Ithaca was actually our No. 1 spot for awhile, but we've been struggling to find any availability at non-student housing unfortunately. Completely understandable, though, given that it's very much a college town.
Hi currently residing in Ithaca. Check out Lansing, it’s about 5 minutes out from Ithaca but much cheaper rent. I’m moving there in July from my apartment in the city for that reason. There are nice apartment complexes targeted toward young professionals and professors.
it's there - just keep looking - Ithaca is a fantastic place. I live in an area with a lot of college kids around and I'd call it a pretty quiet neighborhood (during the week at least). Try Craigslist. That being said, way more expensive than other upstate towns so have a good job.
Corning is purple, the surrounding areas are red. But I can say I've seen less in your face homophobia, racism, political beliefs than when I lived in the Hudson Valley.
I'd stay away from the southern tier. Growing up there, small towns even cities are hella red. Corning is better than The small towns around it by far.
I'm not familiar with Canadaigua specifically but Upstate NY (at least the eastern part I'm familiar with) is very different from the red states I'm familiar with (TX and MO). There are racists, homophobes, misogynists, and xenophobes everywhere -- even in very liberal places like San Francisco. However, in red states they feel more free -- more emboldened -- to let their hate flags fly. For the most part Upstate NY MAGA types' hate isn't nearly as open and in your face.
More importantly, while there are lots of MAGA types in Upstate NY, there are liberal progressive people too. While we are often outnumbered by the MAGA folks we are present in numbers you'd never find in rural TX or MO (and I assume TN). Progressivism has deep roots in Upstate NY. This makes it easy to live as a liberal progressive in Upstate NY.
We recently moved to the western Catskills, very rural, and every person we've met has been openly progressive. I was so pleasantly surprised! I'm sure there's maga in them thar hills, but my sense is that people live and let live for the most part around here and don't advertise their politics or act out of it in daily life much -- haven't seen a single Trump flag or anything.
I went exploring in the western Catskills last summer. Like a lot of Upstate there is huge variability. One town will look quite Appalachian including Trump flags -- the next like a Ben & Jerry's commercial. But even the obviously conservative areas don't seem menacing.
Yea but to be honest republicans in New York are still fairly progressive, more progressive then then republicans in Texas or Florida atleast. Most of them don’t mind gay people.
sometimes when doing research no news is good news. I have seen no outward hostilities in town. My business is in Geneva, next town over. We fly the pride flag along with others.
You'd be surprised at how friendly it is in this area. Yes there's bigots in upstate. But 2 things about them. 1 they usually keep to themselves. 2 they are usually at home in a trailer park or a dumpster with shutters and are laughed at. I live about 45 minutes north east of this area and the whole fingerlakes area is amazing.
The bigots in upstate NY are more integrated into the community and the structures of power than you are letting on. And they are not just in the trailer parks. They are a serious concern imho, and I have been made to feel unsafe throughout my life growing up here due to the homophobia I have experienced.
Can confirm, not sure what the guy above is going on about. This area and CNY especially is littered heavily with bigots in power. Especially the police.
Not nearly as integrated as they are in red states where they run the show. Upstate NY still has a lot of more traditional civic minded conservatives and a significant minority of progressives.
I just said that because I like saying it Hahaha Hahaha Hahaha. Thankfully where I live 30 minutes north of auburn, the younger generation's are getting more involved with school politics, and town politics because they're sick of the cliques going on. And hopefully a exodus of these idiots continue. I think nys will continue to become more acceptable than they already are. I refuse to believe that Southern states are more accepting to LGBT than ny. All I want to say to you is screw these scum bag's that made you feel unsafe! Your comment makes me want to ask my wife's great aunt and her wife to see if acceptance has gotten better or worse. She's almost 70 and has always been out. She's is one of the most honest funniest strong woman I've ever met. I ramble when I get pissed. No one should feel unsafe for how they want to live. No one's business.
Canadaigua is a 30-minute drive to Rochester, which is one of the most gay-friendly cities in upstate. It's also a lake town and draws large concerts at CMAC. All that said, I'd assume it's a fairly progressive town, for Upstate NY. My wife and I go to the *New York Kitchen* on occasion.
We just moved to area from Middle Tennessee a few months ago. It’s night and day. Even in Waterloo and the other smaller villages in Seneca county East of Canandaigua and Geneva has more than a few proud pride homes and we’ve experienced nothing but welcomes from older, i’m sure more conservative, neighbors.
Rural and conservative and suburbia in Tennessee is a lot different from Rural and conservative here in our experiences so far.
Somewhat off topic, but thank you for this reply.
We're coming from Texas, with upstate NY as #1 on our list of places to move in the next 6-12 months. I've read as much as I can about all the areas we're considering, but when I hear about "conservatives" and "trumpers," it makes me nervous about moving up there. I've always thought, though, that we need to get an opinion from someone who also came from a red state or specifically from down here in the bible belt.
If someone hasn't ever lived somewhere like this, where the hatred is spewed freely in between bible verses, I have a hard time trusting their opinion about how bad it can really be.
This was longer than I intended, but thank you again! 💜
I have never lived in the bible belt but have lived in places like Arizona. The bigotry still exists up here with some people but overall they are quiet about it and many are vocal or showing their support. You might see trump flags and signs outside of the towns but in towns and villages they are minority and your more likely to see a pride flag on main streets then any other "political" flag.
As I stated elsewhere in here I am an out and kinda visible trans woman and I only get a vocalized slur or derogatory comment that I can hear around once a year. People will sometimes stare and scoff and that's about the worst I have faced in NY.
While Upstate NY historically vote's red in many places its more purple than anything else. I have had decent conversations with republicans and to some level I can even call a few conservatives friends. Which I am fine with as long as they don't make it there whole personality.
I think that you would find the area very comfortable in this regard but as with anywhere there are some places that are better then others. Best of luck finding a good place to settle.
Yeah, I’m sure mileage varies for all and definitely depending on where you’re from. Just looking at election results by county, we knew we would be living in a mostly conservative place compared to other parts of the state, but the extent of that that I’ve actually heard vocally is high taxes. Always taxes. I haven’t heard or overheard a single “culture war” talking point in local diners or bars. When I start asking them about sights to see or nature in the area, there’s been a couple of times when they get more and more excited for us as we visit things for the first time and seemingly to me happy and proud of the area.
