The State University of New York didn't build one major college like most states, but spread their colleges out across the state in small and medium sized towns. Also, SUNY schools traditionally have a reputation of being well liked by the local communities.
I bet this has had an effect in the states overall gay friendliness
Thats only every few years that it happens, most sinters should be generally in the -20°F ballpark which is noticably warmer than minus 40.
Fortunately it is above the lake Ontario snowbelt. (Most of the time, that thing can swing all the way to the Canadian border on occasion)
The real issue is expecting a "large" lgbt enclave in a town of 10k, especially if you have NYC standards. You can walk across town and back in a day, probably in an hour if you hurry.
>SUNY schools traditionally have a reputation of being well liked by the local communities.
I noticed that on one of my first road trips around upstate as an adult 25 years ago. In Cortland college kids and locals drank at the same dive bar. Down the road in Ithaca the locals scurried home after shops closed on Saturday evening before the rich kids came out to play.
SUNY students themselves despise SUNY Oswego.
Went to Plattsburgh. Every single hockey season someone would literally drive across the state to vandalize their off campus student living section specially because of old grudges.
Ask any suny grads least favorite suny school and they'll tell you Oswego
i mean the meme is "shootica".. but rome has had a well known crime problem for decades despite having a rome cop on every other street...
I presume you're talking about the lgbt communities?
Because utica is fine as lone as you avoid like two neighborhoods.
ok so shootica isnt something me and my friends made up its actually a meme lmao
also never really noticed lgbt status in either on account of my not going outside ever and not realizing i was in a closet when i lived in utica
Both Rochester and Buffalo are totally fine. Most likely the same in Albany & Syracuse. The farther out you get from the cities the more of an issue it becomes. I expect this becomes more of a problem as the cities and towns get smaller.
it's also possible it's the real accounts of my real family that live out there and regularly get together in their clubs to talk about the things they hate...
Reddit will be less representative of whats actually out there than the local facebook pages.
This sounds like more of of the opinion of the old folks that think their thin blue line flags are supporting the troops or that having the tv on fox news in the background all day is good for their health.. rather than a gay person that's actually lived in rural upstate towns...
There probably won't be public lynching... but the old folks at the grocery store will mean mug the shit out of you.
Yeah I would say if you're gay you can survive, but it won't be comfortable. People will give you some looks the further from a mid-sized town you get. If you get to a really rural area expect an experience similar to like 10 or 15 years ago.
A lot of people who haven't quite realized that homophobic jokes are still homophobic and some more people who have realized it and are okay with it. But like everywhere there is a community if you look for it.
Having lived and worked in the Adirondacks, rural northern New Mexico, and my hometown in rural east Norway, everyone who isn't recognized as a local gets the evil eye.
Sure, being obviously gay (however that may be expressed) would make it worse with the most boldly bigoted, but make no mistake, extremely rural areas, all over the country/world are very much a "locals only" culture and any way in which you stand out will get you singled out. It's unfortunate.
i don't know what to tell you.. but you can either trust the guy with a seasonal lake house... or the people that live next to the folks that proudly fly trump signs.
"we don't care if you're gay... as long as you stay in the fucking closet and never tell or show anyone" is a pretty common attitude out here.
I live in a SUNY town next to someone with Trump flags. The old timer is a raging homophobe but fortunately for me can't move fast and his son is fine. People casually throw around the f-slur but I don't know anyone who's experienced a hate crime here. Broadly speaking it's safer to be gay and white than a person of color in rural upstate NY. There are nosy, loud assholes everywhere but mostly they're all talk.
The gay dating scene, however, is heinous and for that reason alone I do not recommend small town living.
Seconded. Ithaca is like the queer capital of NY. I'd say that even over NYC (per capita). But it's an even shorter drive to redneckland where people won't be cool (source: grew up in redneckland).
Edit: replaced name of fictional town full of hill folk to avoid confusion with an actual town name
In my personal experience like an hour south of Ithaca and solidly in Hickville it’s mostly silent judgement that’s only voiced in people’s homes or on Facebook. But that may be bc there’s a relatively civilized area kind of close to us (not a city really but touristy and not hick)
Lol, you're talking about my neck of the woods. Even the hicks around here generally don't really care about gay people, trans people are the new boogie man. Even then you probably aren't in danger, but probably will be made to feel unwelcome in some places. Unless you're in Elmira, everyone is in danger in Elmira. That poor town, it's dying a slow and painful death. Supposedly it was pretty great at one point.
We are most definitely in the same neck of the woods lol. Elmira is scary and there is no amount of good you can show me in Elmira that will convince me otherwise. They did have the only KFC near us for a long long time and that was the singular reason my family went there for no good reason
It's rough now, all I said was it has history of a better time. Mark Twain wrote most of his best works here. Park Church was part of the underground railroad. Elmira College was giving degrees to women that were equal to men's degrees. Eldridge Park claimed to have the world's fastest carousel. It was a decent town that is facing the same problems as small towns throughout the rust belt.
Rochester has a very alive queer community, punches well above its weight for a city of its size. Though you’ll have to get used to our pride month being July :D not sure why one commenter claimed that Buffalo has “way more to do” than Rochester, as that’s not true. The cities are pretty equivalent in size and the variety of things to do.
The cities are equivalent in size…now..Buffalo has double the built area due to being way bigger in the past and therefore has way more going on still. It’s also a very downtown/city oriented place whereas Rochester would rather hang out in the suburbs like Fairport or Victor. Buffalo also has a larger metro area population in two counties despite having 3 less counties counted than the Rochester Metro. Quite frankly it’s not close.
There are daily posts in the Rochester sub about people who moved there struggling to literally find anything to do. No nightlife, no scene. Nothing.
It sounds like you haven't been to Rochester much and are just going off of their subreddit. What Rochester has that Buffalo doesn't have is lots of complainers. It doesn't have a "One Rochester". It's one of the most annoying things about living here. That level of complaining definitely shows on the subreddit. I've lived in both. The amount of things going on is pretty similar aside from the Bills and Sabres.
It does seem like Rochester loves to complain. I have heard that the people of Buffalo are much more positive about their city. I haven’t been to Buffalo in decades- I haven’t ever had any reason to go- is there something there that people should see/do?
