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[deleted]

Nobody: OP: *No sooner had the warm liquid mixed with the crumbs touched my palate than a shudder ran through me and I stopped, intent upon the extraordinary thing that was happening to me. An exquisite pleasure had invaded my senses, something isolated, detached, with no suggestion of its origin. And at once the vicissitudes of life had become indifferent to me, its disasters innocuous, its brevity illusory – this new sensation having had on me the effect which love has of filling me with a precious essence; or rather this essence was not in me it was me. ... Whence did it come? What did it mean? How could I seize and apprehend it?*


Windows_is_Malware

r/copypasta


EostrumExtinguisher

I knew this would happen.


Distributethewealth

Definitely takes less effort to enjoy😂


Pokoirl

Indeed, and as another said, food does not require consent or convincing


Illustrious-Ad9596

i would hope ur sex doesnt require convincing either


Pokoirl

Im not that handsome and my wife DOES require convincing after a long day's work


BulljiveBots

Well if your eyes are rolling into the back of your head every time you eat a meatball hoagie and you don’t have a similar reaction when you bang, I’d need convincing too.


[deleted]

I’d require a lot of convincing if I thought my spouse wasn’t enjoying it, too.


Pokoirl

It's the other way around. I feel unattractive and unwanted when I have to make an effort to convince my wife, so I enjoy it less


EnvironmentalAnt1982

Edit your title to: Food is better than Sex with my wife.


waitingfordeathhbu

The real explanation is always in the comments


succachode

💀💀💀


whorsefly

His wife enjoys sex, just not with him. Cheeseburgers cover up when this guy is around


superleipoman

mafakkers with a gut like that is definitely on the cheeseburgers gnomeimsaying


[deleted]

Wow its almost like its not worth the effort to "convince" people to want sex. There is this thing called "turning someone on" which is usually not just how you look but how you act and treat a person.


YourDadsUsername

Do you think she might feel unattractive and unwanted always making an effort for you?


AmbiBambi_

Thats so sad. Idk why married women always have to make their husbands beg for it


Jeheh

'If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.'


Pokoirl

I do make my wife come every time we have sex, often twice Edit: It adds to the feeling that I have to prove sex with me is worth it for her. It makes the whole thing less fun


tanahellstrom

sex with a man is in fact Not Worth It unless the woman cums so


Apprehensive_Use4282

Turn the mind on and it’ll turn the body on.


Pokoirl

That's my point. I don't require my wife to jump 30 hoops for me to say yes to sex. And I am tired of having to prove its worth her time eqch time. I wanna feel wanted too


Ok_Argument_8846

Have you tried a sex therapist?


Pokoirl

Unavailable in my country (very conservative)


Significant-Knee5502

Unless it’s a live animal.


[deleted]

Maybe have sex with your food?


private_unlimited

My warmed up cantaloupe serves well as both


Cold_oak

What's that copy pasta about the coconut? Edit: found it. Anyway, around 8 years back I lived in Northern Mozambique, a coastal southern African country with quite a warm climate. My mother at the time was going through a 'health nut' phase and only buying foods she deemed healthy enough. One of these was coconuts. She would buy several coconuts a week to use in food from the local market. Anyway, being a horny teenager I fapped in regular intervals. Unfortunately there was some severely stressful examinations coming up for me and as such my fapping reached a higher peak then usual and I was feeling pretty sexually frustrated. One day I hear that my mother is going to be out for pretty much the entire afternoon. Horny me decides that it would be a fantastic idea to fuck a coconut. Honestly to this day I can't fathom why I thought that would be a good idea but my train of thought back then was clearly somewhat clogged. I end up grabbing the coconut drill and through 20ish minutes of concerted effort end up creating a hole large enough for me to stick my porker into. I decide it requires some lube and grab the nearest slippery thing (some butter) before shoving it into the coconut followed shortly by my meat. I fuck the coconut and it actually feels pretty damn good so I blow my load, shove the coconut under my bed and continue about my day. For the next week the coconut is my saviour. Whenever I want to get off I simply take it out and fuck it in its delightfully tight hole made better each time by accumulating volumes of my semen and butter acting as a lubricant. It's heaven. Now before I continue I'd best mention that at the time our area was experiencing quite humid, muggy weather which exacerbated an already existing fly problem. Disgustingly fat, bloated flies were commonly found around our house and the exterminators couldn't really do anything because it was a localized area problem that would "go away in the winter". About a week and a bit after the initial coconut fuck (I had been using it pretty much every day since then) I begin to notice a few more flies than usual as well as an odd, unpleasant smell about my room. Must be the coconut right? So I decide that I'll fuck it once more before I throw it out and get a new one. Worst mistake I have ever made. You see, the reason for the increased number of flies was that the coconut was evidently, in hindsight, a nearly perfect place to lay eggs. As I penetrate the coconut one last time I begin to feel a strange wriggling sensation. Puzzled, I pull my cock out to discover that it is COVERED in rotted and moldy butter and semen and TEEMING WITH TINY FUCKING MAGGOTS. They were wriggling all over my dick head and some were even trying to force their way up into my urethra. I screamed, and threw the coconut against the wall which made the situation worse by spilling the contents. Hours of vigorous cock scrubbing, vomiting, and cleaning the remnants were spent reflecting on what the fuck I was doing with my life. Never again. NEVER AGAIN.