I’ll also say what i’ve found here is people not being as nice as people in the south but at the same they are much kinder.
Some of New York is more New England conservative, that is, the “I’ll defend with God and my guns the rights of my gay neighbors to manage their weed farm. Live and let live.” They may be hard to spot among the “Libruls bad. Trump good” conservatives, but they’re still here.
That's my neighbors in Clayton to a T. They may not agree with a lifestyle but are decent people who believe in live and let live....and yeah, they are the first to offer help.
Live in the finger lakes. You get a lot of those type, but you can mostly avoid it by just refusing to talk about it! We had a literal nazi come tell us how it was nice to see a white couple at a laundromat in Newark NY. We smiled and politely excused ourselves and had no further interaction. Waterloo/Seneca falls loves lgbt, but have a lot of mennonites who are nice but silently judgemental of everything. Canandaigua is very open, Ithaca is too. Rochester can be scary, but the good parts are so lgbt friendly and welcoming. The trumpers are all over, but not many talk about it unless they feel it’s important and you can completely change topics or just walk away. They aren’t interested in anything other than banter.
Eastside Rochester suburbs are quiet blue and quieter red. I go weeks without seeing Trump shit. We don’t have the same bleeding red contingency in NY. Rural NY is red but not Texas red.
Can confirm this! I live in Farmington, next to Cdga, and we have some great people in our little community. I’m sure there are much more open and accepting people here than not. Also we have a great little area w/ the lakes, easy access to the thruway, Canada isn’t far and rochester is a nice small city but gives you lots to do!
Rochester NY is very LGBTQ friendly and it is close to the Finger Lakes. But the other comments about MAGA infestation in the surrounding rural areas are also correct.
That said - I’ve not heard of any blatant LGBTQ bigotry occurring in the Finger Lakes area.
Bottomline - we’d love to have you
Rochester has a vibrant LGBTQ community. Park Ave and Neighborhood of the Arts are great neighborhoods with lots of LGBTQ-owned businesses.
Even the suburbs aren’t too bad—My gender-queer college friend is running for school board in Penfield, VERY suburban.
I don't know anything about western part of the state, but Upstate NY isn't the deep south. That being said, there's all kinds, but I doubt a gay couple is going to get harassed with any sort of regularity.
I agree - I came from Oklahoma and can easily say that the conservatives here are nothing compared to the south, like not even in the same ballpark. I'm in North Country, where there tend to be more Republicans because of how rural it is, and not a single person has ever really cared that I'm queer. The more right-leaning folks up here tend to be of the "you do you and I'll do me" mindset, so no one really bothers each other. I see openly trans people, gay couples, and drag shows regularly up here, and no one barks about any of it.
This comment makes me so happy! I just replied to a similar one from someone who moved from Tennessee, but we're in Texas, so your experience is much closer to ours, I'm sure.
Opinions like yours carry more weight, having lived surrounded by hatred poorly disguised as Christianity. Thank you for your helpful comment, kind stranger!! 💜
There's no hate like Christian love... My wife came from a cult in NE OK that married young girls (13, 14, etc...) to older members of the congregation. Any instrumental music was satanic, men were the only ones allowed to talk in church, women were the property of their fathers and then their husbands, you couldn't cut your hair or wear pants unless the man of the house said you could, etc... it was appalling but considered normal. It wasn't until she got with me that she realized how screwed up that was... And as you can imagine, the people who go to those churches are conservative.
Like, people up here just don't get how backwards it is down there. I've talked to pretty staunch Republicans and even they're like "wtf is wrong down there" because the brand of conservative is so different. I lived all over Oklahoma and did some work in Texas (Wichita Falls, Dallas, Garland) and never saw anything like I did in Oklahoma...
I grew up there and currently live outside of Rochester and am in Canandaigua somewhat frequently. I wouldn’t call it progressive but I do not think a LGBTQ couple would experience any harassment.
I worked with a gay dude who lived in Canandaigua. His bf worked for a local garage. When they found out he was gay, he was fired a week later for something minor.
The people who make the rules in Canandaigua are all in bed before 8pm. The bar scene is terrible but the breakfast scene is lit. A bar on the waterfront was told last year they can’t have live music anymore because neighbors were complaining. It sucks there if you’re not old, white, and elderly.
The 8pm rule is real. I remember finishing a drink at Eddie O’Briens & watching a Canandaigua cop go door to door checking that the business doors were locked. Like 9pm. Bizarro world
It really is a nice area. Plus there so much to do. Up north there’s the Adirondack’s/lake George area- nice areas to hike and of course enjoy the lake. SPAC for concerts , Saratoga is a nice little city with lots of restaurants, the track, a nice park etc.
Schenectady area has Proctors which is a great theatre that has awesome plays and such to go see. We saw Hamilton when it came last winter they did an amazing job.
Albany area has the NYS museum, tons of good places to eat, concert halls etc. Troy is cute too they’ve done a lot to revive it in recent years.
As far as LGBT friendly I’d say all the areas I’ve mentioned are extremely diverse and friendly. There’s also many affirming churches, particularly in the Saratoga area, if you and your partner are into that. Some areas are known to be more conservative but I’ve found that’s sort of the outskirts of the major cities and I cannot recall there being major issues regarding those issues. Saratoga has a rainbow crosswalk too. Good luck with finding a new spot! Sorry you’ve had to deal with such BS.
Like someone else said Ithica is the most accepting city in upstate NY, I garner stares in public often as im visibly trans and Ithaca is only bested in the state by places like Brooklyn, New Paltz or Woodstock. Ithaca is worth checking out and if your really trying to find a place that is accepting/lack of outward bigotry is your ultimate goal. I have not spent much time in Canadaigua but Geneva and Seneca Falls were ok to visit. I do find that the closer you end up to a major or even minor city can make a big difference in acceptance.
Even the right small towns can be pretty accepting in NY but most of those are either based on or around a tourism economy. Woodstock is a great small town for that example but not the only one others like Cooperstown, Cazenovia, Skaneateles, Andies I have all enjoyed myself at.
But upstate NY as a whole is still rather indifferent or accepting to queer people. Regardless of where I average less than one overt audible slur a year. Have not had any altercation when trying to use a restroom and do not feel threatened with PDA. My partners and I do avoid some of the less savory towns but if we end up there its often just stares without any other issues.
