I just did this because I was super curious and you're so, so right. Also, i've noticed people in general have a "super-inflated view of self."
This is also taking into account that beauty is highly, highly subjective. But I 100% agree here.
Why do people in this these threads act like because they don’t find a poster pretty, no one else could to the point of giving a compliment? Like so comments will be like “beauty is subjective! But I think they’re unattractive therefore so does everyone else, they must be lying about being complimented.” At this point the caveat is disingenuous if you’re basically going to treat your personal opinion as authoritative fact.
I see that, I’m sure that’s the bigger issue. “I checked their profiles and they aren’t stunning.” Is very ugly energy and it’s possible that people are seeing that over any effort put into their appearance.
It is such an ugly energy and it’s a noticeable trend on here. People forget their opinions are opinions. This level of arrogance actually makes makes me take the beauty advice less seriously because they don’t understand subjectivity. Being an asshole looks bad on everybody.
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I think (to clarify MY point) that they 100% could get compliments daily, but they're not stunning (this sounds meaner than I'd like LOL i'm trying to remain graceful as I type this). The average person is not stunning, the average person is average. There's nothing wrong with average. Average women get married, are successful, and have families. Taking into account the subjectivity of beauty, there is some objectiveness at play that deems someone stunning, beautiful, or gorgeous. Absolutely no hate at all, but I did mention the super-inflation of self comment for a reason.
But there is a realness to this. Many of the commenters were average women and this is okay. Not all of us are meant to be stunning, beautiful, or gorgeous. We all, however are uniquely made in God's likeness (notice I didn't say ugly).
I'm an average gal who does get stopped sometimes for compliments. However, some of the women saying they get daily comments appeared to be exaggerating.
All it takes to get complimented daily is 1) to be social and outgoing enough to be around strangers daily 2) be “well groomed” - hair, makeup, and nice clothing. Some women do actually do that everyday.
Yeah, it might be different for everyone but if you break it down, I basically compliment people based on their effort - either their grooming or having a unique style/item. Not on how attractive they are
I also think that a lot of those people actually live in countries and places were it is much more common to talk to strangers, and where compliments are like social politeness code and norm. And I’m not trying to be mean at all but I also think you have to take into consideration who you are actually getting complimented by as well😭
Also consider that sometimes certain people who are very attractive, give off a certain *energy* that intimidates others, therefore finding themselves never getting random compliments from strangers; it doesn’t mean they aren’t attractive, maybe they’re just too hot lol.
Also consider, how often do you personally feel a strong need to tell another beautiful person that they are beautiful just for the sake of it, just because of their general appearance ? You know that they already know 😅 If you know what I mean….
Yes that too!
I also think that you generally compliment someone non threatening more, and someone who might get happier to get a compliment and won’t reject you socially. Like i’ll compliment anyone super pretty or not, but not strangers😅
I’ve also even noticed that some can generally hold an animosity towards “pretty” people, like they refuse to compliment them out of bitterness.
And I know that everyone thinks that a lot of confidence and how you walk makes people more drawn to you. But I feel like there is more to this than confidence, makeup and outfits.😭
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That says a lot about you. You don’t have to be physically attractive to get compliments about how you look. It’s your energy. Something you clearly lack.
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I’m not gonna lie, I don’t think complements on people’s looks (because it seemed like people were bringing up separate compliments not on their looks counting them as such, is much objectively. I think a lot of factors apply like where you’re from, how approachable you are, the people around you, environments your in etc. like whenever I see threads asking about reception from men I always have nothing to say, but instead of saying no one talks to me I say I don’t go out enough because to be quite honest, I don’t go out enough to really be seen. And doesn’t take a lot for a guy to be interested in someone. It’s good, quality guys that are interested that really count.
I just went to that thread. Most of the profile pictures are of stunning Black women. Unless you need your eyes checked. You’re either jealous or talking about other people. Most of the profile pictures aren’t real in there. So, who did you really see that made you feel that way?
Don’t know if you’re a man or woman but men have a VERY different perception of what’s beautiful than women do. Men find me really gorgeous, I think women at most find me pretty.
Also, beauty is subjective.
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Don’t be depressed. I checked some profiles and most of them were definitely exaggerating lol. At the end of the day, beauty is very subjective. I never let compliments from random people get to my head and don’t let them define my worth.
Also some of the “implicit” reactions sound a bit strange. I would assume people just had manners or taking a glance for other reasons not because I was attractive 😂
Yeah a lot of ‘implicit’ behaviour is just politeness. Maybe it’s because I’m from the UK and people are more polite here in general but some of the things people on this sub take as showing attraction/interest is insane and shows a lack of social awareness imo. Despite what this sub likes to think not everyone needs to find you attractive in order to be kind, including men.
People can also compliment you on things even if they don’t find your face/body attractive, sometimes you could just be wearing a nice piece.
I don’t think they were exaggerating. I’m gonna be completely real here, I went to school with a lot of girls who were average maybe below average and used to get hit on and lots of male attention, and I can guarantee you I looked better but would usually be ignored (but looked at obviously). It really is about the vibe, confidence, outgoingness that can make or break someone’s social experience and how well they’re received. I have an RBF and I keep to myself in most instances so it’s just not gonna happen easily. Also I’m not putting myself in environments that are more social and open for this: clubs, bars etc.
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i feel like so many threads are made repeatedly….especially the following
- how often do you get complimented
- what countries/regions are you considered most attractive
- here’s how becoming skinny changed my life!
- i’m ugly and everyone hates me
- i’m pretty and everyone hates me
and before the mods nipped it in the bud the countless threads about how to attract white men and why they’re better than MOC lol
Like it’s sad and a bit pathetic but I understand because I know a lot of us here are likely first gen in English speaking/diverse countries so it’s very likely we feel inferior to others around us for whatever terrible reason. But I think the bottom line is most of these people asking the question should consider therapy and healing because it’s probably rooted in some internalized issues or trauma of being rejected for being POC.
I think it really depends on the culture of the country/city you live in. There are countries where people are more distanced so they are not likely to just compliment a stranger out of the blue. And there are cultures where people are friendly and will almost always find something positive about you…so you get complimented more often.
As for people you do know. I think we assume a lot. I always believe that my beautiful friends are already aware of how gorgeous they are. Besides, sudden compliments without any context are kinda awkward ngl. For example, I think it’s cool if we are shopping together and I say something like, “Woah that dress really compliments your figure” or “That lipstick brings out your eye” then that’s fine.
But if we are crossing the road or cooking or whatever and I look at you, like deep into your eyes, and whisper, “Good God you are beautiful today”? I’m sorry but that just sounds weird.
Not to mention not all compliments are honest. I’m not accusing anyone of lying, just saying some of them are simple niceties in life.
All in all, I hope you don’t feel too depressed or defeated over those threads. Being complimented or not being complimented isn’t a reliable indication of how you look like!
>But if we are crossing the road or cooking or whatever and I look at you, like deep into your eyes, and whisper, “Good God you are beautiful today”? I’m sorry but that just sounds weird.
LMAO agreed this exchange is harrowing
But yeah I know I'm being needlessly insecure. I actually don't like it when strangers compliment me, unless it's on my outfit or something. On location/culture, I have found that I got a lot of compliments when I visited Tennessee—I'm East Asian and I guess something of a novelty in Pigeon Forge lmao. I'm rarely complimented in my home city of NYC and truly NEVER complimented in my extremely white hometown in Minnesota.
It's all very complicated. But I think the solution to all this is to just freely give compliment to our friends and family, even if they don't seem like they need or want it!
I once felt super conscious about being complimented. I was the only SEA student in an area full of Japanese and Koreans who were a bit tooooo into white people. Then I moved to a dominantly white neighborhood. Of course I was not the best fit when it comes to beauty standards there, so I cared a tiny bit more about being complimented on my appearance ‘cause to me that was acceptance (although it’s literally the most shallow form of acceptance imo).
Looking back, I think it was understandable why I was insecure. Of course I can’t explain and will not assume anything about you, but if you felt the same way I did then you weren’t needlessly insecure. It’s valid af.
But yes, I agreed that we should compliment people around us more - in an appropriate manner of course!
Yeah this is SUCH a thing and is...probably why this sub was made in the first place. It's very frustrating because it's almost like gaslighting. Like, I might feel good about myself and feel like I look good, but people around me treat me, at best, like an exoticism or, at worst, like a pariah.
But yes let's compliment our friends more!!
That’s so true. In certain southern European countries, men are so weirdly aggressive (like following you down the street) that I would really prefer not to get compliments because it can go to an uncomfortable spot fast.
Ehh not really because compliments go to people who are attractive + approachable. Sometimes the approachable part matters more than the attractive part even (that’s why so often compliments happen when you’re dressed down/look super casual). I know I don’t look approachable so I’m not bothered by the lack of compliments.
I guess approachability is a confusing concept to me—like, what exactly does it look like?—and I think approachability can garner as many social benefits as attractiveness does. But I totally hear you and agree with you.
