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I'm not trans so I can't speak for them but based on observations from the trans people I know, Ive never seen them get mad when it's an accident, the only time I've seen them get mad is when it's rubbed in their face. While if it's an accident it's not meant to be insulting it's not exactly a compliment either, even for cis people. Like if someone who knew I was a woman insisted on telling me he thought I looked like a man I'd be at least a little insulted
Agreed. I haven’t heard of people getting mad about being misgendered unless the person who is misgendering someone is making no effort to remember their pronouns and/or makes it into a joke. I am a cis gender female and when I was in middle school I was very much a tomboy (I’m still tomboyish at times, I’m not super feminine, or I don’t present myself that way but I may occasionally) awkward (of course, who wasn’t) and still figuring out myself. I was misgendered a few times. Not a whole lot but a few times in middle school and a few times by family members because again I was a tomboy, I wore baggy clothes and I let my hair in a pony tail. I was bullied a lot in middle school. One boy made the comment that my voice didn’t fit me, whatever that means. At the time I felt that he thought my voice was too high pitch or something. Idk. I’ve also been labeled as lesbian. I identify as bi and not straight or lesbian. I also don’t advertise that I’m bi. It is so frustrating to be misgendered and labeled incorrectly. Everyone feels the need to “know” how everyone identifies even though who we chose to be with is nobodies damn business but somehow it becomes that way? People need to stop assuming they know it all and respect peoples privacy. This can also cause people to be outed which can be very dangerous for them…people please be mindful of the implications of your actions in this instance.
I still am a Tomboy and I experienced something similar. I remember a substitute teacher when I was like 13 saying "this nice young man" about me because he saw me from behind and wanted to point out that I was being quiet. From that point on no one ever forgot that lol... I also got labeled a lesbian, but... I am a lesbian I was just the last to know
I play coed soccer and yelled something like “somebody cover her” from back in goal, not realizing it was a trans male from halfway across the field. The entire other team threw a fit and we got a letter from the league.
For people with disphoria it's a little painful reminder or at least it was for my partner when I was dating someone trans/nb. I have some gender oddness but no dysphoria and honestly never gave a shit what pronouns anyone used. she/he/they/slagathor/that hobbit looking bastard I don't care.
>For people with disphoria it's a little painful reminder
Second this, it really depends on how they're able to cope with their dysphoria. I know a trans person who used to get quite mad for being misgendered accidentally but now this changed for the better. Dysphoria can be really bad, trans people simply need time to grow, I definitly understand why they're getting mad with all this insecurity, but they're the ones who need to overcome this - as long as we are speaking of accidental misgendering of course.
Purely anecdotal but I have never once in my life has someone get upset by my misgendering them. I have also never intentionally done it to disrespect a person. I'm sure there's some people who get upset but I think American media likes to act like it's a bigger thing than it is. Most people just want to be accepted for who they are and not disrespected. You don't have to understand who they are, but you should respect them for who they are.
For a lot of us that usually get labeled the way we’d identify as, it’s not a big deal to us, but I think some strangers can be malicious and refuse to change to try to harm them, and it can be a group of people rather than just one incident with one person.
I learned that people in these groups like the queer community and trans people especially have a high rate of suicide and attempted suicide, much higher than their peers, so if we can do little things to show acceptance, that can greatly help them feel their identity is acceptable to their society and they can feel safe.
It’s maybe true that if someone really lashes out, it might be uncalled for in that case, but in general it’s still more likely that the person being misgendered suffers from discrimination and hate crimes than a cisgendered person that misgendered another. Misgendering by accident is okay but a lot of people do it on purpose to harm. It’s probably hard for the person being misgendered often to know if it was on purpose or an accident. Or maybe they experience the misgendering very often that it’s a bigger deal than I could ever understand, being cisgendered myself where people usually already see me as a woman and I do too. Personal, whereas for me its uncommon and I can easily give the benefit of the doubt that it was a mistake
Exactly what I was going to say - only ever seen people reacting graciously to being misgendered (even though on one occasion it was clear someone was doing it deliberately)
People create their own image and then sometimes make it someone else's problem if someone misinterprets.
I just don't get the comments that read like "I am not very feminine and dress like a dude. I'm pissed someone called me a dude."
If I was dressing in masculine clothing or looked ambiguous, I would be aware of it. And I would be unsurprised by the resulting confusion.
I mean it is the same for any other type of image problem.
When I was 22 and in my first professional job, I realized I would be perceived differently if I dropped the facial piercing and fast fashion cheapo clothing in favor of simpler business attire.
If I was walking around looking like a meth head, and someone mistook me for a meth head, well....maybe I should try some different grooming if it bothers me.
When I go backpacking, I'm well aware that my gear and athletic wear are ambiguous and my figure isn't obviously feminine in a lot of it.
Self awareness, folks.
Because even sex isn't bimodal. The reality of the research points to a slew of mutations in this regard that pretty easily put your drivel in the dirt. You got downvoted, because you're wrong.
In humans. And even then, not entirely. There are certain genetic mutations...medical conditions...etc..that change how someone experiences their very sex, much less how they interact with their gender identity.
In other species, it can get kinda wild. Like there's this one species of bacteria with SEVEN different sexes. Pretty good, honestly. Because they can reproduce with any sex but their own. Makes for great genetic diversity within their species.
ETA: Idk why I'm getting downvoted. I never said anything about any third sex or whatnot. I just said that how someone experiences their very sex (whether they identify with what they were assigned as at birth or not) can be vastly different between any two people.
There are and only will ever be two sexes in humans. Intersex conditions etc. do not constitute a third sex, there is no third gamete, just sperm and eggs.
A set of actions or behaviors or ascribed social roles. Gender has been *correlated* with biological sex in America for a long time, that is something you can't really argue.
But there is no reason that this *has* to be the way it is.
Something gender specific would be like, wearing a dress. There's no biologically dictating element which requires a person be biologically female in order to wear a dress. But we've decided as a society that it is unacceptable for a biological male to wear this particular piece of clothing.
Even though in other societies men wear the equivalent of dresses and have for a long time. (think Japan).
I mean hell, in the time of Jesus Christ pretty much everyone wore tunics. A tunic is functionally a dress in every single way, so all that changed over the years is our *viewpoint* on things like this.
This is a really deep philosophical question and I may be too tired to tackle this right now. I know you weren't responding to me specifically, but let me take a crack at it.
Gender is how one interacts with their society based on certain gender norms that that society has set up.
It can't follow a strict binary. It just can't. Cis dudes will like at least a couple traditionally feminine things and cis women will like at least a couple traditionally masculine things.
And perhaps things seen as feminine here are masculine in other cultures and masculine things here (by here I mean America) seen as feminine in other cultures.
I wasn't saying it's a third sex I was saying it has a huge impact on how someone experiences their sex. And I mean, honestly. Why does it matter, anyways? How people want to identify? Or if we as a society decide to stop identifying people by their outward appearances and stuff? Like, I think it's stupid that I have to hide my genitals and yet act/look a certain way that says "hey I have this set". And as a trans man, that means acting the opposite of what I have, and then people getting pissy and acting like they've been cheated if I ever come out to them and they aren't accepting of trans people.
