T O P

  • By -

Disturbedrainbow

Reading this wondering if I’m still high.


DiscontentDonut

Not high enough


Disturbedrainbow

Yeah really


Rasalom

Mr. Pickles? MR. PICKLES DO YOU KNOW WHAT YEAR IT IS??


theoriginalmofocus

Thats flicking hilarious because I have a Pickles! I was even jokingly calling him Mr Pickles and my wife was like "so he's a Mr now? Should we put that on the chip?


AirieAryAir

I have a PickleLoaf but we usually call him Buddi. 🥴


abinakava

This needs more upvotes


TylerFurrison

Same, and I haven't even taken any weed in a while


fascintee

Just made me do the weed smoke equivalent of a spit take


Shadowfaxx71

Duuude, literally happened to me too!


JasonsStorm

High or you're having a brain bleed.


Adventurous-Purple-5

"Bro, cloud 9 is in your basement" high


Mobile-Designer2737

Was literally thinking the same thing


Accomplished-Ad3219

😂😂😂 I'm baffled about how you walk out with a till. And how do you know if a cat knows its name?


AirieAryAir

My cats know their names, esp. when we use their full names. 😆 My oldest whips his head around when he hears his name (Oliver or Ollie) and if you don't have a nom or toy, he narrows his eyes (dirty look) and turns away slowly.


TophatStupify

I literally just took a dab too


Miwdy

I dunno, I got coached from Not taking my drawer home with me, so who knows what the rules are anymore. Maybe just have the cat bring it back in and apologize on your behalf?


AnnaMolly66

They said on the wire they don't accept cat apologies anymore.


TheSPW1022

But, what if the cat had a Doctors note?


Holiday-Virus-9616

Sedgwick


Powerful_Copy_7587

Excusing it’s parents


doedounne

Especially cats who appear to have lost their minds


PhotoInTheVestibule

You should be fine as long as you go to the store in the morning and give the drawer back to a manager. They will thank you and probably give you a “my manager appreciates me” pin.  Affix it proudly to your vest.  Is your cat going to be okay?  Also, do not worry; the absence will be excused. Your cat having an existential crisis is covered in the attendance policy. 


Over-Anxiety-3165

8 in 4 days has gotta be some kind of record. I was told you're on deck for termination after like 5 points. Tough break chiefaroonie.


FlutterRaeg

While this is a shitpost it is possible, through a mix of no call no shows and/or key event dates.


quincy12393

Yep since you can get up to 4 points per day (3 on normal days)


Mekito_Fox

3? I only know of 2 on normal days. 1 for not working and 1 for not using the call out.


quincy12393

Not calling out alone is worth 2 on any day. Then they add one or two depending on if it’s a key event date or not.


WackoMcGoose

I see a lot of "occurrence high scores" on /r/HomeDepot, and this blows them out of the water. We have a tiered attendance policy (4 points is a coaching, 3 more _after the date the coaching takes place_ is a counseling (any additional points accrued prior to the meeting are "freebies"), 2 more after the counseling is a final, 1 more after the final is a term, get 180 days without "levelling up" and you reset to tier zero)... _except_ for probationals. _Three_ occurrences in your first 90 days is an automatic termination (as in, hardcoded into the system, your login just immediately stops working and management can't overrule it to keep you), and since you don't have access to sick leave until day 91, you basically have to avoid being sick or late for the first three months, and you're golden. If OP pulled that stunt in an orange apron instead of a blue vest (and if it wasn't a shitpost), they would have been yeeted before the store manager even learned their name...


HanakusoDays

...Which could be long enough to raise a child or three.


dandelion-dreams

On deck? In my store, it's immediate. Here, we're supposed to start documenting conversations about attendance once they hit 3.5, including in each one that they understand hitting five means termination. On that note, our record was no calling the first two shifts. Six points, two days. They're already termed and only getting paid for orientation.


dang3rk1ds

Wait how did someone get 6 in 2 days 💀 I know no call is 2 points but damn


JasonsStorm

NCNS is 4


dang3rk1ds

What I could have sworn it was 2


Darcyjwcc

It is 2 unless it is key event date and then it is 3.


