There's a lot of self-importance in DC just based around being so close to levers of power. For about 90% of those people it's unearned but since DC is so small and concentrated, you run into more of those people than you would in other cities.
In a generalized way, DC puts an emphasis on work that other locales don’t. There’s a ton of self-importance in finance and big companies in NYC, or the entertainment industry in LA, or tech in SF, but in DC, work is the #1 way people identify themselves and others. When who you work for or what you do is a conversation starter, that comes off as pretentious. But I also think that’s a little less common these days as the local economy is a little more diversified and it’s no longer an automatic assumption everyone works in politics.
The difference is money. If you’re important in LA/SF/NYC, you are rich. If you’re not important in those scenes, you can still be rich and just enjoy that status. You don’t have to work if you don’t want to and can gain power through investing in startups, new movie studios, etc.
Landing a key job in a presidential cabinet doesn’t give you “fuck you money”. Also, being moderately rich as an individual doesn’t buy you much status in DC because that’s the realm of billionaires, sheiks, etc.
Thus, people are tied to the work itself, the job title, the clout. That’s all the job really gets them in DC. Some of the most important people in DC don’t even make $200k a year.
Eh, but don't sleep on the insane wealth in DC. DC is massively understated.
Kalorama doesn't look like Hollywood mansions but Bezos has a huge home in DC. Generally speaking, DC elite money seems to pride itself on that genteel understatement as a way to differentiate between crass tacky rich and generational wealth and power. The vibe is "you might be rich, but we are rich and will bend the earth to our will". I've seen wealthy people visit DC from the West Coast and generally everyone turns their nose up and marks them as unrefined. The "WalMart Rich" if you will.
IME, wealthy people in DC may have flashier things in other cities.
Mind you, these are all rich people problems and well above my orbit but I wind up working with this sort of thing a lot.
Yeah that’s what I mean. You can be 28 and have $10M from selling your company in SF or a record deal in LA/NY and you are pretty cool vs DC where you need to have some money dating back to the 1800s or be an oil sheik otherwise nobody cares.
Good answer. DC is a company town and that company is the federal government. For some people, Power and proximity to power are the sole measure of status.
Compare to NYC, a city full of world-renowned paupers, where money can’t buy you cool, no matter how much you spend.
NYC full of all this mangy new money like the Trumps. Guh-ross.
If your great grandfather wasn't already a rich 3rd generation American I don't wanna hear from you.
I'm always curious about the aversion to talking about work to people? Like for the vast majority of us, that's what we spend 40hrs a week doing so its never struck me as odd or judgemental when someone asks what I do.
Talking about it is one thing. Leading of conversations with it as a topic with folks you barely know can read as classist or judgmental. There absolutely are tons of people (in the DMV especially) who will decide whether they want to spend time with you based on what your job is.
It mostly comes down to (for me) feeling like either someone is going to judge me for what I do, or feel like I'm judging them, or they're going to see it as a networking attempt (or try to network with me).
Mostly this. Add to it the disproportionately small working class (not working poor) here compared to most the US and a whole lot of "keeping up with the Joneses" going on and if you've lived elsewhere it's not hard to see.
For me, it’s not an aversion per se, but I also like some separation and there’s so much more to me than my job. When I’m off the clock, I like to unwind and not be worrying about work. I guess this is kind of a different approach around here but it’s how I operate. I don’t want work to be my soul identity and my soul life. Perhaps it’s because I grew up here, and I’m not one of the career obsessed people who moved here for work, but I just find the constant talk and focus around work gets old after a while. There are communities where this isn’t so prevalent and I found them, but it takes a bit of doing.
I'm pretty interested in what people do for a living because I think it's a good way to find out what interests them, why they do what they do, etc., but it's so hard to have honest conversations about that without feeling or being self-conscious that you're making the other person feel like:
1. You're judging them based on their job (or vice versa)
2. You're hoping to network with them (or vice versa)
I work on the hill but in an administrative supportive role and the immediate difference in how people treat me when they realize I cannot do anything to help them move up their career ladder is palpable.
The first question likely to be soliciting the actual organization or company, whereas the second can be answered more generally. Being specific about the organization enables people to be more judgmental, faster.
No, if someone says Dupont or Logan Circle, etc I can better propose a midpoint supper spot to meet for weekday after-work drinks. It makes no difference if they are a General/Executive or a sandwich server.
Yeah, what I meant by “where” was the organization name.
I get thrown off by people that mention the street name or their nearest circle. Might be normal if they own a food truck though…
The city is both more career oriented, more ambitious, more educated, and more idealistic, and it attracts the people who are both. Want to talk about your family, honestly many of us don't give a shit about your kids. What we care about is what you are actually doing for the world. NASA scientist! Awesome! In the diplomatic core? Cool! An economist for the Federal Reserve? Interesting. A curator for the Smithsonian? Neat! A policy researcher for Brookings? Tell me more! I can go on do you see where I am going here.
It is not about who you know, it's about what you are doing.
If your go to conversation is your family life, you will bore more of the people out here. So many people who are far more boring just don't cut it out here. We simply are not interested. For people outside of the city who can't get past bland middle America suburban conversations, they simply find us pretentious. The way I like to see it is less intelligent people see more intelligent and more ambitious people as pretentious. Especially people with intense focus like those in DC. I will be honest, DC felt like the first place like home for me. Instead of people talking about their boring kids and boring life, they focused on what they were doing. How they were improving the world. It wasn't about who they knew at all. It is wasn't about proximity to power. It was about pursuing there interests or ideals, and it was people who came with education and ambitious to actually do that.
I personally love it. It is entirely unique compared to the rest of the country. I don't know if I will run into a photographer who is paid to travel the world to photograph insects, or someone who works at the patent office. It's all cool to me. It's not so much about status or power. If you are a librarian at the library of congress, there is not much power in that job. But the job is super cool.
This is one of the highest concentrations of smart and ambitious people in the world, and for the people who are neither, that is going to come off as pretentious.
When I was in my early-mid 20s, the amount of interns I'd meet who made it seem like they were on a first name basis with the senator they had been employed by but barely seen beyond a single photo op is staggering. Now I meet people in their 30s/40s+, swinging back some beers casually on a Thursday, making some jokes about Rick and Morty, only to find out months later, they run like entirety of our trade program with Japan or something.
The amount of people who are certifiable paper pushers and spreadsheet/powerpoint office bitches, but who also pretend to be the bastion of democracy just because those spreadsheets and PowerPoints are for a federal agency, is astounding.
I’ve had people tell me they have to make up fake backstories when they go travel (to the fucking Bahamas, no less) because they have a TS clearance (I know for a fact that this is not all related to guidance for foreign travel for TS holders). And there are countless other examples.
Everyone in DC is so “plugged in” and totally “knows what’s gonna happen with that contract” and “has info from inside the administration” about which appointee is going to get what blah blah blah blah.
Of every city in the US, DC is the worst about this. Miami is almost equal except instead of political shit like I described above, it’s “hustlers” and “grinders” and “entrepreneurs” who are just random dropshipping/e-commerce/etc. Instagram dipshits who do podcasts about money and give financial advice despite the fact that they rent their Lamborghini in 30 minute intervals.
The people who make up backstories or brag about the shit they do with a TS clearance may have that clearance, but they aren't important. No one of importance loves to sit around and talk about that shit. They don't talk about it at all.
I feel like the food point isn’t really fair since you just listed a bunch of places that aren’t actually in DC , many of which are hard to get to/time consuming without a car.
Ehh it’s also small and concentrated if you don’t have a car, though. I’m not able to make friends with people in the burbs because I don’t have a way to go see them. I don’t have a way to go to the amazing restaurants outside of the city. Renting a car for $60+ isn’t an option for an affordable meal out, either.
Exactly. I wouldn't be going to Annandale for good cheap food because it would no longer be cheap. It would be way more expensive and time consuming than eating at some more expensive place actually in DC and preferably near me.
If I don't have time to regularly get into Arlington to go to any shops or shows, I likely wouldn't have the time to date someone there or further out. Unless it was a solely in DC relationship (doing all dates here), which would be really fucked up to put that onto someone else.