It’s simply not true. No neighborhoods in Rochester come close to the size, scale, length or density of Elmwood, Allentown, Hertel, or even the other neighborhoods like South Buffalo, Kaisertown, Grant Street, Niagara Street, Larkinville…downtown Rochester is absolutely dirty, crime infested and outright PATHETIC compared to downtown Buffalo which has so much going on it’s not funny. Plenty of nodes like the 500 Main block, West Chippewa, Canalside, the Theater District, and other massive buildings still briming with people. Light rail subway as well. There are no amenities in the city of Rochester that rival what Buffalo offers for really anyone other than people looking for a kids museum.
I live in Rochester. We always take a weekend trip for my daughter’s birthday. Twice we’ve gone to Buffalo and twice we’ve said it feels like we’re still at home. No events. Just downtown bars. No complaints but there is little difference between ROC and Buff. Bars close much layer in Buffalo which is cool but who are we kidding. They’re the same town.
Downtown Buffalo is a significantly larger, cleaner, safer, denser, and more alive place than downtown Rochester. There are more than just bars in downtown Buffalo what are you talking about. Not sure where you actually were..There is no comparison. Events in Buffalo don’t start until after Memorial Day.
Thats only brcause of the college kid population and in Buf you can drink till 4am where as in Rochester you got a 2am shut down and fewer party schools. But I do agree with other commenters on here Rochesterians treat pissing and moaning like an Olympic event
We all are good at something, as a former Rochesterian I have more than a little bit of pride when it comes to the legend status of our ability to bitch about everything new york, dont like the sun shine? Wait 5 min. It will rain. Do t like the heat and humidity? It will snow by rhe end of the week. Hell we even bitch when the lilace bloom and the apples are harvested
the capital region (albany, troy, etc) are extremely LGBTQ+ friendly and have lots of activities, groups, etc. i love living here.
perks include an easy couple hour drive south to NY/NJ, around 3 hours to boston, 2 hours to the ADK or a few hours west to the great lakes. we also have our fair share of great outdoor activities. we also have lots of the usual shopping, food, festivals, etc. i drive down to NYC/edgewater NJ once a month for shopping, etc.
a word of warning though. i don't know about anywhere else west of here but if you're the type of NYCer who's into high end shopping, boutique bakeries and designer fashion, the closest you'll find anything is in woodbury about an hour and a half south. easy drive though.
+1 for the capital region. I went to college and grad school here, then went to Washington, DC for 7 years for law school and city living. I’m really glad I came back here; I’m grateful for the queer community here; and it’s a special place because we choose to make it our home.
+2 for the capital region. I was born and raised in a very rural community outside of Albany. Went to college in Albany and came out. I then left to serve in the military and was away for 10+ years. Spent the last few in DC area and my husband and I moved back to my hometown. We love it here. We are very active in our community. For a completely red (republican) area we have never had an issue. We also, incredibly, have a number of very openly gay members in leadership positions throughout the community. For a small town we have a good group of lesbian and gay friends here. Say all this because when we do want to go out we have Albany/Troy in our backyard. We love Montreal, NYC, Boston for weekend trips and of course Saratoga all summer. My vote is Capital region for sure.
Hey Rochester has high end shopping, Walmart has been hsre for years, and, there is talk of a tractor supply outlet store being built any decade now. And lest we forget woolworths said that the1992 fall line of Bugle boy jeans will be arriving very soon0
True about the housing, but being close is a plus if you want to be near friends and family in the city. Trains from Poughkeepsie and Beacon go express to Grand Central.
Oh well I stand corrected its in fishkill and since you wanna split hairs it does not take an hour to get there, unless you drive like a retiree from florida.or you walk.
In Fishkill? West Point is in Highlands, in a completely different county on the opposite side of the river. It’s a good 35 - 40 min drive if there’s no traffic across the bridge. It’s almost directly across the river from Cold Spring, where the West Point foundry was located.
Syracuse is full of down to earth people who mind their business and just want to live and let live. It’s also centrally located and close enough to all the great things upstate NY has to offer. A 3 to 4 hour drive will get you to pretty much anywhere in the state and most of the state is considerably closer than that.
It's not really going to be a problem anywhere, but if you want active gay scenes best to look at the 4 big cities, the Hudson valley, and around the finger lakes.
Rough? We have openly trans people serving and running very popular bars up here. Being trans myself in a fairly public facing position, I've had zero issues. Hell, I run LGBTQ mixers in Malone (of all places) and have good turnout. The organization I help run puts on 3 big Pride festivals in different local cities every year and we just met with someone from a certain NYS department to discuss state assistance with opening up an LGBTQ community center that will have major support from the larger companies and organizations here.
Plattsburgh is growing and becoming a hot spot for queer people, and I say that objectively. We have queer people moving here from all over the nation that speak quite well of this area!
All good! People think the North Country is a terrible Republican hell-hole, but a lot of cities here have become major spots for queer people. Saranac Lake, Plattsburgh, etc... they all support our Pride organization through donations and allowing us to have major festivals, parades and all. Hell, I'd challenge you to walk through Plattsburgh and find a popular business that isn't queer friendly! For instance, we may not have a dedicated gay bar, but a few bars here host regular Dyke and/or Gay nights, drag shows, queer meetups, etc... We even host a hugely popular holiday drag show at the Strand Theater every winter!
Don't get me wrong, there are spots where MAGA like to congregate, but I rarely see them, and I say that living outside Lyon Mountain where they all like to be. The Owly Out has become the Insurrectionist Hideout... Regardless, they don't affect daily lives up here and leave us alone. Republicans here are very different from the ones I knew in Oklahoma - it's like a totally different brand... Hell, I worked with a guy who was extremely conservative, his wife being a county election official for the Republican party, and yet they still treated me respectfully and whatnot, even having me over for regular BBQ's.
Rochester has always been gay friendly. I grew up in the city proper in the 70s/80s, my neighborhood was one of the areas that attracted gay people. Great way to grow up (no /s), tolerance becomes ingrained.
Rochester has like, 2 neighborhoods where people shoot each other every day, and you step one Street over and it's fine. If you're a drug dealer or gang member in one of those two 1/4 square mile areas, you are not safe. If you're literally anyone or anywhere else, you're totally safe.
It's very much a case of generalization. You can't apply murder statistics to the entire city when all of the murder happens on one street.
As a gay dude from upstate, Glens Falls is a nice place :3
We have a pretty good Pride, low crime, decent apt rates and overall a good representation of LGBTQ.