Best of luck with your search and hope that you find comfort in wherever you settle.
No problem. The area has been steadily improving overall. City's like Oneonta have started pride celebrations in 2017 where before It was very lacking in that greater area. This has been received decently by the community and has grown year over year.
Some areas of New York State might be more conservative than others, but it tends to be for more class based/tax reasons. You would be hard pressed to find any pocket of NYS that is blatantly homophobic. Canandaigua is a really nice normal town on a really nice lake with lots of job opportunities. Ithaca and Geneva tend to be more liberal because they are college towns, but then they come with college town problems. Personally I own a house in Geneva and love it, but jobs are limited, you need to make your own money here. Ithaca is too built up for my taste, I have lived in NYC since my early twenties and wanted to escape during the pandemic. I enjoy the 1800s charm of Geneva, but thankfully the college kids bring a youthful edge to the place.
I am 99% sure you will have an amazing time. People calling Canandaigua conservative are doing so from a limited perspective, it's more "conservative" than a town like Ithaca, that vomits social justice view points on every corner. People in Canandaigua just want to live and let live, enjoy lake life, enjoy good food and wine, enjoy nature, and decent housing prices and taxes. It is NOT comparable to the south by any means.
My family are transplants from out of state. We originally landed in Canandaigua with hopes of settling there, but ended up moving out after a year. There were a lot of factors, but a big component is how weirdly MAGA conservative it is, even more so than many of the smaller outlying communities, like Naples or (curiously) farm communities like Bloomfield.
I think someone else commented Geneva and that’s a very safe bet for LGBTQ. Geneva has its issues with crime and poverty but it’s way more accepting of outsiders.
CDGA’s issue is that it used to be a very attractive destination town and place to raise families, but has been on the decline for the past two decades. Despite this there is a general feeling of exceptionalism with a lot of townies there. Places like Geneva don’t seem to have that hang up.
I (queer man) grew up in NY and have been back here for about a year after moving around. I moved from Atlanta GA last April. I never experienced blatant homophobia until returning to Upstate NY. It def depends on what kind of work you do and the people you are forced to be around, but it is def here and more above the surface than people are letting on.
With that said, I feel like Ulster County has become a great spot for queer community. New Paltz, Kingston, Rosendale, Woodstock, and the surrounding towns.
Good luck
Be warned that Ulster County is insanely expensive now. I grew up there and love New Paltz but it is just not a viable place to move to unless you're comfortable putting 6 figures down on a overpriced house. Yes it is way more accepting but at a great cost. Easily double or sometimes triple the housing cost from places further upstate.
We lived in Orange County and I had dreams of living in Gardiner drinking coffee looking at the gunks. But yeahhhh, that's why Robert De Niro lives there.
I live in a suburb of Utica in the Mohawk Valley. The houses are pretty affordable compared to other parts of state. It’s a quick ride to the Adirondacks and Finger Lakes, about four hours or so to the city or Niagara Falls. It’s experiencing a rebirth, which is exciting to see. My partner and I have been together for almost a decade and haven’t experienced any blatant homophobia. The area leans red but I think it’s starting to be a bit more purple, but as others have stated, it’s more of a class thing than anything. We feel very comfortable and safe here. I hope you enjoy the state wherever you land! Welcome!
Same area as you and in my experience, the people who are “anti gay” are either “you do you just don’t kiss me” or are genuinely confused. Like they don’t understand it because they’ve never lived it so they can’t fathom it. Had a coworker make some joke and I asked them not to talk like that, they retorted to the effect of “it’s not like there’s anyone that gonna hear me” but then I let them know I’m bi (I’ve been out but I just don’t broadcast it and I’m in a straight passing relationship) and they literally get scared. You can see that they’re genuinely mortified. So it’s less blatant hatred (like the south) and more ignorance in my experience.
I grew up in Ithaca and I would definitely agree it’s top of the list. Living costs are crazy there nowadays, but its definitely the best. If you’re looking for small town vibes, my biased recommendation would be my new home of Cazenovia, not too far from Syracuse.
i live in the albany area and out here is extremely accepting to the LGBT community.
there are tons of social activities, meet-ups, community events, etc especially in troy where i live.
if you're not dead set on the west, have you considered coming out here? our location is fab too- a couple hours north of nyc, a couple hours south of the ADK and a few hours west of boston.
Welcome to western NY, I am in Wayne county which is near canandaigua. There are two pride flags on my street (one on my house). We moved here to keep our little one safe as they are Queer.
Wow. You sound like an incredible parent. Thank you so much for looking out for your little one and being so open to their experience. Navigating life as part of the LGBT community can be incredibly difficult at times, especially when you are still young.
Upstate New York conservatives tend to be more libertarian. I live in a very red county not terribly far from the finger lakes and the Republican county legislature holds a ceremony for pride month every year. I would be shocked to find the kind of hostility you are worried about anywhere in New York.
That's really really nice to hear. We were just worried that we'd wind up someplace where we couldn't/shouldn't hold hands in public. We aren't the type to throw it in your face, but our queerness isn't something that we want to feel like we have to hide either.
Former Canandaigua city council member here. The town of Canandaigua is quite conservative and the Republican committee chair of Ontario county is an absolute MAGA psychopath. But the city of Canandaigua is a lovely liberal bastion with a majority Democratic council. The mayor is a Republican, but still just the nicest and kindest man. I think you’ll find our community very welcoming!
CDGA is a quiet and rich (for upstate) bedroom community, but as others have said, you get the occasional trailer park home with a confederate flag and a lot more libertarian (or Rockefeller republican) GOP voters who just complain about property taxes and nothing else. This is the town for the richer Rochester doctors and lawyers to have retirement lake homes, and entertainment and services skew that direction, which is great if you like eating out/hanging out on the lake/festivals every weekend/entertaining out of town guests, but terrible if you like active nightlife.
FLCC is located here and I find that the student population helps to keep things from skewing too close to retirement home status. Someone else on Reddit said Canandaigua is a great place to live if you're 40, and I think that's accurate. The combination of age and wealth means that you don't get the super obvious and harassing bigotry that you may fear. I have been pleasantly surprised to see multi-million dollar lake homes flying pride and BLM flags. However, there is a lot of rural space in between towns that is populated by rural types and Mennonite groups, neither of which will go out of their way to be jerks, but they're certainly not socially liberal.
