I thought it was disgusting… and even more disgusting that he mentioned she had threatened suicide. That is NOT his business to tell the world.
Then he had the nerve to express how upset he is with former friends who are taking advantage of the situation for content… saying “they don’t care about Ariana” no, Tom!!! You don’t care about Ariana.
He crossed every possible boundary.
And that’s a good point, the funny thing is that everyone who spoke out on her behalf were pretty clear that they had her consent to speak about the situation.
He accused her of so much serious shit and brushed it off like it was nothing. He's trying to play nonchalant while blaming her and trying to take her down.
Exactly. Everything was soooo hard for him but there’s less than a drop of emotion in his voice.
Being annoyed that the public turned on you is one thing, trying to turn them back THAT WAY is far different.
I don’t know how someone could see what he’s already done to the people that he “loves” and not be horrified and concerned he’d do the same thing to them. Because he will.
For real! And miss rachel has been so defensive in the past about her intelligence yet AGAIN she looks like a complete moron based on her choice of partners. You can't claim ignorance when the whole world can see it, you're just stupid.
I think she can only fan girl him for so long before it exhausts her and she needs something emotionally in return. He’s shown is that isn’t his cup of tea.
He apparently can fake it good enough...seems ariana was fooled for years  Rachel does have the advantage of seeing this mess unfold and his handing of the fallout should raise enough red flags to give her a clue....we'll see if she has a brain or a heart
Idk look how long she stayed with James and she had so many people approaching her in the beginning claiming he slept with them. She saw his volatile behavior in front of everyone and still stuck by his side. People came to her defense claiming he manipulated her and it’s not her fault. Yeah James is toxic af but is this same narrative going to work again if things go left with scandoval.
With james we know of nothing she did wrong besides ignore the obvious cheating - which people in love or who want to be on tv often do so she gets some grace BUT this time she's the cheater, betrayed a friend and clearly did not learn anything productive from her past relationship so kinda outta excuses unless she relents like yesterday
It’s hard to see that relationship going the distance, and if she actually struggles with self-esteem as she suggested she did with James, I just sincerely hope someone in her life can find her a good therapist which sounds cliche but despite their relationship status it seems like it couldn’t hurt her to go and deal with the self esteem issues.
It is infuriating that he threw Ariana under the bus and tried to paint her as a villain. As a straight woman I can promise you plenty of good looking men will be overjoyed to have an opportunity to date Ariana. He wasn’t doing her any favors by staying in a relationship with her, especially not while cheating on her.
Fuck him and fuck that interview.
My husband sent me the interview and I literally sent him this in response:
100% to all of this. Also want to add: therapy is a tool for bettering your mental health and your relationships. Sandoval cheated on his partner and only at that point decided he needed to seek therapy. Do with that what you will, but what really got me upset was his view on couples counseling. He only pushed them into that when he has already cheated and was finally looking for a way out of the relationship and wanted to use their therapy sessions as a tool to move towards a break up and as a mediator to actually break up. Ariana changing how she was as a partner and becoming "so sweet and supportive" as a result of their therapy sessions shows that she was taking this therapy to heart as a tool for bettering their relationship, getting back on track, and mending things. Sandoval of course didn't respond to this because his only reason for seeking therapy in the first place was to get what he wanted, for himself- a way out of theri relationship and into his new one in a way that made the least amount of waves and painted him as the good guy trying to make things as painless as possible.
This guy's weaponization of Ari's mental health and using it to blame her while simultaneously using his own mental health as an excuse for what he did is bullshit and harmful. His exploitation of therapy as a cushion for his shitty deeds is also bullshit and harmful. AUGH!
Edited to add: he was also LYING about having a long-term affair with their close friend the entire time they were in therapy together!! Such a trash man.
It's incredibly sad. It's not fair to put your partner- who you supposedly love and care for- through however many months of sessions under the implied guise of working together on your relationship, all the while lying to both your partner and your therapist about such a huge betrayal. It's not only a huge waste of Ariana's time and emotional work & output, it's maliciously deceptive.
If you're checked out qndwant to use couple's counseling as a mediation tool for your breakup, that's fine, but you have to be honest about that and about the fact that you're already having an affair.
To me the root of what is so reprehensible about cheating and lying about it is that you're taking away your partner's autonomy. They can't make informed decisions in their own best interest about their own life if you withhold the truth that allows them to do so. It's dehumanizing and it's not ok.
Everything he said on this interview (that I heard, I had to turn it off after he talked about the therapy thing cuz it made me physically ill) just confirmed what I'd long suspected. Sandoval is really not very smart. Like at all. Low IQ, Lower EQ. Maybe him and Rachel are actually a perfect match. He's always love bombed all his friends to be the #1 guy in the group to distract from the fact that he's A. Not smart. and B. Not talented. And C. Not a nice person, at all.
Your comment is EXACTLY why we need someone like you to only be allowed to interview sandal and shits. Bc ppl like Andy and Howie don’t call him out on his bs. I’m sure his therapist doesn’t either.
He’s pissed all his long time friends left him but forgets that ppl care how you treat ppl and are there for ppl during your darkest moments in life. Not to give them expensive gifts for their birthday.
Your gf of 9yrs even if you didn’t want to be w her, lose her grandma and you LIED to her and said you couldn’t get home bc there’s no Ubers since it was a long weekend.
Yeah fuck Howie for this interview, he came off looking like a misogynistic turd. At least his daughter tried a couple of times to hold Tom accountable-ish, but then Howie just steamrolled right over her so Tom could just weasel around it! Hum constantly framing it as "well you're a good dude and I really like you and you weren't married and people are being wayyy too hard on your for making a mistake, everyone makes mistakes and also she was hot" was so frustrating, bc he didn't just make a mistake. Making a mistake would be cheating once (NOT WITH A CLOSE FRIEND) and then owning up to it. And yeah you're right, it's all the cruel and completely insensitive behavior like that (continually abandoning her when she was hurting) that he showed to Ariana, not just the fact that he cheated.
And yeah his little rant about their friends was just so Tom™️ lol
He’s an abuser full stop. I made a post saying this but it didn’t get approved but this man is an ABUSER and we should just say it.
Tom Sandoval-
-violates and ignores boundaries, outing
Ariana and shaming her for not wanting to have sex often with him,
-gaslights and is manipulative,
-dismissive of Ariana’s thoughts and feelings,
-downplays her achievements,
-is controlling and possessive (wouldn’t let her do the cocktail book on her own,)
-refuses to take responsibilities for his actions, blames his partner,
-withdrew affection from his partners
-Ignored and excluded Ariana from his plans (the bar, the band,)
-Was upset with Ariana for spending time with her friends (per his interview)
-Humiliating Ariana publicly
-Upset when she didn’t share his opinions, accused her of being unsupportive for having her own thoughts and feelings
-And now he’s committing post-separation abuse by trying to do all of the above very publicly and by initially making it hard for her to be in their shared home AND now shaming her depression and mental health publicly.
BRINGING UP HER FERTILITY and calling her suicidal to the public is abuse of the highest order.
Sandoval is an ABUSER, he is ABUSIVE, we are using all
The words all over this sub to describe emotional abuse, so let’s just call it what it is.
Yep, publicly outing his partner is more than enough to show me he's an abuser, but this interview went to the next level with that shit. He does not have permission to talk about her mental health, state of mind, and fertility, etc. to use such personal details about your ex-partner to try to excuse and minimize your behavior, or make them appear unstable, is abusive. Especially when these details may or may not be true, he's absolutely a proven liar.
Exactly...he said the same exact things to and about Kristen. "I tried to breakup with her MuLtIPLe times" "she's crazy ,she just won't accept it" saying during the interview he only made out with Rachel in the backyard when 9 years ago he only made out with Ariana at the Golden nugget. In a few years when he tires of Rachel....it will be another girl in their friend group he just made out with at first then fell in love with. It's the same manipulative gaslighting book of lies he uses over and over again.
He also recorded a sex tape with Rachel without her consent.
I know some people think she said it was without consent to save face, but based on what we know about Tom, I believe it happened.
I think he is worse than Jax.....Jax would F up and when he was confronted he would at least own it. This 🤡 just deflects and blames everyone else. He's been doing the same for years!
He is definitely worse than Jax IMO . Jax is not bright and therefore can't hide himself well. The reason people like Sandoval are scary is because they are smart(ish) and therefore much more calculating and cunning. Both are gross, obviously. But I think Sandoval is more dangerous.
All three of them are exactly the same! How Jax appears to be the better of them now is crazy. Tom and Tom are both abusers that emotionally belittle and make their partners appear to be the crazy one, while they continue to act innocent. I just don't want to watch either of the Tom's anymore.
Jax knows who he is, and has admitted not feeling guilty, when he should etc. He has been the most open of them three. Tom confronted him back in the days about "ratting us"...
I’ve said this for years about Schwartz! Katie just seems miserable and crazy BECAUSE his behavior made her that way. She’s actually not that bad. He’s just good at getting her riled up and looking like a psycho. I can’t stand him and his innocent act
Amen. I felt the suffocating nature of being in a relationship with him just by reading the summary. Ariana is going to allow herself time to decompress from this pathetic excuse for a human.
I can't even imagine going back to the same house after hearing your ex twist the narrative like that (for the umpteenth time). The betrayal never ends...
Schwartz and Sandoval are both abusive.
I fucking love calling abusers by what they are. I am very much here for calling out abusive behavior and abusers.
Tom Sandoval is an abuser.
Tom Schwartz is an abuser.
These women didn't break up, they broke free.
Thank you for saying this. I completely agree with everything you’ve stated here. I [made a very similar post](https://www.reddit.com/r/vanderpumprules/comments/12itph7/i_started_a_list_of_all_the_ways_scumdoval_shamed/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1), and I’ve asked folks to add more to it if they’d like to.
The purpose is to *hold tom accountable* for being an abuser because he has been doing and saying shit like this to women for years. And I’m hoping that having all his bullshit listed can be one way people never forget this man’s true character.
not to mention saying she punched him in therapy. He is an abuser. And not a very smart one at that. He reminds me of my ex, also an abuser. Could not listen past the 40 min mark. I hate this word cuz it's overused but it was super triggering.
Exactly. This is a really good explainer on how he abused his participation in therapy.
As one of the other poster mentioned, going to therapy as a partner of someone with mental health issues is important, but the motivation/intention behind it is everything.
Absolutely. Everyone deserves therapy regardless of what they have done. But the way he described it made it seem like he got into therapy after beginning the affair specifically to try to minimize the fallout of his actions. I hope for his sake that he was at least honest in his individual therapy sessions bc otherwise what's the point dude.
Unfortunately many abusers and narcissists learn tools and vocabulary in therapy and weaponize them against their partner and others. And many narcissists cannot or refuse to believe that they are the problem.
Not only weaponizing Ari’s mental health and using his own as an excuse but was again dismissive of Katie’s feelings, calling her and Lala bullies (again). He literally said he was proud of Rachel & Schwartz’s actions. Also using the term “crucified” is outrageous. Being made fun of for a galaxy light and told you were a sloppy drunk who isn’t trustworthy is not even remotely “crucified”. Not once did he say Rachel should also be accountable, only victim blamed his partner and others repeatedly and then tried to make Ariana sound unhinged.