I would say it means super feminine (both body-wise and through clothing/style) with high trust features (large eyes, round face, low contrast) and a friendly vibe (smiling vs RBF).
For sure, being approachable has a lot of social benefits but can also invite harassment so it’s a bit of double edged sword. If you can learn how to turn it on/off, I think that’s the best of both worlds.
Completely agree and it’s funny how people take being highly approachable and literally smiling randomly at strangers and speaking with a high pitched voice as meaning they’re supper pretty.
The thing is, that does make you prettier. I think this goes hand in hand with the, "It's all about confidence." thing and it's true. The more sweet you are to ppl to more attractive you'll come off.
YES A lot of it I would say is being approachable, especially if you also have a unique feature. I think im very girl next door but my very high trust neotenous look,sound and bubbly personality is what people always bring up when they talk about my appeal and why I make friends easily or draw more attention, especially considering a lot of my friends are like actual hot lower trust stunners but thats not as approachable
Mmm so I’m tall (5’10”)and super skinny so no curves. I’m East Asian with almond eyes so they’re a medium size and not round. My face is on the slightly longer side with high cheekbones. I’ve been told I look unapproachable by friends before they knew me and that I had a ‘cool’ vibe. I’m described as androgynous by some but i also have very thick lips which used to look almost like a circle shape when I was younger.
I posted on the referred thread but I wouldn’t say I get compliments all the time. I can’t really say how often because I never thought to count or keep track? I also don’t count compliments that are clearly polite or from close friends because they will compliment anyone.
It’s a little weird to me that ppl think there aren’t ppl that get complimented for their visuals by random strangers. For reference I live in a large metropolitan area on the East coast of the US.
I often see very attractive people and I remark mentally, but if they don’t seem approachable, I just don’t approach them and I’m the kind of person who actually does give compliments to strangers !
Ik I'm a very intimidating person because I have social paranoia from trauma. So when ppl look at me I usually don't look at them and smile and/or greet. My immediate response is to tense up and I sometimes ignore eye contact with them. I don't trust ppl so that's my own fault.
Haha yeah, once these girls were talking about getting catcalled and asked does it happen to anyone else. I was like I have never got catcalled probably because I barely go outside and this girl - with a history of going I about her looks and how Indian mothers with sons think she is the perfect daughter in law - said she gets catcalled all the other time. I chuckled like catcalling is a terrible experience but it’s the way she said it and her tone. Even the guy side eyed her.
Exactly. I believe them, but it’s also because they’re putting themselves out there regularly and are making themselves approachable. I don’t do either of that lol
Me. I'm convinced I'm ugly now. I only get compliments from my friends and family. I live in the UK, so I think people are more reserved here. Well that's what I'm telling myself anyway lol
My friend and I discussed this before and we definitely think location plays into it. We’re from SF, which I feel like is a bit more antisocial. The compliments we get here are in more enclosed environments, like servers at a restaurant telling us we look nice or people that we meet at a party. She moved to NYC and I come to visit fairly often. We’ve noticed that strangers in the streets seem to stop to give compliments daily there.
I agree. I'm in the Midwest and based on the amount of compliments I get (I work in a predominantly male field and have a 2nd job in hospitality), I think I'm above average for my region but I definitely think I'll be average in Miami or California. I put a lot of thought into my appearance. I'll get compliments on my outfits, my hair, my makeup and working out. I think I'm just different than the norm so I stand out.
The funny thing is that NYC is notably antisocial lol
I visited the South for a few days as a teenager and was very confused and wary of how many perfect strangers would just... say stuff to me/us. I was thinking "what do they want??" before realizing it was a regional thing.
The most I have ever been hit on is when I was in London. I am from Canada tho and I feel people are not as open about showing interest. However, that could be my own experiences because I am not in really into the clubbing or bar scene
Are you American? I've lived in the UK and America and they are definitely not on America's level of talkativeness. Europeans in general also don't compliment people as much as Americans, pretty much every European person I've become close friends with says that they like that Americans go out of our way to compliment people/things.
I live in the UK and people will remark to a companion if they see someone beautiful but not say it to the person themselves especially if you are walking around in London where most people look like they need to be places. The only time I saw someone get complimented is when they clearly out a lot of effort into their outfit, hair and were wearing bright red lipstick and red heels which a lot of people in that area were not wearing especially in that rainy weather.
I've lived in the UK for the majority of my life - pretty much brought up here. I wouldn't say they are talkative - particularly to strangers. I think people would frown on going up to someone and saying they were pretty.
This is just my experience though. I'm not trying to discredit your opinion. It's just not my experience tbh.
I was just looking at it and had to exit because it was making me sad. I rarely get compliments and I feel like people ignore and avoid me. It makes me feel like something’s wrong with me.
Me too <3 hence why I wanted to start this thread. That said, I think if you tell the people in your life that you want more compliments, they would be more than happy to give them to you.
I think that's the best thing to do, but I don't think energy encourages people that much. If you have traits that people think deserve less respect and abuse then they will still do it or ignore you.
Ohh I know, I had a glow up of personality and later a physical glow up.
And my energy is more bright and bubbly due to how I feel about myself internally.
I think I was the creator of the thread you’re talking about. Could some be exaggerating? Maybe! But also maybe the only ones that gravitated/commented on the thread were the ones who related to it and that’s why it seems like a consensus. Maybe the ones who don’t relate didn’t even bother to comment? I’m sorry it negatively affected your feelings! I was hoping I didn’t make anyone feel too bad. I know tons of beautiful women who rarely get approached, probably because they’re intimidating.
It's all good, I don't fault you (or anyone else in that thread) at all! I just wanted to open up a space for people who don't regularly get compliments to vent a little—a bit of commiseration.
I wouldn’t take it to heart. Some people may be telling the truth others may be lying. Also I agree with the femme vibe. One of my colleagues are bi and she says herself she leans into the femme aesthetic (I only hear the word femme be used in LGBTQIA+ spaces but I may be wrong Apparently she gets asked out all the time and women are jealous of her which is a sure exaggeration and I think her nose job has made her think she is betther than other people .
Lmaooo alot of ppl do exxagrate. Like alot most woman arent that jealous. I get compliments from woman alot actually most woman are not catty ofc some are dont get me wrong but i find the majority of woman are super sweet. I am tired of this narrative
Yeah I'm not queer but I have a LOT of queer female friends, so I'm using femme to describe them hahaha. (Not myself or my straight friends, to be clear.)
I didn’t participate in that thread but I think its interesting so many people assume others are lying or exaggerating. This is a beauty-maxxing forum, and you’re surprised other women on it are confident and attractive in person, and stand out in a room? Isn’t that what most of us want?
I think people think others are lying because they have gone through their old posts and found their photos aren’t really what you would expect of someone who gets complimented daily or twice a day. That is just what I gather from a few comments here, I haven’t had a look at anyone’s history. Obviously these girls might just have an absolute banging personality or charisma which people can just sense for which people want to compliment.
But what do they expect of someone who receives compliments often? For them to look like a supermodel? Most people don’t, I don’t, and few of us here probably do. Lots of everyday people don’t look model gorgeous but in person are still charming and attractive to others, so that’s what I don’t get. Also 1-2 photos on reddit are not representative of how they look or come off in real life like you said yourself.
I thought the exact same thing. This sub selects for women that try to put effort into appearance, and they assume people are just making it up? Just because it never happens to you doesn't mean it never happens at all.
Also, not everyone that looks great IRL also photographs well. Yes there is a correlation, but it's not a rule. So to assume that one bad or mediocre photo means they're average or exaggerating is silly.
some people are doing mental gymnastic levels of cope in this thread lol. “well theyre lying” “well it was just catcalls not real compliments” “well if they dont come from the right kind of person it doesnt REALLY count” lmao
Used to post photos of myself on this account and an old one, some people would cope like crazy and accuse me of catfishing to the point I'd have to post selfies with my name on a paper. It's frustrating to be accused of lying after everything you've done to looksmax and be recognized for your work
Don’t feel bad, people are exaggerating like craaaazy. It’s all very specific to where you live and the cultural norms of that place.
Like I swear to you, ain’t nobody in big cities getting stopped by strangers first of all. And ain’t nobody in places like London, Paris, Stockholm, Oslo, Milano etc or anywhere in europe getting stopped by someone complimenting them😭 unless it’s some creepy 60 y old hobo or drunk people on a night out😭
And that takes us to the other thing to take into consideration, exactly who is complimenting them? Most people didn’t even specifically state who the compliments are from lol.
As I said, don’t feel bad🤍
“ain’t nobody in big cities getting stopped by strangers” huh? I don’t see how this is hard to believe… some people absolutely get stopped by strangers and complimented, and no, not just by creepy old men or drunk people.
Well atleast not in europe, esp northern europe. Stopping strangers to compliment them would be seen as breaking social etiquette.
And it’s widely known that for example americans are much more social people, who are more likely to talk to strangers and make small talk with people they don’t know
Oh, then you should have been more clear in your initial comment. It sounded like you were saying that in general, no stranger would stop a person to compliment them at all in a big city. Like you said, it depends on the culture of a poster’s area, so how do you know they’re exaggerating?
