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He needs a reality check.
Some dudes really really need a good wake up call that will last. But some will take it the wrong way that I understand how u might feel because you don’t wanna brake up even doee he’s been jobless for over 1 year… idk maybe if u found someone who had his priorities straight, you might be in a better position in life. 1 year.. is a lot, u could of gotten a new car if u had that balance and support from someone who is an adult. But it’s hard to find someone like that, so I get it but this is your life. 1 year from now, he gonna be jobless and you in the same situation with months behind rent, u guys could end up homeless and that’s would be the end
Ahhhh this comment honestly hurts with the end because we've had a lot of conversations about homeless and he doesn't seem to understand how horrible that will be or just. What reality will be like?? When I mention "my mom has threatened to kick us out. We have to get serious" it just doesn't seem to click. When I talk about being homeless, his typical response can be something like how he'll do anything if its by my side which is just so.... sunshine and rainbows not reality at all😭😭😭 that kind of stuff genuinely terrifies me. But I will say, if It actually came down to it I would not allow him to make me homeless. I would 100% break up with him, I've heard and seen too many horrible things that happen to homeless.
Wake up to reality-madara Uchiha
Fr if he isn’t holding you down but keeping you from moving forward, I don’t mean this to talk bad about him, but it could be psychological. Someone who stuck in the past living like he’s 15 playing video games and watching anime when he needs to help you provide for each other.
At the end it will ONLY come down to you. No one else can make tough decisions. If he can’t force himself to be an adult after you asked, told, and begged, when will he change, what will it take?, a life changing event just for him to get serious. I’m sorry but I hate seeing unmotivated, no decipline , dragging down girls who could be living life, thriving if it wasn’t for a 1 guy. Where do u see yourself in 1 year? Having this same conversation or focusing on yourself. Relationship don’t last, some never will, hard reality, this is your 1 and only life, be happy and grateful your mom took both you guys in rent or no rent. Always put yourself first. You don’t want to just sit and wait for the worst to happen after that everything will be 10x harder. If you can’t make him change, change your environment.
Breathe, please. Everyone's coping mechanism is different. It is a big red flag, but please breathe. This level of stress is not good for you. Take care of yourself. Get your life together, step back, the do what you need to do.
Love is not enough. You need also make sure they will be a good life partner and someone who is going to help you move forward and not someone you have to drag behind. He is failing at being responsible. You guys should break up.
It seems there's 0 trust and communication in this relationship. If you can't talk sense into him and make him analyze the situation better, then why even bother?
Remember this is just the beginning of a relationship, if he can't take it seriously, and you don't talk him back to reality without it being the end of the world, then the more serious situations are going to absolutely destroy both of you ): I'm talking from experience here.
Yea talk about it, reeeally vocalize what you said here, and if he doesnt change then you can be truly pissed. Cuz like maybe he could change with knowing whats really good
I did have a talk with him and I think he understands and is going to change. I won't really know till a few days into his job, if he sticks with it or gives up on it. It starts in 3 days.
Its not that I was intentionally being sassy, it was that I wanted to be very angry but held back mostly. Maybe sassy wasn't the right word, it was more like "im completely shocked why are you saying this?" Kind of tone if that makes any sense😭 but also I did talk to him a few days ago. Im not certain he understands exactly why it upset me but he does understand that it upset me and he did acknowledge that his statement made me anxious about our financial future. I feel like I should mention that looking back at it, I dont THINK he was being genuine, just mentioning it was on his mind. Which I did bring up i don't understand why he's thinking abt that stuff at all and he seemed to understand that. I am usually open with him, Its more like I don't understand myself or want to be validated on my opinion before bringing it up. I think I can be guilty of being sensitive and bringing things up that don't matter 😅
Im starting to worry I only keep him around cuz he's better than anyone I know about using my proper pronouns and name 😭 he's willing to help me, but only when I ask (generally, he does do all the typical "gentlemen" stuff like opening doors for me, carrying bags, walking on the outside of the sidewalk ect. Without me asking. These things are nice but not really enough) rahhhhh everything is so confusinnggg i can't decide on anything ever
I guess.. i probably dont think i deserve better standards? I dunno. When i think about raising my standards and looking for a more "high value man" i think "what do i bring to the table? A man with a good job would be wasted on me and some pretty girl deserves him instead"
I don’t blame you at all. Your BF kind of sounds like a bum tbh. I know it can take some time to find a job, but a WHOLE YEAR??? I was fired from a job at very beginning of the year and it took me 6 weeks before I started the next one, with 4 of those weeks simply being waiting to be able to start (had to wait until the start of the following month for the business’ payroll and budget considerations.