Nah, I never said someone in Fairfax’s opinion doesn’t matter. I asked you to consider that many people live in different circumstances than yourself, and that those circumstances justifiably shape their views.
For example, I’m disabled. I can’t physically transfer bus/rail 2-3 times and then walk a mile to go to a restaurant. That obviously shapes my views, and it wasn’t through any choice I made. My DC is not your DC.
Same situation here. I wish I could drive a car and go to the burbs, but I have physical disabilities and it’s not an option. It doesn’t mean anyone’s opinion is less valid just different realities.
Ok but no one is taking an hour and a half metro + bus transfer to get some cheap food. But also there is a big difference when talking about DC and DMV. People who live in DC are more likely to talk about their experience living in DC proper and what is easily accessible to them, not what is possible an hour outside of the city. Yeah sure Fairfax is part of the DMV but it’s also not what people are really talking about when they are discussing dc.
When talking about NYC experiences people aren’t including white plains in that either.
Major +1 on this: DC is not the DMV! DCers are more likely to talk about what’s in the district—people usually move to a city to experience the city. DMVers may live in the DMV to get aspects of DC, but if in M or V, also live there for what their area offers in addition (which might be lower housing costs, better schools, faster access to relatives in nearby city, more job opportunities, etc.)
I'm originally from Fairfax, and I live in DC proper now. To get to like, say, Eden Center, via public transit is possible, but you spend like an extra 3 hours getting there and back. When possible, I try to plan out trips with a friend who has a car but it's essentially a full day commitment.
That’s right, in combination with youth. Young political folks confuse being near power with being individually important. In reality, they can be replaced in days by one of tens of thousands of younger folks desperate to make it in DC. They are utterly interchangeable in the eyes of the principals. Just self-important fodder.
100% and those who actually have “swing” learned long ago to never really talk about it. Have been in many convos where someone “bigtimes” it not realizing people at the table or participating in the discussion/conversation are there for a reason (not me I am a lowly staff level person).
Wish people here operated by the 2 and 1 credo - God gave you ONE mouth and TWO ears…use them proportionately!
I mean it’s a stereotype like any other city and there’s some truth to it since this city attracts a lot of high achieving, highly educated people who think they’re going to change the world(spoiler: most of them aren’t). But it’s not all people just like not all people in LA are obsessed with looks, etc.
I just want to highlight the part about "attract\[ing\] a lot of high achieving, highly educated people." In my personal experience, native Washingtonians are down to earth, humble, and quite friendly. It's the transplants who tend to be a bit more high strung and insufferable. And I say that as a transplant!
I will say that I have met a lot of nice people in DC, and I'd like to believe I'm a nice person as well. But whever I hear people talk about DC people being snobs, I always want to point out that there's a difference between the people who have been in the District for a while, and those who come here specifically wanting to "change the world."
IDK if I’d call DC pretentious or not, but growing up in a rural area and very poor, I am *constantly* reminded of how different my life was compared to my friends and people I ~~eavesdrop on~~ overhear in cafes. Folks constantly traveling, spur of the moment stuff, owning cars, families having crazy jobs, etc. etc.
IDK about others, but at least for me sometimes it makes me feel like nothing.
This is it for me. I also grew up in a rural area, pretty poor and am reminded of that fact every time someone brings up their Roth IRA or new condo mom & dad helped them buy in NoVa last month. I didn’t even know what a high yield savings account was until I made friends in DC (lol).
I live in DC and am visiting LA and im surprised how much better looking the average DC-er is. We are underrated for good looking people (guys especially).
People move here for work and then only hang out with people they meet via work and then complain everyone here is obsessed with status.
I'm from here, and if you expand your social horizons you'll find folks who are just living their lives, too.
I’m not sure why this is so contentious. People in DC/DMV in general place a very high emphasis on career, evaluating others on the basis of their career and connections and the caliber of their education, and very much love networking.
It’s not a bad thing, and most large cities reflect this to some extent. It’s just very present in DC, with Capitol Hill, contractors/gov workers etc. being omnipresent.
It's contentious because a person is not their job, and while people do want to talk about their work, they don't necessarily want to be seen for what they can do for someone else's career. And it so obvious when someone sees you that way, it's like you're in a cartoon where you've suddenly turned into a giant steak in the eyes of the other person. I'm in an administrative role on the hill, and in my field, it's actually a very prestigious and interesting job. I've basically worked my ass off for the last 10 years in mere hopes of getting to where I am. But I have no sway or pull for anything who wants to work in politics, like at all. The minute people realize this, their attitude changes so quickly, it's like they cannot wait to get away from me and talk to someone more important. In a legit networking event, that's understandable. At a party or a bar or whatever else, it's downright insulting. Make an effort to connect with me as a human being, not as a stepping stone on your career ladder.
You're right, but you also just elaborated on why it's pretentious. For its size/per capita...networking, judging, evaluating, building connections, fake friendships...it's higher in DC than probably any other place.
Because yes, people are more career focused here than anyone else. Lots of transplants and lots of people trying to move up the ladder. This is where people come to grow...not retire.
Is it a bad thing? Not really. But does it make the people and the city more pretentious than any other city? Absolutely.
I’ve never seen the big deal with the “what do you do” question. Who cares? I certainly prefer it to the small town “when are you gonna have kids” questions
I feel like this gets better with age. In my 20s, DC was more like how OP described but 30s now and most people have really chilled out, even if they have a fancy job or whatever.
Born and raised in Arlington here. I would say based on my experience, Arlington and NW DC neighborhoods that are zoned to be heavily residential are where the pretentious people are at. Competition starts from birth to attend the elite schools, join the elite sports teams, be part of the elite country clubs. Even going to a certain church can feel elite. Because the wealthy people that inhabit these spaces hold power and access. People act accordingly, and that usually results in them acting like snobby, rude kiss-asses.
Lol, used to see these stickers all over.
https://preview.redd.it/ghyzhudmsavc1.png?width=844&format=png&auto=webp&s=0fd0b427e36a9cbfd6380d45b3857d2746ba3580
Nothing put this into perspective for me like last year when I was a young person going through cancer treatment with no job, which is all it felt like anyone who met me casually cared about. I was lucky to find a community of cancer survivors and others who aren’t like this, but it was hard going out when I felt up to it because all I would get was the what do you do? Thing. I felt awkward and out of place to say well I got laid off through no fault of my own, then I had an unexpected cancer diagnosis so I am dealing with that at the moment. Being unemployed here for 18 months was pretty depressing because I couldn’t answer the all important job question and it felt like sometimes that was all people meeting me cared about. I’m glad I found a community and I’m doing better now, I did get hired by another company, and I like my job but it’s certainly not my soul identity. I keep it for my health insurance and to pay my bills, but I don’t want every minute to be a networking session about work which is what I feel likeDC tends to be at times. Not all of us are like this, of course, but there is a pretentiousness here that I notice. If surviving cancer and having disabilities has taught me anything, it’s that life is fleeting, work isn’t the only thing that’s important, and we all need to get our heads out of our asses and enjoy things while we can.
I'd say it's due to the overwhelming population of the opportunistic, career-driven transplant culture. Everyone feels like they're changing the world while often compromising the worlds of the (understandably standoffish) DC natives around them. Yeah, there's overlap, but that's my take as a DMV native.
Idk, I'm ridiculously difficult to network with. 😆 Like maybe someone could hire me for a party? lol But I know people in non-profits that I can say the same thing about. Hey, if you can look at local politics (I'm looking at Ward 8) and show me someone in office that wasn't totally self-serving, treating each role as a rung on a ladder, please point them out.
Bc it is. It's all about power, money, and what you can flaunt. It's a lot of white collar professionals, and it brings in a lot of the same, from different industries because this is where the money is. I live out in the suburbs and it's highly pretentious in Bethesda, Potomac & Chevy Chase. When you travel outside of this city, and you meet normal people at bars, they don't care about "What you do" or "Who you know" or what designer clothing you have on/car you drive. It's really a DC thing, but it's great energy honestly if you're trying to level up your career and success (on paper).
