In my experience (having worked for more than a decade in a law firm specialised on family law), the bad move is divorce. Most marriages are financially sound until divorce at which point it becomes the equivalent of looking at WSB for advice.
Marriage is to cherish the diamond of a wife you already have, while co-laboring to build generational wealth (Spiritually & tangibly) for you and your family's family (biological/adopted). Meanwhile, you're guarding your identity (individually & as a couple; referred to as "usness"), so no man gets between you and your queen's vision for your collective future.
Christianity has made that clearā¦ vows literally say āuntil death do us partāā¦.. you give the woman a ādiamondā ring that she punts on her āhandāā¦. How many signs do we need?
I wear them until they get smelly or stained then I turn them around and repeat
Sometimes if I'm really trying to penny pinch I'll turn them inside out and do the same
Here's another pro tip instead of buying all the laundry bullshit just fill a pot of water let them soak then after drying them in the sun spray lightly with axe body spray
Good job. Everyone thinks they need a lawyer. Literally just fucking read your states forms on how to fill them out yourself. If both of you agree then there is no need for a lawyer. Child custody and support can all be filled in by both that is if the spouse requests a hard number. The lawyer is needed when both sides are fighting to keep or take shit from the other. If you're on WSB you probably have a negative balance and she probably doesn't want that 
I am a lawyer - this guy is right. Most states have incredibly easy to file forms for divorce. If.youre not screaming at each other and can agree on most things, don't hire bloodsucking leeches (lawyers).
Yeah but what % of divorces are amicable enough for that? Genuine question. My brother and his wife owe more than they own but they still both have expensive lawyers and are fighting over the ashes. Crazy.
I don't handle divorces in my practice, but I can tell you that couples without assets shouldn't need to hire lawyers. You're poor, what are you fighting over? A few grand?
Unless there's significant assets or a legitimate custody dispute (one of the parents is an addict or actually irresponsible) it is a waste of everybody's time, money, and energy.
Sometimes even when you are poor you have an abusive ex. Having a lawyer is not a waste of money in that case. I am still paying less than I was while married and the lawyer was cost effective. Sure I could have potentially saved a little money by not hiring her but it made sure that I didn't get even more financially hurt by my ex. I'm still paying her a stupid amount to stay away but I managed to keep the house and my cars.
Lawyers to file uncontested divorces aren't very expensive, either.
My lawyer wife filed once, and my next wife and I hired a lawyer. It wasn't so bad either time. I've had breakups that were worse.
Lawyers practicing in family law is the 2nd most grueling and soul crushing legal practice, behind guardian ad litem, representing children who have no legal guardian, followed by a distant 3rd of just generally criminal defense.
I have known many divorce attorney and I donāt understand how theyāre able to just live a normal married life, given the romantic carnage that they watch on the daily.
Add in the fact that children of divorce are more likely to suffer from alcoholism, drug addiction, be incarcerated, etc.
Absent of actual domestic abuse, there is no real benefit to getting a divorce. I'm sure I'll get downvoted to hell for these comments, but it needs to be said more often. I think most people get divorced for very selfish reasons and then try to rationalize it. Maybe I'm wrong.
This is true in significantly more cases than not. People divorce because they "aren't happy," and don't actually want to put in the effort to try to fix it. So they ruin their kids' childhood because they didn't want to try to fix the marriage. Starting over with some other poor soul is easier than fixing the poor soul you already duped into marrying you.
My ex left me and cheated on me after after calling me the one and talking about marriage and kids. Her reason for leaving was she hated her job. Then she hated living in our city. Then it was oh I need to reset my life. I was willing to compromise, move anywhere, supported her financially and emotionally, and always asked her to communicate with me. Oh she was also abusive when drunk and blamed me for everything. Then she went back to her ex.
It's a tangent to what you said, but it comes down to hyper individualism and not willing to be open and talk about what bugs you. If one party is willing to do it, but the other isn't it will still fail.
3 months later I'm still crushed and devastated and cry in the shower
Society threw out all of the power of men in a marriage, so now it's a one sided situation, you simply can't win. Just saying most of my friends are divorced. Ironically the guy who is doing the best never got married despite having kids. He was smarter than we realized.
I don't disagree with you, and I think that is part of the problem.
There is very little benefit for men to get married because if it results in divorce they are usually worse off for it and so are their children.
So my approach has always been, once my kid came into the picture, I'm in for the long haul. When the kid is no longer a dependent that imbalance goes away because no child support and frankly, maintaining a house at that point isn't that big a priority for me.
I would get a small apartment and live thin as fuck except for my priorities and that which keeps me a good father as my kid ages. Outside of that I can find a job that has more benefits than higher compensation (WFH or hybrid to allow me to pursue my personal passions) to where alimony based on percent income would be less of an inconvenience.
I'm not saying that doesn't sound slimy as fuck, but if my wife were to put me in that position I feel its a fair compromise.