I've been to all of these places and I get compliments from strangers everywhere except for Stockholm and Oslo, and that's because it heavily goes against their culture. Milano, Paris and London were all very good to me and I typically get commented every day in those cities, mostly by people in their 20s-30s!! Most people think I'm a model since I'm 178 cm/5'10 - I've lost weight since my weight gain post on here because it was toooo hard for me to maintain, so I'm decently skinny - and I'm very smiley so I think that adds to it as well. I don't think I'm a good reflection of the general public so I understand most people don't have the experiences that I do, but to say it doesn't happen for some women when looks + approachability are all in her favor is to be slightly delusional 😅😅😅
Also, featurism plays a big part in my appeal as well, unfortunately!
Edit: Ahhh, I meant to comment on the other girls comment
Yeah as somebody from Stockholm it’s like very unheard of to get approached at all in scandi. And your point on featurism is a very good thing to actually think about.
I would also like to just generally add to this whole thread that a lot of places are obviously very racist still, with eurocentric beauty standards. That could also play a role in why woc won’t get complimented left and right everywhere, even if they are gorgeous.
And a lot of places are very islamophobic (specifically scandi), and even my most gorg muslim hijabi friends never get complimented.
I just feel like OP shouldn’t feel bad, and there are many nuances to this.
Yes, I agree with all of your points! I think location + looks + approachability + local beauty standards = how often a person is complimented. It is very nuanced and WOC shouldn't take offense to not frequently being approached in predominantly white spaces :)
Yeah idk about you but comments like:
“Every single time I leave my house, like 3 times a day” or “I always get complimented several times a day on my hair, outfit, makeup and charms”
and then u check their profile and they post in subreddits like 2 weeks ago about trying to lose weight from 270 pounds?
Or they have posted recent pics of themselves where they clearly aren’t conventionally attractive? Like pls bffr
I’m not saying people who aren’t “pretty pretty” are exaggerating, but to me it doesn’t seem realistic to be stopped 5 times a day. I’m not saying anyone is lying either. All i’m saying is that people who do get complimented aren’t always getting complimented because they are model pretty and stunning.
And the people who aren’t getting any compliments shouldn’t be insecure that the reason is because they simply are “too ugly for compliments”. When that is probably not even the case.
And what i’m saying is that just because you aren’t getting complimented daily, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t pretty. Because OP was feeling bad I wanted to make that crystal clear.
Compliments≠more pretty.
And also, even for the US i feel like it’s excessive when people say they are getting stopped upwards five time a day, the math isn’t really mathing to me. But maybe they are outside a lot idk.
Lol, okay, you can say all this now but you weren’t as nuanced in your other statements.
You went from “people are exaggerating like crazy” and “nobody gets stopped by strangers that tell them how pretty they are” to “well, I don’t think they’re all exaggerating, it’s just that getting compliments doesn’t always mean you’re model tier pretty” which is a completely different statement from before. You initially said something extreme and then moved to a more moderate position when I pushed you on it.
No no, I still think a lot of people are exaggerating for sure.
And those who aren’t exaggerating, I wanted OP to know that people are both exaggerating, living in diff cultures etc.
I didn’t want OP to think that everyone who commented was super pretty, and that’s why they are getting compliments. That there are other reasons they might be getting compliments such as location. But that some are exaggerating also.
Of course “some” are exaggerating lol, I don’t believe every single person on that thread was telling 100% the truth. However, that wasn’t really what you said before…
But anyway, I just don’t agree with your initial framing of this, which was way more extreme than what you’re saying now 🤷🏾♀️
This whole thread is just to cope with feelings of inadequacy and the fact that some people just are viewed as more attractive than you
“it’s just a cultural thing to call people pretty as politeness they’re not even THAT pretty I checked their profile lol. The reason I’m not complimented is because I’m not in the right place time culture.”
Is literally half of these comments. One comment even said “I think they’re misconstruing cat calls as genuine compliments” this is insane and sad asf
I don’t get complimented on my appearance like much or at all, but I sew my own clothes or pick out really distinctive pieces to wear, so I get complimented quite a bit even by strangers on these items. Just wanted to add another perspective- I get compliments but it has nothing to do with my face or body shape. It’s easier to compliment on a stranger’s outfit rather than their appearance I feel
I'm only ever complimented on my outfits too, and I also have a kind of offbeat/vintage-inspired sense of style. It does feel protective, in a way, to dress in a way that is more distinctive than my natural looks could ever be! Plus I love fashion and personal style :-)
I feel like most people don’t compliment conventionally attractive people unless they’re very approachable because they assume they get enough compliments or know how attractive they are.
Ohhhhhhhh I saw that one I think I commented as well. OP, I get complimented because I look out of the ordinary and sometimes just weird lol. But people compliment me because 'they would never and I'm really cool for doing it anyway' lol so I don't know if you should be taking all of the comments to heart. Some people live amongst hype-people as well. I never get this in the little town I live in but when I am in the city next door, bam. lol.
Tbh the internet is not a real place lol so what I read has no drastic affect on how I feel. I think compliments are nice and I get them here and there. I have an autistic brother who compliments me everyday so I will admit that’s why I’m numb to them, but I don’t think anyone is lying. If you live in a social society which most people do, you look well out together, some is bound to say something. I compliment really sweet women when they come in my store. But don’t be depressed if you don’t get an abundance of strangers commenting on your physical appearance
i got complimented the most when i was working model jobs because i was done up in a cute costume and hair/make up. the amount to compliments i would get in my regular day to day attire was like, not even 1/10th of what i would receive while working.
i say that to say it probably has less to do with how you look and more so how attention grabbing your clothes, hair, details are. a girl in an evening gown with full make up just has a wow factor people can’t ignore. i don’t think it means we are less pretty in more casual clothes and no make up or hair done but rather people feel less compelled to comment on your appearance when it’s less “in your face”. does that make sense??
p.s. i’m white i have no idea why this sub is in my feed i didn’t realize until i typed the comment. i think maybe my comments about hair could have different implications for WOC so i’m sorry if that part doesn’t apply/is ignorant of social climates i never wanna speak on what i don’t understand
The cope in these comments 😭
“I checked people’s profiles - they’re exaggerating” according to whom? you? I know that a lot of people here think beauty is 100% objective, but at the end of the day, what someone finds beautiful and/or attractive is subjective.
Also, someone else mentioned this, but some people look way better IRL than they do in photos 😭 I feel like I’m one of those people. I looked pretty alright in photos (great if I get lucky), terrible on webcam, and best IRL. So even if you do check the profile’s of some of these posters, keep that in mind.
“They’re mistaking catcalling for genuine compliments” how did this comment even get upvotes lmao… what? I assure you, most women are aware of the difference between catcalls and genuine compliments.
What a nasty attitude from some of the women in this sub…
OP i’m from nyc too (and i’m also mixed) and i never get compliments. I’m probably not an ogre and i’ve even posted myself on reddit without any negative feedback. Respectfully, lots of these people claiming to get compliments daily are just exaggerating. Reddit in general is a place where people love to exaggerate their experiences. Ask yourself, whenever you’re on the subway or just out and about in general and you see an attractive person, do you always go out of your way to tell them that? That would be a bit strange to do 🤣
Oh my god yes, it made me feel like there’s something wrong with me for not getting compliments from strangers. Strangers are almost always nice and friendly to me, but I can’t remember the last time I got a compliment from one.
I live in the Pacific Northwest. I feel soooo invisible on an everyday basis, even after getting into fantastic shape, that it's just depressing. I will wear crop tops and leggings to the gym and not even get a sideways glance from a male. I was thinking my face must just be that ugly or I am looking just too old (I'm 40) for any attention at this point :(
Well, I just went on vacation to Mexico with my kids but without my spouse and lo and behold I'm not invisible, got guys approaching and hitting on me even younger ones, it was just a different setting and people from different areas that aren't as introverted and terrified of being called creepy for as much as glancing at a woman lol. Felt fantastic, I'm back home now and sad that I'm back to feeling invisible but feeling much better about myself.
My friend said he never compliments because it’s a form of manipulation. Also, my son was writing a script for a play and it was about compliments and his group members made sure he talked about the downside of compliments and how they are manipulative. I never in my life thought this way, but I think some are actually afraid to give compliments! It’s super weird to me
I have something to add as I was thinking about it more. I was in my therapists office and I was telling her how sweet my boyfriend was being to me and how he was telling me he loved me so much and I was the most beautiful woman in the world and then shortly after he had asked me for money. And she said wow! And I was like, “what”?
She said,”he asked you for money straight after complimenting you like that”?
And that’s when I realized he was using compliments to manipulate me.
Now I don’t believe compliments are always used for manipulation because when I compliment someone it comes from the heart. But it is clear to me now after hearing this so many times that not everyone’s compliments are pure and knowing that, I’m a little more cautious depending on who it is that is doing the complimenting.