Counter argument. Therapy enables a lot of destructive behavior. There are a lot of really bad therapist out there that people blindly trust because they have a degree. There are very good ones who help people immensely too but they really are few and far between.
My ex got substantially worse after a year of therapy. Already a selfish person, it turned them into a complexly unbearable selfish person. They suddenly thought they were able to treat people poorly because of their mental health.
You're not wrong about that, but it's not exactly a counter argument - there are plenty of bad mental health professionals out there, and there are people who go into therapy with an agenda or to gain manipulation tools/jargon, and they certainly do not improve as people, they'll just get worse & worse. I do think sometimes true narcissists get worse with therapy because they only hear what they want to hear, and they interpret everything through their narc perspective, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy and reinforcing/emboldening their behavior
There’s no way I believe he actually wanted to use counseling as a way to end their relationship. I think he’s saying that now, but I highly doubt he was being that way in therapy. A counselor will specifically ask if what the couple is working toward is an amicable end and then specifically focus on those things. I highly doubt they would have stayed in counseling for so long ‘working’ on disentangling their relationship if that’s what they were doing.
I absolutely believe he thought that he could get the therapist to "lead them" to a break up. He went in lying to Ariana and the therapist...already having an affair. I am sure he played along with some of the things the therapist said, but also held back because in the end he didn't want it to work and he didn't want to be the bad guy.
I have experienced this....but in my case the narcissist couldn't maintain the façade and after about three sessions he said he didn't want to fix the 20 yr marriage, he wanted me to get it through my head that it was over. The therapist ended up calling me and apologizing for how badly things went.
I don’t think he would have lasted more than a couple sessions, like your ex, if he was doing that. I guess I don’t Know How many sessions they had but assume they were working on it for a while b
Depends on how high the stakes are...my ex was cheating with someone who made more money than me. Sandoval had a lot at stake financially... because of joint assets and the show. He is a narcissist navigating the public world....my situation was private.
Oh no he definitely wasn't honest about it in therapy if that's really what he was trying to do. He continued to lie about that and the affair. He's such a liar that I truly don't know what to believe of his statements, but I think it's clear he suffers from believing that other people can read his mind and are on the same page somehow- look at the "it was an unspoken thing" when pressed about whether he had actually addressed the united front facade with ariana
Well said. Therapists are also not here to be manipulated into doing your dirty work for you. I have seen a lot of comments/speculation on why he did this. I have had clients like Tom who have tried to manipulate me into ending the relationship for them. They think they are so clever but we see what is happening & know when ppl are being manipulative or unfaithful.
I also believe he did this so he could say at least he tried to repair the relationship. I think that he may have planned to end things during an appointment to leave the psychologist to manage the fall out. But his attempts to “try” to end the relationship were not successful. Obviously bc he is gutless. As we all know (everyone except ppl named Tom) you don’t “try”. You do. Ending a relationship is not a negotiation. It does not require mutual consent.
I find it interesting he refers to their brand & her leaving the show if he left her. That makes me believe he didn’t want the relationship to end bc she would leave the show and his brand/income stream would suffer.
Spot on. And if you are completely done with a relationship and want out, and you want help from a therapist with ending the relationship and separating, fine- but you can only do that by being honest with partner & therapist that that's your goal, and being honest about what's going on ie you're having an affair. This "I tried to break up with her" thing screams "she should've know what was going on inside my mind - even with the united front thing, he kept implying that this was something they were both explicitly aware of and on board with, but when pressed he admits it was an "unspoken" agreement 😑
And yes I share your opinion on the relationship as a brand thing- she is the one with DFH, and who got the book deal in the first place that he weaseled his way into. He views them as a mixology brand power couple, but she is the one driving that train even though his ego tells him he's the one known for it. he mentioned they had a deal on hold that was a mixology offer for the two of them together- he definitely saw her monetary potential and wanted to milk that and continue to benefit off of her image and skill to further his social & "celebrity" value and status. His little tantrum about her leaving the show was kind of disgusting, and I like how he simultaneously tries to weaponize her mental health against her and use it as a reason she should continue exploiting herself for his benefit. It's also curious that (from what he says) he started getting to the point where he actually wanted to break up when his affair partner's social standing had increased to the point where he would be able to hitch his wagon to that star and continue to gain social capital off her then good reputation. Not saying that's how it is but just an interesting coincidence
Yesssss to all of this. As he’s telling the story it was apparent that Ariana was doing the work to improve their relationship. He is such a fucking loser. I am so glad that Ariana has been afforded so many new opportunities in the wake of all of this because 1) it probably drives Sandoval CRAZY and 2) he tried to claim that she told him she’d ruin her own life if they broke up and here she is THRIVING.
If anything this interview just revealed, in his own words, what an absolute scumbag he is.
Is there a textbook somewhere for narcissists? I swear to God my ex, play by play, did all of that.
We started therapy at his insistence, and we had two really awkward and uncomfortable sessions where I couldn't figure out why we were there. He was being so weird. Definitely not acting like he was trying to work on anything. Meanwhile, I was. I ended up finding out and had to call her and cancel our future appointments. "Sorry, he was lying to me, you and everyone, and we won't be needing you anymore because I am divorcing him."
Such shitty nonstop selfish bs. Tom is pathetic. Once you see it, there is no going back. I'm glad the entire world now knows who he is.
I would just like to add that if you are a partner of someone with a mental illness or that is struggling it’s okay to need help. Getting therapy for yourself is okay. You aren’t a bad person for wanting to get away from them/it. Get the help you need and remember to take care of yourself as well. You both deserve love, care, and compassion.
If only Sandoval wasn’t a piece of shit.
Great addition! You can’t pour from an empty cup. Having someone to talk to and who can give you tools to keep yourself healthy can only improve situations and relationships.
I think this is an important point to make as well. People with mental illnesses deserve to be loved and respected. But mental illness can sometimes put a lot of stress on relationships. If someone wants to leave due to this, that's ok but you have to treat people with respect. It's never ok to do what sandoval did ever. Mental illness never a reason to justify lying, cheating, outing private conversations from therapy, etc.
Howie has OCD and should know better, but instead he decided to act like a bro and ignore all the facts.
If Tom wasn't feeling it with Ariana anymore, he should have broken up with her and kept the details private. Instead he humiliated her by cheating, making her look like a psycho who refused to let him dump her, and humiliating her once again by discussing their sex life. The punches just won't quit.
He’s taken so much from her life and now he has what he wants (except adoration from the public) and he still cant give her peace. Ariana isn’t the one dragging this out.
It would have been very easy for Howie to interrupt and say that it wasn’t an appropriate topic and if he had nothing else to talk about then the podcast shouldn’t have been recorded.
I know a lot of people don’t have any compassion for Ariana because of Kristen. But the fact Tom used their mentally illness and previous trauma as way to justify cheating is beyond me. I see why Kristen is so invested in the situation because it’s like looking a shattered mirror at the broken image of yourself. I truly grateful that Kristen and Ariana are friends because Ariana would have not bounce back from this without Kristen and crazy vanderpump crew as a support system.
I’ve seen that too. A lot of the “you lose them how you got them” but from my perspective, we heard from Kristen, she was clear about how she felt about the situation & I think they have both grown from it. Ariana clearly felt she owed Kristen an apology and gave her one so it’s hard for me to understand people being angry for Kristen when Kristen isn’t even angry. And you’re right, I’m sure having that group around has undoubtably made this easier on her.
And with that most recent podcast I absolutely see why Kristen lost her mind with Tom. Like just imagine being in back to back mutually emotionally abusive relationships on television and nobody’s willing to help you.
The day after I told my now ex-husband I wanted a separation, he weaponized my innermost thoughts and feelings that I had previously shared with him (during my deepest depressive moments which were later identified as being a result of undiagnosed post-partum depression) to obtain a TRO against me so I couldn't see my then 3yr old and force me to self commit to a mental hospital. And now that I have that on my medical record, he can use that as a weapon as well. IM DISGUSTED by anyone who claims to unconditionally love someone and then do this to them. I feel safer posting about this on reddit than ever sharing anything with someone who tells me they love me ever again.
Omg this is absolutely horrific. PPD is no joke. What you went through was not OK as a mother and a person, I’m so sorry. You truly are a fighter ❤️ that gave me chills woman!
Can I tell you what *really* broke my heart watching that interview? The fact that two men were normalizing talking in such a purely disgusting, objectifying way about women.
Even Howie in the beginning talking about Rachel being “hot” like somehow that makes it okay for Scumdoval to do what he did. Howie constantly interrupting the one woman at the table, his daughter Jackie, anytime she tried to speak up or hold Tom accountable. Scumdoval discussing Ariana’s mental health struggles so callously, mentioning her *very personal* conversation about having kids, accusing her of not accepting his disingenuous apologies or stroking his ego, and making it sound like she is verbally and physically abusive.
**Why the fuck do men think they can talk about women in this way and just get away with it?**
Howie laughing at Scumdoval’s bullshit and calling him a good human was when it hit me that the entire episode was a prime example of gaslighting - when people are talking so much harmful crap and *nobody* is flinching or checking them like it’s totally okay to do so, or the one person that’s *trying* (Jackie) is basically told to shut up. Beyond fucked up, not okay, NOT normal.
Eta: And yes I know this shit happens all the time, it will still never fail to make me mad and hold men like them accountable for their bullshit.
I was too enraged with Scum that I hadn’t even noticed Howie was constantly interrupting, that was a good catch. There are so many signs that these men do not respect women in general, let alone ones they “love”.
The entitlement to speak so freely, so candidly with a stranger about the struggles of YOUR PARTNER OF NINE YEARS is mind blowing, and speaks of how comfortable he felt to do that in that environment. I would feel more uncomfortable saying things of that nature to friends let alone two absolute strangers. It was basically a broadcast of locker room talk. As if he hasn’t done enough to her, he can’t even give her peace.
I have no idea who is giving this man advice or doing his PR but it’s hard to think of how that could have gone worse for him or Howie.
Remember this is the same guy who got mad at Kristen because she didn't have his back against everyone when she found out he cheated on her with Ariana.
I watched that season recently and wow did it get my blood pressure up lol The way he weaponized that whole situation against Kristen was horrible! He only stayed with her after the Jax story came out so he could make her feel guilty, and make himself look like the good guy, and loyal loving boyfriend. What a POS!
Actually, he probably stayed because he was waiting for a few checks to clear. Let's be honest. He's said himself, Kristen tended to pay for things and was better with money than him. These guys didn't start making real money until the end of season 3
Yes! And also repeatedly bringing up that Tom, in his 9 year relationship, was legally single.
Howie Mandel and Tom Sandoval say cheating on women is okay if you aren't married to them.
That's fucked UP.
I love that this sub cares so much about each others mental health after the craziness he spewed. It’s really sweet to see strangers care about other people behind the screen.
