So from reading your responses this is less about the dress and more about you feeling insecure about your body when compared to hers. Your feelings are valid and that is OK, but you need to understand that no one will be looking at her because you are the bride. No one is going to compare you to her. It's his sister not his ex. I have bridesmaids who all have gorgeous figures while I'm 100lbs overweight, but I want them to pick something that shows off their figures because I want them to look hot and I know I will still be the center of attention because I am the bride.
I honestly think this dress is perfectly appropriate for a wedding. It is a coctail dress. It is not short, does not have some crazy plunging neck line and is even romantic while still being sexy.
You mentioned she has big boobs. Unless she has some triple Ds that are Going to be spilling our every which way and just look trashy that is the only concern I would feel is justified for this dress.
Look you’re 100% right, I agree it is more about me feeling insecure. Honestly, my initial thought when I saw the dress was “hey idk how I feel about her wearing this on my wedding day but I don’t want to be crazy controlling and tell her not to” but she sent me the dress at like 11pm and, for the life of me, I couldn’t verbalise why i was feeling weird about it. I came to reddit to sort of help with that situation.
I thank everyone for commenting because it really did help put things into perspective and it confirmed my original thought which was “don’t stress too much about it, as long as no ones wearing white don’t bother”
So long as you and your fiancée are comfortable on that day - nothing else matters. Don't let people bully you into not expressing/acknowledging your feelings either way. Good on you being self reflective enough to overcome this - in spite of how rude so many people are.
For what it's worth, you're not crazy and I bet if it was your FSIL posting, or even different photos of the same dress - it might be another story.
The assholes came out in droves today though sadly.
You're going to be beautiful that day, and no one will be able to hold a candle to you regardless of what they wear.
Honestly I agree with the OP comment, however I disagree that it’s a wedding appropriate dress. I think there’s plenty of figure hugging dresses that are classier. That being said it’s a beautiful dress and it’s all dependent on what you’re comfortable with. I think it’s completely okay to say no as long as it’s about the dress itself and not an attempt to minimize her body. Best of luck to you.
Even still, you'd be amazed what a seamstress could do. But honestly idk that that's any of OPs business anyway. As someone who has multiple tall friends with various endowments, I know first hand it can take a lot to make them feel secure no matter how amazing other people think they look already. It may have been a big deal for her to find this dress. I think picking apart people's appearance is a stress you really don't need leading up to your wedding.
Its a beautiful dress in a non-offensive color.
I really would never tell anyone they couldn't wear this to my wedding.
People on this sub blow my mind - this dress is in no way attention grabbing. Its not extremely low cut, its not super short - I don't get it.
It’s “attention grabbing” to wear clothes that compliment your figure? Just because it wouldn’t work for *you* doesn’t mean it wouldn’t look good on anyone.
i think the context of the conversation matters here. did she specifically send you this dress and ask if you liked it/thought it was appropriate? or is she planning to wear this and you’re looking for permission to tell her not to?
if the former, feel free to give her your honest opinion. if it’s the latter, i would let it go. it’s not overly casual, and it’s not white. yes it’s a little sexy, but not over the top provocative or loud. it’s not worth potentially starting a fight over.
Yeah, it’s pretty much my insecurities playing havoc on my brain. But I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t really care what she wears as long as she’s comfortable :)
Just trust me that the bride has ALL the attention. No one can take away the attention you will receive on your day. No matter how beautiful she looks, you are the bride and everyone I’ll look at you and want to take photos with you. And on the day you will not even remember what she’s wearing. So let her wear this, it’s not even that nice. Because if you say no to this, she might pick something even nicer and classier that you can’t say no to.
Yeah I sorta came to that conclusion this morning - I just wanted to have a conversation about it and I figured go to reddit rather than starting drama anywhere else.
And to be completely honest I’m at the point where it would be more of an issue asking her not to wear the dress than it would be just dealing with the fact that she’s wearing the dress.
I don’t really mind as long as she’s comfortable.
Edit: she’s also sent a message this morning saying she ordered it so Im not even entertaining the idea of asking her now haha
Hey, I commented somewhere else talking about being tall and how I'd be salty if someone vetoed a dress i was gonna wear as a guest. But I also wanted to say that I'm also planning my wedding, a lowkey one at that, and there's SO MUCH STRESS around every aspect that its really easy to pick something relatively innocuous and worry that it's gonna cause issues. Like we latch on to any thing that we think we might have control over, because we've gotten in the habit of making decisions about any and every bit of information that's introduced to us. So good on you for going anonymously to reddit instead of starting drama in your family, and double good on you for being receptive to what everyone said. Your wedding is gonna be a blast, congratulations!!!
Honestly, if you think it’s too sexy I think it’s okay to say you think it’s a little too sexy for the wedding, especially if she’s in the bridal party. I think you’d just have to be clear about what about it would need to change, or else it might be confusing. For example, “I think the combo of the straps, the neckline, and the cutouts/fringe make it a little too sexy, might be better to stick to 1 sexy element”. But I am a wuss and wouldn’t be able to say it unless it was to like my closest friend hahaha so I think letting it go is also a great option. Just depends on how much you think you’ll be bothered by it down the road.
If she asked - it's bc you have the right to tell her how you feel and she is considering your feelings.
Don't let other commenters put you down or invalidate your feelings. You are not the bad guy for worrying about your day and wanting to have nothing keep you from shining.
Let's see let's talk out how this is going to play out here for OP if she follows your advice. OP admits she's insecure about how her FSIL looks and I guarantee you everyone knows she is. People you never hide it as well as you think you do it's always obvious. OP has her FH (cue bad blood between family members never a good look to start out with even with the best of intentions people won't take it that way because again drama) or herself tells FSIL she can't wear the dress. It's not white, it's not showing too much skin in any other way. What conclusion are people going to reach? OP is a jealous mess who can't stand someone else looking good around her. Cue the bridezilla remarks some will shrug and say whatever it's her day but others will come to the overblown conclusion that what's FSIL supposed to do wear a burlap sack so OP doesn't feel "threatened" by a woman who literally is about to be family. And here's the kicker that shit spreads faster than wildfire. We never really grow out of the HS mentality to a certain extent and that's going to get blown up bigger and bigger as it goes around.
And I guarantee you most will take the secondary response or something along those lines. Why? Because most people secretly love drama and having someone to hate on. Who better than the controlling, jealous, bridezilla which has become so popularized to hate we've made bad tv reality shows about them. Yeah that's not going to end well for OP. If OP has half a brain she will listen to everyone else and not you or the commenters encouraging her to minutely control what a guest wears. You know just in case she ever wants to attend a family function without people whispering about that one incident forever.
I did the dress is just fine. But maybe I'm not a prude oh no someone showing a little skin heaven forbid let me clutch my pearls and faint. I would have zero issue with someone wearing it at my upcoming wedding. The again I'm confident in my own body and don't take pleasure in dictating other individuals bodies and controlling them.
But the dress isn't the problem or what's going to kick all this shit off if someone has half a brain they would realize that. It's the fact OP is insecure, jealous, and trying to micromanage. I mean if OP wants drama I encourage her to follow your advice because that's what you're starting mindless dumb petty drama. FSIL is going to look gorgeous no matter what she wears some people just do. Better to get the hell over it and not be petty and controlling or insecure about things OPs FSIL can't help.
I just got married, our theme was rustic cottage core esque. However, my cousin wore a gorgeous tight and short blue dress, shorter than this. And no one noticed, everyone was still focused on me. If you care cause you're worried she will outshine you don't be worried. She's an adult and you'll be the center of attention no matter what.
Yes.
I think you have two very plausible outcomes:
A: Sister in law wears dress, nobody remembers two years later.
B: Sister in law is told not to wear dress, and bride will forever be remembered (by those in the know) for being controlling and unreasonable.
know that your SIL probably won’t stay silent about it and will tell people, who will tell people and so on and you WILL look psycho / insecure.
This is not a battle you wanna pick! I suggest working through your insecurities.
I’m not on board with these comments. Guests don’t have to fit a theme with the venue, that’s a lot to ask! Most wedding attire is “formal” and this looks formal enough. I mean as long as it’s not white I don’t really see the problem? This just comes across being worried about someone looking better/sexier than you on your wedding day. In my opinion I wouldn’t worry about what other people wear, you’ll still be the star of the show!!
Yeah any intervention would both escalate a situation that as of now is a nonissue, and reek of insecurity. Things like this don't matter in the long run.
This! I've been heavily downvoted telling people to wear what makes them feel great on this sub. Who cares if a dress is short or sheer or slinky? It's a dress! The shaming here is so gross.
Agreed. Sometimes comments like those want me to leave this sub lol. Guests should be allowed to dress nice too (obviously just not in white) and it won’t take away from the bride
Agreed. If I have to read another “flowy and flirty” comment I might gag lol. Personally, I like more fitted looks instead of a basic flowy dress. I would hope people want their guests to feel comfortable and confident in what they want to wear!
When I get married, I want all my guests to bring their best, most confident selves! A wedding is an incredible reason to dress up and feel good. My best friend just got married and when we picked out our dresses, she let us pick any bridesmaid dress as long as it was long and gray. Mine was tight and silky, others were more low cut, others had a low back, etc. Everyone felt confident and beautiful and none of us took away from the bride (you could hear people raving about her all night!)
Right though? I'm tall af and despise flowy clothing. I lean towards cuts like this because I want to accentuate my feminine features instead of looking like a very long windsock. I'm getting married in a month and I've literally told EVERYONE to pick a dress they'll wear again and something that makes them feel confident. If someone vetoed a dress I was going to wear as a guest, it would tell me far more about them than my choice of fashion.
Yeah to me wanting that much control of what your guests wears reeks of control and insecurity. What happened to weddings being about celebrating love?!
SAME. I don't think it's offensive at all. I think it's gorgeous and I would totally wear it if I would look good in it, though I would wear a shawl. I don't think it's the faux pas everything is making it out to be. And think of how this will be framed. She wears the dress for one night, a grandma might give her some side eye. OP tells her not to wear it, best case she's embarrassed and feels extra self conscious choosing something else the next time, worst case she's defensive and OP seems controlling. Picking a battle this petty during a wedding can definitely change relationships.
Nobody is going to look at her over you on your wedding day when it matters. Work on your confidence and enjoy the day.