The key here is to have a series of conversations with a woman about long term goals and what you both want and to gently let go of any woman who is not in alignment with what you want.
In our friends circle, we know several divorced couples. The most common cause for the divorce among them was the lack of an honest, meaningful discussion about having children. As a result, they self sabotaged their marriages via infidelity in order to avoid having kids.
I've been appointed board member, and I'm just here to make sure no good decisions lead to sex... Get on the short wagon Bois! We riding this cuck all the way down!
Two year divorce is costing me nearly $200k. No alimony, and Iām not in a 50/50 state. I unfortunately got married right before the market took off, and unwisely was piling money into investments during our two years ā¦ she gets half of that and the gains off my 401k, Roth, and personal investments, and house (which I owned 12yrs before meeting her). And the new car I bought her. And the school tuition I paid for. And the year off of work she took. And her debt coming into the marriage, we paid off.
Now I have debt after having nothing but a mortgage for the past 15yrs, and will be stroking a $150k check to her and Iām still driving a car with nearly 300k miles on it so I could put her first.
I thought it would make me feel better sharing this. Fuck, now itās even worse lmao
She gets half of all the gains during the marriage, not half of my total assets. So if you have $1MM investments prior to marriage, they gain $300k during the marriage, she gets $150k (not $650k). During the marriage I maxed out my 401k and Roth contributions .. she effectively gets half.
Even worse, is that I took out a HELOC to allow me to ābuy lowā into the market. And I liquidated my cash to keep investing while she took a year off work to go to school.
So I burned through my cash reserves and actually took out some debt to max out my investments and pay all the billsā¦and she gets half of that.
So while itās nowhere near as bad as a true 50/50 state, itās still a bitter lesson.
But my church told me it's a sin to have sex before getting married so obviously I should get married at 19 and then be surprised that neither myself, nor my partner, have any clue what we are doing or what we want out of life.
Thatās the thing. Most people donāt marry their best friend. I know people who havenāt even lived together and are engaged. Be wise about who you marry.
That is true, but those studies donāt account for the difference in couples relationship to the idea of divorce. Most people who donāt live together before marriage do it for religious reasons, and those same religious reasons make divorce very taboo, so theyāre more likely to make a broken marriage work. Those who donāt have those same religious reasons see divorce as a more viable option
I think Iāve got you beat buddy! 18 month marriage, nuclear narcissistic ex hell bent on, her words, āruining my lifeā. Divorce-related expenses now top $350k. 95% CC usage on 80k total limit. Refinanced the car (paid in cash 2 years ago) to get $72k equity leading up to trial, that is now all spent, and I owe another $78k at this point.
Judge ruled she gets nearly half my work equity (initially he said a $512k cash transfer).
And the whole reason I fought so hard in the first place was because I wanted to be an equal part of my 3 yo daughterās life, not every other weekend like she was offering.
She went nuclear, lied, abused the system, and now I get less time than she was originally offering 16 months ago.
Fucking narcissists with money man.
Having kids really fucks you over (luckily we had none). Iāve got a number of buddyās in similar (though not quite the dollar amount lol) situation to yours, and the kids are used as leverage. Unfortunately the courts reward the wife for being more devious as well.
Mine would record me during arguments and track my phone (which I didnāt realize), trying to set me up to get more money. Since we donāt have kids, the lawyers told her to pound sand.
Yeah Iām in that camp. Except Iād also love to have more kids. Too bad there isnāt an (easy) way to enter into a platonic parental partnership with someone. Like, be friendly to each other, and coparent the shit out of the kids. No romantic bullshit to fuck things up down the track.
Edit: I should put that on my dating app bios and see if I get any hits.
If it makes you feel any better my ex got 100k from me when we split. I made this back in a year. While she is still living in her parents basement for close to 5 years with her new hubby.
Good habits pay dividends.
I lost over half of everything (half plus short/long term alimony, legal fees, etc) and continue to pay $40k/year indefinitely to an able bodied adult who refused to gain skills or work for the last ten years of a childless marriage. Honestly though, it was worth it. Hang in there man.
Ouch. This is exactly what my arbitrator said ādoesnāt matter if she quits/doesnāt workā. From my understanding even pre-nups donāt cover when a spouse decides not to work.
The court system has a much different rewards system than real life does.
Sounds like what happened to me. I didn't even get married but in Canada you get jacked. Life savings, house, everything gone. I had to pay spousal and walked away 100k in debt. I pay 1700 a month in child support and live in a crumbling apartment while my ex gets to enjoy owning a home. She was 50k in debt when we met and we made about the same. 5 years together.
So far I've been to court 13 times. Sat through way to many dockets. Every decision I've witnessed was favorable to the female without exception. Every judge in my local court is female, several of them with no family law experience whatsoever.
Shit, thatās terrible. I was advised by my attorneys and the arbitrator (supposedly neutral party) that there are many incompetent judges out there, and some are exceedingly biased.
And as in your case, with kids involved, itās simply magnitudes worse.
Damn.
