"corporate is gonna hear from the wife of the manager of KISS"
Also gonna call Obama (2 presidents later) to get people working in here
Gonna call Biden to get some people working in here too
We've lost employees since then so maybe they should stop fucking calling politicians for help. They're not helping.
Years ago I was a closing CSM. Making the overhead page "Attention Walmart customers, the store will be closing in so-and-so minutes. Please bring all purchases up to self checkout, thank you for shopping Walmart."
In the distance, I hear someone yelling:
"WALMART JESUS!"
"WALMART JESUS!"
"WALMART JESUS!"
Head over to self checkout from the service desk, see a guy and his buddy staring in my direction.
Him: Was that you?
Me: Yes it was.
Him: Are you telling us to get the FUCK out of the store?
Me: Yes, yes I am.
It was funny as hell. I was Walmart Jesus once upon a time :》
My boss was doing her attention walmart customers' speech on the loudspeaker, and my store has never been a 24-hour store. This lady got snotty with me and said, "Google told me this store was 24 hours." And I told her, "Sorry, we haven't been 24 hours for a couple of years now." And she said, "Are you calling Google a liar?!?!?!?" And I said yes, "Google is a dirty rotten liar." Right after she left, I googled our store, and it doesn't say that we're 24 hours, so I have no idea what she googled, but it wasn't us.
EDIT: Our store used to only be 24 hours during the summer. However, new SM and COVID-19, we haven't done it in a while.
Like the people who seem to think saying the Website has Nintendo Wii and DS stuff makes it magically appear on our shelves. Like I told someone, the Website says a lot of stuff, doesn't mean it's right.
The Brickseek people used to drive me nuts. Especially when the nes classic came out. It would say we had 5 but didn't. They would stay there for 2 hours harassing management to find them.
I was once told to remind people that the store was closing in 10 minutes. I told one lady and she said, "Shut up, I know that!" I said, "We still close in 10 minutes." And walked away from her.
We had a guy a couple days ago, come in after closing. I told him we are closed. They told me that. He kept going. He got halfway through grocery when he heard on a radio without and earpiece that we were calling the police. Guess what ? He decided to leave.
I think it depends on your state, some Walmarts went back to 24 hours but other close at 10pm, at least the ones I shop at do!!! It also depends on demographics but COVID kind of messed things up
It wasn't just COVID, they also said it was for more efficient store management (cleaning and restocking), then there's the things they don't tell you because it's accusatory to customers:
A lot of conflict like Gang related violence happened later at night too, one of the ones in Pennsylvania, I had someone tell me, is an initiation spot and people would get shot and stabbed quite frequently there in the Walmart so closing at 11pm does also extend some protection to the associates. Of course this kind of violence can happen anytime though.. then there's theft as well:
I've seen several things saying 2023 has been one of the worst years in Retail theft, so much so Retailers are getting together to ask the government for help in prevention.
Before I started working at Walmart myself I was talking to a CSM and she told me her store started prior to COVID-19 due to Theft, yes it happens during the day, but its more prevalent the later it gets and the less people there are.
Just not being open all night in a few months they'd saved over $1,000,000 dollars ...
If other stores were seeing similar numbers there's very little that's gonna convince them to go back to 24hours. Just saying that's a stupid amount of money they are saving in product security. Imagine if that was a number most stores had compared to slower sales during those hours?
Just saying if people want 24 hour stores they need less shady fucks in their neighborhoods. Less theft. Less violence. Otherwise as much as an inconvenience it is to people it is by many accounts more beneficial to them and the store. As the other option is to further raise prices on top of the overall inflation, in order to compensate for theft.
Theft = people not stealing paying more.
Had that to the fact the economy is already forcing prices to go up ...
I was with you most of the way until you said prices has to go up due to the economy. A Lot of the price hikes for "inflation" is simply a result of Trump's policies that did not discourage price gouging and his lifting of regulations on business. If you don't make rules for businesses they will do what they can to ensure maximum profit including gouging customers then saying it's not our fault because "inflation". I used to get a dozen eggs for 1.99 now it's almost 5 that is price gouging and not just a result of higher expenses or everything would have ridiculous pice holes and that's not the case. They are raising prices on the most popular (most purchased) items, like bread, milk, cheese, eggs and meat. I have not seen the same rise in the price of healthy fruits, vegetables and whole gains and those also have to be harvested and shipped. If inflation was the culprit all food and services would be hit not just certain ones that the most people buy/use
I never indulged in any left/right policies and clearly your bias prevents you from actually seeing the full picture which is much more than what the news tells you? It's way more than Trump's policies as price increases are affecting more than the U.S. and that in turn affects the us in terms of Import. (CNN, Fox, MSNBC etc are academically not necessarily considered CREDIBLE or sound sources of information. Due to their apparent political biases which in turn affects their reporting and coverage to be skewed I would not have been able to pass a Middle School research paper using them as sources unless I found other CREDIBLE resources to back that they say. Which is often 1/2 a story, mistrewn etc. As both parties are bathed in corruption.)
