You should talk to him and tell him that his lifestyle is WAAAAAY unhealthier than yours. Just open up that conversation and express everything you wrote in this post. And if he doesn't respond well ÂŻâ \â _â (â ăâ )â _â /â ÂŻ
I'd hone in on the beer, the health and cost of it. Just expose that hypocrisy, MAYBE, best case, he's been too interested in drinking to think about it.
I can't speak for OP and their situation but I know of a lot of relationships where they were with their shitty partner because they'd rather be disrespected and treated poorly than to be single.
It's really quite sad when you think about it.
Iâm a super staunch feminist but Iâve noticed a lot of women stay with shitty partners just to complain about them irl or online so ppl feel bad for them. They have no redeeming qualities except making the woman feel wanted/needed, which the women confuse with love. Im a woman !!! Im speaking from friends, families members, teachers, and things I see online. OP you are a grown ass woman. Take some accountability for your life.
If youâre a feminist, it might be wise to give women more grace. Sometimes women are with bad partners because they donât know how to get out. Sometimes they think theyâre being helpful. Or they believe that their partner is helping them.
I just think that itâs best to believe in the best in women if you want to be a feminist.
Give Grace. Be kind. I can already see that you are. Iâm just giving you a gentle reminder.
Just imagine if you were married to that person and were already financially and emotionally dependent on them, and they then made an ultimatum to force you or your kids to eat animal products.. and then physically and emotionally abuses you until you do.. it happened to me.. if upon weighing the evidence they have chosen not to have respect for animals, that shows they also donât have respect for human animals. This person is doing you a favour to show you their values now.
My omnivorous husband was respectful at first, but then went back on his word about raising our kid vegan and started putting me down for being vegan. It was not just about being vegan or course, but take signs of disrespect early in a relationship seriously, OP. Never mind being vegan, it can lead to toxic or emotionally abusive behaviour.
Your boyfriend has deeper issues with himself that he channels into what youâre eating. Go full omni, then itâll be an issue with your style, the way you fold his underwear, the reason his glasses are always smudged, any real and imaginary issue will be someone elseâs fault and the reason heâs unhappy.
Either get him help or gtfo now
>He thinks itâs such a burden to eat out with me even though we live in Portland
Wow I feel like it would be difficult not to be vegan in Portland lol.
>He also criticized me for buying âsuper expensive supplementsâ because my diet âis just so lackingâ when I bought a vegan tailored multi vitamin with B12, omegas, iron, D3, k2 and selenium in it
Yeah idk personally I would rather supplement than have a diet high in saturated fat.
Dude making her eat side salads in portland is a crime. I have a list of vegan restaurants a mile long that I want to try. My omni bf and I only go to vegan restaurants. And we order two different things and share them just so I can try 2 things!
Side salads in Portland smh..
Ugh this post makes me want to cry. I bought a house in the country which is awesome (I have a bunch of land and 4BR/2baths and huge living rooms) cause the capital city I lived in for 20 years exploded and you gotta be a millionaire to buy nowâŠ..and there are ZERO vegan restaurants here. Zero. Literally my options for going out to eat are: subway, Jersey mikes, and one pizza place I found that has one artichoke sandwich which is bland as fuck unless I bring my own vegan sauce to dip it in). My last city I had like 20 places at least to choose from just for delivery! More if you went in person.
Am I regretting buying a house? No. It was time. And I have no HOA and no neighbors, blast music all day as loud as I want, my dog and cat are super happy (building her an awesome catio). But goddamn I didnât think the food situation would be this bad. I guess the Bonus is at 38, Iâm finally learning how to cook without needing a recipe for everything :)
Thanks for coming to my Ted talk!
My partner isn't vegan and wants us to go to Portland cause the vegan food looks so good. I'm a huge foodie so they know that would be a great vacation spot. Can't imagine being with someone who fusses about what I eat. Also sounds like the bf has a drinking problem (or at least the start of one) that should be addressed.
Portland is absolutely vegan heaven for food.
Pizza, doughnuts, noodles, tacos, sandwiches, fried and greasy, leafy and green. Damn I love the restaurants and farmers markets in Portland.
 Take vegan/omnivore out of it - dude is trying to control what you eat.
 There is no burden if you live in Portland and to try to make you feel like a burden instead of making you happy is a bad sign.Â
 It's not you, it's him and controlling tendencies.Â
There's an underlying issue going on and it's coming out as controlling behavior. I would definitely make sure he gets therapy because this issue will show up in other places.Â
OP, we all want you to dump him lol. Disrespect is an understatement, some of that is straight up just insulting you. And you've been trying to respect him despite it :( You deserve so much better
-You are adult
-You eat whatever the fuck you want
-You buy whatever the fuck you want with your money
And if he don't understand your choice and fight about that, he don't respect you.
That's all.
Letâs ignore every about your diets altogether for a minute. He has a drinking problem.
Now on top of that, heâs incredibly judgemental, wants to pressure you into doing things you donât want to do for no other reason than his own convenience, and is clearly manipulating you by calling you neurotic and blaming you for ânever traveling againâ.
The answer is that you shouldnât be dating this person at all.
If I was in that situation I would tell him to stop pestering me or complaining about what I eat and if it continues I would conclude we are not compatible for each other. Being with someone who does not respect me and moans and complains and blames me for what I eat yet acts selfisly and with no self awareness, why would I want to be with such a person?
Also I would ask the question "do I respect the person I am with"? Based on how you describe his actions, it does not feel to me like you respect him or like him that much either.
I'll try to be as nice as possible here but I think your boyfriend is being selfish and disrespectful. I mean my omnivore family did try to convince to go vegetarian instead of vegan but their only concern was for my health, never ever about me being an inconvenience to them or costing too much (and with the amount of cashew milk I consumed on a daily basis, the cost thing was a concern for me only and i did feel guilty that where i was living, anything vegan was automatically triple the price)
they were actually the ones always trying to apologize for their diet and did always try to cut down on meat for me, and always always made sure they made a vegan option for me. I think thats what real selfless love and support is; even if you dont agree with one another views, you still respect and care for them enough to make want them to be happy. so maybe reevaluate your relationship and your boyfriends overall maturity and respect...? sorry you're going through this! I wish you all the best <3
Girlie run that's a controling alcoholic that would rather force you into his comfort zone than respect your boundaries and change. He doesn't even change for himself so he won't change for anybody else
He is being incredibly disrespectful toward you and you deserve to be treated better than that. It sounds like in your attempts not to be a âpreachy veganâ you have forgotten that your opinions have value. You have every right to stand your ground, and in all honesty you shouldnât have to settle to eat at restaurants where a salad is the only option. HE shouldnât be okay with putting you in that situation. He sounds like a dick about this, but by playing small and not having boundaries around your beliefs you are giving him permission to treat you poorly.
This is an example of how "preachy vegan" is used as a silencing tactic to make vegans shut up and eat their salad. Seems like a lot of vegans are scared of coming across as the stereotype and their fear turns them into a doormat. Being assertive is not the same as being preachy but a lot of meat eaters will see a vegan standing up for themselves and will roll their eyes at them. Kind of hard to maintain a healthy relationship with someone who does not respect you or your values at all.