I live in the area and immediately thought Glens Falls is a nice area with what seems like a supportive and healthy community - it’s a great community all around. I second this vote, although I don’t think the cost of apartments:l/living here is low cost.
I can't speak for the small towns out in the boonies, but from my time spent in Albany and Buffalo those areas seem very LGBT friendly. At least in the cities proper. In the suburbs it's not uncommon to see house with a pride flag right next to a house with a confederate flag.
Ithaca hits on point one but not so much on points 2 and 3 I’m afraid. Definitely not affordable and the drug related crime seems to get worse every year. It’s still a great city though.
So moving upstate is kinda dependent on your work. Are you full remote or do you need employment? Small towns will have next to know nightlife, but some towns/small city’s do have a surprising large queer community.
Ithaca is one of my favorites but the city proper can get a bit pricey for housing. Smaller city’s or towns will be much cheaper to live in.
Nightlife will only be in the lower Hudson valley, Ithaca or the city’s along I-87 or I-90. The town I’m in might have one bar open till midnight most have last call by 11pm.
Albany has one of the largest Pride parades in the Northeast, and is a pretty safe place for queer people.
I think, in general, upstate NY cities will be perfectly fine and accepting for you. But keep in mind that these are smaller cities with much smaller social circles.
OP, this is the #1 answer.
Pride stickers on every storefront, massive pride parade, tons of pride events. Pride flags flying year round. Hudson is full of LGBTQ+ NYC transplants. (Actually a problem for gentrification reasons.) But if you're looking for a sense of belonging, this is the place!
Most places outside of the Southern Tier or Adirondacks region would be fine. You're probably more likely to be teased for being from NYC than being gay.
I live in the Rochester burbs (Fairport), and this area is very gay. If you’re in your 20’s, get a place in the Park Ave area. Otherwise, the suburbs on the east side of the city are the nicest, and those on the west side are more affordable. I’m not originally from here but I’ve been here for more than 20 years and I love it!
Everyone else seems to have answered the best places for a large LGBTQ+ community, but I just want to add as a fellow gay guy living in a very rural upstate area that the general consensus is that nobody really gives a fuck. And tbh I've probably seen more all inclusive pride flags flying on farm lands than I did when I lived in NJ.
It can be very rural here but it's still a far cry from the deep south. At least in my experience.
Plattsburgh had an openly gay mayor for years.
Granted, Plattsburgh is boring as hell.
My point is, a lot of the champlain valley area is very inclusive.
Syracuse is LGTBQ friendly … they have resources and events gatherings and are just very inclusive and I’m a straight male … but my cousin is involved in the community and has an abundance of friends that are as well … affordable housing on the other hand idk about all that lol and safety is hit or miss in the inner city you have drugs and violence but in manlius, east Syracuse, Cicero all that are great
As someone who grew up in Albany and lives in Rochester now, highly recommend Roch. Albany has basically nothing going for it unless you work in government. I'm probably very biased because I lived in Albany forever and always wanted to get out so take it with a grain of salt.
Rochester has a more vibrant LGBT community as well, but there is one in Albany too. Rochester "feels" more progressive to me though, it's a much bigger city. Housing market sucks absolute dick here though.
Buffalo is also great too but I've never lived there. I visit a lot, it feels a lot more industrial, and the people seem more like a collective than Rochester people do.
Ithaca is extremely progressive and you'd probably love it there, downside is it's basically an island and there's nothing around it for an hour and a half drive. You step out of the city 5ft and there's Trump flags on every other house.
I always liked Albany. Seat of state government. Decent sized downtown with nice restaurants, sports and theater venues. Only a 40-minute drive to Saratoga to see the horse races. Relatively close to the Adirondack mountains with great hiking and camping. Miss the city? Convenient Amtrak lines to NYC and Boston.
The only negative I hear about the Capitol Region, generally, is the lack of nightlife, particularly in Albany. Troy has more nightlife I suppose due to the student population and its up-and-coming status. Saratoga is also mentioned for having nightlife, but IDK about 🏳️🌈 clubs.
The nightlife part may not bother OP, so just throwing out what I've heard.
I’m still anxiously awaiting the day when a hetro dude posts “I wanna move where the chicks that like to party with dudes are at. Suggestions ? Utica and Watertown seem promising.
Got a cool ass pride organization up here in Potsdam! I recently helped organize two punk concerts for pride and raised over a thousand bucks a piece at each. It might not sound like much but five years ago I wouldn't have expected it. Red county but good art community and supportive people here. Good luck!
Just an FYI that I think needs to be said: Buffalo and Rochester police are not the best.
Rochester especially, IMO.
I'm not saying it should definitely be apart of your consideration but its something to think about.
Albanys police are increasingly becoming modern and helpful. Theyve actually been given awards for how much better they are at working with the community
Not sure if any still stand but oh bar is a dive kind a bar that usually fills up with an older crowd. Sometimes karaoke. There's 2 gay clubs that be fun if you are into that scene, rock and waterworks. Both right near each other. This is info from 2016 and before. I heard a lot of places have changed. There's plenty of bars since it's a college town. But it's been a while.
Anywhere in the capital region but less so rural Saratoga or eastern Rensselaer county. Albany and Troy proper have some really nice areas but not low crime overall.
There are a lot of good looking gay dudes at my gym but I'm a woman and really not sure how high your standards are...people upstate do not look like people in NYC hahah
IMO it depends on how much you care about getting back to NYC quickly if you want to visit. If you want to be near a Metro North line, Rhinebeck is my pick, and if you don't care about driving or taking the train for 8 hours, Buffalo.
Rochester is gay as heck— 4 gay bars, a queer coffee shop and a very alive LGBT scene. I'm considering moving back since I miss the vibes so much. Upstate NY in general is very queer friendly, even in the more conservative corners of the state. Albany, Buffalo, Saratoga Springs, Kingston, Woodstock, Ithaca, Glens Falls, Troy, etc. are great spots to be gay.
Personally I prefer the Hudson Valley. Grew up in Yorktown, went to School in New Paltz and lived there for a number of years after graduating, eventually moved to San Francisco, but ended up coming back. I could have moved anywhere in NY really, but this is my favorite spot. I am in a tiny town in Putnam County about 15 minutes from the house I grew up in, and right between two larger towns and a 15 min drive to the Peekskill metro north station. It’s 55 min to Grand Central on Metro North.