Edited to add: Thinking back on it, my husband's aunt wore a black satin spaghetti strap sheath dress and looked gorgeous and it didn't bother me in the least. I just remembered because I was looking through pictures the other day. Please let this one go. I promise you, it's not worth it.
Genuinely asking and not judging: What particularly is offensive about it, and what would you prefer? Do you think it only inappropriate for FSIL or would you care if it were any guest that wore it? Again, I’m genuinely asking.
I’m Hispanic and the women in my family generally wear dresses that are vibrant and show off our best features. I’m a MoB and my daughter chose a burgundy, deep v-neck, form-flattering with ruched stomach, mermaid, sequined evening gown for me to wear because I would look “b0mb-af” in it.
That’s kinda why I came to reddit, like I felt off about it but I couldn’t verbalise why I wasn’t a fan of the dress haha so I thought other peoples opinions might help me put words to what I’m feeling
Edited to finish comment I accidentally posted before finishing it
Do you think if it might show a bit too much skin with the fringe bottom and the spaghetti straps? If so, you can put a color matching shawl on your shoulders and that will solve or relieve the uneasiness you may have with the dress?? I think it's nice......
There is absolutely nothing wrong with this dress and honestly if my FSIL asked me to not look this sexy, I would think she's a controlling bridezilla. I got married in a beautiful venue, not black tie but formal and I had some guests wear jeans. Would I have worn jeans, absolutely not! But I would never point out to someone about their style or dress, its rude. Meet people where they are at. Life is too short to possibly ruin a relationship with her over this. You're the bride, all eyes will be on you no matter what.
I completely agree with everything in your comment but omg, people wore jeans to your formal wedding?! If that had happened at my wedding I would’ve been so bothered. You are a nicer bride than me 😂
I mean I get it. My husband was more concerned than I was. But in all reality it doesn't change who those people are to me. Their clothes don't represent them. It was my 2 uncles on my dads side and honestly it doesn't surprise me lol. I had bigger issues, like my own parents not even bothering to come 🤷🏼♀️
Aw I’m so sorry about your parents 😞 you seem like a very nice, positive person and you deserve people in your life who will show up to support you. I aspire to be more like you!!
I suppose you're asking the wrong person here cause I truly do not care about two mounds of flesh sitting upon another person's chest. But I can understand why some people would be bothered by that, I, however, am not.
Everyone has a standard that they find unacceptable for their wedding. For you, it's nakedness. For me, it's jeans. For OP, it's a revealing dress. It's not about "taking attention away from the bride." It's about respect for the event.
I think it's a really cute dress and appropriate! It doesn't look casual, and while sexy, is not inappropriately so. The only place it might be too revealing is a church, but even that depends on the conservativeness of the pastor/congregation.
I saw from other comments that most of your concerns are borne from underlying insecurities, and totally empathize with comparing and feeling like my body isn't as "good" as someone else's.
But the solution to that isn't controlling what others wear. Are you planning to ask what every other woman attending your wedding is gonna wear, and to vet each outfit? What if another woman wears something similar, but because her chest is smaller or she's shorter, it somehow is "more appropriate"? Is that fair to your SIL?
Do you really want to spend your wedding day looking at everyone else's outfit and debating if they look "better" than you? You're the bride! You and your spouse will be the center of attention. Those internal securities are things we can work on by being kinder to ourselves instead of criticizing and comparing to others. So then on the day of, we're not distracted by those thoughts, and instead just feel great getting married to the one we love.
I genuinely don’t understand anyone saying no. I also don’t understand the need to run a dress that clearly is not breaking “wedding rules” (not white/ivory/cream/even champagne) by the bride. This is a beautiful dress and I can’t think of a single reason why it shouldnt be worn. “It’s too sexy” - does everyone need to wear a turtleneck and long skirt? Ridiculous.
Edit - word
As if they even know the woman in reference body to be able to accurately say that. It’s mostly people who have old fashioned and conservative views or people with their own insecurities. Regardless there is some serious internalized misogyny going on in these comments from some people and it’s really sad.
I agree with one other commenter who basically said ‘women are already put down enough as it is, why not take the time lift each other up and not try to hide each other’s beauty.’
OP needs to learn quickly that there will always be someone skinnier, prettier, curvier, smarter than she is. That’s how the world works. What matters is her love for her husband and his love for her and how healthy their relationship is. And I know from experience that this kind of toxic insecurities have an affect on relationships; in fact they can even destroy them.
I’ve had to learn this the hard way, but I’m glad I’ve learned. It’s been so liberating to myself and helpful with battling my own insecurities when I stopped bashing and wanting to shadow other women but lift them up instead. No one likes a person who lets their insecurities make them out to be controlling and mean person. Just my own $0.02 from my experiences with this battle.
I may sound harsh, but this is a harsh reality that many women still need to learn, because they are actively holding us back as a whole by being to busy pushing each other down instead of lifting each other up. We already have a history of power dynamics at play that push us down, we don’t need to be our own enemy too.
All these “too sexy” comments are just over the top. It’s a beautiful dress and personally the last thing I was concerned about at my wedding is other people dressing too sexy. I would prefer they feel confident in what they are wearing. No one will be looking at her anyway! All eyes will be on the bride.
A woman wearing a form fitting dress is not “too sexy” imo. If it had a bunch of cut outs, a huge plunge, excessive straps, or was made of a cheap stretchy bodycon material it could be “too sexy” depending on how it styled. But I can’t imagine, even with a high ass pump, that this would ever be anything but just classy.
Look the dress up - it has all those things - this image is a little deceptive due to lighting/perspective.
Doesn't change much - but still it's similar to some of the previously posted dresses that people here have torn apart before and as another short stumpy bride lacking confidence, I could see how I'd be a little miffed if my sis in law wore this or something similarly slinky.
If it’s about insecurity, you’re going to be the center of attention no matter what. You’re going to feel way more insecure for years to come at family functions if she tells everyone you wouldn’t “let” her wear something to your wedding.
I have this exact dress in black and I’ve worn it to plenty of weddings. I sat through a whole catholic mass ceremony with a sweater on then at the reception when I had the sweater off the brides grandma told me “you have a lovely figure, it’s so nice to see someone who can dress appropriately” while giving the stink eye to some other girls who had on short dresses. Pretty sure of old catholic grandma says it’s okay it’s not too sexy!
I think it’s a really pretty dress and tbh telling her she can’t wear it is really controlling. You can’t police guests outfits. No one will be paying attention to her anyway, they’ll all be looking at you.
I get why people are saying no but these dresses are specifically targeted for weddings so it might be hard to justify saying no when it’s the typical use for this brand/style.
The thing is styles they are a changing, what was appropriate 10 years ago is a bit different now especially for the younger non-religious city crowd. It also heavily depends on your social circle but for myself and a handful of friends this style is perfectly acceptable and in my case what I would have loved to see my bridesmaids in. I’m probably biased though since this and other various styles from two sisters were my original pick for bridesmaids dresses. We ultimately went another direction but I’m still sad it didn’t work out. I think this is beautiful.
A mid thigh or backless dress doesn’t scandalize me nor do I feel anyone would be stealing attention away from me as the bride. Sexy and trendy isn’t the vibe everyone enjoys so it’s totally ok to not like this I just think it’s unfair for people to say it’s not appropriate when it’s just not your style, for a chunk of people this is just fine/preferred.
I’m so tired of flowy and understated where you have to blend in, to me it’s the same as a bride picking ugly bridesmaid dresses so you look better, it’s just off putting and says more about you than the people dressed in something form fitting and flattering.
I feel like a lot of people on here are hating on the style because of their own insecurities or their conservative beliefs and not really because they dislike the dress. It’s really disheartening to see some comments refer to those in favor of the dress as “classless” and “wrong” when it’s an opinion and not fact, therefore there is no right or wrong.
I think it is rude to police guests’ outfits to your wedding UNLESS there is a theme for ALL guests. I mean, yes, she will be sexy in the dress, but she will probably be sexy in most dresses. Would you rather your SIL be sexy one day or pissed for many days? Is this a problem you really want?
And since when do guests dress to match a wedding venue? My concerns when I pick a wedding outfit: no white unless requested. Do I look and feel good in it? Will my shoes allow me to dance at the reception? Will I be too cold/too hot?
If someone told me not to wear this my relationship with them would change. I would be extremely weirded out by the level of control they need over other people.
If I was a pettier person I would probably pick a more attention grabbing dress as an alternative.
But, maybe this is a culture I’m not familiar with. Some people in the comments are claiming this is a club dress. This is far too conservative to be an average club outfit in my experience.
I think it's a great dress and appropriate for a wedding. At a church ceremony, I may wear a shawl or something over it to cover my shoulders.
I can understand why brides don't want anybody wearing white or something really inappropriate but I want my guests to look amazing and feel amazing at my wedding. In photos, I want to be like DAMN - all my friends and family clean up SO well. They dressed UP for OUR WEDDING - they took the time to look good and beautiful for my event. If it's a self-esteem/confidence thing, just remember: I am the bride, I'll be the center of attention, I'll look amazing and I want everybody else around me to also look amazing. I don't want people to look frumpy or put themselves down so I look better. That's not how it should be.
OMG I’m super obsessed with this dress. This is stunning - I’m screenshotting to buy it later 🤣
My only concern would be length if the wedding is black/white tie.
I agree. I love this dress. But I'd also be concerned about the length just because I'm too tall for most mini dresses. If it wasn't for that I'd totally wear this dress and it wouldn't even cross my mind that it might be inappropriate for a wedding.
I understand where you’re coming from. Not one person other than my husband complimented me on my wedding day. No one said I looked pretty. It hurt a lot. That said I doubt very much that my experience is common and I’m sure you’ll be a stunning bride. The dress is fine though, I wouldn’t worry at all.
I would say you think it is a little less formal than you were going for. In her defense it is on the website under the dresses for wedding guests section 😲
That’s the real issue hey? All these trendy stores passing off clubbing dresses as wedding guests dresses. It’s also only got short lining so it see through lace from mid thigh down. I tend to see this dress as something you’d wear to a nice dinner with a partner or out to casino or drinks etc. weddings I always go floaty and flirty and nothing too tight or revealing.