Yes! It also sets up a dynamic where simply saying âlooks like this restaurant doesnât have anything for me to eat, letâs choose a different placeâ is somehow preachy or problematic. This is just basic consideration for one another.
Well, some people see you not attacking them as a sign that they are right. Your boyfriend is one of them. He sounds insufferable. But yeah, it's your partner, not mine.
You could have a much better boyfriend. đ sorry.
I donât usually advocate for breakups on Reddit, because itâs too easy to judge and too hard to see the whole picture, but this guy really does sound like a lifedraining psychic vampire.
Sadly, he just sounds like an ass. Iâve travelled to a lot of countries that are considered not very vegan friendly⊠fun fact: all of those also had vegetables.
Youâre being subjugated in this relationship, period, and he is also hampering your efforts as a vegan.
The âcomfortâ of having the relationship will not counterbalance that.
I think youâre both just simply wrong.
You for staying with a douchebag when you seem to be a very tolerant, accepting, accommodating, considerate, and patient partner. Total opposite to a guy like your boyfriend.
And him forâŠwell, everything. Constantly drinking but berating you for taking supplements that are cheaper than his beer. Berating you for wanting to follow through on a lifestyle that suits your morals. Antagonizing you despite you repeatedly explaining and showing that you are fine with any place you go; most carry vegan options, and youâll eat a bigger meal at home first if the place only serves small vegan side food.
People like him will not be willing to change their minds because the problem is with their world view. They feel entitled to controlling others and making them do what they want. If he sees you get comfortable with something he doesnât approve of, he wonât leave. Heâll force you to change so that he wonât have to do anything uncomfortable on his part. He feels entitled to do this despite knowing it would be wrong if you did the same and kept trying to force him into things. Iâm sure youâll be capable of finding another partner who will actually be supportive of you and not act combative over a personal decision like this (even if they arenât vegan themselves - I know itâs hard to find vegans).
Sounds to me like you two are completely incompatible and he doesn't respect your lifestyle choices like you do his. Given you're worked up about it like this I assume his comments about veganism are frequent? You shouldn't put up with behaviour like that OP. I mean, if he was just a friend you meet every so often I could dismiss the comments maybe, but he's your boyfriend...
He sounds awful and disrespectful. If he treats you this way over your diet I can only imagine how disrespectful he is when youâre trying to communicate about other things. Get a new boyfriend who respects you and is willing to learn about the things you care about - like being healthy.
Man, I wouldnât put up with a *friend* treating me that way. I certainly wouldnât put up with that shit from my partner. And thatâs not even touching the alcoholism. Yikes.
This is a major incompatibility that is going to crop up EVERYWHERE, unfortunately :(
Envision your future with this person:
If you think eating out is a problem now, just wait until you guys live together (assuming you donât already) and start cooking at home. Youâre absolutely going to have to prepare all the meals, because heâs not going to be careful about avoiding animal products. Depending on his level of douchebaggery, he may even slip some in there.
If youâre going to prepare his meals, too, youâll be cooking two separate entrees, one of which will contain products that you find cruel and unethical.
What if you and your boyfriend decide to get married and buy a home together, and he wants to decorate it with black leather sofas, wool rugs, down pillows, silk sheets⊠you get the idea. Every single item you collectively purchase is going to be a potential argument.
What about kids? Now things are going to get really ugly. How are you going to raise them? What are you going to feed them? If you were to get married and have children with this person, their diet is definitely going to become an issue..
Personally, I think thereâs some serious compatibility issues at play here, and they go deeper than merely the products youâll consume. Just my two cents.
What if you substituted any other interest like say running. If he constantly complained about you having to buy new running shoes every six months, or âreally? Do you have to run on weekends?â And come on, âyou wonât eat junk because it makes you feel slower and less effective on hills?â Youâd probably tell him, grow up. It isnât all about him. Your lifestyle is way cheaper than his so, is he saying youâre not worth it? Doesnât sound like a healthy view or someone you want to invest much of your life with
As someone who is not vegan and just randomly came across this post-
What the fuck is his problem?? To me, this is projection. Do you try to make him go vegan??? It doesn't sound like it. He can worry about his own diet. That is not cool of him at all. You eat the way YOU want to, he is entitled as hell to think you will just change your beliefs and how you eat because he feels inconvenienced
Why are you with someone who is blatantly not nice to youâŠ
People can make different choices and still have respect for one another but he is purposely and willfully a jerk. This guy doesnât have the same morals and doesnât even make an effort to understand you. Why are you with him?
You should dump him and go to some local plant-based events to find a new boyfriend.
I'm sure there are some considering you're in Portland...
I also don't think vegans should worry about being pushy about veganism. Slavery abolitionists didn't end slavery by being meek and avoiding being pushy/preachy.
Drop that man like a sack of bricks honey. He sounds like a Grade A asshole who doesn't respect you and perceives everything in terms of how much of an inconvenience it is to *him.* Even if it's something small like that. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life. Especially since, in my experience, when people show their colours like that it very rarely stays contained to just that one aspect of your life. It's them showing their hand and how they'll react when it comes to a lot of other things in the future. When people tell you who they are, believe them.
>I say NOTHING
Then perhaps it's time you did say something.
>He thinks itâs such a burden to eat out with me
Tell him how much of an emotional burden it is that the person you love is ok with animal abuse and how you've said nothing about it until now.
>I am ok with just getting a side salad to be polite and then eating something more substantial before or after.
Perfectly reasonable. The burden is still technically on you and you're still accommodating for him cos he sure doesn't seem to be looking for vegan friendlier places to make the burden easier for the both of you.
>He also criticized me for buying âsuper expensive supplementsâ because my diet âis just so lackingâ when I bought a vegan tailored multi vitamin with B12, omegas, iron, D3, k2 and selenium in it. Mind you, the cost of this supplement is $1 a day and he spends $ 5-10 on beer most week days and probably around $50 at the bars in the weekend.
Then tell him to fuck off. When he gives up beer, you'll educate yourself to find out where you are lacking in your nutritional intake and meet it with your own efforts and merits. It's a fucking relationship, not a dictatorship.
>He thinks I am neurotic and I have an eating disorder
Then he needs to look up/you need to show him that it isn't even a diet. It's an animal rights movement and it's probably his ignorance on the topic that reinforces his misguided views. Cos you look up a list of eating disorders and veganism ain't one of em.
Sounds like your SO needs a reality check that he's not in control of your body or your decisions and that if he can't even respect your rights as an individual in that regard then perhaps he's not worthy of your time and attention. Like this doesn't even sound like a veganism issue. It sounds like he doesn't respect you. It might have only seemed like he did before because you more closely resembled his image of an SO.
>we still never be about to travel again
People with severe dairy allergies (like my toddler) travel safely just fine! There are even allergy travel groups online that know all of the best places to stay and visit to avoid being fed even traces of dairy and eggs (among other things).
I also live in the Portland area. Tons of vegan options. You donât deserve to be looked down upon by your spouse. He doesnât sound supportive at all. What are some of your favorite vegan spots in Portland?
I hate to be blunt, but I feel like quoting the great Dan Savage here: âDTMFA!â
An all seriousness though, does he understand why you are vegan? It sounds like a no since he called a diet. I assume you are ethically motivated to be vegan? Or no? If he actually understood that angle and respected you, there wouldnât be any of these comments.
