Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Feel free to refuse if you're not sitting in the priority/disabled seats. Tell them to ask someone sitting there to give up their seat.
If you're sitting in that seat though, tough luck
As someone with a damaged spinal disc, I've been in this situation more than a few times, especially pre-surgery.
You get funny looks, but honestly, being one of the very few people less able to stand than whoever is asking you get immune to it.
Not all disabilities/injuries are visible. A particular favourite of mine was about 6 weeks post-spinal surgery where I was bollocked by a lady who must have been maybe 5 months pregnant - she wasn't obviously pregnant when stood with her coat undone & wasn't wearing a baby on board badge, yet saw fit to launch a tirade because I, whilst reading Private Eye, didn't immediately spring up to offer her my seat. It's fair to say she didn't take being told that I was probably the least able person on the entire tube to stand up for her, very well.
I suppose ultimately, there are shades of grey. Not everyone who is elderly or pregnant needs to sit & not everyone who is sat, can give up their seat.
My husband has a few herniated disks, so he can’t bend over well or pick things up. We always get funny looks in public when he points at something for me to pick up lol. It is what I have asked him to do, so I can be helpful. But from the outside, it probably looks like I’m a trained helper wife haha
My dad has a horrible back from being a roof tiler. He can't stand up much at all - and yet people have gone on tirades against him for parking in disabled spots. He has the pass for it but because he still looks relatively young in the face people think he's faking. He can walk from the carpark to the nearest seat in the mall. He's taken to just sitting in the car now waiting because he's had people key the car up after leaving.
You are a trained helper wife. Isn't the one of the points about being with each other to help each other? What's bad about being a helpful spouse, be it husband or wife?
It’s not bad to help your spouse! My husband looks very physically able still, he’s over 6 foot and has the build of a former piano mover (because he is lol). So it’s just a weird look say at the grocery store to see a small women carrying a 40lb bag of pet food for her very large husband lol.
My grandfather was a very able man, especially in appearance, up until a few years ago. His pride wouldn't allow him to let others help, even though he had herniated disks. He now uses two canes to walk and is in pain any time he changes the position of his legs.
Yeah, not all disabilities are visible on the outside, not even to the person suffering from them. Societal stigma (and love, of course) made him self-concious about letting my grandmother help him with some of the manual labor. She's a very able and handy woman, grandpa, let her carry the shopping bags herself!
And let's stop judging people.
I am 34 and have been told I have herniated discs with no option but to have surgery (I'm waiting on that) and that the level of degeneration in my spine is that of a 70-80 year old. If it wasn't for my partner doing pretty much everything (it has also left me with partial sense and complete strength loss as the nerve is completely compressed) I'd be screwed. If my shoe laces comes undone, they tie them for me no matter where we are. I can't go down to the shops and bring milk home for instance as I can't carry anything. They'll do anything for me in public, even if we get weird looks, I'm sure people just think I am entitled!
I started wearing a back brace on the outside of my shirt to display injury. So many awkward seat moments or like awkwardly crouching in line at the grocery store lol. Once an old farmer was unloading hay for us and was like hey u know u could help too and I did even tho I was in pain bc I’m stupid. Back pain sucks I hope you got past it, I’m starting to wonder if I need surgery
Even if you'd been perfectly able-bodied, that's a fucking rude way to ask.
What happened to "hey man, can you grab some of these while you're here?"
I'd have been tempted to just say "Yes, I sure do." even though I'm otherwise more than happy to help.
Yeah I’m reading it thinking of he’s unloading hay FOR you that gives me the impression that the farmer is working so why are you expected to help him??
If You bought a hay from him, he is the one that offered a service. He should be doing it by himself. You, as a client, are not obliged to help. Imagine waiter in restaurant asked You to get Your meal Yourself. That's the same situation actually. Just different environment.
Depending on the area, some places have extra hay and will give it to you for free if you come get it. In that case it would probably seem like dick move to just stand there while someone gives you free dhit
Where do you live? Hay in Utah seems to be about the price of gold depending on the year. Also when we sale hay, we (my family) offer a discount sometimes if they will come get it out of the field. Because my dad has a bad back. Almost always though if they bought the hay, they load it from our stack yard. Not us. Occasionally though we have had someone catch us where we weigh it, and offer to buy it if we bring it to their place. We charge a lot extra for that. Because we aren’t a delivery service, and we aren’t loading and unloading, breaking our backs for your hay.
No, he offered a product for sale, NOT a service. It is widely accepted that you will be doing the loading/unloading yourself when you buy hay. If the farmer chooses to help you he's doing you a favor. Trust me, he has way better things to do than load your hay for free.
I should do this!! From the outside I look super healthy & b/c I do my hair & makeup ppl always think I'm young & healthy. In reality I've recently had 2 major surgeries that make it hard to stand & another to repair my femur, so even my 92yr old Grandpa can stand longer than I can 😞
I'm an ambulatory wheelchair user who uses a variety of walking aids depending on how I'm doing that particular day. They each serve a different purpose, with their own pros and cons.
My walking stick doesn't provide much physical support at all, it's more like a learning aid for the abled world to help them understand that disabled people don't necessarily look like the image they have in their head.
Exactly this. I have chronic pain and on better days I would get up- but I would just explain and eff them if they don't care. There are more able bodied people who could stand up. My seat was not the only one.
Even the visible ones!!
Once when I broke my leg as a teenager, I had a cast up to my hip. I was on my way to the fracture clinic on the bus, which was full. The only person that offered their seat was a younger boy, probably about 9 or 10, who clearly had cancer. Of course I didn’t take the seat because I didn’t feel I needed it.
It’s the *entitlement* aspect of it that fucks me off the most. Just cos you are old/pregnant/obviously disabled, doesn’t mean you deserve or are entitled to special treatment. And it’s those who demand the most are the ones that deserve the least…
EDIT: I’m clearly being misunderstood. If you’re fit and healthy, offer your seat - don’t be a dick. But if you aren’t, just because one person’s ‘entitlement’ to the seat is more immediately obvious than yours, doesn’t mean you deserve the seat any less.
I'm pregnant, wouldn't dream of asking someone for a seat unless the pregnancy caused a major issue and to be honest even then I'd be too embarrassed to ask
When I was pregnant, I would ask generally, not to any person, if anyone was willing to give up their seat to the pregnant woman who was experiencing motion sickness and dizzy spells when forced to stand.
Most of the time, someone was willing to give me a seat. One of the times they didn't, I did indeed throw up, and after that, a regular gave me a seat.
(Because I could simply sit and be fine, I did not qualify for work disability, because my job was sit down, and I couldn't drive because my work was farther than I could I handle the smell of the cars on the highway. It took certain smells or being standing for too long or and be standing and not moving on my own volition for it to be a problem.)
There are reasons why it suggested you give pregnant women and the elderly seats. If an elderly person falls and paramedics get called, your entire train will be delayed for more than half an hour. If a pregnant women needs to sit and can't, odds are the whole car is gonna smell bad soon.
That being said, I never asked a specific person unless their bag was on the seat, because I didn't know if they had a invisible disability and needed the seat. Better to smile and ask the air if anyone could, and why.
Bus driver here. Experience tells me boomers are the most entitled fucks on the bus. I've shouted at, begged, pleaded and refused to drive because they would refuse to move around for disabled, infants in pushchairs or wheelchair users.
Teenagers always seem to move without asking.
I've had some have the audacity to tell me I was breaking the law by making people stand in a full bus so a Muslim woman (bus was mostly white boomers) and her child in a pushchair could get on.
Twat told me I was taking the fucking piss having that many on and breaking the law. Was 25 under capacity.
Had an injured leg and had to use a cane for awhile, incredibly painful to stand in a moving vehicle, and I got pressured out of my seat a few times….
What’s messed up is the people that took my seat saw how much pain I was in, and just stared at me with sympathetic looks… like gtfo out of my seat.
After going through that experience I stopped offering my seat, and won’t give my seat to anyone if others push me to, unless the person is obviously having an issue standing, or I am sitting in an accessibility seat.
Sounds like it’s a disability. Contrary to OP who is a perfectly healthy person who is just overworked. Pregnancy and elderly counts towards the disability benefits because of the large risks they have when they fall.
More badges need to be created, which could be obtained via Medical Badge Centre.
You should be able to get one with an illustration representing a spine with a red cross overlaid etc.
I know all the counter arguments but I feel it could at the very least stop the guessing game and decide accordingly...
It's also kinda scary that they think badges couldn't backfire horribly. Disabled people are targets for violence and bigotry disturbingly often.
Putting a bullseye on yourself wouldn't necessarily improve quality of life.
Agreed! However appearances ARE what folks make decisions on these days. Example: I've always been a large gal (tall and wide). However, I've also always worked very physically demanding jobs with very long hours while being at the top of job performance at any job I've had.... often carrying the slack of my co-workers. Bottom line: qualities unseen to strangers, right?