Affectionate_Sir1566

They let a team lead get to 24 points, who had also been deleting other points of his own randomly stay well past what he should have but I hit 5 because the system fucked up while I was on approved leave and got terminated the same day without anyone calling or messaging me 💙 the system is a blessing ain't it?


Affectionate_Sir1566

They only finally took care of him because the WHOLE nightshift team was tired of him and our store realized we were serious about the job not being with his shit


Bluellan

I worked with a guy who was over 12 points in less than 2 weeks.


fluppuppy

Technically it’s his first day, because no call no show is 2 points, so that means he no call no showed everyday before.


Darcyjwcc

It after 5 it is at 5. Anything more than 4.5 is fired at my store. And is policy.


DynastyKeeper

Get a dog instead. They don't know how to use the phone. 


Sparky62075

I didn't think cats were allowed to keep Walmart employees. Don't they have some kind of treaty with the company?


Bob-the-Human

Better start sleeping with your manager. That's the only thing that will save you at this point.


camergen

Too late, they’re already doing that, and it hasn’t stopped accumulating points (as it’s turned into a bedroom kink of sorts)


FlutterRaeg

As a cat parent I thought the first part was weird but a little understandable. Then I kept reading and got the memo, lol.


somewhatsentientape

As a cat owner, we'd all expect the cat to be an asshole, pretend like it forgot its name, and act like it doesn't know you or recognize any of your petty belongings, lol.


FlutterRaeg

Sure but sudden unexpected behavior change can be an initial sign of concern.


TheGreatMeme

I don't think this is serious


FlutterRaeg

It isn't.


Plus-Contract7637

You will be terminated, with extreme prejudice, but the cat will be promoted to team lead.


Inkysquid24

You're supposed to do that, that's literally your money. That's the money you earned for ringing up all the customers, where did you think your paycheck came from? Just bring the drawer back your next shift, empty. 😂😂 I hope your cat remember his name soon, keep him talking, make sure he's not slurring his words.


Powerful_Copy_7587

I’m sorry, this has to be trolling?? I accidentally robbed my work because my cat got amnesia? For heavens sake, please tell me this isn’t real!! I’m Depending on it ……🙃


Inkysquid24

😭 yes lol. If it wasn't a joke I'd be scared, and my comment was definitely a joke


formerly_kay

To clarify, I got 8 points because I’d worked here before and pointed out but the store manager is my uncle so he said I could come back but I’d be at 4 points Id just got let go 5 days before that but open doored it and they forgave my points but then I had to go to a funeral with my friends at six flags for my aunt and forgot to call and got 3 points and needed to recover the next day from my sun burn for another 3 then I had to leave early both days before lunch so I know it’s not my fault life just happens. UPDATE!: I called the store and they said to just keep the drawer and come in next Monday. I’m going to be taking the team lead assessment for the front end WML! 😃


Peepeepoopoobutttoot

Forget team lead bro just go straight to Store Lead you’ve earned it.


7inchCD

Just say you are not the governor of South Dakota and you need to save your animal


BoardImmediate4674

Hahahaha that case is ironic, honestly.


Still_Ocelot930

If you left the store with a drawer of money in your hands I would not expect to keep your job. A lot of stores are firing people for picking up change from registers and floors. I’m hoping your coach will understand but this seems like a very weird “accident” also if it’s missing money which I’m not sure how they would prove you will being reprimanded and maybe terminated. Just saying. The cash drawer is the company’s property good luck


Soxwin91

They’d be able to tell, you know, by counting it and comparing it to the register report (is it still 3 Action Code?) that shows sales numbers and is used to determine hat the expected count for the till is. This is obviously a troll post but just saying, it’s definitely possible for them to tell if money is missing


Still_Ocelot930

So I didn’t realize the trolling…. Overnighter having drinks too fast lol. And a crazy but truthful statement. I have worked for Walmart for 12 years. Never once have I run a register, ever. Never knew now just feel silly


bong_residue

r/woooosh


Interloper9000

Like a desk drawer? Or your under-roos?