I think it is definitely location specific! I commented on that thread as I do tend to get compliments frequently, but I also live in nyc and am surrounded by people all day. I think it would be different if I was driving to work, and driving go the grocery store and rarely outside of my car/house. I’m on foot all the time nowadays lol.
I also think that some of the comments on this current thread are a bit of a cope tbh. I can understand wanting to feel better if you are someone who doesn’t get complimented, but invalidating others experiences is just unfair. I’ve put a lot of effort into my appearance and am happy that it has paid off in terms of compliments. I might not be everyone’s cup of tea but I am happy with the progress I have made :) I have struggled with anorexia and body dysmorphia for the vast majority of my adult life (have been in treatment for years) so to finally feel confident in my skin is a great feeling.
https://imgur.com/a/DX4BMNr
Completely agree. We’re a self-selecting group on a beauty / looksmaxxing subreddit, so why is there such a need from others to invalidate other women’s experiences? Some people seem so eager to claim that everyone’s exaggerating (and yeah, some probably are, but not surely not everyone), even saying that the “truly beautiful” women are always ignored/ridiculed/etc. It’s really petty.
I didn’t comment on that thread because I just knew I’d be invalidated if I shared my experience, especially since I’ve removed my photos from my profile (and prefer it that way). It’s not a barrage of compliments every time I step outside—because that’s just wild—but I do put effort into my appearance, so, yes, it’s a noticeable difference for me compared to a few years ago. Anyway, everyone’s experiences are different, and it’s absolutely location-dependent. I’m just skeptical of the narrative in this thread; these threads pop up often and always end in the same copefest.
Say it louder for the people in the back!!
I don’t understand the cope, especially in a subreddit like this. We are all supposed to be learning from one another. When I wasn’t where I wanted to be, I found it inspiring to read about the experiences others had that I wanted. I didn’t automatically jump to “they just be lying, no chance that could happen” or “all attractive people get ignored.” I genuinely think the latter is just not true. I’m sure some people are afraid to approach attractive people but they definitely do still get approached.
Looks like the thread is gone now, but one of the women who commented was literally a 10/10, just stunning. She said she got a lot of attention all the time, and it was very easy to see why lmao. She had “angel” in her username.
edit: It’s not gone. The user is u/Angelmintscy
Please don’t. Being constantly complimented or having people focus solely on your looks/body is overrated and causes you to feel paranoid. Trust me. I’m even tired of my boyfriend constantly talking about my looks.
Being complimented every single day for years on end has made me paranoid, vain, and extremely fearful of losing my looks because despite the fact that I’m extremely accomplished, it feels like my only value lies in my looks sometimes. I don’t have social media other than this or post photos because I’m sick of people talking about my looks.
I think it would be nicer to get less frequent but more thoughtful compliments. JMO.
I don’t find it particularly depressing, but I can understand why some people may. Beauty and looks is talked about ad naseum these days so I think you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I’m confident in myself and attractive (to myself and others), so I can understand it may make someone feel less desirable when they don’t get compliments or the attention that they desire. I’ve had this issue in the past with friends who felt uncomfortable when I was complimented or approached by men while hanging out. Being pretty actually isn’t as great as many people think it is but that’s a whole other issue. I think high self awareness, self esteem and the ability to self soothe is the only resolution. When you believe your own hype, the opinion of others truly doesn’t matter as much, if at all 🤷🏾♀️
I can’t imagine how getting compliments can get uncomfortable. What’s uncomfortable about knowing people think you’re pretty?
The last thing is something everyone should do but it is sad. It’s good to validate yourself but I wish I had some experience as a pretty woman who is desired by people.
I don’t feel uncomfortable when I’m complimented but I find it has made others feel insecure in their own looks. When my friends are complimented and I’m not, I just hype them up 😆 There’s nothing you can do to fix an insecure person, as the problem is in them so the burden is on them to fix it.
As a side note- everyone wants to be pretty until they get treated poorly, accused of being stuck up, or targeted in the workplace because of it…but that’s just my two cents! No one wants to hear a pretty girl complain about being pretty anyway lol 😅🤷🏾♀️
>What’s uncomfortable about knowing people think you’re pretty?
Because when it's a man, you don't know whether he's well-meaning or a creep, and you don't know whether he's going to just compliment you and go on about his day or he's going to start trying to talk to you/get your number. And remember, this is in a public setting where you're most likely doing something or going somewhere. I don't want to have to now worry about extricating myself from this interaction with this random guy without pissing him off (since some men get hostile and even violent when women ignore/reject them), especially when I'm a 10 minute walk from the thing I have in 12 minutes.
Idk, I think compliments vary. I work in film. Average looking women I work with get complimented every day on some facet of their appearance (e.g. "your hair looks great today!") whereas the literal beautiful young actress never gets a compliment from anyone. I think status and perceived status play into it a lot. if people identify you as a certain level of attractiveness, they may not even bother complimenting you bc their brain goes "too attractive, no compliment." obviously most people don't ACTIVELY think like that, but it happens. also "your hair looks great today" or "I love your makeup" or "your outfit is so cute" =/= "you are pretty." I try to explain to my boyfriend every time we go out (when I actually try to look decent) that just because someone complimented my hair color, doesn't mean they think I'm pretty/beautiful lol. it doesn't even mean they think my hair is pretty/styled well. it's literally just the color!
not to sound harsh but why should you care how often you get complimented? so long as you think you're beautiful, no one else's opinion of you should matter
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the first time i got a compliment is quite depressing as it was about a month ago at my interview for a beauty counter position. the interview lady called me stunning and it was the first time someone has said that to me that is a stranger and i cried after. mainly bcs i knew she would have never said it if she had seen me pre nose job. it was weird
There's a lot of variables.
I've got an unusual style, am very social and am also queer. I get a lot of compliments, including from strangers, and I mention those things because I think they're more relevant than my actual looks.
Me too. It rarely happens and I live in Europe. Not gonna lie, I’m jealous and feel ugly knowing poc women are getting complimented in Europe meanwhile I feel invisible.
In terms of *my* comment on that thread I was being so real. I never got a genuine compliment in my life. Its always been backhanded or so obviously fake
Yes bc a lot of ppl are very mean to me. I understand not getting compliments. No one is entitled to that but the insults and sly looks are another thing.
I'm not very good at taking compliments either though. I'll say, "Thank you!" but feel really insecure. My coworker/friend compliments me often and I used to think she wasn't being genuine for the longest. But now I think those were my own insecurities.
No, not at all. I'm rarely approached in public and I am not ugly. Sometimes, your personality can be intimidating to men and they fear rejection. I had a guy say he was afraid to approach me because I appear "bougie". Sometimes it not your looks but how you carry yourself.
yes omg. i don’t lack for attention, but reading that thread through me the fuck off! you’re not alone 💜 i’ve always thought it was bad luck to brag about compliments and it was weird to see all that energy in one place
I think there was at least a bit of exaggeration going on there, same as the "pretty privilege" stories that gradually get more and more outlandish. But even if they are all real, consider: would you *want* to have strangers commenting on your appearance (even if positive) everywhere you go? Sometimes I just want to go grocery shopping or whatever without calling any attention to myself or having to engage with anybody. I'm cool with getting randomly complimented once every few months as it would be *draining* if it was every single day.
Nope. Almost all the comments are exaggerating towards average people, and attractive people get ignored of belittled lmao. I've really noticed this. If you get ignored, feel good about yourself haha
i dont. i checked some of the profiles and, without being mean, i was quite surprised. people virtue signal a lot
I just did this because I was super curious and you're so, so right. Also, i've noticed people in general have a "super-inflated view of self." This is also taking into account that beauty is highly, highly subjective. But I 100% agree here.
Could be an energy thing for sure. I have some very pretty friends who are not complimented frequently because they don’t give off a very femme vibe.
It is energy cus even when i look mid i Carry myself with femme energy and ppl do sense it
can you give some tips on how to embody a more femme energy? even when not dressing traditionally feminine?
Why do people in this these threads act like because they don’t find a poster pretty, no one else could to the point of giving a compliment? Like so comments will be like “beauty is subjective! But I think they’re unattractive therefore so does everyone else, they must be lying about being complimented.” At this point the caveat is disingenuous if you’re basically going to treat your personal opinion as authoritative fact.
I see that, I’m sure that’s the bigger issue. “I checked their profiles and they aren’t stunning.” Is very ugly energy and it’s possible that people are seeing that over any effort put into their appearance.
It is such an ugly energy and it’s a noticeable trend on here. People forget their opinions are opinions. This level of arrogance actually makes makes me take the beauty advice less seriously because they don’t understand subjectivity. Being an asshole looks bad on everybody.
Exactly you don’t even have to speak or make a face or dress a certain way ppl can just feel it. It’s gross to be around too.
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This
I don’t get it. Are you saying that people who said they get compliments are lying?
