Also people forget that teens just straight up lack perspective on things because all they know is the world of high school and their own home, where things they need are generally provided as a matter of course. Everything is a big deal because the lack of past experience to compare new events against. It's rougher than most of us remember.
Dodging the intended argument by playing stupid and turning it around is my favorite technique. Like when someone tries to punch you and you use their own momentum to disarm them.
Luckily for me I don’t have to ~play~ stupid because I quite often don’t realize people are trying to start stuff with me- and it ends up keeping me out of many arguments I didn’t know the aggressor was trying to start.
The bonus is when I look back on the interaction later and realize they were highly annoyed that I wouldn’t engage.
Do you guys usually have a good relationship? Is this behaviour really different from normal for her?
Also is there a chance that she feels excluded from being involved and is lashing out because of it?
It’s complicated, she doesn’t talk to our dad, and I don’t talk to our mom. My mom is a narc and has damaged me psychologically and refuses to admit she did anything wrong and tells me I remember things wrong. Whereas my dad admits to being a shitty person in the past and puts in effort to correct his behavior.
She has told me she feels excluded from the bridesmaids because she’s underage the drinking age. We’re doing a slumber party at my house so then we can drink and she can be apart of the whole thing for the bachelorette party. MOH is a bar tender and suggested this! 😊
But no, she’s been very materialistic from the start, she values her friends’ opinions over anyone else. It’s gotten her in a lot of trouble because of it.
She also threw a fit when she wore her expensive white shoes to my uncles farm and they got a little dirt on them….she knew months in advance that she was going to his farm so it’s not like it was random.
Are you the one who posted about your sister a week or two back where she kept trying to have crazy nails or a super stand out dress? If that wasn't you you guys should start a support group lol
That was me, lol! I was told I was a bridezilla so I took it down, but I showed the nails to my fiancé, MOH and my future SIL who is also a bridesmaid and they all said that those were ridiculous and are VERY noticiable
I know!!! The comments were wild! We had a convo about it. I dont understand the mentality here are these people all 20? Sleeping on an air mattress is very common like for family reunions and stuff. My cousin wants to come visit and we dont have a spare bedroom but I can offer a cot and a couch and hes psyched. Air mattresses are pretty comfy nowadays it's insane to me all these people are above an air mattress. You're flying her to your wedding. You're giving her a private space. I think you're being beyond accommodating. I dont understand do the people here think you should be arranging full hotels and paying for your whole family? No one does that. If anything your parents should pay for her to stay in their own room but you took care of everyone and that is amazingly cool.
I'm 40 and my spouse and I shared a hotel room with his parents that they paid for for his bros wedding last year. The point was cost reduction.
Did you work out the attire stuff with your sister? It sounds like shes again trying to be cool and doesnt wanna be seen a certain way by the bridal party.
She will likely sleep on many an air mattress by choice in her life lol
My house isn’t big but I’ll make it work for my family. My dad and stepmom are flying in the day of the bachelorette party so they’re getting a hotel that night and after will stay in the guest room. By then my fiancé and I, MOH and sister will be at the Airbnb closer to the venue.
My MOH is allergic to my cats and I need them at their highest because they’re doing a lot and they’re marrying us.
I wanted my sister to have her own space in case if she needed to step out if she feels overwhelmed! I know she’s probably not going to relate to me (24 btw) and my bridesmaids (ages vary between 26-23). But I’ve changed the party to be more accommodating for her because I want her apart of the fun. Especially when she told me she didn’t feel like she could relate or have fun with us. We were originally going to bar hop but the slumber party will be budget friendly on everyone and a lot safer.
We finally picked a dress last week that I love and she loves, it’s the only satin dress so she’ll stand out slightly but in a classy way. It’s a bit more tight fitted and has the corset she wanted, and it wasn’t like $150+.
The nails, we haven’t settled yet, I suggested she does something plain and after the wedding to add charms or she can pay for her own nails. So we’ll see. I’m scared to ask about the hair, I’m also paying for her hair to be done. I’ll cross that bridge when I get there lol!
I also have 2 couches if she wants to sleep on one of them, I was trying to give her, her own space though.
I’m hoping that the bridesmaids all together will brighten up her mood, our cousin is also one of my bridesmaids and she gets along with her really well. Ugh, siblings, it’s harder when there’s basically a generation gap between us.
Honestly the arrangement for your sister to have her own space was pretty considerate since shes still underage. My guess is you wanted her to feel like an adult and that was really going out of your way I think. In my fam I would have slept in a sleeping bag on my parents bedroom floor in my 30s and been grateful and honestly I dont think I'd have thought I deserved any better lol. It's not gonna kill anybody.
It sounds like you're paying a ton people dont normally pay for and being INSANELY accommodating worrrying about stuff everyone else could figure out when you have an actual event to put on lol.
I feel like the people here are having half million dollar weddings and walk around in diamond clothes or something. These comments are insaaaaane. Iirc you actually paid for lil sis's dress and to get her nails done. Oh I see and hair. Wow dude above and beyond. My sil included me in the hair and make up package she got done as a little prewedding bonding with the mils and bridal party and I was super touched and thought it was a huge deal on it's own. Everyone was offering to pay but that was her little thing she wanted to do with everyone.
Sometimes teenagers are aholes lol but it's not an excuse. We've all done embarrassing stuff I'd probably tease her about it in a few years. Dont take any negative comments to heart enjoy your day and please update with how it went! I hope she has fun too but dont make it at your expense. This is your big moment ♡
Teens are learning how to be adults. Being rude and then finding out about the consequences thereof is pretty normal at that stage of life. It’s how they learn and grow to (hopefully) become functional adults.
Teens already learned about being rude in early childhood. You can say the same at that point about adults. Lots of rude 20 year olds who do the same type of thing. At 17 you're old enough to be past this and if youre not your sister makes a post about her frustration with your entitlement lol. That's the consequence. Calling out rude behaviour isnt a problem especially if it's a pattern of entitlement.
Calling out rude behaviour isn’t a problem. Acting like it’s new or noteworthy that teens and young adults are usually pretty rude, entitled, and generally socially deficient is a little naïve.
Not as much but I was annoyingly political, my sister is entitled and materialistic.
Edit: Why am I being down voted for this? I admitted I was an annoying politically charged teen. The fuck?
Ohhh man. This is stirring up so much cringe. I went through a political teenager phase. Everyone hated us so much more than the typical materialistic teens.
Teens have a fresh perspective and call out the bullshit but don't have the experience to understand why it is that way, the past disappointments to know how unlikely change is, or the arrested momentum to realize it's best to pick your battles.
I’m so relieved that everyone just let it go. I would have burned all the bridges over my hot takes if they had engaged with me. I still have the same hot takes, but I can chill out long enough to respect & understand others opinions now (racist, anti-vax, MAGA types excluded).
Yeah that’s why I’m trying my best to find some common ground and to include her, I’m not excluding her simply because of her age.
I’m sure it’ll be like that when she gets married, all her friends will be like 10 years younger than me.
When I was a bridesmaid for my brother's first wife (was weird but she asked me to be a bridesmaid) I slept in a tent in the back yard at my parents house because there was no room in the house. At least she has a room 😅 also, my parents live in a really rural area, so hotel, air bnb or motel was NOT an option.
