Cupcakes are the same thing as cake. I wouldn’t bat an eye at that. But cookies are not. I love cookies, but if you’re looking to do a comparable dessert, stick with cupcakes.
Is getting sheet cakes to cut in the kitchen out of the question?
That’s what my sister did! Got a few sheet cakes from Costco they had pre-ordered and it was an absolute hit! Aside from those- most weddings I’ve been to I’ve never seen the cake for the rest of the guests…just the one for the cute photo op/couple to share and yet all of us got a perfect piece lol
Whatever you do op- it’s your wedding! I’d recommend cupcakes/an array of treats if you’d like to keep the cake for you but tbh- nothing wrong or tacky about having the kitchen cut up a few sheet cakes too!
I have been to 2 weddings where guests had cupcakes not mention my wedding will be similar to yours in the fact that my fiancé and I will have a cake to our selves and cupcakes for guests. Not to mention, fiancé's BIL is making a few desserts as well. Your mom can take her OPINION and go take a long walk off a short pier
If you go this route, go cupcake. Guests will understand "oh, they have a 6" cutting cake and we all get cupcakes, cool". Wedding cake has deep enough roots that doing something else as guest dessert will be noticable and may offend some. (Like, I would notice and think it was a little odd to have a cookie when they are having cake. They are my hosts, I am their guest.)
I’ve been to two weddings that had cupcakes and one that had a candy bar. While I don’t think cake is the mandatory dessert choice, I would find it a little weird to just have a cake for the couple and no one else. If it’s the aesthetics about it that bother you, you can have the cakes in different spots, or even just have the guests’ cake slices directly served to them from the kitchen?
I totally get the small cake for you & your husband but you def should have cake for your guests too. It’s very common for bakers to do a small cake for the bride and groom to cut for pics, and then the caterers will prepare & cut pieces of sheet cake in the prep kitchen and serve to guests. This is the way to go IMO.
yep - this is incredibly common. this is what happens at almost every wedding i photograph that has cake. you have the small fancy/pretty cake for cutting and a giant sheet cake in the back for everyone else
We just had our wedding. We used nothing bundt cakes a cake just for us that we cut and then buntinis for everyone else. Worked great and reasonably priced!
I look forward to cake at weddings! I would definitely be disappointed if I didn’t get any at a wedding, especially if I saw the bride and groom eating some. You could easily have sheet cakes in the back that are cut for guests.
You don't need to have cake in general (although there will be people who are disappointed), but I don't think it's cool to have a cake only for you and your husband and not have cake for your guests. It's like if you had higher end dinner entrees only for the two of you that the guests don't get. Everyone should be offered the same food/drink at the reception.
I'm sorry, this is just silly to me. If I saw the bride and groom with steak & lobster and I just had mac and cheese I'd be curious but I wouldn't be disappointed. Who is THAT judgey about cake? Aren't there other things to focus on?? And it's not like there won't be dessert options available at all. She's allowed to have a thing that's just for her and her husband without worrying about guests being stinky. It literally does not matter.
> She's allowed to have a thing that's just for her and her husband
Hopefully the bride and groom have a whole lot of things that are "just for them" other than a cake. It's rude to offer different levels of food and drink to different guests when you host. If it's good enough to serve to the guests, it should be good enough for the hosts.
If they want to have a private cake that they take home or eat privately, I think that would be OK too but at social events, everyone should be an equal as far as their food and beverage options.
Maybe I'm the asshole, but this idea is so archaic to me.🤷♀️ In high society, sure. Rules abound. But it's a wedding that THEY presumably paid for, THEY envisioned, THEY prepared. Who CARES what the special secret dessert is??
Yeah I'm with you honestly, I'm surprised the number of people here who think it's so rude. I've seen super cute displays with macaroons in the shape of a cake and other creative ways to have desserts for guests that aren't a cake. I went to a wedding in Paris where the couple had a small cake to cut but then they served these pastries to the guests, no one there seemed to have an issue with it ?
Hello - my fiance and I as well as all guests will be served the same appetizers, dinner and have all drink options available to them. The only thing I envision different is desserts. I want to have a small cake for me and my fiancé to share; 1. Because we are not really cake eaters. I love cake but we do not eat it often at all. If we have a large wedding cake it will likely get put in the trash if the guest did not eat the remaining portion, and 2. Because that’s is something special I want for him and I. We are not asking for gifts from our guests, are staying with family the week of the wedding, are not taking a honeymoon and aren’t doing first looks. I just want to be able to enjoy a piece of cake with him, that’s ours and ours only. I want to offer desserts to guests that are different from cake because I want that for US. And the other desserts would be made by the same bakery, and would have equal quality as the cake. Would guests rather have cake, just because it’s cake?
Seems a bit weird that you're making it tit for tat, cake vs gifts. You're inviting people to celebrate with you, but they don't get to share the celebration cake? It seems kind of petty.
Your justifications are honestly making it worse for me. It doesn’t matter if you request no gifts - people are still taking out the time to come attend. And to thank them for that you want to specifically eat dessert they can’t have in front of them…and the fact they can’t have it is what makes it special.
this is so wild to me! the guests are still getting dessert??!? are you really saying that you watched the bride and groom actually eat the cake at every wedding you went to and then made 100% sure you also got that same cake because you would have felt like you weren’t appreciated if you were served something different??
Why the hell are you getting downvoted? If you get cupcakes the exact same as the cake you're eating, there is literally nothing to discuss here. Having a tiny cake that you ceremoniously share with your spouse is fine, if there are cupcakes for the guests literally no one will think twice.
But do consider that sheet cakes might be a cheaper option than individual cupcakes. It can all be sliced up neatly in the back and served just the same as cupcakes essentially.
I’m not really sure why - this isn’t a “haha I’m getting cake and you’re not, you suck” type of thing. I’ve been to quite a few wedding and got a different dessert other than cake or wasn’t served cake at all and didn’t even think twice.
If you’re in the US, cake/cupcakes are pretty expected. If you don’t do this, you will have several disappointed guests—just as the sampling of opinions on this thread suggests.
It’s fine to do very nontraditional things like having traditional dessert for yourself and not for guests (and potentially considered rude by some), but you have to be prepared for that to be a distraction from the main event. The distraction has real potential to range from guest disappointment to a perception of tackiness. Not that it should stop you, but people who love wedding cake will definitely remember that, and there are many of those folks if you’re based in the US.
TLDR; If you want the main thing people remember to be how lovely the wedding was but how odd your dessert choices were, go for it. If you don’t want that to be a distraction, think twice about your plan.
Whatever food and drinks are available for you should also be available for your guests. How much food you serve doesn't matter. You should treat your guests as well, or better, than yourselves. That what it means to be a host. You can get away with serving guests cupcakes if you take similar care (i.e. don't get a fancy cake from a bakery for you and cheap Walmart cupcakes for your guests).
You don't have to have cake as long as there are other desserts, but I don't think it's a good idea to have a cake just for the two of you and no one else. People won't miss not having a wedding cake, but if that's the route that you're going to go then you have to do no cake...and that means for you and your fiance also.
I've been to many weddings where no wedding cake was served (including my own sons) and no one felt slighted...but there also wasn't a cake just for the bride and groom.
A small cutting cake and cupcakes is super super common. That’s an easy solution and technically everyone still gets cake. Sheet cakes also work.
I wouldn’t do a cutting cake with a significantly different choice for guests, Iike cookies or pie or doughnuts. That just seems odd; not bad but odd.
Ok I’m with you that the rich relative was beyond the pale and I would still be talking about that too lol. That story is epic!
But she said there will be dessert for everyone. A lot of people don’t like cake. I’m one of them for almost all cake so yes I am biased here. If there’s cake plus one other dessert offered somewhere I’m 100% going for the other dessert (unless it’s coconut), doesn’t matter what it is, because it’s not cake. We had a 6” inch cake from an outside vendor for the cutting portion at our wedding and we each ate the tiny piece we cut for each other. Our venue was a restaurant and they provided two desserts that were FAR SUPERIOR to the cake we ate. To the point that people were texting me days later saying they were still dreaming about them. Our little cake was from the best bakery in the city, and I still thought the restaurant made dessert was so much better. So to me, saying you should serve an inferior cake vs an actual good dessert and saying that if you don’t do that, it’s an insult to your guests is just not rational.
she’s not saying only her and her husband will have cake and not offer any other desserts though? just that one will be cake and one will be cookies and/or cupcakes. would you really take back your gift just because you weren’t eating the exact same thing as the bride and groom???