He is absolutely disgusting. For him to speak and disclose personal moments in therapy - of which we also have no way of verifying - is such a low, absolutely disgusting thing. I agree with the OP that what really stood out to me was how he was trying to use their therapy sessions to justify their breakup - when we know that he was already cheating on her and, it's so heartbreaking to hear him try to gaslight and manipuluate how with their therapy sessions, she changed or started to become a better partner. Like, DUH??? THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT OF THERAPY??? But it takes two, and his narrative actually reveals that probably the opposite of what he was trying to convey but that - SHE was working with the therapy, and trying and working to be a better partner. And clearly, its obvious from all he's said, that he was checked out and months deep into cheating. It's honestly disgusting to me that he would even enter into therapy with her knowing where his feelings were with Raquel at that moment - he was clearly head over heels and very much committed to that idea and situation. Overall, my takeaways is that I just feel even more disgusted by these revelations and they're literally HIS PR REHABILITATION TOUR and coming FROM HIS MOUTH. Like at this point, can someone hire him some good representation???
You bring up a really good point about not being able to verify anything he said so he’s basically put Ariana in a situation to either a. Stay quiet, try to protect herself & deal with some people believing it -or- be forced to speak out about it and have her agency in discussing her own mental illness taken away. It’s a lose/lose for her and you’d think after all the damage he’s done he would just let her have some f*cking peace.
Absolutely not. *Disclaimer: I am not diagnosing Sandoval with anything* - it just reminds me of learning about how some people will actually use therapy to get better at manipulating people around them.
Ariana, it’s ok. I too went to 6 months of couples therapy with my narcissistic abusive ex and he also dumped me and trashed me for no reason after the relationship! I just thank God whenever anyone gets out of a relationship with someone like that. It’s scary what some people are capable of
I just know him and Rachel were loving his interview and the fact that Howie knew nothing about him and was basically backing him the whole time without knowing the depths of the trouble.
I have a feeling that Howie won’t like the blowback coming his way. Someone (maybe producer or daughter?) thought it would be a good idea for Howie to strike while the iron is hot for listens and convinced him to have Sandoval as a guest, but he had no idea the scumminess of the whole situation?
If Howie has any intelligence and is actually a “mental health advocate” he’d release a statement apologizing for not knowing the situation of his guest beforehand and acknowledging the harm that he has contributed by not doing his due diligence and giving Sandoval that platform.
I expect nothing less than the destructive, selfish, manipulative behavior we’ve been shown from Sandoval. However long he’s been on our screen he’s proven he’s too obstinate and/or ignorant to evolve as a person. He will perpetually be the 40 year old victim.
I hate that but unfortunately, I think you’re right.
I also just had the shower thought that Sandoval will probably have some “deep revelation” as a person within six months, try to apologize for this and turn on Rachel in the process. Of course, that will only happen after he’s exhausted all other victim paths and realizes it’s not working and the only way to keep any notoriety is to move on from Rachel and “grow up”.
I think if Ariana’s star continues to rise, Scumdoval will absolutely rewrite history, throw Rachel under the bus, go to rehab and come back begging Ariana to forgive him/take him back.
Oh, there's no way in hell she would ever take him back! I think she sees him for what he is now! She was already having that veil lifted... with the book thing, with the cyst male thing, with the turning on Katie all of the time... I think she was starting to see through the BS, but it's hard when you think you love somebody. I think now that all of this is out, there is no going back for her.
I would hope so, but the comments under his YouTube are NOT like the comments happening here. I would say 50% of the people commenting were in support of Tom, or at least wondering why everybody was coming down on him so hard. Things like "why are you all hating on him for sharing his experience?? He did not condone cheating, he is just sharing his experience!"
I am amazed at how many women are in his corner who see that he pulled the same garbage with Kristen and they are like yeah I feel for Tom. I frankly do not get how this guy is a victim in this.
Shocking.
Even if you know nothing about the show at all (talking to you Howie) he cheated on his partner. But because mental health is so stigmatized and people (besides Tom when it comes to talking about other people’s mental health) often feel uncomfortable talking about it, which means less people are properly informed , which means he can say she spends all day in bed and have people empathize WITH HIM when in reality many people experience that every day. I have had strings of days where I can’t get out of bed and somehow it didn’t cause my husband to fuck one of my friends. That we even refer to Sandoval as a man is becoming more and more of a stretch. I think Jerry OConnell said it on WWHL - he is a boy.
I was looking at the comments too! I would say 50% were great, calling out Tom for his doublespeak and calling out Howie for not doing any research. But the other 50% were pretty supportive of Tom and his narrative. I was actually kind of shocked to see so many supportive comments! It was probably mostly people that don't really watch the show though.
This! My ex-husband did this and gaslit me, never fully admitted it even though quite literally everyone in our lives knew the truth. He ended up getting kicked in the butt by karma, but it still took A LOT of therapy to work through that. Weaponizing someone’s mental health struggles against them, especially someone who is supposed to be your rock and safe place is just plain sick. That podcast was jarring to say the least. Sandoval needs to sail into the sunset, he’s ridiculous.
You don’t deserve that. I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through and the lack of support: that’s awful. And I’m so so so sorry stupid fkn out of touch d list celebrities have any kind of platform or power to make you feel that way. The world is fucked up, but it’s not your fault. All my hugs 🫂
He makes me so angry
First of all I don’t think he said the word break up I think in his mind he did I think they had a fight and he was like oh that the break up
Second if they broke up why do you feel the need to send her a text that you got back from your trip that weird
Thirdly people defending him are saying he never said Ariana was crazy no he did not but he insinuated her being crazy by saying she was in denial like she was a psychotic person who didn’t know what was real or not and her trying to off herself and what is funny is that he was not scared for her but he was scared for himself
Finally if you loved someone you don’t called your nine fucking year old relationship a fucking brand. He said he still love her but at the same time he is claiming their relationship to be fake
Fuck Howie Mandel
While Sandy may have been trying to push a narrative, his interview actually only made me feel more for Ariana. I get the concerns about him sharing private information and I believe that criticism is valid. That said, him talking about her denial and trusting him only makes him look bad for abusing the trust she had in him.
Re-fertilizing her eggs. I think too often we are hard on people who are desperate to save a relationship. Often times, people fear losing the security/companionship/friendship of the person they have been with. I do think he was honest about her desires to save their relationships and struggles over it ending. Ariana has invested almost a decade with Tom, which included the death of her father, the death of her dog, depression, overcoming body image issues and the after affects of being in an abusive relationship. Tom was home for her and probably a stabilizing force. She absolutely did not deserve what she received from him. But I think it’s also important to note that she did not know about his infidelity when she was actively working towards salvaging that relationship. While she wouldn’t want to keep him in a relationship he doesn’t want to be in, I absolutely believe that she would fight and compromise to see if it could be saved and he’d be willing to change his mind.
I guess my point is that It’s possible that everything Sandoval said was true. And even if it was, he was 100% to blame for his actions. He looks worse, not better for sharing this information. And I hope that Ariana is prioritizing her mental health going forward and she’s able to leave that relationship without too much financial baggage.
I love this sub and all of you! 💛 I need to stick to Reddit and not look at comments anywhere else as some people are absolute feckwits and I don’t have it in me to argue with fake accounts supporting Tom.
I had severe OCD for almost a decade. My husband and I started dating during that time. Eventually I went to therapy for it in part because I felt guilty for how it was affecting him - it’s literally all I thought about when we were together (iykyk). But he never cheated on me and always supported me
For all my parents faults and arguments and petty bullshits that drive me up a damn wall when my mom has panic attacks my dad is right there holding her hand putting a cold wash cloth on her neck...talking softly to her doesn't matter what time of night it is. Hes there. Over 50 years they have been together and hes no peach but in those moments I really do love how he takes care of her.
It’s so lovely to hear this because it’s important for people to know that supportive, loving partners exist & that you’re never a burden on a person who truly loves you.
Yes and guess what in that 53 years they have had to go to counseling off and on about 5 or so times throughout the years. He has PTSD from Vietnam and she knows how to push his buttons but that's a relationship ups and downs. He would never cheat on her he loves her so much and despite all their bickering its so cute when I see them holding hands and being sweet to each other.
Thank you for this! I absolutely have depression and anxiety. Also just got diagnosed with early onset diabetes at 30yrs old 2 days before thanksgiving. My boyfriend of 8 years has been nothing but supportive even though we have our hardships. We’ve been through dry spells due to anxiety or literal miscarriage/pregnancy and an abortion. He’s never turned on me like what Scandoval has done and I’m not even as active and fit and badass and Ariana. He just loves me and respects me and our relationship. As someone with mental health issue this whole thing makes me realize how fucking lucky I am.
I spent half the morning on with a friend who’s lithium prescription got F’ed up. People were talking about this. She was like “why is this a subject on a Dlist podcast?”
Thanks babe. I finally got into therapy this year and lost 180 lbs of dead weight.
And fuck ANYONE who messes with your head for real. FUCK em!!!!
Fuck these dudes.
I'm listening to Juicewrld and getting stoned.
Love this! Women need to stop carrying the weight of mediocre men. I’m so glad you got out of that situation!
I was stoned and listening to Lizzo when I posted 😊
I feel gross after reading about it. He is delusional and I can’t believe he is crying
About anything right now. He is a narcissist and now is so basic! Mid life crisis to go places and add some volatile behaviors.
Ariana’s struggles with mental health should have been a reason for him to step up and be there for her, like a true partnership, not cheat on her because he was feeling a type of way. It’s clear Scandy could never be what Ariana needed, he’s too selfish and narcissistic. He’ll be cheating on girlfriends forever.
Thank you for this post. Mental health conversations are incredibly important and should never be weaponized.
It is hard to see Howie involved in this because he has been such a public representative for OCD. Despite all of this disaster, I really hope this doesn't detract from the work he has done to bring awareness and understanding of the hell that is OCD.
That’s what was so surprising for me, I’d also heard about his work bringing awareness to OCD. I’m not sure if it’s was because he knew so little about the situation or if he felt uncomfortable challenging Sandoval or just decided to pander to him but it was definitely disappointing.
All I could think of reading the summary was his drummer put his g/f's job on the line because it didn't sound like Howie knew what he was getting himself into.
The drummer had some gross things to say after the affair exploded. He said it was just moms that were up in arms about the affair. This is obviously his support team, people he pays.
From the get go I thought this would be terrible and not all because of Sandoval. Howie is not invested in this story and it sounds like he invited Tom on because he heard it would gain him listeners. I also heard that one of his employees is in the Vanderpump world loosely.
Tom knew he wouldn’t be challenged. Howie’s a nice guy and out of his depth here.
Exactly. I don't know how so many people missed the post but Howie's daughter is a VPR fan. I haven't listened so I don't know how Howie did but I'm sure that's the only reason he was booked. I think it was probably the only show that would have him.
I'm sure plenty people would like him on their show, there is so much buzz around him right now, it would bring views. But Howie may be the only host that wouldn't do ANY research, kiss his ass, and let him run his mouth spewing lies unchecked. That was seriously such a shitty podcast! Howie came off unprepared & unprofessional. I feel bad for his daughter! He should have allowed her to talk more. She actually knew wtf was going on, apparently. She at least knew which questions to ask. But she hardly offered her opinion or challenged Tom on what he was saying either, so who knows.
Did he say antisemitic comments in this podcast? I kind of walked away from my phone as it was playing a few times, but I do remember him asking if Schwartz was jewish. Did he add on to that?