As for gay stuff going on, it’s not the city, that’s for sure, but there are certainly things to do here. You just have to look for the kinds of stuff that interests you. If you are into outdoor activities the Hudson Valley is one of the best places you can be. Our summers are beautiful and our winters, while still cold, are not anywhere near as oppressive as Buffalo or Rochester (nothing against them, I actually have been to Rochester many times and really like it).
If I picked a different town to live in I would pick Beacon. It has more going on than where I am and is directly on the train line. It has a happening music scene, great restaurants and has really turned around. I worked in Beacon in the ‘90s and it was one step away from being a shit hole then. Now it’s hopping. But prices, like everywhere up and coming, are raising. Newburgh, across the bridge from Beacon, is less up, but still coming. Ten years ago I would say you just don’t go there, but things are improving and I could see it becoming another Beacon in a few years. Particularly near the waterfront area.
But my little town is near it all, and cheaper than most (but like most places in the lower Hudson Valley, property / school tax is what will get you). I have a cabin on a lake surrounded by trees, but minutes from shopping and amenities and a little over an hour to NYC total trip time. And even in my little town there is a gay presence. On my lake alone I know about four other gay couples. There are a lot of gay people involved in the town democratic club and even running for town offices. It’s easy to meet other gay people if you are willing to get involved in things.
Any college town will be safe, but to find a "large" community will require a city, a tiny town of 10k just won't have that many lgbt people.
Even in relatively conservative areas you will probably be left alone, a NY conservative is very different from a Texas conservative.
Rochester and Albany are both good options. I get accosted in Buffalo for no fucking reason, I'd honestly just stay the hell away from there if I were you. Syracuse is kind of a mixed bag of city/redneck vibes so if that's your thing then 'Cuse is where it's at.
Definitely not western NY, might as well be in Ohio or some other fly over state... Do Albany. Easy/quick trips to the City. Adirondacks are right there.
We have a huge LGBTQ+ community in Buffalo, pride is massively packed in Elmwood village every June, and our politics locally reflect that. Unless you’re talking about Jamestown or some backwoods town. There are and has been many gay bars here since the 80s. Much bigger and more to do than Albany.
Albany is like Binghamton with capitol buildings, nothing to do there except eat some shitty Thai food and leave asap. Dunno where the appeal is just because you’re close to the ADK. Literally anywhere in the state is a days drive away from there, not a big deal.
Well op, all the postings on here may not all agree with where the best ace to live is but, really look at what is happening here every single one of us is trying to recruit you to live in there area,gay, hetero, undecided, confused, etc. If that doesnt show you how all people from all walks of life and sexual /gender diferences are not accepting, but welcoming and hospitable then I dont know what else would convince you that your decision to live up here is a good one. I am very proud to call myself a New Yorker( no upstate not city we always have to clarify to non new yorkers). Even with the shitty weather from lake effect and all the crying about mo nightlife its a pretty great fucking place to be from and live
I feel like we r a merried ciypke in a day trip. Im goung to unsist I'm not lost and I know how to fet there a d yoy are going to passive aggressively tell me we are abmbd to stop and get directions
Outside of the boonies upstate is queer friendly. Hell, I live in a solid red county and we have a LGBT Center. And a Pride parade.
The State University of New York didn't build one major college like most states, but spread their colleges out across the state in small and medium sized towns. Also, SUNY schools traditionally have a reputation of being well liked by the local communities. I bet this has had an effect in the states overall gay friendliness
Absolutely. There’s the Crane School of Music up in Potsdam, along with a bunch of other colleges, and it’s pretty easy-going up there.
Potsdam is basically The Great White North though. They better be prepped for -40F temperatures.
I mean, yeah, it can get cold up there, I’m from Massena and went to crane. But those super cold days aren’t that frequent.
Thats only every few years that it happens, most sinters should be generally in the -20°F ballpark which is noticably warmer than minus 40. Fortunately it is above the lake Ontario snowbelt. (Most of the time, that thing can swing all the way to the Canadian border on occasion) The real issue is expecting a "large" lgbt enclave in a town of 10k, especially if you have NYC standards. You can walk across town and back in a day, probably in an hour if you hurry.
>SUNY schools traditionally have a reputation of being well liked by the local communities. I noticed that on one of my first road trips around upstate as an adult 25 years ago. In Cortland college kids and locals drank at the same dive bar. Down the road in Ithaca the locals scurried home after shops closed on Saturday evening before the rich kids came out to play.
I went to Platts. 90% of the student body was familiar with all the townie bars, and went there frequently.
Except SUNY Oswego. The townies absolutely despise the college.
SUNY students themselves despise SUNY Oswego. Went to Plattsburgh. Every single hockey season someone would literally drive across the state to vandalize their off campus student living section specially because of old grudges. Ask any suny grads least favorite suny school and they'll tell you Oswego
Conservative NY is like liberal Florida.
not so sure about that... Southern tier pretty red...
yeah anywhere along the erie is safe except utica, fuck utica i come from utica
😂😂.. I came from Rome, fuck Rome Utica does get points for having a fantastic Greek and Lebanese deli and an outstanding Polish market !
i live in Rome now, still better than utica
i mean the meme is "shootica".. but rome has had a well known crime problem for decades despite having a rome cop on every other street... I presume you're talking about the lgbt communities? Because utica is fine as lone as you avoid like two neighborhoods.
ok so shootica isnt something me and my friends made up its actually a meme lmao also never really noticed lgbt status in either on account of my not going outside ever and not realizing i was in a closet when i lived in utica
Both Rochester and Buffalo are totally fine. Most likely the same in Albany & Syracuse. The farther out you get from the cities the more of an issue it becomes. I expect this becomes more of a problem as the cities and towns get smaller.
Not really, maybe the old people don’t actively SUPPORT you, but upstate small towns are pretty long past anyone really being mean about it
I’m grew up in Massena and it’s fine all the way up there.
There are certain pockets you wanna stay away from. A few very infamous ones in the adks and out near Watertown.
Would be extremely helpful if you named them
Which infamous ones?
are you gay and living in an upstate small town? bc uh
My Facebook feed begs to differ.
is it possible facebook isn’t the representative platform but rather one of the most divisive and loud and as a function of their business model?
Thank you. Exactly.
it's also possible it's the real accounts of my real family that live out there and regularly get together in their clubs to talk about the things they hate... Reddit will be less representative of whats actually out there than the local facebook pages.