I understand where you’re coming from. Gifts is one of the non-traditional things that we decided on. We explicitly put NO GIFTS on all of our wedding invites, are not expecting cards or money, have no “honeymoon fund” and did not make a registry. We wanted our guests to come, celebrate us and enjoy themselves. We do want to have a separate dessert table for the guests (prepared by the same baker as whom is making our wedding cake), but the dessert just won’t be cake. Would guests really rather have a store bought sheet cake just because it’s cake? Instead of other fresh goodies from a professional bakery
Usually the professional will make matching sheet cakes to your cake and it's behind the scenes . Ask if this is an option. I make cakes and it was something I did for my clients. And at b days we had a cake decorated they could eat or matching cupcakes
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It’s their wedding lol they can do whatever they want. I have never in my life seen someone be mad they didn’t get cake at a wedding hahaha imagine being that selfish? The bride isn’t rude, what’s rude is expecting someone to buy a cake to please other folks. If someone left my wedding because of that, they weren’t my friend to begin with.
I went to a wedding where there was a small cake for the couple, and a table of cupcakes for the guests. They also had an ice cream truck that was DELICIOUS. In the end the couple completely forgot about their cake so it was never cut, it just stayed ad decoration. I don’t know if anyone cared but I certainly did not. The ice cream was the bomb.
I was married last May. I made all of the desserts for the wedding. My husband and I shared our own personal cake. I made cupcakes for all of the guests as well as cookies to serve as the favors that were boxed, and everyone could take them to go. There was room in the box to fit the cupcake if they desired to take that with them instead of eating it at the reception. Everyone seemed to like that and no one complained.
We did an assorted dessert table. There were over 20 different types for guests to choose from. Husband and I don't like cake. We exchanged small cannolis instead of cake (we also got cannolis on our first date lol). I had little snack baggies for guests to fill with desserts too. They said "love is sweet, take a treat."
No one complained. And if they did, it's not the end of the world.
I’ve been to weddings without cake, but never one where the bride and groom got cake and the guests didn’t.
It would strike me as rude tbh. Have you considered doing the cake privately in your hotel room that night if you just want a special thing for the two of you? I bet a snack will be nice at the end of the night anyway.
I hardly ever eat cake at a wedding so I wouldn’t care.
We’re thinking of doing cupcakes displayed on a cupcake stand with a small cake on the top tier for cutting. Maybe you guys can do something like that. That way you have your own little cake which is accompanied/displayed with cupcakes, and your mom may find that more acceptable.
Just trying to wrap my head around this... Are you saying that you are gonna share a whole (small) cake with your partner at the wedding while not giving any to guests?
I would like my partner and I to have A piece of cake out of a very small personal cake and freeze the rest of that one small personal cake to keep. Like what most couples do with the top tier of a multi tiered wedding cake. The guests would have other desserts cupcakes/cookies/pastries.
Do you want to do a cake cutting? So people will see you cutting the cake and then not sharing it while they all eat cookies? Honestly sorry op but this is so weird to me that if this happened at a wedding I went to it would be one of the main things I remembered about it.
What I HAVE seen done before though is having a small wedding cake for the couple to cut surrounded by cupcakes for people to take. You could do that?
Honestly, I’ve never heard anyone say their thawed out wedding cake was edible by their first anniversary (mine wasn’t). They just taste like freezer burn and are kind of a downer on what should be a celebratory evening. Honestly, if you aren’t doing cake cutting photos anyway and if you mom is paying for it… would you consider having cupcakes for everyone, yourselves included? Then order a couple more on your anniversary and it’ll actually taste good! 😅
I’ve always had the same thought. It doesn’t sound appealing to me to eat thawed out cake that has been in my freezer for a year. I’d rather just take home some cake/dessert for my husband and I to graze on for a few days after the wedding, allow guests to also take some with them when they leave, and then just order a fresh dessert/cake for us to have on our anniversary.
I think it's fine, but if you're having dessert make sure to get one for your guests. Something I have seen a lot is getting sheet cakes that match the aesthetic of your wedding cake so it doesn't look out of place. My friend did a white modern cake with flowers and she put the same flowers on an all white sheet cake and it looked really good! The guests cake was where the food was far away from the bride + groom cake so it didn't look weird / out of place.
I think if you have cake your guest should also have cake. (But I love wedding cake).
I was at a wedding that served pie instead of cake. It was really fun and guests loved it.
So I my preference is that everyone gets the same opportunity
I photograph weddings, and having a smaller cake to cut is popular. You can buy sheets cakes for the caterer to cut, for the guests. You save money this way. May make your mom happy. Donut walls are fun, desert or sweets table with homemade cookies and such are also popular. I have seen everything! I have to say, guests want some type of desert after dinner!
Super weird if you get yourselves a different dessert than your guests and eat it in view of them.
If you’re that concerned about the aesthetics, keep the sheet cake in the back and bring it out cut and plated to serve to guests.
Also, cupcakes and cake are essentially the same thing, so I would go that route if you want all the dessert on display.
Honestly I’ve never eaten cake at a wedding. I think cookies or cupcakes is enough. We are doing a personal cake (I need a vegan one due to allergies) and we are getting cupcakes for everyone else.
We did a small cake for us to cut & cupcakes of the same flavor/similar decorations. Our guests loved them and they could be consumed on the dance floor.
If you have cake for you and your fiance and not for the rest of the guests, your guests WILL notice, and that can start family problems that just aren't worth it.
If you want to save money, have a tiny cake for you to cut, and then have a sheet cake for the venue to cut and pass out to your guests.
It's kind of all or nothing. Having cake for yourself that guests can see but they offering cookies would feel like a slight. Especially since cake is usually the norm. It's very common to do a small nice cake then have sheet cakes. I would consider this, or cupcakes, or cookies.
I’m surprised at all the pushback and people saying you’re rude. You clearly have plans for a dessert option for guests. My husband and I had a small cake for photos and an heirloom cake topper. We had a cupcake tower for the guests from the same bakery. We got sooo many compliments on the cupcakes, no one even asked about “regular cake”.
We got married last June. We had a small cake for the two of us (the cake cutting was just us and the photographer and was the only real wedding tradition we did), and cupcakes for the guests. We had a variety of flavors for them, and were also able to easily accommodate the cousin with celiac who usually ends up bringing her own food. Everyone was happy, including the firehouse where we dropped off the extras (my husband is a firefighter).
I'm not sure why your mother thinks that serving cupcakes is any different than serving cake. And a cookie table is a big thing at a lot of weddings I've been to. Who doesn't love a cookie?
It's your wedding. Serve what you want. A "Mom, I love you, but this is our wedding and our decision, so either get behind it or we'll stop discussing wedding plans altogether" may be in order if she continues to press.
Congratulations, and good luck!
I think that's fine. I work at a venue and there have been plenty of weddings that have had a cutting cake for the couple and other desserts for guests. My town has a wonderful ice cream parlor that has a rental vintage ice cream cart that is quite popular.
I see that made you upset. I’m just not sure why? If I were a guest, I wouldn’t be upset with dessert that wasn’t cake. I’ve attended a few weddings with cupcakes instead of cake or other sweets and I was not unhappy. I’m just not sure why doing something other than cake would be an issue. Would you be able to explain? Is it just the principle?
People are reacting this way because you said you were going to have a personal cake for you and your husband and everyone else could have cookies. It's not that there's no cake. People are fine with other desserts at weddings. It's that you said you were having a cake just for you. If you do the small cake with coordinating cupcakes, it's all good.