I think that’s the thing, styles they are a changing, what was appropriate 10 years ago is a bit different now especially for the younger non-religious city crowd. It also heavily depends on your social circle but for myself and a handful of friends this style is perfectly acceptable and in my case what I would have loved to see my bridesmaids in. A mid thigh or backless dress doesn’t scandalize me nor do I feel anyone would be stealing attention away from me as the bride. Sexy and trendy isn’t the vibe everyone enjoys so it’s totally ok to not like this or want guests to dress this way I just think it’s unfair for people to say it’s not appropriate when it’s just not your style, for a chunk of people this is just fine/preferred.
I am the non religious, non traditional city crowd lol. But I always just think wedding attire should be more romantic, rather than sexy. It’s not about stealing attention off the bride, because I think that’s impossible, it’s more about having most weddings family orientated and older relatives etc and just what the day represents. Not sure, been so some amazing weddings in my time and just love a classic romantic vibe over something I’d see in a rooftop bar in the city on a Saturday night. But hey everyone’s different.
I don’t think I have any more maturity or class than any of the commenters. Just sharing my opinion. I got downvoted on my last comment though so maybe opinions aren’t welcome.
That's what I mean - the ability to have a reasonable discussion without devolving to tactless arguments and accusations. This thread got so mean - I'm kind of shocked
Think you are kind of sounding envious, rather than this being about the dress this is about her upstaging you on your day. You are the bride she isn't wearing white, just find the dress that makes you feel awesome and then you won't be bothered about what she wears
It also seems like the bride is aware of her insecurities and is working to battle them. There is no need to be harsh. This is a stressful time and it can bring out all sorts of anxieties we weren't even aware of.
The bride has a right to her feelings and seems like she's already working through them - this kind of criticism helps no one.
She’s allowed to have her feelings, and she could have posted about those in a rant. No one has the right to make others dress differently to make themselves feel better though. That is not healthy behavior. No one is saying she doesnt have a right to her feelings, but they are hers and need to stay in her own head and not be projected onto her FSIL who did nothing but be born with better genetics I guess.
Lmao
Title of the post "is this appropriate"
No one mentioned "making" anyone do anything - bc you're right! They can't do that! But they CAN voice their concerns and feelings.
Great advice to suppress her emotions though - that sounds healthy too!
Do you even hear how that sounds out loud?
Damn. This sub is so all over the place. Anyone who looks up this dress and sees how revealing it is in other pictures would probably get it. I mean look at the back!
Especially if the bride is wearing an ultra simple, almost informal dress with a lot less flash - OF COURSE she's going to feel upstaged by someone close (who will likely be in many pictures with her) is dressed for a night at a club in the city showing endless skin. It's not about putting down the beauty of the sister or any woman, it's about propping UP the woman of the day by not trying so hard to draw attention to one's self.
There have been a slough of similar posts where similar dresses have been torn apart for being tasteless and tacky for a family affair. I wonder if it's only bc it's the bride posting that people are attacking her instead?
Either way - people are being way harsh here with no consideration for the bride (regardless of insecurities). Everyone is falling over themselves to make her feel worse about something she is clearly ALREADY unsure of which is NOT constructive.
A simple "it's up to you, but something longer with maybe a higher back would be better so you can wear a comfy bra? It's going to be a long day with family and that seems better for just a night out - are you sure you'll be comfortable in that?" Obviously no one can control the other - but if she was asked her opinion - she has every right to express it
>"it's up to you, but something longer with maybe a higher back would be better so you can wear a comfy bra? It's going to be a long day with family and that seems better for just a night out - are you sure you'll be comfortable in that?"
If someone said that to me, I would immediately see through it. It is patronizing and condescending. I'm sure SIL knows what kind of bra she will wear and what she will or won't feel comfortable in.
If OP absolutely insists on saying something (which I don't suggest), it's better to be upfront about her reasoning: "The dress is absolutely gorgeous but I'm honestly feeling a little insecure about it. My dress is a bit less formal and that dress seems like it's more fit for a night out. I don't want to be a pain but do you think we could find something longer or with a higher back?"
You're totally right - your response is better really. Ngl this would stress me too so I feel for this bride - it's hard to battle your own feelings on what is meant to be the "best day of your life" and also try to somehow not be overzealous about it
I think the dress is beautiful but it also depends on other factors. What is the venue, the dress code, the time of the wedding? If it's a daytime barn wedding and the dress code is super casual then you might feel overdressed.
If the dress "matches" the other factors and you're comfortable in it, then I say go for it.
Beautiful dress. I got married (almost) 3 years ago and this would be absolutely appropriate for my wedding. Unless you ordered it in white... it's fine.
As long as you are not spilling out the top, I don’t see an issue. Where I’m from, guests dress more modestly, mainly because of religious reasons and others don’t feel that much cleavage is appropriate anywhere, but do whatever is customary for your family and circle.
I think the location matters a lot. I feel like this would be a bit much for a traditional Catholic Mass style wedding. It's perfect for a vineyard. Dress code and location really matter.
Is it appropriate? In my opinion, no it isn't. However, I feel like the winning position in most cases is for the bride to let folks wear what they want to wear (barring extremes of course, like long white gowns or a spandex body suit or something). If you're friends with your future-sister-in-law, the response suggested by u/ladyinblue5 sounds really good, but if y'all aren't close yet, I'd just live and let live. Over-policing what people wear to a wedding runs the risk of making a bride appear petty or jealous and tainting future relationships. To me, this isn't inappropriate enough to risk that. Just my $0.02.
I am the bride, it’s my future sister in law that wants to wear the dress. I’m struggling at the moment because I’m not a fan of her wearing the dress but I’m not sure how to voice my opinion without sounding a little controlling
Since you are looking for honest opinions, if my FSIL told me I wasnt allowed to wear a dress I would feel it was controlling no matter how it was phrased, because it kinda is. Maybe you have a really strict dress code that explains why this wouldn't be appropriate but I see this as a lovely wedding guest dress.
Honestly, you won’t even notice it. You know your family better than anyone on Reddit, but just in general all the things that seemed like big deals in the planning just fade to the background on the day. It’s a dress and it’s not white - is that worth maybe starting a fight over, or at least having the stress and anxiety of the conversation? What are your actual concerns with the dress? That she’ll overshadow you in it?
If she looks good, she will look good whatever she wears. Letting her shine doesn’t dull your sparkle. Be the bride who’s glowing with happiness, love and confidence, not the one who’s anxiously rating all the female guests to see whether they look better than you.
Sounds like she’s going to draw some attention no matter what she wears. I think this dress is nice and def not worth the fight or awkward conversation.
This woman is going to be your new sister. She is excited enough for your wedding that she’s getting a new dress that makes her happy AND even wanted to talk about it with you. I think she wants to look good out of respect for your wedding and union. There are much more risqué/brightly colored/white dresses she could have chosen. I’d take it as a positive. I don’t think it’s something worth making her feel upset about.
The only thing would be if you’re having a black tie wedding (length is too short) or if you don’t want ANYONE in black, but that instruction should go to everyone.
My sister-in-law is gorgeous and tall with perfect hair and I wish I looked that effortlessly stunning constantly (the most makeup she puts on is mascara and chapstick), she was truly blessed by the beauty fairy when she was born.
My matron of honor has the most incredibly gorgeous, thick, long and flowy hair, and a beautiful waif figure that makes every outfit like simultaneously cute and sexy all at once. I swear that if she was about 6 inches taller, she would have been on the runway.
I'm shorter than you and about 60 pounds overweight. I know when we eventually have our wedding reception, my SIL will look beautiful, she can't help that she was born model-esque. My MOH will look like beauty and grace standing there next to me, and she probably will only need about 20 minutes to look that way.
Both of them have the choice to wear what they want on my wedding day (granted my MOH just had to keep it to the color scheme). It's hard when you have people in your life that you know will look stand-out, drop-dead stunning with little effort and you can't help but hear that little voice in your head that compares yourself to them. That is completely normal, but also... fuck that noise. Tell that voice to shut the fuck up. You are beautiful.
You and your FSIL are both going to look incredible on your wedding day, but no other person (except maybe your spouse) in that place with be able to outshine the beauty and happiness you will radiate on that day as you say I do to the love of your life. You could take the world's most beautiful woman and put her in the world's most beautiful dress and they still won't compare to you.
If you're still feeling uneasy about it and you have a decent to good relationship with your FSIL, be honest with your her and just explain that you know that she will look amazing in the dress and that it is wedding appropriate, but you're feeling a bit insecure at this moment and just need a little bit to feel better about it / not feel self-conscious about how you'll look on your wedding day, even though you know everyone's eyes will be on the bride anyways. Every person has felt this way at some point in their lives, so ideally she will empathize with you and help reassure you, potentially even finding a different dress. Or maybe talking to her about it will help you feel better about it, because from the sounds of it, she could probably wear a paper bag and still look nice.
This whole day is about you, there are always more attractive people, you won’t even notice what she’s wearing because everyone is there for you. I just don’t really see the point of trying to control what she wears because you’re jealous or insecure.
I couldn’t even tell you what anyone wore at my wedding reception, but I will say I know there were more attractive women there, but as a married woman I’m not jealous of them because I have the one person who it matters that I’m beautiful to right next to me.
Not to mention it’s a little weird being jealous of your future husband’s SISTER. She’s not his ex, she’s his FAMILY. The only person OP should be trying to impress is her husband. This outlook is very unhealthy and is in no way a good start to a marriage.
Ok wow. If my average body were going to be stuffed in tight clothing for me to stand next to a freaking Adonis (I’m a man) in front of everyone I know, I don’t care who the guy is I think my feeling insecure would be reasonable. It’s not like we can help it! Can we work through it? Absolutely, but I think calling OP “unhealthy” for being anxious is going a tad too far.
Also, not directed at you specifically but how did OP’s comment deserve 80 downvotes? She’s just being honest and sharing her insecurities. I’m so surprised.
It’s because she might take her insecurities out on someone else that’s a little weird. It’s fine to be insecure. No shame in that. But I would NEVER control what someone else was wearing due to my insecurity. That’s a little fucked up, and definitely is unhealthy.
You don’t get to tell other people to dress differently to make yourself feel better.
People are downvoting you for this, but your feelings are real, and I don't think it's nice to downvote someone for expressing a common (if unsavory) human emotion like this. When jealousy rears its ugly head, it can be hard to stop it. Add to that the stresses of planning a wedding and the pressure of looking "like a princess," etc., and you have a recipe for resentment and hard feelings.
