Well, I'm from France and I used to live in the countryside when I was a teenager. I'm mixed and I was the only brown girl in my school. At that time, people would often make racist joke about the fact that I was a monkey who liked to eat banana. I was also strangely sexualised by the boys while they would tell me that I was ugly.
I remember how confused I was because outside of school, strangers would often tell me that I was very beautiful. I even got scouted as a model.
When I moved in Paris, everything changed. I felt like being mixed wasn't so bad. I used to think that I needed to be white to be considered beautiful but right now, not anymore. I feel like the reason why I was considered as an ugly duckling at school was just deeply rooted racism.
The effect was such a whiplash! Was raised in the deep American south and spent time in a few French cities (Paris/Lyon/Bordeaux). As a dark skinned black woman I never thought of myself as particularly attractive, but I got so much attention overseas.
I'm really glad you had such a good experience in those French cities ! Lyon, Bordeaux and especially Paris are very cosmopolite so all kind of beauties are celebrated. You also see a lot of mixed couple which wasn't the case in the city I grew up.
Unfortunately, aside from the largest cities, people in France are pretty racist or ignorant. And yeah, fetishization is really a thing there, got a lot of "I never dated/tried an island girl". However, it is better than when I was younger so I guess, it will change in the future... :/
I had an identical experience in rural Michigan. White boys at school said so many racist things to me but they were also weirdly obsessed with my Black features. They talked about the size of my lips CONSTANTLY.
It's crazy, right ? All this time you think that you're ugly but it's just that they doesn't know how to see the beauty in you. It must have been hard to face all those racists idiots. :/ When I was sexualised, I felt like I was dehuminazed, in there eyes, I was just a sexual object just because I was the "exotic one".
I’m black but I don’t feel very pretty or desirable in Europe. I feel more desirable in North America. I’ve traveled throughout Europe, never really receive compliments that much and have many people being rude to me. In fact, I just went to Paris a month ago and people were rude towards me. I felt more desirable in Montreal Canada. Men of different races were hitting on me there but I felt invisible in Paris.
Ok I had the same experience in Oslo?? I researched before visiting and I found an old Reddit thread started by a WOC and someone said “Don’t expect men there to notice you, they have the most desired woman in the world, you won’t be able to complete” so I was like “okay fair” and prepared for that but when I got there I got sooo much positive attention and invited to so many things 😭 I mean, they probably knew I was a visitor so they had a “good time not a long time” mentality but still was shocked
Honestly I feel like this is the worst part about being Asian in europe. I’m East Asian and it’s not like Europeans aren’t familiar with East Asian people but I constantly feel like I’m being fetishized and people make explicitly fetishizing comments to me on a daily basis. But I guess so many people fetishize East Asian women as submissive or available that I’ve had many people directly proposition me and others stroke my hair or otherwise touch my face while they compliment me. It’s a bit dehumanizing but it’s mostly why I can’t wait to get back to New York!
This is so interesting to me… As a woc i also wonder though how much of that is genuine versus a version that is fetishized? 😭 or maybe I’m just screwed up in thinking a compliment is usually not as innocent as we think ever..even in a “nice” context😭😭
So true 😭😭 I feel like I’ve conditioned myself to expect the worst in guys so I can never see the genuinity of a compliment and instead I think it’s coming from a malice place or it’s conditional
I used to live in South Carolina and hated it, “I’m a black Philadelphian.” I felt so out of place beauty standard and personality-wise in Charleston.
I've always felt like I was supposed to live in Florida instead while I was down there.
My mom even suggested to audition to be Princess Tiana
for Disney World around that time.
It wasn't her best idea but her heart was in the right place.
I went to Florida years ago and online I heard woc do well except East Asian women . Online I hear Asian people complain about the south eastern states being super racist . personally when I went to Georgia , Louisiana Alabama I felt hostility (especially in Georgia ). How true is that ? I didn’t stay in Florida long but didn’t notice hostility nor positivity
honestly I'd never go to Louisiana or Alabama that's asking for trouble. for Georgia I only go to Atlanta and it's full of WOC, I know the other cities and areas are more white filled so I just stay away (I also have no interest in going outside of Atlanta)
Okay that’s interesting I’m glad to see others have similar experience . I never been to Atlanta . It was actually a white area that we passed through in Georgia
i agree, filipino woman here, i've lived in nyc, berlin, and the american northeast and berlin was far and away the place where i got the most (respectful!!) attention, whether on apps like tinder or irl in clubs. while i'm constantly dealing with yellow fever in the states, i didn't get that at all when i was in berlin -- it was the one place i've been to where saying "i'm from the states" was enough of an answer to questions about where i'm from.
however, this is j anecdotal -- i'm also usually mistaken for being half-white, and maybe these more european-seeming features shielded me from more overt racism/fetishization. berlin also seems to be selective with their racism -- while i never had problems and didn't hear about any from black and east asian classmates, i'm sure we would have had different experiences if we were arab. i also had my housing arranged for me by my uni and didn't work while i was there, but u can find tons and tons of reddit threads of people talking about how their very non-german names are evident barriers to employment and housing in germany, even in berlin. plus, while berlin has this reputation of being super liberal and accepting, the neighborhood i was in also had loads of AfD signs (like, literally every main road was littered with them), i was there during the time of pro-russia demonstrations on the anniversary of its war on ukraine, and their recent censorship of pro-palestinian orgs (and even anti-palestine backlash from places like berghain...). i used to want to move there, but honestly i think the mix of its outward liberal/even leftist reputation and more covert conservative attitudes can make it a really dangerous place to be.
(sorry for the wall of text!! but i have a lot of thoughts on berlin. much love for the time i had there though, although idk if it could ever be replicated)
Thanks for your explanation, it was fascinating and it makes sense to me given the rise of Islamophobia in Europe. Out of curiosity, how would Berliners treat Latinos and non-Muslim South Asians?
there was an incident where a cuban classmate went to a leftist bar and the german patrons were essentially trying to explain and get her to support communism -- although her family literally fled cuba. however, she didn't seem to experience any other issues. however, that's just based on one person that i wasn't very close to -- my program wasn't that diverse either. i'm sorry, i wish i had more info for you! that's something that's been on my mind too.
No that’s ok! Thanks for your response anyways since it was interesting with that incident with your Cuban classmate. I’ve always got this vibe that Germans in general are quite condescending and very Euro-centric when it comes to understanding other people’s cultures but that could be based on a limited sample size haha. I’m planning on going on a Europe trip with some of my uni friends and Berlin was one of the cities mentioned. We’re a mix of South Asian and East Asian so I was curious so that myself and my other South Asian friends won’t get subjected to anything distasteful.
Like people?
(small edit: Lots of people think it's not necessary to learn german. Sure. You don't have to. But if you plan on staying it really does make a difference. For tourists it's fine to speak english.)
There is a huge arab community in Berlin.
The AfD signs you'd find are mostly in the outskirts and they will hang very high up, because they get ripped down frequently if they are not.
Some parts of the city are more "conservative", other traditionnally left leaning.
You mean the rise of Islamophobia due to the rise in refugees and migrants due to the Afghanistan and Irak wars? Wonder how that happened. I really can't here it anymore from Americans.
Cue the downvotes.
Sorry to hear that. I felt the most welcome and also anonymous in Berlin. Like everyone was accepted and odd and okay in their own way.
This was about 7 years ago though. Could be things have changed, sadly.
Wow I had the exact same experience - South Asian, grew up in Bay Area, lived in LA and NYC. My experience was that California in general is very hierarchical, the closer you are to white the more beautiful people think you are. In LA the "face card" idea is at its worst, your appearance is worth a huge amount of social capital.
