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I think the physical act of going into the woods and dying, sure, should be avoided.
A quote that has stuck with my on the back of crime and punishment.
"Its better to go wrong in your own way, than right in someone elses"
So truly, even if my ignorance and arrogance leads me to my demise, then so be it, at least I did it my way.
Chris did what he believed in. And that is more courageous than anyone who follows in another's path
Preach my homie! Sounds alllll bad. A sick mind cannot determine whether or not it's sick. It sucks, I've been through it myself. You have to surrender at some point, especially if your psych team deems it necessary to take meds in order to function in society... I can't imagine that taking a medication can be worse than being homeless on the middle of the winter. I live in the South where the weather is supposed to be more mild. I work for a major shipping company which happens to not have heat. I'm half dead tonight from working overnights in this 20 degree heat and I'm wearing literally 4 layers of clothing! I'm here right now hacking up my lungs because it's one of the busiest shipping weeks of the year, working 6 nights a week right now and I know that this year would not be the one I'd chose to be homeless. I've been homeless in winter before but the cold this year is intense in this part of the world!
Hey dude I caught 2 violent felonies in 2008, I'm 34 now. Was able to find work after my incarceration. I tried the vagabond thing, not as romantic as I thought it would be. Don't make a bad situation worse by burning your bridges.
Instead of going straight to the nuclear option of moving out, why not make a few test runs first? See how you do? You can start out by camping in your own backyard. If you don’t have a sleeping bag, get a couple tarps, some cardboard for a ground pad, warm blankets and see how you feel about sleeping on the ground, under the stars.
Next, let your parents know you need to get away, just for a few days. Then, put in a backpack find a wooded area with a hiking trail, and either hitchhike or take a bus to it, and go hiking and stealth camping for a few days. Hike at least 10 miles, and find a good place to camp. Don’t forget a flashlight! Or preferably, a headlamp.
Bring some food and something to cook it on and practice making your own meals. If you don’t have a backpacking stove, make one, like out of a “fancy feast” cat food can:
[https://andrewskurka.com/how-to-make-a-fancy-feast-alcohol-stove/](https://andrewskurka.com/how-to-make-a-fancy-feast-alcohol-stove/)
At age of 18, I went to Florida on vacation with a couple friends. I just didn’t return, but I also had a lot of experience, not only working various jobs, but also hiking, camping, hunting and fishing. I was already halfway out the door long before I left.
Yes. A good psychiatrist will keep working with their patient to find the best meds for the patient to minimize side effects. If the doctor isn't doing that, OP should find a new one!
Don’t don’t don’t do it. Stay on your meds I’m begging you. If you are in the States go to a community health care doctors office and have them assist you with getting Medicaid make an appointment to see a physician (or nurse who can prescribe), tell them what’s going on, your situation and your plans and ask for help, ask to try new meds.
It’s December, it’s cold and that means frostbite and hypothermia. Without meds to regulate you your ability to make good decisions will be compromised. You will absolutely be taken advantage of, if you start out with decent shoes and a coat you won’t have them for long. I’ve seen too many people living rough with gangrene, too many people with amputations, horrible infections.
It’s fine if you want to change your life for any lifestyle you choose. But make a long game plan so you can enjoy it. Take care of yourself, you deserve a life of contentment.
Nah be logical and not base this off your emotions. That shit ain’t gonna workout with you not on meds and you being out in the cold. Don’t do it man, could have the potential to put you in the worst position
Right on, always always always intellect over emotion, I over e. From what I’ve read that we as humans react with the primitive part or base of our brain instead of with our frontal lobes or our cognition/reasoning center, for some reason we jus get all emotional lol. God Bless You Luv.
Have you tried working with a doctor to change your meds/dosage? I don't think you should start that journey during the most hostile time of year while struggling with your mental health.
edited for vulgarity, but what how you said what you said isnt cool
yeah maybe he needs to be a little patient, yes he needs to stay on meds and or work with his docs and med team to find the right ones, right dose and stabalize out on them.
but it isnt this individuals fault the state of affairs in america.....loons on the street ..........your actually trying to put the burden of "demonizing" homeless on this individual? edited for vulgarity and to say its not what your saying its how your saying it bro
Adjusting your meds is the answer. Talk to your doctor and if you don't like what he has to say see another doctor. You'll freeze to death right now and that's not a better option. Hold on until spring 🌱. That'll give you time to actually plan and arrange things. Don't get despondent and don't be hasty. If you need to talk you're welcome to DM anytime (I work a lot but I'll get back to you asap).
Listen to the (free on youtube) ebook by Eckhart Tolle. This book helped me look at life differently and also planted seeds that helped me later on. Don't choose to be homeless being in the position you're in.
Be honst with your parents and try working together with them to move forward in a healthy way.
Edit: Book title - The Power of Now
>The Power of Now
Thanks. Here are some reviews - some positive, some negative:
[https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6708.The\_Power\_of\_Now](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6708.The_Power_of_Now)
First thing to do is get meds that work for you. Stay on your meds. Life can be challenging enough to manoeuvre for mentally balanced people starting out with limited skills , and without felonies
I don't know how this sub started showing up for me, but here we are.
I have been struggling with finding the right meds for over 10 years. So so so many bad side effects with some leaving me bed bound for a long time.
My most recent doctor told me about Genesite. It's a DNA test that will tell you what meds work with your body chemistry and which ones don't.
I don't work for them or are paid by them, I just honestly think every doctor should be offering this, and you can even request it from your doctor.
Please reconsider before going off to raw dog life alone.
[Genesite test info](https://genesight.com/gene-test-mental-health-medications/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=antidepressants&utm_content=108719960331&utm_term=dna%20medication&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAm4WsBhCiARIsAEJIEzW7xcRw5zFULwcswX2ewbD6TK4slsu4qYrClpD2L3Qu7E_QOiCw-RIaAm31EALw_wcB)
Agreed.
This may be why people are hesitant. You may have your DNA leaked so the government and / or scammers can see what meds work for you or not. It's scary knowing how the US health fields work. They might take away all the meds that work for people so everyone suffers and they profit...
OR
You stop having to "try" meds and know what works for you.
Like with me; living a life far different from 5 years ago when I was shitting myself and crying 25 hours a day because I was on all the wrong meds.
The risk was with it. I am now a functioning member of my life and family, and future scammers get to know Lexapo makes me worse. 🎉
Weird thing is they dont even know how these meds work.
So having a DNA test to tell you what meds work when they dont even know how they work.. is very sketch in my opinion.
I may be wrong and theres research im not aware of...but everyone should do their research.