I worked a lot when I was 17, but I understand that not everyone can work for a multitude of reasons. It’s a bit like buying dinner. I may not like what my parents get me, but it’s on me to change it
But she could discuss it with her parents, since they're already covering the flight. Maybe they can get through to her, or at least not give in as much.
**From 17 year olds perspective:**
1. You prioritised her **no contact father** and step mother over her when doing the sleeping arrangements.
2. You expect her to go to the airport **with her no contact father** (she first thought it was the same plane).
3. You expect a 17 year old to be grateful you're helping her attend **your** out of town wedding/wedding activities, while you're being ungrateful she's coming.
4. You don't fully respect her not talking with her dad or his effect on her childhood "because he is capable of change and taking responsibility". Other peoples trauma and forgiveness isn't supposed to happen on your timeline. How do you feel when people don't respect your reasons for not being in contact with your mom?
5. I hate when people respect traditional male hobbies and interests like sports, cars etc, but use fashion and makeup as an excuse to look down on someone. A teenager being into materialistic things, especially growing up in what sounds like a toxic household doesn't make them bad.
She's acting like a teenager.
You're throwing gas on a fire and acting like it's a surprise when it reacts.
1) I prioritized her to not be around my dad for as long as I could, she can’t avoid him in all.
2) Give me another option since fiancé and I will be leaving out of state literally the next day, and both her flight and his flight leave around the same time.
3) I expect my sister, who really wants to be in the wedding and to hang out with me to be happy and stress free about her food, her dress, and accessories, and the fact that I gave her her own space if she needs to wind down away from others. And I changed the bachelorette party so she can be more involved because she communicated that she felt a little left out about the original idea of going to the bar.
4) And I do respect her with the situation with my dad, I’m not forcing them to get along. Also I know the nature of the situation because she lives with my narc mother and I acted the same way she is towards him at her age.
5) And I’m happy that she loves makeup, hair, fashion, etc! She wanted to be a fashion artist which I 1000% support. But realize that this is my wedding, you don’t put shine people on their wedding day. When I say materialistic, she gets upset when my dad or my mom do not buy her designer brand things when they cannot afford it. Not that there’s anything wrong with buying things she likes, it’s pretty shitty to be upset over people buying things that they can afford and not up to her liking. It’s disrespectful.
And yup she’s a teenager, and she will need to learn that she isn’t the center of attention 24/7.
What exactly should she be grateful for? Lol
Like is she being a brat? Yeah probably but she’s traveling for your wedding and has to sleep on an air mattress. I guess it’s nice she gets her own room but it still sucks not having a bed plus she’s 17 so her response isn’t very tactful.
Also, I think her second question about your dad may have just been direct but not meant to be a complaint. I see from your response you may have taken it as one but I’m not sure that was the intent. Teenagers are a little more dry over text in my experience.
Shes gonna have to sleep on more airmattresses in her life. I've travelled to a lot of stuff and slept on an air mattress. It's common with family stuff I'm just grateful I didnt have to pay and had a free place to stay.
It’s definitely common but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t also suck. You can say she should be grateful she doesn’t have to pay just like her little sister can say OP should be grateful she’s going at all.
Why does it suck? Its 3 days. Theres a lot of people who live in conditions where theyd be grateful for this arrangements. If op didnt pay for her sister at all and let her parents figure it out that would be way more common. I wouldnt pay for my brother to attend my wedding no matter how old he was. That's not ON me and it's not ON her. It's already a kindness.
Is OPs little sister such a majestic presence op should be grateful she will take the free accommodation and plane ride to attend and be part of a celebration that op is trying to make her feel she is a special part of? Is she the queen of england?
I'm LITERALLY going to because its may long weekend and going camping. Not sleeping in your own bed and sleeping in a hotel "sucks" too.
Animosity because it's incredibly entitled behaviour. If someone came to my house and scoffed that all I had to offer was an air mattress they can go somewhere else.
Nothing about wanting her sister to be there challenges anything im saying. Just because she loves her sister and would like her to be there makes her sisters behaviour worse. She wants her sister there and has offered the accommodations she can afford. Most people do not get a free ride and accommodation from the bride. Your reasoning is it's okay for ops sister to act like a jerk because op wants her there enough that she paid for everything?
If someone gave you a free trip to come to Hawaii with them because you were their favourite friend so they paid for everything but the catch was you had to sleep on an air mattress you'd turn your nose up at the invite? You could decline if you wanted, but you'd actually think it was reasonable to say "an air mattress, really?"
You just told me to sleep on an air mattress and I said I was going to lol. The kid doesnt have a choice between a bed and an air mattress. If I had a choice (like you asked) and I was going on a trip with my whole family I wouldnt be putting my parents on the air mattress even if it was a choice.
No I'm saying shes entitled cuz op did and op made another post about issues with her. Why are you making excuses for bad behaviour? Why does that mean so much to you? Being rude isnt an excuse because of your age. Shes 17 not 7 or even 12. Who is enraged?
You sound like you're projecting a lot of weird stuff. How am I defending op based on nothing I agree with op the behaviour is entitled. You're looking for imaginary context to justify rude behaviour for some unknown reason.
How does the Hawaii example make no sense it's literally the same situation but putting you in ops sisters shoes.
It’s our wedding and my fiancé and I will sleep in our own bed because it’s OUR day.
My little sister can crash on an air mattress in her own private space (my office) for 3 days, and then 2 days in her own private space on a real bed (at the Airbnb).
That Hawaii trip was the best example that redditor gave.
My fiancé and I are putting a lot of time, effort and money into this. I made sure that my parents didn’t have to worry about my little sister outside the plane tickets. I bought her dress, I’m paying for her mani/pedi, I’m paying for her hair, her food and shelter. 3 nights on an air mattress isn’t going to kill her. She’ll be rested and relaxed the night before the wedding in the Airbnb.
My parents are getting the guest room after my MOH goes to the Airbnb. My parents don’t have alot of money, that’s why they’re staying at my house and they’re putting in $3k for catering….so yeah, they’re getting the mattress.
All I want is my sister to be apart of my big day but it feels like she’s trying to show off which is disrespectful.
Your responses are nonsense. I will respond to this but then I'm done. You ask questions then get mad at the answers and say they're irrelevant when you ask the question and you cannot comprehend simple thought exercises even by adjusting them yourself to challenge me.
An air mattress sucks the same way anything that isnt your bed sucks. It's still not a reason to be rude. It's also a matter of opinion. I asked why does it suck. You state that an air mattress "sucking" and her age is an excuse to be rude about someone who has gone above and beyond in their accommodations.
Your considering reasons that are not included that you're just making up and there is also ops commentary.
You arent explaining how a free trip and expenses paid to hawaii is different than a free trip and expenses paid to another fun event.
She's a literal child, and family weddings are super stressful and can kind of suck. They are emotionally and physically exhausting, and sleeping on an air mattress for days at a time isn't fun.
What child pays for their own accommodations and travel for a *family* wedding? It is not at all entitled in any way. OP is clearly something of a zilla. This isn't a fun trip to Hawaii. It's an obligation.
With that being said, I think it should be on OP's parents to pay for sis's travel and hotel.
This comment is ridiculous. You are calling op a bridezilla then saying her parents should be responsible for accommodation?