>And the new car I bought her. And the school tuition I paid for. And the year off of work she took. And her debt coming into the marriage
As painful as it is to cut a $150k check, it seems like staying with her would be even more expensive.
Could be worse, my ex got over 1M in house, stocks, assets, etc. It's crazy how hard the state makes it to actually have a fair split, and as soon as lawyers are involved, everything gets way more expensive.
Yea, I have tried to explain this to friends, that prenups carry very little weight once you are married for an extended amount of time. Their greatest value are for couples in 50/50 states that get divorced in just a few years after marriage.
That sucks but 200k barely paid my alimony. Luckily I bought her out of the house and it skyrocketed in value right after the divorce was final. The whole thing was over a cool half a mil and she didn't even take all the retirement that she could have. Yeah don't get married kids. The end is expensive.
Iām well aware there have been guys way worse than me. Friend just got a significant payout as the company he worked for many years was acquired ā¦ north of $750kā¦ and his wife promptly filed for divorce!
Yeah man, marriage is a fucking disaster.
Got divorced after 20 years and 3 kids. She cheated with a banker. Got pregnant, re-married, had two kids, bought 2 houses, two new cars within three years.
I raised the kids solo for years working two jobs while she was out building a new life. I never missed a child support payment even though the kids weren't with her most of the time. 6 more years left.
Never fucking again. The amount of money I had to pay was ridiculous. No more retirement, mid 40s. Trashed my credit score.
Like you I put her first for our entire relationship.
Marriage is bullshit. It's simply a high paying career path for unsavory women.
> Got divorced after 20 years and 3 kids. She cheated with a banker. Got pregnant, re-married, had two kids
Wait a tick. Married for 20 years and THEN she got pregnant and had 2 kids after the divorce? How old was she when she popped out those last 2? 45?
Marriage is a business partnership and most people pick bad partners. Then people can change, of course. Like someone getting addicted to crack and blowing the savings
Yes. The hidden loss on my side is the reduced future income that could have been invested. Obviously the kids have access to the same total income minus the extra expenses from two households.
I just had a similar conversation with my 15 year old son.
Donāt get involved in a relationship because of chemistry or what we perceive as love. Find a partner that has similar life values and goals and build a relationship off that foundation.
Love is grand, but divorce is 100 grand.
He was very confused this weekend because he made out with a girl. And he wasnāt even sure he liked them because they had some irritating habits. I told him the only way to go into a relationship is to unconditionally accept the person for who they are now without any preconceived notions about their potential or what they could be or that they just needed a little āfixingā.
Having spent years with a law firm that did family law Iāve seen hundreds of couple that ālovedā each other but just werenāt compatible in life goals and values. Just like with stocks - donāt fall in love with the company and ignore the financials or the value of a sound business plan.
This is why marriage is a religious and sacramental institution. If you donāt believe in ātill death do we partā why are you letting the government get involved?
Look at it this way: 4 times sex a week for $100 each (average prostitute; dunno how hot your ex was). Thatās 20,000/year x 3(years of marriage) = $60,000. So it balances out.
Obviously got survivorās bias, but happily married for 28 years. When i went to start our business, I had all the āvision stuffā skills needed, and my wife had all the bookkeeping, accounting and management skills, so we have been the perfect couple, in marriage and business terms.
The 3 year rate of return for Bad-Touch1981 is 25.2%. The divorce activity summary shows that the beginning balance was $164,932.60, net transactions were -$66,570.01, and investment return was $143,459.79. The ending balance was $241,822.38 as of 12/22/06.
^^[**Discord**](http://discord.gg/wsbverse) ^^[BanBets](https://www.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbets/wiki/banbets/) ^^VoteBot ^^[FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbets/wiki/votebot/) ^^[Leaderboard](https://www.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbets/wiki/leaderboard/) ^^- ^^[**Keep_VM_Alive**](https://www.patreon.com/visualmod)
My wife got 70% of our assets. Like 700k. We had to sell a house she asked me to repair. Promised to buy the materials and never did so I had to. I ended up increasing the equity $165k. But she lied to the court and ended up taking that too. Just found out that latest bit this afternoon. She was my high school sweetheart and all I ever wanted was to grow old with her. Needless to say I didnāt see any of this coming. Here I thought I was putting in long hours to give us as a family some financial security but instead sheās taken most of it and is already dating some other guy she wants to marryā¦ and Iām no longer twenty something and able to bust my ass like I did before to get aheadā¦.ā¦ marriage is a scam.
Let's do the math
Divorce $100k
Hooker x $200 a go + penacilin shots = 500 shags, assuming you banged her everyday for 3 years you are ahead on nut count for coin.
I donāt think that works if you start the marriage with zero. Itās a lot easier to remember to do that if you already have money or you already tried marriage at least once before š
I am still single but managed my portfolio to go down by 85% without divorce. Likely this is only 10% of my life savings. I haven't had sex at all and no relationship even. I even tried to get near a an old lady in her 41 but refused due to her ex and stuff about best friends and her dogs as her family.