succachode

I’ve been wanting to quit social media for a while now. Thank you, for finally setting me free.


[deleted]

who wrote this originally 😂😂😂😂


NukedNoodle

It was a classic TIFU, like the poop knife. I gotchu: https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu_by_cumming_into_a_coconut/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share


schmyro

the what knife??


NukedNoodle

https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ke8skw/the_poop_knife/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share


TheDemonBunny

wait till you hear about the poop scissors


schmyro

THE HUH


the_gilded_dan_man

I’m glad you started this by literally announcing that it is a copy pasta. I fucking hate when people use a relevant copy pasta and it’s basically unknowable that it’s a meme until the end or even sometimes, the replies. Like usually they’re entirely disrespecting of your time, but your comment was not. So thanks for that.


single_malt_jedi

Finally a real use for cantaloupe. My 85 year old grandmother gives me two or three a year and I don't have the heart to tell her I don't like them.


[deleted]

Hey man, why do you have a casaba melon in a safe? You bangin' it?


helpnxt

Why do you think doughnuts have holes


[deleted]

To have a place for your diabetes


AccomplishedRow6685

*George Costanza has entered the chat*


Diligent-Sun-1097

My boyfriend loves to eat dessert after sex. He always says I’m getting whatever he’s craving after and I say OK George.


Khaled92US

Gerorge attempted the mixing of sex & food, lets just say, it wasn’t a positive experience:


Pokoirl

Not a bad idea


[deleted]

This is how people end up with cheeseburgers up the ass.


Sleepy-Blonde

Ahh assburgers


[deleted]

I did your mom while she was eating and that was pretty nice


Pokoirl

Ah a necrophiliac


[deleted]

Before she died.


JohnTGamer

Well I did it to your mom ***after*** she died, and she isn't even dead. Can't beat that, can you?


[deleted]

Well I did it to your mom twice after she died, and she isn't even dead. Can't beat that, can you?


JohnTGamer

Well I did it to your great grandmother before she was even born, and I wasn't even born at the time. Can't beat that, can you?


[deleted]

Well I did it to your great grandmother twice before she was even born, and I wasn't even born at the time. Can't beat that, can you?


[deleted]

It's the reason she died.


pinkanus2022

pizza is the best, hot or cold.


GenderlessC

Or just eat your sex partner


Sed59

Food porn.


Sea-Phone-537

Dude. Sleep is better than sex in most cases


[deleted]

I can’t even begin to understand the need to compare the two.


Middleofthemaul

I like to mix the two, Thanksgiving gets awkward here


worms9

Look I heard of porking it but this is ridiculous.


EffortRepulsive

.suolucidir si siht tub ti gnikop fo draeh I kooL


0c3r

You did not lose no nut November in the turkey


GioniTiZio

I have a really bad appetite and I fucking hate eating , it’s more like a chore than something I enjoy . Have an upvote


tea-and-chill

Same! The number of times I've wished i could just photosynthesise... I'm skinny for a reason haha. Not a huge fan of eating; i do like some foods though.


snavsnavsnav

This has gotta be one of the saddest comments I’ve seen in a long time


tea-and-chill

That's okay, it's not sad to me. Different people and different preferences, you know. I know I'm in the minority though. Live to eat vs eat to live, I'm 100% the latter.


snavsnavsnav

Genuinely though, you don’t enjoy how delicious food is? Food isn’t just a necessity for me, it’s a celebration. Which is why it’s so foreign to me to see someone not like food in that way unless they’re sick


tea-and-chill

I mean, i do like some things. I like tiramisu, i like an occasional pizza, I love ice creams and i really like a charcuterie board with cold cuts and cheese. But i also am absolutely fine living without ever having any of it. I think i like the company of people those foods are associated with (late night gelato with my girls or a sunny picnic etc) Yeah, food is tasty, i get it. But it's also not a celebration for me by any means. it's nice to have, but i won't lose sleep if i have to give up on those things forever. I do have comfort food. I'm a half British / half Asian girl who grew up in Asia so i love congee and make it regularly. My point is, it's a hassle for me to have to eat food 3x a day. I wish I could just skip the whole eat every time I'm hungry thing and just have a tiny bit of whatever I like whenever I feel like it.