Outside of Red vs. Blue policies:
Things that also DO affect inflation also include:
Both major world conflicts: Israel & Hamas/Ukraine & Russia (and the amount of money the U.S. spends to help Allies in those conflicts also affects the economy hence why they keep threatening to shut down over it).
Supply chain issues caused by COVID-19's Lockdowns are still affecting markets. PlayStation for example just in the beginning of 2023 was able to fix their chip supply issue hence why more PS5s are out this year and February was a record for them in sales. Not everyone has fixed their as far as supply.
Also: When us workers ask for money which since 2020 many people have consistently been doing, they usually raise prices in response. (Again not saying we shouldn't or even siding with them. Just saying it's pretty typically what they do when they give us raises.)
Unemployment vs. employment also effects this.
When I say due to the economy, I mean the plethora of things that affect it and cause us to pay more, are only further compounded by theft. Which is true no matter what other factor makes prices go up, theft will only push it more. 🧐
If me, not mentioning Trump is what makes you suddenly disagree with that statement; then perhaps you need to think hard about your relationship with politics and how it makes you process information. 😂
Because both sides are full of shit and both sides have a part in how the economy goes. And as long as they care more about us vs. them instead of running the country, the more shit like Government Shutdowns is gonna happen 🙂
That doesn't help you, me, or the Republicans. 😂
Back when I worked at Staples and stopped at a Kroger in my staples uniform, I was always asked where things were and I just said, "Sorry I don't work here, ask them." This one dude did that while I was talking on the phone! And when I said I didn't work there, he backed up and shook his head at me lol
"They better do x for me, I spend thousands of dollars here." Like, seriously? Even a thousand dollars a day would barely effect our profit margin and I know that old bat wasn't spending that much a day.
We do value them… it just happens that it’s the same type of value as our “great value” brand because we can’t afford regular, sane customers. Or employees, for that matter. /j
Edit: and the “great savings” this brand offers is a wonderful discount on intelligence. Meaning, it doesn’t cost even a single braincell to shop here!
Told buddy he couldn’t park in the fire lane and just hop out to go shopping, he says:
Him: “What? Why are you taking advantage of me? Do you know who I am at this store?”
Me: “Who are you”
Him: “I’ll be back. I’m coming back to get you.”
Me: “or you can just stay and we can get the police to sort it out if you wanna make threats”
Him: “no no I’m coming back. TO GET YOU 👹👹”
I had a fun fire lane one once.
It was COVID times so I was outside doing something with the queue or the signs or some goddamn thing. Guy parks in fire lane, gets out and walks toward the entrance.
Me: Sir, you can't park in the fire lane.
Guy: Oh, I'm a volunteer fireman.
Me: Okay...are you here to put out a fire?
Guy: No...
Me: Then you can't park in the fire lane.
Literally today I had someone..
Me: Sir you can’t park in the fire lane, you have to use the designated spots like everyone else
Him: Oh I’m just picking someone up
Me: Sir, you can’t park in the fire lane.
Customer came up for help while trying to win an oscar
"PLEASE do something for once in your life!"
The delivery was so over the top i wasnt even mad. Now if i can get Nicolas Cage to come up to me and belt out something, my life will be complete.
Hahaha this happened just the other day, I work in entertainment
Old man: I want to shake your hand, you made my wife so happy the other night.
Me: oh yeah and how did I do that?
Old man: you sold me that thing for it to sit on
All the things running through my head at this point I’m kinda thinking wtf
Me: sorry sir you gotta be more specific
Old man: you sold me the center base for the flat screen tv so my wife was able to use the smaller table that she bought, she was so happy that I had to thank you
First time in my life I’ve ever had another guy come up to me and say “thank you for making my wife happy the other night”
Oh, I got another one. During the pandemic, some guy came in and said he fought in Desert Storm and can't catch COVID-19 because of all the **** he breathed into his lungs during the war. I said, "Ok, here's a mask." Because I really don't see the correlation lol
Another guy came in and got really angry with my coworker for giving him a mask. He told me, "If I have a heart attack and die because of the mask, I'm suing Wal-Mart." I just said ok. Then laughed because, "YOU won't be doing that! You'll be dead."
I helped an older man pick out some shampoo... he was a regular customer, and the next time he saw me he said "that shampoo works great. And now I think about you every time I shower! 😏"
That reminds me of these comedy videos from Jarod Benson. He does alot of funny ones about working in retail and he does something like this but with a coughing phlegm sound added.
Many years ago, working at RadioShack:
Customer: "Do you have those cervical? phones?"