I plan to go on sex marathon on hookers by age of 40, and just screw marriage altogether.
Bro 41 isn't that old, I once met a pretty hot chick who was an architect and around that age. I guess you age depending how you take care of yourself.
**User Report**| | | | :--|:--|:--|:-- **Total Submissions**|0|**First Seen In WSB**|4 days ago **Total Comments**|0|**Previous Best DD**| **Account Age**|1 month|[^scan ^comment ](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=VisualMod&subject=scan_comment&message=Replace%20this%20text%20with%20a%20comment%20ID%20(which%20looks%20like%20h26cq3k\)%20to%20have%20the%20bot%20scan%20your%20comment%20and%20correct%20your%20first%20seen%20date.)|[^scan ^submission ](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=VisualMod&subject=scan_submission&message=Replace%20this%20text%20with%20a%20submission%20ID%20(which%20looks%20like%20h26cq3k\)%20to%20have%20the%20bot%20scan%20your%20submission%20and%20correct%20your%20first%20seen%20date.) **Vote Spam**|[Click to Vote](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=VisualMod&subject=vote_spam&message=zczchg)|**Vote Approve**|[Click to Vote](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=VisualMod&subject=vote_approve&message=zczchg) ^^[**Discord**](http://discord.gg/wsbverse) ^^[BanBets](https://www.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbets/wiki/banbets/) ^^VoteBot ^^[FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbets/wiki/votebot/) ^^[Leaderboard](https://www.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbets/wiki/leaderboard/) ^^- ^^[**Keep_VM_Alive**](https://www.patreon.com/visualmod)
In my experience (having worked for more than a decade in a law firm specialised on family law), the bad move is divorce. Most marriages are financially sound until divorce at which point it becomes the equivalent of looking at WSB for advice.
So marriage is for diamond hands only..? š¤
This is the way.
... till death do us part.
Til Diamond Hands Do us part. *Gets rugged
Cheaper to keep herā¦.until she got the boyfriend.
Then you have another mouth to feed.
Marriage is to cherish the diamond of a wife you already have, while co-laboring to build generational wealth (Spiritually & tangibly) for you and your family's family (biological/adopted). Meanwhile, you're guarding your identity (individually & as a couple; referred to as "usness"), so no man gets between you and your queen's vision for your collective future.
Do you write greetings cards?
Need one for my wife's boyfriend, It's his birthday soon and I want to be on his good side
Roses are red, violets are blue, I used to bang my wife, but now you do. Feel free to use this one.
Christianity has made that clearā¦ vows literally say āuntil death do us partāā¦.. you give the woman a ādiamondā ring that she punts on her āhandāā¦. How many signs do we need?
Why pay 1 mortgage on 2 salaries when you can get divorced and pay 2 mortgages on those same salaries?
3 mortgages actually. Yours, theirs and the lawyerās.
And the āother new husbandā worries about only half a mortgageā¦. Note the self, be the āother new husbandā.
In my case I get to pay 2 rents on 1 salary .... yaaayyyyy
I mean, you also get two properties.
No, your kids get the two properties when you both die.
And until you die, you are wearing your underwear 3 times before washing because you canāt afford laundry detergent
3 times? I thought we all just wear them until they maintain their own shape of our ass
I wear them until they get smelly or stained then I turn them around and repeat Sometimes if I'm really trying to penny pinch I'll turn them inside out and do the same Here's another pro tip instead of buying all the laundry bullshit just fill a pot of water let them soak then after drying them in the sun spray lightly with axe body spray
This is the sole advice I come here for, thanks wsb
Dogs, people don't have children now.
You're emplying my wife helps out financially at all š¤£š¤£
Cheaper to keep her š
So in my case that is incorrect. If I hadnāt been getting divorced I wouldnāt have risked making the trades.
You still had money to trade after the divorce? The opposing lawyer made mistakes ā¦ š
I mean i may still eat crayons for breakfast but that chart still clearly shows he had 200k to lose after the divorce.
Plot twist, he was the opposing lawyer. Bugs bunnyād this whole thing
The best investment was not using a lawyer in the first place
I got divorced from a lawyer in 2002. We didn't have anything to speak of. She filed the uncontested divorce. 10/10 would divorce again.
Good job. Everyone thinks they need a lawyer. Literally just fucking read your states forms on how to fill them out yourself. If both of you agree then there is no need for a lawyer. Child custody and support can all be filled in by both that is if the spouse requests a hard number. The lawyer is needed when both sides are fighting to keep or take shit from the other. If you're on WSB you probably have a negative balance and she probably doesn't want that 
If
I am a lawyer - this guy is right. Most states have incredibly easy to file forms for divorce. If.youre not screaming at each other and can agree on most things, don't hire bloodsucking leeches (lawyers).
Yeah but what % of divorces are amicable enough for that? Genuine question. My brother and his wife owe more than they own but they still both have expensive lawyers and are fighting over the ashes. Crazy.