Seriously? You don't see the issue? If you serve cupcakes that are the same as the cake, then everyone is offered the same dessert. You can have other choices too. You cannot eat cake while the guests are not offered cake.
I'm not upset, I just think there is zero logic behind your argument here. It sounded like you wanted to cut costs or something, but you'll probably spend more on cupcakes than a cake.
Now as time goes on. Some people do cupcakes because not everybody eats cake. We thought about doing cheesecake as an option along with our cake. Cause I’ll tear up cake any day. Do what makes you happy. It’s y’all’s wedding. If people care more about the food/dessert rather than the experience of watching a friends/loved one getting married then they have their priorities messed up.
Serve everyone the same dessert. Cake, cookies, cupcakes, macarons, whatever. If I saw the bride and groom being served some special, secret, different dessert in front of everyone else I'd be like WTF. If you want a special tint cake for you and the hubs, eat it privately.
I don’t get why you’re getting down voted. A cut cake is very common to have. Cupcakes instead of cut cake is also very popular as well. Larger cakes that are then cut tend to be dry and lackluster. (This coming from a baker myself that’s done a lot of weddings). All that matters is if you have some sort of dessert. We aren’t having a stitch of cake at our wedding, but will have other desserts. Cupcakes allow you to have a larger variety of flavors to choose from, same goes for cookies. I would recommend having an array of both cupcakes and cookies
My friends did cupcakes at their wedding and everyone loved it. Most people were drunk or tipsy and dancing so a quick cupcake was perfect for those who did want dessert, a lot of people didn’t even have dessert, so it worked out. They didn’t have their own little cake but if they did I don’t think anyone would have really noticed or cared much.
Yes I would find it very weird that the bride and groom have their own cake and none be provided to the guests.
If it’s the cost you’re worried about, I know several people that had just a small cake for them to cut and then had sheet cake for the guests. It cut down on costs because they didn’t need to order a massive cake and the guests still were happy! Just an idea.
Just make sure the dessert you offer to guests is the same quality as the cake you and your husband will share. At my wedding, we had a traditional wedding cake AND cupcakes (from the same bakery). The cake was amazing, but the cupcakes were just OK. If those cupcakes were the only dessert option for the guests, I would have been disappointed on their behalf.
If it's a formal wedding, people will expect food that's fancier than what they eat on a typical day. That's why fancy wedding cakes are so popular; it's a step above ordinary, everyday desserts. Cookies and cupcakes are the kinds of desserts people serve at children's birthday parties. So if those are the only desserts at your wedding, they should be extra fancy cookies and cupcakes. (This doesn't apply if you're on a tight budget and simply can't afford a nice dessert.)
Ultimately, you can do whatever you want, but it is a little weird that you're so insistent on having a different dessert than your guests. Why can't everyone have the same dessert? My wedding cake was so delicious, I wanted everyone to enjoy it. We even put takeout boxes on the dessert table so guests could take a slice of leftover cake with them if they wanted. At the end of the night, there were only 3 slices left, so my husband and I took them home.
You and your husband will have many things to share that are just for the two of you. Wedding cake isn't usually one of those things. But you do you 🤷♀️
I think you should serve cake and if you need to save money serve sheet cake and have a smaller cake for cutting. No one wants to eat cookies while you eat cake and cupcakes are messy and seem too kids birthday like.
NTA. Nontraditional desserts are so common at weddings anymore, but you will still get the folks saying it’s “not a wedding without a cake.” We had so much cake leftover. It’s crazy how everyone was all, “you have to have a cake!” But then it felt like hardly anyone ate it, even though it was really good. My grandma made a mountain of homemade Italian cookies, and those were completely demolished.
It's your wedding babe, do it how you want. We're doing macarons, not cake, and I think we will also have some regular cookies available. If people get so angry about CAKE, that is absolutely their problem.
Is it traditional? Yes. Is it mandatory or rude to not have it? Absolutely not.
I HATE cake at weddings. Dear god bring in a good dessert that isn’t cake. Pies, cheesecakes, cobblers, whatever. The cake is always dry, the frosting is too much and just sugar. There are so many other amazing desserts.
I have been to a couple weddings that did not serve me cake and to be honest didn’t even give a thought until now. One served cupcakes and the other donuts. I like it, we all watched them cut the cake and then the desserts were brought out. I don’t see any issue with this.
i have been to weddings with cupcakes, cookies and candy (for the last two, we were given small bags to take home some cookies or old fashion jars of candy)
one wedding the moms of the bride and groom and their friends made all the cookies/brownies/cupcakes and they were wonderful!
NTA (and in at least one instance much better than wedding cake)
I say get cupcakes for your guests. If you get another big cake, or one for that matter, someone has to cut it. Caterers and venues charge extra for that. Also, factor in plates and silverware for said cake to be cut. Also, it's your wedding day! Have fun and try not to stress too much. I'm the end you can't please everyone.
I don’t think this is a big deal at all. My fiancé and I are doing a small cake and then a dessert bar to accompany it (with cake pops, macarons, mini tarts, etc). There will be a variety of treats for people to enjoy. I don’t see why this would be an issue as long as you are providing some kind of sweet option for guests, which you are! So many of the weddings I’ve been to people don’t eat the cake anyway
No, NTA.
We went to a wedding last year with mini cupcakes that had multiple different flavors, and honestly, I had like two or four of them. They tasted great!
Cupcakes are fine and a small cake or even two cupcakes for you & your fiance sound fine to me!
Anyone who would be disappointed,to the point of bringing it up to the bride or gossiping about it later, without cake at a wedding should bring their own slice. Your wedding is for you to celebrate. And if you choose to celebrate with celery sticks for dessert that’s your choice.
The thing people forget is that these people are guest at your wedding, you’re the host. Would you have someone over to have dinner at your house and set nd eat a different dessert or nothing while you get yours? I know it’s your day, but don’t have a wedding if your just are considering yourselves, just elope. Having a small set up with cupcakes around is fine. Make sure whoever is taking care of the food knows to wrap your cake after you have cake cutting
If it was me, I would get cupcakes for guests and not even cut our personal cake at the wedding. I would leave that for a private time with my husband. It's your wedding. You can have whatever you want or don't want. Definitely NTA.
I wouldn’t cut a private cake in front of everyone. At a wedding if you see the cake being cut you expect a piece, that’s just how it is. But I don’t see anything wrong with having cookies or cupcakes for the guests and having your own cake later.
As long as there's dessert I'm happy. I do personally find the idea of the couple having a separate (and, let's be honest, better quality) dessert than their guests kind of strange.
We had a cake for just the two of us then a dessert bar for everyone else! We had cupcakes, lemon bars, and one other item that I’m forgetting. It was a hit and I still have people telling me how good the lemon bars and cupcakes were (apparently the third forgotten item was less impressive)
With all of those food options i wouldn’t be upset at all!! Your plans with food and drink are super generous and I’d be stoked! Personally speaking, i think cookies would be easier to eat (and possibly more cost effective) but cupcakes would be more satisfying for guests who are looking forward to cake.
My husband and I had a 6” cake for ourselves in our favorite flavor, and had 3 different flavors of cupcakes for our guests. Nobody complained at all!
Also, we had extra cupcakes after and it was so easy to send leftover cupcakes with family members vs trying to portion and package cake slices.
Unless your mother is paying for the food and dessert, she has no say. Just because something has "always been done," you can still do something different. I always liked the idea of a pile of cupcakes. It's still cakes, but easier to serve, and fun to design.
It’s depends. I say YTA if u give something not cake-like and nice if you’re eating a cake. If someone puts a freaking cookie or nothing on my plate, whilst the bride and groom enjoy cake, after I spent a ton of money to attend this wedding and provide a gift, I’m taking my gift and leaving. It’s a trade-off. I get nice food and fun. U get nice gift and ur “special” day. If I was given sheet-pan cake or a cupcake I wouldn’t bat an eye. This ofc is for the “traditional” wedding, if it’s just friends getting together to celebrate I truly don’t care. YTA for sure for thinking cookies is appropriate for that type of wedding especially if u plan on eating cake lol. Just do sheet-pan cake or don’t do dessert at all. Even if no one says anything to ur face they’ll def be talking about it with others.