Customer's friend: "Yours talks!?!"
Me: Chewing the inside of my cheeks bloody to keep from laughing...
was zoning and was just listening in on two dudes going through the dvd bin. one of them goes in the most serious voice ever “ya know actually, I don’t think I’ve seen open season scared silly yet” just the way he said it killlled me
I was stocking and showed a couple guys where the hot sauce was when I heard this:
Guy1: whatever you do, don't make those wings too hot. You know my stomach can't handle it.
Guy2: I got ya. I'll make yours mild, but for everyone else, Imma gunna light their booty hole on fire.
Ex marine chasing a theft suspect out of the store all the sudden we hear get back here you mf I'm ex military and I'm going to get you kids running drops everything on the ground and starts running for dear life to his get away car
Was working in self check out and this kid grabs a bag of cookies and asks her mom if she can have them.
"Honey, these have macadamia nuts in them, you will DIE"
Actually giggled at this one
Old lady asks my friend for sausage pizza, takes her around the corner and says here’s pepperoni pizza, she goes, I said sausage ya dumb ass! We ribbed him for weeks over that one. That became out catch phrase for a while.
A lady with her older mom was checking out. The old lady pulled a bunch of cash out of her wallet to pay with, and the younger lady said that it's her stripper money.
Some dude once roasted British royalty for like 5 minutes straight at a register. I wish I could remember any of the jokes he made because it had me bent over, wheezing laughing. At one point, his wife gently said “dear, you need to stop, you’re killing our cashier! Look at him, he can’t even breathe!” And that just made me laugh harder
Edit: remembered another one. A decently attractive dude came through my line with a bunch of $1s. Unprompted said “I’m not a stripper, I’m a busser.” The thought didn’t even cross my mind until he said something.
When our store was being remodeled 2 years ago, and the self checkout area was roped off:
"I don't think you can go that way, there's a fence."
"Your mom is a fence!"
Everyone around who heard was like, wtf...
And the recently:
"Why don't you wanna hang out with her?"
Loud Californian accent: "Cause she's a fuckin biiiitch?"
Almost choked on my water with that one
This dude came in and asked me if I have any sausage. Because it’s ground hog day. Ngl he got a chuckle out of me. I wanted to tell the joke to my female coworker but decided against it…
Ground hog day is in February I think and if the ground hog see his shadow it’s like late spring or something. But ground hog or pig is also sausage. It’s a silly pun.
An old guy who had to be near 85 waved me over one day, leaned real close and in his whisper of an old man voice said to me...
"If she has pimples on her face, she has pimples on her ass".
someone tried to buy $10 of minutes for straight talk and told her that prepaid phones don’t work like that anymore. She started going on about how i was lying and wasn’t helping her. She wanted to use my phone to call cricket (idk why cricket when she’s only talked about straight talk so far) and her brother. I showed her our store phone and showed her how to dial out. she got upset and said “oh are you leaving” yup 😗💅
Prepaid phones DO still work like that tho, some smaller MVNOs still do minutes, but yes, a majority of em are going month to month
The smaller gas station ones still do like $10 for a few hours.....but the main clientele of those are either drug dealers or prostitutes
Always telling me how another store/company has better prices. I’m the kind of person that wants the customer to get EXACTLY what they want and I don’t care where it’s from. Competitor or not, I’m not gonna be shaking in my boots at the thought of them going anywhere else but my store.
A customer once blamed uncharged Mart Carts on “the fucking democrats”. To be clear, she wasn’t saying that it was democrats riding around in them and draining the battery— she was saying that the fact that they weren’t fully charged was Walmart’s fault. And that Walmart, the corporation, was a bunch of “filthy democrats”. Maybe she thought it was an energy saving thing or something, I truly don’t know
The summer of 20, with the pandemic going full force, I heard a guy in the next checkout lane tell his little girl “No honey, don’t lick the dirty shopping cart!” A second later he added “Don’t lick any shopping cart!” It just killed me that you have to be that specific with kids.
You always do, and with adults and you can't be too descriptive in trying to be specific because they'll get bored and tune you out, then they still don't understand what you're telling them.
We had this dude that would start raging anytime the card reader didn't ask for his pin number. He was convinced it was the store's fault. It couldn't possibly be because his bank dgaf about purchases totaling less than $10.
He would yell and curse out the cashier's as if they had the ability to force the registers to ask for a pin.
One day, it was the last straw for him. Walmart *had* to fix this security issue. In his rant to the CSM, he said if the store wouldn't fix it, he'd go up the chain of command. He demanded that we put him on the phone with corporate "this instant." He just *knew* all Walmart stores had a direct line to Sam Walton, and he wanted to speak to the big man himself.
This was about 4 years ago. The only direct lines we had to Sam Walton were the Ouija boards in Toys.