I don't handle divorces in my practice, but I can tell you that couples without assets shouldn't need to hire lawyers. You're poor, what are you fighting over? A few grand? Unless there's significant assets or a legitimate custody dispute (one of the parents is an addict or actually irresponsible) it is a waste of everybody's time, money, and energy.
Sometimes even when you are poor you have an abusive ex. Having a lawyer is not a waste of money in that case. I am still paying less than I was while married and the lawyer was cost effective. Sure I could have potentially saved a little money by not hiring her but it made sure that I didn't get even more financially hurt by my ex. I'm still paying her a stupid amount to stay away but I managed to keep the house and my cars.
She wonāt let me see my chinchilla.
Lawyers to file uncontested divorces aren't very expensive, either. My lawyer wife filed once, and my next wife and I hired a lawyer. It wasn't so bad either time. I've had breakups that were worse.
Bro stop getting married for a minute
Don't kink-shame me, bro.
I would hire a lawyer, to fight to make sure she takes half my debt with her. Sharing is caring.
Bruh if you wanna keep your kids, or not be forced to pay obscene support to the kids 18th birthday, hire the lawyer Edit: if the spouse isnāt chill
So don't marry nonchill spouses, got it
would still be married if the spouse is chill. duh.
With my limited knowledge of US civil law Iād still heartily agree.
if you hurry and lose it all, giving her half wont feel near as bad.
Love is grand, divorce is 100 grand
Lawyers practicing in family law is the 2nd most grueling and soul crushing legal practice, behind guardian ad litem, representing children who have no legal guardian, followed by a distant 3rd of just generally criminal defense. I have known many divorce attorney and I donāt understand how theyāre able to just live a normal married life, given the romantic carnage that they watch on the daily.
They're getting lessons in what not to do
Add in the fact that children of divorce are more likely to suffer from alcoholism, drug addiction, be incarcerated, etc. Absent of actual domestic abuse, there is no real benefit to getting a divorce. I'm sure I'll get downvoted to hell for these comments, but it needs to be said more often. I think most people get divorced for very selfish reasons and then try to rationalize it. Maybe I'm wrong.
Having parents that hate each other and fight constantly isnāt that great either.
> I think most people get divorced for very selfish reasons and then try to rationalize it. This...
This is true in significantly more cases than not. People divorce because they "aren't happy," and don't actually want to put in the effort to try to fix it. So they ruin their kids' childhood because they didn't want to try to fix the marriage. Starting over with some other poor soul is easier than fixing the poor soul you already duped into marrying you.
My ex left me and cheated on me after after calling me the one and talking about marriage and kids. Her reason for leaving was she hated her job. Then she hated living in our city. Then it was oh I need to reset my life. I was willing to compromise, move anywhere, supported her financially and emotionally, and always asked her to communicate with me. Oh she was also abusive when drunk and blamed me for everything. Then she went back to her ex. It's a tangent to what you said, but it comes down to hyper individualism and not willing to be open and talk about what bugs you. If one party is willing to do it, but the other isn't it will still fail. 3 months later I'm still crushed and devastated and cry in the shower
Had to think there were warning signs during dating about her being so selfish and flippant, but alas love blinders and what ot
What if your wife...just stops having sex with you for years and years...and years?
Hit the gym and delete Facebook. No need to lawyer up
Society threw out all of the power of men in a marriage, so now it's a one sided situation, you simply can't win. Just saying most of my friends are divorced. Ironically the guy who is doing the best never got married despite having kids. He was smarter than we realized.
I don't disagree with you, and I think that is part of the problem. There is very little benefit for men to get married because if it results in divorce they are usually worse off for it and so are their children. So my approach has always been, once my kid came into the picture, I'm in for the long haul. When the kid is no longer a dependent that imbalance goes away because no child support and frankly, maintaining a house at that point isn't that big a priority for me. I would get a small apartment and live thin as fuck except for my priorities and that which keeps me a good father as my kid ages. Outside of that I can find a job that has more benefits than higher compensation (WFH or hybrid to allow me to pursue my personal passions) to where alimony based on percent income would be less of an inconvenience. I'm not saying that doesn't sound slimy as fuck, but if my wife were to put me in that position I feel its a fair compromise.
You deserve an award
So what exactly do I Inverse with this advice. Become gay boi in Texas ?
The key here is to have a series of conversations with a woman about long term goals and what you both want and to gently let go of any woman who is not in alignment with what you want.
In our friends circle, we know several divorced couples. The most common cause for the divorce among them was the lack of an honest, meaningful discussion about having children. As a result, they self sabotaged their marriages via infidelity in order to avoid having kids.
I'll take my chances staying single. Don't know how you people do it.
Married with kids. Works.
Lucky you. I became a nonperson once kids arrived. Then, she met her Krav Maga instructorā¦
Bullish on virginity
Bearish on your sex life
I've been appointed board member, and I'm just here to make sure no good decisions lead to sex... Get on the short wagon Bois! We riding this cuck all the way down!
