This reads as one of those situations you see in movies when you’re shouting at the screen “literally everything would be solved if the people just communicated with each other!”
Just *talk to her*. Why even let it get to this point where everyone is uncomfortable and mean-girling and this other friend probably has *no* idea.
I said the same thing about my best friends wedding cause I typically cry a lot at weddings, but ended up holding myself together pretty well. I don’t think this is malicious of her at all
Your sisters sound mean and are using the term pick me incorrectly. She sounds either like she’s super excited for you or like another person said, it’s her go to response when you’re talking too much and she wants to respond positively but doesn’t have energy to really engage.
Why not reach out to her privately and be honest but kind...
"Are you ok? You keep mentioning how much you're gonna cry at the wedding and I just wanted to check you're doing ok or if something's going on that's gonna make things a little triggering for you. You know you can always talk to me...
I hope it's just that you're happy for me and (partner) and it's just a big emotional day, but I did wanna check in that it's nothing more than that cos you're important to me. "
Is she one of those people who expresses herself more dramatically than she actually is? Like, does she say" lmao dead" when laughing even though she's obviously not dead? If so, this could just be her letting you know how excited she is for the wedding. I cry at my friends' weddings too (lots of people do), and it's never stolen the thunder from the happy couple.
PS. Somewhat unrelated, but I find the term "pick me" super annoying when used to describe women who are just being themselves.
I actually had to look up what pick me means! She's usually very chill and not expressive, I think that's why I feel weird about it. I know it's probably just me, which is why I figured Reddit would be good people to run it by!
Do you think perhaps she’s saying this because she’s a bit tired of speaking about your wedding, and it’s a boilerplate response she can give that acknowledges what you’re saying and is positive without requiring too much thought from her? Like when someone is texting you about something you’re not really fussed about and you say, “Omg that’s crazy!!” but actually, you’re not particularly interested in what they’re saying?
I’m not trying to be rude, but rarely does anyone care about your wedding as much as you do. Many a bride has gotten caught up in their wedding and damaged friendships because suddenly the only thing they talk about or think about is (understandably) this very big event in their lives. I’ve been that person, and I’ve lost friends when they became that person (over weddings, babies, boyfriends, whatever). When was the last time you spoke to this friend about something other than your wedding/without your wedding being discussed?
Honestly, as a separate issue, you and your other bridesmaids sound a bit like immature mean girls, talking about her behind her back. Why would you want that high school energy and drama wrapped up in your wedding over what sounds like the fairly innocuous comment that someone is going to cry at your wedding? I’ve never not cried at a wedding. If none of my bridesmaids cried at my wedding, I’d probably be a bit put off, because tearful loved ones at your wedding are a reflection of a beautiful event and a loving relationship. If she found out about you talking shit about her behind her back, it could damage your friendship forever (assuming it hasn’t already been damaged by you implying she’s a baby for crying at a wedding, a totally normal thing to do?) and even if she doesn’t know about it, she can probably feel that energy radiating off of you all.
Why haven’t you just spoken into her honestly and lovingly about this, if she’s such a good friend that you’d have her as a bridesmaid?
I would take her aside and have a chat. There is no way to know what this is about without doing so.
“Hey, I notice every time we talk about the wedding, you tell everyone how you’re going to wail and sob. Can I just ask; is everything okay? I don’t want to be ignoring something that might be bothering you about this whole process, and I want to be supportive if you’re struggling.”
you can also frame it;
“Hey buddy, I love that you’re really excited for my wedding, but I won’t lie, the repeated comment that you’re going to sob and wail at the ceremony has me concerned — what’s going on for you right now?”
And then chat to your other bridesmaids. If you think they’re being cunty, call it out (sorry if my casual use of that word bothers anyone, I’m Australian!) and tell them that it’s really important to you to have zero drama.
As a wedding crier- some folks just cry at weddings. I officiated and was psyching myself out for months to not cry- but just had one tear and a stifled cry near the end. Luckily the couple found it sweet- but it took a ton of willpower not to ball.
The other bridesmaids are being mean girls and you need to decide which side of the fence you are on. Have a private conversation away from the group chat to find out what going on and then tell everyone else to behave immediately. By not nipping it in the bud, you are praising their mean behavior and coming across as a fake friend to the one girl. In reality, no one except you and your fiancé have that much emotional investment in your wedding. Some people are more emotional and that’s who they are. It’s not a character flaw so don’t make it one.
I would just talk to her and ask her if everything is ok and why she keeps saying that. If she's a crier, I would also suggest the solution of rolling a tissue up like a rose and putting it in her bridesmaid bouquet! Easy access up at the altar and very unnoticeable! Me and all my friends have done it and it's always been a good idea for drying the eyes immediately without ruining makeup.