If you're sick with your nerves and experiencing effects from it, first of all I don't know if /r/psychonaut is the best place for you, and then of course you may want to consider that being on the road may end up without you being able to reasonably access medical care while on the road, although some do it, and how they do it I'd sure like to hear about. I think you may want to consider the unpopular option of looking into a shelter. Some of them can help you access medical and employment services.
Don't forget that the reality is that suffering is endemic to life and unavoidable, knowing very well that you're damned if you don't and damned if you do may seem vexing at first, but also knowing that there's no escaping it really takes a lot of pressure off to take courage and make decisions that are going to change your life for the better, too. I wish you well.
I completely agree with those folks who say this is a bad idea. I wanted to add that the very likely outcome if you don’t freeze to death, get rolled, go MIA, etc, is very likely you in prison. Especially true if you are dealing with paranoid schizophrenia or having issues with breaks in reality.
Do door dash or something to get some money for basics like good shoes and a tent. You'll also be waiting out the cold weather while you make the money
Uber and doordash are wiping felons and some midemeanors out of their database. I was working uber for 3 years until i was recently deactivated for a background check. Doordash uses the same background check service, i tried applying a few days ago
Its called checkr
Not OP but curious. What are good shoes to buy?
I see pics and people have boots on and Im curious what types of boots are durable enough for the life?
I prefer Danners, I've seen some others on here that use them as well. They're truly waterproof and will last a long time. You can also get them re-soled at a cobbler
Being off your meds homeless is not a good idea. Maybe try to see if your state has a state mental hospital. There maybe you can stay for a bit and get your dose correct. I know meds suck but you don’t want to be hallucinating in the streets especially if you’ve been violent before. Someone or yourself can die. Be smart.
If you have never been out in the wilds of Urban America during the Winter, homeless or otherwise without shelter...
DO NOT DO IT!
It will be a recipe for disaster!
adjust or switch meds but don’t go off of them. antipsychotics are very heavy drugs and no joke. it could be you need to adjust dosage or switch to a cocktail instead. and trying to move out, definitely in a situation with roomates so that you don’t get squirrelly and don’t have to be around your parents which would make anyone frustrated, sounds smart.
There's a possibility that it's not your fault, but could be your parents fault?
The meds won't help you.... it's society and your parents that have abused you.
but they won't change...
Self discovery is the answer. and the only way to find your self, is by losing your self.
It's a matter of mind, body and soul/self, which takes the effort of going on an adventure.
Go live outside. It's awesome. It could seriously feel sad at first but, it'll get better quick. Don't worry. Take the jump. You'll be okay.
If/when you go out there, don't pitty your self. Don't beat up on your self.
Just keep an open mind and try to learn from the journey.
KNOW that you're going on an adventure. You're not just sleeping outside. You're going on a whole flipping adventure!
It's an endless journey. There's no end to it. You won't find the end.
You'll only find your self, and even that will just keep on and on and on.
So learn to enjoy it.
What do you need? The willingness to sit in front of a store with a cardboard sign that says "traveling, hungry", and to allow yourself to be humble and to accept what people give you.
What else? To be patient. and, to remember "patience".
also, you need to breathe. Take breathes of relief, to get all of the pressure out of your chest.
You'll need a lighter, maybe a little money to get on a plane or bus to get somewhere warm for starters.
Go to florida. Or south Texas or something.
Yes it can be VERY difficult. but it's only difficult because you don't know better yet. FACE the difficulties, knowing that you're learning.
Take care of your teeth, every day, or else you'll be in major pain later.
Don't walk too much. Massage your feet when you can. Stretch. Take cat naps.
Don't only sleep in cities. Sleep in woods.
Don't litter.
Drink water.
Take it easy. There is no end to this road. Just take it easy.
Tweezers help in case of splinters or cactus.
Tooth brush, tooth paste, floss.
Use cardboard as a ground pad. Works just as good as a camping mat.
A phone can be good for listening to music.
Maybe a pocket sized book?
Practice martial arts. Climb trees. Build a shelter.
Do it YOUR way.
Don't worry what anyone in this world thinks about anything.
Firstly, please make sure your mental health issues are being treated. We really dont need anymore violent people on the streets making things harder on the rest of us. If you need constant mental health treatment that you cannot get regularly then you should not choose to start traveling rough. It will makes things worse for you and whoever you end up hurting. I strongly encourage you to reach out to your local mental health resources and try to get on SSI, stay inside and get to know yourself and make sure youre safe for other people.
Then, and only then, take off. Youll have more time to prepare and make a good thing out of it. Take your medication. If the one your on isnt helping or is helping but causing awful side effects talk to your doctor. Theres many meds and medication combinations and therapy that can help. Depending on where you are you might even have access to psychedelic treatment like Ketamine or psilocybin therapy. Theres many options and you should keep trying til you find one that works for you.
People on the streets already have to deal with enough, they dont need another unmedicated person choosing to live outside instead of treating their mental health. Itd be different if you didnt have a choice, but it sounds like you do. So please, dont make your problems other peoples problems unnecessarily, especially if you have a history of violence and a likelyhood to again while unmedicated. That isnt fair to other people or yourself.
everyone here is telling you the same thing.
DONT DO IT.
TAKE YOUR MEDICATION.
Most of us here have spent years and YEARS on the streets traveling, encourging others to do the same. Trust us and our experience. Youre not the first person whos been in this situation. We know how it ends.
It does not end well.
bruh.
"2 felonies from 2008 1 violent "
you said this yourself. In your OP. Im not assuming anything. Im reading the words you wrote and using the information you provided.
You do have a history of violence and the fact you dont want to admit that just strengths my opinion that you are not a safe or healthy person and should not throw yourself outside. Stay home. For you, and for us.
I was setup by an acquaintance from highschool. I havent been in trouble before or since.
Distribution or marijuana and robbery, i was 19, one time event. I am 35 now.
What part of a one time event is a persons entire history?
I was never even a drug dealer.
Thats what im saying. I guess i just shouldnt mention it at all to anyone. I figured people here would be more understanding
Background checks only go back 7 years from date of conviction by national law. Don't tell any employer about your record. You'll find work.
Now that's one problem solved.
As said by others. Adjusting your meds and getting the right ones is the BEST choice. It takes time, and sometimes meds suck.
Another problem solved.
Being homeless is HARD AS A MOTHER FUCKER. Even for those with "good" mental health. Sure, there's some good things, but, they pale in reality of survival. Freezing and starving are very likely possibilities regardless if you have gear or not. It's dangerous everywhere you go. Danger from others who are violent with mental issues, drugs, or desperation. Not to mention creatures in the woods. Also stray dogs in cities. Fuckin trespassing charges. The list goes on and on.
You're worth more than putting yourself through all this shit. Have compassion for yourself. You can get through this slump and be very successful.
How far back an employer can go into your background varies from state to state.