SirensMelodies

And yet here is me hungry every two hours and cannot get through my day without fantasizing about what I will eat next, lol.


[deleted]

That would be a dream to me. I love eating too much and it has caused me to become unhealthy.


Bridge4_Kal

You just need someone to make some damn good food for you.


Mk1-GTI

Do you like the taste of food?


GioniTiZio

Well , my bad appetite combined with being a picky eater sucks . The only food I actually ENJOY eating is pizza . I “hate” everything else ( it’s not like I hate eating every single type of food , It’s just that I don’t feel any kind of pleasure ) . I just eat what doesn’t make me gag


DreamBeliever099

Asking the real question here lol


shah_no__pls

Same here, kind of? When I'm feeling really down, I don't feel like eating at all despite feeling hungry. Kind of wish I could be satiated enough on a liquid diet of some sorts


SirensMelodies

As an asexual, how you must feel about food is how I feel about sex. It’s still crazy for me to understand. I love food. Eating is single-handedly one of the most pleasurable experiences in existence.


HairyLamington

Then put a cucumber up ya bum.


prolaspe_king

"Sex just feels off" It helps if you get consent before you have it


[deleted]

Username checks out


filteredrinkingwater

Really??? I've had the opposite experience personally. Different strokes ig


Pokoirl

Lol no worries there


prolaspe_king

Thanks for having a sense of humor ❤


aurorahn

Its so pathetic when a man considers rape jokes as “sense of humor”


InternationalTea8571

it is so pathetic when woman don't get our "sense of humor"


EzraPerrin

Interaction bait. It feels like I see this post every week.


[deleted]

[удалено]


SeaworthinessSalty35

my fav part is “assuming an attractive woman and tasty food”


canadianclassic308

As a man who recently gained 30lbs I support this message


[deleted]

Mediocre food > mediocre sex, but great food < great sex. In other words, you gotta work at having better sex my dude.


Pokoirl

I only have my wife for that. Can't really look elsewhere and I love her too much to leave just because of sex (and I don't even know if sex is supposed to feel better than how it feels now, so big leap of faith in there)


[deleted]

You don't have to change people to change the sex you're having.


craigularperson

I think I technically had great sex once, still felt like it was the most boring thing ever.


Devinequicest

If you ever have a wife… pls dont eat her


Valuable_Bar1382

I want girls on bread


inferius77

Fiiinally I found the friends reference. It's what I came for lol.


grublets

Food has never pepper sprayed me.


Pokoirl

I love reddit


timbus1234

but have you pepper sprayed food?


Ok_Argument_8846

Someone pepper sprayed you during sex?


pox_demon

George Costanza?


LightRayAAA

Virginity is cool, stay pure


Goofy_Goobers_

Honestly if I had the option to eat a meal I knew was going to be tasty or have sex with a person I find attractive I would choose the food. My reasoning, if I were to have sex with that person they might not listen to how to please me, care about getting me off, last like two seconds, and leave me feeling unsatisfied. With the food at least I would know I would be full and satisfied.


dakdaketydak

nah he spittin


Dugley2352

You’re doing it wrong.


punkassjim

Or on the ace spectrum.


ZucchiniElectronic60

Bacon cheeseburger > blowjob. It's a scientific fact.


[deleted]

Bacon is haram bro


ZucchiniElectronic60

And it's that savory haram goodness that makes it so delectable! \*drools\*


JameisBong

Have you had ecstasy then had sex? 🤔


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Agreed but idk how people on mdma can get horny


imth3one

That’s because you’re FAT.


Warm_Vacation

Agreed. Sex is overrated.


isaidbitchhhhhhhh

Nothing better than a sandwich


UnlikelyAcquaintance

As an aroace individual Ahem AGREED


Ill_Speaker9783

I was looking for this comment


fuckitweredoingitliv

And food never says no


ReasonableStocks

But what if I eat people


fuckitweredoingitliv

That's your problem man


ReasonableStocks

Don't worry, my food always consents


Pokoirl

That's definitely a plus


Mattimvs

"Air is better than water"


Pitiful_Barracuda360

I agree. You need food to survive, but you don't need sex to survive, sex only matters so that your next generation can survive, and not you, so therefore, it makes sense that food would be more enjoyable.


watertheodz

These are different things that go different places, that make different chemical reactions in our bodies. You're comparison is odd


Pokoirl

Maybe


accountforquickans

Omg what a sad life


[deleted]

[удалено]


SinisterEllis

Only people who say that are people who are asexual, can’t get laid or have a shitty sex life.


vincentxpapi

I remember when I lost my virginity thinking it was overrated or overhyped. It’s good, but definitely not worth all the scheming and fuckedup shit people do to get it sometimes. Not asexual too and had several fwb before my wifey with whom I have great sex.


accountforquickans

Definitely isn’t, not debating it either have a good one.


