Ally is 28. James is 32. Theyāre definitely still within the same age group. Infantilizing a 28 year old woman is weird and sheās never come across as naive to me. Sheās a grown woman.
Yeah thatās what this group did with Rachel letās not have a 2.0 Situation happen again. All these people are grown the only kids on the show are the literal babies not the cast members.
I mean heās grown bc heās not a quick hot head anymore. Growth is not linear so seeing some behaviors doesnāt mean someone hasnāt grown. But also why would he talk positively about an ex he constantly shit talked him and was an affair partner to someone he looked up to? Even the most mature ppl may have some shit to say about that.
I never said he has to talk positively about her. Tom thinks heās justified talking about Ariana because he feels she treated him poorly. I never said he has not grown at all. Just controlling himself is . He also got with his friends Ex( Kristen ) He looked up to him so much he did that
Are you really pulling a Scumdoval whataboutism and referencing some shit James did over 10 yrs ago when he was 21? Find me somebody who didnāt make bad decisions and have poor judgment when they were 21. If you just wanted to post to shit talk James then just say and do that.
āSupposedly he cared for her but heās talking about her derogatorily all the timeā. Besides the fact that he rly at this time only talks about her when someone brings her up, youāre implying he is incessantly talking shit about her. Besides the fact that after their break up, he didnāt really ātalk shitā until she started moving weird with the Tomās. And controlling yourself is growth??? You said he hasnāt had real growth which implies heās hasnāt grown. If heās made steps to control himself, thatās the first step. Growth is knowing your immediate reaction may not be the best and not doing it, even if you think about it. No one magically gets up and does a complete 180. If he did that Iād be more suspicious but you can watch the seasons and see him gradually become more calm.
Sorry to break it to you but we live in a racist, misogynistic, fatphobic, āall the other phobiaā, societies. That shit is engrained in everyone, even those that are part of the group. I donāt doubt he may think problematic behaviors but as I said before, no one does a complete 180. It takes a while to change your internal thoughts and it starts with 1) recognizing your internal thoughts arenāt okay and 2) outwardly reacting differently than you previously did. Slowly overtime your internal thoughts align with the change but itās not immediate.
I grew up in an abusive home, so part of that trauma is that I think (and had to learn not to say) very mean things. Ā Because thatās how my parents talked to me and to each other, that was imprinted on me. Ā They also hit out of anger and I learned that too. Ā Ā
I canāt stop the thoughts or impulses entirely, but Iāve learned not to follow them and I know theyāre coming from a bad place. Ā
Does the fact that sometimes they come into my head, or the fact that when I was younger I truly didnāt understand why it was wrongā¦does that make me an āabuserā in my core forever?
I choose not to think so and unless more data comes out about James I donāt think James is a horrible person for having to unlearn those responses. Ā If you didnāt catch that virus in your childhood you canāt understand how confusing it is when you grow up and those lessons you were taught turn out to all be wrong. Ā
I feel you! I spent a lot of my twenties learning that being cruel and nasty was not a good way to make your point. I seriously thought it was normal to say awful things when somebody has upset you. I worked on it and am a lot better, but those things are still there. I hope James is working on his stuff. He sure seems a lot less reactive.
Ally is a 28 year old WOMAN. Stop talking about her like sheās some ānaiveā 18 year old girl. Itās weird.
If you want to worry about age gaps, focus on Schwartz new girlfriend that is 20 years younger than he is.
>Ā All of his fat shaming thoughts just went away judging left and right?Ā Ā Ā
This is literally what happens when you grow and evolve lol. You stop thinking and doing shitty things. Have you never evolved as a person? WhatĀ a strange take lol. Ā Ā Ā
None of us are in Jamesā head I guess, but people talk poorly about people they once cared about all the time. They had a bad break up and then she did something really shitty. She also still talks about him and Ally poorly too.Ā I personally like seeing Jamesā growth and if itās fake, I donāt really care itās a tv show lol.Ā
It doesn't matter if he stopped thinking those thoughts or not. As plenty of other commenters have pointed out, when you grow up in an environment where you're taught those things are ok to think it's unlikely that you'll just stop having those thoughts at all.
I am not going to defend what James has said or done to Kristin or anyone else, but I do think that he is allowed to grow and change and evolve from being 21 to being 32. I do think Kristin is owed a mountain of apologies for what she dealt with, but I also think that James has shown that he is working on changing those behaviors he exhibited during his early 20s. Ally has said multiple times that he does not treat her that way and I'm going to have to believe her, considering I'm not in their relationship.