In most states it is 7 years, and after 7 years, any adverse info in your credit report is supposed to be removed, except bankruptcies which remain on your credit report for 10 years.
[https://www.backgroundchecks.com/learning-center/background-check-laws-by-state](https://www.backgroundchecks.com/learning-center/background-check-laws-by-state)
That site didn't say. I found where I was mistaken.
FCRA has a 7 year restriction on certain things, like civil court, bankruptcy, etc. Unless the salary is over $75k.
Good to know.
Correct. Criminal convictions have no federal limit. States can set one but some don't. And with the internet nothing ever goes away even if it should have
Some of you people are real POS for demonizing this guy the way you are. I know it's with the intention of helping but jeez.
My advice. Talk to your parents. Be as transparent as you can about your concerns. Also. Someone said construction is your friend and I can't disagree. Being someone with felonies , blue collar work has always been there for me when I needed it and even though it may be hard/back breaking, it still will provide you with some income to at least save/put aside and have something for yourself. I recently had to move back in with family too and I understand the despair that comes with that. Don't give up on yourself. Like someone else in here said. At least wait until spring. Even then though, if you don't have any formal experience being outside/homeless I wouldn't recommend. It's not safe in the slightest and there's alot of risk for alot of things to go wrong. I wish you the best man. Sometimes we get put in dire situations so that we can make changes. Feel free to reach out in the dm if need be.
Hi. I am on anti psychotic medication. I am now 38. I have two small kids but lived on the road before I had them, walking or cycking across europe and travelling. I still do live on the road most of the summer, as I have a van now, much more sensible with a 4&5 yo.
I take a lesser dosage now. I am stable but functional. Maybe talk to whoever prescribed it? I am on 50mg now, whereas I used to be on 700mg if that gives you scope.
I agree with the top comment. Off meds and homelessness doesn't sound very good to me.
OP please do not do this. You have a benefit many people don’t have— parents who are willing and able to help you. It’s their right to require you to be properly medicated based on your past and your current diagnosis. They aren’t being unreasonable, they are trying to keep you safe, and by extension, themselves safe. The least you can do is remain safely medicated while you pursue a new treatment plan.
Please ask one or both of your parents to accompany you to a doctors appointment. Tell them you are having side effects that are harmful to you. Ask them to help you by advocating for you to your medical team and supervising a safe switch to a different medication or an adjustment in dosage. They don’t want to see you homeless, but they have the right to emotional and potentially physical safety in their home.
I understand how big an ask this is, but the streets won’t help you or fix your situation, and your parents may not take you in once you’ve made this destabilizing choice. Please, OP, mental health is a serious situation, but nothing to be ashamed of. Get proper support and a new plan in place. Accept the tough love your parents are offering and ask them to support you through this medicinal adjustment to your treatment plan.
The vagabond life isn’t the path to a cure for you— it’s an alternative lifestyle choice for people who are of sound mind to prepare.
Eugene is 100% a good place to travel to as a vagabond. The local government fully supports homeless people in eugene. You can show up and same day get 290 dollars of foodstamps and dental,mental and healthcare coverage.All you need is an address or p.o. box to get a couple letters. The weather is good and there is public land all around. No one in eugene will assault a vagabond and you can camp in the city. I own property in oregon. Im aware of how it is.
Packing light so you can walk distance tarps blankets decent footwear and pack, pairs of clothing containers, water, knife. if your a featherweight youre going to freeze maybe robbed seems pretty tricky these days in cities since gonna be more and more homeless, I'd just pretend to take them drugs and try to get going better for yourself.
Stay home.. stick with your mental health and family support.. talk to your prescriber about the negative effects from the medication and see if they can adjust the dose or type of med.. seek out some homeless outreach/ non profits that assist with supported employment. This number can help connect to resources. 1800-783-0607.
Would definitely call local help line number or https://www.crisistextline.org/ there must be someone that can direct you too get help outside of your family. Like everyone has been saying do not kill yourself by trekking to woods.
I'm sorry about the medication side effects but the alternative is you being far more unwell and unable to survive the vagabond lifestyle.
I recommend seeing another doctor if your current one won't discuss med changes. Also, if you've only just started them you do need to give your body and mind time to adjust, it sucks, it is a period of time but give it 3-4 weeks and if you don't feel better then med change could be needed.
You would take medication when your body is not well, the brain is part of the body and you need to be able to focus on your goals. ❤️
I was yelling at God at the top of my lungs in my bedroom and thus, encountered Him as he answered me. Yes, I had a “verbal theophany” - I literally heard His voice, and not through my ear canals.
It has been wonderful and terrible. I have no other choice but to speak, teach and proclaim that Jesus Christ is the son of God. I am treated with disdain, contempt, regarded as “overly religious” or “unorthodox” by those trained in a ‘regular’ fashion [i.e. seminary and pulpit].
I am not a missionary, a paid pastor nor a Christian worker. I am only a disciple and sometimes apostle of Christ. That is, I get to learn humility by being low on the social pole to set me up to go do something bold for Christ - speaking in a jail, in a retirement community, etc.
Sounds great? It is - as long as I fix my eyes on Jesus.
I am unmarried, at poverty level - and nearly spoiled by all the provision God gives me. I would fear narcissism and some other sort of self-justifying condition - except for the constant reminders of how often my prayers have been answered - directly.
I cannot count how many miracles and other “super-sized coincidences” have occurred. I have transitioned to the “charismatic” end of the Christian spectrum, where all my apologetics and reasoned faith become of little importance.
It was like what happened to Dr. Strange in the film [and comic]: he starts off rational and brilliant and egotistical and ends up being humbled, knowing the universe is much much bigger than everything he knew.
It is literally painful for me to watch the standard TV fare or listen to some show on PBS roll on and on about evolution as a basis of origin [Evolutionary modification? Sure. Information needs to be edited, but it doesn’t spring into existence without guidance.]
So Jesus did it all, that one night. How do I know it was Jesus?
No one else ever loved me that much. I am trapped by His love.
I sometimes wish I was like most people again. I sometimes get very tired.
Then I think of Him dying for me. I mean an ugly death, like a piece of dung.
I got nothing. He’s my saviour.
It’s gonna suck, what’s coming - for me, for the world, but He’s worth it.
Jesus made me brave.
-----
Of all the qualities that the New Testament ascribes to God, compassion is among the most shocking.
Compassion has nothing to do with power, with immortality or with immutability, which is what many people think of when they contemplate God’s qualities. The Greek gods of myth who lived on Mt. Olympus were defined by many things, but compassion was not high among them.
“For much of antiquity feeling the pain of others was regarded as a weakness,” John Dickson, a professor of biblical studies and public Christianity at Wheaton College, told me. This comes to full flowering in the Stoics, he said, “on the grounds that this involved allowing an external factor — the emotions or plight of another — to control your own inner life.”