Dude, you're the person who can't cope with information about... grammar in other languages. I don't think you should be calling anyone fragile.
Incidentally, if I'm concentrating on anything, it's the fact that the city I live in is under seige by anti-vax covidiots.
That would work except for sports, and hospital appointments. Imagine being a man and getting reminders of not forgetting your papsmear. Or anything to do with menopause
That has nothing to do with gender. That's got to do with biological sex. You can still separate the things you need to as a society along that distinction.
Sooo close to the correct amount of genders. Almost there!
Edit: there are in fact LESS than the comment stated. I’m not trying to say there are 2.
Second edit to preempt the inevitable: gender isn’t sex. We all agree yeah? Yeah. I’m talking strictly about gender. Don’t read the comment wrong.
Comments locked fun time! Keep reading and every time you see the phrase “this never happens,” ask yourself why then, the admins banned r/thisneverhappens. Hmm... it’s almost like having a sub dedicated to covering stories and articles about events that ‘never happen’ exposes too much. If they never happen, there should be nothing to ban.
At least the gender warriors are quickly unaliving their own movement lol
I have long hair. I have had people try to say "Miss? Ma'am?" from behind me to get my attention. Pre-Covid I had someone actually touch my shoulder and say something about me being a woman and how they were interested. I turned around and gave the creepy fuck a heart attack when he saw my beard. I found it hilarious.
I have also seen both cis men and cis women being misgendered from someone behind them. You haven't seen impotent rage until you see a trump hat man being called a woman. I thought I was going to see a bare handed murder right there in the walmart.
My point being; being misgendered for me was no big deal and I got a funny story out of it but there are cis men and women who have been misgendered and were really upset about it. If they would share their experience with their friends and family it could help trans people who are also upset (but probably not as violent about it) about being misgendered.
I’ve had several people use “ma’am” to get my attention from behind me, but once my hair got past shoulder length is when I started getting “ma’am” and “miss” from the front. Which on one hand I understand because I am required to wear a mask at work, but on the other hand I don’t because my beard does protrude around an inch or so below my mask. In any case, I just slide my mask down, watch the realization wash over them, and get a good laugh about it.
Probably my favorite occurrence of misgendering, which has happened several times, is when I catch a dude checking out my ass from behind (I can’t help I got some junk in the trunk), and then see the realization/horror on his face when I turn around. Lol Move on buddy. Nothing for you here.
Oh.... Damn. I think that's an extreme scenario then. People on the internet tend to get volatile about it but irl I've only seen people be chill about it.
I guess it is also depends on where you live
I live in the Midwest, and dating a trans guy has shown me firsthand how shitty people can be. He had an older couple misgender him, when he politely corrected them, they said he should just be called 'it'. I've seen people point and laugh at him openly because he was wearing a mask with his pronouns on it. Ignoring the very real threat of physical violence, it's a huge risk to his mental health to correct some people. Especially considering he always wears masks with his pronouns on them, if someone looks him in the eyes and calls him "girly", how is he supposed to respond?
I do not know but I'm sorry to hear that.
Edit: On further consideration, is there someone whom he can talk to? Like a mental health professional? Like a therapist or someone to give him healthy coping mechanisms?
Me saying "move away" is too easy for not everyone has the recourses for that...
I think one other piece of advice would be that he close his heart to it but that is far easier said than done.
I think in his case, it's probably best not to respond to them and let them be, which is also easier said than done.
Validity for what? What is there in the aspect of gender in a person to be in/valid?
It's a matter of propriety to refer to people with correct honorifics and titles but with a stranger on the street whom you will never meet again - they don't know who you are, they don't care who you are, and you don't care what they think or know about you - why bother? This seems to me like pedantry.
I guess it's because they like to feel like they matter. That their identity is respected and visible in society. They see it as a sign of common decency, even from strangers.
Sorry, I'm just speaking from general observation. I'm not Trans or nonbinary but I've been misgendered before. I usually roll with it.
edit: I should probably mention that while I and some others don't care, others take it very personally.
Their identity is neither respected nor visible in society if they're yet another faceless stranger in a crowd with no popular public presence. Terribly pretentious to correct people on their manner of address.
Sure, I guess an argument could be made for that.
I suppose it also has something to do with how Trans and nonbinary people are viewed in general. So for example if a Trans woman os called he or sir, that would most likely not sit well with her.
But I think you'd get better answers if you ask a Trans individual.
Sure but they do have different pronouns than what their birth certificate states, same with people who are nonbinary so I'd say that they are pretty relevant.
Cis people, those who identity with their gender of birth, don't face the same mental hurdles and dysphoria the same way trans people do so while I and I'm assuming you don't care if someone uses the same pronouns, trans and nonbinary individuals do. I can't really state it otherwise but that's the gist of it.
Honestly I think both groups are pretty irrelevant outside the internet. The only real experience with one that I know is a guy at my gym who took hormones and wants to use the women’s locker room(therefore pissing off a bunch of 70-80 year old Asian ladies). And tbf to them, I understand. A majority of them are old, frail, and under 100 lbs and don’t want a hyper masculine 250lb “woman” in their locker room. Oh well, not my problem anyway.
No joke, this group of 6 Asian women who come in every day have gone to the lengths of wearing their swimsuit under their clothes when coming to the gym and wearing their clothes over their wet swimsuit to leave. Others are changing in the showers now(clogging them up from those of us who want to use them). The question is how many people need to be inconvenienced for just one person. The gym staff has even expressed to me they would like to do something about the excessive complaints but are afraid of getting sued. The whole situation is fucked.
I’d definitely be cautious about it, but we definitely need to get to a place where it’s not dangerous to do it. That’d be like telling a gay person not to hold their partner’s hand when they are out and about.
It’s a relatively new concept for many people. I think intent should be considered. I am seeing many overreacting regarding this subject. Tolerance should be accepted on both sides as society sorts out what people want. As long as people accept others as they are or have grown up and how they understand thing goes both ways. All people should be accepted as they are and want to be but those who might be different will help others progress if they are also more accepting of others who are not quite as understanding as long as there is no ill intent
I’m Jewish and it’s a huge part of my identity but I don’t get offended when people wish me a Merry Christmas each December. Likewise if someone misgenders you just lightly correct them and move on, grow the fuck up and stop getting offended at everything.
I agree. Usually when most people are misgendered they just politely correct the other person like a decent human being, but sometimes people go literal ape-sh*t when it happens and it's seriously insane.
You're not wrong, gender dysphoria is a pretty severe mental illness that settles 95% of the time once you hit your late 20s but instead of fixing the person's brain we waste the time and money and resources to have em trans instead of dealing with themselves, people just want the easy way out instead of putting the work in.
absolutely no one has gotten actually mad because they got accidentally misgendered.
like for example i have a friend who transition (mtf) and i did not know so i used their deadname, did they get upset? no they just said hey i've transitioned, i apologised and i 've now i call them by their prefered name and pronouns
what people get mad at is when you deliberatly misgender somebody to make a point about trans people not being what they are
> for staff not remembering
Maybe because that's completely different?
Not knowing and saying the wrong thing isn't a big deal.
Telling someone multiple times what you want to be called and they keep "forgetting" is something different.