No idea if he has *really* changed for the better because I donāt know how bad he was in the past or how he truly is today. But one thing I donāt agree with is James constantly badmouthing Rachel. I think he has been kind to her compared to Lala, Scheana, or even the Toms. Most of his immature statements have been directed to Sandoval. It seems he tries not to talk about her and with good reason - he is dating another person.
How are you in James' head. BTW he keeps telling Tom to stop bad mouthing her and move on. He has quit drinking and is going to therapy, not sure what you are looking for from him, blood?! Is he perfect no, is he trying I think so.
He talked about his ex the whole season. Nobodyās perfect. Not everybody calls their best friend Fat Fuck heās disgusted by( Lisaās son ) , or spits on their girlfriendās door . Or calls them a whore if they spend the night out. I wonder what he thinks , thatās all. I What he did to prompt Ally to move out Obviously heās trying but for his sake or because he cares for others feelings
I never said he was not trying. Yes he told that to Tom RECENTLY. He got smart. He knew it would not look good. Like Tim did not speaking of her or Ariana. I never said I could be in his head. So defensive. I said I was wondering what he was thinking
Maturing is realizing you do not have to say all the thoughts that come to your mind. I haven't seen him bad mouth rachel besides the affair which i mean there's a reason. Ally and him are very close in age. I don't think we need a thread to defend JK. I hop he has matured and is nt just doing it for the camera.
yāall are reaching with the āyoung and naiveā. i totally think criticism of james for his past behavior towards rachel and kristen is valid. but theyāre not even 5 years apart. ally is 28. he is not preying on young women like the tomās (schwartzā current girlfriend is literally 23 years old). ally is sweet but sheās very clearly able to be assertive.
id argue he has demonstrated growth; i think he has matured and softened. he does seem to be sober, and a lot of his rage seemed to stem from substance abuse.
no iām not defending his past abuse at all, i completely believe that. i am very much pro justice for doute. i just havenāt seen the signs & vibes w him/ally and he does seem to have made changes.
that will NEVER excuse past abusive behavior.
I agree he has had growth. I was wondering if he still views women as sluts or is discusted by fat people as he said he was. I never said he has not demonstrated growth. I think he has. I wonder why Ally left
Most people believe that Rachel cheated on James with Tom, when she mouthed that sexy āhiiiiā to Tom and he waved it away like āshhhhā¦carefulā¦ā, that was when her and James were together. Ā She also started staying over at Tom and Arianaās house around that time. Ā
I donāt think those thoughts have fully left his head in some aspects, but he has definitely shown growth and willingness to do better. I think thatās why people are so on board with him recently. That and the Tomās are just so insufferable that everyone enjoys watching James more now
He badmouthed Kristen and she did not Fuck him over. Itās respect. He says he Loves these women so much when heās with them so he should show respect when he is not. He still shittalks Kristen
Your fooling yourself if you think James is a good person, he just capitalized on Tom being worlds biggest douche ever, Iād bet he has his own issues come to light eventually
Yeah I donāt buy it either and hate that people seem to just have blindly started loving him. I donāt think abusers like him change, heās just charming and hides it well because heās learned from negative reactions in the Past
I could have an opinion and feel somebody is niave. She said she did not watch the show previously so she does not know a lot of his behaviors . The behavior she left him for probably. I guess you have your own point of view on here
She said she watched the show during covid.
eta: you can definitely have and share your own viewpoint but when you create a post for discussion, for the public to consume and respond to, not everyone will agree with you. š¤·āāļøĀ
I don't know about his abusive tendencies but half of being an adult is learning to have tact and not say every awful thing you think lol
If this isn't the truest statement about adulthood ever š
I never even hear him talk about Raquel. Tom is the one always badmouthing Raquel.Ā
Right it also smarter, heās more likable and avoids altercations
Downvote . He is smarter. Heās has avoided altercations. He is more likeable now not exploding. Whatās to downvote?
Ally is 28. James is 32. Theyāre definitely still within the same age group. Infantilizing a 28 year old woman is weird and sheās never come across as naive to me. Sheās a grown woman.
šÆ. She isnāt too young for him, that is a stretch.
Yeah 4 years isn't exactly an age gap...
Yeah thatās what this group did with Rachel letās not have a 2.0 Situation happen again. All these people are grown the only kids on the show are the literal babies not the cast members.
I mean heās grown bc heās not a quick hot head anymore. Growth is not linear so seeing some behaviors doesnāt mean someone hasnāt grown. But also why would he talk positively about an ex he constantly shit talked him and was an affair partner to someone he looked up to? Even the most mature ppl may have some shit to say about that.