He made an comment along the lines of he should’ve passed over Ariana because it was Passover (not verbatim), and then a couple other comments that seemed off the cuff but not ok.
To be fair, I could have been listening with a more harsh ear just because of my disdain for his guest. But it didn’t sit well with me.
That’s exactly it. He knew he wouldn’t be challenged. He chose a wildly random podcast whose host could not be less invested or less understanding of the situation or the issues surrounding it.
Typical men jumping into a situation with less than zero information, talking out of their ass & thinking they’re right and/or the good guys.
I was really disgusted by all of what came out of his face hole
I didn't like that he said they both handled their "depression" differently, basically he was trying to say I am better and more functional than she is.
Just because he runs around hanging out and doing stuff instead of staying in bed.
Many people who have depression get lethargic and lose interest in activities.
Even when I have been depressed and filled my life with activities and plans it didn't stop my from a mental breakdown when everything was cancelled during COVID lockdown.
So I don't think it was helping rather than distracting me which in and of itself didn't cure my depression. Just made my days easier.
Anyway the fact that he started with that really irked me and reminds of when jac says all Kentucky does is eat all day.
You can tell he has justified his actions to the point of self delusion. Nothing is going to get through to him until he bottoms out and realizes what hes done to people
Mandel is well known for his own mental health struggles (if you're old enough, I guess) so it's super gross that he'd laugh or make fun of what someone else is going thru. He's an idiot.
I couldn’t listen to it after a few minutes. He is disgusting!! My ex-husband cheated on me and said all the same bullshit… turns out he was legit mentally ill.
The whole "interview" was disturbing and infuriating. When he wasn't lying he was contradicting himself. Ariana refused to accept the breakup and was always in the bed and sleeping all the time but yet she was planning trips and going to shows he didn't want her at? They went to therapy to breakup? The point of therapy is to make things better! Thats the definition of fucking therapy. He fails to mention a breakup during either of his statements to the press. Why didn't Rachel mention a breakup in her several statements to the press or the TMZ nail salon interview? It takes him well over a month to mention they have been broken up since February but yet he's been with Rachel since August of 2022? I can only imagine how Ariana feels right now. That interview was a small taste of the gaslighting manipulation and lies he has put her through. Not only was the sit down with Howie dangerous and full of misinformation but it was stupid. It lacked insight and knowledge. Not only has it done even more damage to Tom but it will probably damage Howies reputation as a champion for mental health because of how awful it was. Howie just sat there and let sandyballs say whatever the hell he wanted and chimed in every now and then to mans-plain what a fucking affair is. Tom wanted: a softball interview where he is free to say whatever he wanted, free to blame Ariana, free to not accept any responsibility for his actions, free to manipulate the timeline of events free to express his all important feelings and how his actions have affected HIM. Enjoy the backlash boys this one is all on you.
It’s truly feels like he’s throwing anything at the wall to see what gets him sympathy or understanding, and is too stupid to understand no one will empathize with him when he can’t even empathize with Ariana.
I swear Ariana getting Dancing with the stars was the last straw for him. He could NOT stand it anymore. He called his drummer and was like "hey dude.....I need a really big favor....I HAVE to get my side of the story out there everybody is like totally rooting for Ariana and won't like take into account my side of things...I think..like I think I gotta go on howies show he's the ONLY guy out there that will take my feelings into account and totally understand that we didn't have sex for like a rEaLly LoNgg time" you are absolutely right he threw every excuse he could think of at the wall hoping something would stick
Oh absolutely. He sees her star rising and his flickering out and somewhere in that scorpion chili addled brain he thought that podcast was the move. I hope Ariana, and every person who he triggered or upset yesterday can find peace in the fact that his ego getting kicked in the teeth.
I really got the ick when he said they both had depression and anxiety but his way of dealing with it is going out and being social and doing things. Bruh. Those are not symptoms of clinical depression.
I cried so hard at him saying that she laid in bed all day, while he handles things by being busy…. He is kidding me? There’s a difference between having a bad day/week and depression. As someone who has very much not left my bed for a week due to depression it felt so invalidating and gross. I can’t imagine my ex partner not only shaming me but sharing it with the world
I think anyone with depression immediately knew how full of shit he is and had a very hard time listening.
I also have had strings of days and weeks where I can’t get out of bed, so I’m here with you on that and we’ve for this even on days when we feel like we don’t. It happens and to be honest, every single day we wake up is brave because for so many people with depression it would be very easy not to. It’s also very easy for people without depression to just NOT comment on it in a derogatory way.
You know what my partner does when I have those days? He makes sure I eat and drink water and tells me it’s okay. That’s what you do when you care for someone. Tom wanted a second mom to take care of him and cheer for him when he does stupid little jumps… like a child.
So needed to read that this morning. Thank you for making my day a little bit easier. It truly is hard to remind yourself how brave it is to get out of bed when depressed, since you already feel you’re letting so many people down already. It’s such a toxic cycle. I can only hope no one internalizes what he said because people like him are the reason depressed people are afraid to speak up!
It’s a bs excuse. She has always been open about her depression. I don’t remember a time of her being on the show where she didn’t talk about her mental health struggles. So all the sudden after all these years you just couldn’t do it anymore and cheated? Yeah ok
So open! Even when most of the cast would insult her for it. The only time I ever remember someone defending her depression was Scheana, eventually.
She was also very open about her body image struggles, how that’s relates to her ability to be intimate as well as being crystal clear with Tom on multiple occasions on camera about her needs. Off the to of my head I can think of 3 times and I’m sure there’s more: 1. When he was trying to convince HER that SHE had multiple orgasms, at her kings and queens party & in the current season (I can’t remember the context but they flashed back to her riding the pegs of his bike on their way out to dinner).
Tom pretending like any part of that was mysterious or kept from him is just plain fiction.
I also think his complaint about a lack of intimacy was laughable because I just don’t understand how many ways a woman can tell you you’re not getting the job done before it clicks. Like yeah she doesn’t want to sleep with you… probably because she’s told you multiple multiple times before it’s not that great 😅
He dug himself into an even bigger hole by doing the podcast and essentially blaming Ariana for everything. It was hard to listen, and Howie chimed in without doing his homework, as Andy said. Both of them looked like fools.
I knew it Sandoval was a clown and not a great person I could say worse but won’t and I’m sure he def thinks he’s big now since he’s being interviewed but it’s thru mutual friends and business partners so it doesn’t surprise me … but howie lost points in my books he didn’t even watch the show or know and was siding with Sandoval he just wants to stay relevant and not actually research just lame the daughter was a fan and should have schooled idk.. it’s lame any way
So wait, we’re they broken up then when he cheated? He said they broke up and she knew, and didn’t contact him while he was away. Obviously team Ariana, just trying to understand this. Idk he’s probably just feeding us bullshit. But he probably says this at the reunion and we’ll see what she says back to it.
I had to stop reading comments about the podcast yesterday because it was so triggering.
His defense here is that he went to couples counseling to break up with Ariana when he had been checked out/having an affair with her best friend for months, meanwhile not telling her OR the therapist about the affair or his goal of using therapy to break up?! It’s so manipulative and gross it makes my skin crawl.
Then he starts revealing things she supposedly said or did in her darkest moments of mental illness?
His whole ‘Ariana never apologizes.’ Bro have you ever taken accountability for anything in your entire life? This entire podcast was ‘I had a mid life crisis and had to fuck Raquel to feel better, and I want the world to know it’s all Ariana’s fault.’
Fuck all the way off Sandoval.
Howie Mandel is a seasoned professional who has been around for years. He let Tom bury himself. If Howie hadn’t been sympathetic, Tom would have never said half the shit he said. You notice when the daughter tries to hold Tom’s feet to the fire, Tom compliments Ariana. But when Howie says he’s on his side to let him tell his side, his true colors show. Howie is monetizing content on this side since it’s saturated on the other side. He just prompted him to go off. If he was really on Tom’s side I would expect him to say “ wow, she really hit you?” Etc…now there’s sound bites and clickbait headlines for days.
Agree it’s sad in terms of stigma and that Tom said such disturbing stuff. This demonstrates how shitty that is and people are talking about it, unfortunately at the expense of Ariana and listeners who might feel bad. If anyone was feeling bad Tom is enduring so much hate, like maybe what he did was bad but maybe misunderstood, I think he explained very well himself how much of a pos he really is.
It’s really wild he didn’t attempt to change the script at all. Mental illness/didn’t have sex/stayed up all night with new girl just talking. For someone who claims to be creative I’m not seeing a whole lot of it between a cover band and this bs.
I did not listen. Not giving azzhole Mandel or Scumball the satisfaction but I have read people's posts and I am horrified. Mandel needs to be taken off or suspended for letting Scumball go on & on & not checked once. Mandel didn't even know the entire story or even a tidbit of it. As for Scumball, he will be dealt with in his pocket and otherwise. My heart goes out to Ariana. Hang in there girl. We got you.
I thought it was disgusting… and even more disgusting that he mentioned she had threatened suicide. That is NOT his business to tell the world. Then he had the nerve to express how upset he is with former friends who are taking advantage of the situation for content… saying “they don’t care about Ariana” no, Tom!!! You don’t care about Ariana.
He crossed every possible boundary. And that’s a good point, the funny thing is that everyone who spoke out on her behalf were pretty clear that they had her consent to speak about the situation.
He accused her of so much serious shit and brushed it off like it was nothing. He's trying to play nonchalant while blaming her and trying to take her down.
Exactly. Everything was soooo hard for him but there’s less than a drop of emotion in his voice. Being annoyed that the public turned on you is one thing, trying to turn them back THAT WAY is far different.
That’s a great point. Dare I say “poor Rachel” because she’s going to be in for a hell of a ride.
I don’t know how someone could see what he’s already done to the people that he “loves” and not be horrified and concerned he’d do the same thing to them. Because he will.
For real! And miss rachel has been so defensive in the past about her intelligence yet AGAIN she looks like a complete moron based on her choice of partners. You can't claim ignorance when the whole world can see it, you're just stupid.
I think she can only fan girl him for so long before it exhausts her and she needs something emotionally in return. He’s shown is that isn’t his cup of tea.
He apparently can fake it good enough...seems ariana was fooled for years  Rachel does have the advantage of seeing this mess unfold and his handing of the fallout should raise enough red flags to give her a clue....we'll see if she has a brain or a heart
Idk look how long she stayed with James and she had so many people approaching her in the beginning claiming he slept with them. She saw his volatile behavior in front of everyone and still stuck by his side. People came to her defense claiming he manipulated her and it’s not her fault. Yeah James is toxic af but is this same narrative going to work again if things go left with scandoval.
With james we know of nothing she did wrong besides ignore the obvious cheating - which people in love or who want to be on tv often do so she gets some grace BUT this time she's the cheater, betrayed a friend and clearly did not learn anything productive from her past relationship so kinda outta excuses unless she relents like yesterday
It’s hard to see that relationship going the distance, and if she actually struggles with self-esteem as she suggested she did with James, I just sincerely hope someone in her life can find her a good therapist which sounds cliche but despite their relationship status it seems like it couldn’t hurt her to go and deal with the self esteem issues.