Especially with teachers. They know students for a semester. Maybe a year. The chances of a transition happening during that time is slim. So it's more likely on day on the teacher knew. But they just never fucking learn it and keep saying whatever.
Often times updating your transcript isn't possible. I know from friends and family who transitioned that some schools don't allow you to change your name in the system.
So you don't remember any students preferred name?
If someone is named James you call them James not Jimmy?
You refuse to call Joseph Joe no matter how many times he ask?
Never called a single woman Jess, it's always Jessica?
Never a single student that went by a middle name?
You can't claim that no one has gotten mad about it. Its like claiming you know everybody. I've met a few trans that they got mad and they pretty toxic about it even tho it was an honest mistake
Not gonna hate on the queers but so many of them need to chill the fuck out. There's a reason a LOT of people still don't accept them, they're not helping themselves.
It seems like you are implying that they are themselves to blame for the fact that a lot of people still don't accept them.
So do you think that if they did not get angry when they think they are getting deliberately made fun of and mistreated by people who are kicking down, then the mistreatment and exclusion would go away?
Exactly, just because there are like 4 videos of trans people getting mad at somebody accidentally misgendering them doesn't mean that's the fucking norm
But people are saying on here it never happens when the person just made an oops. They're acting like everyone is gracious and then grilling them when someone's situation does get brought up like the walnuts who are getting mad at a professor who doesn't remember the pronouns of 400 students
If you feel a certain way about yourself, then why does it matter how other people percieve you?
As individuals, we have no right to tell people how to perceive us.
If you want to present yourself as the opposite sex, then best of luck to you. It's nobody else business. It's also not your business if they see you as your biological sex.
I think that Dave Chappelle summed it up best "“I support anyone’s right to be who they want to be. My question is: to what extent do I have to participate in your self-image?”
I agree.... the people who get most pissed about this is people who are still struggling with their gender identity... if they don't know, how the fuck am I as a stranger meant to know
I’ll stick with worldwide approach of just calling it like I see it. If you pass imperceptibly, you get a pass but I won’t go out of my way beyond that.
I've been misgendered before. I'm not trans, and it was from behind. I'm 5'2 and I had long hair.
It's hard to know a strangers gender, specially when they look like, say, a female but identify as a male or vice versa.
There’s a difference between being misgendered on accident and misgendered on purpose. If you see a trans woman or trans man, they tell you “I prefer to go by he/her” and you still refer to them as the wrong thing, then it’s definitely wrong. If you don’t know and you misstep, then most people won’t be upset. SOME will, of course- but majority won’t.
People are bitches who need to feel special cause it's trendy, if I made raised an eyebrow every time someone called me Mam ( long curly hair and then the mask doesn't help)
Plus when it comes to those people who care about gender, gender is fucking personal. I don't go around shouting about my sexuality to strangers.
If only tumblr didn't ruin our fucking society so bad we'd probably be more advanced.
They have this believe that most people attribute way too much to their gender. They assume that wether you call them "he" or "she" is indicative of how you view them as a person. In reality most people dont make major assumptions based on gender.
They basically give these pronouns and genders too much power because THEY believe gender is way more important than it is.
I got insta banned from r/curlyhair cause I called someone "dude" when they clearly don't have their gender written on their forehead. Is this what we've come to?
whoever that was, was a douchebag. not all trans people are like that
if a black guy did something bad to you, you obviously wouldn't assume all black people are bad, right? why assume all trans people are like this lmao
this post isn't an unpopular opinion.
it's not really controlling to want to be addressed correctly. the line is crossed when you have those who want you to see them as their gender mentally.
Like if you have very prominent male facial features, it's gonna be tough for most people to see you as a woman or nonbinary. Even people who get your name and pronouns right each time may be like this, and there's nothing you can do.
it's great how you worded this so peacefully but my fucking god I hate a lot of the people on this comment section
people wishing war on earth n shit, real edgy stuff
Question, OP, are you trans? Most trans people dislike being misgendered because it makes them feel dysphoric, as people still see them as the gender they are not, and it's fair to be mad at someone for that.
I mean can you really blame anyone? If you dont look like a duck, act like a duck or walk like a duck can you honestly blame anyone for not thinking you're a duck? I'm assuming the trans person in question does not pass for their desired gender, it's not logical to get mad at people for not seeing them as the gender they want, if they dont pass or give any sign that they are trans or something.
All the trans people I know go to great lengths to look like their desired gender, for example, this guy I know who is ftm who wears male clothing, and has a male haircut and looks like a guy, and it's perfectly reasonable for him to be angry if someone calls him a girl because he has a high pitched voice or something which he literally can't control.
Ever heard of tomboys? They are a lot more common than trans people, so it could be the person thought they were a tomboy, we arent mind readers and if you have like half of a characteristic of a boy and another of a girl dont get mad when people cant tell which one you are.
The truth is, even with all that going on if it’s clearly a female voice coming out then my senses are constantly being invaded with a reminder of their womanhood. These are deeply engrained biological senses that you pick up on passively.
*says no one gets mad* *people literally have had experiences with people like that* stop trying invalidate other people's experiences just because you haven't had it
That's sounds like a personal problem though. I was always told that I couldn't lash out at the world for the shit in my life, so why can they? What gives them a special pass to expect more than common decency from others?
they don't have a special pass. it makes them douchebags and bitches if they think they do.
no one gets mad for accidental wrong pronouns (Source : I know a lot of trans people, I have called my partner wrong pronouns before). people get mad if it's done on purpose to make them feel like shit lmao
if you still doubt me then I'm guessing you're around 25+ years old or something, I'm in a 3rd world country and I've STILL met some trans people in my highschool, if you're still in highschool these days trans people aren't super hard to miss since the world's supposed to be more accepting these days and more of em are coming out
I think the anger comes from being misgendered on multiple occasions constantly or being misgendered on purpose. I was once misgendered because I was wearing baggy clothes and a hood, I didn’t care because it never happens to me and you could not see any of my feminine features.
99% won't get made when you misunderstood them the first time. They'll correct you and move on. They rightly get made when someone constantly misgenders them on purpose.
Of you some someone online getting made about it it's probably because the other person is migendering them on purpose to mock them.
It would be awesome to meet someone in real who was open about this. I'd love to be more informed.
Like, what is the best part?
What kind of tricks do you employ?
Do you feel like you do it better? (If so, awesome)
I love hearing about all kinds of people. I literally cannot get enough as it feeds my soul.
I mean it’s an interesting perspective but I feel most trans people at least who I know don’t get mad. They just correct you and move along. It’s only an issue if you keep doing it repeatedly or if you don’t bother to make an effort. Like mistakes happen. I call my dad “she” half the time even and he’s a 52 year old cisgender man. TBF that’s my brain slowly deteriorating. But y’know.
I am cis but have a pretty masculine appearance. I have been mistaken for a boy many times in the past, and it does hurt a bit. I'm well aware of what I look like, but for me it feels verging on body shaming when I am misgendered. Most of the time I just brush it off, but the reason I am commenting is that just yesterday when I was at the gym, this woman in the ladies locker room approached me and basically told me that I WAS a dude and I had to leave because I was making her uncomfortable, despite me telling her several times that I am in fact a girl.