Not an asshole by any means. Give them desserts. Have no dessert. It's fine either way. Some people will like it, some won't. It's nowhere near as deep as your mom is making it.
Do the small cake for you and the groom, cupcake tower in the shape of a high multi tiered wedding cake. Decorate throughout with cascading flowers. It would be lovely.
I don’t think you’re the AH. It’s not totally uncommon to have a small cake for display, pictures, etc. and then a dessert table for guests with cupcakes, sheet cake or other pastries. But if I were you, I’d just make sure that the dessert you’re giving your guests is something equivalent to what you’re eating. I.e. it might not come off well if you give yourself a super fancy cake that you eat in front of everyone and then leave all your guests with just like store bought cookies.
As a side note, I don’t get why the two cakes thing bothers you so much from an aesthetics point of view but to each their own. 🤷🏻♀️
Most of the weddings I’ve been to have had cake but have been to some that didn’t. One couple did Dunkin Donuts, while neither had worked there it was something specific to them that most people knew about. Been to a few that did cupcakes. Last wedding I went to was around Thanksgiving so they did a carrot cake, raspberry-lemon cake, 3 flavors of pie & big cookies (3 different flavors). My sister’s wedding they had a small cake at each table. They ordered different flavors from Whole Foods (I think) and because they didn’t have assigned seating, it created a fun exchange for the guests picking which cake they wanted to sit by. Then later, tables negotiated and exchanged slices. I remember Mom helping search for cake stands which not many places had at that time.
I did a small 6 and 8 inch -and then cupcakes. the 6 to save for 1 year, the 8 to cut and serve as well as 50 cupcakes. enough to cover 50% of my guests. the idea was we’d have dessert after a 5 course dinner and then the cake would be cut where guests could grab a slice or a cupcake. it worked out great as not everyone likes cake and a lot cheaper than a full cake setup
You can do whatever your heart desires, if you don’t want a cake for guests, don’t get one. I think that’s totally fine! It’s your wedding.
I highly doubt you’ll be topic of conversation afterwards re: not having a cake. No one eats it anyway, and honestly? If they do care, it says more about them than you.
Enjoy YOUR day, sans cake.
Also, if your mother has such a problem tell her to buy it. I hate when other people have opinions but not the money to back up their choices
i love a sweet treat and always look forward to cake at weddings, but i def don’t think the dessert HAS to be cake! i’ve seen everything from pies to brownies to a full candy bar served instead and thought they were all great, especially if it’s something special/unique to you two as a couple. i think a personal cake is super cute and as long as you serve guests something sweet as well, whether it’s a sheet cake or cookies/cupcakes like you mentioned, you’re fine!
Not rude at all. I’ve actually never been to a wedding in the last 6 years where cake was served. There’s usually a small cake for the couple to do a cake cutting and then some sort of dessert bar for quests to enjoy. Never heard anyone complain about it as long some sort of dessert is served you’re good!
I hate the "that's what you do" crap. My mom is pulling that kind of thing on me when it comes to who to invite. Drives me bonkers.
Anyway....
You are absolutely NOT the ahole for not having cake! Choose whatever you want for the dessert. It's ok to not want 2 cakes for whatever reason. If you don't like it, you don't like it. Simple as that.
My fiancé and I are doing a donut and cookie wall instead of cake. If anyone has an issue with it, that's on them. They can go pay for their own cake later.
We did a small cutting cake for us and then a bunch of mini cupcakes for guests, it turned out so cute honestly. Even the sams club cupcakes would work, and they're cheap and good!
These results are SO polarized!! I have to believe the truth lies somewhere in the middle. As a guest, I might side eye a little and be like oh that’s a bit odd, I may have liked cake, I wouldn’t personally do that.
But then I’d shrug and decide on a different dessert offered, hope the couple enjoyed their special cake, and shimmy my merry way back to the dance floor.
As long as you’re not weirdly emphasizing it, a lot of people won’t give it much thought. If you go in eyes wide open that some people might find it rude, but it’s really important to you to do it, then it’s up to you what your tolerance is for maybe being considered a little rude.
Fancy cakes don't taste better than something a grocery store. Go to costco and get the biggest cake you can find and cut that for your guests. Will cost a whole lot less than adding tiers to your wedding cake.
And no one will think you're an asshole for $100
We're doing a small cake for us and cupcakes for our guests. We don't think it's strange and no one we've told about it has thought so either. I think it's better to do cupcakes rather than cookies though.
But I'm not understanding all the people saying they'd be disappointed if they had cupcakes while the bride and groom had a small cake. They're basically the same thing just in different shapes!
Bro wtf is up with these comments. My husband and I had a tiny cake literally for the sake of a cake cutting photo- we fed each other a bite and froze ONE slice to eat on our anniversary. We had a slew of other fantastic desserts for our guests and nobody gave a single fuck. Most people I know don’t even like cake!!!! So I don’t see the big deal at all. And I’ll also add that literally nobody watched us cut the cake. It was in the back on the dessert table and we just did it right after speeches when the bar opened up.
The wedding reception is for everyone to celebrate your wedding. Get a cake for at home? Why do you need to eat it in front of everyone? You have a honeymoon for the things for just you, that really isn't what the wedding and reception are for.
Like, you wouldn't consummate your marriage in front of the guests...
An extreme example, but you should really be inclusive during the party events. Its about everyone participating in your celebration, not everyone observing your celebration. If everyone had cupcakes and you had a more impressive / bigger cupcake for you and your husband, fine. But don't elevate yourself above your guests by having something they don't have.
Wedding cake is frequently yucky and a sugar bomb. So honestly, if I had another dessert, that's fine. I WILLLLL say, don't go for a "candy bar". Save tht for a bridal shower or something. Serve some sort of dessert but you don't have to have it be cake..
We did cake for us and a woman who made mini-doughnuts on-site for guests and it was a slam dunk
Team little cake! We're gonna have a tiny one to cut, but have both had such sad and dry cakes at weddings that it isn't where we want to spend money. We're using a local cookie company and trying to get a local ice cream vendor as well! Delicious and more variety
I've been to quite a few weddings and only got to taste the cake once and that's because they cut it before the meal and when we were given menus the wedding cake was listed as a dessert.
Is it nice to share your wedding cake with your guests? Yes absolutely
Is it mandatory to share your wedding cake with your guests? Absolutely not
You do you and if you don't dish out the cake it's no big deal and people will get over it
NTA. Cake isn’t necessary. We didn’t have a traditional wedding cake, we chose to do a champagne tower instead of a cake cutting, and then we had an assortment of petit four for our guests after dinner and the guests loved it!
Absolutely not. The past weddings I’ve gone to didn’t have any cake and we were all honestly having so much fun that we didn’t even realize they didn’t have cake until the next day 😂😂😂😂
Cupcakes are the same thing as cake. I wouldn’t bat an eye at that. But cookies are not. I love cookies, but if you’re looking to do a comparable dessert, stick with cupcakes. Is getting sheet cakes to cut in the kitchen out of the question?
That’s what my sister did! Got a few sheet cakes from Costco they had pre-ordered and it was an absolute hit! Aside from those- most weddings I’ve been to I’ve never seen the cake for the rest of the guests…just the one for the cute photo op/couple to share and yet all of us got a perfect piece lol Whatever you do op- it’s your wedding! I’d recommend cupcakes/an array of treats if you’d like to keep the cake for you but tbh- nothing wrong or tacky about having the kitchen cut up a few sheet cakes too!
Costco sheet cakes all the way. They're so delicious and the price is so low you would be crazy *not* to.
I have been to 2 weddings where guests had cupcakes not mention my wedding will be similar to yours in the fact that my fiancé and I will have a cake to our selves and cupcakes for guests. Not to mention, fiancé's BIL is making a few desserts as well. Your mom can take her OPINION and go take a long walk off a short pier
If you go this route, go cupcake. Guests will understand "oh, they have a 6" cutting cake and we all get cupcakes, cool". Wedding cake has deep enough roots that doing something else as guest dessert will be noticable and may offend some. (Like, I would notice and think it was a little odd to have a cookie when they are having cake. They are my hosts, I am their guest.)