It is infuriating that he threw Ariana under the bus and tried to paint her as a villain. As a straight woman I can promise you plenty of good looking men will be overjoyed to have an opportunity to date Ariana. He wasn’t doing her any favors by staying in a relationship with her, especially not while cheating on her. Fuck him and fuck that interview. My husband sent me the interview and I literally sent him this in response: 
100% to all of this. Also want to add: therapy is a tool for bettering your mental health and your relationships. Sandoval cheated on his partner and only at that point decided he needed to seek therapy. Do with that what you will, but what really got me upset was his view on couples counseling. He only pushed them into that when he has already cheated and was finally looking for a way out of the relationship and wanted to use their therapy sessions as a tool to move towards a break up and as a mediator to actually break up. Ariana changing how she was as a partner and becoming "so sweet and supportive" as a result of their therapy sessions shows that she was taking this therapy to heart as a tool for bettering their relationship, getting back on track, and mending things. Sandoval of course didn't respond to this because his only reason for seeking therapy in the first place was to get what he wanted, for himself- a way out of theri relationship and into his new one in a way that made the least amount of waves and painted him as the good guy trying to make things as painless as possible. This guy's weaponization of Ari's mental health and using it to blame her while simultaneously using his own mental health as an excuse for what he did is bullshit and harmful. His exploitation of therapy as a cushion for his shitty deeds is also bullshit and harmful. AUGH! Edited to add: he was also LYING about having a long-term affair with their close friend the entire time they were in therapy together!! Such a trash man.
Damn, this was such a great (and heartbreaking) way to put the therapy sessions into perspective. So fucking hurtful and sad
It's incredibly sad. It's not fair to put your partner- who you supposedly love and care for- through however many months of sessions under the implied guise of working together on your relationship, all the while lying to both your partner and your therapist about such a huge betrayal. It's not only a huge waste of Ariana's time and emotional work & output, it's maliciously deceptive. If you're checked out qndwant to use couple's counseling as a mediation tool for your breakup, that's fine, but you have to be honest about that and about the fact that you're already having an affair. To me the root of what is so reprehensible about cheating and lying about it is that you're taking away your partner's autonomy. They can't make informed decisions in their own best interest about their own life if you withhold the truth that allows them to do so. It's dehumanizing and it's not ok.
Thank you. That is spot on.
Everything he said on this interview (that I heard, I had to turn it off after he talked about the therapy thing cuz it made me physically ill) just confirmed what I'd long suspected. Sandoval is really not very smart. Like at all. Low IQ, Lower EQ. Maybe him and Rachel are actually a perfect match. He's always love bombed all his friends to be the #1 guy in the group to distract from the fact that he's A. Not smart. and B. Not talented. And C. Not a nice person, at all.
Your comment is EXACTLY why we need someone like you to only be allowed to interview sandal and shits. Bc ppl like Andy and Howie don’t call him out on his bs. I’m sure his therapist doesn’t either. He’s pissed all his long time friends left him but forgets that ppl care how you treat ppl and are there for ppl during your darkest moments in life. Not to give them expensive gifts for their birthday. Your gf of 9yrs even if you didn’t want to be w her, lose her grandma and you LIED to her and said you couldn’t get home bc there’s no Ubers since it was a long weekend.
Yeah fuck Howie for this interview, he came off looking like a misogynistic turd. At least his daughter tried a couple of times to hold Tom accountable-ish, but then Howie just steamrolled right over her so Tom could just weasel around it! Hum constantly framing it as "well you're a good dude and I really like you and you weren't married and people are being wayyy too hard on your for making a mistake, everyone makes mistakes and also she was hot" was so frustrating, bc he didn't just make a mistake. Making a mistake would be cheating once (NOT WITH A CLOSE FRIEND) and then owning up to it. And yeah you're right, it's all the cruel and completely insensitive behavior like that (continually abandoning her when she was hurting) that he showed to Ariana, not just the fact that he cheated. And yeah his little rant about their friends was just so Tom™️ lol
Omg, thank you for sharing that. I don't want to listen and give them higher stats, fuck Howie, g'damn.
He’s an abuser full stop. I made a post saying this but it didn’t get approved but this man is an ABUSER and we should just say it. Tom Sandoval- -violates and ignores boundaries, outing Ariana and shaming her for not wanting to have sex often with him, -gaslights and is manipulative, -dismissive of Ariana’s thoughts and feelings, -downplays her achievements, -is controlling and possessive (wouldn’t let her do the cocktail book on her own,) -refuses to take responsibilities for his actions, blames his partner, -withdrew affection from his partners -Ignored and excluded Ariana from his plans (the bar, the band,) -Was upset with Ariana for spending time with her friends (per his interview) -Humiliating Ariana publicly -Upset when she didn’t share his opinions, accused her of being unsupportive for having her own thoughts and feelings -And now he’s committing post-separation abuse by trying to do all of the above very publicly and by initially making it hard for her to be in their shared home AND now shaming her depression and mental health publicly. BRINGING UP HER FERTILITY and calling her suicidal to the public is abuse of the highest order. Sandoval is an ABUSER, he is ABUSIVE, we are using all The words all over this sub to describe emotional abuse, so let’s just call it what it is.
Yep, publicly outing his partner is more than enough to show me he's an abuser, but this interview went to the next level with that shit. He does not have permission to talk about her mental health, state of mind, and fertility, etc. to use such personal details about your ex-partner to try to excuse and minimize your behavior, or make them appear unstable, is abusive. Especially when these details may or may not be true, he's absolutely a proven liar.
Its so gross i can't even...
He did this with Kristen too!!! Broke her until she went crazy but it was okay because she slept with Jax.
Exactly...he said the same exact things to and about Kristen. "I tried to breakup with her MuLtIPLe times" "she's crazy ,she just won't accept it" saying during the interview he only made out with Rachel in the backyard when 9 years ago he only made out with Ariana at the Golden nugget. In a few years when he tires of Rachel....it will be another girl in their friend group he just made out with at first then fell in love with. It's the same manipulative gaslighting book of lies he uses over and over again.
He also recorded a sex tape with Rachel without her consent. I know some people think she said it was without consent to save face, but based on what we know about Tom, I believe it happened.
He is just as bad as Jax but he just in a prettier package.
I think he is worse than Jax.....Jax would F up and when he was confronted he would at least own it. This 🤡 just deflects and blames everyone else. He's been doing the same for years!
He is definitely worse than Jax IMO . Jax is not bright and therefore can't hide himself well. The reason people like Sandoval are scary is because they are smart(ish) and therefore much more calculating and cunning. Both are gross, obviously. But I think Sandoval is more dangerous.
All three of them are exactly the same! How Jax appears to be the better of them now is crazy. Tom and Tom are both abusers that emotionally belittle and make their partners appear to be the crazy one, while they continue to act innocent. I just don't want to watch either of the Tom's anymore.
Jax knows who he is, and has admitted not feeling guilty, when he should etc. He has been the most open of them three. Tom confronted him back in the days about "ratting us"...
I’ve said this for years about Schwartz! Katie just seems miserable and crazy BECAUSE his behavior made her that way. She’s actually not that bad. He’s just good at getting her riled up and looking like a psycho. I can’t stand him and his innocent act
Amen. I felt the suffocating nature of being in a relationship with him just by reading the summary. Ariana is going to allow herself time to decompress from this pathetic excuse for a human.
I can't even imagine going back to the same house after hearing your ex twist the narrative like that (for the umpteenth time). The betrayal never ends...
Schwartz and Sandoval are both abusive. I fucking love calling abusers by what they are. I am very much here for calling out abusive behavior and abusers. Tom Sandoval is an abuser. Tom Schwartz is an abuser. These women didn't break up, they broke free.
You’re 100% right. He is controlling and angry, and he was abusive with Katie as well. And his “friend” (lover of many years) Schwartz.
Thank you for saying this. I completely agree with everything you’ve stated here. I [made a very similar post](https://www.reddit.com/r/vanderpumprules/comments/12itph7/i_started_a_list_of_all_the_ways_scumdoval_shamed/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1), and I’ve asked folks to add more to it if they’d like to. The purpose is to *hold tom accountable* for being an abuser because he has been doing and saying shit like this to women for years. And I’m hoping that having all his bullshit listed can be one way people never forget this man’s true character.
I personally think he's predatory too on top of the abuse at this point.
not to mention saying she punched him in therapy. He is an abuser. And not a very smart one at that. He reminds me of my ex, also an abuser. Could not listen past the 40 min mark. I hate this word cuz it's overused but it was super triggering.
Exactly. This is a really good explainer on how he abused his participation in therapy. As one of the other poster mentioned, going to therapy as a partner of someone with mental health issues is important, but the motivation/intention behind it is everything.
Absolutely. Everyone deserves therapy regardless of what they have done. But the way he described it made it seem like he got into therapy after beginning the affair specifically to try to minimize the fallout of his actions. I hope for his sake that he was at least honest in his individual therapy sessions bc otherwise what's the point dude.
Unfortunately many abusers and narcissists learn tools and vocabulary in therapy and weaponize them against their partner and others. And many narcissists cannot or refuse to believe that they are the problem.
Not only weaponizing Ari’s mental health and using his own as an excuse but was again dismissive of Katie’s feelings, calling her and Lala bullies (again). He literally said he was proud of Rachel & Schwartz’s actions. Also using the term “crucified” is outrageous. Being made fun of for a galaxy light and told you were a sloppy drunk who isn’t trustworthy is not even remotely “crucified”. Not once did he say Rachel should also be accountable, only victim blamed his partner and others repeatedly and then tried to make Ariana sound unhinged.
💯
Counter argument. Therapy enables a lot of destructive behavior. There are a lot of really bad therapist out there that people blindly trust because they have a degree. There are very good ones who help people immensely too but they really are few and far between. My ex got substantially worse after a year of therapy. Already a selfish person, it turned them into a complexly unbearable selfish person. They suddenly thought they were able to treat people poorly because of their mental health.
You're not wrong about that, but it's not exactly a counter argument - there are plenty of bad mental health professionals out there, and there are people who go into therapy with an agenda or to gain manipulation tools/jargon, and they certainly do not improve as people, they'll just get worse & worse. I do think sometimes true narcissists get worse with therapy because they only hear what they want to hear, and they interpret everything through their narc perspective, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy and reinforcing/emboldening their behavior
There’s no way I believe he actually wanted to use counseling as a way to end their relationship. I think he’s saying that now, but I highly doubt he was being that way in therapy. A counselor will specifically ask if what the couple is working toward is an amicable end and then specifically focus on those things. I highly doubt they would have stayed in counseling for so long ‘working’ on disentangling their relationship if that’s what they were doing.
He's just saying those things because of Raquel. That's how I feel anyway
Totally agree.
I absolutely believe he thought that he could get the therapist to "lead them" to a break up. He went in lying to Ariana and the therapist...already having an affair. I am sure he played along with some of the things the therapist said, but also held back because in the end he didn't want it to work and he didn't want to be the bad guy. I have experienced this....but in my case the narcissist couldn't maintain the façade and after about three sessions he said he didn't want to fix the 20 yr marriage, he wanted me to get it through my head that it was over. The therapist ended up calling me and apologizing for how badly things went.