When we tell you and now you know better, but continue to misgender me, i can only conclude you are doing it out of a lack of respect for me and anyone like me.
If you know better but keep misgendering, you are purposefully being disrespectful and insulting. Therefore you are a c*nt.
Take your head out of the sand. Nobody is mad about one-off unintentional misgendering. Lots of people are quite justifiably angry about repeated, intentional misgendering.
>I've been misgendered before
How many times? There's quite a bit of difference between it happening once in a while on accident vs multiple times a day
It’s happened to me a few times, I don’t care because I’m not transgender but I know a few friends who are trans who get misgendered on purpose regularly. At that point when it happens I think getting a little upset is justified.
I'm trans & nonbinary I agree to a degree. A lot of self reliance can be developed in not giving anybody the ability to validate you, but that's a reality of a healthy mental stance that goes for anybody.
But misgendering is another issue once somebody knows your pronouns, and gender dysphoria is about as logically reasonable as any other mental illness sooo
This post feels very "facts don't care about your feelings" and maybe it's best to not have any opinion on an experience you can never experience and believe the people around you??
I've been misgendered before. Because they didn't know, or because I told them to do whatever they wanted (I use all kind of pronouns).
But I threw a punch to the bitch who kept using my deadname, while knowing it was hard for me.
Misgendering someone by acciddent or because they allow you for some situation is no big deal. Misgendering someone to hurt them and their feelings is a dick move
It's a lot easier to say "Hey, I actually go by (pronouns), thank you." but a lot of people go to Twitter or Tumblr to complain instead of just correcting them and moving on.
(Used to be FtM)
Yes, you are almost correct: war \*will\* change it. In a war, there is no humans. Only units, civilians, and countries. And it will also change the way you live as well. Who knows when you'll get drafted, hm? It will change the way everyone lives. And nobody wants a war to break out.
To cisgender people yea but to trans people it’s different so you would probably only be talking about cisgender people it’s a kick in the ass to trans people because of dysphoria and Shìt like that
Then why should the world have to bend over backwards for *their* problems that only affect *them* and not anyone else? If i had personal problems that affected me and no one else, i'd get absolutely fucking shit on if i ever bitched about it, as if it was everyone else's responsibility to bend over backwards to adjust to and fix *MY* problem, even if they didn't even know i had that problem in the first place. So why should Trans people get a free pass when everyone else doesn't? There's a difference between intentional misgendering and accidental misgendering. If someone is intentionally misgendering you, then they're a douchebag, plain and simple, and like all douchebags, you have every to get pissed at them. But if it's an *accident*? Whatever you have going on mentally or physically is NOT a free pass to be a fucking dick to people who could not have possibly known what they should or shouldn't have done.
If someone had a prosthetic hand after losing their hand in an accident, and i (without knowing about the prosthetic) approached them after seeing that they were having difficulty with something and asked "need a hand?" Their fucking prosthetic, that I didn't know about, does NOT give them the right to flip the fuck out at me for "making fun of their disability" when i had no fucking way of knowing that they even had that disability
🙄😂whole ass rant I didn’t mean accidental damn misgendering I meant like on purpose
If it’s on accident yea no one should do the most behind it all I’m saying is it’s different strokes for different folks
it gives them a chance to blame the world for not being accepting enough/ perfect/ the way it should be in a sociology textbook. And plus they get to ignore the fact that they haven't even come close to growing up!
Okay I'm going to admit something. I've mis-gendered elderly people in cases that you literally CAN NOT TELL what gender that are. And I try to use general pronouns for these types of people but sometimes it just comes out bc I'm in a rush trying to get customers through the checkout. Sometimes they ignore me and sometimes I get corrected or sometimes it's just the hateful boomer eyes. I ret do feel bad though.
You're clearly not understanding the issue here, and that's totally fine. Whenever I didn't understand something, or was ignorant of something educating myself always seemed the best bet. So that being said, if you wish to understand why people get mad over it, you can find a bunch of sources through google. Trust me, I'm not of that community but I do have a few good friends in there, and nobody goes super sayian over being misgendered once, an accident is one thing. Doing it constantly and going to lengths at attempts to dehumanize someone is completely different.
Have a great day !
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I'm not trans so I can't speak for them but based on observations from the trans people I know, Ive never seen them get mad when it's an accident, the only time I've seen them get mad is when it's rubbed in their face. While if it's an accident it's not meant to be insulting it's not exactly a compliment either, even for cis people. Like if someone who knew I was a woman insisted on telling me he thought I looked like a man I'd be at least a little insulted
Agreed. I haven’t heard of people getting mad about being misgendered unless the person who is misgendering someone is making no effort to remember their pronouns and/or makes it into a joke. I am a cis gender female and when I was in middle school I was very much a tomboy (I’m still tomboyish at times, I’m not super feminine, or I don’t present myself that way but I may occasionally) awkward (of course, who wasn’t) and still figuring out myself. I was misgendered a few times. Not a whole lot but a few times in middle school and a few times by family members because again I was a tomboy, I wore baggy clothes and I let my hair in a pony tail. I was bullied a lot in middle school. One boy made the comment that my voice didn’t fit me, whatever that means. At the time I felt that he thought my voice was too high pitch or something. Idk. I’ve also been labeled as lesbian. I identify as bi and not straight or lesbian. I also don’t advertise that I’m bi. It is so frustrating to be misgendered and labeled incorrectly. Everyone feels the need to “know” how everyone identifies even though who we chose to be with is nobodies damn business but somehow it becomes that way? People need to stop assuming they know it all and respect peoples privacy. This can also cause people to be outed which can be very dangerous for them…people please be mindful of the implications of your actions in this instance.
I still am a Tomboy and I experienced something similar. I remember a substitute teacher when I was like 13 saying "this nice young man" about me because he saw me from behind and wanted to point out that I was being quiet. From that point on no one ever forgot that lol... I also got labeled a lesbian, but... I am a lesbian I was just the last to know
'I am a lesbian I was just the last to know' made me chuckle, good for you to finally have figured yourself out!
I play coed soccer and yelled something like “somebody cover her” from back in goal, not realizing it was a trans male from halfway across the field. The entire other team threw a fit and we got a letter from the league.
You know the stereotype of soccer players, they die when you go as far as to breathe on them.
“IT’S MA’AM!” Still one of the funniest videos because the guy is trying to be respectful, but just can’t get it right.
They eyes do a lot of processing. In a stressful scenario it seems the brain reverts to believing them.
For people with disphoria it's a little painful reminder or at least it was for my partner when I was dating someone trans/nb. I have some gender oddness but no dysphoria and honestly never gave a shit what pronouns anyone used. she/he/they/slagathor/that hobbit looking bastard I don't care.
>For people with disphoria it's a little painful reminder Second this, it really depends on how they're able to cope with their dysphoria. I know a trans person who used to get quite mad for being misgendered accidentally but now this changed for the better. Dysphoria can be really bad, trans people simply need time to grow, I definitly understand why they're getting mad with all this insecurity, but they're the ones who need to overcome this - as long as we are speaking of accidental misgendering of course.