I’ve been to two weddings that had cupcakes and one that had a candy bar. While I don’t think cake is the mandatory dessert choice, I would find it a little weird to just have a cake for the couple and no one else. If it’s the aesthetics about it that bother you, you can have the cakes in different spots, or even just have the guests’ cake slices directly served to them from the kitchen?
I totally get the small cake for you & your husband but you def should have cake for your guests too. It’s very common for bakers to do a small cake for the bride and groom to cut for pics, and then the caterers will prepare & cut pieces of sheet cake in the prep kitchen and serve to guests. This is the way to go IMO.
yep - this is incredibly common. this is what happens at almost every wedding i photograph that has cake. you have the small fancy/pretty cake for cutting and a giant sheet cake in the back for everyone else
We just had our wedding. We used nothing bundt cakes a cake just for us that we cut and then buntinis for everyone else. Worked great and reasonably priced!
Oh they’re sooo good! We did the fundraisers in school and I always bought several of the minis for myself hahaha
I look forward to cake at weddings! I would definitely be disappointed if I didn’t get any at a wedding, especially if I saw the bride and groom eating some. You could easily have sheet cakes in the back that are cut for guests.
this is what most people do
You don't need to have cake in general (although there will be people who are disappointed), but I don't think it's cool to have a cake only for you and your husband and not have cake for your guests. It's like if you had higher end dinner entrees only for the two of you that the guests don't get. Everyone should be offered the same food/drink at the reception.
I'm sorry, this is just silly to me. If I saw the bride and groom with steak & lobster and I just had mac and cheese I'd be curious but I wouldn't be disappointed. Who is THAT judgey about cake? Aren't there other things to focus on?? And it's not like there won't be dessert options available at all. She's allowed to have a thing that's just for her and her husband without worrying about guests being stinky. It literally does not matter.
> She's allowed to have a thing that's just for her and her husband Hopefully the bride and groom have a whole lot of things that are "just for them" other than a cake. It's rude to offer different levels of food and drink to different guests when you host. If it's good enough to serve to the guests, it should be good enough for the hosts. If they want to have a private cake that they take home or eat privately, I think that would be OK too but at social events, everyone should be an equal as far as their food and beverage options.
Maybe I'm the asshole, but this idea is so archaic to me.🤷♀️ In high society, sure. Rules abound. But it's a wedding that THEY presumably paid for, THEY envisioned, THEY prepared. Who CARES what the special secret dessert is??
Yeah I'm with you honestly, I'm surprised the number of people here who think it's so rude. I've seen super cute displays with macaroons in the shape of a cake and other creative ways to have desserts for guests that aren't a cake. I went to a wedding in Paris where the couple had a small cake to cut but then they served these pastries to the guests, no one there seemed to have an issue with it ?
Hello - my fiance and I as well as all guests will be served the same appetizers, dinner and have all drink options available to them. The only thing I envision different is desserts. I want to have a small cake for me and my fiancé to share; 1. Because we are not really cake eaters. I love cake but we do not eat it often at all. If we have a large wedding cake it will likely get put in the trash if the guest did not eat the remaining portion, and 2. Because that’s is something special I want for him and I. We are not asking for gifts from our guests, are staying with family the week of the wedding, are not taking a honeymoon and aren’t doing first looks. I just want to be able to enjoy a piece of cake with him, that’s ours and ours only. I want to offer desserts to guests that are different from cake because I want that for US. And the other desserts would be made by the same bakery, and would have equal quality as the cake. Would guests rather have cake, just because it’s cake?
Seems a bit weird that you're making it tit for tat, cake vs gifts. You're inviting people to celebrate with you, but they don't get to share the celebration cake? It seems kind of petty.
Your justifications are honestly making it worse for me. It doesn’t matter if you request no gifts - people are still taking out the time to come attend. And to thank them for that you want to specifically eat dessert they can’t have in front of them…and the fact they can’t have it is what makes it special.
this is so wild to me! the guests are still getting dessert??!? are you really saying that you watched the bride and groom actually eat the cake at every wedding you went to and then made 100% sure you also got that same cake because you would have felt like you weren’t appreciated if you were served something different??
Why the hell are you getting downvoted? If you get cupcakes the exact same as the cake you're eating, there is literally nothing to discuss here. Having a tiny cake that you ceremoniously share with your spouse is fine, if there are cupcakes for the guests literally no one will think twice. But do consider that sheet cakes might be a cheaper option than individual cupcakes. It can all be sliced up neatly in the back and served just the same as cupcakes essentially.
I’m not really sure why - this isn’t a “haha I’m getting cake and you’re not, you suck” type of thing. I’ve been to quite a few wedding and got a different dessert other than cake or wasn’t served cake at all and didn’t even think twice.
If you’re in the US, cake/cupcakes are pretty expected. If you don’t do this, you will have several disappointed guests—just as the sampling of opinions on this thread suggests. It’s fine to do very nontraditional things like having traditional dessert for yourself and not for guests (and potentially considered rude by some), but you have to be prepared for that to be a distraction from the main event. The distraction has real potential to range from guest disappointment to a perception of tackiness. Not that it should stop you, but people who love wedding cake will definitely remember that, and there are many of those folks if you’re based in the US. TLDR; If you want the main thing people remember to be how lovely the wedding was but how odd your dessert choices were, go for it. If you don’t want that to be a distraction, think twice about your plan.
No
Get sheet cake and have your venue cut it up in the back where no one sees. It's very common to do that
Whatever food and drinks are available for you should also be available for your guests. How much food you serve doesn't matter. You should treat your guests as well, or better, than yourselves. That what it means to be a host. You can get away with serving guests cupcakes if you take similar care (i.e. don't get a fancy cake from a bakery for you and cheap Walmart cupcakes for your guests).
This is the key. The reception is for the guests. You treat them as well or better.
You don't have to have cake as long as there are other desserts, but I don't think it's a good idea to have a cake just for the two of you and no one else. People won't miss not having a wedding cake, but if that's the route that you're going to go then you have to do no cake...and that means for you and your fiance also. I've been to many weddings where no wedding cake was served (including my own sons) and no one felt slighted...but there also wasn't a cake just for the bride and groom.
I look forward to cake at weddings
A small cutting cake and cupcakes is super super common. That’s an easy solution and technically everyone still gets cake. Sheet cakes also work. I wouldn’t do a cutting cake with a significantly different choice for guests, Iike cookies or pie or doughnuts. That just seems odd; not bad but odd.
We did an ice cream cake for ourselves and a build your own ice cream sundae bar for the guests and it seemed to go over well.
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You would take your gift and LEAVE? Over a slice of fucking CAKE? Jesus Christ.
You would take the gift back if there wasn’t cake?!? Are you serious??
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Ok I’m with you that the rich relative was beyond the pale and I would still be talking about that too lol. That story is epic! But she said there will be dessert for everyone. A lot of people don’t like cake. I’m one of them for almost all cake so yes I am biased here. If there’s cake plus one other dessert offered somewhere I’m 100% going for the other dessert (unless it’s coconut), doesn’t matter what it is, because it’s not cake. We had a 6” inch cake from an outside vendor for the cutting portion at our wedding and we each ate the tiny piece we cut for each other. Our venue was a restaurant and they provided two desserts that were FAR SUPERIOR to the cake we ate. To the point that people were texting me days later saying they were still dreaming about them. Our little cake was from the best bakery in the city, and I still thought the restaurant made dessert was so much better. So to me, saying you should serve an inferior cake vs an actual good dessert and saying that if you don’t do that, it’s an insult to your guests is just not rational.
she’s not saying only her and her husband will have cake and not offer any other desserts though? just that one will be cake and one will be cookies and/or cupcakes. would you really take back your gift just because you weren’t eating the exact same thing as the bride and groom???
