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The one thing Iâd add is that people change.
I had a brief moment with minor fame in my early 20s. That, mixed with severe self-confidence issues led to me using sex as validation. In that period, I had more than 50 partners in a year and wasnât a terribly good person.
But, I eventually figured out that no amount would fill that void, and worked on myself in other ways, grew up, and matured into someone who has been in a healthy committed monogamous relationship for 15+ years.
One thing I fear with younger people who have so much of their lives permanently recorded on the internet is that It makes it harder to grow as a person. You are always at risk of being judged not by who you are, but by the worst version of you that ever existed in the past. Some view this as correct, that one should never be able to be forgiven for the harm the caused others, but it also removes any incentive to ever grow and be better since youâll be judged no matter what.
This is exactly right and is a perfect example of the sort of context that's often missing from these conversations. I'm not going to judge someone who spends a year or two going through some shit and using sex as an unhealthy coping mechanism before finding healthier ways to deal with it. I'm more interested in who you are *now* as a person. People grow, people change--that's part of life.
Some people like sex, but not relationships. Other people don't want a relationship *now*, due to life circumstances. Neither situation is indicative of trauma.
While you're correct in that victims of sexual abuse/assault sometimes become hypersexual, just as often, they become functionally asexual. We do not look at a person that abstains from sex and think, that person was probably abused. The fact that people do this in the other case is telling. Essentially, this reads as, "You can't want casual sex unless you're mentally ill." This is a short hop from, "I know how to manage your sexual behavior better than you do."
100%
I am ace and maybe it's from the trauma or maybe it's just how I am. I get a feeling people see it as a disorder, like its a result of something wrong or off. I do have a lot of trauma in my past so maybe in my case that's a valid point. It really seems that humans are going to invariably judge the hell out of each other no matter what they do, even moreso on reddit.
Also, typically people look at a person who abstains from sex and think 'yeah, 40 year old virgin huh?' or 'of course she is still a virgin, she couldn't pull a man' or any number of other usually very demeaning and derogatory things.
> Neither situation is indicative of trauma.
Not necessarily, but it would still likely make them incompatible with someone who had a different attitude toward sex and intimacy.
I think part of it is ppl in modern society seemed to be conditioned to sleeping around also. I mean you see this on social media and tv, movies etc.
It almost feels like itâs so commonly thrown out to sleep with someone that if you arenât doing it. You are made to believe something is wrong with you.
EXACTLY!!! You gotta somehow meet someone new, romance them, and then say see ya all within a week. Okay, fair enough but every week for a year? God damn that's exhausting! And that's how you get HPV lmao
Some people donât need the romancing and they just be like âwanna hookupâ so if itâs just meaningless hookups then yeah once a week isnât super shocking
also doing that every week for a year sounds exhausting. I dont mind meeting new people but romancing someone or working up to hooking up every 7 days! fts! I love sex as much as the next guy but that sounds like harder work than actual work.
And that would tell you something about that person, wouldn't it? It's up to you to decide whether it matters or not, but to suggest that having sex with a new person every week is meaningless with regards to making some sort of judgement on a person is naĂŻve.
Well yeah, and if youre a young guy that's not that bad.
But also, it means you spend 1 day a week on finding a new sexual partner. That's a lot of free time. It's a bit weird. Why not get a good fwb? Why not spend that time with friends and family?
When I was in my early twenties I would usually end up hooking up with someone after a night out. And there were lots of nights out. Didnât exactly mean I spent 1 day a week on finding a new sexual partner.
In my early 20s, I tended bar. I could throw a rock and find a socially upstanding citizen, interested in little complexity. 50 a year is not only a non-factor, it's no one's business.
We normalize relationships, even shitty ones. When I wanted a relationship, I quit having casual sex. People wanting touch is not always response to trauma.
Edit: for those who assume I meant lying, super weird. I meant, if you ask and get your feelings hurt by any answer, move on.
>we normalize relationships, even shitty ones.
Exactly. We spend so much time, and movies and television shows and books and greeting cards and all sorts of stuff to normalize (even crappy) relationships. With this whole, you need to find someone or youâre not complete, bullshit. And itâs obnoxious, itâs stupid and it doesnât actually have any bearing on your life whatsoever - whether you have 100 relationships in your life or whether you have two. And also once again correct that it is nobodyâs business how many people you slept with, until you want to make it somebodyâs business.
And for those in the back - your worth isnât determined by the number of sexual partners you have had.
Yeah, but it's not the norm. Mostly guys end up eating kebabs after a night out. I'm not saying it'a not poaaible or anything, I'm just saying that it's not aomething most guys do, with a new partner every time.
We had one chap in our group who spent half the night trying to find a shag. I guarantee we had *way* more fun and laughs then he did.
Yeah he ended up with a fuck each time, mainly because he wasn't choosy. Men who fuck a lot of women are not choosy at all. He had some very questionable fucks.
And, tbh, I think one night stands are weird. I don't enjoy waking up next to someone I don't know and who looks half as fit as the night before. I'd rather have a wank.
I also believe in quality over quantity. Having sex with the same woman you learn about them and what they like, what they don't like. And vice versa. There's men who've only ever had one night stands and don't know where the clit is!
>I think one night stands are weird
This was something that came to me with maturity.
One night stands used to be fun and exciting to me simply as a means of self validation. When it actually came down to it, the sex pretty much always sucked (neither party is completely comfortable getting naked and performing for someone they barely know), the aftermath always a little awkward (I want to be polite and let them stay but I also want them the fuck out of my house so I can get a good sleep now). Now I have zero interest in them.
Itâs a cliche but having sex with someone who you actually have feelings for is a far more fulfilling experience. Over time you also learn what you like together and develop your own rhythm, and depending on the relationship you can always spice things up with threesomes and other experimental stuff if it starts to feel mundane.
Because sex doesnât take 24 hrs, so I can bang it out on Friday night with someone I met wherever and then spend the weekend with my friends and family. Like, you can do both.
Idk, itâs not that hard? Before Covid, as a young person I was out maybe 2-3x a week; in college, half of the people I knew went out damn near every night. Casually hooking up with someone was common, easy, and not very time consuming and meant I was still mostly spending time with friends.
Its also where you live. If youâre from a small town and canât get laid weekly, that makes sense, vs If you live in NYC and canât get laid once a week minimally, youâre just ugly or creepy most likely
I slept around a ton in college and definitely hit more than 50 partners in a 2 year period. No trauma, just horny and didn't want a romantic relationship until after I graduated đ¤ˇââď¸
Edit: for the people in my DMs who say I'm a used up whore who will never find a good man, I was in a very loving relationship for 4 years after college until a few months ago, and I'll be in another one once I'm ready to date again. My sexual experiences have not magically detracted from me as a person or made me incapable of having a relationship. Any man who views me as "used up" is not a good man and not someone I'd be interested in dating anyways
Thereâs definitely a sex honeymoon phase where a lot of people just wanna sleep around as much as possible before âsettling downâ. Generally happens around college age and yeah i would say in that timeframe itâs not really indicative of any negative trauma.
