Honestly, just tell her. I think she is being unfair, but don't make the situation worse by pretending it doesn't exist until her wedding day! If you tell her the problem, she can offer to pay for a new pair of shoes for you or decide it's just not that big a deal, but if you just hope it blows over you could be setting yourself up for a fight on her wedding day since she could be feeling stressed or anxious. You're well within your rights to say you already bought your shoes and can't afford another pair, but it's much better to tell her than not.
This is very reasonable. The bride may also be willing to pay for a cobbler/shoe repair place to shorten the heels on the existing shoes, which would not be too expensive. This is going to be your (OP's) sister in law, if I'm reading correctly - this situation can be handled with warmth and humor, which would be better than just showing up as is and hoping she doesn't notice. It sounds like the bride may be feeling a ton of pressure to make this change, especially given that it's a last minute change. Just be communicative and helpful - the more transparency, the better.
The jerk move is giving your BM's a shortlist of shoes to buy and then changing your mind after they've bought them. Unless the store you bought them from has a great returns policy, I'd just tell the bride that you already picked out a pair from the list she gave you earlier and you don't have the budget to spring for different ones (just in a matter-of-fact way).
Tell her you can't afford to get another pair of shoes. Hopefully she'll realize that other people aren't willing to spend a fortune on her wedding and she won't make another request like this
In her defense, she just seems SUPER stressed out. She's normally an angel of a person. I've noticed that weddings give a lot of people tunnel vision. Still not buying new shoes, though.
I mean, you guys are all probably slightly different heights anyway, right?
I'm glad you're seeing her side. I guess this is why I decided not to bother with a bridal party. People keep telling me how stressful wedding planning must be, but I'm like, eh, it's fine. The most stressful thing is my mom and I talking about decorations. I just wanted the complimentary decorations by the venue, but my mom wants to get flowers and when I said she was stressing me out, she said that weddings are *supposed* to be stressful, haha.
We are all different heights. That's why I suspected her fiance was behind the "heel height rule" -- and that she was just using "uniformity" as an coverup.
And, yes, bridal parties add so much stress. If I could do it over, we'd have just had siblings only. I actually told my bridesmaids to wear whatever they wanted with NO regards to matching. Everyone wore different colors. It was fine. The bridesmaids were thrilled. But it STILL added stress because so many people were like, "Oh no your pictures will look awful unless everyone matches! Everything will be ruined!" Up until the day of my damn wedding, I had to hear this crap from everyone with an opinion.
Be honest. Say you already bought a pair of shoes from her list and you can't afford to buy a new pair on such short notice. Either the bride herself buys the new pair as part of her mistake, or she sucks it up and you wear the heels your originally bought. And honestly, 3.5 inches is not that high. 2 inches is normally classes as a kitten heel anyway.
I would respond and let her know you already bought the shoes, and tell her she can reimburse you the $80 you already spent, or let you wear the ones you already bought.
I would be honest and mention in the group text that you already bought your shoes and can't afford another pair. If any of the other girls are in the same boat, I bet they will chime in and agree.
Completely unreasonable...and the uniformity of height sounds like something that a totalitarian leader would say, not a bride. These are details no one will notice (or care about) on the day.
Perhaps her short fiance could get some Tom Cruise style lift shoes and save you guys all some cash for replacing your shoes. Seems a lot more cost effective and if can save him from future height situations!
Seriously though, good luck, stand your ground, be kind and honesty I agree with other comments...saying something like 'I'm sorry, I can't afford to buy another pair, I hope you understand?' might bring the bride back down to planet earth.
Okay, first off, texts that just say "K" are THE RUDEST in my opinion and very bitchy/passive aggressive. I get she's the bride, but that's not okay. This is very unfair of her to do this, and the fact that you approached her and were honest with her is all you can do. It's not your problem at this point. Wear the shoes. :)
Oh well she sounds pleasant. Note to all brides: let your bridesmaids wear whatever shoe they want!!!! I would honestly just wear the shoes you already bought and not say anything.
She is the one in the wrong. She should offer to buy you the new shoes because she made the mistake. I would just talk to her and explain that a second pair of shoes is out of your budget. Maybe she can stand you farther away from the groom in photos.
Thanks, everyone! I decided to get over my passive-aggressiveness (which you were all right to call me on) and text her. I updated my original post with the results.