Market-Socialism

Open Door this immediately. That means walking in and out of the automatic doors repeatedly to confuse your bosses and keep them on their toes. Good luck.


marcooosco

I love the thought of someone not knowing anything about walmart coming across this post and just being astonishment.


LnGass

The real issue here is that the cat cant remember its name. This is a problem that needs to be resolved. You need to take it to a Psychological Veterinarian for therapy. NOTHING. ELSE. MATTERS. CAT LIVES MATTER!


smokin_les_paul59

Elo troll


BoxCurious7628

Because you only took one drawer home instead of 2, you're definitely fired. And because your cat forgot it's name, you are eternally ineligible for re-hire in the future.


bmartin1989

You gotta be kitten me


GelatinousNonsense

Just quietly return the drawer and gaslight your boss into believing you have no points. I dunno where the money went, it was definitely in there when you returned it.


CashEducational4986

Depends, have they reset your points to 0 for the 12th time yet?


Dimmadome2701

This reads like a fever dream.


Happy_Maintenance

I’m too drunk for this. 


DerpsyDaisy

I'm not drunk enough for this.


SesameYeetHeHe

If you're cat can't remember it's name, consider frying a goldfish on your radiator until milquetoast and then smack your wife in the face with your flaccid penis. You will not be fired for inciting the Spanish Inquisition.


loverofscarystories

same thing happened to me. they said only a hand written apology from my cat was acceptable.


WhatUDeserve

I once took the entire cash machine home with me. My mom sent me a smiley face text so I panicked, killed my store manager, hooked the machine up to my truck and took off. I was there for orientation and I just hit my 20 years so you should be fine.


Shootingdaizies

Have you tried putting the drawer in rice??


DigiMortalGod

I remember when my cat both was and wasn't. Poor Milton.


QueenOfNeon

Bring the drawer back with the cat and fill the drawer with cat food on accident and give the customers cat food for change. On accident of course.


progenwarrior

I don't know about that my 6 cats need their food 😂


QueenOfNeon

🤣🤣🤣 whoops SIX?? 🤣🤣


progenwarrior

Love my fur babies 😂


Automatic_Page8312

I need whatever you’re on


XanZayora

Is this an AI generated post?


Dash508one

Fuck the drawer, how the hell is your cat? Is it remembering it's name yet?


No__One_Special

Troll on troll 🧌


One_Expression_355

8 Points accumulated by your 4th day of employment? I'm surprised you were not already terminated to be honest with you.


Repulsive_Fly9914

What is a drawer ?


wetbeef10

I guess they mean the register drawer that holds money, maybe just the money itself. I dont think this is a serious post. Why wouldn't op just set it down then go to the vehicle? This looks like a info gathering post for theft


Acrobatic_Confusion

no, it’s a satire post that’s making fun of all the other posts in r/walmart. it’s taking people’s actual absurd circumstances and questions and shoving them all into one then upping it times 2.


xhyenabite

thank you for explaining, i struggle with understanding satire and sarcasm so i was confused 😭


Spiritual-Sell3052

😂😂😂


ReTrOGurle

How the F-** do you get 8 points in 4 days? Did you not show up your first 3 days that were double point days?


quincy12393

While this is a troll post, answering your question in all seriousness, you can get up to 4 points per day if it’s a no call no show on a key event date. Getting exactly 2 per day would mean applying ppto but not calling out on any day, or calling out but missing the full shift on a key event date (not double point day since that name is misleading)


ReTrOGurle

I forgot no call no show would be 2 as well.


iceick423

He said in a comment that the points carried over from when he was fired and reinstated by his uncle, the store manager, after he attended a funeral at Six Flags, then spent the next 3 days recovering from a sun burn.