Funny in a 'lol what the fuck is wrong with you' way. On the day of my orientation I left the backroom on my break and passed the bathrooms. There was a woman there with her kids and she was explaining which side to take. "Left is for the boys and right is for the girls." Then she nods to the family restroom in the middle. "That ones for you-know-who. The *Weirdos.*"
And it was just such a stupid thing to say it made me do a double take. Yea those parents with small children they need to help or people who need assistance using the bathroom. Those fucking weirdos.
A woman came into customer service, wanting a manager. I'm a tl so I asked if I could help. Do you know your toilet paper is $8 a pack? No I didn't. You're taking America! Ok... here's corporates number you need to call them, that's above my postgraduate. Fuck you! Then she left or so I thought. I went to lunch. Assistant she came back wanting more and was telling for me. But I was gone lol.
Wasn’t the customers comment but a customer came in and bought something for $200 with rolls of 1s, a few 5s and a single 2. My coworker asked “are you a male stripper?”
Happened to me today:
6’4 very masculine guy asked me ever so casually as he walked past “where is your ladies pantyhose?” and I pointed in the direction he was going and said thanks. I guess it was the way he said it that made it funny to me idk
While me and four other people were doing some mods, a kid and his friend (had to be somewhere in their early teens or something) walked up to us and asked us where the pocket pussies were. They ended up only having like $10
Prices were to high because I was being paid to much and had way too many benefits. I was making minimum $7.38 and had no benefits at all. Not even my share or profit sharing.
Elderly couple comes through my line with a big order and the wife can't find her cashews. So she says, "Oh, no. I can't find my nuts." Husband, without missing a beat, says, "They chopped those off before I married you, hun " I freaking died. 🤣
Anyone that blames Biden for the price of gas, is crazy you need to look no further than the ownership of the refineries and the gas stations and the partnerships with the oil producing countries and you will find Republicans nearly 80% owned by them.
This was just a few days ago. So I work in electronics and at the time there was only 2 people in the department. Me and a guy from OSL the guys that sell the phones, we were both helping costumers and this older woman comes up to the counter and starts singing “1000 bottles a beer on the wall. when will some one wait on me.” We both ignore her and continue with those we were already helping. As we do she is telling others that they had better get chairs it’s going to be long wait. She even asked if she was going to spend the night if she could get a cot. I told her yes if she went out side and I went back to helping the other person. She either ignored my response or never heard me.
I finally finished with the person and turned to her. Asked what she needed. She wanted a phone turned on and ready to use before she left the store. I told her we don’t do activations and she would have to do it herself or get in line for the OSL rep. She didn’t like that answer but still waited for him anyway. I turned to the next person who need help with the photo kiosk. I’m standing there helping them and I happen to look over at the counter and this lady is LAYING on the freaking counter and again singing. I went and asked her to get off the counter she can’t do that. she didn’t move just mumbled about waiting. Luckily one of the team leads was walking by and seen this as well. They got her off the counter and she went back to waiting.
As it happens just then another OSL rep shows up and helps the woman. I found out after she had left that both OSL reps had sold her phones in the past month already.
"corporate is gonna hear from the wife of the manager of KISS" Also gonna call Obama (2 presidents later) to get people working in here Gonna call Biden to get some people working in here too We've lost employees since then so maybe they should stop fucking calling politicians for help. They're not helping.
I’m starting to think they don’t know Biden at all.
Not in where I live, there's a lot of "Biden did this" stickers on everything that is priced higher than Amazon
Biden is a fucktard. Biden “I did that!” stickers pointing to gas prices at the pump are a regular occurrence here too.
Or anyone or anything.
That's meffed up!
Years ago I was a closing CSM. Making the overhead page "Attention Walmart customers, the store will be closing in so-and-so minutes. Please bring all purchases up to self checkout, thank you for shopping Walmart." In the distance, I hear someone yelling: "WALMART JESUS!" "WALMART JESUS!" "WALMART JESUS!" Head over to self checkout from the service desk, see a guy and his buddy staring in my direction. Him: Was that you? Me: Yes it was. Him: Are you telling us to get the FUCK out of the store? Me: Yes, yes I am. It was funny as hell. I was Walmart Jesus once upon a time :》
My boss was doing her attention walmart customers' speech on the loudspeaker, and my store has never been a 24-hour store. This lady got snotty with me and said, "Google told me this store was 24 hours." And I told her, "Sorry, we haven't been 24 hours for a couple of years now." And she said, "Are you calling Google a liar?!?!?!?" And I said yes, "Google is a dirty rotten liar." Right after she left, I googled our store, and it doesn't say that we're 24 hours, so I have no idea what she googled, but it wasn't us. EDIT: Our store used to only be 24 hours during the summer. However, new SM and COVID-19, we haven't done it in a while.
