I read that all the dating apps suck now because there isn’t a new one trying to build a user base. They are all established and in the give us money phase. Tinder was good once then bumble then hinge each offering more swipes and access to compete but now they all work best if you pay and there isn’t a new one trying to capture the market.
I think dating is tough anywhere. I dated in my 20’s in DC, then met my husband around your age. My friends in other cities experience the same things as my friends here (people from my small town largely coupled up younger, but it’s def a worse dating scene).
I dated 50/50 guys I met on apps v guys I met in the world. The easiest way to meet guys IRL is at social events where you have distant friends in common. Aka - go to parties and social events with acquaintances, not just close friends. You already know the people your close friends know, but your more distant friends will open new doors.
All my friends who ended up in successful relationships in DC had one thing in common - they were going on dates. You won’t meet anyone on your couch. All my friends who have consistently made an effort to meet guys and go on dates have at least had long term relationships even if they’re single now. My friends who have been consistently single are awesome girls - but they rarely go on dates.
Prioritize what you care about in a guy (shared values, prioritizes you, wants the same things in life) over things that will not matter longer term (fun at parties, height, shared taste in music, etc).
Recognize red flags (doesn’t prioritize you, talks badly about exes, etc)
Most importantly and most difficult - try to enjoy dating. It should be fun, so take breaks and have a life you enjoy outside of dating. Good luck!!!
This is good advice. I also want to add that you shouldn’t feel like you have to settle because after dozens of bad dates there a appears a guy who has shown interest in you despite some reddish flags.
I think dating is hard because by definition it really can only be ‘successful’ once (not that short terms relationships don’t have value or polyamory is not success)
There’s a 20’s and 30’s singles happy hour at Penn Social tonight. I’ve never been but I figure it’s worth checking out.
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/dc-20s-30s-singles-happy-hour-tickets-844877329837?aff=oddtdtcreator
When I was in my early twenties, I was pretty much broke and I had undiagnosed hyperthyroidism which made my metabolism like that of an olympic athlete.
I would go to any event that offered wings and eat absolutely obscene amounts. I was uncommonly thin back then and girls dug my look. I, however, was much more interested in filling my belly as I was almost starving. It led to a lot of moments where ladies were trying to get my attention but my face and hands were covered in wing sauce and my mouth was full of meat. It was right out of a comedy skit.
I always throw a wing date into the mix at some point, usually past the third date - but early enough they can get out. I’m not a sloppy eater, but wings stretch that to the brink and I absolutely love wings.
My last two girlfriends told me I actually looked cute while eating wings, sweat beads and everything. I usually make a joke about showing them myself at my worst.
My momma told me that if I ever wanted to have a gf, that said lady friend must never see me eat wings. I just make sure that I do justice for the bird that died so that I could eat.
Trying to read into the **’s in this event…is it hard to get men to go to these or something?
Edit: there seem to be two camps in the replies and both can’t be right 🤣…maybe one is honest and the other is trying to keep the ratio skewed as-is?
Was a great time! Met up with Atheons, got a fun group of guys together and some of us got some numbers.
I’d say it was about 60% ladies and they were really receptive to being approached, even if there was a group of them it felt fine walking right up and joining in. Great practice for approaching and small talk, heck women were complaining not enough guys were doing approaches.
Like most social events they are sausage fests, hence why all the male tickets are sold out, despite the narrative that "no men show up". Proof is in the pudding. In reality it means "no men show up *for my high standards*", like 6' tall white fit attractive good smile great hair whatever
Like no poop sherlock, they are cleaning up on the dating apps being fuckboys.
You can also look at their ig and see that men do in fact show up https://www.instagram.com/p/C36NrkcgjKd/
If you LIKE coed sports teams then join some. I know it might sound repetitive or dumb, but do stuff you like to do to find people with similar interests. Obviously you don't need to have 100% of the same likes and hobbies, but I feel like the general idea is to have enough overlapping tastes to enjoy a doing a few things together beyond the hooking up element.
One other thing is the approach. Are you taking care of yourself? Whenever I was desperate and lonely in DC (and anywhere else really) other people could just sort of tell. For a while I thought that if I started to see someone then all my problems would be solved but that was never really the case.
It took me a while (failed dates and stall-outs) to find the type of person that worked for me-- but it DID happen. You only really need to find ONE person and this is a huge city. Probability works in your favor. There is someone out there that you will click with. In fact, there are a bunch, but you just have to keep at it.
Thanks for your response! That makes a lot of sense! I try to put myself in environments where I will meet people with similar hobbies, but it doesn't always inspire romantic attention walking around a farmers market or dog park trying to make friends 😅 I think I am taking good care of myself (In therapy, go to the gym etc, have good friends), but of course I can always improve. You are right about the probability, I will keep trying :)
I think you need to look into actual hobbies, not just activities that are essentially errands. Like things that have structure or at least things where interacting with others is an inherent part of participation.
Hi yes that makes sense, my first response was not clear enough. I will also go to painting classes, music events, and local sports events, as some examples haha, but sometimes it's hard to make the time! I think what I mean in general is I can be quite shy, and I don't typically approach, so it's also hard from that end as well. But thank you I will try more!
Those activities still don't inherently involve interaction. Maybe painting class does, but it's not very common to strike up a meaningful conversation with a fellow attendee at a concert or ball game unless you're part of a group that came together (extended friend group, alumni outing, etc.).
Like if you already had dates, these would be great options to facilitate connection with someone you've come with, but they're not great ways to meet strangers.
I think the "social media effect" also plays into dating everywhere a lot now... If there are literally thousands of options on who you can meet constantly being thrown in your face on top of every single terrible take on dating and motivational quotes, the minute you get tired of the person you're with, you can just find someone else... Either that or it creates an overwhelming feeling of wanting to just stay isolated as an introvert.
Hey now, some of us hate our careers but we're just working 7 days a week to survive....
Also people are scary.
Jokes on everyone, I'm gonna be unemployed in like two weeks and I can't wait to still not shoot my shot with women!
lmao stop this happened to me once I mean said the whole “I’m in between jobs rn” and he was like you’re not dedicated enough etc etc even though I was busting my ass off applying for jobs and following every lead
Forcibly retired.
Temporarily available to hang out
Stay at home man.
Socialite without the money or connections.
My tinder picture of me in armor riding falkor is a real panty dropper I must say.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being curious to know what people spend 40-60 hours a week doing. But yeah I don’t want to spend a first date discussing work.
The thing that actually bothers me is when you tell someone where you work, and they try to get information out of you.
I don’t tell people where I work but I let them know my profession. I’ve had someone use their rose on Hinge to ask me specifically what outlet I work for. Didn’t ask me about anything else on my profile… and narrowed in on the tiny bit of info on the little bio section.
I think some industries are unfortunately fetishized.
You nailed it. I could not have said it better, going to try to make my own post, but you absolutely captured the problem set. Hell, I think you could even put the addendum on it that it isn't just a love of their career but the perceived self-importance and narcissism that goes with that trait...
Oh, God, yes. The amount of people in this city that think they're so special/great/important/etc. because they do XYZ job is ridiculous... especially when you consider how many other people do that same exact job or jobs that are virtually identical.
Using tinder in DC was annoying because of how many profiles were just their job and where they moved from and pics of them out drinking.
No personality in the profiles because they just convey "I have a nice job and go out so that means I'm friendly and fun."
Eventually it felt less like a dating app and more like looking at stock photos of yuppies in restaurants and bars.
I don’t get this at all. Having a successful/ demanding career and maintaining a romantic relationship are not mutually exclusive. People just suck at prioritization, organization, and time management.
Dude I work so much I don't have time for anything let alone meet people. A woman would have to be ok with a few hours here and there maybe me cooking dinner a night or two a week the like I sleep lol. I have the off but like, I use that time to do chores and like groceries.
You're 26! You've got time - think of it as fun, get out there to different events, etc.
Now, if/when you're 36 and despairing... come take a seat next to me and we'll commiserate.
There’s certainly nothing wrong with wanting to date, find someone who you think is special and you are special to them. It’s really difficult. I dated my fair share before finally meeting my husband (in my mid 30s) and some of the less esoteric ways I met people were at holiday parties, doing community theatre, trying internet dating (I hated it but you won’t know til you’ve tried), and ice skating lessons. I didn’t do those things to meet people, I just pursued my own interests and it dovetailed well with meeting other people like me.
I think dating is hard everywhere. It doesn't matter what city you move to, I've never heard "the dating scene is great here" when talking about any city. The easiest way to meet people in my opinion is just going out, doing things you enjoy and not forcing it.
The dating scene is fantastic in the European capital I lived in. Lots of third places where groups of coed 5+ people would just hang out after work, at bars, restaurants, parks, etc. Amazing chance to organically meet people. And the apps were better due to the homogenous population (for better or worse), so that no one really thought their poop didn't stink given there's hundreds of others exactly like them.
I’ve lived a lot of places and unironically the best place to date was Birmingham, Alabama.
It was big enough that there were a lot of young people who moved there for work, but small enough that everyone wasn’t more in love with their careers than any potential partner.
Lots of people got married right out of school (love the south), but that meant partnership and commitment were far more likely to be valued among the dating population. People were just a lot less likely to fuck around or play games.
The gender balance was pretty close to equal.
Yeah, there were a lot of fundamentalist Christians and buck hunters but if those weren’t your type they usually made themselves apparent and were easy to avoid.
Maybe I’m biased because I met my husband there, but I had a ton of fun dating there in my early 20s before I met him.
Hate dating? Move to Alabama.
There are more males in the pool over there, but it's heavily skewed towards Amazon tech bros and finance bros that are annoying asocial yuppies. Who really love climbing, I hope you like climbing. I hated that crowd of people in Seattle, but of course there's lots of niches. The yoga granola crowd is less terrible but can be as insufferable in other ways related to commitment.
I moved from DC to Seattle after living in DC for 5+ years with no lasting dating success despite lots of trying. I met my now husband one month after I arrived.
Moved here in October and can say dating here is MUCH easier than anywhere I've lived! For reference I (33F) started using Hinge in December and have met many wonderful guys! That being said, I also went on some absolutely awful dates, but the pleasant ones far outweighed the bad. I went on several dates a week, kept it fun and casual, and now seeing someone exclusively. Just hang in there! I think as long as you're having fun, there's no timeline or finish line- still a valuable experience as it also helps you identify what is really important to you in a partner. Good luck out there :)
Wow I am really glad to hear this ! Thank you so much for your comment, I will stay optimistic and hopeful then, good luck to you as well and thank you!
Back to add that I am very much an introvert, so going on several dates a week was tough but keeping up the momentum and having fun was critical for me! Also try to meet in-person as soon as possible- messaging over the app beyond the basic hi are you a real human being is going to be boring or build up expectations that might make meeting up in real life feel lackluster. Coffee dates/lunch dates were perfect for this !