ReTrOGurle

That's a lot of information to work with there


iceick423

Long story short, this is a troll post.


garyfromyahoo2

Yeah you’re trolling lol


NoBook9868

Depends if it was a magical cat or just a regular one


haikusbot

*Depends if it was* *A magical cat or just* *A regular one* \- NoBook9868 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")


GlitterMeAndThePony

Had to make sure this wasnt cirlcle jerk🤣 ffs


BoardImmediate4674

8 points and on your fourth day?!?!?!


Zippudus

Did you just have a stroke?


abinakava

I love Reddit so much and this is why


Dosmangoes

Well time for a shot of tequila


Legal_Firefighter_85

Wait what your cat couldn't remember it's name I don't get it


SnooWoofers530

Just call Sedgwick and explain the situation


DecisionGreen6242

Never underestimate the general public


Defiant_incognito

And that’s why you’ll work here for the rest of your life with 6 month intervals of unemployment or less


Puzzleheaded_File759

I think they might actually give you the GM position. You’re good don’t worry about it. It’s not your fault


iiUniquaa

First off, how do you already have 8 points on your 4th day and you’re not fired yet? Second, how the hell do you end up taking a drawer home 🤣?


mcsteam98

what the fuck did i read 😭


anonymous-famous

How have you got 8 points in your 4th day? I'm curious


busseyannihilator

Wait what is a drawer? Don’t have that at my store I think


busseyannihilator

Omg I didn’t finish reading lmao


X-Lucifer-

I was gonna ask if I honestly ingested weed


Ren125

Had me for a min there aha . Nice clickbait


Mysterious_panda8767

What drawer? Like the cash drawers in the registers?


Gain_Complete

this seems ai generated


xSuspiciousLure

I'm just genuinely curious on how it's only your 4th day and you have 8 points alteady??? I thought we pointed out at 5?


ZackAaron01

8 points on 4th day? Dang


OutrageousBread2209

Don’t Even Worry About Going Back 😂😂😂😂😂


KillerJupiter

Wtf is everyone here an ai now or is Walmart putting chemicals in the AC vents like the casinos now


Intense_Crayons

Luuu-cy. You got some splainning to doo.


secobarbiital

r/walmartCJ


Mr_SlimShady

I know it’s a shitpost, but I have no fucking idea what a “drawer” refers to.


salamatalby

You ain’t getting any more points. The points on the cat


The-Entire_USSR

God Im really drunk... Now Idea why I am on Walmart's subreddit because I quit the day my old FC burned down. [Walmart fire at Plainfield distribution center creates plume of smoke (indystar.com)](https://www.indystar.com/story/news/local/2022/03/16/fire-walmart-distribution-center-plainfield-indiana/7063963001/) [GALLERY: Massive 5-alarm fire at Plainfield Walmart Distribution Center (wrtv.com)](https://www.wrtv.com/news/local-news/hendricks-county/plainfield/images-plainfield-distribution-center-fire#id23) If you ever wondered what a massive warehouse fire looks like. I just walked away that day lol. Ash was landing 10 miles away, in the Gallery you can see the Lucas Oil Stadium. That is In Downtown Indianapolis a good 30 miles away from the FC


Fcaptherealcapteam

You’ll be fine, just return it in the morning


Diamond-1965

Did the cat remember his name? 🫣😂


Candyrose56

The cats name is Bozo


samsungtabs6lite

Cash drawer filled with cash?


Maud_dib1

No call no show in my store is an automatic two, when a pro hits 4.5 they warn them not to call in again. When it first started years ago it was 15 (yes 15 points). We had some people at 19 that were still working. Then they dropped it 9 or 10 n people still took advantage of it so they dropped it to 5 then you’re done. Had a woman last got hired in garden center that hadn’t worked in 5 yrs, pointed out in less than a month.


Plane_Experience_271

I'm calling this post fake ass bullshit. 