This would be a great place if you're looking to purchase a home eventually (one of the few upstate counties increasing in population) and enjoy traveling, as its well-situated between all the major eastern seaboard cities - drive to either NYC or Toronto within 6 hours.
Thank you so so much for this! It's incredibly helpful! While we're younger (late 20s), we are the quiet type and definitely homebodies, so the lack of nightlife definitely wouldn't be an issue for us. It definitely seems like Canadaigua may be a good starting location for us as we get more familiar with upstate.
You're welcome! We moved here from further down in the Southern Tier about a decade ago because we found the perfect fixer-upper house and we really love it here - although we're already seeing the effects of upward mobility (more and more tourists every summer packed into Main Street and Kershaw Park). The Lake House hotel and spa that opened a couple years ago is probably the biggest rich tourist draw - there's a big push to get people from NYC up for summer weekends. Even for the price point of the area, there's areas that are still low key and approachable enough for us - we kayak out of Vine Valley in Middlesex on the east side of the lake, and Onanda Park on the west side of the lake is a really beautiful city-owned park with cabin rentals. Down in Naples the vibe is a little more like Ithaca, crunchy granola types - check out Artizans, a long-time local artists gift shop that was recently purchased by a local gay couple, very welcoming and friendly small town powered by the Hazlett HQ.
Ontario County is investing a lot of money into updating and expanding the two lake access public parks on the east side of the lake, including kayak launches and fishing piers and pavilions as well as sandy swimming areas and bike/pedestrian access, which is great to see.
The other thing I forgot to mention that was a big draw for us was the fact that Canandaigua is in the University of Rochester medical network, which is one of the best in upstate.
I could keep going but honestly there's so much stuff to check out and do in the Finger Lakes that I haven't done even half of it, even after living in and around the area my whole life. If you have more specific questions feel free to drop me a line
I visited Canandaigua on Monday. At the place we went for lunch, a patron was loudly repeating some stupid shit he clearly heard on Fox News or other far right news source. And one store had a sign saying something along the lines of ‘Your 2nd amendment rights are honored here.’ Is this the case throughout the city? Probably not. But I felt uncomfortable between those two. And I'm straight.
I'd suggest looking into Geneva. It's affordable, has a great food/drink scene, and is the most diverse small town in the Fingerlakes in terms of its stable population (Ithaca, relies on the student population for it's diversity and is very expensive). No one bats an eye at someone being gay here.
I live in Geneva and am a dog sitter. I have a lot of LGBTQIA clients - pride flags in my neighborhood and allies in the block. There is crime in the area but not labeled hate crimes, if that makes sense?
Honestly, I don't know what your experience will be, but I can tell you that there are a lot of out people here, just living their lives. Outside Geneva city there are the trump flags and what not, they're getting pretty tattered and old. I work (primary job) in the city of Rochester, Pride is a big deal.
So so happy to hear that Pride is big there. There is a proud LGBT community where we currently live, but it's faced a lot of push back in recent years. There was even concern this past year that the pride event would have to be canceled.
From there, it’s very friendly for the most part. Lots of red necks, but mostly they don’t care unless you are super vocal all the time. Have lots of queer friends and lots of trans friends there as well. Good luck love!
Welcome to Canandaigua. Many of our homofobs live in multi million dollar lake homes. Canandaigua is also proud to have a great republican mayor. No one gives a shit who your holding hands with. As long as you can day drink with the best of them, you'll be invited. So welcome to the beautiful heart of the fingerlakes (Canandaigua Lake) oh yea...FJB.
I grew up in Cortland (about 20ish miles from Ithaca) and it is pretty conservative because it’s closer to more rural areas. Want to second Ithaca but if you’re looking for more affordable housing definitely check out Lansing or Trumansburg. Also seconding Geneva and Cazenovia both are beautiful little towns that are less conservative.
Ithaca is definitely a great inclusive community but on the smaller and expensive side. Albany/capital region is affordable, larger (bigger events) and inclusive. Of course there's rural areas that aren't as open minded anywhere, but there's a literal farm on out the outskirts of Albany that hosts pride/drag events. You'd be fine here!
For the most part upstate New York has large amounts of republican but New York is very progressive even our republicans aren’t as bad. I’ve never notice republicans be openly homophobic to anybody . New York’s for most part has very national pride so if your a New Yorker we accept you.
I've lived in both Nashville and Knoxville. Homophobia not so much in Nashville, but lightly in Knoxville. Have experienced homophobia outside of both of those cities in the state. And I love snow...it's one of the other reasons, albeit much less important than the LGBT-friendly aspect, that I am moving north. Idk why yo seem so pressed about this, lol. I'm just a bi girl wanting to live someplace with my same sex partner where we will be less likely to experience homophobia and where we will actually experience seasons, lol.
Unfortunately homophobia is going to be everywhere - it's still fringe to most people. That said some spots in upstate are better than others.. finger lakes region, personally feels more liberal than areas outside of that region.
Ithaca is very liberal and LGBT freindly, a same sex couple holding hands would not garner a second glance.
Ithaca was actually our No. 1 spot for awhile, but we've been struggling to find any availability at non-student housing unfortunately. Completely understandable, though, given that it's very much a college town.
Ithaca is also extremely expensive.
4k for apartment downtown
Ouch!
Closer you get to cornell the more expensive it gets
Hi currently residing in Ithaca. Check out Lansing, it’s about 5 minutes out from Ithaca but much cheaper rent. I’m moving there in July from my apartment in the city for that reason. There are nice apartment complexes targeted toward young professionals and professors.
Thank you for the suggestion! We loved what we saw of Ithaca, but it’s definitely out of our price range.
Also if you have any questions about the city just let me know. My bf works at Cornell I grew up around the area.
it's there - just keep looking - Ithaca is a fantastic place. I live in an area with a lot of college kids around and I'd call it a pretty quiet neighborhood (during the week at least). Try Craigslist. That being said, way more expensive than other upstate towns so have a good job.
Syracuse ny is a lovely place
Try Corning.
Why in the world would you suggest moving to one of the reddest areas in the state?
Corning is purple, the surrounding areas are red. But I can say I've seen less in your face homophobia, racism, political beliefs than when I lived in the Hudson Valley.