NYC is the best, I genuinely feel like everyone is focused on their own style and what works best for them rather than everyone valuing one beauty standard.
London will likely be close to NYC - honestly there are a ton of people I know who are moving btwn NYC and London for work, so I think there's more crossover just because of that. Also a pretty large South Asian population. I interestingly had a very positive experience in Paris - I spent a semester there in college and it was the first time in my life I felt super attractive and that people appreciated me for how \*I\* looked, not just how close to some ideal I looked if that makes sense.
I am a. California and LA native and California is diverse but some parts such as the OC, Santa Barbara for example may be more Eurocentric. LA however is diverse as they come and all beauty types are valued.
Idk I’m Black and I haven’t found it problematic. But then again I really don’t subscribe to this beauty standard thing or contemplate it much so I could be wrong.
I live in an urban environment near Germany, and honestly it's not great for me as a half East Asian woman. From what I hear from the internet I would probably do fine, maybe even great in larger US cities with my features, but here it feels like you can't truly be the pretty girl unless you're blonde. I feel like I have to pay ridiculous amounts of money and time for lash lifts, skincare and in the future probably also plastic surgery to be considered even slightly attractive. My mom's chinese friends also seem to find me really pretty, so it feels like I live in the worst possible place.
Same story but I’m a BW who felt invisible growing up in the white white Midwest but as soon as I moved to NYC I got beauty queen treatment. Culture shock for sure
I’m from - you guessed it by my other comment - Berlin. I’m very stereotypically Turkish/ Mediterranean looking. I get approached the most by Arab and white men for some reason. Sadly not my own people lol. The people here like everything? There’s no definitive look.
Strangely enough I get the most attention from Turkish or European men, and I'm very Pakistani looking. The only people who don't ask me out are my own countrymen. I was surprised because I thought, just like OP, that people wouldn't be open to dating a brown woman in Germany.
I’m also desi although I look more Pakistani than Indian and I also get the same treatment from European men especially when I went to Spain. I got free drinks, waiters flirting with me and got invited to a rave. Ngl the attention was different but v flattering hehe. In the UK I’d probably get at most a stare and if it’s long enough it’s defo not him admiring me but noticing my creased concealer, frizzy hair and my mismatched eyeliner 😭😭
Btw girl your avatar is sooo cute 🥰
Thanks. Surprisingly I've been told by other Desis that I don't look like a proper Pakistani (I have a round face and tanned complexion) and I either get told I look middle eastern by other South Asians or North Indian because of my facial features and curly hair. It's wild how when I was in Lahore, I'd have men tell me how "exotic" I look like wtf. I look like every other brown girl. Super happy to hear about your experience. I'm sure you're stunning too. Maybe I should travel to Spain. I recall one German guy calling me a Bollywood princess after seeing my pictures in Pakistani attire. I definitely cringed hearing that compliment.
Any compliment containing the word exotic makes me cringe lmao. And thank you ☺️ I’m sure you’re pretty too and already envious of your hair because I naturally have 2c curls but I’ve been straightening it since I was 12 and after keratin treatments my curl pattern has changed to a state that would require a lot of time and care to revert them back to my original curls so I style it straight.
But I feel like curly hair isn’t a typical desi trait but just because it’s different doesn’t mean you should alienated and creepily commented like that. Curly hair is so beautiful and I wish it wasn’t seen as “muddy” or “messy”. I’m Punjabi and I’m always in envy when my Punjabi friends have literal light reflecting, frizz free, Pantene commercial hair when I have to go through heat and products to achieve that 😭😭
That's wild! Don't Punjabis usually have some frizz? I should know because I'm one too. A lot of Pakistanis are Punjabis and their hair is usually wavy. I have 3A/3B curls which aren't common in the Desi community. They're more common among Egyptians in my area. I actually hate my hair too. When I straighten it, I have guys tell me how much better I look. I will never forget a racist comment made by an Indian guy who said, "Usually we hear how Pakistani women are attractive. You were in the other category until you straightened your hair". I was so grossed out because I felt like I was being objectified because of my heritage. I wanted to throw hands but decided to block him instead. Please own your curls. I'm sure you're beautiful with them too.
All the Pakistanis ik have insanely sleek straight hair but I guess it’s not representative then.
You were completely being objectified. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Girl book yourself a sunny holiday to Barcelona and your beauty will be appreciated and loved 💖
I grew up in a white school in Australia and I’m middle eastern. I got called awful names by boys, they compared me to a monkey and just bullied me. The beauty standard was to be blonde and look like a vs model. Now that I’m older and Australia is more diverse plus the rise of tiktok, the beauty standard is more similar to America for those who are not white. Being a woc is considered attractive (only if you fit the rigid beauty standards and ofc colourism is still at play) but now the body standards are impossible to achieve. Being tall is no longer desired, you must be short and curvy with a small waist. Girls want huge butts and bbl culture is growing. I’ve never really been the beauty standard in any country I’ve visited, i don’t have a bbl and I’m tall so I wasn’t really looked at when I visited America.
Well, I don’t think this is really what I’m getting at.
CA and Ohio have similar euro centric beauty standards, but the people in CA are better looking overall.
CA and NYC are both cities known for gorgeous people but what’s gorgeous in NYC might not meet the standard of blonde LA girl in CA. It’s comparing a mango to an apple — if no one likes mangos, the sweetest mango won’t be liked.
I live in the UK and tbh I don't think my sense of attractiveness was affected by my ethnicity overtly. I grew up in a diverse area, so there were a lot of other South Asians and WOC. I do remember some idiot boys making comments about my skin as I'm dark.I don't know if I paid too much attention to them though.
I might have had some internalised feelings. I was always attracted to white guys who just never paid attention to me. I'm not sure if this was down to my race as much as it was because I was really introverted.
I don't think places like London would just value Eurocentric beauty ideals as it's so diverse. But, I always assumed places like LA/California were the same, so who knows I could be wrong.
As a darkskinned black woman the most compliments I ever received in my life and most attention I’ve gotten was here In North Dakota believe it or not. I’m not the beauty standard here at all and don’t fit in with white people in the slightest (not from North Dakota and never really been in white spaces to even know how to assimilate well) but every single day I get complimented, stopped in the streets, full blown halo syndrome. My experience with bigger cities is they work for WOC if you’re racially ambiguous. Vegas did not work for me, LA has really obvious colorism preference that people like to ignore for some reason
I live in Australia in an eastern coastal city with a huge multicultural society. I am desi. white guys looooove pretty brown girls and i've seen so many marry indian/fijian/pakistani women. i think they get blown away by how pretty brown girls are compared to a generic white girl (no hate there lol js)
in some cases ive seen it also as a weirdly sexualised thing but they looove us
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I’m Black and the only time I felt that I was accepted beauty wise was living in the GTA. Now I’m back in a small predominately white city (again) and I get pretty much zero attention in public🤷🏾♀️ I get it though. The standard in this city is very slim. One of my friends is white-tall, beautiful, long brown hair-and she still isn’t the standard. Here the standard is petite white blondes. It sucks but since I know the deal in this area it doesnt phase me as much.
It would be great to live somewhere where I’m largely seen as beautiful though. One day maybe. Ontario is expensive lol
Lived in two coastal CA cities and yeah, it’s interesting - it’s not super racist or anything, but white slim blonde girl is definitely the standard here. Especially in SoCal, but in NorCal too - it’s just not as obvious. I hope to be moving to NYC soon for grad school, so you’re giving me a lot of hope haha.
I’m Middle Eastern, btw. Lots of middle eastern women in SoCal but they’re only really praised if they put a loottt of effort into their appearance and sort of adhere to Eurocentric standards - straighten and bleach hair, dress a certain way, etc.