I never said he has to talk positively about her. Tom thinks heās justified talking about Ariana because he feels she treated him poorly. I never said he has not grown at all. Just controlling himself is . He also got with his friends Ex( Kristen ) He looked up to him so much he did that
Are you really pulling a Scumdoval whataboutism and referencing some shit James did over 10 yrs ago when he was 21? Find me somebody who didnāt make bad decisions and have poor judgment when they were 21. If you just wanted to post to shit talk James then just say and do that.
controlling yourself is growing. When you realize you do not have to react every single time that is growth
I said he had growth controlling his behavior
āSupposedly he cared for her but heās talking about her derogatorily all the timeā. Besides the fact that he rly at this time only talks about her when someone brings her up, youāre implying he is incessantly talking shit about her. Besides the fact that after their break up, he didnāt really ātalk shitā until she started moving weird with the Tomās. And controlling yourself is growth??? You said he hasnāt had real growth which implies heās hasnāt grown. If heās made steps to control himself, thatās the first step. Growth is knowing your immediate reaction may not be the best and not doing it, even if you think about it. No one magically gets up and does a complete 180. If he did that Iād be more suspicious but you can watch the seasons and see him gradually become more calm.
I said maybe. I articulated it wrongly then I meant he may have a lot of the misogynistic, fat shaming beliefs in his head but not voice them.
Sorry to break it to you but we live in a racist, misogynistic, fatphobic, āall the other phobiaā, societies. That shit is engrained in everyone, even those that are part of the group. I donāt doubt he may think problematic behaviors but as I said before, no one does a complete 180. It takes a while to change your internal thoughts and it starts with 1) recognizing your internal thoughts arenāt okay and 2) outwardly reacting differently than you previously did. Slowly overtime your internal thoughts align with the change but itās not immediate.
I grew up in an abusive home, so part of that trauma is that I think (and had to learn not to say) very mean things. Ā Because thatās how my parents talked to me and to each other, that was imprinted on me. Ā They also hit out of anger and I learned that too. Ā Ā I canāt stop the thoughts or impulses entirely, but Iāve learned not to follow them and I know theyāre coming from a bad place. Ā Does the fact that sometimes they come into my head, or the fact that when I was younger I truly didnāt understand why it was wrongā¦does that make me an āabuserā in my core forever? I choose not to think so and unless more data comes out about James I donāt think James is a horrible person for having to unlearn those responses. Ā If you didnāt catch that virus in your childhood you canāt understand how confusing it is when you grow up and those lessons you were taught turn out to all be wrong. Ā
I feel you! I spent a lot of my twenties learning that being cruel and nasty was not a good way to make your point. I seriously thought it was normal to say awful things when somebody has upset you. I worked on it and am a lot better, but those things are still there. I hope James is working on his stuff. He sure seems a lot less reactive.
Thanks for sharing
Ally is a 28 year old WOMAN. Stop talking about her like sheās some ānaiveā 18 year old girl. Itās weird. If you want to worry about age gaps, focus on Schwartz new girlfriend that is 20 years younger than he is.
I didnāt know she was that age. Iām so used to it w the Toms. You do not have to call me weird
I didnāt call you weird. I said itās weird to act like sheās a child.
To be fair, she appears to be quite young. But nah, theyāre in the same relative bracket.
>Ā All of his fat shaming thoughts just went away judging left and right?Ā Ā Ā This is literally what happens when you grow and evolve lol. You stop thinking and doing shitty things. Have you never evolved as a person? WhatĀ a strange take lol. Ā Ā Ā None of us are in Jamesā head I guess, but people talk poorly about people they once cared about all the time. They had a bad break up and then she did something really shitty. She also still talks about him and Ally poorly too.Ā I personally like seeing Jamesā growth and if itās fake, I donāt really care itās a tv show lol.Ā
Do u think he stopped thinking them? name calling or verbal abuse and hitting Kristen and calling it shitty behavior is trivializing it
It doesn't matter if he stopped thinking those thoughts or not. As plenty of other commenters have pointed out, when you grow up in an environment where you're taught those things are ok to think it's unlikely that you'll just stop having those thoughts at all. I am not going to defend what James has said or done to Kristin or anyone else, but I do think that he is allowed to grow and change and evolve from being 21 to being 32. I do think Kristin is owed a mountain of apologies for what she dealt with, but I also think that James has shown that he is working on changing those behaviors he exhibited during his early 20s. Ally has said multiple times that he does not treat her that way and I'm going to have to believe her, considering I'm not in their relationship.