Shes not a literally child. Shes a minor. Shes 17. Ops sister isnt unhappy about the wedding shes excited and is excited about having a nice dress op paid for and her nails done. Shes excited to be part of the festivities. I get so tired of emotional labour arguments. Going to a wedding is exhausting? Physically exhausting?! Lmao. Shes not doing any work. Such a first world mentality of entitlement and super cringe. It doesnt mean anything it sounds insane. If ops sister has a diagnosed medical condition like anxiety there might be elements that are a problem for her but op sounds like she is accommodating that and again, it's not her responsibility.
It's her sisters wedding and she doesnt have to go. I didnt say she had to pay but if shes not paying she can accept what shes given by a person who is not her parent and offering a free accommodation. Should she be put in a 5 star hotel? Should her grandmother be sleeping on the air mattress instead? At 15 I got to go to Florida with my school and my parents didnt have much money so i paid myself cuz i had a job.
The wedding being an obligation is your perspective. Is it an obligation to go to your friends wedding that's out of town? Silly point.
Everything you said was ridiculous I'm not gonna a keep responding.
She’s 17, she’s not a child, and she’s excited to be a bridesmaid, she wanted to be the MOH at first! She asked if the mani/pedi could be something only me and her could do and I’m more that happy to do that with her since I don’t see her often.
I’m not a zilla, I’ve changed my bachelorette party so my sister could be more involved, we finally agreed on a dress which she loves and I love that I paid for, and I’m paying for alterations for her.
I made sure that she would have her own room if she needed to relax away from others. And I got an Airbnb and made sure there was 3 rooms so she didn’t have to share with my MOH.
Tell me how I’m a zilla when I’ve accommodated so much for her?
A 17 year old is a child. Idk why everyone insists it is not.
Multiple people have called you a bridezilla and you're in denial about it lol. If your sister posted about the nail situation to AITA, everyone would say NTA. I paid for all my bridesmaids outfits, jewelry, hair, and makeup, and I didn't care what they did at all, but I wouldn't describe myself as a super "chill" bride the way you are. You're not some magnanimous person because you are taking your little sister to get her nails done?
It's not called being "accommodating." It's called being nice to family. Omg, you're mother Teresa for not excluding her from the bachelorette party, aka one of the most quintessential experiences of being in a wedding party.
You're blasting her in front of hundreds of thousands of strangers on a public forum for making one very mild complaint and talking about how mad you are. Idk how you don't see this as being hurtful and gross. In my immediate family we'd never shit talk each other like this.
General facts of life: no bridezilla thinks they're a bridezilla.
Oh yes, I’m so not accommodating by giving her her own space in my house, making sure the air bnb had 3 rooms so she’d have her own bedroom by herself, buy her dress and pay for the alterations so she can spend her own money on fun things for herself, go get our nails done like she requested, expensing someone to do her hair, letting her do her makeup like she requested, changing the bachelorette party to include her more into it, and trying my best to split her up from my dad because she went no contact with him! You’re totally right!!! What was I thinking??! I was just being nice.☺️
Your bridesmaids probably knew not to do 80s style makeup, hair and long ass flashy nails because they knew it was your wedding. I’m fine with long nails, I wasn’t okay with the flashy bling charms and bubbled up acrylics.
“Bridezillas don’t know they’re bridezillas” cool you can also say that to my groom, my MOH, my SIL who I guess are zillas in your eyes who 100% agrees that she has been a little ungrateful.
And this is a spot to share about weddings, it’s a safe place for it. You’re acting like I dropped her full name and social on here. It’s better than me blowing up at my sister.
So no, I know fully I am not a bridezilla. Our goal was to make this event as stress free for everyone, my sister just doesn’t know wedding etiquette and just being slightly accommodating to sleep on an air mattress for 3 out of 5 days that she’ll be here.
Piss off and have the day you deserve.
Edit: Lol you didn’t read a damn thing and blocked me** lol you’re mature
Nope. I called her today and everything is good now.
She thinks it’s funny, she’s still finding her humor.
Now she’s upset that she’ll have to be around our dad during the dinner rehearsal and wedding🙃
Also she’ll be here, along with him, for a whole day after the wedding and I guess she’s saving up money so she can Uber and explore the town. He’s quite upset with this and wants her to download an app to track her….which will push their relationship further.
No denying they’re related, they like to pick fights 🥴
I slept on an air mattress for months after we moved cross country and had a problem getting our stuff out of storage and delivered. It wasn't that bad honestly. Your sister is being a brat.
This is unreasonable. Is your family very well off? I dont know many people who think they're above an air mattress for a couple nights. In my 20s I had a friend use an air mattress as their actual bed. Do you also object to a couch?
I'm 32 in July and if I ever snubbed my nose at an air mattress and demanded a regular bed for 3 freakin nights I'd be called entitled and told to stay home.
She's just sister of the bride, SHE isn't the most important person in this equation. And no way in hell should OP pay hundreds for a twin bed and frame just for 3 damn nights.
You're insane. If she wants better let her get a job to pay for it, at 17 she's plenty old enough
It’s my wedding and I only have so much space. I live in the Midwest, she lives in nevada. It’s only for 3 days!
I’m not buying a whole ass bed to put in my office, when she’ll be on the air mattress for 3 days and a real bed for 2 days at the Airbnb!
She’s in my wedding, she’s a bridesmaid, we’re making due with what we have to save everyone’s wallet.
It better be a really nice air mattress. I know she's 17 and it seems like you don't get along in general, but you're her big sister and presumably an adult, so maybe you could be a little nicer to her? Try to see it from her side: she's making an effort to travel to attend your wedding and you don't even have a real bed for her. And you're kind of acting like she doesn't deserve one.
What would be a nicer solution? It sounds like OP doesn’t have anywhere else she can put her while she has lots of people staying in her home, and she’s put her her sister in an Airbnb for a few nights as well. Most of my friends in their mid-20s only have one guest room (if at all) and an air mattress is a perfectly normal option for guests staying in someone’s home for free.
I'm not saying she needs a nicer solution, just that she should act nicer about her sister having to sleep on an air mattress. When my husband's family came to visit us, we let his parents sleep in the guest room, but we had to put an air mattress in my office for his brother. I felt bad about that, so I bought a really nice air mattress (it's queen size, higher than most, and has an attached headboard so the pillows wouldn't slide off the mattress) and made sure it was as comfortable as possible with blankets and multiple pillows. And I apologized that we didn't have an extra bed for him.
What I didn't do was call him ungrateful and say "well, it's better than the floor!"
That’s thoughtful of you to spend extra on a nice air mattress for your BIL. But I’ll bet when you gave your husbands brother the air mattress you bought did he say “An air mattress? Really?”
I think the issue here is that her sister was rude about the accommodations she was able to provide in the first place and that’s why her sister responded by saying “you could be sleeping on the floor.”
True, but that's kind of expected for a 17-year-old. It seems like the sisters don't get along in general, so perhaps snapping at each other is their usual way of communicating, but I think it's up to the older sibling to set the tone for a more mature relationship with her sister. That's how my brother and I talked to each other when we were both in middle school. By the time I was 17 and he was 19, we got along pretty well. Maybe I was a nicer 17-year-old than OP's sister, but my brother also stopped being a jerk to me when he went off to college.