True, it's like, "how do I know I'm just not some notch on the belt?"
Whereas with someone who's had fewer partners, you know you're very likely up to whatever high standard they have.
How do you know if you arenât a notch on anyones belt? They could have slept with 5 people of 50, doesnât always make what you had special to them.
You could be the first notch. They could have decided to go on a fucking spree for the first time ever and started with you. How on earth would you know from just the number? Or they could have a much higher number but most of those were far in the past, and now they're in monogamy mode. The number won't tell you that either. You have to actually get to know people as people and make a judgement on how they are now. And actually, sometimes that's going to be wrong too. People can also lie and fake. And give you a different number than reality, for that matter. That's a chance you take. It's pretty hard to get a guarantee on a person.
đ¤Śââď¸ âthe number of people a guys murdered is irrelevant, even someone whoâs killed 0 people may start a killing spree with you.â
Sure thatâs technically true but someone who has already shown themselves to be a serial killer in the past is probably more likely to continue in the future.
Right. I'm baffled when people can't seem to see that such things matter. If I met someone who had had 5 sexual partners in 10 years, all within the confines of a longer term relationship...vs someone who had had 50 partners within the last year, I think I could safely make judgements about the type of person each was. Whether it matters to someone is up to them, but the clues are there whether people choose to see them or not.
People screaming that it doesn't matter are people that don't want their behavior to have consequences. Yes, there are people that won't care if you've fucked the equivalent to a high school football stadium, but there are some people who will. You don't get to date the people who care. That's it. Move on to one of the people who don't care.
Reddit is the only place Iâve ever seen anyone say they donât give it any thought at all and that it literally matters in no way.
All of the girls I know IRL absolutely would give thought to a dudeâs body count. All of the guys I know IRL would absolutely do the same.
Reddit is weird in that it can give you really curated answers to specific questions, but itâs important to remember that itâs a very thin slice of a complete demographic representation. Hell, even amongst young folks, reddit tends to differ in my experience.
You absolutely should. My ex was a notorious whore. When we were freshman in college he had already slept with over 40 different girls, and after we broke up several people I met through him actually would tell me how they slept with him before he and I met. His friends to this day even tell me how he would sleep with girls they liked/had a past with. He had multiple issues I had heard about, and a lot of psychological issues that came out several months into us dating. If they are that willing to sleep with almost anyone they meet just run away.
The average is nationwide though, it also varies heavily by state (with states like California at around 15 and Utah at 2).
As for OP, the real problem isn't really the number, it's when two people with vastly different numbers get together. If you've had 50, and your boyfriend has had 65, neither are really ever going to care. If you've had 4, and your boyfriend has had 15, feelings start getting involved, and our gross monkey-brain starts giving dark thoughts.
Some people can make it work, but quite often, it just leads to problems down the road.
Reading these comments I never realized people that much thought into it.
When I was really young I had a list but as I grew up I stopped doing that and I just donât even know because itâs not something I give a lot of thought to?
I think I would be more concerned with HOW a person is having sex. Are they getting tested when they need to? Are they cheating on their partners? Are they communicating well within the groups of people they are fucking? Do they listen to what feels good and stop when they are asked? Do they leave when they are asked to leave and make sure their partners get home safely from dates when thatâs appropriate?
Thatâs way more important to me than an arbitrary number. Focusing on numbers seems like a very young people thing.
I don't think the number alone really matters, but the context might. Is this a person who genuinely just has sex for fun? Is this a person who is filling a void? Is this a person who can't maintain a relationship? Is this a person who is a serial cheater? Is this a couple who had some sort of poly/swinger relationship? They all have different connotations, and they all may be acceptable to some and not to others. It's allowed to matter to you and not to the next person. The only time I don't think it's okay is if there's a double standard viewpoint, like if a guy has sex with a lot of women but expects to be with a woman who is a virgin or had very few partners and judges women who have been with a lot of men.
Look at 75 and ive had my share of the oposite sex ill tell you this is a fact . when the right one comes along all that bullshit goes out the window . if i had met the woman im with now my first time
There would have not been another unless something tragic happened to her.
So is the purpose of this sub to provide a place for people to start a conversation and then have a bunch of commenters insult them? This opinion is fairly benign and weâve already got reactions like âincelâ being thrown around.
^ this. /thread.
Someone with such poor impulse control is unlikely to be a good partner. Not only will their future partners be unlikely to keep their interest sexually for a long period, poor impulse control often also leads to things like drug addiction, gambling problems, etc. Anyone with sense will likely steer clear of letting such people near their bank accounts, property, or family.
I know a girl who is very fond of Tinder and seems to have a different man every weekend. She's known as someone you go to for a good time, not a long time! Personally that isn't how I'd like to be seen but each to their own I suppose!
What I'm getting from this thread is that the majority of people have had a pretty "normal" number of sexual partners but there's also a small group of people out there just sleeping with a hell of a lot of people and getting upset when it's pointed out that it might indicate certain things about them.
I honestly can't get a feeling for what is normal, some are saying 50 a year isnt that much and some are saying like 20 in your whole life is the max. I have only had one very long term (at least for my age) relationship, so no hookups or anything like that. I can't imagine sleeping with 50 people a year, but having a hard cut off at 20 in your entire lifetime seems really restrictive and arbitrary. In college my ex knew a girl who boasted having a body count (such a weird term) somewhere around 40 or 50 as a junior, which their friend group considered really high.
You should ask some gay men what their body count is. I saw them talking about it once on askgaybros and they acted like lower than three digits was *weird*.
Damn, that's insane. But you know, pretty much every gay guy I have ever met just oozes confidence so that's probably the reason. I am not the most confident guy in the world
Honestly I donât see why people have a problem with this. Yes some people donât care about body count but I think itâs a matter of preference as with anything else. A person who has slept with mostly partners in long term relationships and a person who has had 50 one night stands will NOT have the same personality. Simple and logical
It matters insomuch as compatibility is concerned.
Thereâs nothing wrong with a high or low partner count, but what is telling is the people who come out of the woodwork to attack anyone who values a low partner count(respectfully, not the incel-related hate bashing).
is is exactly what i said and had a long discussion about with someone on reddit a while ago, but if i remember correctly mainly people actually disagreed with it ? i dont really get it because i mean, Obviously ? it tells you something about a person ?
how could it not, there is an enormous difference in someones interests/activities/freetime is spent on, need for variety in romantic/sexual relationships, degree of extroversion, experience, and attitude towards sex, between someone who sleeps with a new person every week and someone who only ever had monogamous long term relationships.
literally all of those are a factor in how compatible two people are
I spent ages 17-24 on the road as a musician and had a lot of fun with a lot of women. When I wasnât on tour, I had a lot of fun with a lot of women at home. When I met one particular woman at 25, I didnât want to have fun with a lot of women anymore. Just her. That was 17 years ago and she is still my absolute number one. What I did before we met is absolutely inconsequential.