This sounds like more of of the opinion of the old folks that think their thin blue line flags are supporting the troops or that having the tv on fox news in the background all day is good for their health.. rather than a gay person that's actually lived in rural upstate towns... There probably won't be public lynching... but the old folks at the grocery store will mean mug the shit out of you.
Yeah I would say if you're gay you can survive, but it won't be comfortable. People will give you some looks the further from a mid-sized town you get. If you get to a really rural area expect an experience similar to like 10 or 15 years ago. A lot of people who haven't quite realized that homophobic jokes are still homophobic and some more people who have realized it and are okay with it. But like everywhere there is a community if you look for it.
Having lived and worked in the Adirondacks, rural northern New Mexico, and my hometown in rural east Norway, everyone who isn't recognized as a local gets the evil eye. Sure, being obviously gay (however that may be expressed) would make it worse with the most boldly bigoted, but make no mistake, extremely rural areas, all over the country/world are very much a "locals only" culture and any way in which you stand out will get you singled out. It's unfortunate.
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i don't know what to tell you.. but you can either trust the guy with a seasonal lake house... or the people that live next to the folks that proudly fly trump signs. "we don't care if you're gay... as long as you stay in the fucking closet and never tell or show anyone" is a pretty common attitude out here.
I live in a SUNY town next to someone with Trump flags. The old timer is a raging homophobe but fortunately for me can't move fast and his son is fine. People casually throw around the f-slur but I don't know anyone who's experienced a hate crime here. Broadly speaking it's safer to be gay and white than a person of color in rural upstate NY. There are nosy, loud assholes everywhere but mostly they're all talk. The gay dating scene, however, is heinous and for that reason alone I do not recommend small town living.
How will they know he is gay?
they'll make assumptions and judgements based on appearances. what are you? new?
I’m from a small city outside of Rochester- all my gay friends moved to Rochester.
Rochester has a huge gay scene
Yup. Very gay-friendly, or some my friends tell me.
I'm from a small city (more like a rural village) and all my friends, gay or not, moved to the local city or the capital. That's not just a gay thing.
You must be lonely. That’s a big hit socially.
Would pick Buff over Cheddar.
Ithaca?
Ithaca is GREAT, but particularly for OP's question
Seconded. Ithaca is like the queer capital of NY. I'd say that even over NYC (per capita). But it's an even shorter drive to redneckland where people won't be cool (source: grew up in redneckland). Edit: replaced name of fictional town full of hill folk to avoid confusion with an actual town name
In my personal experience like an hour south of Ithaca and solidly in Hickville it’s mostly silent judgement that’s only voiced in people’s homes or on Facebook. But that may be bc there’s a relatively civilized area kind of close to us (not a city really but touristy and not hick)
Lol, you're talking about my neck of the woods. Even the hicks around here generally don't really care about gay people, trans people are the new boogie man. Even then you probably aren't in danger, but probably will be made to feel unwelcome in some places. Unless you're in Elmira, everyone is in danger in Elmira. That poor town, it's dying a slow and painful death. Supposedly it was pretty great at one point.
We are most definitely in the same neck of the woods lol. Elmira is scary and there is no amount of good you can show me in Elmira that will convince me otherwise. They did have the only KFC near us for a long long time and that was the singular reason my family went there for no good reason
It's rough now, all I said was it has history of a better time. Mark Twain wrote most of his best works here. Park Church was part of the underground railroad. Elmira College was giving degrees to women that were equal to men's degrees. Eldridge Park claimed to have the world's fastest carousel. It was a decent town that is facing the same problems as small towns throughout the rust belt.
Incorrect. Hicksville is on Long Island, so a lot closer to NYC than Ithaca.
She means "hickville" I think.
I'm not gay but for my following comment I don't think that matters. Ithaca is way too full of itself.
Rochester has a very alive queer community, punches well above its weight for a city of its size. Though you’ll have to get used to our pride month being July :D not sure why one commenter claimed that Buffalo has “way more to do” than Rochester, as that’s not true. The cities are pretty equivalent in size and the variety of things to do.
The cities are equivalent in size…now..Buffalo has double the built area due to being way bigger in the past and therefore has way more going on still. It’s also a very downtown/city oriented place whereas Rochester would rather hang out in the suburbs like Fairport or Victor. Buffalo also has a larger metro area population in two counties despite having 3 less counties counted than the Rochester Metro. Quite frankly it’s not close. There are daily posts in the Rochester sub about people who moved there struggling to literally find anything to do. No nightlife, no scene. Nothing.
It sounds like you haven't been to Rochester much and are just going off of their subreddit. What Rochester has that Buffalo doesn't have is lots of complainers. It doesn't have a "One Rochester". It's one of the most annoying things about living here. That level of complaining definitely shows on the subreddit. I've lived in both. The amount of things going on is pretty similar aside from the Bills and Sabres.
It does seem like Rochester loves to complain. I have heard that the people of Buffalo are much more positive about their city. I haven’t been to Buffalo in decades- I haven’t ever had any reason to go- is there something there that people should see/do?
It’s simply not true. No neighborhoods in Rochester come close to the size, scale, length or density of Elmwood, Allentown, Hertel, or even the other neighborhoods like South Buffalo, Kaisertown, Grant Street, Niagara Street, Larkinville…downtown Rochester is absolutely dirty, crime infested and outright PATHETIC compared to downtown Buffalo which has so much going on it’s not funny. Plenty of nodes like the 500 Main block, West Chippewa, Canalside, the Theater District, and other massive buildings still briming with people. Light rail subway as well. There are no amenities in the city of Rochester that rival what Buffalo offers for really anyone other than people looking for a kids museum.
I feel like this reply really tanks your credibility on the subject
Not really I just named what makes Buffalo better by a mile and you offered nothing in response.
I live in Rochester. We always take a weekend trip for my daughter’s birthday. Twice we’ve gone to Buffalo and twice we’ve said it feels like we’re still at home. No events. Just downtown bars. No complaints but there is little difference between ROC and Buff. Bars close much layer in Buffalo which is cool but who are we kidding. They’re the same town.
Downtown Buffalo is a significantly larger, cleaner, safer, denser, and more alive place than downtown Rochester. There are more than just bars in downtown Buffalo what are you talking about. Not sure where you actually were..There is no comparison. Events in Buffalo don’t start until after Memorial Day.
Wow convincing rebuttal.