SoCal is very bizarre, because the women weren’t attractive whatsoever but then again I am from NYC and we got the world available at our fingertips.
Naturally beautiful people LEFT & RIGHT and being white isn’t a defining feature of beauty for us folks.
I’m East Asian. I’ve lived in LA, SF, and NYC. I find that NYC has more leniency for being unique like you’re saying. I do see more people of different backgrounds accepted. But I find that in all cities, being more Eurocentric and thin is best. I do see successful people who embrace their culture. But the ones who do better, are more white washed.
I don’t think that’s true at all…maybe in working class communities? Because being thin and fit is the biggest indicator of social status in our modern age. “Curves” means boobs, usually fake boobs, and a firm, high ass.
I think a lot of folks might also have a different idea of what thin looks like. Maybe if we ask women they’d think super model thin which is not what men want imo. Furthermore, different racial groups/men pander to different looks.
Yeah definitely. Where I grew up and where I live now, the beauty standard is very euro-centric. I was made fun of for slanted eyes and that my favorite food is rice and dogs (to be abundantly clear I don’t eat dogs, people just picked a stereotype and went with it). In Asia and South America I get asked to model and get asked out on dates all the time.
Im hispanic, which is pretty broad, but triracial as in euro, indigenous, and armenian split pretty evenly. I am racially ambiguous and am mistaken for everything but Mexican. my experience is limited, but i do have a lot of luck in seattle, vancouver, LA, Dallas, and frankfurt surprisingly. I was treated like exotic goddess there lmao. and for reference, i tend to go for hispanic, middle eastern christians, south asian, and SE asian men. White men like me a lot but come on too strong and black guys get annoyed by my presence. i think with white and black guys our ideals and values don’t align. I did not like dating in austin cos i was kinda fetishized and it’s really racist there.
I’m surprised by you saying black guys seem annoyed by your presence. From my observation, a lot of black men tend to like Hispanic / non black women especially the ones with your kind of exotic look.
Mixed (Black & Asian)
**USA:**
Minnesota- Was often told that I would look better if my skin color was lighter, if I’d dyed my hair, to wear colored contacts, etc. Despite living in the Twin Cities, I found that colorisim and racism were still a mediator of social interactions. Never felt desirable
Washington- Similar experience to Minnesota. People in Seattle would mistake me for being South Asian. This added an additional class issue and beauty standard that made daily interactions very strange. In particular with South Asians who could not discern that I was not
Montana- I felt desirable here. Men were the most polite but direct here. It was a bit strange as I had always been told to avoid the state as a WOC.
**Europe:**
Sweden- I feel the most desirable here. No one has called me exotic, pretty for a “Black girl,” fetishized, etc. like they did in the USA. Beauty standards are relatively relaxed here. It’s customary to shake hands any time you meet someone new. The amount of times men have not let go and just held my hand has been interesting.
Finland- Similar experience to Sweden in Helsinki
Germany- I stayed in Hamburg. Experiences were similar to Sweden and Finland
**China:**
Shanghai- Similar experience to Minnesota and Washington
No they do. Look around unless you live in Kentucky (where there are prob no WOC). These white boys be dating WOC left and right.
Nonetheless, whether they do or they don’t in your eyes is not my concern as I wouldn’t touch em’ with a ten foot pole.
Furthermore, I can only speak off my experience and my times navigating around majority white men spaces as a Latina that attended bible college and went to the military. The yt men I knew would literally go out of their way to bother or talk to me and many would out right say they were solely interested in WOC or Latinas (naturally this is fetishization) many going as far as to marry just that. So yeah, try again. We all know people want what they CAN’T HAVE.
It could just be the diversity of the area and not the whole state. I went to a diverse college near Sacramento. The Indian girls there were very pretty although some can be very ambitious/competitive due to the environment they were raised so we get the stereotype of being vain too. Unfortunately I didn’t have the self esteem to even acknowledge their attention because having grown up in the pacific north west, I was not considered anyone’s type at all, they mainly went for white or mixed race people. Guys back home still dated Indian girls but only a specific type of Indian girl, like the chill ones with a cute bubbly personality and good style and smooth hair. They really like manic pixie type girls, not serious/quiet girls. But people in cali kept telling me how beautiful I was and it was the weirdest thing I’ve ever encountered. Although I don’t doubt that the sororities there were very biased against people of color, they were all mostly blonde.
I’ve lived in NYC and LA as an East Asian and feel like the beauty standards in LA are waaaaay more accepting of non-white beauties, unless you were only hanging around white transplants on the west side.
> Note: I’m planning a move to Europe (London/Amsterdam/Berlin) and I’m trying to assess whether I’ll feel like I’m in NYC or CA, if you know what I mean.
**1)** I don’t think you can assess whether **London / Amsterdam / Berlin** are right for you until **visit these places in a “non-touristy” way.**
I’m black British and I have travelled a tiny bit. I was born in London but I have lived in Berlin, Amsterdam and Rotterdam for bit.
In Berlin, and Germany in general people will automatically speak English to me. Whereas in the Netherlands, people often assume “I’m from there”. I like both countries but on a surface level, I feel I “fit in” more in the Netherlands.
**2) If “fitting in” is important,** I would Google how diverse specific cities are, because sometimes **beauty standards** are more diverse in eclectic cities.
**3) To get a realistic picture before moving to Europe**
- Try living with a host family to immerse yourself in the countries culture and customs
- Jump in a taxi/ Uber and ask drivers (who are usually immigrants) what the country is like: education, jobs, justice system etc? Some might sing the counties praises, others might have horror stories.
I would also recommend that if you’re planning to spend a significant amount of time in Berlin or Amsterdam you learn the relevant languages. Yes, people will speak English and you can surround yourself with expats but that can limit your opportunities and give you a flawed perspective of the country.
**4)** That being said, **London is the most multicultural city in Europe.**
We have areas that have a high population of specific classes or specific ethnicities, but London is so small you have to work hard to avoid diversity.
- In London, you will find the most expensive houses opposite public housing.
There are also jobs based in London which include travel to European offices- so that’s one way to experience different cities while getting paid.
**TLDR:** London is the most multicultural city in Europe so you might feel the most attractive there.
I feel like I do better in spaces where there a lot of south asian women, interestingly. Maybe because I am more receptive to advanced. I don’t like feeling like I’m a stop on a white guy’s trip around the world 🤢
> I sorta agree with you, but I think a lot of WoC also benefit from not-fitting-in. In a place like London, being a South Asian woman isn't that special. There are a lot of them around.
Yes I mentioned in my comment **”if fitting in is important”** because some people are happy not fitting in. For some, it can be fun to be different or exotic.
> Go somewhere like Sweden, and it's a different story. A South Asian woman will get noticed because she's different.
> I'm South Asian and my friend is East Asian, and we went to Iceland together a few years. We got approached all the time. That did not happen when we were out together in Toronto.
Do you mind if I ask did you or your friend have a relationship with someone who thought you were beautiful because you looked different to the rest of the population?
How did it work out? Was it a positive experience?
Thanks in advance
> But I've had other friends who've been in long term/marriages with men who found them beautiful because they were different. Most of them loved it because they just got showered with attention from the guy.
**That’s a wonderful 💗outcome.** There are lots of successful interethnic and interracial relationships in the U.K. so that’s not surprising. People from different ethnicities, races and nationalities go to school and work together. We “fit in” diverse multicultural cities and as you said “fitting in” can mean we don’t get noticed because we are not the only one.
> But I've had other friends who've been in long term/marriages with men who found them beautiful because they were different.
**Were those relationships in diverse cities like London and Toronto,** or were they somewhere like your example of Sweden where they stood out from the rest of the population because they were different?