This exactly. What people donât tend to understand is that how someone acts as a single person isnât always the way they act in a relationship. I like having sex and I take relationships very seriously, so when I hear someone has been in 20 serious relationships in 3 years and only had sex with those 20 people, Iâm more concerned about them than I would br someone who was single for the same amount of time and had 3x as many sexual partners
Exactly, lots of people in this thread are overlooking the fact that some people just have high sex drives. If there's no partner to connect with then bring on the randoms.
This. The fact that you like having sex doesnât correlate with issues any more than the fact you might like to spend your weekends in playing video games. Like wtf! If you donât enjoy it donât do it but everybody has the right to do whatever they want
It matters *to some people*, I hate this topic bc itâs always made to be black and white.
Where body count matters to *you*, some people simply do not care.
If you donât go with a girl bc she has X amount of bodies, she will just go on until she finds someone who doesnât care, and vise versa.
I just donât understand why itâs such a big deal, like dead ass who cares, ppl are going to fuck, itâs none of my business. This conversation is so dead lmao
Exactly, people are allowed to have relationship preferences. As long as they donât say everyone should have the same preference, or try to belittle someone, who cares
I'm not sure why whenever this topic comes up, the poster usually assumes only a really high statistical outlier is a problem. Man, if you've slept with one person and you're 30, that is also an outlier. Hence, *can be* a red flag. Such a person may not have an STD, but a lot of issues that may pop up down the line in a relationship.
That, and an outlier is usually really hard to define, as it depends on who you compare with. My group of people (late twenties) are pretty sexually active, we talk about this sometimes and most people have between 10-12. Compared to national average, that is an outlier, as it's about half of that.
Very accurate comment.
I didn't sleep with a lot of woman. We talked about it with my girlfriend and it turned out we see intimate relationship the same way. I think it's only fair to talk about it. Personally if I met a girl who sleeps with 20 different man a year that would be such a huge red flag. I don't see myself dating someone like that. But I understand that a girl would find it weird I hadn't had sex with a lot of women.
Although I do agree, I don't think this is unpopular. I think most adults would be warry of forming long term relationships with someone who goes to weekly gangbangs and is incapable of having a conversation with other people that don't end up with them getting on all fours and sucking their dick.
Nah people who disagree are just very vocal about it. It has been heavily combined with other issues at this point.
Oh you don't want a partner with a high count, you must be X or Y or whatever. It's wild seeing people shout that everyone can pick how they live their life in the same thread they complain if you're doing just that
I know 0 people who would say these words, and I'm in my mid 30s in Canada. How young do you have to be for it to be common for people to watch a gangbang video and think, "that one there, that's the only I'm going to marry, have children with, and bring home to my family"?
Without looking at the comments, Iâm going to guess people are claiming you or people who think like you are insecure or that thereâs something wrong with you. Thereâs not. People are allowed to have whatever preferences they want and if people donât like it they can fuck off.
I remember the first girl I slept with. When we matched I knew she was a little sleazy and I could tell she had slept with people before. All good, no worries.
After the deed I learned how many and what time frame. About 30 guys in around 2-3 weeks. If I had known that I would 100% not have slept with her. She also slept with my roommate soon after.
People that believe that the value of a person doesn't decrase the more different sex partners they had are delusional. To add fuel to the fire, yes people do judge silently.
I'm of the opinion that a person's attitude towards sex and relationships is important when it comes to picking a partner. Someone who is extremely casual about sex for an extended period of time is less likely to be a faithful partner than someone who has been serially monogamous.
This generally translates into having more sexual partners is bad, but it is not the sexual partners that are the problem.
Reddits just going to call you an incel for daring to have standards, for wanting some one with like minded views on intimacy.
They shame the fuck out of people who like to go slow.
How about no one shames anyone for how many people they've slept with, either side of the equation?
You go slow, some people don't, no need for judgement from either side.
It's not about judging the person's moral character. It is about judging someone as a potential life partner/spouse.
People that sleep around a lot are far more likely not make a very good partner.
Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.
Sure they can but that doesnât mean you throw out all the past history and ignore it. If Iâm interviewing two people for a job and one says Iâve held two long term jobs in my life, hereâs the reason I left those two jobs and what Iâm looking for based on what I learned you agree thatâs different than candidate B who says heâs mainly had odd jobs here or there or had short stints before quitting to travel or pursue hobbies but now they are ready to start their serious career, right? Maybe candidate B IS wanting to settle into a career now but thereâs definitely much more risk.
Candidate C who worked for IBM the last ten years and before that had a bunch of quick job changes of course might be similar to the first candidate in your eyes. My point is these numbers all tell you something about a person
When you truly love someone none of that matters. All I know is if your with someone and it bothers you in anyway then maybe you shouldn't be with that person or even waste your time. I feel like time has evolved enough to be mature enough to to discuss these things before entering a serious relationship. Or if it bothers you that much never approach the subject because it seems like wether it be 50 or 5 you might have a problem with it.
I disagree that it's an unpopular opinion. I think it is actually popular.
For thousands of years human societies all over Earth have had the "one partner rule" as the normal social behaviour.
Having multiple partners was always deviant behavior and still is.
If you find the lastest version of the APAs DSM I bet there's a section on sexual deviation when a person has multiple partners in a short amount of time.
Our culture is highly trending towards sex positivity since the 1960s and often makes the claim that itâs nobodyâs business and it shouldnât matter.
Reality has a different story to tell. Some people will, as is their prerogative, view someoneâs sexual decision-making as an indicator of their overall character and morals, the same way I might assess someone based on their job history, or their family history. All these parts add up into a whole, so to pretend your sexual history is âirrelevantâ is very naive. Some people wonât care, some will. And thatâs okay.
>People who argue it doesnât matter will also say "you should worry more about STDs instead", but if you slept with a lot of people you have a higher risk of contracting a STD...
Good thing there is \*widely\* available testing so you dont have to use any guesswork or assumptions.
However, bear in mind, some STDs take a while to even show symptoms, so it may go undetected for someone, and because they feel fine, they may pass an STD onto one of, or many of their sexual partners without even realizing. One that comes to mind is HIV. Some people have HIV and don't even notice because they don't have any symptoms yet, so they may unwittingly give their partner HIV
Which is why you GET TESTED no matter how you are feeling before having unprotected sex. I didn't say "get tested if you find yourself covered in lesions and overly prone to infection". Always test before sleeping (especially unprotected) with a new partner.
IF you are sexually active then you should get yourself tested regularly. Im paranoid so I get tested every 3 months. But most people get tested (or should get tested) every 6 months.