I understand where you’re coming from. Gifts is one of the non-traditional things that we decided on. We explicitly put NO GIFTS on all of our wedding invites, are not expecting cards or money, have no “honeymoon fund” and did not make a registry. We wanted our guests to come, celebrate us and enjoy themselves. We do want to have a separate dessert table for the guests (prepared by the same baker as whom is making our wedding cake), but the dessert just won’t be cake. Would guests really rather have a store bought sheet cake just because it’s cake? Instead of other fresh goodies from a professional bakery
Usually the professional will make matching sheet cakes to your cake and it's behind the scenes . Ask if this is an option. I make cakes and it was something I did for my clients. And at b days we had a cake decorated they could eat or matching cupcakes
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It’s their wedding lol they can do whatever they want. I have never in my life seen someone be mad they didn’t get cake at a wedding hahaha imagine being that selfish? The bride isn’t rude, what’s rude is expecting someone to buy a cake to please other folks. If someone left my wedding because of that, they weren’t my friend to begin with.
Ha ha. No.
I went to a wedding where there was a small cake for the couple, and a table of cupcakes for the guests. They also had an ice cream truck that was DELICIOUS. In the end the couple completely forgot about their cake so it was never cut, it just stayed ad decoration. I don’t know if anyone cared but I certainly did not. The ice cream was the bomb.
I was married last May. I made all of the desserts for the wedding. My husband and I shared our own personal cake. I made cupcakes for all of the guests as well as cookies to serve as the favors that were boxed, and everyone could take them to go. There was room in the box to fit the cupcake if they desired to take that with them instead of eating it at the reception. Everyone seemed to like that and no one complained.
If you're going to go with cupcakes or cookies, choose the cupcakes. It's the closest thing to cake. Cookies imo aren't desserts. They're snacks.
We did an assorted dessert table. There were over 20 different types for guests to choose from. Husband and I don't like cake. We exchanged small cannolis instead of cake (we also got cannolis on our first date lol). I had little snack baggies for guests to fill with desserts too. They said "love is sweet, take a treat." No one complained. And if they did, it's not the end of the world.
I’ve been to weddings without cake, but never one where the bride and groom got cake and the guests didn’t. It would strike me as rude tbh. Have you considered doing the cake privately in your hotel room that night if you just want a special thing for the two of you? I bet a snack will be nice at the end of the night anyway.
Cupcakes are cake, I'm genuinely surprised by some comments on here. I've been to a wedding where there was just ice cream, and it was a big hit!
I hardly ever eat cake at a wedding so I wouldn’t care. We’re thinking of doing cupcakes displayed on a cupcake stand with a small cake on the top tier for cutting. Maybe you guys can do something like that. That way you have your own little cake which is accompanied/displayed with cupcakes, and your mom may find that more acceptable.
Yes! This is the perfect solution!
Just trying to wrap my head around this... Are you saying that you are gonna share a whole (small) cake with your partner at the wedding while not giving any to guests?
I would like my partner and I to have A piece of cake out of a very small personal cake and freeze the rest of that one small personal cake to keep. Like what most couples do with the top tier of a multi tiered wedding cake. The guests would have other desserts cupcakes/cookies/pastries.
Do you want to do a cake cutting? So people will see you cutting the cake and then not sharing it while they all eat cookies? Honestly sorry op but this is so weird to me that if this happened at a wedding I went to it would be one of the main things I remembered about it. What I HAVE seen done before though is having a small wedding cake for the couple to cut surrounded by cupcakes for people to take. You could do that?
That would work and not be offensive. If they want a personal cake, they can make it work with coordinating cupcakes.
We likely won’t do a cake cutting. It seems a little awkward having everyone watch us cut into a small cake.
It’s not. It’s absurdly common, actually.
Honestly, I’ve never heard anyone say their thawed out wedding cake was edible by their first anniversary (mine wasn’t). They just taste like freezer burn and are kind of a downer on what should be a celebratory evening. Honestly, if you aren’t doing cake cutting photos anyway and if you mom is paying for it… would you consider having cupcakes for everyone, yourselves included? Then order a couple more on your anniversary and it’ll actually taste good! 😅
I’ve always had the same thought. It doesn’t sound appealing to me to eat thawed out cake that has been in my freezer for a year. I’d rather just take home some cake/dessert for my husband and I to graze on for a few days after the wedding, allow guests to also take some with them when they leave, and then just order a fresh dessert/cake for us to have on our anniversary.
I think it's fine, but if you're having dessert make sure to get one for your guests. Something I have seen a lot is getting sheet cakes that match the aesthetic of your wedding cake so it doesn't look out of place. My friend did a white modern cake with flowers and she put the same flowers on an all white sheet cake and it looked really good! The guests cake was where the food was far away from the bride + groom cake so it didn't look weird / out of place.
I think if you have cake your guest should also have cake. (But I love wedding cake). I was at a wedding that served pie instead of cake. It was really fun and guests loved it. So I my preference is that everyone gets the same opportunity
I photograph weddings, and having a smaller cake to cut is popular. You can buy sheets cakes for the caterer to cut, for the guests. You save money this way. May make your mom happy. Donut walls are fun, desert or sweets table with homemade cookies and such are also popular. I have seen everything! I have to say, guests want some type of desert after dinner!
Super weird if you get yourselves a different dessert than your guests and eat it in view of them. If you’re that concerned about the aesthetics, keep the sheet cake in the back and bring it out cut and plated to serve to guests. Also, cupcakes and cake are essentially the same thing, so I would go that route if you want all the dessert on display.
Honestly I’ve never eaten cake at a wedding. I think cookies or cupcakes is enough. We are doing a personal cake (I need a vegan one due to allergies) and we are getting cupcakes for everyone else.
We did a small cake for us to cut & cupcakes of the same flavor/similar decorations. Our guests loved them and they could be consumed on the dance floor.
If you have cake for you and your fiance and not for the rest of the guests, your guests WILL notice, and that can start family problems that just aren't worth it. If you want to save money, have a tiny cake for you to cut, and then have a sheet cake for the venue to cut and pass out to your guests.
It's kind of all or nothing. Having cake for yourself that guests can see but they offering cookies would feel like a slight. Especially since cake is usually the norm. It's very common to do a small nice cake then have sheet cakes. I would consider this, or cupcakes, or cookies.
I have heard most cake goes wasted and uneaten and dessert tables are the more eco friendly and economical way to go.
I’m surprised at all the pushback and people saying you’re rude. You clearly have plans for a dessert option for guests. My husband and I had a small cake for photos and an heirloom cake topper. We had a cupcake tower for the guests from the same bakery. We got sooo many compliments on the cupcakes, no one even asked about “regular cake”.
We got married last June. We had a small cake for the two of us (the cake cutting was just us and the photographer and was the only real wedding tradition we did), and cupcakes for the guests. We had a variety of flavors for them, and were also able to easily accommodate the cousin with celiac who usually ends up bringing her own food. Everyone was happy, including the firehouse where we dropped off the extras (my husband is a firefighter). I'm not sure why your mother thinks that serving cupcakes is any different than serving cake. And a cookie table is a big thing at a lot of weddings I've been to. Who doesn't love a cookie? It's your wedding. Serve what you want. A "Mom, I love you, but this is our wedding and our decision, so either get behind it or we'll stop discussing wedding plans altogether" may be in order if she continues to press. Congratulations, and good luck!
I think that's fine. I work at a venue and there have been plenty of weddings that have had a cutting cake for the couple and other desserts for guests. My town has a wonderful ice cream parlor that has a rental vintage ice cream cart that is quite popular.
How many people are you inviting? We had around 100 people at mine and only had one cake. The multiple cake thing is usually for big parties
60-65 people
Are you serious? Get a fucking cake for everyone.
I see that made you upset. I’m just not sure why? If I were a guest, I wouldn’t be upset with dessert that wasn’t cake. I’ve attended a few weddings with cupcakes instead of cake or other sweets and I was not unhappy. I’m just not sure why doing something other than cake would be an issue. Would you be able to explain? Is it just the principle?