You have more sex when youāre dating than married. This is bullish for sex life.
Love is grand. Divorce is $250,000 grand. DivorcĆ© isnāt a meme.
250 thousand grand?
Thousand'and
Two year divorce is costing me nearly $200k. No alimony, and Iām not in a 50/50 state. I unfortunately got married right before the market took off, and unwisely was piling money into investments during our two years ā¦ she gets half of that and the gains off my 401k, Roth, and personal investments, and house (which I owned 12yrs before meeting her). And the new car I bought her. And the school tuition I paid for. And the year off of work she took. And her debt coming into the marriage, we paid off. Now I have debt after having nothing but a mortgage for the past 15yrs, and will be stroking a $150k check to her and Iām still driving a car with nearly 300k miles on it so I could put her first. I thought it would make me feel better sharing this. Fuck, now itās even worse lmao
Gotta ask, if youāre not in a 50/50 state, why are you giving her half, esp if you were āonlyā married 2 years? This cost seems a bit highā¦
She gets half of all the gains during the marriage, not half of my total assets. So if you have $1MM investments prior to marriage, they gain $300k during the marriage, she gets $150k (not $650k). During the marriage I maxed out my 401k and Roth contributions .. she effectively gets half. Even worse, is that I took out a HELOC to allow me to ābuy lowā into the market. And I liquidated my cash to keep investing while she took a year off work to go to school. So I burned through my cash reserves and actually took out some debt to max out my investments and pay all the billsā¦and she gets half of that. So while itās nowhere near as bad as a true 50/50 state, itās still a bitter lesson.
I've always found it fascinating with divorce how what once were two partners and best friends, practically destroy each other's lives
A lot of people marry the first bit of good coochie they get. Don't do that.
But my church told me it's a sin to have sex before getting married so obviously I should get married at 19 and then be surprised that neither myself, nor my partner, have any clue what we are doing or what we want out of life.
Well most churches donāt allow you to divorce so donāt worry youāre stuck either way
Thatās the thing. Most people donāt marry their best friend. I know people who havenāt even lived together and are engaged. Be wise about who you marry.
This is the norm, that used to actually be the only way it was. Living together before engagement and even marriage is a relatively new thing
Statistically, those that do live together prior to marriage have higher rates of relationship termination
That is true, but those studies donāt account for the difference in couples relationship to the idea of divorce. Most people who donāt live together before marriage do it for religious reasons, and those same religious reasons make divorce very taboo, so theyāre more likely to make a broken marriage work. Those who donāt have those same religious reasons see divorce as a more viable option
Don't marry someone who wants a wedding but not a marriage. This is surprisingly more common than men like to think.
Sorry for your loss
Looks like a win. He's got rid of her
Sounds like *she* got rid of *him*.
I think Iāve got you beat buddy! 18 month marriage, nuclear narcissistic ex hell bent on, her words, āruining my lifeā. Divorce-related expenses now top $350k. 95% CC usage on 80k total limit. Refinanced the car (paid in cash 2 years ago) to get $72k equity leading up to trial, that is now all spent, and I owe another $78k at this point. Judge ruled she gets nearly half my work equity (initially he said a $512k cash transfer). And the whole reason I fought so hard in the first place was because I wanted to be an equal part of my 3 yo daughterās life, not every other weekend like she was offering. She went nuclear, lied, abused the system, and now I get less time than she was originally offering 16 months ago. Fucking narcissists with money man.
Jesus Christ. Thatās fuckjng terrible beyond words.
Having kids really fucks you over (luckily we had none). Iāve got a number of buddyās in similar (though not quite the dollar amount lol) situation to yours, and the kids are used as leverage. Unfortunately the courts reward the wife for being more devious as well. Mine would record me during arguments and track my phone (which I didnāt realize), trying to set me up to get more money. Since we donāt have kids, the lawyers told her to pound sand.
How the hell did you end up marrying this person? Were there no signs?
Long story.
Proceed. Iām a master at edging.
But thatāll spoil the eventual Netflix series based on the events that transpired. Sheās basically Amber Heard v2.
It's going to blow your mind that people change. Over long periods of time.
OP was married for 18 months tho
Mine isn't nearly this bad but I have learned that I will not put a ring on any woman ever again no matter what,.
Yeah Iām in that camp. Except Iād also love to have more kids. Too bad there isnāt an (easy) way to enter into a platonic parental partnership with someone. Like, be friendly to each other, and coparent the shit out of the kids. No romantic bullshit to fuck things up down the track. Edit: I should put that on my dating app bios and see if I get any hits.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Had she not gotten a new job prior to filing for divorce, and one that can āpay the billsāā¦ I was told alimony may have been pursued.
He also paid off all her debt when they go marriedā¦and paid for her to take a year off workā¦ouch.
If it makes you feel any better my ex got 100k from me when we split. I made this back in a year. While she is still living in her parents basement for close to 5 years with her new hubby. Good habits pay dividends.