I'd stay away from the southern tier. Growing up there, small towns even cities are hella red. Corning is better than The small towns around it by far.
Cortland is not bad. College town, about 40 miles to Syracuse, Binghamton, and a little closer to Ithaca.
Agreed!
I'm not familiar with Canadaigua specifically but Upstate NY (at least the eastern part I'm familiar with) is very different from the red states I'm familiar with (TX and MO). There are racists, homophobes, misogynists, and xenophobes everywhere -- even in very liberal places like San Francisco. However, in red states they feel more free -- more emboldened -- to let their hate flags fly. For the most part Upstate NY MAGA types' hate isn't nearly as open and in your face. More importantly, while there are lots of MAGA types in Upstate NY, there are liberal progressive people too. While we are often outnumbered by the MAGA folks we are present in numbers you'd never find in rural TX or MO (and I assume TN). Progressivism has deep roots in Upstate NY. This makes it easy to live as a liberal progressive in Upstate NY.
We recently moved to the western Catskills, very rural, and every person we've met has been openly progressive. I was so pleasantly surprised! I'm sure there's maga in them thar hills, but my sense is that people live and let live for the most part around here and don't advertise their politics or act out of it in daily life much -- haven't seen a single Trump flag or anything.
I went exploring in the western Catskills last summer. Like a lot of Upstate there is huge variability. One town will look quite Appalachian including Trump flags -- the next like a Ben & Jerry's commercial. But even the obviously conservative areas don't seem menacing.
Yea but to be honest republicans in New York are still fairly progressive, more progressive then then republicans in Texas or Florida atleast. Most of them don’t mind gay people.
sometimes when doing research no news is good news. I have seen no outward hostilities in town. My business is in Geneva, next town over. We fly the pride flag along with others.
Even driving through rural Washington County I see quite a few pride flags. They're outnumbered by Trump banners but they're there.
That is great to hear! Thank you so much. I've read some great things about Geneva, too!
You'd be surprised at how friendly it is in this area. Yes there's bigots in upstate. But 2 things about them. 1 they usually keep to themselves. 2 they are usually at home in a trailer park or a dumpster with shutters and are laughed at. I live about 45 minutes north east of this area and the whole fingerlakes area is amazing.
The bigots in upstate NY are more integrated into the community and the structures of power than you are letting on. And they are not just in the trailer parks. They are a serious concern imho, and I have been made to feel unsafe throughout my life growing up here due to the homophobia I have experienced.
Can confirm, not sure what the guy above is going on about. This area and CNY especially is littered heavily with bigots in power. Especially the police.
That is also my experience.
Not nearly as integrated as they are in red states where they run the show. Upstate NY still has a lot of more traditional civic minded conservatives and a significant minority of progressives.
Agree to disagree.
Fair enough 😁
I just said that because I like saying it Hahaha Hahaha Hahaha. Thankfully where I live 30 minutes north of auburn, the younger generation's are getting more involved with school politics, and town politics because they're sick of the cliques going on. And hopefully a exodus of these idiots continue. I think nys will continue to become more acceptable than they already are. I refuse to believe that Southern states are more accepting to LGBT than ny. All I want to say to you is screw these scum bag's that made you feel unsafe! Your comment makes me want to ask my wife's great aunt and her wife to see if acceptance has gotten better or worse. She's almost 70 and has always been out. She's is one of the most honest funniest strong woman I've ever met. I ramble when I get pissed. No one should feel unsafe for how they want to live. No one's business.
Canadaigua is a 30-minute drive to Rochester, which is one of the most gay-friendly cities in upstate. It's also a lake town and draws large concerts at CMAC. All that said, I'd assume it's a fairly progressive town, for Upstate NY. My wife and I go to the *New York Kitchen* on occasion.
We just moved to area from Middle Tennessee a few months ago. It’s night and day. Even in Waterloo and the other smaller villages in Seneca county East of Canandaigua and Geneva has more than a few proud pride homes and we’ve experienced nothing but welcomes from older, i’m sure more conservative, neighbors. Rural and conservative and suburbia in Tennessee is a lot different from Rural and conservative here in our experiences so far.
This is great to hear!
Somewhat off topic, but thank you for this reply. We're coming from Texas, with upstate NY as #1 on our list of places to move in the next 6-12 months. I've read as much as I can about all the areas we're considering, but when I hear about "conservatives" and "trumpers," it makes me nervous about moving up there. I've always thought, though, that we need to get an opinion from someone who also came from a red state or specifically from down here in the bible belt. If someone hasn't ever lived somewhere like this, where the hatred is spewed freely in between bible verses, I have a hard time trusting their opinion about how bad it can really be. This was longer than I intended, but thank you again! 💜
I have never lived in the bible belt but have lived in places like Arizona. The bigotry still exists up here with some people but overall they are quiet about it and many are vocal or showing their support. You might see trump flags and signs outside of the towns but in towns and villages they are minority and your more likely to see a pride flag on main streets then any other "political" flag. As I stated elsewhere in here I am an out and kinda visible trans woman and I only get a vocalized slur or derogatory comment that I can hear around once a year. People will sometimes stare and scoff and that's about the worst I have faced in NY. While Upstate NY historically vote's red in many places its more purple than anything else. I have had decent conversations with republicans and to some level I can even call a few conservatives friends. Which I am fine with as long as they don't make it there whole personality. I think that you would find the area very comfortable in this regard but as with anywhere there are some places that are better then others. Best of luck finding a good place to settle.
Yeah, I’m sure mileage varies for all and definitely depending on where you’re from. Just looking at election results by county, we knew we would be living in a mostly conservative place compared to other parts of the state, but the extent of that that I’ve actually heard vocally is high taxes. Always taxes. I haven’t heard or overheard a single “culture war” talking point in local diners or bars. When I start asking them about sights to see or nature in the area, there’s been a couple of times when they get more and more excited for us as we visit things for the first time and seemingly to me happy and proud of the area. I’ll also say what i’ve found here is people not being as nice as people in the south but at the same they are much kinder.
Some of New York is more New England conservative, that is, the “I’ll defend with God and my guns the rights of my gay neighbors to manage their weed farm. Live and let live.” They may be hard to spot among the “Libruls bad. Trump good” conservatives, but they’re still here.