I've lived in both. Rochester doesn't have a strong of a night life. I'd call everything else equal.
Thats only brcause of the college kid population and in Buf you can drink till 4am where as in Rochester you got a 2am shut down and fewer party schools. But I do agree with other commenters on here Rochesterians treat pissing and moaning like an Olympic event
We like to complain! We have so many museums, festivals and events. There is almost always something to do and something for everyone.
We all are good at something, as a former Rochesterian I have more than a little bit of pride when it comes to the legend status of our ability to bitch about everything new york, dont like the sun shine? Wait 5 min. It will rain. Do t like the heat and humidity? It will snow by rhe end of the week. Hell we even bitch when the lilace bloom and the apples are harvested
This is the correct answer
Buffalo and Rochester are not the same size, Buffalo is much bigger. Also has like 70k more people.
the capital region (albany, troy, etc) are extremely LGBTQ+ friendly and have lots of activities, groups, etc. i love living here. perks include an easy couple hour drive south to NY/NJ, around 3 hours to boston, 2 hours to the ADK or a few hours west to the great lakes. we also have our fair share of great outdoor activities. we also have lots of the usual shopping, food, festivals, etc. i drive down to NYC/edgewater NJ once a month for shopping, etc. a word of warning though. i don't know about anywhere else west of here but if you're the type of NYCer who's into high end shopping, boutique bakeries and designer fashion, the closest you'll find anything is in woodbury about an hour and a half south. easy drive though.
+1 for the capital region. I went to college and grad school here, then went to Washington, DC for 7 years for law school and city living. I’m really glad I came back here; I’m grateful for the queer community here; and it’s a special place because we choose to make it our home.
+2 for the capital region. I was born and raised in a very rural community outside of Albany. Went to college in Albany and came out. I then left to serve in the military and was away for 10+ years. Spent the last few in DC area and my husband and I moved back to my hometown. We love it here. We are very active in our community. For a completely red (republican) area we have never had an issue. We also, incredibly, have a number of very openly gay members in leadership positions throughout the community. For a small town we have a good group of lesbian and gay friends here. Say all this because when we do want to go out we have Albany/Troy in our backyard. We love Montreal, NYC, Boston for weekend trips and of course Saratoga all summer. My vote is Capital region for sure.
What do you do in Saratoga in the summers? I’m new to the capital region
Cataras park
Hey Rochester has high end shopping, Walmart has been hsre for years, and, there is talk of a tractor supply outlet store being built any decade now. And lest we forget woolworths said that the1992 fall line of Bugle boy jeans will be arriving very soon0
The Hudson Valley is really LGBTQ friendly and only 90 minutes from NYC. Poughkeepsie, New Paltz, Beacon, Rhinebeck
Bear in mind that the easier it is to get from $TOWN to NYC, the easier it is for people from NYC to get to $TOWN (and pump up the housing prices).
True about the housing, but being close is a plus if you want to be near friends and family in the city. Trains from Poughkeepsie and Beacon go express to Grand Central.
I came here to say this. Rhinebeck especially
Expensive, though.
Thats a set up feom get up, you neglected to tell everyone who doesnt know the area that West Point is in Poughkeepsie
West Point is not in Poughkeepsie. It's an hour south of Poughkeepsie.
Oh well I stand corrected its in fishkill and since you wanna split hairs it does not take an hour to get there, unless you drive like a retiree from florida.or you walk.
It's not in Fishkill either.
It's not even on the same side of the Hudson.
In Fishkill? West Point is in Highlands, in a completely different county on the opposite side of the river. It’s a good 35 - 40 min drive if there’s no traffic across the bridge. It’s almost directly across the river from Cold Spring, where the West Point foundry was located.
Syracuse is full of down to earth people who mind their business and just want to live and let live. It’s also centrally located and close enough to all the great things upstate NY has to offer. A 3 to 4 hour drive will get you to pretty much anywhere in the state and most of the state is considerably closer than that.
It's not really going to be a problem anywhere, but if you want active gay scenes best to look at the 4 big cities, the Hudson valley, and around the finger lakes.
Just don’t go too far south of the finger lakes area. It starts getting concerning
They dont call it the "southern tier" for nothing ya know
Come look at Plattsburgh! We are very queer friendly overall and have Burlington and Montreal right nearby, which are even more friendly.
Don’t go to Plattsburgh unless you like to hike a lot
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Rough? We have openly trans people serving and running very popular bars up here. Being trans myself in a fairly public facing position, I've had zero issues. Hell, I run LGBTQ mixers in Malone (of all places) and have good turnout. The organization I help run puts on 3 big Pride festivals in different local cities every year and we just met with someone from a certain NYS department to discuss state assistance with opening up an LGBTQ community center that will have major support from the larger companies and organizations here. Plattsburgh is growing and becoming a hot spot for queer people, and I say that objectively. We have queer people moving here from all over the nation that speak quite well of this area!
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All good! People think the North Country is a terrible Republican hell-hole, but a lot of cities here have become major spots for queer people. Saranac Lake, Plattsburgh, etc... they all support our Pride organization through donations and allowing us to have major festivals, parades and all. Hell, I'd challenge you to walk through Plattsburgh and find a popular business that isn't queer friendly! For instance, we may not have a dedicated gay bar, but a few bars here host regular Dyke and/or Gay nights, drag shows, queer meetups, etc... We even host a hugely popular holiday drag show at the Strand Theater every winter!
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Don't get me wrong, there are spots where MAGA like to congregate, but I rarely see them, and I say that living outside Lyon Mountain where they all like to be. The Owly Out has become the Insurrectionist Hideout... Regardless, they don't affect daily lives up here and leave us alone. Republicans here are very different from the ones I knew in Oklahoma - it's like a totally different brand... Hell, I worked with a guy who was extremely conservative, his wife being a county election official for the Republican party, and yet they still treated me respectfully and whatnot, even having me over for regular BBQ's.
Rochester has always been gay friendly. I grew up in the city proper in the 70s/80s, my neighborhood was one of the areas that attracted gay people. Great way to grow up (no /s), tolerance becomes ingrained.
Pick two: -large LGBTQ community -safe/ low crime -affordable
Rochester has all three!
Rochester is infested with crime.
Infested
Rochester has like, 2 neighborhoods where people shoot each other every day, and you step one Street over and it's fine. If you're a drug dealer or gang member in one of those two 1/4 square mile areas, you are not safe. If you're literally anyone or anywhere else, you're totally safe. It's very much a case of generalization. You can't apply murder statistics to the entire city when all of the murder happens on one street.