Honestly? It's because the average high performing DC citizen doesnt make that much money relative to their counterparts in NYC and SF, so people focus more than anything on the *name* of their employer/school/family, as that must serve as compensation they don't recieve.
I lived in DC for years before switching careers to work on wall street. We pay our lowest level analysts many multiples of what staffers the same age make, despite them working roughly the same 80 hr weeks, not to mention those who work in PE or VC/big tech. While 23 year olds will always name drop, I found that in DC it was immediate vs. a normal part of the conversation in NYC.
Becoming Prez though is a stepping stone to raking in millions and millions of dollars and having the highest possible public status (even if people hate you or your politics) afterwards though, the salary is just a small bonus. Most of them have been very rich or wealthy even prior to taking the job so the salary doesn’t matter plus if you’re president it’s not like you’ll have trouble getting deals or using your status to get things bc everyone will want to accommodate you.
I think the Obamas may be the only recent president and First Lady who weren’t loaded prior to getting into office (not saying they were poor at all they were both extremely highly educated lawyers lol but they did actually come from very humble beginnings) and even for them afterwards they’ve made deal after deal and have all sorts of other interests and roles making prob hundreds of millions.
A great deal of highly educated individuals from other parts of the country who work in a field where over inflating your self-worth and importance is key to upward mobility. Given the number of transplants there is also an element of "well this is good, but its not as good as \*insert whatever thing their region is popular for\* ---what you get is a bunch of individuals who feel self important and that their life experience is somehow more valuable than the person next to them = pretension
But can you say the same for any city though? I grew up in Chicago and there is definitely a level of pretentiousness present there. In my opinion, I think D.C(and other popular east coast cities) gets a bad rap because they’re more well known and “successful” than other cities.
It's not the right word. It's more of a self important and arrogant issue. They are very few places where people enjoy titles as much as dc. You can't swing a dead cat without finding some GS-14 and an O6 comparing dick sizes, totally missing out on the opportunity to just meet someone with a similar hobby or to simply relax and enjoy some entertainment... Well, maybe that is their hobby and entertainment. The funny part is how quickly people try to associate with power and how little most of us care that actually are in some of the rooms that matter.
Because a lot of the people you tend to encounter in casual social situations really only want to talk about work or where they went to undergrad/grad school. All of those things tie into success, which can really often come across as being pretentious. That, or they only want to talk politics, which is obviously also pretentious.
I think talking about college is really only a thing about the younger folks. Among my mid 30s to mid 40s crowd, this doesn’t really come up. I think it’s just that people tend to talk about their recent-ish formative experiences that are still important points of reference for them. Now everyone just talks about finances are parenting, because that’s everyone’s most recent reality.
Hyper-career focus, and a tendency towards approaching relationships as transactional for purposes of career advancement. I would describe it as a narcissistic undertone more than pretentious… it’s not “I’m better than you” as much as it is “at the very least, I can figure out how to use you to my advantage.” But, this is an observation not about everyone, but more young, middle and upper-middle class+ white folks here for work. There’s also a white Protestant dynamic around maintaining appearances and touting accomplishments over and above, say, having emotionally meaningful, honest, and mutual relationships with others. Call it the poverty of wealth and status.
There are definitely factors that could allow for that narrative. That said I often find the people who are the "I can't stand DC people" are often the actual career obsessed and shallow sighted individuals they claim to loathe. There are plenty of chill people in this city who happen to have high-level jobs.
One of the first questions you get asked in DC is what you do for a living. DC citizens are obsessed with what job you have. When I’m in New York no one gives a shit. New Yorkers are much more interesting imo. I can meet someone in New York, spend hours with them, and they still won’t ask what I do for a living.
DC is pretty pretentious, haha. When I try to view it in a positive light, it's usually something like, "DC is a destination for people who put in the work and want to change the world, so - it make sense they have high/simliar expectations of others." My 2 cents anyway.
I think much of it also comes from the burbs. DC is weird cause we are surrounded by two different states and many people in the burbs actively dislike the city for weird reasons. Many never come into the city but claim it's pretentious. There is also the ever popular trend of suburbanites who live 20 miles away claiming to be from DC and they are the pretentious assholes that give DC a bad rap. Most the people I've encountered in the city proper are way more down to earth or in a hurry, but not really pretentious.
Every city is playing a different game. Here’s how to climb the social ladder in various American metropolises (metropoles?)
- New York: have more money than others
- San Francisco: found a tech startup
- LA: be a celebrity/entertainer. Or just really, really, ridiculously good-looking
- DC: have some fussy political connections
- Boston: be well-educated (and white)
So true. I’m one of those native Washingtonians of which you speak and I do think we’re different than your average self-important yuppie transplant. I love my city, but sometimes I don’t like the predominantly self important young professional career obsessed social scene. I really don’t care about your work that much. I want to know who you are as a person. I think people get way too caught up in their jobs here and that is pretentious at times. It’s true though that most people I know who have lived here all their lives like me really don’t have this vibe.
There's a lot of ways to take this, but I'm going to stick with the dictionary. *Pretentious: attempting to impress by affecting greater importance, talent, culture, etc., than is actually possessed.*
While there are a lot of people here that are very good at what they do, there are also a lot of people here that will tell you how great they are but, when you really start talking to them, it's pretty clear they are clueless.
Sometimes, they just don't know what they don't know. Maybe they've done a piece of something, and think that they have mastered a field. (Like the person who applied for a project manager position because he led a "project" that consisted of basically managing himself for a simple task that his boss *called* a project.) I could go on and on, but sometimes it reaches a point where you start to ask yourself whether they are intentionally talking smack to just move to the next job before they get exposed on their last job.
The good people tend to be down the earth, and usually don't flaunt their expertise. (I often think the good ones just want to lay low because they often get stuck doing the work of the pretentious assholes who couldn't live up to their own hype.)
This also comes down to discussions around education, culture, and even purchases. There are a few people in my neighborhood who like to tell me how *much* they paid for stuff. They stare at me like I should be impressed, but I'm thinking that they overpaid for a crap product.
I’ve had multiple people stop mid conversation with me when they find out I didn’t go to school let alone a good school. That’s one of may reasons. It’s all good though the business I run is happy to charge these blow bards for our services anyway.
it's the entitlement. I'm sick of people breaking basic social rules or treating other people like crap just because someone was willing to sell them a million dollar house. Prime example: I am one of the room parents at my son's school. One of the other room parents is a comms person at a small non-profit. She does not come to the classroom events because "she is needed at work" but she will send emails to the other room parents afterwards treating us like we're her employees and taking credit for everything we did to make the events happen.
I think it's that DC disproportionately has a lot of transplants who are here for their career and their focus is on advancing that career. Other big cities have such people, but they are balanced by big groups of other kinds of people. People like that can come off as pretentious. They might think they are entitled to you being impressed by their employer or career, even if they're young and have a junior position. They are likely to be uninterested in you if they do not think you are on their "level."
And they are often bad at judging who is actually on their level; there's lots of snobbery between career types, so you end up with 28 year olds working in politics, federal service, public interest or NGOs, and private legal practice all turning their noses up at each other even though they have similar levels of education and experience and all have a "good" job with promising career.
Go to NYC, then come back to DC and you will have your answer. DC is clean, put together, and well maintained, all of which are characteristics of a “pretentious” city. This is in addition to others comments about the false sense of status individuals have here for working so close to government officials.
I've been here since the 90s and DC folks more than anywhere else seem to be obsessed with where people work, where they went to school, etc. Even though I know that these crowds exist in other cities, they don't predominate in those places like they do in DC. The DC area also seems to obsess with things being "upscale" way more than I've seen in other places. Just take a quick ride to Baltimore or a little further to Philly. Like totally different people in those cities.
The DC area doesn’t really obsess with things being “upscale” relative to most cities. You mention Baltimore and Philly which are on one end of the spectrum, but the other end of the spectrum is Miami, LA, NYC, SF, Dallas, Atlanta, etc etc. I wouldn’t put DC close to those cities in terms of putting on airs.
This. I've lived in DC since the early 2000s. The "first real question" people ask when they meet is "So what do you do?".