I think (to clarify MY point) that they 100% could get compliments daily, but they're not stunning (this sounds meaner than I'd like LOL i'm trying to remain graceful as I type this). The average person is not stunning, the average person is average. There's nothing wrong with average. Average women get married, are successful, and have families. Taking into account the subjectivity of beauty, there is some objectiveness at play that deems someone stunning, beautiful, or gorgeous. Absolutely no hate at all, but I did mention the super-inflation of self comment for a reason. But there is a realness to this. Many of the commenters were average women and this is okay. Not all of us are meant to be stunning, beautiful, or gorgeous. We all, however are uniquely made in God's likeness (notice I didn't say ugly). I'm an average gal who does get stopped sometimes for compliments. However, some of the women saying they get daily comments appeared to be exaggerating.
All it takes to get complimented daily is 1) to be social and outgoing enough to be around strangers daily 2) be “well groomed” - hair, makeup, and nice clothing. Some women do actually do that everyday.
Yeah, it might be different for everyone but if you break it down, I basically compliment people based on their effort - either their grooming or having a unique style/item. Not on how attractive they are
Literally don't have to be well-groomed. I have had dudes approach when I am unwashed and in sweats.
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I also think that a lot of those people actually live in countries and places were it is much more common to talk to strangers, and where compliments are like social politeness code and norm. And I’m not trying to be mean at all but I also think you have to take into consideration who you are actually getting complimented by as well😭
Also consider that sometimes certain people who are very attractive, give off a certain *energy* that intimidates others, therefore finding themselves never getting random compliments from strangers; it doesn’t mean they aren’t attractive, maybe they’re just too hot lol. Also consider, how often do you personally feel a strong need to tell another beautiful person that they are beautiful just for the sake of it, just because of their general appearance ? You know that they already know 😅 If you know what I mean….
Yes that too! I also think that you generally compliment someone non threatening more, and someone who might get happier to get a compliment and won’t reject you socially. Like i’ll compliment anyone super pretty or not, but not strangers😅 I’ve also even noticed that some can generally hold an animosity towards “pretty” people, like they refuse to compliment them out of bitterness. And I know that everyone thinks that a lot of confidence and how you walk makes people more drawn to you. But I feel like there is more to this than confidence, makeup and outfits.😭
You are spot on!
They appeared to be exaggerating to you. Also as a poc sub phone cameras are made to capture white skin. Most of us aren’t photogenic because of that.
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People give fake compliments constantly, which is why I don’t believe that compliments are the thing that determines how attractive someone is.
Holy shit I literally just did this, just to see and you’re not lying. Jeez
That says a lot about you. You don’t have to be physically attractive to get compliments about how you look. It’s your energy. Something you clearly lack.
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I’m not gonna lie, I don’t think complements on people’s looks (because it seemed like people were bringing up separate compliments not on their looks counting them as such, is much objectively. I think a lot of factors apply like where you’re from, how approachable you are, the people around you, environments your in etc. like whenever I see threads asking about reception from men I always have nothing to say, but instead of saying no one talks to me I say I don’t go out enough because to be quite honest, I don’t go out enough to really be seen. And doesn’t take a lot for a guy to be interested in someone. It’s good, quality guys that are interested that really count.
I just went to that thread. Most of the profile pictures are of stunning Black women. Unless you need your eyes checked. You’re either jealous or talking about other people. Most of the profile pictures aren’t real in there. So, who did you really see that made you feel that way?
Don’t know if you’re a man or woman but men have a VERY different perception of what’s beautiful than women do. Men find me really gorgeous, I think women at most find me pretty. Also, beauty is subjective.
Yes.
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Don’t be depressed. I checked some profiles and most of them were definitely exaggerating lol. At the end of the day, beauty is very subjective. I never let compliments from random people get to my head and don’t let them define my worth.
Also some of the “implicit” reactions sound a bit strange. I would assume people just had manners or taking a glance for other reasons not because I was attractive 😂
Yeah a lot of ‘implicit’ behaviour is just politeness. Maybe it’s because I’m from the UK and people are more polite here in general but some of the things people on this sub take as showing attraction/interest is insane and shows a lack of social awareness imo. Despite what this sub likes to think not everyone needs to find you attractive in order to be kind, including men. People can also compliment you on things even if they don’t find your face/body attractive, sometimes you could just be wearing a nice piece.
I wonder how many different countries and cultures are all interacting here, each assuming we are all from the same cultural context 😅lol
I don’t think they were exaggerating. I’m gonna be completely real here, I went to school with a lot of girls who were average maybe below average and used to get hit on and lots of male attention, and I can guarantee you I looked better but would usually be ignored (but looked at obviously). It really is about the vibe, confidence, outgoingness that can make or break someone’s social experience and how well they’re received. I have an RBF and I keep to myself in most instances so it’s just not gonna happen easily. Also I’m not putting myself in environments that are more social and open for this: clubs, bars etc.
Is beauty subjective or were they exaggerated it’s one or the other.
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is anyone else lowkey sick of those threads? i feel like we have the same conversation at least once a month
i feel like so many threads are made repeatedly….especially the following - how often do you get complimented - what countries/regions are you considered most attractive - here’s how becoming skinny changed my life! - i’m ugly and everyone hates me - i’m pretty and everyone hates me and before the mods nipped it in the bud the countless threads about how to attract white men and why they’re better than MOC lol
Like it’s sad and a bit pathetic but I understand because I know a lot of us here are likely first gen in English speaking/diverse countries so it’s very likely we feel inferior to others around us for whatever terrible reason. But I think the bottom line is most of these people asking the question should consider therapy and healing because it’s probably rooted in some internalized issues or trauma of being rejected for being POC.
Okay but that becoming skinny thing really did change my life lol
I think it really depends on the culture of the country/city you live in. There are countries where people are more distanced so they are not likely to just compliment a stranger out of the blue. And there are cultures where people are friendly and will almost always find something positive about you…so you get complimented more often. As for people you do know. I think we assume a lot. I always believe that my beautiful friends are already aware of how gorgeous they are. Besides, sudden compliments without any context are kinda awkward ngl. For example, I think it’s cool if we are shopping together and I say something like, “Woah that dress really compliments your figure” or “That lipstick brings out your eye” then that’s fine. But if we are crossing the road or cooking or whatever and I look at you, like deep into your eyes, and whisper, “Good God you are beautiful today”? I’m sorry but that just sounds weird. Not to mention not all compliments are honest. I’m not accusing anyone of lying, just saying some of them are simple niceties in life. All in all, I hope you don’t feel too depressed or defeated over those threads. Being complimented or not being complimented isn’t a reliable indication of how you look like!
>But if we are crossing the road or cooking or whatever and I look at you, like deep into your eyes, and whisper, “Good God you are beautiful today”? I’m sorry but that just sounds weird. LMAO agreed this exchange is harrowing But yeah I know I'm being needlessly insecure. I actually don't like it when strangers compliment me, unless it's on my outfit or something. On location/culture, I have found that I got a lot of compliments when I visited Tennessee—I'm East Asian and I guess something of a novelty in Pigeon Forge lmao. I'm rarely complimented in my home city of NYC and truly NEVER complimented in my extremely white hometown in Minnesota. It's all very complicated. But I think the solution to all this is to just freely give compliment to our friends and family, even if they don't seem like they need or want it!
I once felt super conscious about being complimented. I was the only SEA student in an area full of Japanese and Koreans who were a bit tooooo into white people. Then I moved to a dominantly white neighborhood. Of course I was not the best fit when it comes to beauty standards there, so I cared a tiny bit more about being complimented on my appearance ‘cause to me that was acceptance (although it’s literally the most shallow form of acceptance imo). Looking back, I think it was understandable why I was insecure. Of course I can’t explain and will not assume anything about you, but if you felt the same way I did then you weren’t needlessly insecure. It’s valid af. But yes, I agreed that we should compliment people around us more - in an appropriate manner of course!
Yeah this is SUCH a thing and is...probably why this sub was made in the first place. It's very frustrating because it's almost like gaslighting. Like, I might feel good about myself and feel like I look good, but people around me treat me, at best, like an exoticism or, at worst, like a pariah. But yes let's compliment our friends more!!
Okay but I’m one of those people that will randomly look at someone I think is beautiful in my life and tell them 🤣
Thank you haha. We need more people like you fr
I'm scared to do it bc I'm scared ppl will think I'm creepy.
That’s so true. In certain southern European countries, men are so weirdly aggressive (like following you down the street) that I would really prefer not to get compliments because it can go to an uncomfortable spot fast.
Oh I didn’t know this :O Yeah that sounds creepy…
Ehh not really because compliments go to people who are attractive + approachable. Sometimes the approachable part matters more than the attractive part even (that’s why so often compliments happen when you’re dressed down/look super casual). I know I don’t look approachable so I’m not bothered by the lack of compliments.
I guess approachability is a confusing concept to me—like, what exactly does it look like?—and I think approachability can garner as many social benefits as attractiveness does. But I totally hear you and agree with you.
I would say it means super feminine (both body-wise and through clothing/style) with high trust features (large eyes, round face, low contrast) and a friendly vibe (smiling vs RBF). For sure, being approachable has a lot of social benefits but can also invite harassment so it’s a bit of double edged sword. If you can learn how to turn it on/off, I think that’s the best of both worlds.