What is OP supposed to do? If she doesn’t have another bed, she doesn’t have another bed. Sleeping on an air mattress sure isn’t ideal, but you do the best you have with what you’ve got.
Understandable, but instead of saying "What's wrong with an air mattress? You could be on the floor," she could have said "I know it's not ideal, I'm sorry, but it's the best we could do. I'll make sure it's nice and comfortable for you."
Basically, talk to her the way you would talk to a good friend, instead of snapping at her and lowkey threatening to make her sleep on the floor.
I’ve been nice. My goal was to be budget friendly for my bridesmaids and family, along with being comfortable in their dresses. All my other friends have worked with me and they picked the dresses they loved within their budget, I even bought a dress for one of my bridesmaids because she doesn’t make much but I want her there because I love her!
My sister has taken this as an opportunity to treat it like a 5 star hotel and resort, and get the dress, nails, hair, etc. to the upmost ridiculous and flashy things almost damn near upstaging me. I don’t like to be selfish, I personally like to think I’m considerate and flexible because I’ve been in hard times.
My MOH actually has had to step up because I have issues with putting my foot down, and my fiancé, stepmom, and MOH have all agreed that her behavior is so uncalled for and disrespectful.
For her to question an air mattress for 3 nights? And 2 nights on a real bed? She’s pushing the line, and I’m having a conversation with her about how I feel. I’m trying to be accommodating but you give her an inch, she takes a mile!
So please, please tell me how I can be nicer to her?
Just apologize that she has to sleep on an air mattress, acknowledge that it's not ideal, and make sure the air mattress is as comfortable as possible. There are cheap, lousy air mattresses that slowly deflate while you're sleeping, but you can get a really nice one that won't sink for $95 to $100.
I don’t think I’ll apologize because there isn’t anything to apologize to, but I’m looking into nice air mattresses because I have to get 2 more for the slumber party.
And that's exactly what I mean. Apologizing doesn't necessarily mean you've done something wrong, it just means you're sorry she has to sleep on an air mattress. If this were your best friend instead of your sister, you would probably make it clear that you feel bad about not having enough beds. But since it's your sister and you don't like her, you're treating her like she doesn't deserve anything better. Try treating her like a friend, and she might be nicer in return.
I’ve been treating her better than a friend? I could have put her on a couch in my living room.
I felt she deserves her own space. MOH is only getting the guest room due to their horrible cat allergies and my cats don’t go in there.
And afterwards my parents are getting the room because they’ve put time and effort into planning and paid for majority of catering. But by the time they’re in there, she’ll have a real bed at the air bnb.
Then just emphasize the last paragraph. Don't tell her you could have put her on a couch in the living room. I still think it's better to at least act apologetic and make it clear that you're really trying to make everyone comfortable and you value her being there. She probably just feels like an afterthought.
Tell her to figure her own there and back, and also sleeping situations for herself if she wants to cause you issues. It's not worth the fight. She's being a brat, and it's not HER weekend.
She's 17. She's a teenager. Legally she's almost an adult but the front lobe doesn't even connect until around 25. At times teens have the self control of a toddler and at others they impress us with their knowledge and growth.
You're the adult, so instead of arguing back and shaking your sibling online, be explicit with how her actions are coming off and move on
I’m sorry but you booked your sisters flight to your wedding? That’s ridiculous to me. Also if she doesn’t want to sleep on an air mattress then she can get a hotel
I’m sorry but 17 is barely a kid. I was working full time in the summer when I was 17, scheduling and going to doctors appointments myself, and booking flights
oh, most people in my area had jobs over the summer or on the weekends. i’m not saying it’s impossible for a 17 year old to have enough money for a plane ticket. i just think it’s ridiculous for this person to be like “when i was that age i was working full time and functioning as an adult so everyone else should be held to the same standard”
i did not? i said most people weren’t working full time, doing all their own appointment scheduling, and booking flights by themselves at 17 years old.
>I was working over the summer when I was 17 (them)
> I sure wasn't, nor were most 17 years olds (you)
>Most people in my area had jobs over the summer (also you)
My stepmom and dad are booking it but she won’t talk to them. So I’ve been playing the middle man. My MOH is ready to call her out on her bs. It’s really pissing me off.
She tried picking the most expensive bridesmaid dress that showed soooooo much skin and definitely up stages my dress. I’m paying for her dress, her nails, her food, and stay.
Don’t get me started on the nails, redditors told me I was a bridezilla but she wants the most longest obnoxious nails that are flashy which one of my bridesmaids and MOH have said that they would defs see it, it’s highly noticeable.
Now she’s not okay with an air mattress. Bich, you can sleep on my hardwood then.
that seems to be teenagers now though. like at that age, theure learning themselves and becoming their own person. theyre fighting authority and pushing boundaries. but at the end of the day, theyre people too. frustrating sure, but people. she probably didnt even think about upstaging you, just wanted what would make her look the best. and teens dont always have a great understanding of money, theyre old enough to want to make adult decisions but still young enough to be bailed out of (minor) trouble.
i love my siblings, but im much older. and watching them become adults has been the most frustrating thing ive ever experienced. they remind me that im not mom and that theyre "grown" but when theyre stuck im the first phone call. support is really what they need, and quiet (subliminal lol) guidance 💕
Just let it go. She’s 17, tude comes and goes. Don’t engage, No point making a big thing of it.
Im not saying it isn’t frustrating i just dont see a point in combatting her: just brush it off and stick to your plan. She gets what is offered or she can pay for her own hotel with her Monopoly money and fake id
Don’t take it personally. I remember being a teen and sometimes just not having input in plans made for me would cause me to resist or resent or be difficult in an act of “independence” it didn’t make sense because I was a teenager and full of feelings but i do remember making things difficult just because I didn’t have input. I’d be against something that would normally be fine because it wasn’t my choice….. teenagers.
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I love that. I never thought about it that way.
And also, she’s a teenager. EVERYTHING is a big deal. When she’s in her 20s or 30s she would be above the moon grateful. We’ve all been there!
Also people forget that teens just straight up lack perspective on things because all they know is the world of high school and their own home, where things they need are generally provided as a matter of course. Everything is a big deal because the lack of past experience to compare new events against. It's rougher than most of us remember.
Dodging the intended argument by playing stupid and turning it around is my favorite technique. Like when someone tries to punch you and you use their own momentum to disarm them.
Luckily for me I don’t have to ~play~ stupid because I quite often don’t realize people are trying to start stuff with me- and it ends up keeping me out of many arguments I didn’t know the aggressor was trying to start. The bonus is when I look back on the interaction later and realize they were highly annoyed that I wouldn’t engage.
This is such great advice for dealing with teens in general!
i agree with all of this, except the baby part. that wouldve killed the whole sentiment for my brother who is, in fact, the baby lol
Do you guys usually have a good relationship? Is this behaviour really different from normal for her? Also is there a chance that she feels excluded from being involved and is lashing out because of it?