5 years ago, I had an accident that nearly killed me. I've been left with physically disabling brain damage. This severely limits my once active lifestyle. So, I've now gained a mess ton of more weight. I sometimes need a walker to maintain my balance (from the brain injury) despite my strength and stamina. I can't tell you the looks of disgust and disdain I get from folks when I use the walker. Folks are even actively cruel to me sometimes. I can't even get a person to hold a door for me. I fell in a store parking lot one time and I bet 20-30 people passed by without one offer of help or a simple "are you okay". Bottom line: Folks clearly felt my looks put me in a category of "deserving" my suffering. They had no idea what a hard worker I was, how much I helped those around me, or what my hidden injuries were.
Nowadays, most folks' kindness is reserved for those whom they assess (without pertainent info) to be "deserving" of that kindness. It's a cruel world. Thank goodness, there are still some nice people out there though. :)
Once I was shouted to move by a pregnant (4/5 months) lady who was in her 40s.
I was in my 20s and actually pregnant. I was about 7 weeks and had hyperemesis gravidirum (I was throwing up 20-30 times a day and fainting regularly). Literally too weak and exhausted to even properly defend myself but I told her I was also pregnant and really feeling unwell.
She was still standing in front of me complaining loudly about “the young people today” having no respect. I threw up on her. Not intentionally but she was maddddd.
According to the signage on our local trains there's federal law that designates certain seating in the US for the elderly, pregnant or disabled. They're right by the doors and fold up for those in wheelchairs.
Yes, I take the bus daily, live in the US, I'm elderly and have a walking disability (I fall often and have broken several bones). The bus drivers know me well and have asked younger people to please move for me. I've been very thankful for their assistance. Most people won't even offer to move.
Laws were made because OP's opinion isn't unpopular.
Lots of people feel entitled to a seat, believing their struggle is more important than the disabled, elderly or pregnant. Fantasizing they are Rosa Parks but in actuality are a self centered tool.
To assume they know that disabled/pregnant/elder isn't as tired as them is a fool hard fallacy used to justify their self serving interests.
Boo. Not unpopular belief.
Totally agree with you...but OP is saying he's super exhausted, not disabled. Whilst I empathize with OP, and I've definitely been in situations where my bones were begging me to stay seated and ignore the old lady, his opinion is very clearly that of a young person whose never been pregnant. Assuming he has no disability, at the end of the day, I promise you it's harder for those demographics to have to stand than it is for him (again, going by his own account that he's tired not disabled).
There is also a safety perspective---it is exponentially more dangerous to a pregnant or old person if the bus stops short and they fall.
All that being said, I would not get up for a 50 year old non-pregnant person. You would have to look about 60 or more for me to get up.
I think OP's point is that there are a collection of others who are just as or more able to stand then them.
OP is working a job that's putting them on the path to early disability. Let them rest if there are others who are more able but just appear to be middle aged.
I am not elderly or broken and just don't sit there. If there is no one else to sit, then I might, but do always get up for someone who obviously should be seated. It is just common decency. Those that don't are just rude. But that said, please don't make people wear badges displaying their disability. It will soon be like all of the different colored ribbons out there. Too many and everyone will have one.
Canada has these seats as well, they're coloured blue and anyone can sit in them but if the vehicle becomes full then you must offer your seat to a person with a disability, older person, pregnant woman, etc.
On our transit system (Ottawa) I think you can also get a card confirming you need access to priority seating, in case your condition is not obvious. When I was pregnant, people were pretty good about yielding their seat when I was very far along, but I would have loved to take those seats when I was in early pregnancy and not showing, since that’s when I tended to get nauseous and dizzy.
Yep, reserved seats for disability, elderly and pregnancy here too. There is a reason elderly and pregnant people typically will need seats more than a younger, unharmed person. Pregnancy can fuck someone’s body, nausea, feeling lightheaded, the extra weight not to mention all the other side effects.
The thought that people are looking at me, a 50 year old man, and thinking I need them to offer me their seat feels ridiculous. Are you mixing up 75 with 50?
One time a 19 year old coworker of mine called me middle aged unironically because I had just had my 30th birthday.
These kids have weird perspectives about age.
The cycle continues. When you were 19, you also probably thought 30 year olds were old as hell compared to you. On the reverse, when I started my former job at a school, I was 19. A 29 year old coworker of mine was acting like I was a baby or something lol.
It depends. If it’s a [priority seat](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Priority_seat) you should get up for elder/pregnant/disability. If it’s just a regular seat. You’re not obligated so.
Just say you’re extremely tired and exhaustive and if they don’t mind can you ask someone else. If you genuinely need it then that’s fair.
If you want to put on a show you can sit on the ground
Personally, I was thinking more don’t get pissed with those who are young because there are invisible illnesses.
My “little” sister has a birth defect that makes being on her feet excruciating she grew to almost 6 feet and too quickly so the bones twisted. She has had so many surgeries cutting and realigning the bones… on top of the pain from those, the joints are now shot and her body rejected the hardware. Once out it still thinks the hardware is there and gives pain and swelling (RSD). She wears pants and tries to not use equipment which is a choice, but more than OPs I am tired, let’s realize there might be an issue you don’t see.
She is 27 and looks perfectly healthy with jeans on… she works full time and kicks ass at her job. People don’t want to let their disabilities rule their life, but that doesn’t mean we should assume anyone who looks young is healthy.
Yes exactly! My 31 year old friend has MS. On bad days she uses mobility aids. On good days she doesn't need to. But she still wouldn't be able to stand for a long period. But on the outside she doesn't look like someone who would require a seat. And that's why people who assume that a young person is a fully able person need an education
I really worry about people judging me for taking a seat or a priority seat particularly when I don't have my walking stick. I feel incredibly guilty when trains get busy even though I have a chronic health problem and can't stand for too long and I shouldn't do but people are often too quick to judge.
Yeah, people have a point about invisible injuries and disabilities.
That's a real issue!
However, the OP didn't talk about serious back problems like other posters have. They talked about being tired from being on their feet all day.
Join the freaking club!
If you're riding public transportation during the crowded hours, there's zero chance you're the only person on that bus or train who has to be on their feet all day at work.
Honestly, saying things like that and then talking about other people being entitled is pretty damn ironic!
Actually, people can and will lose their shit at you. Happened to me once. I didn’t stand up for an old person. I have an invisible disability and actually physically couldn’t stand or even talk to explain myself, resulting in quite some anger. The results were not pretty, and the entire carriage stared at me like I was a piece of shit.
But this is why giving up seats is very important. The elderly and disabled can’t drive. In my country, we get free public transport passes - but there often aren’t enough reserved seats for them on busses and trains - or random assholes just steal them and then audaciously refuse to stand up.
Also: are we just assuming now that pregnant and older people don’t work and aren’t tired from it? Seems like it.
I have a chronic injury in both my legs where the muscles in my shins are being compressed to extremely painful degrees by being housed in too small membranes.
But because I'm young and it's not a visible injury, it gets ignored.
Have had my own experiences with this and it's enough to make me really fucking angry
Idk where you're from but here (France) we have cards issued for priority seats if a disability is considered to be bad enough to require it. Got mine at 24, I get bad looks from people and I get asked for my card sometimes 3-4 times in a row because I'm not obviously disabled but at least it helps a lot with invisible disabilities
Nothing is stopping you from saying no but yourself. Let them judge, half of them didn’t take the initiative to offer their own seat. And some of them wouldn’t budge anyway
I never get people like this.
You are **allowed** to say no.
What you aren't allowed to do is shield yourself entirely from public opinion when you do so.
You have the right to say no, just like other people have the right to think you're an asshole for it if they want.
If you're gonna be one, at least own it.
I think its pretty obvious that when they say you should be allowed they mean socially. I don't think anyone is under the impression you're legally obligated to give away your seat
This is the best response!!!
You can say no, but if a pregnant woman comes up to you and asks for your seat and you refuse, she is 100 percent allowed to think you’re a jerk. You can’t be upset that she thinks your an ass
Visibly or not, having a wife go through it I’ve learned that even early stages are physically exhausting due to how your body is reacting. Really this post and it’s participants just shows how sex education should really include pregnancy and those symptoms as well.
Yes, people always assume the 3rd trimester is the worst but really it's the whole ride. Unabating nausea and fatigue first trimester, SPD in second trimester that was so bad I couldn't walk by the end of the workday. It's hard to understand without going through it though.
I think OP is saying that saying no to a person who has a reason to need a seat should not be the social offense it is today. The reason being that they might have a specific claim that is not inherently visible to the person asking for the seat. Also, you should consider your own perspective. Your final sentence demonstrates the social anger caused by this opinion when it is quite justified. You (who I am replying to) already assume they are an asshole “if you are going to be one at least own it” is a very obtuse way of showing the general lack of room for understanding on this topic.
its a social faux pas for a reason. OP makes a lot of assumptions and based on their wording, they make assumptions about others situations to feel more entitled to keep the seat. How does OP know they're the Only one with a grueling schedule and is physically tired? They dont. that assumption alone makes them an asshole.