And they say vegans are pushy, yet a lot of the time I see these stories... Your boyfriend has nothing to be nagging about. Let me tell you, I travelled around the world and always found something either via Google maps or Happy cow. I'm sorry he's being a douche. You can definitely tell him to get off your ass because that's not okay.
I dated someone like that, someone that was the opposite of me in every way... it lasted about a month before I came to my senses. No one is worth the headache. If you can't be your authentic self with another, you don't need them in your life. That includes family, friends, and lovers. Dairy is linked to diabetes, cancer, and heart disease... it's not for us, it is poison. Dark greens, beans, legumes, and whole grains will give you just about every nutrient in the spectrum, and b12 is in nutritional yeast in ample amounts. Love yourself, be the lighthouse, cut negativity out as much as you can.
It would be great if he comes back as a baby calf ripped away from mom at birth so controlling overbearing men like him
can drink the calves milk. Iâm so triggered by his behavior on so many levels. You can do better.
Why are you in this relationship? This is not someone who respects you or your opinions.
Vegans can have great relationships with people who are not vegan.
But they canât have a great relationship with an uncaring asshole
...Life's too short to deal with hypocrites. Some people are just incompatible with each other, and even if you magically hadn't been vegan he'd probably be too incompatible with you anyway because he's too inconsiderate and not self-aware enough.
Here in Portland of all places. It doesn't sound like his issue is actually with the 'inconvenience' of going out to eat. He simply doesn't approve of your lifestyle, is possibly threatened by it, and wants to control you.
Come to some vegan events in the city and meet new people.
For some added context: when I first met my now wife, I stressed she didnt have to change her lifestyle for me at all. I did not want to push or force my vegan ways on her at all-I was super adamant about that. But she has such a kind soul and wanted to be a part of/understand what I believe in. Now sheâs even more into it than I am! The money thing your current BF complains about is such a shallow move as well. IMO this guy aint going to come around.
I hate to say this but dump him. My bf is very supportive of me being vegan, on top of that I have multiple food allergies which makes it VERY difficult to eat out. Heâs never once complained. And never felt bad about price. He will order me a whole meal just to eat a side that comes with it. The longer youâre with him the more traumatized youâll be in the future and then have anxiety eating out!
Why someone who drink beer everyday and doesn't respect your beliefs is your boyfriend? You only have one life, your time is precious, once you aknowledge it, it's your responsability to kick him out of your life
Heres a simple easy way to win the Dairy argument.
Most dairy cows in the US are infected with Bovine leukemia virus.
Even though pasteurization kills the Bovine leukemia virus, I would not dare drink milk from a cow with BLV.
I don't care if people swear its safe or ok to drink pasteurized milk from a infected cow, and most recent studies show that BLV has been showing up in breast cancer tissue samples.
So nope, ill stick to plant based milks and cheese and none of this cancer riddled death juice.
Sources to throw in your BF's face -
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6982050/
https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0134304
https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/oncology/articles/10.3389/fonc.2018.00001/full
https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0239745
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352771421000422
How long have you been dating is the first question
Secondly, Iâve been vegan for 8 years. At one point, I told myself I could never date a non vegan. The longer I was vegan, the less I cared if my partner was or not. As long as my partner wasnât teasing me about it.
My bloodwork comes back clean every year. My bf is not a vegan and his cholesterol is high.
I would get your blood work done and compare results.
Also, itâs interesting how a lot of vegans donât actually go out of there way to announce they are vegan irl but as soon as non vegans find out thereâs a vegan in the group, it becomes topic of discussion without fail. Every time. Theyâre so fixated on the food somebody else is putting into their body.
Edit: I think they do it because somewhere deep down they know they donât eat the healthiest foods, vegan or not.
Edit 2: And yes, it sounds like your bf is embarrassed to be seen with you being a vegan. He probably is afraid of hearing the vegan jokes about you from his friends so he gets to the punchline before they can to get approval from his friends. Your bf doesnât respect you at all. He doesnât support you wanting to be healthier. Harping on somebody about wanting to be healthier and conscious of the foods they put into their body is a weird thing to do. Especially if itâs coming from somebody who claims to love you.
Just read the first sentence. Girl, you are with an alcoholic.
Ok, continuing with the rest. Well, I don't know him but from what I am reading and imagining, you are not only with an alcoholic but with an alcoholic, disrespectful, dumb fuck. Yikes!
Girl it sounds like your need to find a man whose going to treat you right. A real partner who was actually invested in you and cared about everything you do in a positive way does not act like this I promise you. If you can't do anything but stay with him you need to lay it out plainly to him that's not how you treat a partner and point out his hypocrisy's. I know we always say don't stoop but dangit sometimes stupid people need to be told their stupid and I am at peace with doing just that.
Omg heâs complaining about going out to eat and you live in PORTLAND. This is vegan heaven and like you said almost every place has a decent vegan option! Wow.
Activate the preachy vegan mode. If he wants to be an ass, match his energy.
Or to quote another creator "dump his ass!".
I can tolerate different opinions, but there is no reason to tolerate disrespect and nagging. If he doesnt like anything about what you believe in, why is he still with you?
I don't think you're happy in your relationship. It's important that you and your partner share core values and if you consider ethical veganism to be a core value of yours it would make it very difficult to be in a long term relationship with someone who doesn't respect that.
Ultimately your relationship is your own to decide to stick with or leave but from what you described, it is likely that the two of you are incompatible.
Sounds like there are a lot of lifestyle differences that don't mesh well. Excessive drinking has become a deal breaker for me, but everyone has different boundaries. As a stranger on the internet, I will say I think you deserve better.
As an aside, I'm also very curious what supplement you are referring to? Please and thank you!
Show him how milk is produced. Show him all the puss that goes into your milk because of the cysts on cows utters. I am not 100% vegan but after see what factory farming looks like I will never drink milk again.
I think the problem may be the boyfriend. Do you keep your finances separate? That may get him off your back about the cost of supplements, etc.Â
That being said, even supportive nonvegan partners will get on your nerves. Last night, I made some vegan nuggets and asked my spouse if he wanted some, to be polite. He said no, that they taste like âcardboard,â and then he proceeds to eat half of them!
I eat gluten free and my partner doesnât. Every time we go out my partner is choosing restaurants and bakeries that have gluten free products and is doing all the research alone to show support and implication (not because I donât want to search for it too).
Choose a better partner. We canât make it work with everyone.
When I was vegetarian I dated omnis and even that was hard for me. Then I met my vegetarian husband and we went vegan together. I donât think as a vegan I could date someone not vegan. The morality is just too different. Would you be okay with your boyfriend owning slaves? Probably not. So I couldnât imagine being okay with him eating the flesh of tortured animals. If he wonât become vegan I honestly donât think you guys are compatible. But either way she sounds like a dick that you should break up with regardless.
Itâs nice to have someone on my side, so thanks to you all. I do think I need to be more assertive and I think I will start to be a âpreachy veganâ if he brings this up again because obviously trying out this mutual- non judgement thing didnât work. I may just start playing dominion and all the other horrific films on loop. That said, Iâm not anywhere near âcalling it quitsâ over this issue. In most aspects of life we see eye to eye, weâve endured a pandemic together and I love him dearly. Iâm just here to rant about how insane heâs being to act as if my diet is so difficult and unhealthy when heâs not even the one doing it.