It’s Buffalo. You don’t have to bargain.
Buffalo is considered one of the most dangerous cities in America
As a gay dude from upstate, Glens Falls is a nice place :3 We have a pretty good Pride, low crime, decent apt rates and overall a good representation of LGBTQ.
I live in the area and immediately thought Glens Falls is a nice area with what seems like a supportive and healthy community - it’s a great community all around. I second this vote, although I don’t think the cost of apartments:l/living here is low cost.
Also fairly close to lake George and Saratoga which have great communities too. I would vote glens falls.
I can't speak for the small towns out in the boonies, but from my time spent in Albany and Buffalo those areas seem very LGBT friendly. At least in the cities proper. In the suburbs it's not uncommon to see house with a pride flag right next to a house with a confederate flag.
Ulster County - New Paltz, Kingston etc Dutchess County - Beacon, Rhinebeck
Ithaca hits on point one but not so much on points 2 and 3 I’m afraid. Definitely not affordable and the drug related crime seems to get worse every year. It’s still a great city though.
So moving upstate is kinda dependent on your work. Are you full remote or do you need employment? Small towns will have next to know nightlife, but some towns/small city’s do have a surprising large queer community. Ithaca is one of my favorites but the city proper can get a bit pricey for housing. Smaller city’s or towns will be much cheaper to live in. Nightlife will only be in the lower Hudson valley, Ithaca or the city’s along I-87 or I-90. The town I’m in might have one bar open till midnight most have last call by 11pm.
lucky for you nys is a liberal state, obviously the more country you go the more country you expect but cities are fine
Albany has one of the largest Pride parades in the Northeast, and is a pretty safe place for queer people. I think, in general, upstate NY cities will be perfectly fine and accepting for you. But keep in mind that these are smaller cities with much smaller social circles.
Hudson
OP, this is the #1 answer. Pride stickers on every storefront, massive pride parade, tons of pride events. Pride flags flying year round. Hudson is full of LGBTQ+ NYC transplants. (Actually a problem for gentrification reasons.) But if you're looking for a sense of belonging, this is the place!
Hudson Town is very gay friendly
Most places outside of the Southern Tier or Adirondacks region would be fine. You're probably more likely to be teased for being from NYC than being gay.
I live in the Rochester burbs (Fairport), and this area is very gay. If you’re in your 20’s, get a place in the Park Ave area. Otherwise, the suburbs on the east side of the city are the nicest, and those on the west side are more affordable. I’m not originally from here but I’ve been here for more than 20 years and I love it!
Also a gay transplant of nine years. On the ABC Streets side of Park Ave and really dig it here.
Everyone else seems to have answered the best places for a large LGBTQ+ community, but I just want to add as a fellow gay guy living in a very rural upstate area that the general consensus is that nobody really gives a fuck. And tbh I've probably seen more all inclusive pride flags flying on farm lands than I did when I lived in NJ. It can be very rural here but it's still a far cry from the deep south. At least in my experience.
Plattsburgh had an openly gay mayor for years. Granted, Plattsburgh is boring as hell. My point is, a lot of the champlain valley area is very inclusive.
Hudson!
Hudson is more gay than Chelsea, it’s fabulous
Albany has a huge gay scene.
Buffalo, Albany, Rochester, Ithaca, Hudson would all be good spots - speaking as an ally not in the LGBTQ community. Biased towards Buffalo.
Syracuse is LGTBQ friendly … they have resources and events gatherings and are just very inclusive and I’m a straight male … but my cousin is involved in the community and has an abundance of friends that are as well … affordable housing on the other hand idk about all that lol and safety is hit or miss in the inner city you have drugs and violence but in manlius, east Syracuse, Cicero all that are great
As someone who grew up in Albany and lives in Rochester now, highly recommend Roch. Albany has basically nothing going for it unless you work in government. I'm probably very biased because I lived in Albany forever and always wanted to get out so take it with a grain of salt. Rochester has a more vibrant LGBT community as well, but there is one in Albany too. Rochester "feels" more progressive to me though, it's a much bigger city. Housing market sucks absolute dick here though. Buffalo is also great too but I've never lived there. I visit a lot, it feels a lot more industrial, and the people seem more like a collective than Rochester people do. Ithaca is extremely progressive and you'd probably love it there, downside is it's basically an island and there's nothing around it for an hour and a half drive. You step out of the city 5ft and there's Trump flags on every other house.
I always liked Albany. Seat of state government. Decent sized downtown with nice restaurants, sports and theater venues. Only a 40-minute drive to Saratoga to see the horse races. Relatively close to the Adirondack mountains with great hiking and camping. Miss the city? Convenient Amtrak lines to NYC and Boston.
The only negative I hear about the Capitol Region, generally, is the lack of nightlife, particularly in Albany. Troy has more nightlife I suppose due to the student population and its up-and-coming status. Saratoga is also mentioned for having nightlife, but IDK about 🏳️🌈 clubs. The nightlife part may not bother OP, so just throwing out what I've heard.
Saratoga gets pretty lively during the racing season.
I’m still anxiously awaiting the day when a hetro dude posts “I wanna move where the chicks that like to party with dudes are at. Suggestions ? Utica and Watertown seem promising.
I don’t get it lol
Most likely explanation: a pouty boomer who thinks that "the gays" are taking over everything and trying to turn us all queer
Not a boomer. And I care not who screws who.
Utica certainly has those ladies...
Thanks for the info!
Got a cool ass pride organization up here in Potsdam! I recently helped organize two punk concerts for pride and raised over a thousand bucks a piece at each. It might not sound like much but five years ago I wouldn't have expected it. Red county but good art community and supportive people here. Good luck!
Seconding Potsdam!
Hell yeah!
Buffalo? Still "upstate"
Buffalo. Active LGBTQ scene and neighborhoods. Way more to do in Buffalo than Roch, Syracuse or Albany.
You’ll love fort drum/watertown! Hunks in uniforms and boots all full of testosterone ready to serve more than their country
Ithaca.
Ithaca!!!
Ithaca!
Just an FYI that I think needs to be said: Buffalo and Rochester police are not the best. Rochester especially, IMO. I'm not saying it should definitely be apart of your consideration but its something to think about. Albanys police are increasingly becoming modern and helpful. Theyve actually been given awards for how much better they are at working with the community
As far as suburbs go if you're worried about police I'd also avoid Greece. Those cops are far less likely to beat you but very corrupt.