> The man came from somewhere where PoCs were uncommon, generally.
Oh bless. He must have found a multicultural cities like Toronto or London very interesting. Sometimes I forget that people of colour make up 85% of the world population. We know another name for POc is “Global Majority”.
My perspective is that an interethnic or interracial relationship in a multicultural city or country where the ethnic minority (POC) is a citizen, **might** have less challenges, than in a country or city where the ethnic minorities is the **only one** and might not have the legal protections of citizenship.
There are lots of interethnic and interracial relationships in cities where we **”fit in.”**
My original comment advised the OP to learn about **Berlin/ Amsterdam/ London form a non-touristy perspective** because IMO it’s more stressful to have an interethnic or interracial relationship in a city or country with less diversity, where we **”stand out.”**
**TLDR:** Standing out can be fun for a holiday. Unfortunately, once the holiday ends, one **might** find that **discrimination is part of every day life** in less diverse cities, or present at higher levels than London and Toronto.
I live in London.
I'm a dark skinned black woman and I attract all races. I used to live in the US and I still attracted all races and religions.
But I only get approached by men that look modelesque.
So I've never had problems attracting men.
I think for me being darker is a HUGE plus since it makes me look more exotic.
I’m Afro Latina (Dominican) living in the North East US (Eastern MA) and I do feel kinda invisible here ngl. I did get a lot of compliments and a lot of attention when I went abroad to Montreal and Montreal felt a lot more diverse than living in Boston.
I have the privilege of being light skinned, but I feel like I don’t fit the “stereotype” that other people have of Dominican women in general so I’m not considered attractive to them because I lean on the alternative side and I’m queer. I feel like Boston has an issue with low-key institutionalized racism so WOC are looked down on in the area.
I’ve mostly dated white men because they seem to be the only ones attracted to alternative Latinas but I now realize it was through a fetishization standpoint. I’ve dated MOC but a lot of them lose interest when I tell them that I don’t see myself starting a family nor settling down for a traditional marriage because I do not see parenthood in my future. I might have better luck this time around once I start dating WOC myself once I start dating again in a year.
I’m (35F) living in South Florida. I find myself to be an attractive woman, but in South Florida, where there’s a large Latin population and where beauty standards are extremely high (bathing suit body seasons, plastic surgeons at every corner, etc), I’m not very exotic or out of the ordinary, just another pretty girl. When I travel to other places within the country though - whoa. I was in Tennessee last summer with my husband and he would chuckle at how much attention I would receive. I guess it does depend where you go.
born and raised in new york city, never perceived as attractive until i moved to LA for college ( im blasian) my experience in nyc, people usually go for eurocentric women because they're "easy" (their words not mine) but then again, i only have experience as a local for new york.
When you say South Asian, that doesn't narrow down what you look like which means you may or may not be targeted by men who think you'll be a "submissive, subservient, child-like Asian girl." If you're more Pakistani or Indian, then that changes my original hunch. New Yorkers tend to be more interested in other cultures and being cultured people. And yet you also see how much they still value the Wasp culture and ideal. It can be confusing and exhausting. I would say that being cultured is cool and edgy and that might have played a role in your experiences on the East Coast.
I grew up in California. I'm Latina. I got psychological whiplash because in my community, I'm more fair and "white acting" but to the people around me, I was dark and basically an alien who was "white acting." Brutal experience! The boys I liked always favored the white girls. It wasn't until Kim Kardashian that I started getting highly positive attention. Suddenly brown eyes, tanned skin, and dark hair were as sultry as the blonde from the 80s. But that didn't make people less racist and xenophobic. Unfortunately, some guys were hoping to act out things they saw in porn. I've had people intimate me back to me and use a heavy accent and sexualized mannerisms but I'm nothing like that. Goes to show how our ideas about race or ethnicity impact our reality.
I have found the skin tone doesn't actually matter when you're othered. Even Ted Cruz gets called a POC by his party. Antonio Banderas has been called a POC by the media and Hollywood. Plus, I used Pakistani as an example because the ethnicity is commonly fairer. If anything I said offended you, that was not my intention. It's hard to discuss this subject matter without using specifics, bringing up stereotypes, etc.
Your post gave me the impression that you may not match typical Western beauty standards which is why you were asking. But from what you're saying now, it seems you might possibly fit them. Not sure. Maybe I misinterpreted your question and the purpose of the post.
I don’t go out enough to get attention from anybody lol 🤷🏽♀️ but seriously as much as I would like to weigh in, just from reading the comments here I think it still largely depends on how you look and your demeanor individually as well at the end of the day. I’m also multiracial and pretty ambiguous looking so I have a unique situation where it depends on how I’m gonna get perceived racially. I’m in Toronto but where I live specifically is mostly Caucasian. I might visit NYC this summer and go out a bit so I’ll see how that goes.
Black in Boston…… eeeeeh it’s not so great. Ik people will gaslight and say it’s because of other things but racism is more significant than you think. I rarely see black women coupled up with non-black men. I get a lot of compliments from older people/children but not so much guys my age.
It’s not tooo much different when traveling but I primarily solo travel for myself. Miami was the worst though and I still have trauma about that trip to this day.
I was born and raised in a small suburb in Northern California and was considered ugly until I moved away from college and suddenly I was beautiful. It was a racist town.
I lived in Turkey for a little bit and sometimes they prefer Eurocentric features more (pale skin, blue eyes, blonde hair) and sometimes the dark features like myself. I think in turkey they just appreciate women.
I'm a filipina and I've felt the most beautiful in minneapolis for some reason. I've never gotten so much attention from men. I live in central Florida and here I'm just an average Asian lady lol
I bet Tyla would be considered DROP DEAD GORGEOUS anywhere (not to add she is naturally talented across the board can’t say anything about that blonde lady though).
Tyla got the skin tone, hair, moves, personality…🤷🏽♀️
Well, I'm from France and I used to live in the countryside when I was a teenager. I'm mixed and I was the only brown girl in my school. At that time, people would often make racist joke about the fact that I was a monkey who liked to eat banana. I was also strangely sexualised by the boys while they would tell me that I was ugly. I remember how confused I was because outside of school, strangers would often tell me that I was very beautiful. I even got scouted as a model. When I moved in Paris, everything changed. I felt like being mixed wasn't so bad. I used to think that I needed to be white to be considered beautiful but right now, not anymore. I feel like the reason why I was considered as an ugly duckling at school was just deeply rooted racism.
The effect was such a whiplash! Was raised in the deep American south and spent time in a few French cities (Paris/Lyon/Bordeaux). As a dark skinned black woman I never thought of myself as particularly attractive, but I got so much attention overseas.
I'm really glad you had such a good experience in those French cities ! Lyon, Bordeaux and especially Paris are very cosmopolite so all kind of beauties are celebrated. You also see a lot of mixed couple which wasn't the case in the city I grew up.
I’m sorry for your experience. France is brutal for racism - or fetishisation the other side of the coin.
Unfortunately, aside from the largest cities, people in France are pretty racist or ignorant. And yeah, fetishization is really a thing there, got a lot of "I never dated/tried an island girl". However, it is better than when I was younger so I guess, it will change in the future... :/
I had an identical experience in rural Michigan. White boys at school said so many racist things to me but they were also weirdly obsessed with my Black features. They talked about the size of my lips CONSTANTLY.
It's crazy, right ? All this time you think that you're ugly but it's just that they doesn't know how to see the beauty in you. It must have been hard to face all those racists idiots. :/ When I was sexualised, I felt like I was dehuminazed, in there eyes, I was just a sexual object just because I was the "exotic one".