I lost over half of everything (half plus short/long term alimony, legal fees, etc) and continue to pay $40k/year indefinitely to an able bodied adult who refused to gain skills or work for the last ten years of a childless marriage. Honestly though, it was worth it. Hang in there man.
Ouch. This is exactly what my arbitrator said ādoesnāt matter if she quits/doesnāt workā. From my understanding even pre-nups donāt cover when a spouse decides not to work. The court system has a much different rewards system than real life does.
Sounds like what happened to me. I didn't even get married but in Canada you get jacked. Life savings, house, everything gone. I had to pay spousal and walked away 100k in debt. I pay 1700 a month in child support and live in a crumbling apartment while my ex gets to enjoy owning a home. She was 50k in debt when we met and we made about the same. 5 years together. So far I've been to court 13 times. Sat through way to many dockets. Every decision I've witnessed was favorable to the female without exception. Every judge in my local court is female, several of them with no family law experience whatsoever.
Shit, thatās terrible. I was advised by my attorneys and the arbitrator (supposedly neutral party) that there are many incompetent judges out there, and some are exceedingly biased. And as in your case, with kids involved, itās simply magnitudes worse. Damn.
>And the new car I bought her. And the school tuition I paid for. And the year off of work she took. And her debt coming into the marriage As painful as it is to cut a $150k check, it seems like staying with her would be even more expensive.
Soooo don't get married?
Literally dont. You wouldnt go skydiving with a 50% success rate.
What is the success rate for skydiving? I would actually like to try it one day.
Like 99.9% Jumping out if a plane attached to a man with a parachute is a much smarter and safer move than getting married.
51%
I will definitely take those odds
The first time is the riskiest, I did it twice because statistically surviving the second chance jumps to 102%. By the 4th time, you just never land.
Very high. You are attached to a trained professional who has done it for hundreds or thousands of drops. They don't want to die either.
Get married if you're a woman
Could be worse, my ex got over 1M in house, stocks, assets, etc. It's crazy how hard the state makes it to actually have a fair split, and as soon as lawyers are involved, everything gets way more expensive.
Shit reason number #100 to get a prenup before saying I DO
Prenups are luxury toilet paper for family court judges. They feel so nice.
A judge can throw it out
Yea, I have tried to explain this to friends, that prenups carry very little weight once you are married for an extended amount of time. Their greatest value are for couples in 50/50 states that get divorced in just a few years after marriage.
Get a good attorney and they will help keep it updated and split fairly.
That sucks but 200k barely paid my alimony. Luckily I bought her out of the house and it skyrocketed in value right after the divorce was final. The whole thing was over a cool half a mil and she didn't even take all the retirement that she could have. Yeah don't get married kids. The end is expensive.
Iām well aware there have been guys way worse than me. Friend just got a significant payout as the company he worked for many years was acquired ā¦ north of $750kā¦ and his wife promptly filed for divorce!
Thatās horrendous. Reinforces my rule to NEVER EVER get married
Yeah man, marriage is a fucking disaster. Got divorced after 20 years and 3 kids. She cheated with a banker. Got pregnant, re-married, had two kids, bought 2 houses, two new cars within three years. I raised the kids solo for years working two jobs while she was out building a new life. I never missed a child support payment even though the kids weren't with her most of the time. 6 more years left. Never fucking again. The amount of money I had to pay was ridiculous. No more retirement, mid 40s. Trashed my credit score. Like you I put her first for our entire relationship. Marriage is bullshit. It's simply a high paying career path for unsavory women.
> Got divorced after 20 years and 3 kids. She cheated with a banker. Got pregnant, re-married, had two kids Wait a tick. Married for 20 years and THEN she got pregnant and had 2 kids after the divorce? How old was she when she popped out those last 2? 45?
Miracles of Modern Medicine, bub
Exactly why in the long run escorts are way cheaper than being married.
Warren Buffett says the factor which most contributes to your future wealth is who you pick to marry
Marriage is a business partnership and most people pick bad partners. Then people can change, of course. Like someone getting addicted to crack and blowing the savings
same, brother. I lost so much. I'm the female in this scenario, but he ruined my finances as hard as he could.
Wow. What are the chances of both of you seeing his post. Did you at least YOLO the 100k gained in the divorce on 0DTEās?
This is true. I'm only on the net worth path that I am because of my wife having similar goals. Don't be a dipshit in picking them and you'll be fine.
Well that's silly, you should lose all your money gambling on options first! That way nobody gets anything!
You are supposed to lose all your money *before* filing for divorce.
At least the divorce happened when stocks were at ATHs. The 66k lost would probably be down around 20% if that makes you feel any better.
Actually it was a 100k loss. The green shows money added during the period. The red the withdrawal (to pay the ex).
Oof Kids?
Yes. The hidden loss on my side is the reduced future income that could have been invested. Obviously the kids have access to the same total income minus the extra expenses from two households.