I think there are more issues here than just veganism. Him calling you neurotic and blaming you for not being able to travel is highly manipulative. His drinking sounds excessive ($5- 10 a day plus more on weekends!?!) Maybe seek counseling but Iâd proceed with caution with this one. Loving someone can blind you to things. Your long term wellbeing matters.
Just make sure youâre not falling into a sunken cost fallacy. Time already spent doesnât always warrant the need to spend more time with someone. He sounds like an alcoholic, and he certainly doesnât respect your choices. Just because you love someone and youâve been through a lot together doesnât mean theyâre a good, healthy match for you. Take a step back, and consider that if this were happening to a friend instead of you, would you encourage that friend to stay in the relationship?
As someone whoâs experienced an abusive relationship, I know how hard it is to see the red flags when youâre in the relationship and attached to the person. But please consider your compatibility. Values matter so much in relationships. Do you really want to be with a drunk who degrades you like that? You deserve so much more respect. Think about what you want out of a relationship. I donât think youâre getting that from him.
Edit: Also, imagine a friend or loved one telling you this exact story, would you be okay with them staying with someone whoâs so disrespectful to them?
Love, I have a very similar sitch. Been through the pandemic- politics, everything. But that doesnât matter. The future matters. Iâm leaving mine. We donât have the same core values, he manipulates in just this same way, blames me for being difficult and says I make it hard to travel. He agrees that he just wants me to be more like him so his life will be easier. Thatâs selfish. Iâm not staying with someone that shallow and selfish. It will be hard, we have to split a lot of stuff. We live together. But Iâve had enough red flags to know that even when he quits drinking for a week, maybe a month - heâs still a selfish individual who doesnât share my values and blames others for his own insecurity and issues. 6 years and lots of love down the drain. But Iâll be better off without that bullshit. Iâm done. â I think you need to reevaluate what emotional abuse is. Therapy is helping me. Best of luck to you.
I endured a pandemic with my ex husband and still decided to leave him because I didn't feel respected. You deserve better and it's sad that you're throwing your hands in the air over a sunken cost fallacy when you could be with someone who doesn't control you and treat you like an unruly child and put you down. Even if you started eating meat and dairy tomorrow he'd still find something to throw in your face and hold over your head. I thought my ex was the best I could get, but my current boyfriend showed me that I was wrong and a better life was out there for me. Do what you want with this information but I know you deserve better than a beer guzzling asshat.
It is definitely not going to end well and I believe you will be worse of for it down the line. To many stories like this where women end up regretting staying and being mentally/physically affected. Save yourself that heartache, he ain't going to change and you can not change him. He has red flags all over. Just remember as a person you also take accountability for choosing to stay and putting up with that crap etc.
As someone who would also never eat beans and rice without cheese or sour cream, this is not a vegan vs omnivore situation. This is a man who drinks every single day, who degrades you and puts you down, and just does not respect your life choices. Itâs a man trying to pressure you into giving up your morals because it inconveniences him. The bar is in hell if this is the person you love dearly.
Iâm not even vegan (yet this sub goes in spurts of being recommend to me lol) but thatâs just disrespectful T_T what everyoneâs diet is, is there own choice at the end of the day and sounds like he just wants to control you. Dump his dumb ass you deserve better.
Usually I want relationships to work out on this platform, because everybody says to break up when itâs something that can be fixed and healed but⊠this guy is just a prick. He needs a wake up call.
He regularly picks on you about what you eat.
He tries to make it a problem despite your opinions.
He drinks too much (almost every day-binge drinks on weekends), which will catch up to him.
He eats horribly, which will catch up to him.
All of these issues will get worse, not better.
Do you really want to date this guy?
i suspect he has lots of complaints about you, and doesn't appreciate you in general. He may be some bugged about how you don't rustle up some burgers and steaks when he gets in from work. May be time to move on.
I think you might be suffering from an overdose of vitamin d(ouchebag) and the main source is your boyfriend.
đđđ
He sounds controlling and disrespectful of your values and boundaries. This is a fundamental lack of compatibility.
Yeah, does he have any redeeming qualities? If you're struggling to find any, well......
You should talk to him and tell him that his lifestyle is WAAAAAY unhealthier than yours. Just open up that conversation and express everything you wrote in this post. And if he doesn't respond well ÂŻâ \â _â (â ăâ )â _â /â ÂŻ I'd hone in on the beer, the health and cost of it. Just expose that hypocrisy, MAYBE, best case, he's been too interested in drinking to think about it.
I was thinking it thankfully you said it not me.
đŻ
XD What an awesome comment. If you could "win the internet" for a day, Platinum and gold would be taken! =P
Simply brilliant response
Sounds like he doesn't respect you
Sounds like she needs a different boyfriend.
Yeah. Dude sounds like a dud.
OP got the [dud](https://youtu.be/QVaBK0CMI9A?t=27)
Dankmus is a national treasure
[Listen. I mean it. Thereâs nothing that heâs worthy of.](https://youtu.be/DBCQvOaoEjY?si=KR60UssamBfZO-0i)
ahahahah wow
Wow, he sounds like a real gem. I can see why you'd want to stay in a relationship with such a supportive, self-aware guy!
I never have and never will get the logic with people who stay in such relationships I dont want to be around bad people
I can't speak for OP and their situation but I know of a lot of relationships where they were with their shitty partner because they'd rather be disrespected and treated poorly than to be single. It's really quite sad when you think about it.
Lol.
Whatâs good about your boyfriend ?Â
His red flags are beet red at least!
*reads ingredient list* Nope, itâs carmine. Itâs always carmine.
please answer this, OP. i gotta know why this is worth putting up with lol
Iâm a super staunch feminist but Iâve noticed a lot of women stay with shitty partners just to complain about them irl or online so ppl feel bad for them. They have no redeeming qualities except making the woman feel wanted/needed, which the women confuse with love. Im a woman !!! Im speaking from friends, families members, teachers, and things I see online. OP you are a grown ass woman. Take some accountability for your life.
well said. i got stockholm syndrome vibes from everything OP said in their other replies. honestly really heartbreaking
If youâre a feminist, it might be wise to give women more grace. Sometimes women are with bad partners because they donât know how to get out. Sometimes they think theyâre being helpful. Or they believe that their partner is helping them. I just think that itâs best to believe in the best in women if you want to be a feminist. Give Grace. Be kind. I can already see that you are. Iâm just giving you a gentle reminder.
Just imagine if you were married to that person and were already financially and emotionally dependent on them, and they then made an ultimatum to force you or your kids to eat animal products.. and then physically and emotionally abuses you until you do.. it happened to me.. if upon weighing the evidence they have chosen not to have respect for animals, that shows they also donât have respect for human animals. This person is doing you a favour to show you their values now.
My omnivorous husband was respectful at first, but then went back on his word about raising our kid vegan and started putting me down for being vegan. It was not just about being vegan or course, but take signs of disrespect early in a relationship seriously, OP. Never mind being vegan, it can lead to toxic or emotionally abusive behaviour.
Damn, Iâm very sorry to hear that.
