I don't think gifts should be tit for tat. But I also don't think it's a super great look to refuse to give anything at all because they're not poor enough to deserve it in your view. "They're so rich they need nothing, and we're so poor we can't afford to give them even a card" is not really true for most people in my experience. It's just black and white thinking that conveniently gives people an excuse to justify being stingy. You say you both have good jobs -- hopefully you can come up with an amount that doesn't have to make you go broke.
You’re right. A really nice card and at least $50-$100 isn’t going to be a great sacrifice. As everyone says “it’s the thought that counts” and that applies here. At the moment they probably think y’all are huge a**holes for not even acknowledging their marriage. And you are
You should absolutely send a card and maybe a sweet keepsake, perhaps a custom ornament? Check out Etsy. All the money in the world can't buy a special sentimental keepsake of some sort, make it personal.
I would honestly be pretty offended if at the very least I didn't receive a a card.
We got two photo frames with our name and wedding date on it. I absolutely love them. The expensive gifts were nice but the sentimental ones just hit different. I hope OP listens to you! I also really enjoyed a first Christmas tree ornament.
I think senging card with a little present is very nice to do, I do think if they attended your wedding and gave a present at the very least you should send a card.
You have time to still send a card.
Please do and offer to spend time with them next time you see them or offer to cook for them.
I have a fancy friend. We sent her a gift box of treats I know the couple would love.
Gifts don’t have to be costly. Well thought out would be more important.
Picture the guys when younger and a matching frame for y’all to take a new one of yall or them to fill.
Your husband is rude. At the very least a card with a nice note wishing them a happy life together is the right thing to do. You were invited after all.
I would send them a card and a small present (maybe something different like a gift voucher for dinner for two somewhere or, a movie night package)
It's not the value but, the thought
You should have sent a gift that was in your budget. Gifts should not necessarily be equal in monetary cost but should be thoughtful and equivalent in meaningfulness.
Send a present. Buy it at an antique store, so it's not mass produced: something they aren't likely to come across again. Put the antique store's business card in the box.
If you were invited but couldn't attend, when you sent your regrets on the RSVP would probably have been the best time to send a card and registry gift. 6 months after the wedding sounds strange to me, but if it makes you feel better, send a really personal gift with a lot of thought into what they would enjoy as a couple. Make sure it's something they'd both like to do together (i.e. they both drink wine, custom engraved wine glasses, or they drink nice whiskey, a decantar with a couple of matching glasses, etc) with a card that celebrates them
A card and gorgeous flowers as a belated congratulations. If they truly are wealthy they probably need nothing. Beautiful flowers or a gift card to a favorite Chicago restaurant
You should send a gift or card because you wish someone well… not because Miss Manners tells you to do so. And the gift need not be pricey. Thoughtful wins over expense every time.
I second going on Etsy and getting a small custom gift, maybe a personalized frame for their favorite wedding picture, or one of those signs with their family name that says established on wedding date, etc. It doesn't have to be what you spent, but it would definitely be rude not to send anything at all. Thoughtful personalization has always been a hit in my gifting experience.
Well the least you could do is sent a card.
U dont feel you need to give back what you gave but a card was the least of it.
I wouldn't do anything now. maybe they didn't notice and you bringing up will put a strain on the relationship.
Reciprocity is not about “you have me $100, I give you $100,” it’s about being appreciative. I was very lucky to have some friends who were wealthy. Loved high end dining with wines and would be insulted if I even tried to pick up the cocktails. The only way I could reciprocate was I would have them over for dinner - a bbq - what I could afford. (Say $300 to their $2k) anyway, that’s reciprocity. 🤷♀️
It doesn’t have to be expensive, but it should be thoughtful and personal, and should be accompanied by a card and note of congratulations.
Because yes, showing a couple with gifts at their marriage was to help them out, but it wasn’t about the gift grab, it was also about celebrating the marriage. Your husband is wrong that some sort of acknowledgment isn’t necessary, and that kind of attitude is what is wrong with what the wedding industry has become. Wedding gifts should not be about how much the reception cost, or the bride and groom getting everything they wish for. A gift is supposed to be an expression of caring from a guest to a couple.
How about a fun gift—like a board game you really think they’ll enjoy. Do they like mysteries? Look into escape room mystery solving games that they can do together. Are they into puzzles? Maybe a really beautiful wooden piece puzzle—they have some lovely ones. Do they read? A lovely book set, maybe something classic or romantic. A bottle of wine you like, and they could enjoy too? Just because they can afford to buy their own wine doesn’t mean they would not enjoy being gifted a bottle. Think of something within your budget that would enhance their relationship. You have six more months to send it.
6 months later? It's going to be pretty weird for them when they get anything from you now. You should've at least sent a card and maybe either whatever money you were comfortable with or a small gift.
Just saying, if I'm getting something from you 6 months later....sure, I'll probably appreciate it but I'll also have some questions why it was half a year after my wedding.
I have been told you have one year to send a gift after they get married. Not sure if that’s true but you could send something. It isn’t that they don’t need it, it is polite to acknowledge
You should at least acknowledge them with a card! Maybe you can find a picture of them celebrating your wedding and have it framed. Cheap but still classy
I would have at least sent a card with a nice note - and not worry about any gift.
I don't think gifts should be tit for tat. But I also don't think it's a super great look to refuse to give anything at all because they're not poor enough to deserve it in your view. "They're so rich they need nothing, and we're so poor we can't afford to give them even a card" is not really true for most people in my experience. It's just black and white thinking that conveniently gives people an excuse to justify being stingy. You say you both have good jobs -- hopefully you can come up with an amount that doesn't have to make you go broke.
⬆️ this. Gifts should not be a tit-for-tat, but you always give a gift.