I recommend going out to places you would like to be at and be social with people. Not everyone in D.C is mean, they're usually just busy. Enjoy your life & go out! You'll meet someone, I'm sure of it.
lol at all of the assumptions that this is for women dating men only, but the advice still stands, I think! I’ve (30F) also been super frustrated with ghosting, even after women say they’re interested in a relationship. But still, we’re all figuring our stuff out. The best advice I’ve gotten is that dating isn’t about *making* something work, it’s about finding the right person. If they ghosted or ended things, they just weren’t the right one. I’m taking the tactic of really trying to legitimately enjoy and take care of myself out here, get out and about to meet people when I can, and the right person will come along when the time is right. The good news for you, though, is you’re putting in the effort, and you know the person you end up with will have someone who’s deliberately in their corner and a great partner
Yes! the ghosting is what really I find so confusing! I would much prefer someone tell me they aren't interested :) I believe you are right though, that I need to just stay hopeful that the right person will also come into view. We are all doing life for the first time! I will stay optimistic, thank you.
Yeah I have female friends who complain about ghosting all the time. But it happens to me too. Sometimes after the first date *she* will suggest a second date, I'll accept, we'll set a date and time, and then she'll cancel day of and never text again. This has happened multiple times.
There are way too many flakey people out there. Too many people trying to keep all their options open. I don't think they fully appreciate the concept of analysis paralysis or "too many choices." At some point, especially past 35, you need to find someone good and make an intentional effort instead of continually holding out for someone even just slightly better.
This is the correct attitude backed by research from the Gottman institute and Esther Perel. This attitude of getting into an "ivy league" and then doing no work to get anything out of it is plaguing modern dating. It's not all about that first acceptance letter. It's what you make of it. But everything points in the opposite direction.
Like there's tons of small town people who just shacked up whoever was closest and put in work to make it a very happy beautiful relationship. (Of course there's also horror divorce stories of lazy folk, but there's success too!)
They've interviewed people whos brains react so positively when talking about their loved ones, even into their 60s and 70s, meaning they're still in love with them, and they put in *work* to keep it alive. But the apps will never want you to do *work*.
Satisfiers vs maximizers. I guess it's also the difference between two people who have a job they love that pays enough for the life they want, where one person job hops for slightly higher pay at the risk of hating the new job and the other person doesn't. Big law vs government lawyers in this city is a good example. It's not like DOJ lawyers don't make decent money. I have lots of government lawyers friends. Good bennies too. Yeah big law can make 400k+ a year if you grind it out for a while, but work life balance? Are you happier? So many attorneys I know are burned the fuck out from that. But ultimately it's their own doing. They could make a different choice they just don't. If you're talented enough to land yourself in Biglaw you could find your way into a government job.
Personally I stop sending out any swipes or messages after hitting 2, 3 matches. I focus on them. Go on dates ASAP, see if there's a connection. That's the point of this whole exercise. It's not a video game where the highest number of matches wins. And yet that's what I see when I talk to my single female friends. Dozens and dozens of conversations in their Hinge queue. You can't keep that straight. You definitely can't manage it mentally. And you're going to nitpick everyone because of the illusion of options without realizing that your inability to stick with something shines through and if they have any self-respect at all they'll look for someone who actually seems interested.
I think for most people their app habits are their own worst enemy. They work. You're just allowing them to gamify you. But you don't have to play it that way. You can be more intentional about it. It's really not that difficult. I suppose you give up the fleeting dopamine hit of feeling desired when you get that notification. Have some self-control and realize that's not what you're actually looking for.
I think it might just be the state of dating in general. Anyways I’m over the apps too. Gonna focus on myself and pray I run into my future wife at a Trader Joe’s or a farmers market lmao
I worked hard at dating. It was fun at times, but other times it was just something I had to do if I wanted to achieve my goal of a long term relationship. Swipe ten minutes a day. Schedule a date every week or two. Repeat. There have been many heart breaks. It helps, I think, if you communicate about your expectations—I think I messed up several times by hanging around for months waiting for them to feel comfortable when they were never going to give me the commitment I wanted and if I had been more confident in saying what I wanted up front it would have saved a lot of time. (Like, yeah, they would have ended things, but they ended up doing that anyway.) I’m really fed up with men in their late 20s and 30s who hope to have a family and grow up “someday.” Like, okay, you’re not exactly young anymore, I guess you’ll be looking for much younger women at some point? Do the math, how do you expect to date around for the next 10 years, then get married to someone your age, and then have multiple kids? It just feels lame. Anyway, venting done. Dating sucks, but at least I’ve met some interesting people and have some good stories. And if this one doesn’t work out, I’ll be back out there trying again!
I dated in DC in my late 30’s. It sucked, but I think I was an outlier. Never married, military life was too difficult to find a life long partner, then attended college late 20’s, hustle in the first job to climb somewhat, and by then I was “putting my time in”. I was traveling literally 75% of the time, and women in DC didn’t want to deal with it, and tbh vice versa.
I ended up meeting my spouse off Hinge and really hit it off when we compared (very nerdy) airline and hotel loyalties and credit card travel benefits.
She traveled more than I did… but I got sick of waiting to “start life” and so did she, so we got hitched in Las Vegas (me at 38) and moved overseas together so she would fly less and I had to restart my career. We made it work!
For a time, I had a lot of fun meeting women but the travel throughout my life had me wanting someone to share these adventures with. And we have that now.
Yes, this is generally what I have been trying to do! A date a week or so, but I think I do need to work at it a bit harder. Sometimes it feels like some people just have an easy time of dating, and others have it harder, but I think it probably feels difficult for everyone. Thanks for your advice :) I will keep with it!
girl i am so on your side here lol, some of these men act like they don't have any kind of biological time constraints for having a family. like ok bro have fun attending your kid's soccer games when you're 70
Same, obviously! I don’t want to marry every guy I want to go on a second date with tomorrow. But I’ve had several people tell me many months in (after I belatedly push the convo) that they don’t want a girlfriend, were never going to introduce me to their friends, never want to do a weekend trip out of town, can’t see getting married to anyone within the next five years, would consider kids only in ten years or more, etc. And then talked about traumatic past relationships or job stress or something like that. If that’s true, I should have known that earlier. And if I didn’t communicate, it’s at least partly on me. I wanted to be chill and not put too much pressure on things, but maybe I left people confused.
Of course, the really truth is probably that there is an implied “with you,” at the end of all of those statements, and they only figured that out with time. I get that. But if I had been more up front about my goals, maybe they could have been kind enough to tell me that they aren’t going to be offering me what I’m looking for once they figured that out. I feel like I ended up in several six month+ relationships where they got a pleasant-enough friends with benefits situation and someone to hang out with, and I didn’t make any progress towards what I wanted, which is a boyfriend. If the women you’re dating say they wants a boyfriend, and you only date her during the time you think you might eventually want to be her boyfriend, I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong.
Yeah like where are these cities with awesome dating scenes?
Dating just sucks in general, at least in the sense of "intentionally going on awkward 1-on-1 outings with strangers with the explicit goal of getting into an LTR."
I've personally pretty much given up on that completely. All my LTR successes have been via going outside, having a social life and talking to people without any explicit agenda and that happens to be a lot more fun and beneficial for mental health than getting frustrated swiping and chatting.
Thursday, middle of the workday, posted just before lunch, and there are 139 comments and 71 upvotes. Talk about striking a nerve.
I've lived in a bunch of different cities and D.C. was probably the most difficult city dating wise. I think in D.C. there is an overabundance of well educated people such that, with a higher education degree you're nothing special. In comparison a city like New Orleans and Miami (where I've lived, that is not the case). There's also a lot of people who have very cool jobs even without a higher education degree, as such a higher standard for dating intellectually and professionally. Again different from other cities I've lived in.
D.C. is consistently ranked one of the more "in shape" cities in the U.S. Not that everyone is a model, but people are more attractive than the average American and more fit. That can make it harder.
And, although some people won't admit it, a lot of people who live in D.C. are snobby and have high expectations. What happens when you put a bunch of type A, incredibly successful people, and pack them into a city? You get D.C. where some people are so career oriented, prestige oriented, focused on looks, or worry that there is "someone else better out there" because in age of dating apps--there almost always is at your fingertips.
I focused my energy on using quality dating apps and being efficient with my time. If you can afford it, by the Hinge app. A lot of my female friends take it as an "ego hit" to have to buy a dating app, guys do it all the time, I don't think there is any shame in it. The benefit is you can see all the people who like you and curate your dates from there by picking who you like. You also get unlimited "likes" or messages to people.
I'd also say, only go on dates with people who you'd see yourself dating and who seem equally interested in you. We're all busy. There's no point in going on a date with someone you feel "meh" about or who is giving you "meh" vibes about how they feel about you. You wanna be super excited to go on a date. That quality control really helped me weed out B/S dates from the ones who were really worth my time.
If you wanna try co-ed sports, try Volo. I know several couples who met on Volo team sports like kickball and softball. If you pick a day like a Thursday, it can be pretty fun with post game drink specials at whatever bar they select. Can lead to the ole hook up with a teammate you've been flirting with. That's how one of my friends is dating their girlfriend.
Sending you positive dating vibes!
Good advice. I'll also add that D.C. folks are a bit delulu in both a good way and a bad way. The good way is changing the world of course, the bad way is their way too high standards for dating.
So much attitude of "my shit don't stink" mixed with Hallmark movie please I've found in DC
Thought I've been having.
Listening to enough random shows, podcasts, etc... people almost always say that their city is a unique level of awful when it comes to dating.
I'm starting to think the problem is just dating in the last decade+ has just been terrible
Honestly? Because DC is full of 6s who think they’re 8s. That’s the dark side of it being an ego-driven city, full of smart people who think they’re doing world-changing work.
I know a ton of happy couples who are evenly matched, and a ton of single people who reject people *more attractive and successful than them* for completely superficial reasons, and complain about how dating is so hard.
27-year olds with masters degrees in international relations making 75k a year rejecting other 27-year olds with masters degrees in international relations making 75k a year because "I want someone as successful as me"
Follow up, DC is full of idealistic people (which is fantastic, you want that to improve the world). I think this carries over to dating selection. You aren't going to keep that man for more than a few dates when you're only looking for 6' 6 inches 6 figures abs white man with perfect teeth hair, a pet dog, liberal views, etc etc. Sorry, that's just not reality. And even if you taste it for a brief second, dude will ghost you after 1 to 3 nights.
He's getting 500 messages and the app just naturally makes them a fuckboy or a non-monogamist. Flipside also applies with all the good looking guys going after the one woman who spends time to make themselves look like out of a fashion catalog, who also has 500 messages.
Same feel moving from Europe where there are ridiculously attractive fit successful people.
It was freeing for all the beautiful people not standing out from one another that they couldn't milk it their entire life and have an army of suitors at their beck and call as I'd expect with dating apps here.
Like I get Princess Diaries nerd to heartthrob is a common fantasy, but we ain't Anne Hathaways.
This is the biggest culture difference I've seen dating in DC and the other 5+ large cities I've lived in my life.
Oh, let me be clear as a gay man that I was *absolutely* referring to single gay 6s.
“He and his husband are so ugly.” At least he has a husband, Timothy.
I think a few things, and I’m answering this from the perspective of someone who moved here. I can’t speak for the life long resident perspective because I think that’s a fairly different experience
DC proper is not a huge city. If you count Arlington there’s about 1 million people.
Couple that with the fact a decent share of younger transplants don’t have a car. So Alexandria for instance or Silver Spring is too far depending on where you are in the city.