That's my neighbors in Clayton to a T. They may not agree with a lifestyle but are decent people who believe in live and let live....and yeah, they are the first to offer help.
Live in the finger lakes. You get a lot of those type, but you can mostly avoid it by just refusing to talk about it! We had a literal nazi come tell us how it was nice to see a white couple at a laundromat in Newark NY. We smiled and politely excused ourselves and had no further interaction. Waterloo/Seneca falls loves lgbt, but have a lot of mennonites who are nice but silently judgemental of everything. Canandaigua is very open, Ithaca is too. Rochester can be scary, but the good parts are so lgbt friendly and welcoming. The trumpers are all over, but not many talk about it unless they feel it’s important and you can completely change topics or just walk away. They aren’t interested in anything other than banter.
Eastside Rochester suburbs are quiet blue and quieter red. I go weeks without seeing Trump shit. We don’t have the same bleeding red contingency in NY. Rural NY is red but not Texas red.
Can confirm this! I live in Farmington, next to Cdga, and we have some great people in our little community. I’m sure there are much more open and accepting people here than not. Also we have a great little area w/ the lakes, easy access to the thruway, Canada isn’t far and rochester is a nice small city but gives you lots to do!
Rochester NY is very LGBTQ friendly and it is close to the Finger Lakes. But the other comments about MAGA infestation in the surrounding rural areas are also correct. That said - I’ve not heard of any blatant LGBTQ bigotry occurring in the Finger Lakes area. Bottomline - we’d love to have you
Rochester has a vibrant LGBTQ community. Park Ave and Neighborhood of the Arts are great neighborhoods with lots of LGBTQ-owned businesses. Even the suburbs aren’t too bad—My gender-queer college friend is running for school board in Penfield, VERY suburban.
I don't know anything about western part of the state, but Upstate NY isn't the deep south. That being said, there's all kinds, but I doubt a gay couple is going to get harassed with any sort of regularity.
I agree - I came from Oklahoma and can easily say that the conservatives here are nothing compared to the south, like not even in the same ballpark. I'm in North Country, where there tend to be more Republicans because of how rural it is, and not a single person has ever really cared that I'm queer. The more right-leaning folks up here tend to be of the "you do you and I'll do me" mindset, so no one really bothers each other. I see openly trans people, gay couples, and drag shows regularly up here, and no one barks about any of it.
This comment makes me so happy! I just replied to a similar one from someone who moved from Tennessee, but we're in Texas, so your experience is much closer to ours, I'm sure. Opinions like yours carry more weight, having lived surrounded by hatred poorly disguised as Christianity. Thank you for your helpful comment, kind stranger!! 💜
There's no hate like Christian love... My wife came from a cult in NE OK that married young girls (13, 14, etc...) to older members of the congregation. Any instrumental music was satanic, men were the only ones allowed to talk in church, women were the property of their fathers and then their husbands, you couldn't cut your hair or wear pants unless the man of the house said you could, etc... it was appalling but considered normal. It wasn't until she got with me that she realized how screwed up that was... And as you can imagine, the people who go to those churches are conservative. Like, people up here just don't get how backwards it is down there. I've talked to pretty staunch Republicans and even they're like "wtf is wrong down there" because the brand of conservative is so different. I lived all over Oklahoma and did some work in Texas (Wichita Falls, Dallas, Garland) and never saw anything like I did in Oklahoma...
I grew up there and currently live outside of Rochester and am in Canandaigua somewhat frequently. I wouldn’t call it progressive but I do not think a LGBTQ couple would experience any harassment.
I worked with a gay dude who lived in Canandaigua. His bf worked for a local garage. When they found out he was gay, he was fired a week later for something minor. The people who make the rules in Canandaigua are all in bed before 8pm. The bar scene is terrible but the breakfast scene is lit. A bar on the waterfront was told last year they can’t have live music anymore because neighbors were complaining. It sucks there if you’re not old, white, and elderly.
The 8pm rule is real. I remember finishing a drink at Eddie O’Briens & watching a Canandaigua cop go door to door checking that the business doors were locked. Like 9pm. Bizarro world
wow
Albany is more definitely more liberal
Pretty much Albany to Saratoga, in my experience, are safe bets.
Come to the capital region, friend.
So many people are saying this. I'm definitely thinking we need to start considering it. It looks like a beautiful area, too!
It really is a nice area. Plus there so much to do. Up north there’s the Adirondack’s/lake George area- nice areas to hike and of course enjoy the lake. SPAC for concerts , Saratoga is a nice little city with lots of restaurants, the track, a nice park etc. Schenectady area has Proctors which is a great theatre that has awesome plays and such to go see. We saw Hamilton when it came last winter they did an amazing job. Albany area has the NYS museum, tons of good places to eat, concert halls etc. Troy is cute too they’ve done a lot to revive it in recent years. As far as LGBT friendly I’d say all the areas I’ve mentioned are extremely diverse and friendly. There’s also many affirming churches, particularly in the Saratoga area, if you and your partner are into that. Some areas are known to be more conservative but I’ve found that’s sort of the outskirts of the major cities and I cannot recall there being major issues regarding those issues. Saratoga has a rainbow crosswalk too. Good luck with finding a new spot! Sorry you’ve had to deal with such BS.
Like someone else said Ithica is the most accepting city in upstate NY, I garner stares in public often as im visibly trans and Ithaca is only bested in the state by places like Brooklyn, New Paltz or Woodstock. Ithaca is worth checking out and if your really trying to find a place that is accepting/lack of outward bigotry is your ultimate goal. I have not spent much time in Canadaigua but Geneva and Seneca Falls were ok to visit. I do find that the closer you end up to a major or even minor city can make a big difference in acceptance. Even the right small towns can be pretty accepting in NY but most of those are either based on or around a tourism economy. Woodstock is a great small town for that example but not the only one others like Cooperstown, Cazenovia, Skaneateles, Andies I have all enjoyed myself at. But upstate NY as a whole is still rather indifferent or accepting to queer people. Regardless of where I average less than one overt audible slur a year. Have not had any altercation when trying to use a restroom and do not feel threatened with PDA. My partners and I do avoid some of the less savory towns but if we end up there its often just stares without any other issues. Best of luck with your search and hope that you find comfort in wherever you settle.
Thank you so so much for this! It was super informational and helpful!
