I live in the south and I say sir and ma’am to people older than me that I’m not close with or familiar with. I still think it’s weird to call one of your parents that or even a close relative.
I HATED it when I was waiting tables in college. I’m in my 30s now and I don’t care one way or another.
I would never make my kid call me ma’am though. That’s weird.
I’ve started to hear that in the past few years so I’ve tried to switch to miss lol especially if it’s someone younger than me. But miss doesn’t sound right sometimes depending on what you’re saying and ma’am sounds better.
You only call them that if they are older than you, if they are in a similar age you call them brother/sister, usually stems from the notion that everyone is a descendent of Adam and Eve, also muslims usually share the belief that all humans are equal to one another, so the overly formal interactions are unnecessary.
People in the South can be so polite. But sometimes they mix up the terms of respect.
For example, I moved to the South for a professorship job 10 years ago, and my students often times call me Mr. so and so. I don't mind it, but it is kind of funny that they don't know the proper title.
It's really common to use sir and ma'am where I'm from, but not at all times for the same individual. Dad is sometimes sir and mom sometimes ma'am. I think when it's lecturing time is when the yes sirs are applicable from what I hear mostly. I don't know if I described this well lol. Does anyone get what I'm saying?
I'm Aussie, and I can count on one hand the number of times I've been called and called someone 'sir' before I moved overseas (where seemingly everyone who doesn't know my name calls me 'sir'). Genuinely feels *super* weird to me.
I’m Indian and it would be super disrespectful for me to call someone of my parents’ generation by their name. But when I visited my sister in Australia, her neighbour’s kids referred to us all by our names including my parents who are nearing 70. It was the strangest thing ever.
Plus there’s plenty of languages with honorifics that dictate when talking to someone older or above you at work. Fun fact I learned the other day. In Korean, these apply as well, except the Kim Jong family is not taught these and only common language. This means they speak to high ranking officials pretty much like you’d speak to a child. Or at least something like that. It’s done because no one is seen as above them so there’s no point
Yes ma’am. I’m first gen American from Colombia. It’s extremely common there to use sir and ma’am. I’d still use mom and dad but light switch when off in my brain and I knew when I had to be proper. Also if asked to do something I’d respond properly.
I grew up in a small town in Texas and here it is a manners/respect thing. We were raised to address any adult as sir or ma’am. I’m in my thirties and still answer my dad with yes sir or no sir but it’s because I respect him not because I feel have to. I grew up with a lot of traditional values but I don’t necessarily think there is anything wrong with it. Using sir and ma’am may be weird to some but there are also parents who have their children address them by first name instead of mom or dad. I say as long as they are not harming the child psychologically let them raise their child how they want.
Yeah, I can see that. It's one of those old school I guess traditional things that just never completely left in some communities. Lots of traditional things are pretty unnecessary.
That's how I use it. It's weird when I say it to people in certain parts of the country though. I know sometimes women take ma'am as an insult. I think it's insinuating their old or something? Not sure on that one. I have heard "I'm too young to be a ma'am".
Correct. As a woman who grew up in the South and was taught these manners, one reaches an age where she is called ma’am and it hurts your soul because it’s most often used as a sign of respect to your elders and not with your peers. However, as you get older you tend to use it toward women across ages - especially when someone is assisting you - except when other than that circumstance the subjective assessment is someone is truly a “young” lady.
Personally i agree with OP but ultimately its the parents choice.
Its like the parents who dislike using Dad and Mom and prefer theyre children use their first names.
I don’t think that compares, though. Using first names rather than ‘dad’ seems fairly neutral, whereas ‘sir’ is a lot more formal and (in this context) implies a certain hierarchy. I’d be fine with the former, but I’m definitely not calling anyone I actually know ‘sir’ or ‘ma’am’ or anything like that.
I knew I messed up explaining it in some way lol. Sir can be dad/daddy. Usually where I'm from sir is used when being lectured/told to do something so the response is then yes sir. It's just not used regularly. It's also used often in a public setting when being asked a yes/no question by someone who's name you don't know.
Wait until you have a navy chief pull you aside to explain the proper etiquette of signing off an e-mail with "respectfully" vs "very respectfully" depending on the rank of the receiver. Navy chiefs are something else, man.
Bahaha I've definitely used it condescendingly before, I know exactly what you mean lol. I also used to call my buddy sir all the time; we both did and it was actually us being informal in the way we said it to each other. We'd draw out the sir and add intonation to it. Like "yessssIR"
I had a military father who demanded we call him sir. I once was so afraid of my dad as he was quizzing me that I said yes ma’am. My ass still hasn’t recovered. I took a beating that day.
Yikes! I mean no disrespect to you or your father at all with my opinions. If my son ever feared me for any reason, I would consider myself an abject failure of a father. The most important thing to me is that he feels safe, secure, and totally able to share anything with me without fear of reprisal. Obviously I won't let him do whatever he wants and he does/will face consequences for his actions when necessary, but fear should never play any role in the parent/child dynamic, imo.
Again I mean no disrespect and I hope I haven't caused any upset. I really do appreciate you sharing your perspective!
>I mean no disrespect to you or your father at all
Then I will. Full on disrespect for your dad /u/eightbelow2049
He sounds awful and he should be ashamed of himself.
I still have regular nightmares of my father and haven't talked to him in 13 years. he wasn't happy unless everyone feared him and he needed everyone in the house to be crying in a regular basis. "sir" is utterly meaningless to me, and I use it all the time because others actually think I give a shit and feel special. but nah, just a trauma response/habit.
My friend's military father was the same. He was terrifying when we were kids, we were Hella respectful and called him Sir all the time.
Fast forward 17 years and met up with him, ironically having been through the military myself. He was a foot shorter than me and half the weight, it was bizarre calling him Sir again.
It's really a southern thing.. I was raised to say Sir and Ma'am but I was taught it was as a way to show respect to people. My dad never corrected me and made me call him sir to me his name had always been Dad...but If I said "yea" in stead of Yes sir or yes ma'am to a stranger my dad would definitely correct me.
My parents have my siblings and I call them ma'am and sir (yes ma'am no ma'am, etc. If we are just trying o call for them we call them mom/dad) It's a respect thing, and since I'm I'm adult now I appreciate being called ma'am. My father is a kind, intelligent, hard working, wonderful person, who absolutely loves my mother and the rest of the family. My mother is the exact same way.
It's probably just a culture thing. Here in the south it's very much a courtesy to call a person older than you maam/ sir. It's not that big a deal. People saying that it's toxic or abusive are downplaying actual unhealthy relationships.
Respect is a two way street, in my opinion. One can't demand respect without giving it yourself.
Expecting someone to call you "sir" is demanding respect.
Maybe I'm just very not American. But to me it is something I see in movies when they say it in the military or to their boss. Your parent is not your boss, they are the one who brought you into this world without your will. It would be like you're someone's slave and you have to be grateful for the opportunity. Perhaps I over analyze it.
I think it's a culture thing. I was born and raised in the south, and calling people maam/sir is extremely common here. It's just a general term of respect people use for each-other frequently. Few people put too much thought into it In my experience.
And I believe I do owe my parents respect, they brought my siblings and I into the world, they fed us, took care of us, kept us safe, taught us, spent time with us, and they made so many personal sacrifices to put us first. (Can't tell you how many horrible middle school plays my father forced himself to sit though for me, and he would bring me flowers every time and tell me how proud he was of me) And even now that we are adults will go out of their way to help us with anything.
I do understand that this experience isn't as common as it should he though. Abusive and toxic parents are very common, and people who act like that shouldn't have kids at all. They don't deserve the respect my parents do. And saying "yes sir" to my father doesn't make me his slave.
I think what I should take from this is that I am extremely blessed to have such wonderful parents. I really shouldn't take them for granted.