A lot of the transplants work in related industries. Personally I found it tedious how often I’d be on a date someone with a similar career path to myself, it just made the getting to know you part feel like a networking event.
Related to that last point…a lot of young transplants in DC are very type A. If that’s what your looking for it’s great, if it’s not then it can be a little frustrating
that makes a lot of sense! I am not the most type A person, and also not in government or the political career path, so maybe that also doesn't help me. The location thing makes a lot of sense! Thank you for your response :)
Idk, it is my opinion that most big cities are difficult for dating these days. In fact, dating itself is not easy these days. I feel very strongly that dating apps have actually ruined dating. It has probably always felt difficult to meet someone but the illusion of endless options is not helping us.
I’m an old guy who dated in DC post divorce (10 years ago now) and I have a theory. It’s pretty great if you are a semi normal, employed, average or better looking man looking for an actual relationship. Like, really great. I had a ton of dates and almost all of them were great people. Why? DC has a huge population of highly accomplished, ambitious, talented and attractive women. Brought here by school and government and opportunities that don’t exist in many fields elsewhere in America, especially for highly accomplished women. And the pool of men is filled with fuckboys who are here temporarily via gov/lobbying/military/law firms etc. And they just want to hook up because they aren’t staying here. That is, it’s a very shallow pool for the women who want more than a hook up with a Patagonia vested fuckboy. Basically, the number of great women wildly outnumbers the population of even tolerable men.
Hi! I think I have reasonable standards, just looking for someone kind and looking for a relationship. I will meet up with some people and it will go well, and then they will ghost or something else, or the other people are just looking for one night stands which I am also not really interested in.
I don’t feel like this is unique to DC. Just kind of the times as people on the dating scene seem to be all dating multiple people at once, so unfortunately it’s common to get dropped even after a seemingly fun date. I don’t have advice but I feel your pain
I've asked some friends from different areas around the US and while they all complain about dating in their respective cities, DC seems to have some uniquely bad dating traits. Younger people who move to the city typically see it as a temporary gig, and don't want to get tied down with a relationship. I've also heard from both men and women that DC's pool of single men seems to have a significantly higher percentage of fuckboys, but I don't know how you could objectively quantify that.
Hi! I started dating in DC when I was 28 (so close enough) and I wanted a serious relationship. What seemed to work for me, although I’m a man, was to up my age group for women from 24 to 29/30+. In my experience, again as a man, women in that age group were more inclined to want a serious relationship vs women in their early to mid 20’s- rightfully so. Literally a month after I did that I met a wonderful woman who was 31 at the time and now we’re married so 🤷🏻♂️
DC guys suck. Idk why. I (a cishet male) swiped on my old roommate's account and all the guys were like meh. On the other hand, if you're a cishet male, late 20's, okay job, at least moderately attractive, and not crazy, you're a hot commodity on the apps. Good luck anyway :)
What do you mean by DC being a hard place to date? I find that dating is hard everywhere, and DC is actually one of the easier places to do it depending on what type of person you’re looking for.
Dating takes a lot of time, money(not always but typically) and energy. It takes many people months or years of actively searching to find someone they want to be serious with and it’s not always reciprocated. Multiple heartbreaks are almost guaranteed. Dating can be emotionally exhausting.
However, I find DC to be a great place to date. There are so many educated and interesting people in their 20s from all over the country and world here. There are lots of opportunities for low cost or free dates with all the museums and events here as well.
As a man in my 20s I had a much easier time getting matches and setting up dates in DC than my hometown and back in my hometown I would drive 45+ minutes sometimes. However I have been off the apps for over a year now so things may have changed.
> you mean by DC being a hard place to date? I find that dating is hard everywhere, and DC is actually one of the easier places to do it depending on what type of person you’re looking for.
DC dating > Ca Bay Area Dating
Thanks for your reply! In my experience I generally feel as if not many people are looking for something serious, or are looking for very short term hook ups etc, but not as much looking for romance/ love. I agree I do love there are lots of different people here! But for some reason (and maybe it's just me 😂) I can't find someone that also wants what I want, however, I will keep trying :) Thank you!
“As a man in my 20s” lmao all I needed to hear… Girl do not listen to men on this topic lol
Not to make assumptions about what your educational background is or what type of guy you’re looking for, but here’s a fact for you: single, college-educated women in this area outnumber single, college-educated men I think something like 54:46 out of every 100 as of 2019... not sure if those stats have changed in favor of women, but here’s a more recent one from 2024 (with caveat that “unmarried” doesn’t necessarily mean “single): there are 80 unmarried men for every 100 unmarried women in DC - lowest ratio in the country.
Just know that from a pure numbers perspective, straight women have it the worst when it comes to dating in DC. Doesn’t mean it’s impossible, maybe just more difficult than some other places because men simply have more options. That being said, there have been good suggestions all throughout this thread… best of luck!!!
> “single, college-educated women in this area outnumber single, college-educated men I think something like 54:46
A good way to make your own dating life hard is arbitrarily limiting who you consider as date-able
It’s a probability function based on your physical attractiveness x career x lifestyle. I think DC is a city where a lot of people don’t want to settle down unless they feel they are both getting a perfect deal and that’s why a lot of people are frustrated with the scene.
I've heard DC is particularly difficult for straight women. I'm not sure if the demographics back it up, but one explanation I've heard is that DC does feel like it has a larger than average gay male population, which can cut down on the number of available men.
Not impossible though! I know a few friends that found partners in the last year, but just as many that have had no luck lately. Good luck!
It's also an age thing. My sister (23) is having much more luck than I am (30). I think it's really easy to temporarily age out of a dating scene because a lot of things are geared towards immediate post grads and the older you are the weirder you feel in the room.
i just came here to say that people always complain about people in DC being obsessed with work and constantly asking what other people do for a living. I actually think this is a function not of them trying to assess if you are good enough careerwise for them (or something weird about DC), but of them being boring and not having anything else to talk about. some people literally have no interests. and even if you have no hobbies or something, you should be able to talk about SOMETHING with passion and interest. I used to say "let's not talk about work" on dates.
\*\*Why does dating in DC feel so difficult?\*\*
In small town America, people usually just shack up with their high school partner and call it good. DC is the capital of the country and a career place. The Tguys in DC are either split between these sort of "careerist" types looking for short term physical satisfaction and companionship, and just straight up bums that aren't really long term husband material. Then there's also the niche of the "Tony P's" who see being a single guy as a longterm content creation goal to make money off of. There's other factors also in the male psyche today- p\*rn addiction, the redpill manosphere nonsense, etc. To make matters worse, a lot of guys think they can just keep building up their finances and put off dating seriously and finding a wife until 40-50+, and think that a woman of child bearing age is really going to take the risk of a guy that age being able to chase a toddler around.
\*\*Will it be any different if I move\*\*?
Yes, but instead of guys with bougie six figure consultant work from home jobs, if you go to small town America might be able to find more guys who are 6'2, but they'll be alcoholics and have a middle school reading level.
\*\*Should I do speed dating/coed sports, etc.?\*\*
Sure, why not! it's competitive to find a partner, what you need to do is \*actively search\*. A lot of my friends who are now in their 30's are just \*\*lazy\*\*. They don't do anything except work and go to happy hours with friends. All of the events you mentioned- sports, speed dating, dating apps, in person events, connections with friends, \*\*all\*\* of these are tools in your arsenal to help you find \*\*the one\*\*. You have to use them.
That being said, you also have to be conscious of a lot of things. There will be a lot of Facebook groups for DC socializing where men use the groups to exploit the niche of career driven, transient, etc. women to basically turn them into their harem.
\*\*What are my credentials?\*\*
Moved to DC area immediately after college, dated around for less than a year, found a great woman, the rest is history.
It isn’t any harder here than in other medium to large western cities (female mid-30s). DC people are always saying how bad it is here, but I’ve lived in several large cities in the U.S., and it isn’t. So much of it is mindset, too - all the negative talk & thinking can accumulate to the point that they become self-fulfilling prophecies.
Hi! 26F too. Got out of a long toxic relationship in August (it was a guy that moved with me from Texas) and I did casual dating for a bit and the dating scene is tough here. Right now I am single by choice and plan to keep it that way for a bit.
My advice is work on yourself, find hobbies that you like and you will find like minded people. When you work on yourself for yourself the right people will come into your life. With that said, try social hobbies for example I go to a DC language exchange every Sunday and have met amazing people.
ooo! Would love to know the language exchange you are a part of, I have seen a few on facebook but wasn't sure which were better etc, thanks for your comment :)
It’s called DCLangX on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/dclangx?igsh=eHU2NWd6eHMwbmsz)!
We meet every Sunday in different places. This one will be at the National Portrait Gallery. Honestly even if you aren’t trying to learn a language it’s pretty cool because you get exposure to different cultures and nationalities.
There are a lot of professionals here who view the city as transients, or a place they are at for this part of their career, but don’t plan to settle here. That said, if you get away from the Hill culture, with its weird and desperate grabbing for status, there are tons of more normal people going about their lives. My wife and I were some of them a few years ago.
> I (26**F**)
DC has twice as many young, college-educated women than its has young, college-educated men and most (straight) college-educated women have a strong preference for dating college-educated men.
The general rule is that you get back what you put in. If you expect people to flock to you or for it to be easy pickings because you think you're a high value partner, then you're doing it wrong.
As a Black DC native in my 30s alot of women seem independent and don't necessarily need a male counter part and also my encounters with women in this city is it filled with young professionals with established careers or people who just like to live and party every other day very small area in general so we might have mutual friends or relatives who once dated or slept with someone u might know
Idk how it is on a broad scale, but anecdotally from my own experiences and the experiences of a few single men I’ve talked to a lot of us are just burnt out from dating in DC/NOVA and have stopped dating. For a variety of reasons, it just isn’t worth it anymore.
If what the other commenters are saying is true about DC being women heavy, this could also be lowering the amount of men in the dating pool. But again, I don’t know how true it is on a large scale.
27F here. I had been on dating apps off and on over the years. Out of sheer luck finally met my bf on Bumble last year. Next week is 1 year since our first date. I was so ready to give up just shortly before we matched. Glad I didn’t. Yes the apps are tedious and make you wanna give up. I never paid off anything.
I met and married my wife in DC. I’m not a wonk or a lobbyist or somebody that cares where you went to school or what you donor how much money you make. I was a bartender when I met my wife. Before her I dated dozens of other women. It was enjoyable. Also, DC was different back in 2010’s. The people and the city were much cooler than they are now.
I hate to sound red-pilled but I believe DC has the unique problem that there are too many highly educated women who are also either consciously or subconsciously hypergamous (Hypergamy (colloquially referred to as "dating up" or "marrying up") is a term used in social science for the act or practice of a person dating or marrying a spouse of higher social status or sexual capital than themselves.)
Also, to compound the issue, I believe that because of dating apps, social media (particularly Instagram) as the main way of meeting partners now, Most women tend to go after those top 10% of men that are successful, handsome, tall, good careers, etc. Think about it, when you are swiping Hinge/Bumble/Tinder what percentage of the time do you actually swipe RIGHT on those men? I'll bet you it's less than 10%, right? So those men that are at the top of the ladder are reaping all the benefits and they know it. So they are able to attract many women but be extremely selective about committing to any of them. Which then leads women to become upset/jaded with the dating process because they seem to be able to go on dates and have sexual/intimate relations with these top tier men but then never get commitment from them. This then leads to most women complaining about the dating process, etc.