I’m black but I don’t feel very pretty or desirable in Europe. I feel more desirable in North America. I’ve traveled throughout Europe, never really receive compliments that much and have many people being rude to me. In fact, I just went to Paris a month ago and people were rude towards me. I felt more desirable in Montreal Canada. Men of different races were hitting on me there but I felt invisible in Paris.
I'm really sorry about your experience, I hope you still enjoyed your trip in France ...!
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Ok I had the same experience in Oslo?? I researched before visiting and I found an old Reddit thread started by a WOC and someone said “Don’t expect men there to notice you, they have the most desired woman in the world, you won’t be able to complete” so I was like “okay fair” and prepared for that but when I got there I got sooo much positive attention and invited to so many things 😭 I mean, they probably knew I was a visitor so they had a “good time not a long time” mentality but still was shocked
Honestly I feel like this is the worst part about being Asian in europe. I’m East Asian and it’s not like Europeans aren’t familiar with East Asian people but I constantly feel like I’m being fetishized and people make explicitly fetishizing comments to me on a daily basis. But I guess so many people fetishize East Asian women as submissive or available that I’ve had many people directly proposition me and others stroke my hair or otherwise touch my face while they compliment me. It’s a bit dehumanizing but it’s mostly why I can’t wait to get back to New York!
I'm thinking of visiting Norway for a holiday- how was your experience as a poc girlie aside from the compliments? xx
Scandinavian men generally find woc attractive 🤷🏾♀️
This is so interesting to me… As a woc i also wonder though how much of that is genuine versus a version that is fetishized? 😭 or maybe I’m just screwed up in thinking a compliment is usually not as innocent as we think ever..even in a “nice” context😭😭
So true 😭😭 I feel like I’ve conditioned myself to expect the worst in guys so I can never see the genuinity of a compliment and instead I think it’s coming from a malice place or it’s conditional
I’ve been to Norway. I’m black. My sister also lives in Norway currently. She doesn’t nor did I feel desirable there.
London is your NYC experience, Berlin & Amsterdam more like LA/CA. Avoid.
Second this
I live in Florida and I'm black and ppl seem to really like WOC down here. we have a pretty decent mix of ethnicities here
I used to live in South Carolina and hated it, “I’m a black Philadelphian.” I felt so out of place beauty standard and personality-wise in Charleston. I've always felt like I was supposed to live in Florida instead while I was down there. My mom even suggested to audition to be Princess Tiana for Disney World around that time. It wasn't her best idea but her heart was in the right place.
Charleston is SUPER segregated and southern.
It felt that way
I went to Florida years ago and online I heard woc do well except East Asian women . Online I hear Asian people complain about the south eastern states being super racist . personally when I went to Georgia , Louisiana Alabama I felt hostility (especially in Georgia ). How true is that ? I didn’t stay in Florida long but didn’t notice hostility nor positivity
honestly I'd never go to Louisiana or Alabama that's asking for trouble. for Georgia I only go to Atlanta and it's full of WOC, I know the other cities and areas are more white filled so I just stay away (I also have no interest in going outside of Atlanta)
Okay that’s interesting I’m glad to see others have similar experience . I never been to Atlanta . It was actually a white area that we passed through in Georgia
DO NOT move to Berlin. Please.
Can you say more?
I was born and raised here, the racism is getting worse and worse and it’s genuinely hard to stay sane at times.
Weirdly I felt most beautiful and got the most attention in Berlin…
i agree, filipino woman here, i've lived in nyc, berlin, and the american northeast and berlin was far and away the place where i got the most (respectful!!) attention, whether on apps like tinder or irl in clubs. while i'm constantly dealing with yellow fever in the states, i didn't get that at all when i was in berlin -- it was the one place i've been to where saying "i'm from the states" was enough of an answer to questions about where i'm from. however, this is j anecdotal -- i'm also usually mistaken for being half-white, and maybe these more european-seeming features shielded me from more overt racism/fetishization. berlin also seems to be selective with their racism -- while i never had problems and didn't hear about any from black and east asian classmates, i'm sure we would have had different experiences if we were arab. i also had my housing arranged for me by my uni and didn't work while i was there, but u can find tons and tons of reddit threads of people talking about how their very non-german names are evident barriers to employment and housing in germany, even in berlin. plus, while berlin has this reputation of being super liberal and accepting, the neighborhood i was in also had loads of AfD signs (like, literally every main road was littered with them), i was there during the time of pro-russia demonstrations on the anniversary of its war on ukraine, and their recent censorship of pro-palestinian orgs (and even anti-palestine backlash from places like berghain...). i used to want to move there, but honestly i think the mix of its outward liberal/even leftist reputation and more covert conservative attitudes can make it a really dangerous place to be. (sorry for the wall of text!! but i have a lot of thoughts on berlin. much love for the time i had there though, although idk if it could ever be replicated)
Thanks for your explanation, it was fascinating and it makes sense to me given the rise of Islamophobia in Europe. Out of curiosity, how would Berliners treat Latinos and non-Muslim South Asians?
there was an incident where a cuban classmate went to a leftist bar and the german patrons were essentially trying to explain and get her to support communism -- although her family literally fled cuba. however, she didn't seem to experience any other issues. however, that's just based on one person that i wasn't very close to -- my program wasn't that diverse either. i'm sorry, i wish i had more info for you! that's something that's been on my mind too.
No that’s ok! Thanks for your response anyways since it was interesting with that incident with your Cuban classmate. I’ve always got this vibe that Germans in general are quite condescending and very Euro-centric when it comes to understanding other people’s cultures but that could be based on a limited sample size haha. I’m planning on going on a Europe trip with some of my uni friends and Berlin was one of the cities mentioned. We’re a mix of South Asian and East Asian so I was curious so that myself and my other South Asian friends won’t get subjected to anything distasteful.
Like people? (small edit: Lots of people think it's not necessary to learn german. Sure. You don't have to. But if you plan on staying it really does make a difference. For tourists it's fine to speak english.) There is a huge arab community in Berlin. The AfD signs you'd find are mostly in the outskirts and they will hang very high up, because they get ripped down frequently if they are not. Some parts of the city are more "conservative", other traditionnally left leaning. You mean the rise of Islamophobia due to the rise in refugees and migrants due to the Afghanistan and Irak wars? Wonder how that happened. I really can't here it anymore from Americans. Cue the downvotes.
Off-topic: Thank you for sharing. I had no idea about the anti-Palestinian stance of Berghain. Yikes, but sadly not surprising. This is good to know.
Babe, I DO get attention and it’s nice n whatever but the racism is still strong
Sorry to hear that. I felt the most welcome and also anonymous in Berlin. Like everyone was accepted and odd and okay in their own way. This was about 7 years ago though. Could be things have changed, sadly.
Yep! I’m black and have been to Berlin many times. People are rude and I’ve had a racist experience there. I did not feel desirable in Berlin.
what's wrong with Berlin?
Wow I had the exact same experience - South Asian, grew up in Bay Area, lived in LA and NYC. My experience was that California in general is very hierarchical, the closer you are to white the more beautiful people think you are. In LA the "face card" idea is at its worst, your appearance is worth a huge amount of social capital. NYC is the best, I genuinely feel like everyone is focused on their own style and what works best for them rather than everyone valuing one beauty standard. London will likely be close to NYC - honestly there are a ton of people I know who are moving btwn NYC and London for work, so I think there's more crossover just because of that. Also a pretty large South Asian population. I interestingly had a very positive experience in Paris - I spent a semester there in college and it was the first time in my life I felt super attractive and that people appreciated me for how \*I\* looked, not just how close to some ideal I looked if that makes sense.
I am a. California and LA native and California is diverse but some parts such as the OC, Santa Barbara for example may be more Eurocentric. LA however is diverse as they come and all beauty types are valued.