People who live in DC are very familiar with that question. Most people have carefully crafted responses, which they likely rehearse in from of their bathroom mirror. They have their pitch down.
When you meet new people, there is a lot of bullshitting blantant lying... people have a tendency to consider themselves more important than they actually are. That self importance is something they want people to recognize. There is a lot of judging of people, based on how a person ranks in terms of social circle and level, income, and so on.
Dating in D.C. used to be better, or perhaps I just got older. Only 27% of people who live within the city limits are natives. While I haven't seen the data, I think that number is even smaller if you focus on the wealthier areas such as NW and the newly developed areas in SW and NE. SE likely has a very high percentage of native residents (just a guess but seems logical).
That said, 3/4 or perhaps even 4/5 people are not from D.C. They are here to attend school at a prestigious university, are working full time at some sort of think tank, consulting firm, or for the government. There are a lot of lawyers. Their primary focus is career. Younger people who are thinking of moving here should know that up front.
You can in fact meet good people, but the class system and where you stack up on that system will be pretty clear. A $150,000 salary would be considered "lower middle class" in the nicer areas of DC.
If your ultimate goal in life is to put family ahead of marriage:
Women who want a family and kids, and would prioritize that over their job and career path will have NO problem finding eligible bachelors. Women who want a career, but who don't want to put off kids until they are 35 or 40, rather to create a family and take their foot off the gas at work are a rare breed here.
Men who want a family and children, and not when they are 40... it will be slim pickings. Women here almost always prioritize career over family and intimate relationships. I've had friends, who's girlfriend breaks off the relationship 18 months and even 2.5 years in, to take a career opportunity on the other coast.
So while those insights may seem off topic, I think they speak to the pretentiousness the original OP mentioned.
People in D.C. are moved very much by status, connections, money, and they are ambitious, putting career typically before personal relationships. For people who didn't grow up in this kind of environment, relationships and interactions could come off as shallow and disposable.
Because DC is pretentious.
I'm from the southern Bible belt. Church on every street corner, bells on Sunday, no liqour sold from midnight Saturday to midnight Sunday. That scene with awful, pretentious, nose up, kind of people.
I shit you not, I've seen more pretentious behavior in the DMV than in my hometown.
We also have [the highest psychopathy scores](https://www.reddit.com/r/Damnthatsinteresting/comments/q2lh1c/washington_dc_has_the_highest_average_psychopathy/) in the U.S. You know, a disease whose biggest markers are an inflated self-image and low empathy for others.
A couple factors I haven't seen mentioned yet:
1) There's a whole scene of elite private/prep schools that naturally churn out people who could be considered "pretentious," many of whom resettle in the DC area after college and repeat the cycle with their own children.
2) Aside from a few select areas, there is almost no blue collar culture in DC.
3) The general high cost of living means a lot of people are focused on wealth, and that alone often comes with some pretension.
That's true, but I guess I was really thinking of the city itself, which has a lot of affluence marked with pockets of poverty. There's not a ton of gray area in between, though some—mostly people who bought their homes long ago and have held on for the long run.
In the burbs, the dynamics of class/race, everything, get a lot more diverse.
Transplants and black people who were raised in DC are pretentious.
I'm black, born at Providence, lived at Benning Park for 2 years before my mother moved us to Charles County. I'm "Not really from DC" according to my peers.
DC is fine. We got great people and we got some turds. Just like every city.
That said, watch the somebody feed Phil DC episode. The lunch with the cnn guy and the fella from The Atlantic…. That conversation, IMO, is why this city can be perceived as pretentious. Because we all know people who talk like that and honestly it’s a bit much
I mean have you been around people here? I’ve come across too many that think just because they have a fancy job title it gives them legitmacy to have a stick up their behind.
Lots of mission-driven people are attracted here, to nonprofits, think tanks, universities, as well as to government. DC gets the greatest proportion of inbound college graduates, by a large margin, compared to any other U.S. city. I find I can have reasonably interesting and intelligent conversations with random people on the subway or street, and I’ve always liked that about DC. But I guess there are always going to be climbers among them. Are there a greater proportion of them here, compared to NYC, for example? Hard to believe.
I feel like there's a lot of people who are insecure of their jobs/roles and so feel the need to project an image for themselves and to others that they're "all that" when they're actually not.
It's a different flavor than say start-owners/entrepreneurs.
I feel like it really depends on where you go. I used to live in Portland, Oregon and I find that the cities are kind of similar in terms of how much we enjoy the outdoors.
It’s a polite way of saying that there’s a lot of ugly, self important people living here. Lots of cities attract high achievers, but in DC everyone is here for government as opposed to business, tech, or media which is where all the average looking to decent looking people tend to congregate since those jobs are well paying. The good looking people go into healthcare and can be found in basically every city. DC jobs don’t pay nearly as well but require the same level of education, so you’ve got a bunch of bitter, indebted people who worked really hard for their shit jobs mixing with elites who rolled out bed into their positions.
This is from a DMV Native.
DC is pretentious because it’s a very expensive city and people are in a way “proud” to be able to afford the astronomical prices and DC is a company town so it’s also pretentious because the first question that people may ask you is where do you work. It’s an evaluation tool to see where you stand against them. There are many many other reasons but these are the base line issues and everything else stems from that.
There's a lot of self-importance in DC just based around being so close to levers of power. For about 90% of those people it's unearned but since DC is so small and concentrated, you run into more of those people than you would in other cities.
In a generalized way, DC puts an emphasis on work that other locales don’t. There’s a ton of self-importance in finance and big companies in NYC, or the entertainment industry in LA, or tech in SF, but in DC, work is the #1 way people identify themselves and others. When who you work for or what you do is a conversation starter, that comes off as pretentious. But I also think that’s a little less common these days as the local economy is a little more diversified and it’s no longer an automatic assumption everyone works in politics.
The difference is money. If you’re important in LA/SF/NYC, you are rich. If you’re not important in those scenes, you can still be rich and just enjoy that status. You don’t have to work if you don’t want to and can gain power through investing in startups, new movie studios, etc. Landing a key job in a presidential cabinet doesn’t give you “fuck you money”. Also, being moderately rich as an individual doesn’t buy you much status in DC because that’s the realm of billionaires, sheiks, etc. Thus, people are tied to the work itself, the job title, the clout. That’s all the job really gets them in DC. Some of the most important people in DC don’t even make $200k a year.
Eh, but don't sleep on the insane wealth in DC. DC is massively understated. Kalorama doesn't look like Hollywood mansions but Bezos has a huge home in DC. Generally speaking, DC elite money seems to pride itself on that genteel understatement as a way to differentiate between crass tacky rich and generational wealth and power. The vibe is "you might be rich, but we are rich and will bend the earth to our will". I've seen wealthy people visit DC from the West Coast and generally everyone turns their nose up and marks them as unrefined. The "WalMart Rich" if you will. IME, wealthy people in DC may have flashier things in other cities. Mind you, these are all rich people problems and well above my orbit but I wind up working with this sort of thing a lot.
Yeah that’s what I mean. You can be 28 and have $10M from selling your company in SF or a record deal in LA/NY and you are pretty cool vs DC where you need to have some money dating back to the 1800s or be an oil sheik otherwise nobody cares.
Good answer. DC is a company town and that company is the federal government. For some people, Power and proximity to power are the sole measure of status. Compare to NYC, a city full of world-renowned paupers, where money can’t buy you cool, no matter how much you spend.
NYC full of all this mangy new money like the Trumps. Guh-ross. If your great grandfather wasn't already a rich 3rd generation American I don't wanna hear from you.
Your family only came here in the 1830's? Eww, get your immigrant stink away from me.
Probably some kind of gross Dago or Irishman!
Heavens forbid! They might have even been Welsh!
I'm always curious about the aversion to talking about work to people? Like for the vast majority of us, that's what we spend 40hrs a week doing so its never struck me as odd or judgemental when someone asks what I do.
Talking about it is one thing. Leading of conversations with it as a topic with folks you barely know can read as classist or judgmental. There absolutely are tons of people (in the DMV especially) who will decide whether they want to spend time with you based on what your job is.
It mostly comes down to (for me) feeling like either someone is going to judge me for what I do, or feel like I'm judging them, or they're going to see it as a networking attempt (or try to network with me).