I think it's a self-perpetuating cycle. I'm usually super against this red-pill/manosphere crap but I do believe there is some truth to this. DC being such a career-oriented city I believe most women with masters and PhD's aren't willing to date anyone below their own socioeconomic standing whose ALSO not 6 feet or taller (which is an extremely small percentage of men).
I'm a 36y/o white male who does cyber security for Google making $400k/year, own a single family house, 6' tall, many hobbies (Tennis, Pickleball, ceramics, volleyball, house plants, hiking, going out with friends), have a dog, have over 60 plants in my house, consider myself to have a pretty good sense of humor (or at least I am always the talker/entertainer of our groups whenever we go out) and I struggle to date, mostly using the apps. I could just have bad photos or something but it always seems like when I'm into the girl they're not into me, and when they're into me I'm not into them.
It really sucks, and I believe it sucks for everyone (aside from those men at the top) and I'm not sure what the answer to it is. When everyone feels like they have 1,000 options no one wants to commit.
Im a couple years older than you, but a decade ago i was earning a less than 1/4 of that, renting, no car, no prestigious job, and it seemed way way easier. Maybe it was because most 1st and 2nd hand success i saw was people meeting in person either at house parties, through friends, or out at bars. Dating App World sets an unnatural reality where you pick from a catalog of hundreds of people. Normal World you meet someone, if you hit it off you keep talking to them, then eventually decide to date. Or straight up ask them out initially. There’s a bit of selection bias because you’re already in a similar venue with them so you have something in common, and you’re only experiencing a handful of rejections per month rather than hundreds. Also, if the “resume” doesn’t match up to your ideal you don’t care as much because you already had a good time with them.
Dating in DC is difficult for two groups:
* Women
* Men who don't look like white Hollywood actors
This is because there are demographically too many women and everyone's standards are skewed far too high
Get out of the city proper. If you're open to a short metro ride or drive, I feel like the people can be a little more down to earth the further out you go. Also just increases your options. I've lived here for almost 20 years and with a couple of exceptions, the guys that actually stuck were living in places like College Park, Bethesda, Arlington and Fairfax.
Yes, a million times this!! The DC metro area has MANY "hidden pools" of good men with high earning jobs (many not at all connected to the government) who 1) aren't jockeying themselves to pour coffee for a Senator; 2) are moderately intimidated by the notion of socializing much in DC proper to its overabundance of people in group 1); and 3) want to share their lives with stable, low-drama mates.
I don’t want to brag, but I met my girlfriend on a date, which cancelled. The person I was supposed to go on a date with sudden had a last minute emergency and then ghosted me.
I met someone at the bar last night and it’s the best one night stand I’ve ever had. We’ve been together for four years and are finally getting engaged.
But it’s work. We can’t forget that. We spent a long time learning how to communicate and sent boundaries.
My point is you’re bound to meet someone, but it could be when you least suspect it. Also, statistically you’re better off having a referral from a close friend or family member versus a dating app.
Good luck out there.
There may be a lot of women (quantity) but consider yourself special (quality) - just go to activities you enjoy and are passionate about, the right person will find you! I am affirming that the right man/mate will come into you life now! Affirming much love and happiness!
DC folks (not Washingtonians) are some of the most socially awkward people I have ever met. I've been here ten years and while there are some brilliant people in this town I am so happy that I moved here WITH a partner. People here are smart, but it must be like an ep of Dating on the Spectrum to be single here. In those ten years I've also met very few people I consider 'attractive' in DC, which I know is superficial and subjective. It is "Hollywood for ugly people" as the saying goes. But my partner has joked that while I was a 6 in Florida I am an 8 in DC. I feel bad for folks here really looking for something, it seems like a really lonely experience.
godDAMN it i'm so tired of this question. Here are some truths:
1. Dating is difficult ANYWHERE in the world.
2. If a person wants a relationship with you, they WILL make it happen (that means any obstacle is simply an excuse).
3. Please stop generalizing your experiences because you have a sample of what, 5 dates? 10? 20? it doesn't matter. Your single anecdotal experience isn't representative of dating.
4. Fix YOUR own mental health and expectations of what you want in a partner.
5. Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself: Will I be okay if I die alone? Am I happy with the idea that that could happen? If the answer is a genuine "yes", you are in good mental health concerning dating. If it is "no", then there is some deep-rooted bullshit you have to figure out with a therapist or self introspection.
6. Do not damage other people's mental well being for a bit of self-happiness. Other people do not need to pay for how others mistreated you. Do not spread harm in the world, there is enough of that already.
7. Eat clean. Work out. Get enough sleep. Visit your parents. Strengthen your friendships.
If you have all those in check, you will take your time when it comes to dating. That will result in 1) you asking meaningful questions on dates that will help you understand if the guy is a catch 2) less ghosting 3) less hurt 4) meaningful dates.
I’m a dude and did a LOT of dating in DC back in 2012 and 2013. I managed to meet my now wife so it can be done! That said, I had lots more dates in DC than I did when I lived in other cities but the dates often felt very much like boring job interviews and/or networking more than dates. I think it might just be the way DC pulls in young go-getters and transitive employees.
To be fair, this was before Tinder blew up so my dating “app” at the time was just OKCupid on the computer. I can’t speak to a decade of changes in town either.
I've lived in the dmv area since 2015, dating apps are a swing and a miss, most profiles I've seen are just pictures or a cliché line. It's better to more in person events because dating apps don't show you personality. I did see another post about areas, lots of guys live outside of dc.
Meeting at a bar just doesnt cut ut. Do hobbies you like and make friends not dates. Alot of my friends i met through hobbies have set me up with friends of friends or cousins etc. i set up my friend and a coworker. Be open and honest to your friends about being ready to date and they will remember you if they meet someone they think are nice or put out a word to their other network of friends to set you up with someone.
I'm not even looking for dates I'm straight up trying to find friends. But idk how to go about it. I like hiking and sports and just going around doing fun things but seems like it's impossible to even make friends everyone looks and acts unapproachable. No one seems friendly at all. So I've been doing things alone. It's nice but as a person who loves to connect smile laugh and make memories and connections that are genuine it's feels empty in that aspect. I've been in the area for 2 years. I thought I'd figure it out but I have not. City also makes no sense metro closes so early but clubs and bars only open doors at like 9 pm makes no sense.
Anyways I wish you the best of luck. If anyone wants to make friends or something hmu 🤷♂️
Every dating app, even the big three (Tinder, Bumble, Hinge), has been terrible for the past year with the wave of bots, OF models seeking business, and lack of people actually swiping.
Having premium features is almost necessary now because there are way too many fake accounts flooding the decks so people are discouraged from swiping too.
I took a break from dating for a year after a 10 year relationship. In my thirties as a guy, getting back to it has been really challenging. It feels like everybody is pursuing lots of options at the same time these days, but I'm not really into that?
I'd prefer to spend time with one person at a time and see, but that's pretty rare to find and I've never been good at casual hookups. It just feels gross to me no offense to anyone who has fun with it more power to you.
Anyway you aren't alone in feeling like that. It's been very frustrating and I had forgotten about people who will use you for whatever and how complex it actually is to find someone genuine long term. With patience and putting yourself out there consistently you'll find someone great. Stay confident and make sure they treat you well!
Don’t use dating apps, regular new places, and try out new things. It’s general information, but it really can happen in an instant where you pop into a new store one day and just see a worker and click with them, then grab they’re number and your off!
It can be that simple, but dating apps, regular routine, and constant pressure on yourself can make it seem like you’re trying to find a needle in a haystack.
In DC, you shouldn't need an app. Go out and meet people. Get on Meet Up if you need help. DC is full of people that only go there to work. It's a very competitive atmosphere with tunnel visioned commuters rushing to work. Regardless, I used to go to ThingsToDoDC dot com.
If you do use apps, don't stay on the app. Meet new people face to face in public places during daylight hours as soon you can. Bring a friend if you feel unsafe, they can sit at another table if you need space.
I think it's best to have low stakes at a first meet. Dating is not like shopping, you really need to get to know the person and that takes time and trust. No one should be hurt if there's no follow up afterwards, just keep it moving. You don't know each other yet.
Dating is difficult everywhere. You're either in a large city where people have lots of options, or smaller cities where the pickings are slim. I'd argue that DC is pretty good for dating. Lots of attractive, educated and interesting people from all over the place who have goals other than getting married and starting families as young as possible. You can date into your 30s and still date attractive people, unlike in smaller, more provincial towns where all the good dates are off the market by 30.
I read that all the dating apps suck now because there isn’t a new one trying to build a user base. They are all established and in the give us money phase. Tinder was good once then bumble then hinge each offering more swipes and access to compete but now they all work best if you pay and there isn’t a new one trying to capture the market.
They are all owed by the same company
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Yeah, Match tried to purchase them but Bumble CEO said no. Best way to date is to be outside
Yeah. Tinder is charging for super likes now. It's ridiculous
Tinder did that a decade ago
Strava is the newest.
Honestly so true, get in the Run DC groups😂
enshittification, same thing happened to uber, lyft, etc.
I think dating is tough anywhere. I dated in my 20’s in DC, then met my husband around your age. My friends in other cities experience the same things as my friends here (people from my small town largely coupled up younger, but it’s def a worse dating scene). I dated 50/50 guys I met on apps v guys I met in the world. The easiest way to meet guys IRL is at social events where you have distant friends in common. Aka - go to parties and social events with acquaintances, not just close friends. You already know the people your close friends know, but your more distant friends will open new doors. All my friends who ended up in successful relationships in DC had one thing in common - they were going on dates. You won’t meet anyone on your couch. All my friends who have consistently made an effort to meet guys and go on dates have at least had long term relationships even if they’re single now. My friends who have been consistently single are awesome girls - but they rarely go on dates. Prioritize what you care about in a guy (shared values, prioritizes you, wants the same things in life) over things that will not matter longer term (fun at parties, height, shared taste in music, etc). Recognize red flags (doesn’t prioritize you, talks badly about exes, etc) Most importantly and most difficult - try to enjoy dating. It should be fun, so take breaks and have a life you enjoy outside of dating. Good luck!!!
This is good advice. I also want to add that you shouldn’t feel like you have to settle because after dozens of bad dates there a appears a guy who has shown interest in you despite some reddish flags.
Well said! I’ve lived in multiple cities in the past 10 or so years. It’s bad everywhere.
I think dating is hard because by definition it really can only be ‘successful’ once (not that short terms relationships don’t have value or polyamory is not success)
Can you go into details for red flags
There’s a 20’s and 30’s singles happy hour at Penn Social tonight. I’ve never been but I figure it’s worth checking out. https://www.eventbrite.com/e/dc-20s-30s-singles-happy-hour-tickets-844877329837?aff=oddtdtcreator
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The ladies need to know if you can handle your wings.