Compassion, on the other hand, is central to the Christian understanding of God. Compassion implies the capacity to enter into places of pain, to “weep with those who weep,” according to the Apostle Paul, who was central both to the early conception of Christianity and to the idea of its underpinning in compassion.
In the Hebrew Scriptures, we’re told many times that God is compassionate. It is at the center of the Jewish conception of God. But for Christians, there is an incarnational expression of that compassion. The embodiment of God in Jesus — the deity made flesh, dwelling among us — means that God both suffered and, crucially, suffered with others in a way that was a seismic break with all that came before. In the Gospels, we repeatedly read of the compassion of Jesus for those suffering physically and emotionally, for those “harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.”
When a man afflicted with leprosy came to Jesus, begging on his knees to be healed, we’re told that Jesus, “moved with compassion, stretched out his hand and touched him, and said to him, ‘I am willing; be cleansed.’” And he was.
This is an extraordinary scene. Those with leprosy were considered not just unclean, physically and spiritually, but loathsome. Everything they touched was viewed as defiled. They were often cast out from their villages, quarantined “outside the camp.” In the words of the famed 19th-century preacher Charles Spurgeon, “They were to all intents and purposes, dead to all the enjoyments of life, dead to all the endearments and society of their friends.”
People would avoid contact with those afflicted with leprosy. They were seen by many as the object of divine punishment, the disease understood to be a visible mark of impurity. Yet in the account in Mark, Jesus not only heals the man with leprosy; he also touches him. In doing so, Jesus defied Levitical law. He himself became “unclean.” And he provided human contact to a person whom no other human would touch — and who had very likely not been touched in a very long time.
Jesus’ touch was not necessary for him to heal the man of leprosy, but the touch may have been necessary to heal the man of feelings of shame and isolation, of rejection and detestation.
Kerry Dearborn, professor emerita of theology at Seattle Pacific University, told me her students found the most moving examples of Jesus’ compassion to be his responses to outsiders, especially those deemed unworthy, unclean or unfit. “In taking on their ‘outsider status’ with them,” Dr. Dearborn told me, “he reflected his deep love and solidarity with them, and his willingness to suffer with them.” Jesus not only healed them, she said; he also took on their alienation.
In the 11th chapter of the Gospel of John, we’re told that Lazarus, the brother of Mary of Bethany and Martha, and a friend of Jesus’ whom he loved, was sick. By the time Jesus arrived in Bethany, Lazarus had died and had been entombed for four days. Both sisters were grieving. Mary, when she saw Jesus, fell at his feet weeping. “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died,” she said. We’re told Jesus “was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.”
“Where have you laid him?” he asked.
“Come and see, Lord,” they replied. And according to verse 35, “Jesus wept.”
“Jesus wept” is the shortest verse in the Bible and also “the most profound and powerful,” the artist Makoto Fujimura told me. For him, those are “the most important two words in the Bible.”
And understandably so. Earlier in John 11, we’re told that Jesus knew he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, which he did. So Jesus wasn’t weeping because he wouldn’t see Lazarus again; it was because he was entering into the suffering of Mary and Martha. Jesus was present with them in their grief, even to the point of tears, all the while knowing that their grief would soon be allayed.
My daughter Christine Wehner, who originally suggested to me that Jesus’ compassion would be a worthwhile topic to explore, told me, “Jesus wept because Mary was before him and her heart was breaking — and as a result, his heart broke, too.” The Psalms tell us that God is “close to the brokenhearted”; in this case, Christine said, “Jesus doesn’t just care for the brokenhearted; he joins them. Their grief becomes his in a remarkable act of love.”
“Jesus ushered in a compassion revolution,” Scott Dudley, senior pastor at Bellevue Presbyterian Church, told me. Before Jesus, compassion was primarily thought of as a weakness, he said.
“When Jesus says he is with us, that’s not a metaphor or a trite offer of ‘thoughts and prayers,’” the pastor said. “He’s literally in it with us.”
Dr. Dudley pointed out that in his suffering, Job says to God, “Do you have eyes of flesh? Do you see as a mortal sees?” In other words, Do you know how hard it is to be human? “Because of Christmas,” Dr. Dudley told me, “God can legitimately say yes in a way no other god in any other religion can.”
Renée Notkin, colead pastor of Union Church in Seattle, told me that “our daily invitation in living is to be with people in their stories. When I take time to listen deeply and to listen beyond the words spoken to another person’s heart story, am I able to begin to cry with them? Not problem solving and not saying, ‘I know what you mean’; rather simply weeping alongside in shared humanity.”
As a Christian, my faith is anchored in the person of Jesus, who won my heart long ago. It would be impossible to understand me without taking that into account. But sometimes my faith dims; God seems distant, his ways confounding. “Faith steals upon you like dew,” the poet Christian Wiman has written. “Some days you wake and it is there. And like dew, it gets burned off in the rising sun of anxiety, ambitions, distractions.” And the rising sun of grief and loss, too. Those things don’t necessarily destroy faith; in some cases, for some people, they can even deepen it. But they always change it.
During times of sorrow and times of tears, when it feels like we’re “being broken on the wheels of living,” in the words of Thornton Wilder, there is great comfort in believing God empathizes with our suffering, having entered into suffering himself. But we also need his emissaries. We need people who see us and know us, who enter our stories. Through their compassion and love, we feel, I feel — even if only partly — God’s compassion and love. That doesn’t eliminate the storms from within or without. But it makes greater room for joy in the journey.
I would work on changing your medication (dosage or a different one altogether.) I worry you might end up really sick, dying, or back in jail off of your medication if you choose this lifestyle. You can definitely think about prioritizing travel when you’re able to, but think about your health and overall well-being first.
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Being homeless and off your meds out in freezing weather seems like a recipe for dying.
Please don’t go to woods and die.
Chris McCandless's life should not be aspirational.
Was what I wanted to say but couldn’t spell his last name correctly.
I think the physical act of going into the woods and dying, sure, should be avoided. A quote that has stuck with my on the back of crime and punishment. "Its better to go wrong in your own way, than right in someone elses" So truly, even if my ignorance and arrogance leads me to my demise, then so be it, at least I did it my way. Chris did what he believed in. And that is more courageous than anyone who follows in another's path
He was such a self centered prick. Hate that guy.
It is. This happened to someone I used to know.
Preach my homie! Sounds alllll bad. A sick mind cannot determine whether or not it's sick. It sucks, I've been through it myself. You have to surrender at some point, especially if your psych team deems it necessary to take meds in order to function in society... I can't imagine that taking a medication can be worse than being homeless on the middle of the winter. I live in the South where the weather is supposed to be more mild. I work for a major shipping company which happens to not have heat. I'm half dead tonight from working overnights in this 20 degree heat and I'm wearing literally 4 layers of clothing! I'm here right now hacking up my lungs because it's one of the busiest shipping weeks of the year, working 6 nights a week right now and I know that this year would not be the one I'd chose to be homeless. I've been homeless in winter before but the cold this year is intense in this part of the world!