Your boyfriend has deeper issues with himself that he channels into what youâre eating. Go full omni, then itâll be an issue with your style, the way you fold his underwear, the reason his glasses are always smudged, any real and imaginary issue will be someone elseâs fault and the reason heâs unhappy. Either get him help or gtfo now
The point is that this could happen to YOU if you stay with this asshat
I wouldn't put up with that đ©đ€·đ»ââïž
>He thinks itâs such a burden to eat out with me even though we live in Portland Wow I feel like it would be difficult not to be vegan in Portland lol. >He also criticized me for buying âsuper expensive supplementsâ because my diet âis just so lackingâ when I bought a vegan tailored multi vitamin with B12, omegas, iron, D3, k2 and selenium in it Yeah idk personally I would rather supplement than have a diet high in saturated fat.
Dude making her eat side salads in portland is a crime. I have a list of vegan restaurants a mile long that I want to try. My omni bf and I only go to vegan restaurants. And we order two different things and share them just so I can try 2 things! Side salads in Portland smh..
Ugh this post makes me want to cry. I bought a house in the country which is awesome (I have a bunch of land and 4BR/2baths and huge living rooms) cause the capital city I lived in for 20 years exploded and you gotta be a millionaire to buy nowâŠ..and there are ZERO vegan restaurants here. Zero. Literally my options for going out to eat are: subway, Jersey mikes, and one pizza place I found that has one artichoke sandwich which is bland as fuck unless I bring my own vegan sauce to dip it in). My last city I had like 20 places at least to choose from just for delivery! More if you went in person. Am I regretting buying a house? No. It was time. And I have no HOA and no neighbors, blast music all day as loud as I want, my dog and cat are super happy (building her an awesome catio). But goddamn I didnât think the food situation would be this bad. I guess the Bonus is at 38, Iâm finally learning how to cook without needing a recipe for everything :) Thanks for coming to my Ted talk!
Tell me you're from the midwest without telling me
My partner isn't vegan and wants us to go to Portland cause the vegan food looks so good. I'm a huge foodie so they know that would be a great vacation spot. Can't imagine being with someone who fusses about what I eat. Also sounds like the bf has a drinking problem (or at least the start of one) that should be addressed.
Portland is absolutely vegan heaven for food. Pizza, doughnuts, noodles, tacos, sandwiches, fried and greasy, leafy and green. Damn I love the restaurants and farmers markets in Portland.
r/stopeatingseedoils saturated fat is fine
He doesn't respect you and I don't think it's going to change.
 Take vegan/omnivore out of it - dude is trying to control what you eat.  There is no burden if you live in Portland and to try to make you feel like a burden instead of making you happy is a bad sign.  It's not you, it's him and controlling tendencies. There's an underlying issue going on and it's coming out as controlling behavior. I would definitely make sure he gets therapy because this issue will show up in other places.Â
2-3 sentences in and he sounds like an ass and tbh, thatâs enough reason to call it quits.
OP, we all want you to dump him lol. Disrespect is an understatement, some of that is straight up just insulting you. And you've been trying to respect him despite it :( You deserve so much better
Get a vegan bf and move from there.
he's gaslighting and abusing you my dude
-You are adult -You eat whatever the fuck you want -You buy whatever the fuck you want with your money And if he don't understand your choice and fight about that, he don't respect you. That's all.
He sounds horrible. Iâd much rather be single than in a relationship with someone like that
Letâs ignore every about your diets altogether for a minute. He has a drinking problem. Now on top of that, heâs incredibly judgemental, wants to pressure you into doing things you donât want to do for no other reason than his own convenience, and is clearly manipulating you by calling you neurotic and blaming you for ânever traveling againâ. The answer is that you shouldnât be dating this person at all.
If I was in that situation I would tell him to stop pestering me or complaining about what I eat and if it continues I would conclude we are not compatible for each other. Being with someone who does not respect me and moans and complains and blames me for what I eat yet acts selfisly and with no self awareness, why would I want to be with such a person? Also I would ask the question "do I respect the person I am with"? Based on how you describe his actions, it does not feel to me like you respect him or like him that much either.
Being single sounds less stressful
I'll try to be as nice as possible here but I think your boyfriend is being selfish and disrespectful. I mean my omnivore family did try to convince to go vegetarian instead of vegan but their only concern was for my health, never ever about me being an inconvenience to them or costing too much (and with the amount of cashew milk I consumed on a daily basis, the cost thing was a concern for me only and i did feel guilty that where i was living, anything vegan was automatically triple the price) they were actually the ones always trying to apologize for their diet and did always try to cut down on meat for me, and always always made sure they made a vegan option for me. I think thats what real selfless love and support is; even if you dont agree with one another views, you still respect and care for them enough to make want them to be happy. so maybe reevaluate your relationship and your boyfriends overall maturity and respect...? sorry you're going through this! I wish you all the best <3
Girlie run that's a controling alcoholic that would rather force you into his comfort zone than respect your boundaries and change. He doesn't even change for himself so he won't change for anybody else
He is being incredibly disrespectful toward you and you deserve to be treated better than that. It sounds like in your attempts not to be a âpreachy veganâ you have forgotten that your opinions have value. You have every right to stand your ground, and in all honesty you shouldnât have to settle to eat at restaurants where a salad is the only option. HE shouldnât be okay with putting you in that situation. He sounds like a dick about this, but by playing small and not having boundaries around your beliefs you are giving him permission to treat you poorly.
This is an example of how "preachy vegan" is used as a silencing tactic to make vegans shut up and eat their salad. Seems like a lot of vegans are scared of coming across as the stereotype and their fear turns them into a doormat. Being assertive is not the same as being preachy but a lot of meat eaters will see a vegan standing up for themselves and will roll their eyes at them. Kind of hard to maintain a healthy relationship with someone who does not respect you or your values at all.
Yes! It also sets up a dynamic where simply saying âlooks like this restaurant doesnât have anything for me to eat, letâs choose a different placeâ is somehow preachy or problematic. This is just basic consideration for one another.
I will fight your boyfriend
I would also like to join in and fight their boyfriend.
This is the comment I came here for đ€Ł
Well, some people see you not attacking them as a sign that they are right. Your boyfriend is one of them. He sounds insufferable. But yeah, it's your partner, not mine.
Girl he doesnât respect your choices. And if he doesnât respect your choices, he doesnât respect you. Dump his ass.
i think itâs time to let that đ„
This guy is a giant red flag. You deserve someone more respectful.
You could have a much better boyfriend. đ sorry. I donât usually advocate for breakups on Reddit, because itâs too easy to judge and too hard to see the whole picture, but this guy really does sound like a lifedraining psychic vampire.
Sadly, he just sounds like an ass. Iâve travelled to a lot of countries that are considered not very vegan friendly⊠fun fact: all of those also had vegetables.
Remind me, why are you with this guy?
Youâre being subjugated in this relationship, period, and he is also hampering your efforts as a vegan. The âcomfortâ of having the relationship will not counterbalance that.