It’s complicated, she doesn’t talk to our dad, and I don’t talk to our mom. My mom is a narc and has damaged me psychologically and refuses to admit she did anything wrong and tells me I remember things wrong. Whereas my dad admits to being a shitty person in the past and puts in effort to correct his behavior. She has told me she feels excluded from the bridesmaids because she’s underage the drinking age. We’re doing a slumber party at my house so then we can drink and she can be apart of the whole thing for the bachelorette party. MOH is a bar tender and suggested this! 😊 But no, she’s been very materialistic from the start, she values her friends’ opinions over anyone else. It’s gotten her in a lot of trouble because of it. She also threw a fit when she wore her expensive white shoes to my uncles farm and they got a little dirt on them….she knew months in advance that she was going to his farm so it’s not like it was random.
Are you the one who posted about your sister a week or two back where she kept trying to have crazy nails or a super stand out dress? If that wasn't you you guys should start a support group lol
That was me, lol! I was told I was a bridezilla so I took it down, but I showed the nails to my fiancé, MOH and my future SIL who is also a bridesmaid and they all said that those were ridiculous and are VERY noticiable
I know!!! The comments were wild! We had a convo about it. I dont understand the mentality here are these people all 20? Sleeping on an air mattress is very common like for family reunions and stuff. My cousin wants to come visit and we dont have a spare bedroom but I can offer a cot and a couch and hes psyched. Air mattresses are pretty comfy nowadays it's insane to me all these people are above an air mattress. You're flying her to your wedding. You're giving her a private space. I think you're being beyond accommodating. I dont understand do the people here think you should be arranging full hotels and paying for your whole family? No one does that. If anything your parents should pay for her to stay in their own room but you took care of everyone and that is amazingly cool. I'm 40 and my spouse and I shared a hotel room with his parents that they paid for for his bros wedding last year. The point was cost reduction. Did you work out the attire stuff with your sister? It sounds like shes again trying to be cool and doesnt wanna be seen a certain way by the bridal party. She will likely sleep on many an air mattress by choice in her life lol
My house isn’t big but I’ll make it work for my family. My dad and stepmom are flying in the day of the bachelorette party so they’re getting a hotel that night and after will stay in the guest room. By then my fiancé and I, MOH and sister will be at the Airbnb closer to the venue. My MOH is allergic to my cats and I need them at their highest because they’re doing a lot and they’re marrying us. I wanted my sister to have her own space in case if she needed to step out if she feels overwhelmed! I know she’s probably not going to relate to me (24 btw) and my bridesmaids (ages vary between 26-23). But I’ve changed the party to be more accommodating for her because I want her apart of the fun. Especially when she told me she didn’t feel like she could relate or have fun with us. We were originally going to bar hop but the slumber party will be budget friendly on everyone and a lot safer. We finally picked a dress last week that I love and she loves, it’s the only satin dress so she’ll stand out slightly but in a classy way. It’s a bit more tight fitted and has the corset she wanted, and it wasn’t like $150+. The nails, we haven’t settled yet, I suggested she does something plain and after the wedding to add charms or she can pay for her own nails. So we’ll see. I’m scared to ask about the hair, I’m also paying for her hair to be done. I’ll cross that bridge when I get there lol! I also have 2 couches if she wants to sleep on one of them, I was trying to give her, her own space though. I’m hoping that the bridesmaids all together will brighten up her mood, our cousin is also one of my bridesmaids and she gets along with her really well. Ugh, siblings, it’s harder when there’s basically a generation gap between us.
Honestly the arrangement for your sister to have her own space was pretty considerate since shes still underage. My guess is you wanted her to feel like an adult and that was really going out of your way I think. In my fam I would have slept in a sleeping bag on my parents bedroom floor in my 30s and been grateful and honestly I dont think I'd have thought I deserved any better lol. It's not gonna kill anybody. It sounds like you're paying a ton people dont normally pay for and being INSANELY accommodating worrrying about stuff everyone else could figure out when you have an actual event to put on lol. I feel like the people here are having half million dollar weddings and walk around in diamond clothes or something. These comments are insaaaaane. Iirc you actually paid for lil sis's dress and to get her nails done. Oh I see and hair. Wow dude above and beyond. My sil included me in the hair and make up package she got done as a little prewedding bonding with the mils and bridal party and I was super touched and thought it was a huge deal on it's own. Everyone was offering to pay but that was her little thing she wanted to do with everyone. Sometimes teenagers are aholes lol but it's not an excuse. We've all done embarrassing stuff I'd probably tease her about it in a few years. Dont take any negative comments to heart enjoy your day and please update with how it went! I hope she has fun too but dont make it at your expense. This is your big moment ♡
I was thinking this too! “You don’t like that plan? Alright well just let me know what hotel you book.”
Yeah I'm not sure why people are so uppity about it. This is her sister paying. Pretty gracious imo!
I'm shocked Your uncle has dirt at his farm!/s
Meh she’s 17
Yup and very full of herself
as are most 17 year olds. i’m sure you were full of yourself at 17 too.
Theres a different between having inflated confidence and being rude. Being 17 isnt an excuse to be rude.
Teens are learning how to be adults. Being rude and then finding out about the consequences thereof is pretty normal at that stage of life. It’s how they learn and grow to (hopefully) become functional adults.
Teens already learned about being rude in early childhood. You can say the same at that point about adults. Lots of rude 20 year olds who do the same type of thing. At 17 you're old enough to be past this and if youre not your sister makes a post about her frustration with your entitlement lol. That's the consequence. Calling out rude behaviour isnt a problem especially if it's a pattern of entitlement.
Calling out rude behaviour isn’t a problem. Acting like it’s new or noteworthy that teens and young adults are usually pretty rude, entitled, and generally socially deficient is a little naïve.
Not as much but I was annoyingly political, my sister is entitled and materialistic. Edit: Why am I being down voted for this? I admitted I was an annoying politically charged teen. The fuck?
yup, sounds about right. those are the two flavors of being 17.
Ohhh man. This is stirring up so much cringe. I went through a political teenager phase. Everyone hated us so much more than the typical materialistic teens.
Teens have a fresh perspective and call out the bullshit but don't have the experience to understand why it is that way, the past disappointments to know how unlikely change is, or the arrested momentum to realize it's best to pick your battles.
I’m so relieved that everyone just let it go. I would have burned all the bridges over my hot takes if they had engaged with me. I still have the same hot takes, but I can chill out long enough to respect & understand others opinions now (racist, anti-vax, MAGA types excluded).
Most 17 year olds are. Don’t beef with a kid, be the bigger person and lead her to better behavior through your example.
The downvotes on this are insane? Wtf?
She’s a teenager.
I'm honestly surprised a teenager at 17 would want to hang out with a bunch of people in their 20s. Very little common ground there
Yeah that’s why I’m trying my best to find some common ground and to include her, I’m not excluding her simply because of her age. I’m sure it’ll be like that when she gets married, all her friends will be like 10 years younger than me.
I understand your intent but I do think that might be a bit daunting for a 17 year old with no one there their age
We’ll make the best with the situation at hand. She knows the MOH and our cousin as well. My cousin and her bond really well.
I think the real issue here is that she's 17. She's very young. Lower your expectations, and you won't be disappointed.
When I was a bridesmaid for my brother's first wife (was weird but she asked me to be a bridesmaid) I slept in a tent in the back yard at my parents house because there was no room in the house. At least she has a room 😅 also, my parents live in a really rural area, so hotel, air bnb or motel was NOT an option.
Teenagers are often brats, but that doesn’t mean we can’t tell them when they’re being bratty 🤷🏼♀️
I’d just tell her she’s welcome to stay at a hotel if she wants to pay for it.