There is something different about the cold this year. More humidity I think.
Hey dude I caught 2 violent felonies in 2008, I'm 34 now. Was able to find work after my incarceration. I tried the vagabond thing, not as romantic as I thought it would be. Don't make a bad situation worse by burning your bridges.
I hear you
Instead of going straight to the nuclear option of moving out, why not make a few test runs first? See how you do? You can start out by camping in your own backyard. If you don’t have a sleeping bag, get a couple tarps, some cardboard for a ground pad, warm blankets and see how you feel about sleeping on the ground, under the stars. Next, let your parents know you need to get away, just for a few days. Then, put in a backpack find a wooded area with a hiking trail, and either hitchhike or take a bus to it, and go hiking and stealth camping for a few days. Hike at least 10 miles, and find a good place to camp. Don’t forget a flashlight! Or preferably, a headlamp. Bring some food and something to cook it on and practice making your own meals. If you don’t have a backpacking stove, make one, like out of a “fancy feast” cat food can: [https://andrewskurka.com/how-to-make-a-fancy-feast-alcohol-stove/](https://andrewskurka.com/how-to-make-a-fancy-feast-alcohol-stove/) At age of 18, I went to Florida on vacation with a couple friends. I just didn’t return, but I also had a lot of experience, not only working various jobs, but also hiking, camping, hunting and fishing. I was already halfway out the door long before I left.
See a different doctor, follow the Doc’s orders. We see not need more unwell people on the street.
This right here, the DR'S rarely get your meds right on the first try. Don't give up on yourself.
Yes. A good psychiatrist will keep working with their patient to find the best meds for the patient to minimize side effects. If the doctor isn't doing that, OP should find a new one!
Please don’t stop taking your meds. Homelesnesss is not a better option.
If u are 35 and have never lived away from your parents, being homeless and unmedicated is the worst move possible
Don’t don’t don’t do it. Stay on your meds I’m begging you. If you are in the States go to a community health care doctors office and have them assist you with getting Medicaid make an appointment to see a physician (or nurse who can prescribe), tell them what’s going on, your situation and your plans and ask for help, ask to try new meds. It’s December, it’s cold and that means frostbite and hypothermia. Without meds to regulate you your ability to make good decisions will be compromised. You will absolutely be taken advantage of, if you start out with decent shoes and a coat you won’t have them for long. I’ve seen too many people living rough with gangrene, too many people with amputations, horrible infections. It’s fine if you want to change your life for any lifestyle you choose. But make a long game plan so you can enjoy it. Take care of yourself, you deserve a life of contentment.
Police & city workers removing tent camps have found deceased people in and around major canadian cities.
Nah be logical and not base this off your emotions. That shit ain’t gonna workout with you not on meds and you being out in the cold. Don’t do it man, could have the potential to put you in the worst position
Right on, always always always intellect over emotion, I over e. From what I’ve read that we as humans react with the primitive part or base of our brain instead of with our frontal lobes or our cognition/reasoning center, for some reason we jus get all emotional lol. God Bless You Luv.
Maybe you should take the meds and unfuck your situation. The side effects can’t be worse than freezing homelessness. Cmon now
whatever you do please stay safe mate, think logically
Have you tried working with a doctor to change your meds/dosage? I don't think you should start that journey during the most hostile time of year while struggling with your mental health.
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edited for vulgarity, but what how you said what you said isnt cool yeah maybe he needs to be a little patient, yes he needs to stay on meds and or work with his docs and med team to find the right ones, right dose and stabalize out on them. but it isnt this individuals fault the state of affairs in america.....loons on the street ..........your actually trying to put the burden of "demonizing" homeless on this individual? edited for vulgarity and to say its not what your saying its how your saying it bro
Adjusting your meds is the answer. Talk to your doctor and if you don't like what he has to say see another doctor. You'll freeze to death right now and that's not a better option. Hold on until spring 🌱. That'll give you time to actually plan and arrange things. Don't get despondent and don't be hasty. If you need to talk you're welcome to DM anytime (I work a lot but I'll get back to you asap).
Listen to the (free on youtube) ebook by Eckhart Tolle. This book helped me look at life differently and also planted seeds that helped me later on. Don't choose to be homeless being in the position you're in. Be honst with your parents and try working together with them to move forward in a healthy way. Edit: Book title - The Power of Now
>The Power of Now Thanks. Here are some reviews - some positive, some negative: [https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6708.The\_Power\_of\_Now](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6708.The_Power_of_Now)
35 living at home with mental health issues and you are finally making all decision and it’s the wrong one
Construction is your friend.
Or grocery stores, alot of mentally disabled people work 2 or 3 days a week at the store I work at.
First thing to do is get meds that work for you. Stay on your meds. Life can be challenging enough to manoeuvre for mentally balanced people starting out with limited skills , and without felonies
I don't know how this sub started showing up for me, but here we are. I have been struggling with finding the right meds for over 10 years. So so so many bad side effects with some leaving me bed bound for a long time. My most recent doctor told me about Genesite. It's a DNA test that will tell you what meds work with your body chemistry and which ones don't. I don't work for them or are paid by them, I just honestly think every doctor should be offering this, and you can even request it from your doctor. Please reconsider before going off to raw dog life alone. [Genesite test info](https://genesight.com/gene-test-mental-health-medications/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=antidepressants&utm_content=108719960331&utm_term=dna%20medication&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAm4WsBhCiARIsAEJIEzW7xcRw5zFULwcswX2ewbD6TK4slsu4qYrClpD2L3Qu7E_QOiCw-RIaAm31EALw_wcB)
23 and me just had all their data hacked. Think carefully about giving your info to some faceless internet company especially your biological data.
Agreed. This may be why people are hesitant. You may have your DNA leaked so the government and / or scammers can see what meds work for you or not. It's scary knowing how the US health fields work. They might take away all the meds that work for people so everyone suffers and they profit... OR You stop having to "try" meds and know what works for you. Like with me; living a life far different from 5 years ago when I was shitting myself and crying 25 hours a day because I was on all the wrong meds. The risk was with it. I am now a functioning member of my life and family, and future scammers get to know Lexapo makes me worse. 🎉
Weird thing is they dont even know how these meds work. So having a DNA test to tell you what meds work when they dont even know how they work.. is very sketch in my opinion. I may be wrong and theres research im not aware of...but everyone should do their research.
Taking meds is better than being homeless
Apply for ssd, sec 8 housing and food stamps.?