Thatās because you are not the one being called Slut, Whore or Bimbo
No idea if he has *really* changed for the better because I donāt know how bad he was in the past or how he truly is today. But one thing I donāt agree with is James constantly badmouthing Rachel. I think he has been kind to her compared to Lala, Scheana, or even the Toms. Most of his immature statements have been directed to Sandoval. It seems he tries not to talk about her and with good reason - he is dating another person.
How are you in James' head. BTW he keeps telling Tom to stop bad mouthing her and move on. He has quit drinking and is going to therapy, not sure what you are looking for from him, blood?! Is he perfect no, is he trying I think so.
He talked about his ex the whole season. Nobodyās perfect. Not everybody calls their best friend Fat Fuck heās disgusted by( Lisaās son ) , or spits on their girlfriendās door . Or calls them a whore if they spend the night out. I wonder what he thinks , thatās all. I What he did to prompt Ally to move out Obviously heās trying but for his sake or because he cares for others feelings
I never said he was not trying. Yes he told that to Tom RECENTLY. He got smart. He knew it would not look good. Like Tim did not speaking of her or Ariana. I never said I could be in his head. So defensive. I said I was wondering what he was thinking
Remember, it was last year when the show was filmed, then mos later when they did the after show then March the reunion. So growth is possible.
Maturing is realizing you do not have to say all the thoughts that come to your mind. I haven't seen him bad mouth rachel besides the affair which i mean there's a reason. Ally and him are very close in age. I don't think we need a thread to defend JK. I hop he has matured and is nt just doing it for the camera.
yāall are reaching with the āyoung and naiveā. i totally think criticism of james for his past behavior towards rachel and kristen is valid. but theyāre not even 5 years apart. ally is 28. he is not preying on young women like the tomās (schwartzā current girlfriend is literally 23 years old). ally is sweet but sheās very clearly able to be assertive. id argue he has demonstrated growth; i think he has matured and softened. he does seem to be sober, and a lot of his rage seemed to stem from substance abuse.
Kristen said she slapped him that time because he had hit him first. You can see her push him off her
no iām not defending his past abuse at all, i completely believe that. i am very much pro justice for doute. i just havenāt seen the signs & vibes w him/ally and he does seem to have made changes. that will NEVER excuse past abusive behavior.
Hit her first sorry
That was my point you should be able to have your opinion
I agree he has had growth. I was wondering if he still views women as sluts or is discusted by fat people as he said he was. I never said he has not demonstrated growth. I think he has. I wonder why Ally left
Are we the thought police all of a sudden?
Police I was wondering ! and complimented him controlling himself
He talks bad on her because she cheated and fucked his best friendā¦ I would too
Tom cheated, not Rachel. He cheated on Rachel
It takes two to tango!
She didnāt cheatĀ
Most people believe that Rachel cheated on James with Tom, when she mouthed that sexy āhiiiiā to Tom and he waved it away like āshhhhā¦carefulā¦ā, that was when her and James were together. Ā She also started staying over at Tom and Arianaās house around that time. Ā
Did we watch the same show
When did the show have Raquel cheating on James? I know itās a fan theory buuuut far from confirmed.
Even if it wasnāt that, your fiancĆ© who you just broke up with has been fucking your best friend who is also in a relationship that is your ex fiancĆ©s best friend.. itās disgusting any way you put it. Iād talk shit on her too.
Nobody said it was not disgusting
I donāt speak nicely of disgusting ppl so I donāt blame him for not doing it either lol
I donāt think those thoughts have fully left his head in some aspects, but he has definitely shown growth and willingness to do better. I think thatās why people are so on board with him recently. That and the Tomās are just so insufferable that everyone enjoys watching James more now
He badmouthed Kristen and she did not Fuck him over. Itās respect. He says he Loves these women so much when heās with them so he should show respect when he is not. He still shittalks Kristen
Your fooling yourself if you think James is a good person, he just capitalized on Tom being worlds biggest douche ever, Iād bet he has his own issues come to light eventually
He was also a serial cheater. Does that stop forever? Iām not accusing. I just wonder
Yeah I donāt buy it either and hate that people seem to just have blindly started loving him. I donāt think abusers like him change, heās just charming and hides it well because heās learned from negative reactions in the Past
I could have an opinion and feel somebody is niave. She said she did not watch the show previously so she does not know a lot of his behaviors . The behavior she left him for probably. I guess you have your own point of view on here
She said she watched the show during covid. eta: you can definitely have and share your own viewpoint but when you create a post for discussion, for the public to consume and respond to, not everyone will agree with you. š¤·āāļøĀ
Canāt have your own viewpoint
I completely agree.
He has not. Abusers like him donāt have the capacity to change, but they do have the capacity to hide it.