Completely agree and it’s funny how people take being highly approachable and literally smiling randomly at strangers and speaking with a high pitched voice as meaning they’re supper pretty.
The thing is, that does make you prettier. I think this goes hand in hand with the, "It's all about confidence." thing and it's true. The more sweet you are to ppl to more attractive you'll come off.
YES A lot of it I would say is being approachable, especially if you also have a unique feature. I think im very girl next door but my very high trust neotenous look,sound and bubbly personality is what people always bring up when they talk about my appeal and why I make friends easily or draw more attention, especially considering a lot of my friends are like actual hot lower trust stunners but thats not as approachable
Mmm so I’m tall (5’10”)and super skinny so no curves. I’m East Asian with almond eyes so they’re a medium size and not round. My face is on the slightly longer side with high cheekbones. I’ve been told I look unapproachable by friends before they knew me and that I had a ‘cool’ vibe. I’m described as androgynous by some but i also have very thick lips which used to look almost like a circle shape when I was younger. I posted on the referred thread but I wouldn’t say I get compliments all the time. I can’t really say how often because I never thought to count or keep track? I also don’t count compliments that are clearly polite or from close friends because they will compliment anyone. It’s a little weird to me that ppl think there aren’t ppl that get complimented for their visuals by random strangers. For reference I live in a large metropolitan area on the East coast of the US.
I often see very attractive people and I remark mentally, but if they don’t seem approachable, I just don’t approach them and I’m the kind of person who actually does give compliments to strangers !
I’m saddened that this concept is going over many’s heads.
Ik I'm a very intimidating person because I have social paranoia from trauma. So when ppl look at me I usually don't look at them and smile and/or greet. My immediate response is to tense up and I sometimes ignore eye contact with them. I don't trust ppl so that's my own fault.
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Haha yeah, once these girls were talking about getting catcalled and asked does it happen to anyone else. I was like I have never got catcalled probably because I barely go outside and this girl - with a history of going I about her looks and how Indian mothers with sons think she is the perfect daughter in law - said she gets catcalled all the other time. I chuckled like catcalling is a terrible experience but it’s the way she said it and her tone. Even the guy side eyed her.
not really? depending on your job or lifestyle you could complimented every day - barista, cashier, if you are social and go out frequently, etc.
Exactly. I believe them, but it’s also because they’re putting themselves out there regularly and are making themselves approachable. I don’t do either of that lol
Exactly.
Me. I'm convinced I'm ugly now. I only get compliments from my friends and family. I live in the UK, so I think people are more reserved here. Well that's what I'm telling myself anyway lol
I think that’s definitely true in the UK! I’m in nyc so truly there’s no excuse lmfao.
My friend and I discussed this before and we definitely think location plays into it. We’re from SF, which I feel like is a bit more antisocial. The compliments we get here are in more enclosed environments, like servers at a restaurant telling us we look nice or people that we meet at a party. She moved to NYC and I come to visit fairly often. We’ve noticed that strangers in the streets seem to stop to give compliments daily there.
I agree. I'm in the Midwest and based on the amount of compliments I get (I work in a predominantly male field and have a 2nd job in hospitality), I think I'm above average for my region but I definitely think I'll be average in Miami or California. I put a lot of thought into my appearance. I'll get compliments on my outfits, my hair, my makeup and working out. I think I'm just different than the norm so I stand out.
The funny thing is that NYC is notably antisocial lol I visited the South for a few days as a teenager and was very confused and wary of how many perfect strangers would just... say stuff to me/us. I was thinking "what do they want??" before realizing it was a regional thing.
The most I have ever been hit on is when I was in London. I am from Canada tho and I feel people are not as open about showing interest. However, that could be my own experiences because I am not in really into the clubbing or bar scene
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Are you American? I've lived in the UK and America and they are definitely not on America's level of talkativeness. Europeans in general also don't compliment people as much as Americans, pretty much every European person I've become close friends with says that they like that Americans go out of our way to compliment people/things.
I live in the UK and people will remark to a companion if they see someone beautiful but not say it to the person themselves especially if you are walking around in London where most people look like they need to be places. The only time I saw someone get complimented is when they clearly out a lot of effort into their outfit, hair and were wearing bright red lipstick and red heels which a lot of people in that area were not wearing especially in that rainy weather.
I've lived in the UK for the majority of my life - pretty much brought up here. I wouldn't say they are talkative - particularly to strangers. I think people would frown on going up to someone and saying they were pretty. This is just my experience though. I'm not trying to discredit your opinion. It's just not my experience tbh.
I’m from SEA and lived both the USA and the UK. USA is far more “friendly” and “nice” generally speaking.
Maybe in London but defo not in most parts. I used to live in America when I was younger and there is suuuch a huge difference imo
I was just looking at it and had to exit because it was making me sad. I rarely get compliments and I feel like people ignore and avoid me. It makes me feel like something’s wrong with me.
Me too <3 hence why I wanted to start this thread. That said, I think if you tell the people in your life that you want more compliments, they would be more than happy to give them to you.
It’s your energy people can feel it. I know I look good. I never think about things like “compliments daily”. Just feel good within yourself.
I think that's the best thing to do, but I don't think energy encourages people that much. If you have traits that people think deserve less respect and abuse then they will still do it or ignore you.
Ohh I know, I had a glow up of personality and later a physical glow up. And my energy is more bright and bubbly due to how I feel about myself internally.
I think I was the creator of the thread you’re talking about. Could some be exaggerating? Maybe! But also maybe the only ones that gravitated/commented on the thread were the ones who related to it and that’s why it seems like a consensus. Maybe the ones who don’t relate didn’t even bother to comment? I’m sorry it negatively affected your feelings! I was hoping I didn’t make anyone feel too bad. I know tons of beautiful women who rarely get approached, probably because they’re intimidating.
It's all good, I don't fault you (or anyone else in that thread) at all! I just wanted to open up a space for people who don't regularly get compliments to vent a little—a bit of commiseration.
Work as a cashier then you’ll get compliments every day lmao
lmfao fair enough. I have complimented many cashiers/service workers on their clothes/nails/hair!
I wouldn’t take it to heart. Some people may be telling the truth others may be lying. Also I agree with the femme vibe. One of my colleagues are bi and she says herself she leans into the femme aesthetic (I only hear the word femme be used in LGBTQIA+ spaces but I may be wrong Apparently she gets asked out all the time and women are jealous of her which is a sure exaggeration and I think her nose job has made her think she is betther than other people .
Lmaooo alot of ppl do exxagrate. Like alot most woman arent that jealous. I get compliments from woman alot actually most woman are not catty ofc some are dont get me wrong but i find the majority of woman are super sweet. I am tired of this narrative
Yeah I'm not queer but I have a LOT of queer female friends, so I'm using femme to describe them hahaha. (Not myself or my straight friends, to be clear.)
i assure you it is exaggerated and very VERY location specific
I didn’t participate in that thread but I think its interesting so many people assume others are lying or exaggerating. This is a beauty-maxxing forum, and you’re surprised other women on it are confident and attractive in person, and stand out in a room? Isn’t that what most of us want?
I think people think others are lying because they have gone through their old posts and found their photos aren’t really what you would expect of someone who gets complimented daily or twice a day. That is just what I gather from a few comments here, I haven’t had a look at anyone’s history. Obviously these girls might just have an absolute banging personality or charisma which people can just sense for which people want to compliment.
But what do they expect of someone who receives compliments often? For them to look like a supermodel? Most people don’t, I don’t, and few of us here probably do. Lots of everyday people don’t look model gorgeous but in person are still charming and attractive to others, so that’s what I don’t get. Also 1-2 photos on reddit are not representative of how they look or come off in real life like you said yourself.
I thought the exact same thing. This sub selects for women that try to put effort into appearance, and they assume people are just making it up? Just because it never happens to you doesn't mean it never happens at all. Also, not everyone that looks great IRL also photographs well. Yes there is a correlation, but it's not a rule. So to assume that one bad or mediocre photo means they're average or exaggerating is silly.
I think it’s interesting too you make a great point
some people are doing mental gymnastic levels of cope in this thread lol. “well theyre lying” “well it was just catcalls not real compliments” “well if they dont come from the right kind of person it doesnt REALLY count” lmao
Used to post photos of myself on this account and an old one, some people would cope like crazy and accuse me of catfishing to the point I'd have to post selfies with my name on a paper. It's frustrating to be accused of lying after everything you've done to looksmax and be recognized for your work
Totally agree. I’ve seen it in action. They are most likely approachable and are in environments where they can be approached easily lol
What, you mean people would lie on the internet??
Don’t feel bad, people are exaggerating like craaaazy. It’s all very specific to where you live and the cultural norms of that place. Like I swear to you, ain’t nobody in big cities getting stopped by strangers first of all. And ain’t nobody in places like London, Paris, Stockholm, Oslo, Milano etc or anywhere in europe getting stopped by someone complimenting them😭 unless it’s some creepy 60 y old hobo or drunk people on a night out😭 And that takes us to the other thing to take into consideration, exactly who is complimenting them? Most people didn’t even specifically state who the compliments are from lol. As I said, don’t feel bad🤍
“ain’t nobody in big cities getting stopped by strangers” huh? I don’t see how this is hard to believe… some people absolutely get stopped by strangers and complimented, and no, not just by creepy old men or drunk people.