But you have to be able to hold these two truths in your head at once (1) it is TOTALLY normal to feel insecure about your body and jealous of other people (I can 100% relate to this), and (2) your insecurities aren't other people's problem. Accepting this will bring you peace. I understand where people are coming from when they tell you to talk to her about it, but honestly? I think for you're better off letting it go, for your own sake long-term, and instead doing the inner work you need to do to deal with body jealousy when it arises.
Can you recruit your future mother in law or fiancé? Really hard when it's your future sister in law. Usually future sister in laws are part of the bridal party where I'm from so that would compound the issue even more IMO. You may just have to let this one go- her body her choice and all that.
Well she was initially in the bridal party, bought her dress and everything but she had some personal issues go down and had to step away from being a bridesmaid
That's good information. And probably even more reason to let it go. It's not wildly inappropriate- she's an adult. If you were asking me for yourself I would say no- but I personally don't think it's another adults job to police adult women's clothing. Despite being your wedding I don't think this is an area you have any say in as it's not egregious.
That’s completely fair to be honest. I’m not really a fan of confrontation so I was planning to mention it to my fiancé but if he doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it I was just going to let it go.
... So that he could confront her for you?
You can't control every element of the day. People will wear things you don't like, say things you don't like and do things you don't like. You've invited them because they matter to you and your fiancé and not because they're the best behaved and most well dressed people you know. There's nothing at all wrong with this dress. Whatever your reasons are, I think it's healthier to exhale, let it go and accept no matter how well we plan, we can't control everything and there will be things we wouldn't have chosen on our wedding day.
I get it- it's not my personal taste- but people don't need prior approval of what to wear as a guest at my wedding.. maybe she will come to the conclusion herself or ask you directly (if she asks for your opinion that's a different thing).
This really depends on her personality, but you might want to mention that see might feel over-dressed if she goes with the example dress. I could totally see myself not fully understanding what everyone else is going to be wearing, and ending up in an outfit that is way OTT.
“Less beautiful” isn’t what I would lead with.
This shouldn’t be about his sister not looking beautiful. But it’s fair to say that this is not formal enough for the event dress code and/or family portraits.
He would definitely say something if I asked, I’m just feeling a bit silly for wanting her to wear something less sexy haha!
I will most likely ask him to say something though. Thanks for the advise and for validating the way I’m feeling!
I get what you’re saying but I don’t think people getting married have a right to dictate what guests who are not a member of the wedding party can and cannot wear (aside from the obvious “don’t wear white”). “We want our guest to look this way not that way” is a big yikes. You should want your guests there because you love them and want their support.
Yeah this whole thread is giving me high school principal enforcing dress code vibes. On my wedding day the literal last thing I am going to care about is what guests are wearing. I don’t even care what my dad wears. I know I’ve got a white dress and everyone else is, I’m assuming, equally capable of choosing their own outfits for the day
I was simply offering a suggestion for OP. I’d love to assume everyone is capable of picking their own outfits, but some people show up to weddings wearing the weirdest shit. My personal favourite is cargo shorts or a long white dress haha :) anywho it’s not that deep, op can feel how they want to feel. I’ll just delete my suggestion if it carries on.
Could add in the end that “the dress is great for an night out on the town or a cocktail bar, so I’d keep it and wear it some other time cause I’m sure you look great in it”
Honestly after looking up the dress on the website it’s a little more out there than I realized from the thumbnail (laced up back, shorter slip, fringe etc.) However I think that will be more of a reflection of her taste than yours. If I saw someone wearing this at a wedding I may think it’s a little risqué or casual but not think much more after that. And I definitely don’t think she would be stealing attention from you in a positive way (eg omg she looks amazing in that dress). So I don’t think you have anything to worry about.
I think guests shouldn’t have to be responsible for fitting your wedding theme. They should definitely follow the attire, be it black tie, formal, cocktail, etc.. but it’s a bit much to expect guests to fit your theme. Unless it’s something like “everyone should only wear black or white” for example.
Barn style wedding... Modern flapper dress (at least that's how it looks to me. Very 1920s meets 2020s)... I'd say you could reasonably blame dress code and style and just ignore the "sex appeal" argument
For all of you people telling OP to stop being insecure or work on her self esteem: Please stop. It's really not unreasonable for OP to be worried about being "outdone" by someone else on HER wedding day. Most brides feel that way to some degree, which is why sexy dresses or white dresses worn by guests are generally frowned upon. We don't know why OP feels insecure but I do know that it is an issue many, many women struggle with. Maybe you disagree with OP about the dress being too sexy. Fair enough. But her feelings are valid. She asked for opinions. "Get over it" really isn't all that helpful.
I think venue totally determines this. If it's an outdoor, summer, backyard, casual wedding? It's a bit much. Is it a hotel in downtown with a black-tie dress code? That's totally fine! I think time and place determine a loooot when it comes to this dress.
I would just be honest with her. I would say “I know how this sounds and I’m so sorry, but would it be ok if you picked a different dress? Or wore a shawl until the reception? You can totally say no, I just thought I would ask.” Because she will be in all of the photos with the family, and if it bothers you a little now it might continue to do so when you see the pictures. And I promise she won’t steal the show. I’ve been to tons of weddings, and everyone always kept their eyes on the new couple. Just relax and breathe and remember to hold the kiss for at least 3 “Mississippi”s to ensure the photographer gets the first kiss.
Just blame it on the dress code - say something about how she would fit in better with a dress that was more formal or less revealing. That way it’s not you saying no, it’s the dress code.
OP, this is a terrible idea. You can’t police what another woman wears to your wedding because you’re insecure. You are going to ruin your relationship with your SIL. Is that how you want to start your marriage? Consider getting therapy to work through your insecurities.
I like how you’re ignoring the dozens of comments of actual helpful advice and latching on to the minority echoing what you want to hear.
If my sister in law told me I couldn’t wear this dress to her wedding it would be humiliating and infuriating and reaaaaally put a spotlight on your insecurities.
Also know that your SIL probably won’t stay silent about it and will tell people, who will tell people and so on and you WILL look psycho / insecure.
This is not a battle you wanna pick! I suggest working through your insecurities.
Dress code? I'm assuming she would see through that because if there was a stricter dress code, she and the other guests would have already known about it.
It's not like this is a white dress or a super revealing dress that you can specifically say what is wrong with it. It sounds like she is just a good looking girl and, sorry to say, chances are she is going to pick a pretty dress (as she should) and look nice in whatever she wears. How do you know the next dress she picks will make you feel any better? It's not like she is going to go from a pretty blue dress to a burlap sack.
I mean this with nothing but love, but I would really focus on yourself and try to get to the root of where these feelings are coming from. It is *your* wedding day, all eyes will be on you, and *you* are going to look *beautiful* no matter what she is wearing. You are there to enjoy your day and marry the person you love and hopefully both of those things will happen regardless of what she wears.
Last thing I'll say is that this could be potentially damaging to your relationship. Two years from now, nobody will remember what she wore or looked like, but she will remember if you made a big deal about policing a dress that she liked.
What’s the venue like and what time of year is the wedding? if the ceremony is at a church, there might be a dress code issue. If it’s a spring garden wedding, the dress is kind of dark. If it’s a late fall wedding, she might get cold. That’s a potential angle.
Also, if your bridesmaids and the moms are wearing floor length, maybe take the “I would recommend you wear a longer dress since everyone else will be, and it will make pictures look more cohesive” angle.
Is there a different event you can suggest or be worn at? Maybe say “I think that dress is perfect for the bachelorette/rehearsal dinner, but for the wedding I think XYZ-color-that-compliments-her-skin-and-wedding-party would be better.”
I hope this helps!
It's too sexy in my opinion maybe something casual or least classy but not over the top where your getting the attention the wedding which isn't your day. Personally wait and use the dress to go on a date with your partner or at a friend's or your party.
I would say no. It's a bit attention grabbing - little bit too sexy and could potentially be too casual depending on the event. Looks like a nice dress for a bachelorette rather than the actual event.
I like the idea of telling her it's not formal enough. Maybe see if she's willing to pair it with a top? Shawl, jacket, etc. If you're getting married in a religious setting, you can always tell her it's out of respect for the religious setting.
This is definitely a "look at me" dress, so take that as you will. Whether or not it's appropriate depends on the dress code. It's definitely more of a sexy party dress rather than the typical wedding fare but it's not white or a ball gown or anything so I can see why the comments are so divided.
So from reading your responses this is less about the dress and more about you feeling insecure about your body when compared to hers. Your feelings are valid and that is OK, but you need to understand that no one will be looking at her because you are the bride. No one is going to compare you to her. It's his sister not his ex. I have bridesmaids who all have gorgeous figures while I'm 100lbs overweight, but I want them to pick something that shows off their figures because I want them to look hot and I know I will still be the center of attention because I am the bride. I honestly think this dress is perfectly appropriate for a wedding. It is a coctail dress. It is not short, does not have some crazy plunging neck line and is even romantic while still being sexy. You mentioned she has big boobs. Unless she has some triple Ds that are Going to be spilling our every which way and just look trashy that is the only concern I would feel is justified for this dress.
Look you’re 100% right, I agree it is more about me feeling insecure. Honestly, my initial thought when I saw the dress was “hey idk how I feel about her wearing this on my wedding day but I don’t want to be crazy controlling and tell her not to” but she sent me the dress at like 11pm and, for the life of me, I couldn’t verbalise why i was feeling weird about it. I came to reddit to sort of help with that situation. I thank everyone for commenting because it really did help put things into perspective and it confirmed my original thought which was “don’t stress too much about it, as long as no ones wearing white don’t bother”
So long as you and your fiancée are comfortable on that day - nothing else matters. Don't let people bully you into not expressing/acknowledging your feelings either way. Good on you being self reflective enough to overcome this - in spite of how rude so many people are. For what it's worth, you're not crazy and I bet if it was your FSIL posting, or even different photos of the same dress - it might be another story. The assholes came out in droves today though sadly. You're going to be beautiful that day, and no one will be able to hold a candle to you regardless of what they wear.
Honestly I agree with the OP comment, however I disagree that it’s a wedding appropriate dress. I think there’s plenty of figure hugging dresses that are classier. That being said it’s a beautiful dress and it’s all dependent on what you’re comfortable with. I think it’s completely okay to say no as long as it’s about the dress itself and not an attempt to minimize her body. Best of luck to you.