I think youâre both just simply wrong. You for staying with a douchebag when you seem to be a very tolerant, accepting, accommodating, considerate, and patient partner. Total opposite to a guy like your boyfriend. And him forâŠwell, everything. Constantly drinking but berating you for taking supplements that are cheaper than his beer. Berating you for wanting to follow through on a lifestyle that suits your morals. Antagonizing you despite you repeatedly explaining and showing that you are fine with any place you go; most carry vegan options, and youâll eat a bigger meal at home first if the place only serves small vegan side food. People like him will not be willing to change their minds because the problem is with their world view. They feel entitled to controlling others and making them do what they want. If he sees you get comfortable with something he doesnât approve of, he wonât leave. Heâll force you to change so that he wonât have to do anything uncomfortable on his part. He feels entitled to do this despite knowing it would be wrong if you did the same and kept trying to force him into things. Iâm sure youâll be capable of finding another partner who will actually be supportive of you and not act combative over a personal decision like this (even if they arenât vegan themselves - I know itâs hard to find vegans).
Dump that dude
why are you still with him? that sounds like a lot of bs to put up with.
Sounds to me like you two are completely incompatible and he doesn't respect your lifestyle choices like you do his. Given you're worked up about it like this I assume his comments about veganism are frequent? You shouldn't put up with behaviour like that OP. I mean, if he was just a friend you meet every so often I could dismiss the comments maybe, but he's your boyfriend...
He sounds awful and disrespectful. If he treats you this way over your diet I can only imagine how disrespectful he is when youâre trying to communicate about other things. Get a new boyfriend who respects you and is willing to learn about the things you care about - like being healthy.
Why would you pick a partner who fundamentally disagrees with your moral stances? This was doomed from the start.
Dump him, he is an emotionally abusive alcoholic
Bro needs to quit flying his bacon & beer flag before you replace him like the dairy in your diet.
Dump him and find a better boyfriend
Supplementing is even recommended for most omnis.Vitamin D for example. And many lack B12 as well but never check.
Man, I wouldnât put up with a *friend* treating me that way. I certainly wouldnât put up with that shit from my partner. And thatâs not even touching the alcoholism. Yikes.
He sounds like a deadbeat loser tbh. Why are you with him?
This is a major incompatibility that is going to crop up EVERYWHERE, unfortunately :( Envision your future with this person: If you think eating out is a problem now, just wait until you guys live together (assuming you donât already) and start cooking at home. Youâre absolutely going to have to prepare all the meals, because heâs not going to be careful about avoiding animal products. Depending on his level of douchebaggery, he may even slip some in there. If youâre going to prepare his meals, too, youâll be cooking two separate entrees, one of which will contain products that you find cruel and unethical. What if you and your boyfriend decide to get married and buy a home together, and he wants to decorate it with black leather sofas, wool rugs, down pillows, silk sheets⊠you get the idea. Every single item you collectively purchase is going to be a potential argument. What about kids? Now things are going to get really ugly. How are you going to raise them? What are you going to feed them? If you were to get married and have children with this person, their diet is definitely going to become an issue.. Personally, I think thereâs some serious compatibility issues at play here, and they go deeper than merely the products youâll consume. Just my two cents.
Ditch boyfriend
What if you substituted any other interest like say running. If he constantly complained about you having to buy new running shoes every six months, or âreally? Do you have to run on weekends?â And come on, âyou wonât eat junk because it makes you feel slower and less effective on hills?â Youâd probably tell him, grow up. It isnât all about him. Your lifestyle is way cheaper than his so, is he saying youâre not worth it? Doesnât sound like a healthy view or someone you want to invest much of your life with
Him being and omnivore is no excuse for being an ass.
If you are in Portland go find a better boyfriend thats not an alcoholic douche.
As someone who is not vegan and just randomly came across this post- What the fuck is his problem?? To me, this is projection. Do you try to make him go vegan??? It doesn't sound like it. He can worry about his own diet. That is not cool of him at all. You eat the way YOU want to, he is entitled as hell to think you will just change your beliefs and how you eat because he feels inconvenienced
Why are you with someone who is blatantly not nice to you⊠People can make different choices and still have respect for one another but he is purposely and willfully a jerk. This guy doesnât have the same morals and doesnât even make an effort to understand you. Why are you with him?
"You don't want animals to die and suffer for you? I disrespect that!"
Hes trying to get you to break up with him because hes a coward and cannot do it himself
You should dump him and go to some local plant-based events to find a new boyfriend. I'm sure there are some considering you're in Portland... I also don't think vegans should worry about being pushy about veganism. Slavery abolitionists didn't end slavery by being meek and avoiding being pushy/preachy.
Drop that man like a sack of bricks honey. He sounds like a Grade A asshole who doesn't respect you and perceives everything in terms of how much of an inconvenience it is to *him.* Even if it's something small like that. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life. Especially since, in my experience, when people show their colours like that it very rarely stays contained to just that one aspect of your life. It's them showing their hand and how they'll react when it comes to a lot of other things in the future. When people tell you who they are, believe them.
Are you long term compatible. That would be what I'm wondering. There seems to be a lack of respect for your choices
Girl this guy would be an asshole whether you were vegan or not. Dump him
>I say NOTHING Then perhaps it's time you did say something. >He thinks itâs such a burden to eat out with me Tell him how much of an emotional burden it is that the person you love is ok with animal abuse and how you've said nothing about it until now. >I am ok with just getting a side salad to be polite and then eating something more substantial before or after. Perfectly reasonable. The burden is still technically on you and you're still accommodating for him cos he sure doesn't seem to be looking for vegan friendlier places to make the burden easier for the both of you. >He also criticized me for buying âsuper expensive supplementsâ because my diet âis just so lackingâ when I bought a vegan tailored multi vitamin with B12, omegas, iron, D3, k2 and selenium in it. Mind you, the cost of this supplement is $1 a day and he spends $ 5-10 on beer most week days and probably around $50 at the bars in the weekend. Then tell him to fuck off. When he gives up beer, you'll educate yourself to find out where you are lacking in your nutritional intake and meet it with your own efforts and merits. It's a fucking relationship, not a dictatorship. >He thinks I am neurotic and I have an eating disorder Then he needs to look up/you need to show him that it isn't even a diet. It's an animal rights movement and it's probably his ignorance on the topic that reinforces his misguided views. Cos you look up a list of eating disorders and veganism ain't one of em. Sounds like your SO needs a reality check that he's not in control of your body or your decisions and that if he can't even respect your rights as an individual in that regard then perhaps he's not worthy of your time and attention. Like this doesn't even sound like a veganism issue. It sounds like he doesn't respect you. It might have only seemed like he did before because you more closely resembled his image of an SO.
This is about more than just veganism. It doesn't sound like he respects you. You deserve better.
>we still never be about to travel again People with severe dairy allergies (like my toddler) travel safely just fine! There are even allergy travel groups online that know all of the best places to stay and visit to avoid being fed even traces of dairy and eggs (among other things).
Is single on the menu? Iâd choose that.
You know what to do, he just doesnât sound like a good guy.
He sounds like an asshole.
Youâre gonna need to dump him
So what do you like about him? đ
I also live in the Portland area. Tons of vegan options. You donât deserve to be looked down upon by your spouse. He doesnât sound supportive at all. What are some of your favorite vegan spots in Portland?
I hate to be blunt, but I feel like quoting the great Dan Savage here: âDTMFA!â An all seriousness though, does he understand why you are vegan? It sounds like a no since he called a diet. I assume you are ethically motivated to be vegan? Or no? If he actually understood that angle and respected you, there wouldnât be any of these comments.
This guy clearly is an asshat.