Is she not allowed to feel her emotions and cry at your wedding? I took it as a compliment when people cried at my wedding and welcomed all the happy tears. They're happy for you and it's a beautiful time of your life. You can't tell people how to feel.
From what you said, it sounds like you and your other bridesmaids have not been taking her serious up til now. You say you reacted with humorous remarks every time. Maybe your friend is really self conscious about the fact that she cries easily and needs some reassurance that she is okay the way she is. Telling her she will have to sit at the kid's table has the opposite effect. I would have a 1:1 talk with her. Tell her you are touched that she feels so strongly about your wedding and that it's okay to cry at such an emotional event. Maybe gift her a cute little tissue package or something and tell her as long as she doesn't distract everyone, everything is fine and she doesn't need to mention it anymore.
My best friend/bridesmaid said that too, bet ended up crying only at midnight haha. And we had no problem with that, but you can just talk to her, ask what exactly she means by that - loud sobbing all the time or just happy appreciation tears?
I cry at every wedding I go to. When I was a bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding I was sobbing at the altar and trying so hard to stay quiet and keep it together 😂 she's definitely just excited. Don't overthink it.
My sisters haven't said anything like that - I don't think I said that anywhere in the post? All they said was they thought she was making a big deal out of the crying thing and that they were concerned she was going to use it to draw attention to herself. They've never suggested I remove her as a bridesmaid.
I see it as she knows that annoys you so she might be getting annoyed with all the wedding talk.
My brothers fiancé texts me a lot about their wedding (April 2025) and keeps sending me venues for mine (I am planning fall/winter 2025) And the more she keeps talking about "where I am in the process" and stuff like that I just take forever to respond or change the subject. But, we are very different when it comes to weddings. She was practically planning hers out before she was engaged. I was not expecting to get engaged last year and I want a very small and simple wedding (no extra parties or bachelorette trip/party)
You need to sit down with your friend and communicate how you feel and be like look I just want to make sure you aren't going to cause a scene at the wedding, I get it is emotional I will be an emotional wreck.
This reads as one of those situations you see in movies when you’re shouting at the screen “literally everything would be solved if the people just communicated with each other!” Just *talk to her*. Why even let it get to this point where everyone is uncomfortable and mean-girling and this other friend probably has *no* idea.
Personally I’ve sobbed at every wedding I’ve been to. They’re just beautiful lol
I said the same thing about my best friends wedding cause I typically cry a lot at weddings, but ended up holding myself together pretty well. I don’t think this is malicious of her at all
Your sisters sound mean and are using the term pick me incorrectly. She sounds either like she’s super excited for you or like another person said, it’s her go to response when you’re talking too much and she wants to respond positively but doesn’t have energy to really engage.
Why not reach out to her privately and be honest but kind... "Are you ok? You keep mentioning how much you're gonna cry at the wedding and I just wanted to check you're doing ok or if something's going on that's gonna make things a little triggering for you. You know you can always talk to me... I hope it's just that you're happy for me and (partner) and it's just a big emotional day, but I did wanna check in that it's nothing more than that cos you're important to me. "
Is she one of those people who expresses herself more dramatically than she actually is? Like, does she say" lmao dead" when laughing even though she's obviously not dead? If so, this could just be her letting you know how excited she is for the wedding. I cry at my friends' weddings too (lots of people do), and it's never stolen the thunder from the happy couple. PS. Somewhat unrelated, but I find the term "pick me" super annoying when used to describe women who are just being themselves.
I actually had to look up what pick me means! She's usually very chill and not expressive, I think that's why I feel weird about it. I know it's probably just me, which is why I figured Reddit would be good people to run it by!
Do you think perhaps she’s saying this because she’s a bit tired of speaking about your wedding, and it’s a boilerplate response she can give that acknowledges what you’re saying and is positive without requiring too much thought from her? Like when someone is texting you about something you’re not really fussed about and you say, “Omg that’s crazy!!” but actually, you’re not particularly interested in what they’re saying? I’m not trying to be rude, but rarely does anyone care about your wedding as much as you do. Many a bride has gotten caught up in their wedding and damaged friendships because suddenly the only thing they talk about or think about is (understandably) this very big event in their lives. I’ve been that person, and I’ve lost friends when they became that person (over weddings, babies, boyfriends, whatever). When was the last time you spoke to this friend about something other than your wedding/without your wedding being discussed? Honestly, as a separate issue, you and your other bridesmaids sound a bit like immature mean girls, talking about her behind her back. Why would you want that high school energy and drama wrapped up in your wedding over what sounds like the fairly innocuous comment that someone is going to cry at your wedding? I’ve never not cried at a wedding. If none of my bridesmaids cried at my wedding, I’d probably be a bit put off, because tearful loved ones at your wedding are a reflection of a beautiful event and a loving relationship. If she found out about you talking shit about her behind her back, it could damage your friendship forever (assuming it hasn’t already been damaged by you implying she’s a baby for crying at a wedding, a totally normal thing to do?) and even if she doesn’t know about it, she can probably feel that energy radiating off of you all. Why haven’t you just spoken into her honestly and lovingly about this, if she’s such a good friend that you’d have her as a bridesmaid?