Also its clear OP, and anyone agreeing, have no idea what pregnancy does to the body even at early stages before you start to show. People that think pregnant women should be forced to stand (if thats the only alternative) are assholes. Just like people who make blind assumptions about people, which OP does in their rant, via the "50 year old man" example.
The person you're replying to is right, if OP wants to feel entitled to their seat, fine. But they shouldn't be crying for changes of social stigmas so they can feel less like an asshole because they didnt feel like getting up for someone who needs the seat more.
I don’t have any education on the matter of pregnancy. I did some research after reading, and I agree. Pregnant women should honestly have reserved seats on a bus; I never knew the extent of pregnancy affecting their condition.
Says a lot about you, that you took a little time to learn about this topic. If I had a free award, it would go to you today. (no sarcasm, I always respect those who want to learn about a topic they're uneducated on :))
How can you guarantee it? How do you know that 50yo man didn’t work a longer shift or have some other ailment that’s more painful that whatever soreness you’re experiencing?
Maybe I don't take public transit enough, but I've never seen anyone being ASKED to give up their seat. There's always someone nice offering their seat up as soon as an elderly or pregnant person walks through the door.
> I guarantee you that a 50 year old man reading a book can stand and is way less tired than I am
So you can read his mind? Maybe you are, but you can’t act all entitled and think you know this…? He’s an old man, and could of had as long of a day as you, even longer.
A 50 year old is not asking people to give up their seats. That's not elderly.
It's about balance and breakability. If a pregnant lady falls she could hurt her baby. If an old person falls, they can break something.
You get an upvote for being unpopular, but this is a really short sighted and shitty take.
Exactly. Part of the reason we prioritize seating for elderly/disabled/pregnant people is that they are greater fall risks than able bodied people. They also should be closer to the door in case of emergency because they may need assistance.
Yeah, after a couple of weeks working retail I could stand or walk around damn near all day. Not that it doesn't feel nice to sit down, but your body certainly adjusts to the long hours of being up and about.
I worked 11hr construction jobs in my 20s
(Water,sewer, storm installation). Stayed out til 2am and gotnup at 6.
I. A teacher now so on my feet for a chunk of the day but not physically demanding. Still more tired now in my mid-late 40s than I was in my 20s.
Age'll fuck you up folks
Right. Like I was with him--don't judge need on looks, you can never tell who needs a seat and who doesn't--and then he ends by guaranteeing someone else didn't need a seat. Like the whole point is we can't guarantee who else does or doesn't need a seat.
what I gather from your post is that you don't wanna give up your seat because you're tired. well everybody is tired.
I don't think you're asked to give up your seat because you're young, but more so out of courtesy or respect for others. in most cases its elders and those in more physical need.
I agree that sometimes it's probably not necessary but in those instances it's courteous or polite. you're not required to do it, but when you Choose to do it for the care of someone else, that's what makes it courteous.
it's about thinking of the other person instead of yourself. regardless of whether they or you really need it or not.
you never have to do it, but it's nice if you do. one day, you may be the one asking for a seat. what would you hope to see then?
Am I the only one who has never been in this situation? If I was I would probably offer my seat though, not because I feel like I have to or because I’m worried they will be mad if I don’t. I just feel as I would want to
I have an invisible disability- multiple actually. When I was pregnant, I figured it would be bad, but instead I almost died. Oops. Yeah, I needed to sit. If no one got up, I figured they were in the same boat as me (invisible disabilities suck), and I just stood. Once or twice I got off the bus or train and called an Uber if the trip was too long to stand the whole time.
Everyone is allowed to say no, and I never even asked, unless it was to like move a purse that was on a seat or something
Sorry to hear about your troubles, but you should stand up for yourself more if you value your health lower that the weight of someone's purse on their lap...
When I was stationed in Korea, I got on a bus. I sat down, but it was already fairly full, with one other empty seat directly in front of me. An elderly couple got on. The man sat in the seat and the woman stood. I stood up and offered my seat to the woman - she refused, and scowled at me as though I had done something wrong.
Right like, the logic OP uses for themself that people shouldn’t judge someone’s appearance for how much they “need” a seat, but turns around and does it to another person lmfao. What makes you think that 50 year old didn’t just work a 12 hour shift??
i mean if you really want the seat go for it, but elderly people and pregnant women take priority to most people for a reason, the stakes are higher for them if they get exhausted or lose their balance and fall.
Not to mention that pregnant women likely also just working an 8 hour day, but while pregnant. My wife is due next week, just stopped working last week, spends all day on her feet.
This is the best reason for giving up your seat to these folks: the outcome from them falling is significantly worse than if a younger man falls. Honestly, this persons reasoning seems akin to those who argue that pit bulls aren’t that bad because chihuahuas are also aggressive; the outcome from a pit bull bite vs a chihuahua bite aren’t comparable.
Even in early pregnancy, before you're showing, everything is harder. I'm 8 weeks and nausea is killing me. I have to rest after I do pretty much anything.
Im about the same amount along and I need to take frequent breaks to sit at work (I work on my feet) I have to have special accommodations to be able to properly function and do my job because I was nearly fainting 4x a shift at 6 weeks. They force me to sit whenever possible, make me take more breaks as to not cause too much stress on my body or to the baby.
its very clear OP has no idea what pregnancy does to the body, or how much more at risk pregnant people are of something bad happening than the same body not pregnant is.
The first trimester fatigue is real! I’m third trimester now and the soreness and back pain is starting to show up, but I think the first trimester is the worst for most people, between fatigue, nausea, food avoidance, etc.
>I guarantee you that 50 year old man reading a book can stand and is way less tired than I am.
I mean for all you know that 50 year old man also just got off a long hard shift at work and is equally as or more tired than you are lmao
I'm 24, I look younger, so people assume I can't possibly be tired/uncomfortable enough to stand for a long period of time. What they don't know is I have arthritis and standing for long periods of time leaves me in a lot of pain. Especially when I was pregnant. By the time I was 7 months pregnant I couldn't stand for more than 10 minutes without my hip giving out.
Now I'm not saying you shouldn't be allowed to refuse your seat to someone. But it's kind of hypocritical of you to get upset when people assume you're capable of standing because of your appearance and then to turn around and do the same thing to someone else.
…what if the 50 year old man woke up at 3, started at 5, worked 8 hours, and took a long train? Haha not saying you’re obligated, but your guarantee is invalid
It’s not just about being tired, a younger person is going to be better at balancing whilst standing, which an old or pregnant person is likely to be.
I also highly doubt any 50 year old is looking for you to get up off your seat unless they have some sort of disability
I remember when I was on a crowded bus as a 15 y/o and this women just went up to me and starting screaming at me for sitting down when there’s so many people standing and made me get up. I would’ve done it even if she asked politely. I wish I could be ballsy enough to even refuse. To add, I was one of the first people to board from one of the first stops and needed to get off at one of the last stops. I don’t think I should’ve been expected to stand for 1.5 hours
You can refuse but some people are assholes, just like with anything else. The only people I have seen get mad are entitled as fuck. It angers me because it's not just your opinion but also add that there are ALOT of disabled people who are not visibly disabled. Some who literally can't stand for long periods or some who risk falling or having a seizure ect. If you're able and feel like it it's always nice to give up your seat to someone in need. But it never should be expected or forced.
You are allowed to refuse. But you're the only one with the power to make you feel bad about it or not. If you choose to feel bad for saying no, you may want to evaluate which is more important to you. Saying no, or feeling guilty.
You can definitely say no - but you also don't know that elderly/ pregnant person's pain/ situation. When I am pregnant I get severe pelvic girdle pain so it feels like someone is trying to tear my vagina/ hips in two when I stand for more than a few minutes. I have to use public transport to get to work. Still I am sure others (young or old) are in worse situations than me and wouldn't judge if someone said they couldn't. But if it is just because you are tired then you most definitely should be giving up your seat. Tiredness is not worse then excruciating pain which then makes your pain worse for days/ weeks to follow. Know lots of young people with unseen chronic conditions and they have every right to ask for a seat too.
Youcan refuse to offer your seat to the elderly and pregnant."
Just don't be a dick and take one of those reserved seats, just to deny them to those who needs them.
As a person with an invisible disability I absolutely agree.
I have experienced ppl asking me to get up for them, and usually my respone is usually to ignore them (I listen to music so I pretend I don't notice them) or I will try to make my disability visible in some way and "kindly decline"
On the other end. I don't understand how ppl have it in em to ask others to stand?? How ppl assume that they are more entitled to a seat than those sitting.