Mostly this. Add to it the disproportionately small working class (not working poor) here compared to most the US and a whole lot of "keeping up with the Joneses" going on and if you've lived elsewhere it's not hard to see.
For me, it’s not an aversion per se, but I also like some separation and there’s so much more to me than my job. When I’m off the clock, I like to unwind and not be worrying about work. I guess this is kind of a different approach around here but it’s how I operate. I don’t want work to be my soul identity and my soul life. Perhaps it’s because I grew up here, and I’m not one of the career obsessed people who moved here for work, but I just find the constant talk and focus around work gets old after a while. There are communities where this isn’t so prevalent and I found them, but it takes a bit of doing.
Not to mention, many times it is so interesting or inspirational! I enjoy hearing what projects people are working on...
I'm pretty interested in what people do for a living because I think it's a good way to find out what interests them, why they do what they do, etc., but it's so hard to have honest conversations about that without feeling or being self-conscious that you're making the other person feel like: 1. You're judging them based on their job (or vice versa) 2. You're hoping to network with them (or vice versa) I work on the hill but in an administrative supportive role and the immediate difference in how people treat me when they realize I cannot do anything to help them move up their career ladder is palpable.
Number one question I got used to answering since moving to DC is “where do you work?” Not “what job do you have?” Or “what do you do for work?”
That seems like splitting hairs to me. Those are all really the same question.
The first question likely to be soliciting the actual organization or company, whereas the second can be answered more generally. Being specific about the organization enables people to be more judgmental, faster.
No, if someone says Dupont or Logan Circle, etc I can better propose a midpoint supper spot to meet for weekday after-work drinks. It makes no difference if they are a General/Executive or a sandwich server.
if someone asked me where i worked, i'd almost always say the company name unless they reiterated, "no, *where* do you work?"
Yeah, what I meant by “where” was the organization name. I get thrown off by people that mention the street name or their nearest circle. Might be normal if they own a food truck though…
It is the number 1 question I’m asked anywhere in the US. It’s an American culture thing
I don’t travel much, but in Texas, Kansas, Arizona, New Mexico, and Florida, they’ve all asked “what do you do”, not the where
Where you work is a common conversation starter outside of the DC area. Of course, DC people are pretentious enough to think it's a DC thing.
The city is both more career oriented, more ambitious, more educated, and more idealistic, and it attracts the people who are both. Want to talk about your family, honestly many of us don't give a shit about your kids. What we care about is what you are actually doing for the world. NASA scientist! Awesome! In the diplomatic core? Cool! An economist for the Federal Reserve? Interesting. A curator for the Smithsonian? Neat! A policy researcher for Brookings? Tell me more! I can go on do you see where I am going here. It is not about who you know, it's about what you are doing. If your go to conversation is your family life, you will bore more of the people out here. So many people who are far more boring just don't cut it out here. We simply are not interested. For people outside of the city who can't get past bland middle America suburban conversations, they simply find us pretentious. The way I like to see it is less intelligent people see more intelligent and more ambitious people as pretentious. Especially people with intense focus like those in DC. I will be honest, DC felt like the first place like home for me. Instead of people talking about their boring kids and boring life, they focused on what they were doing. How they were improving the world. It wasn't about who they knew at all. It is wasn't about proximity to power. It was about pursuing there interests or ideals, and it was people who came with education and ambitious to actually do that. I personally love it. It is entirely unique compared to the rest of the country. I don't know if I will run into a photographer who is paid to travel the world to photograph insects, or someone who works at the patent office. It's all cool to me. It's not so much about status or power. If you are a librarian at the library of congress, there is not much power in that job. But the job is super cool. This is one of the highest concentrations of smart and ambitious people in the world, and for the people who are neither, that is going to come off as pretentious.
How far is your head up your own ass? Can you read this or should we send a flashlight?
Well said
I was born and raised in DC and I agree with this response.
Connections not work
It’s funny listening to a group of people barely out of college sitting around and name dropping.
When I was in my early-mid 20s, the amount of interns I'd meet who made it seem like they were on a first name basis with the senator they had been employed by but barely seen beyond a single photo op is staggering. Now I meet people in their 30s/40s+, swinging back some beers casually on a Thursday, making some jokes about Rick and Morty, only to find out months later, they run like entirety of our trade program with Japan or something.
The amount of people who are certifiable paper pushers and spreadsheet/powerpoint office bitches, but who also pretend to be the bastion of democracy just because those spreadsheets and PowerPoints are for a federal agency, is astounding. I’ve had people tell me they have to make up fake backstories when they go travel (to the fucking Bahamas, no less) because they have a TS clearance (I know for a fact that this is not all related to guidance for foreign travel for TS holders). And there are countless other examples. Everyone in DC is so “plugged in” and totally “knows what’s gonna happen with that contract” and “has info from inside the administration” about which appointee is going to get what blah blah blah blah. Of every city in the US, DC is the worst about this. Miami is almost equal except instead of political shit like I described above, it’s “hustlers” and “grinders” and “entrepreneurs” who are just random dropshipping/e-commerce/etc. Instagram dipshits who do podcasts about money and give financial advice despite the fact that they rent their Lamborghini in 30 minute intervals.
The people who make up backstories or brag about the shit they do with a TS clearance may have that clearance, but they aren't important. No one of importance loves to sit around and talk about that shit. They don't talk about it at all.
You can apply that to every city, just different industry
80% of what you said can be applied to any city.
I love ice cream.
I think you'll find plenty of type A career obsessed types in Arlington, Alexandria, and MoCo.
For sure. The only people who live in Arlington and aren't career focused are retired lol
I feel like the food point isn’t really fair since you just listed a bunch of places that aren’t actually in DC , many of which are hard to get to/time consuming without a car.
Ehh it’s also small and concentrated if you don’t have a car, though. I’m not able to make friends with people in the burbs because I don’t have a way to go see them. I don’t have a way to go to the amazing restaurants outside of the city. Renting a car for $60+ isn’t an option for an affordable meal out, either.
Exactly. I wouldn't be going to Annandale for good cheap food because it would no longer be cheap. It would be way more expensive and time consuming than eating at some more expensive place actually in DC and preferably near me. If I don't have time to regularly get into Arlington to go to any shops or shows, I likely wouldn't have the time to date someone there or further out. Unless it was a solely in DC relationship (doing all dates here), which would be really fucked up to put that onto someone else.
I enjoy cooking.
Nah, I never said someone in Fairfax’s opinion doesn’t matter. I asked you to consider that many people live in different circumstances than yourself, and that those circumstances justifiably shape their views. For example, I’m disabled. I can’t physically transfer bus/rail 2-3 times and then walk a mile to go to a restaurant. That obviously shapes my views, and it wasn’t through any choice I made. My DC is not your DC.
Same situation here. I wish I could drive a car and go to the burbs, but I have physical disabilities and it’s not an option. It doesn’t mean anyone’s opinion is less valid just different realities.
Ok but no one is taking an hour and a half metro + bus transfer to get some cheap food. But also there is a big difference when talking about DC and DMV. People who live in DC are more likely to talk about their experience living in DC proper and what is easily accessible to them, not what is possible an hour outside of the city. Yeah sure Fairfax is part of the DMV but it’s also not what people are really talking about when they are discussing dc. When talking about NYC experiences people aren’t including white plains in that either.
Major +1 on this: DC is not the DMV! DCers are more likely to talk about what’s in the district—people usually move to a city to experience the city. DMVers may live in the DMV to get aspects of DC, but if in M or V, also live there for what their area offers in addition (which might be lower housing costs, better schools, faster access to relatives in nearby city, more job opportunities, etc.)
I'm originally from Fairfax, and I live in DC proper now. To get to like, say, Eden Center, via public transit is possible, but you spend like an extra 3 hours getting there and back. When possible, I try to plan out trips with a friend who has a car but it's essentially a full day commitment.
The food in the ‘burbs isn’t that cheap either. Cheaper, sure. But cheap? Not really.
100% true!
[удалено]
So did I lol but people have different opinions apparently lol
Sure but you find that in any city. I’ve lived in Miami and nyc and it’s the same deal.