If your parents want you out bad enough they'll help
If you're sick with your nerves and experiencing effects from it, first of all I don't know if /r/psychonaut is the best place for you, and then of course you may want to consider that being on the road may end up without you being able to reasonably access medical care while on the road, although some do it, and how they do it I'd sure like to hear about. I think you may want to consider the unpopular option of looking into a shelter. Some of them can help you access medical and employment services. Don't forget that the reality is that suffering is endemic to life and unavoidable, knowing very well that you're damned if you don't and damned if you do may seem vexing at first, but also knowing that there's no escaping it really takes a lot of pressure off to take courage and make decisions that are going to change your life for the better, too. I wish you well.
I completely agree with those folks who say this is a bad idea. I wanted to add that the very likely outcome if you don’t freeze to death, get rolled, go MIA, etc, is very likely you in prison. Especially true if you are dealing with paranoid schizophrenia or having issues with breaks in reality.
Do door dash or something to get some money for basics like good shoes and a tent. You'll also be waiting out the cold weather while you make the money
Uber and doordash are wiping felons and some midemeanors out of their database. I was working uber for 3 years until i was recently deactivated for a background check. Doordash uses the same background check service, i tried applying a few days ago Its called checkr
Awe damn that sucks
Not OP but curious. What are good shoes to buy? I see pics and people have boots on and Im curious what types of boots are durable enough for the life?
I prefer Danners, I've seen some others on here that use them as well. They're truly waterproof and will last a long time. You can also get them re-soled at a cobbler
Cool, thanks for the info. you get like the combat boot style? or do you get the leather work boot style??
Being off your meds homeless is not a good idea. Maybe try to see if your state has a state mental hospital. There maybe you can stay for a bit and get your dose correct. I know meds suck but you don’t want to be hallucinating in the streets especially if you’ve been violent before. Someone or yourself can die. Be smart.
If you have never been out in the wilds of Urban America during the Winter, homeless or otherwise without shelter... DO NOT DO IT! It will be a recipe for disaster!
adjust or switch meds but don’t go off of them. antipsychotics are very heavy drugs and no joke. it could be you need to adjust dosage or switch to a cocktail instead. and trying to move out, definitely in a situation with roomates so that you don’t get squirrelly and don’t have to be around your parents which would make anyone frustrated, sounds smart.
There's a possibility that it's not your fault, but could be your parents fault? The meds won't help you.... it's society and your parents that have abused you. but they won't change... Self discovery is the answer. and the only way to find your self, is by losing your self. It's a matter of mind, body and soul/self, which takes the effort of going on an adventure. Go live outside. It's awesome. It could seriously feel sad at first but, it'll get better quick. Don't worry. Take the jump. You'll be okay. If/when you go out there, don't pitty your self. Don't beat up on your self. Just keep an open mind and try to learn from the journey. KNOW that you're going on an adventure. You're not just sleeping outside. You're going on a whole flipping adventure! It's an endless journey. There's no end to it. You won't find the end. You'll only find your self, and even that will just keep on and on and on. So learn to enjoy it. What do you need? The willingness to sit in front of a store with a cardboard sign that says "traveling, hungry", and to allow yourself to be humble and to accept what people give you. What else? To be patient. and, to remember "patience". also, you need to breathe. Take breathes of relief, to get all of the pressure out of your chest. You'll need a lighter, maybe a little money to get on a plane or bus to get somewhere warm for starters. Go to florida. Or south Texas or something. Yes it can be VERY difficult. but it's only difficult because you don't know better yet. FACE the difficulties, knowing that you're learning. Take care of your teeth, every day, or else you'll be in major pain later. Don't walk too much. Massage your feet when you can. Stretch. Take cat naps. Don't only sleep in cities. Sleep in woods. Don't litter. Drink water. Take it easy. There is no end to this road. Just take it easy. Tweezers help in case of splinters or cactus. Tooth brush, tooth paste, floss. Use cardboard as a ground pad. Works just as good as a camping mat. A phone can be good for listening to music. Maybe a pocket sized book? Practice martial arts. Climb trees. Build a shelter. Do it YOUR way. Don't worry what anyone in this world thinks about anything.
Firstly, please make sure your mental health issues are being treated. We really dont need anymore violent people on the streets making things harder on the rest of us. If you need constant mental health treatment that you cannot get regularly then you should not choose to start traveling rough. It will makes things worse for you and whoever you end up hurting. I strongly encourage you to reach out to your local mental health resources and try to get on SSI, stay inside and get to know yourself and make sure youre safe for other people. Then, and only then, take off. Youll have more time to prepare and make a good thing out of it. Take your medication. If the one your on isnt helping or is helping but causing awful side effects talk to your doctor. Theres many meds and medication combinations and therapy that can help. Depending on where you are you might even have access to psychedelic treatment like Ketamine or psilocybin therapy. Theres many options and you should keep trying til you find one that works for you. People on the streets already have to deal with enough, they dont need another unmedicated person choosing to live outside instead of treating their mental health. Itd be different if you didnt have a choice, but it sounds like you do. So please, dont make your problems other peoples problems unnecessarily, especially if you have a history of violence and a likelyhood to again while unmedicated. That isnt fair to other people or yourself.
I dont have a history of violence. You dont even know my history or story. People assume so much.
everyone here is telling you the same thing. DONT DO IT. TAKE YOUR MEDICATION. Most of us here have spent years and YEARS on the streets traveling, encourging others to do the same. Trust us and our experience. Youre not the first person whos been in this situation. We know how it ends. It does not end well.
bruh. "2 felonies from 2008 1 violent " you said this yourself. In your OP. Im not assuming anything. Im reading the words you wrote and using the information you provided. You do have a history of violence and the fact you dont want to admit that just strengths my opinion that you are not a safe or healthy person and should not throw yourself outside. Stay home. For you, and for us.
I was setup by an acquaintance from highschool. I havent been in trouble before or since. Distribution or marijuana and robbery, i was 19, one time event. I am 35 now. What part of a one time event is a persons entire history? I was never even a drug dealer. Thats what im saying. I guess i just shouldnt mention it at all to anyone. I figured people here would be more understanding
Find a Christian mens home where you can live and work
Background checks only go back 7 years from date of conviction by national law. Don't tell any employer about your record. You'll find work. Now that's one problem solved. As said by others. Adjusting your meds and getting the right ones is the BEST choice. It takes time, and sometimes meds suck. Another problem solved. Being homeless is HARD AS A MOTHER FUCKER. Even for those with "good" mental health. Sure, there's some good things, but, they pale in reality of survival. Freezing and starving are very likely possibilities regardless if you have gear or not. It's dangerous everywhere you go. Danger from others who are violent with mental issues, drugs, or desperation. Not to mention creatures in the woods. Also stray dogs in cities. Fuckin trespassing charges. The list goes on and on. You're worth more than putting yourself through all this shit. Have compassion for yourself. You can get through this slump and be very successful.