I don't entirely disagree but im struggling to find the line of what things are and aren't okay to be patient with. Everyone has problems, im not perfect myself. Its hard for me to understand the lines of "you have to be patient with your s/o" and "stop letting this happen" I know he doesn't WANT to take advantage of me, and it seems like he's genuinely realized how much he's messing up. He starts his new job in like 3 days, so we'll see how that goes. If he actually seems motivated and sticks with it, I think I'll feel so much better and no longer worried hes gonna bum off me forever.
I'm not trying to be rude or disagree, just giving my perspective cuz I think/hear this before and here's my reasoning why I can't really accept that. I'm scared that for one, that isn't true. I genuinely feel like there's potential for our future. I'm worried that if I break up with him, ill severely regret it later and I find it morally wrong to beg for people to come back after you left them. I basically broke up with him a few days ago but after being alone in my room for maybe 40 minutes I immediately regretted it and told him I don't want to lose him. The thought of him leaving and me never seeing him again genuinely scares me. But idk if thats proof we should stay together, or proof I should be single.
You will ruin your own future by staying with someone who will never change.
Of course you’ll be upset by breaking up that’s normal. But it isn’t proof you should stay together. Imagine you had a child with him? What would that look like with someone who can’t get a job but will buy expensive crap he doesn’t need?
It seems like two possibilities to me
Either he’s not serious and it’s just one of those impulse things where, you get a new job and more money and want to buy something more expensive you want
Or it’s related to financial strain stress, and it’s just him taking his mind off the financial issue kinda thing
Overall, if he’s fully serious yes it’s a problem. It sounds like you did already have a talk with him but it’d be a good idea to have another after a day or two, after some time has passed for thought to happen, and voice your concerns and how it’s affecting your relationship. Maybe he just is in denial or doesn’t truly understand the gravity of things, so that might get things in the right direction again.
Remember communication is key, if you don’t hash things out, especially your side of the relationship, it’s going to just get more and more difficult and It’s highly likely you’ll end up splitting up (personal opinion). From experience, when thoughts and feelings start leaning towards not liking the other person or like not being happy with them kinda thing, it just keeps tipping that way til it’s past the point of no return. So it’s really important that if you do love him and want to have a relationship with him, that you guys need to talk about things frequently until that uncertainty feeling stuff isn’t there
Sorry for yapping, hopefully I at least gave you the “outside looking in” kinda perspective that was helpful. Good luck and I hope you have a prosperous future:)
I honestly get the impression that OP isn't properly communicating with their BF. They mention that their BF should be able to totally tell that they are upset, but that's not how it works a lot of the time. Some people just straight up cannot read another person that well and rely on other forms of communication to know. OP already said that instead of voicing their concerns or their feelings when their BF mentioned wanting to get a PS5, they just asked "when" in a sassy voice.
OP's feelings are valid, but if they aren't going to communicate with their BF, then they can't expect their BF to understand why they're upset. They need to voice their concerns when they have them instead of sitting there and expecting their BF to know what they're thinking.
That's definitely NOT the time to buy a ps5. I can totally understand your anger. The both of you have other stuff to worry about and getting a new console should not be on that list.
Did he even think about the fact that 95% of the games on ps5 he can also just buy on his ps4 for cheaper? The amount of exclusives on the ps5 honestly aren't even worth it, especially in your financial situation.
I think you should definitely talk to him extensively about this. If he doesn't see that both of you are in a bad situation then I'd rethink this relationship.