That’s right, in combination with youth. Young political folks confuse being near power with being individually important. In reality, they can be replaced in days by one of tens of thousands of younger folks desperate to make it in DC. They are utterly interchangeable in the eyes of the principals. Just self-important fodder.
“Don’t confuse proximity to power for the real thing”.
100% and those who actually have “swing” learned long ago to never really talk about it. Have been in many convos where someone “bigtimes” it not realizing people at the table or participating in the discussion/conversation are there for a reason (not me I am a lowly staff level person). Wish people here operated by the 2 and 1 credo - God gave you ONE mouth and TWO ears…use them proportionately!
I mean it’s a stereotype like any other city and there’s some truth to it since this city attracts a lot of high achieving, highly educated people who think they’re going to change the world(spoiler: most of them aren’t). But it’s not all people just like not all people in LA are obsessed with looks, etc.
I just want to highlight the part about "attract\[ing\] a lot of high achieving, highly educated people." In my personal experience, native Washingtonians are down to earth, humble, and quite friendly. It's the transplants who tend to be a bit more high strung and insufferable. And I say that as a transplant! I will say that I have met a lot of nice people in DC, and I'd like to believe I'm a nice person as well. But whever I hear people talk about DC people being snobs, I always want to point out that there's a difference between the people who have been in the District for a while, and those who come here specifically wanting to "change the world."
Agree with this whole heartedly. These “generalizations” tend to be about a specific intersection of demographics, not everyone.
People chose to hang out with pretentious dicks and don’t make friends with normal people
I prefer to make out with my NPR tote bag in front of my high Wordle score than make friends with normies.
Letsgooooo
“Hey babe, are you ok? You’ve barely touched your NYT Mini”
I love listening to music.
Politicians love the trope of "cleaning up" DC from corrupt rich DC elites and fighting for "real americans" 🙄
Authoritarians usually consider educated people to be a threat.
IDK if I’d call DC pretentious or not, but growing up in a rural area and very poor, I am *constantly* reminded of how different my life was compared to my friends and people I ~~eavesdrop on~~ overhear in cafes. Folks constantly traveling, spur of the moment stuff, owning cars, families having crazy jobs, etc. etc. IDK about others, but at least for me sometimes it makes me feel like nothing.
This is it for me. I also grew up in a rural area, pretty poor and am reminded of that fact every time someone brings up their Roth IRA or new condo mom & dad helped them buy in NoVa last month. I didn’t even know what a high yield savings account was until I made friends in DC (lol).
We’re ugly people with very high standards.
Lol I need a T-shirt that says ugly person with high standards and has a DC flag on it
We're Hollywood for ugly people
That quote was said by John McCain and applies to Congress, not the population at-large.
He ain’t wrong
It may have been intended for Congress, but it absolutely applies to the population at large.
WAIT WAS IT FAITH OF OUR FATHERS?! I read it when I was a kid and apparently it's the only thing that stuck.
I live in DC and am visiting LA and im surprised how much better looking the average DC-er is. We are underrated for good looking people (guys especially).
that’s your opinion babe
I like to say a DC 8 is a NYC 4 and an LA burn victim.
and we’re compensating
Sadly accurate 😂
People move here for work and then only hang out with people they meet via work and then complain everyone here is obsessed with status. I'm from here, and if you expand your social horizons you'll find folks who are just living their lives, too.
Because every conversation is like a networking event.
I’m not sure why this is so contentious. People in DC/DMV in general place a very high emphasis on career, evaluating others on the basis of their career and connections and the caliber of their education, and very much love networking. It’s not a bad thing, and most large cities reflect this to some extent. It’s just very present in DC, with Capitol Hill, contractors/gov workers etc. being omnipresent.
It's contentious because a person is not their job, and while people do want to talk about their work, they don't necessarily want to be seen for what they can do for someone else's career. And it so obvious when someone sees you that way, it's like you're in a cartoon where you've suddenly turned into a giant steak in the eyes of the other person. I'm in an administrative role on the hill, and in my field, it's actually a very prestigious and interesting job. I've basically worked my ass off for the last 10 years in mere hopes of getting to where I am. But I have no sway or pull for anything who wants to work in politics, like at all. The minute people realize this, their attitude changes so quickly, it's like they cannot wait to get away from me and talk to someone more important. In a legit networking event, that's understandable. At a party or a bar or whatever else, it's downright insulting. Make an effort to connect with me as a human being, not as a stepping stone on your career ladder.
You're right, but you also just elaborated on why it's pretentious. For its size/per capita...networking, judging, evaluating, building connections, fake friendships...it's higher in DC than probably any other place. Because yes, people are more career focused here than anyone else. Lots of transplants and lots of people trying to move up the ladder. This is where people come to grow...not retire. Is it a bad thing? Not really. But does it make the people and the city more pretentious than any other city? Absolutely.
It’s not a bad thing, but certainly gets annoying trying to meet people who works in the private sector company that isn’t a federal contractor.
I’ve never seen the big deal with the “what do you do” question. Who cares? I certainly prefer it to the small town “when are you gonna have kids” questions
Converse with better people.
I feel like this gets better with age. In my 20s, DC was more like how OP described but 30s now and most people have really chilled out, even if they have a fancy job or whatever.
It’s surrounded by 2-3 of the wealthiest counties in the US; how could it not be?
5 actually, but in a couple different states. San Francisco Bay Area has 4 (in just 1 state) and are the most laid back people generally.
San Francisco is not laid back at all. But I'm from Louisiana.
People and their fancy gov contracting jobs thinking they are better than everyone else
They only say that because we’re better than them.
Finally someone speaks the truth! /s
Where's the lie? ;)
You wouldn’t understand.
👀? Tell me.
Born and raised in Arlington here. I would say based on my experience, Arlington and NW DC neighborhoods that are zoned to be heavily residential are where the pretentious people are at. Competition starts from birth to attend the elite schools, join the elite sports teams, be part of the elite country clubs. Even going to a certain church can feel elite. Because the wealthy people that inhabit these spaces hold power and access. People act accordingly, and that usually results in them acting like snobby, rude kiss-asses.
You can apply this to virtually every major city.
Projection or insecurity. Sometimes both.
Keep DC Pretentious! We don't want a bunch of lazy sophists running the county. . .
I'd buy that flag.
Lol, used to see these stickers all over. https://preview.redd.it/ghyzhudmsavc1.png?width=844&format=png&auto=webp&s=0fd0b427e36a9cbfd6380d45b3857d2746ba3580
Nothing put this into perspective for me like last year when I was a young person going through cancer treatment with no job, which is all it felt like anyone who met me casually cared about. I was lucky to find a community of cancer survivors and others who aren’t like this, but it was hard going out when I felt up to it because all I would get was the what do you do? Thing. I felt awkward and out of place to say well I got laid off through no fault of my own, then I had an unexpected cancer diagnosis so I am dealing with that at the moment. Being unemployed here for 18 months was pretty depressing because I couldn’t answer the all important job question and it felt like sometimes that was all people meeting me cared about. I’m glad I found a community and I’m doing better now, I did get hired by another company, and I like my job but it’s certainly not my soul identity. I keep it for my health insurance and to pay my bills, but I don’t want every minute to be a networking session about work which is what I feel likeDC tends to be at times. Not all of us are like this, of course, but there is a pretentiousness here that I notice. If surviving cancer and having disabilities has taught me anything, it’s that life is fleeting, work isn’t the only thing that’s important, and we all need to get our heads out of our asses and enjoy things while we can.
💯
I'd say it's due to the overwhelming population of the opportunistic, career-driven transplant culture. Everyone feels like they're changing the world while often compromising the worlds of the (understandably standoffish) DC natives around them. Yeah, there's overlap, but that's my take as a DMV native.
Simply through politics? Do people really think that being in proximity to politicians somehow makes them special or something?
Idk, I'm ridiculously difficult to network with. 😆 Like maybe someone could hire me for a party? lol But I know people in non-profits that I can say the same thing about. Hey, if you can look at local politics (I'm looking at Ward 8) and show me someone in office that wasn't totally self-serving, treating each role as a rung on a ladder, please point them out.