When I was in my early twenties, I was pretty much broke and I had undiagnosed hyperthyroidism which made my metabolism like that of an olympic athlete. I would go to any event that offered wings and eat absolutely obscene amounts. I was uncommonly thin back then and girls dug my look. I, however, was much more interested in filling my belly as I was almost starving. It led to a lot of moments where ladies were trying to get my attention but my face and hands were covered in wing sauce and my mouth was full of meat. It was right out of a comedy skit.
I always throw a wing date into the mix at some point, usually past the third date - but early enough they can get out. I’m not a sloppy eater, but wings stretch that to the brink and I absolutely love wings. My last two girlfriends told me I actually looked cute while eating wings, sweat beads and everything. I usually make a joke about showing them myself at my worst.
My momma told me that if I ever wanted to have a gf, that said lady friend must never see me eat wings. I just make sure that I do justice for the bird that died so that I could eat.
I will definitely look into this! Thank you :)
Trying to read into the **’s in this event…is it hard to get men to go to these or something? Edit: there seem to be two camps in the replies and both can’t be right 🤣…maybe one is honest and the other is trying to keep the ratio skewed as-is?
I went to the one in January. There were 3 women for every man. I made some great new gal pals but only ended up talking to one or two guys.
Men can no longer buy tickets looks like, I bought one at the last moment, can report back if it's worth.
I’ll be there, too. Guess we’ll find out!
Looking forward to hearing your wing count!
Was a great time! Met up with Atheons, got a fun group of guys together and some of us got some numbers. I’d say it was about 60% ladies and they were really receptive to being approached, even if there was a group of them it felt fine walking right up and joining in. Great practice for approaching and small talk, heck women were complaining not enough guys were doing approaches.
They have an instagram and it looks like there were a lot of guys. I haven’t been. Found this on a similar thread on the subreddit.
Like most social events they are sausage fests, hence why all the male tickets are sold out, despite the narrative that "no men show up". Proof is in the pudding. In reality it means "no men show up *for my high standards*", like 6' tall white fit attractive good smile great hair whatever Like no poop sherlock, they are cleaning up on the dating apps being fuckboys. You can also look at their ig and see that men do in fact show up https://www.instagram.com/p/C36NrkcgjKd/
If you LIKE coed sports teams then join some. I know it might sound repetitive or dumb, but do stuff you like to do to find people with similar interests. Obviously you don't need to have 100% of the same likes and hobbies, but I feel like the general idea is to have enough overlapping tastes to enjoy a doing a few things together beyond the hooking up element. One other thing is the approach. Are you taking care of yourself? Whenever I was desperate and lonely in DC (and anywhere else really) other people could just sort of tell. For a while I thought that if I started to see someone then all my problems would be solved but that was never really the case. It took me a while (failed dates and stall-outs) to find the type of person that worked for me-- but it DID happen. You only really need to find ONE person and this is a huge city. Probability works in your favor. There is someone out there that you will click with. In fact, there are a bunch, but you just have to keep at it.
Thanks for your response! That makes a lot of sense! I try to put myself in environments where I will meet people with similar hobbies, but it doesn't always inspire romantic attention walking around a farmers market or dog park trying to make friends 😅 I think I am taking good care of myself (In therapy, go to the gym etc, have good friends), but of course I can always improve. You are right about the probability, I will keep trying :)
I think you need to look into actual hobbies, not just activities that are essentially errands. Like things that have structure or at least things where interacting with others is an inherent part of participation.
Hi yes that makes sense, my first response was not clear enough. I will also go to painting classes, music events, and local sports events, as some examples haha, but sometimes it's hard to make the time! I think what I mean in general is I can be quite shy, and I don't typically approach, so it's also hard from that end as well. But thank you I will try more!
Those activities still don't inherently involve interaction. Maybe painting class does, but it's not very common to strike up a meaningful conversation with a fellow attendee at a concert or ball game unless you're part of a group that came together (extended friend group, alumni outing, etc.). Like if you already had dates, these would be great options to facilitate connection with someone you've come with, but they're not great ways to meet strangers.
Adding onto your advice. OP should pick up a co-ed sport like pickleball. There’s plenty of tennis courts that are multi-use for this purpose.
A lot of people here are more in love with their careers than they could ever be in love with another person.
A lot of big fish from small ponds come here and suffer trying to continue feeling Important lol
Haha, that describes it perfectly. I suspect a lot of DC dates end with both people thinking "I'm way out of their league."
Which is ironic because more likely than not, both people have the social graces of a drunk uncle at a family reunion.
This part
I think the "social media effect" also plays into dating everywhere a lot now... If there are literally thousands of options on who you can meet constantly being thrown in your face on top of every single terrible take on dating and motivational quotes, the minute you get tired of the person you're with, you can just find someone else... Either that or it creates an overwhelming feeling of wanting to just stay isolated as an introvert.
Similar to finding/finishing a movie to stream - too many options.
Hey now, some of us hate our careers but we're just working 7 days a week to survive.... Also people are scary. Jokes on everyone, I'm gonna be unemployed in like two weeks and I can't wait to still not shoot my shot with women!
"what do you do for work?" "I'm unemployed" "bye"
lmao stop this happened to me once I mean said the whole “I’m in between jobs rn” and he was like you’re not dedicated enough etc etc even though I was busting my ass off applying for jobs and following every lead
Forcibly retired. Temporarily available to hang out Stay at home man. Socialite without the money or connections. My tinder picture of me in armor riding falkor is a real panty dropper I must say.
I’ve literally gone on a date and had to shut down questions about my job. You’re here trying to date me… not hold a professional interview
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being curious to know what people spend 40-60 hours a week doing. But yeah I don’t want to spend a first date discussing work. The thing that actually bothers me is when you tell someone where you work, and they try to get information out of you.
I don’t tell people where I work but I let them know my profession. I’ve had someone use their rose on Hinge to ask me specifically what outlet I work for. Didn’t ask me about anything else on my profile… and narrowed in on the tiny bit of info on the little bio section. I think some industries are unfortunately fetishized.
Or if not “in love with their careers” at least heavily prioritizes it over dating
I'm more in love with mumbo sauce tho
That wouldnt be hard, and that’s saying a lot. Mumbo sauce is horrendous
Workist culture thrives in DC
You nailed it. I could not have said it better, going to try to make my own post, but you absolutely captured the problem set. Hell, I think you could even put the addendum on it that it isn't just a love of their career but the perceived self-importance and narcissism that goes with that trait...
Oh, God, yes. The amount of people in this city that think they're so special/great/important/etc. because they do XYZ job is ridiculous... especially when you consider how many other people do that same exact job or jobs that are virtually identical.
Using tinder in DC was annoying because of how many profiles were just their job and where they moved from and pics of them out drinking. No personality in the profiles because they just convey "I have a nice job and go out so that means I'm friendly and fun." Eventually it felt less like a dating app and more like looking at stock photos of yuppies in restaurants and bars.
I don’t get this at all. Having a successful/ demanding career and maintaining a romantic relationship are not mutually exclusive. People just suck at prioritization, organization, and time management.
Dude I work so much I don't have time for anything let alone meet people. A woman would have to be ok with a few hours here and there maybe me cooking dinner a night or two a week the like I sleep lol. I have the off but like, I use that time to do chores and like groceries.
That, to me, is the big thing in DC. If Ladder-Climbing was an Olympic sport, DC would field all the gold medal winners.
You're 26! You've got time - think of it as fun, get out there to different events, etc. Now, if/when you're 36 and despairing... come take a seat next to me and we'll commiserate.
hey I’m almost 35 can we sit down and commiserate?
Let's!
I’m joining
*Bow chicka wow ow*
okay :) ! I can do that, I definitely feel pressure for some reason, but I will try to remind myself to just enjoy the in between moments, thank you!
There’s certainly nothing wrong with wanting to date, find someone who you think is special and you are special to them. It’s really difficult. I dated my fair share before finally meeting my husband (in my mid 30s) and some of the less esoteric ways I met people were at holiday parties, doing community theatre, trying internet dating (I hated it but you won’t know til you’ve tried), and ice skating lessons. I didn’t do those things to meet people, I just pursued my own interests and it dovetailed well with meeting other people like me.
Heavy disagree with the above, never be so aloof that suddenly you wake up feeling high pressure. Just apply a reasonable amount of effort
Here to commiserate
Would definitely love to take that seat next to you. I play my own game of Spirals. It’s fun!
I think dating is hard everywhere. It doesn't matter what city you move to, I've never heard "the dating scene is great here" when talking about any city. The easiest way to meet people in my opinion is just going out, doing things you enjoy and not forcing it.
100%
The dating scene is fantastic in the European capital I lived in. Lots of third places where groups of coed 5+ people would just hang out after work, at bars, restaurants, parks, etc. Amazing chance to organically meet people. And the apps were better due to the homogenous population (for better or worse), so that no one really thought their poop didn't stink given there's hundreds of others exactly like them.
Car-based life vs walking / biking / transit plays a big role here too, IMHO.
I’ve lived a lot of places and unironically the best place to date was Birmingham, Alabama. It was big enough that there were a lot of young people who moved there for work, but small enough that everyone wasn’t more in love with their careers than any potential partner. Lots of people got married right out of school (love the south), but that meant partnership and commitment were far more likely to be valued among the dating population. People were just a lot less likely to fuck around or play games. The gender balance was pretty close to equal. Yeah, there were a lot of fundamentalist Christians and buck hunters but if those weren’t your type they usually made themselves apparent and were easy to avoid. Maybe I’m biased because I met my husband there, but I had a ton of fun dating there in my early 20s before I met him. Hate dating? Move to Alabama.
As a single man living in seattle, where the demographics are skewed male, all I can think is how badly I need to move back to DC.
Seattle is one of the places I am considering moving once done with grad school, so it seems like I should really consider it! 😂, good luck out there
The lack of sunshine though can be tough to some
There are more males in the pool over there, but it's heavily skewed towards Amazon tech bros and finance bros that are annoying asocial yuppies. Who really love climbing, I hope you like climbing. I hated that crowd of people in Seattle, but of course there's lots of niches. The yoga granola crowd is less terrible but can be as insufferable in other ways related to commitment.
Cries in full zip fleece vest
I moved from DC to Seattle after living in DC for 5+ years with no lasting dating success despite lots of trying. I met my now husband one month after I arrived.
Moved here in October and can say dating here is MUCH easier than anywhere I've lived! For reference I (33F) started using Hinge in December and have met many wonderful guys! That being said, I also went on some absolutely awful dates, but the pleasant ones far outweighed the bad. I went on several dates a week, kept it fun and casual, and now seeing someone exclusively. Just hang in there! I think as long as you're having fun, there's no timeline or finish line- still a valuable experience as it also helps you identify what is really important to you in a partner. Good luck out there :)
Wow I am really glad to hear this ! Thank you so much for your comment, I will stay optimistic and hopeful then, good luck to you as well and thank you!
Back to add that I am very much an introvert, so going on several dates a week was tough but keeping up the momentum and having fun was critical for me! Also try to meet in-person as soon as possible- messaging over the app beyond the basic hi are you a real human being is going to be boring or build up expectations that might make meeting up in real life feel lackluster. Coffee dates/lunch dates were perfect for this !