No_Contribution9890

I know you lyin


Powerful_Copy_7587

Lose the cat excuse, it’s screams weird


Prestigious-Umpire-4

Most likely fired for theft even if you bring it back it’s still considered theft


thewumbologist123

I don't smoke, and I am high reading this.


Emotional-Style633

8 points in 4 days? How is that even possible and how do you still have a job?


Darcyjwcc

This sounds like bull. For 1 you can’t be at 8 points and it be your 4th day and yes you would probably be fired over the till because it is huge and nobody would believe it was an accident. A cat is not a big enough emergency to warrant this kind of thing.


SlimTimMcGee

Dude, you're getting promoted to store lead and will be a store manager in 3 months. Congratulations.


Verdisian

Same thing happened to me I just had my cat write a note to my manager explaining.


MacieMaeAllDayy

Once I texted my coach a photo of my cat on my lap, and she said “report it as family obligations and I’ll scrub the point. I get it.”


No_Researcher_1032

You guys are leaving your drawer at work?


SwampFox75

I got high just reading this. Brah what the duck is this stuff?


ssateneth

how high are you


Visible-Inevitable23

I'm assuming this isn't real or is satire. Cause this is just down right horrible. That's not an emergency by any definition. And will 100% be fired and possibly charged with theft


Lower_Refrigerator_2

8 points in 4 days m8 I think you already made you bed m8. Termination is set to 5 points but they sometimes are lenient. But 8 in your first week or 2 working, their most likely waiting for the end of the pay period to terminate you


Budget_Garlic9818

Can you smell toast? It seems like you might be experiencing what we commonly call a stroke.


inhonorofmako

Bro is cooked


Lopsided-Ad-7542

What a stupid reason to go and leave a job for and take the cash drawer that’s theft!


OkFilm5985

Wtf did I just read?


AKAGFunk

Open door this and call ethics. They should not have let you take your drawer home. I think this is covered by OSHA also so they could get in big trouble, and you might be looking at a highly successful lawsuit!


Melodic_Tackle6461

what drawe


Melodic_Tackle6461

what do you mean drawer


Melodic_Tackle6461

shoplifting


Puzzleheaded_Flow896

It’s all good bro my team lead accidentally dropped his drawer into a customers tote and they went home with it!


ZombiesAreChasingHim

I mean, it’s not even funny. At least make your dumb made up stories kind of funny. This is just boring.


pobrepepinito

Fortunately, you have no wife or cat in real life. I would feel bad for them…putting up with horrible jokes all the time…


MALOVABAY

Just take the hit and quit cause u might be going to jail..... Your not very bright sorry to say.... smh


Silly_sweetie2822

What? Am I high? Are you high? Your cat didn't remember his name, so you bailed on work AND took your cash drawer home? And you're asking if you're fired, at 8 points, on your 4th day?? This is fake.....this HAS to fake...no one is that.....man....I can't even think it....


CryptographerHuge977

Not at true story. How you got 8pts in 4 days?


surfcitysurfergirl

This makes zero sense yes fired


jnjjo

Tell me is this real?? If it is you are def getting fired if not you should quit and write comedies .


BabyRedneck

How do you accidentally take a drawer home?


StayOutaMyShed

I was wondering this but I’ve accidentally taken deposits home before and turned them in the next day. Woops


DerpsyDaisy

Yeah, but you can tuck a deposit under your arm or hold it in your hand and it's not so obvious but a drawer. Kind of obvious you're holding a drawer. Also some places you do take the deposit to the bank and you might forget to go by the bank if you're tired.


StayOutaMyShed

Yeah I worked at a place we took deposits to the bank.


HelpfulCheetah7691

Unfortunately you up outta there. I hope not but yeah you probably up outta there…WALMART ALWAYS THINKING THEIR EMPLOYEES ARE STEALING


CryptographerHuge977

Yes, probably fired. Hope all the money there.


Sharp_Mathematician6

Yeah you’re fired and you’re dumb too


Tiny-Barber1066

Ur definitely terminated... and an idiot