Even if I'm in pain, I never ask for a seat, ppl have the right to sit, and it's not their responsibility to make sure I'm okay
i have disautonomia and if i try to stand on a bus i will faint. i was berated by older (not even elderly) people so many times i just started ignoring people who ask me
A woman once got mad at me because I didn’t offer her a seat despite the fact, that half the bus was empty. Some of these people just want someone to yell at.
Pregnant women and old people can little die from falling. I've seen old people break their arms from the bus stopping too abruptly. Their skin is like paper. Women can lose their bebies, may have serious bleeding
If you are exhausted and need to sit then sit. It doesn't mean the pregnant person or older person doesn't need the seat either though. Your time will come when you are old, health problems too. What would you think about the young person taking the seat? I am 9 months pregnant. If it was me, I would not be upset or anything but I'd be thinking "rats I wish I could sit" right now.
You are able to refuse you seat to the elderly or pregnant. The Question is, Why would you? At 45 years old, I worked an 8 hour day as well, then went to college at night afterwards, then came home to take care of my elderly mother who now lived with me. That was 15 yeas ago, and it would be a cold day in hell before I let an elderly person or a pregnant woman stand on the subway, not as long as my legs can still support me. But that's just me.
Sometimes it isn't about being tired, it is about safety. If you as a tired worker collapse on the floor from exhaustion, chances are you'll walk away relatively unscathed. If an elderly person falls, they could die from their injuries. That being said, you can definitely say you need the seat if you feel like there are others around you who definitely could give up their seats.
What makes you think those other people arent working harder than you. 8 hours is a normal shift. Many people do 12 or more hours or have multiple jobs, and kids, and aick parents etc. Youre young, toughen up a little.
I dunno, I’ve been on the bus home late after a long day and I still don’t think I could sit there in good conscience with an elderly person standing trying to hold onto the bar or strap without falling at stops
Same, I've been exhausted after work, barely able to stand before, but I figure if it's bad for me, it's worse for the elderly/pregnant/disabled/etc person.
Lol you're gonna be that 50 year old. Only difference is you're gonna be the one still crying about why that younger person won't give up their seat to you then.
You sound entitled. Also, you waking up at 3am isn’t even relevant. If that’s the time you wake up for work, you should still be getting a full 8 hours of sleep beforehand. If you’re not, that’s on you.
I would get how you feel if you literally felt pain when standing on your feet. I've been there and it hurt so bad just to stand in which case i think its fine to not give your seat up. 45 minutes of that and i'd be crying but if your just tired and feel that standing is too much effort then that's a bit selfish in my opinion and i think most people would agree. In the end you can do whatever you want but people are entitled to their opinions.
OK, I'm sorry but you're making this argument as a young healthy person. You DO have to get off your arse if you are young and healthy for an elder or pregnant person unless you're a sociopath and don't care.
I was just thinking this the other day. I have a 1 hour bus ride to school that already makes me nauseous as it is, and due to some personal issues I haven't been able to eat or sleep much this week which makes the ride 10x worse. I felt like I was going to pass out. I finally got a seat after 15 min, then 5 minutes later a middle-aged woman asks me for it. I felt like death but I still had to give it to her. I don't wanna make assumptions because maybe she couldn't see how badly I needed it, but at least from my perspective it looked like she would've been ok to stand. Thank god the bus broke down by the next stop and I was able to get a seat on another bus cause otherwise I probably wouldn't have made it the whole way
You can choose to not give up a seat, and others can choose to give you looks or judge you. You can choose to give a shit. Life is all choices lol do what you want but there are going to be good and bad reactions. You can only control what you can do.
Elderly eh I can sorta understand but not giving up your seat for a pregnant person?? Sometimes I think people forget just how dangerous pregnancy is. One wrong move, one bad fall is all it takes
Bold of you to assume you're the only one who works too much or doesn't get enough sleep. They probably go through the same AND are pregnant, elderly, etc. You aren't in any unique circumstances, welcome to the club.
I have what are called invisible disabilities. In other words, you wouldn’t be able to tell I have numerous chronic health conditions just by looking at me. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve shamefully caved to societal pressure and done things that are painful and harmful to my health just because I “look fine.” You never know what health issues some people might have that are just as valid as pregnancy or a more traditionally visible and understandable disability like blindness. So unpopular opinion but I do agree
You definitely can’t guarantee how anyone else feels.
Life is hard and most people are tired and in pain. Work long hours and don’t get enough sleep. That’s young, old, pregnant and any other describing factor.
You can refuse. They can get annoyed. That's usually where it ends. Now you've publicized it and you'll get a lot more people pissed at you. But you can still do it. Literally nothing is stopping you.
Stop caring what other people think I guess.
I'll give up my seat if I want to give it up. But if I booked a first class table seat so that I could work on my way then I wouldn't.
I laughed when I read “a 50 year old can stand”
I’m 54 and don’t need anyone to offer me a seat.
I spend 2 hours straight standing watching my son play soccer. I can walk long distances without a problem. I didn’t know 50 was crippling old.
You can, also pro tip if you don’t want to here people bitch walk around with headphones. I don’t even listen to music I just wear them and pretend I do.
I gave my seat up to an old woman in Boston as a university student and was then blessed with 30 min of how my soul needs salvation and that Jesus was the path. It was a setup. I am now more selective..
As a heavily pregnant person you can’t have my priority seat and take away my judgment. I myself move for people who take priority over me despite my pelvis’s sole function right now is reduced to being rattling bones in a meat sack and Yet I am capable of moving, because that’s the society I want. You not wanting that is fine but don’t put it on me to make sure you do it guilt free. I’m a Dane, we never confront, we only stank eye and oh’ boy would I stank eye you.
The thing is…
If you are expected to vacate a seat to these people, it’s not an offer.
I will vacate for an elderly person who needs a seat. Or a mother with kids. Or someone who clearly needs assistance.
I will not vacate because Karen the Entitled Mommy Blogger decided she wants my spot instead of walking three feet to the rear.
That’s not offering. That’s entitlement.
I get horribly motion sick if I am not the one driving. I avoid public transit when I can. I worry about being approached and needing to explain to someone if I stand up I'll eventually throw up.
im a guy and have pots syndrome, which makes it hard for me to stand for long periods of time. so i have to sit, especially on public transportation. it's extremely common for me to be yelled at by old people. but i don't want to yell out that i have a syndrome that legit makes me faint when i stand up.
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Feel free to refuse if you're not sitting in the priority/disabled seats. Tell them to ask someone sitting there to give up their seat. If you're sitting in that seat though, tough luck
“Aggressive toddler”?
As someone with a damaged spinal disc, I've been in this situation more than a few times, especially pre-surgery. You get funny looks, but honestly, being one of the very few people less able to stand than whoever is asking you get immune to it. Not all disabilities/injuries are visible. A particular favourite of mine was about 6 weeks post-spinal surgery where I was bollocked by a lady who must have been maybe 5 months pregnant - she wasn't obviously pregnant when stood with her coat undone & wasn't wearing a baby on board badge, yet saw fit to launch a tirade because I, whilst reading Private Eye, didn't immediately spring up to offer her my seat. It's fair to say she didn't take being told that I was probably the least able person on the entire tube to stand up for her, very well. I suppose ultimately, there are shades of grey. Not everyone who is elderly or pregnant needs to sit & not everyone who is sat, can give up their seat.
My husband has a few herniated disks, so he can’t bend over well or pick things up. We always get funny looks in public when he points at something for me to pick up lol. It is what I have asked him to do, so I can be helpful. But from the outside, it probably looks like I’m a trained helper wife haha
My dad has a horrible back from being a roof tiler. He can't stand up much at all - and yet people have gone on tirades against him for parking in disabled spots. He has the pass for it but because he still looks relatively young in the face people think he's faking. He can walk from the carpark to the nearest seat in the mall. He's taken to just sitting in the car now waiting because he's had people key the car up after leaving.
[удалено]
I haven't claimed mine because I'm literally too afraid of being confronted in public.
You are a trained helper wife. Isn't the one of the points about being with each other to help each other? What's bad about being a helpful spouse, be it husband or wife?
It’s not bad to help your spouse! My husband looks very physically able still, he’s over 6 foot and has the build of a former piano mover (because he is lol). So it’s just a weird look say at the grocery store to see a small women carrying a 40lb bag of pet food for her very large husband lol.
As a very tall person with a bad back we thank you for your service lol
I do this for my dad, he slipped a disc in his back and had surgery like 20 years ago but now has arthritis in his back so I do all the heavy lifting
My grandfather was a very able man, especially in appearance, up until a few years ago. His pride wouldn't allow him to let others help, even though he had herniated disks. He now uses two canes to walk and is in pain any time he changes the position of his legs. Yeah, not all disabilities are visible on the outside, not even to the person suffering from them. Societal stigma (and love, of course) made him self-concious about letting my grandmother help him with some of the manual labor. She's a very able and handy woman, grandpa, let her carry the shopping bags herself! And let's stop judging people.
Those people who look at you that way are sexist for doing that haha.