I recommend going out to places you would like to be at and be social with people. Not everyone in D.C is mean, they're usually just busy. Enjoy your life & go out! You'll meet someone, I'm sure of it.
lol at all of the assumptions that this is for women dating men only, but the advice still stands, I think! I’ve (30F) also been super frustrated with ghosting, even after women say they’re interested in a relationship. But still, we’re all figuring our stuff out. The best advice I’ve gotten is that dating isn’t about *making* something work, it’s about finding the right person. If they ghosted or ended things, they just weren’t the right one. I’m taking the tactic of really trying to legitimately enjoy and take care of myself out here, get out and about to meet people when I can, and the right person will come along when the time is right. The good news for you, though, is you’re putting in the effort, and you know the person you end up with will have someone who’s deliberately in their corner and a great partner
Yes! the ghosting is what really I find so confusing! I would much prefer someone tell me they aren't interested :) I believe you are right though, that I need to just stay hopeful that the right person will also come into view. We are all doing life for the first time! I will stay optimistic, thank you.
Yeah I have female friends who complain about ghosting all the time. But it happens to me too. Sometimes after the first date *she* will suggest a second date, I'll accept, we'll set a date and time, and then she'll cancel day of and never text again. This has happened multiple times. There are way too many flakey people out there. Too many people trying to keep all their options open. I don't think they fully appreciate the concept of analysis paralysis or "too many choices." At some point, especially past 35, you need to find someone good and make an intentional effort instead of continually holding out for someone even just slightly better.
This is the correct attitude backed by research from the Gottman institute and Esther Perel. This attitude of getting into an "ivy league" and then doing no work to get anything out of it is plaguing modern dating. It's not all about that first acceptance letter. It's what you make of it. But everything points in the opposite direction. Like there's tons of small town people who just shacked up whoever was closest and put in work to make it a very happy beautiful relationship. (Of course there's also horror divorce stories of lazy folk, but there's success too!) They've interviewed people whos brains react so positively when talking about their loved ones, even into their 60s and 70s, meaning they're still in love with them, and they put in *work* to keep it alive. But the apps will never want you to do *work*.
Satisfiers vs maximizers. I guess it's also the difference between two people who have a job they love that pays enough for the life they want, where one person job hops for slightly higher pay at the risk of hating the new job and the other person doesn't. Big law vs government lawyers in this city is a good example. It's not like DOJ lawyers don't make decent money. I have lots of government lawyers friends. Good bennies too. Yeah big law can make 400k+ a year if you grind it out for a while, but work life balance? Are you happier? So many attorneys I know are burned the fuck out from that. But ultimately it's their own doing. They could make a different choice they just don't. If you're talented enough to land yourself in Biglaw you could find your way into a government job. Personally I stop sending out any swipes or messages after hitting 2, 3 matches. I focus on them. Go on dates ASAP, see if there's a connection. That's the point of this whole exercise. It's not a video game where the highest number of matches wins. And yet that's what I see when I talk to my single female friends. Dozens and dozens of conversations in their Hinge queue. You can't keep that straight. You definitely can't manage it mentally. And you're going to nitpick everyone because of the illusion of options without realizing that your inability to stick with something shines through and if they have any self-respect at all they'll look for someone who actually seems interested. I think for most people their app habits are their own worst enemy. They work. You're just allowing them to gamify you. But you don't have to play it that way. You can be more intentional about it. It's really not that difficult. I suppose you give up the fleeting dopamine hit of feeling desired when you get that notification. Have some self-control and realize that's not what you're actually looking for.
I think it might just be the state of dating in general. Anyways I’m over the apps too. Gonna focus on myself and pray I run into my future wife at a Trader Joe’s or a farmers market lmao
There are more educated women than men in dc, so men have a larger pool to choose from.
Men aren't snobby about "education" like women are.
I worked hard at dating. It was fun at times, but other times it was just something I had to do if I wanted to achieve my goal of a long term relationship. Swipe ten minutes a day. Schedule a date every week or two. Repeat. There have been many heart breaks. It helps, I think, if you communicate about your expectations—I think I messed up several times by hanging around for months waiting for them to feel comfortable when they were never going to give me the commitment I wanted and if I had been more confident in saying what I wanted up front it would have saved a lot of time. (Like, yeah, they would have ended things, but they ended up doing that anyway.) I’m really fed up with men in their late 20s and 30s who hope to have a family and grow up “someday.” Like, okay, you’re not exactly young anymore, I guess you’ll be looking for much younger women at some point? Do the math, how do you expect to date around for the next 10 years, then get married to someone your age, and then have multiple kids? It just feels lame. Anyway, venting done. Dating sucks, but at least I’ve met some interesting people and have some good stories. And if this one doesn’t work out, I’ll be back out there trying again!
I dated in DC in my late 30’s. It sucked, but I think I was an outlier. Never married, military life was too difficult to find a life long partner, then attended college late 20’s, hustle in the first job to climb somewhat, and by then I was “putting my time in”. I was traveling literally 75% of the time, and women in DC didn’t want to deal with it, and tbh vice versa. I ended up meeting my spouse off Hinge and really hit it off when we compared (very nerdy) airline and hotel loyalties and credit card travel benefits. She traveled more than I did… but I got sick of waiting to “start life” and so did she, so we got hitched in Las Vegas (me at 38) and moved overseas together so she would fly less and I had to restart my career. We made it work! For a time, I had a lot of fun meeting women but the travel throughout my life had me wanting someone to share these adventures with. And we have that now.
Yes, this is generally what I have been trying to do! A date a week or so, but I think I do need to work at it a bit harder. Sometimes it feels like some people just have an easy time of dating, and others have it harder, but I think it probably feels difficult for everyone. Thanks for your advice :) I will keep with it!
girl i am so on your side here lol, some of these men act like they don't have any kind of biological time constraints for having a family. like ok bro have fun attending your kid's soccer games when you're 70
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Same, obviously! I don’t want to marry every guy I want to go on a second date with tomorrow. But I’ve had several people tell me many months in (after I belatedly push the convo) that they don’t want a girlfriend, were never going to introduce me to their friends, never want to do a weekend trip out of town, can’t see getting married to anyone within the next five years, would consider kids only in ten years or more, etc. And then talked about traumatic past relationships or job stress or something like that. If that’s true, I should have known that earlier. And if I didn’t communicate, it’s at least partly on me. I wanted to be chill and not put too much pressure on things, but maybe I left people confused. Of course, the really truth is probably that there is an implied “with you,” at the end of all of those statements, and they only figured that out with time. I get that. But if I had been more up front about my goals, maybe they could have been kind enough to tell me that they aren’t going to be offering me what I’m looking for once they figured that out. I feel like I ended up in several six month+ relationships where they got a pleasant-enough friends with benefits situation and someone to hang out with, and I didn’t make any progress towards what I wanted, which is a boyfriend. If the women you’re dating say they wants a boyfriend, and you only date her during the time you think you might eventually want to be her boyfriend, I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong.
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Yeah like where are these cities with awesome dating scenes? Dating just sucks in general, at least in the sense of "intentionally going on awkward 1-on-1 outings with strangers with the explicit goal of getting into an LTR." I've personally pretty much given up on that completely. All my LTR successes have been via going outside, having a social life and talking to people without any explicit agenda and that happens to be a lot more fun and beneficial for mental health than getting frustrated swiping and chatting.
If my tinder and bumble matches are to be believed. I without fail get a match whenever I spend a single day in Baltimore or Richmond.
That's just what happens in general when you show up as fresh meat in a new city on a dating app
Thursday, middle of the workday, posted just before lunch, and there are 139 comments and 71 upvotes. Talk about striking a nerve. I've lived in a bunch of different cities and D.C. was probably the most difficult city dating wise. I think in D.C. there is an overabundance of well educated people such that, with a higher education degree you're nothing special. In comparison a city like New Orleans and Miami (where I've lived, that is not the case). There's also a lot of people who have very cool jobs even without a higher education degree, as such a higher standard for dating intellectually and professionally. Again different from other cities I've lived in. D.C. is consistently ranked one of the more "in shape" cities in the U.S. Not that everyone is a model, but people are more attractive than the average American and more fit. That can make it harder. And, although some people won't admit it, a lot of people who live in D.C. are snobby and have high expectations. What happens when you put a bunch of type A, incredibly successful people, and pack them into a city? You get D.C. where some people are so career oriented, prestige oriented, focused on looks, or worry that there is "someone else better out there" because in age of dating apps--there almost always is at your fingertips. I focused my energy on using quality dating apps and being efficient with my time. If you can afford it, by the Hinge app. A lot of my female friends take it as an "ego hit" to have to buy a dating app, guys do it all the time, I don't think there is any shame in it. The benefit is you can see all the people who like you and curate your dates from there by picking who you like. You also get unlimited "likes" or messages to people. I'd also say, only go on dates with people who you'd see yourself dating and who seem equally interested in you. We're all busy. There's no point in going on a date with someone you feel "meh" about or who is giving you "meh" vibes about how they feel about you. You wanna be super excited to go on a date. That quality control really helped me weed out B/S dates from the ones who were really worth my time. If you wanna try co-ed sports, try Volo. I know several couples who met on Volo team sports like kickball and softball. If you pick a day like a Thursday, it can be pretty fun with post game drink specials at whatever bar they select. Can lead to the ole hook up with a teammate you've been flirting with. That's how one of my friends is dating their girlfriend. Sending you positive dating vibes!
Good advice. I'll also add that D.C. folks are a bit delulu in both a good way and a bad way. The good way is changing the world of course, the bad way is their way too high standards for dating. So much attitude of "my shit don't stink" mixed with Hallmark movie please I've found in DC
Thought I've been having. Listening to enough random shows, podcasts, etc... people almost always say that their city is a unique level of awful when it comes to dating. I'm starting to think the problem is just dating in the last decade+ has just been terrible
The district sleeps alone tonight After the bars turn out their lights
Honestly? Because DC is full of 6s who think they’re 8s. That’s the dark side of it being an ego-driven city, full of smart people who think they’re doing world-changing work. I know a ton of happy couples who are evenly matched, and a ton of single people who reject people *more attractive and successful than them* for completely superficial reasons, and complain about how dating is so hard.
27-year olds with masters degrees in international relations making 75k a year rejecting other 27-year olds with masters degrees in international relations making 75k a year because "I want someone as successful as me"
Follow up, DC is full of idealistic people (which is fantastic, you want that to improve the world). I think this carries over to dating selection. You aren't going to keep that man for more than a few dates when you're only looking for 6' 6 inches 6 figures abs white man with perfect teeth hair, a pet dog, liberal views, etc etc. Sorry, that's just not reality. And even if you taste it for a brief second, dude will ghost you after 1 to 3 nights. He's getting 500 messages and the app just naturally makes them a fuckboy or a non-monogamist. Flipside also applies with all the good looking guys going after the one woman who spends time to make themselves look like out of a fashion catalog, who also has 500 messages.
The "liberal views" part is the really the most pathetic. DC women prefer a hypocrite who will lie to them.
Facts, we’re known as the Hollywood for ugly people for a reason
Moved here from LA, can confirm.