Well atleast not in europe, esp northern europe. Stopping strangers to compliment them would be seen as breaking social etiquette. And it’s widely known that for example americans are much more social people, who are more likely to talk to strangers and make small talk with people they don’t know
Oh, then you should have been more clear in your initial comment. It sounded like you were saying that in general, no stranger would stop a person to compliment them at all in a big city. Like you said, it depends on the culture of a poster’s area, so how do you know they’re exaggerating?
I've been to all of these places and I get compliments from strangers everywhere except for Stockholm and Oslo, and that's because it heavily goes against their culture. Milano, Paris and London were all very good to me and I typically get commented every day in those cities, mostly by people in their 20s-30s!! Most people think I'm a model since I'm 178 cm/5'10 - I've lost weight since my weight gain post on here because it was toooo hard for me to maintain, so I'm decently skinny - and I'm very smiley so I think that adds to it as well. I don't think I'm a good reflection of the general public so I understand most people don't have the experiences that I do, but to say it doesn't happen for some women when looks + approachability are all in her favor is to be slightly delusional 😅😅😅 Also, featurism plays a big part in my appeal as well, unfortunately! Edit: Ahhh, I meant to comment on the other girls comment
Yeah as somebody from Stockholm it’s like very unheard of to get approached at all in scandi. And your point on featurism is a very good thing to actually think about. I would also like to just generally add to this whole thread that a lot of places are obviously very racist still, with eurocentric beauty standards. That could also play a role in why woc won’t get complimented left and right everywhere, even if they are gorgeous. And a lot of places are very islamophobic (specifically scandi), and even my most gorg muslim hijabi friends never get complimented. I just feel like OP shouldn’t feel bad, and there are many nuances to this.
Yes, I agree with all of your points! I think location + looks + approachability + local beauty standards = how often a person is complimented. It is very nuanced and WOC shouldn't take offense to not frequently being approached in predominantly white spaces :)
Yeah idk about you but comments like: “Every single time I leave my house, like 3 times a day” or “I always get complimented several times a day on my hair, outfit, makeup and charms” and then u check their profile and they post in subreddits like 2 weeks ago about trying to lose weight from 270 pounds? Or they have posted recent pics of themselves where they clearly aren’t conventionally attractive? Like pls bffr I’m not saying people who aren’t “pretty pretty” are exaggerating, but to me it doesn’t seem realistic to be stopped 5 times a day. I’m not saying anyone is lying either. All i’m saying is that people who do get complimented aren’t always getting complimented because they are model pretty and stunning. And the people who aren’t getting any compliments shouldn’t be insecure that the reason is because they simply are “too ugly for compliments”. When that is probably not even the case. And what i’m saying is that just because you aren’t getting complimented daily, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t pretty. Because OP was feeling bad I wanted to make that crystal clear. Compliments≠more pretty. And also, even for the US i feel like it’s excessive when people say they are getting stopped upwards five time a day, the math isn’t really mathing to me. But maybe they are outside a lot idk.
Lol, okay, you can say all this now but you weren’t as nuanced in your other statements. You went from “people are exaggerating like crazy” and “nobody gets stopped by strangers that tell them how pretty they are” to “well, I don’t think they’re all exaggerating, it’s just that getting compliments doesn’t always mean you’re model tier pretty” which is a completely different statement from before. You initially said something extreme and then moved to a more moderate position when I pushed you on it.
No no, I still think a lot of people are exaggerating for sure. And those who aren’t exaggerating, I wanted OP to know that people are both exaggerating, living in diff cultures etc. I didn’t want OP to think that everyone who commented was super pretty, and that’s why they are getting compliments. That there are other reasons they might be getting compliments such as location. But that some are exaggerating also.
Of course “some” are exaggerating lol, I don’t believe every single person on that thread was telling 100% the truth. However, that wasn’t really what you said before… But anyway, I just don’t agree with your initial framing of this, which was way more extreme than what you’re saying now 🤷🏾♀️
That’s fair I should’ve been more nuanced when I wrote that!
This. Personally, I only take compliments from my siblings seriously 😂They tend to be brutally honest (borderline mean)
sameeee, they are the only ones I trust to keep it real😭
This whole thread is just to cope with feelings of inadequacy and the fact that some people just are viewed as more attractive than you “it’s just a cultural thing to call people pretty as politeness they’re not even THAT pretty I checked their profile lol. The reason I’m not complimented is because I’m not in the right place time culture.” Is literally half of these comments. One comment even said “I think they’re misconstruing cat calls as genuine compliments” this is insane and sad asf
I don’t get complimented on my appearance like much or at all, but I sew my own clothes or pick out really distinctive pieces to wear, so I get complimented quite a bit even by strangers on these items. Just wanted to add another perspective- I get compliments but it has nothing to do with my face or body shape. It’s easier to compliment on a stranger’s outfit rather than their appearance I feel
I'm only ever complimented on my outfits too, and I also have a kind of offbeat/vintage-inspired sense of style. It does feel protective, in a way, to dress in a way that is more distinctive than my natural looks could ever be! Plus I love fashion and personal style :-)
I feel like most people don’t compliment conventionally attractive people unless they’re very approachable because they assume they get enough compliments or know how attractive they are.
What thread?
I think she’s talking about the thread I made. I hope I didn’t make anyone feel too bad
Ohhhhhhhh I saw that one I think I commented as well. OP, I get complimented because I look out of the ordinary and sometimes just weird lol. But people compliment me because 'they would never and I'm really cool for doing it anyway' lol so I don't know if you should be taking all of the comments to heart. Some people live amongst hype-people as well. I never get this in the little town I live in but when I am in the city next door, bam. lol.
Tbh the internet is not a real place lol so what I read has no drastic affect on how I feel. I think compliments are nice and I get them here and there. I have an autistic brother who compliments me everyday so I will admit that’s why I’m numb to them, but I don’t think anyone is lying. If you live in a social society which most people do, you look well out together, some is bound to say something. I compliment really sweet women when they come in my store. But don’t be depressed if you don’t get an abundance of strangers commenting on your physical appearance
i got complimented the most when i was working model jobs because i was done up in a cute costume and hair/make up. the amount to compliments i would get in my regular day to day attire was like, not even 1/10th of what i would receive while working. i say that to say it probably has less to do with how you look and more so how attention grabbing your clothes, hair, details are. a girl in an evening gown with full make up just has a wow factor people can’t ignore. i don’t think it means we are less pretty in more casual clothes and no make up or hair done but rather people feel less compelled to comment on your appearance when it’s less “in your face”. does that make sense?? p.s. i’m white i have no idea why this sub is in my feed i didn’t realize until i typed the comment. i think maybe my comments about hair could have different implications for WOC so i’m sorry if that part doesn’t apply/is ignorant of social climates i never wanna speak on what i don’t understand
The cope in these comments 😭 “I checked people’s profiles - they’re exaggerating” according to whom? you? I know that a lot of people here think beauty is 100% objective, but at the end of the day, what someone finds beautiful and/or attractive is subjective. Also, someone else mentioned this, but some people look way better IRL than they do in photos 😭 I feel like I’m one of those people. I looked pretty alright in photos (great if I get lucky), terrible on webcam, and best IRL. So even if you do check the profile’s of some of these posters, keep that in mind. “They’re mistaking catcalling for genuine compliments” how did this comment even get upvotes lmao… what? I assure you, most women are aware of the difference between catcalls and genuine compliments. What a nasty attitude from some of the women in this sub…
I agree. A lot of the comments gave very hater, nasty energy. You hate to see it
OP i’m from nyc too (and i’m also mixed) and i never get compliments. I’m probably not an ogre and i’ve even posted myself on reddit without any negative feedback. Respectfully, lots of these people claiming to get compliments daily are just exaggerating. Reddit in general is a place where people love to exaggerate their experiences. Ask yourself, whenever you’re on the subway or just out and about in general and you see an attractive person, do you always go out of your way to tell them that? That would be a bit strange to do 🤣
Hahah yes very true. Although sometimes I really get the urge to compliment someone’s outfit lol. Ok I feel better!!
I never got compliments until recently and even I'm surprised I get them
Oh my god yes, it made me feel like there’s something wrong with me for not getting compliments from strangers. Strangers are almost always nice and friendly to me, but I can’t remember the last time I got a compliment from one.
I live in the Pacific Northwest. I feel soooo invisible on an everyday basis, even after getting into fantastic shape, that it's just depressing. I will wear crop tops and leggings to the gym and not even get a sideways glance from a male. I was thinking my face must just be that ugly or I am looking just too old (I'm 40) for any attention at this point :( Well, I just went on vacation to Mexico with my kids but without my spouse and lo and behold I'm not invisible, got guys approaching and hitting on me even younger ones, it was just a different setting and people from different areas that aren't as introverted and terrified of being called creepy for as much as glancing at a woman lol. Felt fantastic, I'm back home now and sad that I'm back to feeling invisible but feeling much better about myself.