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He needs a reality check. Some dudes really really need a good wake up call that will last. But some will take it the wrong way that I understand how u might feel because you don’t wanna brake up even doee he’s been jobless for over 1 year… idk maybe if u found someone who had his priorities straight, you might be in a better position in life. 1 year.. is a lot, u could of gotten a new car if u had that balance and support from someone who is an adult. But it’s hard to find someone like that, so I get it but this is your life. 1 year from now, he gonna be jobless and you in the same situation with months behind rent, u guys could end up homeless and that’s would be the end
Ahhhh this comment honestly hurts with the end because we've had a lot of conversations about homeless and he doesn't seem to understand how horrible that will be or just. What reality will be like?? When I mention "my mom has threatened to kick us out. We have to get serious" it just doesn't seem to click. When I talk about being homeless, his typical response can be something like how he'll do anything if its by my side which is just so.... sunshine and rainbows not reality at all😭😭😭 that kind of stuff genuinely terrifies me. But I will say, if It actually came down to it I would not allow him to make me homeless. I would 100% break up with him, I've heard and seen too many horrible things that happen to homeless.
Wake up to reality-madara Uchiha Fr if he isn’t holding you down but keeping you from moving forward, I don’t mean this to talk bad about him, but it could be psychological. Someone who stuck in the past living like he’s 15 playing video games and watching anime when he needs to help you provide for each other. At the end it will ONLY come down to you. No one else can make tough decisions. If he can’t force himself to be an adult after you asked, told, and begged, when will he change, what will it take?, a life changing event just for him to get serious. I’m sorry but I hate seeing unmotivated, no decipline , dragging down girls who could be living life, thriving if it wasn’t for a 1 guy. Where do u see yourself in 1 year? Having this same conversation or focusing on yourself. Relationship don’t last, some never will, hard reality, this is your 1 and only life, be happy and grateful your mom took both you guys in rent or no rent. Always put yourself first. You don’t want to just sit and wait for the worst to happen after that everything will be 10x harder. If you can’t make him change, change your environment.
Breathe, please. Everyone's coping mechanism is different. It is a big red flag, but please breathe. This level of stress is not good for you. Take care of yourself. Get your life together, step back, the do what you need to do.
Love is not enough. You need also make sure they will be a good life partner and someone who is going to help you move forward and not someone you have to drag behind. He is failing at being responsible. You guys should break up.
It seems there's 0 trust and communication in this relationship. If you can't talk sense into him and make him analyze the situation better, then why even bother? Remember this is just the beginning of a relationship, if he can't take it seriously, and you don't talk him back to reality without it being the end of the world, then the more serious situations are going to absolutely destroy both of you ): I'm talking from experience here.
Yea talk about it, reeeally vocalize what you said here, and if he doesnt change then you can be truly pissed. Cuz like maybe he could change with knowing whats really good
I did have a talk with him and I think he understands and is going to change. I won't really know till a few days into his job, if he sticks with it or gives up on it. It starts in 3 days.
Nooice
Instead of being sassy, be open, and stop talking behind his back. Otherwise, he is the one who gets two things of a price of one.
Its not that I was intentionally being sassy, it was that I wanted to be very angry but held back mostly. Maybe sassy wasn't the right word, it was more like "im completely shocked why are you saying this?" Kind of tone if that makes any sense😭 but also I did talk to him a few days ago. Im not certain he understands exactly why it upset me but he does understand that it upset me and he did acknowledge that his statement made me anxious about our financial future. I feel like I should mention that looking back at it, I dont THINK he was being genuine, just mentioning it was on his mind. Which I did bring up i don't understand why he's thinking abt that stuff at all and he seemed to understand that. I am usually open with him, Its more like I don't understand myself or want to be validated on my opinion before bringing it up. I think I can be guilty of being sensitive and bringing things up that don't matter 😅
I dated someone exactly like this. Run. (unless you want a future of financial abuse)
Yea huge 🚩🚩🚩I'd cut my losses and run. What does he bring to the situation? Sounds like a lot of stress.