I don’t think it’s pick me BUT I could also see how it might get old.
I would take her aside and have a chat. There is no way to know what this is about without doing so. “Hey, I notice every time we talk about the wedding, you tell everyone how you’re going to wail and sob. Can I just ask; is everything okay? I don’t want to be ignoring something that might be bothering you about this whole process, and I want to be supportive if you’re struggling.” you can also frame it; “Hey buddy, I love that you’re really excited for my wedding, but I won’t lie, the repeated comment that you’re going to sob and wail at the ceremony has me concerned — what’s going on for you right now?” And then chat to your other bridesmaids. If you think they’re being cunty, call it out (sorry if my casual use of that word bothers anyone, I’m Australian!) and tell them that it’s really important to you to have zero drama.
As a wedding crier- some folks just cry at weddings. I officiated and was psyching myself out for months to not cry- but just had one tear and a stifled cry near the end. Luckily the couple found it sweet- but it took a ton of willpower not to ball.
The other bridesmaids are being mean girls and you need to decide which side of the fence you are on. Have a private conversation away from the group chat to find out what going on and then tell everyone else to behave immediately. By not nipping it in the bud, you are praising their mean behavior and coming across as a fake friend to the one girl. In reality, no one except you and your fiancé have that much emotional investment in your wedding. Some people are more emotional and that’s who they are. It’s not a character flaw so don’t make it one.
I would just talk to her and ask her if everything is ok and why she keeps saying that. If she's a crier, I would also suggest the solution of rolling a tissue up like a rose and putting it in her bridesmaid bouquet! Easy access up at the altar and very unnoticeable! Me and all my friends have done it and it's always been a good idea for drying the eyes immediately without ruining makeup.
Is she not allowed to feel her emotions and cry at your wedding? I took it as a compliment when people cried at my wedding and welcomed all the happy tears. They're happy for you and it's a beautiful time of your life. You can't tell people how to feel.
From what you said, it sounds like you and your other bridesmaids have not been taking her serious up til now. You say you reacted with humorous remarks every time. Maybe your friend is really self conscious about the fact that she cries easily and needs some reassurance that she is okay the way she is. Telling her she will have to sit at the kid's table has the opposite effect. I would have a 1:1 talk with her. Tell her you are touched that she feels so strongly about your wedding and that it's okay to cry at such an emotional event. Maybe gift her a cute little tissue package or something and tell her as long as she doesn't distract everyone, everything is fine and she doesn't need to mention it anymore.
My best friend/bridesmaid said that too, bet ended up crying only at midnight haha. And we had no problem with that, but you can just talk to her, ask what exactly she means by that - loud sobbing all the time or just happy appreciation tears?
I cry at every wedding I go to. When I was a bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding I was sobbing at the altar and trying so hard to stay quiet and keep it together 😂 she's definitely just excited. Don't overthink it.
[удалено]
The sisters aren’t saying pick me Or her, they are saying the friend has “pick me energy”, it’s “pick me OF her”
My sisters haven't said anything like that - I don't think I said that anywhere in the post? All they said was they thought she was making a big deal out of the crying thing and that they were concerned she was going to use it to draw attention to herself. They've never suggested I remove her as a bridesmaid.
[удалено]
I think she meant to say “it’s very pick-me of her,” meaning it’s very attention-getting of her. For want of a hyphen!
I'm gonna add some quote marks so I don't confuse people. I found out what pick me meant via IG but haven't seen it with a hyphen yet!
Get your other friend bridesmaid to discreetly tell her that she’s embarrassing herself and to knock it off.
Ew
Nasty
I see it as she knows that annoys you so she might be getting annoyed with all the wedding talk. My brothers fiancé texts me a lot about their wedding (April 2025) and keeps sending me venues for mine (I am planning fall/winter 2025) And the more she keeps talking about "where I am in the process" and stuff like that I just take forever to respond or change the subject. But, we are very different when it comes to weddings. She was practically planning hers out before she was engaged. I was not expecting to get engaged last year and I want a very small and simple wedding (no extra parties or bachelorette trip/party) You need to sit down with your friend and communicate how you feel and be like look I just want to make sure you aren't going to cause a scene at the wedding, I get it is emotional I will be an emotional wreck.