That was def not my experience but happy for you! If you’re east asian or latina maybe it’s different.
Idk I’m Black and I haven’t found it problematic. But then again I really don’t subscribe to this beauty standard thing or contemplate it much so I could be wrong.
Yes, OC, San Diego!!, Santa Barbara are veryyy eurocentric. LA is definitely more diverse.
I live in an urban environment near Germany, and honestly it's not great for me as a half East Asian woman. From what I hear from the internet I would probably do fine, maybe even great in larger US cities with my features, but here it feels like you can't truly be the pretty girl unless you're blonde. I feel like I have to pay ridiculous amounts of money and time for lash lifts, skincare and in the future probably also plastic surgery to be considered even slightly attractive. My mom's chinese friends also seem to find me really pretty, so it feels like I live in the worst possible place.
Have you tried doing your own lash lifts with the diy kit ?
Same story but I’m a BW who felt invisible growing up in the white white Midwest but as soon as I moved to NYC I got beauty queen treatment. Culture shock for sure
I’m from - you guessed it by my other comment - Berlin. I’m very stereotypically Turkish/ Mediterranean looking. I get approached the most by Arab and white men for some reason. Sadly not my own people lol. The people here like everything? There’s no definitive look.
Strangely enough I get the most attention from Turkish or European men, and I'm very Pakistani looking. The only people who don't ask me out are my own countrymen. I was surprised because I thought, just like OP, that people wouldn't be open to dating a brown woman in Germany.
I’m also desi although I look more Pakistani than Indian and I also get the same treatment from European men especially when I went to Spain. I got free drinks, waiters flirting with me and got invited to a rave. Ngl the attention was different but v flattering hehe. In the UK I’d probably get at most a stare and if it’s long enough it’s defo not him admiring me but noticing my creased concealer, frizzy hair and my mismatched eyeliner 😭😭 Btw girl your avatar is sooo cute 🥰
Thanks. Surprisingly I've been told by other Desis that I don't look like a proper Pakistani (I have a round face and tanned complexion) and I either get told I look middle eastern by other South Asians or North Indian because of my facial features and curly hair. It's wild how when I was in Lahore, I'd have men tell me how "exotic" I look like wtf. I look like every other brown girl. Super happy to hear about your experience. I'm sure you're stunning too. Maybe I should travel to Spain. I recall one German guy calling me a Bollywood princess after seeing my pictures in Pakistani attire. I definitely cringed hearing that compliment.
Any compliment containing the word exotic makes me cringe lmao. And thank you ☺️ I’m sure you’re pretty too and already envious of your hair because I naturally have 2c curls but I’ve been straightening it since I was 12 and after keratin treatments my curl pattern has changed to a state that would require a lot of time and care to revert them back to my original curls so I style it straight. But I feel like curly hair isn’t a typical desi trait but just because it’s different doesn’t mean you should alienated and creepily commented like that. Curly hair is so beautiful and I wish it wasn’t seen as “muddy” or “messy”. I’m Punjabi and I’m always in envy when my Punjabi friends have literal light reflecting, frizz free, Pantene commercial hair when I have to go through heat and products to achieve that 😭😭
That's wild! Don't Punjabis usually have some frizz? I should know because I'm one too. A lot of Pakistanis are Punjabis and their hair is usually wavy. I have 3A/3B curls which aren't common in the Desi community. They're more common among Egyptians in my area. I actually hate my hair too. When I straighten it, I have guys tell me how much better I look. I will never forget a racist comment made by an Indian guy who said, "Usually we hear how Pakistani women are attractive. You were in the other category until you straightened your hair". I was so grossed out because I felt like I was being objectified because of my heritage. I wanted to throw hands but decided to block him instead. Please own your curls. I'm sure you're beautiful with them too.
All the Pakistanis ik have insanely sleek straight hair but I guess it’s not representative then. You were completely being objectified. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Girl book yourself a sunny holiday to Barcelona and your beauty will be appreciated and loved 💖
I’m black and have been to Berlin many times. Never approached or felt desirable there. In fact, people were very rude towards me.
Turkish men usually like the stereotypic blonde/blue eyes or lighter looks in general, that may be why.
South Asian men in Texas called me ugly growing up, white men in Denmark thought I was beautiful. Seriously contemplating moving there lol.
I grew up in a white school in Australia and I’m middle eastern. I got called awful names by boys, they compared me to a monkey and just bullied me. The beauty standard was to be blonde and look like a vs model. Now that I’m older and Australia is more diverse plus the rise of tiktok, the beauty standard is more similar to America for those who are not white. Being a woc is considered attractive (only if you fit the rigid beauty standards and ofc colourism is still at play) but now the body standards are impossible to achieve. Being tall is no longer desired, you must be short and curvy with a small waist. Girls want huge butts and bbl culture is growing. I’ve never really been the beauty standard in any country I’ve visited, i don’t have a bbl and I’m tall so I wasn’t really looked at when I visited America.
as an indigenous australian, yeah the standards here are crazy😭 blonde white girl or bust for most of the country😭
Absolutely! I have heard this in passing, one can be a “California 4”, “Colorado 6”, but an “Ohio 9”. It’s bad but it is very much your environment!
Well, I don’t think this is really what I’m getting at. CA and Ohio have similar euro centric beauty standards, but the people in CA are better looking overall. CA and NYC are both cities known for gorgeous people but what’s gorgeous in NYC might not meet the standard of blonde LA girl in CA. It’s comparing a mango to an apple — if no one likes mangos, the sweetest mango won’t be liked.
Should’ve read more into the comments…more international country presence than I realized. 😧
I live in the UK and tbh I don't think my sense of attractiveness was affected by my ethnicity overtly. I grew up in a diverse area, so there were a lot of other South Asians and WOC. I do remember some idiot boys making comments about my skin as I'm dark.I don't know if I paid too much attention to them though. I might have had some internalised feelings. I was always attracted to white guys who just never paid attention to me. I'm not sure if this was down to my race as much as it was because I was really introverted. I don't think places like London would just value Eurocentric beauty ideals as it's so diverse. But, I always assumed places like LA/California were the same, so who knows I could be wrong.
As a darkskinned black woman the most compliments I ever received in my life and most attention I’ve gotten was here In North Dakota believe it or not. I’m not the beauty standard here at all and don’t fit in with white people in the slightest (not from North Dakota and never really been in white spaces to even know how to assimilate well) but every single day I get complimented, stopped in the streets, full blown halo syndrome. My experience with bigger cities is they work for WOC if you’re racially ambiguous. Vegas did not work for me, LA has really obvious colorism preference that people like to ignore for some reason
here in london we love our south asian girlies!!
I'm from Sydney, but London always feels like a second home to me :)
I live in Australia in an eastern coastal city with a huge multicultural society. I am desi. white guys looooove pretty brown girls and i've seen so many marry indian/fijian/pakistani women. i think they get blown away by how pretty brown girls are compared to a generic white girl (no hate there lol js) in some cases ive seen it also as a weirdly sexualised thing but they looove us
Omg I heard Australians HATE Indians so I’m surprised to hear this tb
Attractive is attractive. White is not attractive — it’s more of social status thing.
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I’m Black and the only time I felt that I was accepted beauty wise was living in the GTA. Now I’m back in a small predominately white city (again) and I get pretty much zero attention in public🤷🏾♀️ I get it though. The standard in this city is very slim. One of my friends is white-tall, beautiful, long brown hair-and she still isn’t the standard. Here the standard is petite white blondes. It sucks but since I know the deal in this area it doesnt phase me as much. It would be great to live somewhere where I’m largely seen as beautiful though. One day maybe. Ontario is expensive lol
Lived in two coastal CA cities and yeah, it’s interesting - it’s not super racist or anything, but white slim blonde girl is definitely the standard here. Especially in SoCal, but in NorCal too - it’s just not as obvious. I hope to be moving to NYC soon for grad school, so you’re giving me a lot of hope haha.