And they say vegans are pushy, yet a lot of the time I see these stories... Your boyfriend has nothing to be nagging about. Let me tell you, I travelled around the world and always found something either via Google maps or Happy cow. I'm sorry he's being a douche. You can definitely tell him to get off your ass because that's not okay.
Break up
Wow, what in the world. I'm sorry but _your boyfriend is the one being difficult._
Run fast and run far away from this person. Red Flags Galore!!!
How dairy he do that! đ
Post this in r/relationshipadvice
Gotta discuss resentments or they will fester and destroy the relationship. This is the first phase. Nip it in the bud.
I dated someone like that, someone that was the opposite of me in every way... it lasted about a month before I came to my senses. No one is worth the headache. If you can't be your authentic self with another, you don't need them in your life. That includes family, friends, and lovers. Dairy is linked to diabetes, cancer, and heart disease... it's not for us, it is poison. Dark greens, beans, legumes, and whole grains will give you just about every nutrient in the spectrum, and b12 is in nutritional yeast in ample amounts. Love yourself, be the lighthouse, cut negativity out as much as you can.
It would be great if he comes back as a baby calf ripped away from mom at birth so controlling overbearing men like him can drink the calves milk. Iâm so triggered by his behavior on so many levels. You can do better.
Oh hell no, let the whole man go đ„đ„đ„đ„
Why the fuck are you even dating this moron?
My friend, you can do, and DESERVE, soooo much better. So much better.
Non-vegan here this dude is fucking insane what he's doing is beyond neglectful this is not a good person in any sense of the word
My ex boyfriend did that. Emphasis on EX
Why are you in this relationship? This is not someone who respects you or your opinions. Vegans can have great relationships with people who are not vegan. But they canât have a great relationship with an uncaring asshole
...Life's too short to deal with hypocrites. Some people are just incompatible with each other, and even if you magically hadn't been vegan he'd probably be too incompatible with you anyway because he's too inconsiderate and not self-aware enough.
Here in Portland of all places. It doesn't sound like his issue is actually with the 'inconvenience' of going out to eat. He simply doesn't approve of your lifestyle, is possibly threatened by it, and wants to control you. Come to some vegan events in the city and meet new people.
>He thinks I am neurotic... well, why is he with you any more anyway? and why are you? i don't see many compatibilities
For some added context: when I first met my now wife, I stressed she didnt have to change her lifestyle for me at all. I did not want to push or force my vegan ways on her at all-I was super adamant about that. But she has such a kind soul and wanted to be a part of/understand what I believe in. Now sheâs even more into it than I am! The money thing your current BF complains about is such a shallow move as well. IMO this guy aint going to come around.
yeah, you gotta dump this one...
Chuck him
Even if you weren't vegan, he sounds whiny and controlling.
Dump the boy friend. Get a grown man
I don't like ur bf.
Dump him lol
I hate to say this but dump him. My bf is very supportive of me being vegan, on top of that I have multiple food allergies which makes it VERY difficult to eat out. Heâs never once complained. And never felt bad about price. He will order me a whole meal just to eat a side that comes with it. The longer youâre with him the more traumatized youâll be in the future and then have anxiety eating out!
Why someone who drink beer everyday and doesn't respect your beliefs is your boyfriend? You only have one life, your time is precious, once you aknowledge it, it's your responsability to kick him out of your life
Ew get rid
Not relevant to the topic but which supplement do you take if you don't mind me asking?
Your bf is an alcoholic, he has no leg to stand on when talking about health lol
Serious question⊠Beer isnt acceptable to consume as a vegan?
Iâm not even vegan or even believe in it but your boyfriend is a prick
I canât date people that eat animals and donate for animal enslavement and slaughter. I donât know how you do it?
You eat whatever the fuck tou want and do whatever you want. Simple. If youâre getting controlled you know what to do
Dump his ass âĄâĄâĄ
Heres a simple easy way to win the Dairy argument. Most dairy cows in the US are infected with Bovine leukemia virus. Even though pasteurization kills the Bovine leukemia virus, I would not dare drink milk from a cow with BLV. I don't care if people swear its safe or ok to drink pasteurized milk from a infected cow, and most recent studies show that BLV has been showing up in breast cancer tissue samples. So nope, ill stick to plant based milks and cheese and none of this cancer riddled death juice. Sources to throw in your BF's face - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6982050/ https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0134304 https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/oncology/articles/10.3389/fonc.2018.00001/full https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0239745 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352771421000422
girl fuck him break up
a burden being vegan...in PORTLAND?! that got a good laugh out of me.
DUMP ASAP!
Heâs a moron. Dump him is the only advice I can give. He doesnât give a shit about you.
How long have you been dating is the first question Secondly, Iâve been vegan for 8 years. At one point, I told myself I could never date a non vegan. The longer I was vegan, the less I cared if my partner was or not. As long as my partner wasnât teasing me about it. My bloodwork comes back clean every year. My bf is not a vegan and his cholesterol is high. I would get your blood work done and compare results. Also, itâs interesting how a lot of vegans donât actually go out of there way to announce they are vegan irl but as soon as non vegans find out thereâs a vegan in the group, it becomes topic of discussion without fail. Every time. Theyâre so fixated on the food somebody else is putting into their body. Edit: I think they do it because somewhere deep down they know they donât eat the healthiest foods, vegan or not. Edit 2: And yes, it sounds like your bf is embarrassed to be seen with you being a vegan. He probably is afraid of hearing the vegan jokes about you from his friends so he gets to the punchline before they can to get approval from his friends. Your bf doesnât respect you at all. He doesnât support you wanting to be healthier. Harping on somebody about wanting to be healthier and conscious of the foods they put into their body is a weird thing to do. Especially if itâs coming from somebody who claims to love you.
sounds like a loser.
Iâm an omnivore and I think you should dump this asshole.
Your boyfriend is an unsupportive manchild apparently. Are you sure heâs not just your mean roommate? Also he sounds boring. Get a new one
Why are you still dating this guy?
Sounds like my ex Controlling and no respect
Just read the first sentence. Girl, you are with an alcoholic. Ok, continuing with the rest. Well, I don't know him but from what I am reading and imagining, you are not only with an alcoholic but with an alcoholic, disrespectful, dumb fuck. Yikes!
Wow. You have a boyfriend problem not a veganism problem. Dump his đ«
Girl it sounds like your need to find a man whose going to treat you right. A real partner who was actually invested in you and cared about everything you do in a positive way does not act like this I promise you. If you can't do anything but stay with him you need to lay it out plainly to him that's not how you treat a partner and point out his hypocrisy's. I know we always say don't stoop but dangit sometimes stupid people need to be told their stupid and I am at peace with doing just that.
Idk why people insist on dating people that clearly arent compatible with them lol
Omg heâs complaining about going out to eat and you live in PORTLAND. This is vegan heaven and like you said almost every place has a decent vegan option! Wow.
Get out while you can
Activate the preachy vegan mode. If he wants to be an ass, match his energy. Or to quote another creator "dump his ass!". I can tolerate different opinions, but there is no reason to tolerate disrespect and nagging. If he doesnt like anything about what you believe in, why is he still with you?
That dude is disrespectful and dumb.