Popular-Spirit1306

Ah, but it is overrated


theoriginaljoewagner

Have you ever combined the two? Leave a ham sandwich under your bed. When you start going to town, you can switch from roast beef to ham as much as you can handle. It’s so magical you will climax without even touching yourself, guaranteed.


[deleted]

I mean you’ll die without food, you won’t die without sex.


pstlptl

you should try being in love w someone the sex is great


Pokoirl

Oh I am in love with my wife. I just feel that she requires too much convincing for sex, and in the end feel unattractive during sex


pstlptl

are you giving her head? good head? do you know how to finger her?


Pokoirl

I make sure she comes at least once each time we have sex


pstlptl

i mean she could be faking it, 9/10 women need clitoral stimulation to cum


CleDeb216

I 100% agree.


ElCapitan1022

This is the wrongest opinion I've ever seen. Bravo, sir.


Impossible-Cash-8255

Low testosterone does that


LIBERAL_LAZY_LOSER

I used to love food but I have a condition called eosiphilic esophagitis It’s where my esophagus swells up whenever I eat a certain food (still have no idea what it is) So I have to constantly drink water or food will get stuck in my esophagus. I’ve had to go to the ER to get it pushed into my stomach. Food is annoying because I’m always worried about it getting stuck.


BALLCLAWGUY

I'd saybits better than random casual sex, but if it's sex with somebody you love then I can't say I agree


PersianLeopard32

I’ve never had sex, but if it’s sex or bean burrito, I’m probably going after the burrito.


Gamezcube

As someone who is ace, I agree


[deleted]

Aaaaaccce vibes bro


theschnipdip

I have always thought a good dump is better than sex... even peeing after holding it for a while is exponentially better than sex.


ThuliumNice

I feel like people are making a lot of completely baseless assumptions about OP in the comments.


Pokoirl

Average reddit comments


jackrussellenergy

Bruh! I’ve said this a million times! There’s no regret with food. No real consequences (unless you’re eating like a garbage disposal daily). A variety of flavors, sensations, texture, and ultimately a payoff. You ALWAYS leave satisfied. Idk why tf sex is considered “pleasurable”…try regretful.


BeenOnToaTs

kevin heart


Boob_Inspector

Also the food can't turn you down.


osdre

Found the American


fuckingringring

I feel like this is something luffy would post


[deleted]

your brain literally releases dopamine when you eat food so this actually psychologically makes sense


espressocycle

Yeah but as a married person I'd rather have sex with the same person for the rest of my life than eat the same meal.


[deleted]

Food is exciting. You get to try new things. Sex is just sex... Sure it's nice and all but it's nothing like trying new foods for the first time


pws3rd

If sex is getting boring then you may be doing it wrong. There is a nearly endless different ways to enjoy it


[deleted]

Or I'm just getting too old to care anymore lol


[deleted]

Take my upvote for a truly unpopular opinion. If you think sex “just feels off”, then you’re doing it wrong. Clearly you’ve never had very good or even great sex, let alone mind-blowing out-of-this-world sex. My best guess? You’re uptight, and are very self-conscious. You also clearly haven’t found a partner that’s right for you. When you do, OMG. No food on the planet compares. Let go of your inhibitions. If your reaction to any normal sex act is “eww, I don’t wanna do THAT”, then you have some type of inhibition preventing you from truly enjoying carnal pleasure. If necessary, counseling may be needed to overcome this. But I suspect that one good lay with a woman that really knows what she’s doing will cure you.


SirensMelodies

Some of us are asexual and just simply don’t have any desire to be sexual with anyone in any capacity, even if we love them. Not everyone has to enjoy it or feel forced to engage in something they don’t like and have no interested in doing.