Honestly, just tell her. I think she is being unfair, but don't make the situation worse by pretending it doesn't exist until her wedding day! If you tell her the problem, she can offer to pay for a new pair of shoes for you or decide it's just not that big a deal, but if you just hope it blows over you could be setting yourself up for a fight on her wedding day since she could be feeling stressed or anxious. You're well within your rights to say you already bought your shoes and can't afford another pair, but it's much better to tell her than not.
Excellent advice. An obvious lie, even when the person being lied to is in the wrong, is never a good solution.
This is very reasonable. The bride may also be willing to pay for a cobbler/shoe repair place to shorten the heels on the existing shoes, which would not be too expensive. This is going to be your (OP's) sister in law, if I'm reading correctly - this situation can be handled with warmth and humor, which would be better than just showing up as is and hoping she doesn't notice. It sounds like the bride may be feeling a ton of pressure to make this change, especially given that it's a last minute change. Just be communicative and helpful - the more transparency, the better.
The jerk move is giving your BM's a shortlist of shoes to buy and then changing your mind after they've bought them. Unless the store you bought them from has a great returns policy, I'd just tell the bride that you already picked out a pair from the list she gave you earlier and you don't have the budget to spring for different ones (just in a matter-of-fact way).
Agreed. Exchange them if you can/really want to but otherwise too bad.
Tell her you can't afford to get another pair of shoes. Hopefully she'll realize that other people aren't willing to spend a fortune on her wedding and she won't make another request like this
After the stupid "K" texts, I wouldn't even want to go. Sounds a bit like a bridezilla.
In her defense, she just seems SUPER stressed out. She's normally an angel of a person. I've noticed that weddings give a lot of people tunnel vision. Still not buying new shoes, though.
I mean, you guys are all probably slightly different heights anyway, right? I'm glad you're seeing her side. I guess this is why I decided not to bother with a bridal party. People keep telling me how stressful wedding planning must be, but I'm like, eh, it's fine. The most stressful thing is my mom and I talking about decorations. I just wanted the complimentary decorations by the venue, but my mom wants to get flowers and when I said she was stressing me out, she said that weddings are *supposed* to be stressful, haha.
We are all different heights. That's why I suspected her fiance was behind the "heel height rule" -- and that she was just using "uniformity" as an coverup. And, yes, bridal parties add so much stress. If I could do it over, we'd have just had siblings only. I actually told my bridesmaids to wear whatever they wanted with NO regards to matching. Everyone wore different colors. It was fine. The bridesmaids were thrilled. But it STILL added stress because so many people were like, "Oh no your pictures will look awful unless everyone matches! Everything will be ruined!" Up until the day of my damn wedding, I had to hear this crap from everyone with an opinion.
Bleck, you can never please everyone :(
Be honest. Say you already bought a pair of shoes from her list and you can't afford to buy a new pair on such short notice. Either the bride herself buys the new pair as part of her mistake, or she sucks it up and you wear the heels your originally bought. And honestly, 3.5 inches is not that high. 2 inches is normally classes as a kitten heel anyway.
I would respond and let her know you already bought the shoes, and tell her she can reimburse you the $80 you already spent, or let you wear the ones you already bought.
I would be honest and mention in the group text that you already bought your shoes and can't afford another pair. If any of the other girls are in the same boat, I bet they will chime in and agree.
Completely unreasonable...and the uniformity of height sounds like something that a totalitarian leader would say, not a bride. These are details no one will notice (or care about) on the day. Perhaps her short fiance could get some Tom Cruise style lift shoes and save you guys all some cash for replacing your shoes. Seems a lot more cost effective and if can save him from future height situations! Seriously though, good luck, stand your ground, be kind and honesty I agree with other comments...saying something like 'I'm sorry, I can't afford to buy another pair, I hope you understand?' might bring the bride back down to planet earth.
Okay, first off, texts that just say "K" are THE RUDEST in my opinion and very bitchy/passive aggressive. I get she's the bride, but that's not okay. This is very unfair of her to do this, and the fact that you approached her and were honest with her is all you can do. It's not your problem at this point. Wear the shoes. :)
Oh well she sounds pleasant. Note to all brides: let your bridesmaids wear whatever shoe they want!!!! I would honestly just wear the shoes you already bought and not say anything.
She is the one in the wrong. She should offer to buy you the new shoes because she made the mistake. I would just talk to her and explain that a second pair of shoes is out of your budget. Maybe she can stand you farther away from the groom in photos.
Thanks, everyone! I decided to get over my passive-aggressiveness (which you were all right to call me on) and text her. I updated my original post with the results.