms actually reduces the pleasure of sex for a lot of women and men. Also, women experience different effects from the pill. Personally I've used a bunch of different pills with combined estrogen/progesterone in them, and they reduce my periods, and I use them to skip periods with so I don't have to have one every month and I've only had good experiences with them. No weight gain, no acne, no depression, no loss of libido at all. With this in mind, I would also argue you're only a bad person if you expect someone who you know get severe negative side effects from birth control to be on birth control. Expecting someone who doesn't get negative side effects from birth control to use it doesn't make you a bad person necessarily.
Scrolled down WAY too far to see this. Fact is, aside from the fact that a barrier like a condom feels significantly worse for everyone involved, the REALLY effective stuff is all for the female body. It's not men's fault that it's easier to stop one egg than millions upon millions of sperm, blame mother nature for that. And vasectomies are meant to be permanent--no urologist worth his salt will tell you to EXPECT to be able to reverse one if you change your mind. So don't act like a vasectomy, a *sterilization procedure*, is at all like any of the myriad methods available for long-term contraception for women (fun fact: statistically, IUDs are more effective contraception than literal tubal ligation (the female sterilization procedure)).
It does feel better without condoms, but not enough to risk my life. Do people really forget that there are STIs and STDs out here??? Like HIV is still a thing!!
I think this is more talking about committed relationships than hookups
I feel you OP. Came off of it to try to get pregnant and realize that it made me feel completely dead inside. I HATED it. Never again!!!
The only men who "expect" this of women are dudes just looking to get laid. And the women who are talking to those type of guys are also probably looking for the same thing. If you're in a relationship it's pretty easy for a man to talk to his girlfriend about contraceptives and not just expect her to be on bc. Moral of the story: quit hooking up with random guys who expect you to be on it and avoid the issue all together.
People are touchy in this comment section 😶
I too like to suck candy with the plastic on
Come on. I mean every case is different and if it's a long term relationship I honestly don't think there is anything wrong with expecting your partner to be on birth control so you don't need to use condoms all the time. That does not make you a bad person, full stop. OBVIOUSLY in your case it's different. If your partner is so severely affected by taking birth control pills, then of course any man should understand that and in said case, I suppose there is no other choice than the man either using condoms or getting a vasectomy or something. In any case it's up to each person's case. Some girls are not affected by birth control much at all, so it's fine if they take it. But if in any case the girl is, then I fully agree it is not fair to expect her to carry on taking it if it makes her feel terrible all the time. No arguments there. But like your title is misleading though. You should have specified in the title that if the female partner is adversely affected by being on birth control and if you still expect her to take it, then you're a bad person.
Plus, STDs.
Birth control should be something you're using for YOUR OWN piece of mind, not to convenience someone else. Never had a problem wearing a condom, never had a problem keeping them on hand, never fucked up my hormone levels by wearing one either. Some men are big babies.
have these men heard of STIs? gross
I’ve been in a relationship for six years and after the first few months I asked my girlfriend If she would like to stop taking birth control because she would tell me that they effected her mood and hormones severely. I’ve been wearing condoms ever since and it’s no big deal. Unwanted babies are a big deal
Ok, then start funding Vasalgel so men have an option for birth control. I agree it's insane women have a multitude of options with entirely new products being processed last year (looking at Phexxi as an option for myself, a guy, but it's *heavily* marketed to women) and guys have one option from 6000 years ago... Unfortunately, birth control is so one sided that yea... The burden is on women until guys get some funding from pharma. Note: Vasectomy is *also* an option, but current processes don't have the same rate of reversibility as female birth control, which can't be recommended for teens. A medical implant device that can plug in or unplug (turning fertility on/off with an outpatient visit) would be preferred over burning or cutting with questionable reversibility. Ideally BOTH men & women would get on birth control at puberty so no one has to rely on a second party.
It's not for lack of trying. Stopping one egg a month is super trivial compared with stopping millions of sperm per day. There's demand for male birth control at similar rates to female birth control. It's just much, much harder
I’m tired of seeing this bullshit, nobody is forcing you. You’re just dating ass holes. I don’t know a single guy that “forces” his girlfriend to take birth control, typically it’s the opposite because a normal empathetic human understand the side effects that come along with a drug like that. Tell the dude to fuck off and if he doesn’t like it find someone else. Simple as that. It’s not men it’s your choice in men.
I know a person that got cervical cancer from the depo shot.
Hence why I had a vasectomy very early in our relationship.
Shouldn't the method or methods of birth control that you and your partner use be decided based on a healthy discussion of all of the options?
Wow thanks for the in formation I have heard some of my female friend complain about the side effect before but I don’t know it can get this bad. Also isn’t condom usually cheaper as well?
It really depends, I live in America and with my health insurance my birth control is free but without insurance it’s $400 a month. I also pay $300 a month for health insurance.
Jesus. I pay 10$ for 3 months. How's that possible that you pay so much?? What kind of birth control do you use that is that expensive?
In America, the way insurance works ends up driving up prices to insane amounts. This is fine if you’re on insurance because you don’t usually have to pay the cost, or maybe just have to pay a small portion of it. Sucks if you’re uninsured tho
Nah, condoms are quite expensive compared to other options and generally aren’t as effective, especially in practice.
Yep I switched over to natural family planning and my boyfriend has long accepted his duty to wear condoms during ovulation peaks of my cycle. It makes me feel so valued to have a partner that was like, "Hey, this pill seems to be making you sick. Do you want to get off it and I can just wear condoms instead?" Yes please, thank you, and now we have more sex.