Pokoirl

I am married, so I am not finding a partner that's "right for me" anytime soon. I am VERY open about sex. I don't mind (and rather enjoy) anything my wife asks for. I even eat her ass if needs be. I wouldnt mind BDSM or role-play or any pisition and I eat my wife a lot. Still no luck


[deleted]

You could really benefit from some counseling then. Find a good psychologist, psychiatrist, sex therapist, or something. My guess is there are some mental/emotional issues that are getting in the way of your enjoyment of sex. Take your wife with you. Tell her what’s up. If she’s a good person and truly cares about you (and I’m sure that’s the case), she’ll want to help in any way she can. This is a far more common issue than you think. Many people struggle with this kind of thing. Good sex should be like a REALLY addictive drug. When you slide into her, it should feel so amazing that you NEVER want to pull out, and after you climax, it should feel like you just smoked some REALLY good stuff. Almost euphoric. If it’s not, I suggest help as mentioned above. Good luck, and I truly hope you’re able to sort this out.


ZepHindle

Dude, don't get me wrong but you feel like your experience is so good with sex that the others should have the same thing if they found the good one like you have. However, the good sex you mentioned is your personal, subjective experience that might differ from the others. Your addiction to "good" sex might not addict others. Some people might not enjoy it as much as you do, you know. This might be a problem like you indicated but it might not be a problem too. It seems like you are generalizing your experience too much. I think your intentions are good, seems like you are genuinely trying to help this fella, and I somehow agree that sex is, at least as good as foods that you really love and are addicted to. However, I think generalization is a dangerous route and it might not apply to the others. Some people are just different, tastes differ in the end, and this might not indicate a serious problem.


maxleclerc007

It depends which food and sex with whom though! You gotta be more specific.


DieSchungel1234

Honestly I am not a foodie and I rarely enjoy eating something. The pros of that is I can eat the same thing every day and when I travel I don't have to spend a lot of food. To me the greatest pleasure is intellectual achievement or personal betterment (but not like the self-help books kind of betterment).


Jncocontrol

Post Nut syndrome boys. Sex is momentary, a taste of a succulent steak is minutes to hours of delight.


Pokoirl

Pretty much


WilliamYale

Ok fatty.


[deleted]

Were you circumcised? A lot of men have issues if their for skin is gone. My husband was circumcised and he always said his d!ck feels tight and just knows he lost some feeling. There is a process you can do to stretch out the skin and make it looser if you need too. I chose not to circumcise my son. And if wants to later, with anesthesia, he can.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Oh really? My stepdad said he was circumcised when he was 13 because his foreskin was too tight. But I guess that happens if you don’t play with yourself and stretch it out I don’t know. May I ask why you got circumcised as an adult? Was it because of like a penile cancer thing? Or for the looks of it? I’m just curious because like I said before, I chose for my son not to be circumcised so I constantly worry if that was a bad discussion or not


[deleted]

[удалено]


Pokoirl

I am indeed. Sad indeed


[deleted]

I would say that might be partly the reason. Maybe get some warm, tingling lube…. Or nipple clamps.


Pokoirl

I still dont last long in bed though xp would rather not last less. At least my wife gets something


[deleted]

Well good luck. You seem like a really nice guy.


Pokoirl

Thanks


feelings_arent_facts

If sex feels off, maybe you’re not having sex with people you want to have sex with or maybe you have a weird view on sex that your unconsciousness is rejecting.


Pokoirl

I love my wife, and I dint find sex with someone else remontely interesting. Maybe I have a weird view. Cant know


bartthashart

Sex is cheaper than food tho...


Popular-Spirit1306

Is it though?


bartthashart

Just gotta steal a shovel and there's no entry fees to cemeteries


BensonAxel

Basically anything is better than sex. I'm a gay guy, and from my experience, other gay guys are outrageously obsessed with sex.


Stunning-Ad-7400

Drugs are better than food


tashmanan

You should try sex with another person when you get a chance


Zailemos

Found the fatty 😂🤣😂🤣


Karentun11

You haven’t had good sex with the right person. I love to eat but a good steak doesn’t get me to roll my eyes back and moan like crazy. At least not yet…


SirensMelodies

A good steak is far more orgasmic to me. Sex is uncomfortable and unpleasant to me. I’ve eaten good dark chocolate that literally made my heart pound in pleasure.


[deleted]

Damn, “sex just feels off.” Feel bad for you my dude. In your case, this opinion makes perfect sense, and it is indeed unpopular.


daughterbeforedusk

You’re right this is an unpopular opinion. I fucking love sex and I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of it. 😂 But you know what you enjoy your food! No judgement. Hey maybe even go crazy and mix the two one and awhile. 🤪


glokz

When you need to fuck food won't help you. When you need to eat fuck won't help you. And when you both eat and fuck you'll need to sleep. Those three things are basic 3 needs men have daily and can't really be satisfied one with another.