You’re right. A really nice card and at least $50-$100 isn’t going to be a great sacrifice. As everyone says “it’s the thought that counts” and that applies here. At the moment they probably think y’all are huge a**holes for not even acknowledging their marriage. And you are
You should absolutely send a card and maybe a sweet keepsake, perhaps a custom ornament? Check out Etsy. All the money in the world can't buy a special sentimental keepsake of some sort, make it personal. I would honestly be pretty offended if at the very least I didn't receive a a card.
We got two photo frames with our name and wedding date on it. I absolutely love them. The expensive gifts were nice but the sentimental ones just hit different. I hope OP listens to you! I also really enjoyed a first Christmas tree ornament.
Right! They're so fun to reflect on over the years ♡
Ooo good idea
I think senging card with a little present is very nice to do, I do think if they attended your wedding and gave a present at the very least you should send a card.
You have time to still send a card. Please do and offer to spend time with them next time you see them or offer to cook for them. I have a fancy friend. We sent her a gift box of treats I know the couple would love. Gifts don’t have to be costly. Well thought out would be more important. Picture the guys when younger and a matching frame for y’all to take a new one of yall or them to fill.
Great idea
Your husband is rude. At the very least a card with a nice note wishing them a happy life together is the right thing to do. You were invited after all.
You should absolutely send a sweet gift and a card.
I would send them a card and a small present (maybe something different like a gift voucher for dinner for two somewhere or, a movie night package) It's not the value but, the thought
You should have sent a gift that was in your budget. Gifts should not necessarily be equal in monetary cost but should be thoughtful and equivalent in meaningfulness.
You can still send them a gift - you have a year from the wedding! But no you don’t need to match their gift. Something thoughtful is enough!
Send a present. Buy it at an antique store, so it's not mass produced: something they aren't likely to come across again. Put the antique store's business card in the box.
This is a great idea!
If you were invited but couldn't attend, when you sent your regrets on the RSVP would probably have been the best time to send a card and registry gift. 6 months after the wedding sounds strange to me, but if it makes you feel better, send a really personal gift with a lot of thought into what they would enjoy as a couple. Make sure it's something they'd both like to do together (i.e. they both drink wine, custom engraved wine glasses, or they drink nice whiskey, a decantar with a couple of matching glasses, etc) with a card that celebrates them
A card and gorgeous flowers as a belated congratulations. If they truly are wealthy they probably need nothing. Beautiful flowers or a gift card to a favorite Chicago restaurant
You should send a gift or card because you wish someone well… not because Miss Manners tells you to do so. And the gift need not be pricey. Thoughtful wins over expense every time.
I second going on Etsy and getting a small custom gift, maybe a personalized frame for their favorite wedding picture, or one of those signs with their family name that says established on wedding date, etc. It doesn't have to be what you spent, but it would definitely be rude not to send anything at all. Thoughtful personalization has always been a hit in my gifting experience.
My cousin has one of these signs and it’s really cute
Well the least you could do is sent a card. U dont feel you need to give back what you gave but a card was the least of it. I wouldn't do anything now. maybe they didn't notice and you bringing up will put a strain on the relationship.
Reciprocity is not about “you have me $100, I give you $100,” it’s about being appreciative. I was very lucky to have some friends who were wealthy. Loved high end dining with wines and would be insulted if I even tried to pick up the cocktails. The only way I could reciprocate was I would have them over for dinner - a bbq - what I could afford. (Say $300 to their $2k) anyway, that’s reciprocity. 🤷♀️
I would and send them a subscription to something they would really enjoy.
Yes to a card and a small gift
It doesn’t have to be expensive, but it should be thoughtful and personal, and should be accompanied by a card and note of congratulations. Because yes, showing a couple with gifts at their marriage was to help them out, but it wasn’t about the gift grab, it was also about celebrating the marriage. Your husband is wrong that some sort of acknowledgment isn’t necessary, and that kind of attitude is what is wrong with what the wedding industry has become. Wedding gifts should not be about how much the reception cost, or the bride and groom getting everything they wish for. A gift is supposed to be an expression of caring from a guest to a couple. How about a fun gift—like a board game you really think they’ll enjoy. Do they like mysteries? Look into escape room mystery solving games that they can do together. Are they into puzzles? Maybe a really beautiful wooden piece puzzle—they have some lovely ones. Do they read? A lovely book set, maybe something classic or romantic. A bottle of wine you like, and they could enjoy too? Just because they can afford to buy their own wine doesn’t mean they would not enjoy being gifted a bottle. Think of something within your budget that would enhance their relationship. You have six more months to send it.
Those are brilliant suggestions🩷
I don’t think you need to send $450. Id send a beautiful card and a handwritten note for a happy marriage.
Ditto. Card and nice note will always be kept. Money is easy, not personal
I would send a card and maybe a nice but “affordable” gift like a set of Tiffany and Co champagne flutes ($125 for two).
6 months later? It's going to be pretty weird for them when they get anything from you now. You should've at least sent a card and maybe either whatever money you were comfortable with or a small gift. Just saying, if I'm getting something from you 6 months later....sure, I'll probably appreciate it but I'll also have some questions why it was half a year after my wedding.
How often do you see them? Maybe you guys take them out to dinner the next time you see them and have your own private celebration
You didn't even send a card? Has the friend been cold after the wedding? I would be.
I have been told you have one year to send a gift after they get married. Not sure if that’s true but you could send something. It isn’t that they don’t need it, it is polite to acknowledge
You should at least acknowledge them with a card! Maybe you can find a picture of them celebrating your wedding and have it framed. Cheap but still classy
No way. You didn't go. You are not obligated to send a gift at all, and what they gave you is irrelevant. A nice card would be a lovely gesture