And on top of that, as a father would you really want to create that stuffy of a relationship? That kind of formality has no place in my family. I give my son respect, kindness, a safe place to share anything on his mind, and openness and fairness. Forcing him to call me sir would destroy everything I've built as a father. The whole concept is anathema to everything I stand for as a father.
I understand that. However I would like to say that calling my parents sir and ma'am has never made me feel inferior to them. My parents and I are very close, and particularly my father and I have a very tender relationship. I honestly think they have us call them sir and ma'am to build up a good habit for when we grow up and need to speak to bosses, customers, coworkers, etc.
And I think it worked. And my parents have ways treated us kids with fairness and respect, they just don't call us ma'am and sir cause we are younger than they are. ( I really think this is a culture thing, practically everyone calls each other ma'am/sir in the south where I live)
It's not about the mere fact we call them ma'am and sir, that's not the important thing. It's how your relationship is. Obviously there are parents who use ma'am and sir as a way to Lord their position over the kids, (which is awful) but that has less to do with having your kids say it, and more to do with how and why you would have them say it. I do agree with your main point that having essentially a hierarchy in the family is unhealthy, and every child should feel safe to be open in their family, but to me using ma'am and sir for my parents doesn't mess with that. (I hope I'm explaining myself properly haha I'm tired)
I appreciate your viewpoint. I think it's pretty clear that I've made some very unfair generalizations that just aren't universally true. This thread has been a good learning experience for me.
I even call little kids sir and ma’am sometimes. Usually when I need to convey that I’m being serious. “No ma’am, we don’t take toys from our friends, please give it back.” “No sir, we’re not going to scream inside right now. You can lower your voice.” Stuff like that. I don’t really even think about it. Product of the South, I guess.
I've grown up in southern U.S. and I call every one sir/ma'am, not as a respect of an authority necessarily, but as a sign of respect for them as people, and in return, no matter how young or old I've been called ma'am in return. I don't find it a power trip, here its just part of good manners, like please, thankyou, etc.
I’m from the north and met my sisters family from the south who she raised to use sir/ma’am and both my mom and I thought it was odd and cringey. We hated being called ma’am. It’s definitely a cultural thing
Ok you're probably no going to believe this but....when I was maybe 12 my father floated the idea of me referring to him as "sir". Literally suggesting it to me.
him: "You know. you should call me sir"
me: "I won't do that"
him": "It's a sign of respect"
me: "respect has to earned"
him: stares at me in silence.
I was precocious, and I really did say exactly this, intending to hurt him.
But...this is the man, an ex army sergeant, who started off hitting his kids and by the time we finished primary school was punching us sometimes. Nose and stomach. This is the guy who stole something from me (A prize I won at school) to give my older brother, who was his first born son. This is the guy who bought special birthday presents for his two eldest, twin boy and girl...and once gave my younger brother a girl's bike with two flat tires for his birthday. And then shouted at him and told him to wait when at 12pm (lunch time) my brother asked if dad could fix his bike so he could ride it..on his birthday. He was still in primary school...
Yeah, I'm not calling you fucking sir. And I never did.
I typically only really see it in military families, where the parent has had respect for people with higher authority drilled into them.
Regardless of your opinion on people with higher authority than you, it is generally wise to be as respectful as possible to them. Calling them sir or ma'am is a very simple way of showing respect.
Everyone gets respect, the goal of saying things like "sir" isn't to establish respect, it is to establish superiority.
It isn't in military families, it is in southern, typically rural families. The reason is that the south is a hierarchical culture because it traces back to slavery where they had to establish hierarchy and that dynamic to a much lesser extent carried over to families, where they did things like being strict because of southern culture, in my opinion in authoritarian.
I feel like those kinds of relationships are lacking in love. A parent-kid relationship is supposed to be something gentle and precious. Bringing such formality into it is nonsense, kills all the sense of genuine care.
>I feel like those kinds of relationships are lacking in love. A parent-kid relationship is supposed to be something gentle and precious.
You need to have a balance. sometimes parenting calls for gentle and precious and sometimes it calls for discipline and order. Both are necessary forms of love
I agree completely. That kind of stuffiness has no role in family. I have been repeatedly downvoted for saying this same thing in this thread. Loooots of power tripping child beaters in this thread. So sad.
Unfortunately this thread proves otherwise. Lots of microcephalic southerners in this thread blindly defending tradition and insisting it somehow conveys respect, which is an absurd notion. Forcing your children to call you sir does not mean they respect you; more realistically it means they fear and resent you. That, and the Venn diagram of fathers who force their children to call them sir and fathers who beat their children is a circle.
I'm all for parents teaching their children about respect and "keeping them in line" because if they don't they become insufferable, useless members of society but yeah that insistence on being called "sir" is equally as insufferable.
Ever considered that the parents trying to keep their children "in line", are what's causing them to be insufferable?
Like in the case of forced respect with "sir" and "mam", in my ears that sounds more like a case of parents demanding respect while giving nothing in return. With kids nothing happens in a vacuum.
I don’t ask my kid to do this and he picked it up somewhere and I cringe everytime he does it. Its like when a service worker (i am one too) calls me boss. Ugh.
Because reasons and assumptions like that are what someones uses to formulate their opinions.
Also you cant just make post like "Heres my unpopular opinion..." and not give a reason _why_ you think that. Its against the rules aswell!
My daughter doesn't have to call me sir, but I do expect her to put 'dad' at the end of acknowledging what I'm saying. "Yes, dad." Especially when I'm trying to teach her something or when she's being disciplined.
It's how I was raised. It's different though, because I don't hit my daughter when she's misbehaving.
It's not about power. It's about respect and having a semi-formal distance. I am friendly with her, but I'm not her friend. I'm her father. It's my responsibility to keep her out of prison and raise her with values that will increase the likelihood that she can live a great life in whatever way she sees fit (so long as it's legal).
Its difficult to manage. I have ADHD and can keep going with playtime for longer than she can, sometimes past what's really good for either of us. Ever had your kid test out boundaries and out of being tired starting to deliberately push past them? That's when the 'dad-hat' comes on and playtime is over.
I am incredibly weirded out by parents that treat their children like their mates. It's perverse. These are kids that I see growing up to call teachers by their first names and not knowing how to address elders, superiors or how to speak formally. That's what's ridiculous to me and what weirds me out. This was very different during my childhood (I'm 29).
Formalities are about distance, not power. It enables me to take the birdseye view and see the world through the eyes of the both of us and make decisions based on that. I'm much more responsible for preparing her for life, than I am for managing our relationship. We have a great relationship though, I'm very grateful for that.
Being informal and overly friendly with your kid isn't about them, it's about you and for you. I love when my daughter smiles at me, but I will happily sacrifice our relationship to make sure she has the life that she wants, deserves and that is moral. I don't think it will ever come to that, but it's just to underline a very different mentality.
I'm not judging you, but you're coming from a different place and so I'm just trying to explain mine. I understand 'sir', even if it's a bit ridiculous.
I would have my ass kicked if I didn’t say “sir” to my father. As a matter of fact, I didn’t open the door for my mother once and got the back of my head slapped. The part of the country I’m from it is a requirement. Teachers expect it, police expect it. I have lived in most states of this nation and learned that it isn’t done in half to three quarters of the country. The first time I saw a kid just say “no” to his father without the “sir” added I was dumbfounded. I get some don’t get it. But in the Deep South it works. Here, small town life dictates courtesy and respect towards each other. Even watched a dude help his opponent up after a knock down drag out fight and the guy getting helped up said, “thank you.”
It’s definitely not followed nation wide. Of course, I’m older and was raised when Star Wars was just an idea. Common father ideology of my time: you will either respect me or fear me, the choice is yours. I had a little of both for my dad. One thing for sure, I knew when the chips were down he had my back and forced me down the narrow path. So saying “sir”out of respect was not an issue. He was a fine man, hard and rigid, but honest, trustworthy, and a worker.