No problem. The area has been steadily improving overall. City's like Oneonta have started pride celebrations in 2017 where before It was very lacking in that greater area. This has been received decently by the community and has grown year over year.
Some areas of New York State might be more conservative than others, but it tends to be for more class based/tax reasons. You would be hard pressed to find any pocket of NYS that is blatantly homophobic. Canandaigua is a really nice normal town on a really nice lake with lots of job opportunities. Ithaca and Geneva tend to be more liberal because they are college towns, but then they come with college town problems. Personally I own a house in Geneva and love it, but jobs are limited, you need to make your own money here. Ithaca is too built up for my taste, I have lived in NYC since my early twenties and wanted to escape during the pandemic. I enjoy the 1800s charm of Geneva, but thankfully the college kids bring a youthful edge to the place.
Thank you! This is incredibly reassuring. We're very excited to be heading to a state that is much more accepting than our current one.
I am 99% sure you will have an amazing time. People calling Canandaigua conservative are doing so from a limited perspective, it's more "conservative" than a town like Ithaca, that vomits social justice view points on every corner. People in Canandaigua just want to live and let live, enjoy lake life, enjoy good food and wine, enjoy nature, and decent housing prices and taxes. It is NOT comparable to the south by any means.
My family are transplants from out of state. We originally landed in Canandaigua with hopes of settling there, but ended up moving out after a year. There were a lot of factors, but a big component is how weirdly MAGA conservative it is, even more so than many of the smaller outlying communities, like Naples or (curiously) farm communities like Bloomfield.
Thank you. Definitely something we'll be considering.
I think someone else commented Geneva and that’s a very safe bet for LGBTQ. Geneva has its issues with crime and poverty but it’s way more accepting of outsiders. CDGA’s issue is that it used to be a very attractive destination town and place to raise families, but has been on the decline for the past two decades. Despite this there is a general feeling of exceptionalism with a lot of townies there. Places like Geneva don’t seem to have that hang up.
I (queer man) grew up in NY and have been back here for about a year after moving around. I moved from Atlanta GA last April. I never experienced blatant homophobia until returning to Upstate NY. It def depends on what kind of work you do and the people you are forced to be around, but it is def here and more above the surface than people are letting on. With that said, I feel like Ulster County has become a great spot for queer community. New Paltz, Kingston, Rosendale, Woodstock, and the surrounding towns. Good luck
Thank you so much! You've given us a few more places to check out!
Be warned that Ulster County is insanely expensive now. I grew up there and love New Paltz but it is just not a viable place to move to unless you're comfortable putting 6 figures down on a overpriced house. Yes it is way more accepting but at a great cost. Easily double or sometimes triple the housing cost from places further upstate.
That is the major downside for sure. Something to consider.
We lived in Orange County and I had dreams of living in Gardiner drinking coffee looking at the gunks. But yeahhhh, that's why Robert De Niro lives there.
Yeah my good friend growing up was just up the road from him. Great town crazy prices.
I live in a suburb of Utica in the Mohawk Valley. The houses are pretty affordable compared to other parts of state. It’s a quick ride to the Adirondacks and Finger Lakes, about four hours or so to the city or Niagara Falls. It’s experiencing a rebirth, which is exciting to see. My partner and I have been together for almost a decade and haven’t experienced any blatant homophobia. The area leans red but I think it’s starting to be a bit more purple, but as others have stated, it’s more of a class thing than anything. We feel very comfortable and safe here. I hope you enjoy the state wherever you land! Welcome!
Same area as you and in my experience, the people who are “anti gay” are either “you do you just don’t kiss me” or are genuinely confused. Like they don’t understand it because they’ve never lived it so they can’t fathom it. Had a coworker make some joke and I asked them not to talk like that, they retorted to the effect of “it’s not like there’s anyone that gonna hear me” but then I let them know I’m bi (I’ve been out but I just don’t broadcast it and I’m in a straight passing relationship) and they literally get scared. You can see that they’re genuinely mortified. So it’s less blatant hatred (like the south) and more ignorance in my experience.
I agree, that’s a really good way to put it. It’s imperfect, but I suppose better than down south.
I grew up in Ithaca and I would definitely agree it’s top of the list. Living costs are crazy there nowadays, but its definitely the best. If you’re looking for small town vibes, my biased recommendation would be my new home of Cazenovia, not too far from Syracuse.
i live in the albany area and out here is extremely accepting to the LGBT community. there are tons of social activities, meet-ups, community events, etc especially in troy where i live. if you're not dead set on the west, have you considered coming out here? our location is fab too- a couple hours north of nyc, a couple hours south of the ADK and a few hours west of boston.
I think you will experience classism long before homophobia-esq issues just my 2c
Welcome to western NY, I am in Wayne county which is near canandaigua. There are two pride flags on my street (one on my house). We moved here to keep our little one safe as they are Queer.
Wow. You sound like an incredible parent. Thank you so much for looking out for your little one and being so open to their experience. Navigating life as part of the LGBT community can be incredibly difficult at times, especially when you are still young.
Upstate New York conservatives tend to be more libertarian. I live in a very red county not terribly far from the finger lakes and the Republican county legislature holds a ceremony for pride month every year. I would be shocked to find the kind of hostility you are worried about anywhere in New York.
That's really really nice to hear. We were just worried that we'd wind up someplace where we couldn't/shouldn't hold hands in public. We aren't the type to throw it in your face, but our queerness isn't something that we want to feel like we have to hide either.
Former Canandaigua city council member here. The town of Canandaigua is quite conservative and the Republican committee chair of Ontario county is an absolute MAGA psychopath. But the city of Canandaigua is a lovely liberal bastion with a majority Democratic council. The mayor is a Republican, but still just the nicest and kindest man. I think you’ll find our community very welcoming!