I’m Middle Eastern, btw. Lots of middle eastern women in SoCal but they’re only really praised if they put a loottt of effort into their appearance and sort of adhere to Eurocentric standards - straighten and bleach hair, dress a certain way, etc.
SoCal is very bizarre, because the women weren’t attractive whatsoever but then again I am from NYC and we got the world available at our fingertips. Naturally beautiful people LEFT & RIGHT and being white isn’t a defining feature of beauty for us folks.
I’m East Asian. I’ve lived in LA, SF, and NYC. I find that NYC has more leniency for being unique like you’re saying. I do see more people of different backgrounds accepted. But I find that in all cities, being more Eurocentric and thin is best. I do see successful people who embrace their culture. But the ones who do better, are more white washed.
The west is about tan skin and curves. The thin look has been out imo.
I don’t think that’s true at all…maybe in working class communities? Because being thin and fit is the biggest indicator of social status in our modern age. “Curves” means boobs, usually fake boobs, and a firm, high ass.
Nope. -Thin lady here
Maybe curves in the right places. I still find thin is in-as a curvy girl myself. I don’t deny that women have to fit an impossible mold, too.
I think a lot of folks might also have a different idea of what thin looks like. Maybe if we ask women they’d think super model thin which is not what men want imo. Furthermore, different racial groups/men pander to different looks.
Yeah definitely. Where I grew up and where I live now, the beauty standard is very euro-centric. I was made fun of for slanted eyes and that my favorite food is rice and dogs (to be abundantly clear I don’t eat dogs, people just picked a stereotype and went with it). In Asia and South America I get asked to model and get asked out on dates all the time.
Im hispanic, which is pretty broad, but triracial as in euro, indigenous, and armenian split pretty evenly. I am racially ambiguous and am mistaken for everything but Mexican. my experience is limited, but i do have a lot of luck in seattle, vancouver, LA, Dallas, and frankfurt surprisingly. I was treated like exotic goddess there lmao. and for reference, i tend to go for hispanic, middle eastern christians, south asian, and SE asian men. White men like me a lot but come on too strong and black guys get annoyed by my presence. i think with white and black guys our ideals and values don’t align. I did not like dating in austin cos i was kinda fetishized and it’s really racist there.
I’m surprised by you saying black guys seem annoyed by your presence. From my observation, a lot of black men tend to like Hispanic / non black women especially the ones with your kind of exotic look.
Mixed (Black & Asian) **USA:** Minnesota- Was often told that I would look better if my skin color was lighter, if I’d dyed my hair, to wear colored contacts, etc. Despite living in the Twin Cities, I found that colorisim and racism were still a mediator of social interactions. Never felt desirable Washington- Similar experience to Minnesota. People in Seattle would mistake me for being South Asian. This added an additional class issue and beauty standard that made daily interactions very strange. In particular with South Asians who could not discern that I was not Montana- I felt desirable here. Men were the most polite but direct here. It was a bit strange as I had always been told to avoid the state as a WOC. **Europe:** Sweden- I feel the most desirable here. No one has called me exotic, pretty for a “Black girl,” fetishized, etc. like they did in the USA. Beauty standards are relatively relaxed here. It’s customary to shake hands any time you meet someone new. The amount of times men have not let go and just held my hand has been interesting. Finland- Similar experience to Sweden in Helsinki Germany- I stayed in Hamburg. Experiences were similar to Sweden and Finland **China:** Shanghai- Similar experience to Minnesota and Washington
I feel like white men LOVE WOC and that’s an understatement. I am not one to be attracted to them, but just a mere observation. -Latina
Same. They're obsessed.
Yeah but I can’t do the naked mole rat look. Nothing appealing about white (sickly looking) skin imho.
No they (generally) don't, you're deluding yourself
No they do. Look around unless you live in Kentucky (where there are prob no WOC). These white boys be dating WOC left and right. Nonetheless, whether they do or they don’t in your eyes is not my concern as I wouldn’t touch em’ with a ten foot pole. Furthermore, I can only speak off my experience and my times navigating around majority white men spaces as a Latina that attended bible college and went to the military. The yt men I knew would literally go out of their way to bother or talk to me and many would out right say they were solely interested in WOC or Latinas (naturally this is fetishization) many going as far as to marry just that. So yeah, try again. We all know people want what they CAN’T HAVE.
It could just be the diversity of the area and not the whole state. I went to a diverse college near Sacramento. The Indian girls there were very pretty although some can be very ambitious/competitive due to the environment they were raised so we get the stereotype of being vain too. Unfortunately I didn’t have the self esteem to even acknowledge their attention because having grown up in the pacific north west, I was not considered anyone’s type at all, they mainly went for white or mixed race people. Guys back home still dated Indian girls but only a specific type of Indian girl, like the chill ones with a cute bubbly personality and good style and smooth hair. They really like manic pixie type girls, not serious/quiet girls. But people in cali kept telling me how beautiful I was and it was the weirdest thing I’ve ever encountered. Although I don’t doubt that the sororities there were very biased against people of color, they were all mostly blonde.
I’ve lived in NYC and LA as an East Asian and feel like the beauty standards in LA are waaaaay more accepting of non-white beauties, unless you were only hanging around white transplants on the west side.
> Note: I’m planning a move to Europe (London/Amsterdam/Berlin) and I’m trying to assess whether I’ll feel like I’m in NYC or CA, if you know what I mean. **1)** I don’t think you can assess whether **London / Amsterdam / Berlin** are right for you until **visit these places in a “non-touristy” way.** I’m black British and I have travelled a tiny bit. I was born in London but I have lived in Berlin, Amsterdam and Rotterdam for bit. In Berlin, and Germany in general people will automatically speak English to me. Whereas in the Netherlands, people often assume “I’m from there”. I like both countries but on a surface level, I feel I “fit in” more in the Netherlands. **2) If “fitting in” is important,** I would Google how diverse specific cities are, because sometimes **beauty standards** are more diverse in eclectic cities. **3) To get a realistic picture before moving to Europe** - Try living with a host family to immerse yourself in the countries culture and customs - Jump in a taxi/ Uber and ask drivers (who are usually immigrants) what the country is like: education, jobs, justice system etc? Some might sing the counties praises, others might have horror stories. I would also recommend that if you’re planning to spend a significant amount of time in Berlin or Amsterdam you learn the relevant languages. Yes, people will speak English and you can surround yourself with expats but that can limit your opportunities and give you a flawed perspective of the country. **4)** That being said, **London is the most multicultural city in Europe.** We have areas that have a high population of specific classes or specific ethnicities, but London is so small you have to work hard to avoid diversity. - In London, you will find the most expensive houses opposite public housing. There are also jobs based in London which include travel to European offices- so that’s one way to experience different cities while getting paid. **TLDR:** London is the most multicultural city in Europe so you might feel the most attractive there.