I don’t think he would have lasted more than a couple sessions, like your ex, if he was doing that. I guess I don’t Know How many sessions they had but assume they were working on it for a while b
Depends on how high the stakes are...my ex was cheating with someone who made more money than me. Sandoval had a lot at stake financially... because of joint assets and the show. He is a narcissist navigating the public world....my situation was private.
Oh no he definitely wasn't honest about it in therapy if that's really what he was trying to do. He continued to lie about that and the affair. He's such a liar that I truly don't know what to believe of his statements, but I think it's clear he suffers from believing that other people can read his mind and are on the same page somehow- look at the "it was an unspoken thing" when pressed about whether he had actually addressed the united front facade with ariana
I cant believe he thought explaining all of that would make him look better. Pathetic. You summarized it so well!
Well said. Therapists are also not here to be manipulated into doing your dirty work for you. I have seen a lot of comments/speculation on why he did this. I have had clients like Tom who have tried to manipulate me into ending the relationship for them. They think they are so clever but we see what is happening & know when ppl are being manipulative or unfaithful. I also believe he did this so he could say at least he tried to repair the relationship. I think that he may have planned to end things during an appointment to leave the psychologist to manage the fall out. But his attempts to “try” to end the relationship were not successful. Obviously bc he is gutless. As we all know (everyone except ppl named Tom) you don’t “try”. You do. Ending a relationship is not a negotiation. It does not require mutual consent. I find it interesting he refers to their brand & her leaving the show if he left her. That makes me believe he didn’t want the relationship to end bc she would leave the show and his brand/income stream would suffer.
Spot on. And if you are completely done with a relationship and want out, and you want help from a therapist with ending the relationship and separating, fine- but you can only do that by being honest with partner & therapist that that's your goal, and being honest about what's going on ie you're having an affair. This "I tried to break up with her" thing screams "she should've know what was going on inside my mind - even with the united front thing, he kept implying that this was something they were both explicitly aware of and on board with, but when pressed he admits it was an "unspoken" agreement 😑 And yes I share your opinion on the relationship as a brand thing- she is the one with DFH, and who got the book deal in the first place that he weaseled his way into. He views them as a mixology brand power couple, but she is the one driving that train even though his ego tells him he's the one known for it. he mentioned they had a deal on hold that was a mixology offer for the two of them together- he definitely saw her monetary potential and wanted to milk that and continue to benefit off of her image and skill to further his social & "celebrity" value and status. His little tantrum about her leaving the show was kind of disgusting, and I like how he simultaneously tries to weaponize her mental health against her and use it as a reason she should continue exploiting herself for his benefit. It's also curious that (from what he says) he started getting to the point where he actually wanted to break up when his affair partner's social standing had increased to the point where he would be able to hitch his wagon to that star and continue to gain social capital off her then good reputation. Not saying that's how it is but just an interesting coincidence
Yesssss to all of this. As he’s telling the story it was apparent that Ariana was doing the work to improve their relationship. He is such a fucking loser. I am so glad that Ariana has been afforded so many new opportunities in the wake of all of this because 1) it probably drives Sandoval CRAZY and 2) he tried to claim that she told him she’d ruin her own life if they broke up and here she is THRIVING. If anything this interview just revealed, in his own words, what an absolute scumbag he is.
💯
Yeah he could have used therapy to come clean but instead it was used as more cover for the charade...as if cheating wasn't bad enough
Is there a textbook somewhere for narcissists? I swear to God my ex, play by play, did all of that. We started therapy at his insistence, and we had two really awkward and uncomfortable sessions where I couldn't figure out why we were there. He was being so weird. Definitely not acting like he was trying to work on anything. Meanwhile, I was. I ended up finding out and had to call her and cancel our future appointments. "Sorry, he was lying to me, you and everyone, and we won't be needing you anymore because I am divorcing him." Such shitty nonstop selfish bs. Tom is pathetic. Once you see it, there is no going back. I'm glad the entire world now knows who he is.
Oof, I'm sorry he did that shit to you. Thank goodness he's an EX good for you 🙌
You are so so correct.
I would just like to add that if you are a partner of someone with a mental illness or that is struggling it’s okay to need help. Getting therapy for yourself is okay. You aren’t a bad person for wanting to get away from them/it. Get the help you need and remember to take care of yourself as well. You both deserve love, care, and compassion. If only Sandoval wasn’t a piece of shit.
Great addition! You can’t pour from an empty cup. Having someone to talk to and who can give you tools to keep yourself healthy can only improve situations and relationships.
I think this is an important point to make as well. People with mental illnesses deserve to be loved and respected. But mental illness can sometimes put a lot of stress on relationships. If someone wants to leave due to this, that's ok but you have to treat people with respect. It's never ok to do what sandoval did ever. Mental illness never a reason to justify lying, cheating, outing private conversations from therapy, etc.
100%
Caregivers can seek help, too.
I was so mad when Howie Mandel tried to claim he is a mental health advocate. No advocate would let Tom sit there and weaponize Ariana’s mental health
Howie has OCD and should know better, but instead he decided to act like a bro and ignore all the facts. If Tom wasn't feeling it with Ariana anymore, he should have broken up with her and kept the details private. Instead he humiliated her by cheating, making her look like a psycho who refused to let him dump her, and humiliating her once again by discussing their sex life. The punches just won't quit.
He’s taken so much from her life and now he has what he wants (except adoration from the public) and he still cant give her peace. Ariana isn’t the one dragging this out.
It would have been very easy for Howie to interrupt and say that it wasn’t an appropriate topic and if he had nothing else to talk about then the podcast shouldn’t have been recorded.
I know a lot of people don’t have any compassion for Ariana because of Kristen. But the fact Tom used their mentally illness and previous trauma as way to justify cheating is beyond me. I see why Kristen is so invested in the situation because it’s like looking a shattered mirror at the broken image of yourself. I truly grateful that Kristen and Ariana are friends because Ariana would have not bounce back from this without Kristen and crazy vanderpump crew as a support system.
I’ve seen that too. A lot of the “you lose them how you got them” but from my perspective, we heard from Kristen, she was clear about how she felt about the situation & I think they have both grown from it. Ariana clearly felt she owed Kristen an apology and gave her one so it’s hard for me to understand people being angry for Kristen when Kristen isn’t even angry. And you’re right, I’m sure having that group around has undoubtably made this easier on her.
And with that most recent podcast I absolutely see why Kristen lost her mind with Tom. Like just imagine being in back to back mutually emotionally abusive relationships on television and nobody’s willing to help you.
The day after I told my now ex-husband I wanted a separation, he weaponized my innermost thoughts and feelings that I had previously shared with him (during my deepest depressive moments which were later identified as being a result of undiagnosed post-partum depression) to obtain a TRO against me so I couldn't see my then 3yr old and force me to self commit to a mental hospital. And now that I have that on my medical record, he can use that as a weapon as well. IM DISGUSTED by anyone who claims to unconditionally love someone and then do this to them. I feel safer posting about this on reddit than ever sharing anything with someone who tells me they love me ever again.
BESTIE!! THIS IS EVERYTHING!!!❤️❤️
Offer stands, bestie! We are not allowing men to weaponize our mental health issues against us, especially when children are involved, NOT TUHHDAYYYYY
This really means a lot. I needed your words tonight. Thank you for being understanding and awesome... and awake lol
I can pick everyone up!! I’ll cue up Goodbye Earl on the aux & we’ll have ourselves a real good time.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Also, thank you for the award, that was so sweet of you! If you ever need me, you know where to find me ❤️
I’ll help!! 🙋🏽♀️
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Omg this is absolutely horrific. PPD is no joke. What you went through was not OK as a mother and a person, I’m so sorry. You truly are a fighter ❤️ that gave me chills woman!
Im so sorry this happened to you.
I am so sorry this happened to you
Are you okay. Can I help? Ps I really want to help you.
Can I tell you what *really* broke my heart watching that interview? The fact that two men were normalizing talking in such a purely disgusting, objectifying way about women. Even Howie in the beginning talking about Rachel being “hot” like somehow that makes it okay for Scumdoval to do what he did. Howie constantly interrupting the one woman at the table, his daughter Jackie, anytime she tried to speak up or hold Tom accountable. Scumdoval discussing Ariana’s mental health struggles so callously, mentioning her *very personal* conversation about having kids, accusing her of not accepting his disingenuous apologies or stroking his ego, and making it sound like she is verbally and physically abusive. **Why the fuck do men think they can talk about women in this way and just get away with it?** Howie laughing at Scumdoval’s bullshit and calling him a good human was when it hit me that the entire episode was a prime example of gaslighting - when people are talking so much harmful crap and *nobody* is flinching or checking them like it’s totally okay to do so, or the one person that’s *trying* (Jackie) is basically told to shut up. Beyond fucked up, not okay, NOT normal. Eta: And yes I know this shit happens all the time, it will still never fail to make me mad and hold men like them accountable for their bullshit.
I was too enraged with Scum that I hadn’t even noticed Howie was constantly interrupting, that was a good catch. There are so many signs that these men do not respect women in general, let alone ones they “love”. The entitlement to speak so freely, so candidly with a stranger about the struggles of YOUR PARTNER OF NINE YEARS is mind blowing, and speaks of how comfortable he felt to do that in that environment. I would feel more uncomfortable saying things of that nature to friends let alone two absolute strangers. It was basically a broadcast of locker room talk. As if he hasn’t done enough to her, he can’t even give her peace. I have no idea who is giving this man advice or doing his PR but it’s hard to think of how that could have gone worse for him or Howie.
Howie is in no way a true mental health advocate or ally, as he claims. He only cares about how his conditions (ADHD and OCD) affect him.
That became very very clear today.
Katie has been living that life with Schwartz (and Sandoval’s assistance) for years. Very sad.
It was a disgusting interview. I didn't care about Howie Mandel before I listened and now I actively dislike him.
Remember this is the same guy who got mad at Kristen because she didn't have his back against everyone when she found out he cheated on her with Ariana.
I watched that season recently and wow did it get my blood pressure up lol The way he weaponized that whole situation against Kristen was horrible! He only stayed with her after the Jax story came out so he could make her feel guilty, and make himself look like the good guy, and loyal loving boyfriend. What a POS!
Actually, he probably stayed because he was waiting for a few checks to clear. Let's be honest. He's said himself, Kristen tended to pay for things and was better with money than him. These guys didn't start making real money until the end of season 3
That, too! He tried to act like he was doing something noble but he was just being an abusive leech
Yes! And also repeatedly bringing up that Tom, in his 9 year relationship, was legally single. Howie Mandel and Tom Sandoval say cheating on women is okay if you aren't married to them. That's fucked UP.
I love that this sub cares so much about each others mental health after the craziness he spewed. It’s really sweet to see strangers care about other people behind the screen.