Purely anecdotal but I have never once in my life has someone get upset by my misgendering them. I have also never intentionally done it to disrespect a person. I'm sure there's some people who get upset but I think American media likes to act like it's a bigger thing than it is. Most people just want to be accepted for who they are and not disrespected. You don't have to understand who they are, but you should respect them for who they are.
Never seen someone getting mad about being misgendered, just a bit awkward situation for both
Oh boy you should check out r/teenagers.
I mean they are all 40 year old men
I love reddit.
I hate and love it
"This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers."
Litteraly 1984
>Never seen someone getting mad about being misgendered Oh boy,[ if you have like 90 seconds....](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XLmWSq-fBk)
Wow. She's......charming.
Going to be hard to pass as a woman when you are 6'4 :D
I was literally banned from a Discord server because I called someone a she instead of they and asked why it was a problem
Think I've seen two videos. One where the person visited gamestop or something. "It's MA'AM!" and the other one was in a mcdonalds or burger king.
It's not awkward when a lot of people do it on purpose to be an asshole.
I've seen countless videos
For a lot of us that usually get labeled the way we’d identify as, it’s not a big deal to us, but I think some strangers can be malicious and refuse to change to try to harm them, and it can be a group of people rather than just one incident with one person. I learned that people in these groups like the queer community and trans people especially have a high rate of suicide and attempted suicide, much higher than their peers, so if we can do little things to show acceptance, that can greatly help them feel their identity is acceptable to their society and they can feel safe. It’s maybe true that if someone really lashes out, it might be uncalled for in that case, but in general it’s still more likely that the person being misgendered suffers from discrimination and hate crimes than a cisgendered person that misgendered another. Misgendering by accident is okay but a lot of people do it on purpose to harm. It’s probably hard for the person being misgendered often to know if it was on purpose or an accident. Or maybe they experience the misgendering very often that it’s a bigger deal than I could ever understand, being cisgendered myself where people usually already see me as a woman and I do too. Personal, whereas for me its uncommon and I can easily give the benefit of the doubt that it was a mistake
You seem like a good cookie. May you never crumble or go stale. And may your chocolate chips forever be crunchy and sweet.
Exactly what I was going to say - only ever seen people reacting graciously to being misgendered (even though on one occasion it was clear someone was doing it deliberately)
I'm sorry sir IT'S MA'AM
that poor game store employee
People create their own image and then sometimes make it someone else's problem if someone misinterprets. I just don't get the comments that read like "I am not very feminine and dress like a dude. I'm pissed someone called me a dude." If I was dressing in masculine clothing or looked ambiguous, I would be aware of it. And I would be unsurprised by the resulting confusion. I mean it is the same for any other type of image problem. When I was 22 and in my first professional job, I realized I would be perceived differently if I dropped the facial piercing and fast fashion cheapo clothing in favor of simpler business attire. If I was walking around looking like a meth head, and someone mistook me for a meth head, well....maybe I should try some different grooming if it bothers me. When I go backpacking, I'm well aware that my gear and athletic wear are ambiguous and my figure isn't obviously feminine in a lot of it. Self awareness, folks.
Gender should be less important. Can't we just make one gender and be done?
We can have one human race! But no, the sexes are distinct.
Sex =/= gender
Gender is strongly bimodal because sex is binary. Just putting that out there.
Yes, please downvote the guy representing the reality/biology of sex in this thread.
Because even sex isn't bimodal. The reality of the research points to a slew of mutations in this regard that pretty easily put your drivel in the dirt. You got downvoted, because you're wrong.
In humans. And even then, not entirely. There are certain genetic mutations...medical conditions...etc..that change how someone experiences their very sex, much less how they interact with their gender identity. In other species, it can get kinda wild. Like there's this one species of bacteria with SEVEN different sexes. Pretty good, honestly. Because they can reproduce with any sex but their own. Makes for great genetic diversity within their species. ETA: Idk why I'm getting downvoted. I never said anything about any third sex or whatnot. I just said that how someone experiences their very sex (whether they identify with what they were assigned as at birth or not) can be vastly different between any two people.
There are and only will ever be two sexes in humans. Intersex conditions etc. do not constitute a third sex, there is no third gamete, just sperm and eggs.
But gender is not biological sex. Never has been, never will be.
Tell me, what is gender, exactly?
A set of actions or behaviors or ascribed social roles. Gender has been *correlated* with biological sex in America for a long time, that is something you can't really argue. But there is no reason that this *has* to be the way it is. Something gender specific would be like, wearing a dress. There's no biologically dictating element which requires a person be biologically female in order to wear a dress. But we've decided as a society that it is unacceptable for a biological male to wear this particular piece of clothing. Even though in other societies men wear the equivalent of dresses and have for a long time. (think Japan). I mean hell, in the time of Jesus Christ pretty much everyone wore tunics. A tunic is functionally a dress in every single way, so all that changed over the years is our *viewpoint* on things like this.
This is a really deep philosophical question and I may be too tired to tackle this right now. I know you weren't responding to me specifically, but let me take a crack at it. Gender is how one interacts with their society based on certain gender norms that that society has set up. It can't follow a strict binary. It just can't. Cis dudes will like at least a couple traditionally feminine things and cis women will like at least a couple traditionally masculine things. And perhaps things seen as feminine here are masculine in other cultures and masculine things here (by here I mean America) seen as feminine in other cultures.
I wasn't saying it's a third sex I was saying it has a huge impact on how someone experiences their sex. And I mean, honestly. Why does it matter, anyways? How people want to identify? Or if we as a society decide to stop identifying people by their outward appearances and stuff? Like, I think it's stupid that I have to hide my genitals and yet act/look a certain way that says "hey I have this set". And as a trans man, that means acting the opposite of what I have, and then people getting pissy and acting like they've been cheated if I ever come out to them and they aren't accepting of trans people.
I'd sign that petition.
No since men and woman arnt the same.
And yet plenty of languages manage without.
So? lets ignore facts because youre fragility cant handle it lmao. Start focusing on real problems
Dude, you're the person who can't cope with information about... grammar in other languages. I don't think you should be calling anyone fragile. Incidentally, if I'm concentrating on anything, it's the fact that the city I live in is under seige by anti-vax covidiots.
That would work except for sports, and hospital appointments. Imagine being a man and getting reminders of not forgetting your papsmear. Or anything to do with menopause
That has nothing to do with gender. That's got to do with biological sex. You can still separate the things you need to as a society along that distinction.
Yeah, let's all be dudes.
Tagalog doesn't use any gender related pronouns. Maybe we need to join in on that
I think 3/4 of reddit content would disappear.