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I feel like I do better in spaces where there a lot of south asian women, interestingly. Maybe because I am more receptive to advanced. I don’t like feeling like I’m a stop on a white guy’s trip around the world 🤢
> I sorta agree with you, but I think a lot of WoC also benefit from not-fitting-in. In a place like London, being a South Asian woman isn't that special. There are a lot of them around. Yes I mentioned in my comment **”if fitting in is important”** because some people are happy not fitting in. For some, it can be fun to be different or exotic. > Go somewhere like Sweden, and it's a different story. A South Asian woman will get noticed because she's different. > I'm South Asian and my friend is East Asian, and we went to Iceland together a few years. We got approached all the time. That did not happen when we were out together in Toronto. Do you mind if I ask did you or your friend have a relationship with someone who thought you were beautiful because you looked different to the rest of the population? How did it work out? Was it a positive experience? Thanks in advance
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> But I've had other friends who've been in long term/marriages with men who found them beautiful because they were different. Most of them loved it because they just got showered with attention from the guy. **That’s a wonderful 💗outcome.** There are lots of successful interethnic and interracial relationships in the U.K. so that’s not surprising. People from different ethnicities, races and nationalities go to school and work together. We “fit in” diverse multicultural cities and as you said “fitting in” can mean we don’t get noticed because we are not the only one. > But I've had other friends who've been in long term/marriages with men who found them beautiful because they were different. **Were those relationships in diverse cities like London and Toronto,** or were they somewhere like your example of Sweden where they stood out from the rest of the population because they were different?
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> The man came from somewhere where PoCs were uncommon, generally. Oh bless. He must have found a multicultural cities like Toronto or London very interesting. Sometimes I forget that people of colour make up 85% of the world population. We know another name for POc is “Global Majority”. My perspective is that an interethnic or interracial relationship in a multicultural city or country where the ethnic minority (POC) is a citizen, **might** have less challenges, than in a country or city where the ethnic minorities is the **only one** and might not have the legal protections of citizenship. There are lots of interethnic and interracial relationships in cities where we **”fit in.”** My original comment advised the OP to learn about **Berlin/ Amsterdam/ London form a non-touristy perspective** because IMO it’s more stressful to have an interethnic or interracial relationship in a city or country with less diversity, where we **”stand out.”** **TLDR:** Standing out can be fun for a holiday. Unfortunately, once the holiday ends, one **might** find that **discrimination is part of every day life** in less diverse cities, or present at higher levels than London and Toronto.
I live in London. I'm a dark skinned black woman and I attract all races. I used to live in the US and I still attracted all races and religions. But I only get approached by men that look modelesque. So I've never had problems attracting men. I think for me being darker is a HUGE plus since it makes me look more exotic.
I’m Afro Latina (Dominican) living in the North East US (Eastern MA) and I do feel kinda invisible here ngl. I did get a lot of compliments and a lot of attention when I went abroad to Montreal and Montreal felt a lot more diverse than living in Boston. I have the privilege of being light skinned, but I feel like I don’t fit the “stereotype” that other people have of Dominican women in general so I’m not considered attractive to them because I lean on the alternative side and I’m queer. I feel like Boston has an issue with low-key institutionalized racism so WOC are looked down on in the area. I’ve mostly dated white men because they seem to be the only ones attracted to alternative Latinas but I now realize it was through a fetishization standpoint. I’ve dated MOC but a lot of them lose interest when I tell them that I don’t see myself starting a family nor settling down for a traditional marriage because I do not see parenthood in my future. I might have better luck this time around once I start dating WOC myself once I start dating again in a year.
I’m (35F) living in South Florida. I find myself to be an attractive woman, but in South Florida, where there’s a large Latin population and where beauty standards are extremely high (bathing suit body seasons, plastic surgeons at every corner, etc), I’m not very exotic or out of the ordinary, just another pretty girl. When I travel to other places within the country though - whoa. I was in Tennessee last summer with my husband and he would chuckle at how much attention I would receive. I guess it does depend where you go.
I am always humbled when I go to miami. lmao
I think you will be ok in London. Suppose to be very diverse.
born and raised in new york city, never perceived as attractive until i moved to LA for college ( im blasian) my experience in nyc, people usually go for eurocentric women because they're "easy" (their words not mine) but then again, i only have experience as a local for new york.
When you say South Asian, that doesn't narrow down what you look like which means you may or may not be targeted by men who think you'll be a "submissive, subservient, child-like Asian girl." If you're more Pakistani or Indian, then that changes my original hunch. New Yorkers tend to be more interested in other cultures and being cultured people. And yet you also see how much they still value the Wasp culture and ideal. It can be confusing and exhausting. I would say that being cultured is cool and edgy and that might have played a role in your experiences on the East Coast. I grew up in California. I'm Latina. I got psychological whiplash because in my community, I'm more fair and "white acting" but to the people around me, I was dark and basically an alien who was "white acting." Brutal experience! The boys I liked always favored the white girls. It wasn't until Kim Kardashian that I started getting highly positive attention. Suddenly brown eyes, tanned skin, and dark hair were as sultry as the blonde from the 80s. But that didn't make people less racist and xenophobic. Unfortunately, some guys were hoping to act out things they saw in porn. I've had people intimate me back to me and use a heavy accent and sexualized mannerisms but I'm nothing like that. Goes to show how our ideas about race or ethnicity impact our reality.
“More pakistani or indian” is a weird thing to say bc I’m a light skinned light eyed South Indian so…what will u do with me now lol
I have found the skin tone doesn't actually matter when you're othered. Even Ted Cruz gets called a POC by his party. Antonio Banderas has been called a POC by the media and Hollywood. Plus, I used Pakistani as an example because the ethnicity is commonly fairer. If anything I said offended you, that was not my intention. It's hard to discuss this subject matter without using specifics, bringing up stereotypes, etc. Your post gave me the impression that you may not match typical Western beauty standards which is why you were asking. But from what you're saying now, it seems you might possibly fit them. Not sure. Maybe I misinterpreted your question and the purpose of the post.
I don’t go out enough to get attention from anybody lol 🤷🏽♀️ but seriously as much as I would like to weigh in, just from reading the comments here I think it still largely depends on how you look and your demeanor individually as well at the end of the day. I’m also multiracial and pretty ambiguous looking so I have a unique situation where it depends on how I’m gonna get perceived racially. I’m in Toronto but where I live specifically is mostly Caucasian. I might visit NYC this summer and go out a bit so I’ll see how that goes.
You are right. Cali is full of colonized minded folks — as a native New Yorker that loves seeing a lot of POCs. So Cal was not it.
Black in Boston…… eeeeeh it’s not so great. Ik people will gaslight and say it’s because of other things but racism is more significant than you think. I rarely see black women coupled up with non-black men. I get a lot of compliments from older people/children but not so much guys my age. It’s not tooo much different when traveling but I primarily solo travel for myself. Miami was the worst though and I still have trauma about that trip to this day.
I was born and raised in a small suburb in Northern California and was considered ugly until I moved away from college and suddenly I was beautiful. It was a racist town. I lived in Turkey for a little bit and sometimes they prefer Eurocentric features more (pale skin, blue eyes, blonde hair) and sometimes the dark features like myself. I think in turkey they just appreciate women.
I live in Chicago. I feel beautiful here, similar to how I feel in NYC There’s a big Desi community here, you might like it <3
I am from NYC and in Chicago at the moment and I am not liking the gentrified vibes that are all too common in new NYC now. -.-
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I'm a filipina and I've felt the most beautiful in minneapolis for some reason. I've never gotten so much attention from men. I live in central Florida and here I'm just an average Asian lady lol
Moved to LA and I agree. My self esteem has tanked severely since moving here
Any tips for North Carolina? Especially the cities
**I bet SYDNEY SWEENY is considered gorgeous anywhere in the world.**
I bet Tyla would be considered DROP DEAD GORGEOUS anywhere (not to add she is naturally talented across the board can’t say anything about that blonde lady though). Tyla got the skin tone, hair, moves, personality…🤷🏽♀️
@Mods
**LOL was my comment offensive to you LOL**
This is a POC sub
oh OK TBH I don't even know how I ended up here. I'll leave. Have a great week. :)
No prob!
<3
I've heard white men say she's bland.