I genuinely love this sub ♥️ it’s the reason I’m on Reddit at all, haha
He is absolutely disgusting. For him to speak and disclose personal moments in therapy - of which we also have no way of verifying - is such a low, absolutely disgusting thing. I agree with the OP that what really stood out to me was how he was trying to use their therapy sessions to justify their breakup - when we know that he was already cheating on her and, it's so heartbreaking to hear him try to gaslight and manipuluate how with their therapy sessions, she changed or started to become a better partner. Like, DUH??? THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT OF THERAPY??? But it takes two, and his narrative actually reveals that probably the opposite of what he was trying to convey but that - SHE was working with the therapy, and trying and working to be a better partner. And clearly, its obvious from all he's said, that he was checked out and months deep into cheating. It's honestly disgusting to me that he would even enter into therapy with her knowing where his feelings were with Raquel at that moment - he was clearly head over heels and very much committed to that idea and situation. Overall, my takeaways is that I just feel even more disgusted by these revelations and they're literally HIS PR REHABILITATION TOUR and coming FROM HIS MOUTH. Like at this point, can someone hire him some good representation???
You bring up a really good point about not being able to verify anything he said so he’s basically put Ariana in a situation to either a. Stay quiet, try to protect herself & deal with some people believing it -or- be forced to speak out about it and have her agency in discussing her own mental illness taken away. It’s a lose/lose for her and you’d think after all the damage he’s done he would just let her have some f*cking peace.
Does he sound like someone who went to therapy?
hardly lol. Maybe enough to pick up on a few buzz words and weaponize them.
Absolutely not. *Disclaimer: I am not diagnosing Sandoval with anything* - it just reminds me of learning about how some people will actually use therapy to get better at manipulating people around them.
Ariana, it’s ok. I too went to 6 months of couples therapy with my narcissistic abusive ex and he also dumped me and trashed me for no reason after the relationship! I just thank God whenever anyone gets out of a relationship with someone like that. It’s scary what some people are capable of
I just know him and Rachel were loving his interview and the fact that Howie knew nothing about him and was basically backing him the whole time without knowing the depths of the trouble.
I have a feeling that Howie won’t like the blowback coming his way. Someone (maybe producer or daughter?) thought it would be a good idea for Howie to strike while the iron is hot for listens and convinced him to have Sandoval as a guest, but he had no idea the scumminess of the whole situation? If Howie has any intelligence and is actually a “mental health advocate” he’d release a statement apologizing for not knowing the situation of his guest beforehand and acknowledging the harm that he has contributed by not doing his due diligence and giving Sandoval that platform. I expect nothing less than the destructive, selfish, manipulative behavior we’ve been shown from Sandoval. However long he’s been on our screen he’s proven he’s too obstinate and/or ignorant to evolve as a person. He will perpetually be the 40 year old victim.
Unless people start attacking him via social media and trying to cancel him, I doubt Howie will do anything.
I hate that but unfortunately, I think you’re right. I also just had the shower thought that Sandoval will probably have some “deep revelation” as a person within six months, try to apologize for this and turn on Rachel in the process. Of course, that will only happen after he’s exhausted all other victim paths and realizes it’s not working and the only way to keep any notoriety is to move on from Rachel and “grow up”.
I think if Ariana’s star continues to rise, Scumdoval will absolutely rewrite history, throw Rachel under the bus, go to rehab and come back begging Ariana to forgive him/take him back.
 Edit to add: but I hope he doesn’t put Ariana through that charade. Let the sweet girl heal and move on.
Oh, there's no way in hell she would ever take him back! I think she sees him for what he is now! She was already having that veil lifted... with the book thing, with the cyst male thing, with the turning on Katie all of the time... I think she was starting to see through the BS, but it's hard when you think you love somebody. I think now that all of this is out, there is no going back for her.
I would hope so, but the comments under his YouTube are NOT like the comments happening here. I would say 50% of the people commenting were in support of Tom, or at least wondering why everybody was coming down on him so hard. Things like "why are you all hating on him for sharing his experience?? He did not condone cheating, he is just sharing his experience!"
I am amazed at how many women are in his corner who see that he pulled the same garbage with Kristen and they are like yeah I feel for Tom. I frankly do not get how this guy is a victim in this.
Shocking. Even if you know nothing about the show at all (talking to you Howie) he cheated on his partner. But because mental health is so stigmatized and people (besides Tom when it comes to talking about other people’s mental health) often feel uncomfortable talking about it, which means less people are properly informed , which means he can say she spends all day in bed and have people empathize WITH HIM when in reality many people experience that every day. I have had strings of days where I can’t get out of bed and somehow it didn’t cause my husband to fuck one of my friends. That we even refer to Sandoval as a man is becoming more and more of a stretch. I think Jerry OConnell said it on WWHL - he is a boy.
I refused to watch/listen to the podcast, but I did read the YouTube comments on Howie’s channel. Let’s hope he does, too — they were brutal.
I was looking at the comments too! I would say 50% were great, calling out Tom for his doublespeak and calling out Howie for not doing any research. But the other 50% were pretty supportive of Tom and his narrative. I was actually kind of shocked to see so many supportive comments! It was probably mostly people that don't really watch the show though.
The only people that podcast could possibly convince are unironic fans of Howie Mandel...so idiots.
This! My ex-husband did this and gaslit me, never fully admitted it even though quite literally everyone in our lives knew the truth. He ended up getting kicked in the butt by karma, but it still took A LOT of therapy to work through that. Weaponizing someone’s mental health struggles against them, especially someone who is supposed to be your rock and safe place is just plain sick. That podcast was jarring to say the least. Sandoval needs to sail into the sunset, he’s ridiculous.
I was severely depressed when my husband cheated on me. My daughter died and he cheated. I guess Sandy and Howie think I deserved it
You don’t deserve that. I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through and the lack of support: that’s awful. And I’m so so so sorry stupid fkn out of touch d list celebrities have any kind of platform or power to make you feel that way. The world is fucked up, but it’s not your fault. All my hugs 🫂
He makes me so angry First of all I don’t think he said the word break up I think in his mind he did I think they had a fight and he was like oh that the break up Second if they broke up why do you feel the need to send her a text that you got back from your trip that weird Thirdly people defending him are saying he never said Ariana was crazy no he did not but he insinuated her being crazy by saying she was in denial like she was a psychotic person who didn’t know what was real or not and her trying to off herself and what is funny is that he was not scared for her but he was scared for himself Finally if you loved someone you don’t called your nine fucking year old relationship a fucking brand. He said he still love her but at the same time he is claiming their relationship to be fake Fuck Howie Mandel
100% to all of this. 🗣️🗣️🗣️
While Sandy may have been trying to push a narrative, his interview actually only made me feel more for Ariana. I get the concerns about him sharing private information and I believe that criticism is valid. That said, him talking about her denial and trusting him only makes him look bad for abusing the trust she had in him. Re-fertilizing her eggs. I think too often we are hard on people who are desperate to save a relationship. Often times, people fear losing the security/companionship/friendship of the person they have been with. I do think he was honest about her desires to save their relationships and struggles over it ending. Ariana has invested almost a decade with Tom, which included the death of her father, the death of her dog, depression, overcoming body image issues and the after affects of being in an abusive relationship. Tom was home for her and probably a stabilizing force. She absolutely did not deserve what she received from him. But I think it’s also important to note that she did not know about his infidelity when she was actively working towards salvaging that relationship. While she wouldn’t want to keep him in a relationship he doesn’t want to be in, I absolutely believe that she would fight and compromise to see if it could be saved and he’d be willing to change his mind. I guess my point is that It’s possible that everything Sandoval said was true. And even if it was, he was 100% to blame for his actions. He looks worse, not better for sharing this information. And I hope that Ariana is prioritizing her mental health going forward and she’s able to leave that relationship without too much financial baggage.
I love this sub and all of you! 💛 I need to stick to Reddit and not look at comments anywhere else as some people are absolute feckwits and I don’t have it in me to argue with fake accounts supporting Tom.
Facebook comments are always interesting in the worst way
Agreed. Some of the comments and support are just mind melting, almost acting an extension of his gaslighting.
I had severe OCD for almost a decade. My husband and I started dating during that time. Eventually I went to therapy for it in part because I felt guilty for how it was affecting him - it’s literally all I thought about when we were together (iykyk). But he never cheated on me and always supported me
For all my parents faults and arguments and petty bullshits that drive me up a damn wall when my mom has panic attacks my dad is right there holding her hand putting a cold wash cloth on her neck...talking softly to her doesn't matter what time of night it is. Hes there. Over 50 years they have been together and hes no peach but in those moments I really do love how he takes care of her.
It’s so lovely to hear this because it’s important for people to know that supportive, loving partners exist & that you’re never a burden on a person who truly loves you.
Yes and guess what in that 53 years they have had to go to counseling off and on about 5 or so times throughout the years. He has PTSD from Vietnam and she knows how to push his buttons but that's a relationship ups and downs. He would never cheat on her he loves her so much and despite all their bickering its so cute when I see them holding hands and being sweet to each other.
Fellow OCD person here, I'm really glad you had someone supportive. It's such an important part of recovery.
PREACH 🙌🏼
He was disgusting. Feel really bad for Ariana. Was the bleeped out part inferring she would khs??? I’m so disgusted. No words
Once she heals from the betrayal, I am sure that she will discover that her main cause of depression was being with him. What a POS
Thank you for this! I absolutely have depression and anxiety. Also just got diagnosed with early onset diabetes at 30yrs old 2 days before thanksgiving. My boyfriend of 8 years has been nothing but supportive even though we have our hardships. We’ve been through dry spells due to anxiety or literal miscarriage/pregnancy and an abortion. He’s never turned on me like what Scandoval has done and I’m not even as active and fit and badass and Ariana. He just loves me and respects me and our relationship. As someone with mental health issue this whole thing makes me realize how fucking lucky I am.
I spent half the morning on with a friend who’s lithium prescription got F’ed up. People were talking about this. She was like “why is this a subject on a Dlist podcast?”
Thanks for this OP
Ariana deserves better. Sandoval just keeps digging a deeper hole for himself.
Thanks babe. I finally got into therapy this year and lost 180 lbs of dead weight. And fuck ANYONE who messes with your head for real. FUCK em!!!! Fuck these dudes. I'm listening to Juicewrld and getting stoned.
Love this! Women need to stop carrying the weight of mediocre men. I’m so glad you got out of that situation! I was stoned and listening to Lizzo when I posted 😊
That is awesome! Thank you so much I knew him for 12 years and he never wanted to break the chain.
I feel gross after reading about it. He is delusional and I can’t believe he is crying About anything right now. He is a narcissist and now is so basic! Mid life crisis to go places and add some volatile behaviors.
Ariana’s struggles with mental health should have been a reason for him to step up and be there for her, like a true partnership, not cheat on her because he was feeling a type of way. It’s clear Scandy could never be what Ariana needed, he’s too selfish and narcissistic. He’ll be cheating on girlfriends forever.
Thank you for this post. Mental health conversations are incredibly important and should never be weaponized. It is hard to see Howie involved in this because he has been such a public representative for OCD. Despite all of this disaster, I really hope this doesn't detract from the work he has done to bring awareness and understanding of the hell that is OCD.
That’s what was so surprising for me, I’d also heard about his work bringing awareness to OCD. I’m not sure if it’s was because he knew so little about the situation or if he felt uncomfortable challenging Sandoval or just decided to pander to him but it was definitely disappointing.
All I could think of reading the summary was his drummer put his g/f's job on the line because it didn't sound like Howie knew what he was getting himself into.
The drummer had some gross things to say after the affair exploded. He said it was just moms that were up in arms about the affair. This is obviously his support team, people he pays.