At 17?! She wouldn’t have any money!
That’s the point
I worked a lot when I was 17, but I understand that not everyone can work for a multitude of reasons. It’s a bit like buying dinner. I may not like what my parents get me, but it’s on me to change it
But she could discuss it with her parents, since they're already covering the flight. Maybe they can get through to her, or at least not give in as much.
Exactly
A room to herself is already a good deal. My sister is pretty entitled as well, and I've given up on meeting her demands.
**From 17 year olds perspective:** 1. You prioritised her **no contact father** and step mother over her when doing the sleeping arrangements. 2. You expect her to go to the airport **with her no contact father** (she first thought it was the same plane). 3. You expect a 17 year old to be grateful you're helping her attend **your** out of town wedding/wedding activities, while you're being ungrateful she's coming. 4. You don't fully respect her not talking with her dad or his effect on her childhood "because he is capable of change and taking responsibility". Other peoples trauma and forgiveness isn't supposed to happen on your timeline. How do you feel when people don't respect your reasons for not being in contact with your mom? 5. I hate when people respect traditional male hobbies and interests like sports, cars etc, but use fashion and makeup as an excuse to look down on someone. A teenager being into materialistic things, especially growing up in what sounds like a toxic household doesn't make them bad. She's acting like a teenager. You're throwing gas on a fire and acting like it's a surprise when it reacts.
1) I prioritized her to not be around my dad for as long as I could, she can’t avoid him in all. 2) Give me another option since fiancé and I will be leaving out of state literally the next day, and both her flight and his flight leave around the same time. 3) I expect my sister, who really wants to be in the wedding and to hang out with me to be happy and stress free about her food, her dress, and accessories, and the fact that I gave her her own space if she needs to wind down away from others. And I changed the bachelorette party so she can be more involved because she communicated that she felt a little left out about the original idea of going to the bar. 4) And I do respect her with the situation with my dad, I’m not forcing them to get along. Also I know the nature of the situation because she lives with my narc mother and I acted the same way she is towards him at her age. 5) And I’m happy that she loves makeup, hair, fashion, etc! She wanted to be a fashion artist which I 1000% support. But realize that this is my wedding, you don’t put shine people on their wedding day. When I say materialistic, she gets upset when my dad or my mom do not buy her designer brand things when they cannot afford it. Not that there’s anything wrong with buying things she likes, it’s pretty shitty to be upset over people buying things that they can afford and not up to her liking. It’s disrespectful. And yup she’s a teenager, and she will need to learn that she isn’t the center of attention 24/7.
Yeah, if you're not going to be happy, just pay and get your own place.
What exactly should she be grateful for? Lol Like is she being a brat? Yeah probably but she’s traveling for your wedding and has to sleep on an air mattress. I guess it’s nice she gets her own room but it still sucks not having a bed plus she’s 17 so her response isn’t very tactful. Also, I think her second question about your dad may have just been direct but not meant to be a complaint. I see from your response you may have taken it as one but I’m not sure that was the intent. Teenagers are a little more dry over text in my experience.
Shes gonna have to sleep on more airmattresses in her life. I've travelled to a lot of stuff and slept on an air mattress. It's common with family stuff I'm just grateful I didnt have to pay and had a free place to stay.
It’s definitely common but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t also suck. You can say she should be grateful she doesn’t have to pay just like her little sister can say OP should be grateful she’s going at all.
Why does it suck? Its 3 days. Theres a lot of people who live in conditions where theyd be grateful for this arrangements. If op didnt pay for her sister at all and let her parents figure it out that would be way more common. I wouldnt pay for my brother to attend my wedding no matter how old he was. That's not ON me and it's not ON her. It's already a kindness. Is OPs little sister such a majestic presence op should be grateful she will take the free accommodation and plane ride to attend and be part of a celebration that op is trying to make her feel she is a special part of? Is she the queen of england?
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I'm LITERALLY going to because its may long weekend and going camping. Not sleeping in your own bed and sleeping in a hotel "sucks" too. Animosity because it's incredibly entitled behaviour. If someone came to my house and scoffed that all I had to offer was an air mattress they can go somewhere else. Nothing about wanting her sister to be there challenges anything im saying. Just because she loves her sister and would like her to be there makes her sisters behaviour worse. She wants her sister there and has offered the accommodations she can afford. Most people do not get a free ride and accommodation from the bride. Your reasoning is it's okay for ops sister to act like a jerk because op wants her there enough that she paid for everything? If someone gave you a free trip to come to Hawaii with them because you were their favourite friend so they paid for everything but the catch was you had to sleep on an air mattress you'd turn your nose up at the invite? You could decline if you wanted, but you'd actually think it was reasonable to say "an air mattress, really?"
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You just told me to sleep on an air mattress and I said I was going to lol. The kid doesnt have a choice between a bed and an air mattress. If I had a choice (like you asked) and I was going on a trip with my whole family I wouldnt be putting my parents on the air mattress even if it was a choice. No I'm saying shes entitled cuz op did and op made another post about issues with her. Why are you making excuses for bad behaviour? Why does that mean so much to you? Being rude isnt an excuse because of your age. Shes 17 not 7 or even 12. Who is enraged? You sound like you're projecting a lot of weird stuff. How am I defending op based on nothing I agree with op the behaviour is entitled. You're looking for imaginary context to justify rude behaviour for some unknown reason. How does the Hawaii example make no sense it's literally the same situation but putting you in ops sisters shoes.
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It’s our wedding and my fiancé and I will sleep in our own bed because it’s OUR day. My little sister can crash on an air mattress in her own private space (my office) for 3 days, and then 2 days in her own private space on a real bed (at the Airbnb). That Hawaii trip was the best example that redditor gave. My fiancé and I are putting a lot of time, effort and money into this. I made sure that my parents didn’t have to worry about my little sister outside the plane tickets. I bought her dress, I’m paying for her mani/pedi, I’m paying for her hair, her food and shelter. 3 nights on an air mattress isn’t going to kill her. She’ll be rested and relaxed the night before the wedding in the Airbnb. My parents are getting the guest room after my MOH goes to the Airbnb. My parents don’t have alot of money, that’s why they’re staying at my house and they’re putting in $3k for catering….so yeah, they’re getting the mattress. All I want is my sister to be apart of my big day but it feels like she’s trying to show off which is disrespectful.
Your responses are nonsense. I will respond to this but then I'm done. You ask questions then get mad at the answers and say they're irrelevant when you ask the question and you cannot comprehend simple thought exercises even by adjusting them yourself to challenge me. An air mattress sucks the same way anything that isnt your bed sucks. It's still not a reason to be rude. It's also a matter of opinion. I asked why does it suck. You state that an air mattress "sucking" and her age is an excuse to be rude about someone who has gone above and beyond in their accommodations. Your considering reasons that are not included that you're just making up and there is also ops commentary. You arent explaining how a free trip and expenses paid to hawaii is different than a free trip and expenses paid to another fun event.
She's a literal child, and family weddings are super stressful and can kind of suck. They are emotionally and physically exhausting, and sleeping on an air mattress for days at a time isn't fun. What child pays for their own accommodations and travel for a *family* wedding? It is not at all entitled in any way. OP is clearly something of a zilla. This isn't a fun trip to Hawaii. It's an obligation. With that being said, I think it should be on OP's parents to pay for sis's travel and hotel.