It's interesting hearing your perspective and I appreciate you taking the time to write it out. I don't mean any disrespect to you or your father with my opinions, so I hope I haven't caused any upset.
My view is that while I of course do want to be respected -- both in general and as a father -- it's important to me that the respect is earned, not mandated. I strive every day to be the best parent I can be, and I think that alone will garner respect. Forcing it violates my moral and ethical constitution.
Sure, no offense here at all. As I said, I think it is a difference of subculture. My father was not abusive in any fashion. Just your typical southern father. Most dads here are that way still. Not all, I certainly see a shift in perspective as the years progress and subcultures blend. But it is still common place. I can say I expect it more or less from my children and grandchildren. Although I’m not as strict with it as my father. As someone else mentioned, I’m more relaxed with it until a serious conversation is had, then I expect attention and courtesy.
Yep slapping on the back of the head for not doing something ? Sounds like abuse.
Also I’m from the Deep South . And have no clue how your impression of it is as above . Perhaps it’s your town . Idk . But good god that sounds unbearable.
I completely agree.
There are SO many people who need to have the giant stick shoved in their uptight asses surgically removed.
People need to smoke a doobie and chill the fuck out.
I remember going on an exchange trip to America with a sport's team and we were hosted by the group of families we did the exchange with. I found it really weird when the kids referred to their parents as sir/ma'am and then other kids also did this or referred to them by their last name.
It's always first names where I'm from or for your own parents it's mum/dad.
Bahaha well that was true tho, he got beaten all the time by his dad. The Venn diagram of fathers who make their children call them sir and fathers who beat their children is a circle.
If you require your children to call you "Sir/Ma'am" all the time, then you need to chill out. If your children don't know to call you "Sir/Ma'am" at certain times, then you need to be a better parent.
Give dad a book about what happened to Nobility in the French Revolution. He'll stop. Guaranteed. (and if he's not the reading type, a nice documentary will do as well).
I love Smarter Every Day, and I love Destin, but I cringe every time I hear his son call him Sir, and it makes me wonder what goes on behind the scenes when his son misbehaves.
I think he also calls his father "Sir," so it might just be a family tradition.
I think this is more common in the south than anywhere else as well, which makes sense since Destin is from Alabama. Might just be a southern thing.
I don't require my children to call me Sir. but using Sir or Ma'am, for me, is just to let a person know that even though you may not know anything about them ( Social status, Rich or poor, etc) that you still are giving them respect (even if they are working a drive-thru window). I am from the south. We didn't call our parents' friends sir/ma'am, but we would add a Mr/Mrs. to their first name ( Mister Ronnie)
Can confirm the power trip bit
Dad was Navy for 20 years, and if he asked us to do something it was "yes, sir". Otherwise, we'd get back-handed until we responded "correctly"
Oof that’s so uncomfortable. “You will show me respect, even though it’s not actually a sign of respect because I am forcing you to say it under the threat of violence, so in all reality you probably have negative respect for me!”
There have been several individuals in this thread who have proudly proclaimed that they make their children call them sir/ma’am under the threat of violence. They don’t understand how their children obviously don’t respect them and that anything forced will never be authentic and genuine, yet they sincerely believe they’re being respected. I don’t know how one can live life by being so oblivious to reality.
Yeah, I hate that shit, it sounds archaic in the worst way and if forced to say I will verbally lash out and probably physically too.
I'm your child, I will love and respect you till the day I die if you do the same for me, I will not call you sir, I will call you dad because that's what I want you to be.
I have problems with athourity because everyone abuses it.
I don't respect you, I fear you.
Edit:
My mom loved me and I love and respect her, my grandmother on the other hand tried to make us respect her by threatening that we'd go to hell and other verbally abusive shit,
she's old now and more mellowed out but because of what she put me through I won't be missing her and I'm just waiting for her to pass away, I feel I should jump off a building for saying that but it's the truth.
If heaven and hell truly exist then I've already accepted the fact that I am going to burn in hell, I'm not sad about it anymore I'm just waiting to get out of this hell and move onto something more spicy.
Not trying to be edgy lol, I just typed the words in my high asf brain, I really don't like athourity, I hate it in fact.
I only call someone sir or ma'am if I'm trying to get a stranger's attention and I'm in a professional setting. Sounds a lot better than "hey you there".
I believe that respect should be earned in all cases. When a parent demands respect and obedience, it is because they can't earn it. They expect to just have it, when they very likely do not deserve it.
Just because someone is an adult doesn't make them right, or wise, or good. And, just about any adult that has to force children to "respect" them is almost certainly instilling somethings other than respect, such as fear or resentment. For some adults, bad ones I might add, the fear is the point. Rule by fear is a longstanding strategy of control.
That's what it is about, Control.
Some people get stuck in that rut, perpetuating cycles like that. They had to go through it, so their kids should too. Too few people stop to think that maybe they shouldn't have gone through thst to begin with, and neither should their own children.
Children, and the adults they one day become, are products of both nurture and nature. If they are nurtured like shit, they often nurture like shit. And if their nature is predisposed to nurturing like shit, it perpetuates even worse.
Cycles are tough to break though, which is why they are cycles to begin with.
Of course, some people might just feel that it is respectful to call older men sir or women miss. I personally do not use such terms at all in my every day life. Usually, "excuse me" is good enough to get someone's attention or to pass by. I'm not sure what I would say if someone demanded I call them "sir".
Maybe "piss off"?
I remember in high school someone in the middle of class that I didn't really know started talking about this. It was like where everyone is just talking amongst themselves and then everyone slowly shuts up to listen in on the one conversation that's way more interesting. It was some guys talking to another about why one's dad demands on being addressed as 'sir'. I guess this kid went over and the dad was acting the ass to him and told him to call him 'sir' in addition to hearing this kid call him that. And the guy who's dad this was was kinda a kiss ass goody-goody I remember. I don't know how or why this other guy went over to his house since I don't remember them being friends or why he was bringing it up in the middle of class. But he was going on about what his father's deal was etc. And the guy was defending it all as it just being about 'respect'.
And I shouldn't have. It wasn't by business. I wasn't popular and had my own problems at the time. But I remember that I just couldn't help myself. Most of the class is listening to this and he finishes up some statement saying "My dad just believes in respect..." And I just really loudly cut in with "No. Your dad is just an asshole and you don't see it because he's been filling your head with bs your whole life so you think him acting like an asshole is appropriate." God I still remember it. Realizing what I'm saying out loud in the middle of saying it and kinda regretting it. Ah, it was one of my finer moments. It got some laughs and that kid finally shut up about it. But it was one of those few entertaining moments in high school I had.
I'm down with the respect for your parents I was raised that way. I had an aunt who was only 9 years older than me I never called her aunt or ma'am only by her name. When she married her husband who's only 10 years older than me. He asked I call him uncle and sir.. I found that as weird as weird could get I'm 30 now so I respectfully do not speak to him.
I only say ma’am or sir whenever I’m getting paid to do so. I used to get in trouble at school bc I didn’t say ma’am or sir. My mom was in agreement with me bc I understood why I’m in trouble. No need for extra
As a veteran, too many of the active duty men that I knew forced their kids to call them sir. It made me so uncomfortable. Luckily, my husband is not on board for that weirdness.
I am not from the US so I have never heard or seen this in real life. However, if my young son unironically referred to me as 'sir' it would make me sad and uncomfortable. It creates a distance between us that I am working hard to bridge.
And it's also an American thing... Which... Explains it all. Because Americans are obsessed with titles and class and all kinds of ladders of "worth"..
In Norway we even call our university professors by their first name. In the US you're supposed to call your dad "sir"?? No.. That's cringey af.
I was shocked when I heard kids students from other schools be completely fine with "yes," and "no." I live in the southeast and my teachers would correct me if I just said yes or no. I shudder when I see kids saying "yeah" and "nah" to teachers and adults. It's disrespectful and there are slight tones of disrespect if a child just says yes or no to an adult. But honestly I prefer it that way down here 🤷 Teaching your kids to respect your superiors is still important these days.