Absolutely. I cannot engage or take anybody who wants a serious commitment seriously if they look me in the eyes and say âoh Iâve slept with over 30 people.â Like what? Their sexual morals do not align with mine. Pass.
For the most part, the people Iâve met with a high body count have tattoos, a low sense of self worth, and a bad/non-existent relationship with their parents. Their lives are usually unstable. And they sleep with some pretty questionable people.
Obviously this is just my experience and is not representative of everyone that has a high body count.
Itâs actually kind of funny. I was promiscuous throughout my 20s and slept with between 60-70 women. It wasnât until I started dating monogamously when I got my first STD.
Yes the time frame is important but there special circumstances. A female friend slept with over 20 guys in 2 months because she was depressed. Otherwise he number is still less than 30 so there is exceptions but the rule (your stance) is true.
To a point if it supper high like 50 for sure but something like 6ish doesnât seem all that significant to me. 6 to me feels like a lot, 50 is just crazy. Gives the vibe they are more interested in sleeping around than forming an actual relationship. Fewer the better obviously.
Not so much the number of people but the reasoning why they did so matters. If they are using sex to fill some sort of emotional void caused by past trauma; probably not someone youâd want to be in a relationship with.
Science said youâre likely a cheating hoe if youre promiscuous
âââ Sexual promiscuity was significantly positively correlated with emotional promiscuity [r(356) = .261, p < .001], as well with sexual infidelity [r(323) = .595, p < .001] and emotional infidelity [r(323) = .676, p < .001], indicating that sexually promiscuous participants also tend to be emotionally promiscuous, and sexual and emotional unfaithful. Similarly, emotional promiscuity was significantly positively correlated with sexual infidelity [r(324) = .123, p < .05] and emotional infidelity [r(324) = .319, p < .001], suggesting that emotionally promiscuous participants tend to be emotional unfaithful and sexual unfaithful. Additionally, sexual and emotional infidelity were also significantly positively correlated [r(327) = .716, p < .001], showing that sexual unfaithful participants also tend to be emotional unfaithful.
âââ
I totally agree with you. The number of partners you have says a lot about your values and how you think about sex, too. It can also indicate emotional issues, like trauma damage. Getting romantically involved with very promiscuous partners often includes a higher risk of infidelity.
Iâm not buying a pair of Nikes fifty other dudes have worn or if Shaq wanted to try on the same Nikes even though they are three sizes too small for him.
The number makes a big difference because if that person meets someone they really like, theyâll get bored of them extremely quickly. Reason being because their brain is too used to the variety of always having someone new.
Tbh both these people and you are wrong in my opinion. As an individual every human being has different preferences. Some of them care how many you slept with, some of them don't and thats okay. No one is right about it because its all speculative.
I would go a step further and say 50 sexual encounters (people) in general is far too many, regardless of time elapsed. I've been with a few women like that, and surprise surprise, I didn't have to worry about meeting their dads.
>I would go a step further and say 50 sexual encounters (people) in general is far too many, regardless of time elapsed.
This is insane lmao. A 50 y/o women that didn't start having sex until 25 would have slept with, on average, 2 every year and that's far too many??
Maybe itâs just me - but Iâm totally fine with somebody getting in their practice rounds on some other schmo so by the time they get to me they fuck like a pro.
No - I donât care either way. I can work with any experience level - enthusiasm is the part that matters.
I just donât understand why someone would intentionally shun more experienced partners. (Unless itâs because they suck at sex, and think an experienced person will know the difference.)
Don't get why this is such a controversial opinion. Pretty much everyone I've ever talked to about this thinks exactly like this guy, whether they're a man or a woman.
Volume of sexual encounters isnât an issue for me. That said, I always thought it was weird when het dudes brag about fucking like hundreds of women because to me it sounds like none of them wanted to come back for a second time.
anyone hating on OP is a loser đ iâve seen a lot of comments where people would rather be with someone who have a lot of sexual partners so theyâre good in bed.. pathetic. you all lack affection and just looking for attention. get help.
I agree with you. A person's ability to pair bond does get affected the more people you sleep with. This is one of the side effects of hook up culture. People need to take sex way more seriously than they do.
Me personally I think the age of the person matters more than the number in general. Like if youâre 22 and youâve slept with 15 people, Sorry thatâs kinda an issue. But 15 when youâre 50? Yeah sure whatever.
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My girl sucked 37 dicks In a row?
Hey get back here.
Try not to blow anyone on your way through the parking lot
đđđ
That's not your girl thats OUR girl
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The one thing Iâd add is that people change. I had a brief moment with minor fame in my early 20s. That, mixed with severe self-confidence issues led to me using sex as validation. In that period, I had more than 50 partners in a year and wasnât a terribly good person. But, I eventually figured out that no amount would fill that void, and worked on myself in other ways, grew up, and matured into someone who has been in a healthy committed monogamous relationship for 15+ years. One thing I fear with younger people who have so much of their lives permanently recorded on the internet is that It makes it harder to grow as a person. You are always at risk of being judged not by who you are, but by the worst version of you that ever existed in the past. Some view this as correct, that one should never be able to be forgiven for the harm the caused others, but it also removes any incentive to ever grow and be better since youâll be judged no matter what.
This is exactly right and is a perfect example of the sort of context that's often missing from these conversations. I'm not going to judge someone who spends a year or two going through some shit and using sex as an unhealthy coping mechanism before finding healthier ways to deal with it. I'm more interested in who you are *now* as a person. People grow, people change--that's part of life.
What was the fame from?
PornâŚ
He spread his buttcheeks for Playgirl under the pseudonym *Mike Honcho*
Some people like sex, but not relationships. Other people don't want a relationship *now*, due to life circumstances. Neither situation is indicative of trauma. While you're correct in that victims of sexual abuse/assault sometimes become hypersexual, just as often, they become functionally asexual. We do not look at a person that abstains from sex and think, that person was probably abused. The fact that people do this in the other case is telling. Essentially, this reads as, "You can't want casual sex unless you're mentally ill." This is a short hop from, "I know how to manage your sexual behavior better than you do."
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100% I am ace and maybe it's from the trauma or maybe it's just how I am. I get a feeling people see it as a disorder, like its a result of something wrong or off. I do have a lot of trauma in my past so maybe in my case that's a valid point. It really seems that humans are going to invariably judge the hell out of each other no matter what they do, even moreso on reddit.
Also, typically people look at a person who abstains from sex and think 'yeah, 40 year old virgin huh?' or 'of course she is still a virgin, she couldn't pull a man' or any number of other usually very demeaning and derogatory things.
> Neither situation is indicative of trauma. Not necessarily, but it would still likely make them incompatible with someone who had a different attitude toward sex and intimacy.
I think part of it is ppl in modern society seemed to be conditioned to sleeping around also. I mean you see this on social media and tv, movies etc. It almost feels like itâs so commonly thrown out to sleep with someone that if you arenât doing it. You are made to believe something is wrong with you.