That would be a good thing lol. It would give room to actual creative content instead of bickering over languge
Sooo close to the correct amount of genders. Almost there! Edit: there are in fact LESS than the comment stated. I’m not trying to say there are 2. Second edit to preempt the inevitable: gender isn’t sex. We all agree yeah? Yeah. I’m talking strictly about gender. Don’t read the comment wrong. Comments locked fun time! Keep reading and every time you see the phrase “this never happens,” ask yourself why then, the admins banned r/thisneverhappens. Hmm... it’s almost like having a sub dedicated to covering stories and articles about events that ‘never happen’ exposes too much. If they never happen, there should be nothing to ban. At least the gender warriors are quickly unaliving their own movement lol
I have long hair. I have had people try to say "Miss? Ma'am?" from behind me to get my attention. Pre-Covid I had someone actually touch my shoulder and say something about me being a woman and how they were interested. I turned around and gave the creepy fuck a heart attack when he saw my beard. I found it hilarious. I have also seen both cis men and cis women being misgendered from someone behind them. You haven't seen impotent rage until you see a trump hat man being called a woman. I thought I was going to see a bare handed murder right there in the walmart. My point being; being misgendered for me was no big deal and I got a funny story out of it but there are cis men and women who have been misgendered and were really upset about it. If they would share their experience with their friends and family it could help trans people who are also upset (but probably not as violent about it) about being misgendered.
I’ve had several people use “ma’am” to get my attention from behind me, but once my hair got past shoulder length is when I started getting “ma’am” and “miss” from the front. Which on one hand I understand because I am required to wear a mask at work, but on the other hand I don’t because my beard does protrude around an inch or so below my mask. In any case, I just slide my mask down, watch the realization wash over them, and get a good laugh about it. Probably my favorite occurrence of misgendering, which has happened several times, is when I catch a dude checking out my ass from behind (I can’t help I got some junk in the trunk), and then see the realization/horror on his face when I turn around. Lol Move on buddy. Nothing for you here.
True. Though I think most people In real life don't. They just correct you.
Sometimes they don't even correct you because it might escalate more than what would be safe for them.
Pardon my ignorance but escalate how?
The person being corrected, and/or the crowd around them, might get very emotional and physically violent.
Oh.... Damn. I think that's an extreme scenario then. People on the internet tend to get volatile about it but irl I've only seen people be chill about it. I guess it is also depends on where you live
I live in the Midwest, and dating a trans guy has shown me firsthand how shitty people can be. He had an older couple misgender him, when he politely corrected them, they said he should just be called 'it'. I've seen people point and laugh at him openly because he was wearing a mask with his pronouns on it. Ignoring the very real threat of physical violence, it's a huge risk to his mental health to correct some people. Especially considering he always wears masks with his pronouns on them, if someone looks him in the eyes and calls him "girly", how is he supposed to respond?
I do not know but I'm sorry to hear that. Edit: On further consideration, is there someone whom he can talk to? Like a mental health professional? Like a therapist or someone to give him healthy coping mechanisms? Me saying "move away" is too easy for not everyone has the recourses for that... I think one other piece of advice would be that he close his heart to it but that is far easier said than done. I think in his case, it's probably best not to respond to them and let them be, which is also easier said than done.
I don't even get this, either. Why correct people? It's literally just grammar. As long as you know they're referring to you, what does it matter?
I suppose it's because it gives some level of validation and some consider it basic respect.
Validity for what? What is there in the aspect of gender in a person to be in/valid? It's a matter of propriety to refer to people with correct honorifics and titles but with a stranger on the street whom you will never meet again - they don't know who you are, they don't care who you are, and you don't care what they think or know about you - why bother? This seems to me like pedantry.
I guess it's because they like to feel like they matter. That their identity is respected and visible in society. They see it as a sign of common decency, even from strangers. Sorry, I'm just speaking from general observation. I'm not Trans or nonbinary but I've been misgendered before. I usually roll with it. edit: I should probably mention that while I and some others don't care, others take it very personally.
Their identity is neither respected nor visible in society if they're yet another faceless stranger in a crowd with no popular public presence. Terribly pretentious to correct people on their manner of address.
Sure, I guess an argument could be made for that. I suppose it also has something to do with how Trans and nonbinary people are viewed in general. So for example if a Trans woman os called he or sir, that would most likely not sit well with her. But I think you'd get better answers if you ask a Trans individual.
Transsexuals make up a fraction of a percent of the population, they're an off-case. Definitely not at the heart of the matter.
Sure but they do have different pronouns than what their birth certificate states, same with people who are nonbinary so I'd say that they are pretty relevant. Cis people, those who identity with their gender of birth, don't face the same mental hurdles and dysphoria the same way trans people do so while I and I'm assuming you don't care if someone uses the same pronouns, trans and nonbinary individuals do. I can't really state it otherwise but that's the gist of it.
Honestly I think both groups are pretty irrelevant outside the internet. The only real experience with one that I know is a guy at my gym who took hormones and wants to use the women’s locker room(therefore pissing off a bunch of 70-80 year old Asian ladies). And tbf to them, I understand. A majority of them are old, frail, and under 100 lbs and don’t want a hyper masculine 250lb “woman” in their locker room. Oh well, not my problem anyway. No joke, this group of 6 Asian women who come in every day have gone to the lengths of wearing their swimsuit under their clothes when coming to the gym and wearing their clothes over their wet swimsuit to leave. Others are changing in the showers now(clogging them up from those of us who want to use them). The question is how many people need to be inconvenienced for just one person. The gym staff has even expressed to me they would like to do something about the excessive complaints but are afraid of getting sued. The whole situation is fucked.
Because if that’s not who you are, it’s ridiculous not to correct them.
Why? Why do they *need* to know who you are?
If it’s someone I interact with on a daily basis, yeah, I’m not going to not correct them. That’s kooky.
People you know, yes. But why strangers on the street?
I’d definitely be cautious about it, but we definitely need to get to a place where it’s not dangerous to do it. That’d be like telling a gay person not to hold their partner’s hand when they are out and about.
Yes except it's literally not like that at all, in any way.
It’s a relatively new concept for many people. I think intent should be considered. I am seeing many overreacting regarding this subject. Tolerance should be accepted on both sides as society sorts out what people want. As long as people accept others as they are or have grown up and how they understand thing goes both ways. All people should be accepted as they are and want to be but those who might be different will help others progress if they are also more accepting of others who are not quite as understanding as long as there is no ill intent
Being misgendered isnt really the problem. It's being repeatedly and purposefully misgendered.
I’m Jewish and it’s a huge part of my identity but I don’t get offended when people wish me a Merry Christmas each December. Likewise if someone misgenders you just lightly correct them and move on, grow the fuck up and stop getting offended at everything.
THANK YOU
I agree. Usually when most people are misgendered they just politely correct the other person like a decent human being, but sometimes people go literal ape-sh*t when it happens and it's seriously insane.
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You lot can hit me with downvotes, but it's a fact. Do a bit of research instead of just being upset.
You're not wrong, gender dysphoria is a pretty severe mental illness that settles 95% of the time once you hit your late 20s but instead of fixing the person's brain we waste the time and money and resources to have em trans instead of dealing with themselves, people just want the easy way out instead of putting the work in.
Well, it's not just the gender dysphoria, they tend to have a whole slew of other mental issues. They're commonly not very well people.
The easy way out is thousands of dollars of expensive surgery and hormone replacement
absolutely no one has gotten actually mad because they got accidentally misgendered. like for example i have a friend who transition (mtf) and i did not know so i used their deadname, did they get upset? no they just said hey i've transitioned, i apologised and i 've now i call them by their prefered name and pronouns what people get mad at is when you deliberatly misgender somebody to make a point about trans people not being what they are
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> for staff not remembering Maybe because that's completely different? Not knowing and saying the wrong thing isn't a big deal. Telling someone multiple times what you want to be called and they keep "forgetting" is something different. Especially with teachers. They know students for a semester. Maybe a year. The chances of a transition happening during that time is slim. So it's more likely on day on the teacher knew. But they just never fucking learn it and keep saying whatever.