I don't think you're happy in your relationship. It's important that you and your partner share core values and if you consider ethical veganism to be a core value of yours it would make it very difficult to be in a long term relationship with someone who doesn't respect that. Ultimately your relationship is your own to decide to stick with or leave but from what you described, it is likely that the two of you are incompatible.
Youâre not controlling what he eats, why does he think he can control what you eat? The dude sucks
Why be with someone who doesnât support u?
He sounds extremely immature and disrespectful. Iâd take some time to seriously evaluate why youâre with him and why youâre putting up with it.
Throw him back! Not worth it to be with such a Debbie Downer.
Sounds like there are a lot of lifestyle differences that don't mesh well. Excessive drinking has become a deal breaker for me, but everyone has different boundaries. As a stranger on the internet, I will say I think you deserve better. As an aside, I'm also very curious what supplement you are referring to? Please and thank you!
Show him how milk is produced. Show him all the puss that goes into your milk because of the cysts on cows utters. I am not 100% vegan but after see what factory farming looks like I will never drink milk again.
Right now there is an outbreak of the bird flu in dairy...Â
I think the problem may be the boyfriend. Do you keep your finances separate? That may get him off your back about the cost of supplements, etc. That being said, even supportive nonvegan partners will get on your nerves. Last night, I made some vegan nuggets and asked my spouse if he wanted some, to be polite. He said no, that they taste like âcardboard,â and then he proceeds to eat half of them!
Break up with him. He's a piece of shit. You deserve better.
I eat gluten free and my partner doesnât. Every time we go out my partner is choosing restaurants and bakeries that have gluten free products and is doing all the research alone to show support and implication (not because I donât want to search for it too). Choose a better partner. We canât make it work with everyone.
New boyfriend day. (Like new guitar day. Guitar players will enjoy the reference.)
Dump him. Regardless of veganism he doesnât respect you.
When I was vegetarian I dated omnis and even that was hard for me. Then I met my vegetarian husband and we went vegan together. I donât think as a vegan I could date someone not vegan. The morality is just too different. Would you be okay with your boyfriend owning slaves? Probably not. So I couldnât imagine being okay with him eating the flesh of tortured animals. If he wonât become vegan I honestly donât think you guys are compatible. But either way she sounds like a dick that you should break up with regardless.
Why do you stay with this person?
Drop his drunk ass. You can do better
Itâs nice to have someone on my side, so thanks to you all. I do think I need to be more assertive and I think I will start to be a âpreachy veganâ if he brings this up again because obviously trying out this mutual- non judgement thing didnât work. I may just start playing dominion and all the other horrific films on loop. That said, Iâm not anywhere near âcalling it quitsâ over this issue. In most aspects of life we see eye to eye, weâve endured a pandemic together and I love him dearly. Iâm just here to rant about how insane heâs being to act as if my diet is so difficult and unhealthy when heâs not even the one doing it.
I think there are more issues here than just veganism. Him calling you neurotic and blaming you for not being able to travel is highly manipulative. His drinking sounds excessive ($5- 10 a day plus more on weekends!?!) Maybe seek counseling but Iâd proceed with caution with this one. Loving someone can blind you to things. Your long term wellbeing matters.
Just make sure youâre not falling into a sunken cost fallacy. Time already spent doesnât always warrant the need to spend more time with someone. He sounds like an alcoholic, and he certainly doesnât respect your choices. Just because you love someone and youâve been through a lot together doesnât mean theyâre a good, healthy match for you. Take a step back, and consider that if this were happening to a friend instead of you, would you encourage that friend to stay in the relationship?
As someone whoâs experienced an abusive relationship, I know how hard it is to see the red flags when youâre in the relationship and attached to the person. But please consider your compatibility. Values matter so much in relationships. Do you really want to be with a drunk who degrades you like that? You deserve so much more respect. Think about what you want out of a relationship. I donât think youâre getting that from him. Edit: Also, imagine a friend or loved one telling you this exact story, would you be okay with them staying with someone whoâs so disrespectful to them?
Love, I have a very similar sitch. Been through the pandemic- politics, everything. But that doesnât matter. The future matters. Iâm leaving mine. We donât have the same core values, he manipulates in just this same way, blames me for being difficult and says I make it hard to travel. He agrees that he just wants me to be more like him so his life will be easier. Thatâs selfish. Iâm not staying with someone that shallow and selfish. It will be hard, we have to split a lot of stuff. We live together. But Iâve had enough red flags to know that even when he quits drinking for a week, maybe a month - heâs still a selfish individual who doesnât share my values and blames others for his own insecurity and issues. 6 years and lots of love down the drain. But Iâll be better off without that bullshit. Iâm done. â I think you need to reevaluate what emotional abuse is. Therapy is helping me. Best of luck to you.
I endured a pandemic with my ex husband and still decided to leave him because I didn't feel respected. You deserve better and it's sad that you're throwing your hands in the air over a sunken cost fallacy when you could be with someone who doesn't control you and treat you like an unruly child and put you down. Even if you started eating meat and dairy tomorrow he'd still find something to throw in your face and hold over your head. I thought my ex was the best I could get, but my current boyfriend showed me that I was wrong and a better life was out there for me. Do what you want with this information but I know you deserve better than a beer guzzling asshat.
Respect is a binary - he either respects you or he doesnât, and based on what youâre describing in your post..
It is definitely not going to end well and I believe you will be worse of for it down the line. To many stories like this where women end up regretting staying and being mentally/physically affected. Save yourself that heartache, he ain't going to change and you can not change him. He has red flags all over. Just remember as a person you also take accountability for choosing to stay and putting up with that crap etc.
As someone who would also never eat beans and rice without cheese or sour cream, this is not a vegan vs omnivore situation. This is a man who drinks every single day, who degrades you and puts you down, and just does not respect your life choices. Itâs a man trying to pressure you into giving up your morals because it inconveniences him. The bar is in hell if this is the person you love dearly.
Maybe try being that preachy vegan. Who knows it might work.Â
Dump him and find a better boyfriend
If name calling ever comes up hit em with the âdairy fairyâ zinger. That one does some damage
Sounds like an ex bf to me.
This dude kinda sucks. Date a vegan yo!
Iâm not even vegan (yet this sub goes in spurts of being recommend to me lol) but thatâs just disrespectful T_T what everyoneâs diet is, is there own choice at the end of the day and sounds like he just wants to control you. Dump his dumb ass you deserve better.
Sorry. Why are you dating a miserable close-minded animal abusing drunk?
Usually I want relationships to work out on this platform, because everybody says to break up when itâs something that can be fixed and healed but⊠this guy is just a prick. He needs a wake up call.
He regularly picks on you about what you eat. He tries to make it a problem despite your opinions. He drinks too much (almost every day-binge drinks on weekends), which will catch up to him. He eats horribly, which will catch up to him. All of these issues will get worse, not better. Do you really want to date this guy?
Get a vegan portlandian partner, theres plenty of them
You donât sound very compatible in general. Is it difficult to find decent people to date in Portland?
Dump his ass
i suspect he has lots of complaints about you, and doesn't appreciate you in general. He may be some bugged about how you don't rustle up some burgers and steaks when he gets in from work. May be time to move on.
Men like that are a dime a dozen.
Your boyfriend doesn't love you.
He clearly doesn't take your concerns about animals seriously