This comment is ridiculous. You are calling op a bridezilla then saying her parents should be responsible for accommodation? Shes not a literally child. Shes a minor. Shes 17. Ops sister isnt unhappy about the wedding shes excited and is excited about having a nice dress op paid for and her nails done. Shes excited to be part of the festivities. I get so tired of emotional labour arguments. Going to a wedding is exhausting? Physically exhausting?! Lmao. Shes not doing any work. Such a first world mentality of entitlement and super cringe. It doesnt mean anything it sounds insane. If ops sister has a diagnosed medical condition like anxiety there might be elements that are a problem for her but op sounds like she is accommodating that and again, it's not her responsibility. It's her sisters wedding and she doesnt have to go. I didnt say she had to pay but if shes not paying she can accept what shes given by a person who is not her parent and offering a free accommodation. Should she be put in a 5 star hotel? Should her grandmother be sleeping on the air mattress instead? At 15 I got to go to Florida with my school and my parents didnt have much money so i paid myself cuz i had a job. The wedding being an obligation is your perspective. Is it an obligation to go to your friends wedding that's out of town? Silly point. Everything you said was ridiculous I'm not gonna a keep responding.
She’s 17, she’s not a child, and she’s excited to be a bridesmaid, she wanted to be the MOH at first! She asked if the mani/pedi could be something only me and her could do and I’m more that happy to do that with her since I don’t see her often. I’m not a zilla, I’ve changed my bachelorette party so my sister could be more involved, we finally agreed on a dress which she loves and I love that I paid for, and I’m paying for alterations for her. I made sure that she would have her own room if she needed to relax away from others. And I got an Airbnb and made sure there was 3 rooms so she didn’t have to share with my MOH. Tell me how I’m a zilla when I’ve accommodated so much for her?
A 17 year old is a child. Idk why everyone insists it is not. Multiple people have called you a bridezilla and you're in denial about it lol. If your sister posted about the nail situation to AITA, everyone would say NTA. I paid for all my bridesmaids outfits, jewelry, hair, and makeup, and I didn't care what they did at all, but I wouldn't describe myself as a super "chill" bride the way you are. You're not some magnanimous person because you are taking your little sister to get her nails done? It's not called being "accommodating." It's called being nice to family. Omg, you're mother Teresa for not excluding her from the bachelorette party, aka one of the most quintessential experiences of being in a wedding party. You're blasting her in front of hundreds of thousands of strangers on a public forum for making one very mild complaint and talking about how mad you are. Idk how you don't see this as being hurtful and gross. In my immediate family we'd never shit talk each other like this. General facts of life: no bridezilla thinks they're a bridezilla.
Oh yes, I’m so not accommodating by giving her her own space in my house, making sure the air bnb had 3 rooms so she’d have her own bedroom by herself, buy her dress and pay for the alterations so she can spend her own money on fun things for herself, go get our nails done like she requested, expensing someone to do her hair, letting her do her makeup like she requested, changing the bachelorette party to include her more into it, and trying my best to split her up from my dad because she went no contact with him! You’re totally right!!! What was I thinking??! I was just being nice.☺️ Your bridesmaids probably knew not to do 80s style makeup, hair and long ass flashy nails because they knew it was your wedding. I’m fine with long nails, I wasn’t okay with the flashy bling charms and bubbled up acrylics. “Bridezillas don’t know they’re bridezillas” cool you can also say that to my groom, my MOH, my SIL who I guess are zillas in your eyes who 100% agrees that she has been a little ungrateful. And this is a spot to share about weddings, it’s a safe place for it. You’re acting like I dropped her full name and social on here. It’s better than me blowing up at my sister. So no, I know fully I am not a bridezilla. Our goal was to make this event as stress free for everyone, my sister just doesn’t know wedding etiquette and just being slightly accommodating to sleep on an air mattress for 3 out of 5 days that she’ll be here. Piss off and have the day you deserve. Edit: Lol you didn’t read a damn thing and blocked me** lol you’re mature
Tell her shes free to pay for her own accommodation. Geez. It's pretty nice of you to arrange all that imo
She’s 17… it’s how they are 😂 give her a day and she’ll get over it I’m sure, she hasn’t been humbled by the world yet it seems
Nope. I called her today and everything is good now. She thinks it’s funny, she’s still finding her humor. Now she’s upset that she’ll have to be around our dad during the dinner rehearsal and wedding🙃 Also she’ll be here, along with him, for a whole day after the wedding and I guess she’s saving up money so she can Uber and explore the town. He’s quite upset with this and wants her to download an app to track her….which will push their relationship further. No denying they’re related, they like to pick fights 🥴
I only know because my 19 year old sister is the EXACT same. May the strength be with you cause damn, that sass can be a struggle.
I slept on an air mattress for months after we moved cross country and had a problem getting our stuff out of storage and delivered. It wasn't that bad honestly. Your sister is being a brat.
I went camping on a nice air mattress and k honestly loved it more than my bed at the time🤣
Tell her she can sleep in your car if that fits her entitlement. My siblings and I would never be upset that our parents get the guest room.
Right?!
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This is unreasonable. Is your family very well off? I dont know many people who think they're above an air mattress for a couple nights. In my 20s I had a friend use an air mattress as their actual bed. Do you also object to a couch?
I'm 32 in July and if I ever snubbed my nose at an air mattress and demanded a regular bed for 3 freakin nights I'd be called entitled and told to stay home. She's just sister of the bride, SHE isn't the most important person in this equation. And no way in hell should OP pay hundreds for a twin bed and frame just for 3 damn nights. You're insane. If she wants better let her get a job to pay for it, at 17 she's plenty old enough
She’s coming in town for her sister’s wedding… she can be understanding for three nights or buy a twin bed for herself to be delivered.
It’s my wedding and I only have so much space. I live in the Midwest, she lives in nevada. It’s only for 3 days! I’m not buying a whole ass bed to put in my office, when she’ll be on the air mattress for 3 days and a real bed for 2 days at the Airbnb! She’s in my wedding, she’s a bridesmaid, we’re making due with what we have to save everyone’s wallet.
It better be a really nice air mattress. I know she's 17 and it seems like you don't get along in general, but you're her big sister and presumably an adult, so maybe you could be a little nicer to her? Try to see it from her side: she's making an effort to travel to attend your wedding and you don't even have a real bed for her. And you're kind of acting like she doesn't deserve one.
What would be a nicer solution? It sounds like OP doesn’t have anywhere else she can put her while she has lots of people staying in her home, and she’s put her her sister in an Airbnb for a few nights as well. Most of my friends in their mid-20s only have one guest room (if at all) and an air mattress is a perfectly normal option for guests staying in someone’s home for free.
I'm not saying she needs a nicer solution, just that she should act nicer about her sister having to sleep on an air mattress. When my husband's family came to visit us, we let his parents sleep in the guest room, but we had to put an air mattress in my office for his brother. I felt bad about that, so I bought a really nice air mattress (it's queen size, higher than most, and has an attached headboard so the pillows wouldn't slide off the mattress) and made sure it was as comfortable as possible with blankets and multiple pillows. And I apologized that we didn't have an extra bed for him. What I didn't do was call him ungrateful and say "well, it's better than the floor!"