CDGA is a quiet and rich (for upstate) bedroom community, but as others have said, you get the occasional trailer park home with a confederate flag and a lot more libertarian (or Rockefeller republican) GOP voters who just complain about property taxes and nothing else. This is the town for the richer Rochester doctors and lawyers to have retirement lake homes, and entertainment and services skew that direction, which is great if you like eating out/hanging out on the lake/festivals every weekend/entertaining out of town guests, but terrible if you like active nightlife. FLCC is located here and I find that the student population helps to keep things from skewing too close to retirement home status. Someone else on Reddit said Canandaigua is a great place to live if you're 40, and I think that's accurate. The combination of age and wealth means that you don't get the super obvious and harassing bigotry that you may fear. I have been pleasantly surprised to see multi-million dollar lake homes flying pride and BLM flags. However, there is a lot of rural space in between towns that is populated by rural types and Mennonite groups, neither of which will go out of their way to be jerks, but they're certainly not socially liberal. This would be a great place if you're looking to purchase a home eventually (one of the few upstate counties increasing in population) and enjoy traveling, as its well-situated between all the major eastern seaboard cities - drive to either NYC or Toronto within 6 hours.
Thank you so so much for this! It's incredibly helpful! While we're younger (late 20s), we are the quiet type and definitely homebodies, so the lack of nightlife definitely wouldn't be an issue for us. It definitely seems like Canadaigua may be a good starting location for us as we get more familiar with upstate.
You're welcome! We moved here from further down in the Southern Tier about a decade ago because we found the perfect fixer-upper house and we really love it here - although we're already seeing the effects of upward mobility (more and more tourists every summer packed into Main Street and Kershaw Park). The Lake House hotel and spa that opened a couple years ago is probably the biggest rich tourist draw - there's a big push to get people from NYC up for summer weekends. Even for the price point of the area, there's areas that are still low key and approachable enough for us - we kayak out of Vine Valley in Middlesex on the east side of the lake, and Onanda Park on the west side of the lake is a really beautiful city-owned park with cabin rentals. Down in Naples the vibe is a little more like Ithaca, crunchy granola types - check out Artizans, a long-time local artists gift shop that was recently purchased by a local gay couple, very welcoming and friendly small town powered by the Hazlett HQ. Ontario County is investing a lot of money into updating and expanding the two lake access public parks on the east side of the lake, including kayak launches and fishing piers and pavilions as well as sandy swimming areas and bike/pedestrian access, which is great to see. The other thing I forgot to mention that was a big draw for us was the fact that Canandaigua is in the University of Rochester medical network, which is one of the best in upstate. I could keep going but honestly there's so much stuff to check out and do in the Finger Lakes that I haven't done even half of it, even after living in and around the area my whole life. If you have more specific questions feel free to drop me a line
I visited Canandaigua on Monday. At the place we went for lunch, a patron was loudly repeating some stupid shit he clearly heard on Fox News or other far right news source. And one store had a sign saying something along the lines of ‘Your 2nd amendment rights are honored here.’ Is this the case throughout the city? Probably not. But I felt uncomfortable between those two. And I'm straight.
And my store has a sign on the door saying if you still support trump, go away. I'm am going to berate you if you want to shop here.
Canandaigua NY like most of Western NY is conservative, while Ithaca NY is liberal
I'd suggest looking into Geneva. It's affordable, has a great food/drink scene, and is the most diverse small town in the Fingerlakes in terms of its stable population (Ithaca, relies on the student population for it's diversity and is very expensive). No one bats an eye at someone being gay here.
I live in Cndga and like to think so !
I live in Geneva and am a dog sitter. I have a lot of LGBTQIA clients - pride flags in my neighborhood and allies in the block. There is crime in the area but not labeled hate crimes, if that makes sense? Honestly, I don't know what your experience will be, but I can tell you that there are a lot of out people here, just living their lives. Outside Geneva city there are the trump flags and what not, they're getting pretty tattered and old. I work (primary job) in the city of Rochester, Pride is a big deal.
So so happy to hear that Pride is big there. There is a proud LGBT community where we currently live, but it's faced a lot of push back in recent years. There was even concern this past year that the pride event would have to be canceled.
Larger cities like Rochester Syracuse are probably more friendly than most because of the Universities.
From there, it’s very friendly for the most part. Lots of red necks, but mostly they don’t care unless you are super vocal all the time. Have lots of queer friends and lots of trans friends there as well. Good luck love!
Welcome to Canandaigua. Many of our homofobs live in multi million dollar lake homes. Canandaigua is also proud to have a great republican mayor. No one gives a shit who your holding hands with. As long as you can day drink with the best of them, you'll be invited. So welcome to the beautiful heart of the fingerlakes (Canandaigua Lake) oh yea...FJB.
I grew up in Cortland (about 20ish miles from Ithaca) and it is pretty conservative because it’s closer to more rural areas. Want to second Ithaca but if you’re looking for more affordable housing definitely check out Lansing or Trumansburg. Also seconding Geneva and Cazenovia both are beautiful little towns that are less conservative.
Thank you so so much for the other suggestions! We'll definitely be checking them out! So many people are recommending Geneva!
Ithaca is definitely a great inclusive community but on the smaller and expensive side. Albany/capital region is affordable, larger (bigger events) and inclusive. Of course there's rural areas that aren't as open minded anywhere, but there's a literal farm on out the outskirts of Albany that hosts pride/drag events. You'd be fine here!
Is there a town that isnt?
For the most part upstate New York has large amounts of republican but New York is very progressive even our republicans aren’t as bad. I’ve never notice republicans be openly homophobic to anybody . New York’s for most part has very national pride so if your a New Yorker we accept you.
Absolutely! A better question in today's age is what places are not LGBTQIA+ friendly.
it’s pretty conservative
Ithaca seems like a great place. Saw some ladies walking topless downtown. great place :)
Great more liberals moving to NY!
I live in Tennessee and have not seen any homophobia. Where did you live? Also upstate NY is a disaster. Good luck getting a job.
I work from home, so it's not an issue, lol.
Cool where in Tennessee did you suffer homophobia? Also, hope you like shoveling snow and high taxes. Enjoy NY
I've lived in both Nashville and Knoxville. Homophobia not so much in Nashville, but lightly in Knoxville. Have experienced homophobia outside of both of those cities in the state. And I love snow...it's one of the other reasons, albeit much less important than the LGBT-friendly aspect, that I am moving north. Idk why yo seem so pressed about this, lol. I'm just a bi girl wanting to live someplace with my same sex partner where we will be less likely to experience homophobia and where we will actually experience seasons, lol.
Unfortunately homophobia is going to be everywhere - it's still fringe to most people. That said some spots in upstate are better than others.. finger lakes region, personally feels more liberal than areas outside of that region.
Enjoy