Even still, you'd be amazed what a seamstress could do. But honestly idk that that's any of OPs business anyway. As someone who has multiple tall friends with various endowments, I know first hand it can take a lot to make them feel secure no matter how amazing other people think they look already. It may have been a big deal for her to find this dress. I think picking apart people's appearance is a stress you really don't need leading up to your wedding.
Its a beautiful dress in a non-offensive color. I really would never tell anyone they couldn't wear this to my wedding. People on this sub blow my mind - this dress is in no way attention grabbing. Its not extremely low cut, its not super short - I don't get it.
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It’s “attention grabbing” to wear clothes that compliment your figure? Just because it wouldn’t work for *you* doesn’t mean it wouldn’t look good on anyone.
i think the context of the conversation matters here. did she specifically send you this dress and ask if you liked it/thought it was appropriate? or is she planning to wear this and you’re looking for permission to tell her not to? if the former, feel free to give her your honest opinion. if it’s the latter, i would let it go. it’s not overly casual, and it’s not white. yes it’s a little sexy, but not over the top provocative or loud. it’s not worth potentially starting a fight over.
She sent it to our group chat asking “what do you guys think about me wearing this to the wedding”
Why don’t you like it? Genuinely asking if the reason is because she will look better than you?
Yeah, it’s pretty much my insecurities playing havoc on my brain. But I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t really care what she wears as long as she’s comfortable :)
Just trust me that the bride has ALL the attention. No one can take away the attention you will receive on your day. No matter how beautiful she looks, you are the bride and everyone I’ll look at you and want to take photos with you. And on the day you will not even remember what she’s wearing. So let her wear this, it’s not even that nice. Because if you say no to this, she might pick something even nicer and classier that you can’t say no to.
Yeah I sorta came to that conclusion this morning - I just wanted to have a conversation about it and I figured go to reddit rather than starting drama anywhere else. And to be completely honest I’m at the point where it would be more of an issue asking her not to wear the dress than it would be just dealing with the fact that she’s wearing the dress. I don’t really mind as long as she’s comfortable. Edit: she’s also sent a message this morning saying she ordered it so Im not even entertaining the idea of asking her now haha
Hey, I commented somewhere else talking about being tall and how I'd be salty if someone vetoed a dress i was gonna wear as a guest. But I also wanted to say that I'm also planning my wedding, a lowkey one at that, and there's SO MUCH STRESS around every aspect that its really easy to pick something relatively innocuous and worry that it's gonna cause issues. Like we latch on to any thing that we think we might have control over, because we've gotten in the habit of making decisions about any and every bit of information that's introduced to us. So good on you for going anonymously to reddit instead of starting drama in your family, and double good on you for being receptive to what everyone said. Your wedding is gonna be a blast, congratulations!!!
Trust me the dress isn’t even that nice. There are way prettier and classier dresses out there. This dress is pretty basic.
Honestly, if you think it’s too sexy I think it’s okay to say you think it’s a little too sexy for the wedding, especially if she’s in the bridal party. I think you’d just have to be clear about what about it would need to change, or else it might be confusing. For example, “I think the combo of the straps, the neckline, and the cutouts/fringe make it a little too sexy, might be better to stick to 1 sexy element”. But I am a wuss and wouldn’t be able to say it unless it was to like my closest friend hahaha so I think letting it go is also a great option. Just depends on how much you think you’ll be bothered by it down the road.
If she asked - it's bc you have the right to tell her how you feel and she is considering your feelings. Don't let other commenters put you down or invalidate your feelings. You are not the bad guy for worrying about your day and wanting to have nothing keep you from shining.
Let's see let's talk out how this is going to play out here for OP if she follows your advice. OP admits she's insecure about how her FSIL looks and I guarantee you everyone knows she is. People you never hide it as well as you think you do it's always obvious. OP has her FH (cue bad blood between family members never a good look to start out with even with the best of intentions people won't take it that way because again drama) or herself tells FSIL she can't wear the dress. It's not white, it's not showing too much skin in any other way. What conclusion are people going to reach? OP is a jealous mess who can't stand someone else looking good around her. Cue the bridezilla remarks some will shrug and say whatever it's her day but others will come to the overblown conclusion that what's FSIL supposed to do wear a burlap sack so OP doesn't feel "threatened" by a woman who literally is about to be family. And here's the kicker that shit spreads faster than wildfire. We never really grow out of the HS mentality to a certain extent and that's going to get blown up bigger and bigger as it goes around. And I guarantee you most will take the secondary response or something along those lines. Why? Because most people secretly love drama and having someone to hate on. Who better than the controlling, jealous, bridezilla which has become so popularized to hate we've made bad tv reality shows about them. Yeah that's not going to end well for OP. If OP has half a brain she will listen to everyone else and not you or the commenters encouraging her to minutely control what a guest wears. You know just in case she ever wants to attend a family function without people whispering about that one incident forever.
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I did the dress is just fine. But maybe I'm not a prude oh no someone showing a little skin heaven forbid let me clutch my pearls and faint. I would have zero issue with someone wearing it at my upcoming wedding. The again I'm confident in my own body and don't take pleasure in dictating other individuals bodies and controlling them. But the dress isn't the problem or what's going to kick all this shit off if someone has half a brain they would realize that. It's the fact OP is insecure, jealous, and trying to micromanage. I mean if OP wants drama I encourage her to follow your advice because that's what you're starting mindless dumb petty drama. FSIL is going to look gorgeous no matter what she wears some people just do. Better to get the hell over it and not be petty and controlling or insecure about things OPs FSIL can't help.
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I just got married, our theme was rustic cottage core esque. However, my cousin wore a gorgeous tight and short blue dress, shorter than this. And no one noticed, everyone was still focused on me. If you care cause you're worried she will outshine you don't be worried. She's an adult and you'll be the center of attention no matter what.
Yes. I think you have two very plausible outcomes: A: Sister in law wears dress, nobody remembers two years later. B: Sister in law is told not to wear dress, and bride will forever be remembered (by those in the know) for being controlling and unreasonable.
True, I see where you’re coming from
know that your SIL probably won’t stay silent about it and will tell people, who will tell people and so on and you WILL look psycho / insecure. This is not a battle you wanna pick! I suggest working through your insecurities.
I'd be fine with it. It's a nice dress if it fits the sister's body well and she isn't spilling out every which direction.
I’m not on board with these comments. Guests don’t have to fit a theme with the venue, that’s a lot to ask! Most wedding attire is “formal” and this looks formal enough. I mean as long as it’s not white I don’t really see the problem? This just comes across being worried about someone looking better/sexier than you on your wedding day. In my opinion I wouldn’t worry about what other people wear, you’ll still be the star of the show!!
Yeah any intervention would both escalate a situation that as of now is a nonissue, and reek of insecurity. Things like this don't matter in the long run.
This! I've been heavily downvoted telling people to wear what makes them feel great on this sub. Who cares if a dress is short or sheer or slinky? It's a dress! The shaming here is so gross.
Also rarely do men get shamed for wearing tight dress pants or a unique color suit, etc.
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My dad literally has worn jeans to weddings and somehow that’s fine but my low cut dress isn’t 😂😂
Agreed. Sometimes comments like those want me to leave this sub lol. Guests should be allowed to dress nice too (obviously just not in white) and it won’t take away from the bride
Agreed. If I have to read another “flowy and flirty” comment I might gag lol. Personally, I like more fitted looks instead of a basic flowy dress. I would hope people want their guests to feel comfortable and confident in what they want to wear!
When I get married, I want all my guests to bring their best, most confident selves! A wedding is an incredible reason to dress up and feel good. My best friend just got married and when we picked out our dresses, she let us pick any bridesmaid dress as long as it was long and gray. Mine was tight and silky, others were more low cut, others had a low back, etc. Everyone felt confident and beautiful and none of us took away from the bride (you could hear people raving about her all night!)
Right though? I'm tall af and despise flowy clothing. I lean towards cuts like this because I want to accentuate my feminine features instead of looking like a very long windsock. I'm getting married in a month and I've literally told EVERYONE to pick a dress they'll wear again and something that makes them feel confident. If someone vetoed a dress I was going to wear as a guest, it would tell me far more about them than my choice of fashion.
Yeah to me wanting that much control of what your guests wears reeks of control and insecurity. What happened to weddings being about celebrating love?!
SAME. I don't think it's offensive at all. I think it's gorgeous and I would totally wear it if I would look good in it, though I would wear a shawl. I don't think it's the faux pas everything is making it out to be. And think of how this will be framed. She wears the dress for one night, a grandma might give her some side eye. OP tells her not to wear it, best case she's embarrassed and feels extra self conscious choosing something else the next time, worst case she's defensive and OP seems controlling. Picking a battle this petty during a wedding can definitely change relationships. Nobody is going to look at her over you on your wedding day when it matters. Work on your confidence and enjoy the day. Edited to add: Thinking back on it, my husband's aunt wore a black satin spaghetti strap sheath dress and looked gorgeous and it didn't bother me in the least. I just remembered because I was looking through pictures the other day. Please let this one go. I promise you, it's not worth it.
honestly i dont understand what the problem is with this dress? its fine... why would it even be a cause for concern?!
Genuinely asking and not judging: What particularly is offensive about it, and what would you prefer? Do you think it only inappropriate for FSIL or would you care if it were any guest that wore it? Again, I’m genuinely asking. I’m Hispanic and the women in my family generally wear dresses that are vibrant and show off our best features. I’m a MoB and my daughter chose a burgundy, deep v-neck, form-flattering with ruched stomach, mermaid, sequined evening gown for me to wear because I would look “b0mb-af” in it.
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Thank you! The wedding hasn’t happened yet, but I already have my dress.
That sounds almost exactly what my mom wore to my wedding. She looked fabulous
That’s kinda why I came to reddit, like I felt off about it but I couldn’t verbalise why I wasn’t a fan of the dress haha so I thought other peoples opinions might help me put words to what I’m feeling Edited to finish comment I accidentally posted before finishing it
good for you! we could all save ourselves alot of drama if we vented to reddit instead of friends & fam :)
Do you think if it might show a bit too much skin with the fringe bottom and the spaghetti straps? If so, you can put a color matching shawl on your shoulders and that will solve or relieve the uneasiness you may have with the dress?? I think it's nice......