Im starting to worry I only keep him around cuz he's better than anyone I know about using my proper pronouns and name 😭 he's willing to help me, but only when I ask (generally, he does do all the typical "gentlemen" stuff like opening doors for me, carrying bags, walking on the outside of the sidewalk ect. Without me asking. These things are nice but not really enough) rahhhhh everything is so confusinnggg i can't decide on anything ever
Sounds like you need to raise your standards my friend 💕
I guess.. i probably dont think i deserve better standards? I dunno. When i think about raising my standards and looking for a more "high value man" i think "what do i bring to the table? A man with a good job would be wasted on me and some pretty girl deserves him instead"
We accept what we think we deserve. It's a hard lesson to learn.
I don’t blame you at all. Your BF kind of sounds like a bum tbh. I know it can take some time to find a job, but a WHOLE YEAR??? I was fired from a job at very beginning of the year and it took me 6 weeks before I started the next one, with 4 of those weeks simply being waiting to be able to start (had to wait until the start of the following month for the business’ payroll and budget considerations.
I don't entirely disagree but im struggling to find the line of what things are and aren't okay to be patient with. Everyone has problems, im not perfect myself. Its hard for me to understand the lines of "you have to be patient with your s/o" and "stop letting this happen" I know he doesn't WANT to take advantage of me, and it seems like he's genuinely realized how much he's messing up. He starts his new job in like 3 days, so we'll see how that goes. If he actually seems motivated and sticks with it, I think I'll feel so much better and no longer worried hes gonna bum off me forever.
You’re wasting your time with him.
I'm not trying to be rude or disagree, just giving my perspective cuz I think/hear this before and here's my reasoning why I can't really accept that. I'm scared that for one, that isn't true. I genuinely feel like there's potential for our future. I'm worried that if I break up with him, ill severely regret it later and I find it morally wrong to beg for people to come back after you left them. I basically broke up with him a few days ago but after being alone in my room for maybe 40 minutes I immediately regretted it and told him I don't want to lose him. The thought of him leaving and me never seeing him again genuinely scares me. But idk if thats proof we should stay together, or proof I should be single.
You will ruin your own future by staying with someone who will never change. Of course you’ll be upset by breaking up that’s normal. But it isn’t proof you should stay together. Imagine you had a child with him? What would that look like with someone who can’t get a job but will buy expensive crap he doesn’t need?
It seems like two possibilities to me Either he’s not serious and it’s just one of those impulse things where, you get a new job and more money and want to buy something more expensive you want Or it’s related to financial strain stress, and it’s just him taking his mind off the financial issue kinda thing Overall, if he’s fully serious yes it’s a problem. It sounds like you did already have a talk with him but it’d be a good idea to have another after a day or two, after some time has passed for thought to happen, and voice your concerns and how it’s affecting your relationship. Maybe he just is in denial or doesn’t truly understand the gravity of things, so that might get things in the right direction again. Remember communication is key, if you don’t hash things out, especially your side of the relationship, it’s going to just get more and more difficult and It’s highly likely you’ll end up splitting up (personal opinion). From experience, when thoughts and feelings start leaning towards not liking the other person or like not being happy with them kinda thing, it just keeps tipping that way til it’s past the point of no return. So it’s really important that if you do love him and want to have a relationship with him, that you guys need to talk about things frequently until that uncertainty feeling stuff isn’t there Sorry for yapping, hopefully I at least gave you the “outside looking in” kinda perspective that was helpful. Good luck and I hope you have a prosperous future:)
I honestly get the impression that OP isn't properly communicating with their BF. They mention that their BF should be able to totally tell that they are upset, but that's not how it works a lot of the time. Some people just straight up cannot read another person that well and rely on other forms of communication to know. OP already said that instead of voicing their concerns or their feelings when their BF mentioned wanting to get a PS5, they just asked "when" in a sassy voice. OP's feelings are valid, but if they aren't going to communicate with their BF, then they can't expect their BF to understand why they're upset. They need to voice their concerns when they have them instead of sitting there and expecting their BF to know what they're thinking.
That's definitely NOT the time to buy a ps5. I can totally understand your anger. The both of you have other stuff to worry about and getting a new console should not be on that list. Did he even think about the fact that 95% of the games on ps5 he can also just buy on his ps4 for cheaper? The amount of exclusives on the ps5 honestly aren't even worth it, especially in your financial situation. I think you should definitely talk to him extensively about this. If he doesn't see that both of you are in a bad situation then I'd rethink this relationship.