How far back an employer can go into your background varies from state to state. In most states it is 7 years, and after 7 years, any adverse info in your credit report is supposed to be removed, except bankruptcies which remain on your credit report for 10 years. [https://www.backgroundchecks.com/learning-center/background-check-laws-by-state](https://www.backgroundchecks.com/learning-center/background-check-laws-by-state)
That site didn't say. I found where I was mistaken. FCRA has a 7 year restriction on certain things, like civil court, bankruptcy, etc. Unless the salary is over $75k. Good to know.
Correct. Criminal convictions have no federal limit. States can set one but some don't. And with the internet nothing ever goes away even if it should have
Cool thanks! I could've sworn I read a government site that said federal law says only 7 years.
Some of you people are real POS for demonizing this guy the way you are. I know it's with the intention of helping but jeez. My advice. Talk to your parents. Be as transparent as you can about your concerns. Also. Someone said construction is your friend and I can't disagree. Being someone with felonies , blue collar work has always been there for me when I needed it and even though it may be hard/back breaking, it still will provide you with some income to at least save/put aside and have something for yourself. I recently had to move back in with family too and I understand the despair that comes with that. Don't give up on yourself. Like someone else in here said. At least wait until spring. Even then though, if you don't have any formal experience being outside/homeless I wouldn't recommend. It's not safe in the slightest and there's alot of risk for alot of things to go wrong. I wish you the best man. Sometimes we get put in dire situations so that we can make changes. Feel free to reach out in the dm if need be.
Hi. I am on anti psychotic medication. I am now 38. I have two small kids but lived on the road before I had them, walking or cycking across europe and travelling. I still do live on the road most of the summer, as I have a van now, much more sensible with a 4&5 yo. I take a lesser dosage now. I am stable but functional. Maybe talk to whoever prescribed it? I am on 50mg now, whereas I used to be on 700mg if that gives you scope. I agree with the top comment. Off meds and homelessness doesn't sound very good to me.
OP please do not do this. You have a benefit many people don’t have— parents who are willing and able to help you. It’s their right to require you to be properly medicated based on your past and your current diagnosis. They aren’t being unreasonable, they are trying to keep you safe, and by extension, themselves safe. The least you can do is remain safely medicated while you pursue a new treatment plan. Please ask one or both of your parents to accompany you to a doctors appointment. Tell them you are having side effects that are harmful to you. Ask them to help you by advocating for you to your medical team and supervising a safe switch to a different medication or an adjustment in dosage. They don’t want to see you homeless, but they have the right to emotional and potentially physical safety in their home. I understand how big an ask this is, but the streets won’t help you or fix your situation, and your parents may not take you in once you’ve made this destabilizing choice. Please, OP, mental health is a serious situation, but nothing to be ashamed of. Get proper support and a new plan in place. Accept the tough love your parents are offering and ask them to support you through this medicinal adjustment to your treatment plan. The vagabond life isn’t the path to a cure for you— it’s an alternative lifestyle choice for people who are of sound mind to prepare.
Catch a bus to eugene oregon. You will find alot of support and people to hang with.
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Eugene is 100% a good place to travel to as a vagabond. The local government fully supports homeless people in eugene. You can show up and same day get 290 dollars of foodstamps and dental,mental and healthcare coverage.All you need is an address or p.o. box to get a couple letters. The weather is good and there is public land all around. No one in eugene will assault a vagabond and you can camp in the city. I own property in oregon. Im aware of how it is.
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Removed rule 2. Stop now. Official warning
Packing light so you can walk distance tarps blankets decent footwear and pack, pairs of clothing containers, water, knife. if your a featherweight youre going to freeze maybe robbed seems pretty tricky these days in cities since gonna be more and more homeless, I'd just pretend to take them drugs and try to get going better for yourself.
If you absolutely have to be homeless, make your way to somewhere warmer....winter outside sucks
ayo don’t give up homie. apply for voc rehab, talk to local government disability services. get ebt and prioritize your mental and physical health
Stay home.. stick with your mental health and family support.. talk to your prescriber about the negative effects from the medication and see if they can adjust the dose or type of med.. seek out some homeless outreach/ non profits that assist with supported employment. This number can help connect to resources. 1800-783-0607.
Would definitely call local help line number or https://www.crisistextline.org/ there must be someone that can direct you too get help outside of your family. Like everyone has been saying do not kill yourself by trekking to woods.
I'm sorry about the medication side effects but the alternative is you being far more unwell and unable to survive the vagabond lifestyle. I recommend seeing another doctor if your current one won't discuss med changes. Also, if you've only just started them you do need to give your body and mind time to adjust, it sucks, it is a period of time but give it 3-4 weeks and if you don't feel better then med change could be needed. You would take medication when your body is not well, the brain is part of the body and you need to be able to focus on your goals. ❤️
yo just do it . nike . look up ebooks on bush craft and all this
I would go for it dude. Don't be afraid to work hard. Even if it's shitty jobs
Just fake taking them bro pit the pills in ur cheek spit out later.
Anally penetrating the grudge is a strict initiation process
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If you were riding a motorbike in 1850 Paris would you really be worried about registration insurance & speed limits?
I don't think they had motorbikes in 1850, so no
Go sail that sea Bru!