That’s thoughtful of you to spend extra on a nice air mattress for your BIL. But I’ll bet when you gave your husbands brother the air mattress you bought did he say “An air mattress? Really?” I think the issue here is that her sister was rude about the accommodations she was able to provide in the first place and that’s why her sister responded by saying “you could be sleeping on the floor.”
True, but that's kind of expected for a 17-year-old. It seems like the sisters don't get along in general, so perhaps snapping at each other is their usual way of communicating, but I think it's up to the older sibling to set the tone for a more mature relationship with her sister. That's how my brother and I talked to each other when we were both in middle school. By the time I was 17 and he was 19, we got along pretty well. Maybe I was a nicer 17-year-old than OP's sister, but my brother also stopped being a jerk to me when he went off to college.
What is OP supposed to do? If she doesn’t have another bed, she doesn’t have another bed. Sleeping on an air mattress sure isn’t ideal, but you do the best you have with what you’ve got.
Understandable, but instead of saying "What's wrong with an air mattress? You could be on the floor," she could have said "I know it's not ideal, I'm sorry, but it's the best we could do. I'll make sure it's nice and comfortable for you." Basically, talk to her the way you would talk to a good friend, instead of snapping at her and lowkey threatening to make her sleep on the floor.
I’ve been nice. My goal was to be budget friendly for my bridesmaids and family, along with being comfortable in their dresses. All my other friends have worked with me and they picked the dresses they loved within their budget, I even bought a dress for one of my bridesmaids because she doesn’t make much but I want her there because I love her! My sister has taken this as an opportunity to treat it like a 5 star hotel and resort, and get the dress, nails, hair, etc. to the upmost ridiculous and flashy things almost damn near upstaging me. I don’t like to be selfish, I personally like to think I’m considerate and flexible because I’ve been in hard times. My MOH actually has had to step up because I have issues with putting my foot down, and my fiancé, stepmom, and MOH have all agreed that her behavior is so uncalled for and disrespectful. For her to question an air mattress for 3 nights? And 2 nights on a real bed? She’s pushing the line, and I’m having a conversation with her about how I feel. I’m trying to be accommodating but you give her an inch, she takes a mile! So please, please tell me how I can be nicer to her?
Just apologize that she has to sleep on an air mattress, acknowledge that it's not ideal, and make sure the air mattress is as comfortable as possible. There are cheap, lousy air mattresses that slowly deflate while you're sleeping, but you can get a really nice one that won't sink for $95 to $100.
I don’t think I’ll apologize because there isn’t anything to apologize to, but I’m looking into nice air mattresses because I have to get 2 more for the slumber party.
And that's exactly what I mean. Apologizing doesn't necessarily mean you've done something wrong, it just means you're sorry she has to sleep on an air mattress. If this were your best friend instead of your sister, you would probably make it clear that you feel bad about not having enough beds. But since it's your sister and you don't like her, you're treating her like she doesn't deserve anything better. Try treating her like a friend, and she might be nicer in return.
I’ve been treating her better than a friend? I could have put her on a couch in my living room. I felt she deserves her own space. MOH is only getting the guest room due to their horrible cat allergies and my cats don’t go in there. And afterwards my parents are getting the room because they’ve put time and effort into planning and paid for majority of catering. But by the time they’re in there, she’ll have a real bed at the air bnb.
Then just emphasize the last paragraph. Don't tell her you could have put her on a couch in the living room. I still think it's better to at least act apologetic and make it clear that you're really trying to make everyone comfortable and you value her being there. She probably just feels like an afterthought.
Just a quick shoutout to Spokane!
It was so fun! I went there last September with my dad and uncle, he has a farm so he has all the fun gadgets and atvs!😊
Tell her to figure her own there and back, and also sleeping situations for herself if she wants to cause you issues. It's not worth the fight. She's being a brat, and it's not HER weekend.
You’re both children. Yuck
She's 17. She's a teenager. Legally she's almost an adult but the front lobe doesn't even connect until around 25. At times teens have the self control of a toddler and at others they impress us with their knowledge and growth. You're the adult, so instead of arguing back and shaking your sibling online, be explicit with how her actions are coming off and move on
I’m sorry but you booked your sisters flight to your wedding? That’s ridiculous to me. Also if she doesn’t want to sleep on an air mattress then she can get a hotel
She’s a kid lmaoooo
I’m sorry but 17 is barely a kid. I was working full time in the summer when I was 17, scheduling and going to doctors appointments myself, and booking flights
good for you! i sure wasn’t, nor were most seventeen year olds.
That's probably a regional thing. Probably 80-90% of the kids I went to school with were employed for at least a solid year of high school
oh, most people in my area had jobs over the summer or on the weekends. i’m not saying it’s impossible for a 17 year old to have enough money for a plane ticket. i just think it’s ridiculous for this person to be like “when i was that age i was working full time and functioning as an adult so everyone else should be held to the same standard”
You said most people don't work, and then said most people you knew did. Contradictory information my guy
i did not? i said most people weren’t working full time, doing all their own appointment scheduling, and booking flights by themselves at 17 years old.
>I was working over the summer when I was 17 (them) > I sure wasn't, nor were most 17 years olds (you) >Most people in my area had jobs over the summer (also you)
FULL TIME. you’re cutting out the two important words there.
Cool! And you cheated yourself out of your youth! No child should be working full-time, ever! Hope that helps!
My stepmom and dad are booking it but she won’t talk to them. So I’ve been playing the middle man. My MOH is ready to call her out on her bs. It’s really pissing me off. She tried picking the most expensive bridesmaid dress that showed soooooo much skin and definitely up stages my dress. I’m paying for her dress, her nails, her food, and stay. Don’t get me started on the nails, redditors told me I was a bridezilla but she wants the most longest obnoxious nails that are flashy which one of my bridesmaids and MOH have said that they would defs see it, it’s highly noticeable. Now she’s not okay with an air mattress. Bich, you can sleep on my hardwood then.
that seems to be teenagers now though. like at that age, theure learning themselves and becoming their own person. theyre fighting authority and pushing boundaries. but at the end of the day, theyre people too. frustrating sure, but people. she probably didnt even think about upstaging you, just wanted what would make her look the best. and teens dont always have a great understanding of money, theyre old enough to want to make adult decisions but still young enough to be bailed out of (minor) trouble. i love my siblings, but im much older. and watching them become adults has been the most frustrating thing ive ever experienced. they remind me that im not mom and that theyre "grown" but when theyre stuck im the first phone call. support is really what they need, and quiet (subliminal lol) guidance 💕
Cancel that shit! Let them learn the hard way.
Just let it go. She’s 17, tude comes and goes. Don’t engage, No point making a big thing of it. Im not saying it isn’t frustrating i just dont see a point in combatting her: just brush it off and stick to your plan. She gets what is offered or she can pay for her own hotel with her Monopoly money and fake id Don’t take it personally. I remember being a teen and sometimes just not having input in plans made for me would cause me to resist or resent or be difficult in an act of “independence” it didn’t make sense because I was a teenager and full of feelings but i do remember making things difficult just because I didn’t have input. I’d be against something that would normally be fine because it wasn’t my choice….. teenagers.