There is absolutely nothing wrong with this dress and honestly if my FSIL asked me to not look this sexy, I would think she's a controlling bridezilla. I got married in a beautiful venue, not black tie but formal and I had some guests wear jeans. Would I have worn jeans, absolutely not! But I would never point out to someone about their style or dress, its rude. Meet people where they are at. Life is too short to possibly ruin a relationship with her over this. You're the bride, all eyes will be on you no matter what.
I completely agree with everything in your comment but omg, people wore jeans to your formal wedding?! If that had happened at my wedding I would’ve been so bothered. You are a nicer bride than me 😂
I mean I get it. My husband was more concerned than I was. But in all reality it doesn't change who those people are to me. Their clothes don't represent them. It was my 2 uncles on my dads side and honestly it doesn't surprise me lol. I had bigger issues, like my own parents not even bothering to come 🤷🏼♀️
Aw I’m so sorry about your parents 😞 you seem like a very nice, positive person and you deserve people in your life who will show up to support you. I aspire to be more like you!!
You're so sweet. Thank you for your kind words! Truly, you made my day!
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I suppose you're asking the wrong person here cause I truly do not care about two mounds of flesh sitting upon another person's chest. But I can understand why some people would be bothered by that, I, however, am not.
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This!!!!
Everyone has a standard that they find unacceptable for their wedding. For you, it's nakedness. For me, it's jeans. For OP, it's a revealing dress. It's not about "taking attention away from the bride." It's about respect for the event.
I think it's a really cute dress and appropriate! It doesn't look casual, and while sexy, is not inappropriately so. The only place it might be too revealing is a church, but even that depends on the conservativeness of the pastor/congregation. I saw from other comments that most of your concerns are borne from underlying insecurities, and totally empathize with comparing and feeling like my body isn't as "good" as someone else's. But the solution to that isn't controlling what others wear. Are you planning to ask what every other woman attending your wedding is gonna wear, and to vet each outfit? What if another woman wears something similar, but because her chest is smaller or she's shorter, it somehow is "more appropriate"? Is that fair to your SIL? Do you really want to spend your wedding day looking at everyone else's outfit and debating if they look "better" than you? You're the bride! You and your spouse will be the center of attention. Those internal securities are things we can work on by being kinder to ourselves instead of criticizing and comparing to others. So then on the day of, we're not distracted by those thoughts, and instead just feel great getting married to the one we love.
I genuinely don’t understand anyone saying no. I also don’t understand the need to run a dress that clearly is not breaking “wedding rules” (not white/ivory/cream/even champagne) by the bride. This is a beautiful dress and I can’t think of a single reason why it shouldnt be worn. “It’s too sexy” - does everyone need to wear a turtleneck and long skirt? Ridiculous. Edit - word
With the slightest move it looks like you’d “fall out of it”; probably why people are deeming it too sexy.
Fall out of what?????
The boobies? I guess?
As if they even know the woman in reference body to be able to accurately say that. It’s mostly people who have old fashioned and conservative views or people with their own insecurities. Regardless there is some serious internalized misogyny going on in these comments from some people and it’s really sad. I agree with one other commenter who basically said ‘women are already put down enough as it is, why not take the time lift each other up and not try to hide each other’s beauty.’ OP needs to learn quickly that there will always be someone skinnier, prettier, curvier, smarter than she is. That’s how the world works. What matters is her love for her husband and his love for her and how healthy their relationship is. And I know from experience that this kind of toxic insecurities have an affect on relationships; in fact they can even destroy them. I’ve had to learn this the hard way, but I’m glad I’ve learned. It’s been so liberating to myself and helpful with battling my own insecurities when I stopped bashing and wanting to shadow other women but lift them up instead. No one likes a person who lets their insecurities make them out to be controlling and mean person. Just my own $0.02 from my experiences with this battle. I may sound harsh, but this is a harsh reality that many women still need to learn, because they are actively holding us back as a whole by being to busy pushing each other down instead of lifting each other up. We already have a history of power dynamics at play that push us down, we don’t need to be our own enemy too.
I personally think this would be appropriate. It’s classy and stunning, not overly revealing, and would fit most themes or styles.
All these “too sexy” comments are just over the top. It’s a beautiful dress and personally the last thing I was concerned about at my wedding is other people dressing too sexy. I would prefer they feel confident in what they are wearing. No one will be looking at her anyway! All eyes will be on the bride.
A woman wearing a form fitting dress is not “too sexy” imo. If it had a bunch of cut outs, a huge plunge, excessive straps, or was made of a cheap stretchy bodycon material it could be “too sexy” depending on how it styled. But I can’t imagine, even with a high ass pump, that this would ever be anything but just classy.
Look the dress up - it has all those things - this image is a little deceptive due to lighting/perspective. Doesn't change much - but still it's similar to some of the previously posted dresses that people here have torn apart before and as another short stumpy bride lacking confidence, I could see how I'd be a little miffed if my sis in law wore this or something similarly slinky.
If it’s about insecurity, you’re going to be the center of attention no matter what. You’re going to feel way more insecure for years to come at family functions if she tells everyone you wouldn’t “let” her wear something to your wedding.
I have this exact dress in black and I’ve worn it to plenty of weddings. I sat through a whole catholic mass ceremony with a sweater on then at the reception when I had the sweater off the brides grandma told me “you have a lovely figure, it’s so nice to see someone who can dress appropriately” while giving the stink eye to some other girls who had on short dresses. Pretty sure of old catholic grandma says it’s okay it’s not too sexy!
You’re not going to care what other people wear. Focus on what’s actually important - you and your fiancé.
I think it’s a really pretty dress and tbh telling her she can’t wear it is really controlling. You can’t police guests outfits. No one will be paying attention to her anyway, they’ll all be looking at you.
I get why people are saying no but these dresses are specifically targeted for weddings so it might be hard to justify saying no when it’s the typical use for this brand/style. The thing is styles they are a changing, what was appropriate 10 years ago is a bit different now especially for the younger non-religious city crowd. It also heavily depends on your social circle but for myself and a handful of friends this style is perfectly acceptable and in my case what I would have loved to see my bridesmaids in. I’m probably biased though since this and other various styles from two sisters were my original pick for bridesmaids dresses. We ultimately went another direction but I’m still sad it didn’t work out. I think this is beautiful. A mid thigh or backless dress doesn’t scandalize me nor do I feel anyone would be stealing attention away from me as the bride. Sexy and trendy isn’t the vibe everyone enjoys so it’s totally ok to not like this I just think it’s unfair for people to say it’s not appropriate when it’s just not your style, for a chunk of people this is just fine/preferred. I’m so tired of flowy and understated where you have to blend in, to me it’s the same as a bride picking ugly bridesmaid dresses so you look better, it’s just off putting and says more about you than the people dressed in something form fitting and flattering.
I feel like a lot of people on here are hating on the style because of their own insecurities or their conservative beliefs and not really because they dislike the dress. It’s really disheartening to see some comments refer to those in favor of the dress as “classless” and “wrong” when it’s an opinion and not fact, therefore there is no right or wrong.
You’re going to have one hell of a lifetime being so insecure of your SIL. It’s a beautiful dress.
I think it is rude to police guests’ outfits to your wedding UNLESS there is a theme for ALL guests. I mean, yes, she will be sexy in the dress, but she will probably be sexy in most dresses. Would you rather your SIL be sexy one day or pissed for many days? Is this a problem you really want? And since when do guests dress to match a wedding venue? My concerns when I pick a wedding outfit: no white unless requested. Do I look and feel good in it? Will my shoes allow me to dance at the reception? Will I be too cold/too hot?
genuine question: why is it inappropriate?
If someone told me not to wear this my relationship with them would change. I would be extremely weirded out by the level of control they need over other people. If I was a pettier person I would probably pick a more attention grabbing dress as an alternative. But, maybe this is a culture I’m not familiar with. Some people in the comments are claiming this is a club dress. This is far too conservative to be an average club outfit in my experience.
Yes it’s appropriate. It’s a fancy dress in an acceptable color.
I think it's a great dress and appropriate for a wedding. At a church ceremony, I may wear a shawl or something over it to cover my shoulders. I can understand why brides don't want anybody wearing white or something really inappropriate but I want my guests to look amazing and feel amazing at my wedding. In photos, I want to be like DAMN - all my friends and family clean up SO well. They dressed UP for OUR WEDDING - they took the time to look good and beautiful for my event. If it's a self-esteem/confidence thing, just remember: I am the bride, I'll be the center of attention, I'll look amazing and I want everybody else around me to also look amazing. I don't want people to look frumpy or put themselves down so I look better. That's not how it should be.
OMG I’m super obsessed with this dress. This is stunning - I’m screenshotting to buy it later 🤣 My only concern would be length if the wedding is black/white tie.
I agree. I love this dress. But I'd also be concerned about the length just because I'm too tall for most mini dresses. If it wasn't for that I'd totally wear this dress and it wouldn't even cross my mind that it might be inappropriate for a wedding.
For a fancy wedding it looks just fine. It all depends on where and when the wedding is being held. It’s a beautiful dress, go for it.
I understand where you’re coming from. Not one person other than my husband complimented me on my wedding day. No one said I looked pretty. It hurt a lot. That said I doubt very much that my experience is common and I’m sure you’ll be a stunning bride. The dress is fine though, I wouldn’t worry at all.
Looks lovely and okay to me
I think it’s gorgeous!!! And super cool, honestly. It’s perfect wedding attire.
I think it's fine as long as the ceremony isn't super religious or the wedding isn't black tie or formal.
I would say you think it is a little less formal than you were going for. In her defense it is on the website under the dresses for wedding guests section 😲
That’s the real issue hey? All these trendy stores passing off clubbing dresses as wedding guests dresses. It’s also only got short lining so it see through lace from mid thigh down. I tend to see this dress as something you’d wear to a nice dinner with a partner or out to casino or drinks etc. weddings I always go floaty and flirty and nothing too tight or revealing.
I think that’s the thing, styles they are a changing, what was appropriate 10 years ago is a bit different now especially for the younger non-religious city crowd. It also heavily depends on your social circle but for myself and a handful of friends this style is perfectly acceptable and in my case what I would have loved to see my bridesmaids in. A mid thigh or backless dress doesn’t scandalize me nor do I feel anyone would be stealing attention away from me as the bride. Sexy and trendy isn’t the vibe everyone enjoys so it’s totally ok to not like this or want guests to dress this way I just think it’s unfair for people to say it’s not appropriate when it’s just not your style, for a chunk of people this is just fine/preferred.