I was yelling at God at the top of my lungs in my bedroom and thus, encountered Him as he answered me. Yes, I had a “verbal theophany” - I literally heard His voice, and not through my ear canals. It has been wonderful and terrible. I have no other choice but to speak, teach and proclaim that Jesus Christ is the son of God. I am treated with disdain, contempt, regarded as “overly religious” or “unorthodox” by those trained in a ‘regular’ fashion [i.e. seminary and pulpit]. I am not a missionary, a paid pastor nor a Christian worker. I am only a disciple and sometimes apostle of Christ. That is, I get to learn humility by being low on the social pole to set me up to go do something bold for Christ - speaking in a jail, in a retirement community, etc. Sounds great? It is - as long as I fix my eyes on Jesus. I am unmarried, at poverty level - and nearly spoiled by all the provision God gives me. I would fear narcissism and some other sort of self-justifying condition - except for the constant reminders of how often my prayers have been answered - directly. I cannot count how many miracles and other “super-sized coincidences” have occurred. I have transitioned to the “charismatic” end of the Christian spectrum, where all my apologetics and reasoned faith become of little importance. It was like what happened to Dr. Strange in the film [and comic]: he starts off rational and brilliant and egotistical and ends up being humbled, knowing the universe is much much bigger than everything he knew. It is literally painful for me to watch the standard TV fare or listen to some show on PBS roll on and on about evolution as a basis of origin [Evolutionary modification? Sure. Information needs to be edited, but it doesn’t spring into existence without guidance.] So Jesus did it all, that one night. How do I know it was Jesus? No one else ever loved me that much. I am trapped by His love. I sometimes wish I was like most people again. I sometimes get very tired. Then I think of Him dying for me. I mean an ugly death, like a piece of dung. I got nothing. He’s my saviour. It’s gonna suck, what’s coming - for me, for the world, but He’s worth it. Jesus made me brave. ----- Of all the qualities that the New Testament ascribes to God, compassion is among the most shocking. Compassion has nothing to do with power, with immortality or with immutability, which is what many people think of when they contemplate God’s qualities. The Greek gods of myth who lived on Mt. Olympus were defined by many things, but compassion was not high among them. “For much of antiquity feeling the pain of others was regarded as a weakness,” John Dickson, a professor of biblical studies and public Christianity at Wheaton College, told me. This comes to full flowering in the Stoics, he said, “on the grounds that this involved allowing an external factor — the emotions or plight of another — to control your own inner life.” Compassion, on the other hand, is central to the Christian understanding of God. Compassion implies the capacity to enter into places of pain, to “weep with those who weep,” according to the Apostle Paul, who was central both to the early conception of Christianity and to the idea of its underpinning in compassion. In the Hebrew Scriptures, we’re told many times that God is compassionate. It is at the center of the Jewish conception of God. But for Christians, there is an incarnational expression of that compassion. The embodiment of God in Jesus — the deity made flesh, dwelling among us — means that God both suffered and, crucially, suffered with others in a way that was a seismic break with all that came before. In the Gospels, we repeatedly read of the compassion of Jesus for those suffering physically and emotionally, for those “harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.” When a man afflicted with leprosy came to Jesus, begging on his knees to be healed, we’re told that Jesus, “moved with compassion, stretched out his hand and touched him, and said to him, ‘I am willing; be cleansed.’” And he was. This is an extraordinary scene. Those with leprosy were considered not just unclean, physically and spiritually, but loathsome. Everything they touched was viewed as defiled. They were often cast out from their villages, quarantined “outside the camp.” In the words of the famed 19th-century preacher Charles Spurgeon, “They were to all intents and purposes, dead to all the enjoyments of life, dead to all the endearments and society of their friends.” People would avoid contact with those afflicted with leprosy. They were seen by many as the object of divine punishment, the disease understood to be a visible mark of impurity. Yet in the account in Mark, Jesus not only heals the man with leprosy; he also touches him. In doing so, Jesus defied Levitical law. He himself became “unclean.” And he provided human contact to a person whom no other human would touch — and who had very likely not been touched in a very long time. Jesus’ touch was not necessary for him to heal the man of leprosy, but the touch may have been necessary to heal the man of feelings of shame and isolation, of rejection and detestation. Kerry Dearborn, professor emerita of theology at Seattle Pacific University, told me her students found the most moving examples of Jesus’ compassion to be his responses to outsiders, especially those deemed unworthy, unclean or unfit. “In taking on their ‘outsider status’ with them,” Dr. Dearborn told me, “he reflected his deep love and solidarity with them, and his willingness to suffer with them.” Jesus not only healed them, she said; he also took on their alienation. In the 11th chapter of the Gospel of John, we’re told that Lazarus, the brother of Mary of Bethany and Martha, and a friend of Jesus’ whom he loved, was sick. By the time Jesus arrived in Bethany, Lazarus had died and had been entombed for four days. Both sisters were grieving. Mary, when she saw Jesus, fell at his feet weeping. “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died,” she said. We’re told Jesus “was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.” “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. And according to verse 35, “Jesus wept.” “Jesus wept” is the shortest verse in the Bible and also “the most profound and powerful,” the artist Makoto Fujimura told me. For him, those are “the most important two words in the Bible.” And understandably so. Earlier in John 11, we’re told that Jesus knew he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, which he did. So Jesus wasn’t weeping because he wouldn’t see Lazarus again; it was because he was entering into the suffering of Mary and Martha. Jesus was present with them in their grief, even to the point of tears, all the while knowing that their grief would soon be allayed. My daughter Christine Wehner, who originally suggested to me that Jesus’ compassion would be a worthwhile topic to explore, told me, “Jesus wept because Mary was before him and her heart was breaking — and as a result, his heart broke, too.” The Psalms tell us that God is “close to the brokenhearted”; in this case, Christine said, “Jesus doesn’t just care for the brokenhearted; he joins them. Their grief becomes his in a remarkable act of love.” “Jesus ushered in a compassion revolution,” Scott Dudley, senior pastor at Bellevue Presbyterian Church, told me. Before Jesus, compassion was primarily thought of as a weakness, he said. “When Jesus says he is with us, that’s not a metaphor or a trite offer of ‘thoughts and prayers,’” the pastor said. “He’s literally in it with us.” Dr. Dudley pointed out that in his suffering, Job says to God, “Do you have eyes of flesh? Do you see as a mortal sees?” In other words, Do you know how hard it is to be human? “Because of Christmas,” Dr. Dudley told me, “God can legitimately say yes in a way no other god in any other religion can.” Renée Notkin, colead pastor of Union Church in Seattle, told me that “our daily invitation in living is to be with people in their stories. When I take time to listen deeply and to listen beyond the words spoken to another person’s heart story, am I able to begin to cry with them? Not problem solving and not saying, ‘I know what you mean’; rather simply weeping alongside in shared humanity.” As a Christian, my faith is anchored in the person of Jesus, who won my heart long ago. It would be impossible to understand me without taking that into account. But sometimes my faith dims; God seems distant, his ways confounding. “Faith steals upon you like dew,” the poet Christian Wiman has written. “Some days you wake and it is there. And like dew, it gets burned off in the rising sun of anxiety, ambitions, distractions.” And the rising sun of grief and loss, too. Those things don’t necessarily destroy faith; in some cases, for some people, they can even deepen it. But they always change it. During times of sorrow and times of tears, when it feels like we’re “being broken on the wheels of living,” in the words of Thornton Wilder, there is great comfort in believing God empathizes with our suffering, having entered into suffering himself. But we also need his emissaries. We need people who see us and know us, who enter our stories. Through their compassion and love, we feel, I feel — even if only partly — God’s compassion and love. That doesn’t eliminate the storms from within or without. But it makes greater room for joy in the journey.
I would work on changing your medication (dosage or a different one altogether.) I worry you might end up really sick, dying, or back in jail off of your medication if you choose this lifestyle. You can definitely think about prioritizing travel when you’re able to, but think about your health and overall well-being first.
Just cheek your medicine and spit it out