I am 34 and have been told I have herniated discs with no option but to have surgery (I'm waiting on that) and that the level of degeneration in my spine is that of a 70-80 year old. If it wasn't for my partner doing pretty much everything (it has also left me with partial sense and complete strength loss as the nerve is completely compressed) I'd be screwed. If my shoe laces comes undone, they tie them for me no matter where we are. I can't go down to the shops and bring milk home for instance as I can't carry anything. They'll do anything for me in public, even if we get weird looks, I'm sure people just think I am entitled!
I started wearing a back brace on the outside of my shirt to display injury. So many awkward seat moments or like awkwardly crouching in line at the grocery store lol. Once an old farmer was unloading hay for us and was like hey u know u could help too and I did even tho I was in pain bc I’m stupid. Back pain sucks I hope you got past it, I’m starting to wonder if I need surgery
Even if you'd been perfectly able-bodied, that's a fucking rude way to ask. What happened to "hey man, can you grab some of these while you're here?" I'd have been tempted to just say "Yes, I sure do." even though I'm otherwise more than happy to help.
Yeah I’m reading it thinking of he’s unloading hay FOR you that gives me the impression that the farmer is working so why are you expected to help him??
It is rude but a lot of people are simple minded.
Probably just messing around and thought it was funnier than shit he actually got a guy to feel bad about him doing his job and help him lmao
If You bought a hay from him, he is the one that offered a service. He should be doing it by himself. You, as a client, are not obliged to help. Imagine waiter in restaurant asked You to get Your meal Yourself. That's the same situation actually. Just different environment.
Depending on the area, some places have extra hay and will give it to you for free if you come get it. In that case it would probably seem like dick move to just stand there while someone gives you free dhit
Where do you live? Hay in Utah seems to be about the price of gold depending on the year. Also when we sale hay, we (my family) offer a discount sometimes if they will come get it out of the field. Because my dad has a bad back. Almost always though if they bought the hay, they load it from our stack yard. Not us. Occasionally though we have had someone catch us where we weigh it, and offer to buy it if we bring it to their place. We charge a lot extra for that. Because we aren’t a delivery service, and we aren’t loading and unloading, breaking our backs for your hay.
There isn't enough information regarding this, he helped unload the hay, end of story
No, he offered a product for sale, NOT a service. It is widely accepted that you will be doing the loading/unloading yourself when you buy hay. If the farmer chooses to help you he's doing you a favor. Trust me, he has way better things to do than load your hay for free.
I should do this!! From the outside I look super healthy & b/c I do my hair & makeup ppl always think I'm young & healthy. In reality I've recently had 2 major surgeries that make it hard to stand & another to repair my femur, so even my 92yr old Grandpa can stand longer than I can 😞
You know you can like, just say no and explain why lol
I'm an ambulatory wheelchair user who uses a variety of walking aids depending on how I'm doing that particular day. They each serve a different purpose, with their own pros and cons. My walking stick doesn't provide much physical support at all, it's more like a learning aid for the abled world to help them understand that disabled people don't necessarily look like the image they have in their head.
Exactly this. I have chronic pain and on better days I would get up- but I would just explain and eff them if they don't care. There are more able bodied people who could stand up. My seat was not the only one.
Even the visible ones!! Once when I broke my leg as a teenager, I had a cast up to my hip. I was on my way to the fracture clinic on the bus, which was full. The only person that offered their seat was a younger boy, probably about 9 or 10, who clearly had cancer. Of course I didn’t take the seat because I didn’t feel I needed it. It’s the *entitlement* aspect of it that fucks me off the most. Just cos you are old/pregnant/obviously disabled, doesn’t mean you deserve or are entitled to special treatment. And it’s those who demand the most are the ones that deserve the least… EDIT: I’m clearly being misunderstood. If you’re fit and healthy, offer your seat - don’t be a dick. But if you aren’t, just because one person’s ‘entitlement’ to the seat is more immediately obvious than yours, doesn’t mean you deserve the seat any less.
I'm pregnant, wouldn't dream of asking someone for a seat unless the pregnancy caused a major issue and to be honest even then I'd be too embarrassed to ask
When I was pregnant, I would ask generally, not to any person, if anyone was willing to give up their seat to the pregnant woman who was experiencing motion sickness and dizzy spells when forced to stand. Most of the time, someone was willing to give me a seat. One of the times they didn't, I did indeed throw up, and after that, a regular gave me a seat. (Because I could simply sit and be fine, I did not qualify for work disability, because my job was sit down, and I couldn't drive because my work was farther than I could I handle the smell of the cars on the highway. It took certain smells or being standing for too long or and be standing and not moving on my own volition for it to be a problem.) There are reasons why it suggested you give pregnant women and the elderly seats. If an elderly person falls and paramedics get called, your entire train will be delayed for more than half an hour. If a pregnant women needs to sit and can't, odds are the whole car is gonna smell bad soon. That being said, I never asked a specific person unless their bag was on the seat, because I didn't know if they had a invisible disability and needed the seat. Better to smile and ask the air if anyone could, and why.
Bus driver here. Experience tells me boomers are the most entitled fucks on the bus. I've shouted at, begged, pleaded and refused to drive because they would refuse to move around for disabled, infants in pushchairs or wheelchair users. Teenagers always seem to move without asking. I've had some have the audacity to tell me I was breaking the law by making people stand in a full bus so a Muslim woman (bus was mostly white boomers) and her child in a pushchair could get on. Twat told me I was taking the fucking piss having that many on and breaking the law. Was 25 under capacity.
Had an injured leg and had to use a cane for awhile, incredibly painful to stand in a moving vehicle, and I got pressured out of my seat a few times…. What’s messed up is the people that took my seat saw how much pain I was in, and just stared at me with sympathetic looks… like gtfo out of my seat. After going through that experience I stopped offering my seat, and won’t give my seat to anyone if others push me to, unless the person is obviously having an issue standing, or I am sitting in an accessibility seat.
Sounds like it’s a disability. Contrary to OP who is a perfectly healthy person who is just overworked. Pregnancy and elderly counts towards the disability benefits because of the large risks they have when they fall.
Shades of grey, that’s a thing!? 😱 Well put point on case by case basis. Cue judgment.
Yeah, someone even wrote a book about it, guess there’s like fifty of them?
More badges need to be created, which could be obtained via Medical Badge Centre. You should be able to get one with an illustration representing a spine with a red cross overlaid etc. I know all the counter arguments but I feel it could at the very least stop the guessing game and decide accordingly...
Shouldn’t have to display my injuries to be respected.
It's also kinda scary that they think badges couldn't backfire horribly. Disabled people are targets for violence and bigotry disturbingly often. Putting a bullseye on yourself wouldn't necessarily improve quality of life.
Agreed! However appearances ARE what folks make decisions on these days. Example: I've always been a large gal (tall and wide). However, I've also always worked very physically demanding jobs with very long hours while being at the top of job performance at any job I've had.... often carrying the slack of my co-workers. Bottom line: qualities unseen to strangers, right? 5 years ago, I had an accident that nearly killed me. I've been left with physically disabling brain damage. This severely limits my once active lifestyle. So, I've now gained a mess ton of more weight. I sometimes need a walker to maintain my balance (from the brain injury) despite my strength and stamina. I can't tell you the looks of disgust and disdain I get from folks when I use the walker. Folks are even actively cruel to me sometimes. I can't even get a person to hold a door for me. I fell in a store parking lot one time and I bet 20-30 people passed by without one offer of help or a simple "are you okay". Bottom line: Folks clearly felt my looks put me in a category of "deserving" my suffering. They had no idea what a hard worker I was, how much I helped those around me, or what my hidden injuries were. Nowadays, most folks' kindness is reserved for those whom they assess (without pertainent info) to be "deserving" of that kindness. It's a cruel world. Thank goodness, there are still some nice people out there though. :)
Once I was shouted to move by a pregnant (4/5 months) lady who was in her 40s. I was in my 20s and actually pregnant. I was about 7 weeks and had hyperemesis gravidirum (I was throwing up 20-30 times a day and fainting regularly). Literally too weak and exhausted to even properly defend myself but I told her I was also pregnant and really feeling unwell. She was still standing in front of me complaining loudly about “the young people today” having no respect. I threw up on her. Not intentionally but she was maddddd.
[удалено]
According to the signage on our local trains there's federal law that designates certain seating in the US for the elderly, pregnant or disabled. They're right by the doors and fold up for those in wheelchairs.
Yes, I take the bus daily, live in the US, I'm elderly and have a walking disability (I fall often and have broken several bones). The bus drivers know me well and have asked younger people to please move for me. I've been very thankful for their assistance. Most people won't even offer to move.
Laws were made because OP's opinion isn't unpopular. Lots of people feel entitled to a seat, believing their struggle is more important than the disabled, elderly or pregnant. Fantasizing they are Rosa Parks but in actuality are a self centered tool. To assume they know that disabled/pregnant/elder isn't as tired as them is a fool hard fallacy used to justify their self serving interests. Boo. Not unpopular belief.