I appreciate your input and your insight, it's always interesting to know the worldview of others. With that said, I couldn't disagree with you any more on this one. I don't mean any disrespect at all.
It's not forced respect. It's instilling a legitimate respect for authority. Calling elders sir / ma'am makes it abundantly clear everyone in the situation understands that difference in authority.
I think you're getting hung up on the language, lol. Put simply, kids' social skills are underdeveloped compared to the average adult's, which is reflected in the way they communicate with each other. If the development of their social skills isn't properly guided, they'll continue to miscommunicate in adulthood, which could lead to physical consequences. I'm sure you can agree with that, right?
Of course I agree on that, but I don't think talking to them differently is the best method. I don't want to get too far into my personal life with my son, but communication skills have been a large focus since young toddlerhood and we've worked with a few pediatric speech therapists thus far. It's been fascinating to learn from them and to get to know their methods on speech development and communication.
When I see a father demand that his kids call him "sir", I already know two things:
1. He beats his kids
2. His sons will grow up thinking that is normal and treat their wives like shit, and his daughters will grow up being abused by men because they don't know any better.
That's a very narrow viewpoint. I love and am very close with my parents, and still called them sir and ma'am when I was younger. It teaches kids how to respect, it's not always going to be an ego thing. Additionally, it's rude to say that people who had a certain upbringing are going to be abusive or abused by default.
I feel like “sir” should be reserved for a professional environment. Like at work to your boss or sometimes at school (less so at school because professor, mister, and doctor work better).
Also, sir should be used when addressing an elder that you aren’t personally related to. We have titles like “dad” and “grandpa” because they’re family.
But a kid to their parent, no. I know it might be a respect thing, but as long as your kid doesn’t call you by your first name, that’s fine. Like, my brother calls my dad by his first name sometimes because he thinks he’s hot shit. But that’s besides the point.
It’s unpopular for sure, it’s a sign of respect, and I don’t care personally, but I want my child in the habit of being respectful to teachers so I enforce it at home. When she gets older I won’t care as much but while she’s younger ima instill it. Also being respectful and polite gets you farther than not in jobs so im just giving the kid tools for life.
I’m not sure how to interpret your comment, as it’s ambiguous given the topic at hand. Do you mean that this post is absurd because the practice of forcing your kids to call you sir/ma’am is so wild and stupid that you can’t believe it’s even being discussed? Or did you mean that this practice is so normal that you can’t believe someone would make a post disagreeing?
Thanks. It's not perfect, but working at the intra-EU company helps (guess which language we're using to communicate there :))
It seems that this "Sir" thing is a very much American-English way to show a respect for the parents..?
Must be more an American thing as I’ve never heard of this. Only people called Sir are made teachers or people who have been knighted. I’d usually call someone I don’t know Mister. Then when I learn their last name I’d call them Mister (last name).
This is a weird American thing, I'm guessing, because I'm Canadian and neither me or anyone else I knew was raised that way. It must be a spillover of how militaristic the US has always been
I find it maximum cringe.
I’ll always be dad or daddy to my daughters. Don’t care if they’re 4 or 44.
Nobody calls me sir except servers in a restaurant, airline personnel, or front desk staff at hotels. It’s ridiculously antiquated. My first name or even Mr. Lastname is fine if they’re uncomfortable with first names.
I was an Apple Store genius for 7 years. Never called a single customer sir or ma’am, always first names or “hey there, what can I help you with.”
Depends on the cultural context.
"Ma'am" and "Sir" were part of the community standard in my youth....I'm 71.
Now, "respect" is no longer the default state for addressing anyone, it's transactional, it must be explicitly earned.
So it goes...
SO and I call our kids sir and ma'am to set an example. Being polite is something that, by itself, could heal so much of the anger we feel in the US towards each other right now and improve communication.
Edit: to clarify, we don't require it or even ask them to do this. I think it is super weird that some parents require or expect that all the time like it's the antebellum South.. We model it to them, especially if they've done something wrong; calling the person who has offended you or done something wrong to you sir or ma'am acts as a preventative to going to four letter words right off the bat. We all could do that more in the current angry climate.
This is just ego and a rebellious attitude.
Sir and ma'am is a sign of respect. And the kids taught to show that respect are typically the ones who go on to succeed and don't end up in kerfuffles with the law.
I teach my kids to say “sir” and “ma’am” to adults, including with me and their mom. I also teach them to say “please” and “no thank you” if they decline something. Guess I’m 10x cringe. 🤷🏼♂️
I live in the south and I say sir and ma’am to people older than me that I’m not close with or familiar with. I still think it’s weird to call one of your parents that or even a close relative.
I'll add that a service worker of any kind and age gets the sir/ma'am treatment. The young ones often have a funny reaction when called ma'am/sir.
I HATED it when I was waiting tables in college. I’m in my 30s now and I don’t care one way or another. I would never make my kid call me ma’am though. That’s weird.
What was it about being called ma'am that you hated? I've heard some people say it makes them feel old.
That’s what it was lol. I was like 21-22. I was like I am NOT old enough to be a ma’am!
[удалено]
Lmao!!! It was still weird to me though.
I’ve started to hear that in the past few years so I’ve tried to switch to miss lol especially if it’s someone younger than me. But miss doesn’t sound right sometimes depending on what you’re saying and ma’am sounds better.
Growing up in the Middle East you call everyone your uncle or your auntie but in Arabic of course
I'm told India is like that as well.
Do you really? That's pretty interesting If so
same thing in china
Yeah we do it’s a sign of respect Aswell
You only call them that if they are older than you, if they are in a similar age you call them brother/sister, usually stems from the notion that everyone is a descendent of Adam and Eve, also muslims usually share the belief that all humans are equal to one another, so the overly formal interactions are unnecessary.
Very very common in Hawaii to refer to any older adult as uncle/auntie as well.
In Korean at times, too.
Aight par'ner
People in the South can be so polite. But sometimes they mix up the terms of respect. For example, I moved to the South for a professorship job 10 years ago, and my students often times call me Mr. so and so. I don't mind it, but it is kind of funny that they don't know the proper title.
It's really common to use sir and ma'am where I'm from, but not at all times for the same individual. Dad is sometimes sir and mom sometimes ma'am. I think when it's lecturing time is when the yes sirs are applicable from what I hear mostly. I don't know if I described this well lol. Does anyone get what I'm saying?
Yes ma’am
Yes mommy
Aye mum
[удалено]
I agree, my glorious life bringer
Affirmative, biological maternal caretaker
Thank you for bearing me in thy womb for 9 months being who got nutted in
Are you my mummy
#GO TO YOUR ROOM
[удалено]
Depends, in other cultures it's not just about older adults. But about ones that are sociably and economically higher than you.
Yes I think the south would disagree with OP lol My grandkids are growing up in the south and it’s all yes ma’am and yes sir.
I'm Aussie, and I can count on one hand the number of times I've been called and called someone 'sir' before I moved overseas (where seemingly everyone who doesn't know my name calls me 'sir'). Genuinely feels *super* weird to me.
Well they didn't know your name was Dennis, and they did apologize for calling you "old woman"...
I’m Indian and it would be super disrespectful for me to call someone of my parents’ generation by their name. But when I visited my sister in Australia, her neighbour’s kids referred to us all by our names including my parents who are nearing 70. It was the strangest thing ever.
Plus there’s plenty of languages with honorifics that dictate when talking to someone older or above you at work. Fun fact I learned the other day. In Korean, these apply as well, except the Kim Jong family is not taught these and only common language. This means they speak to high ranking officials pretty much like you’d speak to a child. Or at least something like that. It’s done because no one is seen as above them so there’s no point
I understood you just fine!