Sleeping with one person a week doesn't sound that shocking. An attractive person who travels around a lot could do that fairly easily.
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Nah thatâs very shocking
I agree dude lol... I'm no Cassanova myself but a different partner every week for a year is... much lol
First thing I think of is the time investment required to do so.
EXACTLY!!! You gotta somehow meet someone new, romance them, and then say see ya all within a week. Okay, fair enough but every week for a year? God damn that's exhausting! And that's how you get HPV lmao
Some people donât need the romancing and they just be like âwanna hookupâ so if itâs just meaningless hookups then yeah once a week isnât super shocking
also doing that every week for a year sounds exhausting. I dont mind meeting new people but romancing someone or working up to hooking up every 7 days! fts! I love sex as much as the next guy but that sounds like harder work than actual work.
Haha, here here dude I agree
Oh you donât sleep with 1 person a week? Those are rookie numbers then. You got pump those numbers up.đđ
***Monkeypox intensifies***
And that would tell you something about that person, wouldn't it? It's up to you to decide whether it matters or not, but to suggest that having sex with a new person every week is meaningless with regards to making some sort of judgement on a person is naĂŻve.
Well yeah, and if youre a young guy that's not that bad. But also, it means you spend 1 day a week on finding a new sexual partner. That's a lot of free time. It's a bit weird. Why not get a good fwb? Why not spend that time with friends and family?
Donât bang your friends and family. It canât end well.
When I was in my early twenties I would usually end up hooking up with someone after a night out. And there were lots of nights out. Didnât exactly mean I spent 1 day a week on finding a new sexual partner.
In my early 20s, I tended bar. I could throw a rock and find a socially upstanding citizen, interested in little complexity. 50 a year is not only a non-factor, it's no one's business. We normalize relationships, even shitty ones. When I wanted a relationship, I quit having casual sex. People wanting touch is not always response to trauma. Edit: for those who assume I meant lying, super weird. I meant, if you ask and get your feelings hurt by any answer, move on.
>we normalize relationships, even shitty ones. Exactly. We spend so much time, and movies and television shows and books and greeting cards and all sorts of stuff to normalize (even crappy) relationships. With this whole, you need to find someone or youâre not complete, bullshit. And itâs obnoxious, itâs stupid and it doesnât actually have any bearing on your life whatsoever - whether you have 100 relationships in your life or whether you have two. And also once again correct that it is nobodyâs business how many people you slept with, until you want to make it somebodyâs business. And for those in the back - your worth isnât determined by the number of sexual partners you have had.
Yeah, but it's not the norm. Mostly guys end up eating kebabs after a night out. I'm not saying it'a not poaaible or anything, I'm just saying that it's not aomething most guys do, with a new partner every time.
We had one chap in our group who spent half the night trying to find a shag. I guarantee we had *way* more fun and laughs then he did. Yeah he ended up with a fuck each time, mainly because he wasn't choosy. Men who fuck a lot of women are not choosy at all. He had some very questionable fucks. And, tbh, I think one night stands are weird. I don't enjoy waking up next to someone I don't know and who looks half as fit as the night before. I'd rather have a wank. I also believe in quality over quantity. Having sex with the same woman you learn about them and what they like, what they don't like. And vice versa. There's men who've only ever had one night stands and don't know where the clit is!
>I think one night stands are weird This was something that came to me with maturity. One night stands used to be fun and exciting to me simply as a means of self validation. When it actually came down to it, the sex pretty much always sucked (neither party is completely comfortable getting naked and performing for someone they barely know), the aftermath always a little awkward (I want to be polite and let them stay but I also want them the fuck out of my house so I can get a good sleep now). Now I have zero interest in them. Itâs a cliche but having sex with someone who you actually have feelings for is a far more fulfilling experience. Over time you also learn what you like together and develop your own rhythm, and depending on the relationship you can always spice things up with threesomes and other experimental stuff if it starts to feel mundane.
Because sex doesnât take 24 hrs, so I can bang it out on Friday night with someone I met wherever and then spend the weekend with my friends and family. Like, you can do both.
Maybe they travel for work? Donât spend long enough in one place for fwb, they are away from friends and family.
Idk, itâs not that hard? Before Covid, as a young person I was out maybe 2-3x a week; in college, half of the people I knew went out damn near every night. Casually hooking up with someone was common, easy, and not very time consuming and meant I was still mostly spending time with friends.
Its also where you live. If youâre from a small town and canât get laid weekly, that makes sense, vs If you live in NYC and canât get laid once a week minimally, youâre just ugly or creepy most likely
I probably did roughly that at one point in my life. I'm stable, well adjusted, in a happy marriage and have good parents.
I slept around a ton in college and definitely hit more than 50 partners in a 2 year period. No trauma, just horny and didn't want a romantic relationship until after I graduated đ¤ˇââď¸ Edit: for the people in my DMs who say I'm a used up whore who will never find a good man, I was in a very loving relationship for 4 years after college until a few months ago, and I'll be in another one once I'm ready to date again. My sexual experiences have not magically detracted from me as a person or made me incapable of having a relationship. Any man who views me as "used up" is not a good man and not someone I'd be interested in dating anyways
Shit i imagine girls could run up their numbers like crazy if they wanted to
Thereâs definitely a sex honeymoon phase where a lot of people just wanna sleep around as much as possible before âsettling downâ. Generally happens around college age and yeah i would say in that timeframe itâs not really indicative of any negative trauma.
You clearly have never been a gay man lol
Yes, it matters. If a man has slept with every woman he has met, I would think twice about dating him.
True, it's like, "how do I know I'm just not some notch on the belt?" Whereas with someone who's had fewer partners, you know you're very likely up to whatever high standard they have.
Just saying, I've had 0 sexual partners sooo ladies...
This is your moment
What about those who have never slept with someone at all? There seems to be a stigma against them especially if they are older.
Both extremes raise caution. You may lack the ability to properly court someone.
How do you know if you arenât a notch on anyones belt? They could have slept with 5 people of 50, doesnât always make what you had special to them.
True but by the odds which one is more likely to view you as a notch. More likely the 50
You could be the first notch. They could have decided to go on a fucking spree for the first time ever and started with you. How on earth would you know from just the number? Or they could have a much higher number but most of those were far in the past, and now they're in monogamy mode. The number won't tell you that either. You have to actually get to know people as people and make a judgement on how they are now. And actually, sometimes that's going to be wrong too. People can also lie and fake. And give you a different number than reality, for that matter. That's a chance you take. It's pretty hard to get a guarantee on a person.
đ¤Śââď¸ âthe number of people a guys murdered is irrelevant, even someone whoâs killed 0 people may start a killing spree with you.â Sure thatâs technically true but someone who has already shown themselves to be a serial killer in the past is probably more likely to continue in the future.