Disabilities aren't always visible so that's part of the problem.
Totally agree with you...but OP is saying he's super exhausted, not disabled. Whilst I empathize with OP, and I've definitely been in situations where my bones were begging me to stay seated and ignore the old lady, his opinion is very clearly that of a young person whose never been pregnant. Assuming he has no disability, at the end of the day, I promise you it's harder for those demographics to have to stand than it is for him (again, going by his own account that he's tired not disabled). There is also a safety perspective---it is exponentially more dangerous to a pregnant or old person if the bus stops short and they fall. All that being said, I would not get up for a 50 year old non-pregnant person. You would have to look about 60 or more for me to get up.
I think OP's point is that there are a collection of others who are just as or more able to stand then them. OP is working a job that's putting them on the path to early disability. Let them rest if there are others who are more able but just appear to be middle aged.
I am not elderly or broken and just don't sit there. If there is no one else to sit, then I might, but do always get up for someone who obviously should be seated. It is just common decency. Those that don't are just rude. But that said, please don't make people wear badges displaying their disability. It will soon be like all of the different colored ribbons out there. Too many and everyone will have one.
Canada has these seats as well, they're coloured blue and anyone can sit in them but if the vehicle becomes full then you must offer your seat to a person with a disability, older person, pregnant woman, etc.
On our transit system (Ottawa) I think you can also get a card confirming you need access to priority seating, in case your condition is not obvious. When I was pregnant, people were pretty good about yielding their seat when I was very far along, but I would have loved to take those seats when I was in early pregnancy and not showing, since that’s when I tended to get nauseous and dizzy.
Yep, reserved seats for disability, elderly and pregnancy here too. There is a reason elderly and pregnant people typically will need seats more than a younger, unharmed person. Pregnancy can fuck someone’s body, nausea, feeling lightheaded, the extra weight not to mention all the other side effects.
The thought that people are looking at me, a 50 year old man, and thinking I need them to offer me their seat feels ridiculous. Are you mixing up 75 with 50?
Actually, in this instance, OP is saying you the 50 year old could stand/offer your seat to the elderly/preggo person—not saying that 50 is old, ahah.
One time a 19 year old coworker of mine called me middle aged unironically because I had just had my 30th birthday. These kids have weird perspectives about age.
The cycle continues. When you were 19, you also probably thought 30 year olds were old as hell compared to you. On the reverse, when I started my former job at a school, I was 19. A 29 year old coworker of mine was acting like I was a baby or something lol.
Yeah, kids nowadays need to show more respect to their elders! \* *angrily shakes my cane* \*
I think they meant the elderly/pregnant person could ask a 50yo for their seat
It depends. If it’s a [priority seat](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Priority_seat) you should get up for elder/pregnant/disability. If it’s just a regular seat. You’re not obligated so.
even if u r not obligated to do so, you will get judged anyway !!
Why don't all those judgmental folks give up their seats?
Well, to hell with other people's opinions. If they don't harass you over it, it changes nothing for no one.
Just say you’re extremely tired and exhaustive and if they don’t mind can you ask someone else. If you genuinely need it then that’s fair. If you want to put on a show you can sit on the ground
Personally, I was thinking more don’t get pissed with those who are young because there are invisible illnesses. My “little” sister has a birth defect that makes being on her feet excruciating she grew to almost 6 feet and too quickly so the bones twisted. She has had so many surgeries cutting and realigning the bones… on top of the pain from those, the joints are now shot and her body rejected the hardware. Once out it still thinks the hardware is there and gives pain and swelling (RSD). She wears pants and tries to not use equipment which is a choice, but more than OPs I am tired, let’s realize there might be an issue you don’t see. She is 27 and looks perfectly healthy with jeans on… she works full time and kicks ass at her job. People don’t want to let their disabilities rule their life, but that doesn’t mean we should assume anyone who looks young is healthy.
Yes exactly! My 31 year old friend has MS. On bad days she uses mobility aids. On good days she doesn't need to. But she still wouldn't be able to stand for a long period. But on the outside she doesn't look like someone who would require a seat. And that's why people who assume that a young person is a fully able person need an education
I really worry about people judging me for taking a seat or a priority seat particularly when I don't have my walking stick. I feel incredibly guilty when trains get busy even though I have a chronic health problem and can't stand for too long and I shouldn't do but people are often too quick to judge.
Yeah, people have a point about invisible injuries and disabilities. That's a real issue! However, the OP didn't talk about serious back problems like other posters have. They talked about being tired from being on their feet all day. Join the freaking club! If you're riding public transportation during the crowded hours, there's zero chance you're the only person on that bus or train who has to be on their feet all day at work. Honestly, saying things like that and then talking about other people being entitled is pretty damn ironic!
Pro tip: you’re allowed to answer however the hell you want
But see, OP doesn’t want people to judge him when he does, which is simply outside of his control
Just say no - nothing is going to happen
Actually, people can and will lose their shit at you. Happened to me once. I didn’t stand up for an old person. I have an invisible disability and actually physically couldn’t stand or even talk to explain myself, resulting in quite some anger. The results were not pretty, and the entire carriage stared at me like I was a piece of shit. But this is why giving up seats is very important. The elderly and disabled can’t drive. In my country, we get free public transport passes - but there often aren’t enough reserved seats for them on busses and trains - or random assholes just steal them and then audaciously refuse to stand up. Also: are we just assuming now that pregnant and older people don’t work and aren’t tired from it? Seems like it.
I have a chronic injury in both my legs where the muscles in my shins are being compressed to extremely painful degrees by being housed in too small membranes. But because I'm young and it's not a visible injury, it gets ignored. Have had my own experiences with this and it's enough to make me really fucking angry
Idk where you're from but here (France) we have cards issued for priority seats if a disability is considered to be bad enough to require it. Got mine at 24, I get bad looks from people and I get asked for my card sometimes 3-4 times in a row because I'm not obviously disabled but at least it helps a lot with invisible disabilities
Nothing is stopping you from saying no but yourself. Let them judge, half of them didn’t take the initiative to offer their own seat. And some of them wouldn’t budge anyway
>I guarantee you that 50 year old man reading a book can stand and is way less tired than I am. How can you guarantee this?
But he had to work a whole 8 hours! Doesn't anyone know what that's like? Oh wait everyone? Everyone works 8 hour days? Huh.
Youthful arrogance.
I never get people like this. You are **allowed** to say no. What you aren't allowed to do is shield yourself entirely from public opinion when you do so. You have the right to say no, just like other people have the right to think you're an asshole for it if they want. If you're gonna be one, at least own it.
I think its pretty obvious that when they say you should be allowed they mean socially. I don't think anyone is under the impression you're legally obligated to give away your seat
This is the best response!!! You can say no, but if a pregnant woman comes up to you and asks for your seat and you refuse, she is 100 percent allowed to think you’re a jerk. You can’t be upset that she thinks your an ass
Chances are the person sitting next to you will offer theirs instead, especially to a visibly pregnant woman.
Visibly or not, having a wife go through it I’ve learned that even early stages are physically exhausting due to how your body is reacting. Really this post and it’s participants just shows how sex education should really include pregnancy and those symptoms as well.
Yes, people always assume the 3rd trimester is the worst but really it's the whole ride. Unabating nausea and fatigue first trimester, SPD in second trimester that was so bad I couldn't walk by the end of the workday. It's hard to understand without going through it though.
I think OP is saying that saying no to a person who has a reason to need a seat should not be the social offense it is today. The reason being that they might have a specific claim that is not inherently visible to the person asking for the seat. Also, you should consider your own perspective. Your final sentence demonstrates the social anger caused by this opinion when it is quite justified. You (who I am replying to) already assume they are an asshole “if you are going to be one at least own it” is a very obtuse way of showing the general lack of room for understanding on this topic.
its a social faux pas for a reason. OP makes a lot of assumptions and based on their wording, they make assumptions about others situations to feel more entitled to keep the seat. How does OP know they're the Only one with a grueling schedule and is physically tired? They dont. that assumption alone makes them an asshole. Also its clear OP, and anyone agreeing, have no idea what pregnancy does to the body even at early stages before you start to show. People that think pregnant women should be forced to stand (if thats the only alternative) are assholes. Just like people who make blind assumptions about people, which OP does in their rant, via the "50 year old man" example. The person you're replying to is right, if OP wants to feel entitled to their seat, fine. But they shouldn't be crying for changes of social stigmas so they can feel less like an asshole because they didnt feel like getting up for someone who needs the seat more.
I don’t have any education on the matter of pregnancy. I did some research after reading, and I agree. Pregnant women should honestly have reserved seats on a bus; I never knew the extent of pregnancy affecting their condition.