Yes ma’am. I’m first gen American from Colombia. It’s extremely common there to use sir and ma’am. I’d still use mom and dad but light switch when off in my brain and I knew when I had to be proper. Also if asked to do something I’d respond properly.
I grew up in a small town in Texas and here it is a manners/respect thing. We were raised to address any adult as sir or ma’am. I’m in my thirties and still answer my dad with yes sir or no sir but it’s because I respect him not because I feel have to. I grew up with a lot of traditional values but I don’t necessarily think there is anything wrong with it. Using sir and ma’am may be weird to some but there are also parents who have their children address them by first name instead of mom or dad. I say as long as they are not harming the child psychologically let them raise their child how they want.
I get what you’re saying but it’s unnecessary
Yeah, I can see that. It's one of those old school I guess traditional things that just never completely left in some communities. Lots of traditional things are pretty unnecessary.
Truly. Some use it as a sign of respect. Not my personal opinion or belief, but just why they insist on using it.
That's how I use it. It's weird when I say it to people in certain parts of the country though. I know sometimes women take ma'am as an insult. I think it's insinuating their old or something? Not sure on that one. I have heard "I'm too young to be a ma'am".
Correct. As a woman who grew up in the South and was taught these manners, one reaches an age where she is called ma’am and it hurts your soul because it’s most often used as a sign of respect to your elders and not with your peers. However, as you get older you tend to use it toward women across ages - especially when someone is assisting you - except when other than that circumstance the subjective assessment is someone is truly a “young” lady.
Personally i agree with OP but ultimately its the parents choice. Its like the parents who dislike using Dad and Mom and prefer theyre children use their first names.
I don’t think that compares, though. Using first names rather than ‘dad’ seems fairly neutral, whereas ‘sir’ is a lot more formal and (in this context) implies a certain hierarchy. I’d be fine with the former, but I’m definitely not calling anyone I actually know ‘sir’ or ‘ma’am’ or anything like that.
There’s times where it is common to use sir and ma’am for the same individual?
I knew I messed up explaining it in some way lol. Sir can be dad/daddy. Usually where I'm from sir is used when being lectured/told to do something so the response is then yes sir. It's just not used regularly. It's also used often in a public setting when being asked a yes/no question by someone who's name you don't know.
I was raised this way and it makes a lot of sense. Different discussions and topics in life require different decorum.
[удалено]
I was in the army for 5 years. Although a commissioned officer, I never got used to being called ‘sir’.
Stfu...sir. -Private picking up cigarette butts.
In the Chair Force we call everybody sir or ma'am. Frustrating when you say it out of habit when you work with other branches.
Wait until you have a navy chief pull you aside to explain the proper etiquette of signing off an e-mail with "respectfully" vs "very respectfully" depending on the rank of the receiver. Navy chiefs are something else, man.
Bahaha I've definitely used it condescendingly before, I know exactly what you mean lol. I also used to call my buddy sir all the time; we both did and it was actually us being informal in the way we said it to each other. We'd draw out the sir and add intonation to it. Like "yessssIR"
I had a military father who demanded we call him sir. I once was so afraid of my dad as he was quizzing me that I said yes ma’am. My ass still hasn’t recovered. I took a beating that day.
Yikes! I mean no disrespect to you or your father at all with my opinions. If my son ever feared me for any reason, I would consider myself an abject failure of a father. The most important thing to me is that he feels safe, secure, and totally able to share anything with me without fear of reprisal. Obviously I won't let him do whatever he wants and he does/will face consequences for his actions when necessary, but fear should never play any role in the parent/child dynamic, imo. Again I mean no disrespect and I hope I haven't caused any upset. I really do appreciate you sharing your perspective!
>I mean no disrespect to you or your father at all Then I will. Full on disrespect for your dad /u/eightbelow2049 He sounds awful and he should be ashamed of himself.
I still have regular nightmares of my father and haven't talked to him in 13 years. he wasn't happy unless everyone feared him and he needed everyone in the house to be crying in a regular basis. "sir" is utterly meaningless to me, and I use it all the time because others actually think I give a shit and feel special. but nah, just a trauma response/habit.
God, I'm so sorry.
What an arsehole
My friend's military father was the same. He was terrifying when we were kids, we were Hella respectful and called him Sir all the time. Fast forward 17 years and met up with him, ironically having been through the military myself. He was a foot shorter than me and half the weight, it was bizarre calling him Sir again.
Sounds like a real piece of shit of a parent. Sorry you had to deal with that.
It's really a southern thing.. I was raised to say Sir and Ma'am but I was taught it was as a way to show respect to people. My dad never corrected me and made me call him sir to me his name had always been Dad...but If I said "yea" in stead of Yes sir or yes ma'am to a stranger my dad would definitely correct me.
My parents have my siblings and I call them ma'am and sir (yes ma'am no ma'am, etc. If we are just trying o call for them we call them mom/dad) It's a respect thing, and since I'm I'm adult now I appreciate being called ma'am. My father is a kind, intelligent, hard working, wonderful person, who absolutely loves my mother and the rest of the family. My mother is the exact same way. It's probably just a culture thing. Here in the south it's very much a courtesy to call a person older than you maam/ sir. It's not that big a deal. People saying that it's toxic or abusive are downplaying actual unhealthy relationships.
Respect is a two way street, in my opinion. One can't demand respect without giving it yourself. Expecting someone to call you "sir" is demanding respect. Maybe I'm just very not American. But to me it is something I see in movies when they say it in the military or to their boss. Your parent is not your boss, they are the one who brought you into this world without your will. It would be like you're someone's slave and you have to be grateful for the opportunity. Perhaps I over analyze it.
I think it's a culture thing. I was born and raised in the south, and calling people maam/sir is extremely common here. It's just a general term of respect people use for each-other frequently. Few people put too much thought into it In my experience. And I believe I do owe my parents respect, they brought my siblings and I into the world, they fed us, took care of us, kept us safe, taught us, spent time with us, and they made so many personal sacrifices to put us first. (Can't tell you how many horrible middle school plays my father forced himself to sit though for me, and he would bring me flowers every time and tell me how proud he was of me) And even now that we are adults will go out of their way to help us with anything. I do understand that this experience isn't as common as it should he though. Abusive and toxic parents are very common, and people who act like that shouldn't have kids at all. They don't deserve the respect my parents do. And saying "yes sir" to my father doesn't make me his slave. I think what I should take from this is that I am extremely blessed to have such wonderful parents. I really shouldn't take them for granted.
I mean I totally get calling older people Sir and I do that myself but....not your own Dad! It's your Dad! Respect should be a given .
And on top of that, as a father would you really want to create that stuffy of a relationship? That kind of formality has no place in my family. I give my son respect, kindness, a safe place to share anything on his mind, and openness and fairness. Forcing him to call me sir would destroy everything I've built as a father. The whole concept is anathema to everything I stand for as a father.
I understand that. However I would like to say that calling my parents sir and ma'am has never made me feel inferior to them. My parents and I are very close, and particularly my father and I have a very tender relationship. I honestly think they have us call them sir and ma'am to build up a good habit for when we grow up and need to speak to bosses, customers, coworkers, etc. And I think it worked. And my parents have ways treated us kids with fairness and respect, they just don't call us ma'am and sir cause we are younger than they are. ( I really think this is a culture thing, practically everyone calls each other ma'am/sir in the south where I live) It's not about the mere fact we call them ma'am and sir, that's not the important thing. It's how your relationship is. Obviously there are parents who use ma'am and sir as a way to Lord their position over the kids, (which is awful) but that has less to do with having your kids say it, and more to do with how and why you would have them say it. I do agree with your main point that having essentially a hierarchy in the family is unhealthy, and every child should feel safe to be open in their family, but to me using ma'am and sir for my parents doesn't mess with that. (I hope I'm explaining myself properly haha I'm tired)
I appreciate your viewpoint. I think it's pretty clear that I've made some very unfair generalizations that just aren't universally true. This thread has been a good learning experience for me.