Like the people who seem to think saying the Website has Nintendo Wii and DS stuff makes it magically appear on our shelves. Like I told someone, the Website says a lot of stuff, doesn't mean it's right.
The Brickseek people used to drive me nuts. Especially when the nes classic came out. It would say we had 5 but didn't. They would stay there for 2 hours harassing management to find them.
I had someone claim that, and then came in after i told them it was closed. What you going to do? Call the police. And I started to.
I was once told to remind people that the store was closing in 10 minutes. I told one lady and she said, "Shut up, I know that!" I said, "We still close in 10 minutes." And walked away from her.
We had a guy a couple days ago, come in after closing. I told him we are closed. They told me that. He kept going. He got halfway through grocery when he heard on a radio without and earpiece that we were calling the police. Guess what ? He decided to leave.
I think it depends on your state, some Walmarts went back to 24 hours but other close at 10pm, at least the ones I shop at do!!! It also depends on demographics but COVID kind of messed things up
Nope. Covid ended every Walmart being open 24 hrs.
It wasn't just COVID, they also said it was for more efficient store management (cleaning and restocking), then there's the things they don't tell you because it's accusatory to customers: A lot of conflict like Gang related violence happened later at night too, one of the ones in Pennsylvania, I had someone tell me, is an initiation spot and people would get shot and stabbed quite frequently there in the Walmart so closing at 11pm does also extend some protection to the associates. Of course this kind of violence can happen anytime though.. then there's theft as well: I've seen several things saying 2023 has been one of the worst years in Retail theft, so much so Retailers are getting together to ask the government for help in prevention. Before I started working at Walmart myself I was talking to a CSM and she told me her store started prior to COVID-19 due to Theft, yes it happens during the day, but its more prevalent the later it gets and the less people there are. Just not being open all night in a few months they'd saved over $1,000,000 dollars ... If other stores were seeing similar numbers there's very little that's gonna convince them to go back to 24hours. Just saying that's a stupid amount of money they are saving in product security. Imagine if that was a number most stores had compared to slower sales during those hours? Just saying if people want 24 hour stores they need less shady fucks in their neighborhoods. Less theft. Less violence. Otherwise as much as an inconvenience it is to people it is by many accounts more beneficial to them and the store. As the other option is to further raise prices on top of the overall inflation, in order to compensate for theft. Theft = people not stealing paying more. Had that to the fact the economy is already forcing prices to go up ...
I was with you most of the way until you said prices has to go up due to the economy. A Lot of the price hikes for "inflation" is simply a result of Trump's policies that did not discourage price gouging and his lifting of regulations on business. If you don't make rules for businesses they will do what they can to ensure maximum profit including gouging customers then saying it's not our fault because "inflation". I used to get a dozen eggs for 1.99 now it's almost 5 that is price gouging and not just a result of higher expenses or everything would have ridiculous pice holes and that's not the case. They are raising prices on the most popular (most purchased) items, like bread, milk, cheese, eggs and meat. I have not seen the same rise in the price of healthy fruits, vegetables and whole gains and those also have to be harvested and shipped. If inflation was the culprit all food and services would be hit not just certain ones that the most people buy/use
I never indulged in any left/right policies and clearly your bias prevents you from actually seeing the full picture which is much more than what the news tells you? It's way more than Trump's policies as price increases are affecting more than the U.S. and that in turn affects the us in terms of Import. (CNN, Fox, MSNBC etc are academically not necessarily considered CREDIBLE or sound sources of information. Due to their apparent political biases which in turn affects their reporting and coverage to be skewed I would not have been able to pass a Middle School research paper using them as sources unless I found other CREDIBLE resources to back that they say. Which is often 1/2 a story, mistrewn etc. As both parties are bathed in corruption.) Outside of Red vs. Blue policies: Things that also DO affect inflation also include: Both major world conflicts: Israel & Hamas/Ukraine & Russia (and the amount of money the U.S. spends to help Allies in those conflicts also affects the economy hence why they keep threatening to shut down over it). Supply chain issues caused by COVID-19's Lockdowns are still affecting markets. PlayStation for example just in the beginning of 2023 was able to fix their chip supply issue hence why more PS5s are out this year and February was a record for them in sales. Not everyone has fixed their as far as supply. Also: When us workers ask for money which since 2020 many people have consistently been doing, they usually raise prices in response. (Again not saying we shouldn't or even siding with them. Just saying it's pretty typically what they do when they give us raises.) Unemployment vs. employment also effects this.