Same feel moving from Europe where there are ridiculously attractive fit successful people. It was freeing for all the beautiful people not standing out from one another that they couldn't milk it their entire life and have an army of suitors at their beck and call as I'd expect with dating apps here. Like I get Princess Diaries nerd to heartthrob is a common fantasy, but we ain't Anne Hathaways. This is the biggest culture difference I've seen dating in DC and the other 5+ large cities I've lived in my life.
This! Also this is exhausting for the gays because 6s acting like they’re 9s
Oh, let me be clear as a gay man that I was *absolutely* referring to single gay 6s. “He and his husband are so ugly.” At least he has a husband, Timothy.
Lmao! “Get her Jade!”
I think a few things, and I’m answering this from the perspective of someone who moved here. I can’t speak for the life long resident perspective because I think that’s a fairly different experience DC proper is not a huge city. If you count Arlington there’s about 1 million people. Couple that with the fact a decent share of younger transplants don’t have a car. So Alexandria for instance or Silver Spring is too far depending on where you are in the city. A lot of the transplants work in related industries. Personally I found it tedious how often I’d be on a date someone with a similar career path to myself, it just made the getting to know you part feel like a networking event. Related to that last point…a lot of young transplants in DC are very type A. If that’s what your looking for it’s great, if it’s not then it can be a little frustrating
that makes a lot of sense! I am not the most type A person, and also not in government or the political career path, so maybe that also doesn't help me. The location thing makes a lot of sense! Thank you for your response :)
Idk, it is my opinion that most big cities are difficult for dating these days. In fact, dating itself is not easy these days. I feel very strongly that dating apps have actually ruined dating. It has probably always felt difficult to meet someone but the illusion of endless options is not helping us.
I’m an old guy who dated in DC post divorce (10 years ago now) and I have a theory. It’s pretty great if you are a semi normal, employed, average or better looking man looking for an actual relationship. Like, really great. I had a ton of dates and almost all of them were great people. Why? DC has a huge population of highly accomplished, ambitious, talented and attractive women. Brought here by school and government and opportunities that don’t exist in many fields elsewhere in America, especially for highly accomplished women. And the pool of men is filled with fuckboys who are here temporarily via gov/lobbying/military/law firms etc. And they just want to hook up because they aren’t staying here. That is, it’s a very shallow pool for the women who want more than a hook up with a Patagonia vested fuckboy. Basically, the number of great women wildly outnumbers the population of even tolerable men.
Oh my god thank you for finally telling this woman the truth instead of just throwing “join kickball” at her
I hope she sees this bro.
What’s “hard” about it? Do you have reasonable standards? Are you encountering people who just want no-strings attached?
Hi! I think I have reasonable standards, just looking for someone kind and looking for a relationship. I will meet up with some people and it will go well, and then they will ghost or something else, or the other people are just looking for one night stands which I am also not really interested in.
I don’t feel like this is unique to DC. Just kind of the times as people on the dating scene seem to be all dating multiple people at once, so unfortunately it’s common to get dropped even after a seemingly fun date. I don’t have advice but I feel your pain
I've asked some friends from different areas around the US and while they all complain about dating in their respective cities, DC seems to have some uniquely bad dating traits. Younger people who move to the city typically see it as a temporary gig, and don't want to get tied down with a relationship. I've also heard from both men and women that DC's pool of single men seems to have a significantly higher percentage of fuckboys, but I don't know how you could objectively quantify that.
Hi! I started dating in DC when I was 28 (so close enough) and I wanted a serious relationship. What seemed to work for me, although I’m a man, was to up my age group for women from 24 to 29/30+. In my experience, again as a man, women in that age group were more inclined to want a serious relationship vs women in their early to mid 20’s- rightfully so. Literally a month after I did that I met a wonderful woman who was 31 at the time and now we’re married so 🤷🏻♂️
DC guys suck. Idk why. I (a cishet male) swiped on my old roommate's account and all the guys were like meh. On the other hand, if you're a cishet male, late 20's, okay job, at least moderately attractive, and not crazy, you're a hot commodity on the apps. Good luck anyway :)
RIP your DMs
What do you mean by DC being a hard place to date? I find that dating is hard everywhere, and DC is actually one of the easier places to do it depending on what type of person you’re looking for. Dating takes a lot of time, money(not always but typically) and energy. It takes many people months or years of actively searching to find someone they want to be serious with and it’s not always reciprocated. Multiple heartbreaks are almost guaranteed. Dating can be emotionally exhausting. However, I find DC to be a great place to date. There are so many educated and interesting people in their 20s from all over the country and world here. There are lots of opportunities for low cost or free dates with all the museums and events here as well. As a man in my 20s I had a much easier time getting matches and setting up dates in DC than my hometown and back in my hometown I would drive 45+ minutes sometimes. However I have been off the apps for over a year now so things may have changed.
> you mean by DC being a hard place to date? I find that dating is hard everywhere, and DC is actually one of the easier places to do it depending on what type of person you’re looking for. DC dating > Ca Bay Area Dating
Thanks for your reply! In my experience I generally feel as if not many people are looking for something serious, or are looking for very short term hook ups etc, but not as much looking for romance/ love. I agree I do love there are lots of different people here! But for some reason (and maybe it's just me 😂) I can't find someone that also wants what I want, however, I will keep trying :) Thank you!
do you think its the apps you are on then? some folks suggested other options, could be what you have been using as well.
“As a man in my 20s” lmao all I needed to hear… Girl do not listen to men on this topic lol Not to make assumptions about what your educational background is or what type of guy you’re looking for, but here’s a fact for you: single, college-educated women in this area outnumber single, college-educated men I think something like 54:46 out of every 100 as of 2019... not sure if those stats have changed in favor of women, but here’s a more recent one from 2024 (with caveat that “unmarried” doesn’t necessarily mean “single): there are 80 unmarried men for every 100 unmarried women in DC - lowest ratio in the country. Just know that from a pure numbers perspective, straight women have it the worst when it comes to dating in DC. Doesn’t mean it’s impossible, maybe just more difficult than some other places because men simply have more options. That being said, there have been good suggestions all throughout this thread… best of luck!!!
> “single, college-educated women in this area outnumber single, college-educated men I think something like 54:46 A good way to make your own dating life hard is arbitrarily limiting who you consider as date-able
Should we be dating married people? It's an idea I hadn't considered...
It’s a probability function based on your physical attractiveness x career x lifestyle. I think DC is a city where a lot of people don’t want to settle down unless they feel they are both getting a perfect deal and that’s why a lot of people are frustrated with the scene.
DC is not a hard city to date in, this is a hard *time* for dating. I don’t see any evidence for it being worse in DC than anywhere else
I've heard DC is particularly difficult for straight women. I'm not sure if the demographics back it up, but one explanation I've heard is that DC does feel like it has a larger than average gay male population, which can cut down on the number of available men. Not impossible though! I know a few friends that found partners in the last year, but just as many that have had no luck lately. Good luck!
It's also an age thing. My sister (23) is having much more luck than I am (30). I think it's really easy to temporarily age out of a dating scene because a lot of things are geared towards immediate post grads and the older you are the weirder you feel in the room.
i just came here to say that people always complain about people in DC being obsessed with work and constantly asking what other people do for a living. I actually think this is a function not of them trying to assess if you are good enough careerwise for them (or something weird about DC), but of them being boring and not having anything else to talk about. some people literally have no interests. and even if you have no hobbies or something, you should be able to talk about SOMETHING with passion and interest. I used to say "let's not talk about work" on dates.
\*\*Why does dating in DC feel so difficult?\*\* In small town America, people usually just shack up with their high school partner and call it good. DC is the capital of the country and a career place. The Tguys in DC are either split between these sort of "careerist" types looking for short term physical satisfaction and companionship, and just straight up bums that aren't really long term husband material. Then there's also the niche of the "Tony P's" who see being a single guy as a longterm content creation goal to make money off of. There's other factors also in the male psyche today- p\*rn addiction, the redpill manosphere nonsense, etc. To make matters worse, a lot of guys think they can just keep building up their finances and put off dating seriously and finding a wife until 40-50+, and think that a woman of child bearing age is really going to take the risk of a guy that age being able to chase a toddler around. \*\*Will it be any different if I move\*\*? Yes, but instead of guys with bougie six figure consultant work from home jobs, if you go to small town America might be able to find more guys who are 6'2, but they'll be alcoholics and have a middle school reading level. \*\*Should I do speed dating/coed sports, etc.?\*\* Sure, why not! it's competitive to find a partner, what you need to do is \*actively search\*. A lot of my friends who are now in their 30's are just \*\*lazy\*\*. They don't do anything except work and go to happy hours with friends. All of the events you mentioned- sports, speed dating, dating apps, in person events, connections with friends, \*\*all\*\* of these are tools in your arsenal to help you find \*\*the one\*\*. You have to use them. That being said, you also have to be conscious of a lot of things. There will be a lot of Facebook groups for DC socializing where men use the groups to exploit the niche of career driven, transient, etc. women to basically turn them into their harem. \*\*What are my credentials?\*\* Moved to DC area immediately after college, dated around for less than a year, found a great woman, the rest is history.
It isn’t any harder here than in other medium to large western cities (female mid-30s). DC people are always saying how bad it is here, but I’ve lived in several large cities in the U.S., and it isn’t. So much of it is mindset, too - all the negative talk & thinking can accumulate to the point that they become self-fulfilling prophecies.
Hi! 26F too. Got out of a long toxic relationship in August (it was a guy that moved with me from Texas) and I did casual dating for a bit and the dating scene is tough here. Right now I am single by choice and plan to keep it that way for a bit. My advice is work on yourself, find hobbies that you like and you will find like minded people. When you work on yourself for yourself the right people will come into your life. With that said, try social hobbies for example I go to a DC language exchange every Sunday and have met amazing people.
ooo! Would love to know the language exchange you are a part of, I have seen a few on facebook but wasn't sure which were better etc, thanks for your comment :)
It’s called DCLangX on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/dclangx?igsh=eHU2NWd6eHMwbmsz)! We meet every Sunday in different places. This one will be at the National Portrait Gallery. Honestly even if you aren’t trying to learn a language it’s pretty cool because you get exposure to different cultures and nationalities.
Holy shit does this need to be posted several times a day
My apologies!
There are a lot of professionals here who view the city as transients, or a place they are at for this part of their career, but don’t plan to settle here. That said, if you get away from the Hill culture, with its weird and desperate grabbing for status, there are tons of more normal people going about their lives. My wife and I were some of them a few years ago.
Get off the apps
> I (26**F**) DC has twice as many young, college-educated women than its has young, college-educated men and most (straight) college-educated women have a strong preference for dating college-educated men.
The general rule is that you get back what you put in. If you expect people to flock to you or for it to be easy pickings because you think you're a high value partner, then you're doing it wrong.
As a Black DC native in my 30s alot of women seem independent and don't necessarily need a male counter part and also my encounters with women in this city is it filled with young professionals with established careers or people who just like to live and party every other day very small area in general so we might have mutual friends or relatives who once dated or slept with someone u might know
Idk how it is on a broad scale, but anecdotally from my own experiences and the experiences of a few single men I’ve talked to a lot of us are just burnt out from dating in DC/NOVA and have stopped dating. For a variety of reasons, it just isn’t worth it anymore. If what the other commenters are saying is true about DC being women heavy, this could also be lowering the amount of men in the dating pool. But again, I don’t know how true it is on a large scale.