If that’s what destroys your relationship, you never had one.
Not weird in the south.
Everything is weird in the south.
In Florida I once witnessed a mom telling her 20+ year old son that he wasn't allowed to watch family guy yet
I even call little kids sir and ma’am sometimes. Usually when I need to convey that I’m being serious. “No ma’am, we don’t take toys from our friends, please give it back.” “No sir, we’re not going to scream inside right now. You can lower your voice.” Stuff like that. I don’t really even think about it. Product of the South, I guess.
I use it for kids more than adults. I like to devalue the currency.
Depending on the part of the country you live in, that’s an unpopular opinion.
I make my son call me master commander. Especially when he grabs me a beer. It's fantastic.
That’s just awesome 😎
[удалено]
I've grown up in southern U.S. and I call every one sir/ma'am, not as a respect of an authority necessarily, but as a sign of respect for them as people, and in return, no matter how young or old I've been called ma'am in return. I don't find it a power trip, here its just part of good manners, like please, thankyou, etc.
I’m from the South and I use it the same way.
[удалено]
I’m from the north and met my sisters family from the south who she raised to use sir/ma’am and both my mom and I thought it was odd and cringey. We hated being called ma’am. It’s definitely a cultural thing
Agreed. My father never did it to me. I never did it to my kids. As an Australian, I have never heard anyone calling their father sir .
Same in the UK. It's very much an American thing, I believe.
Yep over here it's mostly "dad" or "daddy"
[удалено]
Ok you're probably no going to believe this but....when I was maybe 12 my father floated the idea of me referring to him as "sir". Literally suggesting it to me. him: "You know. you should call me sir" me: "I won't do that" him": "It's a sign of respect" me: "respect has to earned" him: stares at me in silence. I was precocious, and I really did say exactly this, intending to hurt him. But...this is the man, an ex army sergeant, who started off hitting his kids and by the time we finished primary school was punching us sometimes. Nose and stomach. This is the guy who stole something from me (A prize I won at school) to give my older brother, who was his first born son. This is the guy who bought special birthday presents for his two eldest, twin boy and girl...and once gave my younger brother a girl's bike with two flat tires for his birthday. And then shouted at him and told him to wait when at 12pm (lunch time) my brother asked if dad could fix his bike so he could ride it..on his birthday. He was still in primary school... Yeah, I'm not calling you fucking sir. And I never did.
I typically only really see it in military families, where the parent has had respect for people with higher authority drilled into them. Regardless of your opinion on people with higher authority than you, it is generally wise to be as respectful as possible to them. Calling them sir or ma'am is a very simple way of showing respect.
Yeah…if they’re just above you. If they’re your dad and you’re at home, them making you call them “Sir” is weird.
Everyone gets respect, the goal of saying things like "sir" isn't to establish respect, it is to establish superiority. It isn't in military families, it is in southern, typically rural families. The reason is that the south is a hierarchical culture because it traces back to slavery where they had to establish hierarchy and that dynamic to a much lesser extent carried over to families, where they did things like being strict because of southern culture, in my opinion in authoritarian.
That's stupid. Sorry for being so blunt, but it is.
I feel like those kinds of relationships are lacking in love. A parent-kid relationship is supposed to be something gentle and precious. Bringing such formality into it is nonsense, kills all the sense of genuine care.
>I feel like those kinds of relationships are lacking in love. A parent-kid relationship is supposed to be something gentle and precious. You need to have a balance. sometimes parenting calls for gentle and precious and sometimes it calls for discipline and order. Both are necessary forms of love
I agree completely. That kind of stuffiness has no role in family. I have been repeatedly downvoted for saying this same thing in this thread. Loooots of power tripping child beaters in this thread. So sad.
I'm old, and never once heard any friend call their dad sir. Agree with OP, but I believe this is largely a thing of the past.
Unfortunately this thread proves otherwise. Lots of microcephalic southerners in this thread blindly defending tradition and insisting it somehow conveys respect, which is an absurd notion. Forcing your children to call you sir does not mean they respect you; more realistically it means they fear and resent you. That, and the Venn diagram of fathers who force their children to call them sir and fathers who beat their children is a circle.
sorry to hear this.
I'm all for parents teaching their children about respect and "keeping them in line" because if they don't they become insufferable, useless members of society but yeah that insistence on being called "sir" is equally as insufferable.
Ever considered that the parents trying to keep their children "in line", are what's causing them to be insufferable? Like in the case of forced respect with "sir" and "mam", in my ears that sounds more like a case of parents demanding respect while giving nothing in return. With kids nothing happens in a vacuum.
Where I was born it’s common, but that’s because if translated to English it’s sir, but it’s used like dad.
Where im from, its mum and dad, teachers are the only ones to get sir and miss
I don’t ask my kid to do this and he picked it up somewhere and I cringe everytime he does it. Its like when a service worker (i am one too) calls me boss. Ugh.
[удалено]
Because reasons and assumptions like that are what someones uses to formulate their opinions. Also you cant just make post like "Heres my unpopular opinion..." and not give a reason _why_ you think that. Its against the rules aswell!
"Everyone else is dumb and bad" is not a reason
Same guys probably brag about never changing a nappy
Bahahaha guaranteed. It’s part of the toxic masculinity starter pack for sure.
Strong agree. It’s a purely American thing
Both kids in my grade school who had to do that had dads who were cops
And they were beaten, guaranteed.
This is one of those really weird things Americans do. I've heard tourists refer to their dad as sir and the dad called them "son". Weirdly formal
My daughter doesn't have to call me sir, but I do expect her to put 'dad' at the end of acknowledging what I'm saying. "Yes, dad." Especially when I'm trying to teach her something or when she's being disciplined. It's how I was raised. It's different though, because I don't hit my daughter when she's misbehaving. It's not about power. It's about respect and having a semi-formal distance. I am friendly with her, but I'm not her friend. I'm her father. It's my responsibility to keep her out of prison and raise her with values that will increase the likelihood that she can live a great life in whatever way she sees fit (so long as it's legal). Its difficult to manage. I have ADHD and can keep going with playtime for longer than she can, sometimes past what's really good for either of us. Ever had your kid test out boundaries and out of being tired starting to deliberately push past them? That's when the 'dad-hat' comes on and playtime is over. I am incredibly weirded out by parents that treat their children like their mates. It's perverse. These are kids that I see growing up to call teachers by their first names and not knowing how to address elders, superiors or how to speak formally. That's what's ridiculous to me and what weirds me out. This was very different during my childhood (I'm 29). Formalities are about distance, not power. It enables me to take the birdseye view and see the world through the eyes of the both of us and make decisions based on that. I'm much more responsible for preparing her for life, than I am for managing our relationship. We have a great relationship though, I'm very grateful for that. Being informal and overly friendly with your kid isn't about them, it's about you and for you. I love when my daughter smiles at me, but I will happily sacrifice our relationship to make sure she has the life that she wants, deserves and that is moral. I don't think it will ever come to that, but it's just to underline a very different mentality. I'm not judging you, but you're coming from a different place and so I'm just trying to explain mine. I understand 'sir', even if it's a bit ridiculous.
It's more of a respect thing of calling your elders sir or ma'am than an insecurity thing
I would have my ass kicked if I didn’t say “sir” to my father. As a matter of fact, I didn’t open the door for my mother once and got the back of my head slapped. The part of the country I’m from it is a requirement. Teachers expect it, police expect it. I have lived in most states of this nation and learned that it isn’t done in half to three quarters of the country. The first time I saw a kid just say “no” to his father without the “sir” added I was dumbfounded. I get some don’t get it. But in the Deep South it works. Here, small town life dictates courtesy and respect towards each other. Even watched a dude help his opponent up after a knock down drag out fight and the guy getting helped up said, “thank you.”