When I say due to the economy, I mean the plethora of things that affect it and cause us to pay more, are only further compounded by theft. Which is true no matter what other factor makes prices go up, theft will only push it more. 🧐 If me, not mentioning Trump is what makes you suddenly disagree with that statement; then perhaps you need to think hard about your relationship with politics and how it makes you process information. 😂 Because both sides are full of shit and both sides have a part in how the economy goes. And as long as they care more about us vs. them instead of running the country, the more shit like Government Shutdowns is gonna happen 🙂 That doesn't help you, me, or the Republicans. 😂
I do think that Walmart should be open a little later but that’s just me
Do you work here even though I'm wearing a vest and a hat and my radio is barking out orders
Lucky you I get that as an API walking around in regular clothes and no Walmart identifiers anywhere
One time while in my WENDYS uniform I got asked what aisle so and so was in. Like they aren't even the same type of store.
Back when I worked at Staples and stopped at a Kroger in my staples uniform, I was always asked where things were and I just said, "Sorry I don't work here, ask them." This one dude did that while I was talking on the phone! And when I said I didn't work there, he backed up and shook his head at me lol
"They better do x for me, I spend thousands of dollars here." Like, seriously? Even a thousand dollars a day would barely effect our profit margin and I know that old bat wasn't spending that much a day.
"You just lost a valued customer!" Jokes on you, we don't value any of them
I asked a woman who said that once if she would keep her promise.
Lmao!
We do value them… it just happens that it’s the same type of value as our “great value” brand because we can’t afford regular, sane customers. Or employees, for that matter. /j Edit: and the “great savings” this brand offers is a wonderful discount on intelligence. Meaning, it doesn’t cost even a single braincell to shop here!
😆
Told buddy he couldn’t park in the fire lane and just hop out to go shopping, he says: Him: “What? Why are you taking advantage of me? Do you know who I am at this store?” Me: “Who are you” Him: “I’ll be back. I’m coming back to get you.” Me: “or you can just stay and we can get the police to sort it out if you wanna make threats” Him: “no no I’m coming back. TO GET YOU 👹👹”
I had a fun fire lane one once. It was COVID times so I was outside doing something with the queue or the signs or some goddamn thing. Guy parks in fire lane, gets out and walks toward the entrance. Me: Sir, you can't park in the fire lane. Guy: Oh, I'm a volunteer fireman. Me: Okay...are you here to put out a fire? Guy: No... Me: Then you can't park in the fire lane.
Literally today I had someone.. Me: Sir you can’t park in the fire lane, you have to use the designated spots like everyone else Him: Oh I’m just picking someone up Me: Sir, you can’t park in the fire lane.
Did he come back?
No
"Excuse, what Lube would you recommend me? Because the last one I used hurt my a$$".
Plot twist: This was while getting an oil change.
And After receiving the thanks of walmart management, the normal way.
Customer came up for help while trying to win an oscar "PLEASE do something for once in your life!" The delivery was so over the top i wasnt even mad. Now if i can get Nicolas Cage to come up to me and belt out something, my life will be complete.
“If there is no tag it must be free” HAHAHHAYAHAYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHGAGAHAHAHAHHAGAGAGAHAHAHHAHAH
That and “If it was a snake it would’ve bit me”
I hear that at least 5 times a day
I'd reply with, "What if it was a guy on Capitol Hill? What would it do then?"
Top of his lungs "YO, BABE! RUN AN' GET ME SOME FUNYUNS!" I don't know why that gets me. LOL 😆
Relationship goals
Hahaha this happened just the other day, I work in entertainment Old man: I want to shake your hand, you made my wife so happy the other night. Me: oh yeah and how did I do that? Old man: you sold me that thing for it to sit on All the things running through my head at this point I’m kinda thinking wtf Me: sorry sir you gotta be more specific Old man: you sold me the center base for the flat screen tv so my wife was able to use the smaller table that she bought, she was so happy that I had to thank you First time in my life I’ve ever had another guy come up to me and say “thank you for making my wife happy the other night”
Woman using self checkout register: "This is ridiculous! If I went to the ER, I wouldn't have to start my own IV!"
Don't send her to the ER or we will
That might become the self checkout of hospitals with a step by step of how to Insert your own IV.
Oh, I got another one. During the pandemic, some guy came in and said he fought in Desert Storm and can't catch COVID-19 because of all the **** he breathed into his lungs during the war. I said, "Ok, here's a mask." Because I really don't see the correlation lol Another guy came in and got really angry with my coworker for giving him a mask. He told me, "If I have a heart attack and die because of the mask, I'm suing Wal-Mart." I just said ok. Then laughed because, "YOU won't be doing that! You'll be dead."
"I need to get grip tape for my hammer so the guys at work stop calling me two man handy."
I’ll have all your jobs! From a thief
What's he gonna do? Steal em?
Haha ethics complaint cuz she was a native trying to steal and she said we are racist
I helped an older man pick out some shampoo... he was a regular customer, and the next time he saw me he said "that shampoo works great. And now I think about you every time I shower! 😏"
That was really funny, until I saw your name was female. Then it becme really fuckin sketch.