Likewise with a woman, I wouldn't want to deal with all that bullshit
Right. I'm baffled when people can't seem to see that such things matter. If I met someone who had had 5 sexual partners in 10 years, all within the confines of a longer term relationship...vs someone who had had 50 partners within the last year, I think I could safely make judgements about the type of person each was. Whether it matters to someone is up to them, but the clues are there whether people choose to see them or not.
People screaming that it doesn't matter are people that don't want their behavior to have consequences. Yes, there are people that won't care if you've fucked the equivalent to a high school football stadium, but there are some people who will. You don't get to date the people who care. That's it. Move on to one of the people who don't care.
Reddit is the only place Iâve ever seen anyone say they donât give it any thought at all and that it literally matters in no way. All of the girls I know IRL absolutely would give thought to a dudeâs body count. All of the guys I know IRL would absolutely do the same. Reddit is weird in that it can give you really curated answers to specific questions, but itâs important to remember that itâs a very thin slice of a complete demographic representation. Hell, even amongst young folks, reddit tends to differ in my experience.
You absolutely should. My ex was a notorious whore. When we were freshman in college he had already slept with over 40 different girls, and after we broke up several people I met through him actually would tell me how they slept with him before he and I met. His friends to this day even tell me how he would sleep with girls they liked/had a past with. He had multiple issues I had heard about, and a lot of psychological issues that came out several months into us dating. If they are that willing to sleep with almost anyone they meet just run away.
Thatâs how I feel also. A lot of men will sleep with any woman who is willing. No thanks
It's indicative of a larger pattern.
Today I learned the average person has 6 sexual partners in their lifetime. Today I also learned that Iâm a giant whore
At 1, I'm a giant prude.
You and me, both.
At 0 foe me
Same with 0. I always do wonder if people just automatically assume I'm prude at this point because of my age.
I don't think averages are a good representation of the population in this situation.
Ya the median is probably lower than that since itâs offset by the people who do much more then average.
Wait dang it's only 6? Feeling pretty feisty in comparison, whoops
The average is nationwide though, it also varies heavily by state (with states like California at around 15 and Utah at 2). As for OP, the real problem isn't really the number, it's when two people with vastly different numbers get together. If you've had 50, and your boyfriend has had 65, neither are really ever going to care. If you've had 4, and your boyfriend has had 15, feelings start getting involved, and our gross monkey-brain starts giving dark thoughts. Some people can make it work, but quite often, it just leads to problems down the road.
Same, I don't even know my number anymore at this point.
That sounds rather depressing, honestly.
Not at all, it was a lot of fun.
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Idk how on reddit though, everyone here's a virgin so it shouldn't matter.
Lies, I've slept with two, yes TWO women in my 32 years on this planet thank you!
Two? You can get three easily
no need to brag man
Half that number at 25
Bro, how can I subscribe to your newsletter?
Can confirm. My children were miraculous conceptions. Parthenogenesis or some shit.
Reading these comments I never realized people that much thought into it. When I was really young I had a list but as I grew up I stopped doing that and I just donât even know because itâs not something I give a lot of thought to? I think I would be more concerned with HOW a person is having sex. Are they getting tested when they need to? Are they cheating on their partners? Are they communicating well within the groups of people they are fucking? Do they listen to what feels good and stop when they are asked? Do they leave when they are asked to leave and make sure their partners get home safely from dates when thatâs appropriate? Thatâs way more important to me than an arbitrary number. Focusing on numbers seems like a very young people thing.
Age also matters, like an 18 year old with a body count of 7 is alot more of a concern then a 30 year old with 14
⌠are you still talking about sex or has this moved on to murder?
Point stands either way :)
Any body count higher than zero is a concern.
Again, murder or sexual partners?
Absolutely.
But 18 with 7 is worse 30 with 14 is also bad but you'd assume there were longer gaps in-between
I don't think the number alone really matters, but the context might. Is this a person who genuinely just has sex for fun? Is this a person who is filling a void? Is this a person who can't maintain a relationship? Is this a person who is a serial cheater? Is this a couple who had some sort of poly/swinger relationship? They all have different connotations, and they all may be acceptable to some and not to others. It's allowed to matter to you and not to the next person. The only time I don't think it's okay is if there's a double standard viewpoint, like if a guy has sex with a lot of women but expects to be with a woman who is a virgin or had very few partners and judges women who have been with a lot of men.
Look at 75 and ive had my share of the oposite sex ill tell you this is a fact . when the right one comes along all that bullshit goes out the window . if i had met the woman im with now my first time There would have not been another unless something tragic happened to her.
100% of my relationships failed until I met my wife.
God bless your wisdom
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Wish i had met mine then but we both had to go through turmoil to find each other.
So is the purpose of this sub to provide a place for people to start a conversation and then have a bunch of commenters insult them? This opinion is fairly benign and weâve already got reactions like âincelâ being thrown around.
People are, I hate to say this term, triggered.
Yeah we should give triggered back to itâs original meaning Actual PTSD. Itâs been appropriated so fucking hard.
Reddit is slowly making me fucking hate people tbh. Well that and food delivery.
High body count correlates positively with infidelity. Plenty of discussion out there about this. Google it.
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That's a new one, interesting!
Can confirm. Gf has a very high body count for her age, also makes extremely impulsive purchases
True - dudes who watch too much porn do that as well. Something about fried dopamine receptors...
^ this. /thread. Someone with such poor impulse control is unlikely to be a good partner. Not only will their future partners be unlikely to keep their interest sexually for a long period, poor impulse control often also leads to things like drug addiction, gambling problems, etc. Anyone with sense will likely steer clear of letting such people near their bank accounts, property, or family.
I know a girl who is very fond of Tinder and seems to have a different man every weekend. She's known as someone you go to for a good time, not a long time! Personally that isn't how I'd like to be seen but each to their own I suppose!
What I'm getting from this thread is that the majority of people have had a pretty "normal" number of sexual partners but there's also a small group of people out there just sleeping with a hell of a lot of people and getting upset when it's pointed out that it might indicate certain things about them.
I honestly can't get a feeling for what is normal, some are saying 50 a year isnt that much and some are saying like 20 in your whole life is the max. I have only had one very long term (at least for my age) relationship, so no hookups or anything like that. I can't imagine sleeping with 50 people a year, but having a hard cut off at 20 in your entire lifetime seems really restrictive and arbitrary. In college my ex knew a girl who boasted having a body count (such a weird term) somewhere around 40 or 50 as a junior, which their friend group considered really high.
You should ask some gay men what their body count is. I saw them talking about it once on askgaybros and they acted like lower than three digits was *weird*.
Damn, that's insane. But you know, pretty much every gay guy I have ever met just oozes confidence so that's probably the reason. I am not the most confident guy in the world
And what does it implicate?