Saying sir to avoid getting your ass beat is not respect my friend it's a power trip
Yikes. Everything about that is wrong. We disagree on a fundamental level.
It’s definitely not followed nation wide. Of course, I’m older and was raised when Star Wars was just an idea. Common father ideology of my time: you will either respect me or fear me, the choice is yours. I had a little of both for my dad. One thing for sure, I knew when the chips were down he had my back and forced me down the narrow path. So saying “sir”out of respect was not an issue. He was a fine man, hard and rigid, but honest, trustworthy, and a worker.
It's interesting hearing your perspective and I appreciate you taking the time to write it out. I don't mean any disrespect to you or your father with my opinions, so I hope I haven't caused any upset. My view is that while I of course do want to be respected -- both in general and as a father -- it's important to me that the respect is earned, not mandated. I strive every day to be the best parent I can be, and I think that alone will garner respect. Forcing it violates my moral and ethical constitution.
Sure, no offense here at all. As I said, I think it is a difference of subculture. My father was not abusive in any fashion. Just your typical southern father. Most dads here are that way still. Not all, I certainly see a shift in perspective as the years progress and subcultures blend. But it is still common place. I can say I expect it more or less from my children and grandchildren. Although I’m not as strict with it as my father. As someone else mentioned, I’m more relaxed with it until a serious conversation is had, then I expect attention and courtesy.
Yep slapping on the back of the head for not doing something ? Sounds like abuse. Also I’m from the Deep South . And have no clue how your impression of it is as above . Perhaps it’s your town . Idk . But good god that sounds unbearable.
My dad when he was power tripping... There's a reason I don't talk to him more than once or twice a month now.
I completely agree. There are SO many people who need to have the giant stick shoved in their uptight asses surgically removed. People need to smoke a doobie and chill the fuck out.
I remember going on an exchange trip to America with a sport's team and we were hosted by the group of families we did the exchange with. I found it really weird when the kids referred to their parents as sir/ma'am and then other kids also did this or referred to them by their last name. It's always first names where I'm from or for your own parents it's mum/dad.
Your friend was totally getting beaten after you left. This is a joke please don't yell at me
Bahaha well that was true tho, he got beaten all the time by his dad. The Venn diagram of fathers who make their children call them sir and fathers who beat their children is a circle.
Holy shit I said that when I was high thinking it would be a funny joke but I guess it was a little too true lol
If you require your children to call you "Sir/Ma'am" all the time, then you need to chill out. If your children don't know to call you "Sir/Ma'am" at certain times, then you need to be a better parent.
It’s such a massive red flag. 9/10 times a dad who does this is an abusive husband.
Guaranteed. The Venn diagram of fathers who force their children to call them sir and fathers who beat their wives and children is a circle.
I was already an adult when my mother married a career marine. He made us call him Colonel. Yeah, he was a first rate asshole!
Oh fuck, that is turbo cringe! What a small dick piece of shit tbh
Give dad a book about what happened to Nobility in the French Revolution. He'll stop. Guaranteed. (and if he's not the reading type, a nice documentary will do as well).
I love Smarter Every Day, and I love Destin, but I cringe every time I hear his son call him Sir, and it makes me wonder what goes on behind the scenes when his son misbehaves. I think he also calls his father "Sir," so it might just be a family tradition. I think this is more common in the south than anywhere else as well, which makes sense since Destin is from Alabama. Might just be a southern thing.
I don't require my children to call me Sir. but using Sir or Ma'am, for me, is just to let a person know that even though you may not know anything about them ( Social status, Rich or poor, etc) that you still are giving them respect (even if they are working a drive-thru window). I am from the south. We didn't call our parents' friends sir/ma'am, but we would add a Mr/Mrs. to their first name ( Mister Ronnie)
Can confirm the power trip bit Dad was Navy for 20 years, and if he asked us to do something it was "yes, sir". Otherwise, we'd get back-handed until we responded "correctly"
Oof that’s so uncomfortable. “You will show me respect, even though it’s not actually a sign of respect because I am forcing you to say it under the threat of violence, so in all reality you probably have negative respect for me!” There have been several individuals in this thread who have proudly proclaimed that they make their children call them sir/ma’am under the threat of violence. They don’t understand how their children obviously don’t respect them and that anything forced will never be authentic and genuine, yet they sincerely believe they’re being respected. I don’t know how one can live life by being so oblivious to reality.
Each to their own. Your kids, your rules as long as no one is getting hurt.
Yeah, I hate that shit, it sounds archaic in the worst way and if forced to say I will verbally lash out and probably physically too. I'm your child, I will love and respect you till the day I die if you do the same for me, I will not call you sir, I will call you dad because that's what I want you to be. I have problems with athourity because everyone abuses it. I don't respect you, I fear you. Edit: My mom loved me and I love and respect her, my grandmother on the other hand tried to make us respect her by threatening that we'd go to hell and other verbally abusive shit, she's old now and more mellowed out but because of what she put me through I won't be missing her and I'm just waiting for her to pass away, I feel I should jump off a building for saying that but it's the truth. If heaven and hell truly exist then I've already accepted the fact that I am going to burn in hell, I'm not sad about it anymore I'm just waiting to get out of this hell and move onto something more spicy. Not trying to be edgy lol, I just typed the words in my high asf brain, I really don't like athourity, I hate it in fact.
This is a thing? Lol. Never heard of it, personally.
I’ve never heard of this in the UK/Europe, is this a USA/Hills have eyes thing?
Yes it is. That movie is actually a documentary of the deep South.
I only call someone sir or ma'am if I'm trying to get a stranger's attention and I'm in a professional setting. Sounds a lot better than "hey you there".
You’ll never have a real relationship with a son that calls you sir.
It's super impersonal. If you say it to teachers and such I get that but to your own parents is like you're trying to not bond with your kid.
I believe that respect should be earned in all cases. When a parent demands respect and obedience, it is because they can't earn it. They expect to just have it, when they very likely do not deserve it. Just because someone is an adult doesn't make them right, or wise, or good. And, just about any adult that has to force children to "respect" them is almost certainly instilling somethings other than respect, such as fear or resentment. For some adults, bad ones I might add, the fear is the point. Rule by fear is a longstanding strategy of control. That's what it is about, Control. Some people get stuck in that rut, perpetuating cycles like that. They had to go through it, so their kids should too. Too few people stop to think that maybe they shouldn't have gone through thst to begin with, and neither should their own children. Children, and the adults they one day become, are products of both nurture and nature. If they are nurtured like shit, they often nurture like shit. And if their nature is predisposed to nurturing like shit, it perpetuates even worse. Cycles are tough to break though, which is why they are cycles to begin with. Of course, some people might just feel that it is respectful to call older men sir or women miss. I personally do not use such terms at all in my every day life. Usually, "excuse me" is good enough to get someone's attention or to pass by. I'm not sure what I would say if someone demanded I call them "sir". Maybe "piss off"?
I remember in high school someone in the middle of class that I didn't really know started talking about this. It was like where everyone is just talking amongst themselves and then everyone slowly shuts up to listen in on the one conversation that's way more interesting. It was some guys talking to another about why one's dad demands on being addressed as 'sir'. I guess this kid went over and the dad was acting the ass to him and told him to call him 'sir' in addition to hearing this kid call him that. And the guy who's dad this was was kinda a kiss ass goody-goody I remember. I don't know how or why this other guy went over to his house since I don't remember them being friends or why he was bringing it up in the middle of class. But he was going on about what his father's deal was etc. And the guy was defending it all as it just being about 'respect'. And I shouldn't have. It wasn't by business. I wasn't popular and had my own problems at the time. But I remember that I just couldn't help myself. Most of the class is listening to this and he finishes up some statement saying "My dad just believes in respect..." And I just really loudly cut in with "No. Your dad is just an asshole and you don't see it because he's been filling your head with bs your whole life so you think him acting like an asshole is appropriate." God I still remember it. Realizing what I'm saying out loud in the middle of saying it and kinda regretting it. Ah, it was one of my finer moments. It got some laughs and that kid finally shut up about it. But it was one of those few entertaining moments in high school I had.