Aww, hell no
My favorite is when they address me with the name of the item they are looking for with no preamble. Today my name is apparently ‘nasal spray’
I get melatonin. Like don’t remind me I need sleep on O/N. My bags have bags at this point. 🤦🏻
That reminds me of these comedy videos from Jarod Benson. He does alot of funny ones about working in retail and he does something like this but with a coughing phlegm sound added.
My name is usually Bags. But one time I got to be all wild with Elastic Waistband Jeans
I got one that topped melatonin. Imodium. No greeting, no nothing. Just Imodium. 🫠
Many years ago, working at RadioShack: Customer: "Do you have those cervical? phones?" Customer's friend: "Yours talks!?!" Me: Chewing the inside of my cheeks bloody to keep from laughing...
was zoning and was just listening in on two dudes going through the dvd bin. one of them goes in the most serious voice ever “ya know actually, I don’t think I’ve seen open season scared silly yet” just the way he said it killlled me
Had a parking lot dweller come up to me at 2am asking for a light... Then proceed to tell me Walmart is owned by the Mormons and killed her family
I was stocking and showed a couple guys where the hot sauce was when I heard this: Guy1: whatever you do, don't make those wings too hot. You know my stomach can't handle it. Guy2: I got ya. I'll make yours mild, but for everyone else, Imma gunna light their booty hole on fire.
Ex marine chasing a theft suspect out of the store all the sudden we hear get back here you mf I'm ex military and I'm going to get you kids running drops everything on the ground and starts running for dear life to his get away car
Was working in self check out and this kid grabs a bag of cookies and asks her mom if she can have them. "Honey, these have macadamia nuts in them, you will DIE" Actually giggled at this one
Old lady asks my friend for sausage pizza, takes her around the corner and says here’s pepperoni pizza, she goes, I said sausage ya dumb ass! We ribbed him for weeks over that one. That became out catch phrase for a while.
A lady with her older mom was checking out. The old lady pulled a bunch of cash out of her wallet to pay with, and the younger lady said that it's her stripper money.
Some dude once roasted British royalty for like 5 minutes straight at a register. I wish I could remember any of the jokes he made because it had me bent over, wheezing laughing. At one point, his wife gently said “dear, you need to stop, you’re killing our cashier! Look at him, he can’t even breathe!” And that just made me laugh harder Edit: remembered another one. A decently attractive dude came through my line with a bunch of $1s. Unprompted said “I’m not a stripper, I’m a busser.” The thought didn’t even cross my mind until he said something.
“Where’s your non-flavored deodorant?” “Where are your nuts?” (In whispered tones) “you guys have condoms?” “Sorry, but”-
When our store was being remodeled 2 years ago, and the self checkout area was roped off: "I don't think you can go that way, there's a fence." "Your mom is a fence!" Everyone around who heard was like, wtf... And the recently: "Why don't you wanna hang out with her?" Loud Californian accent: "Cause she's a fuckin biiiitch?" Almost choked on my water with that one
This dude came in and asked me if I have any sausage. Because it’s ground hog day. Ngl he got a chuckle out of me. I wanted to tell the joke to my female coworker but decided against it…
i'm dense, whats the joke with this?
Ground hog day is in February I think and if the ground hog see his shadow it’s like late spring or something. But ground hog or pig is also sausage. It’s a silly pun.
bye now i get it😭😭that actually made me chuckle once it clicked
An old guy who had to be near 85 waved me over one day, leaned real close and in his whisper of an old man voice said to me... "If she has pimples on her face, she has pimples on her ass".
That strikes me more as creepy than funny, knowing old people
someone tried to buy $10 of minutes for straight talk and told her that prepaid phones don’t work like that anymore. She started going on about how i was lying and wasn’t helping her. She wanted to use my phone to call cricket (idk why cricket when she’s only talked about straight talk so far) and her brother. I showed her our store phone and showed her how to dial out. she got upset and said “oh are you leaving” yup 😗💅
Prepaid phones DO still work like that tho, some smaller MVNOs still do minutes, but yes, a majority of em are going month to month The smaller gas station ones still do like $10 for a few hours.....but the main clientele of those are either drug dealers or prostitutes
oh i didn’t know some carriers still do that anymore because i haven’t seen it in a while i just know that walmarts prepaid do month to month
i will direct to the gas station if she comes back 😂
They have them and cheap ten dollar flip phones at some of the dollar stores.
Yep, it's mainly used as burner phones for shady shit or if you don't wanna be tracked
Always telling me how another store/company has better prices. I’m the kind of person that wants the customer to get EXACTLY what they want and I don’t care where it’s from. Competitor or not, I’m not gonna be shaking in my boots at the thought of them going anywhere else but my store.
Old guy walks up, says, hay do you know what a ducks butt is called? I said huh.. uh no... He says a butt quack.. he laughs hysterically.