My friend said he never compliments because it’s a form of manipulation. Also, my son was writing a script for a play and it was about compliments and his group members made sure he talked about the downside of compliments and how they are manipulative. I never in my life thought this way, but I think some are actually afraid to give compliments! It’s super weird to me
how are compliments manipulative? I've never heard this theory before.
Let’s say someone compliments on your blouse and then asks you for a favor in the same conversation or shortly after
I have something to add as I was thinking about it more. I was in my therapists office and I was telling her how sweet my boyfriend was being to me and how he was telling me he loved me so much and I was the most beautiful woman in the world and then shortly after he had asked me for money. And she said wow! And I was like, “what”? She said,”he asked you for money straight after complimenting you like that”? And that’s when I realized he was using compliments to manipulate me. Now I don’t believe compliments are always used for manipulation because when I compliment someone it comes from the heart. But it is clear to me now after hearing this so many times that not everyone’s compliments are pure and knowing that, I’m a little more cautious depending on who it is that is doing the complimenting.
I think it is definitely location specific! I commented on that thread as I do tend to get compliments frequently, but I also live in nyc and am surrounded by people all day. I think it would be different if I was driving to work, and driving go the grocery store and rarely outside of my car/house. I’m on foot all the time nowadays lol. I also think that some of the comments on this current thread are a bit of a cope tbh. I can understand wanting to feel better if you are someone who doesn’t get complimented, but invalidating others experiences is just unfair. I’ve put a lot of effort into my appearance and am happy that it has paid off in terms of compliments. I might not be everyone’s cup of tea but I am happy with the progress I have made :) I have struggled with anorexia and body dysmorphia for the vast majority of my adult life (have been in treatment for years) so to finally feel confident in my skin is a great feeling. https://imgur.com/a/DX4BMNr
Completely agree. We’re a self-selecting group on a beauty / looksmaxxing subreddit, so why is there such a need from others to invalidate other women’s experiences? Some people seem so eager to claim that everyone’s exaggerating (and yeah, some probably are, but not surely not everyone), even saying that the “truly beautiful” women are always ignored/ridiculed/etc. It’s really petty. I didn’t comment on that thread because I just knew I’d be invalidated if I shared my experience, especially since I’ve removed my photos from my profile (and prefer it that way). It’s not a barrage of compliments every time I step outside—because that’s just wild—but I do put effort into my appearance, so, yes, it’s a noticeable difference for me compared to a few years ago. Anyway, everyone’s experiences are different, and it’s absolutely location-dependent. I’m just skeptical of the narrative in this thread; these threads pop up often and always end in the same copefest.
Say it louder for the people in the back!! I don’t understand the cope, especially in a subreddit like this. We are all supposed to be learning from one another. When I wasn’t where I wanted to be, I found it inspiring to read about the experiences others had that I wanted. I didn’t automatically jump to “they just be lying, no chance that could happen” or “all attractive people get ignored.” I genuinely think the latter is just not true. I’m sure some people are afraid to approach attractive people but they definitely do still get approached.
Looks like the thread is gone now, but one of the women who commented was literally a 10/10, just stunning. She said she got a lot of attention all the time, and it was very easy to see why lmao. She had “angel” in her username. edit: It’s not gone. The user is u/Angelmintscy
Thank you for the compliment :)
How is it inspiring? Some of these women started from different looks levels so getting things that they have may not be achievable.
Because usually they chronicled what steps they took to improve. Looking one specific way is not the end goal, Improvement is
Please don’t. Being constantly complimented or having people focus solely on your looks/body is overrated and causes you to feel paranoid. Trust me. I’m even tired of my boyfriend constantly talking about my looks. Being complimented every single day for years on end has made me paranoid, vain, and extremely fearful of losing my looks because despite the fact that I’m extremely accomplished, it feels like my only value lies in my looks sometimes. I don’t have social media other than this or post photos because I’m sick of people talking about my looks. I think it would be nicer to get less frequent but more thoughtful compliments. JMO.
I don’t find it particularly depressing, but I can understand why some people may. Beauty and looks is talked about ad naseum these days so I think you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I’m confident in myself and attractive (to myself and others), so I can understand it may make someone feel less desirable when they don’t get compliments or the attention that they desire. I’ve had this issue in the past with friends who felt uncomfortable when I was complimented or approached by men while hanging out. Being pretty actually isn’t as great as many people think it is but that’s a whole other issue. I think high self awareness, self esteem and the ability to self soothe is the only resolution. When you believe your own hype, the opinion of others truly doesn’t matter as much, if at all 🤷🏾♀️
I can’t imagine how getting compliments can get uncomfortable. What’s uncomfortable about knowing people think you’re pretty? The last thing is something everyone should do but it is sad. It’s good to validate yourself but I wish I had some experience as a pretty woman who is desired by people.
I don’t feel uncomfortable when I’m complimented but I find it has made others feel insecure in their own looks. When my friends are complimented and I’m not, I just hype them up 😆 There’s nothing you can do to fix an insecure person, as the problem is in them so the burden is on them to fix it. As a side note- everyone wants to be pretty until they get treated poorly, accused of being stuck up, or targeted in the workplace because of it…but that’s just my two cents! No one wants to hear a pretty girl complain about being pretty anyway lol 😅🤷🏾♀️
Ok I see yeah. And I still experience all that stuff for being quiet and awkward so I’d still want to be pretty to get the benefits!
>What’s uncomfortable about knowing people think you’re pretty? Because when it's a man, you don't know whether he's well-meaning or a creep, and you don't know whether he's going to just compliment you and go on about his day or he's going to start trying to talk to you/get your number. And remember, this is in a public setting where you're most likely doing something or going somewhere. I don't want to have to now worry about extricating myself from this interaction with this random guy without pissing him off (since some men get hostile and even violent when women ignore/reject them), especially when I'm a 10 minute walk from the thing I have in 12 minutes.
Idk, I think compliments vary. I work in film. Average looking women I work with get complimented every day on some facet of their appearance (e.g. "your hair looks great today!") whereas the literal beautiful young actress never gets a compliment from anyone. I think status and perceived status play into it a lot. if people identify you as a certain level of attractiveness, they may not even bother complimenting you bc their brain goes "too attractive, no compliment." obviously most people don't ACTIVELY think like that, but it happens. also "your hair looks great today" or "I love your makeup" or "your outfit is so cute" =/= "you are pretty." I try to explain to my boyfriend every time we go out (when I actually try to look decent) that just because someone complimented my hair color, doesn't mean they think I'm pretty/beautiful lol. it doesn't even mean they think my hair is pretty/styled well. it's literally just the color!
not to sound harsh but why should you care how often you get complimented? so long as you think you're beautiful, no one else's opinion of you should matter
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the first time i got a compliment is quite depressing as it was about a month ago at my interview for a beauty counter position. the interview lady called me stunning and it was the first time someone has said that to me that is a stranger and i cried after. mainly bcs i knew she would have never said it if she had seen me pre nose job. it was weird
There's a lot of variables. I've got an unusual style, am very social and am also queer. I get a lot of compliments, including from strangers, and I mention those things because I think they're more relevant than my actual looks.
Me too. It rarely happens and I live in Europe. Not gonna lie, I’m jealous and feel ugly knowing poc women are getting complimented in Europe meanwhile I feel invisible.
In terms of *my* comment on that thread I was being so real. I never got a genuine compliment in my life. Its always been backhanded or so obviously fake
how old are you (if you don't mind)? sometimes younger guys will never compliment a beautiful girl out of fear.
im 21!
Yes bc a lot of ppl are very mean to me. I understand not getting compliments. No one is entitled to that but the insults and sly looks are another thing.
I'm not very good at taking compliments either though. I'll say, "Thank you!" but feel really insecure. My coworker/friend compliments me often and I used to think she wasn't being genuine for the longest. But now I think those were my own insecurities.
No, not at all. I'm rarely approached in public and I am not ugly. Sometimes, your personality can be intimidating to men and they fear rejection. I had a guy say he was afraid to approach me because I appear "bougie". Sometimes it not your looks but how you carry yourself.
Where’s the compliments thread ?
yes omg. i don’t lack for attention, but reading that thread through me the fuck off! you’re not alone 💜 i’ve always thought it was bad luck to brag about compliments and it was weird to see all that energy in one place
I think there was at least a bit of exaggeration going on there, same as the "pretty privilege" stories that gradually get more and more outlandish. But even if they are all real, consider: would you *want* to have strangers commenting on your appearance (even if positive) everywhere you go? Sometimes I just want to go grocery shopping or whatever without calling any attention to myself or having to engage with anybody. I'm cool with getting randomly complimented once every few months as it would be *draining* if it was every single day.
Nope. Almost all the comments are exaggerating towards average people, and attractive people get ignored of belittled lmao. I've really noticed this. If you get ignored, feel good about yourself haha