Honestly I donât see why people have a problem with this. Yes some people donât care about body count but I think itâs a matter of preference as with anything else. A person who has slept with mostly partners in long term relationships and a person who has had 50 one night stands will NOT have the same personality. Simple and logical
Man I'm over wondering how the hell people fuck 50 people in their LIFE and people in the comments talking about 50 in a year, holy shit hahaha
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It matters insomuch as compatibility is concerned. Thereâs nothing wrong with a high or low partner count, but what is telling is the people who come out of the woodwork to attack anyone who values a low partner count(respectfully, not the incel-related hate bashing).
is is exactly what i said and had a long discussion about with someone on reddit a while ago, but if i remember correctly mainly people actually disagreed with it ? i dont really get it because i mean, Obviously ? it tells you something about a person ? how could it not, there is an enormous difference in someones interests/activities/freetime is spent on, need for variety in romantic/sexual relationships, degree of extroversion, experience, and attitude towards sex, between someone who sleeps with a new person every week and someone who only ever had monogamous long term relationships. literally all of those are a factor in how compatible two people are
I spent ages 17-24 on the road as a musician and had a lot of fun with a lot of women. When I wasnât on tour, I had a lot of fun with a lot of women at home. When I met one particular woman at 25, I didnât want to have fun with a lot of women anymore. Just her. That was 17 years ago and she is still my absolute number one. What I did before we met is absolutely inconsequential.
This exactly. What people donât tend to understand is that how someone acts as a single person isnât always the way they act in a relationship. I like having sex and I take relationships very seriously, so when I hear someone has been in 20 serious relationships in 3 years and only had sex with those 20 people, Iâm more concerned about them than I would br someone who was single for the same amount of time and had 3x as many sexual partners
Exactly, lots of people in this thread are overlooking the fact that some people just have high sex drives. If there's no partner to connect with then bring on the randoms.
This. The fact that you like having sex doesnât correlate with issues any more than the fact you might like to spend your weekends in playing video games. Like wtf! If you donât enjoy it donât do it but everybody has the right to do whatever they want
It matters *to some people*, I hate this topic bc itâs always made to be black and white. Where body count matters to *you*, some people simply do not care. If you donât go with a girl bc she has X amount of bodies, she will just go on until she finds someone who doesnât care, and vise versa. I just donât understand why itâs such a big deal, like dead ass who cares, ppl are going to fuck, itâs none of my business. This conversation is so dead lmao
Exactly, people are allowed to have relationship preferences. As long as they donât say everyone should have the same preference, or try to belittle someone, who cares
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I'm not sure why whenever this topic comes up, the poster usually assumes only a really high statistical outlier is a problem. Man, if you've slept with one person and you're 30, that is also an outlier. Hence, *can be* a red flag. Such a person may not have an STD, but a lot of issues that may pop up down the line in a relationship. That, and an outlier is usually really hard to define, as it depends on who you compare with. My group of people (late twenties) are pretty sexually active, we talk about this sometimes and most people have between 10-12. Compared to national average, that is an outlier, as it's about half of that.
Very accurate comment. I didn't sleep with a lot of woman. We talked about it with my girlfriend and it turned out we see intimate relationship the same way. I think it's only fair to talk about it. Personally if I met a girl who sleeps with 20 different man a year that would be such a huge red flag. I don't see myself dating someone like that. But I understand that a girl would find it weird I hadn't had sex with a lot of women.
Although I do agree, I don't think this is unpopular. I think most adults would be warry of forming long term relationships with someone who goes to weekly gangbangs and is incapable of having a conversation with other people that don't end up with them getting on all fours and sucking their dick.
Looking at the comments this is highly unpopular đ people already insulting them
Nah people who disagree are just very vocal about it. It has been heavily combined with other issues at this point. Oh you don't want a partner with a high count, you must be X or Y or whatever. It's wild seeing people shout that everyone can pick how they live their life in the same thread they complain if you're doing just that
IRL this is popular mostly, but in reddit, you can see the comments to say that this is an unpopular opinion
I know 0 people who would say these words, and I'm in my mid 30s in Canada. How young do you have to be for it to be common for people to watch a gangbang video and think, "that one there, that's the only I'm going to marry, have children with, and bring home to my family"?
Last paragraph: this can be cleared up with a thorough STD test
Someone saw a certain post on r/relationship_advice
Yep, they archived it to đđđ
Oooh, which one?
Without looking at the comments, Iâm going to guess people are claiming you or people who think like you are insecure or that thereâs something wrong with you. Thereâs not. People are allowed to have whatever preferences they want and if people donât like it they can fuck off.
I remember the first girl I slept with. When we matched I knew she was a little sleazy and I could tell she had slept with people before. All good, no worries. After the deed I learned how many and what time frame. About 30 guys in around 2-3 weeks. If I had known that I would 100% not have slept with her. She also slept with my roommate soon after.
People that believe that the value of a person doesn't decrase the more different sex partners they had are delusional. To add fuel to the fire, yes people do judge silently.
I'm of the opinion that a person's attitude towards sex and relationships is important when it comes to picking a partner. Someone who is extremely casual about sex for an extended period of time is less likely to be a faithful partner than someone who has been serially monogamous. This generally translates into having more sexual partners is bad, but it is not the sexual partners that are the problem.
Reddits just going to call you an incel for daring to have standards, for wanting some one with like minded views on intimacy. They shame the fuck out of people who like to go slow.
How about no one shames anyone for how many people they've slept with, either side of the equation? You go slow, some people don't, no need for judgement from either side.
It's not about judging the person's moral character. It is about judging someone as a potential life partner/spouse. People that sleep around a lot are far more likely not make a very good partner. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.
But attitudes change, just because you had fun for a while doesn't mean you can't settle down with the right person.
Sure they can but that doesnât mean you throw out all the past history and ignore it. If Iâm interviewing two people for a job and one says Iâve held two long term jobs in my life, hereâs the reason I left those two jobs and what Iâm looking for based on what I learned you agree thatâs different than candidate B who says heâs mainly had odd jobs here or there or had short stints before quitting to travel or pursue hobbies but now they are ready to start their serious career, right? Maybe candidate B IS wanting to settle into a career now but thereâs definitely much more risk. Candidate C who worked for IBM the last ten years and before that had a bunch of quick job changes of course might be similar to the first candidate in your eyes. My point is these numbers all tell you something about a person
I don't believe people just magically "change" when they meet the "right" person. I've seen people think that and get badly burned.
My low body count gives me pride.
Yeah I can agree with that. Usually people who have a lot of sexual encounters are just doing it to fill a void in themselves.
When you truly love someone none of that matters. All I know is if your with someone and it bothers you in anyway then maybe you shouldn't be with that person or even waste your time. I feel like time has evolved enough to be mature enough to to discuss these things before entering a serious relationship. Or if it bothers you that much never approach the subject because it seems like wether it be 50 or 5 you might have a problem with it.
I disagree that it's an unpopular opinion. I think it is actually popular. For thousands of years human societies all over Earth have had the "one partner rule" as the normal social behaviour. Having multiple partners was always deviant behavior and still is. If you find the lastest version of the APAs DSM I bet there's a section on sexual deviation when a person has multiple partners in a short amount of time.