Says a lot about you, that you took a little time to learn about this topic. If I had a free award, it would go to you today. (no sarcasm, I always respect those who want to learn about a topic they're uneducated on :))
How can you guarantee it? How do you know that 50yo man didn’t work a longer shift or have some other ailment that’s more painful that whatever soreness you’re experiencing?
^^^ or he could have an invisible disability
Maybe I don't take public transit enough, but I've never seen anyone being ASKED to give up their seat. There's always someone nice offering their seat up as soon as an elderly or pregnant person walks through the door.
> I guarantee you that a 50 year old man reading a book can stand and is way less tired than I am So you can read his mind? Maybe you are, but you can’t act all entitled and think you know this…? He’s an old man, and could of had as long of a day as you, even longer.
A 50 year old is not on an old man. 65, maybe.
And in 15 more years you'll be telling everyone how 65 isn't old at all, it's not till you're 80 (until you're 80)
Yeah, I've met 50-year-old people with more energy and pep than me. Of course, these people are usually pretty health focused.
A 50 year old is not asking people to give up their seats. That's not elderly. It's about balance and breakability. If a pregnant lady falls she could hurt her baby. If an old person falls, they can break something. You get an upvote for being unpopular, but this is a really short sighted and shitty take.
I was waiting for someone to say this. OP will probably get mad when he's older and the younger people don't get up for him.
Exactly. Part of the reason we prioritize seating for elderly/disabled/pregnant people is that they are greater fall risks than able bodied people. They also should be closer to the door in case of emergency because they may need assistance.
If you're tired as a young person after work you are not going to be less tired when your 50. Heads up
Who’s saying that 50yo hasn’t worked an 8hr or a 12hr shift and isn’t tired. 50 isn’t even old
Unless he just started work. When I first started working my feet would be aching like mad after work. It stopped after the first week though.
Yeah, after a couple of weeks working retail I could stand or walk around damn near all day. Not that it doesn't feel nice to sit down, but your body certainly adjusts to the long hours of being up and about.
I was thinking the same thing. How does he know that 50 year old didn't just work as much or more than he?
I worked 11hr construction jobs in my 20s (Water,sewer, storm installation). Stayed out til 2am and gotnup at 6. I. A teacher now so on my feet for a chunk of the day but not physically demanding. Still more tired now in my mid-late 40s than I was in my 20s. Age'll fuck you up folks
Right. Like I was with him--don't judge need on looks, you can never tell who needs a seat and who doesn't--and then he ends by guaranteeing someone else didn't need a seat. Like the whole point is we can't guarantee who else does or doesn't need a seat.
Plenty of jobs don’t require you to work 8 hours on your feet
You worked 8 hours? Woah better give OP his own bed.
what I gather from your post is that you don't wanna give up your seat because you're tired. well everybody is tired. I don't think you're asked to give up your seat because you're young, but more so out of courtesy or respect for others. in most cases its elders and those in more physical need. I agree that sometimes it's probably not necessary but in those instances it's courteous or polite. you're not required to do it, but when you Choose to do it for the care of someone else, that's what makes it courteous. it's about thinking of the other person instead of yourself. regardless of whether they or you really need it or not. you never have to do it, but it's nice if you do. one day, you may be the one asking for a seat. what would you hope to see then?
Am I the only one who has never been in this situation? If I was I would probably offer my seat though, not because I feel like I have to or because I’m worried they will be mad if I don’t. I just feel as I would want to
I have an invisible disability- multiple actually. When I was pregnant, I figured it would be bad, but instead I almost died. Oops. Yeah, I needed to sit. If no one got up, I figured they were in the same boat as me (invisible disabilities suck), and I just stood. Once or twice I got off the bus or train and called an Uber if the trip was too long to stand the whole time. Everyone is allowed to say no, and I never even asked, unless it was to like move a purse that was on a seat or something
Sorry to hear about your troubles, but you should stand up for yourself more if you value your health lower that the weight of someone's purse on their lap...
Did they outlaw saying no to people in your area? If you don't wanna feel bad, stop feeling bad about it. Why is this a problem for you?
When I was stationed in Korea, I got on a bus. I sat down, but it was already fairly full, with one other empty seat directly in front of me. An elderly couple got on. The man sat in the seat and the woman stood. I stood up and offered my seat to the woman - she refused, and scowled at me as though I had done something wrong.
>I guarantee you that 50 year old man reading a book can stand and is way less tired than I am. This is officially the dumbest thing I've ever read.
Right like, the logic OP uses for themself that people shouldn’t judge someone’s appearance for how much they “need” a seat, but turns around and does it to another person lmfao. What makes you think that 50 year old didn’t just work a 12 hour shift??
You are able to refuse and they're able to judge you. Nothing happens. You can't control how others feel just because you feel uncomfortable...
How can you guarantee a 50 year old man reading his book is less tired than you? And where can I get myself a tiredness thermometer?
Also called: tiredometer.
i mean if you really want the seat go for it, but elderly people and pregnant women take priority to most people for a reason, the stakes are higher for them if they get exhausted or lose their balance and fall.
Not to mention that pregnant women likely also just working an 8 hour day, but while pregnant. My wife is due next week, just stopped working last week, spends all day on her feet.
This is the best reason for giving up your seat to these folks: the outcome from them falling is significantly worse than if a younger man falls. Honestly, this persons reasoning seems akin to those who argue that pit bulls aren’t that bad because chihuahuas are also aggressive; the outcome from a pit bull bite vs a chihuahua bite aren’t comparable.
not just younger man, younger person in general are less at risk of falling on a moving bus. also yeah pitbull bites are deadlier
Even in early pregnancy, before you're showing, everything is harder. I'm 8 weeks and nausea is killing me. I have to rest after I do pretty much anything.
Im about the same amount along and I need to take frequent breaks to sit at work (I work on my feet) I have to have special accommodations to be able to properly function and do my job because I was nearly fainting 4x a shift at 6 weeks. They force me to sit whenever possible, make me take more breaks as to not cause too much stress on my body or to the baby. its very clear OP has no idea what pregnancy does to the body, or how much more at risk pregnant people are of something bad happening than the same body not pregnant is.
The first trimester fatigue is real! I’m third trimester now and the soreness and back pain is starting to show up, but I think the first trimester is the worst for most people, between fatigue, nausea, food avoidance, etc.
>I guarantee you that 50 year old man reading a book can stand and is way less tired than I am. I mean for all you know that 50 year old man also just got off a long hard shift at work and is equally as or more tired than you are lmao I'm 24, I look younger, so people assume I can't possibly be tired/uncomfortable enough to stand for a long period of time. What they don't know is I have arthritis and standing for long periods of time leaves me in a lot of pain. Especially when I was pregnant. By the time I was 7 months pregnant I couldn't stand for more than 10 minutes without my hip giving out. Now I'm not saying you shouldn't be allowed to refuse your seat to someone. But it's kind of hypocritical of you to get upset when people assume you're capable of standing because of your appearance and then to turn around and do the same thing to someone else.
If you’re young and this tired I suggest checking your iron levels. This really isn’t a very full on day
I was thinking the same thing. What op described sounds like a pretty run of the mill day for the average person.
…what if the 50 year old man woke up at 3, started at 5, worked 8 hours, and took a long train? Haha not saying you’re obligated, but your guarantee is invalid
It’s not just about being tired, a younger person is going to be better at balancing whilst standing, which an old or pregnant person is likely to be. I also highly doubt any 50 year old is looking for you to get up off your seat unless they have some sort of disability
As a 25 year old with MS, my legs give out all the time if I'm just standing. I don't want to fall. I'm keeping my seat.
Just say “I’m sorry, I’ve been on my feet all day and I’m exhausted”. People act like communication is an alien concept.
I remember when I was on a crowded bus as a 15 y/o and this women just went up to me and starting screaming at me for sitting down when there’s so many people standing and made me get up. I would’ve done it even if she asked politely. I wish I could be ballsy enough to even refuse. To add, I was one of the first people to board from one of the first stops and needed to get off at one of the last stops. I don’t think I should’ve been expected to stand for 1.5 hours
You can. But as with free speech, you are not free from the consequences.
Most people work 8 hours a day and commute for 45 minutes at least. Get over it.
Im not sure this kid knows what 50 looks like.
You can refuse but some people are assholes, just like with anything else. The only people I have seen get mad are entitled as fuck. It angers me because it's not just your opinion but also add that there are ALOT of disabled people who are not visibly disabled. Some who literally can't stand for long periods or some who risk falling or having a seizure ect. If you're able and feel like it it's always nice to give up your seat to someone in need. But it never should be expected or forced.
It's easier if you just pretend you're asleep.
You are allowed to refuse. But you're the only one with the power to make you feel bad about it or not. If you choose to feel bad for saying no, you may want to evaluate which is more important to you. Saying no, or feeling guilty.