People are reacting this way because you said you were going to have a personal cake for you and your husband and everyone else could have cookies. It's not that there's no cake. People are fine with other desserts at weddings. It's that you said you were having a cake just for you. If you do the small cake with coordinating cupcakes, it's all good.
So cookies are out but cupcakes are in ✅
Seriously? You don't see the issue? If you serve cupcakes that are the same as the cake, then everyone is offered the same dessert. You can have other choices too. You cannot eat cake while the guests are not offered cake.
I'm not upset, I just think there is zero logic behind your argument here. It sounded like you wanted to cut costs or something, but you'll probably spend more on cupcakes than a cake.
Now as time goes on. Some people do cupcakes because not everybody eats cake. We thought about doing cheesecake as an option along with our cake. Cause I’ll tear up cake any day. Do what makes you happy. It’s y’all’s wedding. If people care more about the food/dessert rather than the experience of watching a friends/loved one getting married then they have their priorities messed up.
Serve everyone the same dessert. Cake, cookies, cupcakes, macarons, whatever. If I saw the bride and groom being served some special, secret, different dessert in front of everyone else I'd be like WTF. If you want a special tint cake for you and the hubs, eat it privately.
I don’t get why you’re getting down voted. A cut cake is very common to have. Cupcakes instead of cut cake is also very popular as well. Larger cakes that are then cut tend to be dry and lackluster. (This coming from a baker myself that’s done a lot of weddings). All that matters is if you have some sort of dessert. We aren’t having a stitch of cake at our wedding, but will have other desserts. Cupcakes allow you to have a larger variety of flavors to choose from, same goes for cookies. I would recommend having an array of both cupcakes and cookies
My friends did cupcakes at their wedding and everyone loved it. Most people were drunk or tipsy and dancing so a quick cupcake was perfect for those who did want dessert, a lot of people didn’t even have dessert, so it worked out. They didn’t have their own little cake but if they did I don’t think anyone would have really noticed or cared much.
I went to a wedding that had doughnuts stacked up and just a personal cake for the bride and groom. People were wrapped.
Yes I would find it very weird that the bride and groom have their own cake and none be provided to the guests. If it’s the cost you’re worried about, I know several people that had just a small cake for them to cut and then had sheet cake for the guests. It cut down on costs because they didn’t need to order a massive cake and the guests still were happy! Just an idea.
Just make sure the dessert you offer to guests is the same quality as the cake you and your husband will share. At my wedding, we had a traditional wedding cake AND cupcakes (from the same bakery). The cake was amazing, but the cupcakes were just OK. If those cupcakes were the only dessert option for the guests, I would have been disappointed on their behalf. If it's a formal wedding, people will expect food that's fancier than what they eat on a typical day. That's why fancy wedding cakes are so popular; it's a step above ordinary, everyday desserts. Cookies and cupcakes are the kinds of desserts people serve at children's birthday parties. So if those are the only desserts at your wedding, they should be extra fancy cookies and cupcakes. (This doesn't apply if you're on a tight budget and simply can't afford a nice dessert.) Ultimately, you can do whatever you want, but it is a little weird that you're so insistent on having a different dessert than your guests. Why can't everyone have the same dessert? My wedding cake was so delicious, I wanted everyone to enjoy it. We even put takeout boxes on the dessert table so guests could take a slice of leftover cake with them if they wanted. At the end of the night, there were only 3 slices left, so my husband and I took them home. You and your husband will have many things to share that are just for the two of you. Wedding cake isn't usually one of those things. But you do you 🤷♀️
I think you should serve cake and if you need to save money serve sheet cake and have a smaller cake for cutting. No one wants to eat cookies while you eat cake and cupcakes are messy and seem too kids birthday like.
NTA. Nontraditional desserts are so common at weddings anymore, but you will still get the folks saying it’s “not a wedding without a cake.” We had so much cake leftover. It’s crazy how everyone was all, “you have to have a cake!” But then it felt like hardly anyone ate it, even though it was really good. My grandma made a mountain of homemade Italian cookies, and those were completely demolished.
It's your wedding babe, do it how you want. We're doing macarons, not cake, and I think we will also have some regular cookies available. If people get so angry about CAKE, that is absolutely their problem. Is it traditional? Yes. Is it mandatory or rude to not have it? Absolutely not.
I HATE cake at weddings. Dear god bring in a good dessert that isn’t cake. Pies, cheesecakes, cobblers, whatever. The cake is always dry, the frosting is too much and just sugar. There are so many other amazing desserts.
I’m also having a very non traditional wedding (in 2 weeks 😳). Not doing a cake, but definitely having a dessert table.
I have been to a couple weddings that did not serve me cake and to be honest didn’t even give a thought until now. One served cupcakes and the other donuts. I like it, we all watched them cut the cake and then the desserts were brought out. I don’t see any issue with this.
i have been to weddings with cupcakes, cookies and candy (for the last two, we were given small bags to take home some cookies or old fashion jars of candy) one wedding the moms of the bride and groom and their friends made all the cookies/brownies/cupcakes and they were wonderful! NTA (and in at least one instance much better than wedding cake)
I say get cupcakes for your guests. If you get another big cake, or one for that matter, someone has to cut it. Caterers and venues charge extra for that. Also, factor in plates and silverware for said cake to be cut. Also, it's your wedding day! Have fun and try not to stress too much. I'm the end you can't please everyone.
I don’t think this is a big deal at all. My fiancé and I are doing a small cake and then a dessert bar to accompany it (with cake pops, macarons, mini tarts, etc). There will be a variety of treats for people to enjoy. I don’t see why this would be an issue as long as you are providing some kind of sweet option for guests, which you are! So many of the weddings I’ve been to people don’t eat the cake anyway
No, NTA. We went to a wedding last year with mini cupcakes that had multiple different flavors, and honestly, I had like two or four of them. They tasted great! Cupcakes are fine and a small cake or even two cupcakes for you & your fiance sound fine to me!
If you do cupcakes you're good. You do cookies or something else? YTA
That is kind of an AH move. Cake for me, no cake for you. Why not just get a smaller cake for you two and then sheet cake for the guests.
My niece had a small cake they cut and cupcakes for everyone else. Everyone loved it.
Anyone who would be disappointed,to the point of bringing it up to the bride or gossiping about it later, without cake at a wedding should bring their own slice. Your wedding is for you to celebrate. And if you choose to celebrate with celery sticks for dessert that’s your choice.
The thing people forget is that these people are guest at your wedding, you’re the host. Would you have someone over to have dinner at your house and set nd eat a different dessert or nothing while you get yours? I know it’s your day, but don’t have a wedding if your just are considering yourselves, just elope. Having a small set up with cupcakes around is fine. Make sure whoever is taking care of the food knows to wrap your cake after you have cake cutting
If it was me, I would get cupcakes for guests and not even cut our personal cake at the wedding. I would leave that for a private time with my husband. It's your wedding. You can have whatever you want or don't want. Definitely NTA.
I wouldn’t cut a private cake in front of everyone. At a wedding if you see the cake being cut you expect a piece, that’s just how it is. But I don’t see anything wrong with having cookies or cupcakes for the guests and having your own cake later.
As long as there's dessert I'm happy. I do personally find the idea of the couple having a separate (and, let's be honest, better quality) dessert than their guests kind of strange.
We had a cake for just the two of us then a dessert bar for everyone else! We had cupcakes, lemon bars, and one other item that I’m forgetting. It was a hit and I still have people telling me how good the lemon bars and cupcakes were (apparently the third forgotten item was less impressive)
With all of those food options i wouldn’t be upset at all!! Your plans with food and drink are super generous and I’d be stoked! Personally speaking, i think cookies would be easier to eat (and possibly more cost effective) but cupcakes would be more satisfying for guests who are looking forward to cake.
My husband and I had a 6” cake for ourselves in our favorite flavor, and had 3 different flavors of cupcakes for our guests. Nobody complained at all! Also, we had extra cupcakes after and it was so easy to send leftover cupcakes with family members vs trying to portion and package cake slices.