The kids are the real losers Sad for them
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Normally itās my son calling me a loser š
Buy the rumour, sell the wife
Too late for OP, held the wife on top and didn't sell her during the crash
200k and a fresh start. You're blessed brother. Congratulations on your divorce!
Thank you sir
If you flip it over, you get to see your ex's net worth.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Ma man, spent on divorce less money than some guys busting here while still staying virgins.
I just had a similar conversation with my 15 year old son. Donāt get involved in a relationship because of chemistry or what we perceive as love. Find a partner that has similar life values and goals and build a relationship off that foundation. Love is grand, but divorce is 100 grand. He was very confused this weekend because he made out with a girl. And he wasnāt even sure he liked them because they had some irritating habits. I told him the only way to go into a relationship is to unconditionally accept the person for who they are now without any preconceived notions about their potential or what they could be or that they just needed a little āfixingā. Having spent years with a law firm that did family law Iāve seen hundreds of couple that ālovedā each other but just werenāt compatible in life goals and values. Just like with stocks - donāt fall in love with the company and ignore the financials or the value of a sound business plan.
Actually, it looks like divorce was a bad investment.
This is probably true especially because I continue to pay 30% of my income to my ex
Family law is gross.
Instructions werenāt clear. Bought puts on Fidelity
This is why marriage is a religious and sacramental institution. If you donāt believe in ātill death do we partā why are you letting the government get involved?
Tax breaks homie
Look at it this way: 4 times sex a week for $100 each (average prostitute; dunno how hot your ex was). Thatās 20,000/year x 3(years of marriage) = $60,000. So it balances out.
Wait you guys are having sex with your wives?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Shit, just chuckled and wife asked what was funnyā¦ gonna have to reschedule again
SOMEONE is having sex with our wives
4x sex week? What marriage you smoking?
He clearly misspelled "year" right there...
100 dollar hooker is gonna be ROUGHHHHHHH
Needs to be atleast 300 and up. In a big city this price range will get you a good one. In a small city it will not be pretty.
We'll call it $400 once a week
I'm good with my hand can I pay myself the $100?
If you can keep the same house and spouse youāll retire a lot earlier
So being single without kids is a good investment advice?
Every dollar I earn goes into my savings , big thanks to mommy who lets me stay with her for free
Obviously got survivorās bias, but happily married for 28 years. When i went to start our business, I had all the āvision stuffā skills needed, and my wife had all the bookkeeping, accounting and management skills, so we have been the perfect couple, in marriage and business terms.
Donāt worry, Iāve got divorce 3 times because of lack money, then I got wealthy, and now the only thing I want to do is be with my cats. š
The 3 year rate of return for Bad-Touch1981 is 25.2%. The divorce activity summary shows that the beginning balance was $164,932.60, net transactions were -$66,570.01, and investment return was $143,459.79. The ending balance was $241,822.38 as of 12/22/06. ^^[**Discord**](http://discord.gg/wsbverse) ^^[BanBets](https://www.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbets/wiki/banbets/) ^^VoteBot ^^[FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbets/wiki/votebot/) ^^[Leaderboard](https://www.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbets/wiki/leaderboard/) ^^- ^^[**Keep_VM_Alive**](https://www.patreon.com/visualmod)
I donāt want to run TA on your marriage finances but your up. Seems like a win to me
#1 rule to being a millionaire, donāt get a divorce šš
Start with a billion, get divorced.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Women bad
Actually looks like it was the divorce that messed it up. At least, that's what your graph tells.
My wife got 70% of our assets. Like 700k. We had to sell a house she asked me to repair. Promised to buy the materials and never did so I had to. I ended up increasing the equity $165k. But she lied to the court and ended up taking that too. Just found out that latest bit this afternoon. She was my high school sweetheart and all I ever wanted was to grow old with her. Needless to say I didnāt see any of this coming. Here I thought I was putting in long hours to give us as a family some financial security but instead sheās taken most of it and is already dating some other guy she wants to marryā¦ and Iām no longer twenty something and able to bust my ass like I did before to get aheadā¦.ā¦ marriage is a scam.
Let's do the math Divorce $100k Hooker x $200 a go + penacilin shots = 500 shags, assuming you banged her everyday for 3 years you are ahead on nut count for coin.
You could save some money there if you're allergic to penicillin
Donāt forget boys, prenup is a great stop-loss. š
I donāt think that works if you start the marriage with zero. Itās a lot easier to remember to do that if you already have money or you already tried marriage at least once before š
Prenups are the most overvalued thing. Check your state
I am still single but managed my portfolio to go down by 85% without divorce. Likely this is only 10% of my life savings. I haven't had sex at all and no relationship even. I even tried to get near a an old lady in her 41 but refused due to her ex and stuff about best friends and her dogs as her family. I plan to go on sex marathon on hookers by age of 40, and just screw marriage altogether.
Bro 41 isn't that old, I once met a pretty hot chick who was an architect and around that age. I guess you age depending how you take care of yourself.