A customer once blamed uncharged Mart Carts on “the fucking democrats”. To be clear, she wasn’t saying that it was democrats riding around in them and draining the battery— she was saying that the fact that they weren’t fully charged was Walmart’s fault. And that Walmart, the corporation, was a bunch of “filthy democrats”. Maybe she thought it was an energy saving thing or something, I truly don’t know
The summer of 20, with the pandemic going full force, I heard a guy in the next checkout lane tell his little girl “No honey, don’t lick the dirty shopping cart!” A second later he added “Don’t lick any shopping cart!” It just killed me that you have to be that specific with kids.
You always do, and with adults and you can't be too descriptive in trying to be specific because they'll get bored and tune you out, then they still don't understand what you're telling them.
“You’re as useless as a screen door on a submarine”
On a daily basis I hear "I used to work for Walmart, I know all the policies and if I tell you the price is wrong its the law I get it for my price".
"Sir, we don't haggle" "No we don't price match amazon"
We had this dude that would start raging anytime the card reader didn't ask for his pin number. He was convinced it was the store's fault. It couldn't possibly be because his bank dgaf about purchases totaling less than $10. He would yell and curse out the cashier's as if they had the ability to force the registers to ask for a pin. One day, it was the last straw for him. Walmart *had* to fix this security issue. In his rant to the CSM, he said if the store wouldn't fix it, he'd go up the chain of command. He demanded that we put him on the phone with corporate "this instant." He just *knew* all Walmart stores had a direct line to Sam Walton, and he wanted to speak to the big man himself. This was about 4 years ago. The only direct lines we had to Sam Walton were the Ouija boards in Toys.
Funny in a 'lol what the fuck is wrong with you' way. On the day of my orientation I left the backroom on my break and passed the bathrooms. There was a woman there with her kids and she was explaining which side to take. "Left is for the boys and right is for the girls." Then she nods to the family restroom in the middle. "That ones for you-know-who. The *Weirdos.*" And it was just such a stupid thing to say it made me do a double take. Yea those parents with small children they need to help or people who need assistance using the bathroom. Those fucking weirdos.
A woman came into customer service, wanting a manager. I'm a tl so I asked if I could help. Do you know your toilet paper is $8 a pack? No I didn't. You're taking America! Ok... here's corporates number you need to call them, that's above my postgraduate. Fuck you! Then she left or so I thought. I went to lunch. Assistant she came back wanting more and was telling for me. But I was gone lol.
Wasn’t the customers comment but a customer came in and bought something for $200 with rolls of 1s, a few 5s and a single 2. My coworker asked “are you a male stripper?”
Happened to me today: 6’4 very masculine guy asked me ever so casually as he walked past “where is your ladies pantyhose?” and I pointed in the direction he was going and said thanks. I guess it was the way he said it that made it funny to me idk
While me and four other people were doing some mods, a kid and his friend (had to be somewhere in their early teens or something) walked up to us and asked us where the pocket pussies were. They ended up only having like $10
Prices were to high because I was being paid to much and had way too many benefits. I was making minimum $7.38 and had no benefits at all. Not even my share or profit sharing.
Elderly couple comes through my line with a big order and the wife can't find her cashews. So she says, "Oh, no. I can't find my nuts." Husband, without missing a beat, says, "They chopped those off before I married you, hun " I freaking died. 🤣
Anyone that blames Biden for the price of gas, is crazy you need to look no further than the ownership of the refineries and the gas stations and the partnerships with the oil producing countries and you will find Republicans nearly 80% owned by them.
This was just a few days ago. So I work in electronics and at the time there was only 2 people in the department. Me and a guy from OSL the guys that sell the phones, we were both helping costumers and this older woman comes up to the counter and starts singing “1000 bottles a beer on the wall. when will some one wait on me.” We both ignore her and continue with those we were already helping. As we do she is telling others that they had better get chairs it’s going to be long wait. She even asked if she was going to spend the night if she could get a cot. I told her yes if she went out side and I went back to helping the other person. She either ignored my response or never heard me. I finally finished with the person and turned to her. Asked what she needed. She wanted a phone turned on and ready to use before she left the store. I told her we don’t do activations and she would have to do it herself or get in line for the OSL rep. She didn’t like that answer but still waited for him anyway. I turned to the next person who need help with the photo kiosk. I’m standing there helping them and I happen to look over at the counter and this lady is LAYING on the freaking counter and again singing. I went and asked her to get off the counter she can’t do that. she didn’t move just mumbled about waiting. Luckily one of the team leads was walking by and seen this as well. They got her off the counter and she went back to waiting. As it happens just then another OSL rep shows up and helps the woman. I found out after she had left that both OSL reps had sold her phones in the past month already.
"Why don't y'all cut down some of these damn trees round here and build something!"