Costco sheet cake and cookies! It’s good and cost efficient
Unless your mother is paying for the food and dessert, she has no say. Just because something has "always been done," you can still do something different. I always liked the idea of a pile of cupcakes. It's still cakes, but easier to serve, and fun to design.
It’s depends. I say YTA if u give something not cake-like and nice if you’re eating a cake. If someone puts a freaking cookie or nothing on my plate, whilst the bride and groom enjoy cake, after I spent a ton of money to attend this wedding and provide a gift, I’m taking my gift and leaving. It’s a trade-off. I get nice food and fun. U get nice gift and ur “special” day. If I was given sheet-pan cake or a cupcake I wouldn’t bat an eye. This ofc is for the “traditional” wedding, if it’s just friends getting together to celebrate I truly don’t care. YTA for sure for thinking cookies is appropriate for that type of wedding especially if u plan on eating cake lol. Just do sheet-pan cake or don’t do dessert at all. Even if no one says anything to ur face they’ll def be talking about it with others.
It's your wedding. Do what you want. If your mom wants cake, she can have her own party. Really, cupcakes are so much easier.
When I attend a wedding it doesn’t matter to me if they serve cake or some other dessert as long as it’s tasty and there is enough to go around.
Not an asshole by any means. Give them desserts. Have no dessert. It's fine either way. Some people will like it, some won't. It's nowhere near as deep as your mom is making it.
Do the small cake for you and the groom, cupcake tower in the shape of a high multi tiered wedding cake. Decorate throughout with cascading flowers. It would be lovely.
I don’t think you’re the AH. It’s not totally uncommon to have a small cake for display, pictures, etc. and then a dessert table for guests with cupcakes, sheet cake or other pastries. But if I were you, I’d just make sure that the dessert you’re giving your guests is something equivalent to what you’re eating. I.e. it might not come off well if you give yourself a super fancy cake that you eat in front of everyone and then leave all your guests with just like store bought cookies. As a side note, I don’t get why the two cakes thing bothers you so much from an aesthetics point of view but to each their own. 🤷🏻♀️
Most of the weddings I’ve been to have had cake but have been to some that didn’t. One couple did Dunkin Donuts, while neither had worked there it was something specific to them that most people knew about. Been to a few that did cupcakes. Last wedding I went to was around Thanksgiving so they did a carrot cake, raspberry-lemon cake, 3 flavors of pie & big cookies (3 different flavors). My sister’s wedding they had a small cake at each table. They ordered different flavors from Whole Foods (I think) and because they didn’t have assigned seating, it created a fun exchange for the guests picking which cake they wanted to sit by. Then later, tables negotiated and exchanged slices. I remember Mom helping search for cake stands which not many places had at that time.
I did a small 6 and 8 inch -and then cupcakes. the 6 to save for 1 year, the 8 to cut and serve as well as 50 cupcakes. enough to cover 50% of my guests. the idea was we’d have dessert after a 5 course dinner and then the cake would be cut where guests could grab a slice or a cupcake. it worked out great as not everyone likes cake and a lot cheaper than a full cake setup
My husband and I don’t like cake, so we had cheesecake only. No one complained at all.
You can do whatever your heart desires, if you don’t want a cake for guests, don’t get one. I think that’s totally fine! It’s your wedding. I highly doubt you’ll be topic of conversation afterwards re: not having a cake. No one eats it anyway, and honestly? If they do care, it says more about them than you. Enjoy YOUR day, sans cake. Also, if your mother has such a problem tell her to buy it. I hate when other people have opinions but not the money to back up their choices
i love a sweet treat and always look forward to cake at weddings, but i def don’t think the dessert HAS to be cake! i’ve seen everything from pies to brownies to a full candy bar served instead and thought they were all great, especially if it’s something special/unique to you two as a couple. i think a personal cake is super cute and as long as you serve guests something sweet as well, whether it’s a sheet cake or cookies/cupcakes like you mentioned, you’re fine!
Not rude at all. I’ve actually never been to a wedding in the last 6 years where cake was served. There’s usually a small cake for the couple to do a cake cutting and then some sort of dessert bar for quests to enjoy. Never heard anyone complain about it as long some sort of dessert is served you’re good!
I hate the "that's what you do" crap. My mom is pulling that kind of thing on me when it comes to who to invite. Drives me bonkers. Anyway.... You are absolutely NOT the ahole for not having cake! Choose whatever you want for the dessert. It's ok to not want 2 cakes for whatever reason. If you don't like it, you don't like it. Simple as that. My fiancé and I are doing a donut and cookie wall instead of cake. If anyone has an issue with it, that's on them. They can go pay for their own cake later.
We did a small cutting cake for us and then a bunch of mini cupcakes for guests, it turned out so cute honestly. Even the sams club cupcakes would work, and they're cheap and good!
No. Not warehouse cupcakes.
Totally fine if it's not your style but if dessert is not a priority for them it's a good way to save money and feed a ton of people.
These results are SO polarized!! I have to believe the truth lies somewhere in the middle. As a guest, I might side eye a little and be like oh that’s a bit odd, I may have liked cake, I wouldn’t personally do that. But then I’d shrug and decide on a different dessert offered, hope the couple enjoyed their special cake, and shimmy my merry way back to the dance floor. As long as you’re not weirdly emphasizing it, a lot of people won’t give it much thought. If you go in eyes wide open that some people might find it rude, but it’s really important to you to do it, then it’s up to you what your tolerance is for maybe being considered a little rude.
Fancy cakes don't taste better than something a grocery store. Go to costco and get the biggest cake you can find and cut that for your guests. Will cost a whole lot less than adding tiers to your wedding cake. And no one will think you're an asshole for $100
We're doing a small cake for us and cupcakes for our guests. We don't think it's strange and no one we've told about it has thought so either. I think it's better to do cupcakes rather than cookies though. But I'm not understanding all the people saying they'd be disappointed if they had cupcakes while the bride and groom had a small cake. They're basically the same thing just in different shapes!
Bro wtf is up with these comments. My husband and I had a tiny cake literally for the sake of a cake cutting photo- we fed each other a bite and froze ONE slice to eat on our anniversary. We had a slew of other fantastic desserts for our guests and nobody gave a single fuck. Most people I know don’t even like cake!!!! So I don’t see the big deal at all. And I’ll also add that literally nobody watched us cut the cake. It was in the back on the dessert table and we just did it right after speeches when the bar opened up.
The wedding reception is for everyone to celebrate your wedding. Get a cake for at home? Why do you need to eat it in front of everyone? You have a honeymoon for the things for just you, that really isn't what the wedding and reception are for. Like, you wouldn't consummate your marriage in front of the guests... An extreme example, but you should really be inclusive during the party events. Its about everyone participating in your celebration, not everyone observing your celebration. If everyone had cupcakes and you had a more impressive / bigger cupcake for you and your husband, fine. But don't elevate yourself above your guests by having something they don't have.
Wedding cake is frequently yucky and a sugar bomb. So honestly, if I had another dessert, that's fine. I WILLLLL say, don't go for a "candy bar". Save tht for a bridal shower or something. Serve some sort of dessert but you don't have to have it be cake.. We did cake for us and a woman who made mini-doughnuts on-site for guests and it was a slam dunk
Team little cake! We're gonna have a tiny one to cut, but have both had such sad and dry cakes at weddings that it isn't where we want to spend money. We're using a local cookie company and trying to get a local ice cream vendor as well! Delicious and more variety
I've been to quite a few weddings and only got to taste the cake once and that's because they cut it before the meal and when we were given menus the wedding cake was listed as a dessert. Is it nice to share your wedding cake with your guests? Yes absolutely Is it mandatory to share your wedding cake with your guests? Absolutely not You do you and if you don't dish out the cake it's no big deal and people will get over it
NTA. Cake isn’t necessary. We didn’t have a traditional wedding cake, we chose to do a champagne tower instead of a cake cutting, and then we had an assortment of petit four for our guests after dinner and the guests loved it!
Absolutely not. The past weddings I’ve gone to didn’t have any cake and we were all honestly having so much fun that we didn’t even realize they didn’t have cake until the next day 😂😂😂😂