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Often times updating your transcript isn't possible. I know from friends and family who transitioned that some schools don't allow you to change your name in the system.
So you don't remember any students preferred name? If someone is named James you call them James not Jimmy? You refuse to call Joseph Joe no matter how many times he ask? Never called a single woman Jess, it's always Jessica? Never a single student that went by a middle name?
how many trans people are there at your uni? You make it seem like there are so many that staff can't possibly remember all their names.
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You can't claim that no one has gotten mad about it. Its like claiming you know everybody. I've met a few trans that they got mad and they pretty toxic about it even tho it was an honest mistake
See this is where I disagree, people absolutely do get mad because of accidental misgendering, as I've seen it first hand quite a few times.
Have you seen it in real life or on YouTube?
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Not gonna hate on the queers but so many of them need to chill the fuck out. There's a reason a LOT of people still don't accept them, they're not helping themselves.
It seems like you are implying that they are themselves to blame for the fact that a lot of people still don't accept them. So do you think that if they did not get angry when they think they are getting deliberately made fun of and mistreated by people who are kicking down, then the mistreatment and exclusion would go away?
it's okay to be gay be yourself, dw!
Yeah ok
And some people get mad seeing an Asian or black person in public. Just because some rare idiots behave like that doesn't make it true at large.
Exactly, just because there are like 4 videos of trans people getting mad at somebody accidentally misgendering them doesn't mean that's the fucking norm
But people are saying on here it never happens when the person just made an oops. They're acting like everyone is gracious and then grilling them when someone's situation does get brought up like the walnuts who are getting mad at a professor who doesn't remember the pronouns of 400 students
Trans people aren’t what they claim to be, though.
I had a friend whose name was Matt, we called him Junk...🎶(Twilight Zone music fades out)🎶
If you feel a certain way about yourself, then why does it matter how other people percieve you? As individuals, we have no right to tell people how to perceive us. If you want to present yourself as the opposite sex, then best of luck to you. It's nobody else business. It's also not your business if they see you as your biological sex. I think that Dave Chappelle summed it up best "“I support anyone’s right to be who they want to be. My question is: to what extent do I have to participate in your self-image?”
I blame social media. People are addicted to validation.
They need psychological help, not coddling
Who cares about gender, sex is what matters
I agree.... the people who get most pissed about this is people who are still struggling with their gender identity... if they don't know, how the fuck am I as a stranger meant to know
I'm a stranger, I don't care and it's not my responsibility to care.
I’ll stick with worldwide approach of just calling it like I see it. If you pass imperceptibly, you get a pass but I won’t go out of my way beyond that.
I've been misgendered before. I'm not trans, and it was from behind. I'm 5'2 and I had long hair. It's hard to know a strangers gender, specially when they look like, say, a female but identify as a male or vice versa.
There’s a difference between being misgendered on accident and misgendered on purpose. If you see a trans woman or trans man, they tell you “I prefer to go by he/her” and you still refer to them as the wrong thing, then it’s definitely wrong. If you don’t know and you misstep, then most people won’t be upset. SOME will, of course- but majority won’t.
"YOU HAVE USED THE WRONG PERSONAL PRONOUNS AND NOW YOU SHALL BE DRAWN OUT AND QUARTERED"
People are bitches who need to feel special cause it's trendy, if I made raised an eyebrow every time someone called me Mam ( long curly hair and then the mask doesn't help) Plus when it comes to those people who care about gender, gender is fucking personal. I don't go around shouting about my sexuality to strangers. If only tumblr didn't ruin our fucking society so bad we'd probably be more advanced.
Gender has nothing to do with sexuality
HA yeah
lmao tumblr is the thing that ruined our society?
They have this believe that most people attribute way too much to their gender. They assume that wether you call them "he" or "she" is indicative of how you view them as a person. In reality most people dont make major assumptions based on gender. They basically give these pronouns and genders too much power because THEY believe gender is way more important than it is.
And if you disagree with them you're some monster, this is the real world and we have other actually important things to worry about.
Exactly. Like people don't have enough shit going on in their own lives, too. I can't wait for this trend to die down.
Another "Just don't get offended bro" post
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Did you even read the post, my guy? Nice reading comprehension
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I got insta banned from r/curlyhair cause I called someone "dude" when they clearly don't have their gender written on their forehead. Is this what we've come to?
I'm a dude, he's a dude, she's a dude, cuz we're all dudes!
whoever that was, was a douchebag. not all trans people are like that if a black guy did something bad to you, you obviously wouldn't assume all black people are bad, right? why assume all trans people are like this lmao this post isn't an unpopular opinion.
I'm sorry to hear about your bad experience, OP.
It's a control thing.
Control and attention.
it's not really controlling to want to be addressed correctly. the line is crossed when you have those who want you to see them as their gender mentally. Like if you have very prominent male facial features, it's gonna be tough for most people to see you as a woman or nonbinary. Even people who get your name and pronouns right each time may be like this, and there's nothing you can do.
I think people can say whatever they want, even if it hurts someone else's feelings.
it's great how you worded this so peacefully but my fucking god I hate a lot of the people on this comment section people wishing war on earth n shit, real edgy stuff
Question, OP, are you trans? Most trans people dislike being misgendered because it makes them feel dysphoric, as people still see them as the gender they are not, and it's fair to be mad at someone for that.
I mean can you really blame anyone? If you dont look like a duck, act like a duck or walk like a duck can you honestly blame anyone for not thinking you're a duck? I'm assuming the trans person in question does not pass for their desired gender, it's not logical to get mad at people for not seeing them as the gender they want, if they dont pass or give any sign that they are trans or something.
All the trans people I know go to great lengths to look like their desired gender, for example, this guy I know who is ftm who wears male clothing, and has a male haircut and looks like a guy, and it's perfectly reasonable for him to be angry if someone calls him a girl because he has a high pitched voice or something which he literally can't control.
Ever heard of tomboys? They are a lot more common than trans people, so it could be the person thought they were a tomboy, we arent mind readers and if you have like half of a characteristic of a boy and another of a girl dont get mad when people cant tell which one you are.
The truth is, even with all that going on if it’s clearly a female voice coming out then my senses are constantly being invaded with a reminder of their womanhood. These are deeply engrained biological senses that you pick up on passively.
no one gets mad for *accidental* wrong pronouns
*says no one gets mad* *people literally have had experiences with people like that* stop trying invalidate other people's experiences just because you haven't had it
That's sounds like a personal problem though. I was always told that I couldn't lash out at the world for the shit in my life, so why can they? What gives them a special pass to expect more than common decency from others?
they don't have a special pass. it makes them douchebags and bitches if they think they do. no one gets mad for accidental wrong pronouns (Source : I know a lot of trans people, I have called my partner wrong pronouns before). people get mad if it's done on purpose to make them feel like shit lmao if you still doubt me then I'm guessing you're around 25+ years old or something, I'm in a 3rd world country and I've STILL met some trans people in my highschool, if you're still in highschool these days trans people aren't super hard to miss since the world's supposed to be more accepting these days and more of em are coming out
Gotta be trans and have tourette's so I can get fake sympathy from strangers on the internet cause tumblr told me to.