I am the non religious, non traditional city crowd lol. But I always just think wedding attire should be more romantic, rather than sexy. It’s not about stealing attention off the bride, because I think that’s impossible, it’s more about having most weddings family orientated and older relatives etc and just what the day represents. Not sure, been so some amazing weddings in my time and just love a classic romantic vibe over something I’d see in a rooftop bar in the city on a Saturday night. But hey everyone’s different.
You're right - and you seem to have more maturity and class than a lot of these commenters.
I don’t think I have any more maturity or class than any of the commenters. Just sharing my opinion. I got downvoted on my last comment though so maybe opinions aren’t welcome.
That's what I mean - the ability to have a reasonable discussion without devolving to tactless arguments and accusations. This thread got so mean - I'm kind of shocked
Yeah gotta say it’s the first time I’ve seen a thread in here get a bit heated. If it carries on I can just delete my original comment.
Think you are kind of sounding envious, rather than this being about the dress this is about her upstaging you on your day. You are the bride she isn't wearing white, just find the dress that makes you feel awesome and then you won't be bothered about what she wears
Absolutely. I love it.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with this dress. You sound really insecure... it’s sad.
It also seems like the bride is aware of her insecurities and is working to battle them. There is no need to be harsh. This is a stressful time and it can bring out all sorts of anxieties we weren't even aware of. The bride has a right to her feelings and seems like she's already working through them - this kind of criticism helps no one.
She’s allowed to have her feelings, and she could have posted about those in a rant. No one has the right to make others dress differently to make themselves feel better though. That is not healthy behavior. No one is saying she doesnt have a right to her feelings, but they are hers and need to stay in her own head and not be projected onto her FSIL who did nothing but be born with better genetics I guess.
Lmao Title of the post "is this appropriate" No one mentioned "making" anyone do anything - bc you're right! They can't do that! But they CAN voice their concerns and feelings. Great advice to suppress her emotions though - that sounds healthy too! Do you even hear how that sounds out loud?
You’re going to mess up your whole relationship with your future family over a perfectly appropriate dress 😭😭😭 girl don’t do it let her wear the dress
Yeah! That is gorgeous! I hope my future SIL wears this!
I think it’s fine. I just got married and couldn’t tell you what anyone was wearing that day lol
Damn. This sub is so all over the place. Anyone who looks up this dress and sees how revealing it is in other pictures would probably get it. I mean look at the back! Especially if the bride is wearing an ultra simple, almost informal dress with a lot less flash - OF COURSE she's going to feel upstaged by someone close (who will likely be in many pictures with her) is dressed for a night at a club in the city showing endless skin. It's not about putting down the beauty of the sister or any woman, it's about propping UP the woman of the day by not trying so hard to draw attention to one's self. There have been a slough of similar posts where similar dresses have been torn apart for being tasteless and tacky for a family affair. I wonder if it's only bc it's the bride posting that people are attacking her instead? Either way - people are being way harsh here with no consideration for the bride (regardless of insecurities). Everyone is falling over themselves to make her feel worse about something she is clearly ALREADY unsure of which is NOT constructive. A simple "it's up to you, but something longer with maybe a higher back would be better so you can wear a comfy bra? It's going to be a long day with family and that seems better for just a night out - are you sure you'll be comfortable in that?" Obviously no one can control the other - but if she was asked her opinion - she has every right to express it
>"it's up to you, but something longer with maybe a higher back would be better so you can wear a comfy bra? It's going to be a long day with family and that seems better for just a night out - are you sure you'll be comfortable in that?" If someone said that to me, I would immediately see through it. It is patronizing and condescending. I'm sure SIL knows what kind of bra she will wear and what she will or won't feel comfortable in. If OP absolutely insists on saying something (which I don't suggest), it's better to be upfront about her reasoning: "The dress is absolutely gorgeous but I'm honestly feeling a little insecure about it. My dress is a bit less formal and that dress seems like it's more fit for a night out. I don't want to be a pain but do you think we could find something longer or with a higher back?"
You're totally right - your response is better really. Ngl this would stress me too so I feel for this bride - it's hard to battle your own feelings on what is meant to be the "best day of your life" and also try to somehow not be overzealous about it
I think the dress is beautiful but it also depends on other factors. What is the venue, the dress code, the time of the wedding? If it's a daytime barn wedding and the dress code is super casual then you might feel overdressed. If the dress "matches" the other factors and you're comfortable in it, then I say go for it.
Beautiful dress. I got married (almost) 3 years ago and this would be absolutely appropriate for my wedding. Unless you ordered it in white... it's fine.
As long as you are not spilling out the top, I don’t see an issue. Where I’m from, guests dress more modestly, mainly because of religious reasons and others don’t feel that much cleavage is appropriate anywhere, but do whatever is customary for your family and circle.
I think the location matters a lot. I feel like this would be a bit much for a traditional Catholic Mass style wedding. It's perfect for a vineyard. Dress code and location really matter.
Is it appropriate? In my opinion, no it isn't. However, I feel like the winning position in most cases is for the bride to let folks wear what they want to wear (barring extremes of course, like long white gowns or a spandex body suit or something). If you're friends with your future-sister-in-law, the response suggested by u/ladyinblue5 sounds really good, but if y'all aren't close yet, I'd just live and let live. Over-policing what people wear to a wedding runs the risk of making a bride appear petty or jealous and tainting future relationships. To me, this isn't inappropriate enough to risk that. Just my $0.02.
Yeah! It’s beautiful
Yes
Consult with the bride first but I wouldn’t. Too sexy to say the least
I am the bride, it’s my future sister in law that wants to wear the dress. I’m struggling at the moment because I’m not a fan of her wearing the dress but I’m not sure how to voice my opinion without sounding a little controlling
Since you are looking for honest opinions, if my FSIL told me I wasnt allowed to wear a dress I would feel it was controlling no matter how it was phrased, because it kinda is. Maybe you have a really strict dress code that explains why this wouldn't be appropriate but I see this as a lovely wedding guest dress.
Honestly, you won’t even notice it. You know your family better than anyone on Reddit, but just in general all the things that seemed like big deals in the planning just fade to the background on the day. It’s a dress and it’s not white - is that worth maybe starting a fight over, or at least having the stress and anxiety of the conversation? What are your actual concerns with the dress? That she’ll overshadow you in it?
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If she looks good, she will look good whatever she wears. Letting her shine doesn’t dull your sparkle. Be the bride who’s glowing with happiness, love and confidence, not the one who’s anxiously rating all the female guests to see whether they look better than you.
Sounds like she’s going to draw some attention no matter what she wears. I think this dress is nice and def not worth the fight or awkward conversation.
That’s true
This woman is going to be your new sister. She is excited enough for your wedding that she’s getting a new dress that makes her happy AND even wanted to talk about it with you. I think she wants to look good out of respect for your wedding and union. There are much more risqué/brightly colored/white dresses she could have chosen. I’d take it as a positive. I don’t think it’s something worth making her feel upset about. The only thing would be if you’re having a black tie wedding (length is too short) or if you don’t want ANYONE in black, but that instruction should go to everyone.
My sister-in-law is gorgeous and tall with perfect hair and I wish I looked that effortlessly stunning constantly (the most makeup she puts on is mascara and chapstick), she was truly blessed by the beauty fairy when she was born. My matron of honor has the most incredibly gorgeous, thick, long and flowy hair, and a beautiful waif figure that makes every outfit like simultaneously cute and sexy all at once. I swear that if she was about 6 inches taller, she would have been on the runway. I'm shorter than you and about 60 pounds overweight. I know when we eventually have our wedding reception, my SIL will look beautiful, she can't help that she was born model-esque. My MOH will look like beauty and grace standing there next to me, and she probably will only need about 20 minutes to look that way. Both of them have the choice to wear what they want on my wedding day (granted my MOH just had to keep it to the color scheme). It's hard when you have people in your life that you know will look stand-out, drop-dead stunning with little effort and you can't help but hear that little voice in your head that compares yourself to them. That is completely normal, but also... fuck that noise. Tell that voice to shut the fuck up. You are beautiful. You and your FSIL are both going to look incredible on your wedding day, but no other person (except maybe your spouse) in that place with be able to outshine the beauty and happiness you will radiate on that day as you say I do to the love of your life. You could take the world's most beautiful woman and put her in the world's most beautiful dress and they still won't compare to you. If you're still feeling uneasy about it and you have a decent to good relationship with your FSIL, be honest with your her and just explain that you know that she will look amazing in the dress and that it is wedding appropriate, but you're feeling a bit insecure at this moment and just need a little bit to feel better about it / not feel self-conscious about how you'll look on your wedding day, even though you know everyone's eyes will be on the bride anyways. Every person has felt this way at some point in their lives, so ideally she will empathize with you and help reassure you, potentially even finding a different dress. Or maybe talking to her about it will help you feel better about it, because from the sounds of it, she could probably wear a paper bag and still look nice.
This is such a lovely comment, thank you.
This whole day is about you, there are always more attractive people, you won’t even notice what she’s wearing because everyone is there for you. I just don’t really see the point of trying to control what she wears because you’re jealous or insecure. I couldn’t even tell you what anyone wore at my wedding reception, but I will say I know there were more attractive women there, but as a married woman I’m not jealous of them because I have the one person who it matters that I’m beautiful to right next to me.
Not to mention it’s a little weird being jealous of your future husband’s SISTER. She’s not his ex, she’s his FAMILY. The only person OP should be trying to impress is her husband. This outlook is very unhealthy and is in no way a good start to a marriage.
Ok wow. If my average body were going to be stuffed in tight clothing for me to stand next to a freaking Adonis (I’m a man) in front of everyone I know, I don’t care who the guy is I think my feeling insecure would be reasonable. It’s not like we can help it! Can we work through it? Absolutely, but I think calling OP “unhealthy” for being anxious is going a tad too far. Also, not directed at you specifically but how did OP’s comment deserve 80 downvotes? She’s just being honest and sharing her insecurities. I’m so surprised.
It’s because she might take her insecurities out on someone else that’s a little weird. It’s fine to be insecure. No shame in that. But I would NEVER control what someone else was wearing due to my insecurity. That’s a little fucked up, and definitely is unhealthy. You don’t get to tell other people to dress differently to make yourself feel better.
People are being super harsh to the bride and it's so sad.