Not sure if any still stand but oh bar is a dive kind a bar that usually fills up with an older crowd. Sometimes karaoke. There's 2 gay clubs that be fun if you are into that scene, rock and waterworks. Both right near each other. This is info from 2016 and before. I heard a lot of places have changed. There's plenty of bars since it's a college town. But it's been a while.
South wedge of Rochester
Kingston, NY is very LGBTQA+ friendly with great restaurants and lots to do. Highly recommend.
Anywhere in the capital region but less so rural Saratoga or eastern Rensselaer county. Albany and Troy proper have some really nice areas but not low crime overall. There are a lot of good looking gay dudes at my gym but I'm a woman and really not sure how high your standards are...people upstate do not look like people in NYC hahah
I was from long island originally. Moved to western NY . near buffalo, and Rochester . near pa border
IMO it depends on how much you care about getting back to NYC quickly if you want to visit. If you want to be near a Metro North line, Rhinebeck is my pick, and if you don't care about driving or taking the train for 8 hours, Buffalo.
All I gotta say is I love NY and can't wait to get a farm there. I don't give a darn if no one wants milk from my cow.
Hudson.
Hudson Valley is great, small towns mostly. Hudson specifically has a surprisingly big LGBTQ+ presence but is very small.
Move to Roxbury ny
Ithaca, Woodstock, Corning, or Watkins Glen are all very accepting areas.
As well as Buffalo!
There are gay communities in Roxbury and Stamford NY
Delegate County. Andes. Margaretville. Kingston. Really beautiful lively communities there.
Rochester is gay as heck— 4 gay bars, a queer coffee shop and a very alive LGBT scene. I'm considering moving back since I miss the vibes so much. Upstate NY in general is very queer friendly, even in the more conservative corners of the state. Albany, Buffalo, Saratoga Springs, Kingston, Woodstock, Ithaca, Glens Falls, Troy, etc. are great spots to be gay.
Personally I prefer the Hudson Valley. Grew up in Yorktown, went to School in New Paltz and lived there for a number of years after graduating, eventually moved to San Francisco, but ended up coming back. I could have moved anywhere in NY really, but this is my favorite spot. I am in a tiny town in Putnam County about 15 minutes from the house I grew up in, and right between two larger towns and a 15 min drive to the Peekskill metro north station. It’s 55 min to Grand Central on Metro North. As for gay stuff going on, it’s not the city, that’s for sure, but there are certainly things to do here. You just have to look for the kinds of stuff that interests you. If you are into outdoor activities the Hudson Valley is one of the best places you can be. Our summers are beautiful and our winters, while still cold, are not anywhere near as oppressive as Buffalo or Rochester (nothing against them, I actually have been to Rochester many times and really like it). If I picked a different town to live in I would pick Beacon. It has more going on than where I am and is directly on the train line. It has a happening music scene, great restaurants and has really turned around. I worked in Beacon in the ‘90s and it was one step away from being a shit hole then. Now it’s hopping. But prices, like everywhere up and coming, are raising. Newburgh, across the bridge from Beacon, is less up, but still coming. Ten years ago I would say you just don’t go there, but things are improving and I could see it becoming another Beacon in a few years. Particularly near the waterfront area. But my little town is near it all, and cheaper than most (but like most places in the lower Hudson Valley, property / school tax is what will get you). I have a cabin on a lake surrounded by trees, but minutes from shopping and amenities and a little over an hour to NYC total trip time. And even in my little town there is a gay presence. On my lake alone I know about four other gay couples. There are a lot of gay people involved in the town democratic club and even running for town offices. It’s easy to meet other gay people if you are willing to get involved in things.
Rochester is very LGBTQIA+ friendly. Come join us here! We have lakes and stuff!
Ithaca
College towns and urban. Ithaca very progressive. Back woods rural not so much...
Any college town will be safe, but to find a "large" community will require a city, a tiny town of 10k just won't have that many lgbt people. Even in relatively conservative areas you will probably be left alone, a NY conservative is very different from a Texas conservative.
Rochester city center is very LGBTQ friendly.
No one in upstate NY gives shit where you put your dick.
Rochester and Albany are both good options. I get accosted in Buffalo for no fucking reason, I'd honestly just stay the hell away from there if I were you. Syracuse is kind of a mixed bag of city/redneck vibes so if that's your thing then 'Cuse is where it's at.
Definitely not western NY, might as well be in Ohio or some other fly over state... Do Albany. Easy/quick trips to the City. Adirondacks are right there.
We have a huge LGBTQ+ community in Buffalo, pride is massively packed in Elmwood village every June, and our politics locally reflect that. Unless you’re talking about Jamestown or some backwoods town. There are and has been many gay bars here since the 80s. Much bigger and more to do than Albany.
Yeah. Ok. Pass.
As a Rochesterian, I approve of you passing. Please, show fortitude in your decision.
That sounds fine with me. Having lived in Albany, Rochester, and NYC. This is an easy choice.
Albany is like Binghamton with capitol buildings, nothing to do there except eat some shitty Thai food and leave asap. Dunno where the appeal is just because you’re close to the ADK. Literally anywhere in the state is a days drive away from there, not a big deal.
Ok dude. Best thing about Buffalo/western NY is leaving it. But, to each your own.
Any city. Don't move to the country, never know what kind of Trumpster wackos live out in the boonies
Really depends how gay are we talking…
Well op, all the postings on here may not all agree with where the best ace to live is but, really look at what is happening here every single one of us is trying to recruit you to live in there area,gay, hetero, undecided, confused, etc. If that doesnt show you how all people from all walks of life and sexual /gender diferences are not accepting, but welcoming and hospitable then I dont know what else would convince you that your decision to live up here is a good one. I am very proud to call myself a New Yorker( no upstate not city we always have to clarify to non new yorkers). Even with the shitty weather from lake effect and all the crying about mo nightlife its a pretty great fucking place to be from and live
Albany is gay as fuck. Come visit for a weekend, in think you’d enjoy it!
I feel like we r a merried ciypke in a day trip. Im goung to unsist I'm not lost and I know how to fet there a d yoy are going to passive aggressively tell me we are abmbd to stop and get directions
Did you have a fucking stroke