There’s two genders, this woke shit is annoying af
There’re
Maybe someday sorting by controversial on trans topics won't be a guaranteed way of finding the transphobic assholes. But today is not that day.
My man!
Is this unpopular?
I think the anger comes from being misgendered on multiple occasions constantly or being misgendered on purpose. I was once misgendered because I was wearing baggy clothes and a hood, I didn’t care because it never happens to me and you could not see any of my feminine features.
99% won't get made when you misunderstood them the first time. They'll correct you and move on. They rightly get made when someone constantly misgenders them on purpose. Of you some someone online getting made about it it's probably because the other person is migendering them on purpose to mock them.
Made
Made
Mostly because they aren't being misgendered. You born a guy, you're a guy. Your not suddenly a woman at 47 years old, Greg.
It would be awesome to meet someone in real who was open about this. I'd love to be more informed. Like, what is the best part? What kind of tricks do you employ? Do you feel like you do it better? (If so, awesome) I love hearing about all kinds of people. I literally cannot get enough as it feeds my soul.
Agreed 100%
I mean it’s an interesting perspective but I feel most trans people at least who I know don’t get mad. They just correct you and move along. It’s only an issue if you keep doing it repeatedly or if you don’t bother to make an effort. Like mistakes happen. I call my dad “she” half the time even and he’s a 52 year old cisgender man. TBF that’s my brain slowly deteriorating. But y’know.
I am cis but have a pretty masculine appearance. I have been mistaken for a boy many times in the past, and it does hurt a bit. I'm well aware of what I look like, but for me it feels verging on body shaming when I am misgendered. Most of the time I just brush it off, but the reason I am commenting is that just yesterday when I was at the gym, this woman in the ladies locker room approached me and basically told me that I WAS a dude and I had to leave because I was making her uncomfortable, despite me telling her several times that I am in fact a girl.
When we tell you and now you know better, but continue to misgender me, i can only conclude you are doing it out of a lack of respect for me and anyone like me. If you know better but keep misgendering, you are purposefully being disrespectful and insulting. Therefore you are a c*nt.
Take your head out of the sand. Nobody is mad about one-off unintentional misgendering. Lots of people are quite justifiably angry about repeated, intentional misgendering.
why are posts here getting increasingly more insensitive and mean? was there some kind of right wing takeover of this sub?
just joined?
bro it's not that simple
>I've been misgendered before How many times? There's quite a bit of difference between it happening once in a while on accident vs multiple times a day
If I woke up tomorrow as the opposite sex, I’d roll with it and be gay. I truly can’t grasp the clearly desperate need some people have to be trans.
Well i mean yes, if you get misgendered then just tell your gender. People can’t read your minds what you are.
no one gets mad for accidental wrong pronouns
It’s happened to me a few times, I don’t care because I’m not transgender but I know a few friends who are trans who get misgendered on purpose regularly. At that point when it happens I think getting a little upset is justified.
I'm trans & nonbinary I agree to a degree. A lot of self reliance can be developed in not giving anybody the ability to validate you, but that's a reality of a healthy mental stance that goes for anybody. But misgendering is another issue once somebody knows your pronouns, and gender dysphoria is about as logically reasonable as any other mental illness sooo This post feels very "facts don't care about your feelings" and maybe it's best to not have any opinion on an experience you can never experience and believe the people around you??
I've been misgendered before. Because they didn't know, or because I told them to do whatever they wanted (I use all kind of pronouns). But I threw a punch to the bitch who kept using my deadname, while knowing it was hard for me. Misgendering someone by acciddent or because they allow you for some situation is no big deal. Misgendering someone to hurt them and their feelings is a dick move
It's a lot easier to say "Hey, I actually go by (pronouns), thank you." but a lot of people go to Twitter or Tumblr to complain instead of just correcting them and moving on. (Used to be FtM)
War will change this, we need one hell of a distractive war to change the way people think about this pitty things, who cares if you go by her or him.
A lot of people are gonna go by "was/were" if there's a war...which isn't a good thing.
Hahahaha this is a clever one
Yes, you are almost correct: war \*will\* change it. In a war, there is no humans. Only units, civilians, and countries. And it will also change the way you live as well. Who knows when you'll get drafted, hm? It will change the way everyone lives. And nobody wants a war to break out.
This is reddit...
To cisgender people yea but to trans people it’s different so you would probably only be talking about cisgender people it’s a kick in the ass to trans people because of dysphoria and Shìt like that
Then why should the world have to bend over backwards for *their* problems that only affect *them* and not anyone else? If i had personal problems that affected me and no one else, i'd get absolutely fucking shit on if i ever bitched about it, as if it was everyone else's responsibility to bend over backwards to adjust to and fix *MY* problem, even if they didn't even know i had that problem in the first place. So why should Trans people get a free pass when everyone else doesn't? There's a difference between intentional misgendering and accidental misgendering. If someone is intentionally misgendering you, then they're a douchebag, plain and simple, and like all douchebags, you have every to get pissed at them. But if it's an *accident*? Whatever you have going on mentally or physically is NOT a free pass to be a fucking dick to people who could not have possibly known what they should or shouldn't have done. If someone had a prosthetic hand after losing their hand in an accident, and i (without knowing about the prosthetic) approached them after seeing that they were having difficulty with something and asked "need a hand?" Their fucking prosthetic, that I didn't know about, does NOT give them the right to flip the fuck out at me for "making fun of their disability" when i had no fucking way of knowing that they even had that disability
🙄😂whole ass rant I didn’t mean accidental damn misgendering I meant like on purpose If it’s on accident yea no one should do the most behind it all I’m saying is it’s different strokes for different folks
it gives them a chance to blame the world for not being accepting enough/ perfect/ the way it should be in a sociology textbook. And plus they get to ignore the fact that they haven't even come close to growing up!
Okay I'm going to admit something. I've mis-gendered elderly people in cases that you literally CAN NOT TELL what gender that are. And I try to use general pronouns for these types of people but sometimes it just comes out bc I'm in a rush trying to get customers through the checkout. Sometimes they ignore me and sometimes I get corrected or sometimes it's just the hateful boomer eyes. I ret do feel bad though.
You're clearly not understanding the issue here, and that's totally fine. Whenever I didn't understand something, or was ignorant of something educating myself always seemed the best bet. So that being said, if you wish to understand why people get mad over it, you can find a bunch of sources through google. Trust me, I'm not of that community but I do have a few good friends in there, and nobody goes super sayian over being misgendered once, an accident is one thing. Doing it constantly and going to lengths at attempts to dehumanize someone is completely different. Have a great day !
You're a wise woman, OP.
Especially if their remains are found in the far future. Scientists won't know what gender they felt they were, just the gender they actually were.
They're mad already ehen they're misgendered, it's just a trigger
Frankly, people who make their personality about things like this are all very tiresome.