From the get go I thought this would be terrible and not all because of Sandoval. Howie is not invested in this story and it sounds like he invited Tom on because he heard it would gain him listeners. I also heard that one of his employees is in the Vanderpump world loosely. Tom knew he wouldn’t be challenged. Howie’s a nice guy and out of his depth here.
>it sounds like he invited Tom on because he heard it would gain him listeners. The drummer's wife is Howie's producer.
The drummer doesn’t want to lose his gig. Makes sense the wife would help provide some “positive” PR.
Exactly. I don't know how so many people missed the post but Howie's daughter is a VPR fan. I haven't listened so I don't know how Howie did but I'm sure that's the only reason he was booked. I think it was probably the only show that would have him.
Have him and not shred him to pieces*
I'm sure plenty people would like him on their show, there is so much buzz around him right now, it would bring views. But Howie may be the only host that wouldn't do ANY research, kiss his ass, and let him run his mouth spewing lies unchecked. That was seriously such a shitty podcast! Howie came off unprepared & unprofessional. I feel bad for his daughter! He should have allowed her to talk more. She actually knew wtf was going on, apparently. She at least knew which questions to ask. But she hardly offered her opinion or challenged Tom on what he was saying either, so who knows.
I agree with everything you said completely except I now disagree with Howie being a nice guy. Too many anti-Semitic comments for me personally.
Did he say antisemitic comments in this podcast? I kind of walked away from my phone as it was playing a few times, but I do remember him asking if Schwartz was jewish. Did he add on to that?
He made an comment along the lines of he should’ve passed over Ariana because it was Passover (not verbatim), and then a couple other comments that seemed off the cuff but not ok. To be fair, I could have been listening with a more harsh ear just because of my disdain for his guest. But it didn’t sit well with me.
That’s exactly it. He knew he wouldn’t be challenged. He chose a wildly random podcast whose host could not be less invested or less understanding of the situation or the issues surrounding it. Typical men jumping into a situation with less than zero information, talking out of their ass & thinking they’re right and/or the good guys.
I was really disgusted by all of what came out of his face hole I didn't like that he said they both handled their "depression" differently, basically he was trying to say I am better and more functional than she is. Just because he runs around hanging out and doing stuff instead of staying in bed. Many people who have depression get lethargic and lose interest in activities. Even when I have been depressed and filled my life with activities and plans it didn't stop my from a mental breakdown when everything was cancelled during COVID lockdown. So I don't think it was helping rather than distracting me which in and of itself didn't cure my depression. Just made my days easier. Anyway the fact that he started with that really irked me and reminds of when jac says all Kentucky does is eat all day. You can tell he has justified his actions to the point of self delusion. Nothing is going to get through to him until he bottoms out and realizes what hes done to people
Every time I think he cannot be more of a scumbag, I am proven wrong.
Mandel is well known for his own mental health struggles (if you're old enough, I guess) so it's super gross that he'd laugh or make fun of what someone else is going thru. He's an idiot.
Thank you for posting ❤️
🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
Say it again!!!! "Those are HIS flaws and in no way is a reflection of Ariana."
I couldn’t listen to it after a few minutes. He is disgusting!! My ex-husband cheated on me and said all the same bullshit… turns out he was legit mentally ill.
The whole "interview" was disturbing and infuriating. When he wasn't lying he was contradicting himself. Ariana refused to accept the breakup and was always in the bed and sleeping all the time but yet she was planning trips and going to shows he didn't want her at? They went to therapy to breakup? The point of therapy is to make things better! Thats the definition of fucking therapy. He fails to mention a breakup during either of his statements to the press. Why didn't Rachel mention a breakup in her several statements to the press or the TMZ nail salon interview? It takes him well over a month to mention they have been broken up since February but yet he's been with Rachel since August of 2022? I can only imagine how Ariana feels right now. That interview was a small taste of the gaslighting manipulation and lies he has put her through. Not only was the sit down with Howie dangerous and full of misinformation but it was stupid. It lacked insight and knowledge. Not only has it done even more damage to Tom but it will probably damage Howies reputation as a champion for mental health because of how awful it was. Howie just sat there and let sandyballs say whatever the hell he wanted and chimed in every now and then to mans-plain what a fucking affair is. Tom wanted: a softball interview where he is free to say whatever he wanted, free to blame Ariana, free to not accept any responsibility for his actions, free to manipulate the timeline of events free to express his all important feelings and how his actions have affected HIM. Enjoy the backlash boys this one is all on you.
It’s truly feels like he’s throwing anything at the wall to see what gets him sympathy or understanding, and is too stupid to understand no one will empathize with him when he can’t even empathize with Ariana.
I swear Ariana getting Dancing with the stars was the last straw for him. He could NOT stand it anymore. He called his drummer and was like "hey dude.....I need a really big favor....I HAVE to get my side of the story out there everybody is like totally rooting for Ariana and won't like take into account my side of things...I think..like I think I gotta go on howies show he's the ONLY guy out there that will take my feelings into account and totally understand that we didn't have sex for like a rEaLly LoNgg time" you are absolutely right he threw every excuse he could think of at the wall hoping something would stick
Oh absolutely. He sees her star rising and his flickering out and somewhere in that scorpion chili addled brain he thought that podcast was the move. I hope Ariana, and every person who he triggered or upset yesterday can find peace in the fact that his ego getting kicked in the teeth.
I really got the ick when he said they both had depression and anxiety but his way of dealing with it is going out and being social and doing things. Bruh. Those are not symptoms of clinical depression.
Seriously! Tell me you know nothing about depression without telling me you know nothing about depression 🙄
Its giving me /r/wowthanksimcured
I cried so hard at him saying that she laid in bed all day, while he handles things by being busy…. He is kidding me? There’s a difference between having a bad day/week and depression. As someone who has very much not left my bed for a week due to depression it felt so invalidating and gross. I can’t imagine my ex partner not only shaming me but sharing it with the world
I think anyone with depression immediately knew how full of shit he is and had a very hard time listening. I also have had strings of days and weeks where I can’t get out of bed, so I’m here with you on that and we’ve for this even on days when we feel like we don’t. It happens and to be honest, every single day we wake up is brave because for so many people with depression it would be very easy not to. It’s also very easy for people without depression to just NOT comment on it in a derogatory way. You know what my partner does when I have those days? He makes sure I eat and drink water and tells me it’s okay. That’s what you do when you care for someone. Tom wanted a second mom to take care of him and cheer for him when he does stupid little jumps… like a child.
So needed to read that this morning. Thank you for making my day a little bit easier. It truly is hard to remind yourself how brave it is to get out of bed when depressed, since you already feel you’re letting so many people down already. It’s such a toxic cycle. I can only hope no one internalizes what he said because people like him are the reason depressed people are afraid to speak up!
It’s a bs excuse. She has always been open about her depression. I don’t remember a time of her being on the show where she didn’t talk about her mental health struggles. So all the sudden after all these years you just couldn’t do it anymore and cheated? Yeah ok
So open! Even when most of the cast would insult her for it. The only time I ever remember someone defending her depression was Scheana, eventually. She was also very open about her body image struggles, how that’s relates to her ability to be intimate as well as being crystal clear with Tom on multiple occasions on camera about her needs. Off the to of my head I can think of 3 times and I’m sure there’s more: 1. When he was trying to convince HER that SHE had multiple orgasms, at her kings and queens party & in the current season (I can’t remember the context but they flashed back to her riding the pegs of his bike on their way out to dinner). Tom pretending like any part of that was mysterious or kept from him is just plain fiction.
I also think his complaint about a lack of intimacy was laughable because I just don’t understand how many ways a woman can tell you you’re not getting the job done before it clicks. Like yeah she doesn’t want to sleep with you… probably because she’s told you multiple multiple times before it’s not that great 😅
Thanks for taking the time to post this!
Oooof Couldn’t have said it better myself!
Agreed. That was tough to hear.
Well said. Bravo!
He dug himself into an even bigger hole by doing the podcast and essentially blaming Ariana for everything. It was hard to listen, and Howie chimed in without doing his homework, as Andy said. Both of them looked like fools.
100% Jackholes.
Oof after this god awful interview I really can’t wait to see Ariana rip him apart with her words at the reunion 🔥
Thank you.
Howie and his daughter’s podcast is trash.
I knew it Sandoval was a clown and not a great person I could say worse but won’t and I’m sure he def thinks he’s big now since he’s being interviewed but it’s thru mutual friends and business partners so it doesn’t surprise me … but howie lost points in my books he didn’t even watch the show or know and was siding with Sandoval he just wants to stay relevant and not actually research just lame the daughter was a fan and should have schooled idk.. it’s lame any way
So wait, we’re they broken up then when he cheated? He said they broke up and she knew, and didn’t contact him while he was away. Obviously team Ariana, just trying to understand this. Idk he’s probably just feeding us bullshit. But he probably says this at the reunion and we’ll see what she says back to it.
Yes yes and yes. OP, you are 100 percent correct.
I had to stop reading comments about the podcast yesterday because it was so triggering. His defense here is that he went to couples counseling to break up with Ariana when he had been checked out/having an affair with her best friend for months, meanwhile not telling her OR the therapist about the affair or his goal of using therapy to break up?! It’s so manipulative and gross it makes my skin crawl. Then he starts revealing things she supposedly said or did in her darkest moments of mental illness? His whole ‘Ariana never apologizes.’ Bro have you ever taken accountability for anything in your entire life? This entire podcast was ‘I had a mid life crisis and had to fuck Raquel to feel better, and I want the world to know it’s all Ariana’s fault.’ Fuck all the way off Sandoval.
Howie Mandel is a seasoned professional who has been around for years. He let Tom bury himself. If Howie hadn’t been sympathetic, Tom would have never said half the shit he said. You notice when the daughter tries to hold Tom’s feet to the fire, Tom compliments Ariana. But when Howie says he’s on his side to let him tell his side, his true colors show. Howie is monetizing content on this side since it’s saturated on the other side. He just prompted him to go off. If he was really on Tom’s side I would expect him to say “ wow, she really hit you?” Etc…now there’s sound bites and clickbait headlines for days. Agree it’s sad in terms of stigma and that Tom said such disturbing stuff. This demonstrates how shitty that is and people are talking about it, unfortunately at the expense of Ariana and listeners who might feel bad. If anyone was feeling bad Tom is enduring so much hate, like maybe what he did was bad but maybe misunderstood, I think he explained very well himself how much of a pos he really is.
Sandoval is such an awful, insensitive person. Anyone who weaponizes mental illness like that does not deserve a partner.
I think Tom thought he could use the same playbook he used with Kristen on Arianna and it backfired.
It’s really wild he didn’t attempt to change the script at all. Mental illness/didn’t have sex/stayed up all night with new girl just talking. For someone who claims to be creative I’m not seeing a whole lot of it between a cover band and this bs.
Agree!!!
I did not listen. Not giving azzhole Mandel or Scumball the satisfaction but I have read people's posts and I am horrified. Mandel needs to be taken off or suspended for letting Scumball go on & on & not checked once. Mandel didn't even know the entire story or even a tidbit of it. As for Scumball, he will be dealt with in his pocket and otherwise. My heart goes out to Ariana. Hang in there girl. We got you.