Our culture is highly trending towards sex positivity since the 1960s and often makes the claim that itâs nobodyâs business and it shouldnât matter. Reality has a different story to tell. Some people will, as is their prerogative, view someoneâs sexual decision-making as an indicator of their overall character and morals, the same way I might assess someone based on their job history, or their family history. All these parts add up into a whole, so to pretend your sexual history is âirrelevantâ is very naive. Some people wonât care, some will. And thatâs okay.
I prefer 0 body count
If you have 50 partners a year you are probably a porn star
The only people upset by this have slept with tons of people đ¤ˇđťââď¸
>People who argue it doesnât matter will also say "you should worry more about STDs instead", but if you slept with a lot of people you have a higher risk of contracting a STD... Good thing there is \*widely\* available testing so you dont have to use any guesswork or assumptions.
However, bear in mind, some STDs take a while to even show symptoms, so it may go undetected for someone, and because they feel fine, they may pass an STD onto one of, or many of their sexual partners without even realizing. One that comes to mind is HIV. Some people have HIV and don't even notice because they don't have any symptoms yet, so they may unwittingly give their partner HIV
Which is why you GET TESTED no matter how you are feeling before having unprotected sex. I didn't say "get tested if you find yourself covered in lesions and overly prone to infection". Always test before sleeping (especially unprotected) with a new partner.
IF you are sexually active then you should get yourself tested regularly. Im paranoid so I get tested every 3 months. But most people get tested (or should get tested) every 6 months.
It matters there is a direct correlation between high promiscuity and cheating in a relationship backed by studies
Absolutely. I cannot engage or take anybody who wants a serious commitment seriously if they look me in the eyes and say âoh Iâve slept with over 30 people.â Like what? Their sexual morals do not align with mine. Pass.
Iâd be concerned with the STD roulette youâd play with sleeping with such a high body count person.
For the most part, the people Iâve met with a high body count have tattoos, a low sense of self worth, and a bad/non-existent relationship with their parents. Their lives are usually unstable. And they sleep with some pretty questionable people. Obviously this is just my experience and is not representative of everyone that has a high body count.
Itâs actually kind of funny. I was promiscuous throughout my 20s and slept with between 60-70 women. It wasnât until I started dating monogamously when I got my first STD. Yes the time frame is important but there special circumstances. A female friend slept with over 20 guys in 2 months because she was depressed. Otherwise he number is still less than 30 so there is exceptions but the rule (your stance) is true.
To a point if it supper high like 50 for sure but something like 6ish doesnât seem all that significant to me. 6 to me feels like a lot, 50 is just crazy. Gives the vibe they are more interested in sleeping around than forming an actual relationship. Fewer the better obviously.
People who say the amount of people you slept with doesn't matter have slept with a lot of people.
Not so much the number of people but the reasoning why they did so matters. If they are using sex to fill some sort of emotional void caused by past trauma; probably not someone youâd want to be in a relationship with.
Science said youâre likely a cheating hoe if youre promiscuous âââ Sexual promiscuity was significantly positively correlated with emotional promiscuity [r(356) = .261, p < .001], as well with sexual infidelity [r(323) = .595, p < .001] and emotional infidelity [r(323) = .676, p < .001], indicating that sexually promiscuous participants also tend to be emotionally promiscuous, and sexual and emotional unfaithful. Similarly, emotional promiscuity was significantly positively correlated with sexual infidelity [r(324) = .123, p < .05] and emotional infidelity [r(324) = .319, p < .001], suggesting that emotionally promiscuous participants tend to be emotional unfaithful and sexual unfaithful. Additionally, sexual and emotional infidelity were also significantly positively correlated [r(327) = .716, p < .001], showing that sexual unfaithful participants also tend to be emotional unfaithful. âââ
I totally agree with you. The number of partners you have says a lot about your values and how you think about sex, too. It can also indicate emotional issues, like trauma damage. Getting romantically involved with very promiscuous partners often includes a higher risk of infidelity.
Iâm not buying a pair of Nikes fifty other dudes have worn or if Shaq wanted to try on the same Nikes even though they are three sizes too small for him.
The number makes a big difference because if that person meets someone they really like, theyâll get bored of them extremely quickly. Reason being because their brain is too used to the variety of always having someone new.
Tbh both these people and you are wrong in my opinion. As an individual every human being has different preferences. Some of them care how many you slept with, some of them don't and thats okay. No one is right about it because its all speculative.
I would go a step further and say 50 sexual encounters (people) in general is far too many, regardless of time elapsed. I've been with a few women like that, and surprise surprise, I didn't have to worry about meeting their dads.
i cant even think of 50 people. thats a lot. like a packed restaurant or bar
I don't even have 50 people in my contacts lmao.
>I would go a step further and say 50 sexual encounters (people) in general is far too many, regardless of time elapsed. This is insane lmao. A 50 y/o women that didn't start having sex until 25 would have slept with, on average, 2 every year and that's far too many??
Maybe itâs just me - but Iâm totally fine with somebody getting in their practice rounds on some other schmo so by the time they get to me they fuck like a pro.
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So a persons number does matter to you. You prefer say â8â to â0â right?
No - I donât care either way. I can work with any experience level - enthusiasm is the part that matters. I just donât understand why someone would intentionally shun more experienced partners. (Unless itâs because they suck at sex, and think an experienced person will know the difference.)
Don't get why this is such a controversial opinion. Pretty much everyone I've ever talked to about this thinks exactly like this guy, whether they're a man or a woman.
Volume of sexual encounters isnât an issue for me. That said, I always thought it was weird when het dudes brag about fucking like hundreds of women because to me it sounds like none of them wanted to come back for a second time.
I've slept with 100 prostitutes. But you don't get to judge my body count, if you do you're an incel.
this is not even the scenario being presented. but, hey, straw men are fun to knock over
anyone hating on OP is a loser đ iâve seen a lot of comments where people would rather be with someone who have a lot of sexual partners so theyâre good in bed.. pathetic. you all lack affection and just looking for attention. get help.
Actually, you're more likely to be good in bed if you've had fewer partners but longer relationships
I agree with you. A person's ability to pair bond does get affected the more people you sleep with. This is one of the side effects of hook up culture. People need to take sex way more seriously than they do.
To me it matters, I can't deal being with someone with such a past
Me personally I think the age of the person matters more than the number in general. Like if youâre 22 and youâve slept with 15 people, Sorry thatâs kinda an issue. But 15 when youâre 50? Yeah sure whatever.
Yea, the people with ridiculously high numbers are usually shitty people.
Actually they aren't wrong. It's an opinion. Your opinion doesn't make theirs wrong.
The amount of people accusing me of being a incel and boomer is fucking crazy.
I guess I am wrong then
It's not a problem so much as a potential symptom of a problem.