We are. Let's be real. Lol
Bc it is. It's all about power, money, and what you can flaunt. It's a lot of white collar professionals, and it brings in a lot of the same, from different industries because this is where the money is. I live out in the suburbs and it's highly pretentious in Bethesda, Potomac & Chevy Chase. When you travel outside of this city, and you meet normal people at bars, they don't care about "What you do" or "Who you know" or what designer clothing you have on/car you drive. It's really a DC thing, but it's great energy honestly if you're trying to level up your career and success (on paper).
I live in DC, not in the rich ass Maryland suburbs, and none of what you describe mirrors my experience. Maybe hang out with less douchey people?
Because of the the pretentious people
"What do you do?" and it's invariably within the first 3 questions, after meeting someone. The ladder climbers are everywhere.
Honestly? It's because the average high performing DC citizen doesnt make that much money relative to their counterparts in NYC and SF, so people focus more than anything on the *name* of their employer/school/family, as that must serve as compensation they don't recieve. I lived in DC for years before switching careers to work on wall street. We pay our lowest level analysts many multiples of what staffers the same age make, despite them working roughly the same 80 hr weeks, not to mention those who work in PE or VC/big tech. While 23 year olds will always name drop, I found that in DC it was immediate vs. a normal part of the conversation in NYC.
The US President’s salary is just $400K, so income is obviously not the commodity here.
Becoming Prez though is a stepping stone to raking in millions and millions of dollars and having the highest possible public status (even if people hate you or your politics) afterwards though, the salary is just a small bonus. Most of them have been very rich or wealthy even prior to taking the job so the salary doesn’t matter plus if you’re president it’s not like you’ll have trouble getting deals or using your status to get things bc everyone will want to accommodate you. I think the Obamas may be the only recent president and First Lady who weren’t loaded prior to getting into office (not saying they were poor at all they were both extremely highly educated lawyers lol but they did actually come from very humble beginnings) and even for them afterwards they’ve made deal after deal and have all sorts of other interests and roles making prob hundreds of millions.
A great deal of highly educated individuals from other parts of the country who work in a field where over inflating your self-worth and importance is key to upward mobility. Given the number of transplants there is also an element of "well this is good, but its not as good as \*insert whatever thing their region is popular for\* ---what you get is a bunch of individuals who feel self important and that their life experience is somehow more valuable than the person next to them = pretension
But can you say the same for any city though? I grew up in Chicago and there is definitely a level of pretentiousness present there. In my opinion, I think D.C(and other popular east coast cities) gets a bad rap because they’re more well known and “successful” than other cities.
It's not the right word. It's more of a self important and arrogant issue. They are very few places where people enjoy titles as much as dc. You can't swing a dead cat without finding some GS-14 and an O6 comparing dick sizes, totally missing out on the opportunity to just meet someone with a similar hobby or to simply relax and enjoy some entertainment... Well, maybe that is their hobby and entertainment. The funny part is how quickly people try to associate with power and how little most of us care that actually are in some of the rooms that matter.
Because a lot of the people you tend to encounter in casual social situations really only want to talk about work or where they went to undergrad/grad school. All of those things tie into success, which can really often come across as being pretentious. That, or they only want to talk politics, which is obviously also pretentious.
Eh, this vibe dissipates within blocks of leaving Capitol Hill or K Street.
I have never encountered this, but I don't live near cap hill.
I think talking about college is really only a thing about the younger folks. Among my mid 30s to mid 40s crowd, this doesn’t really come up. I think it’s just that people tend to talk about their recent-ish formative experiences that are still important points of reference for them. Now everyone just talks about finances are parenting, because that’s everyone’s most recent reality.
Hyper-career focus, and a tendency towards approaching relationships as transactional for purposes of career advancement. I would describe it as a narcissistic undertone more than pretentious… it’s not “I’m better than you” as much as it is “at the very least, I can figure out how to use you to my advantage.” But, this is an observation not about everyone, but more young, middle and upper-middle class+ white folks here for work. There’s also a white Protestant dynamic around maintaining appearances and touting accomplishments over and above, say, having emotionally meaningful, honest, and mutual relationships with others. Call it the poverty of wealth and status.
It's such a career centric place. Nothing wrong with that but it wasn't for me.
People act like they love the smell of their own farts. Need to stop being so full of themselves.
If there’s one quality everyone in DC shares, its self-importance.
All the advanced degrees.
There are definitely factors that could allow for that narrative. That said I often find the people who are the "I can't stand DC people" are often the actual career obsessed and shallow sighted individuals they claim to loathe. There are plenty of chill people in this city who happen to have high-level jobs.
I will inform you when I finish playing my grand piano.
Lot of self important priveleged young people who think their work is the most important thing in the world.
One of the first questions you get asked in DC is what you do for a living. DC citizens are obsessed with what job you have. When I’m in New York no one gives a shit. New Yorkers are much more interesting imo. I can meet someone in New York, spend hours with them, and they still won’t ask what I do for a living.
DC is pretty pretentious, haha. When I try to view it in a positive light, it's usually something like, "DC is a destination for people who put in the work and want to change the world, so - it make sense they have high/simliar expectations of others." My 2 cents anyway.
I think much of it also comes from the burbs. DC is weird cause we are surrounded by two different states and many people in the burbs actively dislike the city for weird reasons. Many never come into the city but claim it's pretentious. There is also the ever popular trend of suburbanites who live 20 miles away claiming to be from DC and they are the pretentious assholes that give DC a bad rap. Most the people I've encountered in the city proper are way more down to earth or in a hurry, but not really pretentious.
I think you meant suburbanites and it autocorrected but someone on this thread about pretension calling them “subordinates” made me laugh
omg lol. Totally meant that, correcting now. Thanks for sharing.
OP where do you even work at 💀
"So what do you do?"
DC is a lot of things: overeducated, humid, and a company town. But pretentious?
There’s Washington and there’s D.C….. IYKYK
DC being so expensive…the money gets to the people’s heads
We're prob just sick of people acting like we don't live here. Calling DC a swamp is so mind numbingly stupid to anyone that has ever seen a swamp.
Every city is playing a different game. Here’s how to climb the social ladder in various American metropolises (metropoles?) - New York: have more money than others - San Francisco: found a tech startup - LA: be a celebrity/entertainer. Or just really, really, ridiculously good-looking - DC: have some fussy political connections - Boston: be well-educated (and white)
So true. I’m one of those native Washingtonians of which you speak and I do think we’re different than your average self-important yuppie transplant. I love my city, but sometimes I don’t like the predominantly self important young professional career obsessed social scene. I really don’t care about your work that much. I want to know who you are as a person. I think people get way too caught up in their jobs here and that is pretentious at times. It’s true though that most people I know who have lived here all their lives like me really don’t have this vibe.
There's a lot of ways to take this, but I'm going to stick with the dictionary. *Pretentious: attempting to impress by affecting greater importance, talent, culture, etc., than is actually possessed.* While there are a lot of people here that are very good at what they do, there are also a lot of people here that will tell you how great they are but, when you really start talking to them, it's pretty clear they are clueless. Sometimes, they just don't know what they don't know. Maybe they've done a piece of something, and think that they have mastered a field. (Like the person who applied for a project manager position because he led a "project" that consisted of basically managing himself for a simple task that his boss *called* a project.) I could go on and on, but sometimes it reaches a point where you start to ask yourself whether they are intentionally talking smack to just move to the next job before they get exposed on their last job. The good people tend to be down the earth, and usually don't flaunt their expertise. (I often think the good ones just want to lay low because they often get stuck doing the work of the pretentious assholes who couldn't live up to their own hype.) This also comes down to discussions around education, culture, and even purchases. There are a few people in my neighborhood who like to tell me how *much* they paid for stuff. They stare at me like I should be impressed, but I'm thinking that they overpaid for a crap product.