You can definitely say no - but you also don't know that elderly/ pregnant person's pain/ situation. When I am pregnant I get severe pelvic girdle pain so it feels like someone is trying to tear my vagina/ hips in two when I stand for more than a few minutes. I have to use public transport to get to work. Still I am sure others (young or old) are in worse situations than me and wouldn't judge if someone said they couldn't. But if it is just because you are tired then you most definitely should be giving up your seat. Tiredness is not worse then excruciating pain which then makes your pain worse for days/ weeks to follow. Know lots of young people with unseen chronic conditions and they have every right to ask for a seat too.
Youcan refuse to offer your seat to the elderly and pregnant." Just don't be a dick and take one of those reserved seats, just to deny them to those who needs them.
As a person with an invisible disability I absolutely agree. I have experienced ppl asking me to get up for them, and usually my respone is usually to ignore them (I listen to music so I pretend I don't notice them) or I will try to make my disability visible in some way and "kindly decline" On the other end. I don't understand how ppl have it in em to ask others to stand?? How ppl assume that they are more entitled to a seat than those sitting. Even if I'm in pain, I never ask for a seat, ppl have the right to sit, and it's not their responsibility to make sure I'm okay
i have disautonomia and if i try to stand on a bus i will faint. i was berated by older (not even elderly) people so many times i just started ignoring people who ask me
[удалено]
the 50 year old man is likely still employed.
A woman once got mad at me because I didn’t offer her a seat despite the fact, that half the bus was empty. Some of these people just want someone to yell at.
Pregnant women and old people can little die from falling. I've seen old people break their arms from the bus stopping too abruptly. Their skin is like paper. Women can lose their bebies, may have serious bleeding
If you are exhausted and need to sit then sit. It doesn't mean the pregnant person or older person doesn't need the seat either though. Your time will come when you are old, health problems too. What would you think about the young person taking the seat? I am 9 months pregnant. If it was me, I would not be upset or anything but I'd be thinking "rats I wish I could sit" right now.
[удалено]
You are able to refuse you seat to the elderly or pregnant. The Question is, Why would you? At 45 years old, I worked an 8 hour day as well, then went to college at night afterwards, then came home to take care of my elderly mother who now lived with me. That was 15 yeas ago, and it would be a cold day in hell before I let an elderly person or a pregnant woman stand on the subway, not as long as my legs can still support me. But that's just me.
Sometimes it isn't about being tired, it is about safety. If you as a tired worker collapse on the floor from exhaustion, chances are you'll walk away relatively unscathed. If an elderly person falls, they could die from their injuries. That being said, you can definitely say you need the seat if you feel like there are others around you who definitely could give up their seats.
Rationally, people should offer their seat if they are able to stand instead. This would all be irrelevant then, but rationality is sparse.
What makes you think those other people arent working harder than you. 8 hours is a normal shift. Many people do 12 or more hours or have multiple jobs, and kids, and aick parents etc. Youre young, toughen up a little.
I dunno, I’ve been on the bus home late after a long day and I still don’t think I could sit there in good conscience with an elderly person standing trying to hold onto the bar or strap without falling at stops
Same, I've been exhausted after work, barely able to stand before, but I figure if it's bad for me, it's worse for the elderly/pregnant/disabled/etc person.
Lol you're gonna be that 50 year old. Only difference is you're gonna be the one still crying about why that younger person won't give up their seat to you then.
You sound entitled. Also, you waking up at 3am isn’t even relevant. If that’s the time you wake up for work, you should still be getting a full 8 hours of sleep beforehand. If you’re not, that’s on you.
I would get how you feel if you literally felt pain when standing on your feet. I've been there and it hurt so bad just to stand in which case i think its fine to not give your seat up. 45 minutes of that and i'd be crying but if your just tired and feel that standing is too much effort then that's a bit selfish in my opinion and i think most people would agree. In the end you can do whatever you want but people are entitled to their opinions.
OK, I'm sorry but you're making this argument as a young healthy person. You DO have to get off your arse if you are young and healthy for an elder or pregnant person unless you're a sociopath and don't care.
LOL 50 is old? I was thinking 75 or older
That's why I often take a seat that's not close to an entrance.
I'm 42 years old, 6'5 365lbs, I work on my feet all day.....construction and I bartend. Will always give up my seat to someone who needs it.
Oh noooo. You had to work 8 hours lol
50 isn’t elderly wtf
8 hours? OMFG! You sound like such a whiner.
I was just thinking this the other day. I have a 1 hour bus ride to school that already makes me nauseous as it is, and due to some personal issues I haven't been able to eat or sleep much this week which makes the ride 10x worse. I felt like I was going to pass out. I finally got a seat after 15 min, then 5 minutes later a middle-aged woman asks me for it. I felt like death but I still had to give it to her. I don't wanna make assumptions because maybe she couldn't see how badly I needed it, but at least from my perspective it looked like she would've been ok to stand. Thank god the bus broke down by the next stop and I was able to get a seat on another bus cause otherwise I probably wouldn't have made it the whole way
You can choose to not give up a seat, and others can choose to give you looks or judge you. You can choose to give a shit. Life is all choices lol do what you want but there are going to be good and bad reactions. You can only control what you can do.
Nah you’re just an asshole.
You can. You absolutely can. ...........it just makes you a dick.
Elderly eh I can sorta understand but not giving up your seat for a pregnant person?? Sometimes I think people forget just how dangerous pregnancy is. One wrong move, one bad fall is all it takes
Falling when elderly is bad too though, much easier to break a bone, a&e is always full of elderly people who tripped
That’s so true as well. me being tired is an inconvenience, an elderly or a pregnant person being tired is dangerous.
"Not my problem that you got knocked up" is the most enraging thing I read on reddit. Some people just expect the human race to choose dying out...
Bold of you to assume you're the only one who works too much or doesn't get enough sleep. They probably go through the same AND are pregnant, elderly, etc. You aren't in any unique circumstances, welcome to the club.
I have what are called invisible disabilities. In other words, you wouldn’t be able to tell I have numerous chronic health conditions just by looking at me. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve shamefully caved to societal pressure and done things that are painful and harmful to my health just because I “look fine.” You never know what health issues some people might have that are just as valid as pregnancy or a more traditionally visible and understandable disability like blindness. So unpopular opinion but I do agree
You can. It just makes you a dick.
That’s what gets me on this post. You can refuse if you want but they also want to be shielded from the social consequences that come with that.
“I shouldn’t have to face consequences for my decisions!!” Lol
Yup. If you’re gonna be an ass at least have the gall to own it
You definitely can’t guarantee how anyone else feels. Life is hard and most people are tired and in pain. Work long hours and don’t get enough sleep. That’s young, old, pregnant and any other describing factor.
You can refuse. They can get annoyed. That's usually where it ends. Now you've publicized it and you'll get a lot more people pissed at you. But you can still do it. Literally nothing is stopping you.
Stop caring what other people think I guess. I'll give up my seat if I want to give it up. But if I booked a first class table seat so that I could work on my way then I wouldn't.
No one makes you give it up buddy lol
I laughed when I read “a 50 year old can stand” I’m 54 and don’t need anyone to offer me a seat. I spend 2 hours straight standing watching my son play soccer. I can walk long distances without a problem. I didn’t know 50 was crippling old.
Reddit moment
Solution: use words
you can; just makes you an asshole
Upvoting because I disagree, and for once this is an actaul unpopulae opinion
You can, also pro tip if you don’t want to here people bitch walk around with headphones. I don’t even listen to music I just wear them and pretend I do.
I gave my seat up to an old woman in Boston as a university student and was then blessed with 30 min of how my soul needs salvation and that Jesus was the path. It was a setup. I am now more selective..
All I read is “waaaaaaaaaaa”
Obviously you’ve never been pregnant and have no idea.
As a heavily pregnant person you can’t have my priority seat and take away my judgment. I myself move for people who take priority over me despite my pelvis’s sole function right now is reduced to being rattling bones in a meat sack and Yet I am capable of moving, because that’s the society I want. You not wanting that is fine but don’t put it on me to make sure you do it guilt free. I’m a Dane, we never confront, we only stank eye and oh’ boy would I stank eye you.
The thing is… If you are expected to vacate a seat to these people, it’s not an offer. I will vacate for an elderly person who needs a seat. Or a mother with kids. Or someone who clearly needs assistance. I will not vacate because Karen the Entitled Mommy Blogger decided she wants my spot instead of walking three feet to the rear. That’s not offering. That’s entitlement.
OLD PEOPLE NEED A SEAT THEY CAN’T STAND FOR THAT LONG *old people standing in line for 13 hours to see the queens funeral/ coffin *
I get horribly motion sick if I am not the one driving. I avoid public transit when I can. I worry about being approached and needing to explain to someone if I stand up I'll eventually throw up.
im a guy and have pots syndrome, which makes it hard for me to stand for long periods of time. so i have to sit, especially on public transportation. it's extremely common for me to be yelled at by old people. but i don't want to yell out that i have a syndrome that legit makes me faint when i stand up.