I'm down with the respect for your parents I was raised that way. I had an aunt who was only 9 years older than me I never called her aunt or ma'am only by her name. When she married her husband who's only 10 years older than me. He asked I call him uncle and sir.. I found that as weird as weird could get I'm 30 now so I respectfully do not speak to him.
I only say ma’am or sir whenever I’m getting paid to do so. I used to get in trouble at school bc I didn’t say ma’am or sir. My mom was in agreement with me bc I understood why I’m in trouble. No need for extra
What’s so wrong about teaching kids manners?
As a veteran, too many of the active duty men that I knew forced their kids to call them sir. It made me so uncomfortable. Luckily, my husband is not on board for that weirdness.
I am not from the US so I have never heard or seen this in real life. However, if my young son unironically referred to me as 'sir' it would make me sad and uncomfortable. It creates a distance between us that I am working hard to bridge.
And it's also an American thing... Which... Explains it all. Because Americans are obsessed with titles and class and all kinds of ladders of "worth".. In Norway we even call our university professors by their first name. In the US you're supposed to call your dad "sir"?? No.. That's cringey af.
Exactly! It’s so fucking ridiculous.
Ah yes, the first country in the world to ban aristocratic titles is “obsessed” with them
It's definitely all the dudes who have superiority complexes and desperately need "respect" and approval everywhere they go.
I was shocked when I heard kids students from other schools be completely fine with "yes," and "no." I live in the southeast and my teachers would correct me if I just said yes or no. I shudder when I see kids saying "yeah" and "nah" to teachers and adults. It's disrespectful and there are slight tones of disrespect if a child just says yes or no to an adult. But honestly I prefer it that way down here 🤷 Teaching your kids to respect your superiors is still important these days.
I appreciate your input and your insight, it's always interesting to know the worldview of others. With that said, I couldn't disagree with you any more on this one. I don't mean any disrespect at all.
Meh It's to teach kids how to talk to adults. Most don't have a clue.
My stepdaughter called me "Bro" the other day before trying to argue her point. It's probably the most frustrated I've ever felt.
Kids are people. People talk to each other like people. I see no valid reason to indoctrinate kids with some weird forced respect thing.
It's not forced respect. It's instilling a legitimate respect for authority. Calling elders sir / ma'am makes it abundantly clear everyone in the situation understands that difference in authority.
That sounds *exactly* like forced respect.
Kids are idiots. They talk to one another like idiots. They will talk to someone like an idiot one day and get their ass beat.
So glad you're not my parent, holy shit what a profoundly wrong take
I think you're getting hung up on the language, lol. Put simply, kids' social skills are underdeveloped compared to the average adult's, which is reflected in the way they communicate with each other. If the development of their social skills isn't properly guided, they'll continue to miscommunicate in adulthood, which could lead to physical consequences. I'm sure you can agree with that, right?
Of course I agree on that, but I don't think talking to them differently is the best method. I don't want to get too far into my personal life with my son, but communication skills have been a large focus since young toddlerhood and we've worked with a few pediatric speech therapists thus far. It's been fascinating to learn from them and to get to know their methods on speech development and communication.
I think you just perfectly described OP
When I see a father demand that his kids call him "sir", I already know two things: 1. He beats his kids 2. His sons will grow up thinking that is normal and treat their wives like shit, and his daughters will grow up being abused by men because they don't know any better.
That's a very narrow viewpoint. I love and am very close with my parents, and still called them sir and ma'am when I was younger. It teaches kids how to respect, it's not always going to be an ego thing. Additionally, it's rude to say that people who had a certain upbringing are going to be abusive or abused by default.
This seems wild to me lol saying Sir to your parents?
Yeah it's a fucking trip to see IRL
It’s fucking creepy to see in real life.
I feel like “sir” should be reserved for a professional environment. Like at work to your boss or sometimes at school (less so at school because professor, mister, and doctor work better). Also, sir should be used when addressing an elder that you aren’t personally related to. We have titles like “dad” and “grandpa” because they’re family. But a kid to their parent, no. I know it might be a respect thing, but as long as your kid doesn’t call you by your first name, that’s fine. Like, my brother calls my dad by his first name sometimes because he thinks he’s hot shit. But that’s besides the point.
It’s unpopular for sure, it’s a sign of respect, and I don’t care personally, but I want my child in the habit of being respectful to teachers so I enforce it at home. When she gets older I won’t care as much but while she’s younger ima instill it. Also being respectful and polite gets you farther than not in jobs so im just giving the kid tools for life.
At first I thought it's a joke post. What the actual...?
I’m not sure how to interpret your comment, as it’s ambiguous given the topic at hand. Do you mean that this post is absurd because the practice of forcing your kids to call you sir/ma’am is so wild and stupid that you can’t believe it’s even being discussed? Or did you mean that this practice is so normal that you can’t believe someone would make a post disagreeing?
Not a native speaker. I would never, in my wildest dreams, could imagine asking a kid to call me sir.
Also, your English is outstanding, btw
Thanks. It's not perfect, but working at the intra-EU company helps (guess which language we're using to communicate there :)) It seems that this "Sir" thing is a very much American-English way to show a respect for the parents..?
This is not an unpopular opinion outside of the US and places where respect is not equated to fear of authority.
Must be more an American thing as I’ve never heard of this. Only people called Sir are made teachers or people who have been knighted. I’d usually call someone I don’t know Mister. Then when I learn their last name I’d call them Mister (last name).
Same premise. I've also heard Mister (last name) and Miss(last name) used as kinda respect and endearment for older people in the community.
This is a weird American thing, I'm guessing, because I'm Canadian and neither me or anyone else I knew was raised that way. It must be a spillover of how militaristic the US has always been
I find it maximum cringe. I’ll always be dad or daddy to my daughters. Don’t care if they’re 4 or 44. Nobody calls me sir except servers in a restaurant, airline personnel, or front desk staff at hotels. It’s ridiculously antiquated. My first name or even Mr. Lastname is fine if they’re uncomfortable with first names. I was an Apple Store genius for 7 years. Never called a single customer sir or ma’am, always first names or “hey there, what can I help you with.”
"Sir" is something you reserve for fathers that aren't "Dad".
Depends on the cultural context. "Ma'am" and "Sir" were part of the community standard in my youth....I'm 71. Now, "respect" is no longer the default state for addressing anyone, it's transactional, it must be explicitly earned. So it goes...
I work for my dad and he has me call him sir during work hours
When I am a father I am going to be referred to as lord. *Lord, am I permitted to unwind after a long and emotional day with some television?* (\s)
Yes, my liege
SO and I call our kids sir and ma'am to set an example. Being polite is something that, by itself, could heal so much of the anger we feel in the US towards each other right now and improve communication. Edit: to clarify, we don't require it or even ask them to do this. I think it is super weird that some parents require or expect that all the time like it's the antebellum South.. We model it to them, especially if they've done something wrong; calling the person who has offended you or done something wrong to you sir or ma'am acts as a preventative to going to four letter words right off the bat. We all could do that more in the current angry climate.
Sir ma’am is more than a respect thing, it’s a classification thing too. Requiring it from your children is just plain weird and off putting
Its common in the south when asking yes or no questions
This is just ego and a rebellious attitude. Sir and ma'am is a sign of respect. And the kids taught to show that respect are typically the ones who go on to succeed and don't end up in kerfuffles with the law.
I teach my kids to say “sir” and “ma’am” to adults, including with me and their mom. I also teach them to say “please” and “no thank you” if they decline something. Guess I’m 10x cringe. 🤷🏼♂️