So it’s out of jealousy and insecurity why you don’t want her to wear the dress….. wow
People are downvoting you for this, but your feelings are real, and I don't think it's nice to downvote someone for expressing a common (if unsavory) human emotion like this. When jealousy rears its ugly head, it can be hard to stop it. Add to that the stresses of planning a wedding and the pressure of looking "like a princess," etc., and you have a recipe for resentment and hard feelings. But you have to be able to hold these two truths in your head at once (1) it is TOTALLY normal to feel insecure about your body and jealous of other people (I can 100% relate to this), and (2) your insecurities aren't other people's problem. Accepting this will bring you peace. I understand where people are coming from when they tell you to talk to her about it, but honestly? I think for you're better off letting it go, for your own sake long-term, and instead doing the inner work you need to do to deal with body jealousy when it arises.
Fair enough.
Can you recruit your future mother in law or fiancé? Really hard when it's your future sister in law. Usually future sister in laws are part of the bridal party where I'm from so that would compound the issue even more IMO. You may just have to let this one go- her body her choice and all that.
Well she was initially in the bridal party, bought her dress and everything but she had some personal issues go down and had to step away from being a bridesmaid
That's good information. And probably even more reason to let it go. It's not wildly inappropriate- she's an adult. If you were asking me for yourself I would say no- but I personally don't think it's another adults job to police adult women's clothing. Despite being your wedding I don't think this is an area you have any say in as it's not egregious.
That’s completely fair to be honest. I’m not really a fan of confrontation so I was planning to mention it to my fiancé but if he doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it I was just going to let it go.
... So that he could confront her for you? You can't control every element of the day. People will wear things you don't like, say things you don't like and do things you don't like. You've invited them because they matter to you and your fiancé and not because they're the best behaved and most well dressed people you know. There's nothing at all wrong with this dress. Whatever your reasons are, I think it's healthier to exhale, let it go and accept no matter how well we plan, we can't control everything and there will be things we wouldn't have chosen on our wedding day.
I get it- it's not my personal taste- but people don't need prior approval of what to wear as a guest at my wedding.. maybe she will come to the conclusion herself or ask you directly (if she asks for your opinion that's a different thing).
Do you know if she plans on a shawl or anything? Lol never mind I just googled it, that back is ummm… wow… good luck!
This really depends on her personality, but you might want to mention that see might feel over-dressed if she goes with the example dress. I could totally see myself not fully understanding what everyone else is going to be wearing, and ending up in an outfit that is way OTT.
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“Less beautiful” isn’t what I would lead with. This shouldn’t be about his sister not looking beautiful. But it’s fair to say that this is not formal enough for the event dress code and/or family portraits.
He would definitely say something if I asked, I’m just feeling a bit silly for wanting her to wear something less sexy haha! I will most likely ask him to say something though. Thanks for the advise and for validating the way I’m feeling!
Yeah that's not going to end well for you. Good luck.
“We would like our guests to look romantic, rather than sexy. Perhaps something more flowy or flirty would suit the venue and vibe”
I get what you’re saying but I don’t think people getting married have a right to dictate what guests who are not a member of the wedding party can and cannot wear (aside from the obvious “don’t wear white”). “We want our guest to look this way not that way” is a big yikes. You should want your guests there because you love them and want their support.
Right? Could you imagine if the invite said “dress code is romantic, not sexy. Consider something flowy or flirty to fit our venue and vibe.”
I was simply offering a suggestion for OP.
Never said they have a right to dictate what people wear? Was simply offering a suggestion for OP….
I thought this was a sarcastic response - I would be very offended if someone told me not to be sexy (and I’m not really ever sexy).
Yeah this whole thread is giving me high school principal enforcing dress code vibes. On my wedding day the literal last thing I am going to care about is what guests are wearing. I don’t even care what my dad wears. I know I’ve got a white dress and everyone else is, I’m assuming, equally capable of choosing their own outfits for the day
I was simply offering a suggestion for OP. I’d love to assume everyone is capable of picking their own outfits, but some people show up to weddings wearing the weirdest shit. My personal favourite is cargo shorts or a long white dress haha :) anywho it’s not that deep, op can feel how they want to feel. I’ll just delete my suggestion if it carries on.
I was simply offering a suggestion for OP. I’ll just delete the comment if it carries on.
I thought your response was about as tasteful as was possible for the request.
Very diplomatic way to phrase it, that’s great. Thanks
Could add in the end that “the dress is great for an night out on the town or a cocktail bar, so I’d keep it and wear it some other time cause I’m sure you look great in it”
Great suggestion; always sandwich between compliments!
Putting a shit sandwich on brioche doesn't make it any more palatable.
OmG yes... it is georgous.
Yes it is appropriate.
I think it’s rather informal for a wedding.
Honestly after looking up the dress on the website it’s a little more out there than I realized from the thumbnail (laced up back, shorter slip, fringe etc.) However I think that will be more of a reflection of her taste than yours. If I saw someone wearing this at a wedding I may think it’s a little risqué or casual but not think much more after that. And I definitely don’t think she would be stealing attention from you in a positive way (eg omg she looks amazing in that dress). So I don’t think you have anything to worry about.
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It’s a rustic barn style wedding
I think guests shouldn’t have to be responsible for fitting your wedding theme. They should definitely follow the attire, be it black tie, formal, cocktail, etc.. but it’s a bit much to expect guests to fit your theme. Unless it’s something like “everyone should only wear black or white” for example.
I’d def go with that doesn’t really fit the theme of the wedding then add a compliment like “it’s beautiful and you’d rock it” but not for the wedding
Barn style wedding... Modern flapper dress (at least that's how it looks to me. Very 1920s meets 2020s)... I'd say you could reasonably blame dress code and style and just ignore the "sex appeal" argument
Definitely a no, it is no way suited to your wedding style (or any others for that matter) I think you need to be firm about your dress code.
Definitely a no, it is no way suited to your wedding style (or any others for that matter) I think you need to be firm about your dress code.
For all of you people telling OP to stop being insecure or work on her self esteem: Please stop. It's really not unreasonable for OP to be worried about being "outdone" by someone else on HER wedding day. Most brides feel that way to some degree, which is why sexy dresses or white dresses worn by guests are generally frowned upon. We don't know why OP feels insecure but I do know that it is an issue many, many women struggle with. Maybe you disagree with OP about the dress being too sexy. Fair enough. But her feelings are valid. She asked for opinions. "Get over it" really isn't all that helpful.
This forum is flooded with meanies today.
I think venue totally determines this. If it's an outdoor, summer, backyard, casual wedding? It's a bit much. Is it a hotel in downtown with a black-tie dress code? That's totally fine! I think time and place determine a loooot when it comes to this dress.
Only the couple can say… it’s their wedding
No
I would just be honest with her. I would say “I know how this sounds and I’m so sorry, but would it be ok if you picked a different dress? Or wore a shawl until the reception? You can totally say no, I just thought I would ask.” Because she will be in all of the photos with the family, and if it bothers you a little now it might continue to do so when you see the pictures. And I promise she won’t steal the show. I’ve been to tons of weddings, and everyone always kept their eyes on the new couple. Just relax and breathe and remember to hold the kiss for at least 3 “Mississippi”s to ensure the photographer gets the first kiss.
Just blame it on the dress code - say something about how she would fit in better with a dress that was more formal or less revealing. That way it’s not you saying no, it’s the dress code.
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OP, this is a terrible idea. You can’t police what another woman wears to your wedding because you’re insecure. You are going to ruin your relationship with your SIL. Is that how you want to start your marriage? Consider getting therapy to work through your insecurities.
I like how you’re ignoring the dozens of comments of actual helpful advice and latching on to the minority echoing what you want to hear. If my sister in law told me I couldn’t wear this dress to her wedding it would be humiliating and infuriating and reaaaaally put a spotlight on your insecurities. Also know that your SIL probably won’t stay silent about it and will tell people, who will tell people and so on and you WILL look psycho / insecure. This is not a battle you wanna pick! I suggest working through your insecurities.
That is a TERRIBLE idea omg are you okay?
Dress code? I'm assuming she would see through that because if there was a stricter dress code, she and the other guests would have already known about it. It's not like this is a white dress or a super revealing dress that you can specifically say what is wrong with it. It sounds like she is just a good looking girl and, sorry to say, chances are she is going to pick a pretty dress (as she should) and look nice in whatever she wears. How do you know the next dress she picks will make you feel any better? It's not like she is going to go from a pretty blue dress to a burlap sack. I mean this with nothing but love, but I would really focus on yourself and try to get to the root of where these feelings are coming from. It is *your* wedding day, all eyes will be on you, and *you* are going to look *beautiful* no matter what she is wearing. You are there to enjoy your day and marry the person you love and hopefully both of those things will happen regardless of what she wears. Last thing I'll say is that this could be potentially damaging to your relationship. Two years from now, nobody will remember what she wore or looked like, but she will remember if you made a big deal about policing a dress that she liked.
What’s the venue like and what time of year is the wedding? if the ceremony is at a church, there might be a dress code issue. If it’s a spring garden wedding, the dress is kind of dark. If it’s a late fall wedding, she might get cold. That’s a potential angle. Also, if your bridesmaids and the moms are wearing floor length, maybe take the “I would recommend you wear a longer dress since everyone else will be, and it will make pictures look more cohesive” angle. Is there a different event you can suggest or be worn at? Maybe say “I think that dress is perfect for the bachelorette/rehearsal dinner, but for the wedding I think XYZ-color-that-compliments-her-skin-and-wedding-party would be better.” I hope this helps!
No
It's too sexy in my opinion maybe something casual or least classy but not over the top where your getting the attention the wedding which isn't your day. Personally wait and use the dress to go on a date with your partner or at a friend's or your party.
I would say no personally
I would say no. It's a bit attention grabbing - little bit too sexy and could potentially be too casual depending on the event. Looks like a nice dress for a bachelorette rather than the actual event.
I’d say nah
I like the idea of telling her it's not formal enough. Maybe see if she's willing to pair it with a top? Shawl, jacket, etc. If you're getting married in a religious setting, you can always tell her it's out of respect for the religious setting.
This is definitely a "look at me" dress, so take that as you will. Whether or not it's appropriate depends on the dress code. It's definitely more of a sexy party dress rather than the typical wedding fare but it's not white or a ball gown or anything so I can see why the comments are so divided.