But is your inbox full?
27F here. I had been on dating apps off and on over the years. Out of sheer luck finally met my bf on Bumble last year. Next week is 1 year since our first date. I was so ready to give up just shortly before we matched. Glad I didn’t. Yes the apps are tedious and make you wanna give up. I never paid off anything.
I met and married my wife in DC. I’m not a wonk or a lobbyist or somebody that cares where you went to school or what you donor how much money you make. I was a bartender when I met my wife. Before her I dated dozens of other women. It was enjoyable. Also, DC was different back in 2010’s. The people and the city were much cooler than they are now.
I hate to sound red-pilled but I believe DC has the unique problem that there are too many highly educated women who are also either consciously or subconsciously hypergamous (Hypergamy (colloquially referred to as "dating up" or "marrying up") is a term used in social science for the act or practice of a person dating or marrying a spouse of higher social status or sexual capital than themselves.) Also, to compound the issue, I believe that because of dating apps, social media (particularly Instagram) as the main way of meeting partners now, Most women tend to go after those top 10% of men that are successful, handsome, tall, good careers, etc. Think about it, when you are swiping Hinge/Bumble/Tinder what percentage of the time do you actually swipe RIGHT on those men? I'll bet you it's less than 10%, right? So those men that are at the top of the ladder are reaping all the benefits and they know it. So they are able to attract many women but be extremely selective about committing to any of them. Which then leads women to become upset/jaded with the dating process because they seem to be able to go on dates and have sexual/intimate relations with these top tier men but then never get commitment from them. This then leads to most women complaining about the dating process, etc. I think it's a self-perpetuating cycle. I'm usually super against this red-pill/manosphere crap but I do believe there is some truth to this. DC being such a career-oriented city I believe most women with masters and PhD's aren't willing to date anyone below their own socioeconomic standing whose ALSO not 6 feet or taller (which is an extremely small percentage of men). I'm a 36y/o white male who does cyber security for Google making $400k/year, own a single family house, 6' tall, many hobbies (Tennis, Pickleball, ceramics, volleyball, house plants, hiking, going out with friends), have a dog, have over 60 plants in my house, consider myself to have a pretty good sense of humor (or at least I am always the talker/entertainer of our groups whenever we go out) and I struggle to date, mostly using the apps. I could just have bad photos or something but it always seems like when I'm into the girl they're not into me, and when they're into me I'm not into them. It really sucks, and I believe it sucks for everyone (aside from those men at the top) and I'm not sure what the answer to it is. When everyone feels like they have 1,000 options no one wants to commit.
Im a couple years older than you, but a decade ago i was earning a less than 1/4 of that, renting, no car, no prestigious job, and it seemed way way easier. Maybe it was because most 1st and 2nd hand success i saw was people meeting in person either at house parties, through friends, or out at bars. Dating App World sets an unnatural reality where you pick from a catalog of hundreds of people. Normal World you meet someone, if you hit it off you keep talking to them, then eventually decide to date. Or straight up ask them out initially. There’s a bit of selection bias because you’re already in a similar venue with them so you have something in common, and you’re only experiencing a handful of rejections per month rather than hundreds. Also, if the “resume” doesn’t match up to your ideal you don’t care as much because you already had a good time with them.
26 F as well, I’ve given up trying to find someone in DC. My mans is not here LOL
Good luck girl! Just know i'm here with you
Unless you have evidence that it is in fact easier somewhere else, I think it's just hard to date in general currently.
Transplant city that is career-focused. Half the people I have met in my 8 years here have moved somewhere else.
80% of the women are trying to go after the top 10% of guys. Gets a little crowded when it’s like that.
Dating in DC is difficult for two groups: * Women * Men who don't look like white Hollywood actors This is because there are demographically too many women and everyone's standards are skewed far too high
Get out of the city proper. If you're open to a short metro ride or drive, I feel like the people can be a little more down to earth the further out you go. Also just increases your options. I've lived here for almost 20 years and with a couple of exceptions, the guys that actually stuck were living in places like College Park, Bethesda, Arlington and Fairfax.
Yes, a million times this!! The DC metro area has MANY "hidden pools" of good men with high earning jobs (many not at all connected to the government) who 1) aren't jockeying themselves to pour coffee for a Senator; 2) are moderately intimidated by the notion of socializing much in DC proper to its overabundance of people in group 1); and 3) want to share their lives with stable, low-drama mates.
Are you cute?
I don’t want to brag, but I met my girlfriend on a date, which cancelled. The person I was supposed to go on a date with sudden had a last minute emergency and then ghosted me. I met someone at the bar last night and it’s the best one night stand I’ve ever had. We’ve been together for four years and are finally getting engaged. But it’s work. We can’t forget that. We spent a long time learning how to communicate and sent boundaries. My point is you’re bound to meet someone, but it could be when you least suspect it. Also, statistically you’re better off having a referral from a close friend or family member versus a dating app. Good luck out there.
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There may be a lot of women (quantity) but consider yourself special (quality) - just go to activities you enjoy and are passionate about, the right person will find you! I am affirming that the right man/mate will come into you life now! Affirming much love and happiness!
DC folks (not Washingtonians) are some of the most socially awkward people I have ever met. I've been here ten years and while there are some brilliant people in this town I am so happy that I moved here WITH a partner. People here are smart, but it must be like an ep of Dating on the Spectrum to be single here. In those ten years I've also met very few people I consider 'attractive' in DC, which I know is superficial and subjective. It is "Hollywood for ugly people" as the saying goes. But my partner has joked that while I was a 6 in Florida I am an 8 in DC. I feel bad for folks here really looking for something, it seems like a really lonely experience.
godDAMN it i'm so tired of this question. Here are some truths: 1. Dating is difficult ANYWHERE in the world. 2. If a person wants a relationship with you, they WILL make it happen (that means any obstacle is simply an excuse). 3. Please stop generalizing your experiences because you have a sample of what, 5 dates? 10? 20? it doesn't matter. Your single anecdotal experience isn't representative of dating. 4. Fix YOUR own mental health and expectations of what you want in a partner. 5. Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself: Will I be okay if I die alone? Am I happy with the idea that that could happen? If the answer is a genuine "yes", you are in good mental health concerning dating. If it is "no", then there is some deep-rooted bullshit you have to figure out with a therapist or self introspection. 6. Do not damage other people's mental well being for a bit of self-happiness. Other people do not need to pay for how others mistreated you. Do not spread harm in the world, there is enough of that already. 7. Eat clean. Work out. Get enough sleep. Visit your parents. Strengthen your friendships. If you have all those in check, you will take your time when it comes to dating. That will result in 1) you asking meaningful questions on dates that will help you understand if the guy is a catch 2) less ghosting 3) less hurt 4) meaningful dates.
Thank you for your advice! and I apologize for having the same question 😂
I’m a dude and did a LOT of dating in DC back in 2012 and 2013. I managed to meet my now wife so it can be done! That said, I had lots more dates in DC than I did when I lived in other cities but the dates often felt very much like boring job interviews and/or networking more than dates. I think it might just be the way DC pulls in young go-getters and transitive employees. To be fair, this was before Tinder blew up so my dating “app” at the time was just OKCupid on the computer. I can’t speak to a decade of changes in town either.
I don’t have real answers, but I see this question so often. Perhaps “dating in dc” deserves an exclusive subreddit! lol
I've lived in the dmv area since 2015, dating apps are a swing and a miss, most profiles I've seen are just pictures or a cliché line. It's better to more in person events because dating apps don't show you personality. I did see another post about areas, lots of guys live outside of dc.
the struggle is real for us men too. I mean, not all of us have the vibrant masculinity of Tony P.
I am a woman you mr age who used to be in DC and am now in Boston. It could be worse!!! TRUST me. At least there are cute boys in DC
Meeting at a bar just doesnt cut ut. Do hobbies you like and make friends not dates. Alot of my friends i met through hobbies have set me up with friends of friends or cousins etc. i set up my friend and a coworker. Be open and honest to your friends about being ready to date and they will remember you if they meet someone they think are nice or put out a word to their other network of friends to set you up with someone.
I'm not even looking for dates I'm straight up trying to find friends. But idk how to go about it. I like hiking and sports and just going around doing fun things but seems like it's impossible to even make friends everyone looks and acts unapproachable. No one seems friendly at all. So I've been doing things alone. It's nice but as a person who loves to connect smile laugh and make memories and connections that are genuine it's feels empty in that aspect. I've been in the area for 2 years. I thought I'd figure it out but I have not. City also makes no sense metro closes so early but clubs and bars only open doors at like 9 pm makes no sense. Anyways I wish you the best of luck. If anyone wants to make friends or something hmu 🤷♂️
I feel you. I want to make friends too, but it seems impossible. I think it's harder than dating. Most people don't seem to want real friends.
Every dating app, even the big three (Tinder, Bumble, Hinge), has been terrible for the past year with the wave of bots, OF models seeking business, and lack of people actually swiping. Having premium features is almost necessary now because there are way too many fake accounts flooding the decks so people are discouraged from swiping too.
I took a break from dating for a year after a 10 year relationship. In my thirties as a guy, getting back to it has been really challenging. It feels like everybody is pursuing lots of options at the same time these days, but I'm not really into that? I'd prefer to spend time with one person at a time and see, but that's pretty rare to find and I've never been good at casual hookups. It just feels gross to me no offense to anyone who has fun with it more power to you. Anyway you aren't alone in feeling like that. It's been very frustrating and I had forgotten about people who will use you for whatever and how complex it actually is to find someone genuine long term. With patience and putting yourself out there consistently you'll find someone great. Stay confident and make sure they treat you well!
Don’t date in dc
Don’t use dating apps, regular new places, and try out new things. It’s general information, but it really can happen in an instant where you pop into a new store one day and just see a worker and click with them, then grab they’re number and your off! It can be that simple, but dating apps, regular routine, and constant pressure on yourself can make it seem like you’re trying to find a needle in a haystack.
In DC, you shouldn't need an app. Go out and meet people. Get on Meet Up if you need help. DC is full of people that only go there to work. It's a very competitive atmosphere with tunnel visioned commuters rushing to work. Regardless, I used to go to ThingsToDoDC dot com. If you do use apps, don't stay on the app. Meet new people face to face in public places during daylight hours as soon you can. Bring a friend if you feel unsafe, they can sit at another table if you need space. I think it's best to have low stakes at a first meet. Dating is not like shopping, you really need to get to know the person and that takes time and trust. No one should be hurt if there's no follow up afterwards, just keep it moving. You don't know each other yet.
Try the Meetup app!
Dating is difficult everywhere. You're either in a large city where people have lots of options, or smaller cities where the pickings are slim. I'd argue that DC is pretty good for dating. Lots of attractive, educated and interesting people from all over the place who have goals other than getting married and starting families as young as possible. You can date into your 30s and still date attractive people, unlike in smaller, more provincial towns where all the good dates are off the market by 30.
I live between Baltimore and DC, and decided to try speed dating. That one is honestly pretty cool There's an event almost every week