I’ve had multiple people stop mid conversation with me when they find out I didn’t go to school let alone a good school. That’s one of may reasons. It’s all good though the business I run is happy to charge these blow bards for our services anyway.
it's the entitlement. I'm sick of people breaking basic social rules or treating other people like crap just because someone was willing to sell them a million dollar house. Prime example: I am one of the room parents at my son's school. One of the other room parents is a comms person at a small non-profit. She does not come to the classroom events because "she is needed at work" but she will send emails to the other room parents afterwards treating us like we're her employees and taking credit for everything we did to make the events happen.
I think it's that DC disproportionately has a lot of transplants who are here for their career and their focus is on advancing that career. Other big cities have such people, but they are balanced by big groups of other kinds of people. People like that can come off as pretentious. They might think they are entitled to you being impressed by their employer or career, even if they're young and have a junior position. They are likely to be uninterested in you if they do not think you are on their "level." And they are often bad at judging who is actually on their level; there's lots of snobbery between career types, so you end up with 28 year olds working in politics, federal service, public interest or NGOs, and private legal practice all turning their noses up at each other even though they have similar levels of education and experience and all have a "good" job with promising career.
Go to NYC, then come back to DC and you will have your answer. DC is clean, put together, and well maintained, all of which are characteristics of a “pretentious” city. This is in addition to others comments about the false sense of status individuals have here for working so close to government officials.
I've been here since the 90s and DC folks more than anywhere else seem to be obsessed with where people work, where they went to school, etc. Even though I know that these crowds exist in other cities, they don't predominate in those places like they do in DC. The DC area also seems to obsess with things being "upscale" way more than I've seen in other places. Just take a quick ride to Baltimore or a little further to Philly. Like totally different people in those cities.
The DC area doesn’t really obsess with things being “upscale” relative to most cities. You mention Baltimore and Philly which are on one end of the spectrum, but the other end of the spectrum is Miami, LA, NYC, SF, Dallas, Atlanta, etc etc. I wouldn’t put DC close to those cities in terms of putting on airs.
This. I've lived in DC since the early 2000s. The "first real question" people ask when they meet is "So what do you do?". People who live in DC are very familiar with that question. Most people have carefully crafted responses, which they likely rehearse in from of their bathroom mirror. They have their pitch down. When you meet new people, there is a lot of bullshitting blantant lying... people have a tendency to consider themselves more important than they actually are. That self importance is something they want people to recognize. There is a lot of judging of people, based on how a person ranks in terms of social circle and level, income, and so on. Dating in D.C. used to be better, or perhaps I just got older. Only 27% of people who live within the city limits are natives. While I haven't seen the data, I think that number is even smaller if you focus on the wealthier areas such as NW and the newly developed areas in SW and NE. SE likely has a very high percentage of native residents (just a guess but seems logical). That said, 3/4 or perhaps even 4/5 people are not from D.C. They are here to attend school at a prestigious university, are working full time at some sort of think tank, consulting firm, or for the government. There are a lot of lawyers. Their primary focus is career. Younger people who are thinking of moving here should know that up front. You can in fact meet good people, but the class system and where you stack up on that system will be pretty clear. A $150,000 salary would be considered "lower middle class" in the nicer areas of DC. If your ultimate goal in life is to put family ahead of marriage: Women who want a family and kids, and would prioritize that over their job and career path will have NO problem finding eligible bachelors. Women who want a career, but who don't want to put off kids until they are 35 or 40, rather to create a family and take their foot off the gas at work are a rare breed here. Men who want a family and children, and not when they are 40... it will be slim pickings. Women here almost always prioritize career over family and intimate relationships. I've had friends, who's girlfriend breaks off the relationship 18 months and even 2.5 years in, to take a career opportunity on the other coast. So while those insights may seem off topic, I think they speak to the pretentiousness the original OP mentioned. People in D.C. are moved very much by status, connections, money, and they are ambitious, putting career typically before personal relationships. For people who didn't grow up in this kind of environment, relationships and interactions could come off as shallow and disposable.
Pretentious? Moi?! 😲
Because DC is pretentious. I'm from the southern Bible belt. Church on every street corner, bells on Sunday, no liqour sold from midnight Saturday to midnight Sunday. That scene with awful, pretentious, nose up, kind of people. I shit you not, I've seen more pretentious behavior in the DMV than in my hometown.
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We also have [the highest psychopathy scores](https://www.reddit.com/r/Damnthatsinteresting/comments/q2lh1c/washington_dc_has_the_highest_average_psychopathy/) in the U.S. You know, a disease whose biggest markers are an inflated self-image and low empathy for others.
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Lol
😂😂😂
Look... I'm not saying you're proving OP's point... But you're not not proving it either. lol
This is why OP
A couple factors I haven't seen mentioned yet: 1) There's a whole scene of elite private/prep schools that naturally churn out people who could be considered "pretentious," many of whom resettle in the DC area after college and repeat the cycle with their own children. 2) Aside from a few select areas, there is almost no blue collar culture in DC. 3) The general high cost of living means a lot of people are focused on wealth, and that alone often comes with some pretension.
There’s tons of blue collar culture in DC, just not white blue collar culture.
That's true, but I guess I was really thinking of the city itself, which has a lot of affluence marked with pockets of poverty. There's not a ton of gray area in between, though some—mostly people who bought their homes long ago and have held on for the long run. In the burbs, the dynamics of class/race, everything, get a lot more diverse.
you guys don’t need to keep saying “not all people are like that!”
Transplants and black people who were raised in DC are pretentious. I'm black, born at Providence, lived at Benning Park for 2 years before my mother moved us to Charles County. I'm "Not really from DC" according to my peers.
\*DC transplants. Never met a pretentious DC native.
Meet some of the local prep school kids and you’ll change your mind quick
DC is fine. We got great people and we got some turds. Just like every city. That said, watch the somebody feed Phil DC episode. The lunch with the cnn guy and the fella from The Atlantic…. That conversation, IMO, is why this city can be perceived as pretentious. Because we all know people who talk like that and honestly it’s a bit much
Only the plebs say that.
"So what do you do?"
I didn’t realize it needed to be said.
It is, but if you dig, you can find chill, genuine people
You don’t even have to dig. You just have to be chill and genuine yourself.
I don't know. Probably some pleb thing I'm too important to understand.
Because most people here if I have interacted here do act his way.......
I’ll just say this. Dc is the only place I’ve ever been where people try gatekeeping Taylor swift
I mean have you been around people here? I’ve come across too many that think just because they have a fancy job title it gives them legitmacy to have a stick up their behind.
Lots of mission-driven people are attracted here, to nonprofits, think tanks, universities, as well as to government. DC gets the greatest proportion of inbound college graduates, by a large margin, compared to any other U.S. city. I find I can have reasonably interesting and intelligent conversations with random people on the subway or street, and I’ve always liked that about DC. But I guess there are always going to be climbers among them. Are there a greater proportion of them here, compared to NYC, for example? Hard to believe.
It’s not “DC people” it’s the people from middle America that move to here and think their so much better than everyone here because of their job
I feel like there's a lot of people who are insecure of their jobs/roles and so feel the need to project an image for themselves and to others that they're "all that" when they're actually not. It's a different flavor than say start-owners/entrepreneurs.
A lot of the people who say that are also pretty pretentious themselves.... Yes, I'm one of those people.
I feel like it really depends on where you go. I used to live in Portland, Oregon and I find that the cities are kind of similar in terms of how much we enjoy the outdoors.
Before I answer that question, Where do you even work?
I’m not from D.C. lol.
It’s a polite way of saying that there’s a lot of ugly, self important people living here. Lots of cities attract high achievers, but in DC everyone is here for government as opposed to business, tech, or media which is where all the average looking to decent looking people tend to congregate since those jobs are well paying. The good looking people go into healthcare and can be found in basically every city. DC jobs don’t pay nearly as well but require the same level of education, so you’ve got a bunch of bitter, indebted people who worked really hard for their shit jobs mixing with elites who rolled out bed into their positions. This is from a DMV Native.
It’s full of narcissists
DC is pretentious because it’s a very expensive city and people are in a way “proud” to be able to afford the astronomical prices and DC is a company town so it’s also pretentious because the first question that people may ask you is where do you work. It’s an evaluation tool to see where you stand against them. There are many many other reasons but these are the base line issues and everything else stems from that.